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1
00:00:52,270 --> 00:00:53,703
Thank you.
2
00:00:59,310 --> 00:01:00,220
- Hi, Rose.
- Hi.
3
00:01:00,310 --> 00:01:02,301
- What ya hiding?
- Nothing.
4
00:01:02,390 --> 00:01:06,178
- What smells so awful?
- L�s a new fragrance I'm wearing.
5
00:01:06,270 --> 00:01:08,545
I'm almost sure
that I don't have to ask this,
6
00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:12,066
but you are aware that
toilet water comes in a bottle?
7
00:01:13,430 --> 00:01:15,739
Here. Cat food.
8
00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:18,822
Rose, have you been
feeding those strays again?
9
00:01:18,910 --> 00:01:23,062
I can't help it, Dorothy. I heard them
howling and moaning all night.
10
00:01:23,150 --> 00:01:26,108
- How do you ignore something like that?
- I'm used to it.
11
00:01:26,190 --> 00:01:28,829
My room's next to Blanche's.
12
00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,978
Boy, something smells good in here.
Wha�s for lunch?
13
00:01:35,070 --> 00:01:37,903
- L�s cat food, Sophia.
- Is that Seafood Medley?
14
00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:40,705
Yes, it is.
15
00:01:40,790 --> 00:01:43,588
They used to feed that to us
every Sunday at the home.
16
00:01:43,670 --> 00:01:46,628
Ma, they did not make you eat cat food
at Shady Pines.
17
00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:52,148
I didn't say they made us eat it.
You have the option to go hungry.
18
00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:56,462
- By the way, I'm moving out tomorrow.
- What? Ma, wait. Come back here.
19
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:58,541
What do you mean, you're moving out?
20
00:01:58,630 --> 00:02:02,339
Your brother Phil called again.
This time Big Sally left him for good.
21
00:02:02,430 --> 00:02:05,228
She packed up the four kids
and moved to another trailer court.
22
00:02:05,310 --> 00:02:09,189
- I thought they had six kids.
- Yeah, but she had to leave two behind.
23
00:02:09,270 --> 00:02:13,741
I think if they cross state lines
i�s a parole violation.
24
00:02:13,830 --> 00:02:16,105
Sophia, you mean you're moving for good?
25
00:02:16,190 --> 00:02:19,307
Not for good. I'm just gonna help him
raise the kids.
26
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,302
I'll be back as soon as
they graduate from high school.
27
00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:27,384
Le�s see, they're 14 now,
that should be about 10, 12 years.
28
00:02:27,470 --> 00:02:31,429
Ma, you can't just run off to help Phil
every time he has a problem.
29
00:02:31,510 --> 00:02:33,899
I came here to live with you
when you had a problem.
30
00:02:33,990 --> 00:02:38,188
I did not have a problem. You came to
live here because the home burned down.
31
00:02:38,270 --> 00:02:41,228
Tha�s right, Sophia.
Don't you remember?
32
00:02:42,510 --> 00:02:45,582
- Hi there.
- Ma.
33
00:02:45,670 --> 00:02:46,944
Ma, wha�s the matter?
34
00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:51,228
Everyone is fine. No one died.
The home burned down.
35
00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:54,268
- Are you all right? How'd you get here?
- I hitched.
36
00:02:54,350 --> 00:02:57,069
- Ma.
- A cab. I took a cab.
37
00:02:57,150 --> 00:02:58,663
You should have called.
38
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:02,106
I'm perfectly capable of managing
by myself. I don't need help.
39
00:03:02,190 --> 00:03:05,068
- I'm a totally independent person.
- I know. I know.
40
00:03:05,150 --> 00:03:08,859
I need $67 for the cab.
41
00:03:08,950 --> 00:03:11,180
$67?
42
00:03:12,190 --> 00:03:15,819
Ma, this is crazy.
The home is 15 minutes from here.
43
00:03:15,910 --> 00:03:21,109
My cab driver's Cuban. He said there was
an additional tax for a bilingual driver.
44
00:03:21,630 --> 00:03:24,303
I'll take care of him.
45
00:03:24,390 --> 00:03:27,507
Sit down, Sophia.
You must be exhausted.
46
00:03:27,590 --> 00:03:30,821
Why? I rode in the cab, I didn't push it.
47
00:03:32,470 --> 00:03:36,861
- Sophia, honey. How nice to see you.
- Who are you?
48
00:03:37,350 --> 00:03:40,467
- L�s me, Blanche.
- You look like a prostitute.
49
00:03:43,030 --> 00:03:46,705
Sophia, the things you say.
She didn't mean that, Blanche.
50
00:03:46,790 --> 00:03:51,261
Of course I mean it. Look at her.
My cab driver would fall in love.
51
00:03:52,430 --> 00:03:54,307
I'll get it.
52
00:03:55,270 --> 00:03:57,989
- Harry.
- My pretty.
53
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:01,187
Harry.
Everybody, this is Harry.
54
00:04:01,270 --> 00:04:02,942
- Harry, this is Rose.
- Rose.
55
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:04,941
- And Dorothy.
- Dorothy.
56
00:04:05,030 --> 00:04:09,228
- This is Sophia.
- Well, you must be Blanche's sister.
57
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:12,382
You must be blind.
58
00:04:14,390 --> 00:04:18,178
- Sophia's home just burned down.
- Tha�s terrible.
59
00:04:18,270 --> 00:04:22,821
Not to me. It was a retirement home.
You know what they did?
60
00:04:22,910 --> 00:04:27,062
They set off the fire alarm
in a retirement home. Who can rush?
61
00:04:27,150 --> 00:04:30,586
Half the people have walkers,
the other half can't get out of their chairs.
62
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:33,423
But they got bells going off like crazy.
63
00:04:33,510 --> 00:04:39,107
You know what that does to hearts
that only beat a few times a week?
64
00:04:39,190 --> 00:04:41,465
L�s not pretty.
65
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:47,067
We'd better go.
We have reservations.
66
00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:51,826
- I hope he's taking you to a cold climate.
- Good night. It was a pleasure.
67
00:04:51,910 --> 00:04:54,105
Nice meeting you, Harry.
Have fun.
68
00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:56,499
The man is a scuzzball.
69
00:05:01,270 --> 00:05:04,023
Ma, the four of us have lived together
for a long time.
70
00:05:04,110 --> 00:05:07,022
How can you walk in here
and announce that you're leaving?
71
00:05:07,110 --> 00:05:13,026
Warden, I could make a break for it, but I'm
afraid you'd shoot me going over the wall.
72
00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:17,228
Sophia, couldn't you just visit Phil?
You don't have to move in permanently.
73
00:05:17,310 --> 00:05:20,746
Besides, you won't be comfortable there.
They live in a trailer.
74
00:05:20,830 --> 00:05:23,822
You won't have any privacy.
You won't get your own bedroom.
75
00:05:23,910 --> 00:05:28,108
Please, we all have our own rooms here,
and I still don't get any privacy.
76
00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:32,263
One of us always ends up sharing a bed.
Every time someone visits,
77
00:05:32,350 --> 00:05:36,138
I'm in your room, you're in my room,
she's in her room, she's in your room...
78
00:05:36,230 --> 00:05:38,619
- Look at me.
- What?
79
00:05:38,710 --> 00:05:40,587
- You're getting a cold.
- No, I'm not.
80
00:05:40,670 --> 00:05:42,786
Yes, you are.
Tomorrow you'll have a cold.
81
00:05:42,870 --> 00:05:46,465
What is this, the curse of the cat woman?
