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1
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Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...
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Just wanted to be a little less lonely,
3
00:00:05,959 --> 00:00:07,392
make some friends.
4
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Well, you made one.
5
00:00:08,883 --> 00:00:09,882
(smooches)
6
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Later, bro.
7
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Someone broke into your apartment?
8
00:00:14,722 --> 00:00:15,888
Throw the rock through the window!
9
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(Scott screams)
10
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Why don't we go back to your place,
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and I'll make sure it's all okay.
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This is your rock?
13
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There's got to be another explanation...
14
00:00:24,232 --> 00:00:25,598
Wait, wait, wait,
please-please don't explain.
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Uh, I got to go.
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Moments ago he held me in his arms,
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and then just now he could
barely look me in the eye.
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All of my dreams
19
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may have just been shattered.
20
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I was working hard
at a New York job
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Making dough but it made me blue
22
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One day I was crying a lot
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And so I decided to move
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To West Covina, California
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Brand-new pals and new career
26
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It happens to be
where Josh lives
27
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But that's not why I'm here
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-
She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
- What? No, I'm not.
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She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
30
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That's a sexist term.
31
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She's the crazy ex-girlfriend
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Can you guys stop
singing for just a second?
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She's so broken inside
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The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.
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C-R-A-Z-Y
36
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Okay! We get it!
37
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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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Rebecca: He hasn't
called. He hasn't texted.
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He hasn't Snapchatted.
He hasn't Vibered.
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He hasn't Facebook messaged me.
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He hasn't liked any of my
Instagram posts, including...
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the other day,
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I posted a picture of a baby...
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penguin...
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surfing.
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Look, I know it's been tough...
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No, no, no, Paula.
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With all due respect,
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you did not see his face
50
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when he left my apartment that day.
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I was dead to him, like,
he didn't want to spend
52
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any more time with me, and,
oh, we were getting so close.
53
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You know? And you will again.
54
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I promise you, I'm gonna fix this.
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By the end of day
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tomorrow, Josh will have asked
57
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you out to dinner.
58
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What?
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What, tomorrow?
60
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Dinner?
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00:01:46,188 --> 00:01:47,821
What are you... that's impossible.
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Impossible?
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00:01:49,024 --> 00:01:51,057
Rebecca, we put a man on the moon.
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�We�? Did you have
something to do with that?
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No, not at all,
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00:01:54,062 --> 00:01:56,429
but I have been
watching Apollo 13 a lot.
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I got the Blu-ray
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at a garage sale, and oh, my...
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(sighs) Ed Harris.
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Ed Ha... do you-do you
remember, with the glasses?
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I mean, come on, he... he
brought those Americans home,
72
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:09,042
just like I'm gonna bring
that buff Filipino bro home
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to... you.
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Like Ed says,
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�Failure is not an option.�
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I have no idea what you're
talking about right now,
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but you seem really confident,
78
00:02:19,821 --> 00:02:21,721
and you're talking about space, so...
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I'm gonna go with your plan.
80
00:02:23,258 --> 00:02:24,432
What's the first step?
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Smog check.
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00:02:27,229 --> 00:02:28,862
(pneumatic tools whirring)
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Paula: Go to the auto
body shop on East Cameron
84
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at exactly 2:00 p.m. tomorrow.
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Do precisely what I tell you to do,
86
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and most of all...
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stay relaxed.
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I am relaxed.
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I have soupy bones.
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Hey.
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Oh.
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00:02:46,047 --> 00:02:47,447
Hey, dude, good to see you.
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Rebecca, uh, what are you...
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Uh, just getting an old smog check.
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Don't you have a brand-new car?
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00:02:53,745 --> 00:02:54,898
You're always talking about it,
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00:02:54,923 --> 00:02:56,756
listing all the features of your Hyundai
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00:02:56,758 --> 00:02:58,424
as if you were in a
commercial or something.
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00:02:58,426 --> 00:03:00,226
(laughs) Uh, what happened to your car?
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Uh, it got dinged.
101
00:03:03,088 --> 00:03:04,205
Paula: Step two,
102
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- apologize quickly.
- Rebecca: Hey, Josh...
103
00:03:06,135 --> 00:03:08,001
I'm super sorry for, like,
104
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misunderstanding a couple weeks ago.
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Paula: And step three...
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move on to the someone you're seeing.
107
00:03:13,510 --> 00:03:15,143
Yeah, the whole thing's so embarrassing.
108
00:03:15,145 --> 00:03:16,778
I was telling Trent about it recently...
109
00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:18,247
- Who's Trent?
- Oh.
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00:03:18,249 --> 00:03:20,249
I'm sorry, you don't know Trent.
Trent's the new guy I'm seeing.
111
00:03:20,251 --> 00:03:22,818
Oh, you're, uh, seeing someone?
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Yeah, yeah, I knew him back in college.
113
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He went to Harvard?
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00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,623
Yes, indeed, Ye olde Harvard.
115
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Paula: Fake boyfriend from Harvard.
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All we need is some random guy
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who went to Harvard at
the same time you did,
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and lives in Los Angeles.
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00:03:34,075 --> 00:03:36,275
Ooh, what about this guy? Trent.
120
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,233
Oh, that's a perfect
name for a fake boyfriend.
121
00:03:38,235 --> 00:03:40,736
Huh. That's awesome you met someone.
122
00:03:40,738 --> 00:03:42,648
Yeah, we're really happy.
123
00:03:43,174 --> 00:03:45,173
Miss Bunch, you are all set.
124
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Oh, thank you.
125
00:03:46,243 --> 00:03:47,476
Oh, here you go.
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There you are.
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00:03:48,612 --> 00:03:49,878
Paula: And then you close
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with a coupon.
129
00:03:51,471 --> 00:03:53,348
Uh, ma'am, we don't take coupons.
130
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:55,250
Oh, I'm sorry, I have that in my wallet.
131
00:03:55,252 --> 00:03:56,285
I've been meaning to use it.
132
00:03:56,287 --> 00:03:57,619
It's a coupon for free drinks
133
00:03:57,621 --> 00:03:58,687
at Jalapeno Jack's.
134
00:03:58,689 --> 00:03:59,922
Hold up, free drinks?
135
00:03:59,924 --> 00:04:01,549
And appetizers.
136
00:04:02,092 --> 00:04:03,091
That's a pricey place.
137
00:04:03,093 --> 00:04:04,126
How can they afford that?
138
00:04:04,128 --> 00:04:05,127
I don't know.
139
00:04:05,129 --> 00:04:06,299
I don't make the coupons.
140
00:04:06,323 --> 00:04:11,744
_
141
00:04:11,769 --> 00:04:13,035
Oh, man, it expires tonight.
142
00:04:13,037 --> 00:04:15,237
Oh, I kept meaning to use it.
143
00:04:15,239 --> 00:04:16,577
I wanted to take Trent,
144
00:04:16,602 --> 00:04:18,035
but he's working late tonight.
145
00:04:18,242 --> 00:04:19,241
Here, you want to take it?
146
00:04:19,243 --> 00:04:20,208
Uh, take Valencia.
147
00:04:20,210 --> 00:04:21,777
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
148
00:04:21,779 --> 00:04:22,744
That'd be great.
149
00:04:22,746 --> 00:04:23,946
(gasps) Thursday night.
150
00:04:23,948 --> 00:04:25,213
She has back-to-back classes.
151
00:04:25,215 --> 00:04:29,518
Oh, no, she's also working tonight.
152
00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,254
Okay, well, this'll go
unused, no harm, no foul.
153
00:04:32,256 --> 00:04:33,288
Good-bye, coupon.
154
00:04:33,290 --> 00:04:34,256
Wait, hold up.
155
00:04:34,258 --> 00:04:35,624
If your date is busy
156
00:04:35,626 --> 00:04:37,392
and my date is busy,
157
00:04:37,394 --> 00:04:39,194
and the coupon expires tonight...
158
00:04:40,264 --> 00:04:42,288
... should we just go together?
159
00:04:42,874 --> 00:04:45,200
Oh. Oh, I hadn't thought of that.
160
00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:47,202
Um, yeah, that sounds good. Yeah.
161
00:04:48,257 --> 00:04:49,747
Rebecca: Houston, this is Apollo.
162
00:04:49,772 --> 00:04:51,093
Jalapeno Jack's is a go.
163
00:04:51,118 --> 00:04:53,452
Repeat, Jalapeno Jack's is a go.
164
00:04:59,216 --> 00:05:01,483
(sighs)
165
00:05:01,485 --> 00:05:04,262
And that's how you land a plane.
166
00:05:05,823 --> 00:05:07,489
Rebecca: We did it, we did it!
167
00:05:07,491 --> 00:05:08,991
(cheering)
168
00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:10,459
(squealing)
169
00:05:10,461 --> 00:05:12,094
We did it.
170
00:05:12,096 --> 00:05:13,295
Oh, we did,
171
00:05:13,297 --> 00:05:15,964
and it was pretty easy.
172
00:05:15,966 --> 00:05:16,856
Whoa.
173
00:05:17,535 --> 00:05:18,967
Whoa.
174
00:05:18,969 --> 00:05:20,135
Yay, we did it.
175
00:05:20,137 --> 00:05:21,370
You have a dinner plan.
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00:05:21,372 --> 00:05:22,504
Now you and Josh
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00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:23,739
can get back on track.
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00:05:23,981 --> 00:05:25,607
Get back to where you
were a couple weeks ago,
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when you were practically about to bone.
180
00:05:27,778 --> 00:05:29,711
Oh, it's gonna be so romantic,
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just the two of you,
182
00:05:31,215 --> 00:05:32,647
in a cozy corner booth
183
00:05:32,649 --> 00:05:35,083
snuggling over a pitcher of margaritas.
184
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:36,551
- (popping)
- Ooh.
185
00:05:36,553 --> 00:05:38,739
- Ooh.
- Ooh. Nice.
186
00:05:39,624 --> 00:05:41,224
This looks like fun.
187
00:05:41,438 --> 00:05:42,637
What are we f?ting?
188
00:05:43,575 --> 00:05:45,060
And speaking of f?ting,
189
00:05:45,062 --> 00:05:46,294
and, uh, feeling good
190
00:05:46,296 --> 00:05:47,629
and other words that start
191
00:05:47,631 --> 00:05:49,106
with the letter �F�"
192
00:05:49,700 --> 00:05:51,233
um, like fitness...
193
00:05:51,235 --> 00:05:53,568
Rebecca, how well do
you know White Josh?
194
00:05:54,575 --> 00:05:57,215
Uh, I barely know him.
195
00:05:57,541 --> 00:05:59,574
I was just wondering, um,
196
00:05:59,599 --> 00:06:01,996
do you think he would be open to new...
197
00:06:03,213 --> 00:06:04,520
... clients?
198
00:06:05,182 --> 00:06:06,817
At the gym, I mean?
199
00:06:06,947 --> 00:06:08,505
'Cause, uh, I need a trainer.
200
00:06:09,553 --> 00:06:10,852
Darryl, I literally know nothing
201
00:06:10,854 --> 00:06:12,387
about White Josh.
202
00:06:12,389 --> 00:06:13,855
Why don't you just ask him yourself?
203
00:06:13,857 --> 00:06:16,658
Okay, okay, I just
thought I'd ask around
204
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:18,193
before I got in bed with a new person.
205
00:06:18,195 --> 00:06:19,361
(Darryl chuckles)
206
00:06:19,974 --> 00:06:21,363
Gym, that is.
