Original subtitles

THE COUSIN

Radio Palermo broadcasting. The news bulletin.

The Constituent Assembly has elected as provisional head of the republic, after...

only a few sessions, the Neapolitan jurist and politician Enrico De Nicola.

Financial news next.

Since the allied landing the value of the lira has risen at least 20 times,

while the rise in the cost of living is around 2,871 times...

Did you know the allies had to bring their women from the mainland?

Because here, in Sicily, they could find no willing women!

Also because those they could find, they married!

- It's so hot! - It's boiling.

We had to go through a war and an American landing to discover such a hygienic...

- and refined drink. - But tea is English.

- It's the English who... - English or American, they're allies.

A girl�s life, always the same thing: stay in bed two days a month.

It only happens to refined women. Me also...

- I have to stay in bed for five days! - You should see my new gynecologist.

- He's so good! - I won't change mine. He doesn't stop visiting me.

Yesterday he says: "Beautiful, very beautiful, on the inside and on the outside.�

- He told me I can't have children. - You�re lucky!

Me, I'm like a rabbit! Worse than a rabbit!

Why don't you try that American thing? It's called a diaphragm.

I don't like shoving something inside that...

Oh, you don't like shoving something inside!

And what does your husband have to say?

- What're you doing? Spying on your mother? - You're mad! I was looking for a book!

"The ligaments are of the following types:

�anterior longitudinal ligament and posterior longitudinal ligament."

"Anterior longitudinal ligament and posterior longitudinal ligament."

Ges�, Ges�, stop singing!

- Who sings, doesn't sin! - Shut up!

Nini, Nini, where are you?

Hey, careful with my ass!

Nini! Where are you?

Nini! Mother's feeling ill!

Why does she go on writing to me, that whore Lisa?

I'd never have had her, had I known she'd marry a Texan cowboy!

...in America...

I know, I know, Pippi, I shouldn't say this!

But every time you write me a letter, I feel ill!

You know how much it cost me, becoming a baroness!

All that effort! And more, even! Mother-in-law to a Texan cowman!

That's what she turned me into! Nini!

Nini! Come here, your mommy must wash you!

Leone the cat...

Nini! What're you doing?!

- Nothing. Why? - What do you mean, nothing? You're smoking.

Oh, yes, I'm smoking. From now on, I'm addicted.

Nini! The bath is getting cold!

Where could he have gone?!

Nini!

- Why are you jumping? - It's alright. It's out.

Where has he hidden...? Call him!

- You know, I'm writing a poem for you. - A poem?! For me?!

- Yes. - Nini!

- Nini! - You'll give it to me on Sunday, at church. - Yes. Bye - Bye!

Coming, mother!

"She voluptuously lay down on the bed.

"His hand reached up to her panties,

"plunging his finger into the dark forest.

"She let out a moan of pleasure."

- Hi, cousin. - Don't you know I have to study?

Of course I know. Had you studied before, you wouldn't have to try again in the autumn.

I'm always alone at home. I'm getting bored.

- You look different. - I grew 5 cm and lost almost 2 kg.

If you keep it up like this, you'll be nice.

Honestly?! I'd like to become beautiful, and have breasts this big!

Like that, it's too much.

- Well, this big, then. - That's alright.

- And you? - What about you?

How would you like to look when grown up?

I already am grown up. I, practically, am a man.

Let me feel you!

- Moron, I only wanted to see if you had stubble! - Cut it out! Of course I have!

- I can't feel it. - Of course you can't! I shaved it last week.

- That's not true. It doesn't show! - Moron, have a feel!

Can you feel them growing?

They're so big... Why are they still growing?

Because I�m not fully a woman yet.

You're the first man I let feel them.

Will you let me feel them under the dress?

Ges� fell in love with Cefal�. How did it happen? How did it happen?

Ges�, Ges�... What's your problem? Don't your feet ever hurt?

In any case, I know all about it.

What can you know,

you who are in the nuns' college?!

If you must know, I talk about �it� with my colleagues all the time.

Enzo, do you ever look at yourself naked in the mirror?

- A man doesn�t do such stupid stuff! - It's not true that it's stupid!

At least one knows how one is made.

Ouch! You pinched me!

- I didn't pinch you. - Then, what did you do?

It's a thing I used to do with Carmela.

Now, you remove your hand, and I'll remove mine.

Agata! Where are you?

Where have you hidden?!

Bye.

Who knows when we�ll see each other again? What a nuisance!

- Having an older brother... - Bye, Agata.

Coming, Ugo! I was saying hi to Enzo.

What a cousin...

Oh, Jesus! Jesus! Leone got loose! He's gonna eat the little baron!

Damn, this Leone is more ferocious than a tiger!

Am I intruding?

Of course you are. I was studying like mad.

Did you know my mother is set against you and your family? Old grudges.

- She doesn't want me to hang out with you. - Well, then don't!

And she says that, until a couple of years ago, you were beggars.

- That's even true. Stay away, baron! - But I need you!

I want you to write a love poem for me.

Right away! A lovely one!

Are you or aren't you going to school? Write your poem yourself!

But I'm studying at the priest�s! I don't know anything about profane love!

- Then why promise one?! Stupid! - A love poem! I'll pay you!

- No way. - Then, I'll kill myself!

The sea has retreated far away...

Paragraph.

And you...

Paragraph.

- Virgin with the eyes... - Enzo, isn't that a dirty word?

Virgin with the eyes of lemon...

Paragraph.

Run to your... Paragraph.

Room of glass...

to dream...

To dream of me...

who... Paragraph.

dreams of you.

The End.

Beautiful, but are you sure it's a love one?

Of course it is!

Tell me: have you ever watched yourself naked in the mirror?

Oh, you Christ, so good and true, not again this shall I do!

I sure am ugly!

