Original subtitles

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♪♪

BRENDON. SHH.

THIS ISN'T EASY. SHH.

I ONLY HAVE ONE ARM, YOU KNOW. IS THIS A REHEARSAL OR ARE WE TAPING?

SHH!

YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, MR... FITZPANTSON.

MR. FITZPANTSON. DOCTOR, WILL I BE ABLE TO READ WITH MY NEW BRAIN?

OH, YES, OF COURSE. OF COURSE. DOCTOR?

WILL I BE ABLE TO DRIVE WITH MY NEW BRAIN?

WELL, UM, I'M GONNA SAY YES.

DOCTOR? YEAH.

THANK YOU. DON'T THANK ME.

PEOPLE, PEOPLE. ARE WE READY? THANK HER. DR. SAVESALOT.

ARE YOU TALKING TO MY PATIENT? YEAH, I WAS BUT...

DON'T TALK TO MY PATIENTS. HOW YOU DOING, BUDDY?

I GUESS I HAVE SOME SECOND THOUGHTS.

THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. I AM A SUBLIMELY LEARNED DOCTOR.

YOU GUYS SEEM LIKE A CRACK TEAM.

MY "KNOWLEDGEABLENESS" IS SURPASSED ONLY

BY MY PROFICIENCY IN THE AREA TO WHICH I AM HERETOFORE NOTING

AS THAT BEING OF "INTELLIGENCE TRANSFORMATION."

I TOLD YOU SHE WAS SMART. I.E., BRAIN REPLACEMENT.

WHAT? LISTEN TO ME, JUNIOR.

WHEN I'M FINISHED WITH YOU, YOU'LL BE THE ENVY OF ALL THE IDIOTS ON YOUR BLOCK.

WOW. UH-HUH.

THERE ARE A LOT OF IDIOTS ON MY BLOCK.

SO THAT'S GOOD NEWS. YEAH.

DOCTOR? NURSE?

YOU SAID YOU WERE A DOCTOR. HE TOLD YOU HE WAS A DOCTOR?

I CALLED HIM A DOCTOR. AND I DIDN'T CORRECT HIM.

IT'S TRUE, THAT'S GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION. ISN'T IT? THEREFORE...

I'M A NURSE. I'M AN IDIOT, SO I DON'T REALLY KNOW.

LET'S GET STARTED. DOCTOR, I THINK, UM...

DID I SAY YOU COULD THINK? LOOK, I AM THE SPECIALIST. OKAY, NUMBSKULL?

DOCTOR, HOW CAN YOU PERFORM DELICATE BRAIN SURGERY

WITH ONE ARM IN A CAST?

UM, BRENDON, IT'S NOT IN THE SCRIPT.

JUST FOR THE RECORD, NEITHER IS YOU CALLING ME A NUMBSKULL.

BUT MY CHARACTER WOULD'VE SAID IT.

ANYWAY, JASON, DON'T MENTION MELISSA'S CAST, OKAY?

BUT, BRENDON, WHETHER I MENTION IT OR NOT, THE FACT IS

WE HAVE A BRAIN SURGEON THAT HAS A BROKEN ARM. IS THAT DIRECTED AT ME?

OF COURSE IT IS. OF COURSE IT IS, MELISSA, YEAH.

WHO ELSE HAS A BROKEN ARM HERE? JUST YOU.

IT'S TRUE. I SHOULD BE THE SMART DOCTOR BECAUSE I HAVE TWO FREE ARMS.

AND MELISSA SHOULD BE THE IDIOT PATIENT. NO WAY.

LISTEN. I'M GONNA GO AHEAD AND CUT RIGHT NOW

BECAUSE NONE OF THIS IS USABLE.

SO, MR. FITZPANTSON, IN A LITTLE WHILE YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP WITH A NEW BRAIN.

ISN'T THAT EXCITING? OW. SORRY.

BRENDON. SORRY.

YES, THAT'S VERY EXCITING, DOCTOR.

ALL RIGHT. LET ME CHECK SOME VITAL THINGS HERE.

MELISSA, QUIT IT. IT'S NOT ME, IT'S BRENDON.

