Original subtitles

RHYTHMIC CLICKING

UPBEAT MUSIC

MAN: John, if you're ready. All right.

Yes, over there, if you could.

Thank you.

Oh, best be careful.

If the lights are too bright, I could set fire to you.

It's happened before.

Although I've moved on a wee bit since then,

I built my very first television out of a hatbox and darning needles.

Good. So, off we go, Alexander.

SPEAKERS CRACKLE

MACHINES WHIRR

Very nice.

Very nice indeed.

I think I'm rather delighted.

Take a look. Do you want to see?

Congratulations.

You're the first woman in the world to appear on colour TV.

I'm sorry, I'm forgetting my manners,

I should've said.

I'm John Logie Baird. Who are you?

Noele. My name's Noele Gordon.

People call me Nolly.

MAN: Nolly! Nolly!

Could you, please... Could you, please, just back?

Thank you!

Nolly!

Nolly? Oh.

Nolly, bit of a problem.

Tell me, I'll fix it. What's wrong?

Er, it's the people outside.

There are thousands of them. I mean, literally thousands.

There's up to 10,000 people standing outside.

And the problem is?

They're in shot. That's a problem because?

They've come to see Nolly.

But it's Meg who's getting married, not you, it's your character.

I still can't see the problem.

Meg owns a motel in Birmingham that has 16 chalets, 16.

I have to put this show on air,

and I can't for the love of God work out

why I would be showing 10,000 people at her wedding.

Well, then, the problem is you.

If 10,000 people have turned up to show their love,

then I think that's a wonderful thing.

If they sit at home every day

and have their tea and watch Crossroads

and they see Meg dealing with her family

and her guests and the staff, in all 16 chalets,

and they think so much of her that they want to leave their homes

in the cold and the wind and the rain to stand there

to give a little cheer, that's all,

a faint little cheer on a miserable day,

I mean, God knows they can barely afford the heating

or the gas or the rent, and yet they still come

to stand out there, together,

then what sort of person

would cut them out of the picture?

Tell me. What sort of person is that?

Not me. Problem solved.

Run to record.

NOLLY SNAPS FINGERS

MAN: Sorry, sorry, sorry.

MAN 2: Miss Gordon. Thank you, Anthony.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

CHEERING DROWNS SPEECH

WHISTLING

I'll see you inside, Miss Gordon.

Thank you, Adams.

Hello, Joe. Morning, Belinda.

If you could just sign this, Nolly. Absolutely.

Just your name, along the edge. I feel sorry for Meg,

why did they have to kill off your husband?

Well, he was kidnapped in Australia and had a heart attack

climbing out of the window, what can I say?

THEY CHUCKLE Just there.

FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING

ELEVATOR DOORS CLOSE

ELEVATOR DINGS

NOLLY HUMS

Ah, I think Pamela's going to be late.

I drove past her at the bus stop.

Morning, Nolly. Morning, Rodney.

Now, I wanted a word with you about Wednesday.

You are forcing us all into an impossible situation.

You must be Poppy. We spoke on the phone.

I'm Liz. Welcome aboard.

That's the schedule, and the call sheet.

So, these are the sets.

You'll get used to it, it'll make sense in no time.

And over here is the green room.

And I call you out scene by scene.

I call everyone by their character name cos it's easier.

We rehearse in order, green for Monday,

yellow for Tuesday, pink for Wednesday.

Here's a little kitchen.

Er, best to bring your own mug cos that can lead to arguments.

And, er, yeah, here's everyone. We should start bang on nine.

Liz, did we ever get an answer back about the hearse?

Yes, we did. We can't. Erm, hold on.

Er, five minutes? Thanks, love.

MUTTERING

CLAMOURING

Sorry, am I not allowed? That's Noele Gordon's chair.

She'd kill you, the Godmother. She'd have your guts for garters.

Well, she gets a bit particular. And that's been hers for 18 years.

You can have this one, darling.

POPPY CHUCKLES

It happened again, Nolly.

Did they say you can't sit in my chair?

I'm sorry, I didn't know. No reason why you should.

I don't mind. We all have equal status.

The star of the show is the motel.

MAN CLEARS THROAT

Who are you?

I'm Poppy. I'm playing Honour.

Honour? Who's Honour?

I'm... your family. Meg's family.

How does that work?

Oh, it says here, Mother. It's pink, scene 12.

