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(upbeat orchestral music)

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(babies crying)

(chisel pounding)

(whistling)

(tongue clicking)

(whistling)

(tongue clicking)

- Yeah, D.B.

Oh, just cleaning out the deadwood.

Okay.

- Look, Mr. Connell, I just can't afford

to be without work right now, not even for a day.

I've got a mother and two kid sisters to--

- [Secretary] More good luck telegrams.

- Well, you know how it is.

I've just got to keep on working, see?

- Sorry, sister, I was sent down here to clean house.

I told you, I can't use your column anymore.

It's lavender and old lace.

- Sir? - Send those other people in.

- I'll tell you what I'll do.

I get $30.

I'll take $25, $20 if necessary.

I'll do anything you say.

- It isn't the money.

We're after circulation.

What we need is fireworks,

people who can hit with sledgehammers, start arguments.

- Oh, I can do that.

I know this town inside-out.

Oh, give me a chance, please.

- All right, come in, come in, come in.

Cashier's got your check.

Who are these people?

Gibbs, Crawley, Cunningham, Giles

Hey you, sister.

Don't forget to get out your last column

before you pick up your check.

(door slamming)

(trashcan clattering)

- You're a couple of sticks shy in your column, Ann.

- Big, rich slob like D.B. Norton buys a paper

and 40 heads are chopped off.

- Did you get it, too? - Yeah.

You too?

Oh, Joe.

Oh, I'm sorry darling.

Why don't we tear the building down?

- Before you do, Ann,

perhaps you'd better finish this column.

- Yeah, lavender and old lace.

Wait, Joe.

Wait.

He wants fireworks, huh?

Okay.

(typewriter keys clacking)

Here.

- Below is a letter which reached my desk this morning.

It's a commentary on what we

laughingly call a civilized world.

Dear Miss Mitchell, four years ago,

I was fired outta my job.

Since then, I haven't been able to get another one.

At first I was sore at the state administration

because it's on account of the slimy politics here

we have all this unemployment.

But in looking around,

it seems the whole world's going to pot.

So, in protest, I'm going to commit suicide

by jumping off the City Hall roof.

Signed, a disgusted American citizen, John Doe.

Editor's note, if you ask this column,

the wrong people are jumping off the roofs.

Hey, Ann, this is the old fak-a-roo, isn't it?

- Nevermind that, Joe, go ahead.

(laughing)

(chattering)

(glass shattering)

(workers laughing)

- And it's because of the slimy politics

that we have all this unemployment here.

There it is.

That's D.B. Norton's opening attack on the governor.

- Why, Jim, it's just a letter sent into a column.

- No, no, I can smell it, that's Norton.

- [Governor] Good morning, gentlemen.

- Good morning, Governor. - Good morning, Governor.

- [Governor] You're here rather early.

- Governor, did you happen to see this in the New Bulletin?

- Yes.

I had it served with my breakfast this morning.

- Jim thinks it's D.B. Norton at work.

- Of course it is.

- Oh, come, Jim.

That little item?

D.B. Norton does things in a much bigger way.

- {Jim] This is his opening attack on you, Governor,

take my word for it.

What did he buy a paper for?

Why did he engage a high-pressure editor like Connell for?

He's in the oil business.

I tell you, Governor, he's after your scalp.

- All right, Jim, all right, don't burst a blood vessel.

I'll look into it.

- [Secretary] Yes sir?

- Get me Spencer of the Daily Chronicle please.

- Yes, yes, I saw it, Governor.

If you ask me, that's a phony letter.

Why, that gag has got whiskers on it.

Hmm?

Okay, I'll get the mayor

and maybe the Chamber of Commerce to go after them.

Get Mayor Lovett on the phone.

- Sorry, the mayor's busy on the other phone.

- Yes, I know, Mrs. Brewster.

It's a terrible reflection on our city.

I've had a dozen calls already.

- [Man] Spencer at the Chronicle.

- Hold him. - Just a minute.

- Yes, Mrs. Brewster, I'm listening.

- I insist that this John Doe man be found

and given a job at once.

Now, if something isn't done about it,

I'll call out the whole auxiliary.

and the junior auxiliary.

We'll hold a meeting and see that--

- Yes, Spency?

Who?

The governor?

Well, what about me?

It's my building he's jumping off of,

and I'm up for reelection too.

(shushing) What are you doing?

Get Connell at the Bulletin.

Why, he's liable to go right past my--

- Get me Connell. - What was that?

- What? - Out the window.

Something just flew by. - I didn't see anything.

- Well, don't stand there, you idiot, go and look.

Open the window.

Oh, why did he have to pick on my building?

Is there a crowd in the street?

- No, sir.

- Then maybe he's caught on a ledge, look again.

- I think it must've been a seagull.

- A seagull?

What's a seagull doing around the City Hall?

That's a bad omen, isn't it?

- Oh, no sir, the seagull is a lovely bird.

- It's all right, Mrs. Brewster, it was just a seagull.

- Connell? - Nothing's happened yet.

No, I'm watching.

Don't worry, Mrs. Brewster.

Just leave it all to me.

Spencer, I'll call you back.

Hello, Connell?

This is--

What are you doing?

This is the mayor.

- Yes, Mayor Lovett.

How many times are you gonna call me?

I've got everybody and his brother

and sister out looking for him.

Did you see the box I'm running?

An appeal to John Doe.

Think it over, John.

Life can be beautiful, says mayor.

If you need a job, apply to editor to this paper,

and so forth and so forth.

Okay, Mayor, I'll let you know as soon as I have something.

What?

Well, pull down the blinds.

- Went up to Miss Mitchell's house, boss.

Boy, she's in a bad way. - Where is she?

- Hey, do you know something?

She supports her mother and two kids.

What do you know about that?

- Did you find her? - No.

Her mother's awful worried about her.

When she left the house,

said she was going on a roaring drunk.

The girl, I mean.

- Go out and find her. - Sure.

(phone ringing)

Hey, but the biggest thing I didn't tell you.

Her old man's Doc Mitchell. - Hello?

- You know, the doc that saved my mother's life

and wouldn't take any money for it?

You remember that?

Okay, boss, I'll go and look for her.

(clanging)

- Holy smokes, Commissioner, you've had 24 hours.

Okay, Hawkshaw, grab a pencil, here it is again.

About five foot five, brown eyes, light chestnut hair,

and as fine a pair of legs as ever walked into this office.

- Did you wanna see me?

- No, I've had the whole Army and Navy out searching for you

because that's a game we play here every day.

- I remember distinctly being fired.

- That's right.

But you have a piece of property

that still belongs to this newspaper

and I'd like to have it.

- What's that? - The letter.

- What letter?

- The letter from John Doe. - Oh.

- [Henry] The whole town's in an uproar.

We've gotta find him and the letter's the only clue.

- There is no letter.

- We'll get a handwriting expert to--

What? - There is no letter.

- Say that again.

- There's no letter, I made it up.

- You made it up? - Mm-hmm.

You said you wanted fireworks.

- Don't you know there are nine jobs waiting for this guy,

22 families wanna board him free,

five women wanna marry him,

and the mayor's practically ready to adopt him?

And you--

- Just called the morgue, boss.

They say there's a girl there--

- [Henry] Shut up.

- Ann.

Say, why didn't you-- - Beany.

- Only one thing to do, Hank,

drop the whole business quickly.

- How? - Run a story.

Say John Doe was in here and he's sorry he wrote the letter.

- That's right.

You got it, sure.

He came in here and I let him change his mind.

Bulletin editor saves John Doe's life.

Why, it's perfect.

I'll have Ned write it up.

Oh, Ned?

I've got a story I want you to--

- Wait a minute.

Listen, you great big wonderful genius of a newspaper man.

You came down here to shoot some life

into this dying paper, didn't you?

Well, the whole town's curious about John Doe,

and, boom, just like that, you're going to bury him.

There's enough circulation in that man

to start a shortage in the ink market.

- In what man? - John Doe.

- What John Doe?

- Our John Doe, the one I made up.

Look, genius, now look.

Suppose there was a John Doe and he walked into this office.

What would you do?

Find him a job and forget about

the whole business, I suppose, huh?

Not me.

I'd make a deal.

- A deal?

- Sure, when you get ahold of a stunt that sells papers,

you don't drop it like a hot potato.

Why, this is good for at least a couple of months.

You know what I'd do?

Between now and let's say Christmas when he's gonna jump,

I'd run a daily yarn, starting with his boyhood,

his schooling, his first job.

A wide-eyed youngster facing a chaotic world.

The problem of the average man,

of all the John Does in the world.

Now, then comes the drama.

He meets discouragement.

He finds the world has feet of clay.

His ideals crumble.

So what does he do?

He decides to commit suicide in protest

against the state of civilization.

He thinks of the river.

But no, no, he has a better idea.

The City Hall.

Why?

Because he wants to attract attention.

He wants to get a few things off his chest,

and that's the only way he can get himself heard.

- So? - So?

So he writes me a letter and I dig him up.

He pours out his soul to me.

And from now on, we quote, I protest, by John Doe.

He protests against all the evils in the world,

the greed, the lust, the hate, the fear,

all of man's inhumanity to man.

Arguments will start.

Should he commit suicide or should he not?

People will write in pleading with him.

But no.

No, sir.

John Doe will remain adamant.

On Christmas Eve, hot or cold, he goes.

See?

- Very pretty.

Very pretty indeed, Miss Mitchell.

But would you mind telling me who goes on Christmas Eve?

- John Doe. - What John Doe?.

- The one we hire for the job, you lunkhead.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Let me get this through this lame brain of mine.

Are you suggesting we go out and hire someone

to say he's gonna commit suicide on Christmas Eve?

Is that it? - Why, you're catching on.

- Who, for instance? - Anybody.

Beany'll do.

- Why, sure--

Who, me?

Jump off a--

Oh, no.

Any time but Christmas, I'm superstitious.

(clanging)

(sighing)

- Miss Mitchell, do me a favor, will you?

Go on out and get married and have a lotta babies,

but stay outta newspaper business.

- [Man] Better get that story in, Hank, it's getting late.

- You're supposed to be a smart guy.

If it was raining $100 bills,

you'd be out looking for a dime you lost someplace.

- Holy smokes, wasting my time listening to this mad woman.

- [Ned] Look, Chief.

Look what the Chronicle's running on John Doe.

They say it's a fake.

- Why, the no good--

John Doe story amateur journalism.

It's palpably phony.

It's a wonder anyone is taking it seriously.

What do you think of those guys?

- That's fine, that's fine.

Now, fall right into their lap.

Go ahead, say John Doe walked in

and called the whole thing off.

You know what that's gonna sound like on top of this.

- That's all, Ned, thank you.

- All right.

- Amateur journalism, huh?

