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1
00:00:01,175 --> 00:00:03,410
Pierce, you made us all
drive out to a warehouse
2
00:00:03,477 --> 00:00:04,912
in the middle of nowhere.
3
00:00:04,978 --> 00:00:06,080
You could at least tell us why.
4
00:00:06,146 --> 00:00:07,081
Hey, I know as much as you.
5
00:00:07,147 --> 00:00:08,315
I got a letter
6
00:00:08,382 --> 00:00:09,917
from the executor of
my father's estate.
7
00:00:09,983 --> 00:00:11,919
It said to come out here with
my seven closest friends.
8
00:00:11,985 --> 00:00:13,153
You brought six.
9
00:00:13,220 --> 00:00:14,388
Well, who else was he gonna bring?
10
00:00:14,455 --> 00:00:15,722
Levar Burton was a maybe.
11
00:00:15,789 --> 00:00:17,157
Mr. Hawthorne.
12
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I apologize. - Gilbert.
13
00:00:18,826 --> 00:00:20,828
Even from the grave,
my father's got you
14
00:00:20,894 --> 00:00:23,097
by the short and curly salt and pepperies.
15
00:00:23,163 --> 00:00:25,399
My name is Gilbert Lawson.
16
00:00:25,466 --> 00:00:28,435
I was Cornelius Hawthorne's
assistant for over 30 years,
17
00:00:28,502 --> 00:00:30,270
and before that, I was just the teenager
18
00:00:30,337 --> 00:00:32,005
who read the Bible to him in the bath.
19
00:00:32,072 --> 00:00:33,006
- ew.
- All right, all right.
20
00:00:33,073 --> 00:00:34,141
It's inheritance time.
21
00:00:34,208 --> 00:00:36,310
How 'bout that check, soul brother?
22
00:00:36,376 --> 00:00:37,711
Your father did leave you something,
23
00:00:37,778 --> 00:00:39,446
but it's more of an activity.
24
00:00:39,513 --> 00:00:41,715
Thank you for keeping
it as creepy as possible.
25
00:00:41,782 --> 00:00:43,383
This looks like a
multi-Player gaming interface.
26
00:00:43,450 --> 00:00:44,418
I've heard enough.
27
00:00:44,485 --> 00:00:48,021
Oh, that diabolical old fossil face.
28
00:00:48,088 --> 00:00:50,424
I asked him for money
to invest in video games
29
00:00:50,491 --> 00:00:51,959
back in 1979.
30
00:00:52,025 --> 00:00:54,461
Cornelius spent over 30 years
developing a video game for you.
31
00:00:54,528 --> 00:00:56,563
It was his dying wish
32
00:00:56,630 --> 00:00:58,832
that you and seven of your
closest friends would play it.
33
00:00:58,899 --> 00:01:00,434
Lavar Burton was a maybe.
34
00:01:00,501 --> 00:01:02,069
So, please, choose a seat.
35
00:01:02,136 --> 00:01:03,437
Cool.
36
00:01:03,504 --> 00:01:06,940
So a 100-year-Old man designed
a 30-year-Old video game?
37
00:01:07,007 --> 00:01:08,208
This I've got to see.
38
00:01:08,275 --> 00:01:09,643
once you're seated
behind your computers,
39
00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:10,878
a photograph of you will be taken
40
00:01:10,944 --> 00:01:13,580
and an avatar will be
made from your likeness.
41
00:01:13,647 --> 00:01:14,982
I didn't bring my likeness.
42
00:01:16,650 --> 00:01:17,651
Don't smile.
43
00:01:17,718 --> 00:01:22,289
All right, everyone, let's begin.
44
00:01:27,561 --> 00:01:31,561
?T� ?T�
45
00:01:54,254 --> 00:01:55,556
- Nice!
- Cool.
46
00:01:55,622 --> 00:01:57,257
- Old school.
- Cool, cool, cool.
47
00:01:57,324 --> 00:01:59,326
Which one is me? I assume
nothing because I'm not racist.
48
00:01:59,393 --> 00:02:01,662
aww! We're adorable!
49
00:02:01,728 --> 00:02:03,130
Why did this thing take photos
50
00:02:03,197 --> 00:02:05,299
if it was going to completely
fabricate random body shapes?
51
00:02:05,365 --> 00:02:07,568
That's what I'm saying!
My hair looks good, though.
52
00:02:07,634 --> 00:02:09,636
Orange button is jump.
53
00:02:11,738 --> 00:02:13,107
Whee!
54
00:02:13,173 --> 00:02:14,475
Which guy am I?
55
00:02:14,541 --> 00:02:16,343
There's a door here.
56
00:02:17,444 --> 00:02:19,246
- Peace. Love.
- What's that?
57
00:02:19,313 --> 00:02:20,647
- I think it's a hippie.
- Peace. Love.
58
00:02:20,714 --> 00:02:21,682
aww!
59
00:02:21,749 --> 00:02:22,950
Annie, stop "Awing" everything.
60
00:02:23,016 --> 00:02:25,486
don't be jaded.
He's saying "Peace."
61
00:02:25,552 --> 00:02:26,920
Hello. - Sex.
62
00:02:26,987 --> 00:02:28,889
- Did he say "Sex"?
- Drugs. Sex.
63
00:02:28,956 --> 00:02:30,557
Oh, my god.
64
00:02:30,624 --> 00:02:31,558
hold on, I'm coming.
