All language subtitles for Adam Ruins Everything s02e20 An Ancient History of Violence.eng

The ancient world.

Journey with us to
Ancient Rome,

where bloodthirsty
gladiators battled to the death!

Are you not entertained?!

To Ancient Greece, where a tiny
force of 300 Spartans

defended their homeland from
invading Persian barbarians.

This is Sparta!

And to ancient Mesopo...

Okay, cut.

Cut the music.

Conover, I see you!

You're behind
the rock.

You were gonna
interrupt me, weren't you?

Yeah.

Were you gonna be
the rock?

Yeah.

Let's get this over with.

Actually, the history of
the ancient world

is way more fascinating

and messed up than
Hollywood makes it out to be.

Oh, a rock.

I'm so surprised.

And I'm Adam Conover

and this is
"Reanimated History-yyyyyyyy"...

*ADAM RUINS EVERYTHING*
Season 02 Episode 20 Title: "An Ancient History of Violence"

The Coliseum.

It was in this vaunted arena
that the masses

satisfied their bloodlust

as they watched lethal
and skilled gladiators

fight to the death.

As slaves or prisoners of war,

these gladiators
were forced into battle

and had but one choice:
win or die.

Sometimes the only
hope of a fallen gladiator

lie in the whims of
the Roman emperor.

Will this fallen warrior
survive to fight another day?

Or will he be fed to the lions?

Actually, gladiatorial contests
were way more tame than this.

So whoever told you this
version must have been... lion.

- Boo!
- Oh, God, no! Puns?!

What are you
talking about, Adam?

This was blood sport!

Nope. In fact, for
most of gladiatorial history,

intentionally killing
your opponent

was against the rules.

That's why only one in ten
matches ended in a death.

But I thought gladiatorial
combat was pure mayhem!

They actually had rules?

Yup! As well as umpires
to enforce them.

All right, gents,
I want a good clean fight.

No head shots from behind,
no eye-gouging,

and be sure to keep
those genitals well-covered.

We don't want anyone
losing their bits.

Touch weapons... and fight!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!

And these umpires were
scrupulously fair.

In fact, if your
opponent fell by accident...

the umpire would
stop the match

and let him get up.

Please, let me help.

Nah, you're too kind.

But the most important rule:

No killing!

Gladiators were actually trained
to subdue their opponents

rather than
flat-out kill them.

Beware my deadly trident!

Which is mostly
just for show.

I'm really
more of a net guy.

But if no one dies,
how do we know who wins?

Easy!

A match
would actually end

when a gladiator
was wounded,

got too tired,

or just held up
a finger to tap out.

Ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow ow, ow, ow!

Okay, I give up,
I give up!

What?

But that cuts down on all
the awesome murders

and decapitations.

Why would
they do that?

Because gladiators
were expensive.

Many were fed,
clothed, housed, armed,

and trained by owners
called lanistae.

You're up next, kid.

I want you to
float like a butterfly,

sting like a bee,

and avoid damage like
an uninsured rental car.

Go!

And it would be
a very poor investment

if half of your roster
was killed every match.

Oh, God, no!

His resale value
is ruined!

Thanks a lot!

That's why archaeological
evidence suggests

gladiators
had healthy diets

and received quality
medical care.

Due to all of this,

some gladiators
were able to fight

in upwards of
40 battles;

similar to
a modern-day boxer.

And improving his
record to 40 and 0,

The Butcher from Baetica!

Ah, it's just
a stage name, folks.

I wouldn't butcher
anyone.

I'm a professional.

All right, maybe the matches
were safer than I thought.

But it doesn't matter because
at any moment the emperor

could decide to kill them!

Sorry.

While, on occasion,
an emperor or sponsor

would demand a fight
to the death,

it was rare
and generally frowned upon.

In fact, Rome's first emperor

outlawed fights
to the death entirely.

I decree this arena
death free!

Do you know how hard it is
to get blood out of sand?

