Original subtitles

MY FATHER TAUGHT ME A POEM WHEN I WAS A KID. YOU WANNA HEAR IT?

IS THIS SOMETHING YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO DO?

WELL, I MEAN, I AM HERE AND I GOT THE POEM LOCKED AND LOADED.

OKAY. GO AHEAD THEN.

YOU READY? YEAH.

UH, SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN' RUN.

I'M PARAPHRASIN' HERE.

SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN' SUN.

THAT'S, UH, NICE.

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE, LIKE, POEMS FROM CHILDHOOD I THINK.

YEAH, YOUR FATHER YOU SAY READ THAT TO YOU?

YEAH, I THINK HE WROTE IT.

DID HE? YEAH.

GREAT. EXCEPT FOR THE PARTS YOU DON'T REMEMBER.

WELL, YEAH, BUT I MEAN THE IDEA OF IT.

THE FACT THAT HE READ IT TO ME EVERY NIGHT.

I MEAN, I REMEMBER THAT CRYSTAL CLEAR.

I GOT YOU. THANKS FOR WHAT YOU SORTA TRIED TO KINDA DO FOR BRENDON.

HELPIN' OUT YOUR KID? THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYIN' TO DO.

NO PROBLEM, YOU KNOW. ALWAYS HERE TO HELP OUT.

ESPECIALLY BRENDON. YOU KNOW, I LIKE HIM AND STUFF.

WELL, TODAY YOU DID GOOD. THANKS, ANDREW.

OKAY, PAL, LET'S GO. HEY, HOLD UP, OFFICER.

YOU'RE A LAWYER, RIGHT, ANDREW? YEAH, I'M NOT THAT KIND OF...

OH, WHAT KIND OF... MORE OUT OF COURT LITIGATION. NOT REALLY...

SO YOU CAN'T HELP OUT ON THIS ONE?

NOT SO MUCH. OKAY, LET'S GO.

I FOUND IT. I FOUND THE FOOT. BRENDON, I FOUND THE FOOT.

IT IS FINISHED. THE CLOCK HAS STOPPED.

I HAVE FOUND THE FOOT.

UH, BRENDON. YEAH.

WHY IS SHE DOIN' THAT? I HAVE NO IDEA.

WHAT A WEEK.

WE SHOW THE MOVIE BACKWARDS. IT'LL BE COOL.

IT OPENS WITH THE ENDING AND IT ENDS WITH THE BEGINNING. IT'S BACKWARDS.

BRENDON. BRENDON, BRENDON, BRENDON.

YOU CAN'T JUST MAKE A MOVIE BACKWARDS.

OH, NO, NO, NO. I CAN. I CAN. SEE, THAT'S THE NEW THING.

ALL THE DIRECTORS ARE DOING IT, SO...

BUT, BRENDON, IF WE SHOW THE ENDING FIRST, THEN WON'T THAT GIVE AWAY THE ENDING?

YEAH. BUT NO, NO, NO, BECAUSE IT'S NOT REALLY THE ENDING.

BRENDON, THE MOVIE'S ALREADY WRITTEN. RIGHT.

FORWARDS. RIGHT.

YEAH. RIGHT.

SO IT'S IN ORDER ALREADY. RIGHT.

SO YOU CAN'T CHANGE IT AND JUST MAKE IT BACKWARDS.

NO, I CAN. ALL THE DIRECTORS ARE DOING IT.

YEAH, BRENDON, BUT THOSE DIRECTORS ARE HACKS,

AND THEY'RE JUST LOOKING FOR A HOOK.

LET'S SHOOT THE LAST SCENE WHICH IS, UH, NOW THE OPENING SCENE. UH, YOU'LL SEE.

OKAY, LAST SCENE. ACTION.

NO, LARRY, LET ME TELL YOU HOW IT'S GONNA BE.

I'M GOING OUT THERE AND WALKING DOWN THAT AISLE.

OH, THANK YOU, CATHY.

ALONE, IN THE OTHER DIRECTION.

DOWN THE AISLE AND OUT THE DOOR.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU HAVE AN AFFAIR WITH MY SISTER THE NIGHT BEFORE OUR WEDDING.

CATHY, CAN'T YOU GIVE ME ANOTHER CHANCE?

LOOK, LARRY, THE ONLY THING I'M GONNA DO...

WAIT. THE ONLY THING IS... WAIT. CAN WE DO IT AGAIN? I SCREWED IT UP.

NOPE. CUT. PERFECT. BUT I MESSED UP.

I'LL FIX IT IN POST. YOU ALWAYS SAY YOU'RE GONNA FIX IT IN POST, BUT YOU DON'T.

NEXT SCENE, WHICH IS REALLY THE NEXT TO LAST SCENE. OKAY.

ACTION. YOU HAD AN AFFAIR WITH MY SISTER?

CUT. PERFECT. I DON'T KNOW, BRENDON.

WE'LL FIX IT IN POST. THAT'S A WRAP FOR TODAY, GUYS.

MY DAD'S COMIN' TO PICK ME UP.

I GOTTA AGREE WITH JASON AND MELISSA.