82
00:05:46,550 --> 00:05:49,906
- I'm a mother, I know these things.
- Good night, Ma.
83
00:05:49,990 --> 00:05:51,867
Good night.
84
00:06:03,950 --> 00:06:06,589
Wha�s that smell?
85
00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,979
I don't smell anything.
86
00:06:09,070 --> 00:06:13,860
- Are you wearing something?
- A little Bengay on my knees.
87
00:06:15,630 --> 00:06:18,269
A little Vicks on my chest.
88
00:06:21,310 --> 00:06:23,665
A little Deep Heat on my neck.
89
00:06:24,550 --> 00:06:28,828
What are you trying to do,
pickle yourself so you'll live to be 100?
90
00:06:28,910 --> 00:06:31,947
Fine, I'll wipe it off.
Tomorrow I'll be in a wheelchair.
91
00:06:32,030 --> 00:06:34,498
- Good night, Ma.
- Good night.
92
00:06:40,710 --> 00:06:43,941
Keep it up, I'll need a Dramamine.
93
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,862
- Ma?
- Is it morning already?
94
00:06:49,950 --> 00:06:54,341
- No. I just wanted to ask you a question.
- What?
95
00:06:55,590 --> 00:07:00,266
How would you react if you were told
that one of your kids was gay?
96
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:02,739
Your brother Phil is gay?
I knew it.
97
00:07:02,830 --> 00:07:06,823
When he was a kid we couldn't keep
him away from those gladiator movies.
98
00:07:06,910 --> 00:07:10,107
- Ma, Phil is not gay.
- You mean you're gay?
99
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:14,945
What, your friend Jean is having
some sort of membership drive?
100
00:07:15,030 --> 00:07:17,863
- Ma...
- Dorothy, I know you don't get many dates,
101
00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:21,260
but stick with what you know.
102
00:07:23,430 --> 00:07:27,105
At your age, i�s very hard
to break into something new.
103
00:07:27,190 --> 00:07:30,182
- Good night.
- Ma, I am not gay.
104
00:07:30,270 --> 00:07:35,822
- I just wanted to get your reaction.
- I'll tell you the truth, Dorothy.
105
00:07:35,910 --> 00:07:40,586
If one of my kids was gay,
I wouldn't love him one bit less.
106
00:07:40,670 --> 00:07:43,264
I would wish him
all the happiness in the world.
107
00:07:43,350 --> 00:07:47,787
L�s because you're the greatest mother
in the world, and I love you.
108
00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:51,022
Fine.
109
00:07:52,030 --> 00:07:56,342
Now keep your fat mouth shut
so I can get some sleep.
110
00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:02,748
Jean thinks she's in love with Rose.
111
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:15,510
Ma, come on, i�s not funny.
112
00:08:15,590 --> 00:08:20,903
The hell i�s not. Jean in love
with Little Miss Muffet? Come on.
113
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:27,182
- What is going on?
- Nothing.
114
00:08:28,190 --> 00:08:31,262
Come on, now, I heard you laughing.
Wha�s so funny?
115
00:08:31,350 --> 00:08:34,342
- For starters, Jean is a lesbian.
- Ma.
116
00:08:35,870 --> 00:08:37,861
Wha�s funny about that?
117
00:08:37,950 --> 00:08:40,510
- You aren't surprised?
- Of course not.
118
00:08:40,590 --> 00:08:46,108
I've never known any personally,
but isn't Danny Thomas one?
119
00:08:54,670 --> 00:08:57,548
Not Lebanese, Blanche.
120
00:08:58,550 --> 00:09:01,269
- Lesbian.
- Lesbian?
121
00:09:02,350 --> 00:09:04,910
Lesbian.
122
00:09:04,990 --> 00:09:06,981
Lesbian?
123
00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:12,745
- Isn't that where one woman and another...
- We already know what it means.
124
00:09:12,830 --> 00:09:16,425
But Jean's a very attractive woman.
She could have any man she wants.
125
00:09:16,510 --> 00:09:19,422
- She doesn't want them.
- Why not?
126
00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:23,105
A man has so much more to offer.
You know what I mean, Dorothy?
127
00:09:23,190 --> 00:09:28,423
Yeah, I found that out when Mark Perper
ran for class president in the third grade.
128
00:09:28,510 --> 00:09:30,387
Why?
129
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:35,305
His slogan was, "Vote for me
and I'll show you my weewee."
130
00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:45,579
He won by a landslide.
131
00:09:46,590 --> 00:09:50,981
Well, I'll never understand
what Jean doesn't see in the opposite sex,
132
00:09:51,070 --> 00:09:53,538
but if tha�s what makes her happy,
i�s fine by me.
133
00:09:53,630 --> 00:09:57,179
- There's one other thing.
- Jean thinks she's in love with Rose.
134
00:09:57,990 --> 00:09:59,708
Rose?
135
00:10:00,750 --> 00:10:03,059
Jean has the hots for Ro...?
136
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:06,580
I don't believe it.
I do not believe it.
137
00:10:06,670 --> 00:10:09,309
- I was pretty surprised myself.
- Well, I'll bet.
138
00:10:09,950 --> 00:10:14,819
To think Jean would prefer Rose over me.
Tha�s ridiculous.
139
00:10:17,830 --> 00:10:20,139
- Blanche, please.
- You tell me the truth.
140
00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:23,142
If you had to pick between me and Rose,
who would you pick? Who?
141
00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,585
Blanche, pull yourself together.
142
00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:30,621
I'm sorry.
143
00:10:33,470 --> 00:10:35,461
- Does Rose know?
- No.
144
00:10:35,550 --> 00:10:37,541
Good. I don't think you oughta tell her.
145
00:10:37,630 --> 00:10:42,863
After all, she's not as worldly and
sophisticated about these things as I am.
146
00:10:42,950 --> 00:10:48,183
Absolutely. If she finds out Danny Thomas
is a lesbian, i�ll break her heart.
147
00:11:01,430 --> 00:11:06,299
Salvadore, if you want to fool around,
take off your T-shirt.
148
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:11,788
You're gonna get linguini all over me.
149
00:11:11,870 --> 00:11:15,340
Ma, go back to sleep.
L�s just me, Dorothy.
150
00:11:16,270 --> 00:11:18,579
Get the hell out of my bed.
151
00:11:18,670 --> 00:11:23,061
Ma, have a heart. The heat went out again.
I'm freezing to death.
152
00:11:23,150 --> 00:11:25,789
You're the only one
who has an electric blanket.
153
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:29,226
I'll die under here with you.
Your body's like a heat sponge.
154
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:33,667
You'll suck up all the heat and I'll get up
in the morning a frozen fish stick.
155
00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:36,105
Ma, don't be ridiculous.
Just turn up the heat.
156
00:11:36,190 --> 00:11:40,468
L�s already on nine.
On ten you can cook a Lean Cuisine.
157
00:11:40,550 --> 00:11:42,745
Good night, Ma.
158
00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:46,184
Girls, can I please share
your electric blanket?
159
00:11:46,270 --> 00:11:47,259
No.
160
00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:51,138
Come on. I can't sleep.
My be�s never been so cold.
161
00:11:51,230 --> 00:11:54,142
Especially on a Saturday night.
162
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:57,028
All right. Get in.
163
00:12:00,950 --> 00:12:05,944
- Listen, did you hear that sound?
- In my own bed, I'll do what I want.
164
00:12:23,910 --> 00:12:26,788
I mean, it sounded like the heat kicking on.
165
00:12:26,870 --> 00:12:28,861
Thank God. Get back to your own beds.
