All language subtitles for Fools.Paradise.2023

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[client] I need money
and I need jobs.

So is this-- Is this
a thing you can provide?

- [Lenny] Yes.
- 'Cause you said you could.

I-- I'd like to do one TV spot,

- maybe, could you...
- [Lenny] Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[client] Could you get me
on one of the Jimmys?

- [Lenny] Yes.
- [client] I need money...

- [Lenny] Yeah.
- [client] ...and I need
opportunities.

And I wanted to get--

I want to get
into the comedy clubs,

like, uh, the--
The Laughing Hut.

[Lenny] Yes, I could
totally see you there.

[client] And can you-- can you
get me into these places?

[Lenny] Yeah, I can get you
into all those places, buddy.

- Yes.
- [client] Yeah, like, I need--

But I need that
to happen, like, now.

I need something to happen
finally, you know what I mean?

- [Lenny] Yes!
- [client] Okay, so let's go.

- Make it happen.
- Hey, I get it.

Look, fame, fortune,
that's everything

and don't let anybody
tell you otherwise,

because without that,
you're nobody.

But you can't do it alone.
It takes two to tango.

Okay, I feel like
you're not listening to me
or hearing me at all.

No, I hear you.
You're in a rut.

You're not booking.
You wanna make some changes.

So, we'll find a new agent,
new manager,

and, you know, maybe
you could shake things up too.

Like, work a dummy
into your act or something.

I hear ventriloquism
is making a comeback.

It's not. I don't know
who told you that.

- People, and it is.
- No, it is not.

Yes, it is.

Find a puppet
that looks like you.

[laughs]

I can see it right now.

- [laughs]
- That's not a thing.

- It is a thing.
- No, it's not.

- It's a great thing.
- What are you talk--

What is this? What is this--

this puppet suggestion?

Look, it's been months, okay?

And you've brought me nothing.

Nobody. No agents,
no managers.

You've introduced me
to zero people.

Well, it takes time.
[chuckles]

Yeah. I'm not sure
I even know what you do.

What do you do?

What do you mean "what"?
I do it all. I'm your guy.

You said you're a publicist,
but you don't even
have a website.

- There's no
phone number to call.
- No, I am. I am.

Oh, excuse me, uh...

- Are you a publicist?
- Yes. Eight dollars?

- You are?
You're a real publicist?
- Yes.

- You have other clients?
- Excuse me, I'm counting.

One...

Two...

[distant siren blaring]

- Three.
- I'm letting you go.

- I'm moving on.
- What?

- You're fired.
- What about us?

- What about our relationship?
- "Us"? What does that mean?

- What about the tip
that you promised?
- There is no us. The tip?

There is no us.
You care about yourself.

You don't care
about me at all.

That is not true.
No, I think of both.

I need you.

I don't need you.

Fine! Rip my heart out,
why don't you?

No, I don't need you, anyway.

I'll find somebody better.
Just you wait and see.

- I'll find myself
a real somebody.
- [door closes]

[doctor 1] The patient,
essentially, is nobody.

- No family, no friends.
- [doctor 2] Hmm.

His condition is quite frankly
bizarre, to say the least.

He has the mind of a--
a five-year-old,

or say, um,
a Labrador retriever.

Understanding very little

and allowing himself
to be quite easily led.

Observe. Patient,
would you stand up?

Stand up. Yeah, up, up.

Yeah. Perfect.

How about you, uh, maybe
put your hand on your head?

Can you do that for me? Yeah,
put your hand on your head.

On your head. Yep.

Now your nose,
your finger on your nose.

Yeah, yeah. Right.
How about your chin? Do that?

How about for your--
Can you find your ear?

Yeah. Great. Have a seat.

You can have a seat now.

Have a seat.

No, no. Sit. You're done.

Here you go, just sit down.
Yeah, you're good.

You're good. We're done.
No, no, you did great.

You did wonderfully.
Good job.

- See? It's...
- What do you think it is?

Age regression, perhaps?

We do think
it is that, in part,

possibly caused
by some severe trauma,

the loss of a loved one.
It's hard to say.

The patient has lost
the ability to speak.

- [doctor 2] Oh, I see.
- [doctor 1] He's not deaf

and he's technically not mute.

His case is medically
undefinable.

[doctor 2]
Is his condition reversible?

[clicks tongue] Mm, you know,

with a proper amount of care

and, uh, a lot
of exposure therapy

and neurophysical
cognitive therapy,

and if he were to have
one meaningful connection,

yes, it's possible
that he could regain
his understanding of the world,

his ability to speak,
his-- his emotions.

- Fascinating.
- Hmm.

So, what's our first course
of action?

Well, the state is not gonna pay
for any of that,

so we are gonna put his ass
on the first bus downtown.

[bright upbeat music playing]

Hey, Don, it's Lenny!

You don't even know
why I'm calling you, buddy.

Okay, that, yeah, that is why
I'm calling you. But listen.

No, I'm just talking
about representation.

Hello? Oh, man.

Geez, Louise. Geez, Louise!

[both struggling, grunting]

[train whooshing]

[train horn blaring]

Mikey. Mikey, please.

I just-- I'm begging you.

I just-- I need a client.

No, you're getting personal.

I am a real publicist, Mikey.

No, I get people things.

[children laughing]

[whistle blowing]

[laughing]

[bright upbeat music continues]

[cheering]

What? Are you kidding?

[groans] No!

God! Ugh!

[bright upbeat music continues]

Hi, Armando.

Yeah. How you doin', buddy?

Oh. Oh, shoot.

Hold on, let me call you back.

[Lenny grumbling]

[people chattering]

[soft music playing]

Hey, it's Lenny
from Starmaker Publicity.

I'm sorry, I just don't see
your name on the list.

Um, which film production
are you with again?

I'm with the, um...

Um, you know me,
I'm a big-time publicist, so...

- You said that.
- I mean, well, you know,

I'm not some bozo
that, um, you know, just...

I-- I'm sorry.
I'm afraid I don't, um...

Okay, look.
I can give you some money.

I mean, just a little bit.
I mean, not now,
but down the line.

Look, I find the right client,
I cut you in on the profits.

Bing, bang, boom.
We're somebodies.

I'm afraid I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.

Okay, well, wait,
wait, wait. Okay.

I'll give you
five dollars. Please.

Just let me on the lot, please.

Please let me on the lot.
Please let me on the lot.

Please let me on the lot.
Please let me on the lot.

[car engine starts]

[tires screeching]

[producer] What?
What do you mean he won't
get outta the trailer?

[assistant on phone]
I don't know, he said
he lost the character.

Ugh, you know what? I've had it
with his method acting bullshit.

It's just all nonsense.

All he's gotta do
is go hit the mark,
say his words and that's it.

Spencer Tracy said that.

Good enough for him,
that's good enough for me.

- Put him on the phone.
- [assistant] I tried already.

He said phones
weren't invented yet.

Trailers with air conditioning
weren't invented yet either,

but he doesn't mind sitting
in one of those all day.

- Fuck off.
- Well, production's
at a standstill.

- Fuck off!
- They need you
to think of something.

Please. Now.

Holy shit.

- [cars honking]
- [tires screeching]

- [tires screeching]
- [cars honking]

Oh.

Get in.

Come here. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Get in.

Get in. You--
you speak English?

Come here, I got a job for you.

Come on, this is gonna be good.

Come on, I promise you.
Yeah, yeah, there you go.

Oh, you should have
brought some. That's okay.

[producer laughs]

[tires screeching]

[car honks]

[soft music playing]

[car honking]

Latte. Pronto.

- [tires screech]
- Got it.

Get Booker a latte
as fast as possible.

Updates?

Mr. Bingsley's still
in his trailer.

- Sir.
- Excuse me?

Remember to call him
Sir Bingsley.

I don't want another episode
like last time.

Sorry, Sir Bingsley's
still in there.

We've been shooting
second unit stuff,

but the rest of the cast
is getting a little irritated.

Nobody's-- nobody's walked.

Chad Luxt went for a drive
to blow off some steam,

- but he said he'd be back.
- Is he sober?

- For now.
- All right. Christiana?

She's fine. She's Skyping
with the government of Uganda

about a charity visit
or something.

Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.

So, what's the plan?

Him.

- [TV playing indistinctly]
- [Bingsley laughs]

[laughing]

[Bingsley spits, laughs]

- Look at that!
- [knock on door]

- Sir Bingsley. May I come in?
- [laughing continues]

[Bingsley] What the hell kind
of highfalutin name is that?

I answer to one name
and one name only...

and that's Billy the Kid.

Uh-huh. All right,
Billy the Kid.

Okay, what-- Hang on,

don't drop the "Sir" part now.

- Excuse me?
- Sir Billy the Kid.

I think that gonna
suit me just fine.

Got kind of a nice ring
to it, don't it?