207
00:06:21,365 --> 00:06:22,330
(laughs)
208
00:06:22,332 --> 00:06:23,943
A gym bed, is what I meant.
209
00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:26,134
You know, there are no beds in gyms.
210
00:06:26,568 --> 00:06:27,903
Yeah, I think there should be.
211
00:06:28,537 --> 00:06:32,207
Okay, well, I got to take off.
212
00:06:34,244 --> 00:06:37,179
(Banda music plays)
213
00:06:37,181 --> 00:06:39,414
- (bell jingles, door closes)
- Uh, hi, two.
214
00:06:39,416 --> 00:06:40,916
Oh, sorry.
215
00:06:44,621 --> 00:06:46,354
Woman: We'll have it
ready in about 15 minutes.
216
00:06:46,732 --> 00:06:48,287
Rebecca: Water conspiracy?
217
00:06:48,559 --> 00:06:50,025
Water Truthers?
218
00:06:50,027 --> 00:06:51,259
You're nuts, Bert.
219
00:06:51,261 --> 00:06:52,727
Thank you. (hangs up phone)
220
00:06:55,966 --> 00:06:59,534
Hello, so I have a couple questions
about the menu, um... Mm-hmm.
221
00:06:59,536 --> 00:07:03,538
The El Potato Soupo, is that,
like, a mashed potato dish?
222
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:04,466
It's soup.
223
00:07:04,863 --> 00:07:06,985
Cheesy soup, has a lot
of, like, cheese in it.
224
00:07:07,388 --> 00:07:10,078
Okay, good to know, that's
maybe a little heavy.
225
00:07:10,080 --> 00:07:12,280
Now, what about the Quesadilla Saladita.
226
00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:13,381
What happens there?
227
00:07:13,383 --> 00:07:14,749
Um, it's a salad with,
228
00:07:14,751 --> 00:07:15,787
like, stuff on it.
229
00:07:16,553 --> 00:07:19,348
Okay. Okay, good to
know. That's on the list.
230
00:07:19,350 --> 00:07:20,983
Uh, now, eventually
231
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:22,274
at the end of the meal, we're gonna want
232
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,743
the passion fruit souffl?,
but I have a query.
233
00:07:24,745 --> 00:07:26,178
Could I get mango
234
00:07:26,180 --> 00:07:27,813
instead of passion
fruit? Because my friend
235
00:07:27,815 --> 00:07:29,302
who's joining me, he really loves mango.
236
00:07:29,327 --> 00:07:32,017
- Um...
- Also, hold that answer
237
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:33,218
for one second, I think
238
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,653
we're probably gonna want to start out
239
00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,188
with the Margarita Mas Grande,
240
00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,689
with salt on the rim,
but only half of the rim,
241
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,057
because too much salt
makes my friend bloat.
242
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,037
I'm gonna give you a few more minutes.
243
00:07:41,062 --> 00:07:42,263
Okay, great.
244
00:07:43,464 --> 00:07:45,297
(banda music plays)
245
00:07:45,299 --> 00:07:46,841
(chuckling)
246
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:49,232
I can't believe this is free.
247
00:07:49,474 --> 00:07:51,370
- Yeah, I know, right?
- Oh.
248
00:07:51,372 --> 00:07:52,794
So, as you were saying
about your apartment...
249
00:07:52,819 --> 00:07:55,951
Oh, yeah, I haven't had
hot water in, like, weeks.
250
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:58,669
I'm showering with freezing cold water.
251
00:07:58,883 --> 00:08:00,883
No hot water, that's terrible.
252
00:08:00,908 --> 00:08:02,241
You should complain.
253
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:04,560
Yeah, I don't like to
complain about stuff.
254
00:08:04,585 --> 00:08:06,451
Valencia is better at complaining...
255
00:08:06,811 --> 00:08:08,244
... and since she's not on the lease,
256
00:08:08,246 --> 00:08:09,745
she can't give the landlord a hard time.
257
00:08:09,747 --> 00:08:11,888
Wait, Valencia's not on the lease?
258
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,169
She has bad credit.
259
00:08:13,194 --> 00:08:15,328
She took a loan out to
sell diet supplements,
260
00:08:15,353 --> 00:08:17,152
and it turned out they
were rat droppings.
261
00:08:17,431 --> 00:08:19,465
(laughs)
262
00:08:19,467 --> 00:08:20,630
Yeah, gross.
263
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:21,341
(laughs)
264
00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:23,404
Man, it's really good to catch up.
265
00:08:23,797 --> 00:08:26,677
I've, um, I've been
kind of lonely lately.
266
00:08:27,646 --> 00:08:30,109
Oh, but you're seeing someone...
267
00:08:30,111 --> 00:08:32,177
Right. Right, right,
right, right, right, Trent.
268
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,345
Trent. Yes.
269
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,216
I've been lonely, save for Trent.
270
00:08:35,241 --> 00:08:37,007
No, Trent's amazing.
271
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,544
Trent and Rebecca,
272
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,020
we have the greatest
couple name, actually.
273
00:08:41,193 --> 00:08:43,059
Trebecca. Oh. Yeah.
274
00:08:43,084 --> 00:08:45,051
I want to get it monogrammed on a towel.
275
00:08:45,435 --> 00:08:47,960
Yeah, that sounds romantic.
276
00:08:48,888 --> 00:08:50,966
Uh, yeah, it's-it's pretty romantic.
277
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:56,502
Oh, no, Hector's here.
278
00:08:56,504 --> 00:08:57,336
Huh?
279
00:08:57,338 --> 00:08:58,123
Yo.
280
00:08:58,148 --> 00:09:01,717
I mean, aw, nah, it's Hector.
281
00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:04,310
- What's up?
- What's up, dude?
282
00:09:04,312 --> 00:09:06,278
It's so weird that you guys are here.
283
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,479
- (door opens, bell jingles)
- (grunts in confusion)
284
00:09:07,481 --> 00:09:08,537
Yeah. Huh.
285
00:09:08,562 --> 00:09:10,983
What? Oh, my God, more people here.
286
00:09:10,985 --> 00:09:12,518
Oh, oh, oh.
287
00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:13,719
White Josh,
288
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:14,787
and some other guys
289
00:09:14,789 --> 00:09:15,921
I don't know.
290
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:16,990
Hello.
291
00:09:17,021 --> 00:09:19,024
Such a coinky, yo. Can we join you guys?
292
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,293
Uh, you know, I just think
this table won't fit...
293
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:23,095
Of course! Come on, man.
294
00:09:23,097 --> 00:09:23,904
(men laughing)
295
00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:25,496
Oh, look at that. The tables move.
296
00:09:25,521 --> 00:09:26,486
You guys just knew that.
297
00:09:26,511 --> 00:09:27,638
Oh, um, um,
298
00:09:27,663 --> 00:09:29,743
the coupon doesn't limit
the amount of people, right?
299
00:09:30,856 --> 00:09:34,224
Nope, whoever made it did
not think that through.
300
00:09:34,367 --> 00:09:36,701
- Cool.
- Oh, sorry, I'm so rude.
301
00:09:36,726 --> 00:09:38,990
Um, Becks, you haven't met
Ken and Beans yet, have you?
302
00:09:39,015 --> 00:09:39,841
Nope.
303
00:09:39,866 --> 00:09:42,255
Um, Ken, Becks, Beans, Becks.
304
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:44,326
Becks, Ken, Becks, Beans.
305
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:46,115
- Hi. Okay.
- Oh, wait, Rebecca,
306
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:47,973
you went to Beans' party, right?
307
00:09:48,153 --> 00:09:52,529
You know what, yeah, I did,
first week I was in town.
308
00:09:52,554 --> 00:09:54,021
Oh, I don't go by Bernard.
309
00:09:54,236 --> 00:09:56,402
I prefer Beans. It sounds racist,
310
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:58,227
but I didn't get the
name 'cause I'm Mexican,
311
00:09:58,332 --> 00:10:00,065
it's 'cause I organize
meet-and-trades
312
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:01,500
for Beanie Babies.
313
00:10:01,502 --> 00:10:03,919
Hector: Whoa, I'm so
excited about this coupon.
314
00:10:03,944 --> 00:10:05,643
Let's get the margaritas
that come in a sombrero.
315
00:10:05,668 --> 00:10:06,667
(men whooping)
316
00:10:06,692 --> 00:10:08,058
I'm gonna drink until I die.
317
00:10:08,083 --> 00:10:09,383
MEN (laughing): Yeah!
318
00:10:09,577 --> 00:10:10,843
Time to get drunk!
319
00:10:10,845 --> 00:10:13,278
(whispering): Um, hey, hey, Josh...
320
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,713
(overlapping chatter)
321
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:16,982
(whispering): So, I just-I
just thought this was gonna be
322
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:18,576
you and me, hanging out.
323
00:10:18,601 --> 00:10:20,467
(shouting): What?
(shouting): I just thought this was gonna
324
00:10:20,499 --> 00:10:22,065
be you and me hanging out...
325
00:10:22,189 --> 00:10:23,889
(men continue chattering loudly)
326
00:10:23,891 --> 00:10:26,759
I-it's fine.
327
00:10:26,761 --> 00:10:27,826
It's fine.
328
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:28,827
Continue. This is fun.
329
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,629
This is fun. It's fine.
330
00:10:30,631 --> 00:10:33,927
Dude, can you believe this?
331
00:10:36,937 --> 00:10:39,838
332
00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,141
The night was going
perfectly, mi amor
333
00:10:42,143 --> 00:10:44,943
We were having a
romantic Mexican meal
334
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,512
Or Cali-Mex
335
00:10:46,514 --> 00:10:48,247
Cali-Mex-Italian
336
00:10:48,249 --> 00:10:50,149
I don't really know
what this food is
337
00:10:50,151 --> 00:10:53,638
But our time together was cut
short by the enemy of romance
338
00:10:53,663 --> 00:10:55,888
La, la, la, la, la
339
00:10:55,890 --> 00:10:57,189
It was a group hang
340
00:10:57,191 --> 00:10:58,924
Group hang you're so far away
341
00:10:58,926 --> 00:11:00,392
In a group hang
342
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:02,494
A group hang, group hang
343
00:11:02,496 --> 00:11:04,530
Do we really need
all these nachos?
344
00:11:04,532 --> 00:11:06,665
It was an intimate
date, just you and me
345
00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:09,068
At a magical place
where refills are free
346
00:11:09,070 --> 00:11:10,569
Then your buddies showed up
347
00:11:10,571 --> 00:11:12,438
And tore us apart,
they're forces of evil
348
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:13,772
A knife through my heart
349
00:11:13,774 --> 00:11:16,646
Salsa, burritos, taquitos
350
00:11:16,662 --> 00:11:17,828
Guacamole pizza
351
00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:19,930
A group hang, group hang
352
00:11:19,932 --> 00:11:22,032
You're just out of
reach in a group hang
353
00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:23,367
A group hang
354
00:11:23,369 --> 00:11:24,501
Group hang
355
00:11:24,503 --> 00:11:26,670
I'm so afraid of horses
356
00:11:26,672 --> 00:11:28,572
Now you're telling a story
about some dude named Jeffwad
357
00:11:28,574 --> 00:11:30,207
And the time he �sprooshed�
358
00:11:30,209 --> 00:11:32,309
Whatever that means
359
00:11:32,311 --> 00:11:34,878
Feeling left out,
so I jump in and say
360
00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,547
I had a friend named Jeff once.