Kitty sponsored her adoption back in 1964.

Oh, what the hell does "sponsored her adoption" mean?

Haven't you read the script?

No, never. Not until the first rehearsal.

Bet you've learnt the whole thing off by heart, haven't you?

Yeah. Don't.

Darling, have you got a pen?

NOLLY SIGHS

I wanted to say, Miss Gordon...

I don't mean to interrupt, but...

I'm just ever so sorry about Sandy.

Well, that's really immensely kind.

Roger. His name was Roger.

Yes, but you're right, everyone knew him as Sandy.

He was absolutely lovely. He was...

..remarkable.

He was the funniest man you'll ever meet,

tell you that for nothing.

He had me in stitches.

It was only four months ago.

He was 35 years old, poor soul.

I know he wasn't your real son, but he must've been like family.

That's exactly what he was like.

Now, then, Poppy. Everyone calls me Nolly.

And I think we're on.

We're on greens!

Episode 3499, scene one. Sitting room.

That's Meg, Jill, Adam's on his way, Diane and Honour.

Right.

You nervous? Terrified.

It's my mum, she put the fear of God into me.

She said, "Remember you're not just there for yourself,

"you're representing the entire Black community."

Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, we've done abortion.

Apologies, Miss Gordon, I was parking the Rolls.

Where are we? Green.

Scene one. Meg's sitting room.

Meg's standing by the window.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, not with the lighting over there.

Does nobody watch this thing?

No, I'll stand here by the settee.

Jill and Honour. Ooh.

Facing me, I think. Adams, you go there.

Er, Rodney, does that work, yes?

Yes, fine. Meg on three, swap with one.

Meg on three, swap with one.

It says, "Adam sitting."

Why would he sit? He never sits.

I-I can stand.

Standing on two. Standing on two.

Cue daughter.

I say, "Surprise!" Dum di-dum di-dum.

"Honour," etcetera, "Adam and Meg."

And I say, "I've got the letter, but to be honest, Honour..."

"To be honest, Honour", has anyone ever said this out loud?

Where's the letter? Letter for Meg!

Thank you.

So I say, "I've got the letter, but to be honest..."

I'll cut the word "Honour".

Cut the word "Honour". Cut the word "Honour".

I wouldn't stand here with a letter, would I?

Who would actually stand with a letter?

No, I think this letter should go on the bureau, yes?

Actually on it.

On the bureau. On the bureau.

Letter on the bureau!

Then I say, "I think our lawyer should study the letter."

No, we say solicitor. Solicitor. Solicitor. Solicitor.

And I say, "No, it... No, look, it says here..."

Oh, sorry. I do need the letter.

Letter for Meg.

"Everything in this letter is absolutely true."

And enter slut. Here I am!

Slut does her stuff.

"Oh, sorry, Mrs M, kitchen needs to confirm,

"etcetera, etcetera."

Yah-da-da-da. I say, "Wait five minutes."

Yeah, and exit slut. Slut exits.

DOOR CREAKS OPEN Good morning, Pamela.

Sorry I'm late.

And I say, er... my line.

And cue Poppy.

"It's very nice to meet you. It's such a lovely motel."

Is that what you're doing?

Is that how you're doing it?

Is that what you're going to do?

I mean, is it?

Am I doing it wrong?

But this is the motel.

Birmingham accents belong over there.

The Brownlows. The garage. The barge.

Why we have scenes set on a barge, I've never understood.

Excuse me, Nolly,

but it does say she's a kleptomaniac with a very rough upbringing.

Pink, scene 12. What if she was?

What are we saying?

I was practically brought up single-handed.

My mother worked night and day, God bless her soul,

and I haven't got a hint of Scottish Presbyterian.

Not a speck.

Not a vowel, not a single glottal stop.

Look at Adams, brought up on a fishing boat. Mm.

His mother had an affair

with the deputy manager of a coal mine. Mm.

In Spitsbergen.

She said I was conceived in a boathouse on a coil of rope.

And she was 16 stone. Mm.

And yet, he ended up cut glass.

Can you do RP?

Are you trained? What do you think? Can you do it?

I think I can, yeah.

Well, let's try that, then. Do it now.

POSH VOICE: "It's very nice to meet you.

"It's such a lovely motel."

That's good.

It's fine. I'm happy.

I'm happy. I'm happy.

