Original subtitles

MR BOBACK: Lara! — LARA: My dad’s back.

G | R LS : Hi, Mr Boback!

Mum, do you wanna do something today? — What?

Something, anything. — I've got too much to do.

ChIa—what? — Chlamydia.

You'll need to contact your sexual partners and inform them.

Partners?

It's over. — Oh, come on, let's just have a little...

like, a little goodbye fiddle. — Goodbye, Dom.

Hello, again. Wednesday afternoon, amusement park.

Sorry. Who are you?

You have a bite mark—— — No! No.

It's on your shoulder—— — Oi, oi! Get out of it, you little shit.

I'll be in touch.

PHONE RINGS

MANDY: Hi. — MARK: Where are you?

Yeah, I'm at the school morning meeting.

Oh. Listen, / can ’t find Phoebe ’s karate kit.

MANDY: Look in her room. — / did.

Look, are you OK about today?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. It's... it's just a day.

OSCAR: I'm afraid I have a migraine. You're gonna have to go then.

What? Take a Nurofen.

OSCAR: It's a migraine.

Then we won't go, we can all go another day.

No, Caroline, the whole point is it's today, to take her mind off the anniversary.

MUFFLED: We need to get her out of town, away from it all.

At any rate, it'll be good for you and Miri to spend some time together.

CAROLINE: Your headache might clear up in a minute.

OSCAR: It's not a headache, Caroline.

MANDY SCREAMS

Hiya, hi, babe. Hiya.

Yeah, I'm just thinking, I think the, um, karate kit's in the airing cupboard.

Yeah.

Which one is she again?

Your father's aunt. — Thought she died.

No, she refuses to. Old cunt.

But she's family, so you visit.

Like we visited you in... that place.

You can say "cunt" but you can't say "prison"?

It's extremely rare for me to use the "cunt" word

and | only do so with regard to absolute cunts.

SHE SIGHS It's a lovely drive and we're gonna have fun.

Feels fun.

ENGINE STARTS

Fifth of November.

It's a beautiful day.

Exciting.

MIRI CHANTS: Shark! Shark! Shark! Shark!

Mum, you have to say "attack". — Attack.

No, at the same time as me.

SHE CHANTS: Shark! Shark! Shark! — You're not saying it.

No, so, you say attack, then I have to try and guess when you're gonna say it

and say it before you.

CAROLINE CHANTS: Attack! Attack! Attack! Attack!

MIRI GIGGLES No.

Stupid game.

When we get home, I'll make you play ping—pong doorways.

What on Earth is that? — MIRI CHUCKLES

We used to make up lots of silly games in prison to pass the time.

There is a lot of time.

You get quite creative.

Do you know that I can make a banoffee pie in a kettle?

Yeah. It's actually rather good, I'll... I'll make it for you and Dad one day.

There's a good hairdresser in Petworth. Maybe we could stop off and...

see if they can fit you in.

Wow.

You could have some highlights.

It might make you feel better. — No, it might make you feel better

that stuff doesn't matter to me, you know that.

Just a thought.

MAN ON RADIO: We humans have creative software in our brain, so it’s those neuro——

I want to listen to The Archers. — No, let's just talk.

About what? — Anything, something.

We know nothing about each other.

We were talking and we finished.

OK, brilliant.

Three-hour drive. Hooray.

URINE SPLASHES

HE SIGHS — URINE SPLASHES

Fuck you, Caroline.

URINE TRICKLES

DOORBELL RINGS

What are you doing? — Shh.

I'm trying to enjoy this very comfortable silence.

You're being childish. — Shh! That's talking.

Look, what do you want me to say?

I wake up, I eat porridge.

Your father goes on about something.

This morning it was seven types of plastic.

Why are you getting at me?

Ah! I just wanted to take you out for a nice day——

Mum, Mum, Mum, Mum! — Shit!

MIRI: Oh, what was that?

Oh! — Jesus!

RADIO PLAYS THE ARCHERS THEME TUNE

Mr Matteson, I'm from Pilot Power, I need to check your meter.

Oh, somebody came a few days ago. — I know.

But it gave an odd reading and so I'm following up.

Don't want an astronomical bill. — OSCAR SCOFFS

That would be very unlikely.

l have the energy efficiency of this house entirely under control.

May I just say that your recycling system out in front here

is exemplary.

Um, thank you.

Yes. If everyone put in the time you do, there'd be a lot more polar bears.

It's the least a human can do.

Did you know that teabags are not compostable?

And that certain brands, they use...

synthetic—— — Synthetic fibres, yes.

HE CHUCKLES I learnt the hard way.

All those bags toxifying my compost bins.

Oh, don't go there.

You are a leader of men.

A Viking.

It would be an honour to check the house of a hero.

Uh, of course, come in. — Yes? Yes, OK.

"Exemplary". OSCAR HUFFS AND CHUCKLES

Oh, shit, poor thing.

Oh, Christ!

Oh, I think it's dead.

The car. Oh, the car! — Is it dead?

