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Rebecca: Previously on "Crazy
Ex-Girlfriend"...
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What you said, about believing in me,
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about truly understanding who I am...
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No one has ever
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said anything like that about me.
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That means so much.
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You have no idea.
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A kiss on the cheek means
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everything.
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You and Josh, your love story?
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It gives me hope.
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My marriage is like
13
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The Walking Dead, okay?
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We are all just trying to get out alive.
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16
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So Paula came home a couple weeks ago...
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I remember she was all dressed up...
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And said she was unhappy, uh...
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Dude...
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Sorry, man.
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My aim's really off today.
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Please continue, Scott.
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I thought maybe we should talk to someone.
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Uh, but not a shrink.
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We're from Buffalo.
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We don't like the touchy-feely stuff.
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And you, Paula?
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You still feeling unhappy?
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Look, Scott and I understand each other.
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And that's enough.
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So I-I don't want to rock the boat.
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You know, we rock the
boat and then we'll just...
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we'll flip the whole thing.
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Paula, if you don't deal
with your unhappiness,
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problems only grow.
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At that point,
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forget about flipping the boat,
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you're putting a hole right in the boat.
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That's classic self-sabotage.
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Babe, we're sinking.
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Let's do whatever he says.
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What should we do, Mr. Brah?
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Please, Mr. Brah was my father.
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I'm Father Brah.
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And I'm just going to give
you some simple homework.
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Go home.
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Have dinner, alone,
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just the two of you.
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Look into each other's eyes
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and really connect with each other.
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Can you do that?
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For me?
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And for God?
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Wow, you do that?
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You pull the God card that easy?
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I'm a priest, Paula.
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What other cards you think I got?
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Scott, Paula...
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be the boat, not the hole.
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Nobody likes a hole.
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Everybody likes a swoosh!
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It's really off today.
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What up, God?
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(whistling a tune)
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Yo.
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Yo. Cool.
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Um... haven't seen you in a while.
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Yeah...
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I've been avoiding you.
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Okay. By dating my next-door neighbor
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and then showing up at my door?
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Heather said you had something for her?
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Oh, yeah, uh, she's borrowing my hard drive
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for her coding class. I'll get it.
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Good.
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Looks nice in here.
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You decorated.
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Some succulents, some
candles, you hung the fish...
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So, you and Heather.
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Yeah...
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That's still a thang?
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Yeah, it's a bit of a �thang.�
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Good, good.
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I'm very glad that you
found a mating partner.
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Why do you care about
my �mating� choices?
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I don't. I don't care!
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And I think I've shown that consistently.
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Here you go. Here's the...
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here's the hard drive.
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Oh, and, uh, tell Heather
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not to open the folder
that says �Taxes.�
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If she's looking for porn,
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there's a folder that says �Porn.�
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Got it. Lovely.
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Yeah. Thank you so much.
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They're the good kind, with plots.
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That's why the hard drive is so big.
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He's not listening.
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All right, Brosefs, here's the deal.
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I got a big presentation coming up,
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and I am dragging, so I'm gonna get
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a triple red-eye with an extra shot
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in the Olson Twin Size.
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�The plaintiff in the case is entitled
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�to collect back rent on
the property and in addition,
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�the defendant is liable for
court costs and interest accrued
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in the period of June 2013.�
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�Also, the plaintiff wants a
back massage and a smoothie.�
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(laughs)
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(both laughing)
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Oh, my God, you're so funny!
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I love you...
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your... sense of humor!
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- (laughs)
- Oh, so...
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How are you?
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Good. I, uh...
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you know, I keep thinking about camp
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and just how much fun we had.
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Yeah, me too.
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- That campfire was so nice.
- Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Oh, wow.
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Uh, so do you have, like, a...
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a �recital� today?
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Nah, just regular class.
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Hey, do you know what time it is?
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Yeah. Uh, let's see...
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- It is 3:08.
- Thanks.
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I left my phone at home.
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I feel so... naked.
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Like buck naked.
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Mmm.
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Well, um, I gotta go.
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Oh. Bye! Sorry, but...
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Yeah, bye.
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It was good seeing you.
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Bye.
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00:04:53,884 --> 00:04:55,417
- Bye.
- Bye.
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00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,234
(sighs)
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Rebecca: This case is about
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taking responsibility for one's actions.
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About following through on a promise
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regardless of the consequences.
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And therefore, the defendant must do
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what the law requires
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and must assume all fiduciary
responsibilities in this matter.
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Okay.
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00:05:22,846 --> 00:05:24,012
Well-argued, Miss Bunch.
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Over to you, Miss Cavanaugh.
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Your Honor, my argument today
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centers on three essential principles
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contained in the municipal
real estate code...
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The same three codes that my client upheld
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in regards to the property in question,
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533 East Cameron.
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The written agreement
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between my client
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and the plaintiff
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stipulates that the lease payment
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is due by the fifth of every month.
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Section F, line 37.
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And any day beyond the
fifth, a fee of $3,500
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will incur... Section F,
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line 39.
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My client has followed protocol
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and issued numerous
written and verbal warnings
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to procure the delinquent monies,
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- specifying failure of payment
- _
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- would result in immediate
- _
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- termination of the property lease,
- _
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- adhering to the formalities
- _
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- outlined in Section G, line four.
- _
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- The recent lease termination by my client
- _
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makes the plaintiff and
his employees squatters.
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These charges should be dropped immediately
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and stricken from the court records.
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So you see,
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Your Honor, the, uh...
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the conclusion is clear.
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All right. Strong argument.
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What's your response, Miss Bunch?
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Miss Bunch?
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You didn't get it?
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What?
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00:06:38,555 --> 00:06:41,189
I'm sorry, I-I have to, um...
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I have to examine just a piece of
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essential evidence.
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This'll only... take a second.
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_
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(dramatic, rumbling percussion)
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(distorted): No...
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(distorted): Miss Bunch?
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(distorted): Rebecca, what's wrong?
196
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Miss Bunch?
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(gasps)
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(distorted): Mother...
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_
200
00:07:28,943 --> 00:07:30,142
Um... what's wrong?
201
00:07:30,144 --> 00:07:31,877
Is everything okay, Miss Bunch?
202
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Your Honor...
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00:07:34,515 --> 00:07:35,881
(clears throat)
204
00:07:35,883 --> 00:07:37,683
I'd like to request a temporary stay
205
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in this matter.
206
00:07:38,686 --> 00:07:40,086
What?
207
00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:41,887
Uh, it is an emergency.
208
00:07:41,889 --> 00:07:43,923
Your Honor, this is highly unprofessional.
209
00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:44,990
Uh, yeah.
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Okay, cookie, you don't have to lie.
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These are good people.
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I-I've known Harry forever,
I-I mentored Connie.
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00:07:50,164 --> 00:07:51,030
They're gonna understand.
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What? Understand what?
215
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:53,399
You guys, look at this.
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She just accidentally texted
217
00:07:54,769 --> 00:07:56,535
her ex-boyfriend from summer camp
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00:07:56,537 --> 00:07:57,837
who she's secretly in love with,
219
00:07:57,839 --> 00:07:59,271
moved here for...
220
00:07:59,273 --> 00:08:01,540
Oh, and by the way, has a
serious live-in girlfriend.
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00:08:01,542 --> 00:08:03,242
Paula! What...
222
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Oh, my God.
223
00:08:04,725 --> 00:08:06,258
What is this about?
224
00:08:09,264 --> 00:08:11,185
Look, Miss Bunch, I can't grant you a stay.
225
00:08:13,488 --> 00:08:15,988
You gotta take care of this right away.
226
00:08:15,990 --> 00:08:17,523
You take the rest of the day off.
227
00:08:17,525 --> 00:08:19,592
Yes, what can we do to help?
228
00:08:19,594 --> 00:08:20,893
Check this out, Connie.
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00:08:21,762 --> 00:08:22,728
Oh.
230
00:08:22,730 --> 00:08:24,296
Oh, this is a disaster.
231
00:08:24,298 --> 00:08:25,297
What are you gonna do?
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Forget this stupid case,
233
00:08:26,434 --> 00:08:27,900
we've gotta figure out how to spin this.
234
00:08:27,902 --> 00:08:29,568
Vanessa: No, let me see that.
235
00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:31,237
Girl, this is a living nightmare!
236
00:08:31,239 --> 00:08:32,304
Judge Spenser: What if
we spin it as a joke?
237
00:08:32,306 --> 00:08:33,305
Oh, ha, ha, ha,
238
00:08:33,307 --> 00:08:34,607
it's opposite day.
239
00:08:34,609 --> 00:08:37,510
No one does opposite day
anymore, Harry, what are we?
240
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Fourth graders in 1995?
241
00:08:39,046 --> 00:08:41,113
Well, I don't know! I'm panicking!
242
00:08:41,115 --> 00:08:43,549
And I'm the only one
brainstorming here, Connie!
243
00:08:43,551 --> 00:08:44,750
Maybe she blames the phone company.
244
00:08:44,752 --> 00:08:46,785
I know! She could say she got hacked.
245
00:08:46,787 --> 00:08:49,889
No. No, there's only one option here.
246
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Witness protection.
247
00:08:51,692 --> 00:08:54,360
- Burn it all down. Start a new life.
- Oh, my... come on!
248
00:08:54,362 --> 00:08:56,028
Okay, all right. Everybody just calm down.
249
00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:58,264
We just have to get to his
phone before he sees it.