Why, that bunch of sophomores.

I can teach them more about--

- Hey, boss, get a load of this.

- What? - Look.

- [Henry] What do they want?

- [Beany] They all say they wrote the John Doe letter.

(talking over each other)

- Oh, they all wrote the letter.

- Tell them all to wait.

Look, Mr. Connell, one of those men is your John Doe.

They're desperate and will do anything for a cup of coffee.

Pick one out and you can make the chronicle eat their words.

- I'm beginning to like this.

- If you ask me, Hank, you're playing around with dynamite.

- No, no, no, no, no, the gal's right.

We can't let the Chronicle get the laugh on us.

We've gotta produce a John Doe now.

Amateur journalism, huh?

I'll show those guys.

- Sure, and there's no reason

for them to find out the truth either

because, naturally, I won't say anything.

- Okay, sister, you get your job back.

- Plus a bonus.

- What bonus?

- Oh, the bonus of $1,000 the Chronicle was going to pay me

for this little document.

You'll find that it says that,

I, Ann Mitchell, hereby certify

that the John Doe letter was created by me--

- I can read, I can read.

- Sorry.

- You think this is worth $1,000, do you?

- Oh, the Chronicle would consider it dirt cheap.

- Packs everything, including a gun.

Okay, sister, you got yourself a deal.

Now, let's take a look at the candidates.

The one we pick has gotta be the typical average man,

typical American that can keep his mouth shut.

- Show me an American who can

keep his mouth shut and I'll eat him.

- Okay, Beany, bring 'em in one at a time.

(angry chattering)

(whimsical big band music)

Did you write that letter to Miss Mitchell?

- No, I didn't.

- What are you doin' up here then?

- Well, the paper said there were some jobs around loose.

Thought there might be one left over.

- Had any schooling?

- Yeah, a little.

- What do you do when you work?

- I used to pitch. - Baseball?

- Yeah, till my wing went bad.

- Where'd you play?

- Bush leagues, mostly.

- How about family, got any family?

- No.

- Oh, just traveling through, huh?

- Yep, me and a friend of mine.

He's outside.

- Looks all right.

- He's perfect, a baseball player.

What could be more American?

- [Henry] Wish he had a family though.

- [Man] Be less complicated without a family.

- Look at that face, it's wonderful.

They'll believe him.

Come on.

- [Henry] What's your name?

- Willoughby, John Willoughby.

Long John Willoughby they called me in baseball.

- Would you like to make some money?

- Yeah, maybe.

- Would you be willing to say you wrote

that letter and stick by it?

- I get the idea.

Yeah, maybe.

- That's our man, he's made to order.

- [Henry] I don't know,

he don't seem like the kind of a guy

that would fall in line.

- When you're desperate for money,

you do a lotta things, Mr. Connell.

He's our man, I tell you.

He's fainted!

Get some water, quickly.

- [Henry] Hurry up, Pop.

Why don't you sit down?

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm all right.

- How many is that, six?

Pretty hungry, weren't you?

- [Man] Say all this John Doe

business is batty if you ask me.

- Well, nobody asked you.

- Trying to improve the world by jumping off buildings.

You couldn't improve the world

if the buildings jumped on you.

- Don't mind the Colonel, he hates people.

- [Ann] He likes you well enough to stick around.

- Oh, that's 'cause we both play doohickeys.

I met him in a boxcar a couple of years ago.

I was fooling around with my harmonica,

and he comes over and joins in.

I haven't been able to shake him since.

(harmonica music)

("William Tell Overture" by Gioachino Rossini on harmonicas)

- All right, boys, here he is.

- No, no, no, you can't take pictures of him like that,

eating a sandwich and with a beard.

- But he's gonna jump off a building.

- Yes, but not because he's out of a job.

That's not news.

This man's going to jump as a matter of principle.

- Maybe you're right. - We'll clean him up

and put him a hotel room, under bodyguards.

We'll make a mystery out of him.

- Do you speak to Mr. Norton?

- Thinks it's terrific.

Says for us to go the limit.

Wants us to build a bonfire

under every big shot in the state.

- Oh, swell, is that the contract?

- Yes.

What's he doing here? - Friend of his.

They play duets together.

- Duets?

But can we trust him?

- Oh. - I trust him.

- Oh, you trust him, eh?

Well, that's fine.

I suppose he trusts you, too?

- [Ann] Oh, stop worrying.

He's all right.

- Well, okay, but we don't want more

than a couple of hundred people in on this thing.

Now, the first thing I want is an exact copy

of the John Doe letter in your own handwriting.

- I got it all ready, here.

- Now, that's fine.

Now, I want you to sign this agreement.

It gives us an exclusive story under your name

day by day from now until Christmas.

On December 26th you get one railroad ticket out of town,

and the Bulletin agrees to pay to have your arm fixed.

That's what you want, isn't it?

- Yeah, but it's got to be by Bone-Setter Brown.

- Okay, Bone-Setter Brown goes.

Here, sign it.

Meanwhile, here's $50 for spending money.

That's fine.

Beany? - Yes, boss?

- Take charge of him.

Get him a suite at the Imperial and hire some bodyguards.

- Yeah, and some new clothes, Beany.

- [Beany] Do you think we better have him deloused?

- [Henry] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- [Beany] Both of 'em?

- [Henry] Yes, both of 'em.

But don't let 'em out of your sight.

- Hey, Beany, gray suit, huh?

- Yeah.

- Okay, fellas.

And you, start pounding that typewriter.

Oh boy, this is terrific.

No responsibilities on our part.

Just statements from John Doe

and we can blast our heads off.

- Before you pop too many buttons,

don't forget to make out that check for 1,000.

(groaning)

- Okay fellas, now let me see.

You sit outside the door.

Nobody comes in, see.

You two fellas sit in here.

- Hey, pretty nifty, huh?

- You ain't gonna get me to stay here.

- [Beany] Sure you are.

- No sir, that spot under the bridge

where we slept last night's good enough for me.

- Hey, what do I do with this baggage?

- [Beany] Oh, stick 'em in the bedroom.

- Give me mine, I ain't stayin'.

You know, we were headed for the Columbia River country

before all this John Doe business came up.

You remember that, don't you?

- Sure, I remember.

- Say, did your ears pop coming up in the elevator?

Mine did.

- Oh, Long John, I tell ya, it's no good.

You're gonna get used to a lotta stuff

that's gonna wreck you.

Why, that $50 in your pocket's

beginning to show up on you already.

(harmonica music)

And don't pull that on me neither.

- Stop worrying, Colonel.

I'm gonna get my arm fixed outta this.

- Hey, here's some cigars the boss sent us.

Have one. - Hey, cigars.

- Help yourself. - No.

- Hey, I'll bet ya even the Major Leaguers

don't rate an outfit like this.

- [Man] Here, make yourself comfortable.

Paper?

- No, I don't read no papers

and I don't listen to radios either.

I know the world's been shaved by a drunken barber

and I don't have to read it.

I've seen guys like you go under before.

Guys that never had a worry,

then they got ahold of some dough and went goofy.

The first thing that happens to a guy--

- [Beany] Hey, did you get a load of the bedroom?

- No.

- The first thing that happens to a guy like that,

he starts wanting to go into restaurants

and sit down at a table and eat salads and cupcakes and tea.

Boy, what that kinda food does to your system.

The next thing the dope wants is a room.

Yes sir, a room with steam heat, and curtains and rugs.

And before you know it, he's all softened up

and he can't sleep unless he has a bed.

- Hey, stop worrying, Colonel.

50 bucks ain't gonna ruin me.

- I've seen plenty of fellas start out with 50 bucks

and wind up with a bank account.

- Hey, what's a matter with a bank account anyway?

- You let me tell you, Long John,

when you become a guy with a bank account, they gotcha.

Yes sir, they gotcha.

- Who's got him?

- The heelots.

- Who?

- Hey, there's the City Hall tower

I'm supposed to jump off of.

It's even higher than this.

- Who's got him?

- The heelots.

- [John Doe] Woo.

- Hey, wait a minute.

You're not supposed to jump till Christmas Eve.

Do you wanna get me in a jam?.

- If it's gonna get you in a jam, I'll do you a favor.

I won't jump.

- And when they got you,

you got no more chance than a road rabbit.

- Hey, who'd you say was gonna get him?

- Say, is this one of those places

where you ring if you want something?

- Yeah, yeah, just use the phone.

- Boy, I've always wanted to do this.

- Hey, Doc, look.

Look, Doc.

Gimme that again, will ya?

Who's gonna get him?

- The heelots.

- Who are they?

- Listen, sucker, you ever been broke?

- Sure, mostly often. - All right.

You're walking along, not a nickel in your jeans,

you're free as the wind, nobody bothers you.

Hundreds of people pass you by in every line of business,

shoes, hats, automobiles, radios, furniture, everything.

They're all nice lovable people and they let you alone.

Is that right?

Then you get ahold of some dough and what happens?

All those nice, sweet, lovable people become heelots.

A lotta heels.

They begin creeping up on you, trying to sell you something.

They got long claws and they get a stranglehold on you.

And you squirm and you duck and you holler

and you try to push 'em away,

but you haven't got a chance, they've got you.

First thing you know, you own things.

A car, for instance.

Now your whole life is messed up

with a lot more stuff.

You got license fees and number plates

and gas and oil and taxes and insurance

and identification cards and letters

and bills and flat tires and dents and traffic tickets

and motorcycle cops and courtrooms and lawyers and fines

and a-million-and-one other things.

Then what happens?

You're not the free and happy guy you used to be.

You gotta have money to pay for all those things.

So, you go after what the other fella's got.

And there you are, you're a heelot yourself.

- You win, Colonel, here, take the 50.

Go out and get rid of it.

- You bet I will, just as fast as I can.

I'm gonna get some canned goods, a fishing rod,

and the rest I'm gonna give away.

- Give away?

- Hey, get me a pitcher's glove.

I gotta get me some practice.

- Say, he's giving it away, I'm gonna get me some of that.

- Hey, come back here, you heelot.

- Will you send up five hamburgers with all the trimmings,

five chocolate ice cream sodas,

and five pieces of apple pie?

No, apple, with cheese.

Yeah, thanks.

- Hello there.

Well, if it isn't the man about town.

- All set, Miss Ann?

- Hmm?

Oh, oh yes, let's go.

Let's see, we want some action in these pictures.

- Action? - Mm-hmm.

- That's good. - No, no, no.

This man's going to jump off a roof.

Here, wait a minute, let me comb your hair.

Sit down.

There, that's better.

You know, he's got a nice face, hasn't he?

- Yeah, he's pretty. (laughing)

- Here, sit down.

Quiet, egghead.

All right, now a serious expression.

- I can't, I'm feeling too good.