That was Nilla Pizzi, winner of the 1951 San Remo festival.

And now, the regional news bulletin.

I knew it! One never finds him studying!

- Where can he wander all day long?! - Around!

Young folk loaf around.

Hurry, hurry! Get undressed, quickly!

- You loosen up, too, master. - We should find a better way.

How handsome you are! How years go by, master!

- Complicated, doing it standing? - Complicated...

but it has its rewards!

Carmella, I'm going! I'm on!

- Here I go! - Calm down, you're like a stormy sea!

- You're going to tear the clothes! - Who gives a fuck?!

Stand up!

- Come on! - You're great!

Nothing! I'm losing my head!

What happened?! I can't see you!

- My madman! - Thank you!

Do you like it? Do you like how I'm fucking you?

- I'll bite you! - Yes! Yes, I'll bite you!

Bite away, bite away, but careful with my straps!

Nothing, nothing! All's fine, master!

Here I am!

How wonderful you are!

- Your lovemaking breaks me! - Where are you?!

Here I am!

- Careful, we're almost there! - I'll help you now.

Yes, young master, how strong you are!

- Don't pull my hair like that! - Forgive me, I'm kind of excited!

Sir, don't mistake the navel for the other thing...

Enzo?

Enzino!

Enzo! Where are you?

Who is it? Who?

Hi, Gesuina! I'm Agata.

- Who did you say you are? - Agata!

- Ges�, Ges�, how you've grown up! - Where's Enzo?

How should I know?! At school, he must be at school!

- Higher! - Higher.

Lower! Lower! In the center!

Here it is! In the center!

- Is it alright like this? - Hurry up, master, I have to cook lunch!

- How was I, Carmella? - You were most vigorous.

Thank you.

- I�d imagined a much warmer welcome! - Agata!

- When did you arrive? - This morning. I've run here right away.

Do you realize how long it is that we haven't seen each other?

- Ages! - How do you like Turin?

So-so. What can you expect from a town without orange trees?

We've only come back here because Ugo is graduating.

But we'll leave right after that.

That's a pity. I'm sorry.

A pity? Yes...

But you... what's the matter with you?

You've got more handsome.

But, before, you were nicer.

Hey! I'm talking to you!

Don't throw pillows at my head!

What?! Then you don't like playing with me anymore?

For one, I've never played with you.

As a matter of fact, you did. Don't you remember it anymore?

- You've ruffled my hair, stupid. - Your hair was already ruffled...

and your clothes were out of order.

Why were your clothes out of order?

If you weren't a kid, you'd get your answer.

What're you imagining?

You mean you've just made love?

Really?!

You do it even in the afternoons?

With whom? With Ges�-Ges�?

Or, is it with Carmella?

- You speak like a crazy woman. - But, still, I am right.

All gentlemen do it during the day with the maid.

Probably it's too difficult doing it during the nights.

Baron Leotta, Nini's uncle: I saw him.

Doing it standing!

You know, I wasn't aware you could also do it standing.

- You can do it in a thousand ways... - A thousand?!

Do you want to find out a couple?

Did you know the baroness had sent Nini to Catania, to the Salesian college?

People say she did that because of sexual problems.

Picture that...

the little baron, a seminarian...

For Christmas, Nini always sends me a poetic love poem.

- I know. - You know?!

Mmm, they've developed... They've become like you wanted, haven't they?

Well, not exactly. Carmella's are at least twice the size.

Tell me, is Carmella good?

It's not the women who are, or aren't good. It all depends on us, the men.

I'm very good at playing a tease...

You are?!

You know, I regret very much I'll have to go away again.

There must be so many boys...

- swarming around you... - No, not that many.

When my father retires, I'll be 20.

And then...

And then?

And then...

And then... we'll come back to live here.

And the two of us will really be grown up.

And then?

And then...

For starters, I'll cut off these damn plaits!

Said and done!

Well done, Miss Agata - one must stay in fashion!

Elio!

Do her � la Lollobrigida, with many curls on her forehead, and be careful.

Agata, I can't understand why you've cut them off!

I, for one, with long hair, I'd feel, how should I put it...

- Naked, I'd feel naked! - Naked?!

How I can understand her...!

If you ask me, she did well.

She looks more modern, more nonchalant with this style.

But it's a matter of modesty!

That interior modesty which we women must have.

What is this �interior modesty�?

It's like being without knickers!

Like an MP!

No, Giovannella, my husband is an MP.

And that doesn't mean he's a nobleman. And I proudly say this!

Today, being an MP is much more important than being, let's say, a baron!

You understand.

She's so stupid! She says whatever she wants!

You should have seen the impression I made in Turin...

when I said I was engaged to a Sicilian baron!

You wouldn't believe it!

Engaged?! You?!

I was just saying it, to have fun! But it could very well happen, couldn't it?

Come on! Are you still seeing Nini Scuderi?!

We've known each other since we were kids!

Did you know the baroness gave him a big present for his classical A levels?

She did?

And what was the gift?

The classical A levels. She bought the exams for him.

Wanna bet in a few years mommy will even buy him his degree?

That one is really marching on, my dear Ugo.

No way! Remember the nobles are done with, washed out, kaput!

And those still breathing are all crazy, impotent, and impoverished.

Hello to everyone!

- Baron Scuderi, what an honour! - Nini, we were just talking about you!

- We were saying... - Hi, Nini! - Dear Ugo!

I'm happy to see you again! I'm so eager to meet Agata!

- Please, baron, take a seat. - Thank you.

Listen here: "To the question,

"'Would you marry a girl who isn't a virgin?',

"60% of those asked answered: 'Never',

"20% answered: 'It depends...'"

That's correct.

"...and 15% answered: 'No, and if it happened to me, I'd strangle her.'"

Holy shit!

- What about the remaining 5%? - They must be loaded.

No, because the question was asked in Sicily, and there's no one loaded here.