SORRY, SORRY. OW!

SORRY. THAT WAS ME.

YOU GUYS, THIS IS YOUR LAST CHANCE FOR ME TO TELL MY STORY AGAIN.

OH, YEA. YIPPEE.

I WAS GETTING MY SKATE FROM UNDER THE CAR.

YIPPEE! AND MY DAD DIDN'T SEE MY ARM.

YEA! AND THEN HE BACKED UP OVER MY IT.

WOW!

YOU WANNA HEAR IT ONE MORE TIME? YEAH!

I WAS GETTING MY SKATE FROM UNDER THE CAR. YIPPEE! YIPPEE!

AND MY DAD DIDN'T SEE ME. WHOOPEE!

AND HE BACKED UP OVER MY ARM. YEAH! OHH!

I ONCE HAD AN OPERATION ON MY PEENY.

DO YOU GUYS WANT TO SIGN MY CAST AGAIN?

YIPPEE! YEA!

DEAR... PERRY. ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.

LOOK AT HER. THINKS SHE'S SO COOL BECAUSE SHE BROKE HER ARM.

YEAH. SHE'S TOTALLY PLAYING IT UP.

I'M NOT SIGNING HER STUPID CAST. I KNOW, YOU SAID THAT ALREADY.

I'M NOT SIGNING IT, BRENDON. I KNOW.

IF SHE COMES UP TO ME AND WANTS ME TO SIGN HER CAST, I SAY NO. WELL, DON'T DO IT THEN.

I'M NOT DOING IT. YOU'RE ENTITLED TO NOT DO IT.

I'M NOT SIGNING THE CAST. DON'T SIGN IT.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIGN CASTS. JUST 'CAUSE SOMEONE BROKE THEIR ARM...

JUST 'CAUSE SOMEONE BROKE THEIR ARM... EVERYBODY HAS TO SIGN IT.

SO DON'T SIGN IT THEN. SO I'M NOT!

WELL, DON'T THEN. THEN I WON'T!

HEY, JASON, YOU WANNA SIGN MY CAST? OKAY.

BOY, BREAKING YOUR ARM SURE WAS A GOOD WAY TO AVOID TAKING THAT SCIENCE TEST, HUH?

YOU THINK I WOULD BREAK MY ARM ON PURPOSE JUST TO NOT HAVE TO TAKE A STUPID TEST?

HEY, I'M JUST SAYING, IF YOU DID, PRETTY GOOD PLAN.

IT'S JUST A TEST, BRENDON.

YOU CAN SAY THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE SMARTER THAN...

WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY? I DON'T... I DUNNO.

I THINK YOU WERE GONNA SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME BEING SMARTER THAN YOU.

YEAH, RIGHT. WHY WOULD I SAY A LIE LIKE THAT?

BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. I MEAN, I AM SMARTER THAN YOU.

REALLY, MELISSA? WELL, LET ME ASK YOU THIS.

MM-HMM? STATEMENT.

LET ME MAKE THIS STATEMENT TO YOU. OKAY.

I'M FASTER THAN YOU. HERE I GO!

SEE. WAY FASTER.

WHAT DID YOU GET ON THE MATH TEST LAST WEEK? I GOT AN "A".

YEAH, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I HAD AN "A" TOO.

I HAD AN "S," BUT WHO CARES, YOU KNOW? I HAVE PLENTY OF LETTERS.

S-M-A-L-L. BRENDON SMALL, THAT'S ME. GOTTA GO.

THIS IS AWFUL.

MELISSA, GET IN THERE AND REPLACE JANINE.

COACH, MY ARM'S BROKEN, REMEMBER?

YOUR ARM IS PROTECTED BY A CAST.

IT'S SAFER THAN IT WAS BEFORE. NOW GET IN THERE.

I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA. ALL RIGHT, FINE, FINE.

GO TO THE SUB SHOP AND GET ME A STEAK AND CHEESE,

PEPPERS AND ONIONS, AND HOTS, LARGE.

DO YOU HAVE ANY MONEY? NO.

