Original subtitles

Cor.

Your tickets for tomorrow, sir, madam — 8:45.

Thank you very much.

Cor. Is that the right time?

Don't go breathing all over it.

Astonishingly heavy, if I may say so.

Eh?

I say, it's astonishingly heavy for a cake.

Well, you'd be heavy if you was

as full of fruit as that cake.

Indigestion mixture.

- Thank you, Merriman. - All right, mum...

You old misery.

I'll tell Mrs. Trotter you're here, madam.

Trotter?

Fancy her marrying a bloke with that moniker.

Who's taking my name in vain?

Oh, hello mum, dad.

MUM: Here we are, then.

You've tarted yourself up a bit.

Happy birthday, dad.

Thanks, dear.

Who's this, then?

MUM: Surprise!

LOUISA: No, it's not, is it?

DAD: It is.

No, it can't be.

Not our Arthur?

Who else, my dear?

Good Gordon Highlanders!

That's just what I said,

just what I said. Wasn't it, Ern?

You ain't half grown.

Time and tide wait for no man.

Well, give us a kiss, girl.

Come here.

Cor blimey.

Oh, sweaty kisses. Yeah, that's just like the old times.

Yeah, come on through to my room.

You lead the way, dad.

Gawd strewth. What a surprise!

Aw, full of surprises, girl.

Here, Merriman, we're going to want an extra place, if you please.

So, when did you arrive, then?

I docked two days ago.

Then straight home to mum and dad like the good boy I am.

Birthday surprise for the old man, eh?

No one told me.

A surprise, Louisa.

Oh, you ain't half filled out, Louisa.

You're quite a woman.

What about you?

You was a skinny little thing

when you went off.

Blooming, eh? Like a peachy rose.

Or is it all out of a box?

No, it's all your own.

Of course it's all me own.

And the figure, too?

That'll do, Arthur.

You're making her blush.

What do you think then, dad?

For me?

Yeah, of course it's for you.

- You made it? - I made it.

- Especially for me? - Well, it's your birthday, isn't it?

I never had a cake for me birthday before.

Does it chime?

Oh, sit down.

Make yourself comfy.

I hope you don't mind

us bringing Arthur, Louisa.

Well, I'd have been pretty angry if you hadn't.

ARTHUR: I was coming over straightaway,

soon as they told me where you were.

But I said, "No — Don't go rushing over there."

I said "Let's all go together."

I said, "She's invited us for Ern's birthday."

I said, "Let's all go then, make it a double celebration."

Well, let's get on with it then, shall we?

Shall I open the rum ration, Lou?

Oh, yeah, you do that, ta.

There you are, dad.

You needn't have gone to all this trouble.

It's no trouble. I enjoyed making it.

I shall enjoy seeing you eat it and all.

Here you are.

How about a sandwich for starters.

Ta, dear.

Here you are, mum.

Oh, isn't that lovely?

Thank you, Merriman.

Something fishy, is it?

Salmon, yeah. That's dad's favorite.

Well, I thought we'd seen the last of you.

The bad penny, girl.

Oh, you could have knocked me down with a feather.

There we was, sitting by the fire,

Ern snoring, me listening to him,

like I always do every evening.

When all of a sudden there was this knock on the back door.

And then the kitchen door opens

and he pokes his head round.

Oh, I gave a scream, I don't mind telling you.

And then he winks at me, and he says,

"No need to kill the fatted calf.

A nice souse herring will do me fine."

Oh, well, I laughed and I screamed.

And then Ern woke up

and he just sat there, of course,

saying, "It can't be, it can't be,"

Over and over.

And then Arthur fills himself

a glass of Ern's beer and says,

"Here's mud in your eye."

Always a joke. Just like him.

Laughing since the day he was born.

Takes after me, of course.

Don't think I've heard a joke

pass your father's lips in all our married life.

The old man.

Dad.

And a bad penny.

Oh, yeah, I'll drink to that.

She's done very well.

Ain't she, Art?

I don't know yet, do i?

I mean, it all looks all right.

Oh, she's moved up in the world.

I mean, his majesty had his way with her...

- That'll do, mum. - When he was prince, of course.

LOUISA: Mum! She's talking through her hat.

I'm not.

So, what brought you home again?

Yearning for the old faces, as you might say.

They pall after a while, don't they?

Foreign parts... They pall.

Your very good health, dad.

Oh, um, well, it hasn't been too good lately.

Oh, stop it, Ern. You're wearing me out.

He's getting on, that's all.

He thinks he can stay young forever.

When do we cut the cake?

When dad's ready.

I never had no cake for me birthday.

Well, you wasn't 60, was you?

60 is a big step in life.

Have another sandwich, dad.

You all right, then?

MUM: He's been complaining for weeks.

Aches and pains everywhere.

What's the matter?

Making the most of his age, I reckon.

Ain't you well?

Oh, it's just old bones, you know...

Feeling tired all the time.

I ain't looked at a clock in weeks.

Well, you got a right one to look at now, eh?

And you can eat it and all...great big slice.

That'll put the life back in you.

Yeah, you'll be ticking over nicely

after a bit of that there.

Making me choke.

Here you are, then, dad.

You come and cut the cake, then, eh?

On your feet, man.

Not the first clock

you've taken to pieces, soldier.

There you are.

It's a shame to spoil it.

Cut it, man.

Oh, go on, Arthur, show him how.