Virginity is, and remains, a duty for the woman, and a right for the man.

Nice concept, baron. Long live democracy!

The thing is, you don't understand anything.

The girls who get married while still virgins,

are the most dangerous ones.

They want to catch up with everything they've missed out on.

Think well on whether it suits you to marry a virgin.

It's complicated.

On the contrary, it's easy: you only have to choose the right woman.

Sure, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack!

What kind of style do you want, baron?

- Taper. Please, take care. - Of course, Mr Baron.

Nini! Where are you, Nini?

Hello? Can I speak to Agata, please?

The phone... it's for you.

Thank you, Ugo.

Hello...?

Who is it...? Nini!

No, I didn't recognize your voice.

It gives me great pleasure to hear from you. This really is a nice surprise.

No, I wasn't aware you had come back!

Hello, Colonel Uncle. How are you?

How should I be? Resting, resting.

Only thieves get along!

Yes!

Of course!

From now on, I'm not moving from here.

You, too?

I'm through and done with wandering around!

No!?

I thank You, O Lord, for giving me a cousin so beautiful...

and so kind.

Of course I want to see you!

Kind to barons and mean to cousins!

Wow! A party?! A party at your house!?

Have you thrown the cassock away?

Come on!

Oh, you never were a seminarian... Well, in that case...

Angelic with strangers, diabolical with cousins.

But, you know... coming alone, it's rather difficult for me...

Come with Ugo, with Enzo, with whomever you want!

- Witch! - But come! You can't miss this party!

So you're saying I should come with Enzo? That's an idea.

- But how's my darling cousin doing? Do you know anything? - Wham!

You mean you haven't met him yet?

Well, he's having a good time. Women, champagne...

Every vice you can think of!

At least, that's what mother told me.

Oh, that's good to know...

Pathologically attracted to sin...

What do you want? Every family has its cross to bear, doesn't it?

No, Agata...

That's not what I meant! You shouldn't feel ashamed of having a cousin like him!

You must take him the way he is!

You shitty baron!

- Hello, Agata, what happened? - Nothing, Nini! See you at the party!

Bastard! Stinker! Moron!

You seem to be in great shape!

You've ruined everything!

- What have I ruined? Well? - I don't know! Everything!

I know what it is...

If you do, you are even more odious, more infamous!

- Why? - Let me go!

It stayed the way I like it.

Yes, they fit your hand...

Pretend nothing happened!

Well?! What were you up to on the bed?

Nothing, Ugo. We were... we were saying hi.

- Isn't that so, Agata? - That's right.

After all this time...

Damn this cold...

Oh, you know, Nini Scuderi has invited us to his party.

Don't tell me you're going to cultivate that decadent prick!

Why not?

These days one needs...

something more solid. The old privileges are crumbling.

If you want to get married, find yourself an industrialist.

That's where the future lies.

- Bravo, Ugo! - Bullshit!

The day I decide to get married, it'll only be for a love marriage! Understood?

Moron! I'll get Giovannella. Everything's calculated, rational.

Is she beautiful? She doesn't have to be.

Is she noble? In these times, it doesn't matter anymore.

Is she rich? Yes, she is.

Loaded! Everything runs smoothly, like a Swiss watch.

Cut it out! You make me sick!

Rosamunda, I want to fuck you!

Nini!

Mother, can't you see I'm having a bath?!

He who feels embarrassed in front of his mother, sooner or later will deceive her!

- I'll wash your back. - I don't want you to, mother!

- And this, what is this? - A phone, mother.

And what�s a phone doing in the bathtub?

For making a phone call, what else?

- In the bathtub?! - Yes. - Have you gone mad?!

Don't you know that Baron Leotta was fried to death in the bathtub by electricity?!

It was God's justice!

He was talking to a dirty Corsican.

As for me, I was confessing long-distance.

It's all that shameless Lisa's fault!

This is the American garbage she's been teaching you since she's come back to Italy!

That delinquent sister of yours, that hussy!

- Were you talking about me, mommy? - "Were you talking about me, mommy?"

You're screaming too much in this house!

You're a guest in this house, and, as you're divorced, you can't criticize me!

And don't you call me mommy!

If you want to invite someone else, go ahead; I'm naked any way!

I only wanted the phone because I have to call my ex in Dallas!

You should make shorter and less costly phone calls!

Shame!

Since that devilish device was invented the nobles don't keep their distance anymore!

And now, my cherub will take his bath with his mommy!

I don't want to be touched!

- Once, you asked for this! - I was a child then. Now, I'm a man!

A man, a man?! Let's not exaggerate!

- I'm not exaggerating! - A man...!

Here you are...

A man?!

You shameless boy!

I like it.

You've changed, Nini. It's incredible how different you've become!

Yes, the packaging has changed,

but not the heart!

Intelligence, class: that's what I like in a woman.

Generally, men are so rude, but you... are so different!

Our young baroness! Let me introduce you to my husband.

- Baron... - No, please...

My husband is just an MP.

Unfortunately, my dear little baroness, that is not a noble rank.

Unfortunately...

My ex-husband is neither a baron, nor an MP!

But he has certain muscles...

If we're talking about muscles, there's nothing you can reproach the Americans for...

they are like Greek statues,

pagan deities, giants like Michelangelo's. Am I right?

Fragal�!

Look at that hussy Lisa! She's drinking like a man!

Lisa...? What are you talking about?! Come on!

- She's gorgeous! - And Nini?!

Sniffing around that one?!

Come on, they�re kids: let them live their lives!

Nini�s the spitting image of his father! You know what he did before marrying you...

You know very well what I had to do to nail him down!

You bet I know!

This rain has ruined my hair!

Aborted breaking and entry... just you wait...

If you'll be nice to me, I won't press charges against you.

There's a revolver collection in my room...