NEITHER DO I. WELL, GO TO YOUR LOCKER AND GET SOME.

HOW MUCH DOES A SUB COST? I DON'T KNOW, ABOUT EIGHT DOLLARS.

I ONLY HAVE LIKE A DOLLAR. YOU HAVE A CHECK?

DO I HAVE A CHECK? YEAH.

NO. HAVE YOU EVER FILLED OUT A CHECK BEFORE?

MY DAD LETS ME PUT IN THE DATE SOMETIMES. HERE'S A CHECK I FOUND.

IT'S BLANK. FILL IT OUT TO THE SUB SHOP. OKAY.

THEY'LL TELL YOU THE AMOUNT. YOU WRITE THAT IN RIGHT HERE. OKAY.

THEN YOU WRITE IT OUT, WHICH I ALWAYS THOUGHT WAS STUPID. THEN YOU SIGN IT.

I SIGN IT? SIGN IT THIS NAME ON TOP.

OKAY. MR. LYNCH?

YES, MR. LYNCH. HE GIVES ME HIS CHECKS SOMETIMES.

WE SHARE. OKAY.

GO. BRENDON! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OUT THERE?

GET OVER HERE! IS YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, BRENDON?

WHAT? IS YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME, BRENDON?

I THINK SO. YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE DAY DREAMING OUT THERE.

I HAVE A BIG SCIENCE TEST COMING UP. SO WHAT?

SO WHAT. YEAH, SO WHAT? THIS IS A SOCCER GAME.

OH. DO YOUR SCIENCE TEST IN SCIENCE CLASS.

PLAY SOCCER OUT HERE ON THE SOCCER FIELD.

HEY, COACH, DO YOU THINK I'M STUPID?

OF COURSE YOU'RE STUPID, BRENDON. ALL KIDS ARE STUPID.

EVERY SINGLE KID OUT HERE IS STUPID. YEAH.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING, BRENDON, I'VE GOT A BIG TEST COMING UP TOO,

BUT I'M NOT DISTRACTED... I'M FOCUSED ON THE GAME.

REALLY, YOU HAVE A TEST? YEAH.

A LIFEGUARD TEST. I'M GONNA BE A LIFEGUARD.

YOU'RE GONNA BE A LIFEGUARD? THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU'RE GONNA BE A LIFEGUARD? THAT'S RIGHT.

NO OFFENSE OR ANYTHING, BUT DON'T YOU HAVE TO BE IN SHAPE OR SOMETHING?

NO, THAT WAS 20 YEARS AGO. YOU HAD TO BE IN SHAPE.

WELL, WHY DO YOU WANNA BE A LIFEGUARD? FOR THE MONEY, BRENDON.

I DIDN'T THINK THEY GET PAID THAT MUCH, COACH.

LOOK AT THIS. I SEE IT.

LIFEGUARD SAVES THIS KID'S LIFE, RIGHT?

HIS PARENTS WERE RICH, SO THEY GAVE THE LIFEGUARD A MILLION DOLLARS.

WOW. THAT IS AN UGLY KID, COACH.

YES, IT IS, YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT APPARENTLY THEY LOVE HIM. YEAH.

SO ALL I GOTTA DO IS SAVE SOME RICH KID'S ASS,

AND THEN I'LL BE RICH, BRENDON, LIVING ON EASY STREET.

COACH? YEAH?

THEY WOULDN'T GIVE ME THE SUB, BUT THEY GAVE ME THIS.

WOW. WELL, GO BACK AND GIVE THEM THIS CHECK.

OKAY.

YOU'RE NOT DUMB, BRENDON. YOU'RE... YOU'RE CREATIVE.

UH-HUH. CREATIVE PEOPLE DON'T ALWAYS GET GOOD GRADES, YOU KNOW?

THEY JUST, UH... THEY'RE DIFFERENT.

IT'S LIKE COOKING, BRENDON. YOU DON'T MEASURE.

YOU WOULD BE A PERSON WHO WOULD JUST THROW SOMETHING IN A POT

AND YOU'D COME OUT WITH A BEAUTIFUL DISH.

THAT'S THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE.