65
00:02:31,625 --> 00:02:33,894
- oh! Oh! Ow! Ow!
- Darn! Shoot!
66
00:02:33,961 --> 00:02:36,330
Dang it. Um-- - Jeff,
you just murdered Annie.
67
00:02:36,396 --> 00:02:37,798
Well, better than doing nothing!
68
00:02:37,865 --> 00:02:39,166
- I'm not sure that's the case.
- that's debatable.
69
00:02:39,233 --> 00:02:40,534
You guys, help me.
70
00:02:40,601 --> 00:02:42,469
- the way you helped Annie? - Sex.
71
00:02:42,536 --> 00:02:43,704
Before we engage,
72
00:02:43,771 --> 00:02:44,872
we should hang back and study their tactics.
73
00:02:44,938 --> 00:02:46,106
- What?
- Group sex.
74
00:02:46,173 --> 00:02:47,508
Oh, my god!
75
00:02:47,574 --> 00:02:50,043
Oh, cool, I'm alive.
76
00:02:50,110 --> 00:02:52,613
Pierce? - This game makes no sense.
77
00:02:52,679 --> 00:02:53,714
What happened to you?
78
00:02:53,781 --> 00:02:55,282
I don't want to talk about it.
79
00:02:55,349 --> 00:02:58,118
Pierce, point the joystick right.
80
00:02:58,185 --> 00:03:00,220
So I'm supposed
to just guess that?
81
00:03:00,287 --> 00:03:01,789
Where are the instructions?
82
00:03:03,590 --> 00:03:05,993
Take that! Take that! Yeah, we rule!
83
00:03:06,059 --> 00:03:07,227
Oh, you guys are alive.
84
00:03:07,294 --> 00:03:08,729
You re-Spawn in the
study room when you die.
85
00:03:08,796 --> 00:03:09,897
Here, I'll show you.
86
00:03:09,963 --> 00:03:11,865
- Hey!
- Jeffrey! Shame on you!
87
00:03:11,932 --> 00:03:14,134
"hang back and study their tactics"?
88
00:03:14,201 --> 00:03:15,202
Let him get it out of his system.
89
00:03:15,269 --> 00:03:17,805
Ah, forget it.
Let's just keep moving.
90
00:03:28,115 --> 00:03:29,183
Now what?
91
00:03:29,249 --> 00:03:31,218
Welcome to hawkthorne.
92
00:03:31,285 --> 00:03:33,487
that's dad's voice. Dad?
93
00:03:33,554 --> 00:03:35,656
Piercinald, in 1980,
94
00:03:35,722 --> 00:03:38,525
you said that video games,
not moist towelettes,
95
00:03:38,592 --> 00:03:40,160
were the business of the future.
96
00:03:40,227 --> 00:03:43,697
Today, moist towelettes are
stocked in every supermarket,
97
00:03:43,764 --> 00:03:46,166
while arcade after arcade closes.
98
00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:47,234
He's got a point.
99
00:03:47,301 --> 00:03:48,969
nevertheless, I designed this game
100
00:03:49,036 --> 00:03:50,370
to be played upon my death
101
00:03:50,437 --> 00:03:52,406
by you and whatever cabal of fruits,
102
00:03:52,473 --> 00:03:54,241
junkies, and sluts you call your friends.
103
00:03:54,308 --> 00:03:55,509
Her name is Britta.
104
00:03:55,576 --> 00:03:57,311
Only one player can win--
105
00:03:57,377 --> 00:04:00,481
The first to reach my throne
Inside castle hawkthorne.
106
00:04:00,547 --> 00:04:04,118
Their reward, Pierce,
will be your inheritance.
107
00:04:04,184 --> 00:04:05,385
- What?
- His inheritance? What?
108
00:04:05,452 --> 00:04:08,021
So you see, Pierce,
turns out you were right.
109
00:04:08,088 --> 00:04:10,190
Video games are important.
110
00:04:12,626 --> 00:04:14,895
Worst son ever!
111
00:04:14,962 --> 00:04:17,264
Well, great. How do I fight you guys?
112
00:04:17,331 --> 00:04:18,265
Which button fights?
113
00:04:18,332 --> 00:04:21,201
- Pierce, stop.
- Pierce, relax.
114
00:04:21,268 --> 00:04:22,669
Pierce, stay in the game,
stay in the game.
115
00:04:22,736 --> 00:04:23,837
Pierce, calm down.
116
00:04:23,904 --> 00:04:25,639
Nobody's gonna fight you.
Why not?
117
00:04:25,706 --> 00:04:27,908
Because when you're friends
with someone for three years,
118
00:04:27,975 --> 00:04:30,110
it's weird to steal their family's money.
119
00:04:30,177 --> 00:04:31,545
And there wouldn't be a
lot of sport in beating you.
120
00:04:31,612 --> 00:04:33,447
Look at yourself.
Yeah, he's right.
121
00:04:33,514 --> 00:04:35,449
You're playing the game wrong.
122
00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:37,484
Why is Harry belafonte in here?
123
00:04:37,551 --> 00:04:38,552
It's Gilbert.
124
00:04:38,619 --> 00:04:39,553
You're not supposed to cooperate,
125
00:04:39,620 --> 00:04:40,888
you're supposed to compete.
126
00:04:40,954 --> 00:04:42,122
Thanks for the advice,
127
00:04:42,189 --> 00:04:44,124
but I think we can choose
how we want to play.