Give the bride a helping hand, eh?

Hey, you're not in camp now.

This is a lady's parlor.

And a very nice one, too.

In you go, soldier, 11 o'clock.

Here, give me that knife.

Yeah?

Excuse me, madam.

Hang on a mo.

Are we going to get this cake or not?

I finished the curtains for room 8.

Now, would you like me to start

marking up the new pillowcases,

or would you rather I concentrated

on the ironing?

Ask Mary, Mrs. Davies, that's her department.

It's her afternoon off, madam.

Oh, well, do the ironing, then.

Do you think that's a good idea?

I mean, we'll need the pillowcases tomorrow,

when we start changing the beds for room 10.

Then do the blooming pillowcases.

Use your loaf, for God's sake.

Well, I wouldn't want to do the wrong thing, madam.

Oh, and Lord Monkford is waiting for his bags

to be brought down and no one to fetch them

except me, and I can't be expected to carry...

Where the merry hell is Starr?

Calling a cab for Mrs. Brown, number 10.

Then ask Merriman.

Oh, I don't think Mr. Merriman's fit

to go lumping luggage down all those stairs, ma'am.

Mrs. Davies, it is not your place

to say who is fit and who is not fit.

You tell Merriman,

and then you get back to your pillowcases.

Just trying to be helpful, Mrs. Trotter...

ART: I'm fit, Mrs. Trotter.

You?

Yes, you show me the suitcases, lady.

I'll soon shift them.

Just a minute.

Let the boy help, Louisa.

LOUISA: Boy?

He's itching to be useful.

Yeah, look at that.

Desperate for exercise, look at that.

Yes, very nice, I'm sure, yes.

I remember my cousin Rachel.

Did she have muscles like that?

Oh, dear me, no. But her second husband...

Show Mr. Leyton the way, Mrs. Davies.

Yes, madam. This way, sir.

Quite a card, ain't he?

This gentleman will see to your bags, Lord Monkford.

Splendid.

I'll take you up to the room, Mr. Leyton.

Ta.

A relative, Mr. Leyton?

Her brother.

Hey, hey, what's this, then?

An assignation?

I'm just taking Mr. Leyton up

for his lordship's bags.

Mr. Leyton? Mr. Starr's...

Mr. Starr is busy, and you can't be everywhere.

Besides, those bags are too much for you on your own.

It won't be long, sir. Sorry you've had to wait.

Yes.

STARR: Cab's here, madam.

You're in plenty of time.

MERRIMAN: Not a word to me, of course.

Not a word.

Women should be kept below stairs.

Look at the state of this place!

Mrs. Davies seems to think it's her object and privilege in life

to fill my dispense with her sewing and ironing.

She should be hidden away in some small room.

What, may I ask, do you think you're up to, my girl?

VIOLET: Number 8 wanting a drop of brandy to their tea.

Barbarians. Jumped-up middle class.

Here, give me that, girl.

This is my job.

I can manage a few glasses and a bottle of brandy

if I can't manage a suitcase.

Not that I want to manage a suitcase.

That is definitely not my job.

I don't care to be told by some fool of a woman

that I'm senile.

Stop moaning, Mr. Merriman.

I'd be glad for someone to do my work.

I'm run off me feet what with Mary's day off

and Mrs. Trotter sacking that new girl.

It's terrible in the kitchen.

Mrs. Cochrane is getting worse than you for grumbling.

Eh?

Says she's only got one pair of hands.

Well, so have I, but I have to pretend I've 4.

Mrs. Trotter's on me heels.

STARR: I see we've got a new porter.

Impossible creature.

Is he?

Mrs. Davies...

though he runs a close second...

Grinning like an ape into people's faces.

But Mrs. Davies should be put down...

Bossing people about.

She's only trying to help.

I rather like her myself.

Always got a kind word for Fred.

[ring] Number 8 for their brandy.

All right, all right. I'm not deaf.

I can hear a bell, I hope.

Oh, my God...

Mr. Starr, Lord Monkford would like a cab calling...

Oh, there's my lovely boy, then.

A bit of chocolate.

Oh, Bessie Boy.

ARTHUR: Oy! Careful there.

Shan't be a jiffy, my lord.

Thank you.

A cab, my lord?

It is being attended to, thank you.

A cab awaits, my lord.

A very lucky capture, as you might say.

I'll see to them, mate.

ART: There you are, my lord.

Ah, God bless you. Thank you.

Ha! Ha!

There you are.

It's yours by rights.

I'm only here for the day.

[dog growls]

Oh, fox terrier.

Snappy little things, ain't they?

I prefer a big dog myself.

Right, where's my cake?

I do a heavy day's work running your hotel for you.

I deserve a piece of cake.

It's on your plate.

You got some terrible old crocks

working for you, Louisa.

That old bloke looks as if he'd fall apart

if you breathed on him.

Oh, he's all right. He's strong as a horse.

Bag of bleeding bones.

Arthur, ladies present.

Mind you, he doesn't exactly

fill me with confidence.

I wouldn't trust him with nothing of mine.

Well, you're not likely to have to, are you, mum?

No need to snap me head off, is there?

Anyhow, you could do with a man

like Arthur round the place.

Could I?

He'd keep things moving for you.

Well, I'm not exactly standing still.

Arthur's looking for a job.

Mum, I make my own arrangements.

I don't need nobody to find a job for me.