Oscar'll be furious.

Think it's mostly dead.

Oh God, it blinked. — How we gonna get there?

Oh no, it's still breathing, it's like 99% dead.

If we're late, she's gonna be such an old bag about it.

Mum, we have to do something about it, it's in pain.

Oh, God. Put it out of its misery.

Oh, I can't. You do it.

You do it.

What?

Nothing.

I didn't say anything. — You so did.

Oh, I didn't mean—— — What, I've killed before

so I can kill again? — Oh, don't be so silly.

You're my mother, you're supposed to be on my side

not looking at me like I'm some kind of cold—blooded...

Bloody...! Oh, shit.

Well, now it's dead.

It was in pain. — Bleurgh, I can taste it.

No, you can't. Leave it.

No... — Look, come on, we'll be late.

No, we're not leaving it in the road.

What are you doing? — Burying it.

Help me.

No. Bloody filthy.

Oh, no.

I'm killing it even more.

Sorry, little fox.

CAROLINE SIGHS

I've never done that before, killed something.

It was the right thing to do. — Yes, but...

Foxes are bastards anyway, they steal babies from bungalows and chickens and stuff.

MIRI SIGHS OK, Mum, let's go and sort out the car.

SHE SINGS: # The day thou gavest, Lord, is ended #

# The darkness falls at thy behest # — MIRI MUMBLES ALONG

# To thee our morning hymn ascended #

# / pray shall sanctify our rest # — # / pray... #

# / pray shall sanctify our rest # — Blah, blah, blah...

MIRI MUMBLES THE TUNE

SAMUEL: Ay, ay, ay...

What is it?

Tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick and...

That is faster than it should be. — Well, it's always like that.

No. No.

HE SIGHS

There is energy being wasted somewhere in this house.

No, absolutely not, I am vigilant.

PHONE CHIMES

Oh, is-is that you?

No, it's my wife's.

That is not a Viking's phone.

I would like to check all your power—points and appliances.

Mr Matteson, don't worry.

This will take a few hours

but I promise, I will get to the bottom of this.

Maybe it's in the car and it fell out of your pocket?

I don't wear things with pockets.

I've never worn anything with pockets.

What's wrong with pockets? — Hips, Miri!

Oh, God, where is it?

Well, it's fine, we'll just...

There's a payphone—— — It isn't fine.

Nothing is fine. — Oh, my God. Is this about pockets again?

I had it in my hand.

Well, you probably left it at home. — I didn't.

I know I didn't.

Oh, Christ, maybe I did.

Oh, shit.

Mum, what you doing?

I'm sitting down.

OK, look, I'm gonna go to the payphone

and I'm gonna call the breakdown people, alright?

I'm sure I had it.

Oh, for fuck's sake, why is everyone so obsessed with their phones?

I need to talk to Miri.

Who are you? — Her best friend.

It's very important.

Well, she's not here. — SHE SIGHS

Can I get a cod and chips?

It's ten in the morning.

Are you judging me? — No.

Well, when you've got kids, ten in the morning is two in the afternoon.

When's she coming back? — She's not.

Um, we're moving venue.

I've got a truck.

Gonna park it by the beach... — Do you wanna fuck me?

What?

Well, you look really bored.

I'm stressed, you know, we'd both get something out of it.

But I don't even know who you are. — Yeah, I mean, that's the whole...

Oh, God, just forget it.

MIRI: They'll be about two hours.

What? That's ridiculous.

A tyre is hardly a priority.

Two women in the middle of nowhere, no phone, it's like Midsomer Murders.

Mum, we're in West Sussex, a Tory MP will probably drive by

and save us before the breakdown people do.

They say two hours, they mean four.

OK.

If I'd known, I'd have brought a book.

Where's your father when we need him?

HE SIGHS

HE MOUTHS

HE MOUTHS

I'm gonna cancel my membership.

MIRI: Then they'll definitely come.

CAROLINE SCOFFS

Mum, why don't you come and sit down? — No, I don't want to sit.

I've done sitting. I'm standing now.

SHE SCOFFS

OK... this is awful.

CAROLINE SIGHS I know.

No, no, no, no, not the breakdown. This. Us.

You have been so weird with me since I came back.

Just...

Where are you going? — I don't know.

We are gonna have this conversation. — OK, fine.

You were right, I thought you should kill the fox.

And I smashed its head in so we didn't have to talk about all this.

God, I'm a terrible mother.

I think I might be a cunt. — No, you're not.

lam.

I left you and your father when you were six for a whole month.

I—l know, we ate custard every night, it was quite fun.

Sometimes I didn't put you to bed at night cos I couldn't bear reading

The Tiger Who Came To Tea.

OK. — Again and again.

It's just a book. — God, I couldn't bear that bloody tiger.

He had no manners. — Because he's a tiger.

You know, he couldn't get an erection. — Well, he was just there for tea.

Your father, after you went away. Probably thought it was all my fault.

Oh, forget it.

Where are you going? You—you want to talk.

Yeah, a real conversation, this is just you whining in the woods.