250
00:08:58,266 --> 00:09:00,966
Ugh, but he's on the
thing all the time. Dammit!
251
00:09:00,968 --> 00:09:02,701
Wait! Oh, my God!
252
00:09:02,703 --> 00:09:03,769
Guys, I just remembered something!
253
00:09:03,771 --> 00:09:05,104
He doesn't have his phone with him.
254
00:09:05,106 --> 00:09:06,505
Yeah, he accidentally left it at home
255
00:09:06,507 --> 00:09:07,673
while he's at Tae Kwan Do.
256
00:09:07,675 --> 00:09:08,841
Tae Kwan Duh!
257
00:09:08,843 --> 00:09:09,975
That is your answer, girl!
258
00:09:09,977 --> 00:09:11,744
Paula: You have got to
get to that apartment.
259
00:09:11,746 --> 00:09:13,078
Wait! What if Velveeta is there?
260
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:14,580
His girlfriend.
261
00:09:14,582 --> 00:09:15,581
Rebecca: No, no. No.
262
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:16,715
Valencia's not there.
263
00:09:16,717 --> 00:09:18,384
She teaches yoga
back-to-back today,
264
00:09:18,386 --> 00:09:20,186
so I have a window of, like, three hours.
265
00:09:20,188 --> 00:09:21,754
So the first thing we do
when we get to Josh's house
266
00:09:21,756 --> 00:09:23,689
is we look for his spare key.
267
00:09:23,691 --> 00:09:25,324
He got locked out one time and...
268
00:09:25,326 --> 00:09:26,792
I can't go with you.
269
00:09:26,794 --> 00:09:27,526
What?
270
00:09:27,528 --> 00:09:29,061
Yeah, I know!
271
00:09:29,063 --> 00:09:31,063
I'm having dinner with Scott at home.
272
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What?
273
00:09:31,732 --> 00:09:32,965
I'm sorry.
274
00:09:32,967 --> 00:09:34,066
But it is a big deal.
275
00:09:34,068 --> 00:09:35,267
It's like our whole marriage
276
00:09:35,269 --> 00:09:38,704
is in a boat and God is
watching or something.
277
00:09:38,706 --> 00:09:39,805
But you go!
278
00:09:39,807 --> 00:09:42,041
Go to his apartment right now!
279
00:09:42,043 --> 00:09:44,210
Connie: Yes! Go as fast as your
tiny little legs will carry you!
280
00:09:44,212 --> 00:09:46,579
Go! I'll get you a police escort!
281
00:09:46,581 --> 00:09:48,147
Come on! Just go, go, go!
282
00:09:48,149 --> 00:09:50,616
(siren wailing, rock song begins)
283
00:09:56,958 --> 00:09:58,791
Time is running out
284
00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:00,960
You've got to act now
285
00:10:00,962 --> 00:10:02,728
Stay one step ahead
286
00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:05,297
Of that moronic text somehow
287
00:10:05,299 --> 00:10:07,466
There's no turning back
288
00:10:07,468 --> 00:10:09,468
Here in the danger zone
289
00:10:09,470 --> 00:10:12,538
You've got to manually
delete that text
290
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:15,107
From that dude's cell phone...
291
00:10:15,109 --> 00:10:16,342
Thank you, officers!
292
00:10:16,344 --> 00:10:17,343
Officer: Good luck, Rebecca!
293
00:10:17,345 --> 00:10:20,613
It's a text-mergency
294
00:10:20,615 --> 00:10:23,415
Baby can't you see
295
00:10:23,417 --> 00:10:24,883
Text-mergency
296
00:10:24,885 --> 00:10:26,652
That term just occurred to me
297
00:10:26,654 --> 00:10:29,388
It's gonna catch on instantly
298
00:10:29,390 --> 00:10:31,123
Wait, what about...
299
00:10:31,125 --> 00:10:32,725
Text-tastrophe
300
00:10:32,727 --> 00:10:35,694
That sounds better to me
301
00:10:35,696 --> 00:10:37,329
Text-tastrophe
302
00:10:37,331 --> 00:10:39,064
That could really spread virally
303
00:10:39,066 --> 00:10:41,233
I prefer text-mergency!
304
00:10:41,235 --> 00:10:44,169
305
00:10:44,193 --> 00:10:47,122
_
306
00:10:51,112 --> 00:10:53,812
I accidentally texted
my mother-in-law
307
00:10:53,814 --> 00:10:56,115
A picture of my erection
308
00:10:56,117 --> 00:10:58,150
I once group-texted my whole staff
309
00:10:58,152 --> 00:11:00,619
About my yeast infection
310
00:11:00,621 --> 00:11:02,421
Exactly, it's so relatable
311
00:11:02,423 --> 00:11:05,557
That's why I coined the phrase...
312
00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:06,925
Text-tastrophe
313
00:11:06,927 --> 00:11:10,095
That's the meme, don't you agree?
314
00:11:10,097 --> 00:11:12,097
All due respect.
315
00:11:12,099 --> 00:11:16,935
Text-mergency is the
better term, Miss C.
316
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:18,837
Um, I want to go with...
317
00:11:18,839 --> 00:11:20,639
Text-tastrophe
318
00:11:20,641 --> 00:11:23,809
I already put it on
Urban Dictionary...
319
00:11:23,811 --> 00:11:25,678
(elevator bell dings)
320
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:29,381
You fools, it doesn't
matter what it's called.
321
00:11:29,383 --> 00:11:32,017
That's right, it's me,
the ghost of Steve Jobs.
322
00:11:32,019 --> 00:11:35,087
What matters is that I control
your lives from the grave.
323
00:11:35,089 --> 00:11:38,123
Technology is slowly alienating
everyone from their loved ones.
324
00:11:38,125 --> 00:11:39,358
(laughs)
325
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:41,694
And when you send a few
words to the wrong recipient
326
00:11:41,696 --> 00:11:43,629
and it immediately
destroys your entire life,
327
00:11:43,631 --> 00:11:44,563
that's called a...
328
00:11:44,565 --> 00:11:46,498
Message-pocalypse
329
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,600
Get out of here, Steve Jobs!
330
00:11:51,172 --> 00:11:53,539
Guys, what about that lawyer chick?
331
00:11:53,541 --> 00:11:55,474
We've gotten really off track.
332
00:11:55,476 --> 00:11:58,177
Judge Spenser:
She's
searching for the spare key
333
00:11:58,179 --> 00:11:59,812
Look under the mat!
334
00:12:01,515 --> 00:12:04,350
It's clearly hidden in that owl!
335
00:12:05,986 --> 00:12:08,520
Look in that flower pot, hurry...
336
00:12:10,658 --> 00:12:13,559
Hurry up and check
that Buddha sconce...
337
00:12:14,962 --> 00:12:19,732
Check the Buddha sconce,
check the Buddha sconce!
338
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:21,567
(key jingles)
339
00:12:21,569 --> 00:12:22,901
Yes!
340
00:12:22,903 --> 00:12:24,269
She did it
341
00:12:24,271 --> 00:12:26,038
Now she can delete the text
342
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:29,975
She won't need to come up with a...
343
00:12:29,977 --> 00:12:31,377
Text-scuse
344
00:12:31,379 --> 00:12:33,445
Text-planation.
345
00:12:34,648 --> 00:12:36,315
Text-mergency just flows.
346
00:12:36,317 --> 00:12:37,950
No, dude, text-tastrophe.
347
00:12:37,952 --> 00:12:39,251
It's what it is. Dude, she's totally right.
348
00:12:39,253 --> 00:12:40,853
(scoffs) Text-scuse me?
349
00:12:45,025 --> 00:12:48,360
(humming)
350
00:12:48,362 --> 00:12:50,195
Okay.
351
00:12:53,067 --> 00:12:54,366
Pass-code, shoot.
352
00:12:54,368 --> 00:12:56,034
Uh... uh, uh, uh, uh, uh.
353
00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:57,369
Jesus's birthday?
354
00:12:57,371 --> 00:12:59,405
12-25, no.
355
00:12:59,407 --> 00:13:01,840
Uh, last four of social?
356
00:13:01,842 --> 00:13:03,842
3-1-2-4,
no.
357
00:13:03,844 --> 00:13:05,210
Valencia's birthday?
358
00:13:05,212 --> 00:13:07,713
Let's see, it's
5-5... 5-5-8-8.
359
00:13:07,715 --> 00:13:09,782
Yes! Oh, God, he really loves her.
360
00:13:09,784 --> 00:13:11,450
Okay.
361
00:13:11,452 --> 00:13:13,685
Text messages.
362
00:13:13,687 --> 00:13:16,855
�Rebecca Bunch,� ooh, that's a bad one.
363
00:13:16,857 --> 00:13:19,558
(sighs, chuckles)
364
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,693
(sighs)
365
00:13:25,958 --> 00:13:29,105
_
366
00:13:29,130 --> 00:13:30,915
(laughs with relief)
367
00:13:31,839 --> 00:13:34,106
368
00:13:37,011 --> 00:13:39,077
VANESSA:
Don't smell the shirt
369
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:42,013
You're running out of time.
370
00:13:44,952 --> 00:13:46,819
All right.
371
00:13:54,744 --> 00:13:58,692
- _
- (sighs, chuckles)
372
00:14:01,490 --> 00:14:03,948
Honey, you heard what Father Brah said.
373
00:14:04,073 --> 00:14:05,740
We need to really connect.
374
00:14:05,742 --> 00:14:07,141
Put the phone away.
375
00:14:07,143 --> 00:14:08,690
You're right.