How about you call me that
from now on, all right?

Yeah, make an announcement
to whoever all
is out there, right?

It's Sir Billy the Kid
from now on.

Listen to me, fuckface.

You're either a Sir
and an actor from England,

or you're Billy the fucking Kid,
but you can't be both.

[speaking gibberish]

No, I'm done. I'm done.
I'm sick of this shit.

- I'm sick of it.
- [laughs, spits]

Yappin' your fuckin' mouth,
you ain't worth shit.

Take a look at this guy.

What about him?

He's a dead ringer for you.

This man don't look
nothin' like me.

I mean, look at him.
He's too short.

He's the exact
same height as you.

He's just not wearing
lifts like you do!

Hey, now you listen
to me, all right?

I never worn a lift
in my goddamn life.

You know what? I'm done.
I'm fuckin' done.

I probably don't even know
what a lift is

- 'cause they haven't
been invented yet.
- Stop.

- Stop the shit.
- Stop and cut the shit.

Don't think I'm not gonna
take him into makeup

so he can finish
the day for you.

Ooh! [laughing]

Yeah?

Now we rollin',
big boss-man.

Now we rollin'.

And guess what, fuckface?

I'd like to see you try that.

Let's go. Let's go!

Okay, let's see what
we're working with here.

- Oh, my God,
it's a spitting image.
- Oh, my God...

- You look exactly like him.
- I don't see it at all.

- How are gonna do this?
- All you have to do

- is just put some color on.
- [overlapping]

You're actually
way more attractive.

I would agree with that,
actually. The bone structure.

But I don't see it at all,
I don't see it all.

- You are always so negative.
- You're crazy.

Would you help instead
of hurting things?

- I just-- Over here.
- Is this your first time?

- No, no, no, no, no.
- Okay, let's sit back down.

Let's sit back down.
You're stressing him out.

- Why are you moving your face?
- Look at you,
how gorgeous you are.

[producer] All right, so this is
the sound stage. Real dirt.

That's the bank over there,
that's the saloon.

So... Tony. Tony.

This is Tony London,
the director.

This is the guy.

[indistinct chatter]

Fine.

Chad, Chad. Chad.

This is Chad Luxt.

Okay, he plays Black Bart,
the other lead.

I understand you're
from the streets, hmm?

Mad respect, bro.
Mad respect.

Word. All right.
[chuckles]

He's a character.

Uh, and this is the great
Christiana Dior.

I'm sure you know who she is.
She's playing your wife,

the one that you're leaving
for Bart's girl.

Nice meetin' you.
Oh, right. Uh...

See, you ain't accustomed
to seeing me like this.

I'm fixin' to stay
in character.

[spits]

- Too short, ain't he?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna put him
on an apple box.

[spits]

All right, as for you--
Hey, hey, hey.

As for you, Bart knows
you're sleeping with his girl.

Your wife is ready
to blow her brains out,

so what I need from you
is give me a--

"This is such a mess."

That kind of look, that--
that kind of feel.

You got it? Yes or no?

Jesus Christ,
can you even talk?

You don't know
if you can talk?

- [Chad] Let's go, it's hot.
- All right, just fuck it.

Do nothing.

- [Chad grunting]
- Works for tons of actors.

- Take it, Tony.
- [Chad continues grunting]

[upbeat music playing]

[huffs air] Fly.
Fly like a bird.

- [exhales]
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Ready? Say a prayer.

[Tony chuckles]

Right here, sir.

Nope, nope, nope.
Right here. Just hold still.

[Chad grunting]

Right, I need you here.
I need you here.

The guy won't stop moving.

No, it's fine.

[production assistant
sighs, grunts]

Up on the box, please, sir.

Stay, no, right there.

- On the box.
- On the box, buddy?

Got him? Fine.

- On the box.
- On the box.

Right there.

All right, just be yourself now.
Be yourself. Come on.

Just connect your emotions with
the suffering of the streets.

[breathes deeply]
Feel me? Hmm?

I'm gonna come at you hard, bro.
I'm gonna come at you real hard.

Stay on the box.
Right here. Good.

Come on, let's spin 'em.

32-A, take one.

- [Chad grunts]
- [Tony] All right.

And... action.

You think you can mess
with my girl, Billy?

You get him, Bart.

He's a cheatin'
sack of shit as it is.

You think you're fast,
but I'm faster.

You wanna get to know my blade?

You wanna get to know my blade?

- He's looking right
into camera.
- Just keep rolling.

You wanna-- You wanna
get to know my blade? You wanna?

Do you want-- What is the line?

- "And you will know the other."
- [spits] I don't need
the line reading.

- Also, it's a stupid line.
- Just say the goddamn line,

- will ya?
- It's a terrible line.

The line is terrible, okay?
I don't wanna say it.

I'll say it for you
if you can't figure out how.

- No, I know how to say it.
- Talkin' about your gun.

- No, I know what... [mumbling]
- In case you didn't
read the script.

- Maybe you should go home...
- [Tony] Try not looking

at the camera on this one?

- Yeah, you.
- Terrible line.

- Come over here. Step...
- Marker.

And, action.

- [Chad] You think
you can mess...
- [Tony] Right into camera.

It's his first time doing this.

[Christiana] He's a cheatin'
sack of shit as it is.

Over there. Over there. There.

All right. Can we--
Can I just go back?

[Tony] Put him back on the box.

- Take three.
- And, action.

[Chad grunting]

- There we go.
- Four.

- [Tony] Action!
- I'm feelin' good now.
Feelin' good.

- Can I just go back?
- [Tony] Yes. Uh, take it
from the top.

Take five.

You gonna step in line
and get the blade,

or you gonna get the...

- What-- what is the line?
- Just the word "other"!

[sighs]

[Chad] The other.

- Oh.
- Twenty.

- [Tony] Action.
- You think

you can mess
with my girl, Billy?

You get him, Bart.

- [Chad] Hmm?
- He's a lyin' sack
of shit as it is.

- Cut his tiny little balls off.
- Oh, shut up, you.

Hey, don't improv.

- You don't improv.
- How many fucking times?

We're over lunch by an hour.
All these extras
are in pain and...

[Tony] Rolling. Action.

Now, you should step in line
and get the blade...

[tense quirky music playing]

- The other.
- I hate you, Billy!

- [yells]
- Bang, and cut!

[buzzer blaring]

[Chad] Hey, hey, hey.

- You gotta breathe.
- [Tony] We're going
to go again.

Latte, pronto.

Good work.

Excuse me, Mr. Pronto.
I'm a publicist for the, um...

Can I call you Latte?

- Is that your name?
- Oh, my God, I love that name.

- Amazing. You are.
- I had no idea!

A lot of big stars are going
by inanimate objects these days.

Stepping in. Uh, we're
at lunch, folks. That's lunch.

- Oh, thank you. Yeah, yeah.
- Aww.

I'm gonna take Latte Pronto
if you need us.

- [chuckles]
- I'm sorry. Who?

Oh, oh, no, it's,
uh, Latte Pronto.

He's the star of--
Yeah. Latte Pronto.

- Oh. Oh, I'm so sorry,
Mr. Pronto.
- Oh. [stammers]

I will write that down.

- Oh, that's okay.
- It's okay.

You're doing great,
you're doing awesome.

- So sweet.
- No, you guys are so sweet.

Are you kidding me?
You've just been so great
in expediting everything.

- Thank you. Okay,
I'm so sorry again.
- Oh, it's okay.

All right, see you
guys at lunch.

- We'll be on the lot.
- See you at lunch.

- Absolutely, thank you.
- See you there.

- Bye!
- Thank you so much.

- She's disgusting.
- She is the absolute

- worst person on this Earth.
- I can't stand her.

Are you kidding me?
"It's time for lunch."

[Lenny laughing] Right here.

Hmm.

Mm...

Wow. Latte Pronto.

You and me are gonna do
big things, pal, I can feel it.

Look, that guy's the head
of the studio over there.

All his teeth are fake,
by the way. I'll say hi later.

Oh, see her? The one
who looks like a model?

Don't look. She's actually
a prostitute.

- Hi.
- Hi. Let's do two
of the salmon salads--

Hold the salmon
'cause of the mercury.

No cheese or fatty nuts
of any kind on there, please.

Oh, balsamic on the side--
Actually, scratch that.
No dressing,

just the lettuce rinsed
thoroughly with Evian water,
we're gonna split that.

Oh, and five energy drinks.
You want any?
Oh, and take this away.

What, are you
trying to kill us?

Who still serves bread
at a restaurant?

Might as well feed us
a pack of cigarettes.

- You don't smoke, do you?
- [cell phone ringing]

Well, hang on.
That's the production. Hello?

Yeah, I'm with Mr. Pronto.

Wait, what?

Slow down. What? What?

Okay.

I'll let him know.