THE CLASSROOM'S TOO RESTRICTIVE FOR YOU. THAT'S PROBABLY WHAT IT IS, YOU KNOW?

YOU NEED TO BE AN EXPRESSIVE PERSON.

YOU NEED TO... BRENDON!

WHAT? WHAT?

THAT'S DISGUSTING. SORRY.

TWO MORE MINUTES. KEEP THE BRICKS UP, KEEP 'EM OVER YOUR HEAD.

VERY GOOD. MR. MCGUIRK, GET IN THE DEEP END.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE SHALLOW END?

I THOUGHT WE WERE SUPPOSED DO IT IN THE SHALLOW END.

NO, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TREADING WATER. GET IN IN THE DEEP END, MCGUIRK.

OH, BOY SINKING, SINKING, SINKING.

MCGUIRK, KICK YOUR FEET. HELP!

KICK 'EM. HELP ME!

SOMEBODY HELP HIM!

MAN, I NEED A BREAK.

♪♪

♪ THE WORLD'S GOT YOU DOWN BUT THAT'S OKAY ♪

♪ YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST WANNA RUN AWAY ♪

♪ PUTS ON YOUR PANTS, BOY SHOW 'EM YOU'RE STRONG, BOY ♪

♪ ONE LEG AT A TIME ♪

♪ TRUST YOURSELF ♪ ♪ YOU GOT NOTHING ELSE TO LOSE ♪

♪ TRUST YOURSELF ♪ ♪ WHAT ELSE YOU GONNA DO ♪

♪ TRUST YOURSELF ♪ ♪ YOU GOTTA FLY SO HIGH ♪

♪ LIKE A ROCKET IN THE SKY ♪

♪ TRUST YOURSELF ♪ ♪ WHERE'S IT... ♪

OH, MOM. DON'T MIND ME.

I WAS JUST... JUST, UH, STUDYING. DID I WAKE YOU UP?

WAKE ME? IT'S 5:30. I JUST CAME TO TELL YOU DINNER'S READY.

5:30? YEAH, 5:30.

IT FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN STUDYING FOR HOURS.

NOPE. ABOUT TEN MINUTES.

THIS IS EASY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BRENDON? HMM?

YOU'RE NOT SMART. YOU'RE STUPID!

OH, YEAH. I FORGOT.

AAH!

SO IT'S A STORY ABOUT A GIRL WITH AN IRON CLAW.

IT'LL BE CALLED, THE GIRL WITH THE IRON CLAW.

I LIKE IT. I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT.

SO, HOW'S THE STUDYING GOING? GREAT!

BRENDON, DO YOU WANT ME TO HELP YOU? NO.

ARE YOU SURE? I DON'T NEED YOUR SELF-PITY, MELISSA.

IT'S NOT SELF-PITY, BRENDON. IT'S JUST PITY.

MORNING. JASON!

WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT?

OH, YOU MEAN THIS?

DID YOU BREAK IT? OH, BIG TIME.

SNAPPED IT RIGHT IN TWO. I'M SHOCKED.

JASON! JASON, DID YOU BREAK YOUR ARM? JASON, SAME QUESTION?

YOU BET. YOU BET, GUYS.

JASON, FOLLOW-UP QUESTION. CAN WE SIGN IT? CAN WE SIGN IT?

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, ONE AT A TIME. YEA!

EVERYBODY GETS A CHANCE TO SIGN JASON'S CAST. HEY, MELISSA.

HEY, JASON. HOW'S IT GOING?

FINE. I'LL BE WITH YOU IN ONE SECOND.

I'M JUST GOING TO HAVE EVERYBODY SIGN THIS BABY. THIS BAD BOY.

THEN I'LL HEAD OVER TO YOU GUYS. HUH? UH-HUH.

YOU LOOK NICE TODAY, MELISSA. THANK YOU.

THAT'S A CUTE LITTLE OUTFIT. THANKS.

IT'S QUITE A COINCIDENCE, HUH? I BREAK MY ARM. JASON ACTS JEALOUS.

THEN HE SHOWS UP WITH A BROKEN ARM. YOU THINK HE'S FAKING.