- I was only trying... - Trying to help, I know.

Just keep your nose out of my affairs. All right?

You've changed.

Of course I've changed.

10 years is not to be sneezed at.

Of course I changed.

Or have you?

I mean, butter wouldn't melt in your mouth,

as I remember.

Cake does that.

Mum's little darling, you was.

Oh, he was.

He was a lovely baby.

Little fat feet, ringlets.

Remember, Ern?

Like a little angel he was.

Aw, come on, mum.

Oh, he was! Wasn't he, Ern? Little dimpled hands.

I always used to say you should have been a girl.

Eh?

Well, I was only saying how lovely you was.

I mean, Louisa couldn't have been

less like a girl.

You're getting in deep water, mum.

No, it's true.

You was always tearing your skirts.

Oh, shut up, mum.

Yeah, drink up, mum. Give yourself a treat.

[laughing]

Blowing up cold just now.

I thought it might.

I brought my big coat in case.

Finished the pillowcases?

Oh, yes, and the ironing.

Oh, you've done well, auntie.

Done well?

This room's been like a madhouse today,

sewing and ironing!

She should be in the laundry room

out of sight.

GWYNETH: The laundry room?

With my bad chest and all that damp?

Besides, Mrs. Trotter said to use the dispense.

Oh, she had her family here today, Mary.

Oh, yes, her father's birthday, wasn't it?

Oh, lovely cake she made,

though I'd have preferred sponge.

Fruit cake is a bit heavy for birthdays, I always say.

And my goodness... 3 bottles of champagne.

Mind you, her brother was here,

and he's a big man.

I didn't know she had a brother.

Oh, she has a brother, all right.

Do you think I ought to make a pot for Mrs. Trotter?

Yes.

Have you met her mother?

Yes.

Like a serpent, don't you think?

Oh, auntie.

Oh, no, I'm not being nasty, just...

Getting carried away.

[door opens]

Brought you some tea, ma'am.

Oh, thank you, Mary.

You have a nice day, then?

Yes, I did some shopping.

Bought some stuff for a new dress.

Auntie Gwyneth is going to make it.

Mary, what do you think of Merriman these days?

What I always think.

Do you think he's past it?

Oh, no, he'll go on forever.

He's one of those that's always tired,

but never stops.

Strong old man he is, like my granddad.

He was driving his pony to market till...

Yeah, yeah.

We're shorthanded, aren't we?

Yes.

We could do with somebody in the kitchen to help with the veg,

but most of all we need a strong man

about the place to help lug coal and stuff.

I mean, I don't mind once in a while,

but Violet can't manage it all.

I mean, we're getting like prizefighters. Look at that!

Don't do that!

- Well, I was...

Yeah, yeah. All right, all right.

Mr. Starr won't soil his hands, you see.

"Got to be clean on the door," he says... and quite right.

But we've got to be clean, too.

Yeah, all right, Mary.

And a parlormaid would be a help.

Thank you, Mary.

Ma'am.

[Arthur whistling]

[clicks tongue]

Nonsensical... Childish...

No sense of humor, that old bloke.

No sense of humor at all, has he?

Here, let me help you with that.

Good morning, Starr.

Madam.

Good.

Mary!

Ma'am?

Go and help Mrs. Brown.

She's having hysterics over a mix-up with her button boots.

She got the wrong ones back from cleaning.

Place the coal carefully.

I've done up fires before, you know.

Have you, my dear?

Here, I haven't engaged you yet, have i?

No, you haven't.

That will do, Violet. The fire's all right.

Yes, ma'am.

Got your message.

Yeah, well, I'll be frank with you, Arthur.

I don't like the idea of employing family.

Employed?

Now let's not beat about the bush.

That's what it would amount to.

Shorthanded, you say?

Very.

Plenty of people out of work.

Not the kind I want.

You particular?

Of course. This ain't just an hotel.

- Uh-ho! - It's not what you think.

I run this as home from home for my guests.

Oh, right.

I run a business. You want a job.

I could do with a strong man

to help with carrying and so on.

One with a bit of intelligence and clean,

one who might move up

and learn the ropes,

and you seem to fill the bill.

So, what about it?

Yeah, well...

And if you don't like the idea,

you can say so and go.

Mum said you was a tough customer.

I am.

It's a cushy sort of billet.

For the right sort of man.

And all found, of course.

All found.

Only not my usual sort of stamping ground,

as you might say.

You couldn't come here

making yourself comfortable.

You'd have a job of work to do,

and I'd expect you to do it.

I quite like a girl with spirit.

I'm not a girl. I'm a woman.

All present and correct, ma'am!

I'll do it for you.

Out of the goodness of my heart, I'll do it.

Thank you...here!

Who's doing who a favor?

Sharp, eh?

I'm every bit as sharp as you.

There's nothing you can teach me.

Oh, I don't know.

I think there's quite a lot of things I could teach you, Louisa.

- Quite a lot. - Oh yeah?

Yeah.

But I doubt very much if I will.

A bit of a bleeding mystery, aren't you?

You're a nice sort of girl.

Woman.

I always liked you.

Ta.

Tough...but nice.

Yeah...

One thing though,

I'll work for you, but I'm nobody's bleedin' skivvy, see.

We don't have no skivvies here.

Right.

We all do a job of work

as well and as cheerfully as we can.

I don't ask anyone to do anything

I wouldn't do meself.