166
00:12:28,950 --> 00:12:31,623
- Hi, everybody.
- Well, what are you doing?
167
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,144
I've been tinkering with the heater,
trying to get it to work.
168
00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:35,822
Rose, you're a genius.
169
00:12:35,910 --> 00:12:40,142
Boy, tha�s a sentence
you don't hear every day.
170
00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:43,302
She's working great now,
except for one little thing.
171
00:12:43,390 --> 00:12:47,099
I turned the air conditioner on instead
of the heater, and now it won't go off.
172
00:12:47,190 --> 00:12:51,103
Great. Now i�s gonna be colder inside
than it is outside.
173
00:12:51,190 --> 00:12:55,468
I think you're right. There's an icicle
forming on the nose of my bunny slippers.
174
00:12:55,550 --> 00:12:57,666
Move over.
175
00:13:04,390 --> 00:13:09,669
- There, tha�s not so bad.
- Get your bunny nose out of my butt.
176
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:15,106
- Le�s just get some sleep.
- Good night, Ma.
177
00:13:15,190 --> 00:13:18,068
Good night, Moe.
Good night, Larry.
178
00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:25,389
I'm not gonna be able to sleep.
I'm on the wrong side of the bed.
179
00:13:25,470 --> 00:13:29,349
I usually sleep on the right side.
And I wanna be on the right side.
180
00:13:29,430 --> 00:13:32,263
What the hell is everyone
so particular about?
181
00:13:32,350 --> 00:13:35,228
In Sicily, four in a bed is a treat.
182
00:13:36,790 --> 00:13:39,941
It means half your family is on vacation.
183
00:13:40,950 --> 00:13:44,101
I slept with my two brothers until I was 17.
184
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:48,229
I was engaged to one
for a very short period of time.
185
00:13:49,270 --> 00:13:51,500
But tha�s a separate story.
186
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:55,626
- I wouldn't mind hearing it.
- Rose, shut up.
187
00:13:55,710 --> 00:14:01,706
Everybody, stay where you are and go to
sleep. I have to work early in the morning.
188
00:14:04,190 --> 00:14:08,183
- Darn, I forgot something.
- Go in your panamas.
189
00:14:08,270 --> 00:14:13,139
No, i�s not that.
I forgot to say my prayers.
190
00:14:13,230 --> 00:14:16,506
Rose, God wouldn't mind
if you skipped a night.
191
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:22,460
He's very busy these days. Most of his
free time is spent talking to Pat Robertson.
192
00:14:24,870 --> 00:14:28,180
Hello, God.
L�s me, Rose Nylund.
193
00:14:28,270 --> 00:14:32,502
I'm sorry to be getting in touch
so late tonight. I hope I didn't wake you.
194
00:14:32,590 --> 00:14:34,581
Oh, God.
195
00:14:35,670 --> 00:14:38,264
One at a time, Blanche.
196
00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:46,067
Anyway, I wanted to say
I think you're still doing a terrific job.
197
00:14:46,150 --> 00:14:48,983
Of course, there are some things
I don't understand.
198
00:14:49,070 --> 00:14:51,186
Like poverty.
199
00:14:51,270 --> 00:14:55,980
And the spokesmodel category
on Star Search.
200
00:14:56,070 --> 00:15:00,461
But then again, you work your wonders
in mysterious ways.
201
00:15:00,550 --> 00:15:06,147
Two years ago on a night like this I'd have
frozen to death, 'cause I was by myself.
202
00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:10,781
Now I have Dorothy and Blanche
and Sophia to keep me warm.
203
00:15:10,870 --> 00:15:13,987
Not just on a cold winter's night,
but all year long.
204
00:15:15,830 --> 00:15:19,061
Take care of them, God.
If anything happened, I'd just...
205
00:15:19,150 --> 00:15:22,859
Rose, thanks for the lovely prayer.
206
00:15:29,030 --> 00:15:32,784
Now shut up and get into bed.
207
00:15:33,830 --> 00:15:35,821
Amen.
208
00:15:40,870 --> 00:15:44,180
- Nice work, Dorothy.
- Wasn't me.
209
00:15:49,310 --> 00:15:51,744
Sweet Jesus, am I in trouble.
210
00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:57,867
Now I lay me down to sleep...
211
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:09,942
Listen, girls, I love you all dearly,
but I have to go - Phil needs me.
212
00:16:10,030 --> 00:16:12,624
You said Phil and his wife
were getting along.
213
00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:14,701
They were never right for each other.
214
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:18,100
She never appreciated him,
never encouraged him.
215
00:16:18,190 --> 00:16:23,583
With the right woman behind him, he could
have had a real diamond in his front tooth.
216
00:16:28,790 --> 00:16:31,020
Ma, you always stick up for him.
217
00:16:31,110 --> 00:16:35,820
The fact is, he has always made
the wrong choices when it came to women.
218
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:39,266
And you always made the right choices
when it came to relationships?
219
00:16:39,350 --> 00:16:44,504
Need I remind the three of you of the yutz
parade tha�s been through this house?
220
00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:49,984
Sophia, be fair. At our age
i�s not easy to find the perfect man.
221
00:16:50,070 --> 00:16:52,379
Maybe we have all dated
our share of losers,
222
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,462
but I personally have had
my share of winners too.
223
00:16:55,550 --> 00:16:59,782
Please, you've ridden more winners
than Willy Shoemaker.
224
00:17:04,310 --> 00:17:08,861
All I meant was, there has been
a variety of men in our lives.
225
00:17:08,950 --> 00:17:12,829
Thanks again for the ride home, Dirk.
I'll see you at Tuesday's class.
226
00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:15,470
I'll see you then.
Unless I see you before then.
227
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:18,144
If you wouldn't mind,
maybe we could go out.
228
00:17:18,230 --> 00:17:21,506
Why, Dirk, did I just hear you
ask me for a date?
229
00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:24,627
Are you deaf?
I heard him from here.
230
00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:29,066
Blanche, you think maybe we could
have dinner Saturday night?
231
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:32,142
Why don't I just check my datebook
and let you know?
232
00:17:32,230 --> 00:17:35,142
- Sure. I'll call you tomorrow.
- OK. Bye.
233
00:17:35,230 --> 00:17:36,663
Bye.
234
00:17:38,190 --> 00:17:41,660
Well, isn't this
an interesting turn of events?
235
00:17:41,750 --> 00:17:47,746
Gosh, I just don't know what I'm gonna do.
He is a little bit younger than I am.
236
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:53,546
You know what I think?
I can handle this relationship with Dirk.
237
00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:57,418
- I'm going out with him Saturday night.
- Was there ever any doubt?
238
00:17:58,110 --> 00:18:01,420
Momentarily.
This is strictly off the record, but...
239
00:18:01,510 --> 00:18:04,343
Dirk's nearly five years younger
than I am.
240
00:18:07,990 --> 00:18:10,265
In what, Blanche? Dog years?
241
00:18:17,510 --> 00:18:22,220
I'm Blanche. I'm Dorothy's roommate.
Would you get the door?
242
00:18:23,230 --> 00:18:28,748
- Dorothy's told me a lot about you.
- She left out one itty-bitty detail about you.
243
00:18:28,830 --> 00:18:31,788
That I'm a priest?
244
00:18:31,870 --> 00:18:34,225
She didn't know.
245
00:18:34,310 --> 00:18:37,780
Wha�d she think,
you were just a boring dresser?
246
00:18:37,870 --> 00:18:40,430
She's never seen me in cleric's clothing.
247
00:18:40,510 --> 00:18:44,298
I didn't know you priests
could take your clothes off.