YOU CAN'T JUST SHOW A MOVIE BACKWARDS.

IT WOULDN'T MAKE SENSE. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

HEAD DOWN. INTERLOCK THE FINGERS.

STICK YOUR BUTT OUT. RIGHT.

BEND YOUR KNEES. OKAY.

OKAY, LEAN ON THE BALLS OF YOUR FEET.

HEY, THIS ISN'T VERY COMFORTABLE.

NO, NO, IT'S OKAY. YOU'RE FINE. AND MOVE CLOSER TO THE BALL.

OKAY. WAIT A MINUTE. JUST RELAX.

OKAY. OKAY. YOU RELAXED?

NOT REALLY. PUT YOUR HEAD DOWN.

OKAY, SWING! SWING! IT TOOK ME 20 MINUTES TO GET LIKE THIS.

SWING NOW. NO!

YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT IT. YOU JUST HAVE TO SWING.

OKAY. SORRY.

YOU KNOW, GOLF'S A GREAT GAME, BRENDON.

IT TEACHES DISCIPLINE, HUMILITY, SPORTSMANSHIP,

MATH... I'M A HUGE FAN OF ALL THOSE THINGS.

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

AND IT'S SOMETHING WE CAN DO TOGETHER. THAT'S THE WHOLE THING.

THAT'S WHY I SIGNED YOU UP FOR SOME GOLF LESSONS.

WHAT? IT'LL BE FUN.

I'M NOT REALLY SURE THAT GOLF IS FOR ME.

OH, NO. IT IS THOUGH.

IT IS. YEAH.

OH. IT'S GREAT.

OKAY THEN.

HEY, WOW. NICE SHOT, DAD. THANKS, BRENDON.

SORRY!

GOOD REFLEXES, MELISSA. FOR A MINUTE THERE I THOUGHT THE BALL WAS GONNA HIT YOU.

ANYWAY, BRENDON, A BACKWARDS MOVIE DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.

ESPECIALLY IF YOU GET TO THE MOVIES LATE LIKE ME.

I'D HATE TO SHOW FIVE MINUTES INTO THE MOVIE AND FOUND OUT I MISSED THE ENDING.

IT'S CALLED LOGIC. ALL RIGHT? YEAH.

I THINK YOUR FATHER'S RIGHT ABOUT GOLF. GREAT GAME.

REALLY? YEAH. YOU SHOULD TAKE IT UP.

YOU DO? YEAH.

I USED TO GOLF IN HIGH SCHOOL. REALLY?

I ALMOST MADE IT TO THE STATE FINALS. WHAT HAPPENED?

I DIDN'T.

OH. I CHOKED, ALL RIGHT?

OKAY. BUT NOT THE WAY YOU THINK.

I CHOKED MY OPPONENT. OH.

YEAH. I GOT MAD 'CAUSE HE WAS BEATING ME, SO I CHOKED HIM.

OH. AND APPARENTLY YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

WELL, THERE YOU GO.

BUT I GOT MY JUST REWARDS.

I WAITED FOR HIM IN THE PARKING LOT AFTERWARDS AND I TOOK HIS CLUBS.

WHO'S THE WINNER IN THAT SITUATION? YOU.

YOU WANT A TROPHY OR A SET OF GOLF CLUBS? GOLF CLUBS.

GOLF CLUBS. YES.

WANT ME TO HELP YOU WITH YOUR GOLF OR WHAT? NO THANKS.

MELISSA, ARE YOU COMFORTABLE?

YES. I'M GOOD. CAN I GET YOU A CHAIR?

NO THANKS, COACH. MAYBE JUST SOMETHING TO DRINK.

I DON'T THINK SHE GETS SARCASM, BRENDON.

GO GET HER SOME JUICE. OKAY.

AND A CHAIR.

I DON'T KNOW, BRENDON. SHOWING A MOVIE BACKWARDS JUST SOUNDS SILLY.

DID YOU SEE THAT MOVIE MEMENTO THOUGH? YES.

THAT WAS A GREAT MOVIE. YEAH.

HIT ANOTHER ONE, BRENDON.

DON'T LIFT YOUR HEAD. OKAY.

SUNSET BOULEVARD OPENED WITH THE MAIN CHARACTER DEAD IN A POOL.

YEAH. YUP. HIT ANOTHER ONE, BRENDON.

WHAT IF YOU OPENED WITH THE MIDDLE OF THE MOVIE,

OR WHAT IF YOU OPEN WITH THE BEGINNING

THEN SHOWED THE ENDING AND ENDED WITH THE MIDDLE?

HIT ANOTHER ONE. MY ARMS ARE TIRED.

BRENDON, YOU THINK A CHAMPION COMPLAINS ABOUT HIS ARMS BEING TIRED.

YES. WELL, HIT ANOTHER ONE THEN.

HERE'S THE DEAL.

MM-HMM. I THINK IT'S JUST MAYBE A LITTLE TOO AVANT-GARDE.

MM-HMM. RIGHT. IT'S NOT THAT THE MOVIE IS STUPID.

IT'S JUST THAT THE WAY YOU WANNA DO IT IS STUPID. MM-HMM.