Happy, happy. Good.

And you can tell Jack we changed her accent.

And if he wants to know why,

you can tell him that I am making this show better

if I have to haul it out of the grave, line by line.

Well done, Poppy. Page two!

Monday and Tuesday, we rehearse.

Wednesday, we have the producer's run.

That's with Jack Barton.

"And what have you got to say for yourself, young lady?"

POSH VOICE: "It's very nice to meet you.

"It's such a lovely motel."

"It was once a family home. But when my husband..."

Sorry, but, Poppy, we did specify a Birmingham accent.

You might have. I did not.

It's just, that...

I think the rest of television speaks in RP,

and Poppy gives us a chance to... And I said no.

To continue.

"It was once the family home.

"But when my husband died 18 years ago,

"I converted it to survive."

And then we hit the big time.

Thursday and Friday are studio.

Now, it's not live, but it's as live.

So don't make any mistakes, because we cannot afford to stop.

Ready to record!

Places, please, everyone, as fast as we can!

Little bit of hush!

And whatever happens,

hope and pray we don't get an underrun.

What's an underrun? Well, it's when we run under.

Sixty seconds! Quiet, please!

Every single episode is 19-and-a-half minutes exactly.

But if we rattle through the dialogue too fast,

or somebody drops out...

They said Gary's put his back out.

There you are. If there's a gap, we have to fill.

Well, what do we do? Keith gives a signal.

And upstairs, they make the telephone ring,

and we have to answer it.

On the spot? Yeah.

On camera? Yeah.

And do what? We improvise.

Well, how? Thirty seconds!

Don't worry, I'll answer it.

Leave it to Nolly.

WHISPERING: Now, get ready.

Just think, all those people watching.

We get 15 million viewers a night.

Three episodes a week.

Which means 45 million viewers...

looking at you.

Well, no.

I'm sorry? It's not 45 million.

It certainly is. No, but 15 million every night...

Ready, studio, in ten... ..means it's the same 15 million.

It's only 15 million.

It's not 45 million, is it? It's 15.

Isn't it?

Grams and action in three...

CROSSROADS THEME PLAYS

This may be quite a surprise, but say hello, everyone.

This is Honour.

Honour, this is Adam, he's our deputy manager.

And this is my mother, Meg Mortimer.

I have to apologise, young lady. I've got the letter here.

But, to be honest,

this has come as something of a surprise.

I think our solicitor should study that letter, just in case.

KNOCKING

Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs Mortimer...

THROUGH HEADPHONES: 'Keith, just heard,

'Gary's gone to hospital, we have lost him from scene five.'

How much does that lose? 'Forty seconds.'

So that's an underrun? 'It's an underrun.'

Thank you very much.

DOOR CLOSES

Well, what have you got to say for yourself, young lady?

It's very nice to meet you. It's such a lovely motel.

It was once a family home.

But when my husband died 18 years ago,

I converted it to survive.

Mummy worked night and day.

She turned it into the motel you can see today.

And it's been hard work.

But we're so proud of it.

It's amazing to think I'm part of the family.

I think you'll be very welcome here.

It's a fresh start for all of us.

PHONE RINGS

RINGING CONTINUES

Hello, Crossroads Motel.

Oh.

SHE GASPS It's for you.

DOOR UNLOCKS

SOFT MUSIC

"I don't care what Henry says,

"if David wants to move to Guernsey, he should come to me."

IF David want to move to Guernsey, he should come to me.

If...

Hmm... "If David wants to move to Guernsey,

"he should come to me."

He should come to ME. HE should come to me.

"I keep worrying about Stonebank Farm.

"It's not my responsibility, but I can't ask...

"I can't ask Benny to leave, not since all that...

"Not since all that trouble."

WHISPERING: Not since all that trouble.

JINGLE ON TV

'And now on ATV, it's 7:30, it's Coronation Street.'

Oh, God, no.

'And there's bad news for Fred and Eunice Gee.'

FLOORBOARDS CREAK ABOVE

PHONE RINGS

'Darling, I want to go shopping, are you free?

'Please say yes.'

Nolly, it's late. Everything's closed.

We don't live in New York, darling, as much as we'd like.

I mean, window shopping.

Oh, come on, Tony. Please?

I'll fetch the Rolls, Miss Gordon.

Thank you, Adams.

Ooh, what do you think? Not my colour.