248
00:18:46,510 --> 00:18:52,506
- We do a lot of things real people do.
- Except for one very important thing.
249
00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:58,908
Boy, is that gonna put a hitch
in Dorothy's plans.
250
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:03,184
Hello, I'm Rose Nylund.
You must be Frank.
251
00:19:03,270 --> 00:19:07,024
- L�s a pleasure to finally meet you.
- Thank you. Nice to meet you too.
252
00:19:07,110 --> 00:19:10,022
- Dorothy's talked about you for weeks.
- Rose.
253
00:19:10,110 --> 00:19:13,580
When she mentions your name,
she practically glows.
254
00:19:13,670 --> 00:19:16,025
- I think she's smitten with you.
- Rose.
255
00:19:17,430 --> 00:19:20,979
- He's a priest, isn't he?
- Yes, Rose.
256
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:30,347
I'm so sorry Hell Towwn was cancelled.
257
00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:36,299
Frank, I'm sorry I kept...
258
00:19:38,190 --> 00:19:41,262
Please tell me tha�s a Nehru jacket.
259
00:19:42,190 --> 00:19:45,227
- No, i�s not.
- Rose, le�s go heat up the lasagna.
260
00:19:45,310 --> 00:19:47,301
Come on. Come on.
261
00:19:51,510 --> 00:19:54,149
Why didn't you tell me
it was Father Leahy?
262
00:19:54,230 --> 00:19:57,142
- I assumed you knew.
- No, I didn't.
263
00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:01,587
I mean...
frankly, I'm a little embarrassed.
264
00:20:01,670 --> 00:20:04,423
Yeah, well, me too.
265
00:20:04,510 --> 00:20:07,149
What difference does it make?
We can still be friends.
266
00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:10,939
Of course we can.
I'm glad you're here.
267
00:20:11,030 --> 00:20:13,544
Yeah, well, so am I.
268
00:20:17,070 --> 00:20:19,061
You look lovely tonight.
269
00:20:19,150 --> 00:20:23,063
I look like the mother of
a Solid Gold Dancer.
270
00:20:25,310 --> 00:20:27,870
Girls, I wanna give you my gift next, OK?
271
00:20:27,950 --> 00:20:32,262
I thought this was such a cute idea,
I made the same one for each of you.
272
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:34,261
Here. Sophia.
273
00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:38,743
The Men of Blanche's Boudoir.
274
00:20:42,990 --> 00:20:45,220
L�s a calendar.
275
00:20:46,350 --> 00:20:52,027
Each month has the picture of a man who's
brought some special joy into my life.
276
00:20:52,110 --> 00:20:55,785
Blanche, honey, this is so thoughtful.
277
00:21:02,390 --> 00:21:05,188
- September?
- Yep.
278
00:21:05,270 --> 00:21:09,548
I'm surprised you were able to
walk in October.
279
00:21:14,030 --> 00:21:18,421
- So, where are you going?
- Out with a friend from work.
280
00:21:18,510 --> 00:21:21,422
The friend you've been out with
five times in three weeks?
281
00:21:21,510 --> 00:21:24,468
- Yes.
- All right, spill it. Who is he?
282
00:21:24,550 --> 00:21:28,782
His name is Dr Jonathan Newman.
He's a psychiatrist at the grief centre.
283
00:21:28,870 --> 00:21:33,898
- So, you're seeing a psychiatrist.
- L�s about time.
284
00:21:34,470 --> 00:21:36,825
Hello, I'm Dr Jonathan Newman.
285
00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:44,987
- Are you absolutely sure?
- Yes. May I come in?
286
00:21:45,070 --> 00:21:48,585
Please, please.
Please, come right in.
287
00:21:48,670 --> 00:21:51,742
- May I take your height... hat?
- Thank you.
288
00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:56,629
You must be Dorothy.
Rose has told me all about you.
289
00:21:56,710 --> 00:21:58,985
I wish I could say the same.
290
00:22:01,550 --> 00:22:05,782
Blanche, this is Dr Jonathan Newman.
291
00:22:07,470 --> 00:22:09,700
Get out of here.
292
00:22:10,510 --> 00:22:12,865
Blanche.
293
00:22:12,950 --> 00:22:15,100
- But he's...
- A little early, yes.
294
00:22:15,190 --> 00:22:18,023
But we're delighted to see him.
295
00:22:19,070 --> 00:22:22,460
- Hi, Jonathan.
- Hello, Rose. You're looking lovely.
296
00:22:23,270 --> 00:22:27,183
Wait a minute.
Rose Nylund, you devil, you.
297
00:22:27,270 --> 00:22:31,309
- I just figured out wha�s going on here.
- Blanche.
298
00:22:32,470 --> 00:22:35,382
You were sore at me
for inviting your friend without asking,
299
00:22:35,470 --> 00:22:39,782
so you hired this guy to come over
and teach me a lesson. You.
300
00:22:47,750 --> 00:22:50,184
God, I wish I was dead.
301
00:22:52,190 --> 00:22:56,627
Blanche, le�s go get the hors �oeuvres.
Excuse us.
302
00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:01,588
I have never been so embarrassed
in my entire life.
303
00:23:01,670 --> 00:23:04,707
- I made a fool of myself, didn't I?
- Yes.
304
00:23:04,790 --> 00:23:06,826
I feel awful. Just awful.
305
00:23:06,910 --> 00:23:10,698
Listen, if you don't want tonight
to turn into a total disaster,
306
00:23:10,790 --> 00:23:13,862
you have to stop being so self-conscious.
307
00:23:13,950 --> 00:23:16,339
You're right, of course.
308
00:23:16,430 --> 00:23:20,946
Dr Newman is a guest in our home.
If I'm self-conscious, he'll be ill at ease.
309
00:23:21,030 --> 00:23:26,548
I can't allow that to happen.
It would be unsouthern.
310
00:23:26,630 --> 00:23:31,499
- Tha�s a good belle.
- Dorothy, get the door.
311
00:23:37,110 --> 00:23:39,101
Shrimp?
312
00:23:43,030 --> 00:23:46,579
Sophia, isn't there anything we can do
to convince you to stay?
313
00:23:46,670 --> 00:23:49,230
I wish you could, but my min�s made up.
314
00:23:49,310 --> 00:23:52,746
- My baby needs me.
- What about me, Ma?
315
00:23:52,830 --> 00:23:55,902
You've always taken care of yourself.
You don't need me.
316
00:23:55,990 --> 00:23:57,139
What about me?
317
00:23:57,230 --> 00:24:00,620
You were strong and independent
even before I got here.
318
00:24:00,710 --> 00:24:03,429
- You don't need me.
- What about me?
319
00:24:03,510 --> 00:24:05,819
You? You need the Wizard of Oz.
320
00:24:10,190 --> 00:24:11,987
- I'm gonna pack.
- Sophia, wait.
321
00:24:12,070 --> 00:24:14,584
Isn't there anything we can do
to make you stay?
322
00:24:14,670 --> 00:24:19,141
Nothing. My min�s made up.
I'm leaving in the morning.
323
00:24:35,830 --> 00:24:39,061
- You couldn't sleep either, huh?
- No.
324
00:24:39,150 --> 00:24:41,539
I can't believe that Ma's really gonna go.
325
00:24:41,630 --> 00:24:46,146
I spent two hours trying to talk her out of it,
and she still insists she's leaving.
326
00:24:46,230 --> 00:24:51,782
- I just don't know what to do.
- Let me get the cheesecake and we'll talk.