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW. BUT, YEAH, I THINK SO.

UH, HERE WE GO.

UM, BEFORE I GET STARTED,

I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT GIRL DID A REALLY GOOD JOB WITH THE, UH, BREATHING.

LET'S GIVE HER A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR...

ALL RIGHT. SO... COME HERE OFTEN?

OR SHOULD I SAY DROWN HERE OFTEN?

UM, INSTRUCTOR, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A SECOND?

UH... WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

I CAN'T DO THIS... WITH THE DOLL. IT'S DISGUSTING.

WE STERILIZE IT AFTER EACH PERSON. STILL, I DON'T CARE.

I DON'T CARE WHO'S BEEN THERE BEFORE. IT'S THE ACT ITSELF. IT'S DISGUSTING.

MR. MCGUIRK, YOU ARE HERE TO SAVE PEOPLE'S LIVES, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

RIGHT, RIGHT. IT'S JUST I CAN'T KISS A DUMMY IN FRONT OF KIDS.

I MEAN, THEY'RE ALL KIDS. MR. MCGUIRK, YOU ARE NOT KISSING A DUMMY.

YOU ARE BREATHING INTO IT, TRYING TO RESUSCITATE IT.

ALL RIGHT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. BUT YOU'VE CLEANED IT, RIGHT?

OF COURSE, WE STERILIZE IT AFTER EACH KISSING. WITH ALCOHOL.

WELL, YOU SAID YOU DON'T KISS. IT'S PRETTY MUCH KISSIN'.

IT IS? WELL, WHAT'S A KISS ANYWAY?

YEAH, BUT... PUTTIN' YOUR MOUTH ON SOMETHIN'. MAYBE YOU ARE KISSIN' IT.

I THOUGHT YOU BREATHE INTO IT. YOU BREATHE INTO SOMEONE WHEN YOU'RE KISSIN' 'EM, DON'T YA?

YOU DO? I DON'T. I DO.

I HOLD MY BREATH. I BREATHE INTO 'EM.

YOU DO? WELL, THAT'S PROBABLY YOUR TRAINING,

AND YOU SHOULD, YOU KNOW, PUNCH OUT.

WELL, MAYBE THAT'S A PROBLEM I HAVE.

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T BREATHE INTO PEOPLE WHEN I'M ON A DATE

AFTER HAVIN' A COUPLE OF DRINKS WITH THEM.

HAS ANYONE EVER SAID, LIKE, DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE? YES.

WHEN YOU'RE KISSING THEM? A COUPLE OF WOMEN HAVE BACKED UP AND SAID WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?

THAT'S PROBABLY A SIGN THAT YOU'RE DOIN' IT WRONG.

WELL, I SAY GIVE ME ANOTHER TRY.

LET ME SEE IF I CAN DO IT WITHOUT BREATHING INTO YOU.

THEN WHAT HAPPENS? I BREATHE INTO THEM.

ALL RIGHT, BRENDON BREAKS HIS ARM TO AVOID THE SCIENCE TEST.

TAKE ONE.

MAN, THAT'S FAR. YOU KNOW WHAT? CUT!

STUPID CALCIUM.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS GUY'S GONNA HAVE A NEW BRAIN.

WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT TALKING? SORRY.

NO, I CAN'T. I CAN'T DO IT.

CAN I SAY SOMETHING? GO AHEAD.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? I WENT OUT WITH STANLEY FITZPANTSON YEARS AGO.

HE'S SO STUPID HE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER ME.

HE LEFT ME AT THE ALTAR. HE BROKE MY HEART.

I CAN'T GIVE HIM A NEW BRAIN. HE DOESN'T DESERVE IT. BUT HE ALREADY PAID.

THEN I'LL GIVE HIM SOMETHING ELSE. I'LL GIVE HIM THIS TOWEL INSTEAD.

HE'S NOT GOING TO LIKE THAT. JUST HAND ME THE TOWEL, FOOL!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M TALKING TO YOU.

I COULD GET A BABOON TO DO WHAT YOU'RE DOING. AND THEY'D PROBABLY DO IT BETTER.