376
00:14:08,829 --> 00:14:10,729
You're absolutely right.
377
00:14:11,044 --> 00:14:14,737
Okay, let's do this, let's... connect.
378
00:14:18,322 --> 00:14:21,089
379
00:14:32,202 --> 00:14:33,979
(sighs)
380
00:14:34,004 --> 00:14:35,937
You blinked. I win. (laughs)
381
00:14:35,962 --> 00:14:37,362
I-I don't think that's what
we're supposed to be doing.
382
00:14:37,387 --> 00:14:39,253
I don't know what we're
supposed to be doing.
383
00:14:39,278 --> 00:14:41,424
Maybe we should hold hands.
384
00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:42,893
Okay.
385
00:14:46,437 --> 00:14:48,670
386
00:14:52,136 --> 00:14:53,469
You know, mine is really good.
387
00:14:53,471 --> 00:14:54,536
Do you want to try it?
388
00:14:54,538 --> 00:14:56,105
Sure.
389
00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:57,973
Uh, okay.
390
00:15:11,661 --> 00:15:13,194
(grunts)
391
00:15:17,815 --> 00:15:19,463
Mmm.
392
00:15:19,797 --> 00:15:20,762
This is nice.
393
00:15:20,764 --> 00:15:21,930
Yep.
394
00:15:24,456 --> 00:15:25,534
Josh.
395
00:15:25,536 --> 00:15:27,469
What are you... ?
396
00:15:27,471 --> 00:15:29,972
Oh... my God, thank God you're back.
397
00:15:29,974 --> 00:15:31,607
What's going on?
398
00:15:31,609 --> 00:15:33,142
Uh, how did you get in here?
399
00:15:33,144 --> 00:15:35,310
How does anyone get in anywhere?
400
00:15:35,312 --> 00:15:37,713
It's like we're there, and then we're here.
401
00:15:37,715 --> 00:15:39,314
Aah, God.
402
00:15:39,316 --> 00:15:40,649
What?
403
00:15:40,651 --> 00:15:43,552
Okay, slow down, slow down, slow down.
404
00:15:43,554 --> 00:15:44,987
Just slow down.
405
00:15:44,989 --> 00:15:49,825
Okay, uh, give me a second
to just get my story straight.
406
00:15:49,827 --> 00:15:51,260
Did you break in?
407
00:15:51,262 --> 00:15:53,295
(snaps) Break-in, yes,
there was a break-in.
408
00:15:53,297 --> 00:15:55,931
But not here, not here, never here.
409
00:15:55,933 --> 00:15:57,633
- What?
- Okay.
410
00:15:57,635 --> 00:16:00,235
So I was in my, uh, apartment,
411
00:16:00,237 --> 00:16:02,938
and, uh, somebody did the thing that you...
412
00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:04,306
you were just saying, the
thing that you were just saying.
413
00:16:04,308 --> 00:16:05,874
- They broke in?
- Yes.
414
00:16:05,876 --> 00:16:07,509
Yes, you're so good. We
should have a charades night.
415
00:16:07,511 --> 00:16:08,944
- Okay, Rebecca...
- I haven't seen anyone since the beach.
416
00:16:08,946 --> 00:16:11,346
Rebecca, wait, wait, someone
broke into your house?
417
00:16:11,348 --> 00:16:15,317
Yes, yes, they broke in,
and, um, they-they smashed it,
418
00:16:15,319 --> 00:16:17,586
uh, with a big...
419
00:16:17,588 --> 00:16:18,954
- Rock.
- Yes.
420
00:16:18,956 --> 00:16:19,922
You're so good at this.
421
00:16:19,924 --> 00:16:20,956
We should do teams of two.
422
00:16:20,958 --> 00:16:21,924
When are you next free?
423
00:16:21,926 --> 00:16:22,925
Wait, wait, Rebecca, Rebecca.
424
00:16:22,927 --> 00:16:24,126
Just hold yourself together.
425
00:16:24,128 --> 00:16:25,727
Did you call the police?
426
00:16:25,729 --> 00:16:27,362
No, no, no cops.
427
00:16:27,364 --> 00:16:28,864
No, didn't call the police.
428
00:16:28,866 --> 00:16:30,032
So why are you here?
429
00:16:30,034 --> 00:16:31,533
Slow down!
430
00:16:31,535 --> 00:16:32,768
Okay, so after I couldn't reach you,
431
00:16:32,770 --> 00:16:34,102
I came here to be with
you and your girlfriend.
432
00:16:34,104 --> 00:16:35,003
All right, all right, all right.
433
00:16:35,005 --> 00:16:36,939
- So take a deep breath.
- Okay.
434
00:16:36,941 --> 00:16:39,341
I'm gonna say this as slowly as possible.
435
00:16:39,343 --> 00:16:40,342
Okay.
436
00:16:40,344 --> 00:16:43,378
Okay, so someone used a rock
437
00:16:43,380 --> 00:16:47,213
and broke into your apartment?
438
00:16:48,118 --> 00:16:49,651
Was-was anything taken?
439
00:16:49,653 --> 00:16:51,954
No. No, just the rock through the window.
440
00:16:51,956 --> 00:16:54,089
So I was scared, and I came here,
441
00:16:54,091 --> 00:16:56,440
and the door was unlocked.
442
00:16:56,794 --> 00:16:58,160
Oh, man.
443
00:16:58,162 --> 00:17:00,195
I mean, you know, I do that sometimes.
444
00:17:00,197 --> 00:17:02,831
(scoffs) Did I leave the fridge open, too?
445
00:17:02,833 --> 00:17:06,190
Yes, you did, and I closed it,
and I saved a lot of cold cuts.
446
00:17:06,370 --> 00:17:08,670
Geez. Uh, you know what, thank you.
447
00:17:08,672 --> 00:17:12,274
L-Look, okay, you're really upset.
448
00:17:12,276 --> 00:17:14,543
Yeah, I-I am really upset.
449
00:17:14,545 --> 00:17:17,246
You know what, I'm probably...
I'm probably overreacting.
450
00:17:17,248 --> 00:17:19,748
It's not a big deal. I'm
gonna get out of your hair.
451
00:17:22,385 --> 00:17:23,318
Wait.
452
00:17:23,320 --> 00:17:24,963
Yeah?
453
00:17:26,223 --> 00:17:28,143
I don't feel okay about this.
454
00:17:29,057 --> 00:17:30,392
You don't?
455
00:17:30,394 --> 00:17:31,495
Of course not.
456
00:17:31,929 --> 00:17:32,961
Look at you.
457
00:17:32,963 --> 00:17:35,831
I can't send you home alone.
458
00:17:35,833 --> 00:17:37,995
Look how scared you are.
459
00:17:39,136 --> 00:17:41,471
You look like a tiny scared little bird.
460
00:17:41,963 --> 00:17:43,372
(baby voice): I do?
461
00:17:43,374 --> 00:17:45,107
(chuckles)
462
00:17:45,109 --> 00:17:46,831
Josh, I, um...
463
00:17:47,411 --> 00:17:50,045
I'm so sorry that I
just came in your house.
464
00:17:50,047 --> 00:17:51,026
No. No, it's okay, you were scared.
465
00:17:51,051 --> 00:17:54,349
Look, why don't we go back to your place,
466
00:17:54,351 --> 00:17:55,659
and I'll make sure it's all okay.
467
00:17:56,737 --> 00:17:59,054
Thank you, Josh.
468
00:17:59,056 --> 00:18:00,555
I'm not scared anymore.
469
00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,691
And we'll get that broken
window fixed, right?
470
00:18:02,693 --> 00:18:04,440
Mmm, broken window.
471
00:18:05,696 --> 00:18:06,706
Broken window.
472
00:18:07,836 --> 00:18:09,354
Yes...
473
00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:11,133
Yes.
474
00:18:11,135 --> 00:18:12,668
Cool, let me just change.
475
00:18:12,670 --> 00:18:15,070
Great, and, hey, shower
if you're feeling it.
476
00:18:15,072 --> 00:18:16,038
No rush.
477
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,273
It's really... really no rush.
478
00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:19,508
(door closes)
479
00:18:19,510 --> 00:18:23,276
God, Paula, I hope your
marriage is fixed by now.
480
00:18:25,149 --> 00:18:26,448
(groans)
481
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:28,450
Ugh, just push it through.
482
00:18:28,452 --> 00:18:29,785
No, no, we can save the cork.
483
00:18:29,787 --> 00:18:30,819
No, we can't.
484
00:18:30,821 --> 00:18:32,120
Be realistic, okay?
485
00:18:32,122 --> 00:18:33,755
We just got to push the cork through
486
00:18:33,757 --> 00:18:36,758
and drink the wine with dirty
little pieces of cork in it.
487
00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,198
Is it great? No, but that's life.
488
00:18:40,664 --> 00:18:41,997
(cell phone rings)
489
00:18:41,999 --> 00:18:43,665
I am not going to answer that.
490
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:44,815
Nope.
491
00:18:46,070 --> 00:18:49,171
I just hope it doesn't have
something to do with the kids.
492
00:18:49,173 --> 00:18:51,096
They're upstairs.
493
00:18:52,026 --> 00:18:53,241
That's right.
494
00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:55,792
And you know how much trouble
they can get into upstairs.
495
00:18:55,946 --> 00:18:58,948
I'm just gonna check,
just for peace of mind.
496
00:19:00,795 --> 00:19:02,461
Oh, it's my mom.