327
00:24:51,870 --> 00:24:53,861
- Oh, my God.
- Blanche, wha�s wrong?
328
00:24:53,950 --> 00:24:58,228
Here we are in the middle of a crisis
and there's no cheesecake.
329
00:24:58,310 --> 00:25:03,862
- Didn't we buy one yesterday?
- Yes, but I found two grey hairs.
330
00:25:03,950 --> 00:25:09,627
Blanche, you're over 50. Two grey hairs
is no reason to eat a whole cheesecake.
331
00:25:09,710 --> 00:25:13,544
I found the two grey hairs
in the cheesecake.
332
00:25:13,630 --> 00:25:16,383
So I threw it out.
333
00:25:16,470 --> 00:25:18,381
Hi, girls.
334
00:25:18,470 --> 00:25:22,145
I figured this might happen,
so I went out and bought a cheesecake.
335
00:25:22,230 --> 00:25:23,982
Rose, tha�s great.
336
00:25:24,070 --> 00:25:30,066
Wha�s great is they fired that grey-haired
baker who refused to wear a net.
337
00:25:30,150 --> 00:25:34,348
Le�s slice this baby up and see if
we can solve our Sophia problem.
338
00:25:34,430 --> 00:25:36,421
- Here, darling.
- Thanks.
339
00:25:36,510 --> 00:25:39,263
Do you know how many problems
we have solved
340
00:25:39,350 --> 00:25:42,342
over a cheesecake at this kitchen table?
341
00:25:42,430 --> 00:25:46,218
- No, Dorothy. Exactly how many?
- 147, Rose.
342
00:25:52,070 --> 00:25:58,259
The point I was making is that we have had
a lot of great late-night talks right here.
343
00:25:58,350 --> 00:26:01,023
Yeah, and most of them
have been about sex.
344
00:26:02,270 --> 00:26:06,422
We do talk about sex,
but we talk about other things too.
345
00:26:06,510 --> 00:26:11,140
We console each other,
we help each other, we advise each other...
346
00:26:11,230 --> 00:26:13,744
Then we talk about sex again.
347
00:26:15,150 --> 00:26:18,859
I am so glad that my date
with Barry is tomorrow.
348
00:26:18,950 --> 00:26:22,067
- The fat won't have time to show.
- It won't?
349
00:26:22,150 --> 00:26:25,267
No, it always takes a few days
before it shows.
350
00:26:25,350 --> 00:26:30,378
- Where does it go in the meantime?
- To Connecticut. How do I know where?
351
00:26:30,470 --> 00:26:34,065
With me, the minute it goes in my mouth,
I balloon up.
352
00:26:34,150 --> 00:26:36,345
I can go out to dinner
and in the middle of the meal
353
00:26:36,430 --> 00:26:40,662
my pants are cutting off my circulation
so bad, my feet are turning blue.
354
00:26:41,350 --> 00:26:44,865
Well, I just wanna be svelte for Barry.
355
00:26:44,950 --> 00:26:47,703
Barry Glick is very important to you.
356
00:26:49,670 --> 00:26:53,982
Barry was the man
that I wanted to be the first.
357
00:26:54,070 --> 00:26:56,265
First where?
358
00:26:56,350 --> 00:27:00,059
On Mars, Rose.
My first lover.
359
00:27:00,150 --> 00:27:05,429
- So what happened?
- Stanley, tha�s what happened.
360
00:27:05,510 --> 00:27:08,183
I went to a drive-in with Stanley.
361
00:27:08,270 --> 00:27:14,584
He said he was being shipped off to Korea
and could die and it would mean so much.
362
00:27:14,670 --> 00:27:17,503
That was my part of the war effort.
363
00:27:19,150 --> 00:27:22,426
It took three seconds.
364
00:27:22,510 --> 00:27:26,105
I wasn't sure that
we had done anything, actually.
365
00:27:26,190 --> 00:27:29,102
Until nine months later
when the baby came.
366
00:27:29,190 --> 00:27:31,829
Then I figured out that we had.
367
00:27:31,910 --> 00:27:34,185
You know, that was my only proof.
368
00:27:34,830 --> 00:27:37,628
I waited till my wedding night.
369
00:27:40,190 --> 00:27:41,862
No.
370
00:27:41,950 --> 00:27:43,542
Yes.
371
00:27:43,630 --> 00:27:44,619
And?
372
00:27:44,710 --> 00:27:47,349
And it was a surprise.
373
00:27:49,070 --> 00:27:53,188
How is that possible?
Another man showed up?
374
00:27:54,230 --> 00:27:59,258
What I mean is,
I had never seen a man before.
375
00:28:05,830 --> 00:28:07,900
A man?
376
00:28:07,990 --> 00:28:10,299
You know, a man.
377
00:28:11,830 --> 00:28:15,106
- No.
- Yes.
378
00:28:15,190 --> 00:28:20,264
What about your father?
You never saw your father?
379
00:28:20,990 --> 00:28:23,265
My father? Oh, no.
380
00:28:23,350 --> 00:28:27,582
My father? My goodness, no.
I woul�ve simply died.
381
00:28:27,670 --> 00:28:30,548
- You don't...
- Easy, Rose.
382
00:28:30,630 --> 00:28:34,418
Calm down, calm down.
Easy. Easy.
383
00:28:34,510 --> 00:28:37,866
The only things I ever saw
were the animals on the farm.
384
00:28:37,950 --> 00:28:42,660
- You know, the bulls and the horses.
- Tough act to follow.
385
00:28:51,390 --> 00:28:56,225
Actually, that first night,
I was kind of...
386
00:28:56,310 --> 00:28:59,222
well, appalled, I guess.
387
00:28:59,950 --> 00:29:05,024
But Charlie was very patient.
It was really very nice -
388
00:29:05,110 --> 00:29:09,228
once I understood that
tha�s what you were supposed to do.
389
00:29:09,310 --> 00:29:13,508
That it wasn't some colossal joke,
you know?
390
00:29:15,550 --> 00:29:19,259
Didn't you think it was
a ridiculous thing to do the first time?
391
00:29:20,390 --> 00:29:22,506
No.
392
00:29:24,310 --> 00:29:26,380
I didn't wait for my wedding night, honey.
393
00:29:26,470 --> 00:29:29,348
I couldn't. I had these urges.
394
00:29:30,870 --> 00:29:36,945
You know, in the South we mature faster.
I think i�s the heat.
395
00:29:38,470 --> 00:29:41,462
I think i�s the gin.
396
00:29:41,550 --> 00:29:45,259
Anyhow, my first was Billy.
397
00:29:45,350 --> 00:29:48,740
I remember it so well,
just like it was yesterday.
398
00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:54,905
That night under the dogwood trees-the
air thick with perfume, and me with Billy.
399
00:29:56,590 --> 00:29:59,263
Or Bobby.
400
00:29:59,350 --> 00:30:02,626
Yeah, Bobby. Yeah, it was Bobby.
401
00:30:02,710 --> 00:30:05,144
Or was it Ben?
402
00:30:05,230 --> 00:30:09,064
Who knows.
Anyway, it started with a "B".
403
00:30:11,950 --> 00:30:14,623
That first time...
404
00:30:14,710 --> 00:30:17,224
did you have...?
405
00:30:23,470 --> 00:30:25,301
Are you serious?
406
00:30:25,390 --> 00:30:29,303
Why, many times.
Many, many times.
407
00:30:30,710 --> 00:30:33,099
- You did?
- You didn't?
408
00:30:33,190 --> 00:30:35,181
No.
409
00:30:35,270 --> 00:30:39,104
It was nice.