128
00:04:44,191 --> 00:04:46,093
- I suppose we can. - is he
being ominous?
129
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,594
Why are you being ominous?
130
00:04:49,163 --> 00:04:50,497
Whoa. We can pick stuff up?
131
00:04:50,564 --> 00:04:52,566
This game is more complex
than you can imagine.
132
00:04:52,633 --> 00:04:54,601
And aside from its programmers,
133
00:04:54,668 --> 00:04:56,270
who have all been deported back to China,
134
00:04:56,336 --> 00:04:58,839
I'm the one who knows how it works.
135
00:05:00,074 --> 00:05:01,208
Run, run!
He's gonna throw a knife!
136
00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:02,409
He's gonna throw a knife! Go!
137
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,410
Jump! Jump!
138
00:05:05,379 --> 00:05:06,313
Wah!
139
00:05:09,116 --> 00:05:10,384
Wait! What are you--?
140
00:05:11,618 --> 00:05:13,554
he's a psychopath! He's suffo--
141
00:05:16,457 --> 00:05:17,991
Yeah.
142
00:05:18,058 --> 00:05:19,893
Hey, look, Buddy,
I know it must have sucked
143
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,196
being colonel Sanders'
manservant and all,
144
00:05:22,262 --> 00:05:23,564
but Pierce is technically our friend,
145
00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:25,466
and we're not gonna watch
you screw him over.
146
00:05:25,532 --> 00:05:26,733
Perhaps you should be asking yourselves
147
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,469
how you intend to stop me.
148
00:05:28,535 --> 00:05:31,004
How about if we come over
there and kick your ass?
149
00:05:31,071 --> 00:05:32,406
Go get him, Troy.
150
00:05:32,473 --> 00:05:33,507
Be my guest.
151
00:05:33,574 --> 00:05:35,342
But 30 seconds after you leave your chairs,
152
00:05:35,409 --> 00:05:37,144
the weight sensors will recognize it
153
00:05:37,211 --> 00:05:38,479
as an automatic forfeit.
154
00:05:38,545 --> 00:05:40,147
Weight sensors?
155
00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:43,150
That's it. Let's get that jag!
156
00:05:43,217 --> 00:05:44,451
- Yeah!
- Get him!
157
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:47,755
- Kick that hippie's ass!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
158
00:05:47,821 --> 00:05:50,424
Let's go! Move, move, move!
159
00:05:52,993 --> 00:05:55,929
- I think he left a note.
- What?
160
00:05:55,996 --> 00:05:57,798
"after you've squandered
the last of your savings,
161
00:05:57,865 --> 00:05:59,266
"I'll watch you writhe,
penniless, in the gutter,
162
00:05:59,333 --> 00:06:00,400
"through a telescope
in the penthouse office
163
00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:01,401
of Hawthorne tower."
164
00:06:02,603 --> 00:06:05,839
you can leave notes.
This game is incredible.
165
00:06:05,906 --> 00:06:07,441
Pierce?
166
00:06:08,509 --> 00:06:09,443
- No, Pierce!
- Please, no!
167
00:06:09,510 --> 00:06:10,544
We need you!
168
00:06:10,611 --> 00:06:11,879
Just let me die.
169
00:06:11,945 --> 00:06:14,214
Pierce, so Gilbert knows a couple tricks.
170
00:06:14,281 --> 00:06:16,450
Big deal. We outnumber him.
171
00:06:16,517 --> 00:06:19,119
And most importantly,
while he's fighting for greed,
172
00:06:19,186 --> 00:06:20,854
we're fighting for friendship,
173
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:23,157
which means we can't lose, okay?
174
00:06:23,223 --> 00:06:26,226
- Okay.
- Okay!
175
00:06:28,228 --> 00:06:30,564
I guess there's no hug button.
176
00:06:33,542 --> 00:06:36,278
Everybody keep Pierce protected.
177
00:06:36,345 --> 00:06:39,114
We have to get him to the throne
of hawkthorne before Gilbert.
178
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:40,649
And don't forget, when you die,
179
00:06:40,716 --> 00:06:42,718
you go all the way back to the study room.
180
00:06:42,784 --> 00:06:44,686
So...don't die.
181
00:06:44,753 --> 00:06:46,388
Good pep talk, Jeff.
182
00:06:46,455 --> 00:06:47,889
Yeah, I used to love dying,
183
00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:49,558
but that speech really turned me around.
184
00:06:49,625 --> 00:06:50,892
Whatever.
185
00:06:52,928 --> 00:06:54,730
What's that? Kill it!
186
00:06:54,796 --> 00:06:56,365
It's a girl milking
a cow, Pierce.
187
00:06:56,431 --> 00:06:57,566
I'll check it out.
I owe Jeff that.
188
00:06:57,633 --> 00:07:00,068
I wasn't gonna say it.
189
00:07:00,135 --> 00:07:02,471
I am Hilda. I live in the village.
190
00:07:02,537 --> 00:07:04,106
- Lesbian.
- Shh!
191
00:07:06,508 --> 00:07:07,442
I can help with that.
192
00:07:07,509 --> 00:07:10,279
I have information on many topics.
193
00:07:10,345 --> 00:07:12,047
Cool.
194
00:07:13,582 --> 00:07:16,051
The throne is in castle
hawkthorne, north of here.