- [cell phone thuds]
- [sighs]

Great news, Latte. Sir
Bingsley's dead.

As some of you may have heard,

Sir Thomas Kit Bingsley

died a few hours ago.

- [murmuring]
- [woman] Died?

[man] Who? What? How is...

Of course, there's gonna be

a complete autopsy eventually,

but it appears
that he asphyxiated himself,

presumably while trying
to find some truth

for the big hanging scene
we're shooting tomorrow.

The asphyxiation
may also have been...

autoerotic in nature.

- [all exclaiming]
- Now, that makes sense.

We, we-- we don't know and--
and it's all very unclear.

Uh, but I think it was.

- Wow.
- Well, that was stupid.

Now, I'd like to take
a moment to speak towards

what-- what Tommy
would've wanted.

He, of course, would say,

"Let's stop filming,
can the entire movie."

- What? That's crazy.
- Yeah.

No, no, we gave it a go.
You know, we tried.

But you all know
and would agree,

Tommy was a fuckin' asshole.

- Yes.
- Well...

- Yeah, he was.
- He was a bit of an asshole.

- [all chattering]
- That's the long
and short of it.

But we're gonna
finish this movie

and we're gonna finish it
with that guy.

[all chattering]

- [man] Oh, shit.
- Oh, fuck.

[laughing]

Got no time to lose.
Can't let them
change their minds.

This is big time.
Move outta the way.
Move, move!

Stars coming through.

Hey, Latte. Welcome.
Welcome to your team.

You got me, your agent.

I'll handle all incoming calls.
I take ten percent.

Got your manager.
He'll manage affairs.

Ten percent also.
It's industry standard.

Got your business manager.

He'll manage business affairs.
Five percent.

Got your lawyer,
litigation, of course.
Five percent too.

Got your publicist,
you know him,
we'll put him on a weekly.

Stylist. Weekly, also.

We got a personal assistant.
She's hourly.

Plus, we got you an intern.

Good news is he's free.

- [whispering indistinctly]
- Really? Hmm.

Well, I guess there's a law
against that now,
so you'll have to pay him too.

[Lenny] Ah.

Ah, Latte. Who's got
your back, huh?

You know, the studio was gonna
stick you in some hotel
or apartment somewhere,

but I talked
some sense into them.

Look at this spot.

It's perfect for you,
Latte. Think about it.

You can look over the streets
you once begged on.

Latte Pronto killing it.

- [distant sirens blaring]
- [insects trilling]

[floorboards creaking]

[soft music playing]

[soft music continues]

[distant siren blaring]

[Lenny] Latte! What, are you
trying to sleep out here?

What are you looking for?
Drugs? That's no good.

Look, I can get you some
if you need it, but we can't
have that in the papers.

No, I've been
following you all night.

I was parked
outside your house,

waiting to take you
to set tomorrow,

but enough is enough, buddy.

Gosh, you gotta be
on set in two hours.
You're gonna be exhausted.

I mean, I like a good walk
as much as anybody,

but let's not make a habit
out of this, okay?

- Walking around the street?
- Walking around outside?

- The streets of LA?
- You could've been mugged.

That's insane.
Nobody walks in LA.

Have the studio
call a car for you.

- Are you serious right now?
- [overlapping]

Looking really-- it's looking
blotchy on this side.

- On this side...
- Wake up.

- Oh, my God, this is insane.
- [knock on door]

Oh, I'm sorry, are you
knocking on the door again?

- Wow, wow.
- He just got in the chair!

I need you not to rush me,
all right? Where is the wig?

[Tony] Cameras rolling.

Action.

[Christiana]
Don't leave me, Billy.

You leave me, Billy,
I swear to God,
I'll blow my brains out.

Christ. He can barely
keep his eyes open.

Just keep rolling.

Latte. Open.

Open. Eyes open.

I mean it, Bill.

What does that other girl
have on me, huh?

Is it the tobacco?
'Cause I can quit that.

[Tony] Why is he smiling?

There's nothing
in the script about smiling.

I-- I know there's nothing
in the script.

Look, he's about to leave
his wife, right?

And I can't have him
smiling! [grunts]

Latte. Latte, no.
No, no smiling.

The script says,
"Look sorrowful," so...

[producer] Just do nothing!

It doesn't say do nothing.
It actually says,
"Look sorrowful,"

- if you have the sides.
- Elaine?

- I'm just gonna...
- [Tony sighs] Oh, God...

Bill, is it my clothes?

My hair? Is it the fact
that we's cousins?

He's blinking now.

Look at... [sighs]
Look at her.

Look, look, look at her.

Her. Yeah, yeah, look at the--
the pretty dirty lady.

Yes!

Have it your way, Billy.
I hate your guts, anyway.

Now she's doing it.
Oh, Jesus Christ.

[sighs] Cut!

- [buzzer blaring]
- [Tony] Moving on.

I think we got it.

[people chattering]

Are you ready
for this next bit?

I'm gonna come at you hard, bro.
You better start stretchin'.

Stretch 'em out now.
Stretch 'em out.

[Chad grunts]

[grunts] Fuck. Ugh.

[snoring]

That's what you get.

[spits] Dumbass.

[tense dramatic music playing]

[Chad] How did that feel?

I'm gonna kill you,
Billy, you no good,
woman-stealing sack of shit.

Hmm?

- Yeah, that's it!
- More pain.

- Harder! Harder!
- More pain!

Come on, now,
get on up there.

Yeah.

Yes, yes,
it's great. Yes!

Yeah. Messin' around

- with another man's wife.
- [Tony] Excellent!

- More struggle.
- [Chad] There's rules.

There are rules to this, Billy.

- You gonna pay the price now.
- More pain!

- More pain, it hurts!
- [Chad grunting]

Nice, huh? That's nice
and tight, huh?

Yeah. Now, how that feel?

- That's it. Perfect.
- [Tony laughs]

Can I get you a coffee, sir?

Or did you wanna sit?
Let me get you a chair.

Hey, bud. How you feelin'?

Whoa, whoa, wait.
Hey, hey, hey.

Whoa, hey, hey, hey.

You were good.
You were good,
I felt the fear.

It was palpable.

Yeah, I go half method
these days, yeah. [chuckles]

Used to go full method.

But, uh, you know,
some people got hurt.

Not me.

[clears throat]

Kinda like Tommy,
you know.

Couldn't handle it.

Amazing how much
you look like him, huh?

It's like, it's
truly remarkable.

[chuckles] It's uncanny.

Can I get you guys
some chairs, or--

No, no, no.
We're good.
We're good.

Hey, I just want to tell you
that I dig what you're doing.

Really, I just think,
like, words are overrated.

You know? They're such
crutches for us as actors.

- Can I get you guys
some chairs?
- No. We're standing.

You know, Spielberg said
that you should be able
to watch a movie

with the sound off if it's...

Hey, guys.
Got those chairs for you--

Get 'em outta here.

You know, sometimes
I'll go to the movies

and I'll plug my ears. Yup.

I'll even go the extra mile
and close my eyes too.

[inhales deeply]

Yeah. You know, to really
experience something,

you have to completely
shut it out.

I did that
with my ex-wife too.

Yeah, didn't talk to her
or look at her for a month once.

She didn't get it at all.

Hey, I'm throwing
a party tonight.

You'll love it. But, uh,
I'll give you a ride.

I'm gonna go do some push-ups.
Get jacked for this one. Ah.

[clears throat]
I got your chair, Mr. Pronto.

They're ready
for you, Mr. Pronto.

[tires screeching]

[upbeat music playing]

Have some of that.

James Dean died
right over there.

[engine revving]

[Chad] Terrible tragedy.

Except I got the big brake kit
in this baby. Watch it go.

- [engine revving]
- [laughing]

Yeah, motherfucker!

Hold the wheel.
Stay straight,
stay straight.

[tires screeching]

Where the fuck is it?

- [gun clicks]
- [laughs]

- [gunshots]
- [Chad yelling]

Whoo! Yeah!

[yelling, laughing]

[sizzles]

- [glass shatters]
- What the fuck?

That was a fresh
fuckin' drink, douchebag!

Ugh, Christ.
Who the fuck does that?

This party sucks.
And this house sucks.

Hey, have any of you
seen my boyfriend?

Hello? No one? None of you
have seen Greg?

Awesome. Thanks so much
for nothing.

Where is my boyfriend?

[gasps]

- Chad, hi.
- Hey.

- Your house is so sick.
- Cool.

Got a boyfriend?

- No, Mm-mm.
- Nice.

- Hm. [giggles]
- You good? Have fun.

[Lenny] Great party, huh?

[laughing] Yes.

You lookin'
for representation?

Okay, all right.
I got my eye on you.