361
00:11:36,549 --> 00:11:39,483
He took bad mushrooms and
jumped off the roof of our dorm.
362
00:11:42,188 --> 00:11:44,455
It was a group hang, group hang
363
00:11:44,457 --> 00:11:46,924
It just got weird
in this group hang
364
00:11:46,926 --> 00:11:49,059
Group hang, group hang
365
00:11:49,061 --> 00:11:51,295
It makes me so sexy sad
366
00:11:51,297 --> 00:11:52,696
Oh, the guac is so spicy.
367
00:11:52,698 --> 00:11:54,798
Hey, want to grab a drink at the bar?
368
00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,300
Oh, uh, okay.
369
00:11:56,302 --> 00:11:57,501
Great.
370
00:11:58,537 --> 00:12:01,572
Spanish, Spanish,
Spanish, Spanish, espa?ol
371
00:12:01,574 --> 00:12:03,807
Arriba, Spanish, Spanish,
Spanish, Spanish, espa?ol
372
00:12:03,809 --> 00:12:05,242
Arriba Spanish,
Spanish, Spanish, Spanish
373
00:12:05,244 --> 00:12:08,312
Espa?ol, arriba,
Guadalajara, Sicily
374
00:12:08,314 --> 00:12:09,747
That's not in Mexico.
375
00:12:09,749 --> 00:12:12,015
Corned beef
enchilada, pickle taco
376
00:12:12,017 --> 00:12:13,984
Salsa Verde
cheesecake, bacon tamale
377
00:12:13,986 --> 00:12:16,086
Root beer margarita, taco stew
378
00:12:16,088 --> 00:12:18,455
Does the chef know what Mexico is?
379
00:12:18,457 --> 00:12:20,424
A group hang, group hang
380
00:12:20,426 --> 00:12:23,026
What's this smoky
tortilla soup thang
381
00:12:23,028 --> 00:12:24,428
I mean, really, am I-am I crazy?
382
00:12:24,430 --> 00:12:25,963
There are... I know there are people
383
00:12:25,965 --> 00:12:27,531
of Hispanic descent
working at this restaurant.
384
00:12:27,533 --> 00:12:29,633
A group hang, group hang
385
00:12:29,635 --> 00:12:31,001
How are they not offended
386
00:12:31,003 --> 00:12:32,302
with the bastardization
of their culture?
387
00:12:32,304 --> 00:12:34,171
Is it just me? Maybe it's just me.
388
00:12:34,173 --> 00:12:36,607
You're so far away
in a group hang
389
00:12:36,609 --> 00:12:38,075
If... I just... I feel-I feel like
390
00:12:38,077 --> 00:12:40,110
I'm being gaslighted by this restaurant.
391
00:12:40,112 --> 00:12:43,547
A group hang, group hang...
392
00:12:43,571 --> 00:12:45,149
_
393
00:12:45,173 --> 00:12:46,727
_
394
00:12:46,751 --> 00:12:47,946
_
395
00:12:49,822 --> 00:12:51,188
There you go.
396
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:52,456
397
00:12:54,326 --> 00:12:55,526
I forgot my wallet.
398
00:12:55,528 --> 00:12:56,894
Beans: I only had the nachos.
399
00:12:56,896 --> 00:12:59,029
Ken: I only had, like,
one stuffed mushroom.
400
00:12:59,031 --> 00:13:00,264
White Josh: Uh, Hector's
paying for me actually,
401
00:13:00,266 --> 00:13:01,432
'cause he uses my Netflix account.
402
00:13:01,434 --> 00:13:03,834
I'll... Guys, guys, I got it, I got it.
403
00:13:03,836 --> 00:13:04,766
Don't worry.
404
00:13:05,493 --> 00:13:07,004
- Oh, come on.
- What, no...
405
00:13:06,983 --> 00:13:08,749
- Give me that...
- You ain't got to do all of that.
406
00:13:08,774 --> 00:13:09,840
No, Ken, Ken, it's really fine.
407
00:13:09,842 --> 00:13:11,074
I-I-I
got it.
408
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:13,868
Ken: good thing the drinks are free.
409
00:13:14,352 --> 00:13:15,219
_
410
00:13:16,482 --> 00:13:18,849
Hmm, you really saved a
ton with that coupon, huh?
411
00:13:18,851 --> 00:13:19,983
Yeah.
412
00:13:19,985 --> 00:13:21,552
Oh, man, that was good. Yup.
413
00:13:21,554 --> 00:13:23,921
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. (inhales)
414
00:13:26,125 --> 00:13:27,491
Congratulations.
415
00:13:27,493 --> 00:13:28,769
What are you... doing?
416
00:13:29,071 --> 00:13:31,462
Anyone who spends over $600
417
00:13:31,464 --> 00:13:33,363
gets their picture taken for the wall.
418
00:13:33,365 --> 00:13:34,407
No... (sighs)
419
00:13:37,036 --> 00:13:38,402
Josh: Hey, thanks for coming, man.
420
00:13:38,404 --> 00:13:39,536
Hector: Are you kidding?
421
00:13:39,538 --> 00:13:41,138
I had diecis?is margaritas.
422
00:13:41,140 --> 00:13:42,639
- (Josh laughs)
- Hector: It was awesome, right?
423
00:13:42,641 --> 00:13:45,209
Yeah, I just still feel kind
of weird after what happened
424
00:13:45,211 --> 00:13:47,177
at Rebecca's apartment the other day.
425
00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:50,447
So, after I mentioned
dinner, I kind of freaked,
426
00:13:50,449 --> 00:13:52,683
and that's why I called
you guys for backup.
427
00:13:52,685 --> 00:13:54,610
Hector: Yeah, dude,
don't worry about it.
428
00:13:56,055 --> 00:13:57,221
Say queso.
429
00:13:57,571 --> 00:13:58,856
Queso.
430
00:13:58,858 --> 00:14:01,892
431
00:14:08,138 --> 00:14:11,105
I'm sorry, honey.
432
00:14:11,107 --> 00:14:13,541
I'm sorry the rocket
exploded on re-entry.
433
00:14:14,611 --> 00:14:16,044
Yeah, so, I think we're done
434
00:14:16,046 --> 00:14:18,346
with the Apollo 13 references.
435
00:14:18,801 --> 00:14:19,814
Okay.
436
00:14:20,505 --> 00:14:22,161
I just want to spend time with him.
437
00:14:23,489 --> 00:14:24,719
(sighs)
438
00:14:24,721 --> 00:14:28,189
I want so badly to go back
to the way things were.
439
00:14:28,191 --> 00:14:30,959
Romantic moments you had
440
00:14:30,961 --> 00:14:34,562
That he didn't
know were romantic
441
00:14:34,564 --> 00:14:35,363
(Josh grunting)
442
00:14:35,365 --> 00:14:38,499
Or maybe he did a little
443
00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:41,402
We're not really sure
444
00:14:41,404 --> 00:14:43,938
445
00:14:43,940 --> 00:14:48,409
But most likely not
446
00:14:48,411 --> 00:14:52,780
Ooh...
447
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,418
But now I freaked him out.
448
00:14:58,388 --> 00:15:00,588
God, I am so afraid that it's over,
449
00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:02,890
that things will never be
normal between us ever again.
450
00:15:03,426 --> 00:15:04,359
Josh just doesn't want
451
00:15:04,361 --> 00:15:06,127
to spend time with me anymore.
452
00:15:06,129 --> 00:15:08,630
Oh, I was so close,
453
00:15:08,632 --> 00:15:10,365
and now he won't even be alone with me.
454
00:15:10,762 --> 00:15:13,234
God, I am never alone.
455
00:15:13,236 --> 00:15:14,802
This client requires
so much hand-holding,
456
00:15:14,804 --> 00:15:16,184
it's like we're married.
457
00:15:16,512 --> 00:15:19,284
Last week we go to Fresno for a hearing.
458
00:15:19,309 --> 00:15:20,408
The hotel's overbooked,
459
00:15:20,410 --> 00:15:22,176
so we get a room with one bed,
460
00:15:22,178 --> 00:15:23,778
and then I'm between the sheets
461
00:15:23,780 --> 00:15:25,546
with his body pressed against mine.
462
00:15:25,895 --> 00:15:28,116
Oh, last week I saw more of him
463
00:15:28,118 --> 00:15:29,617
than I did my own wife.
464
00:15:29,619 --> 00:15:30,985
And I mean literally,
465
00:15:30,987 --> 00:15:32,667
because I saw him
naked, like, eight times.
466
00:15:34,403 --> 00:15:35,934
That's genius.
467
00:15:35,959 --> 00:15:37,292
- We make him a client.
- Client.
468
00:15:37,294 --> 00:15:38,192
All we need is a case.
469
00:15:38,194 --> 00:15:39,193
I love it.
470
00:15:39,195 --> 00:15:40,662
Wait, also...
471
00:15:40,664 --> 00:15:42,463
I love that we all had
472
00:15:42,465 --> 00:15:43,865
the same idea at the same time.
473
00:15:43,867 --> 00:15:45,800
It's like we're on each
other's mental cycle.
474
00:15:45,802 --> 00:15:46,668
Totally.
475
00:15:46,670 --> 00:15:47,769
So, what do we do?
476
00:15:47,771 --> 00:15:48,836
Uh, what case
477
00:15:48,838 --> 00:15:50,637
can you help Josh with?
478
00:15:50,874 --> 00:15:52,832
Or do we just get him arrested
and then go from there?
479
00:15:52,857 --> 00:15:54,256
No, come on.
480
00:15:54,377 --> 00:15:56,489
I'm a member of the
bar, I swore an oath.
481
00:15:56,794 --> 00:15:58,227
Also, I lied to Josh once...
482
00:15:58,252 --> 00:15:59,473
Once?
483
00:15:59,801 --> 00:16:02,684
... okay, I got caught once
and it was the worst feeling,
484
00:16:02,686 --> 00:16:03,918
and I'm never doing it again.
485
00:16:03,920 --> 00:16:05,253
So, no made-up cases.
486
00:16:05,255 --> 00:16:06,954
Fine, okay, we don't make up anything,
487
00:16:06,956 --> 00:16:08,690
we find something. Something legit.
488
00:16:08,692 --> 00:16:10,391
Something you can
actually help him with.
489
00:16:10,393 --> 00:16:11,492
Exactly.
490
00:16:11,494 --> 00:16:12,325
How...
491
00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,416
do... we...
492
00:16:13,563 --> 00:16:14,796
do... that?
493
00:16:14,798 --> 00:16:16,998
Okay, you don't want to lie to him.
494
00:16:18,332 --> 00:16:19,567
Can we hurt him?
495
00:16:19,569 --> 00:16:20,735
Just a little bit.
496
00:16:20,737 --> 00:16:21,969
Like, scalding coffee
497
00:16:21,971 --> 00:16:23,504
from a takeout place.
498
00:16:23,506 --> 00:16:24,317
Or...
499
00:16:24,674 --> 00:16:26,684
Ooh! He works at that radiology lab.
500
00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:29,110
Oh, come on, that place
looks like a cancer factory,
501
00:16:29,112 --> 00:16:30,575
surely he has a tumor somewhere.
502
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,582
What do tumors cause?
503
00:16:32,607 --> 00:16:34,040
Water on the brain...