195
00:07:16,118 --> 00:07:19,021
You unlock the castle with the
white crystal of discipline,
196
00:07:19,087 --> 00:07:20,956
which you must free from the black caverns.
197
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:22,791
I'm picking up on
some hidden symbolism.
198
00:07:22,858 --> 00:07:24,559
right, "White Crystal."
199
00:07:24,626 --> 00:07:25,994
You think dad was into meth?
200
00:07:26,061 --> 00:07:28,163
You can usually get
supplies in a town like this.
201
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:29,631
Man, why can't my mom be here?
202
00:07:29,698 --> 00:07:31,566
She always said my video game
Knowledge would come in handy.
203
00:07:31,633 --> 00:07:33,302
I never believed her.
204
00:07:33,368 --> 00:07:34,670
Everybody split up and take a hut.
205
00:07:34,736 --> 00:07:38,736
Our only chance of beating
Gilbert is to cover more ground.
206
00:07:41,643 --> 00:07:44,313
I have information on
the following topics.
207
00:07:46,381 --> 00:07:47,349
Holy crap.
208
00:07:47,416 --> 00:07:49,318
Where have you been my whole life?
209
00:07:51,386 --> 00:07:53,522
I buy and sell weapons and armor.
210
00:07:54,590 --> 00:07:56,024
Cool. We need weapons.
211
00:07:57,092 --> 00:07:59,761
ooh. Well, what's free?
212
00:07:59,828 --> 00:08:00,796
Can we have a torch?
213
00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:02,531
- Thief! Thief! - Annie, put it
back.
214
00:08:02,598 --> 00:08:04,866
Sorry. Sorry.
215
00:08:04,933 --> 00:08:06,201
Arr! Arr!
216
00:08:06,268 --> 00:08:07,202
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
217
00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,403
Oh, my god. - Oh, oh! Oh, no!
218
00:08:08,470 --> 00:08:10,439
What are you doing? - It was an accident!
219
00:08:10,505 --> 00:08:11,773
- Arrr!
- He's dying!
220
00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:13,075
- Arrrrrr! - All right, hold on,
hold on!
221
00:08:13,141 --> 00:08:14,876
Arrr! Arrr!
222
00:08:14,943 --> 00:08:16,445
Now what are you doing?
223
00:08:16,511 --> 00:08:17,846
He was suffering!
224
00:08:17,913 --> 00:08:20,148
Yeah, from axe wounds!
225
00:08:20,215 --> 00:08:22,284
Well, if this isn't
worth any points, what is?
226
00:08:22,351 --> 00:08:25,454
You're asking me?
I'm still looking for a pong paddle.
227
00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,291
- Let's play poker. - Oh, now we're talking.
228
00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:31,126
Check the desk.
I'll check the dresser.
229
00:08:31,193 --> 00:08:32,394
How do I straighten that painting?
230
00:08:32,461 --> 00:08:35,230
You can't.
Stop playing like a girl.
231
00:08:37,532 --> 00:08:38,800
Stop playing like a girl?
232
00:08:38,867 --> 00:08:40,769
Here's the thing about women, Jeff.
233
00:08:40,836 --> 00:08:42,904
We don't Hack and slash
our way through life
234
00:08:42,971 --> 00:08:45,140
because we're one with life.
235
00:08:45,207 --> 00:08:48,043
- Help me hide the body. - Oh,
my lord. Oh, my lord.
236
00:08:48,110 --> 00:08:50,345
Shirley, these things
happen in video games.
237
00:08:50,412 --> 00:08:51,513
- They do?
- Yes.
238
00:08:51,580 --> 00:08:52,514
We can't get hung up
239
00:08:52,581 --> 00:08:53,849
on Real world morality.
240
00:08:53,916 --> 00:08:55,350
We need to survive and win.
241
00:08:55,417 --> 00:08:58,353
Hello, I'm the
blacksmith's wife--Aah! Help!
242
00:08:58,420 --> 00:09:00,289
- Oh, crap!
- Guard the door.
243
00:09:00,355 --> 00:09:01,723
What?
244
00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:02,724
Shirley!
245
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,426
No witnesses!
246
00:09:04,493 --> 00:09:05,761
Grab everything you can carry.
247
00:09:05,827 --> 00:09:07,296
I'll check upstairs
for any more family.
248
00:09:07,362 --> 00:09:09,064
Don't give me that look.
These are your loose ends.
249
00:09:09,131 --> 00:09:10,632
I'm just tying 'em up.
250
00:09:10,699 --> 00:09:12,401
This is so cool.
251
00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:13,635
Where are your clothes?
252
00:09:13,702 --> 00:09:14,870
Pierce taught me poker.
253
00:09:14,937 --> 00:09:16,405
I'm not good at it.
254
00:09:16,471 --> 00:09:17,439
You still talking to this girl?
255
00:09:17,506 --> 00:09:18,840
Yeah, she only has three moves
256
00:09:18,907 --> 00:09:20,676
that you activate with
basic patterns of stimulus.
257
00:09:20,742 --> 00:09:22,110
I've never felt this way before.
258
00:09:22,177 --> 00:09:23,845
- Abed, don't get weird. - Oh, I won't.
259
00:09:23,912 --> 00:09:24,980
She's not ready for
anything serious,
260
00:09:25,047 --> 00:09:26,548
but she wants me to meet her family.
261
00:09:26,615 --> 00:09:29,017
- My father is the blacksmith.