You ever heard
of Latte Pronto? [laughs]

- [sniffs]
- [Lenny] You will. [laughs]

Um, yeah, so, like,
I was doing, like, gluten-free,

you know what I mean, for like
a year, but that's actually,
like, bullshit,

so I pretty much
just switched up and--

[objects clattering]

Like, you know, I'm doing,
like, a raw diet now,

so it's like
back to basics.

- Like, nothing cooked?
- [sniffing]

No, no.
It's like total--

- It's total, like,
caveman style.
- [woman] Mm-hmm.

Like, you know, like going back
to before they, like, pump food

with all these sorts of
chemicals and shit and, like,

before everybody, like,
burnt out all, like,
the healthy nutrients in food

by, like, cooking everything.

[woman] Yeah, but didn't
they die at like 30 years old?

[man] That's a common
misconception.

That's a common
misconception, like--

like, there's a lot of, like,
conflicting data on that.

- Like, like...
- Oh.

- [glass shatters]
- [sniffs]

- Come on, dude.
- Seriously?

[jukebox whirring]

[man laughing on record]

♪ Wipe out ♪

["Wipe Out"
by The Surfaris playing]

♪

Probably learned that
on the streets.

Full service,
full stop. I do it all.

I get you movies, I get you TV,
I get you talk shows,

I get you social media.
I get you all the hits
and all the lights.

You know who Latte Pronto is?
Nice stripes.

- [music continues muffled]
- [water bubbling]

[water splashing]

[soft ethereal music playing]

[soft jazz music playing]

[Christiana] I don't know
why I subject myself

to Chad's dreadful parties.

They're full of nothing
but sycophants and philistines.

You're different,
though, Latte.

You're not like
most men, are you?

You have a secret past.

There's pain in your soul.
I can see it.

I was watching you
at the party.

You didn't fit in.

I saw you dance
and I loved it.

Stay.

It reminded me of the tribal
wedding challenge

of the ancient Aztec
princess's suitors.

The suitors would all dance
to impress her

and then the winner
would get her hand

and then the loser would
get fed to poisonous snakes.

You may never be able
to tell me your secrets, but...

maybe I can feel them.

Make love to me, Latte.

[glass shatters]

[drunkenly]
I'm gonna be a huge star!

Gonna be huge.

I wanna be a huge star.

[match flicks]

[soft music playing]

God, that was wonderful.

I felt so much... truth.

You have a tender heart.
I love that.

You can't find that
in a man anymore.

Hmm. Can I tell you
a secret of mine?

My real name
isn't Christiana.

It's Mildred.

Mildred Lumpshitz.

Terrible, right?
[chuckles]

I think we should
get married.

[guests clapping and cheering]

Thank you. Thank you.

- Thank you.
- Honey, over here.

- Oh, how wonderful to see you.
- Oh!

Latte Pronto!

Oh, this is a huge move
for you, Latte.

Very big. Publications
are going nuts with
a capital Z. [chuckles]

There's paparazzi everywhere.

All the talk shows,
magazine covers,
whole nine yards.

- [airplane whirring]
- [thunder cracking]

[pilot] Now, this cluster
of tropical islands

is actually made up
of over 500 separate islands.

It really is the ideal
place to honeymoon.

Is it safe to be flying?

Oh, uh, no. Normally,
I would never fly in this,

but I am such
a big fan of yours.

- [thunder cracks]
- Oh! Oh, fuck.

- [Lenny] Oh, my God!
- [jeweler] I said be cool.

- That one, that one. [giggles]
- That's a very nice choice.

- One of my favorites.
- [exclaims]

Oh, I'm gonna engrave
"Publicist",

right there along the side.

- You're gonna engrave what?
- Publicist.

- You sure about that?
- Yeah, I'm very sure.

- Fine, it's your money.
- Yes.

[dramatic quirky music playing]

We're very excited to adopt.

We just-- We have so much

and it's so important to us
to give back.

Oh, I wish we could
take them all.

[laughs]

- No.
- [Lenny] Oh, check this out.

Got myself a bracelet.
[chuckles]

Solid gold, this is.

Yeah, I had "Publicist"
engraved on it and everything.

Latte, things are looking up
for us, pal.

Up, up, up. Life is good,
my man. Whoo!

- [Christiana] Terrible.
- [kids crying]

What season is it, though?
I'd prefer not to do
any winter stuff, if possible.

Honey, let the nannies.

"Christiana and the late
Sir Bingsley is palpable,

but it is not until the role
is taken over by Mr. Pronto

that the pair truly
becomes electric.

Latte is often seen looking
directly into lens..."

"Christiana also appears
at moments to be breaking
the fourth wall as well.

Perhaps this is the most
powerful moment of all,

husband and wife
torn apart on film

and brought together in life
looking to us and saying..."

"Feel our connection."
This is huge, pal.

Plus the kids? Great move,
man. We are killing it.

- [audience applauding]
- But I said,
"Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I don't think I'm gonna fit
in your shoes."

[all laughing]

- Oh, yeah. [grunts]
- [Eddie] You wouldn't fit
in his shoes.

Okay, let's-- let's give him
a warm welcome.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Latte Pronto.

[audience cheering
and applauding]

- [Barney] I think he's stuck.
- [Eddie] He might, he might be.

- [Lenny laughs]
- [Barney] Come on. Over here.

- You might need to do
some fishing.
- Should I reel him in?

- Yeah.
- Should I get him in there?

- [Barney] Hey, oh!
- [mimics fishing reel]

[both laughing]

[Eddie] He's going
the wrong way.

[audience laughs]

- [Eddie] Oh, there we go.
There we go.
- [Barney] There we go. [laughs]

- [Eddie] It's slow going.
- [Barney] He's here.

- It's slow going.
- [both laughing]

- [Barney] I'll get the net.
- Come on. Get the net. [laughs]

- He's gonna get the net.
- [all laughing]

I'll cut the line,
I'll cut the line.

- Go!
- Snip!

[Barney] There we go.

[audience applauding]

Oh! Latte.

Latte, tell me, man,

you have got a big film
premiere tomorrow night.

You gotta dress
to the nines, do it all up.

Tell me something, buddy.
Does that make you
a little nervous?

[objects clattering]

- [all laughing]
- [upbeat percussive
music plays]

[soft dramatic music playing]

- [indistinct chatter]
- [cameras clicking]

[overlapping chatter]

Latte, what are you wearing?

And, Latte, what is
your wife wearing?

And, Latte, I saw an early
screening of the movie, Latte,

and I don't wanna give
anything away,

but I do have
one burning question.

What are you wearing?

Actually, um,

I'd like to tell you
what I'm wearing.

[soft music playing]

[indistinct chatter]

Congrats, you two.
It's a big night. Big night.

- You look beautiful.
- I'm thrilled.

This is just fantastic.

- Do I know you?
- Oh, "Do I know you?"
[chuckles]

[audience applauding]

Whoo!

Whoo!

[Billy laughing maniacally]

Now, why is it
when most folks see me,

they just see
some funny little kid?

Man, I never understand that.

I mean, hell, I don't know.

I guess people just see
what they wanna see, don't they?

[spits] Don't bother me none.

I don't pay no never mind.

Because you know what I see
when I see them?

Dead people.
[laughing maniacally]

- Oh, wow.
- [laughing maniacally]

My name's Billy!
Billy the Kid!

- [gunshots firing]
- [Lenny chuckles]

- [fireworks exploding]
- [upbeat music playing]

Fantastic stuff.
Really great work.
And from what I'm hearing,

- you were
the audience's favorite.
- Really? Really?

- I sensed it was good. Yeah.
- Oh.

- Yeah, I wanna hear specifics.
- Oh, tons of specifics.

Oh, my gosh.
I got a whole list
from the test...

Amazing. Tony, the way
you have them look
into the camera?

- Oh, thank you.
- Ah, don't you try
to take credit for that.

It was my idea. Thanks.

Christiana, it's so good.
You look amazing.

- Look at you. Oh.
- Oh, are you sure?

- I feel like my eyes
are looking old.
- No, very young eyes.

- Very young eyes.
- Mark? You have
an eye lift guy, right?

Oh, the best.

His work is just so natural.

Like, look at me...

Latte, oh, my God.

You are testing
through the roof.

People loved you.

You got in there
at the sweet spot

and you scored big.

I hate to say it,
you won this thing, pal.

We have so many things
planned for you.

- Things are already...
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who the hell are you?

Oh, I'm his junior agent.

Junior agent?

Yeah, pretty much
senior agent,

but junior right now
as a placeholder.

So, where's his senior agent?

Oh, she's with all
the top guys.

You should not go
over there.

Wait, Latte's a top guy.

Of course he's a top guy.

No, I'm not saying
he's not a top guy.

Wait, you're saying
he's not a top guy?

- [Lenny] No. No.
- Latte, that's not something

- you should stand for.
- Latte, that's not
what I'm saying,

- No, no, no. You're a top guy.
- You're a top guy.