504
00:16:34,065 --> 00:16:36,332
Water. Wait, I know a real thing.
505
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,953
White Josh: Okay, focus, focus.
506
00:16:38,955 --> 00:16:40,188
Stay focused, you got three more.
507
00:16:40,903 --> 00:16:42,156
Keep your eyes on me.
508
00:16:42,158 --> 00:16:43,191
Oh, I am.
509
00:16:43,193 --> 00:16:44,192
All right. Two.
510
00:16:44,194 --> 00:16:45,560
Are you breathing?
511
00:16:45,562 --> 00:16:46,928
I feel like you're not breathing at all.
512
00:16:46,930 --> 00:16:48,463
- I'm not breathing?
- You're not breathing.
513
00:16:48,465 --> 00:16:49,864
You know what, let's,
uh, let's take a break.
514
00:16:49,866 --> 00:16:51,399
- Doing great.
- Okay.
515
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:52,967
- I'm gonna-I'm gonna put these down.
- Okay.
516
00:16:52,969 --> 00:16:53,935
Take 60 seconds.
517
00:16:53,937 --> 00:16:55,937
Mm-hmm.
518
00:16:58,075 --> 00:16:58,973
Okay.
519
00:16:58,975 --> 00:17:00,675
So, when was the last
time we saw each other?
520
00:17:00,677 --> 00:17:03,578
At your house, the fight.
521
00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,713
Yeah, yeah, well, that-that
was the general event,
522
00:17:05,715 --> 00:17:07,081
but the specific event was...
523
00:17:07,746 --> 00:17:08,983
When I kissed you on the cheek?
524
00:17:08,985 --> 00:17:11,719
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, that was, uh, funny.
525
00:17:11,721 --> 00:17:13,421
(laughs) I mean, was that,
like, a European thing,
526
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,490
or was that something
Hector put you up to?
527
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:16,824
No, dude, I'm gay.
528
00:17:17,075 --> 00:17:18,459
You were being cute, so...
529
00:17:18,461 --> 00:17:19,861
You're gay?
530
00:17:19,863 --> 00:17:21,095
No one's ever mentioned that.
531
00:17:21,097 --> 00:17:22,629
Uh, well, everybody knows.
532
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:24,565
- It's not a big deal.
- Oh.
533
00:17:24,621 --> 00:17:26,644
Okay, it's just... maybe your nickname
534
00:17:26,669 --> 00:17:28,102
should be Gay Josh
instead of White Josh,
535
00:17:28,104 --> 00:17:29,804
because then people
would know what's up.
536
00:17:29,806 --> 00:17:30,621
Why?
537
00:17:30,768 --> 00:17:32,268
We don't call Greg, Straight Greg.
538
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:34,742
We don't call you, Old Gay Darryl.
539
00:17:34,744 --> 00:17:35,843
Whoa, what?
540
00:17:35,845 --> 00:17:37,111
I am not old gay.
541
00:17:37,113 --> 00:17:38,332
I am not... or gay.
542
00:17:38,419 --> 00:17:39,751
I'm... divorced.
543
00:17:39,815 --> 00:17:40,948
I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean
544
00:17:40,973 --> 00:17:41,972
anything by that, you just...
545
00:17:42,085 --> 00:17:43,184
No, no... gave me the vibe.
546
00:17:43,186 --> 00:17:45,353
- No. What-what vibe?
- The gay vibe.
547
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,554
But I don't understand
why there would be a vibe.
548
00:17:46,556 --> 00:17:47,755
I like women. I like
sleeping with women.
549
00:17:47,757 --> 00:17:48,990
I like the way they smell,
550
00:17:48,992 --> 00:17:50,057
and I like the way that they...
551
00:17:50,059 --> 00:17:51,025
the-the feel of their skin,
552
00:17:51,027 --> 00:17:53,270
I like their bird-like voices.
553
00:17:53,763 --> 00:17:54,929
I mean, does that sound gay?
554
00:17:54,931 --> 00:17:55,606
Nope.
555
00:17:56,072 --> 00:17:57,571
Sounds like a serial killer,
556
00:17:57,602 --> 00:17:59,168
but a straight one, for sure.
557
00:17:59,193 --> 00:18:00,778
Yeah, a straight ser... What? No.
558
00:18:00,803 --> 00:18:02,402
You know what, I think
this is enough right now.
559
00:18:02,505 --> 00:18:03,571
- Okay.
- Because you know what,
560
00:18:03,573 --> 00:18:04,605
I actually have to return a call Yup.
561
00:18:04,607 --> 00:18:05,640
To my ex-wife, Sure.
562
00:18:05,642 --> 00:18:06,774
- Who's a girl.
- Uh-huh.
563
00:18:06,776 --> 00:18:07,942
- You know?
- No problem.
564
00:18:07,944 --> 00:18:09,143
We actually reproduced together.
565
00:18:09,145 --> 00:18:09,957
Okay.
566
00:18:09,982 --> 00:18:10,584
Cool.
567
00:18:10,609 --> 00:18:12,390
That's-that's not
something you can do solo.
568
00:18:12,415 --> 00:18:13,915
That's... a good point.
569
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,283
That's teamwork.
570
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,519
(door closes)
571
00:18:20,223 --> 00:18:22,657
Valencia: So, what is
this stupid meeting about?
572
00:18:22,682 --> 00:18:23,768
Well, I'm here to dis...
573
00:18:23,793 --> 00:18:25,693
Oh, this is the boyfriend, huh?
574
00:18:25,695 --> 00:18:27,495
Josh: Uh, Trent. His name is Trent,
575
00:18:27,497 --> 00:18:28,996
- and he went to Harvard.
- Rebecca: Yes.
576
00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:30,164
Great picture.
577
00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:31,165
Where was it taken?
578
00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:32,083
Palm Springs.
579
00:18:32,108 --> 00:18:34,435
Ah, hm, we just had to spa.
580
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:40,294
Okay, let's start
this meeting, shall we?
581
00:18:40,319 --> 00:18:41,239
Great.
582
00:18:42,934 --> 00:18:43,855
Valencia,
583
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:45,012
tell me something.
584
00:18:46,309 --> 00:18:48,130
Does your ass feel weird right now?
585
00:18:49,012 --> 00:18:50,318
Joshy, what is she talking about?
586
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,521
Because you, my friends,
are sitting on a gold mine.
587
00:18:53,523 --> 00:18:54,989
You remember the other night,
588
00:18:54,991 --> 00:18:56,824
at that really fun group hang,
589
00:18:56,826 --> 00:18:58,493
you were telling me about
the lack of hot water
590
00:18:58,495 --> 00:19:00,094
- in your apartment.
- Yeah.
591
00:19:00,096 --> 00:19:02,396
Well, did you know that's
not only an annoyance,
592
00:19:02,398 --> 00:19:03,965
but it's also a also a violation
593
00:19:03,967 --> 00:19:05,500
of your contractual tenant rights?
594
00:19:05,502 --> 00:19:06,701
Get to the point, Harvard.
595
00:19:06,703 --> 00:19:09,570
My point is, we can sue your landlord
596
00:19:09,572 --> 00:19:11,305
for all of the back
rent that you've paid
597
00:19:11,307 --> 00:19:12,907
since you moved in, plus damages.
598
00:19:12,909 --> 00:19:15,009
Whoa, that would be,
like, thousands of dollars.
599
00:19:15,011 --> 00:19:16,544
Wait a minute. Hold on.
600
00:19:17,037 --> 00:19:18,291
What's in it for you?
601
00:19:19,822 --> 00:19:21,572
It's purely a business decision.
602
00:19:21,597 --> 00:19:23,783
I wouldn't charge you a fee,
I would take a percentage.
603
00:19:23,808 --> 00:19:25,186
You make money, I make money.
604
00:19:25,188 --> 00:19:26,420
That's...
605
00:19:26,422 --> 00:19:28,377
really nice of you.
606
00:19:29,391 --> 00:19:31,236
We could use the cash, babe.
607
00:19:32,395 --> 00:19:34,095
Well, great.
608
00:19:34,097 --> 00:19:35,296
Let's set you up here.
609
00:19:35,298 --> 00:19:36,831
All I need is both your signatures
610
00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:37,899
where it says tenant.
611
00:19:37,901 --> 00:19:41,302
Um, there's a problem.
612
00:19:41,304 --> 00:19:43,104
Oh right, I'm-I'm sorry, my mistake,
613
00:19:43,106 --> 00:19:45,039
Josh mentioned that you,
uh, weren't on the lease.
614
00:19:45,041 --> 00:19:46,474
Josh, you told her?
615
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:48,709
You know how sensitive
I am about the lease.
616
00:19:49,635 --> 00:19:51,045
It's-it's okay.
617
00:19:51,047 --> 00:19:52,246
We can just make Josh
618
00:19:52,248 --> 00:19:53,247
the sole plaintiff, no biggie.
619
00:19:53,249 --> 00:19:54,330
A-And then we can make
620
00:19:54,355 --> 00:19:55,683
thousands of dollars.
621
00:19:55,685 --> 00:19:57,010
R-right, Rebecca?
622
00:19:57,035 --> 00:19:58,268
Yes, at least.
623
00:20:04,736 --> 00:20:05,860
No.
624
00:20:05,862 --> 00:20:07,158
No, no.
625
00:20:07,430 --> 00:20:08,829
We're not doing this.
626
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:11,098
I don't trust you as
far as I can throw you,
627
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,366
which is not far,
628
00:20:12,368 --> 00:20:14,783
because you eat bagels after 8:00 p.m.
629
00:20:16,546 --> 00:20:18,182
Come on, Josh.
630
00:20:19,976 --> 00:20:21,642
I'm sorry, that was rude.
631
00:20:23,584 --> 00:20:24,728
Okay, fine.
632
00:20:25,691 --> 00:20:27,486
Enjoy your cold showers!
633
00:20:27,690 --> 00:20:29,617
Yeah, and don't underestimate
634
00:20:29,619 --> 00:20:31,455
the joy of a midnight bagel.
635
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,413
Thank you.
636
00:20:34,591 --> 00:20:35,823
Okay, we did it your way.
637
00:20:35,825 --> 00:20:37,024
Can we now scald him
638
00:20:37,026 --> 00:20:38,159
with gas station coffee?
639
00:20:49,942 --> 00:20:51,308
Man, a settlement could mean
640
00:20:51,310 --> 00:20:52,876
a lot for me and Valencia.
641
00:20:52,878 --> 00:20:54,811
She has all this stuff she wants to buy,
642
00:20:54,813 --> 00:20:57,027
and I want a hoverboard, obviously,
643
00:20:57,082 --> 00:20:59,649
but I also want to invest in our future.
644
00:20:59,651 --> 00:21:00,851
Buy a stock.
645
00:21:00,853 --> 00:21:02,262
Or two stocks.
646
00:21:02,855 --> 00:21:04,488
How many stocks do people have?
647
00:21:04,490 --> 00:21:06,387
I don't know, I'm just a kid.
648
00:21:06,525 --> 00:21:08,425
All I know is, tech is
overvalued right now.
649
00:21:08,427 --> 00:21:09,559
All right, shh.
650
00:21:09,561 --> 00:21:11,895
It's Serrano. Okay, don't
tell him any of this.
651
00:21:11,897 --> 00:21:14,831
He's got lots of opinions
and he's very judgmental.
652
00:21:14,833 --> 00:21:16,366
Oh, I already told him.