- her father's a blacksmith.
262
00:09:29,084 --> 00:09:31,486
- Hello!
- Everybody go shopping?
263
00:09:31,553 --> 00:09:33,422
That's all we did.
264
00:09:33,488 --> 00:09:34,523
Is that hut on fire?
265
00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:37,759
Oh, my. What an unexplained tragedy.
266
00:09:37,826 --> 00:09:40,362
don't we look
comfy at a cauldron.
267
00:09:40,429 --> 00:09:41,964
check it out.
268
00:09:43,765 --> 00:09:45,634
Ooh, see, I'll put
all of this in here,
269
00:09:45,701 --> 00:09:47,736
and then that,
and then I'll hit this.
270
00:09:47,803 --> 00:09:49,404
What is it?
271
00:09:49,471 --> 00:09:51,073
I assume, like, a strength potion.
272
00:09:51,139 --> 00:09:52,641
Then I assume it's poison.
273
00:09:52,708 --> 00:09:54,276
You're just jealous
because we found a world
274
00:09:54,343 --> 00:09:55,577
where I know what I'm doing.
275
00:09:55,644 --> 00:09:57,946
This place is 20 cat
turds and a pixies poster
276
00:09:58,013 --> 00:09:59,615
from being your apartment.
277
00:10:02,017 --> 00:10:03,418
What's with the st. Pauli girl?
278
00:10:03,485 --> 00:10:04,486
Hilda's parents lived there.
279
00:10:04,553 --> 00:10:05,754
Now she has no family.
280
00:10:05,821 --> 00:10:07,155
She'll be forced to
marry a male villager
281
00:10:07,222 --> 00:10:09,725
or take her chances in the wilderness.
282
00:10:09,791 --> 00:10:12,294
What kind of game is this?
283
00:10:12,361 --> 00:10:14,496
Oh, crap, it's Gilbert.
Well, well, well.
284
00:10:14,563 --> 00:10:16,265
Looks like someone's
one step behind.
285
00:10:16,331 --> 00:10:18,667
Yeah, if you're looking
for equipment, tough luck.
286
00:10:18,734 --> 00:10:21,303
The store was lost in a freak accident.
287
00:10:21,370 --> 00:10:22,704
I hardly need equipment, young lady.
288
00:10:22,771 --> 00:10:25,841
While you were shopping,
I gained enough levels to do this.
289
00:10:25,907 --> 00:10:27,743
Uh-Huh, come on and bring it!
290
00:10:27,809 --> 00:10:29,177
He's shooting lightning and I'm naked!
291
00:10:29,244 --> 00:10:30,445
Get behind us! We have armor!
292
00:10:30,512 --> 00:10:31,947
Oh! Whoa!
293
00:10:32,014 --> 00:10:34,750
Aah!
294
00:10:34,816 --> 00:10:36,685
Oh, great! Gilbert!
295
00:10:36,752 --> 00:10:39,254
Oh, great! Evil Jedi lightning Gilbert!
296
00:10:39,321 --> 00:10:40,856
oh!
297
00:10:40,923 --> 00:10:44,126
Britta, drink that super
strength potion you made.
298
00:10:44,192 --> 00:10:45,260
Oh, right, right, right, right.
299
00:10:45,327 --> 00:10:46,461
Hurry up, Britta!
300
00:10:46,528 --> 00:10:47,996
I'm trying, I'm trying! Aah!
301
00:10:48,063 --> 00:10:50,065
Damn it, I thought we
could count on Britta
302
00:10:50,132 --> 00:10:52,034
to not screw up drinking.
303
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:53,402
This'll be fun.
304
00:10:55,037 --> 00:10:57,005
what the hell?
305
00:10:57,072 --> 00:10:58,373
Here's hoping we can count on her
306
00:10:58,440 --> 00:11:00,309
to screw up making potions.
307
00:11:07,950 --> 00:11:09,451
Unbelievable.
308
00:11:09,518 --> 00:11:12,154
Jeff bet all our lives on Britta and won,
309
00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,424
and I lost my pants to a pair of nines.
310
00:11:19,861 --> 00:11:22,397
very well.
311
00:11:22,464 --> 00:11:25,200
Let's play.
312
00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:35,802
Abed, are you sure about this?
313
00:11:35,868 --> 00:11:38,071
Yeah. It just feels like
the right thing to do.
314
00:11:38,137 --> 00:11:39,772
Hey, I made it back.
315
00:11:39,839 --> 00:11:41,941
You guys never died.
How did you beat Gilbert?
316
00:11:42,008 --> 00:11:44,010
Oh, you know. Teamwork.
317
00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:45,044
We were headed for the black caves
318
00:11:45,111 --> 00:11:46,446
to find the white crystal.
319
00:11:46,512 --> 00:11:47,814
We were just saying good-Bye to abed.
320
00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:48,982
I'm gonna stay here in
the village with Hilda
321
00:11:49,048 --> 00:11:50,083
and help her rebuild her life.
322
00:11:50,149 --> 00:11:51,718
Abed, she's a program.
323
00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:53,519
People have said similar things about me.
324
00:11:53,586 --> 00:11:55,154
Uh-Oh. He's playing
the rain man card.
325
00:11:55,221 --> 00:11:56,155
Let's bounce.
326
00:11:56,222 --> 00:11:57,757
I've got an inheritance to win.