He's putting words--
Excuse me.

Can you excuse us
for a second?

Yeah, absolutely,
I'm making a laugh, anyways.

Wow. Oh, my God,

the nerve of that guy.
It starts with this.

They get the junior agent,
they sink their claws on you

and they try to steal you
away from me

and then they dump
the whole team
starting with me.

- I am not replaceable.
- Excuse me.

- Is there a problem here, sir?
- I am not replaceable.

- Sir, calm down.
- I am not replaceable.

- I need you to calm down.
- Latte, I need
to hear you say it.

- Sir, if you can't calm down...
- Say you won't leave me.

- ...I'm gonna have to ask you--
- Sir, don't talk to me
right now.

- This is a private
conversation.
- Calm down right now,

- or I'm taking you out of here.
- I'm his publicist,

- he's the star of the movie.
- Okay,

you're out. You're done--

Stop it, no, I'm not leaving.

You're done here, let's go.

- Get your hands off of me.
- Can I get some back up?

I'm gonna get you kicked out.
Get your hands off of me!

No, I'm a somebody.
I'm a somebody!

I'm a somebody!
I'm a somebody!

I'm a somebody,
I'm not a nobody.

I'm a somebody.

I'm a somebody!

No! No!

I'm a somebody!

I'm a somebody!

No! I'm a somebody!

[Christiana] Well, I don't know
what that episode was, Latte.

[sighs] It was so selfish of you
to do that on my big night.

You caused quite the disruption.

[sighs] I can't have
negative press, you know?

Nations full
of decrepit children

depend on my pristine image.

I want you to see my shaman.

She does anger management
through spiritual journeying.

She'll put you
on a heavy herbal regiment

and clean out
some of your toxins.

You're full of toxins.

[sighs] And there's
a raw food diet

that cleanse some
of your negative energy

and just general
bad attitude.

[soft music playing]

Sorry about last night.

Oh, I can't believe
he didn't know who we were.

What a jerk.

Man, is he gonna eat crow

when my name
is in lights one day.

[sighs]

Thank God I'm a nice guy.

Thank God.

Ah.

Okay, some good news
and some bad news.

Good news first.
Did you ever hear of Lex Tanner?

- Oh!
- Okay, I'll fill you in.

Fast Racer, Fast Racer 2,

- Fast Racer Shanghai.
- [Lenny] All classics.

Okay, Latte. Cheer up, buddy.

This guy is the best in the biz,
and he's gonna be directing
Mosquito Man.

Or is it Mosquito Boy?
Doesn't matter.

It's one of the lesser-known
comics, really.

But the point is, they're
thinking if the movie hits,

they can add the character
to the Quester movies

and he wants you, bud.

[gasps] Oh!

[agent] I'm sending you
to meet him at his home
in Bel Air.

- This is huge.
- Ee! Ah!

You score in this
and home run, pal.

- Game, set, match.
- Latte Pronto,
you are killing it.

- Could you just please let me--
- Sorry.

You're killing it, pal.

[manager snoring]

- [whispering indistinctly]
- Right, the bad news.

Apparently that security guard
you punched is suing you.

I guess you tweaked
his neck or something.

[snoring continues]

[gate clanking]

[soft mysterious music playing]

- [car squeaks]
- [intern] This is the place,
Mr. Pronto.

Go ahead and hop on out.

[soft mysterious
music continues]

They told me I'm not allowed
to stay, Mr. Pronto.

[car engine starts]

[exhaust firing]

♪

[gate opens]

Greetings. Welcome
to Lex Tanner's humble abode.

Please remove your shoes
and come inside.

[shoes thudding]

Lex is known for his
great charitable deeds.

And his awesome
heroin connection.

He discovered me
at an Arby's.

Uh, the tiles
are a little hot.

Have a seat. Lex will
see you in a moment.

[soft mysterious
music continues]

[jug thuds]

[jug thuds]

[jug thuds]

[glass shatters]

[Lex chuckles] Hey!

Latte Pronto.
Oh, shit, my man.

- [chair scraping]
- Go ahead, take a seat.

Ah! Sorry to keep you
waiting like that, dude.

Was dealing with some, uh,
bank stuff, you know, just...

Anyway. Hey...

Maria! Sun!

- Yes?
- Sun!

- What?
- Sun!

Okay!

There you go. [chuckles]

Dude, I can't believe
you're here, man.

Thanks so much for coming by.

Huge fan. Huge fan.

I love the shit
you've been doing, man.

Breaking the fourth wall
and everything,

and it-- it got me thinking,

got the old wheels turning,

that, you know,
you look into the camera

with two eyes and the audience
just, you know, they love it.

They love it, right? So, what if
you had a thousand eyes?

'Cause mosquitoes got a shit ton
of eyes, you know that, right?

I mean, can you imagine
the audience's reaction

if you locked all those
fuckin' eyes on 'em?

I mean, it'd be crazy.

Their brains would explode
inside of their skulls.

It would just be like
a fuckin' lava lamp in there

when they get MRIs. [laughs]

Yeah. Hey, come on.
Lemme show you the house, right?

Maria, espressos!

Oh.

So if you have any questions,
please, fire away.

Yeah, and all this wood is real,
you know, I think so.

Oh, here, here we go.
This is it. This,
this right here?

This was a gift
from Prince Harry.

Uh, I think
it was Prince Harry.

The, you know,
the ginger one.

Yeah, it, uh-- it was
one of the original

Knights of the Round Table
sword or somethin'.

Can't really remember,
'cause I wasn't listening

when he gave it to me,
but, uh, yeah.

No, it's, uh, like one
of three in the world.

A lot of the art
in this joint is very rare.

- All has a story behind it.
- [shatters]

Uh, I mean, you could literally
take all day talking about it.

The house was built
by Orson Welles.

I had to redo most of it though.
The guy had terrible taste.

Olivia Newton-John lived here
for a short time too.

She put in the disco room.
Oh, dude,

I had the craziest
Russian chicks in here
the other day.

I mean, just insane.
Yeah, I mean,
Russians know how to party.

It's 'cause of all that snow
they got over there,
you know that, right?

Makes people insane.
Yeah, Russians love me.

Putin actually asked me
to be best man

at one of his
karate tournaments.

Whatever that means.

I actually couldn't do it.
Here, check it out.

- [door slams]
- [lock clicks]

[Lex] Wanna go ahead,
take a deep breath, relax.

[static hums on TV]

Namaste.

Focus your eyes on mine.

Three...

Two...

[whispers] One.

[camera shutter clicking]

There you go.

[Lex sighs]

- [dings]
- I'm creating a book
of celebrity photos.

You know, I feel like
the mosquito
isn't appreciated by people

because of the itchiness
of the bite.

You know? But you gotta
respect 'em, man.

I mean, they can fly around

with a tremendous amount
of blood in their noses,

which is much more than
I can say for you or me.

Hey, Maria!

- [cups clattering]
- Maria?

Yeah?

- Which belt?
- They're the same, yeah?

- Belt?
- Yeah.

- Which belt?
- Both?

Hmm, all right.
I'll try it, yeah.

Okay, I gotta get
to the bank. Maria.

Shoo, shoo, shoo!

Shoo, shoo, shoo!

Shoo, shoo, shoo,
shoo, shoo, shoo.

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo.

Shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo,
shoo, shoo, shoo, shoo...

Hop in, Mr. Pronto.
They want us out of here.

- [upbeat quirky music playing]
- [engine starts]

[exhaust firing]

Latte.

I'm going to the south
of France for a few days.

I've been invited
by Louis Ver,

the handbag designer,
to stay at his villa,

and I'm taking
the children.

I just think we need
a little breather,

given your rage episodes
and this whole lawsuit thing.

The shaman is out back
waiting for you.

- [bells jingling]
- [woman chanting gibberish]

[singsong] Look at me.
Don't look at me.

Look at me.
Don't look at me, ha!

Look at me in the face.
Don't look away.

Do look at me.

Beige banana.

Beige banana.

Do you have any bananas?

I'm hungry.

[chants indistinctly, blows air]

- [drum pounding]
- [chanting indistinctly]

- [thuds]
- Good, we're done.

I really do apologize

for getting a little bit
of wax in your eyeball.

So, today's session
will be 6,000 dollars,

and, uh, for check
writing purposes,

I know I told you my name
is Mountain Bride,

but, uh, if you could
make it out to Shelley Gube.

- We are mosquito people now.
- [laughing]

- We sure are.
- Isn't that right, Latte?

My psychic said
it was gonna happen.

I knew we were gonna
work together again.

- We are so excited.
- Have you been working out?

We're so excited.
You look so good.

You do, it looks like
you've been in the sun.

- Have you gotten sun?
You've gotten sun.
- Yeah.

I feel like--
have you been using that--

- Which line?
- Hey, boss?