But the spectators!

Didn't untamed masses
thirst for blood?

Nope! They were actually
more like fans at a sporting event.

Come on, Butcher!

Let's go,
let's go!

The truth is,
being a gladiator

was a lot like being a modern
celebrity athlete.

Gladiators' portraits graced
the walls of public places...

children played with small
clay gladiator dolls...

Uhh, it's an
action figure.

And the most
successful fighters

even commercially
endorsed products.

On the field you may know me
as The Butcher.

But off the field
I'm just a guy who loves fish.

And I always get my fish at
Octavius' fish mongery.

There's no fish
like an Octavius fish.

And gladiators were
considered sex symbols.

Merchants would even
bottle their sweat

to be used as an aphrodisiac.

Get your
Performus Maximus here!

Fresh from the source!

Ohhh...

The fame appealed to
some people so much

that they voluntarily
signed up to be gladiators.

Even emperors wanted in
on the action.

Reportedly, Caligula,
Titus, Hadrian and Commodus

all staged elaborate bouts

just for the chance to
feel like a gladiator.

I am emperor of Rome.

Come at me, gladiator,
and I will defeat you!

So you're saying
being a gladiator

was the best thing ever?

Not entirely!

At certain points
in Roman history,

only half the gladiators
were volunteers.

The rest were slaves.

And, obviously,
slavery was a true horror.

But if you had your pick of what
type of slave you could be,

you might choose
to be a gladiator slave.

That's because gladiators
were fed, cared for,

and, if they
were good enough...

could even
win their freedom.

You have fought
bravely, gladiator.

I grant you your
freedom!

But, even then, the appeal
of being a gladiator was so great

that many would choose to fight
until they died,

or become gladiator trainers
themselves.

Thank you, Emperor.

With my freedom
I choose

to fight in
this arena forever!

Are you not entertained?!

All right, you
made your point, Adam.

I guess my whole conception

of Ancient Roman gladiators
was wrong.

I just wanted to see
some Romans get decapitated!

Ooh, well, if it's violence
you're after,

have you heard the story
about the brutal, badass woman

who took on the entire
Roman Empire

to avenge her people?

Let me guess,
you're gonna tell me about it.

Yup, it's a pretty
great... tale.

Boo!

Take that!

Ha-ha.

That's the price you pay
for punning.

The Roman Empire was the largest
and longest-lasting empire

in the ancient world,

covering territory from
the Middle East

all the way to
the western edge of Europe.

But one region that was
particularly difficult

to conquer
was modern-day Britain.

Ooh, is this going
to be like "Braveheart"?

Yeah, except Truer!

This story is about
a woman

who bravely took on
the entire Roman Empire.

Her name was Boudica

and she's an
Unsung Badass of History.

The year was 41 AD

and the Roman Empire
was reaching its peak.

But Emperor Claudius

wasn't satisfied with
the size of his empire.

So he set his sights
on Britannia.

Sire, we don't currently
control that island.

Well, I already
started coloring it

so now we have to
invade it.

Invade Britannia!

At the time, Britannia

was a disjointed collection
of tribes.

And over several years,

Roman invaders began seizing
their land and wealth.

Boudica, my love.

The Romans' numbers
and weapons are too great.

We have no choice

but to tolerate
their presence here.

Never! We may be king and
queen of only one tribe,

but together we may
just be mighty enough

to face the invaders!

Think of our daughters!

We must be alive
to protect them.

We cannot fight.

The Romans continued
to subjugate Britannia

for a decade,

but in 54 AD, Emperor Claudius
was mysteriously poisoned.

I am such a good colorer.

His nephew, Nero, would
become emperor of Rome.

Nero quickly became one of
Rome's most infamous

and brutal emperors...

Tightening the yoke of
oppression on the Celtic people.

I want you to
build a memorial

in honor of my uncle
Claudius,

who I did not poison,

and I certainly do not
feel guilty about poisoning.