327
00:12:00,827 --> 00:12:02,161
?T� ?T�
328
00:12:03,763 --> 00:12:05,265
Offensive. Called it.
329
00:12:05,331 --> 00:12:06,266
Shut up, Britta.
330
00:12:06,332 --> 00:12:08,468
?T� ?T�
331
00:12:09,836 --> 00:12:11,471
You did great in there, Jeff.
332
00:12:11,537 --> 00:12:12,605
Shut up, Pierce.
333
00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:17,210
?T� ?T�
334
00:12:17,277 --> 00:12:19,812
Okay, duck. Stay ducked.
335
00:12:19,879 --> 00:12:21,514
Okay, unduck.
336
00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:23,316
Okay, now jump.
337
00:12:23,383 --> 00:12:24,584
I think we're almost there.
338
00:12:24,651 --> 00:12:27,020
Thank god. This cave is the worst.
339
00:12:27,086 --> 00:12:28,688
I know, I don't know
what's more offensive--
340
00:12:28,755 --> 00:12:31,124
The actual racism or the insulting notion
341
00:12:31,190 --> 00:12:32,792
that it might somehow rub off on us.
342
00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:35,061
look out! Jive turkeys!
343
00:12:35,128 --> 00:12:36,829
Kill them before they start multiplying!
344
00:12:38,798 --> 00:12:41,868
- Yeah, suck on this! - Take
that, jive turkey!
345
00:12:48,741 --> 00:12:49,976
All right! The White crystal!
346
00:12:50,043 --> 00:12:50,977
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
347
00:12:51,044 --> 00:12:51,978
- Get it!
- Get it!
348
00:12:52,045 --> 00:12:53,046
I'll take it.
349
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:56,382
I've earned it by having friends.
350
00:12:58,651 --> 00:12:59,585
This is it.
351
00:13:00,653 --> 00:13:01,587
It certainly is.
352
00:13:01,654 --> 00:13:03,122
- No, man!
- You again?
353
00:13:03,189 --> 00:13:04,123
Now I'll have that crystal.
354
00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:05,124
I think you'll have this.
355
00:13:06,192 --> 00:13:07,160
whoops.
356
00:13:07,226 --> 00:13:08,494
Arrows!
357
00:13:09,929 --> 00:13:11,431
What? Come on!
358
00:13:13,766 --> 00:13:14,801
Where'd you get all that stuff?
359
00:13:14,867 --> 00:13:16,669
You've only been alive for an hour.
360
00:13:22,241 --> 00:13:23,176
Well, that was not fair.
361
00:13:23,242 --> 00:13:24,410
What the hell, Gilbert?
362
00:13:24,477 --> 00:13:27,113
You're cheating,
which I have no problem with,
363
00:13:27,180 --> 00:13:29,048
but you're getting caught,
and that's not cool!
364
00:13:29,115 --> 00:13:30,049
Yeah, don't be a knob.
365
00:13:30,116 --> 00:13:31,951
That inheritance is rightfully mine!
366
00:13:32,018 --> 00:13:33,453
Rightfully?
367
00:13:33,519 --> 00:13:34,587
I'm his son.
368
00:13:34,654 --> 00:13:39,258
- So am I.
- Oh.
369
00:13:39,325 --> 00:13:42,028
What? That can't be True.
370
00:13:42,095 --> 00:13:45,231
You're half...white. - Nice save.
371
00:13:45,298 --> 00:13:47,567
Do you remember your
childhood nanny, Etta?
372
00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:51,037
Well, Etta had a hot cousin.
373
00:13:51,104 --> 00:13:52,705
My mother.
374
00:13:52,772 --> 00:13:55,275
So you see, Pierce,
375
00:13:55,341 --> 00:13:57,877
I am your half-Brother,
376
00:13:57,944 --> 00:14:00,647
and I am more your father's
son than you ever were,
377
00:14:00,713 --> 00:14:03,316
so shut up and play the game.
378
00:14:03,383 --> 00:14:06,386
Why you-- - Let's go, Pierce.
379
00:14:08,288 --> 00:14:10,223
Okay, look, I know things seem hopeless
380
00:14:10,290 --> 00:14:12,325
because he's all the way to
the castle with the crystal
381
00:14:12,392 --> 00:14:13,893
and we're starting over,
382
00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:15,328
but here's the thing--
383
00:14:15,395 --> 00:14:16,829
We're better at this game now.
384
00:14:16,896 --> 00:14:19,632
We've died and been reborn,
and that makes us heroes.
385
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:21,901
- Charge!
- Let's get him!
386
00:14:29,976 --> 00:14:33,976
?T� ?T�
387
00:14:41,154 --> 00:14:42,422
I guess the fact that
we're still playing
388
00:14:42,488 --> 00:14:43,756
means he hasn't won yet.
389
00:14:43,823 --> 00:14:45,291
Yeah, but what's the point?
390
00:14:45,358 --> 00:14:47,794
He'll just keep
cheating until he wins.
391
00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:50,630
Why are all the trees cut down?
392
00:14:50,697 --> 00:14:55,335
Isn't this where abed's village was?
393
00:14:55,401 --> 00:14:57,337
- Hello, old friends.
- abed!
394
00:14:57,403 --> 00:14:58,404
You remember Hilda.
395
00:14:58,471 --> 00:15:00,974
I live in the village. I love abed.
396
00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:02,542
Did she just say your name?