Matches your eyes. TONY CHUCKLES

That's nice. Mm.

Hm. Bit young for me.

And you say...? Nonsense, Miss Gordon!

Thank you, Adams.

WOMAN GASPS Oh.

It's really nice to see you, Nolly.

I love you in Coronation Street.

Yeah, Crossroads. Crossroads, yes!

But why did they get rid of your husband?

He was a lousy fuck, darling.

Oh, you're wonderful.

Lots of love. Lots of love.

You were a bit tough today, do you think?

Poor little Poppy.

Yes, and then I went upstairs to Jack

and told him she was excellent.

You sound almost maternal. Oh, that ship has sailed.

It's funny to think, isn't it?

Little Poppy, she can have a career with a regional accent.

Do you think we sound old-fashioned, these days?

DEEP VOICE: Mm. You have abominable diction.

I have a bomb in my kitchen?

NOLLY LAUGHS

Oh, yes, they've all got soap operas now.

Take The High Road in Scotland. Taff Acre in Wales.

Welsh accents in lead roles! My mother would switch off.

My mother would punch them. Yes, she would.

My mother sailed up the Amazon in a canoe.

People never believe me when I tell them that,

she really did.

She had five oarsmen paddling away.

I still hear a creak, sometimes...

from upstairs. Mm!

I think, "Here she comes."

I'd hear those footsteps, then I'd think,

"Right, I have 30 seconds to put the kettle on."

Thirty seconds exactly, tap-tap. "Here she is, here's Mum."

It's been two years now.

Oh, that's gorgeous. You'd look lovely in that.

There's a dinner tonight.

Variety Club at the Town Hall. I see.

Thank God I'm not there.

He'd have been top table. Hm.

His favourite charity.

Mm. With his wife. Mm.

I'd have a seat as far away as possible.

Like we barely knew each other.

How long's it been since he died?

Nine years.

I'm sorry.

You should've turned up tonight with me on your arm.

I gather the phrase for that nowadays is "toyboy".

Tony. Tony the toyboy.

HE GASPS At your service, ma'am.

A-ha! Mwah!

Oh, you know what I always say, Adams.

I wanted a man in my life, so I got the next best thing,

which is you.

Come on. Work in the morning.

Ooh, big day tomorrow.

Michael's seeing Charles Denton. Oh.

About my contract.

Once he's done, we can come back and buy everything!

TONY CHUCKLES

NOLLY HUMS

CAR HORNS BEEP

Ah, Michael. Good to see you.

Charles. Looking very well, I must say.

I'm hearing exciting things about Nottingham.

Oh, well, we're getting there, slowly.

Slower than I'd like, but...

I have one or two new clients based in the Midlands,

you might be interested in seeing them.

But first, Miss Gordon.

Did you have a chance to read my proposal? Yes.

I think this might not be the conversation you imagined.

I am not backing down on holidays. No.

Erm, how do I put this?

All good things must come to an end.

DOOR UNLOCKS

PHONE RINGS, NOLLY HUMS

This is Noele Gordon speaking.

'Nolly, darling, it's Michael.'

Oh, good. Ooh, did I tell you, I saw Louise?

We had a proper old catch-up, she's on really good form.

Anyway, how did it go?

'Er, not very well.'

I did consider driving up to see you, but... you know, things.

And? 'It was remarkable.'

Denton was... clinical.

It wasn't like him at all,

it was like a man reading a weather report.

'Just facts.' Well, tell me what he said.

'He said...'

He said there's no new contract.

'That it's goodbye.'

SHE SCOFFS For God's sake.

Tell him I am not backing down on holidays.

'No, darling, there wasn't any negotiation.'

He simply said it, and that was that.

Michael, I sometimes think you don't know how this industry works.

'I mean, let's face it, the last time you were an actor,

'you played one of the Daleks.'

Which God knows was a stretch of your emotional range.

But now you are an agent. And you are MY agent.

'And it is your job...' Nolly, it wasn't like that.

..to go back and tell him I work five days a week,

every single week till nine o'clock at night.

'Which means all my charity work...' Listen to me.

Nolly, you've been sacked.

He said they have plans for the future of the show,

without you.

Oh, don't be ridiculous! 'Nolly.'

What have you done?

I beg your pardon?

'Well, have you done anything to annoy them, or to vex them?'

