Original subtitles

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[***]

ANNOUNCER: Newsreel of the Stars.

Dateline, Hollywood, 1930. The Warner Bros. studio.

Here at the studio's new Animation Department,

the artists toil endlessly

to come up with cartoon stars,

ultimately creating three new characters:

the Warner brothers and their sister, Dot.

ALL: Hello, Nurse.

Unfortunately, the Warner kids were totally out of control.

ALL: Boingy, boingy, boingy, boingy.

The trio ran amok throughout the studio...

until their capture.

The Warners' films, which made absolutely no sense,

were locked away in the studio vault,

never to be released.

As for the Warners themselves, they were locked away

in the studio water tower, also never to be released.

Publicly, the studio has disavowed

any knowledge of the Warners' existence

to this very day, when the Warners escaped.

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

* Here's the show's name-y *

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[***]

CAROLERS: * We wish you A merry Christmas *

* We wish you A merry Christmas *

* We wish you A merry Christmas *

* And a happy New Year *

* Good tidings we bring To you and your kin *

* Good tidings for Christmas And a happy New Year *

* We wish you a merry Christmas We wish you a merry Christmas *

* We wish you a merry Christmas And a happy New Year *

Would you be quiet!

Why does everyone give me fruitcake for Christmas?

I hate fruitcake!

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Come in.

Youse wanted that I should see you, Mr. Plotz?

Come in, Ralph, but don't sit down.

What I have to say won't take long.

Uh, before you gives me my Christmas bonus,

I has some prepared Christmas words that I has prepared for you

for the Christmas stuff.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"Mr. CEOs of Warner Bros:

"I am honored to work for youse and say to youse

a merry Christmas Eve."

I now gives to you this festive Christmas fruitcake

made from my wife's hands.

Thrilling. [GLASS SHATTERS]

I've been going over the end-of-the-year budget.

Do you know how much damage those kids, the Warners,

have caused this year, Ralph?

Uh...

Well, it's a lot! And it was your job to watch them!

You're finished.

You failed. You're fired!

Merry Christmas.

[***]

And finally, in the future, to cut costs,

employees must bring their own toilet paper.

[CHAIN RATTLES]

SLAPPY: Why don't you lighten up?

A horrible old squirrel. What are you doing here?

That's what I'd like to know.

The studio keeps giving me these stupid cameos.

All right, hang on. I got a couple of lines here.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"Tonight you will be visited by three ghosts."

But why?

I don't know. I lost the other page.

Can you believe I'm doing this for scale?

Hey! Where's my $464?

I gotta get a new agent.

I'm working too hard. I must have been hallucinating.

[RINGS]

Hello? Hiya, Plotzy!

[CRIES OUT]

What do you want? I want you.

Mwah.

* I'm the ghost Of Christmas past *

* And all the folks That you've harassed *

* Are glad that I Am here at last *

* Because, Mr. CEO *

* It's movie time Relax and see *

* As we climb up Your family tree *

* And look at how You used to be *

* Many years ago *

It's showtime.

What's this?

The day you were born.

That's you as an itty-bitty baby.

Such a good boy.

Mama.

Here's my bill for the delivery, Mrs. Plotz.

A bill? Ha! You slapped me.

You'll be hearing from my lawyers.

Well, he did. It hurt.

You were mean from the start. Remember when you were 5?

You went and saw Santa for the first time.

Come along, young man.

These are my lawyers. My demands are as follows. Go.

One red wagon, black wheels.

Deluxe train set with Western town.

AIDE 3: Forty speed bike. Golden spokes.

White horse with a brown tail.

Not a pony. A horse! Got it?

I got a pony, that charlatan.

Enough of this, already.

I'm a busy man. Now, get out of here.

Just one more clip.

This was the worst.

[SOBBING]

How could you do this to me?

You're too old to run this company.

I'm taking over. Now, be out of here by noon.

You can't do this.

I'm sorry, Dad. Merry Christmas.

I kept his medical benefits going.

That was nice, wasn't it?

Huh?

What a terrible dream.

I've gotta lay off those commissary weenies.

Probably another fruitcake.

Who you calling a fruitcake?

I'm the ghost of Christmas present.

It's a pun. Get it?

* Thaddeus Plotz you mean old man *

* Causing pain Wherever you can *

* It's all about To hit the fan *

* You greedy CEO *

* You're guilty in the first degree *

* Of causing pain and misery *

* Now it's time for you to see *

* So hang on, here we go *

What are we doing in this dump?

Visiting somebody.

But I don't know anybody who lives here.

Well, they know you.

Come on.

Lucky for you, they can't see us.

Oh, that Mr. Plotz. Someday I'll show him, I will.

[GULPS]

Aw, come on, son.

Try not to let this spoil our Christmas.

Don't worry about it.

I'll get another job. You'll see.

Duh, dinnertime.

We couldn't afford a turkey this years,

what that your father got fired.

Uh, what's we havin'?

Delicious turkey Jell-O.

Yums.

I'm adopted. I'll get even one day.

Take me away from this place.

I gotta get out of here before that third ghost shows up.

[BELL TOLLS]

Oh, no.

Security. Security.

Oh, that's right. Ralph was security.

[SCREAMS]

[***]

[RASPY] Thaddeus Plotz.

[NORMAL VOICE] Hello.

I'll be your ghost of Christmas future this evening.

* Relax, chill out Forget about your cares *

It's a man who knows what he wants.

Also a man nobody wants.

* Come on, it's time for you To climb these stairs *

You got a good head on your shoulders, Plotz.

Too bad you haven't got a neck.

* Show 'em what you can do * This is stupid.