497
00:19:02,635 --> 00:19:03,852
Something must be wrong.
498
00:19:03,854 --> 00:19:05,787
It's so late up in Buffalo.
499
00:19:05,789 --> 00:19:07,807
Her-her gout must be bothering her.
500
00:19:08,192 --> 00:19:09,524
Mom, everything okay?
501
00:19:09,526 --> 00:19:10,959
Joints flaring up?
502
00:19:10,961 --> 00:19:14,062
Hi. So, okay, Josh caught
me coming in his house,
503
00:19:14,064 --> 00:19:15,630
and I started panicking,
504
00:19:15,632 --> 00:19:17,165
and I told him that
we'd be good at charades,
505
00:19:17,167 --> 00:19:18,533
and now he's being all
protective and masculine...
506
00:19:18,535 --> 00:19:19,901
He smells like karate, and I love it...
507
00:19:19,903 --> 00:19:21,336
And he's getting dressed now,
508
00:19:21,338 --> 00:19:23,405
so what I need you to do is
I need you to go to my house,
509
00:19:23,407 --> 00:19:25,006
stop what you're doing, and throw a rock
510
00:19:25,008 --> 00:19:26,792
through my sliding glass
door right now, okay?
511
00:19:28,430 --> 00:19:29,696
Copy that.
512
00:19:30,260 --> 00:19:32,314
Did you say �copy that� to your mom?
513
00:19:32,316 --> 00:19:36,418
Yes, I have to make copies
for her health insurance.
514
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:38,620
Okay, yeah, that's enough.
515
00:19:38,622 --> 00:19:40,322
Who calls you all the time?
516
00:19:40,324 --> 00:19:41,323
You think I haven't noticed?
517
00:19:41,325 --> 00:19:42,891
What's really going on?
518
00:19:42,893 --> 00:19:44,025
I don't have time for this, Scott, okay?
519
00:19:44,027 --> 00:19:45,026
I got to go.
520
00:19:45,028 --> 00:19:46,294
I'll be back in an hour, tops.
521
00:19:46,296 --> 00:19:48,296
It's the Peewee football coach, isn't it?
522
00:19:48,298 --> 00:19:49,965
I see him coming back for seconds
523
00:19:49,967 --> 00:19:51,533
when you bring the orange slices.
524
00:19:51,535 --> 00:19:52,868
Oh, my God, no.
525
00:19:52,870 --> 00:19:54,469
Scott, uh, look, I have to go.
526
00:19:54,471 --> 00:19:56,805
Paula, if you walk out
that door without me,
527
00:19:56,807 --> 00:19:59,474
you're rocking the boat
in the bad way. Big time.
528
00:19:59,838 --> 00:20:01,176
Ugh, fine.
529
00:20:01,178 --> 00:20:02,444
Come with me then, okay?
530
00:20:02,446 --> 00:20:05,823
But you... you cannot
ask any questions, okay?
531
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:08,316
532
00:20:11,155 --> 00:20:14,156
All right, let's go clean
up some broken glass.
533
00:20:14,243 --> 00:20:17,151
Hey, uh, first, can I
just get a glass of water?
534
00:20:17,261 --> 00:20:18,560
- Uh, sure.
- Thanks.
535
00:20:18,562 --> 00:20:20,620
And, uh, a toast with almond butter?
536
00:20:20,885 --> 00:20:24,794
And a sliced apple cut
into... very tiny slices.
537
00:20:24,835 --> 00:20:27,402
538
00:20:33,268 --> 00:20:34,834
(Scott groaning)
539
00:20:34,859 --> 00:20:36,542
I know I'm not supposed
to ask any questions,
540
00:20:36,567 --> 00:20:38,300
but can I ask what you're looking for?
541
00:20:38,325 --> 00:20:40,557
Yeah, I need a rock,
like, a nice-sized one.
542
00:20:40,789 --> 00:20:41,754
Can I help you look?
543
00:20:42,495 --> 00:20:44,239
Uh, okay sure.
544
00:20:44,241 --> 00:20:45,284
I mean, uh, if you want to.
545
00:20:45,309 --> 00:20:46,308
Awesome.
546
00:20:46,643 --> 00:20:47,838
(groans)
547
00:20:47,863 --> 00:20:49,229
First I got to use the bathroom.
548
00:20:49,254 --> 00:20:50,587
You know how my body deals with excitement.
549
00:20:50,927 --> 00:20:52,593
Okay, use the sliding glass
door, it's always open.
550
00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:53,859
But hurry up, okay?
551
00:20:53,884 --> 00:20:55,717
Be right back.
552
00:20:57,970 --> 00:20:59,409
(cell phone chimes)
553
00:21:01,725 --> 00:21:03,745
Oh, God, I just need a rock.
554
00:21:03,770 --> 00:21:05,069
I hate Southern California!
555
00:21:05,094 --> 00:21:07,361
No rocks, no dirt, no sticks!
556
00:21:07,386 --> 00:21:09,053
(huffing)
557
00:21:09,078 --> 00:21:10,667
Paula, look.
558
00:21:10,692 --> 00:21:11,924
(gasps)
559
00:21:11,949 --> 00:21:13,782
Oh, my God, babe, it's beautiful.
560
00:21:13,861 --> 00:21:15,227
It's textbook.
561
00:21:15,252 --> 00:21:16,352
It's like the image you get
562
00:21:16,377 --> 00:21:17,743
when you Google the word �rock�"
563
00:21:17,768 --> 00:21:19,668
(chuckles) Now what do we do?
564
00:21:19,693 --> 00:21:20,667
Go, go, go, go, go!
565
00:21:20,692 --> 00:21:21,824
Go, go!
566
00:21:21,849 --> 00:21:23,979
Go, go, go, go, go!
567
00:21:24,135 --> 00:21:25,090
Chuck it!
568
00:21:25,115 --> 00:21:26,081
What?
569
00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:27,482
Scott, throw it through the window.
570
00:21:27,484 --> 00:21:28,683
I can't throw it...
571
00:21:28,685 --> 00:21:29,784
Scott, the boat is sinking.
572
00:21:29,786 --> 00:21:32,948
Throw the rock through the widow! (shouts)
573
00:21:35,792 --> 00:21:38,293
(dogs barking)
574
00:21:38,295 --> 00:21:39,627
- (laughs)
- (whoops)
575
00:21:39,629 --> 00:21:40,929
I can't believe we did that.
576
00:21:40,931 --> 00:21:42,931
Uh, what else can we break?
577
00:21:42,933 --> 00:21:44,499
Oh, I still got to pee!
578
00:21:44,501 --> 00:21:46,370
(both laughing)
579
00:21:48,917 --> 00:21:51,139
So, I just want to let you
know I was thinking about it
580
00:21:51,141 --> 00:21:53,108
in the car and what if the
bad guys felt really bad
581
00:21:53,110 --> 00:21:54,709
about what they'd done
and-and they and they went
582
00:21:54,711 --> 00:21:56,377
and cleaned it up, 'cause I've
heard about that happening.
583
00:21:56,646 --> 00:21:58,737
Oh, my gosh, that's...
584
00:21:58,762 --> 00:21:59,940
I shouldn't be surprised,
585
00:21:59,965 --> 00:22:01,098
because that's the way I left it.
586
00:22:01,123 --> 00:22:02,096
Yeah, that's broken glass.
587
00:22:02,121 --> 00:22:03,081
That's a lot of broken glass.
588
00:22:03,106 --> 00:22:04,572
Yeah, that's a legitimate...
589
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:06,056
Wow. It's a legitimate mess.
590
00:22:06,081 --> 00:22:08,088
Well, I mean, this is really creepy.
591
00:22:08,113 --> 00:22:09,512
But at least you're not hurt.
592
00:22:09,537 --> 00:22:10,903
That's the most important thing.
593
00:22:10,962 --> 00:22:12,440
Is it?
594
00:22:12,761 --> 00:22:13,894
Of course!
595
00:22:13,919 --> 00:22:15,652
You can always replace a door, but,
596
00:22:15,677 --> 00:22:17,543
you know, there's only one Becks.
597
00:22:18,284 --> 00:22:21,807
Oh, well, there's only one Josh Chan.
598
00:22:21,832 --> 00:22:23,698
Actually, there's a lot of Josh Chan�s.
599
00:22:23,723 --> 00:22:24,989
There's one in Azusa.
600
00:22:25,142 --> 00:22:26,620
Yeah, I used to play him in soccer.
601
00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:27,925
(both chuckle)
602
00:22:28,060 --> 00:22:29,493
Wow, um,
603
00:22:29,518 --> 00:22:31,185
I feel
604
00:22:31,415 --> 00:22:33,048
really rattled.
605
00:22:33,050 --> 00:22:34,182
I need some wine.
606
00:22:34,184 --> 00:22:35,316
Do you want some wine?
607
00:22:35,318 --> 00:22:36,451
You know what? Sure.
608
00:22:36,453 --> 00:22:37,786
- Let's do it.
- Great.
609
00:22:37,788 --> 00:22:39,387
Uh, oh, can I have ice in mine?
610
00:22:39,389 --> 00:22:41,523
Yeah, okay, iced wine.
611
00:22:41,525 --> 00:22:43,127
Coming up.
612
00:22:43,247 --> 00:22:45,847
And then we'll clean up some glass.
613
00:22:45,872 --> 00:22:46,905
Okay.
614
00:22:47,064 --> 00:22:48,263
Oh, yeah, here you go.
615
00:22:48,265 --> 00:22:49,364
Let me get that.