I know you're waiting
on number one
to jump out of HMU,

but I want you to know
that FX is all set
and ready to pop, okay?

What the hell is this?

This is your tennis ball
cannon, okay? We're set,
we're ready to go.

I got your speed,
I got your violence,

I got your velocity,
I got all you can handle.

Okay, I thought it was
gonna be like a--

Like a handheld thing
so you can--

That's-- that's not
what I was told.

Talk to your production
designer. Watch your face.

But we're gonna be over here.
I'm on 13. You tell me
anything you need.

- All right?
- Excellent. Thank you.

You look great in that hat.

Thank you.

[metal clanking]

Oh, um...
Ugh, this is Victor.

He specializes
in monster makeup.

He'll be applying
your mosquito prosthetics,

- so good luck with that.
- [woman 1] Just hold
your breath.

- [woman 2] Wow.
- [woman 1] Hold your breath.

[woman 2] You look like
the Mosquito already.

[woman 1] It's almost on
your face. Just count to three.

[rumbling]

[tense music playing]

Oh!

Okay, let's do this.

Okay, so, uh,
here's the action.

You got tennis ball one.

That's gonna be Crow Man.

All right?
Crow Man comes at you.

Ah! You duck.

Tennis balls two and three,

those are blasts
from his bug spray cannons.

All right, they hit you.
Okay, then I need a, you know,

"Oh, shit, I'm down. Crow Man's
gonna eat me," kind of face.

And that's when you do your
eye thing right to the camera.

You ready? Here we go, folks.

And playtime.

- [ball fires]
- [ball thuds]

Okay, let's-- let's do it again.

Again, you gotta duck.
All right, buddy?

Just don't let it hit you.
Just, you know, avoid it.

- Gotta get down, big time.
- No, that's all right.

I got it, I'll direct him,
if you don't mind.

All right, this one's coming
real quick, real quick,

so get ready to duck.
All right, ready and playtime.

[ball fires, thuds]

- Playtime!
- [ball fires, thuds]

- And playtime!
- [fires, thuds]

- All right, now you hit him.
- [firing, thudding]

[Lex] More, more juice.
Come on, hit him harder!

More speed. Faster, faster!

You're likin' it now.
Right, tell your talent

- to slow down a little bit.
- Playtime!

Ugh! Cut! Nose came off, Victor.

[buzzer blaring]

- [machine whirring]
- [woman 2] You're like
cool-going.

[man] You look so good.

Okay, okay.

This is gonna get really bad.

- [saw buzzing]
- Oh, God. [laughs]

- [overlapping chatter]
- Ooh!

All right, Latte,
here's the deal.

We're gonna help you out
with the choreography now, okay?

So, uh, let's get ready.

[rope reeling]

- Here we come.
- [launcher cocks]

- And playtime.
- [ball fires]

- [ball thuds]
- [ball fires]

[firing, thudding]

And playtime. More speed.
Come on. Beautiful!

- [balls firing]
- [rope reeling]

- And cut!
- [buzzer blaring]

All right, that's a wrap
for today, everyone.

[indistinct chatter]

Latte. Energy drink?

Nope? Good news, bud.
I got you into the Sexism
magazine party. [laughs]

I think that's what it's called.
Sounds wrong now that
I'm saying out loud.

Anyway, big-time publication,
classy stuff,

and I'm pushing to get you
on the cover, but it's tough.

They normally go
for a monster set of cans.

Okay, we gotta roll, hmm?

Oh.

Let's go.

["Nights On Broadway"
by Bee Gees playing]

[speaking loudly]

[insects trilling]

- [engine revving]
- [gunshots firing]

[Chad sighs]

Oh. [clears throat]

- Oh, shit.
- [zipper zips]

- [belt jangling]
- [rat squeaking]

I just pissed on a rat.

Oh, man, I love it
down here. [inhales]

I can just see the air.

[sighing]

Parties, man,
they're so cliché.

Like words.

You want some?

[sighs]

Yeah, it's real
small batch stuff.

[clears throat]

Yeah, I made it myself.

I'm into that, yeah.

[sighs] Sustainable
indoor farming.

Oh, and gold.

Yeah, I got pockets
full of it, yeah.

Want some?

Yeah, here.

Yeah, I make rings
and bottle openers
and whatever, yeah.

Keep it, keep it.
That one's, uh...

That one's, uh...

I think that one's
a paperweight, I think. Yeah.

- [camera shutter clicks]
- [paparazzo] Chad,
Latte! Over here!

[grunts] These fuckin'
guys. Hey, man.

Hey, man,
you think I'm some--

You think I'm some
animal in the zoo

you could just take
a picture of?

- [paparazzo] Easy!
- Huh? Is that what you think?

- Get off me, man. I'll sue.
- Huh?

- What am I, just a cow
in the zoo...
- Get off me!

...you can take a picture of?

- Moo!
- Get off me, man. Get off me.

Moo!

Moo!

Moo!

- [camera shutter clicking]
- [indistinct chatter]

[officer] Okay,
now face your right.

Nope, sir, face the camera.

Nope, sir, we're not done.

[groovy music playing on radio]

[Lenny sighs]

Look, I'm not mad at you.

I get it.

[brakes squeal]

You gotta let off some stream.

You know, sow your wild oats.

But do not blow this for me!

I'm sorry. I'm not mad at you.

No, look, I'm your guy.

I got your back no matter what.

No matter what.

I'm always on your side.

So, Latte, what are you,
big time now? You a hotshot?

- Don't be a hotshot.
- Shh.

I-- I don't wanna deal
with your macho shenanigans.

Listen to me.
These outbursts,
they gotta stop.

- They gotta stop.
- Shut up.

The head of the studio,
he's coming down here

right now
to chew you out.

- This is a problem.
- This isn't good, Latte.

Just stop it.
This is not good.

They are mumbling
about replacing you.

- Are mumbling about
replacing you--
- Just shut up!

You!

Now you listen here, you...

- [whispers indistinctly]
- Latte.

All right, we can't be missing
shoot days on...

[whispers indistinctly]

...the Mosquito Man because...

- [whispers indistinctly]
- ...Boy, Mosquito Boy .

I mean, we've already spent,
uh, two million...

Two million...

- [whispers indistinctly]
- Two hundred million

fuckin' dollars!

And I'm not gonna spend
one more cent on your dumbass

macho bullshit, understand?

[tense music playing]

- [whispers indistinctly]
- What?

[whispers indistinctly]

Well, where's the fuckin' actor?

- [whispers indistinctly]
- Right.

So don't just, you know,
don't, don't--

[whispers indistinctly]

Right, don't waste
our fuckin' money!

[elevator music playing]

[clears throat]

Hey, uh, Mr. Pronto,

I just wanted
to introduce myself.

- I'm-- I'm your stand-in.
- Ah.

I stand on, you know, your marks
while they light the scenes.

It's a huge honor to meet you.

I really respect all--
all you, every--

your whole story of how
you made it, honestly.

Thank you, thank you.

- You're a real
inspiration to me.
- Yeah.

- It's so cool to be...
- Okay.

- ...in an elevator with you.
- Yeah. We get it.

[elevator bell dings]

I'm just so impressed
with your talent

and I respect the fights
you get in and stuff,

- but I--
- Will you get away?

- Yes, sir, sorry.
- Geez.

- [chuckles] Hey, there he is.
- Hey.

Good to have you back.

Excuse me.
Hey, uh, look,

I just wanna talk you through
the stunt we're doing today,

and then I'll get you
through hair and makeup
and all that shit, okay?

- Good plan.
- Hey, shut up, please.

Thank you. All right,
come with me.

Okay, so, here's the scene.

You get chased up
to this rooftop, right,

by, uh, Crow Man's
henchman, right,

because you got
the secret blood formula.

And it's inside your nose

or whatever the fuck,
I don't know. But anyway,

you've been backed into
this corner right here, right?

And-- no way out.
What's gonna happen?

For the first time,
this is when you sprout
your wings,

you jump and then you fly.

Right? Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, don't worry.

Don't worry, no stress, okay?
It's easy. All right?

All you gotta do is just go over
and let gravity do the rest.

Latte, all the top guys
do their own stunts.

- Mm-hmm. Will you
fuck off, please?
- Okay.

Yeah, thank you.
All right, here, listen.
This stuff is easy.

You know what?
We'll rehearse one.
You'll get a feel for it.

Hey, are my henchmen ready?

Okay, so, all right,
here we go. And playtime!

- [actors shouting]
- [dramatic music playing]

[weapons clanking]

[shattering]

[nurse speaking
indistinctly on PA]

[monitor beeping]

There he is.

You're lucky to be alive.

Energy drink?

No? Okay.

There's someone here
who wants to see you.

[sighs]

Latte, I can't actually see you.