Why can't I do anything right? — Because you don't do anything right!

Do you know that I shared a room with a woman who said the word beetle 20 times a minute

for two years? No, because you don't ask.

I... — The only thing you could ask me about

was the weather.

So? — So, so? What's the weather like, Miri?

I was inside for 23 hours a day!

Well, I didn't know. — This momentous thing happened to our family

and we can't talk about it because it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Fine. The whispering.

Being frozen out of the church choir.

Having to go to the supermarket after dark out of town to avoid the stares.

Friends dropping like flies.

No Christmas cards on the mantel means no Christmas full stop.

Just two M&S turkey legs in front of the telly

hoping it would make it go faster.

Years and years of nothing but me and him rattling around that sad, empty house

waiting for you to come back.

Worrying about what you'd be like if you did come back.

I don't ask you about it because I hated it.

And I want to pretend none of it ever happened.

You ruined my life. Prison ruined my life.

And I hated you.

l have hated you.

Thank you.

What? — No.

Thank you for being honest with me.

Maybe a bit too honest, but...

What do you want me to do to help you?

Just be my mum, that's all.

Hm.

OSCAR: Hello?

I've gotta go, I've gotta meet someone. I'll be back in 20 minutes.

Sure, I have everything I need.

Hah.

Bingo. Hello, ladies.

Hi, I'm Miri.

Hello.

PHONE CHIMES

Shit! — "My labia is moist."

Whoa! Whoa, Mr Matteson...

DOM SPLUTTERS

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey! It was meaningless.

It was my wife, you... — Fuck off.

Fuck off! — Shut up, you little twat!

Stop, wait, wait. Wait! Wait, wait, wait!

Wait. Just wait. Let me just... this is new.

You wanna fight me but I'm warning you now, I'll fuck you up.

Fuck off! Fuck, fuck you. Fuck off!

Fuck off!

Hey, whoa, whoa. Calm, calm, calm...

DOM GRUNTS

Fuck, you're 70!

Jesus! — I am a Viking!

Fuck! Argh!

You always were a pathetic little jerk.

I can feel your nuts on my nuts.

You stay away from my wife

and my daughter. Is that clear?

Agh... You're lucky I don't fight pensioners.

DOM COUGHS AND GROANS

Oh, for fuck... That was unnecessary!

Viking!

Is Miri here?

No.

Mr and Mrs Matteson? — Nobody's here.

BOTTLE CAP POPS — Just me.

Sorry, who are you?

I'm here to fix things.

Drink on the job, do you? — Hm, hm, yeah.

Mm.

Sometimes. When things go very well.

Ha. Such good friends, all of you, hmm?

You, Miri, and of course, poor little Lara.

But even the best friends... they have secrets, don't they, Mandy?

How do you know my name?

HE SNIFFS Hm...

Well...

I think I... I better go now.

Don't fuck with me.

I'm a head teacher.

HE CHUCKLES

Good luck sleeping tonight.

Two hours my arse.

Come here, hang on.

I thought you said it doesn't matter how you look?

Well, it matters to you, doesn't it?

I know you wouldn't have done anything unless...

You and Lara, you were such good friends.

Why was she so angry with you?

It's never made sense. — It's a rabbit hole, I can't even...

The poor Bobacks.

To lose a child...

unthinkable.

CAR HORN HONKS

Shut up, you bloody Tory scum!

Mum, you're a Tory. — Yes, I know.

CAR HORN PLAYS "DIXIE" — Oh, hello!

CAROLINE: Ha! At last.

MIRI: That's a cheery horn.

Another year.

You're not missing much, um... I never know what to do today.

I just asked a stranger for sex.

Miri's back.

You're probably haunting the shit out her.

Like you are me.

I still can't sleep.

But you know that.

Sometimes I miss you

and then I remember what a bitch you were, and I still miss you.

Grade—A skunk.

Don't pull a whitey.

MIRI CHANTS: Shark! Shark! Shark!

Attack! — THEY LAUGH

I still don't get it.

I'm more of a bridge person.

MIRI: Bridge? Mum!

When we get home, I am teaching you ping—pong doorway.

CAROLINE: No, Miri.

What are you doing out here? Is that blood?

Uh,yeah.

Uh, I got into a bit of a squabble with a rose bush.

I won.

You're here.

We're all here.

Mum beat the shit out of a dead fox.

Miri. — Well...

it happened, so I'm gonna tell everyone.

You look terrible.

But you're mine. — I know.

Right, you two, get inside.

No snogging until after dinner.

MIRI: Whee!

This is so nice. — Mm.

Look at that one there.

Wow. — Did you see that?

MARK SNORES

SHE SIGHS

PAPER CRUNCHES

MR BOBACK: Lara! — LARA: My dad ’3 back, hide the cigarettes.

Hi, Dad!

G l R LS : Hi, Mr Bobackl

LARA: Hi, Dad.

G l R LS : Hi, Mr Bobackl

Yes.

Hello, Mr Boback.

Mm.