616
00:22:49,366 --> 00:22:51,346
Oh, thank you.
617
00:22:51,601 --> 00:22:52,867
Hey, um,
618
00:22:53,182 --> 00:22:55,036
I feel really safe with you here.
619
00:22:55,038 --> 00:22:56,271
Thank you.
620
00:22:56,273 --> 00:22:57,354
(scoffs) Of course.
621
00:22:57,379 --> 00:22:58,845
It's the least I can do.
622
00:22:58,870 --> 00:23:00,018
Thank you.
623
00:23:02,012 --> 00:23:04,846
Hey.
You know, I'm thinking out loud.
624
00:23:04,848 --> 00:23:06,881
As-as long as we're having wine...
625
00:23:06,883 --> 00:23:09,317
Oh, cheers, by the way. Eyes.
626
00:23:09,319 --> 00:23:10,385
There we go.
627
00:23:10,387 --> 00:23:11,653
Um, I'm pretty hungry.
628
00:23:11,655 --> 00:23:12,854
Do-do you want to get some food?
629
00:23:12,856 --> 00:23:15,245
There's a great fondue place that-that
delivers right around the corner.
630
00:23:15,270 --> 00:23:16,651
Sounds great. I've never had it.
631
00:23:16,772 --> 00:23:18,104
Great.
632
00:23:18,528 --> 00:23:20,261
(laughs) God...
633
00:23:20,799 --> 00:23:23,198
You've really just turned
this night around for me.
634
00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:24,081
Ah...
635
00:23:24,106 --> 00:23:25,690
You know, I was so scared
636
00:23:25,745 --> 00:23:27,745
but now, um,
637
00:23:27,747 --> 00:23:29,246
I just feel like a piece of bread
638
00:23:29,248 --> 00:23:30,915
in a warm bath of cheese.
639
00:23:30,917 --> 00:23:32,183
Hmm.
640
00:23:32,185 --> 00:23:33,217
That's fondue.
641
00:23:33,219 --> 00:23:34,251
I'm describing fondue.
642
00:23:34,253 --> 00:23:35,486
Oh, gotcha.
643
00:23:35,488 --> 00:23:37,054
Yeah, I thought it was some kind of soup.
644
00:23:37,056 --> 00:23:38,122
No! I'm sorry.
645
00:23:38,124 --> 00:23:39,724
That was confusing. That was my bad.
646
00:23:39,726 --> 00:23:41,459
(doorbell rings)
647
00:23:41,461 --> 00:23:43,260
Hmm, that's weird. I'm
not expecting anybody.
648
00:23:43,262 --> 00:23:45,696
Oh, it's probably the cops.
649
00:23:45,698 --> 00:23:46,797
Cops... Sorry, hmm?
650
00:23:46,799 --> 00:23:47,898
Josh?
651
00:23:47,900 --> 00:23:48,733
You called the cops?
652
00:23:48,735 --> 00:23:49,767
Of course I did.
653
00:23:49,769 --> 00:23:50,868
No, no, but Josh, Josh,
654
00:23:50,870 --> 00:23:52,036
J-Josh, you know what they say.
655
00:23:52,038 --> 00:23:53,371
Snitches get stitches.
656
00:23:53,373 --> 00:23:54,905
Come on in, Officer.
657
00:23:54,907 --> 00:23:56,640
I got a call about the attempted burglary?
658
00:23:56,642 --> 00:23:59,043
You know what? The-the
glass is just smashed.
659
00:23:59,045 --> 00:24:00,544
They smashed the whole door.
660
00:24:00,546 --> 00:24:01,912
Don't worry, I'm here now.
661
00:24:01,914 --> 00:24:03,414
And rest assured, ma'am,
662
00:24:03,596 --> 00:24:05,930
I won't stop till I get
to the bottom of this.
663
00:24:06,267 --> 00:24:08,700
(sighs)
664
00:24:12,698 --> 00:24:14,431
When did the incident occur?
665
00:24:14,433 --> 00:24:15,699
You know, no idea.
666
00:24:15,701 --> 00:24:17,167
I, uh, it was like this when I got home.
667
00:24:17,169 --> 00:24:19,651
Why didn't you call the police
when you first discovered the window?
668
00:24:19,676 --> 00:24:20,942
I panicked, you know?
669
00:24:21,039 --> 00:24:22,239
I just, I-I-I
freaked out.
670
00:24:22,241 --> 00:24:23,340
And I just, I fled.
671
00:24:23,342 --> 00:24:24,608
�Fled�?
672
00:24:24,610 --> 00:24:25,842
Yeah, slow down!
673
00:24:25,844 --> 00:24:27,210
JOSH: Okay, okay, just tell him
674
00:24:27,212 --> 00:24:29,012
what you know, Becks.
675
00:24:29,014 --> 00:24:31,715
She can't follow if you talk too fast.
676
00:24:34,026 --> 00:24:35,051
Okay.
677
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:37,120
Whew.
678
00:24:37,122 --> 00:24:39,122
So what happened
679
00:24:39,124 --> 00:24:40,757
is my friend, Josh Chan,
680
00:24:40,759 --> 00:24:42,948
called you because...
681
00:24:43,695 --> 00:24:45,495
he is so protective of me.
682
00:24:45,497 --> 00:24:47,230
Bless him. But I understand
683
00:24:47,232 --> 00:24:48,732
that this is not really worth your time.
684
00:24:48,734 --> 00:24:50,433
And the reason for that
685
00:24:50,435 --> 00:24:51,518
I will go into right now.
686
00:24:51,543 --> 00:24:54,573
All right, as I look at this crime scene,
687
00:24:54,598 --> 00:24:56,456
there appears to be no evidence of theft
688
00:24:56,481 --> 00:25:00,251
or any sign that someone
entered the apartment at all.
689
00:25:00,276 --> 00:25:02,946
Let's take a closer look at
the shards of glass, shall we?
690
00:25:02,948 --> 00:25:05,081
Now, when I look at these shards of glass,
691
00:25:05,083 --> 00:25:07,050
there is also no evidence
of secondary compression
692
00:25:07,052 --> 00:25:09,753
by a shoe or shoes, to use the plural.
693
00:25:09,755 --> 00:25:11,555
So I think we can safely say
694
00:25:11,557 --> 00:25:13,056
that no matter what transpired here,
695
00:25:13,058 --> 00:25:15,358
we will never be able to prove a 459.
696
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:16,660
Josh, that's burglary.
697
00:25:16,662 --> 00:25:18,261
Now, sir, I am a lawyer,
698
00:25:18,263 --> 00:25:19,896
as you might've guessed, and I know,
699
00:25:19,898 --> 00:25:21,398
looking at the glass breakage here,
700
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,466
the most we'll be able to
prove is, uh, maybe a 596?
701
00:25:23,468 --> 00:25:24,768
Josh, that's vandalism.
702
00:25:24,770 --> 00:25:26,503
Now, I know how hard
703
00:25:26,505 --> 00:25:28,305
the officers of this city work.
704
00:25:28,307 --> 00:25:29,839
And the last thing I want
705
00:25:29,841 --> 00:25:31,741
is for you to work on a
bunch of forms tonight.
706
00:25:31,743 --> 00:25:33,743
I mean, those 596 forms,
they're a real bitch.
707
00:25:33,745 --> 00:25:35,545
(chuckles) You're not wrong.
708
00:25:35,547 --> 00:25:36,613
Exactly! I mean,
709
00:25:36,615 --> 00:25:38,615
23 pages for a nonviolent crime?
710
00:25:38,617 --> 00:25:39,916
What do I need... a hobby?
711
00:25:39,918 --> 00:25:40,995
I didn't think so.
712
00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:43,653
So, let's get you out of here.
713
00:25:43,655 --> 00:25:45,555
Let's get you back out on
the streets, Officer Rhodes.
714
00:25:45,557 --> 00:25:47,257
Yeah, sorry, Officer.
715
00:25:47,259 --> 00:25:49,392
Or you're welcome to stay for some fondue.
716
00:25:49,394 --> 00:25:50,660
Oh, I wish!
717
00:25:50,662 --> 00:25:51,928
Love those steak cubes.
718
00:25:51,930 --> 00:25:53,697
Wait a minute, I thought it was cheese.
719
00:25:53,699 --> 00:25:56,233
(laughs)
720
00:25:56,235 --> 00:25:57,968
Well, now I really need some wine.
721
00:25:57,970 --> 00:25:59,436
Oh, my God. Me, too.
722
00:25:59,438 --> 00:26:01,071
Hand it over.
723
00:26:01,073 --> 00:26:03,039
Ah, now where were we?
724
00:26:03,041 --> 00:26:04,441
Oh, right.
725
00:26:04,443 --> 00:26:07,043
Cheers.
726
00:26:07,045 --> 00:26:08,411
(laughs)
727
00:26:08,413 --> 00:26:09,946
You were great back there.
728
00:26:09,948 --> 00:26:11,214
No, you were.
729
00:26:11,216 --> 00:26:12,716
Mm-mm. You saved the day.
730
00:26:12,718 --> 00:26:14,294
I never committed a crime before.
731
00:26:14,682 --> 00:26:16,052
Why did I commit a crime again?
732
00:26:16,054 --> 00:26:18,021
We said no questions, remember?
733
00:26:18,023 --> 00:26:20,257
Aw, come on, tell me, please?
734
00:26:20,259 --> 00:26:21,658
No.
735
00:26:21,660 --> 00:26:23,960
Gonna have to try and get it out of me.