And the customer comes first, of course.

Of course.

What are you hiding?

Nothing.

I've got nothing to hide, dearie, except myself.

Oh, come off it, Art, no riddles.

Look. I done nothing bad or wrong

that might creep up on me sudden like,

so put your little mind at rest.

What about me wages?

15 bob a week.

And all found?

Like I said.

When do I start?

Tomorrow morning, 6:00 sharp.

And no preferential treatment.

What a sergeant major you'd make.

Want a cup of tea to clinch it?

Yeah, why not.

Here, do you remember when we was kids?

We stole mum's bottle of Port,

and you went singing off down the street

saying you was going to...

Join the opera.

Those were the days, weren't they?

Yeah.

No, we had some fun, but they was blooming awful.

They wasn't bad.

Oh, you were all right.

Me?

Well, you was a boy, you could do things.

What things?

Well, anything you wanted.

Be a watch mender like dad?

Better than me skivvying away

in some bleeding dog's kitchen.

Here, half a mo.

Well, you got away, didn't you?

You joined the army.

I had to get away.

Well, I couldn't, could I?

You got away, dearie.

You got away further than me, didn't you?

[knock on door]

[door opens]

We'll have a pot of tea, Merriman.

Very good, ma'am.

And tell Starr I want him.

Yes, ma'am.

Ha! Ha! Look at that.

What's biting him?

He's a bit decrepit, eh?

Oh, he's all right.

He's the sort that goes on forever.

Now, look, Art, I run a business,

and I can't be messed about.

Well, don't you mess me about.

I'll play you fair and square, Louisa,

according to me lights.

That's what worries me.

I don't know what they are, do I?

No.

What you been doing since you left the army?

Oh, a bit of this, bit of that.

Coal heaving, coal mining.

Prizefighting once.

Seeing the world, as you might say.

[door opens]

Oh. Starr, this is Mr. Leyton.

He's going to join us for a while...

Help with carrying and so on.

He'll be starting tomorrow,

so you can show him around when he leaves now.

He'll help with coal and fires,

and then change and help with portering.

And the boots?

Boots?

If you remember, we have no boot boy at the moment.

Will Mr. Leyton be cleaning the boots?

Oh, yeah, Arthur, you'll be doing the boots.

Mr. Leyton's duties will include boot boy.

Thank you, Starr. That will be all.

I'll send Mr. Leyton out shortly.

Old lag?

LOUISA: Old soldier, isn't he?

ARTHUR: Tell them a mile off.

How long was you in the army?

Long enough.

You never wrote.

No, nothing to write about.

Oh, thank you, Merriman.

I'll see to that.

[Arthur laughs]

Ta.

My God.

[door closes]

Listen, this is the last time

I entertain you in my parlor.

Unless I call in my private capacity?

And you don't do that

while you're working here as dogsbody.

Here, suppose I rise to be maître d'hôtel or something?

There's no such thing here.

Can you cook?

I can make a drop of tea over a campfire

in a howling blizzard.

Oh, cor blimey.

[humming]

She's taking him on.

He starts tomorrow.

- Who? - That brother.

What? That lovely strong man?

Do you like him?

Oh, I don't know.

Fred don't like him.

He don't like him at all.

In all the time Fred has lived with me,

I've never known him to take such an instant dislike

to any man nor beast.

Never.

And Fred's never wrong.

You look all creepy.

He's the creepy one.

He's Mrs. Trotter's brother.

You shouldn't talk like that about him.

Well, she shouldn't take him on here.

You mark my words, Mary.

He'll be treading all over us in no time at all.

I've met his sort in the army.

Sergeant before you can say Jack Robinson.

Sweet as pie to the officers,

and bloody hell to the other poor buggers.

Mr. Starr.

I beg your pardon.

Fred got carried away.

But he don't like him, Mary.

He don't like him at all.

[Arthur whistling]

Oy, laughing boy,

where's Lord Starr?

Oy, I'm talking to you, laughing boy...you deaf?

I heard you address someone,

but my name happens to be Mr. Merriman.

Oh, well, very sorry.

Hey, where you been, my lord?

The parties in number 10 want a cab called.

I sent word with Violet.

I am about to call a cab.

You are a bit slow off the mark, ain't you?

That's no way to do your job,

malingering in the servant's hall.

There's a cab just coming, sir.

Oh, thank you.

Righto.

LOUISA: I trust you enjoyed your stay, Mrs. Brown?

I always enjoy my stay here.

You found everything

to your satisfaction, Mr. Brown?

Apart from Mrs. Brown's missing boots?

They were returned this morning in perfect order.

MRS. BROWN: and shining beautifully.

That's my new man.

Your cab, sir, madam.

Excellent man. Most efficient.

And obliging.

He's shaping up well, eh?

Our new man.

Look at that big, dirty mark.

Oh, you, again, Mrs. Davies.

Oh, the days go very quickly.

I'll be in the kitchen, Mary.

Got a dinner to do tonight

for Lord Potson... ordered special.

Oh, yes, and, ma'am, Mrs. Cochrane said

that the fish was terrible today.

[crash]

Violet up to her tricks again.

ART: You should know better at your age,

up and down these stairs with heavy trays.

MERRIMAN: I never dropped a tray

in all my years of service.

I've been up and down these stairs

countless times and never...

it was that dog barking suddenly.