It was the most extraordinary meeting I've ever had in my life.

I've been sacked? 'Yes.'

He sacked me? 'Yes.'

Well, what did he say?

He said you're sacked.

NOLLY LAUGHS

That is the sort of thing a man like that says.

Oh, Michael, you idiot.

It's a deal, it's a game!

'Meg is going to die.

'He said they'll give you six months and then they kill her.

'They're gonna write the story of the death of Meg Mortimer,

'and that's the end.

'God knows why, I have no idea why, but you're out.'

I...

DOOR BUZZES

Now, look, I know what we're like.

Us theatricals, we do tend to exaggerate.

Let's be serious.

When he says sacked, doesn't he mean have a month off?

Which you've been asking for since time immemorial.

So, maybe they listened.

I was told Jack Barton will phone me at eight o'clock exactly.

Well, that's now. So...

Oh. ..listen on the other phone.

I think you'll find it's all a storm in a teacup.

My mother won the King's Cup for flying solo around England,

and she always said... PHONE RINGS

Oh, my God!

Wait, wait, wait.

DOES BREATHING EXERCISE

This is Noele Gordon speaking. 'Nolly. Quite a day.'

Isn't it? Yes.

How are you? 'Fine, thank you.'

And you? 'Well, I am distraught.'

Well, yes, understandably.

Then it's true?

'Yes.'

I've been sacked.

'Yes.'

And Meg is going to die. 'Yes.'

Erm...

And whose decision was this?

'Charles Denton.'

Did he... Tell you why!

'Did he tell you why?'

He said it was a professional decision,

and it's time for the show to move on.

'Yes, but why me?'

I was told.

'An order from above. I don't ask why, I just do my job.'

Erm... And, erm...

Well, is this just me, or is anybody else getting the chop?

'No, it's just you.' Oh, really?

Because I think there's quite a bit of dead wood in that cast.

I don't think Tony's been committed for ages.

'I wouldn't say that. We've got very big plans for him.'

Oh, well, that's all very nice, I'm sure,

but that leaves me, erm...

Jack, I won't beg. 'Don't expect you to.'

I will not beg. 'Absolutely.'

I am not gonna beg for my job.

'In fact, Denton said six months,

'which would see me off-screen February,

'but I fully expect to find work immediately.'

And I don't think I can wait that long.

What do you suggest? Christmas?

Oh, yes, I thought you could kill me off

at Christmas like the Little fucking Match Girl!

Oh, for Christ's sake, don't be so bloody maudlin!

November? Done!

Good. Thank you.

Well, better not keep you any longer,

I know you've got rehearsals at nine. Bye, then.

Goodbye.

Not a word, Adams. Not a word to anyone.

Morning, Nolly! I wondered if you could sign this.

It's for my best friend's birthday. She's gonna be 55.

So, in this scene, when she says she's sorry,

do you think she's really sorry? Because in the next scene,

when Meg's gone, she sounds a bit mean.

I think she's lying, don't you?

I was thinking, Noele, if you don't mind,

the script says Meg's by the kitchen door,

but I thought if you were at the bar that could be nice,

cos I can get a good angle on three, if that's OK with you?

Sure. Great. Thanks.

And Poppy, if you can come in from the entrance.

I'm worried about Meg. Are you? In what way?

Is it me, or does she seem... distracted?

Well, we can't exactly have helped, can we,

with all our... troubles?

I told you. We're over all that.

As long as James Corbett has your manuscript,

I don't think we'll ever be free.

But that's not the point. I was talking about Meg.

I think we've taken our eye off her.

And I'm not being rude... Makes a change.

No, stop it, darling.

Sometimes I think...

Don't you think she's getting... old?

As are we all.

But it makes me wonder, David.

How long she can stay running a business like this?

She built this motel from the ground up.

She built it as a monument to her dead husband,

who's long since dead and gone.

And time moves on, David.

Time moves on.

What are you getting at, Barbara?

I'm saying that one day, Meg might not be here.

And there's an awful lot of work for those left behind.

Plus... an awful lot of money.

THEME MUSIC PLAYS

It was me. I stole it.

And then I tried to blame Benny. I'm really sorry.

I don't know why I did it.

All I can say is I'm very disappointed.

In fact, I am outraged.

I took you in as a member of my family.

It's a problem I've had for a long time, Mrs Mortimer.