653
00:21:16,368 --> 00:21:17,467
What? How?
654
00:21:17,469 --> 00:21:19,169
I've been texting under the table
655
00:21:19,171 --> 00:21:20,355
the whole time we were talking.
656
00:21:20,839 --> 00:21:22,339
I'm a digital addict.
657
00:21:22,341 --> 00:21:23,907
I diagnosed myself online.
658
00:21:23,910 --> 00:21:25,176
Greg: What are you doing?
659
00:21:25,178 --> 00:21:27,111
Hey, Greg. You're doing some lawsuit
660
00:21:27,112 --> 00:21:29,046
with Rebecca about water or something?
661
00:21:29,048 --> 00:21:30,280
All right, I haven't decided,
662
00:21:30,282 --> 00:21:31,581
but I can make the decision myself.
663
00:21:31,583 --> 00:21:32,783
I'm not dumb.
664
00:21:32,785 --> 00:21:33,817
Dude, this time that's
665
00:21:33,819 --> 00:21:35,118
not what I'm saying.
666
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:36,887
I haven't said anything because I know
667
00:21:36,889 --> 00:21:37,832
you like Rebecca,
668
00:21:38,323 --> 00:21:40,557
but I've had some serious
doubts for a while now,
669
00:21:40,559 --> 00:21:42,392
and I just don't want you to
get mixed up in anything...
670
00:21:42,394 --> 00:21:44,127
Dude, she went to Harvard
671
00:21:44,129 --> 00:21:47,397
and she thinks Valencia and
I could get a lot of money.
672
00:21:47,399 --> 00:21:48,832
That's what Satan told Faust.
673
00:21:49,568 --> 00:21:50,600
Oh, you guys didn't know?
674
00:21:50,602 --> 00:21:51,501
My school went charter.
675
00:21:51,871 --> 00:21:53,470
Chan, you're a nice guy.
676
00:21:53,472 --> 00:21:54,838
You always see things in the best light,
677
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,206
but Valencia is right.
678
00:21:56,208 --> 00:21:57,207
Rebecca is into you.
679
00:21:57,209 --> 00:21:58,475
She always has been.
680
00:21:58,477 --> 00:22:00,243
She just wants to spend time with you.
681
00:22:00,245 --> 00:22:01,678
Why can't anyone see that?
682
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,514
The whole case is just a pretext.
683
00:22:05,004 --> 00:22:06,083
A pretext.
684
00:22:06,347 --> 00:22:07,951
Is that like when a little text
685
00:22:07,976 --> 00:22:09,769
comes out before the real text?
686
00:22:10,289 --> 00:22:11,822
I learned about that in health class.
687
00:22:11,824 --> 00:22:13,690
A-alright, I got to go. I have to think.
688
00:22:13,692 --> 00:22:15,659
I want you to protect yourself, Josh.
689
00:22:15,661 --> 00:22:18,028
Rebecca is not what she seems to be.
690
00:22:18,030 --> 00:22:19,629
That thing with the broken glass?
691
00:22:19,631 --> 00:22:20,630
She was up to something.
692
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:21,731
She's too smart.
693
00:22:21,733 --> 00:22:23,200
She will outsmart you.
694
00:22:23,202 --> 00:22:24,568
Dude, I can take care of myself.
695
00:22:24,570 --> 00:22:25,769
I've got a lot of black belts.
696
00:22:25,771 --> 00:22:27,571
She's not trying to fight you.
697
00:22:27,573 --> 00:22:29,039
I said I have to think about it.
698
00:22:29,041 --> 00:22:30,574
I haven't decided what I'm gonna do,
699
00:22:30,576 --> 00:22:32,175
and I know she has issues,
700
00:22:32,177 --> 00:22:33,777
and maybe she's a little into me,
701
00:22:33,779 --> 00:22:35,412
but, you know, most girls in town are.
702
00:22:35,414 --> 00:22:36,972
Word. Thanks.
703
00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:39,449
And why are you lecturing me, Serrano?
704
00:22:39,451 --> 00:22:41,051
You're the one that kept
trying to go out with her.
705
00:22:41,053 --> 00:22:43,153
I know, I did, but I know better now,
706
00:22:43,155 --> 00:22:44,221
and I'm with Heather,
707
00:22:44,223 --> 00:22:45,755
and it's so great not thinking
708
00:22:45,757 --> 00:22:47,424
about Rebecca's insanity.
709
00:22:47,426 --> 00:22:48,758
Okay, nope, you're wrong.
710
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:50,660
I just hung with her and I got to say,
711
00:22:50,662 --> 00:22:53,029
she seems like she's in a good place.
712
00:22:53,031 --> 00:22:54,731
She's keeping her car in great shape,
713
00:22:54,734 --> 00:22:57,235
and she's even got a boyfriend
who went to Harvard,.
714
00:22:57,236 --> 00:22:59,736
And has a name that
sounds like a newscaster.
715
00:23:00,340 --> 00:23:01,705
- Connie Chung?
- Wait.
716
00:23:01,707 --> 00:23:03,840
- She has a boyfriend?
- Well...
717
00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:05,675
someone she's seeing. Trent.
718
00:23:05,677 --> 00:23:07,711
- Their couple name is Trebecca.
- Since when?
719
00:23:08,980 --> 00:23:10,313
Trent?
720
00:23:10,315 --> 00:23:12,549
That's the perfect name
for a fake boyfriend.
721
00:23:12,551 --> 00:23:13,340
Stop it.
722
00:23:13,365 --> 00:23:16,153
Look, even if you think Rebecca is,
723
00:23:16,155 --> 00:23:17,754
whatever you think she is,
724
00:23:18,043 --> 00:23:19,756
you know she's an excellent lawyer,
725
00:23:19,758 --> 00:23:21,158
really on top of her game.
726
00:23:21,488 --> 00:23:24,162
Paula: Oh, I just
love mixed race babies.
727
00:23:24,379 --> 00:23:25,762
I don't know.
728
00:23:25,764 --> 00:23:28,131
I still think Jewish and
Filipino is the best mix.
729
00:23:28,133 --> 00:23:30,144
All right, Paula, come on,
we got to get back to work.
730
00:23:31,637 --> 00:23:34,004
I mean, Nigerian and
Greek is a close second.
731
00:23:34,006 --> 00:23:36,773
- Oh, God, that's a beautiful baby.
- Baby.
732
00:23:36,775 --> 00:23:39,190
- (in baby voice): Oh, look at the baby.
- Aw, they're so nice.
733
00:23:39,215 --> 00:23:40,558
With that little face.
734
00:23:40,582 --> 00:23:42,468
Oh, my God, I want
that, like, in my womb.
735
00:23:42,470 --> 00:23:44,470
Paula: You know, there are
places that will do that.
736
00:23:47,275 --> 00:23:48,574
Paula!
737
00:23:48,576 --> 00:23:49,875
- What!
- Whoa.
738
00:23:49,877 --> 00:23:51,210
Oh, you okay?
739
00:23:51,212 --> 00:23:52,811
- You're fine.
- Yeah, nope, good, good, good.
740
00:23:52,790 --> 00:23:53,385
- Okay, I found...
- What?
741
00:23:53,410 --> 00:23:54,762
I found something.
Call Darryl right now.
742
00:23:54,787 --> 00:23:56,746
- This will get Josh back on board the case
- _
743
00:23:56,771 --> 00:23:58,824
then we can spend more time together.
744
00:24:03,631 --> 00:24:05,691
- (pounding on door)
- Josh.
745
00:24:05,693 --> 00:24:06,740
Oh.
746
00:24:06,765 --> 00:24:08,594
W-w-w-w-w-wait, I-I-I have news.
747
00:24:08,596 --> 00:24:09,628
Where is Josh?
748
00:24:09,630 --> 00:24:10,829
Josh isn't here,
749
00:24:10,831 --> 00:24:12,606
and it doesn't matter anyway.
750
00:24:12,646 --> 00:24:14,083
I'm on to you now.
751
00:24:14,108 --> 00:24:16,542
I know you're full of
it, and now I have proof.
752
00:24:16,896 --> 00:24:18,362
Huh, what are you talking about?
753
00:24:29,536 --> 00:24:31,927
Hey, Greg. What do you mean, proof?
754
00:24:32,106 --> 00:24:33,071
Tell her, Greg.
755
00:24:33,096 --> 00:24:35,230
I, um, I looked it up,
756
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:36,746
and I read some stuff online
757
00:24:36,748 --> 00:24:39,282
about local tenant laws
capping settlements.
758
00:24:39,622 --> 00:24:41,184
Okay, I don't really
understand all of it.
759
00:24:41,186 --> 00:24:42,919
Dude, are we not friends anymore?
760
00:24:42,921 --> 00:24:44,120
Like, are you mad at me?
761
00:24:44,669 --> 00:24:46,089
Because, and correct me if I'm wrong,
762
00:24:46,091 --> 00:24:49,559
it seems like you're scheming
behind my back with Valencia.
763
00:24:51,841 --> 00:24:53,606
Wow.
764
00:24:53,631 --> 00:24:55,059
I'm sorry, don't you have a life?
765
00:24:55,482 --> 00:24:56,714
Don't you have a girlfriend?
766
00:24:56,693 --> 00:25:00,206
I just think there's
something... not right.
767
00:25:00,231 --> 00:25:01,552
There's a wrongness here.
768
00:25:02,075 --> 00:25:03,187
(Josh panting)
769
00:25:03,189 --> 00:25:04,722
Josh: Whoa.
770
00:25:04,724 --> 00:25:05,990
What's everyone dog here?
771
00:25:05,992 --> 00:25:07,392
Oh, my God, what are you doing here?
772
00:25:07,394 --> 00:25:09,403
Oh, we just went on a run, dude.
773
00:25:10,597 --> 00:25:11,696
Will someone tell me
774
00:25:11,698 --> 00:25:13,031
what's going on here?
775
00:25:13,575 --> 00:25:15,533
(all talking at once)
776
00:25:15,535 --> 00:25:17,602
Joshy. Joshy. Josh,
Josh. Don't listen to her.
777
00:25:17,604 --> 00:25:19,504
(all talking at once)
778
00:25:19,506 --> 00:25:20,605
What?
779
00:25:20,607 --> 00:25:23,387
(shouting): Everyone, listen to Cookie!
780
00:25:25,334 --> 00:25:26,633
She-she calls me Cookie.
781
00:25:27,794 --> 00:25:28,946
Okay, so...
782
00:25:28,948 --> 00:25:31,883
I figured out if I can switch
the case to a county court,
783
00:25:31,885 --> 00:25:33,684
I can take advantage of a tax loophole
784
00:25:33,709 --> 00:25:35,376
in the assessment tax codes.
785
00:25:38,356 --> 00:25:39,791
Let me sum it up.
786
00:25:39,793 --> 00:25:42,160
If you get your whole
building to sign up,
787
00:25:42,162 --> 00:25:43,628
I can get you a crap ton of dough.
788
00:25:43,942 --> 00:25:44,762
Paula: She's right.
789
00:25:44,764 --> 00:25:46,130
In a suit like this,
790
00:25:46,132 --> 00:25:47,832
the payout can be huge.
791
00:25:47,834 --> 00:25:49,233
In Arizona, the tenants got
792
00:25:49,235 --> 00:25:52,512
$10 million in an
asbestos liability dispute.
793
00:25:52,540 --> 00:25:53,806
Or we can call one plumber
794
00:25:53,831 --> 00:25:55,197
and no one has to go to court.