397
00:15:02,609 --> 00:15:04,043
Yeah, if you Max out a character's trust
398
00:15:04,110 --> 00:15:05,345
and affection levels, you can gain access
399
00:15:05,411 --> 00:15:06,446
to a front-End scripting language.
400
00:15:06,512 --> 00:15:07,447
Watch.
401
00:15:10,149 --> 00:15:11,651
Cool cool cool!
402
00:15:11,718 --> 00:15:13,019
She can make babies for me.
403
00:15:13,086 --> 00:15:14,020
Oh, and I can't?
404
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,688
I can't.
405
00:15:15,755 --> 00:15:16,823
Come on inside.
406
00:15:16,889 --> 00:15:17,824
I built this from scratch.
407
00:15:17,890 --> 00:15:18,825
Check out my castle.
408
00:15:18,891 --> 00:15:19,826
- Oh, it's nice.
- Wow.
409
00:15:19,892 --> 00:15:21,027
I hope this isn't blood gold.
410
00:15:21,094 --> 00:15:22,328
This is my family.
411
00:15:22,395 --> 00:15:24,097
Baby abed has my eyes and her bonnet.
412
00:15:24,163 --> 00:15:25,898
Each baby is capable of
executing custom code,
413
00:15:25,965 --> 00:15:27,200
which means you can write a code
414
00:15:27,267 --> 00:15:29,035
that makes one baby tell
another baby what to do,
415
00:15:29,102 --> 00:15:30,670
much like real children on a playground.
416
00:15:30,737 --> 00:15:32,038
Oh, abed, but--
417
00:15:32,105 --> 00:15:33,706
Annie, let's find the
tin man's heart later.
418
00:15:33,773 --> 00:15:35,608
Abed, how much stuff do you have here
419
00:15:35,675 --> 00:15:36,676
and what can we make with it?
420
00:15:36,743 --> 00:15:38,645
- That depends.
- on?
421
00:15:38,711 --> 00:15:40,446
On what you can imagine.
422
00:15:40,513 --> 00:15:42,515
Baby abeds: Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
423
00:15:46,052 --> 00:15:47,387
Welcome.
424
00:15:47,453 --> 00:15:50,623
You are the first to make it
to the throne of hawkthorne.
425
00:15:50,690 --> 00:15:53,092
Let me take a look at you.
426
00:15:53,159 --> 00:15:55,228
According to your complexion,
427
00:15:55,295 --> 00:15:58,197
I think you might be Gilbert Lawson.
428
00:15:58,264 --> 00:16:00,233
Is this True?
429
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,234
Just a moment.
430
00:16:01,301 --> 00:16:02,335
Hello, Gilbert.
431
00:16:02,402 --> 00:16:04,570
Due to the nature of our relationship,
432
00:16:04,637 --> 00:16:06,639
I'll need your electronic signature
433
00:16:06,706 --> 00:16:08,741
on this legally-Binding agreement.
434
00:16:09,809 --> 00:16:11,978
it dictates that you will never, ever
435
00:16:12,045 --> 00:16:13,413
besmirch the Hawthorne name
436
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,348
with Any outlandish notions
437
00:16:15,415 --> 00:16:18,017
regarding you genealogical origins.
438
00:16:18,084 --> 00:16:19,552
You are the bastard offspring
439
00:16:19,619 --> 00:16:21,120
of a colored seductress
440
00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:23,589
and an unknown, weak-Willed miscegenist...
441
00:16:31,297 --> 00:16:34,434
it's a simple question, Gilbert.
442
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,537
Do you agree?
443
00:16:38,972 --> 00:16:42,508
Thank you for being honest, Gilbert.
444
00:16:42,575 --> 00:16:44,744
No!
445
00:16:44,811 --> 00:16:47,280
I'm your son!
446
00:16:47,347 --> 00:16:48,581
I'm sorry, Gilbert.
447
00:16:48,648 --> 00:16:51,217
I always knew you'd disappoint me.
448
00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:52,752
Baby abeds: Cool cool cool! Cool Cool cool!
449
00:16:52,819 --> 00:16:53,820
Cool Cool cool!
450
00:16:53,886 --> 00:16:56,789
Ah, I see you've chosen teamwork.
451
00:16:56,856 --> 00:16:58,858
A coward's strategy.
452
00:16:58,925 --> 00:17:01,961
I will upgrade your challenge accordingly.
453
00:17:06,666 --> 00:17:07,867
?T� ?T�
454
00:17:07,934 --> 00:17:12,071
I bequeath my fortune to no inferiors.
455
00:17:12,138 --> 00:17:13,072
?T� ?T�
456
00:17:14,974 --> 00:17:16,643
- Yeah!
- Attack!
457
00:17:16,709 --> 00:17:18,911
What's this now?
458
00:17:18,978 --> 00:17:20,613
Whoo hoo hoo hoo! Here we go!
459
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,416
Get him! Aim for the joints!
460
00:17:23,483 --> 00:17:24,417
Baby ABEDS: Cool cool cool! Cool Cool cool!
461
00:17:24,484 --> 00:17:25,585
- Take that!
- Get him!
462
00:17:25,652 --> 00:17:27,453
Die, racism!
463
00:17:30,223 --> 00:17:31,758
Troy and ABED: ?T� Troy
and abed shooting lava ?T�
464
00:17:31,824 --> 00:17:33,960
Yeah!
465
00:17:37,864 --> 00:17:39,299
Take that!