They�re precious few, the Italians who can afford a divorced woman...

meaning deflowered... and free.

Are you one of them?

Let's find that out right away.

I'll go get some champagne.

Alright? I'll be yours right away. It's just a matter of seconds.

- Your dress is torn! - Oh, my God!

- Shall I come with you? - No, I'll do it!

- You play the host. - Yes, I'll be back quickly.

Mother!

- And you, I always stumble upon you. - Good Coca-Cola.

- If your grandma hears you... - My grandma doesn't know shit!

And me, stupidly, I believed you!

What�s got into you?! Have you gone mad?

What�s got into me is that I want to kiss you.

To kiss you! To touch you!

That's nothing new between us two, is there?

- So, that's how it is?! - Yes, that's how it is!

Listen, little cousin! Can you explain something to me?

Why are you fooling around with that moron Nini?

Maybe because we, being morons, get along fine!

If that's the way you put it...

And then... what's that got to do with you?

It's got plenty to do with me... Very much so.

First, because I'm your cousin, and that makes me almost your brother.

Well... About the brother thing... Ugo isn't helpful with Nini,

- so you should be the one to... - To do what?

To give me a hand.

I'll gladly give you a hand, my dear cousin,

Next time you'll get it in a more sensitive place, understood?

Damn!

John, where's your mother?

- In my room, showing my guns to a boy. - Shit! - Shit! Shit!

Have you gone crazy?! There are words one doesn't say.

Stupid!

Enzo! Where're you running to?!

I'm not running, Fragal�.

Come, come.

I've been watching you the whole afternoon.

You're like a caged lion.

- A cigar? - Thank you, I'll have one.

Do you want to know what a caged lion has to do?

To choose.

To break the cage... or to become a philosopher lion.

Well, in both cases, it has to be strong.

No. In one case it has to be strong...

in the other, it has to be intelligent.

Which are you choosing?

I think I�m a big fool.

And do you know why I�m one, Fragal�?

Because of a girl.

Oh...

Because I let her get away! A massive fool...

Well, I think we all have little problems.

Take me, for instance...

Do you know what my dilemma is, right now?

No.

That, with old people, I feel too young,

and with young people, I feel too old.

What were you expecting?! Women are what they are!

- Listen. - What is it?

You�re her cousin. Tell Agata that I...

- Why don't you tell her yourself?! - I don't know what to...

If you want to fuck, the brothel's the only way!

You were in a hurry, weren't you!

It's full! The girls are all busy. Come back another time. It's not possible!

Come on, madam!

Madam, but I'm Raffaelle!

Go away, this is a serious house!

- What can we do?! - I don't know. Let's go.

And when you think that in Paris, at this hour, the girls...

As if you�ve been there!

Then, Ugo, you take care of everything, please.

- Bye, Julie. - Have a nice trip, my love!

- What about the electoral campaign? - We'll talk when I return from Rome.

- Alright. - To the station.

Go!

It was already a shock for him when Lisa married the American.

Enzo! Nini! Wait a second!

Mother wants me to marry someone of my rank.

- Can you imagine that?! - Come in! - Hey, let's go! - Let's go!

Always on time, aren't you?

What can I do?! Come on, come in.

Thank God! At least we'll drink for free!

Thank you.

Guys, don't do anything stupid, 'cause I'm a regular here.

- See how beautiful the paintings are on the walls! - Are they?

Good evening, guys.

Good evening.

I can hardly wait for the summer to come!

I�m more at ease on heat: it makes my body glow.

Moron! Don't you see what you've done?! You've made the floor dirty!

Make yourself at home. Please!

Oh... I'm sorry. Your trousers! Rosalia, bring me a wet towel!

- No, madam, please! - I'll take care of it.

One must clean it right away.

Here we are.

What's she doing?!

All done.

- Thank you. - Now it doesn't show any more.

A little more, and I'd have had an orgasm! Skilled hands.

- She must have a diploma! - Really?! - You bet!

A piano is all it takes...

for Nini to jump on it!

Just a flash in the pan!

Come! Come and see my husband's campaign poster! Come!

If you leave him in her hands, she'll destroy him!

Then, he should've been dead already!

Ugo is a regular here.

- But my friends are here! - I don't give a fuck about your friends!

- Quietly! - You can't make love quietly!

We're making love!

Come here!

Guys, I'd like to see how Ugo gets it!

But, the husband�s a Catholic MP!

A monarchist! A monarchist!

Blessed Don Calogero! Blessed Don Eftidio!

Blessed Don Eleuterio!

How handsome you are, lover!

Blessed Don Teuridio! Blessed Don Petronio!

Blessed Don Geronzio!

Blessed... blessed Don Serapione!

Blessed Don Galdino!

Easy! Easy, lover!

Easy, easy, easy!

She sings like a skylark!

- Who? That one?! - No, Agata, your cousin! Weren't you aware?

Nini, you know the family is always last to find things out.

And how she embroiders! The S Pietro stitch, the S Francisco, the Cefal� stitch!

Stupendous! Lucky is he who takes it!

Nini! Nini! Move on!

- Hey, boys! - You're late, the show�s over.

No, not at all! Come, there's room for everyone!

Madam, here's the most experienced male!

What...

What's happening?

I feel like the Niagara! Violent, furious...

What are they up to? Fucking?

But... You also want to fuck?

Such good boys! You're one better than the other!

I... I am a very reserved person...

And... even Rosalia is so sweet... we deserve some fun from time to time...

It's gotten too late. Let's go.

- Madam... - Goodbye, Ugo.

- Enchant�... - Good morning. Have a good day.

- It's been a real pleasure! Thank you. - Goodbye, thank you.

- Madam... - Goodbye.

Goodbye.

- Goodbye. - Thank you for the evening. - Don't mention it...

From time to time, having a dance in the family, it's nice...