May I say, ma'am...

No, you may not.

You help clear up this mess.

Merriman, you get into the dispense,

ask Mary to give you give you a cup of hot sweet tea.

MERRIMAN: I was just bringing down

the dirties from number 9.

Go on, go on.

Lovely day, isn't it?

Sorry about this little accident.

Mind your feet on the bits.

There you go.

Oh, it's going to be lovely in the park.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Won't need your brollies today.

You should teach that cur manners, Mr. Starr.

Barking like that,

upsetting that poor old man.

You made him bark, Mr. Leyton.

Me?

You trod on him. You trod on his paw.

Well, he got under my feet, didn't he?

I got sharp eyes, Mr. Leyton.

I saw what happened... quite clearly I saw.

Fred only barks under provocation.

LOUISA: Come on.

Mr. Leyton, you take that to the bins.

Starr, you tell Violet to come and mop up.

Gawd strewth.

Bit of a risk, Lou, old codger like that

up and down the stairs with loaded trays.

He's never been no trouble before.

Yeah, he's getting older every day, though, isn't he?

I could do his job.

What? You serve meals?

Yeah, why not?

You ain't got no finesse.

I could learn.

I don't know. I get all the dirty work.

Why can't that Mr. Leyton do it?

He's supposed to do odd jobs round here, isn't he?

He makes more work than he does.

I've watched him.

Extraordinary, extraordinary.

Surefooted as a mountain goat.

Never tripped on a stair in my life.

Well, you never had Mr. Leyton

in your life before, have you?

It was that dog of yours barking sudden like.

Who made him bark? Who made him bark?

Made him?

That lout trod on him.

Who? He what?

MARY: Ooh, accidents will happen, Mr. Starr.

That was no accident.

I can't believe that.

GWYNETH: Now you mention it,

there is something about his eyes.

Oh, now stop it, auntie.

Your tray, Mr. Merriman.

Mrs. Trotter says don't let it happen again.

What? What?

Well, she can't have her guests upset like that, she said.

Now, personally,

I thought it was just one of nature's little accidents

that happen when our faculties get a bit under the weather.

Know what I mean?

'Course, I told Mrs. Trotter. I said,

"Well, Mr. Merriman is not as young as he used to be."

Are you?

[door closes]

He what? He told Mrs. Trotter what?

GWYNETH: Very cheeky. But then he's young.

He's her brother, isn't he?

He can say what he likes, can't he?

He can do what he likes! He can tread on dogs.

He can knock old men over!

Now, hush now.

Hush?!

We must not say anything we might be sorry for.

Mind you, I definitely have the feeling

all is not right to our Mr. Leyton...

a sort of tremble in my nerves.

Oh, I'll go, Mr. Merriman.

It's my job!

Now, just you sit quiet for a minute or two.

Look. Sit and have a nice cup of tea.

It's the end of the world... women taking over.

The end of the world.

Of course, he won't see a doctor.

Yeah, but I don't need...

if I've asked him once,

I've asked him a thousand times

to let Dr. Best have a look at him.

But I don't need no doctor messing about me.

You ain't told me what's wrong.

Nothing's wrong.

Of course something's wrong. You've lost interest in things.

All I need is a bit of peace and quiet.

To do what?

To do nothing.

There you are. You see? No interest.

I mean, he's never been a man of great energy,

but at least he's mended

a clock from time to time.

I tell you, aunt Maude's grandfather

has been standing against our kitchen wall

for the past month, and all he wants

is his chimes put in, right?

And will Ern look at them?

He says he can't do anything with them.

I can't.

You haven't even looked at them.

I can hear them, can't I?

Not properly, that's what's wrong with them.

Yeah, well, that's what I mean.

There you are. You see? I can't do anything with him.

Well.

So, what I thought was a little holiday.

That's a good idea.

Yes, a little holiday...a change.

Put him nicely on his feet.

Brighton? Southend?

Well, I have considered them.

And then I thought no.

No.

No.

I mean, he likes his home comforts.

He don't like shaving in strange places,

you know, and all that.

So, when Arthur said

that you was in your slack time...

Arthur said...!

Yes, he said...

Slack time?

Yes, he said you had a nice little suite of rooms

at the back that would suit us very well.

What the merry hell is it to do with Arthur?

Well, he's our son.

He wants the best for us.

He's always been very thoughtful.

Well, you can't come here.

Oh, well, if we're not good enough.

No, it's not that, mum.

I thought you were fond of your father.

You always make such a fuss of him.

Still, you've moved up in the world.

Look, I'll pay for you to have

a nice little holiday by the sea somewhere...

Bognor, if you like.

I know we're not gentry,

but we did give you a good start in the world.

I made my own start.

You sit here surrounded by all this wealth.

Wealth?

Doling out cups of tea to your poor parents.

Now don't you come that with me.

Playing Lady Bountiful.

Giving your brother menial tasks.

I must say, though, this is a surprise.

What do you mean by that?

I never thought to see the day

when you'd be ashamed of us.

And what do you say, dad?

Eh? What? What?

Well, do you want to come here for a week's holiday?

All I want is a bit of peace and quiet.

All right, then, you can come.

Oh, isn't that nice, Ern?

But no messing me about. I'm not a charity.

Oh, well, if you put it like that...

Yeah, I do put it like that.

You can come on Friday for a week.

A week, see? Be me guests for a week.

More tea?