I've had a little work done

and I have to wear
these bandages

for another week or so, but...

I understand you're
in terrible shape.

Well, I'm glad you're alive,
I really, truly am,

but I can't take these wild
emotional swings anymore.

You're getting arrested
and then the lawsuits,

and now this attempt
on your own life.

Well... [sighs]

There's no easy way
to say it, but...

we're getting divorced.

I'm with Chad now.

- Where is he?
- [Chad] I'm over here.

[sighs] Sorry, bro.

[Christiana] Take care, Latte.

Oh...

- [PA system beeps]
- [indistinct PA announcement]

Bummer.

Well, look on the bright side.

They finished the film
with your stand-in

and word on the street,

and I don't want you
to get too excited,

is that it's the best movie
in the history of filmmaking.

[sighs]

"One of the worst movies

in the history of filmmaking"?

"Latte Pronto's old tricks
of breaking the fourth wall

grow older than
a fossilized mosquito.

In this he sucks
more than just blood."

Okay, guys,
let's keep it going, huh?

I got you a second truck so it
wouldn't take forever. Let's go.

What the hell's
going on here?

- What are you doing?
What is that?
- Oh.

What's going on here, guys?

Hey, Latte, how you doin'?

Remember me?
I'm your business manager.

Yeah, a little bit
of bad news.

Uh, it looks like between
the shamans, the divorce,

and your expensive lifestyle
in general,

you-- you don't have any monies.

Isn't it your job
to make him money?

You from the IRS?

No, I'm an intern.

Oh, well, then the answer is no,

it's my job to make me money.

That's what a job is. [laughs]

- Nice.
- Yeah.

Do you need an intern?

[manager] I can't pay you.

[intern] Legally you'd have to.

Well, no, there's
ways around that.

You got a lot to learn, kid.

You want the job or what, eh?

- Sure.
- Ah, good move.

You're gonna do
very well in this town.

Now, go get me a coffee
and keep the receipt, okay?

[intern] Oh, no problem.

Take care, Mr. Pronto.

Latte, things turn around
for you, you gimme a call, okay?

I'm your guy.

[Lenny] I think it's time
we popped in on your agent

and let her know you're ready
to get back in the game.

And there's nothing to panic
about here, pal.

You're still an A-list guy,
so let's keep
our heads up, right?

Hi, I'm here with Latte Pronto
to see his agent.

Oh, I'm sorry.
She's in a meeting.

We can wait.

Well, she has a lot
of meetings today.

How can you-- How do you know?
What is-- You know what?

You can't do this.
I'm here with Latte Pronto.

- Uh-huh?
- Do you know who he is?

He's an A-list guy.

- Uh-huh, right.
- No, he's an--

- He's an A-list guy!
- Right.

You can't do this,
and you know what?

I need to talk to your--
No, I don't-- We're going in.

Hey, you can't go back there!

- [door slams]
- What the hell is going on?

This some kind of power play?
Latte Pronto is an A-list guy.

He's an A-list
and he wants to work,

so let's get cracking--
Wait, what is this?

Look, I would love
to help you guys,

but between the fighting
and the ODs,

and most importantly,
the bad movie,
the phone's just not ringing.

What-- You put him
in that movie.

What do you want me to say?
The phone... is not... ringing.

What the-- [grumbles]

Well, then call somebody.

Look, why don't you just lay low
for a little while?

I'll call you
if something comes up.

Right now, there's just
nothing happening.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm in the middle of a meeting.

You remember
your stand-in, right?

Is this has-been
gonna take up all my time?

Get the hell outta here, man.
You make me sick.

You make me sick!
You're why Mosquito Boy sucked.

You know what?
We don't need you guys.

I'll get Latte a gig myself.
You're fired!

[soft mysterious music playing]

Come this way.

Just down here.

[people shouting indistinctly]

- This one's mine.
- [distant siren wailing]

I'm sorry, this place
is a bit of a mess.

Just all about work these days.

Also, if I'm being
completely honest, I...

I haven't made much money.

You're my first real client.

I'm from a small town
in Northern Canada.

[voice breaking]
I don't really have
anyone back there.

Or here, for that matter.

Except you.

I'm so grateful to you.

[sniffles] You have no idea.

I wouldn't be here
if it wasn't for you. [sniffles]

Let me finish. [sniffles]

Don't worry, pal.
I'll get us back on top.

It's just baby steps.
It's just baby steps. [mumbles]

I'll get you in front
of that camera where you belong.

'Cause it only takes
one good gig.

- [suspenseful music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]

[soda can hisses open]

[sighs] Okay,

they're reducing
the offer by half,

but they'll let you
keep the mask.

I know I used your celebrity
to get the gig,

but I'm starting to think
it's for the best

that you stay anonymous.

Are you sure you don't need
an energy drink? Mm.

Remember, it's not porn,
it's erotica,

so just be yourself
and try to have fun.

[woman grunts, sniffles]

Well, I can't afford
the rent, Mr. Landlord.

But I'm sure there are some
other ways I can pay you.

[chuckles]

Come on, big boy.

Let's see what we're
workin' with here.

- Huh? Huh?
- [bed squeaking]

Here. Here.

What the fuck, Lance?
What is this?

[director groans]

Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
You like that, baby?

You like watching your wife
fuck the landlord

'cause your limp dick
can't pay the fucking rent?

Okay. That was not
a great idea.

Erotica, my ass.
That was definitely pornography.

We should have tried to book
a sitcom or a commercial.

No, we went too far, too fast.

Okay, wait, wait, wait.
Wait a second. Wait a second.

Did they see your penis?

Oh, I can see the papers now.

Oh, it's the only thing
in showbiz

you can't get away with.

They'll crucify you!
We'll be ruined!

Mm, mm, mm.

Okay. Okay, we can put
a good spin on this.

No, no. Ah, there's, uh...

I just gotta--

Oh, God.

- [thuds]
- [can clattering]

[machine beeping]

Excuse me, Mr. Pronto?

Could I speak to you
in the hall, please?

So, there's no easy way
of saying this.

Could I take a selfie?

For my wife, really.
She's a big fan!

This one is stable.
I'll move him down to three.

I got a dead John Doe here.

Take him down to cremation.
I'll start the paperwork.

- Oh, this is great.
- [camera clicking]

Oh, this is perfect!

Sorry it's so many.

Maybe funny faces this time.

Mosquito Boy sucked!

Sorry about that.

Let's take a couple
more pictures. Carol, come here!

My wife's gonna love this.

My whole family's
gonna love this. [laughs]

Oh. Were you with the patient?

I'm afraid he passed.

We just sent him down
to cremation.

I'm so sorry.
You missed his final moments.

[machine beeping]

[soft emotional music playing]

Hello, is anyone there?

How are you feeling?

Alive. That's good, I guess.

That's everything.

Is there anyone here for me?

Hmm, there was a man,
but he left.

He didn't come back.

Hmm... That makes sense.

I did him wrong, really.

I never should have
pushed him that hard.

What was I thinking?

Erotic films?

I lost my mind.

I don't always see
the big picture.

I need to be more observant
to the needs of others
around me.

[sighs tearfully]

I mean, you get that.

That's what you do
all day, right?

Oh, she's gone.

[quirky music playing]

I'm sorry about the epitaph.

It was the only urn
I had available
in your price range.

On another note,
I'm a huge fan
of all your movies.

The big ones
and the little ones.

Catch my drift?
[clicks tongue]

[emotional music playing]

- [Lenny] Hey, Don.
- [Don on phone] Who's this?

Oh, it's Lenny.

- [Don] Who?
- Lenny.

What-- what number is this?

Oh, it's a new number. New cell.

No! I told you not to call me.

From that number.
Yeah, but this is a new number.

- Don't call me
from any number!
- Okay.

I don't wanna talk
to you anymore, Lenny!

- [Lenny] It's solid gold.
- I can see that,

but you engraved
that stupid saying on it

- and nobody is gonna
want it now.
- [grumbling]

Fine. I'll take anything.

- Nope, it's worthless.
- Please.

Buddy, it is worthless to me.

Have some compassion.

- It's worthless.
- I'm on my last legs.

- No!
- I...

[somber music playing]

[helicopter passing overhead]

[car horn honks]

[somber music continues]

Keep in touch.

[somber music continues]

Latte, where are you, buddy?

Latte?

Latte...

Latte...

[crackling]

[man] Pronto, wake up.

Pronto, wake up!
Wake up, Pronto!

It's me, the Dagger.

You're not safe here.

Come with me. Come on.

[dogs barking]

They watching us, man.
They always watching.

[train horn blaring]

Come on, this way.

[quirky music playing]

There.

Welcome to my hideout.

The trains disrupt
the government frequencies.

They can't listen to us here.

We can speak freely.

Now, I know you think
what's been happening
to your career

is accidental, or fate even.