795
00:25:56,042 --> 00:25:57,218
Shut up, Greg.
796
00:25:57,669 --> 00:25:58,676
Josh, listen,
797
00:25:58,678 --> 00:25:59,644
I need your help to get everyone
798
00:25:59,646 --> 00:26:00,645
in this building on board.
799
00:26:01,075 --> 00:26:02,547
We can do this.
800
00:26:02,549 --> 00:26:03,948
This is your moment.
801
00:26:03,950 --> 00:26:05,364
This is your decision.
802
00:26:06,553 --> 00:26:07,585
What do you say?
803
00:26:07,587 --> 00:26:09,687
Please, at least just discuss it.
804
00:26:09,689 --> 00:26:11,622
There is nothing to discuss.
805
00:26:11,624 --> 00:26:12,957
Okay, we don't even know our neighbors,
806
00:26:12,959 --> 00:26:14,192
and they clearly are not interested
807
00:26:14,194 --> 00:26:15,259
in making any money.
808
00:26:15,261 --> 00:26:16,364
Don't you get it?
809
00:26:16,399 --> 00:26:18,132
We're just not interested.
810
00:26:19,387 --> 00:26:20,962
(sighs)
811
00:26:20,987 --> 00:26:24,266
Josh, if I get everyone else
in the building to sign up,
812
00:26:25,229 --> 00:26:26,215
will you join?
813
00:26:31,398 --> 00:26:32,887
Don't do it.
814
00:26:37,584 --> 00:26:38,869
Josh, I...
815
00:26:48,395 --> 00:26:49,281
Bye.
816
00:26:51,273 --> 00:26:54,732
Wow, that is a big bummer.
817
00:26:55,414 --> 00:26:56,375
No.
818
00:26:57,082 --> 00:26:58,281
Not a bummer at all.
819
00:26:59,695 --> 00:27:00,605
Come on, guys.
820
00:27:00,765 --> 00:27:02,006
Yeah, but she said
the neighbors won't...
821
00:27:02,031 --> 00:27:03,164
You are Darryl Whitefeather.
822
00:27:03,414 --> 00:27:04,242
And your people
823
00:27:04,244 --> 00:27:05,710
have been through a lot worse
824
00:27:05,712 --> 00:27:07,745
than some emaciated
yoga teacher, am I right?
825
00:27:07,747 --> 00:27:08,913
What do you mean, my people?
826
00:27:09,711 --> 00:27:10,948
Chippewa, Darryl.
827
00:27:10,950 --> 00:27:12,550
Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.
828
00:27:12,552 --> 00:27:14,185
Those people. Right, right, right.
829
00:27:14,187 --> 00:27:15,219
Follow my lead.
830
00:27:15,961 --> 00:27:16,921
(baby jabbers)
831
00:27:16,923 --> 00:27:19,290
Hello, ma'am, my name is
Rebecca Bunch, Esquire,
832
00:27:19,292 --> 00:27:20,591
and these are my legal associates.
833
00:27:20,969 --> 00:27:21,692
Hello.
834
00:27:21,694 --> 00:27:23,594
Tell me, is your hot water out?
835
00:27:23,596 --> 00:27:25,129
Yeah, but they said
they're going to fix it...
836
00:27:25,131 --> 00:27:26,597
May I speak to you for a moment
837
00:27:26,599 --> 00:27:27,899
about an important issue?
838
00:27:27,901 --> 00:27:29,534
A serious problem threatening
839
00:27:29,536 --> 00:27:31,002
your right to life, liberty
840
00:27:31,004 --> 00:27:32,703
- and the pursuit of happiness.
- Um...
841
00:27:32,705 --> 00:27:34,806
She's right. It's a big-ass problem.
842
00:27:34,808 --> 00:27:35,973
Okay, sure.
843
00:27:35,975 --> 00:27:37,875
Wonderful.
844
00:27:37,877 --> 00:27:40,044
There's nothing I
love more in life
845
00:27:40,046 --> 00:27:41,946
Than a scalding hot shower
846
00:27:41,948 --> 00:27:43,681
It's the symbol of human dignity
847
00:27:43,683 --> 00:27:45,183
That separates
us from the chimps
848
00:27:45,185 --> 00:27:46,584
Helps you scrub off the sleep
849
00:27:46,586 --> 00:27:47,885
And scrub on the day
850
00:27:47,887 --> 00:27:49,687
Or scrub off the day,
and scrub on the sleep
851
00:27:49,689 --> 00:27:51,589
Don't know if you're morning
or night shower people
852
00:27:51,591 --> 00:27:53,357
Whatever floats your boat
853
00:27:53,359 --> 00:27:55,126
But where are your toddlers
gonna float their boats
854
00:27:55,105 --> 00:27:56,771
If all you have is cold H2O?
855
00:27:56,796 --> 00:27:58,863
That's two parts
hydrogen, one part oxygen
856
00:27:58,865 --> 00:28:00,364
And zero parts justice
857
00:28:00,366 --> 00:28:01,699
Now I know you're thinking
858
00:28:01,701 --> 00:28:02,967
�What are you talking about?
859
00:28:02,969 --> 00:28:04,469
Go away, this is
private property�
860
00:28:04,471 --> 00:28:06,404
Well, before we
leave, ladies and gents
861
00:28:06,406 --> 00:28:08,806
Allow me to set
the scene: ima...
862
00:28:08,808 --> 00:28:09,841
Yeah, I don't live here.
863
00:28:09,843 --> 00:28:11,108
Oh.
864
00:28:11,110 --> 00:28:12,677
Imagine your kids
865
00:28:12,679 --> 00:28:14,712
Taking a shower before
they go to school
866
00:28:14,714 --> 00:28:17,048
They douse their skin
with ice cold water
867
00:28:17,050 --> 00:28:18,816
A huge shock to
their little systems
868
00:28:18,818 --> 00:28:20,618
At first it's downright
unpleasant, but then
869
00:28:20,620 --> 00:28:22,320
It gets them wired in
a way they've never felt
870
00:28:22,322 --> 00:28:24,222
And they think to themselves,
�That shower felt great�
871
00:28:24,224 --> 00:28:26,224
�Maybe I'll try cocaine�
872
00:28:26,226 --> 00:28:27,825
So your son's on coke,
your daughter's pregnant
873
00:28:27,827 --> 00:28:29,093
And your husband's probably
874
00:28:29,095 --> 00:28:31,028
Having an affair, apocalypse
875
00:28:31,030 --> 00:28:32,663
Just like the movie I Am Legend
876
00:28:32,665 --> 00:28:34,665
But not like that at all
877
00:28:34,667 --> 00:28:35,933
No hot water
878
00:28:35,935 --> 00:28:38,269
Which means cold showers
879
00:28:38,271 --> 00:28:41,472
Next thing you know,
your kids will be on crack
880
00:28:41,474 --> 00:28:43,407
No hot water
881
00:28:43,409 --> 00:28:45,109
Which means cold showers
882
00:28:45,111 --> 00:28:46,844
Which everyone knows
883
00:28:46,846 --> 00:28:48,145
Is the gateway drug to crack
884
00:28:48,147 --> 00:28:49,380
Crack, crack, crack
885
00:28:49,382 --> 00:28:51,215
Crack, crack, crack, crack
886
00:28:51,217 --> 00:28:52,617
Now, it's not just about
the hot water, folks
887
00:28:52,619 --> 00:28:54,352
Crack, crack, crack, crack
888
00:28:54,354 --> 00:28:55,820
If this landlord isn't
taking one measly hour
889
00:28:55,822 --> 00:28:57,455
out of his day to fix your showers,
890
00:28:57,457 --> 00:28:58,990
then what's this scumbag doing
891
00:28:58,992 --> 00:29:00,525
with all your hard earned cash?
892
00:29:00,527 --> 00:29:01,592
He's taking it and blowing it
Crack, crack, crack, crack
893
00:29:01,594 --> 00:29:02,593
In a hand of Pai Gow
894
00:29:02,595 --> 00:29:03,828
at the Indian casino.
895
00:29:03,830 --> 00:29:04,929
(all gasp)
Crack, crack, crack
896
00:29:04,931 --> 00:29:06,464
He's fat-catting it
897
00:29:06,466 --> 00:29:08,132
at fancy restaurants
like The Olive Garden.
898
00:29:08,134 --> 00:29:10,067
(all gasp)
Crack,
crack, crack, crack
899
00:29:10,069 --> 00:29:11,102
And Red Lobster.
900
00:29:11,104 --> 00:29:12,837
- (all gasp)
- Gasp is right.
901
00:29:12,839 --> 00:29:14,672
That's gasp with
an uppercase �G�
902
00:29:14,674 --> 00:29:17,308
That ends with �P�
the first letter in pool
903
00:29:17,310 --> 00:29:18,543
No hot water
904
00:29:18,545 --> 00:29:19,443
No hot water
905
00:29:19,445 --> 00:29:20,912
Which means cold showers
906
00:29:21,714 --> 00:29:22,947
Next thing you know
907
00:29:22,949 --> 00:29:24,048
Your kids will be on crack
908
00:29:24,050 --> 00:29:25,483
This makes sense
909
00:29:25,485 --> 00:29:26,584
No hot water
910
00:29:26,586 --> 00:29:28,753
Means cold, cold showers
911
00:29:28,755 --> 00:29:30,888
And cold showers are
912
00:29:30,890 --> 00:29:32,323
The gateway drug
913
00:29:32,325 --> 00:29:35,092
To crack
914
00:29:35,094 --> 00:29:36,060
Cold water is drugs
915
00:29:36,062 --> 00:29:37,628
Yeah!
916
00:29:38,965 --> 00:29:41,866
Let's make ourselves a case, folks!
917
00:29:41,868 --> 00:29:43,634
(cheering)
918
00:29:45,738 --> 00:29:47,038
Can I get one of these?
919
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:48,039
Darryl: Absolutely, here you go.
920
00:29:48,041 --> 00:29:51,242
(people chattering)
921
00:29:53,891 --> 00:29:55,090
(sighs)
922
00:29:55,115 --> 00:29:57,349
Josh, I got everyone on board.
923
00:29:57,517 --> 00:29:58,649
What do you say?
924
00:29:59,478 --> 00:30:00,952
Don't let her manipulate you.
925
00:30:00,954 --> 00:30:02,486
Yeah, you're too smart for this.
926
00:30:02,488 --> 00:30:03,540
Is he?
927
00:30:12,203 --> 00:30:16,839
(singsong): Josh and I are gonna
spend a lot of time together today.
928
00:30:16,841 --> 00:30:19,641
(Rebecca humming)
929
00:30:20,570 --> 00:30:21,603
Josh is here.
930
00:30:21,628 --> 00:30:22,894
Oh. Josh is here.
931
00:30:22,919 --> 00:30:24,185
Okay. Here, no, let the girls out.
932
00:30:24,484 --> 00:30:25,483
There we go.
933
00:30:25,485 --> 00:30:26,584
Okay, fluff them up.
934
00:30:26,586 --> 00:30:28,719
Oh, okay. Get-get them
up there. Oh, God...
935
00:30:28,721 --> 00:30:30,454
See, people think they're
fake, but when you get up close,
936
00:30:30,456 --> 00:30:32,179
you realize no human could design these.
937
00:30:32,204 --> 00:30:34,471
Oh, thank you.