How kind.

Good morning, Lady Talbot.

I'm afraid his lordship

has been delayed in Calais,

but he has telegraphed to say

he should be here this evening.

There is some post for you.

Thanks.

That'll be 4 and 5 as usual, Starr.

Madam.

Have a nice day, girls.

This way, my ladies.

[Arthur whistling]

Mr. Leyton.

I want a word with you.

Certainly, ma'am.

That's not your job.

It's anyone's job this morning, ma'am.

Cut it out, Art.

What?

This "Ma'am" business.

I thought it was what you wanted.

Yeah, but not your look that goes with it.

Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am.

Cut it out.

Why are you doing Merriman's job?

Mr. Merriman is in bed.

LOUISA: Bed?

Stomach trouble, I understand.

Stomach trouble?

Yeah, overindulgence

in the servants' hall perhaps.

I didn't even know he had a stomach.

Oh, a very troublesome one this morning, ma'am.

A joke's a joke, and that one

is dead as mutton.

I beg your pardon, ma'am,

but I was taught respect.

See, if I don't suit, I can always move on.

Where's Mary?

She and Violet, I understand,

are putting the finishing touches

to number 4 before Sir George arrives.

Good, ain't I?

I do it very well, don't I?

Old Merriman himself couldn't do better.

You'll have to put up with me, Louisa,

you're very shorthanded.

Who's this tray for?

Number 14. he's getting very impatient.

Lord Temperley is always impatient.

I'll take it.

I don't see why.

The sight of you first thing in the morning

might be too much for his lordship.

Hey, half a mo.

Look at you. Shirt sleeves.

They're clean.

Clean or dirty, you look like a coalman.

There you are, sir.

Oh, Starr. Would you be so kind as to take

our luggage to our rooms.

Room, Starr. Room 17.

You said a suite of rooms.

You said a suite of rooms.

17, Starr.

This way, sir, madam.

GWYNETH: Come on now, Mr. Merriman.

I know you're awake.

Come on now... a little bit of arrowroot

never hurt anyone, and it will put

a nice lining on your stomach.

Oh, dear...

You haven't eaten for two days.

And you're so thin, you have nothing

to fall back on.

Now, my uncle Rhys, he went without food once

for two weeks, but then he was fat...

very fat.

In fact, the doctor said

it was a blessing in disguise,

otherwise the fat would have killed him in the end.

Look at you.

You haven't got an ounce of flesh to spare.

Now, come on back, as I shall get very cross with you.

Leave me alone, Mrs. Davies.

I'm an old man at the end of my useful life.

Let me die in peace.

You're not going to die...

in peace or out of it.

Who let her in?

I let myself in, you daft hap'th.

Now what's this about you not eating?

He can't seem to fancy anything.

I've nothing to live for.

I made him a bit of arrowroot to try and tempt him.

Here, you give that here.

You was a parlormaid once, wasn't you?

Indeed, yes.

I've been everything in my time.

Come up from the bottom.

I waited on table when I was with Colonel Heywood and...

can you carry a tray without dropping it?

GWYNETH: I should hope so.

Right, you get down in the kitchen.

You sort out a clean pinny.

You wash your hands and face.

And you tell Mary you're helping with trays and serving.

Oh, good God!

Yes, madam.

Ooh! Well, you know...

It said in the tea leaves last night

I was going to see a change.

Open your mouth.

You can't mean that woman.

I do. Open your mouth.

Waiting on...

swallow!

If you don't want her doing your job,

you'd better get well quick.

Open your mouth.

Very well.

Oh, my God! What is this?

There we are, have another one.

Good lad.

Mary, it's taken years off me.

I been so long doing

little bits of sewing and such like...

stuck in tiny dark rooms...

I've begun to feel like an old woman.

[ring] Oh, now who's that?

Oh, number 17.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Leyton?

She's been ringing that bell every 5 minutes

since she got here.

I suppose it's tea she wants now...

Tea and muffins.

She eats like an elephant.

[bell rings]

Oh, I'll go, shall I?

- No! - No?

No! Let her ring.

I'm sick of her, auntie, and so is the rest of us.

Driving them mad in the kitchen she is.

But Mrs. Trotter...

She shouldn't do such things.

Bringing her family here... it's not right!

It's her hotel.

It's not as if they were a nice family.

Oh, Mary, to say such things.

What if she was to hear you?

I'll say them to her face, auntie,

if those two are here much longer.

And that brother.

She'll have to choose. Her family or her staff.

Oh, my goodness.

Mr. Starr says he's giving notice.

- Never. - Yes.

Fred's so upset, he won't even eat

a bit of chocolate cake.

Number 17 has been ringing

for the past 10 minutes.

I thought you was all dead.

If we run every time Mrs. Leyton rings that bell,

there'd be nothing else done here.

What's this? Mutiny?

Don't be silly. They're not proper guests.

They're your employer's parents.

[bell rings]

Will you take it, auntie? Number 4, Lady Talbot.

Yes.

Careful. [chuckling]

[Arthur whistles]

[bell rings]

Number 17.

Yes, I heard.

I don't think you...

What?

Nothing.

How's Merriman?

The doctor says he's improving.

What a good job Arthur turned up when he did.

Yeah.

Nice to have the family around you,

working with you.

You know where you are with your own.

Yeah.

No dipping in the sugar when your back's turned.

No one dips in my sugar.