Rosalia, we've stayed quite late. I'll go have a nice sleep, you clean up in here.

I don't understand why, if Nini wants to take you to the countryside...

he doesn't take you on his own?

What have I got to do with your problems?

Going on our own would be too compromising.

So, you don't want to compromise yourself!

So kind of you, dear little cousin, to do us this favour.

- You really are an angel. - Hey! Don't call me an angel.

I find myself a pimp's job and you call me an angel!

Some friend you are, if you think helping two people in love makes you a pimp?!

In love?!

Yes.

Tell me, Agata...

- Have you ever really wondered? - About what?

Have you ever...

felt each other?

- Kissed? - I and Nini?

Of course not! Are you mad?!

- Then, how do you know you like it? - What's that got to do with it?!

Us two... we know we like it.

Between the two of us, there's something else.

Another thing?

An impossible thing.

Oh, my God, here they are!

Come on, put your jacket on! Come on!

Well done... well done, Agata.

You�re really good. You get what you want, and stop at the right moment.

- That doesn't work for me! I'm different! - No, Enzo...

You are...

Me...? I'm a moron.

Yes, a moron.

A moron.

Hurry up, or who knows what they'll be thinking! Please!

- I'm coming, I'm coming. - Don't speak ill of yourself.

- That's not proper! - Calm down.

I'm ready.

Enzo...

You must stop thinking about it.

That's right. More than right.

Then, tell me, Agata...

- Will you do me a favour? - Yes.

Get out of the box!

Alright. Word of honour.

I swear!

Perfect.

- Let's go have fun in the place God created for men's boredom! - The countryside!

The countryside!

- Where cows can be groped by the tits... - And birds flutter around raw...

"The sea has retreated...

"far away. And you...

"virgin with eyes of acerbic lemon...

"Run to your room of glass, to dream of me...

"Who dreams of..."

Where did you learn this bullshit?!

Why are you saying such stupid things, little brother of mine?!

What can you expect from a baron in love?

On the contrary, it's a lovely poem. Isn't that so, Nini?

- It's nice here! - Yes, the countryside excites me!

Hey, Fragal�!

- Fragal�! - It's us!

It's been a very nice day.

And you two are a nicely matched couple. The kind that lasts.

Believe me, I'm sure of this.

Fragal�! Fragal�, listen.

Tell me something: why have you never married?

Well, my dear, because I have a built-in repulsion to matrimony.

- Everyone gets married. - And they are wrong to!

Agreed, but now tell us...

what you've got against matrimony?

It's simple...

I like young women, understand? And, so long as they're young, that's perfect.

But afterwards... Damn!

Fragal� is always great!

Oh, my God, today I don't know if I should be merry or desperate...

If I should prefer Texas to Sicily!

But, really, I can't understand these Texan problems of yours.

What Lisa meant was that, after all, happiness and unhappiness are alike.

It's very hard drawing a line between happiness and pain, understand?

Lisa!

Come on, Nini!

Don't worry: Agata isn't scandalised by so little, you know.

Of course I�m not!

What's the matter with you?

I don't know... I'd like being screwed on a sheaf, on a field, under an orange tree...

I remember the first time I made love with my John, in Rome, in a car!

Damn! The kisses, the embraces!

Sicilians think Americans aren't good at making love...

They don't know that Texas is something else!

And you, do you know how to make love?

What a question... Sicilian perfezzionata in America...

What are you hiding in there? A treasure?

"Young lovers are not there for anyone, In the wonderment of their first love."

- Did you also write that? - No, it's by Pr�vert.

- D'you mind making love with your clothes on? - Not at all.

- What about you? - I'm used to it.

Come. Let's make this lemonade!

How beautiful you are, Agata, with these flowers in your hair!

When I look at you, I feel like fainting...

How could I not be excited? I love you, Nini.

- Like in real love? - Yes, like real love.

- What happened?! - My back is full of thorns!

I'll go look for help!

Enzo! Enzo! Oh my God!

I feel like fucking Rita Hayworth!

- You're even better than I thought! - This is nothing, Lisa!

This is nothing! You'll see, when we do it more at ease!

Yes, we'll do it again, and again, and again!

Enzo!

Enzo!

Why aren't you answering?!

- Who is it?! - What?!

- They're calling for us! - What?! No, don't stop just now, it's painful!

Enzo, what're you up to?! Nini got some thorns in his backside! Hurry and help him!

What the fuck's Enzo got to do with it?!

Stupid baron!

- Where did that moron Nini end up? - Here's your moron brother!

Why the fuck are you bothering us?!

Instead of fooling around with this freak, you'd better see to my ass!

I'm not touching the baron's ass!

- Did you know I have a bachelor pad on Via Verga? - Yes?!

Really?! A bachelor pad on Via Verga?

How nice, how fun!

Together with some university colleagues.

- I use it on Wednesdays. - And so the chaste Sicilian maidens...

- Agata! - I'm here, Nini.

Portrait of a chaste Sicilian maiden.

Nini, what're you doing?! Leave the phone!

Stop him!

- He's like lightning, or a dart! - Stop him, you morons!

Cover my back, Joe!

Hello, Agata. I'm being stalked!

Mother has hidden my clothes!

Have you talked to Ugo? What's your father got to do with this?!

You bring Ugo and I'll... get Enzo to help me.

See you tomorrow. Bye.

Bye! Bye!

Yes, life divides us, Agata, but love will triumph!

I swear it!

Maybe Nini wanted to talk to you about his intentions concerning me.

For all I care, do as you want,

but I don't understand what Enzo�s got to do with it.

We can count on him. You're always dabbling with upstart politicians...

What about Enzo, then?! He's an unbeliever, a good-for-nothing beggar! A shit relative!

You're full of shit! Enzo's nobody's slave! But you're a servant!

I'll slap you!