Keep working,
you heathen!

Enough is enough.

We cannot be slaves
in our own land.

We must unite
and fight back!

Kill them all.

You heard the emperor.
Kill them all!

This is the price
for disobedience.

Daughters,
you must hide.

Ah, Boudica, is it?

Boudica was beaten,

her daughters were raped,

her husband
was killed,

her estate seized
and her lands desecrated.

She was left with nothing.

I seek vengeance.

I will rise up,
unite our tribes

and destroy the Roman scum!

Boudica managed to
unite the warring tribes

for the first time in history,

eventually amassing an
army of over 230,000 Celts.

They have taken our homes,

murdered our families,
enslaved our people.

We must fight back.

We must defend our
homeland!

Whoa, that's
a lot of Celts.

Or is it pronounced
"Selts"?

No, I'm pretty sure
it's a hard "C."

Keep working,
you maggots!

The only
maggot here is you.

Who dare say
such a thing?!

The name is Boudica.

Over many months

Boudica drove the invaders back.

And finally, she set her sights
on Britannia's largest city,

Londinium.

Emperor, Boudica's forces
have taken Londinium.

Let's just abandon
Britannia.

Sire, allow me to
eliminate the threat myself.

I'm scared.

I know they're too well equipped
and we don't stand a chance,

but we'll fight without one.

Attack!

Despite outnumbering the Romans,

Boudica's troops were unable
to defeat the Roman army.

While the Romans were
heavily trained and armed,

the Celts didn't even
have shields.

We will not make a martyr
of this Boudica.

Find her
and put her in chains.

I'd rather die free

than live as a slave.

Uh?

Even though she
sacrificed her life,

Boudica's bravery lived on.

The Romans decided to end
the excessive tribute payments

and severe punishments
they'd imposed,

for Boudica had shown
them that the Celts

were not to be trifled with.

And the Celts gave Boudica
a hero's burial.

For Boudica!

That's why she's an
Unsung Badass of History.

Gotta hand it to you, Conover,

that was better than
"Braveheart."

But I bet I can beat it.

It's time for my favorite story
from ancient history:

The Battle of Thermopylae,

where 300 Spartan warriors saved
western civilization!

Eh, that story
isn't entirely true.

I'm living in a nightmare.

The year was 480 BCE.

An army of Persians

led by the slave-driving
god-king Xerxes

was intent on
destroying Greece.

Ha!

Puny Greeks.

I'll make
slaves of you all!

I love slaves!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

The only thing that
stood in his way

were 300 soldiers from
the Greek city-state of Sparta,

led by their king,
Leonidas.

We must defend freedom!

We must defend Greece!

Spartans!

Tonight we dine
in Hell!

Despite the fact that
they were vastly outnumbered,

the 300 Spartans somehow managed
to kill thousands of Persians.

Their brave sacrifice

inspired the rest of
Greece to unite,

defeat the barbarians,
and save western civilization.

This... is... Sparta!

This is...

inaccurate!

And it is
super violent.

No, no, no, no, no!

Don't take this
away from me, Adam.

"300" is my favorite movie.

Ooh, remember when Leonidas
kicked that guy down the well?

That was awesome!

Awesomely wrong!

Starting with
the title.

The number of troops under
Leonidas' command at this battle

was way higher than 300.

While it's true that Leonidas
had 300 Spartan warriors,

each of them likely
had a number of attendants

who would help with
armor, weapons,

and even fight alongside them.

On top of that,
there were thousands of troops

from other Greek city-states
at the battle.

Bringing the total number of
Greeks fighting the Persians

at Thermopylae to
upwards of 7,000.

Well, whatever.

Those 300 Spartans...
And their 6,700 friends...

Fought to the death to uphold
their values of freedom,

democracy
and western civilization!

Except the Spartans
valued none of those things.

In fact, Sparta was an
authoritarian society

where everything served
the needs of the military.