Oh, just a figure of speech.

But it had occurred to me, Louisa,

that you might do well to make it a family affair.

What?

Well, the service you're getting here is very poor.

Since when?

Well, all this dillydallying.

I mean, I rang 5 times for breakfast,

and if Arthur hadn't been on the boots,

we'd have been walking round the shops barefoot.

Wouldn't we, Ern?

Same at morning coffee. No one came at all.

Lunchtime we'd have starved

if Arthur hadn't brought us a tray.

Seems to me he's the only one on his toes.

ARTHUR: Oh, there you are, Louisa.

I thought we'd lost you.

On here, Arthur.

I was just saying to Louisa,

why not make it a family affair?

Ernest could be on the door,

I could superintend the meals,

and you could do the trays.

And me as dogsbody, I suppose.

Well, you said it, Louisa.

Why are you still carrying trays

around the place?

Well, that lot you got looking after you

won't raise a little finger to help.

Mum asked for this tea an hour ago.

Did she?

Yes, I did.

I rang from my room. 6 times I rang.

Then I come down here.

I spoke to that little man on the door,

but he's deaf as a post.

So, then I found Arthur, and he sent us in here.

Oh, did he?

Yes. I don't think that chair is right there, Louisa.

You don't?

No, I don't. Do you, Ern?

Well, I do.

Arthur, fetch another cup for Louisa.

No, thanks. I got my work to do.

Oh, not salmon again.

Well, I'm quite partial to salmon.

Yeah, but not every day.

You'll have to speak to them

in the kitchen, Arthur.

Yeah, I will.

[all yelling]

All right! All right!

All right! All right!

Now the situation is getting out of hand.

It is.

Now, I may say it comes hard for me to talk to you like this.

I'm a loyal character, and I don't like to break my word.

But there is such a thing as self-respect.

This bloke comes pushing in here...

no respect for nothing, and what happens?

The place isn't our own anymore, is it?

Well, I mean, is it?

Now, I'm fond of Mrs. Trotter, but...

LOUISA: I'm glad to hear that someone loves me.

Well, what's biting you?

It's your family, madam.

Oh?

I'm forced to speak frankly, madam.

We are no longer servants in our own home,

as you might say. We feel...

The thing is, ma'am, I don't want anything more to do with it.

That Arthur is never out of my kitchen.

He's forever getting snacks for himself

and for those parents of his...

They're my parents, too.

Well, hard luck, that's all I can say.

Look, I'm fond of you, ma'am,

and I like my job.

But I'm being thrown all over the place by that Arthur.

I never know what I've got.

I go to me sugar and half of it's gone.

There's not enough for my currant cake.

And yesterday, there wasn't a spot of salmon to be found,

and Lady Talbot wanted it special.

He's not right. I've got my job to do.

And I can't have him round my feet

pinching my food and Violet's bum.

It's very upsetting.

Last night, I burned the fish sauce because of it.

Oh?

I'm sorry you find our misfortunes amusing,

Mrs. Trotter. We may be servants,

but we have our right to dignity.

Oh, come off your high horse, Starr.

It was the sugar and the salmon...

We felt that you should know, madam,

that unless steps are taken to deal with

this unprecedented situation,

we shall be forced to withdraw our labor.

One of our people is already confined to bed.

Yeah, I see.

Well, I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at me family.

Though God knows they're nothing to laugh about.

More of a tragedy.

Still, laughter through tears, as they say.

Hmm. Sorry about your salmon and Violet's bum.

Well, hers is not the only...

He's so coarse with it.

He's a malingerer and a soft-soaper, I must speak plain.

[ring]

Lady talbot. I'll see to it.

If you would be so kind

as to carry on for the time being,

I'll sort it out. I promise.

[door closes]

[sighs]

[knock on door]

Yeah?

Room for a small one?

Yeah, yeah, come in, dad.

Sit down, make yourself comfy.

Ta, dear.

Your mother is out doing the town with Arthur.

Still keeping good time?

Oh, yeah, perfect.

Oh, it's come a long way, that clock.

Yeah, it's come a long way

since I first give it to you.

It was the nicest wedding present we had.

Yeah, all in the past, eh?

All in the past.

Sorry, Louisa.

Eh?

Oh, you know. Sorry.

You'll have to go, dad.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I didn't want to come, really.

You know, not pushing in on you.

Do you feel better for the change?

Oh, I wasn't ill.

No.

She gets these bees in her bonnet.

Yeah.

All I want is a bit of peace and quiet.

All I ever want is peace and quiet.

Watch time passing.

In me own way.

Cor, she gives me the pip.

And as I get older...

Your resistance weakens?

Oh, she's a tartar, though.

Is she worse than me?

Oh, well, you're a different kettle of fish.

I'm like her, though.

I like me own way. I want to manage things.

Oh, yeah, I'm like her.

You don't do no moaning, though.

No, well, I've had some luck.

I took me chances, rough and smooth.

But she...

Married me.

Oh!

I don't want to hurt her.

I know she likes it here.

Lording it about.

She'd run the place very nicely,

but I can't have her under the same roof as me.

I might have liked her help, but...

But you're the boss,

and she'd always be your mother.

Yeah, that's it in a nutshell, dad.

And, well, you've been here over a week now,

and I did say just a week.

Oh, yeah, we'll go, Louisa.

And Arthur.

I'd have liked him here.