Listen, let's make a deal: we�ll both do what we want,

but for now, try being nice with Nini, alright?

Marriage is an important step.

Sooner or later, I�ll have to do it. Agata�s the right woman for me.

So, I'm getting married. Soon. Very soon, even.

- Great thing, falling in love, isn't it? - Love sure is a wonderful thing!

- Hi, Nini. - Hi - Hi, everyone.

- How're you? - Fine.

Please excuse us for being late.

Oh, I have to call Giovanella, Nini.

- Will you accompany me, Enzo? - With pleasure.

Here we are...

How can I help you?

You're the right person! You must take care of me, of my businesses.

- Well? - Is this alright, Mr Baron? - That's great.

My legal practice is yours.

Please, baroness. At your orders, baroness.

Your servant, baroness.

You make me so angry:

you're not nice, you're not understanding, you don't play along...

Yes, I know: I'm a good-for-nothing.

Cut it out! Rather, tell me when are you going to take me to see that place?

- What place? - Your famous Wednesday bachelor pad.

If you ask me, Agata, you're kind of crazy.

- Damn, there's no phone in here... - Come on...

I know it's just an excuse to leave Ugo and Nini on their own.

We�re such monsters!

My dog, please.

And what do two monsters do?

Thank you.

- What?! It was because of you! - Liar! It was because of you!

And now...?

Now...?

Now, we're cornered.

"Sexual maniac and nymphomaniac baroness discovered in a public toilet."

Don't squeeze me like that, you're suffocating me.

My God...

So strange...

I've touched you so often, but I've never looked at you...

Enzo... Enzo...

Occupied!

She'll be here for ever! Can I go in the men's?

Go ahead.

- Stay calm. - Now you want me to stay calm?!

- Wanna get out? - Of course, but how?!

Don't fret. You open the door, ask fatty something and keep her busy, while I...

- beat it. Alright? - Alright.

Good, this is crazy!

Madame, would you be so kind and give me a towel?

Yes, right away.

Well?!

Damn! Look at them!

Usually, your friends are very generous with me.

Look, I'm a student. I'm no millionaire.

- You didn't invite someone else, did you? - Who, me?! No.

Have you gone mad?!

- Who is it? - Enzo, it's Agata. Open up!

Oh my God...! It's my sister, come on!

- The clothes! - And who's gonna pay me?

Be a good girl! I'll pay you half. Go in there.

And then, shut up.

Here I am!

Coming!

- Where're you running to? - What a sinful scent there is in here!

So this is a bachelor's pad...

- I had imagined something better... - Come see the terrace.

Someone who has a bachelor pad, yet prefers making love on the terrace?!

No, but look at the view!

A romantic bait for decent girls...

So... do decent girls come here?

Of course.

Those without problems. The modern, emancipated ones.

And do they do everything?

Every-thing.

I don't believe it! They always do things halfway.

Why have you come?

To provoke me?

Gorgeous, you know I don't like girls who do things halfway.

That's right. But do you have the balls to go all the way?

Alright... Fine.

You were dying to slap me.

Maybe you should have slapped me much sooner.

I've always made you mad.

I thought there was something beautiful between the two of us.

That we were playing a game...

a secret...

That's exactly what it was.

There is only a game between the two of us.

A secret.

A strange game...

That's true...

You know... it's funny.

What is?

Everything... This bachelor bad of yours...

this squeaking bed...

Everything...

At that instant, you don't notice it too much...

Believe me.

I've wanted you since you were in knee-high socks.

Me too, Enzo...

Now, you won't be afraid to make love with me, will you?

Answer me!

Why should I be afraid?

But, is it really your first time?

Enzo...

Or have you always fooled me?

What are you saying?!

Of course, you're fooling around with me, while going to bed with Nini, to get married!

No! No!

- You�re like that whore who was here! - Let me go!

- I thought you understood me! - You'd have given me your precious virginity!

I don't want to see you anymore!

That's the way! Well done, the virgin!

Run away! Run away!

Go to hell!

Don Constantino, you must persuade mother!

How can I persuade her...

Don Nini, you have this candy. You like it a lot; it's sweet...

I ask for it, and you won't give it to me.

"Give me the candy," and you: "No."

"Give me the candy". "No". "Give me the candy". "No".

I distract you. I take the candy.

"Can I have the candy?" Got to; I've already munched it!

I've had harder cases, don Nini.

Here we�re talking about a real kidnapping.

Remaining out of sight for the time needed for a consensus and celebrating the marriage.

From the kidnapping to the celebration, let's say, in all, 10 days.

That's the technical time needed for this kind of thing.

You'll probably have some...

Well, expenses...

Evidently, that's obvious, evidently...

So: car and driver, for picking up the young lady...

5,000, accommodation in here, 10,000,

travel expenses to see the baron, 13,000, quick marriage license...

10,000. There's no profit to be made. These are only expenses.

Of course, of course.

The eventual offers for our church: I'll only accept them once the deal is sealed.

Maybe... maybe you'll be needing a small down payment?

50% of the total... yes.

Not because I don't trust you... But, you know, I�m only a poor priest.

Never! I'll never give my consent!

You... you are the author of this criminal plot!

What's Don Constantino got to do with it, Rosalia?!

It's that beggar Enzo's fault!

It's him who pimped his cousin!

Excommunicate him, arrest him, Don Constantino!

How could I arrest him?! Let's be serious!

Don't exaggerate, Rosalia!

It's useless crying over spilled milk.

Shall we set the date for this blessed wedding, baroness?

Wedding, wedding! I want to speak to my Nini!

Nini is out of sight.

- I assure you that Enzo knows where he is! - Why Enzo of all people?!

Because he who's born of no one, becomes a liar and a scoundrel!

It's useless taking it out on those who have nothing to do with this.

I know, but I still want to know where they are, and if they've consummated it!