- [Ann] Oh, come on now, this is serious.

You're a man disgusted with all of civilization.

- With all of it?

- [Ann] Yes, you're sore at the world, come on now.

- Oh, crabby guy, huh? - Yeah.

No, no.

No. (laughing)

No, look.

You don't have to smell the world.

(laughing)

- With all those guys in the bleachers think--

- Nevermind those guys.

All right, stand up.

Now, let's see what you look like when you protest.

- Against what?

- [Ann] Against anything, just protest.

- You got me.

- Oh, look, I'm the umpire

and you just cut the heart of the plate with your fast one

and I called it a ball.

What would you do?

- Oh you did, huh?

- [Ann] Yeah.

- Why can't you call 'em right, you boneheaded big-eared--

- [Ann] Grab it, Eddie, grab it.

(big band music)

- [Newspaper Man] Extra, extra!

(chattering)

Extra.

Extra, extra!

(chattering)

- I don't care whose picture they're publishing.

I still say that this John Doe person is a myth,

and you can quote me on that.

And I'm going to insist

on his being produced for questioning.

You know as well as I do that this whole thing

is being engineered by a vicious man

with a vicious purpose, Mr. D.B. Norton.

(whistle blowing)

(engines revving)

(whistle blowing)

- Mr. Connell and Miss Mitchell are at the house, sir.

- Oh, they are?

All right, come on.

- Personally, I think it's just

plain stupidity to drop it now.

You should see his fan mail, thousands.

Why, it's going over like a house afire.

- What are you afraid of, Connell?

It's doubled our circulation.

- Yeah, but it's got everybody sore.

Ads are being pulled.

The governor's starting a libel suit.

What's more, they all know John Doe's a phony,

and they insist on seeing him. - Well, what about it?

Let them see him.

We'll go 'em one better, they can also hear him.

You own a radio station, Mr. Norton.

Why not put him on the air?

- Watch out for this dame, D.B., she'll drive you batty.

- Oh-- - Look, we can't let 'em

get to this bush-league pitcher and start pumping him.

Good night.

No telling what that screwball might do.

I walked in yesterday, here he is,

standing on a table with a fishing pole, fly-casting.

Take my advice and get him outta town

before this thing explodes in our faces.

- If you do, Mr. Norton,

you're just as much of a dumb cluck as he is.

Excuse me.

- No, you've got yourself a meal ticket

and you hate to let go.

- Sure, it's a meal ticket for me, I admit it.

But it's also a windfall for somebody like Mr. Norton

who's trying to crash national politics.

That's what you bought the newspaper for, isn't it?

You wanna reach a lotta people, don't you?

Well, put John Doe on the air

and you can reach 130 million of 'em.

He can say anything he wants and they'll listen to him.

All right, we'll forget the Governor and the Mayor

and all the small fry like that.

This can arouse national interest.

If he made a hit around here,

he can do it everyplace else in the country.

And you'll be pulling the strings, Mr. Norton.

- Go down to the office and arrange for some radio time.

- Why, D.B., you're not gonna fall--

- I want it as soon as possible.

- Okay.

I just came in to get warm, myself.

Come on, let's go.

- Don't you go.

I wanna talk to you.

Sit down.

Hey, this John Doe idea was yours, huh?

- Yes sir.

- How much money do you get?

- $30.

- $30.

Well then, what are you after?

I mean what do you want, a journalistic career?

- Money.

- Money.

Well, I'm glad to hear somebody admit it.

Do you suppose you could write a radio speech

that would put that fellow over?

- [Ann] Oh, I'm sure I can.

- Do it, and I'll give you $100 a week.

- $100--

- That's only the beginning.

You play your cards right

and you'll never have to worry about money again.

Oh, I knew it.

- Hello. - Hello.

Whenever there's a pretty woman around--

This is my nephew, Ted Sheldon, Miss Mitchell.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

- All right, Casanova, I'll give you a break.

See that Miss Mitchell gets a car to take her home.

- Always reading my mind, aren't you?

- Thank you very much for everything.

- And, Miss Mitchell,

I think from now on you'd better work directly with me.

- Yes, sir.

(upbeat orchestral music) (typewriter keys clacking)

(groaning)

(orchestral music)

Hey!

I thought you were asleep.

- [Girl] We just wanted to say good night.

- [Girl] Goodnight sis.

(groaning)

- Oh, you little brats, you're just stalling.

I said goodnight.

- Come, come, come, children.

It's past your bedtime.

Go on, go on. (children fussing)

- Come on, pooch, come on. - Come on, come on.

- [Woman] Now scooch off to bed.

- Stick a fork through me, I'm done.

I'll never get this speech right.

- Oh, yes you will, Ann, dear.

You're very clever.

- Yeah, I know.

What are you looking for?

- Your purse, I need $10. - What for?

I gave you $50 just the other day.

- Yes, I know, dear, but Mrs. Burke had her baby yesterday.

Nine pounds.

And there wasn't a thing in the house.

And then the Community Chest lady came--

- And 50's all gone, huh?

Who is the 10 for?

- The Websters. - The Websters.

- You remember, those lovely people

your father used to take care of?

I thought I'd buy them some groceries.

Oh, Ann, dear, it's a shame, those poor--

- You're marvelous, Ma.

You're just like Father used to be.

Do you realize a couple of weeks ago

we didn't have enough to eat ourselves?

- Well, yes, I know, dear, but these people are in such need

and we have plenty now.

- If you're thinking of that $1,000, forget it.

It's practically all gone.

We owed everybody in town.

Now, you just gotta stop giving all your money away.

- Oh, Ann, dear.

- Oh, I'm sorry, Ma.

Oh, don't pay any attention to me.

I guess I'm just upset about all this.

Gee whiz, here I am with

a great opportunity to get somewhere,

to give us security for once in our lives, and I'm stuck.

If I can put this over, your Mrs. Burke can have six babies.

- You mean the speech you're writing?

- Yeah, I don't know, I simply can't get it to gel.

I created somebody who was going

to give up his life for a principle.

Hundreds of thousands of people

are gonna listen to him over the radio.

And unless he says something that's,

well, that's sensational, it's just no good.

- Well, honey, of course I don't know

what kind of a speech you're trying to write,

but judging from the samples I've read,

I don't think anybody'll listen.

- What?

- Darling, there are so many complaining political speeches.

People are tired of hearing

nothing but doom and despair on the radio.

If you're gonna have him say anything,

why don't you let him say something simple and real,

something with hope in it?

If your father were alive, he'd know what to say.

- Oh, yes.

Father certainly would.

- Wait a minute. - Hmm?

- That's your father's diary, Ann.

- Father's--

I never knew he had a diary.

- There's enough in it for a 100 speeches,

things people ought to hear nowadays.

You'll be careful of it, won't you, dear?

Always helped to keep your father alive for me.

- You bet I will, Ma.

(angry chattering)

- Wait a minute, John Doe don't wanna sign no autographs.

- Well, what does he do all day?

- What does he do all day?

He's writing out his memories.

(angry chattering)

- Sorry, lady, you can't see Mr. Doe.

He wants to be alone.

No.

No, he just sits around all day and commutes with himself.

("Take Me Out to the Ballgame")

Ball.

- I don't know how you're gonna stand it

around here till after Christmas.

I'll bet you ain't heard a train whistle in two weeks.

- Strike.

- I know why you're hanging around.

You're stuck on the girl.

That's all a guy needs is to get hooked up with a woman.

- What was that, a single?

- First baseman dropped the ball.

- Butterfingers.

Tough luck, pal.

- A guy has a woman on his hands, first thing he knows,

his life is balled up with a lot more things.

Furniture.

- Did you get him?

- You're out.

- Swell.

What's this, the end of the eighth?

- [John] Ninth.

- Hey, Beany, there's a couple of lugs from the Chronicle

snooping around out here.

- Ah.

Come on, Angelface.

Gangway.

- What's the score, Angelface? - Three to two, our favor.

- Gee, that's great.

- Hey, you got swell form there.

Must've been a pretty good pitcher.

- Pretty good, yeah.

I was just about ready for the Major Leagues

when I chipped a bone in my elbow.

I got it pitching a 19 inning game.

- 19?

- Yep.

There was a Major League scout there watching me, too.

And he came down after the game with a contract.

But you know what?

I couldn't lift my arm to sign it.

I'll be okay though as soon as I get it fixed up.

- That's too bad.

- What do you mean, too bad?

- Huh?

Oh, that you'll never be able to play again.

- What are you talking about?

I just told you I was gonna get my--

- [Man] Well, you know how they are in baseball

if a guy's mixed up in a racket.

- Racket, what do you mean?

- Well, I was just thinking about this John Doe business.

Why, as soon as it comes out it's all a fake,

you'll be washed up in baseball, won't you?

- Yeah.

Doggone, I never thought about that.

("Funeral March" by Frederic Chopin on harmonica)

Gosh.

- And another thing, what about all the kids in the country,

the kids that idolize ballplayers?

What are they gonna think about you?

- Yeah.

Hey, Colonel.

(harmonica music)

Did you hear that?

I got to figure some way out of this thing.

- The elevators are still running.

- I know one way you can do it.

- How?

- Well, when you get up there on the radio,

all you have to do is say the whole thing's a frame up.

Make you a hero, sure as you're born.

- Yeah, but how am I going to get my arm fixed?

- That's a cinch.

I know somebody who'll give you $5,000

just to get up on the radio and tell the truth.

- $5,000?

- Yeah, $5,000 and he gets it right away.

You don't have to wait till Christmas.

- Look out, Long John, they're closing in on you.

- Say, who's putting up this dough?

- Fella runs the Chronicle.

Here's the speech you make and it's all written for you.

- $5,000.

- [Man] It's on the level.

(upbeat orchestral music)

- No, I'm sorry, tickets for the broadcast are all gone.

Phone the Bulletin.

- Sorry, no more tickets left.

(chattering)

- Here he is.

- [Ann] Hello John, all set for the big night?

Swell.

- Turn around. - One moment.

- Now stand still. - Hold it, Mr. Doe.

Big smile, Mr. Doe.

Ah that's swell.

- Okay, Beany, that's all, take them out will you?

- Alright, scram now. - Come on.

Can't I get another picture?

- Now look John, here's the speech.

It's in caps and double spaced.

You won't have no trouble reading it.

Not nervous, are you? - No.

- Of course not, he wouldn't be.

- Who? - John Doe, the one in there.

- Hey don't let your knees rattle.

It picks up on the mic.

- Oh Beany.

You needn't be nervous, John

All you have to remember to be sincere.

- Pick up that phone Miss Mitchell it's for you.

- [Ann] Okay.

Hello?

Yes, mother.

- Oh, thank you, darling.

Oh, there he is, the poor dear man.