938
00:30:34,496 --> 00:30:36,463
People think they're fake?
939
00:30:39,100 --> 00:30:40,490
Gym business.
940
00:30:40,507 --> 00:30:42,841
Ah. White Joshua, I
just wanted to inform you
941
00:30:42,843 --> 00:30:44,543
that I am not going to be
training with you anymore.
942
00:30:44,545 --> 00:30:45,644
In the future,
943
00:30:45,646 --> 00:30:47,379
my fitness will be coming here,
944
00:30:47,381 --> 00:30:49,681
courtesy of the cardio mambo class.
945
00:30:49,683 --> 00:30:52,788
Here, we leave our sneakers
and our assumptions by the door.
946
00:30:53,554 --> 00:30:54,586
Well, near the door.
947
00:30:54,589 --> 00:30:56,089
In the little cubbies.
948
00:30:56,090 --> 00:30:57,476
Cool, cool, cool.
949
00:30:57,501 --> 00:30:58,967
No better way to prove to
yourself you're straight
950
00:30:58,992 --> 00:31:00,925
than a barefoot, cardio mambo class.
951
00:31:02,670 --> 00:31:04,102
Nothing to prove.
952
00:31:04,167 --> 00:31:05,333
Tanya, want to stretch?
953
00:31:05,358 --> 00:31:06,691
Last time, guys.
954
00:31:06,834 --> 00:31:08,460
955
00:31:08,485 --> 00:31:11,052
Right.
956
00:31:12,006 --> 00:31:13,805
Getting sweaty, guys.
957
00:31:13,807 --> 00:31:15,841
And squeeze.
958
00:31:15,843 --> 00:31:21,780
959
00:31:31,659 --> 00:31:34,326
Squeeze, and squeeze, and hop.
960
00:31:34,328 --> 00:31:38,096
And... squeeze.
961
00:31:38,098 --> 00:31:39,998
And squeeze, again.
962
00:31:42,603 --> 00:31:44,269
Big finish.
963
00:31:44,272 --> 00:31:45,748
Now, pose.
964
00:31:46,202 --> 00:31:48,373
Oh, my God, could I be...
965
00:31:48,376 --> 00:31:49,742
Woman: Bye. Woman 2: Bye.
966
00:31:49,744 --> 00:31:50,877
Man: Bye. Man 2: Bye.
967
00:31:50,878 --> 00:31:52,210
Bye. Bye.
968
00:31:52,212 --> 00:31:53,378
You're bi, Darryl.
969
00:31:53,380 --> 00:31:54,246
What?
970
00:31:54,249 --> 00:31:56,683
I said, yerba mat? tea.
971
00:31:56,684 --> 00:31:58,016
Mmm, I want one.
972
00:31:58,018 --> 00:31:59,551
(laughs softly)
973
00:32:03,577 --> 00:32:05,090
Oh, my gosh, you can
draw that upside down?
974
00:32:05,092 --> 00:32:06,591
Isn't that weird?
975
00:32:06,593 --> 00:32:07,926
That's like really good.
I'm like-I'm like amazing.
976
00:32:07,928 --> 00:32:09,828
Oh, thank you very much Oh.
977
00:32:09,830 --> 00:32:11,730
Josh, would you like flat or bubbles?
978
00:32:11,732 --> 00:32:13,332
Oh, uh, no bubbles.
979
00:32:13,335 --> 00:32:14,901
Uh, they give me dem burps.
980
00:32:14,902 --> 00:32:17,302
(Rebecca laughs)
981
00:32:17,304 --> 00:32:18,804
(both laugh)
982
00:32:18,806 --> 00:32:20,072
Oh...
983
00:32:20,074 --> 00:32:21,473
Anyway, we should get, um,
984
00:32:21,475 --> 00:32:23,308
back to the zoning ordinances.
985
00:32:23,310 --> 00:32:24,609
So, uh, the next thing to do
986
00:32:24,611 --> 00:32:25,944
is file this paperwork with the city.
987
00:32:25,946 --> 00:32:27,679
But more importantly,
we have to decide what
988
00:32:27,681 --> 00:32:29,414
we're eating for dinner
tonight. I'm starving.
989
00:32:29,416 --> 00:32:31,616
All right, let's see...
990
00:32:31,618 --> 00:32:33,785
So, yesterday we had Middle Eastern,
991
00:32:33,810 --> 00:32:34,997
this morning we had Boba delivered...
992
00:32:35,022 --> 00:32:36,722
I liked that a lot...
993
00:32:36,724 --> 00:32:38,357
And then we had Ethiopian...
994
00:32:38,359 --> 00:32:41,273
Yeah, this case is gonna make us very...
995
00:32:41,785 --> 00:32:43,095
well-rounded.
996
00:32:43,835 --> 00:32:45,497
(laughs)
997
00:32:45,523 --> 00:32:46,875
- (both laughing)
- Well-rounded, I love that.
998
00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:48,333
You like that?
999
00:32:48,335 --> 00:32:50,302
I'm having the best time.
1000
00:32:50,304 --> 00:32:51,570
(laughing): Yeah.
1001
00:32:51,572 --> 00:32:52,838
Sorry, um, Rebecca,
1002
00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,439
you have a call on line five.
1003
00:32:54,441 --> 00:32:56,541
Hey, Paula, where's a good
Italian place around here,
1004
00:32:56,543 --> 00:32:57,876
something, like, Northern.
1005
00:32:57,878 --> 00:33:00,412
It's the landlord from Josh's building.
1006
00:33:00,414 --> 00:33:02,981
Oh. Oh, he must be running scared.
1007
00:33:02,983 --> 00:33:04,182
Okay, watch this, Josh.
1008
00:33:04,184 --> 00:33:05,617
I'm gonna put on my lawyer voice.
1009
00:33:08,710 --> 00:33:10,956
Well, well, well,
1010
00:33:10,958 --> 00:33:12,780
the day of reckoning has arrived.
1011
00:33:13,148 --> 00:33:14,126
Your reign
1012
00:33:14,128 --> 00:33:16,495
of terror will soon be over,
1013
00:33:16,786 --> 00:33:20,187
Mr. Edward B. Greyson, and...
1014
00:33:21,235 --> 00:33:22,187
What?
1015
00:33:23,437 --> 00:33:24,636
(whispering): What's wrong?
1016
00:33:24,638 --> 00:33:25,971
(whispering): Shh.
1017
00:33:25,973 --> 00:33:27,839
(whispering): Did we lose the case?
1018
00:33:27,842 --> 00:33:31,911
(whispering): We haven't
been to court yet, Pun'kin.
1019
00:33:32,713 --> 00:33:34,813
(quietly): Oh.
1020
00:33:34,815 --> 00:33:39,317
Well, I'm gonna have to get back to you.
1021
00:33:42,957 --> 00:33:45,925
He, um, he wants to settle.
1022
00:33:45,927 --> 00:33:47,093
Darryl: Take it.
1023
00:33:47,094 --> 00:33:48,560
Take it, take it, take it.
1024
00:33:48,562 --> 00:33:50,128
Wha... how did you hear me?
1025
00:33:50,130 --> 00:33:51,863
Oh, well, I had the little
glass against the wall.
1026
00:33:51,865 --> 00:33:53,265
How much? How much? How much?
1027
00:33:53,734 --> 00:33:56,201
I mean, the amount
doesn't really matter.
1028
00:33:56,203 --> 00:33:58,170
Uh, yeah, it does. (laughs)
1029
00:33:58,172 --> 00:34:01,139
Fine, he-he was willing
to settle for a million.
1030
00:34:01,390 --> 00:34:03,108
A million dollars?
1031
00:34:03,110 --> 00:34:06,178
We each get $1 million?
1032
00:34:06,180 --> 00:34:07,779
No, Pun'kin, it's got to be spread out
1033
00:34:07,781 --> 00:34:09,114
amongst all the litigants,
1034
00:34:09,116 --> 00:34:10,482
but still, it's-it
comes to comes to, like,
1035
00:34:10,484 --> 00:34:12,184
10,000 bucks each, right?
1036
00:34:12,186 --> 00:34:14,052
Huzzah!
1037
00:34:14,054 --> 00:34:15,854
This case is over.
1038
00:34:17,091 --> 00:34:18,356
Yeah, I'm gonna turn it down.
1039
00:34:18,358 --> 00:34:19,825
- What?
- What?
1040
00:34:19,827 --> 00:34:20,592
What?
1041
00:34:21,429 --> 00:34:22,561
George.
1042
00:34:22,563 --> 00:34:24,096
Oh. We talked about this.
1043
00:34:24,098 --> 00:34:25,163
Sorry.
1044
00:34:25,666 --> 00:34:28,200
I know.
1045
00:34:28,202 --> 00:34:31,288
Guys, don't worry, I know
exactly what I'm doing.
1046
00:34:32,116 --> 00:34:33,944
Just let me think
about this for a second.
1047
00:34:33,969 --> 00:34:35,669
Paula, come into my office.
1048
00:34:37,778 --> 00:34:39,711
Paula, this case can't be over,
1049
00:34:39,713 --> 00:34:41,980
because Josh and I are
having the best time.
1050
00:34:42,005 --> 00:34:43,648
Like, today we put
popcorn in the microwave,
1051
00:34:43,650 --> 00:34:44,983
and then he showed me how to put
1052
00:34:44,986 --> 00:34:46,352
Parmesan and garlic flakes on it,
1053
00:34:46,353 --> 00:34:48,253
and we made, like, an
Italian popcorn thing,
1054
00:34:48,255 --> 00:34:49,955
and it was, like, the best
thing I've ever had, so
1055
00:34:49,957 --> 00:34:51,289
I'm gonna figure something out,
I'm gonna figure something out.
1056
00:34:51,291 --> 00:34:53,191
Okay, babe, babe,
babe, you're spiraling.
1057
00:34:53,193 --> 00:34:55,727
(inhales and exhales loudly)
1058
00:34:57,064 --> 00:34:58,897
(whispering): Let me
think, let me think.
1059
00:35:00,334 --> 00:35:03,135
That landlord would not have ponied up
1060
00:35:03,137 --> 00:35:04,503
such a big settlement offer
1061
00:35:04,505 --> 00:35:06,204
if there wasn't something under this.
1062
00:35:06,359 --> 00:35:07,405
Something's going on.
1063
00:35:07,407 --> 00:35:09,054
Something with the water in this city.
1064
00:35:09,406 --> 00:35:10,605
And I'm going to figure out what it is.
1065
00:35:10,630 --> 00:35:12,263
How are you going to do that?
1066
00:35:14,492 --> 00:35:18,794
(echoing): Water conspiracy,
water conspiracy, water conspiracy.
1067
00:35:18,819 --> 00:35:20,819
Where in town can I buy
fly-fishing equipment?
1068
00:35:20,821 --> 00:35:21,987
- What?
- Just answer me.
1069
00:35:21,989 --> 00:35:23,889
Purely Sports on East Cameron.
1070
00:35:23,891 --> 00:35:24,944
Great.
1071
00:35:28,195 --> 00:35:30,195
I really have to talk to
you. We're not gonna settle?
1072
00:35:30,197 --> 00:35:31,329
What are we going to do?
1073
00:35:31,331 --> 00:35:32,998
Rebecca, we really need that money.
1074
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,799
I'm going to make you more money. What?
1075
00:35:34,801 --> 00:35:36,668
Darryl, how does your ass feel?