736
00:26:24,237 --> 00:26:25,028
Oh.
737
00:26:25,030 --> 00:26:26,823
Where do you keep your answers?
738
00:26:26,848 --> 00:26:28,982
(laughs)
739
00:26:32,944 --> 00:26:34,361
I'm sorry.
740
00:26:35,939 --> 00:26:38,306
I know I've been distant lately and...
741
00:26:38,823 --> 00:26:42,312
it's not just because
I almost had an affair
742
00:26:42,314 --> 00:26:45,456
with a hunky industrial real
estate tycoon from Tucson.
743
00:26:46,065 --> 00:26:46,995
What?
744
00:26:47,020 --> 00:26:49,832
It's a long story and nothing happened.
745
00:26:50,085 --> 00:26:51,768
It was just jazz.
746
00:26:52,257 --> 00:26:53,573
Wow, huh.
747
00:26:54,026 --> 00:26:56,026
Well, then I feel a lot
better about the fact
748
00:26:56,028 --> 00:26:57,727
that I almost slept
with Misty from shipping.
749
00:26:57,729 --> 00:26:59,195
Misty?
750
00:26:59,197 --> 00:27:00,659
Really?
751
00:27:01,307 --> 00:27:02,499
You know, I can see that.
752
00:27:02,501 --> 00:27:03,533
She has slut face.
753
00:27:03,535 --> 00:27:04,487
(smacks tongue)
754
00:27:04,661 --> 00:27:05,478
God!
755
00:27:05,893 --> 00:27:07,226
Father Brah's right.
756
00:27:07,306 --> 00:27:08,972
We've both been major holes, huh?
757
00:27:08,974 --> 00:27:10,907
God. we really have!
758
00:27:10,909 --> 00:27:12,542
I am so sorry.
759
00:27:12,544 --> 00:27:14,034
I don't want another man.
760
00:27:14,246 --> 00:27:16,913
I mean, the only thing I've
been cheating on you with
761
00:27:16,915 --> 00:27:17,979
is...
762
00:27:18,711 --> 00:27:20,651
Rebecca's love life.
763
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,019
She's so in love,
764
00:27:23,021 --> 00:27:24,654
and it-it's just been so intoxicating
765
00:27:24,656 --> 00:27:26,790
to witness it in its purest form.
766
00:27:26,792 --> 00:27:29,807
I'm... I'm addicted.
767
00:27:30,338 --> 00:27:31,728
Who's she in love with?
768
00:27:32,799 --> 00:27:34,197
You really want to know?
769
00:27:34,199 --> 00:27:35,365
Yes, I do.
770
00:27:35,367 --> 00:27:37,065
And we got nothing but time right now.
771
00:27:37,956 --> 00:27:39,151
Okay.
772
00:27:40,038 --> 00:27:42,005
Well, what happened was
773
00:27:42,182 --> 00:27:44,374
she was working hard at a New York job
774
00:27:44,376 --> 00:27:46,576
making dough, but it made her blue.
775
00:27:46,578 --> 00:27:48,111
One day, she was crying a lot,
776
00:27:48,113 --> 00:27:51,881
and so she decided to move
to West Covina, California.
777
00:27:52,190 --> 00:27:53,783
Brand new pals, new career.
778
00:27:53,785 --> 00:27:56,479
It happens to be where Josh lives. Ah.
779
00:27:56,565 --> 00:27:59,122
And that's exactly why she's here.
780
00:27:59,124 --> 00:28:01,925
(laughs) She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
781
00:28:01,927 --> 00:28:03,126
Wha... ? No, she's not.
782
00:28:03,128 --> 00:28:04,394
She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
783
00:28:04,396 --> 00:28:05,628
That's a sexist term, Scott.
784
00:28:05,630 --> 00:28:07,163
She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
785
00:28:07,165 --> 00:28:08,765
Okay, just stop talking for a second.
786
00:28:08,767 --> 00:28:10,333
She's so broken inside.
787
00:28:10,335 --> 00:28:12,502
This situation has a lot
more nuance than that.
788
00:28:12,504 --> 00:28:14,037
C-R-A-Z-Y!
789
00:28:14,039 --> 00:28:15,627
I know how to spell, Scott.
790
00:28:15,652 --> 00:28:16,885
She's a crazy ex-girlfriend.
791
00:28:18,033 --> 00:28:19,659
_
792
00:28:20,912 --> 00:28:23,413
Wow, good thing you brought those gloves.
793
00:28:23,415 --> 00:28:25,648
Oh, yeah, I've got gloves
for every situation.
794
00:28:25,650 --> 00:28:28,818
I mean, cleaning, baseball,
795
00:28:28,820 --> 00:28:30,387
golfing,
796
00:28:30,389 --> 00:28:33,123
uh, driving, go-karts, boxing.
797
00:28:33,125 --> 00:28:35,120
(laughs) You have all the gloves.
798
00:28:36,061 --> 00:28:37,827
No way.
799
00:28:37,829 --> 00:28:39,129
Is that what I think it is?
800
00:28:39,131 --> 00:28:40,597
Oh, my gosh, what? Is it, like, a penny?
801
00:28:40,599 --> 00:28:41,631
The rock they threw
802
00:28:41,633 --> 00:28:43,323
in the window.
803
00:28:43,734 --> 00:28:45,768
Wow, it's, like, a perfect rock.
804
00:28:45,871 --> 00:28:48,071
- Like textbook.
- Yeah.
805
00:28:52,721 --> 00:28:54,077
Where is the rock
806
00:28:54,079 --> 00:28:56,279
-
Rock
-
That says ever
807
00:28:56,281 --> 00:28:58,515
-
Where is the rock
-
Rock
808
00:28:58,517 --> 00:29:00,583
That says ever
809
00:29:00,585 --> 00:29:03,219
If the rock came from inside your house
810
00:29:03,221 --> 00:29:05,121
That means he has to believe
811
00:29:05,123 --> 00:29:07,290
That someone broke into your house
812
00:29:07,292 --> 00:29:10,326
-
And then picked up a rock
-
Rock
813
00:29:10,328 --> 00:29:13,430
And then went outside and
threw it through your window
814
00:29:13,432 --> 00:29:18,001
That would be a super weird crime
815
00:29:18,003 --> 00:29:21,371
He's not he brightest,
but he's not dumb as a rock
816
00:29:21,373 --> 00:29:24,707
-
Rock
-
See what I did there?
817
00:29:28,834 --> 00:29:31,468
Oh, my God, he's turning over the rock
818
00:29:31,493 --> 00:29:34,160
Rock!
819
00:29:34,319 --> 00:29:35,883
Hmm.
820
00:29:41,523 --> 00:29:44,360
So this...
821
00:29:44,836 --> 00:29:46,734
goes...
822
00:29:47,512 --> 00:29:49,812
right here.
823
00:29:52,695 --> 00:29:54,628
This is your rock?
824
00:30:04,860 --> 00:30:06,260
Wha... ?
825
00:30:06,262 --> 00:30:07,628
Huh.
826
00:30:07,630 --> 00:30:09,229
That's so Wei...
827
00:30:09,231 --> 00:30:11,031
It does
828
00:30:11,033 --> 00:30:12,700
look like my rock.
829
00:30:12,702 --> 00:30:14,034
That's weird.
830
00:30:14,813 --> 00:30:16,804
Someone threw a rock
831
00:30:16,806 --> 00:30:19,305
from inside the house...
832
00:30:20,466 --> 00:30:22,188
into your house?
833
00:30:24,407 --> 00:30:26,040
So, I think I know what happened.
834
00:30:26,042 --> 00:30:28,476
So, the burglar came into the house
835
00:30:28,478 --> 00:30:31,133
to steal something, but because
I live a very simple life,
836
00:30:31,158 --> 00:30:32,406
he didn't find anything to steal.
837
00:30:32,454 --> 00:30:35,420
And in a fit of rage, the
burglar was furthermore
838
00:30:35,445 --> 00:30:37,128
offended, you know, by the platitudinous
839
00:30:37,153 --> 00:30:38,352
inspirational phrases
840
00:30:38,354 --> 00:30:40,521
of my rocks because he's had a hard life...
841
00:30:40,523 --> 00:30:41,664
You know, in order to be a burglar,
842
00:30:41,689 --> 00:30:42,664
you would've had to had a hard life.
843
00:30:42,689 --> 00:30:45,049
So-so then in anger, he
grabbed one of the rocks
844
00:30:45,074 --> 00:30:46,940
and went outside and just to stick it to me
845
00:30:47,091 --> 00:30:48,657
threw it through the window.
846
00:30:48,682 --> 00:30:50,727
What-what-what you're talking
about doesn't make any sense.
847
00:30:50,752 --> 00:30:52,953
None of this makes sense.
848
00:30:52,978 --> 00:30:54,055
Okay, you're right.
849
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:55,480
There's got to be another
explanation, so let...
850
00:30:55,505 --> 00:30:56,871
Please, please don't explain.
851
00:30:56,896 --> 00:30:58,128
I don't want to know.
852
00:30:58,153 --> 00:30:59,653
I don't want to know what happened tonight.
853
00:30:59,678 --> 00:31:00,617
And I really don't want to know
854
00:31:00,642 --> 00:31:02,789
why you were in my apartment before.
855
00:31:03,563 --> 00:31:05,029
Uh, I got to go.
856
00:31:05,031 --> 00:31:06,030
What? No.
857
00:31:06,032 --> 00:31:07,632
Yeah, I got an early day tomorrow.