Being near Charlie was nice.
410
00:30:39,550 --> 00:30:45,147
But it was five years before I knew what
made your eyes go back in your head.
411
00:30:49,030 --> 00:30:53,581
Dorothy, did you have...?
412
00:30:53,670 --> 00:30:59,984
How could I? It always seemed to happen
before I was in the room.
413
00:31:01,270 --> 00:31:05,548
- You're out of bed. L�s wonderful.
- No, it is not wonderful.
414
00:31:05,630 --> 00:31:10,146
I was lying in bed eating, and if I don't get
up and walk around, I'll get big as a hippo.
415
00:31:10,230 --> 00:31:14,781
And life-if I can still call it that -
has to go on in some form, so here I am.
416
00:31:14,870 --> 00:31:19,625
I'll just spend my remaining years
in the company of women.
417
00:31:19,710 --> 00:31:23,589
Only reason I'm sticking around
is to read Danielle Steel's next book.
418
00:31:23,670 --> 00:31:27,265
- 'Cause you're going through the change?
- I hate that expression.
419
00:31:27,350 --> 00:31:30,706
What is the big deal?
L�s nothing.
420
00:31:30,790 --> 00:31:33,941
Look at it this way,
you don't get cramps once a month.
421
00:31:34,030 --> 00:31:36,225
You don't go on eating binges
once a month.
422
00:31:36,310 --> 00:31:41,668
- You don't get crazy once a month.
- You just grow a beard.
423
00:31:47,750 --> 00:31:51,026
- Don't listen to her.
- You grow a beard, believe me.
424
00:31:51,110 --> 00:31:55,547
- I woke up and I looked like Arafat.
- Oh, my God.
425
00:31:56,710 --> 00:32:01,067
- I never grew a beard.
- You never grew brains either.
426
00:32:02,070 --> 00:32:06,985
I tell you, menopause was wonderful
for me. It meant no more PMS.
427
00:32:07,070 --> 00:32:09,630
- I never had PMS.
- Neither did I.
428
00:32:09,710 --> 00:32:12,588
But I had a BMW.
429
00:32:13,950 --> 00:32:19,263
All right, I have had it. Thanks to
all this bickering, I have a headache.
430
00:32:19,350 --> 00:32:23,901
Girls, le�s face facts.
The three of us can't agree on anything.
431
00:32:23,990 --> 00:32:26,868
It is obvious we were not meant
to live together.
432
00:32:26,950 --> 00:32:31,262
- I hate to agree, but I think you're right.
- I think so too.
433
00:32:31,350 --> 00:32:33,659
In fact, I know so.
434
00:32:33,750 --> 00:32:38,505
This is exactly what happened
during the Great Herring War.
435
00:32:42,310 --> 00:32:44,062
The Great Herring War?
436
00:32:44,150 --> 00:32:46,266
Between the Lindstroms
and the Johanssons.
437
00:32:46,350 --> 00:32:49,308
That Great Herring War.
438
00:32:50,470 --> 00:32:54,349
The two families controlled the
herring waters off the coast of Norway.
439
00:32:54,430 --> 00:32:59,220
So, naturally, it seemed it would be
in their best interest to band together.
440
00:32:59,510 --> 00:33:01,819
Boy, was that a mistake.
441
00:33:01,910 --> 00:33:05,107
They couldn't agree on
what to do with the herring.
442
00:33:05,190 --> 00:33:09,661
Tha�s understandable.
The possibilities are overwhelming.
443
00:33:11,270 --> 00:33:14,945
Exactly. The Johanssons wanted
to pickle the herring,
444
00:33:15,030 --> 00:33:19,069
and the Lindstroms wanted
to train 'em for the circus.
445
00:33:21,590 --> 00:33:26,141
Weren't they hard to see,
riding on the elephants?
446
00:33:26,230 --> 00:33:29,188
Not that kind of circus.
A herring circus.
447
00:33:29,270 --> 00:33:32,387
Sort of like SeaWorld, only smaller.
448
00:33:33,750 --> 00:33:36,787
Much, much smaller.
449
00:33:36,870 --> 00:33:39,179
But bigger than a flea circus.
450
00:33:39,270 --> 00:33:41,659
Tell me, Rose...
451
00:33:45,030 --> 00:33:48,909
did they ever shoot
a herring out of a cannon?
452
00:33:59,150 --> 00:34:01,141
Only once.
453
00:34:05,190 --> 00:34:08,262
But they shot him into a tree.
454
00:34:09,950 --> 00:34:13,226
After that, no other herring would do it.
455
00:34:14,590 --> 00:34:20,586
- You're making this up.
- I'm not. My grandfather told me that story.
456
00:34:21,550 --> 00:34:25,782
Of course, he also used to call me
by my sister's name.
457
00:34:26,790 --> 00:34:32,103
And sometimes he'd wear his underwear
on the outside of his pants.
458
00:34:33,110 --> 00:34:36,227
Guess he wasn't a very reliable source.
459
00:34:42,550 --> 00:34:46,623
Girls, do you realise what just happened?
460
00:34:46,710 --> 00:34:52,228
I know I've been having a very good time
and there wasn't even a man in the room.
461
00:34:53,230 --> 00:34:56,779
Was it just a fluke,
or could we learn to like each other?
462
00:34:56,870 --> 00:35:02,183
I think it might take time,
but I think it could be worth it.
463
00:35:02,270 --> 00:35:04,147
- Le�s give it a shot.
- Great.
464
00:35:04,230 --> 00:35:07,142
- I'm game.
- OK.
465
00:35:12,470 --> 00:35:15,189
Wait a minute. Wha�s that?
466
00:35:15,270 --> 00:35:18,819
I'm sorry. L�s awful,
but I have this incredible sweet tooth.
467
00:35:18,910 --> 00:35:20,059
- What is it?
- Cheesecake.
468
00:35:20,150 --> 00:35:21,060
- What kind?
- Chocolate.
469
00:35:21,150 --> 00:35:26,429
I think this could be the beginning of
a beautiful friendship.
470
00:35:27,270 --> 00:35:28,385
This is unheard of.
471
00:35:28,470 --> 00:35:31,906
We're halfway through the cheesecake
and haven't solved our problem.
472
00:35:31,990 --> 00:35:34,265
Maybe we can't solve it.
473
00:35:34,350 --> 00:35:37,228
Maybe Ma is doing the right thing
by leaving.
474
00:35:37,950 --> 00:35:41,181
Your brother is such a yutz.
475
00:35:41,270 --> 00:35:45,980
He had the nerve to ask me what I was
making for dinner tomorrow night.
476
00:35:46,070 --> 00:35:48,982
- Wha�d you tell him?
- To have dinner waiting for me.
477
00:35:49,070 --> 00:35:53,507
Not that I'm such a big fan
of squirrel gumbo.
478
00:35:53,590 --> 00:35:56,150
How do you expect to live together
in the same house?
479
00:35:56,230 --> 00:35:59,108
You're not there yet
and already you're fighting.
480
00:35:59,190 --> 00:36:03,229
What, this is Little House on the Prairie?
We're at each other's throats all the time.
481
00:36:03,310 --> 00:36:06,188
There are more fights here
than at Caesar's Palace.
482
00:36:07,110 --> 00:36:09,499
Dorothy.
483
00:36:09,590 --> 00:36:13,788
- Where's my heating pad?
- How should I know?
484
00:36:13,870 --> 00:36:19,263
If this isn't it, I'd like to know what other
electrical appliance you've got under there.
485
00:36:21,310 --> 00:36:24,427
Here we are, Sophia.