1076
00:35:36,670 --> 00:35:37,669
What?
1077
00:35:37,671 --> 00:35:39,271
Come with me.
1078
00:35:43,624 --> 00:35:45,977
I don't know why we
had to meet in a garage.
1079
00:35:45,979 --> 00:35:47,022
I need your help.
1080
00:35:47,047 --> 00:35:48,246
You're the only one
1081
00:35:48,248 --> 00:35:49,381
who sees through Rebecca like I do.
1082
00:35:49,562 --> 00:35:51,014
What do you want me to do?
1083
00:35:51,251 --> 00:35:52,884
I can't prove she's lying.
1084
00:35:52,886 --> 00:35:54,152
That's okay.
1085
00:35:54,154 --> 00:35:56,054
I have evidence that she's lying.
1086
00:35:57,250 --> 00:35:58,374
Look at this.
1087
00:36:01,074 --> 00:36:02,107
I'm telling you.
1088
00:36:02,585 --> 00:36:03,718
That bitch cray.
1089
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,442
Tell him, Bert.
1090
00:36:07,467 --> 00:36:09,467
The Los Angeles county water system
1091
00:36:09,469 --> 00:36:10,902
is a complex creature.
1092
00:36:11,257 --> 00:36:13,171
Now, we're surrounded
by water, of course,
1093
00:36:13,173 --> 00:36:15,974
but until those Israelis
learn out how to desalinate,
1094
00:36:15,976 --> 00:36:17,226
we're up crap's creek,
1095
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,067
scrabbling around buying
water from Colorado.
1096
00:36:20,507 --> 00:36:22,147
You look confused, let me explain.
1097
00:36:22,149 --> 00:36:23,046
So, Bert is a...
1098
00:36:23,517 --> 00:36:25,517
disgruntled... ex-utility employee,
1099
00:36:25,519 --> 00:36:27,152
Very much. who's the leader of a group
1100
00:36:27,154 --> 00:36:28,553
of water conspiracy theorists
1101
00:36:28,555 --> 00:36:30,062
known as the Water Truthers.
1102
00:36:30,290 --> 00:36:31,756
I dismissed him at first,
1103
00:36:31,758 --> 00:36:33,225
as I do most conspiracy theories,
1104
00:36:33,227 --> 00:36:34,382
but I looked into it, and, well...
1105
00:36:34,695 --> 00:36:35,627
his theories hold water.
1106
00:36:36,124 --> 00:36:37,562
Damn straight they do!
1107
00:36:37,989 --> 00:36:40,055
- We're here.
- Where?
1108
00:36:40,300 --> 00:36:43,068
This manhole here is a
secret, central entrance
1109
00:36:43,070 --> 00:36:45,085
which leads down into the entire system.
1110
00:36:45,110 --> 00:36:46,671
- Watch your toes.
- Ooh.
1111
00:36:46,673 --> 00:36:49,101
(Bert grunting)
1112
00:36:51,612 --> 00:36:53,226
So, this is like...
1113
00:36:54,395 --> 00:36:56,061
the vagina of the system.
1114
00:36:56,515 --> 00:36:57,515
It's a manhole.
1115
00:36:58,085 --> 00:37:00,819
So, this manhole is a vagina.
1116
00:37:01,351 --> 00:37:03,221
You're saying a lot of crazy stuff.
1117
00:37:03,992 --> 00:37:05,435
Now come on, let's see how
1118
00:37:05,460 --> 00:37:07,693
the corporate Illuminati control liquid.
1119
00:37:12,567 --> 00:37:13,666
This here is the central
1120
00:37:13,668 --> 00:37:15,601
switching station for West Covina.
1121
00:37:16,442 --> 00:37:18,303
Now, as you can see,
some of these pipes,
1122
00:37:18,328 --> 00:37:19,394
like this one here,
1123
00:37:19,419 --> 00:37:20,708
is being siphoned off.
1124
00:37:21,137 --> 00:37:23,169
That means that there's
a lack of water pressure,
1125
00:37:23,171 --> 00:37:25,905
which causes water
heaters to under-perform,
1126
00:37:25,907 --> 00:37:27,207
since they're only triggered
1127
00:37:27,209 --> 00:37:29,542
at a certain
pound-per-square-inch number.
1128
00:37:29,895 --> 00:37:31,244
It's the age-old trick.
1129
00:37:31,246 --> 00:37:33,012
You steal a little bit from everybody,
1130
00:37:33,014 --> 00:37:34,473
nobody notices...
1131
00:37:34,750 --> 00:37:35,949
except ol' Bert here.
1132
00:37:36,122 --> 00:37:37,150
These pipes were
1133
00:37:37,152 --> 00:37:39,452
designed to supply water
throughout the county,
1134
00:37:39,454 --> 00:37:40,920
so they go both ways.
1135
00:37:40,922 --> 00:37:43,356
Both ways. Interesting.
1136
00:37:43,358 --> 00:37:44,491
Yeah, but as you can see from
1137
00:37:44,493 --> 00:37:46,593
this gauge right here,
the water's being forced
1138
00:37:46,595 --> 00:37:47,794
to go only one way.
1139
00:37:47,796 --> 00:37:49,229
Well, that's not fair.
1140
00:37:49,231 --> 00:37:50,129
Exactly.
1141
00:37:50,192 --> 00:37:52,232
The water in these pipes
want to go every which way.
1142
00:37:52,234 --> 00:37:54,834
Yes, yes, it does, and
it has every right to.
1143
00:37:55,419 --> 00:37:57,036
You're really into this water, Darryl.
1144
00:37:57,038 --> 00:37:59,205
Well, I'm fascinated. Okay.
1145
00:37:59,207 --> 00:38:02,575
The water is being diverted
away from the San Gabriel Valley
1146
00:38:02,577 --> 00:38:04,043
and towards Los Angeles.
1147
00:38:04,426 --> 00:38:05,879
Wait, but who would do that?
1148
00:38:06,169 --> 00:38:08,125
They're called Greater City Water,
1149
00:38:08,348 --> 00:38:10,917
a conglomerate of utility companies,
1150
00:38:10,919 --> 00:38:12,986
reservoirs and aqueduct owners
1151
00:38:12,988 --> 00:38:14,954
working in cahoots with local landlords.
1152
00:38:15,426 --> 00:38:17,490
S-so, you're saying...
1153
00:38:17,492 --> 00:38:20,260
I'm saying that it's not
just about one landlord,
1154
00:38:20,262 --> 00:38:21,561
it's about the entire
1155
00:38:21,563 --> 00:38:23,630
San Gabriel Valley being exploited
1156
00:38:23,632 --> 00:38:25,665
by a corporation worth billions.
1157
00:38:25,667 --> 00:38:27,133
And if they're worth billions,
1158
00:38:27,135 --> 00:38:28,901
then they can be sued for billions.
1159
00:38:28,926 --> 00:38:29,636
Yes.
1160
00:38:29,638 --> 00:38:30,770
(chuckles)
1161
00:38:30,772 --> 00:38:33,114
And if they can be sued for billions,
1162
00:38:33,308 --> 00:38:36,209
then that means Josh and
I are gonna eat Peruvian,
1163
00:38:36,211 --> 00:38:37,677
and Sicilian pizza
1164
00:38:37,679 --> 00:38:39,445
at the Poutine Place.
1165
00:38:39,447 --> 00:38:42,782
Ooh, at the Greek place,
at the mac and cheese place.
1166
00:38:42,784 --> 00:38:43,817
There's a rib place,
1167
00:38:43,819 --> 00:38:45,051
there's also a good poke place.
1168
00:38:45,053 --> 00:38:46,352
Anyway, oh, I should go.
1169
00:38:46,354 --> 00:38:47,387
Me, too.
1170
00:38:47,389 --> 00:38:48,555
Cool, I'm just gonna go
1171
00:38:48,557 --> 00:38:50,490
back in my hole and eat some rats.
1172
00:38:59,467 --> 00:39:01,034
Uh, here we go.
1173
00:39:01,036 --> 00:39:03,603
Hi. Whoa, what are you wearing?
1174
00:39:04,319 --> 00:39:05,305
Fly-fishing gear.
1175
00:39:05,307 --> 00:39:06,272
What are you wearing, dude?
1176
00:39:06,274 --> 00:39:08,308
Oh, uh, fly-fishing gear.
1177
00:39:08,310 --> 00:39:09,309
Okay, so, I found sod thing out.
1178
00:39:09,311 --> 00:39:10,844
I found something out.
1179
00:39:11,158 --> 00:39:12,241
So did I.
1180
00:39:17,187 --> 00:39:18,132
Trent?
1181
00:39:20,390 --> 00:39:22,304
Now, it's true, I'm not gay.
1182
00:39:23,001 --> 00:39:25,085
I, Darryl Whitefeather...
1183
00:39:25,476 --> 00:39:26,923
I like both sexes.
1184
00:39:27,896 --> 00:39:29,596
I'm a both sexual.
1185
00:39:29,598 --> 00:39:32,498
Oh, God, it feels so good
to just say that out loud.
1186
00:39:32,851 --> 00:39:34,603
The term is, uh, bisex...
1187
00:39:36,069 --> 00:39:37,126
Mm.
1188
00:39:39,441 --> 00:39:40,640
Bisexual.
1189
00:39:40,642 --> 00:39:41,759
That was fun.
1190
00:39:42,120 --> 00:39:44,439
Oh, Rebecca, perfect timing.
1191
00:39:45,157 --> 00:39:46,289
Trent just got here
1192
00:39:46,314 --> 00:39:47,480
five seconds ago.
1193
00:39:47,482 --> 00:39:49,814
Trent, baby.
1194
00:40:00,295 --> 00:40:02,528
It's so good to see you.
1195
00:40:02,530 --> 00:40:05,031
(squealing): Oh, I'm
so glad you're here.
1196
00:40:05,033 --> 00:40:07,000
(Rebecca laughs awkwardly)
1197
00:40:12,478 --> 00:40:14,107
(laughter)
1198
00:40:14,109 --> 00:40:16,643
Okay, let's hear it for window washer...
1199
00:40:16,645 --> 00:40:18,845
ALL: Gossip Fridays.
1200
00:40:18,847 --> 00:40:20,880
Oh, wait, who has got the biggest scoop
1201
00:40:20,882 --> 00:40:21,981
from their work this week?
1202
00:40:21,983 --> 00:40:23,449
Mm. Oh, there's a prostitute
1203
00:40:23,451 --> 00:40:25,418
breaking up marriages all over town.
1204
00:40:25,420 --> 00:40:27,453
Okay, well I've got more
news about Rebecca and Josh.
1205
00:40:27,455 --> 00:40:29,289
Oh, my God, you mean the crazy chick?
1206
00:40:29,291 --> 00:40:31,791
Excuse me, where do you
get off calling her crazy?
1207
00:40:31,793 --> 00:40:32,959
When Jerome broke up with you,
1208
00:40:32,961 --> 00:40:34,794
it wasn't exactly Sane City.
1209
00:40:34,796 --> 00:40:37,931
You left streaks on every
skyscraper in Burbank.
1210
00:40:37,933 --> 00:40:39,265
(laughs)
1211
00:40:39,267 --> 00:40:40,867
You said you'd never mention that again.
1212
00:40:40,869 --> 00:40:43,036
Guess not.
1213
00:40:43,944 --> 00:40:46,658
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
1214
00:40:46,708 --> 00:40:51,258
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