858
00:31:07,634 --> 00:31:09,834
Josh, I love y...
859
00:31:13,734 --> 00:31:17,008
I love that you came to my...
rescue tonight.
860
00:31:17,010 --> 00:31:19,244
(quietly): Thank you.
861
00:31:24,217 --> 00:31:25,781
(door closes)
862
00:31:33,326 --> 00:31:34,766
(knocking)
863
00:31:36,163 --> 00:31:38,125
Josh. Josh, I'm sorry...
864
00:31:38,848 --> 00:31:40,969
You ordered the extra large double dipper?
865
00:31:41,722 --> 00:31:43,255
The... uh, yeah.
866
00:31:44,969 --> 00:31:46,704
I've got two sets of sticks.
867
00:31:46,706 --> 00:31:48,439
It'll just take me a minute to set up.
868
00:31:48,441 --> 00:31:50,441
We threw in some strawberries and chocolate
869
00:31:50,443 --> 00:31:52,047
for that extra bit of romance.
870
00:31:53,102 --> 00:31:54,479
It's all ruined.
871
00:31:54,481 --> 00:31:56,114
People think that, but actually
872
00:31:56,116 --> 00:31:57,875
the cheese does not congeal in transit.
873
00:31:58,218 --> 00:31:59,617
If you can get the word out about that,
874
00:31:59,619 --> 00:32:00,752
that would really help.
875
00:32:00,949 --> 00:32:03,750
Moments ago, he held me in his arms.
876
00:32:04,891 --> 00:32:06,336
And then just now, he could
877
00:32:06,727 --> 00:32:08,627
barely look me in the eye.
878
00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:13,131
All of my dreams
879
00:32:13,133 --> 00:32:15,211
may have just been shattered.
880
00:32:16,250 --> 00:32:18,636
So this is not about cheese.
881
00:32:18,638 --> 00:32:20,839
882
00:32:37,414 --> 00:32:40,425
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentleman,
please welcome to the stage
883
00:32:40,427 --> 00:32:43,359
to sing a song about
self-indulgent self-loathing,
884
00:32:43,414 --> 00:32:45,848
Miss Rebecca Bunch!
885
00:32:45,873 --> 00:32:47,439
(audience cheers, applauds) Thank you!
886
00:32:47,668 --> 00:32:49,718
Thank you, thank you.
887
00:32:50,704 --> 00:32:53,238
It's so wonderful to be back here,
888
00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,240
even though I'm here,
889
00:32:55,242 --> 00:32:58,234
singing this song, a lot.
890
00:32:58,979 --> 00:33:01,112
(ballad begins)
891
00:33:07,821 --> 00:33:09,520
Well, Rebecca
892
00:33:09,522 --> 00:33:11,789
- (audience whooping)
-
You've done it now...
893
00:33:11,791 --> 00:33:14,192
Yeah, you guys know this one.
894
00:33:14,194 --> 00:33:16,494
Karma's come to tap you
895
00:33:16,496 --> 00:33:19,397
On the shoulder
896
00:33:19,399 --> 00:33:23,134
All that lying
that's been festering
897
00:33:23,470 --> 00:33:26,271
Plus breaking and entering
898
00:33:26,273 --> 00:33:28,773
Is coming now to crush you
899
00:33:28,775 --> 00:33:31,743
Like a boulder
900
00:33:31,745 --> 00:33:35,480
You ruined everything
901
00:33:35,482 --> 00:33:38,449
You stupid bitch
902
00:33:38,451 --> 00:33:42,220
You ruined everything
903
00:33:42,222 --> 00:33:45,123
You stupid, stupid bitch
904
00:33:45,125 --> 00:33:48,993
You're just a lying little
bitch who ruins things
905
00:33:48,995 --> 00:33:52,463
And wants the world to burn
906
00:33:52,465 --> 00:33:54,365
Bitch
907
00:33:54,367 --> 00:33:57,148
You're a stupid bitch
908
00:33:58,069 --> 00:34:00,738
And lose some weight...
909
00:34:00,740 --> 00:34:02,941
(audience cheering)
910
00:34:05,812 --> 00:34:10,815
I was so close to paradise
911
00:34:10,817 --> 00:34:15,853
But now the only thing
I'm close to is defeat
912
00:34:18,124 --> 00:34:21,025
These shards are a
metaphor for my soul
913
00:34:21,027 --> 00:34:24,395
Won't stop the self-pity
'cause I'm on a roll
914
00:34:24,397 --> 00:34:27,465
Yes, Josh completes
me but how can that be
915
00:34:27,467 --> 00:34:33,671
When there's no me
left to complete?
916
00:34:33,673 --> 00:34:36,607
You ruined everything
917
00:34:36,609 --> 00:34:38,509
You stupid bitch
918
00:34:38,511 --> 00:34:39,577
Sing with me!
919
00:34:39,579 --> 00:34:43,781
You ruined everything
920
00:34:43,783 --> 00:34:46,351
You stupid, stupid bitch...
921
00:34:46,353 --> 00:34:47,919
Yes, I deserve this!
922
00:34:47,921 --> 00:34:51,823
You're just a poopy little
slut who doesn't think
923
00:34:51,825 --> 00:34:54,993
And deceives the people she loves
924
00:34:54,995 --> 00:34:57,929
Now he knows I'm not
some innocent lamb
925
00:34:57,931 --> 00:35:00,398
He sees me for what I am
926
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:04,836
Which is a horrible,
stupid, dumb and ugly
927
00:35:04,838 --> 00:35:09,440
Fat and stupid,
simple, self-hating
928
00:35:09,442 --> 00:35:16,714
Bitch!
929
00:35:16,716 --> 00:35:18,916
(audience cheers, applauds)
930
00:35:28,061 --> 00:35:29,127
Whoa.
931
00:35:29,129 --> 00:35:31,129
What happened?
932
00:35:35,777 --> 00:35:37,377
Rebecca, what's wrong? Are you okay?
933
00:35:37,402 --> 00:35:38,868
No, I'm not.
934
00:35:38,893 --> 00:35:40,459
Do you want to tell me what happened?
935
00:35:41,410 --> 00:35:42,520
No.
936
00:35:43,276 --> 00:35:44,442
Let me help you.
937
00:35:44,444 --> 00:35:45,510
What can I do?
938
00:35:45,512 --> 00:35:48,813
Come on, let's get this mess cleaned up and
you can tell me what happened. I'll just...
939
00:35:48,815 --> 00:35:51,649
Just leave it, I'll get it later.
940
00:35:52,519 --> 00:35:53,918
Can you just stay with me
941
00:35:53,920 --> 00:35:54,952
for a little while?
942
00:35:55,231 --> 00:35:57,855
I... I can't be alone right now.
943
00:35:58,762 --> 00:36:00,091
Okay.
944
00:36:00,093 --> 00:36:01,426
(sighs)
945
00:36:01,428 --> 00:36:02,747
Thank you.
946
00:36:03,530 --> 00:36:04,762
We don't have to stand here.
947
00:36:04,764 --> 00:36:06,564
We can, like, watch TV, you know...
948
00:36:06,566 --> 00:36:08,253
TV, yeah, sure. Whatever you want.
949
00:36:08,278 --> 00:36:11,279
Let's just, get this mess cleaned up first.
950
00:36:11,304 --> 00:36:12,703
Okay.
951
00:36:14,453 --> 00:36:15,489
Thank you.
952
00:36:16,609 --> 00:36:17,742
Are you hungry?
953
00:36:17,744 --> 00:36:18,987
Have you eaten?
954
00:36:19,012 --> 00:36:22,814
I have some... fondue
that's clumping together.
955
00:36:22,816 --> 00:36:24,817
Actually, I am pretty hungry.
956
00:36:25,251 --> 00:36:27,752
Coagulating cheese would
really hit the spot.
957
00:36:27,754 --> 00:36:28,553
(snorts)
958
00:36:28,555 --> 00:36:30,888
(laughs)
959
00:36:31,491 --> 00:36:33,028
Thank you, Greg.
960
00:36:34,188 --> 00:36:36,856
Somehow, you're always
here when I need you.
961
00:36:49,109 --> 00:36:50,308
I...
962
00:36:54,118 --> 00:36:55,153
Huh.
963
00:36:55,949 --> 00:36:57,715
That has Josh's name on it.
964
00:36:58,825 --> 00:37:00,084
That makes sense.
965
00:37:00,086 --> 00:37:02,253
He was barely here. I mean,
he didn't even eat his food.
966
00:37:02,255 --> 00:37:03,554
And there are two wine glasses,
967
00:37:03,556 --> 00:37:04,589
one with ice cubes.
968
00:37:04,591 --> 00:37:05,656
Classic Chan move.
969
00:37:05,658 --> 00:37:07,158
So you were having another cozy date
970
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:08,392
with Valencia's boyfriend and...
971
00:37:08,394 --> 00:37:09,694
Oh, my God, that's not what happened.
972
00:37:09,696 --> 00:37:11,062
... you guys had some kind of scene,
973
00:37:11,064 --> 00:37:12,330
somehow a window broke
974
00:37:12,332 --> 00:37:13,698
and look who's cleaning it up?
975
00:37:13,700 --> 00:37:16,601
I'm literally holding a
dustpan and a broom in my hand,
976
00:37:16,603 --> 00:37:17,935
cleaning up your mess.
977
00:37:17,937 --> 00:37:18,903
Why are you mad at me?