The perfect after-dinner treat.
486
00:36:24,510 --> 00:36:28,742
- A nice dish of Jello.
- I hate Jello.
487
00:36:29,790 --> 00:36:35,786
If God wanted peaches suspended in
midair, he'd have filled them with helium.
488
00:36:38,630 --> 00:36:41,667
- What?
- Beat it, Rose. I'm busy.
489
00:36:41,750 --> 00:36:46,744
- What are you doing?
- L�s Tuesday. I'm cleaning out my purse.
490
00:36:46,830 --> 00:36:51,904
- Did all that stuff come out of your purse?
- No, I was also cleaning out my ears.
491
00:36:51,990 --> 00:36:55,983
Tha�s where the Feenamint
and the rain bonnet came from.
492
00:36:57,190 --> 00:36:59,420
Why are you in a bad mood?
493
00:36:59,510 --> 00:37:02,104
Forgive me,
but I haven't had sex in 15 years
494
00:37:02,190 --> 00:37:05,307
and i�s starting to get on my nerves.
495
00:37:08,150 --> 00:37:12,143
Hi, Rose. Did you get a chance
to play with those lyrics I gave you?
496
00:37:12,230 --> 00:37:14,221
Yeah. Listen to this.
497
00:37:19,550 --> 00:37:23,179
That sounds great.
Le�s take it from the top.
498
00:37:23,270 --> 00:37:26,103
"From the top."
That sounds so musical.
499
00:37:27,190 --> 00:37:31,468
- Tickle the ivories, Rose.
- Coochie-coochie-coo.
500
00:37:36,030 --> 00:37:38,180
Rose, play or die.
501
00:37:40,710 --> 00:37:44,908
Miami is nice. So I'll say it twwice
502
00:37:44,990 --> 00:37:48,983
Miami is nice. Miami is nice
503
00:37:49,070 --> 00:37:50,469
Miami is...
504
00:37:50,550 --> 00:37:53,781
Wait... wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
505
00:37:53,870 --> 00:37:56,589
You put in an extra "Miami is nice".
506
00:37:56,670 --> 00:37:59,059
I had to. It hurts the music
if you don't put it in.
507
00:37:59,150 --> 00:38:02,187
Bu the lyrics don't make any sense.
It goes:
508
00:38:02,270 --> 00:38:06,024
Miami is nice. So I'll say it twwice
509
00:38:08,110 --> 00:38:12,467
I see your point.
What about this?
510
00:38:12,550 --> 00:38:15,940
Miami is nice. So I'll say it thrice
511
00:38:17,430 --> 00:38:20,228
Who the hell says "thrice"?
512
00:38:20,310 --> 00:38:23,746
- L�s a word.
- So is "intrauterine".
513
00:38:28,910 --> 00:38:31,060
It does not belong in a song.
514
00:38:35,230 --> 00:38:39,189
Miami. You're cuter than
515
00:38:39,270 --> 00:38:42,103
An intrauterine
516
00:38:48,750 --> 00:38:51,947
Do we have any orange juice left?
517
00:39:00,550 --> 00:39:02,780
No, we're all out.
518
00:39:10,630 --> 00:39:14,066
Honestly, to hear you tell it,
you'd think all we do is fight.
519
00:39:14,150 --> 00:39:18,746
I didn't say all we do is fight.
We also talk about sex.
520
00:39:20,910 --> 00:39:25,620
- We already talked about sex.
- I'm shocked.
521
00:39:25,710 --> 00:39:30,306
Ma, you're gonna miss us. The four of us
had a lot of good times together.
522
00:39:30,390 --> 00:39:34,429
- But plenty of headaches, too.
- One thing you have to admit,
523
00:39:34,510 --> 00:39:37,070
i�s certainly never dull around here.
524
00:39:37,150 --> 00:39:38,139
OK.
525
00:39:43,150 --> 00:39:45,345
You shot my vase.
526
00:39:46,590 --> 00:39:50,026
I heard footsteps and a man's voice
and the alarm went off.
527
00:39:50,110 --> 00:39:52,704
It was Lester.
He accidentally set off the alarm.
528
00:39:52,790 --> 00:39:56,100
- I'm sorry.
- You shot my vase.
529
00:39:56,190 --> 00:40:00,741
- I didn't shoot Lester.
- I'd rather you shot Lester.
530
00:40:00,830 --> 00:40:05,062
- I think I'll pass on the nightcap, Blanche.
- Go on home, you old fool.
531
00:40:05,150 --> 00:40:08,187
- What happened?
- She shot my vase.
532
00:40:08,270 --> 00:40:11,148
Thank God. I hated that thing.
533
00:40:12,350 --> 00:40:15,467
What are you doing shooting?
Are you crazy?
534
00:40:15,550 --> 00:40:17,700
I heard a noise.
I thought it was the robbers.
535
00:40:17,790 --> 00:40:21,021
I managed to live 80, 81 years.
536
00:40:21,110 --> 00:40:24,102
I survived pneumonia,
two operations, a stroke.
537
00:40:24,190 --> 00:40:29,218
One night I'll belch and Stable Mabel here
will blow my head off.
538
00:40:29,310 --> 00:40:31,301
There's a man in your bed.
539
00:40:36,270 --> 00:40:39,262
- Sophia, there's not.
- Why, you devil, you.
540
00:40:39,350 --> 00:40:42,547
So that was what we heard.
Rose.
541
00:40:44,310 --> 00:40:47,143
- Rose got lucky.
- Not so lucky.
542
00:40:47,230 --> 00:40:50,028
The man in your bed is dead.
543
00:40:52,070 --> 00:40:54,026
- What?
- Dead.
544
00:40:54,110 --> 00:40:56,226
Sophia...
545
00:40:56,310 --> 00:41:00,747
- He's not dead. I was just in there.
- So was I. I went to put back your laundry.
546
00:41:00,830 --> 00:41:05,142
I see there's a man on the bed, so I
introduce myself, but he doesn't answer.
547
00:41:05,230 --> 00:41:07,460
He's dead.
548
00:41:07,550 --> 00:41:12,624
- He's shy. He's very shy.
- Didn't sound so shy last night.
549
00:41:12,710 --> 00:41:15,099
OK, fine.
Let a dead guy lie there.
550
00:41:15,190 --> 00:41:19,422
L�s gonna be 98 degrees today.
It won't be pretty.
551
00:41:20,670 --> 00:41:24,379
I'm sure he's not dead.
Rose, go look.
552
00:41:24,470 --> 00:41:27,143
Come on, Dorothy, he's sleeping.
I don't wanna wake him.
553
00:41:27,230 --> 00:41:31,064
You could light firecrackers in his nostrils,
you won't wake him.
554
00:41:31,150 --> 00:41:32,708
Blanche Devereaux.
555
00:41:33,710 --> 00:41:35,541
Just a moment.
556
00:41:46,190 --> 00:41:48,226
My God.
557
00:41:50,630 --> 00:41:53,986
My rear tires have less pressure in them.
558
00:41:57,750 --> 00:41:59,741
I'm ready.
559
00:42:01,670 --> 00:42:06,698
The moon is hanging awful low
in the sky tonight, isn't it, Busty?
560
00:42:07,670 --> 00:42:11,709
- Josie.
- It sure is, Biff.
561
00:42:11,790 --> 00:42:15,419
- It makes me want to kiss you, Josie.
- Mind your manners, Biff.
562
00:42:15,510 --> 00:42:18,980
Why, we're at the Fourth of July picnic.
The whole town is here.