Oh good luck to you, Mr. Doe.

We want you to know that we're are all for you.

The girls all decided that

you're not to jump off any roof at all.

(chattering)

- You got the speech I gave you?

- Yeah.

- Now look, I'll give the money to the Colonel

just as soon as you get started.

We'll have a car waiting at the side entrance for you.

- Okay. - How'd you get in here?

- Oh, I just came in to wish him luck.

- Come on, out, out.

Mother says good luck, too.

John, when you read the speech please,

please believe every word.

He turned out to be wonderful person John.

- Who?

- [Ann] John Doe, the one in the speech.

- Oh.

- [Ann] You know something?

I've actually fallen in love with him.

- All right, there he is, sister.

Now come, plenty of bulk. - What's the idea?

- No, no, no, no, no that's too much.

That's not what, not so much, come on.

- [Man] That's it.

- Oh, this is no time for cheap publicity, Mr. Connell.

- Listen if that guy lays an egg I want something out of it.

I'm getting a Jane Doe ready.

- Ah come on, will you fellas?

Give me a chance, I have to--

- Just one more, will you please?

- Now that's fine honey, you go ahead.

After you.

You've got to be running, go ahead.

- How you doing?

- Alright Beany, bring them in.

- Holy smoke, a half a Heelot.

- There you are, boss, just like you ordered.

Symbols of little people.

- Okay, get 'em up. - Alright little fella.

- This is ridiculous, Mr. Connell.

Come on give me a chance.

The man's on the air in only a few more minutes.

Oh, fellas I told you can have

all the pictures you want afterward.

No, come on, Ed.

And how about you?

Come on, come on, that's right.

Afterwards you can get all the pictures you want.

- [Man] Oh I know but, well thank you very much.

- Come on, will you?

That way, that's right.

- Come on Snooks.

You better bail out.

- Well, goodbye, Mr. Doe.

- Beany.

- Alright, alright.

- Better get ready, one minute to go.

- Wow, one minute to go and the score's nothing to nothing.

Now please, John.

You won't let me down, will ya?

Will ya?

Of course you won't.

If you'll just think of yourself as the real John Doe.

Listen, everything in that speech

are things a certain man believed in.

He was my father, John.

When he talked, people listened.

And they'll listen to you, too.

Funny, you know what my mother said the other night?

She said to look into your eyes and I'd see my father there.

- Hey what do you say? - Okay, we're coming.

Come on.

Now listen, John, you're a pitcher.

Now get in there and pitch.

Good luck.

- [Beany] Give him room, let him through, come on.

(chattering)

- Hey, let's get out of here.

There's the door right there.

- [Man] Hey what are you doing here?

- That's what I'd like to know.

- [Man] Come on, out, out.

- Hey, he's a friend of mine.

- Never mind, let him alone, he's alright.

I'll be right over there pulling for you.

John, over here.

- [Man] Stand by.

(applauding)

- Phone the Chronicle.

Tell 'em to start getting those extras out.

(orchestral music)

- And good evening ladies and gentlemen,

this is Kenneth Fry speaking for the New Bulletin.

Tonight we give you something entirely new and different.

Standing beside me is the young man

who has declared publicly that

on Christmas Eve he intends to commit suicide,

giving as his reason, quote,

I protest against the state of civilization.

End quote.

Ladies and gentlemen, the New Bulletin takes pleasure

in presenting the man who is fast becoming

the most talked about person in the country, John Doe.

(orchestral music) (applauding)

- Ladies and gentlemen.

I am the man you all know as John Doe.

I took that name because it seems to describe--

Because it seems to describe the average man, and that's me.

(clearing throat)

And that's me.

Well, it was me before I said I was going to jump off

the City Hall roof at midnight on Christmas Eve.

Now I guess I'm not average anymore.

Now I'm getting all sorts of attention, from big shots too.

- We've been double crossed. - We have?

- The Mayor and Governor, for instance,

they don't like those articles I've been writing.

- You're an impostor, young fella.

That's a pack of lies you're telling.

Who wrote that speech for you?

(angry shouting)

- Beany, get that guy.

- [Man] A publicity stunt for the Bulletin.

(angry shouting)

A publicity stunt for the Bulletin.

- Get him out.

- Spencer.

- [Radio announcer] Ladies and gentlemen,

the disturbance you just heard

was caused by someone in the audience

who tried to heckle Mr. Doe.

The speech will continue.

- Well, people like the Governor people like the Governor--

people like the Governor and that fella can stop worrying.

I'm not gonna talk about them.

I'm gonna talk about us, the average guys, the John Does.

If anybody ever asked you what the average John Doe is like,

you couldn't tell him because he's a million and one things.

He's Mr. Big and Mr. Small.

He's simple and he's wise.

He's inherently honest,

but he's got a streak of larceny in his heart.

He seldom walks up to a public telephone without shoving

his finger in the slot to see

if somebody left a nickel there.

(laughing)

He's the man the ads are written for,

the fella everybody sells things to.

He's Joe Dokes, the world's greatest stooge,

and the world's greatest strength.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir, we're a great family, the John Does.

We're the meek who are supposed to inherit the earth.

You'll find us everywhere.

We raise the crops, we dig the mines, work the factories,

keep the books, fly the planes, and drive the buses.

And when a cop yells, stand back there you,

he means us, the John Does.

- Well what kind of a speech is that?

Didn't you read it?

- We've existed since time began.

We built the Pyramids, we saw Christ crucified,

pulled the oars for Roman emperors,

sailed the boats for Columbus,

retreated from Moscow with Napoleon,

and froze with Washington at Valley Forge.

Yes, sir, we've been in there

dodging left hooks since before History began to walk.

In our struggle for freedom

we've hit the canvas many a time,

but we always bounce back because

we're the people and we're tough.

(applauding)

They've started a lot of talk about free people going soft,

that we can't take it.

That's a lot of hooey.

The free people can beat the world at anything from war

to tiddlywinks if we all pull in the same direction.

(applauding)

I know a lot of you are saying, what can I do?

I'm just a little punk.

I don't count.

Well you're dead wrong.

The little punks have always counted because in the long run

the character of a country is the sum total

of the character of it's little punks.

(applauding)

But we've all got to get in there and pitch.

We can't win the ball game unless we have team work,

and that's where every John Doe comes in.

It's up to him to get together with his team mate,

and your team mate, my friends, is the guy next door to you.

Your neighbor, he's a terribly important guy,

that guy next door.

You're gonna need him

and he's gonna need you so look him up.

If he's sick, call on him.

If he's hungry, feed him.

If he's out of a job, find him one.

To most of you, your neighbor is a stranger.

A guy with a barking dog and a high fence around him.

Now you can't be a stranger

to any guy that's on your own team.

So tear down the fence that separates you.

Tear down the fence and you'll tear down

a lot of hates and prejudices.

Tear down all the fences in the country

and you'll really have teamwork.

(applauding)

I know a lot of you are saying to yourselves,

he's asking for a miracle to happen.

He's expecting people to change all of a sudden.

Well, you're wrong.

It's no miracle.

It's no miracle because I see it happen

once a year and so do you, at Christmas time.

There's something swell about the spirit of Christmas.

To see what it does to people, all kinds of people.

Now why can't that spirit, that same warm Christmas spirit,

last the whole year round?

Gosh.

If it ever did, if each and every John Doe

would make that spirit last 365 days out of the year

we'd develop such a strength,

we'd create such a tidal wave of goodwill

that no human force could stand against it.

Yes sir, my friends,

the meek can only inherit the Earth when the John Does

start loving their neighbors.

You better start right now.

Don't wait till the game is called on account of darkness.

Wake up, John Doe, you're the hope of the world.

- John, you were wonderful.

(applauding) (cheering)

- Let's get out of here. - Now you're talking.

(chattering)

Gangway, you Heelots. (chattering)

Hey.

(sighing)

I knew you'd wake up sooner or later.

Boy, am I glad we got out of that mess.

- I had the 5,000 all sewed up.

Could've been on my way to old Doc Brown.

"You're a pitcher, John" she says.

"Now go in there and pitch."

What a sucker.

- She's a Heelot just like the rest.

Lucky you got away from her.

- What was I doing making a speech, anyway, me, huh?

Jeez, the more I think about it the more I could--

- Tear town all the fences.

Why, if you tore one picket off

your neighbor's fence, he'd sue you.

- 5,000, had it right in my hand.

- What do you mean he ran away?

Well go after him, find him.

That man is terrific.

(train whistling)

- And here we come.

(harmonica music)

(mimicking a musical instrument)

(harmonica music)

(train whistling)

(groovy music)

Jitterbugs.

Yeah.

- How much money we got left?

- Four bits.

- Better make it doughnuts, huh?

- Yeah.

(harmonica music)

- What'll it be, gents?

- Have you got a couple of steaks

about that big and that thick?

- [Colonel] Yeah, with hash brown potatoes and tomatoes

and apple pie and ice cream and coffee?

- And doughnuts, I know.

Hey, Ma, sinkers, a pair.

- [Woman] Sinkers, a pair, comin' up.

- Glad he took the T out of that.

- Hey Look.

- [Colonel] Join the John Doe Club.

- [John] John Doe Club?

- Uh-oh.

- Are you John Doe? - Who?

- John Doe.

- [Colonel] Ah, you need glasses, buddy.

- It's the spitting image of John Doe.

- Yeah, but his name's Willoughby.

- [John] I'm John Willoughby, I'm a baseball player.

- Ah, no, I'd know that voice anywhere.

You can't kid me.

You're John Doe.

Ma!

Ma.

That's John Doe. - John Doe?

- Yeah, sitting right there, big as life.

- Who'd you say it was?

- John Doe, the big guy there.

(frantic chattering) That is John Doe.

Hey Operator, Dan Beaver.

Call everybody in town.

John Doe was just in my place.

Yeah, he ordered doughnuts.

- [Man] John Doe.

Let's see John Doe.

(horn honking)

- You're all here to see John Doe and you're all neighbors,

but my office is packed like a sardine box.

- [Woman] What does John Doe look like, Mr. Mayor?

- Oh he's one of those great, big, outdoor type men.

No you can't see him, you didn't vote for me the last time.

Shame on you, what are you doing here?

Get off my front porch.

Mr. Norton come yet?

Well wonder where he is, what's keeping him?

He should've been here 15 minutes ago.

There he comes now.

(sirens blaring)

Now everybody on your dignity.

Don't do anything to disgrace our little town.

We gotta show off.

- Better let me talk to him.

- Alright, but present it to him

as a great cause for the common man.

- [Man] Ah here he comes.

Give him room down there, give him room.

Come on now.

- Here they come, here they come.

Here's Mr. Norton.

How do you do, Mr. Norton?

I'm Mayor Hawkins.