978
00:37:18,905 --> 00:37:21,239
I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at myself.
979
00:37:21,241 --> 00:37:23,708
(sighs)
980
00:37:24,270 --> 00:37:26,403
There are other ways to
get out of this building
981
00:37:27,213 --> 00:37:29,380
but I walked by your patio.
982
00:37:30,824 --> 00:37:33,021
And my girlfriend is 20
feet through that wall,
983
00:37:33,305 --> 00:37:34,825
and I'm standing here.
984
00:37:37,116 --> 00:37:38,278
I gotta go.
985
00:37:39,626 --> 00:37:40,872
Please, Greg...
986
00:37:42,106 --> 00:37:44,428
I just want someone to be here with me.
987
00:37:44,430 --> 00:37:45,463
Right.
988
00:37:45,465 --> 00:37:46,664
�Someone.�
989
00:37:46,807 --> 00:37:48,349
That's the problem.
990
00:37:49,082 --> 00:37:50,692
Feel better, Bunch.
991
00:37:57,059 --> 00:37:58,543
SCOTT: So she's not into Greg?
992
00:37:58,545 --> 00:38:01,712
No, not at all, but he is really into her,
993
00:38:01,714 --> 00:38:03,080
so they keep getting drawn together.
994
00:38:03,082 --> 00:38:04,315
But from what you've said,
995
00:38:04,317 --> 00:38:05,516
they might make a good couple.
996
00:38:05,518 --> 00:38:07,118
Maybe she should give him a chance.
997
00:38:07,120 --> 00:38:10,021
No! Honey, keep your
eyes on the prize, okay?
998
00:38:10,023 --> 00:38:12,023
Rebecca and Josh have an epic and pure love
999
00:38:12,025 --> 00:38:13,724
that spans decades and mountains.
1000
00:38:13,726 --> 00:38:15,693
Good point, she did admit she loved Josh
1001
00:38:15,695 --> 00:38:16,861
after the bus trip.
1002
00:38:16,863 --> 00:38:18,095
(gasps) Yes!
1003
00:38:18,097 --> 00:38:19,363
Very good!
1004
00:38:19,365 --> 00:38:21,766
Oh, did I tell you about
how I got her invited
1005
00:38:21,768 --> 00:38:23,734
to Josh's parents' house for Thanksgiving?
1006
00:38:23,736 --> 00:38:25,036
Was that when she got
the kiss on the cheek?
1007
00:38:25,124 --> 00:38:26,456
Oh...
1008
00:38:26,481 --> 00:38:28,521
No, no, no, no, that was
when they went to the camp.
1009
00:38:33,980 --> 00:38:36,247
God, it's so sexy when you listen.
1010
00:38:39,152 --> 00:38:40,818
(laughing)
1011
00:38:46,492 --> 00:38:48,192
Thought I might find you here,
1012
00:38:48,450 --> 00:38:51,223
having your morning mocha loco.
1013
00:38:51,389 --> 00:38:54,008
So... what happened?
1014
00:38:54,033 --> 00:38:55,199
You never called me back.
1015
00:38:55,201 --> 00:38:56,467
I called you, like, 50 times.
1016
00:38:56,469 --> 00:38:58,402
I mean, did Josh just leave
1017
00:38:58,404 --> 00:39:00,044
or is he on his way?
1018
00:39:02,098 --> 00:39:03,574
Honey, what happened?
1019
00:39:03,576 --> 00:39:05,153
I, um...
1020
00:39:05,549 --> 00:39:07,333
I ruined everything, Paula.
1021
00:39:07,981 --> 00:39:10,872
Like... it was a disaster.
1022
00:39:12,085 --> 00:39:14,785
You can't even imagine how bad it was.
1023
00:39:14,787 --> 00:39:16,354
Well, how? I mean, we got the rock
1024
00:39:16,356 --> 00:39:17,555
through the window before you got home.
1025
00:39:17,557 --> 00:39:18,889
I don't want to talk about it.
1026
00:39:18,891 --> 00:39:19,890
That's how bad it is.
1027
00:39:19,892 --> 00:39:21,092
I-I...
1028
00:39:21,094 --> 00:39:22,727
I just don't even want to talk about it.
1029
00:39:22,729 --> 00:39:24,317
Just... okay.
1030
00:39:24,657 --> 00:39:25,949
(exhales)
1031
00:39:26,432 --> 00:39:28,520
I ruined everything.
1032
00:39:29,769 --> 00:39:31,708
Because that's what I do.
1033
00:39:32,171 --> 00:39:34,171
I ruin things. Okay.
1034
00:39:34,173 --> 00:39:35,139
So that's what happened.
1035
00:39:35,141 --> 00:39:36,274
Okay. Okay.
1036
00:39:36,276 --> 00:39:38,409
Hey... I don't know what happened,
1037
00:39:38,411 --> 00:39:40,878
and we do not have to talk about it. Now.
1038
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:44,148
I mean, clearly I'm going
to need all the deets later.
1039
00:39:44,150 --> 00:39:45,283
- Paula...
- But you are... hey.
1040
00:39:45,285 --> 00:39:46,884
You are not a ruin-er.
1041
00:39:47,169 --> 00:39:48,686
Okay, do you hear me?
1042
00:39:48,688 --> 00:39:50,621
You are the opposite.
You're a-a put-together-er.
1043
00:39:50,623 --> 00:39:52,657
Paula, you don't know
what you're talking about,
1044
00:39:52,659 --> 00:39:54,091
and it doesn't even make sense.
1045
00:39:54,093 --> 00:39:56,590
Oh, okay, you want to know
what you put together-ered?
1046
00:39:56,911 --> 00:39:58,527
My marriage.
1047
00:39:58,564 --> 00:40:00,464
- What?
- Yes!
1048
00:40:00,466 --> 00:40:03,501
I mean, who knew a little
vandalism would be, like,
1049
00:40:03,503 --> 00:40:07,104
the most amazing foreplay we had ever had?!
1050
00:40:07,223 --> 00:40:09,540
I mean, look at this text from Scott.
1051
00:40:09,542 --> 00:40:11,208
I mean, look at all these emojis.
1052
00:40:11,210 --> 00:40:13,210
He sent me, like, a unicorn and a panda.
1053
00:40:13,212 --> 00:40:15,546
- Hmm.
- And, like, 11 different kinds of hearts.
1054
00:40:15,548 --> 00:40:17,381
Oh. (laughing)
1055
00:40:17,383 --> 00:40:19,383
Oh, no, no, don't scroll there. Oh. Whoa.
1056
00:40:19,385 --> 00:40:20,584
Yeah. Okay. Wow.
1057
00:40:20,586 --> 00:40:22,320
Sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that.
1058
00:40:22,322 --> 00:40:26,157
No. You... you go.
1059
00:40:26,159 --> 00:40:28,169
Okay, but listen to me.
1060
00:40:28,895 --> 00:40:30,761
You and Josh... You're on a journey.
1061
00:40:30,763 --> 00:40:32,530
Okay? So there's gonna be peaks,
1062
00:40:32,532 --> 00:40:34,332
but there's also gonna be valleys.
1063
00:40:34,334 --> 00:40:38,169
And yes, maybe even a
long, dry, flat plateau
1064
00:40:38,171 --> 00:40:39,937
called �my-kids-are-little,
don't-touch-me�"
1065
00:40:39,939 --> 00:40:44,375
But the valleys are gonna
make those peaks even sweeter.
1066
00:40:45,009 --> 00:40:47,981
So... take a deep breath.
1067
00:40:52,059 --> 00:40:54,356
Look how beautiful it is today.
1068
00:40:54,787 --> 00:40:59,290
And know that everything is gonna be okay.
1069
00:40:59,723 --> 00:41:03,559
And if it's not, we will make it okay.
1070
00:41:04,532 --> 00:41:06,192
I promise you.
1071
00:41:08,848 --> 00:41:10,134
Are you sure?
1072
00:41:11,325 --> 00:41:12,513
We will find a way.
1073
00:41:13,106 --> 00:41:14,505
Come here.
1074
00:41:14,507 --> 00:41:16,676
I swear.
1075
00:41:18,975 --> 00:41:21,442
I think I have a UTI.
1076
00:41:24,153 --> 00:41:27,418
Harry, did you okay a
police escort to get a woman
1077
00:41:27,420 --> 00:41:28,953
to her ex-boyfriend's house faster?
1078
00:41:28,955 --> 00:41:30,821
Yes, sir, but you have to understand...
1079
00:41:30,823 --> 00:41:33,190
Judge Spenser, that's an
unnecessary expenditure,
1080
00:41:33,192 --> 00:41:35,590
not to mention you put
our citizens at risk.
1081
00:41:35,615 --> 00:41:37,361
But sir, it was urgent.
1082
00:41:37,363 --> 00:41:39,006
It was a text-mergency.
1083
00:41:39,629 --> 00:41:41,232
You mean a text-tastrophe?
1084
00:41:41,234 --> 00:41:42,739
Is that what caught on?
1085
00:41:44,192 --> 00:41:45,236
It figures.
1086
00:41:45,888 --> 00:41:47,020
Damn it!
1087
00:41:47,022 --> 00:41:49,036
Judge Spenser,
why are you getting so upset?
1088
00:41:50,983 --> 00:41:52,544
What's this really about?
1089
00:41:53,228 --> 00:41:56,754
I left my wife for a prostitute. (crying)
1090
00:41:57,770 --> 00:42:00,379
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
1091
00:42:00,429 --> 00:42:04,979
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