That depends on Nini...

What do you mean? What are you insinuating?

Mother, some of the questions you�re asking me...

They've fucked, they've fucked!

"Dear Mommy, little Agata is pregnant. "

And... did it work?

Of course! There's a written consent.

And then, you know... I... This marriage...

I don't give a shit about it.

Only to help Agata...

You know, the girl isn't stupid...

And then... all... all these gynecological stories...

They�ve made me dizzy.

Yes! Vagina... Clitoris...

Deflowerment... Rape...

Copula...

That's it...

What's that one doing? Watching us?

Who?

Oh, the cat... Let him be.

That's a vicious cat.

Yes... it's a voyeur cat...

Agata Marini... unspoiled flower...

you have brought the gift of your purity to this altar.

You are now entering a great and noble family,

adding your person to a role of noble women of the highest spirituality.

And to you, Ferdinando Maria,

I want to remind you that this chaste young maiden has been entrusted to you so that...

you will protect and guide her on the happy path that's in store for you,

in the union of the spirit and of the flesh.

I recommend...

the wife to be the keeper of the love that, now and for ever,

she owes her young and noble husband.

And after this evangelical wish, my dear children,

I'll conclude with my paternal blessing.

Kneel.

Scandal or not, she's become a baroness!

What about Ugo? Great lawyer, he's already set for life!

- And he'll soon make an excellent marriage - Yes.

- Great cousins! - Yes, they are great!

They�re sensible children, they are!

Listen, mother. I agree with you on everything, just don't shout!

I have only one regret in my life: that you'll never settle down! Never!

- You want me to study? To pass the exams? - Yes.

Alright, alright, I'm obeying!

But, to concentrate on that, I need a little calm.

And here, too many things happen around me.

That's why I'm going to the countryside, to Fragal�.

To study, to get my degree!

This way, you'll be happy, mother!

I'll be worthy of my dear cousins.

You see, Ugo is the classic type: one who'd do anything to get ahead.

He has to be brilliant.

You must be careful with brilliant persons who never say clear, simple things...

- They�re usually morons. - I agree, but Ugo is thought to be clever.

Yes, he might even be so, but, generally, that's not the case.

Get this into your head: true intelligence,

true talent, must never be too brilliant...

I find this true.

- Take Agata, for instance. - Why her, Fragal�?

Agata is not like Ugo. She's different.

I know that, I know that, but she's very different from you.

- I don't know... maybe she's too wise? - Wise?! Agata?!

Maybe it's true...

You see, to be really young, you must have some degree of recklessness.

You really are young: you like talking, joking, you like women...

You�re like me.

You like living.

One has so much time to become wise...

There are young people who, at 20, are already lifeless, old.

Yes...

Maybe one must have the courage to be a little selfish, if one wants to be oneself.

- I am selfish. - That's very good.

Concetta!

Concetta!

- Where're you going? - I'm taking fresh bread to master Enzo.

- How's the baby doing? - Don Fragal�!

Ever since he came, every care is for master Enzo...

Even the fresh bread...

If it has a filly, we'll name it Agata.

You will?! Oh, that's so nice!

Madam Baroness! A call for you.

The baroness is in the garden.

No, you are the baroness!

That's true!

It's your brother!

I'm coming. Excuse me.

When Rosalia summons you, there�s always a storm in the air.

You deal with the kill-joy baroness. I'll go say hi to mother.

Come on, it's been ages since you�ve seen Nini and Agata. You come, too!

- No, I don't feel like it! - Don't be a child! Lisa's also here.

I feel sick, Nini...

- Can't you see she's feeling sick? - Good evening to everybody.

- Fragal�! - Here I am!

- My friend, what a tragedy! - What happened?

- That little whore, Lisa... - I've decided to remarry! - Good!

And I'll remarry the here-present John Senior...

my ex-husband.

- That's all. - Ah!

Listen to her, Fragal�: "That's all," she said, "That's all"!

- What is he saying, this cowboy? - He says he loves his wife.

That seems alright, but how come?

I think it's the first wise thing I've done. My husband loves me...

I love you...

but you think of another woman, who's married to someone else.

Everything looks kind of stupid, doesn't it?

You�re smart, Lisa.

You've understood everything.

John, come into my arms, the only Texan in my life!

Mommy and daddy are remarrying, so no more antlers for daddy!

Nini.

Nini!

- Listen. - Yes, I am.

Have we done the right thing by getting married?

I asked you if you thought we'd done the right thing by getting married?

I think... Of course we have. That's what we've been wanting since we were kids, no?

That's true.

But, now, we're no longer kids.

Why, Agata, aren't you happy with me?

No, it's not that. I'm just wondering if I wasn't just the whim of a spoiled child.

What?! I've always loved you!

For instance... do you love me physically?

I married you, didn't I?

I'm saying... physically...

I mean... bed-wise.

What type of question�s this?! Certain things just aren't said.

But why? We're in bed, yet we're ashamed to talk about the bed?

These aren't things one talks about.

When two people get married, they belong to one another.

And that's the end of it!

- You're my wife, Agata. - Maybe I've never understood you.

Tell me: was it indispensable for you that I was a virgin when you married me?

Of course!

Well, it was only normal... It was your duty, wasn't it?

Certainly.

You�re right.

Come on, husband.

Let's make love.

Now, in the morning?! Without brushing our teeth?

Peppino, I'll be back for supper!

According to canonical law,

the primary purpose of marriage is procreation and the education of offspring.

The secondary purpose is to enable reciprocal help, and as a cure for concupiscence.

Tell me, Concetta...

Who's the child's father? Fragal�?

A child of love.

Leave me alone, Concetta.

I like this place.

It reflects your character.

Your selfishness.

What I love about you.

You know, Agata...

You smell different than you did when, as children, we looked at pictures in books.