CUT.

WAS THAT GOOD? YOU IMPROVISED A COUPLE OF THINGS AT THE END.

BUT IT FELT RIGHT.

SO, HOW'S THE NEW BRAINER? I FEEL GREAT.

OH, MY GOD! PENELOPE? PENELOPE SAVESALOT? YOU REMEMBER ME?

I GUESS WITH MY NEW BRAIN, I CAN REMEMBER THINGS AGAIN.

I REMEMBER WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED, BUT I GOT LOST ON THE WAY TO THE WEDDING.

PENELOPE, WILL YOU MARRY ME?

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO, STANLEY.

BUT, PENELOPE, I LOVE YOU. BUT YOU'RE STILL STUPID.

OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE? WHAT IS SHE TALKING ABOUT?

I'M NOT STUPID ANYMORE. I HAVE A NEW BRAIN, RIGHT?

SHE LIED TO YOU. YOU DIDN'T GET A NEW BRAIN.

YOU GOT A... TOWEL. A WHAT?

A TOWEL. SAY AGAIN.

SHE GAVE YOU A TOWEL.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU. YOU'RE MUMBLING. LISTEN TO ME!

- YES. - SHE GAVE YOU A...

I STILL CAN'T MAKE OUT THE LAST PART.

WATCH ME NOW. IT'S WET IN HERE. I NEED SOMETHING TO DRY ME OFF.

A TOWEL. TATTLE. TATTLE?

TOWEL.

I STUCK A TOWEL ON YOUR HEAD! YOU HAVE A TOWEL FOR A BRAIN!

NO! NO!

WHAT HAVE I DONE? OH, ME TOO!

ALL RIGHT, EVERYONE. GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TESTS TOMORROW.

YOU BELIEVE WE GOTTA LEARN ALL THIS CRAP?

YOU'RE A GOOD SWIMMER BY THE WAY. THANKS.

I LIKE THE WAY YOU FLIP AROUND WHEN YOU GET TO THE OTHER END OF THE POOL.

I TRIED TO DO THAT, BUT I KEPT HITTING MY HEAD.

I'M ACTUALLY FEELING A LITTLE FAINT, WOOZY.

WELL, GOOD NIGHT. AM I GOING TO BED?

HEY, COACH, YOU STILL HERE OR WHAT? UH...

HOW MANY FINGERS AM I HOLDING UP? ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR. ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

WHO ARE YOU? WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE?

GRAVITY...

FORCE OF ATTRACTION BY WHICH TERRESTRIAL...

OKAY, LOOK, I CANNOT STUDY HERE. CAN YOU DROP ME OFF AT THE LIBRARY?

YOU OKAY?

I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY HEARD YOU SAY THAT WORD BEFORE.

LISTEN. I WANNA GO TO THE LIBRARY...

MOM, THAT'S SO ANNOYING. OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY. ALL RIGHT?

WILL YOU JUST TAKE ME... THERE? WHERE DO YOU WANNA GO?

JUST TO THE LIBRARY.

MOM! OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY. NO MORE. I'M REALLY SORRY.

OKAY, CAN YOU JUST PLEASE TAKE ME TO THE LIBRARY?

SEE, I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.

WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO BE PROUD OF YOU?

WHY DO YOU WANNA GO TO THE LIBRARY?

BECAUSE I HAVE TO STUDY. I HAVE TO... OKAY, IT'S STARTING TO GET WET OVER HERE.

BRENDON! BRENDON! WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? SHH!

SORRY. MY FAULT. I FORGOT IT WAS A LIBRARY.

WHY DON'T YOU CRUCIF... FY A GUY FOR FU... NOTHING.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I CAME HERE TO STUDY.

YEAH, ME TOO. WHAT A COUPLE OF LOSERS WE ARE, HUH?

COACH, YOU'RE BLEEDING. DO YOU KNOW THAT? YEAH, I KNOW.

MEN BLEED, BRENDON. IT'S WHAT WE DO.

I'M GONNA FIND A QUIET CORNER.