- The crowd back there. - Let me go you darn fool.

I'm the Mayor.

Mr. Norton, Mr. Norton, Mr. Norton, I'm Mayor Hawkins.

Your office telephoned me to hold him.

- Well that's fine, how is he?

- Oh he's fine, he's right in my office there.

You know it's a big honor having John Doe here, and you too.

Haven't had so much excitement

since the old City Hall burnt down.

People so excited, they nearly tore his clothes off.

Oh Matilda, phone the newspapers.

Tell them Mr. Norton's here.

Step inside, Mr. Norton, to my office.

It's very comfortable Mr. Norton.

Just had it air-conditioned.

Gangway please, make room for Mr. Norton.

Gangway, gangway.

Here he is Mr. Norton, well taken care of.

The neighbors are serving him a light lunch.

- Hello, John.

- Hello.

- Mr. Mayor, if you don't mind,

we'd like to talk to him alone.

- Why certainly, certainly.

Alright everybody clear out.

Everybody, quickly now.

Come on.

Come on.

That's right, come on.

Don't argue with me here.

Wait till we get home.

- Don't you push me around like that

even though I am your wife.

- Look Mr. Norton, I think you got a lot of nerve

having these people hold us here.

- There's nobody holding you here Mr. Doe.

It's only natural that--

- If there's nobody holding us here let's get going.

Incidentally, my name isn't Doe, it's Willoughby.

- Look, John.

Something important happened.

They're forming John Doe Clubs.

We know of eight already and they say--

- John Doe Clubs, what for?

- To carry out the principles

you talked about in your radio speech.

- I don't care what they're forming.

I'm on my way and I don't like

the idea of being stopped either.

- Oh, but you don't how big this thing is.

You should see the thousands of telegrams

we've received and what they're saying about you.

- Look, it started as a circulation stunt, didn't it?

Well you got your circulation.

Now why don't you let me alone?

- Oh it started as a circulation stunt but it isn't anymore.

Mr. Norton wants to get in back of it

and sponsor clubs all over the country.

He wants to send you on a lecture tour.

- Me? - Uh-huh.

- Certainly.

With your ability to influence people,

it might grow into a glorious movement.

- Then let's get something straight here.

I don't want any part of this.

If you got an idea I'm going around

lecturing to people why you're crazy.

Baseball's my racket and I'm sticking to it.

Come on Colonel, let's get out of here.

- John--

- [Hawkins] Please, please I just got rid of one crowd.

- But please, Mr. Mayor,

tell him the John Doe Club wants to talk to him.

- Let them in, Mr. Mayor, let them come in.

- Okay folks but remember your manners.

No stampeding.

Walk slow, like you do when you come to pay your taxes.

- Okay.

All right, give me a chance.

- Come right in.

- My name's Bert Hansen, Mr. Doe.

I'm the head soda-jerker at Schwabacher's drugstore.

Well, sir, you see me and my wife, we heard your broadcast

and we got quite a bang out of it.

Especially my wife.

Kept me up half the night saying,

"that man's right, honey.

"Trouble with the world is

"nobody gives a hoot about his neighbor.

"That's why everybody in town

"is sore and cranky with each other."

I said, "that's fine,

"but how's a guy gonna go around lovin'

"the kind of neighbors we got?

"Old Sourpuss, for instance."

(laughing)

You see, Sourpuss Smithers lives alone next door to us.

He's a cranky old man who runs

the second hand furniture store.

We haven't spoken to him for years.

I always figured he was

an ornery old gent that hated the world

'cause was always slamming his garage door

and playing the radio so loud it kept half the neighbors up.

(laughing)

Well anyway, the next morning I'm out watering the lawn

and I look over and there's Sourpuss

on the other side of the hedge

straightening out a dent in his fender.

And my wife yells to me out the window,

she says, "go on, speak to him, Bert."

I figured well heck I can't lose anything,

so I yelled over to him, "good morning, Mr. Smithers."

He went right on pounding his fender.

Was I burned.

So I turned around to give my wife a dirty look.

She said, "louder, he didn't hear you."

So in a voice you could've heard

in the next county I yelled,

"good morning, Mr. Smithers!"

(laughing)

Well sir, you could have knocked me over with a feather.

Old Sourpuss turned around, surprised like,

put on a big smile, came over and took my hand

like an old lodge brother and said, "good morning, Hansen.

"I've been wanting to talk to you for years

"only I thought you didn't like me."

Then he started chatting away like a happy little kid.

He got so excited his eyes--

Well, Mr. Doe before we got through

I found out Smithers is a swell egg, only he's pretty deaf

and that accounts for all the noises.

He says it's a shame how little we know about our neighbors.

And then he got an idea.

And he said, "how's about inviting everybody some place

"where we can all get together

"and know each other a little better?"

Well I'm feeling so good by this time I ripe for anything.

So Smithers goes around the neighborhood

inviting everybody to a meeting at the schoolhouse.

And I tell everybody that comes

into the store, including Mr. Schwabacher my boss.

I'm talking too much.

- Oh no. (chattering)

- Well, I'll be doggone if for 40 people don't show up.

Course, none of us knew what to do,

but we sure got a kick out of seeing how glad everybody

was just to say hello to one another.

- Tell him about making Sourpuss chairman, honey.

- Oh yeah, we made Sourpuss chairman

and decided to call ourselves the John Doe Club.

Say, incidentally, this is my wife.

Come here, honey.

This is my wife, Mr. Doe.

- How do you do, Mr. Doe?

Sourpuss is here, too.

- [John] Oh, is he?

- This is Sourpuss, or excuse me, Mr. Smithers, Mr. Doe.

- That's alright, if you didn't call me Sourpuss,

it wouldn't feel natural.

(laughing)

- Well anyway, I guess nearly everybody

in the neighborhood came except the Delaneys.

The Delaneys live in a big house

with an iron fence around it

and they always keep their blinds drawn.

And we always figured that he was an old miser that sat back

counting his money, so why bother about inviting him?

Until Grimes the milkman spoke up and he said,

"say, you've got the Delaneys all wrong."

And then he tells us about

how they canceled their milk last week,

and he found it looked kind of curious like

peeked in under the blinds and found the house was empty.

"If you ask me", he says, "they're starving."

- Old man Delaney's been bringing

his furniture over to my place at night,

one piece at a time and selling it.

- Well sir a half a dozen of us went over there to fetch him

and we brought him to the meeting.

And what a reception they got.

Everybody shook hands with them and made a fuss over them.

Well, finally Mr. and Mrs. Delaney sat right down and cried.

- [Smithers] Then we started to find

out about a lot of other people.

- Yeah sure, well you know Grubbel, for instance.

- Grubbel's here.

See?

- Yeah, that's him.

You don't know Grubbel, but he's the man

that everybody figured was the worst no account

in the neighborhood because he lived like a hermit.

Nobody would have anything to do with him

that is until Murphy the postman told us the truth.

"Grubbel," he says, "he lives out of garbage cans

"because he won't take charity.

"'Cause it'd ruin his self respect" he says.

- Just like you said on the radio, Mr. Doe.

- Well sir, about a dozen families got together

and gave Grubbel a job watering their lawns.

Isn't that wonderful?

And then we found jobs for six other people

and they've all gone off relief.

- And my boss, Mr. Schwabacher,

made a job in his warehouse for old man Delaney.

- And he gave you that $5 raise.

- Yeah, wasn't that swell?

- Why, Bert, I feel slighted.

I'd like to join, but nobody asked me.

- I'm sorry, Mayor, but we voted

that no politician could join.

- Just the John Does of the neighborhood.

You know how politicians are.

(laughing) - Yeah.

- Well the reason we wanted to tell you this, Mr. Doe,

was to give you an idea of what you started.

From where I'm sitting, I don't see

any sense in you jumping off any building.

- [Group] No, no.

- Well, thank you for listening.

Goodbye, Mr. Doe.

You're a wonderful man.

It strikes me you could be mighty useful

walking around for a while.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye, Mr. Doe.

- I'm Mrs. Delaney, Mr. Doe.

God bless you, my boy.

- Gee wiz, I'm all mixed up.

I don't get it.

Look, all those swell people

think I'm gonna jump off a building or something.

I never had any such idea.

Gosh.

A fella would have to be a fine example himself

to go around telling other people how to--

Say look, what happened the other night

was on account of Miss Mitchell here.

She wrote the stuff.

- Don't you see what a wonderful thing this can be?

But we need you, John. - You're hooked.

I can see that right now, they got you.

Well, I'm through.

For three years I've been trying to get you

up to the Columbia River country.

First it was your glass arm, then it was the radio

and now it's the John Doe Clubs.

Well, I ain't waiting another minute.

(chattering)

Gangway, you heelots!

(gasping)

- Hey Colonel, wait a minute.

(chattering) Hey, Colonel!

- I want you personally to go along

with John Doe and Miss Mitchell

and handle the press and the radio.

- Me? - Yes.

I won't take any chances.

And Johnson. - Yes, D.B.?

- Your crew will do the mop up job.

They'll follow John Doe into every town,

see that the clubs are properly organized

and the charters issued. - Right.

- There are eight flags up there now.

I want to see that map covered before we get through.

(upbeat orchestral music)

(cheering)

(upbeat acoustic music)

(applauding)

(parade music) (cheering)

- This has grown like wildfire.

If they made demands I'd understand it,

but the John Does ask for nothing.

- People are going off relief.

If this keeps up, I'll be out of a job.

- As soon as he gets strong enough

we'll find out what he wants.

30 every Thursday, 60 at 60.

Who knows what?

- I'm sorry, boss, they just won't let

anybody talk politics with him, it's crazy.

- We've got to get to them.

They represent millions of voters.

(applauding)

- I tell you ladies and gentlemen,

this thing has been nothing short of a prairie fire.

We've received so many applications for charters

for the John Doe clubs we haven't

been able to take care of them.

- [Man] I'd hate to have that many pins stuck in me.

(laughing)

- This John Doe convention is a natural.

It's going to put our city on the map.

Why over 2,400 John Doe clubs

are sending delegates, can you imagine that?

You Mr. Mayor will be the official host.

You will make the arrangements for decorating the city,

parades and a reception for John Doe when he gets home.

And don't wear your high hat.

- No high hat? - No high hat.

And from you Connell I want a special

John Doe edition every day until the convention is over.

And now please step into the outer office

and look your prettiest

because there are photographers there

to take pictures of this committee.

- [Man] Don't worry, D.B., everything will be taken care of.

- Sure. - Isn't it all too wonderful?

(chattering)

- [Photographer] Oh Mr. Mayor, would you sit down

in the front row please?

You ladies get close to him.

- Well, I don't get it. - Get what?

- Look D.B. I'm supposed to know my way around.