But I'm telling you,
everything is by design.

Climb a little too high

and they'll take you
down eventually.

It keeps happening.

Bruce Lee, dead.

Brandon Lee, dead.

George Lopez?
Where the hell is he?

Is he in that urn
you're holding?

Inch by inch, they'll try
to erase you from the record.

I should know.

It happened to me.

I was Kyle Tyson.

The biggest box office star
in the world.

Millions of fans,
with a seven-picture deal.

But I must have climbed
a little too high.

But you know what?
The joke's on them, man.

Because I had the realization.

They can take away the movies,
and the cars, and the women,

but they can't take away
the Dagger

because I am the Dagger!

And you're the Mosquito.

And I can prove it.

[quirky music playing]

See all these cars rushing
here and there to work?

Watch this.

By Zeus's sword,

I summon the power
of invisibility!

[truck honks]

[cars honking]

[tires screeching]

Look, they don't even see us.
They're riding right past.

[cars continue honking]

You hungry?

Watch this.

By Odin's hammer,
freeze these insubordinates!

[mysterious music playing]

[quirky music playing]

You want a bite?

You see? Look at that.

That's you.

Yeah, the Mosquito.

It's in the universe.

And what's this?

"When emotions get in the way
of your cons.

Christiana Dior and Chad Luxt
are Emoticons."

That look like shit, right?

Oh...

Hell, man.

See you later, Lopez.

Vaya con dios.

[emotional music playing]

Let's send him off here.

[birds squawking]

Lopez, you made us laugh,
you made us cry.

Travel now down the River Styx.

May Zuul meet you
at the smoky gates

with the power
of a thousand daggers.

[birds squawking]

Damn, man.

My bad.

[coughing]

[choking, coughing]

Good thing you were here.
You saved that guy's life.

Wait.

Are you Latte Pronto?

Oh. [chuckles excitedly]

Oh, my God, Alvie!
It's Latte Pronto!

Latte Pronto. Huh?

[laughs]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[sighs] Look, Lenny,
you're just not on the list.

But you know me by now, Gandhi.

Yeah, but that doesn't put you
on the list.

But you're not even looking
at the list.

'Cause I know you're not on it.

Look, I'm sorry, you're right.
Anything we can work out?

[sighs]

Hey, did you hear about Latte?

No. You know something
about Latte?

They're giving him a key
to the city. [chuckles]

Some guys got all the luck, huh?

[mayor on TV]
In honor of his courage

and sense of civic duty
toward his fellow man,

no matter what their
place in society,

- it is with great pride...
- Wow.

...that I present Mr.
Pronto with this,

the key to the city
of Los Angeles.

[crowd cheering and applauding]

Now, don't try to get in
the City Hall with that.

It's purely symbolic.

- [chuckles]
- [crowd laughs]

But all jokes aside,

I'd like to talk to you
in earnest about
running for office.

Let's grab lunch, huh?

I've had a good run.

But nobody wants
to be mayor forever.

If you're not moving up
in this world,

you're moving out, or over.

[chuckles] Or whatever
the expression is.

That's why I'm gonna take a run
at the Senate. [chuckles]

Now, I'm gonna need somebody
to fill my shoes.

Somebody who's gonna
endorse me, of course.

And someone
who the people will love.

And that's where you come in.

Well, people love
a comeback story.

If you can pretend to be
a person in the movies,

you can pretend to be
a person in life.

- [footsteps approaching]
- [woman] Sorry, I'm late.

Did some quick polling.
They love him.

They absolutely love him.

- Ah.
- I've always been able
to pick a winner.

Well, speaking of winners,
Latte, this is Terry.

[Terry] We have a lot to do.

His image is fine,

but we have to figure out
what platform he'll run on.

Oh, that's easy.
He's for the people.

Well, every candidate
is for the people.

That's why it works. [chuckles]

No. The people
are ready for change.

How about, um...

Freeing America
from its corporate grip?

He's the anti-big
business candidate.

The-- the corporation killer.

I like that.

And, yes, he is for the fucking
people too, for Christ's sake.

[both laughing]

[quirky music playing]

We'll be in touch, Latte.

You're gonna be great, Latte.

But I'm gonna need this back.

They're just for show.

Get in.

[suspenseful music playing]

[elevator bell dings]

[elevator bell dings]

[elevator bell dinging]

[dinging stops, door opens]

[suspenseful music continues]

[man groaning]

[Ed] I'm afraid my brother
is under the weather,
Mr. Pronto.

So, I will be speaking
on his behalf.

You're a man of few words.

It is very hard to trust
a man of few words.

It is hard to know
where he stands.

So when he is selected,
and believe me,

all men in your position
are selected,

it is very disconcerting
to discover that suddenly,

he is a man with an agenda.

He has traded in
his cape for a cause.

He is a "corporation killer."

"Anti-big business."

He's for the people.

Some dissent is good.

You must allow some dissent.

But is that what
"the people" want...

Mr. Pronto?

What do you know
of the people, hmm?

For the people
are bloodthirsty, Mr. Pronto.

They sit in the dark
and sip syrupy sodas

like the blood of their enemies

while they watched
hyper-realized versions
of themselves

kill and kill
and kill some more.

And do you know why?

Because it makes them forget.

It makes them
stop asking questions.

Because we want
to ask the questions.

Such as...

Who are you really,
Latte Pronto?

Where do you come from?

What do you want, really?

Our little birdies
couldn't find a thing on you,

and we find that
most disturbing.

Most disturbing, indeed.

However, I do not need
to know your true identity.

I don't need to know
your past history

to know what it is
that you really want,

because it is what I want.

It is what all men want.

That is why we crave fame,
and power and money.

For what you want,
what I want,

and what all men want

is the unimpeded expulsion
of our jism!

[Don Cote groaning]

And when you seek to destroy

another man's fame,
or wealth, or power,

you seek to eliminate
the very tools

he has amassed to ensure
that expulsion!

[bangs table]

My brother and I
will not be robbed

of our ability to expel!

We will not have the flow
of our natural desires
plugged up!

Our fluid will not be forced
to retreat inward!

So help me God!

[Don Cote yelling]

[dramatic music plays]

Latte! My man.
It's good to have you back!

You're a hero.
Everybody loves a hero!

Key to the city? Come on!

And great news.

Despite being a colossal
critical failure,

Mosquito Boy
did rather well overseas.

I guess, uh, mosquitoes
are kind of a global irritant,

so people could relate.

I just feel like,
at this point,

you need someone
that gets you.

"I get Latte."
You know?

And the first step--
'cause you and I
are gonna do big things.

So the first step for that
is you gotta cut the rest
of the team loose.

Cut ties. You and me
are now doing big things.

We are out there.
We are scared.

We don't have a plan,
so we're thinking on our feet.

We're on our backs,
thinking on our feet.

We don't know what these
big opportunities are.

We just know that
we have to get them.

And that-- that's what's
so exciting about being--

being a young performer
at this time.

Like, Latte, we want
big things together.

What are you doing
up there, bud?

Bud, we want big things,
not this.

Bud? Hey, excuse me, bud?
Bud, what are you doing, Latte?

Latte! Can't have
you there! Latte!

Latte!

Latte!

Latte! Latte!

[emotional music playing]

[emotional music continues]

[client] Look, you gotta
take him back.

Come on, you know you love him.

You know you need him.
He's got what it takes.

Give us another shot.

Please.

- I thought you didn't need me.
- Oh, but I do.

I do. And I'm willing to change.
Big time, right?

Yeah. I want
the Latte Pronto treatment.

Latte Pronto...
[chuckles softly]

I don't know.

Fame, fortune,
do they matter?

You really wanna be somebody,

I'd say find someone
who really cares about you.

That's what really matters.

[emotional music continues]

Jumpin' Jesus.

Latte!

Latte, wait!

Latte!

Latte! Latte!

Latte, wait!

[bright orchestral
music playing]

Latte!

Latte!

Latte.

Latte.

Latte.

Latte.

[panting] Latte, please.
Just let me say one thing.

I'm sorry. [exhales]

I did you wrong.
I see that now.

If there's something
you need to tell me,

then just say it.

Say it.

I can handle it. I can change.
Just let me have it.

Help me become
the better version of myself.

Got it. Silent treatment.
That's fair.

You probably hate my guts.

But listen,
for what it's worth,

I don't care about the work.

I just miss you.

I just miss you.

'Cause I really love you, pal.

I mean it.

I... love you too.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you. [sobs]

Thank you.

[laughing]

What's this? For me?

[chuckles]

Is this for real, pal?
[chuckles] It's just...

What am I looking
at here? Is this...

Could be real. Yeah...

It could be a bunch
of fool's gold.

You know?

You know what?

Forget it. We got each other.

You hungry? Come on,
let's grab a bite to eat.

[soft music playing]

[music ends]