I'm really trying hard. I won't do it again.

Well, it's a sword that cuts both ways, isn't it?

If I trust you, I can't win.

If I don't trust you, I can't win.

So, what am I to do?

Are you all right?

I never meant to upset her.

Well, it's a bit late for tears now, young lady.

You need to find a way to regain her trust, and pronto.

Don't mind me.

I've just seen Mrs Mortimer. She's got a face like thunder.

Hope everything's OK.

Oh, Diane, it's been a very upsetting morning.

But I don't get why. They must have said something.

I think they want to kill the show, cut off the head.

I'm not being rude, Nolly, and forgive me for saying it,

but, well, you do have a certain predilection

for married men.

I mean, you and this Charles Denton didn't...? Absolutely not!

Well, he sounds like a spurned lover.

I wouldn't touch him with a barge pole.

Well, they're going to regret it.

You'll walk straight into another job, top billing.

Not after I've been sacked. My name is going to be poison.

Never mind my age.

But they haven't told the press?

I think they're waiting for me. Well, that's it, then.

Tell them you resigned. That's what you do!

Get in there first and tell the papers it's a resignation.

Do you think?

You've got enough contacts. All those journalists. Reel them in.

Tell them you're off to star in the West End.

Hey, tell them you're doing Whatever Happened To Baby Jane

with Diana Dors - and I want 10% for that, thank you very much.

But this is great, it's good news.

It's Noele Gordon leaving behind her tatty old soap...

I'm sorry, Tony. Oh, God, no, it's shit.

..and becoming the star she always was!

Announce your resignation, Nolly, take centre stage,

and beat those bloody men!

LIFT DINGS

HUBBUB

Where did they come from? Shall I ask them to go?

I don't know, have we got security? Do we need them?

What's going on? Ask her.

What is it? What are they there for? What's wrong?

Nolly, what exactly is happening?

SHE BREATHES DEEPLY

In ten.

Now, remember, you've resigned,

this is fine, this was always your plan,

you've handed in your resignation, because you wanted to.

The decision to resign is yours and yours alone.

Gentlemen, I have been sacked!

Or... that.

NOLLY: The news was given to me...

They can't sack Mother!

Why would anyone do that?

That's ridiculous. They... They can't.

What about us? Hold on a minute, what happens to us?

Sister George.

But I am shattered and devastated.

I have been brutally axed,

and my heart is utterly broken.

Nolly, I'm from ATV Today. Do you have a message for your loyal fans?

Oh, you're from ATV, are you? Well, let me just say,

you wouldn't have a job if it wasn't for me!

I think we should... No, I wasn't just an actress here.

I was staff.

I was the spine of ATV.

And the heart. And the soul.

And the guts.

I practically invented daytime TV.

Crossroads was built around me.

Everyone says the star of the show is the motel, but let me tell you,

the star of the show is not a bunch of flats

held together by plywood and Sellotape and spit.

The star of the show has been sacked.

Charles Denton sacked me.

He... sacked... me.

DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES

KEYS JANGLE

SHE SIGHS

TV: In the headlines today,

the Queen of the Midlands has lost her throne.

'The actress Noele Gordon has spoken out today,

'to say she is shattered and devastated at the news

'she has been sacked

'from the long-running television programme, Crossr...

PHONES RING We love Nolly,

but all I know is what the boss has said.

I'll give Nolly your love. I will, I promise.

She's loved by all of us. I'm really very sorry

but there's nothing more I can do, bye-bye.

Hello, Crossroads, can I help you?

No. No!

There's no need for that kind of language.

Right. No. No.

THUDS

THUDS

You stirred up quite a hornet's nest.

HE SCOFFS

Nolly. Nolly. CLAMOURING

A few words for our readers, Miss Gordon?

A few words? Please, Nolly?

THEY CHANT: 'Save our Meg! Save our Meg!'

Meg is magic! Save our Meg!

THEY CHEER

We haven't decided how she'll die.

It could be an explosion.

Concorde could fall out of the sky and land on her head.

She could be hit by a bus or... or swallowed by a whale.

HE LAUGHS Yeah!

If that's your final word on the matter, I wish you good luck.

But, I warn you... I'll be waiting.

CROSSROADS THEME TUNE PLAYS

And recording break, hold it there,

wait till we get the clear...

I thought that was cruel. The Concorde remark.