466
00:17:39,365 --> 00:17:42,335
- Aah!
- Aah! Oh, no! Aah!
467
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:47,937
Hey! Look at me now, dad!
468
00:17:50,109 --> 00:17:52,078
Aah!
469
00:18:03,323 --> 00:18:06,225
I suppose you're wondering, player,
470
00:18:06,292 --> 00:18:10,292
why record myself breathing weird
471
00:18:10,964 --> 00:18:14,567
and letting you destroy me.
472
00:18:14,634 --> 00:18:18,938
Because I am a man of honor.
473
00:18:19,005 --> 00:18:23,005
So you've earned the
pleasure of my death.
474
00:18:23,643 --> 00:18:25,144
But I didn't.
475
00:18:25,211 --> 00:18:26,846
I'm not the one that beat you.
476
00:18:26,913 --> 00:18:29,248
Yes, you are.
477
00:18:29,315 --> 00:18:31,384
We're forfeiting.
478
00:18:31,451 --> 00:18:33,353
Stations one through seven abandoned.
479
00:18:33,419 --> 00:18:34,454
Players disqualified.
480
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:35,555
Gilbert, you're right.
481
00:18:35,622 --> 00:18:37,156
You were more his son than me.
482
00:18:37,223 --> 00:18:38,825
You took all his crap
483
00:18:38,891 --> 00:18:40,526
and you didn't even
get to take his name.
484
00:18:40,593 --> 00:18:45,064
He once sat on me in church
just so he could see better.
485
00:18:45,131 --> 00:18:47,567
We've only been playing
this game a couple of hours.
486
00:18:47,634 --> 00:18:50,169
You've been playing
it your whole life,
487
00:18:50,236 --> 00:18:53,439
and now it's time for
your reward, brother.
488
00:18:53,506 --> 00:18:56,376
So get in there and kill our dad.
489
00:18:56,442 --> 00:18:59,879
Thank you, Pierce.
490
00:18:59,946 --> 00:19:02,148
Wait a second. Here, take this.
491
00:19:02,215 --> 00:19:03,149
- oh!
- Whoa!
492
00:19:03,216 --> 00:19:04,717
- You may need it.
- Oh, Pierce.
493
00:19:04,784 --> 00:19:07,186
You really don't know
how this works, do you?
494
00:19:07,253 --> 00:19:08,955
Are you always carrying that?
495
00:19:09,022 --> 00:19:10,256
Not in the shower.
496
00:19:21,968 --> 00:19:23,803
I'd like to thank
you again for today
497
00:19:23,870 --> 00:19:26,272
and offer my apologies for my conduct.
498
00:19:26,339 --> 00:19:27,707
I wasn't myself.
499
00:19:27,774 --> 00:19:30,777
Family can make a person
do a lot of crazy things.
500
00:19:30,843 --> 00:19:33,613
I understand. I have an
uncle who makes his own pizza.
501
00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,315
- don't worry about it.
- Yeah, totally.
502
00:19:35,381 --> 00:19:37,583
if it would make it up
to any of you in any way,
503
00:19:37,650 --> 00:19:39,118
there's a bar in
town called skeepers,
504
00:19:39,185 --> 00:19:40,887
and I hear they make a specialty drink--
505
00:19:40,954 --> 00:19:44,123
a Margarita, in fact,
and it's served in a glass
506
00:19:44,190 --> 00:19:46,259
an entire yard long.
507
00:19:46,326 --> 00:19:48,261
My treat. - Score.
508
00:19:48,328 --> 00:19:50,563
This is the greatest day of my life.
509
00:19:50,630 --> 00:19:52,732
I've always wanted
to have a brother.
510
00:19:52,799 --> 00:19:55,368
Hey, Hey, settle a bet.
511
00:19:55,435 --> 00:19:59,672
The word "Mulatto,
" is it okay or just borderline?
512
00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:02,709
- We apologize for him. - Oh,
that's okay. He's family.
513
00:20:13,319 --> 00:20:16,589
Hilda, my love,
I said I'd come back for you.
514
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:22,884
I don't know.
515
00:20:22,951 --> 00:20:23,885
I just think that in a parallel universe,
516
00:20:23,952 --> 00:20:24,953
blorgons are-- - hold on.
517
00:20:25,019 --> 00:20:29,390
a baby. I wasn't expecting this.
518
00:20:29,457 --> 00:20:30,758
guess we'll have to support it.
519
00:20:30,825 --> 00:20:32,160
I guess I could get some kind of job,
520
00:20:32,227 --> 00:20:33,461
maybe at beans and more.
521
00:20:33,528 --> 00:20:34,629
I'll probably have to
work double shifts, but--
522
00:20:34,696 --> 00:20:36,464
Oh, I see.
523
00:20:36,531 --> 00:20:38,499
While you're off, climbing
the ladder at beans and more,
524
00:20:38,566 --> 00:20:39,868
I'll just stay home
and raise him alone.
525
00:20:39,934 --> 00:20:41,369
That's fine. I'll just give up on my dreams.
526
00:20:41,436 --> 00:20:42,871
- Here we go.
- What?
527
00:20:42,937 --> 00:20:45,840
He needs to learn a strong man can cry.
528
00:20:53,081 --> 00:20:54,749
So, what were you saying about blorgons?
529
00:20:56,618 --> 00:20:58,319
They're actually called glorbons.
530
00:20:58,369 --> 00:21:02,919
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