* The future's waiting for you * Leave me alone.

* Come on, Plotz 'Cause you've got lots *

* To see Before we're through *

WOMEN: * He's a dream Hear us scream his name *

* Plotz! *

* Had no fun And he's the one to blame *

Hello, nurses.

Say. Stop by the water tower, and I'll show you my stamps.

But, Yakko, you don't have a stamp collection.

All right, then, you can open my mail.

* There's nothing he can't do *

They're crazy about me.

*He's handsome Yes, it's true *

Let me know when those costumes get heavy. Rowr.

ALL: *Come on, Plotz, Because you've got lots *

* To see Before we're-- *

You know what I like about you, Plotz?

Absolutely nothing.

[SCREAMS]

* Through *

[SCREAMING]

Nice of you to drop by. Welcome to your future.

This looks like my office.

Not anymore. See?

No! And tell that Urkel guy

he's too old to wear his pants that high.

It's embarrassing!

What's that man doing in my chair?

Oh, this isn't your office anymore. It's his.

Don't you recognize him?

It's Ralph's son.

He vowed to get even with you one day, remember?

Now he runs the studio.

But what about me? Where am l?

Psst. Over here.

There.

The cemetery? Forest Woodlawn?

No, not there. There.

No. It can't be.

Oh, but it is. Watch.

ALL: Oh, Plotzy!

This is my future?

[***]

RALPH'S SON: Plotz!

I thought I told you to get those kids under control!

But they're so fast.

Then you're finished! You failed! You're fired!

Merry Christmas.

[***]

[SOBBING] No. No, it can't be.

No! No, no, no, no.

No-o-o-o!

[WEEPING]

Eh?

I'm back. I'm back.

Hey! You down there!

What day is today?

It's Christmas day.

Whoa, dumber than advertised.

I still have time.

Go and buy the biggest fruitcake you can find

and deliver it to Ralph's house.

Here's some money.

And keep the change.

Now, now, hurry.

We're rich.

Yea, we're rich!

RALPH & FAMILY: * We wish you A merry Christmas *

* We wish you A merry Christmas *

* We wish you A merry Christmas *

* And a really swell New Years *

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Special delivery.

Merry Christmas.

Ralph, what's this I hear about you leaving the studio?

Ah, you said you fireds me.

[LAUGHS]

No, I said you inspired me, inspired me.

I want you back, Ralph. But take a week off first.

Why, this must be the little woman, so to speak.

Oh, I'm charmed, I'm sures.

And you, Ralph Jr. You like me, don't you?

No hard feelings, right?

Please don't ever take over the studio. Please.

I'll give you a pony.

I want a horse.

[KNOCKING]

We got the biggest fruitcake we could find. It's outside.

Well, where is it? We're hungry.

Okay.

[WHISTLES]

[MUMBLING]

Don't worry, Mr. Plotz.

We'll have you out of there by Easter.

Merry Christmas to you too.

[RINGING]

[***]

[***]

CHILDREN: * Silent night *

*Holy night *

* All is calm *

* All is bright *

* Round yon virgin Mother and child *

* Holy infant So tender and mild *

* Sleep in heavenly peace *

* Sleep in heavenly peace *

[BAAING]

[***]

ALL: * We three shepherds Traveling far *

* How we wish That we had a car *

* We cannot sleep Because with our sheep *

* We're following yonder star *

* Oh, oh *

* Star of wonder Star of night *

* Star of royal beauty bright *

* Westward leading Still proceeding *

* Guide us to Thy perfect light *

CHILDREN: * Oh, little town Of Bethlehem *

* How still we see thee lie *

* Above thy deep And dreamless sleep *

* The silent stars go by *

* Yet in thy dark street Shineth *

* The everlasting light *

* The hopes and fears Of all the years *

* Are met in thee tonight *

* Away in a manger No crib for his bed *

* The little Lord Jesus Lays down his sweet head *

* The stars in the sky look Down where he lay *

* The little Lord Jesus *

* Asleep on the hay *

[***]

ALL: * We three kings of Orient are Bearing gifts we traverse afar *

* Field and fountain Moor and mountain *

* Following yonder star *

* Oh, oh *

* Star of wonder Star of night *

* Star of royal beauty bright *

* Westward leading Still proceeding *

* Guide us to Thy perfect light *

[HORSES TROTTING]

* Come, they told me Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Our newborn king to see Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Our finest gifts we bring Parum-pa pum-pum *

ALL: * To lay before the king Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Rum-pa pum-pum, Rum-pa pum-pum *

* So to honor him Parum-pa pum-pum *

* When we come *

ALL: * Baby Jesus Parum-pa pum-pum *

* We are just poor kids too Parum-pa pum-pum *

* We have no gift to bring Parum-pa pum-pum *

* That's fit to give our king Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Rum-pa pum-pum Rum-pa pum-pum *

* Shall I play for you Parum-pa pum-pum *

* On my drum? *

[JAZZY VERSION] * Mary nodded Parum-pa pum-pum *

* The ox and lamb kept time Parum-pa pum-pum *

* We play our drum for him Parum-pa pum-pum *

* We play our best for him Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Rum-pa pum-pum Rum-pa pum-pum *

So hit it.

[PLAYING UP-TEMPO SWING BEAT]

BOTH: * Come, they told me Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Our newborn king to see Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Our finest gifts we bring Parum-pa pum-pum *

* To lay before the king Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Rum-pa pum-pum Rum-pa pum-pum *

* So to honor him Parum-pa pum-pum *

ALL: * On my drum *

* And he smiled at me Parum-pa pum-pum *

* Me and my drum *

[***]

ALL: Merry Christmas.

[***]