563
00:42:19,070 --> 00:42:21,186
To hell with this town.
Come away with me.
564
00:42:21,270 --> 00:42:25,582
But you're a drifter, Biff. I can't just
pull up stakes and run off with you.
565
00:42:25,670 --> 00:42:29,299
Please reconsider, Josie.
You're the prettiest girl in the county.
566
00:42:29,390 --> 00:42:34,020
I need to have your answer now.
Wha�s it gonna be?
567
00:42:34,110 --> 00:42:37,147
I want you to take me, Biff.
568
00:42:42,150 --> 00:42:44,266
Blanche, wha�s wrong?
569
00:42:48,830 --> 00:42:54,109
- See, we have great times together.
- And it won't be the same without you.
570
00:42:54,190 --> 00:42:59,389
This isn't easy for me either,
but I have to do what I have to do.
571
00:43:00,390 --> 00:43:02,824
What is it I have to do?
572
00:43:08,070 --> 00:43:11,221
- You're leaving.
- Then I'd better pack.
573
00:43:14,950 --> 00:43:19,626
What I'm gonna miss about Sophia most
is all that good advice she gives us.
574
00:43:19,710 --> 00:43:22,702
I guess, living all those years,
she has a lot to draw on.
575
00:43:22,790 --> 00:43:27,818
If she doesn't have anything to draw on,
she just makes it up.
576
00:43:28,270 --> 00:43:32,229
Sicily, 1912. Picture this.
577
00:43:32,310 --> 00:43:36,189
Two young girls, best friends,
who shared three things:
578
00:43:36,270 --> 00:43:39,103
A pizza recipe,
some dough and a dream.
579
00:43:40,110 --> 00:43:42,305
Everything is going great until one day
580
00:43:42,390 --> 00:43:47,066
a fast-talking pepperoni salesman
gallops into town.
581
00:43:47,150 --> 00:43:49,220
Of course, both girls are impressed.
582
00:43:49,310 --> 00:43:53,144
He dates one one night,
the other the next night.
583
00:43:53,230 --> 00:43:57,462
Pretty soon,
he drives a wedge between them.
584
00:43:57,550 --> 00:43:59,859
Before you know it, the pizza suffers,
585
00:43:59,950 --> 00:44:02,589
the business suffers,
the friendship suffers.
586
00:44:02,670 --> 00:44:08,859
The girls part company and head for
America, never to see one another again.
587
00:44:08,950 --> 00:44:12,625
Rose, one of those girls was me.
588
00:44:12,710 --> 00:44:16,783
The other one,
you probably know as Mama Celeste.
589
00:44:20,270 --> 00:44:21,828
Ma, why didn't you use your key?
590
00:44:21,910 --> 00:44:25,619
I left it home.
I thought it would weigh me down.
591
00:44:25,710 --> 00:44:29,589
- Sophia, how did you do?
- Great. Easily a personal best.
592
00:44:29,670 --> 00:44:32,468
- Tell us what happened.
- It was electric.
593
00:44:32,550 --> 00:44:37,465
The starter fired his pistol into the air,
and I left half my competition in the dust.
594
00:44:37,550 --> 00:44:40,781
- You were that fast?
- No, it was the over-80 category.
595
00:44:40,870 --> 00:44:43,828
Most of them dropped from fright.
596
00:44:45,030 --> 00:44:47,385
- You're kidding?
- Please.
597
00:44:47,470 --> 00:44:50,985
- There's a natural build to these stories.
- Sorry.
598
00:44:51,790 --> 00:44:54,384
So, finally, the race was underway.
599
00:44:54,470 --> 00:44:57,587
I start off slow.
I'm cagey like a panther.
600
00:44:57,670 --> 00:44:59,820
But when the time is right, I pounce.
601
00:44:59,910 --> 00:45:04,142
The crowd is on its feet.
"Sophia, Sophia."
602
00:45:05,950 --> 00:45:08,589
My heart is pounding in my ears.
603
00:45:08,670 --> 00:45:11,901
But then again,
it always pounds in my ears.
604
00:45:11,990 --> 00:45:16,302
I could see the finish line. It was only
two or three hundred yards away.
605
00:45:16,390 --> 00:45:21,145
And then it happened, what every runner
dreads: I hit the wall.
606
00:45:21,630 --> 00:45:26,021
- Ma, you ran out of steam.
- No, I actually hit a wall.
607
00:45:26,150 --> 00:45:30,428
In Sicily we never went to the doctor.
We went to the Widow Caravelli.
608
00:45:30,510 --> 00:45:33,308
Whatever you had, she had a cure.
609
00:45:33,750 --> 00:45:39,063
She was best known for this green salve
she used to make to treat ear infections.
610
00:45:39,150 --> 00:45:44,019
One day she gave a batch to Salvadore,
the village idiot.
611
00:45:44,110 --> 00:45:49,230
He misunderstood the directions and put it
on his linguini instead of in his ear.
612
00:45:58,110 --> 00:46:03,548
I guess if you're an idiot with
a hearing problem, you do things like that.
613
00:46:04,150 --> 00:46:06,948
As it turns out,
it wasn't such a bad thing to do.
614
00:46:07,030 --> 00:46:11,148
The stuff tasted great,
and Salvadore decided to market it.
615
00:46:11,230 --> 00:46:13,380
At first it didn't move so well.
616
00:46:13,470 --> 00:46:18,225
"Linguini with ear salve" on a menu
doesn't look too appetizing.
617
00:46:18,310 --> 00:46:24,180
But once he changed the name
to "pesto sauce," it moved like hot cakes.
618
00:46:24,270 --> 00:46:26,579
- Ma, you're making this up.
- So what?
619
00:46:26,670 --> 00:46:29,468
I'm old - I'm supposed to be colourful.
620
00:46:30,870 --> 00:46:33,065
I'm gonna miss her.
621
00:46:33,150 --> 00:46:36,222
- Me too.
- Me too.
622
00:46:38,030 --> 00:46:41,181
I'm not gonna stand for it.
I am gonna march in there right now,
623
00:46:41,270 --> 00:46:44,068
tell her we need her
every bit as much as Phil does.
624
00:46:44,150 --> 00:46:46,983
Blanche, forget it.
Her mind is made up.
625
00:46:47,070 --> 00:46:53,179
- She said it a hundred times...
- I'm staying. Good night.
626
00:46:54,190 --> 00:46:56,306
Come back. What do you mean,
you're staying?
627
00:46:56,390 --> 00:47:00,303
Wha�s the problem?
You already rented my room?
628
00:47:00,390 --> 00:47:03,143
What changed your mind?
629
00:47:03,230 --> 00:47:07,303
I just got off the phone with Phil.
Actually, it was Phil's wife.
630
00:47:07,390 --> 00:47:10,223
- She's back, poor thing.
- "Poor thing"?
631
00:47:10,310 --> 00:47:15,304
She's in a state of shock. She found out
she couldn't do any better than Phil.
632
00:47:15,390 --> 00:47:19,542
Not exactly a storybook romance, but
an ending's an ending. There you have it.
633
00:47:19,990 --> 00:47:22,902
We're so glad you decided to stay, honey.
634
00:47:22,990 --> 00:47:27,029
When we thought you were leaving,
we talked about all the times we've shared.
635
00:47:27,110 --> 00:47:31,979
It brought back a lot of great memories.
It wouldn't be the same without you.
636
00:47:33,150 --> 00:47:37,860
Don't overdramatise.
Things aren't so terrific around here.
637
00:47:39,190 --> 00:47:43,388
The hell they're not.
Things are terrific around here.
54784
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