I do? And how did I use to smell?

It was... it was very special.

- Jasmine and Lysoform soap. - Really?

Lysoform...

Who knows how nauseating it must have been, being close to me with that smell...

I liked it better than this one.

And then, I liked your feet.

They were always scratched.

Scratched? And who scratched them?

I don't know.

The cats, maybe.

Or, maybe...

The creepers' branches.

You�re not saying you remember my feet as a child?

I've always had very skinny ones.

Now, they�re better than then.

Isn't it so?

That's true.

But those ones, I'll never forget them.

Do you really remember everything?

Yes.

Really everything?

Of course.

I remember everything about you.

Absolutely everything.

And I about you. What we innocently did...

When we were kids...

We didn't even know what it was that we wanted.

- I knew what I wanted. - You really loved me, Enzo?

Yes.

- Even if you... - I'm changed now. Totally changed.

My God, Agata...

- Why have we always screwed everything up? - That's how it happened, Enzo.

No!

Why? Tell me why?

Why?! You�re asking me that?!

You ask me that...

But, of course... Of course, imagine...

You thought I'd always be here, waiting for you.

Waiting for you to get married.

Waiting for you not to have your purity issues any more,

and for your cousin fears to go away.

No is the right time for you. It's convenient.

You can afford it.

You feel sure about yourself, about me, about everyone!

Enzo, I don't understand you.

It doesn't matter. I do.

What are you doing? Crying?

No.

It's only because of the smoke.

I�m not angry.

But why? We could at least have remained friends.

How stupid I am!

Hello, Fragal�? Enzo speaking.

I only wanted to tell you I�ve graduated.

Thank you. Goodbye.

Will it take long?

- I've graduated. - Then we're fresh ones.

Hello? Is that you, Ugo? Enzo speaking.

No, nothing, I just wanted to tell you I�ve graduated.

Are you through? I don't give a damn if you�ve graduated!

I don't, either.

Dottore, dottore, bullshit!

Hello...? Hello, is Mrs Agata in?

Hello? Hello? Who's speaking?

I've graduated.

My son... dottore!

The best day of my life!

Think about your father, up there! Gesuina!

- Who knows how... - Gesuina!

Gesuina, he's a dottore!

Jesus, Jesus, dottore! How pale you are!

Dottore? I'll make you a whisked egg right away.

No, thank you, Gesuina. Some other time.

- That can't be... - Gesuina, dottore does what he wants!

I am so moved...

Already dottore... I'm getting so old...

What say you, old lion?

Should I or shouldn't I go say hello to the baron?

No? You're right. I won't go.

Hey, Enzo, what are you doing? Sneaking away?

Nini... I was just coming to say hello to you.

You're full of bullshit! Now that I've found you, I'm kidnapping you. Move!

Come!

How do I do this?

You've disappeared since you've been living in the country.

What do you do every day?

Fucking country girls, you swine?

- Where're you taking me? - I've bought a new filly. You'll see.

Aren't you getting obsessed with these horses?

Here she is!

Isn't she wonderful?

- Even my husband has a stable that occupies him a lot. - I've always said, textually:

If you can pretend to love horses,

you are born a gentleman. Peppe, the diet!

- Now that I'm here I want to tell you... - See the hip, the hamstring, the tibia...

Know what? I understand that one... What was his name?

The one who said: "My kingdom for a horse."

Well, he was in urgent need...

Anyway, yours is a great passion.

Lisaten, Nini, I wanted to tell you, and Agata, also...

Excuse me, speaking of Agata, do you know every time we speak about you, she loses it?

And she's right! You�re such an odd cousin...

- Odd? Why? - You know how women are: cousins, sisters...

Now that you're here, go say hello to her.

Listen, are you sure...

Yes, yes! Go up! I'll come join you later.

As soon as the expert comes.

- Your Excellency, should I bring another horse from the stable? - Yes, that's better.

- Excuse me, you wanted to tell me something? - No, it was nothing.

Agata!

Agata!

Baroness! Baroness Scuderi!

Where are you?

Agata!

Agatina!

Where have you hidden?

He was a good looking man, younger than me.

With big muscles, possessive, but not too good at love-making!

Nini! Nini!

- What's the matter? - I can't find her.

She must be there!

Hi.

You were looking for me?

Yes.

I was looking for you.

What are you doing? Have you found her?

Yes, yes, Nini, I've found her!

I've stumbled upon her in here. With your permission, I'll...

I'll take advantage and get some books.

- Are we friends? - We are friends.

Agata!

Agata!

Yes!

How do you say "horse" in Latin? I can't remember it any more.

I don't know!

Ask Enzo, he must surely know!

Well?

Equus.

Equus.

No. How do you say "mare"?

Equa.

Equa.

Oh, yes.

Agata!

Peppino, is the little baron's bath ready?

- Don't you ever speak?! - You always do...

- Nini, the bath is ready! - Mother!

We... we've been crazy!

Yes, two crazy people.

Not to have done it �till today...

We've always loved each other. Why haven't we done it before?

I don't know.

Hey, you two! What are you doing up there?

Show yourself, Enzo, please.

Nothing... I... It happened that...

You've fallen from the bookcase stepladder.

I've fallen from the bookcase stepladder.

Have you hurt yourself?

There's no need to worry. It's nothing serious. Everything's fine.

I got terribly scared!

All's well, that ends well.

By the way... You had something important to tell me, didn't you?

Who? Me?!

Yes.

- No, but I... - I already know. - Nini!

I don't understand. Why not tell me? What's with all this prudishness?

You wouldn't think I�d take it badly, by any chance?

- Nini, listen... - No.

I congratulate you! How do they say: better late than never!

Mr dottore!

You're right, Nini, you're right! Today's been a really important day.

I've graduated! Graduated, Nini! ( Downloaded From www.rarelust.com )