It was actually more like
North Korea

than the United States.

This is about to
get a little dark...

Not really appropriate
for children.

You think
you can handle it?

Please, Adam,
I'm not a baby.

Well, that's good,

because in Sparta
babies were murdered.

From birth, parents would
hand newborns

to officials
for evaluation.

This baby is
puny and weak!

Historians believe
that in some cases

if a baby was deemed defective,

and of no future value
to the state,

they were literally
thrown off a cliff

into a pile of
discarded baby corpses.

If a boy was deemed acceptable,

he was forced to
become a soldier.

Congratulations.

You are not
puny and weak.

You get to die
in battle!

The training was
merciless and brutal.

It began at age seven,

during which children could be
beaten, tortured,

or sent into the woods or
mountains alone to survive.

Well, at least they'd come back
hardened soldiers.

No.

If they came back alive,
they'd become a concubine

and were made to perform sexual
services for former soldiers.

Oh God.

That was not
included in the movie.

Next, they'd have to murder
a slave in cold blood...

Okay, that's enough!

Geez, I thought the Spartans
were the good guys!

Yeahhh, unless your definition
of "good guys"

is "warmongering,
slave-driving,

baby-murdering
child molesters"...

It most certainly is not!

Then they weren't.

The movie's representation of
the Persians is way off too.

Xerxes actually
looked more like this.

And if you're comparing
Persia to Sparta,

Persia doesn't
come off half bad.

Hi, I'm Xerxes the Great,

and if you want to be
part of an empire

that will respect your values,

there's no place
like Persia:

the world's first
multicultural polity.

My empire is probably
the safest place in history

up to this point.

You don't see
people getting murdered

in my well-planned streets,
do you?

And we value
rational scholarly traditions

like the scientific method.

We'd love for you
to join our empire.

And unlike those other empires,

we promise not to
murder or rape you.

We'll even let you keep
your rulers,

maintain your culture,
have your own democracy,

and, hey, I'll even participate
in your religion

to gain favor
with your local gods.

It's a little something
I like to call...

"diplomacy."

Persia: We take the "ire"
out of empire.

The Persian Empire
was so appealing

that some Greek city-states

actively rooted for it,
or even helped it in battle.

B-but if the Persians
weren't a horde of invading barbarians

trying to smash Greek
civilization,

why do we view
them that way today?

Because almost everything we
think about this war

and the people in it

comes from just
one guy named Herodotus.

And he was a Greek.

Herodotus is known
as the father of history

because he was the first
historian

to methodically
chronicle events

and put them into a narrative.

But when it came time
to present

that narrative
before the public,

Herodotus painted
the Greeks positively

and the Persians negatively.

And so the multicultural polity
that comprised

the Persian Army...

Uh, the, uh, the soulless
Eastern hordes.

Hooray!

Herodotus took
creative liberties

that framed the Greeks

as noble vanguards
of civilization,

and the Persians as
ruthless barbarian invaders.

Ooh, take this down.

And so King Leonidas

and his brave
300 Spartan warriors

refused to bend to
the will of

the god-king Xerxes

and his ghoulish
hordes of slave warriors.

They fought to
the last man,

inspiring all of
Greece to rise up

and defend democracy,
freedom,

and western civilization.

Wait, that's exactly the plot
of the movie "300."

Yeah. In fact, if you take
Herodotus's biased account as fact,

the movie is
shockingly accurate.

A large number of the lines
in the film

are direct quotes
from Herodotus himself.

This Herodotus guy is a really
unreliable narrator.

And I guess that makes me
an unreliable narrator too.

Oh no.

I'm going to be fired

and forced to narrate
industrial videos.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

We've all been
influenced by Herodotus.

In fact, the whole way we view
the world was changed forever

due to one major concept
he introduced.

And that concept is...

Archers!

Fire!

Run, Adam!

All the Spartans
at Thermopylae died!

Uh... I'll get back to you.