This John Doe movement's cost you a fortune.

Now this convention is going to cost plenty.

- Well?

- I'm stuck with two and two

and I'm a sucker if I can make four out of it.

Where do you come in?

- I have the satisfaction of knowing

that my money has been spent for a worthy cause.

- I see, I better stick to running the paper.

- I think maybe you better had.

Connell, I'd like to have the John Doe contract,

all of the receipts for the money

we advanced for the letter Miss Mitchell wrote

for which I gave her a $1,000.

- Yes, sure.

- Well we leave for the airport in half an hour.

Is that Johnny boy's room?

Better hustle him up.

- He'll be ready on time, he's packing now.

- Ah good.

Did you see his picture on the cover of Time?

- Yeah.

- I gotta give you credit, Annie girl.

I've handled a good many big promotions in my time,

from the World's Fair to a channel swimmer,

but this one has certainly got me spinning.

And now, a John Doe convention.

Wow.

Hey, if you could only get him

to jump off City Hall roof on Christmas Eve,

I'd guarantee you a half a million people there.

- Charlie? - Hmm?

- What do you make of him?

- Who, Johnny boy?

Well, I don't know what angle you want

but I'll give it to you quick.

Number one, he's got great yokel appeal but he's a nice guy.

Number two, he's beginning to believe he really wrote

that original suicide letter that you made up.

Number three, he thinks you're Joan of Arc or something.

- Yeah I know.

- [Charlie] Number four, well, you know what number four is.

He's nuts about you.

Yeah it's running out of his ears.

- You left out number five.

We're all heels, me especially.

- [Charlie] Holy smoke.

- Come in.

- [John] I'm all packed.

- Good, I'll go and get Beany boy.

- Okay, Charlie boy.

(laughing)

Do you care if I sit down, out here?

- [Ann] No.

- You know, I had a crazy dream last night.

It was about you.

- About me?

- Sure was crazy.

I dreamt I was your father.

There was something I was trying to stop you from doing.

So, I got up out of bed, and I walked right

through the wall here, right straight into your room.

You know how dreams are.

And there you were in bed, but you were a little girl,

you know about 10 and very pretty, too.

So I shook you and the moment you opened

your eyes, you hopped out of bed

and started running like the devil.

In your nightgown.

You ran right out the window there

and you ran over the tops of buildings

and roofs and everything for miles and I was chasing you.

And all the time you were running,

you kept growing bigger and bigger and bigger.

And pretty soon you were as big

as you are now, you know, grown up?

And all the time I kept asking myself,

what am I chasing her for?

And I didn't know.

Isn't that a hot one?

Well anyway, you ran into some place

and then I ran in after you.

And when I got there there you were getting married.

The nightgown had changed into a beautiful wedding gown.

You sure looked pretty, too.

And then I knew what I was trying to stop you from doing.

Dreams are sure crazy, aren't they?

Well, would you like to know who it was you were marrying?

- Oh, a tall handsome Ubangi, I suppose.

- [John] No, not that bad.

It was the fella that sends you flowers every day.

Yeah, what's his name?

Mr. Norton's nephew?

- Ted Sheldon. - Yeah, that's the one.

- But here's the funniest part of it all.

I was the fella up there doing the marrying.

You know, the Justice of the Peace or something.

- You were?

I thought you were chasing me.

- Well, yes I was, but I was your father then you see?

But the real me, John Doe, that is Long John Willoughby,

I was the fella with a book.

You know what I mean? - I guess so.

Then what happened?

- Well I took you across my knee and I started spanking you.

That is, I didn't do it, I mean I did do it.

But it wasn't me, see, I was your father then.

Well I had you across my knee and I said,

"Annie, I won't allow you to marry a man that's just rich

"or that has his secretary send you flowers.

"The man you marry has got to swim rivers for you,

"he's got to climb high mountains for you,

"he's got to slay dragons for you.

"He's got to perform wonderful deeds for you."

Yes sir, and all the time,

the guy up there you know with the book, me,

just stood there noddin' his head and he said,

"go to it Pop, whack her one for me

"because that's the way I feel about it too."

So he says, "come down and whack her yourself."

So I came down and I whacked you a good one, see?

The he whacked you and I whacked you another one.

We both started whacking you like--

- Well if you're through whacking her

come on let's get going.

Okay fellas, right in here.

You go out the side entrance.

There's a bunch of autograph seekers out front.

We'll be down with the bags in a minute.

Come on, don't make a Government project out of this.

Hi, Beany.

- When's our plane take off again?

- Couple of minutes.

- How many people do you think we've talked to already,

outside the radio, I mean?

- Oh, I don't know, about 300,000.

- 300,000.

What makes them do it, Ann?

What makes them come and listen

and get up their John Doe Clubs the way they do?

I've been trying to figure it out.

- Look, John, what we're handing them are platitudes

things they've heard a million times.

Love thy neighbor, clouds have silver linings,

turn the other cheek.

It's just--

- Yeah I heard 'em a million times too,

but they are, maybe they're like me,

just beginning to get an idea what those things mean.

I never really thought much about people before.

They were always just somebody to fill up the bleachers.

Only time I worried about them is if they--

is when they didn't see me pitch.

You know, lately I've been

watching them when I talk to them.

I see something in their faces.

I could feel that they were hungry for something.

You know what I mean?

Maybe that's why they came.

Maybe they're just lonely

and wanted somebody to say hello to.

I know how they feel.

I've been lonely and hungry for something

practically all my life.

- [Man] All aboard, folks.

- We'll have the city behind us.

- Yeah, that's true.

Oh, somebody else sitting here?

- No, that's your seat.

- And this is your coat.

- Mine?

- A little token of appreciation.

- Oh.

Oh, it's beautiful, D.B.

Well, I don't quite know what to say.

- Oh don't say anything at all, just sit down.

- Go ahead and open it, open it.

- Oh.

Oh it's lovely.

- And a new contract goes with it.

- Well, come on spring it.

You've got something on your mind.

Must be stupendous. (laughing)

- You know that's what I like about her.

Right to the point like that.

Alright practical Annie, here it is.

Tomorrow night, before a crowd of 15,000 people

and talking over a nationwide radio hook-up,

John Doe will announce the formation of a third party.

- A third party?

- Yes, the John Doe Party,

devoted entirely to the interests

of all the John Does all over the country.

Which practically means 90% of the voters.

He will also announce the third party's

candidate for the presidency.

A man who he personally recommends.

A great humanitarian.

The best friend the John Does have.

- Mr. D.B. Norton.

- Yes.

- Wow.

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

(cheering)

- [Radio Broadcaster] And although the opening

of the convention is hours off the delegates

are already pouring into the ball park by the droves

with lunch baskets, banners and petitions asking John Doe

not to jump off any roof.

- [Radio Broadcaster] No matter how you look at it,

it's still a phenomenal movement.

These John Does or the hoy polloi,

as you've heard people call them,

have been laughed at and ridiculed,

but here they are gay and happy,

having traveled 1,000s of miles, their expenses paid

by their neighbors to come to pay homage

to their hero John Doe.

- And in these days of wars and bombings,

it's a hopeful sign that a simple idea

like this can sweep the country.

An idea based on friendliness, on giving and not taking,

on helping your neighbor and asking nothing in return.

And if a thing like this can happen,

don't let any of your grumbling friends

tell you that humanity is falling apart.

This is John B. Hughes signing off now,

returning you to our main studio

until nine o'clock when the convention will officially open.

- [Woman] Oh, John, come in.

- Say, I'm kind of...

It's raining out a little. - That's all right.

It's good to see you, sit down.

- Thanks.

It's for Ann.

- [Woman] Oh how nice, thank you very much.

- Flowers.

- I'm terribly sorry she isn't here.

- She isn't?

- No, she just left, I'm surprised you didn't run into her.

She went over to Mr. Norton's house.

- Oh.

- Did you want to see her about something important?

- Yeah, well, no, it'll wait.

Say he's a nice man, isn't he?

Mr. Norton, I mean.

He's done a lot for the...

Say, my coat's pretty wet.

I'm afraid I might have wet the couch a little.

I'll I guess I'll see her at the convention later.

- Yes of course, I'll see that she gets the flowers.

- Thanks.

Good night, Mrs. Mitchell. - Good night, John.

- Say Mrs. Mitchell I'm kind of glad Ann isn't here.

You see, I came over here hoping to see her alone

and kind of hoping I wouldn't too you know what I mean?

There was something I wanted to talk to her about.

Well it can wait, I guess.

- Good night. - Good night, John.

- Say look Mrs. Mitchell, have you ever been married?

Well, sure you have, gosh.

That's pretty silly.

Well I guess you must think I'm kind of batty.

Well I guess I better be going at that.

- John, my husband said,

"I love you, will you marry me?"

- He did?

- What happened?

- I married him.

- Yeah, that's what I mean, see?

It was easy as all that, huh?

Yeah, but look Mrs. Mitchell.

You know I love Ann, and it's gonna be awfully hard

for me to say it 'cause well you know she's so wonderful

and well the best I ever was was a bush league pitcher.

And you know I think she's in love

with another man, the one she made up.

You know, the real John Doe.

Well that's pretty tough competition.

I bet he'd know how to say it alright.

But me, I get up to it and around and in back of it,

but I never get right to it.

You know what I mean?

So the only chance I've got is,

well, if somebody could kind of give her a warning.

Sort of prepare her for the shock?

- You mean you'd like me to do it?

- Well, I was thinking, yeah sort of break the ice.

- Of course I will, John.

- Thank you, Mrs. Mitchell.

Hey, you're okay.

- This John Doe meeting is gonna

be one of the biggest things ever happened.

- Is that so?

- Why they're coming from all over, trains, boxcars, wagons.

Look out!

- Hello, bodyguards, hey have your dinner yet?

- Not yet. - Oh that's all right.

- No, go and have dinner.

- Wait a minute, John.

- Hello, Mr. Connell. - How are you, John?

John, I want to have a little talk with you.

What's the matter?

Are you falling?

Come on.

- Hey, Boss. - Oh, quiet, quiet, quiet.

So tell me something, did you read

the speech you're going to make tonight?

- No, I never read the speeches before I make them.

I get more of a kick out of it that way.

- Uh-huh, it's just exactly what I thought.

Beany, go on down to the office,

tell Pop to give you the speech.

There's a copy on my desk.

- Gee wiz boss, you know Mr. Norton

told me not to leave him, even for a minute.

- Go on, go on, go on.

We'll be at Jim's Bar, up the street.

You're a nice guy, John.

I like you, you're gentle.

I always like gentle people.

Me, I'm hard.

Hard and tough.

I got no use for hard people.

Gotta be gentle to suit me.

Like you, for instance.

Yep, I'm hard.

But you want to know something?

I've got a weakness.