HEY, HEY, HEY. COME HERE. WHAT? I GOTTA...

COME HERE. OKAY. WHAT?

LOOK WHAT I DID TO THE CARD CATALOG.

I TOOK ALL THE CARDS OUT AND THREW 'EM ALL OVER. HUH?

ISN'T THAT HILARIOUS? NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO USE THIS AGAIN?

COACH, YOU'RE REALLY ANGRY AND WEIRD RIGHT NOW. BRENDON.

WHAT? LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

WHY? I HAVE TO STUDY. 'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT LIKE US HERE.

BUT I HAVE... BRENDON, WE'RE DIFFERENT, ALL RIGHT?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? WE'RE NOT "STUDIERS."

WE'RE NOT THE WORKER ANTS. WE'RE THE QUEENS.

YOU AND ME ARE THE QUEEN BEES.

YEAH. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

WE SHOULD BE RUNNING IT, MAN. WE CAN'T BE DOING THIS.

BUT I HAVE TO... STICKING OUR NOSES IN BOOKS.

WE'RE NOT LIKE THAT, MAN! SHH!

YOU SHH! BRENDON. GET ON MY BACK.

AND LET'S GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE. I'M NOT GETTING ON YOUR BACK.

GET ON MY BACK AND LET'S GO, MAN. LET'S GO!

GET ON MY BACK AND LET'S RIDE. SHH!

I'M TALKING HERE!

OKAY, I GOTTA... I GOTTA GO STUDY.

I'M GONNA TAKE A NAP, ALL RIGHT? OKAY.

MEET ME LATER. ALL RIGHT.

MELISSA. HI.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? I'M TRYING TO FIND A GOOD BOOK TO READ.

MAN, HOW MANY BOOKS DO YOU READ? A BOOK A MONTH.

A... A BOOK A MONTH? MM-HMM.

WOW. IT WOULD TAKE ME A YEAR TO READ A BOOK A MONTH.

WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE. IF IT ISN'T MR. AND MRS. LIBRARY.

HI, JASON. HI, JASON.

DID YOU GUYS HEAR WHAT I SAID? MM-HMM.

YEAH. HEY. YEAH?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I'M HERE RETURNING A BOOK.

WHAT BOOK? OH, IT'S JUST A BOOK ON NOTHING.

IS THAT A BOOK ON HOW TO MAKE YOUR OWN CAST?

WELL, I SHOULD GET GOING. GOTTA GET THIS BACK BY... OH, MY GOD. IT'S ALREADY LATE.

I'LL WALK YOU OUT. THAT'S OKAY. I CAN MAKE IT ON MY OWN.

NO, IT'S MY PLEASURE. I'LL SEE YOU, BRENDON.

HOW'S THE ARM? STILL BROKEN?

OH, OW. YEAH, STILL BROKEN.

♪♪

♪ TRUST YOURSELF ♪

♪ TRUST YOURSELF ♪

♪ TRUST YOURSELF ♪

YOU'RE SMART, DON'T "VORRY."

ALAN EINSTEIN?

NO. ALBERT EINSTEIN.

WOW! BRENDON, TRUST YOURSELF.

THANKS.

DO YOU HAVE A QUARTER FOR THE BUS?

YOU TAKE THE BUS WHEN YOU'RE DEAD? SURE.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. A QUARTER FOR THE BUS.

BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY. A QUARTER FOR THE BUS.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY. A QUARTER FOR THE BUS.

"QUARTER FOR THE BUS. QUARTER FOR THE BUS."

THE END. BRENDON?

WHAT? THE END.

WHAT ARE YOU READING? QUARTER FOR THE BUS.

WHY ARE YOU READING ME THAT? I'M TRYING TO SLEEP. JUST THOUGHT YOU'D LIKE IT.

YEAH, BUT... WHATEVER. I GOTTA STUDY. I GOTTA WAKE UP.

BRENDON, IT'S A MEMOIR. OKAY.

OF A BUS DRIVER. IT'S GOOD.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL READ IT SOMETIME, BUT JUST... MAN, I GOTTA STUDY.

HEY, BUDDY. WHAT?