I'd have liked a man about the place.

I'd have liked a brother.

No messing about, not like a husband.

But, well...

But he wants to be boss, too.

Yeah, it runs in the family, eh?

Yeah, all except me, Lou, all I want...

Is a bit of peace and quiet.

[Arthur and Mrs. Leyton talking]

Oh, waiting up for us?

Yeah, you could say that.

You know, Louisa,

that chair is definitely in the wrong place.

You get the wrong view of the room...

Oh, well, you won't be looking

at the view much longer, will you, mum?

I say, Arthur...

Do you think you could find us

a drop of coffee and a sandwich?

But not salmon, eh?

Oh, no, not salmon.

I've been tasting it all day.

No, a little bit of ham off the bone

or tongue, eh?

What was that you was saying, Louisa?

No. No sandwiches.

You can have a cup of coffee

if Mary will be very kind and make it for you,

but you keep out of the kitchen, Arthur.

What's he done?

Madam's ticking you off, Arthur.

Mrs. Cochrane don't want you messing about in her kitchen.

I thought it was your kitchen.

It is, and she runs it for me in her way, which is my way,

and she don't want you messing her about.

You can make a cup of coffee...

for all of us... we're going to need it.

You can tell Mary I said.

Yes, ma'am. Certainly, ma'am.

Right away, ma'am.

Now, look, mum.

You've been here over a week now.

Yes, very nice, too... except for the staff.

And the staff are threatening to leave.

Oh, that's fortunate. Save you sacking them.

I don't want them to leave.

We're going home, Vi.

I'm not ready to go home.

You're not fully recovered.

Dad is all right.

Oh, he's still very listless.

Listen, mum, you've had your week.

Tomorrow you pack and go home.

Here, I don't like your tone.

Oh, why can't I deal with me family

the way I deal with the rest of me life?

Mum, I can't live with you.

You have your ways, I have mine.

This place is my livelihood.

I run it in me own way,

and I intend to go on running it.

I'm telling you as nicely as I can.

You are me mother.

What harm have we done?

We're not asking much.

Little corner in your hotel.

Surely you can spare

a little corner in your big hotel.

- You're going home, mum. - I don't want to go home.

Or wherever else you want to go,

but you're not staying here!

Mary's making coffee... very kindly...

with a face like a sour lemon.

Here, what's all this?

She's putting us out.

I'm asking them to go home.

Oh.

And I'm sacking you.

No references?

I mean it, Art.

I don't think I want to go.

I mean, send your family home,

by all means,

but I quite like this job.

Cushy...with prospects.

Not for you.

Use your loaf, Louisa, you need me.

I don't need no one.

Oh, yes, you do.

You need looking after.

This servant trouble...

There were no servant trouble

till you got your foot in here.

Here, watch it, little Louisa.

I mean it, Arthur. You go round acting Lord Muck.

Listen.

I could put this place straight for you.

I'd make those servants of yours toe the line.

They toe my line very nicely, and I like them.

You want to open your eyes...

my eyes are wide open looking at you,

and I don't care for what I see.

Oh, nasty.

Listen, this hole wants doing over.

I can make a world of difference here, Louisa.

No, no, you say what you like, Louisa,

I'm staying.

I've got my rights.

You can't just turn me out

how and when you feel like it.

Use me to suit yourself.

I mean it, Art.

I'll put a bleeding bomb under the place before...

I made this place with the sweat of my brow.

I'm not having you walking roughshod over me and it.

Christ, what is it anyway?

A bleeding stamping ground

for a few nobs with handles to their name.

I don't think you ought to say things like that.

And you shut up, you old hag.

Learn to keep your bleeding mouth shut.

Don't talk like that to mum!

Well, I don't like her. I've never liked her.

Arthur?

You don't talk like that to mum in my place.

Go away! It's all your fault!

If you hadn't asked us here,

this wouldn't have happened.

You're always upsetting people.

It's not me!

ARTHUR: Oh, Christ, I'm off. Bloody family.

Now, Arthur.

And don't you try and stop me.

Don't let him go. Stop him, Ern!

I was a fool to set foot in the place.

Sack me? You couldn't keep me here

if you chained me down!

No skivvies, you said, but what are you?

A bloody monumental skivvy with gold edges.

And don't bother about references, gal.

Because I wouldn't want none

from this high-class whorehouse.

[door slams]

[Mrs. Leyton sobbing]

Oh, go away! Go away!

Mum, uh...

Dad, you can stay till the end of the week.

Come again later in the year.

No, I'll never set foot in this place again.

You've spoiled it for me,

and you've frightened Arthur away.

You've driven him from me!

I'm going home. Call a cab, Ern.

I'm going to pack me nightdress.

You can send the rest of me things on, Louisa.

I had a lovely night out, and you spoiled it.

I never have nothing nice happen to me.

You got all this, and I've got nothing.

Nothing.

Mum...

No, leave me alone. He called me a hag.

I'll, uh...

I'll call a cab.

Mrs. Leyton's crying... going upstairs.

[Louisa sobbing]

Oh, ma'am, what is it?

Oh, put that tray down, Mary.

And give me a cup of coffee.

No, give me a brandy.

They're going... They're going.

Ain't that wonderful?

They're going, and I don't think

they'll come again.

Oh, mum...

Oh, mum.

I've got everything, she's got nothing.

Oh, mum.

Oh, Mary.