You'd never guess that would you?

Well, I have.

Wanna know what it is?

The Star Spangled Banner.

Screwy, huh?

Maybe it is.

Play The Star Spangled Banner and I'm a sucker for it.

Always gets me right here.

You know what I mean?

- Yeah, it gets me right back here.

- Oh, back there, huh?

Well, every man to his own taste.

You weren't old enough for the world war were you then?

No, no of course not.

You must have been just a kid.

I was.

I was just ripe and raring to go.

Know what my old man did when I joined up?

He joined up too.

Got to be a sergeant.

And here's a kick for you.

We were in the same outfit.

Funny, huh?

He was killed, John.

I saw him get it.

I was right there and saw it with my own eyes.

Me, I came out without a scratch.

That is, excepting my ulcers.

I should be drinking milk, you know this stuff is poison.

Hey, Jimmy.

- [Jim] Yes, Mr. Connell?

- What do you say, huh? - All right.

- Yep, I'm a sucker for this country.

I'm a sucker for The Star Spangled Banner

and I'm a sucker for this country.

I like what we got here.

I like it.

A guy can say what he wants and do what he wants without

having a bayonet shoved through his belly.

And that's all right.

- You betcha. - Yeah.

And we don't anybody coming around changing that, do we?

- No, sir. - No, sir.

When they do, I get mad, I get boiling mad.

Right now, I'm sizzling.

I get mad for a lot of other guys besides myself.

I get mad for a guy named Washington.

And a guy named Jefferson and Lincoln.

Lighthouses, John.

Lighthouses in a foggy world.

You know what I mean?

- Yeah, you bet.

- Listen, pal.

This fifth column stuff is pretty rotten, isn't it?

- Yeah, it certainly is.

- And you'd feel like an awful sucker

if you found yourself marching

right in the middle of it, wouldn't you?

You, of course you wouldn't know it because you're gentle.

But that's what you're doing.

You're mixed up with a skunk, my boy.

A no good, dangerous skunk.

- You're not talking about Mr. Norton are you?

- I'm not talking about his grandfather's pet poodle.

- You must be wrong, Mr. Connell.

He's been marvelous about the John Doe Clubs.

- Yeah. (laughing)

Say, you're sold on this John Doe idea?

- Sure.

- Yeah sure, I don't blame you, sure.

It's a beautiful miracle, a miracle that can only happen

right here in the good old USA, and I think it's terrific.

What do you think of that?

Me, hard-boiled Connell, and I think it's plenty terrific.

Alright.

Now supposing a certain unmentionable worm,

who's initials are D.B.,

was trying to use that to shove

his way into the White House.

So he could put the screws on.

So he could turn out the lights in those lighthouses.

What would you say about that?

- Nobody's gonna do that Mr. Connell.

They can't use the John Doe Clubs for politics.

That's the main idea. - Is that so?

Then what's a big political boss

like Hammett doing in town?

And a labor leader like Bennett.

And lots of other big shots that

are up at D.B.'s house right now.

Wolves, John, wolves.

Waiting to cut up the John Does.

Wait till you get a gander

at that speech you're gonna make tonight.

- You're all wet.

Miss Mitchell writes those speeches

and nobody can make her write that kind of stuff.

- They can't huh?

Who do you think writes 'em, my aunt Emma?

I know she writes them and gets

a big bonus for doing them, too.

A mink coat and diamond bracelet.

Don't write 'em?

Why that gold-grabbing dame

would double cross her own mother

for a handful of Chinese yams.

- Shut up.

If you weren't drunk, I'd--

- Hey, Boss.

Here's the speech, Boss.

Hey.

- Go on and read it John, and then start sockin'.

- Hey wait a minute, Mr. Doe.

- Jimmy. - Yes, sir.

- Better bring me a glass of milk.

I'm smoking too much.

- Yes, Charlie, everything all set?

Fine.

John Doe been take care of?

Good.

How many people will be there, 15,000?

Oh my, that's fine.

Now listen, Charlie.

As soon as John Doe stops talking about me

I want you to start that demonstration,

and make it a big one you understand?

- Don't worry about that, D.B. my boys are there.

They'll take care of it.

- What?

Yes, I'll be there 15 minutes after I get your call.

- [Man] Why, Mr. Doe.

- Where are they?

- In the dining room, sir.

- Gentlemen, I think we're about

ready to throw that great big bombshell.

- [Man] Yeah, it's about time.

Even a conservative estimate shows

that we can count on anywhere between 10

and 20 million John Doe votes.

Add that to the labor vote that Mr. Bennett will throw in.

And the votes controlled by Mr. Hammett

and the rest of you gentlemen in your own territories

and nothing can stop us.

- As I said before, I'm with you,

providing you can guarantee the John Doe vote.

- [D.B] Don't worry about that.

- You can count on me, on one condition.

Little Bennett's gotta be taken care of.

- [D.B.] Didn't I tell you that everybody

in this room would be taken care of?

My agreement with you gentlemen stands.

- I'm with you, D.B., but I still think

it's a very daring thing we're attempting.

- These are daring times, Mr. Barrington.

We're coming to a new order of things.

There's too much talk been going in this country.

- That's right.

- [D.B] Too many concessions have been made.

- [Man] True.

- What the American people need is an iron hand.

- You're right D.B. - That's true.

- You're quite right, D.B.

Quite right. - Discipline.

And now may I offer a little toast to Miss Ann Mitchell,

the brilliant and beautiful lady

who is responsible for all this.

- [Everyone] Miss Mitchell.

- Mr. Norton, I'd like to talk to you alone for a minute.

- Oh, Miss Mitchell has something to say to us.

- Speech, speech.

- Hello.

- John, I'm so glad to see you.

I was terribly worried. - Did you write this?

- Yes I did, John, but I had no idea what was going on.

- You didn't? - No.

- That's a swell bracelet you're wearing.

- John, why aren't you at the convention?

Is there anything wrong?

- No, no, nothing's wrong.

Everything's fine.

So there's going to be a new order of things, huh?

Everybody's gonna cut himself

a nice fat slice of the John Does eh?

You forgot one detail, Mr. Big Shot.

You forgot me, the prize stooge of the world.

Why if you or anybody thinks

he's gonna use the John Doe Clubs

for his own rotten purpose

he's going to have to do it over my dead body.

- Now hold on a minute, young man.

Hold on, that's rather big talk.

I started the John Doe Clubs with my money

and I'll decide whether or not they're being properly used.

- No, you won't.

You're through deciding anything.

And what's more, I'm going down to that convention

and I'm gonna tell those people exactly what you

and all your fine feathered friends here

are trying to cook up for them.

And I'm gonna say it in my own words this time.

- Stop him D.B. (angry chattering)

- [Man] He'll ruin us, D.B..

- Wait a minute, wait a minute fella.

My uncle wants to talk to you.

- Listen to me, my son.

Before you lose your head completely,

may I remind you that I picked you up out of the gutter,

and I can throw you right back there again.

You've got a nerve accusing people of things.

These gentlemen and I know what's best

for the John Does of America

regardless of what tramps like you think.

Get off that righteous horse of yours

and come to your senses.

You're the fake.

We believe in what we're doing.

You're the one that was paid the 30 pieces of silver.

Have you forgotten that?

Well, I haven't.

You're a fake, John Doe, and I can prove it.

You're the big hero that's supposed

to jump off tall buildings and things?

You remember?

What do you suppose your precious John Does

will say when they find out that you never

had any intention of doing it?

That you were paid to say so?

You're lucky they don't run you out of the country.

With the newspapers and the radio stations

that these gentlemen control,

we can kill the John Doe movement deader than a doornail.

We'll do it too the moment you step out of line.

Now if you still want to go that convention

and shoot your trap off, you go ahead and do it.

- You mean, you'd try to kill the John Doe movement

if you can't use it to get what you want?

- [D.B.] You bet your bottom dollar we would.

- Well that certainly is a new low.

I guess I've seen everything now.

You sit there back with your big cigars

and think of deliberately killing

an idea that's made millions of people a little bit happier.

An idea that's brought thousands of them

here from all over the country.

By bus, and by freight and jalopy and on foot

so they can pass on to each other

their own simple little experiences.

Why look, I'm just a mug and I know it,

but I'm beginning to understand a lot of things.

Why your types are as old as history.

If you can't lay your dirty fingers on a decent idea,

and twist it and squeeze it and stuff it

into your pocket you slap it down like dogs,

if you can't eat it, you bury it.

Why this is the one worthwhile thing that's come along.

People are finally finding out

that the guy next door isn't a bad egg.

That's simple, isn't it?

And yet a thing like that has got a chance of spreading

till it touches last doggone human being in the world,

and you talk about killing it.

Well, when this fire dies down, what's going to be left?

More misery, more hunger and more hate.

And what's to prevent that from starting all over again?

Nobody knows the answer to that one and certainly not you,

with those slimy, bollixed up theories you got.

The John Doe idea may be the answer though.

It may be the one thing capable

of saving this cockeyed world,

yet you sit back there on your fat hulks

and tell me you'll kill it if you can't use it.

Well, go ahead and try!

You couldn't do it in a million years with all your

radio stations and all your power because it's bigger than

whether I'm a fake, it's bigger than your ambitions

and bigger than all the bracelets

and fur coats in the world.

- You bet it is, John!

- And that's exactly what I'm going

down there to tell those people.

(applauding)

- I'm gonna, you ungrateful rat.

My uncle's been too good to--

(thumping) (suspenseful music)

- He's getting away. (whistle blowing)

- John!

- Get me the Bulletin.

- John.

- I told you, D.B., you're playing with dynamite.

- Don't let that girl get away.

- Before he gets through tonight, he'll ruin us all.

I'll stop him, I'll stop him cold.

Don't worry, I've been ready for this.

- John.

Oh John, please listen to me.

Please I can explain everything John.

I didn't know what they were going to do.

Let me go with you John.

John, please.

- Go ahead, driver, ball park.

- Let me explain it to you John.

Please let me go with you.

Please, John.

- Mr. Norton wants to see you.

- Listen to me, Mayor I want you to do as I say.

I want them both arrested.

You tell the police department to pick up Connell.

I've got the girl here.

- I've got the Bulletin.

- I don't care what you charge them with.

If you're worried let them go in the morning,

but keep them in jail overnight.

Hello, Bulletin?

Put Buck Meyer on.

♪ With my banjo on my knee ♪

♪ I'm going to Louisiana ♪

♪ My true love for to see ♪

♪ It rained all night the day I left ♪

♪ The weather it was dry ♪

♪ The sun so hot I froze to death ♪

♪ Susanna, don't you cry ♪

♪ Oh Susanna, oh don't you cry for me ♪

♪ I've come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee ♪

♪ Oh Susanna, oh don't you cry for me ♪

♪ I've come from Alabama with my banjo on my knee ♪

♪ I came from Alabama with my banjo on my knee ♪

♪ I'm going to Louisiana, my true love for to see ♪

♪ It rained all night the day I left ♪

(cheering)

- Three cheers for John Doe.