Oh boy.

Run, Adam!

All the Spartans
at Thermopylae died!

Actually...

out of the 300,
only 298 died.

Archers!
Fire again!

Okay, not gonna
push my luck.

Okay, so how did Herodotus

change the way
we view the world?

Well, before Herodotus,
there was no concept

of a noble West

versus a mysterious,
barbaric East.

That narrative
was introduced by him,

and it's influenced the world
ever since.

From the Crusades
to European imperialism

to today's war on terror,

Herodotus's narrative of
a civilized West

versus uncivilized East

has shaped the way
we tell these stories.

Kind of a
bummer that the Persians

didn't have their own
Herodotus at the time.

Exactly!

Since Herodotus's work

is one of the only surviving
histories from this time,

we never got
the other side of the story.

But that's the way history
works sometimes.

It's not a bunch
of irrefutable facts.

History is written
by people.

And people aren't perfect.

Hey, hey, hey,
wait a minute.

What are you doing?

This is my show.

You don't get to
close it out.

I'm sorry.
Go ahead.

And remember, everyone,
history is written by people.

And people aren't perfect.

- Hey, that was my line.
- Sorry!

Can't hear you
over the music.

Hi!
I'm Emily Axford,

and this is
Same Time, Different Place.

Around the same time the Romans

were conquering parts of Europe,
North Africa, and Asia Minor,

a man in China named Cai Lun

was inventing something that
would allow future generations

across the globe to more easily
preserve history.

That something was paper.

Before the invention of paper,

Chinese scribes would
write on bamboo,

which was heavy,
brittle, and hard to carry.

Ah, and that finishes

the history of
our culture!

Now to take
this to the emperor!

Annnd...
can't lift it.

Oh well.

Looks like our culture
will be forgotten forever.

Next, they tried
painting on cloth or silk,

which was difficult
and expensive.

That's all
the silk I can afford.

Guess that's the end
of the book!

But one day,
one of the emperor's

eunuch advisors had an idea.

Side note: He was a eunuch
because back then

enterprising young men who
wanted to move up in the world

would have to get their
junk chopped off

so as not to be a threat
to the emperor's lineage.

Enough playing it safe.

I'm a young go-getter
and I'm going to be somebody!

Ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow, ow, ow...

What we do for our jobs.

Anyway, this particular
go-getter was named Cai Lun,

and he had an idea.

I'll just boil up all this
garbage and pound it together.

That will make a substance that
is light, durable,

and write-on-able!

And so, using tree bark,
discarded cloth, hemp waste,

old rags, and fishnets,

he developed a process to
create modern-day paper.

He took this invention
and presented it to the emperor.

Your greatness,
I have invented paper.

Hmm, hmm... hmm!

This invention will
catapult our empire

into immortality!

Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Cai Lun's ingenuity

should have granted
him riches and land

but good fortune
was not to be.

One day, an empress
asked Cai Lun to spread rumors

slandering a member of
the royal family.

Cai Lun.

I need you to spread
a dirty rumor

about my uncle on
your new paper invention.

Despite being a subversive act,

Cai Lun could not refuse
the request of an empress.

Your wish
is my command.

When the emperor found out
about this slander,

Cai Lun was extremely ashamed.

This shame is the worse pain
I have ever felt.

And, yes,
I'm counting you-know-what.

Wracked with
shame over his actions,

Cai Lun took a warm bath,

dressed himself
in his finest elaborate robes,

and drank poison.

May I be remembered
for my good deed...

rather than my misdeeds.

Cai Lun would
go on to be remembered

for his important invention,
which spread like wildfire,

making its way to
Korea and then Japan.

And by the Middle Ages,

paper was in use all throughout
Europe and Asia.

And its what made
our knowledge of history...

And of him... possible today.

So here's to Cai Lun,
the inventor of paper,

without whom we'd still be
writing on wood.

Man this is hard!

Synchronized by srjanapala

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0