I mean, this is your death. Where's the respect?

'And that's a clear! We're on to yellow, scene seven.

'Quick as we can, everybody, bit of a big scene,

'let's keep it down.

'And we're dressing it for the Harvest Festival.'

Well done. That was very nice. Thank you.

OK, Nolly, we need you on set.

Erm, Miss Gordon? We're on scene seven.

HE GROANS

OK, everyone, we've got a little problem,

Editec's gone down,

we'll be two minutes, stay in position.

'Less headroom, a bit closer, camera two.'

I wouldn't blame her if she never came back.

This would never have happened with Reg Watson.

I'm telling you, they want to axe the show. We're next.

But that doesn't make sense. Just axe it, don't pick on Mother.

Well, it's all contractual, if you look at the paperwork

because, two years ago

she hit retirement age on, er, Christmas Day,

which means she's now on a pension -

which is money from a different source -

so this way, means they don't have to pay an extra wage on top.

Like Benny says in that scene tomorrow, erm...

Oh, what is it? You know, what's the, what's the line?

I've got a proposition.

I say - if she goes, we all go.

Are you serious? We go upstairs, we say to Jack,

"If you get rid of Nolly, we're walking out. All of us!"

'I think that might be a little...'

..hasty. Well, you would say that.

Because if she goes,

then there's room at the top of the Crossroads Motel,

and some people stand to benefit!

Excuse me. Are you making accusat...?

Do you mean us? Oh, let's face it,

you're one of the last two debutantes

to be presented to the Queen.

You've always wanted to rule this place.

That's... slanderous. SHE SCOFFS

But gosh, if that's true, Mother will be absolutely devastated.

It doesn't really matter what she thinks, she'll be gone!

Harsh but true. In this modern world,

it's every man for himself. Oh, you stand to profit as well!

You'll have more to do around here! How dare you!

Money is the root of all evil, Miss Diane.

Look, like it or not, she's going, and if we play our cards right,

Crossroads will reap the rewards!

I am shocked to the core!

Do you seriously want Mother gone?

It's about time someone said it, she's a relic of the past.

I'll no listen to one more word of this!

That fine woman, being denigrated by people not fit!

Well, if she goes...

that's the last this motel will see of Shughie McFee!

Well...

I find this harvest loaf a very great weight to bear.

You know what this means, don't you?

Mark my words, it's the end of the Crossroads Motel!

Best episode ever.

LIFT BELLS DINGS

Molly, Amrita, canteen, come on.

Thank you, Ivor.

HE CLEARS THROAT

Nolly. Jack. Problem?

Concorde... was that a joke?

We haven't decided how she dies yet, we've got to have meetings.

Yes, but you wouldn't do that?

You wouldn't have an aeroplane land on my head, would you?

Life is strange. All the same,

I really don't think... I mean, look at poor Jo Richardson.

Shot her last scene, walked out of that studio,

flew to the Seychelles, went for a swim -

drowned or murdered, we still don't know, and that was real life.

Yes, but this is a choice.

This story is going to be chosen.

That's it, isn't it? That's the point.

That's our job - to sit up here and choose.

Death by gunshot? Death by dog? Death by canal?

Death on her wedding day

when Maureen fell under the wheels of a bus...

How unlucky was that?

..but that's what we're paid to do. Hmm.

Yes, but you plan this stuff in the boardroom,

with no idea what it's like on the shop floor. Excuse me?

No, I'm not having that.

Charles Denton can recline in his London club,

not me, I've done the hard work.

Left home when I was 14, ran off with the circus, literally.

I lived with the family of Coco the Clown,

and let me tell you, backstage with clowns, that's savage!

I have seen it all, Nolly. Then, why the fuck don't you care?!

I said I won't beg...

..but...

I don't want her to die.

It's not a real death.

But still... My hands are tied.

Orders from above.

And the budget has been drawn up for next year without you.

Oh, I'm not asking to stay.

I'll go. I've lost. I'm leaving.

You can write me out.

I accept that.

But...

I have been here for so long.

My mother died... I came to work.

That boy...

played my son...

He was my son for 18 years.

He died, four months ago, and then they do this to me.

So, I'm asking you, please...

..don't kill me.

Change the story.

Save my life.

But you're not dying.

This is Meg we're talking about. Is it?

Back to work.

LIFT BELL DINGS

SHE SCREAMS

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