- [Crowd] Hurray, hurray, hurray.

♪ My country 'tis of thee ♪

♪ Sweet land of liberty of thee I sing ♪

♪ Land where my fathers died ♪

♪ Land of the pilgrims' pride ♪

♪ From every mountainside let freedom ring ♪

(cheering)

- Ladies and gentlemen.

- One moment, John.

We'll begin with a soft prayer.

Quiet, please.

Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a moment

of silent prayer for the John Does

all over the world, many of whom are homeless and hungry.

Rise, please.

Everybody rise.

(frantic chattering)

- [Radio Broadcaster] News boys, hundreds

of yelling news boys are swarming

into the crowd like locusts.

- [Man] They're yelling John Doe's a fake.

- Fake?

(angry chattering)

- [Newspaper Boys] John Doe's a fake!

- Federal investigation urged by Chamber of Commerce.

- How could he be a fake?

- It must be some kind of a gag.

- A what? - A gag, a gag.

(whistle blowing) (sirens blaring)

- Come on, come on step on it.

Step on it, step on it.

You all know you're places now so let's get going.

Wait for the signal.

- Hey mister will you autograph my balloon?

- Sure.

(frantic chattering)

- Ladies and gentlemen, this is exactly what

I came down here to tell you about tonight.

Please, if you all would just be quiet for a few minutes,

I can explain this whole thing to you.

As you all know, this paper is published

by a man by the name of D.B. Norton.

- [Man] Get back, you.

- Everybody, wait a minute.

Wait a minute ladies and gentlemen, my name is D.B. Norton.

You all know me.

I accuse this man of being a faker.

We've been taken for a lot of suckers

and I'm the biggest of the lot.

I spent a fortune backing this man

in what I believed to be a sincere

and worthy cause just as you all did

and now I find out it's nothing but a cheap racket,

cooked up by him and two of my employees

for the sole purpose of collecting dues

from John Does all over the country.

- That's a lie! - It's not a lie.

Nickel and dimes to stuff into their own pockets.

You can read all about it in the newspapers there.

- That's a lie, listen--

- Let go of me. - Don't believe--

- This man had no intention of jumping off

the the top of a building.

He was paid to say so.

Do you deny that?

- That's got nothing to do with it.

- Were you paid or weren't you?

- Yes, I was paid, but--

- And what about the suicide note.

You didn't write that either.

- What difference does that make?

- Did you write it or didn't you?

- No, I didn't I didn't write it.

- You bet your life you didn't.

You look in your papers ladies and gentlemen

and find you'll find Miss Mitchell's

signed confession that she was the one who wrote it.

- Listen folks it's a fact that I didn't write the letter--

- Now you see, he admits it.

You're a fake, John Doe.

And for what you have done to all these people good people

they ought to run you out of the country.

And I hope they do it.

- [Man] Speak up, John, we believe you.

- Please listen, folks.

Now that he's through shooting off his face,

I got couple of things to tell you about.

- Come on, the rest of you get in here and riot.

Break this crowd up, come on.

- I'm sorry folks, but we can't hear him anymore.

Something's gone wrong with the loudspeakers.

- Doe's a fake.

Boo!

- Please, they can't hear me.

- Boo! (yelling)

- This thing's not working.

Ladies and gentlemen.

(booing) (yelling)

This thing's bigger than whether I'm a fake.

Look Bert, you believe me, don't ya?

- Sure, I believe you.

Walking my legs off picking up 5,000 signatures for a phony.

There you are, Mr. Doe.

5,000 names asking you not to jump off any roof.

- Makes no difference, Bert.

The idea's still good.

We don't have to give up our club.

- Yeah, well you can have it.

(shouting)

- They're starting to throw things.

Somebody's going to get hurt.

I'm afraid it will be John Doe.

Listen to that mob.

(shouting)

- I've got to go to him.

- Sorry, lady, I can't let you out.

- Let me go.

Oh please, please let me go.

They're crucifying him.

I can help him.

- [Man] Sorry sister, we got orders to hold you.

- Orders from who?

Can't you see it's a frame up?

- Ann darling.

- [Ann] Oh Mother, they won't let me go.

They won't let me go.

(shouting)

- Listen, folks.

You gotta-- - Back to the jungle you hobo.

- Just another racket.

- Stick to your clubs.

- We've been fed baloney so long we're getting used to it.

(shouting)

- The idea is still good.

Believe me, folks.

Listen John Does were the hope of the world.

(angry shouting)

- [Radio Broadcaster] They just finally managed

to get him out of the park.

And if that boy isn't hurt it'll be a miracle.

Ladies and gentlemen this certainly looks

like the end of the John Doe movement.

- Well, boys, chalk up another one to the Pontius Pilates.

- I should have been there.

I could have helped him.

He was so all alone.

- A lot of us are going to be mighty

ashamed of ourselves after tonight.

We certainly didn't give that man much of a chance.

- [Colonel] Want sore coffee, Long John?

- No thanks, Colonel.

(dramatic orchestral music)

- Fake. - Racketeer.

- Liar. - Cheat.

- Impostor. - Why don't you jump?

- Christmas Eve midnight. (laughing)

- Goodbye, Mr. Doe.

You're a wonderful man.

- And God bless you, my boy.

- Now get in there and pitch.

- You're a fake John Doe and I can prove it.

You're the big hero that's meant to jump

off tall buildings and things, do you remember?

What do you suppose your precious

John Does will say when they find out

that you never had any intention of doing it?

That you were paid to say so?

- [Ann] Christmas Eve, at midnight. (laughing)

♪ Silent night, holy night ♪

♪ Shepherds quake at the sight ♪

♪ Glories stream from heaven afar ♪

- Merry Christmas.

- Merry Christmas.

♪ Christ, the Savior is born ♪

♪ Christ, the Savior is born ♪

(chattering)

- [Carolers] Merry Christmas.

- Who, John Doe?

Is that screwball still around?

- That dame's been calling all day.

- Sure, sure, I know.

Yeah, at midnight, huh? (laughing)

Okay, lady, we'll have the place surrounded with nets.

- They're laughing at me.

- [Man] You're a sick girl, Ann.

You better take it easy.

- Who are you calling now?

You called that number, not 10 minutes ago.

- Hello. Mr. Connell.

Have you seen him yet?

- Now listen, Ann, he can't possibly

get in without our seeing him.

I'm watching the side door

and the Colonel's out front so stop worrying.

- Oh, thank you.

- Why Ann. - Ann, don't be foolish.

- If this isn't the craziest, the battiest,

the looniest wild goose chase I ever heard of.

- Oh shut up, Bert.

Sourpuss is right.

- Yeah well if he is, I'm a banana split.

- That man's gonna be on that roof.

Don't ask me how I know I just know

and you know it as well as you do.

- Sure, sure I'd like to believe in fairy tales,

but a guy that's a fake isn't gonna jump off any roof.

- I don't think he was a fake.

Not with that face.

At any rate what he stood for wasn't a fake.

- Okay, honey, okay.

(humming musically)

- Elevators ain't runnin'.

- Colonel.

- [Colonel] You should've got out of bed Miss.

- Has he been here?

- No. - Have you seen him?

- Haven't seen him for a week.

- Where's Connell?

- He's watching the other door.

- Oh, you're swell.

Oh.

- No sense in going up there.

I've been here for hours.

He ain't here.

- [Ann] Let me go, will ya?

- Now that's crazy, it's 14 floors.

- It's as far as the elevator goes.

We gotta walk up to the tower.

- That tramp is probably full of Christmas cheer

and asleep in some flophouse.

- [Man] Let's go, I've got to decorate my tree.

(bells chiming)

- [Man] Well, I give up.

I don't what gave us the idea

he'd attempt anything like this.

- [Man] I guess you're right.

I'm afraid the joke's on us, let's go.

- I hope nobody finds out we've been here.

I wouldn't do that if I were you John.

It'll do you no good.

The Mayor has policemen downstairs with instructions

to remove all marks of identification

you have on your person.

You'll be buried in Potter's Field

and you'll have accomplished nothing.

- I've taken care of that.

I've already mailed a copy of this letter to Mr. Connell.

- John, why don't you forget this foolishness?

- Stop right where you are, Mr. Norton,

if you don't want to go overboard with me.

I'm glad you gentlemen are here.

You killed the John Doe movement all right,

but you're gonna see it born all over again.

Now take a good look, Mr. Norton.

- John!

John.

Oh John, don't do it.

I love you, I love you darling.

Oh please.

Please don't give up.

We'll start all over again.

Just you and I, it isn't too late.

The John Doe movement isn't dead yet.

You see John it isn't dead or they wouldn't be here.

It's alive in them.

They kept it alive by being afraid of it.

That's why they came up here.

Oh, darling.

Sure it should have been killed.

It was dishonest.

But we can start clean now.

Just you and I.

It'll grow, John, and it'll grow big

because it'll be honest this time.

Oh John, if it's worth dying for, it's worth living for.

Oh please, John.

Oh.

Oh please.

Please God, help me.

John.

John, look at me.

You want to be honest, don't you?

Well you don't have to die to keep the John Doe idea alive.

Someone already died for that once.

The first John Doe.

And he's kept that idea alive for nearly 2,000 years.

It was he who kept it alive in them and he'll go on

keeping it alive forever and always.

For every John Doe movement these men kill

a new one will be born.

That's why those bells are ringing John.

They're calling to us.

Not to give up, but to keep on fighting,

to keep on pitching.

Oh don't you see, darling?

This is no time to give up.

You and I John, we...

Oh no.

No, John, if you die, I want to die, too.

Oh.

Oh, I love you. (crying)

Oh John.

- Mr. Doe, you don't have to...

We're with you, Mr. Doe.

We just lost our heads and acted like a mob.

- What Bert's trying to say is that we need you Mr. Doe.

There were a lot of us that

didn't believe what that man said.

We were going to start up our

John Doe Club again, whether we saw you or not.

Weren't we, Bert?

And there were a lot of others

that were gonna do the same thing.

Well, Mr. Sourpuss even got

a letter from his cousin in Toledo--

- [Smithers] I got it right here, Mr. Doe.

- Only, it'd be a lot easier with you.

Please.

Please come with us, Mr. Doe.

(upbeat orchestral music)

- Long John. - Mr. Doe.

Here we'll help you with her.

She'll be all right.

- [Man] We'll take her down to the car.

We gotta car right back down there.

- There you are, Norton, the people, try and lick that.

(upbeat dramatic music)