WHAT? THIS WAS OUR FIRST BOOK CLUB MEETING.

ALL RIGHT.

OH, FORGET IT. I'VE STUDIED ALL I CAN STUDY.

I CAN'T STUDY ANYMORE. I'M JUST GONNA HAVE TO TRUST MYSELF.

YEAH!

OW!

NO MORE... OH! OW!

MY ARM!

BRENDON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? HOLD IT A SEC, I'LL GET IT.

I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE YOU BROKE YOUR ARM. GOOD TIMING, BRENDON.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN? JUST BREAK YOUR ARM... SCIENCE TEST.

HEY, I STUDIED FOR THAT TEST. I WAS READY.

BRENDON, IT'S FINE. IF YOU DON'T WANNA TAKE THE TEST,

AND THEN YOU FAKE BREAK YOUR ARM, IT'S TOTALLY COOL.

RIGHT, MELIS'? YUP.

IT WASN'T MY FAULT THAT I FELL, OKAY?

RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT. BRENDON, LET ME RUN THE CAMERA.

YOU CAN'T DO IT ANY BETTER THAN ME.

OH, YEAH? I KNEW IT. I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING.

NO, YOU DIDN'T. YES, I DID. I KNEW IT THE WHOLE TIME.

I KIND OF SUSPECTED IT TOO, JASON.

NO WAY, BRENDON. NO. MELISSA, NO.

YEAH. NO. NO.

I KNEW YOU WERE FAKING. YOU SIGNED MY CAST.

YOU CRIED FOR ME. WE KNEW, JASON.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DIDN'T KNOW? MELISSA?

YOU FAKED THE WHOLE THING? YUP. MADE IT ALL UP.

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? TO AVOID TAKING THE SCIENCE TEST?

NAH. THEN WHY? FOR THE ATTENTION? I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

MMM, NOT REALLY. THEN WHY?

I DUNNO. FELT LIKE IT. YOU'RE EVIL.

THAT'S NOT COOL. YOU LIED. IT IS. IT'S TOTALLY EVIL.

YOU HAD A CAST ON FOR LIKE THREE WEEKS.

I JUST WANTED TO SHAKE THINGS UP A LITTLE BIT.

THAT'S WEIRD. IT'S PSYCHOTIC. JASON, YOU DID THE SAME THING!

YEAH, BUT NOT SO LONG. IT WAS A MUCH SHORTER LIE. IT'S THE SAME THING.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY THE SAME. MELISSA, YOU'RE NOT OFF THE HOOK.

BRENDON, YOU DID IT TOO. YEAH.

YOU'RE ACTING SO HIGH AND MIGHTY. NO. THIS IS REAL.

I ACTUALLY BROKE MY ARM.

RIGHT, BRENDON. SO IS MINE. MINE TOO.

NO, IT ISN'T! MINE'S REAL!

LET'S ALL JUST ADMIT WE ALL FAKED IT. WE TAKE OFF OUR CASTS. NO!

LOOK AT ME AND MELISSA. OUCH. LET ME PUT MY CAST BACK ON.

I'M BRENDON. I'M MELISSA.

LOOK, GUYS! LOOK! LOOK!

I HAVE X-RAYS!

HE REALLY DID BREAK HIS ARM. WHAT A SUCKER.

THERE. SAVED.

I CAN'T HELP YOU.

YOU DIDN'T PASS THE WRITTEN, THE ORAL, OR THE PHYSICAL.

SORRY. YOU ARE NOT A LIFEGUARD.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. I GET THE MESSAGE.

EVERY MAN HAS HIS PRICE. HOW MUCH YOU WANT?

I'M SORRY, I... NAME IT.

I DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. GIVE ME A NUMBER.

I DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. GIVE ME A NUMBER.

TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS. YOU GOT IT.

THAT'S A CHECK. THAT'S A CHECK.

DONALD LYNCH. YES.

IT'S MY COMPANY.

HEY, YOU, KID. STOP FLAILING AROUND.

ALL RIGHT, KID, I'M COMING, I'M COMING.

I'LL SAVE YOU. YOU BETTER BE RICH.