RIGHT. IT'S THE HOOK. BACKWARDS.

THE BACKWARDS HOOK IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY TO GO.

DO YOU HEAR WHERE WE'RE COMING FROM? 'CAUSE THE HOOK IS HACK.

MM-HMM. WELL, THAT'S INTERESTING, GUYS,

'CAUSE EVERYBODY I TALKED TO THINKS IT'S A GREAT IDEA. REALLY?

MM-HMM.

SO WHO HAVE YOU TALKED TO?

OTHER HACK DIRECTORS? MM-HMM.

YOU CALL THE HACK HOTLINE? MM-MM.

PLUS, WE'RE JUST GIVING YOU CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. YEAH.

IT'S SUPPOSED TO HELP THE MOVIE. IT'S CALLED PROCESS. MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

RIGHT, MELIS'? YEAH. WE LOVE YOU AND YOUR WORK.

WE'RE JUST NOT VERY HAPPY ABOUT THIS PARTICULAR PROCESS.

ALTHOUGH, ALTHOUGH...

MM-HMM? YOU HAVE MADE SOME HACK MOVIES IN THE PAST.

THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT THAT. LET'S NOT TALK ABOUT THE PAST.

LET'S JUST FOCUS ON THE PRESENT.

WELL, I'M JUST SAYING, A LOT OF BRENDON'S WORK IS DERIVATIVE.

BUT WHATEVER. IT SEEMS LIKE ALMOST A PARODY

TO MAKE A BACKWARDS MOVIE RIGHT AFTER ONE CAME OUT.

BUT YOU'RE THE DIRECTOR.

LET'S KEEP GOING WITH HOW YOU WANNA DO IT,

BUT IF IT DOESN'T WORK, CAN WE DO IT THE REGULAR WAY?

CAN WE? MM-HMM.

WE CAN? PROMISE? MM-HMM.

DO YOU HAVE YOUR FINGERS CROSSED? MM-MM.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING CROSSED? MM-MM.

BRENDON, YOU'RE CROSSING YOUR EYES.

MM-HMM.

TOTALLY HACK MOVE. MM-HMM.

♪♪

OH, MOM, COME ON.

HOW MUCH LONGER IS THIS GONNA BE? IT'S ONLY BEEN AN HOUR.

HOW COME JOSIE GETS SO MANY EAR INFECTIONS ANYWAY? I DON'T KNOW, HONEY.

MAYBE YOU DON'T CLEAN HER EARS GOOD ENOUGH. THAT'S PROBABLY IT.

HEY, CAN YOU TALK TO DAD FOR ME?

NOPE. BUT I DON'T LIKE GOLF.

NEITHER DO I.

MS. SMALL? YEAH?

THE DOCTOR'S READY FOR JOSIE.

FINALLY. GOT YOU. NURSE, GIVE ME A COUPLE MINUTES HERE.

YOU'RE NOT READY? YEAH, I ALMOST GOT IT.

MS. SULLIVAN?

MOM! AH! DAMN!

YOU CAN TAKE THAT IN WITH YOU.

BRENDON, HURRY UP. COME ON. LET'S GO.

PUTT, BRENDON, PUTT.

HEY, HOW ABOUT THAT?

WELL, OKAY. VERY GOOD. THAT'S A 14.

NOT BAD. THAT'S BETTER THAN 15 AS WE SAY.

NOT BAD ACTUALLY. THAT'S THE GAME OF GOLF. THAT'S THE RUSH.

THERE'S THE RUSH OF ADRENALIN. YOU FEEL IT? YEAH.

SO YOUR TOTAL SCORE IS... UH-HUH.

ALL RIGHT.

HOW'S IT GOIN' OVER THERE? HMM?

STILL FIGURING OUT MY SCORE? WHAT'S THAT THERE?

HOW AM I DOIN'? NOT SO BAD THERE.

OKAY. COUPLE MORE HOLES TO ADD UP THERE, BRENDON.

OKAY. TRIPLE BOGEY, QUINTUPLE BOGEY, QUINTUPLE BOGEY.

MIKE? 126.

HEY, NICE. FOR NINE HOLES.

I DON'T SAY THIS OFTEN, BUT YOU'RE A TERRIBLE GOLFER.

WELL, UM, IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, I ACTUALLY DON'T REALLY CARE.

WELL, THAT'S NOT THE ATTITUDE TO HAVE. I KNOW.

I JUST FIGURED I'D BE HONEST WITH YOU.

YOU GOTTA LEARN TO LOVE THIS GAME.

SEE, THAT'S THE TOUGH PART. I HATE IT.

WELL, I CAN'T HELP YOU THEN. ALL RIGHT.

ARE WE THROUGH? I THINK SO. CAN I GET THAT SCORECARD?

I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY USE PENCILS.

YOU SHOT A 94?

MM-HMM. BRENDON, THAT'S GREAT.

WELL, THANK YOU. IT'S REALLY EASY ONCE YOU...

OF COURSE IT IS.

LOOK, I'M PLAYING WITH A PROSPECTIVE CLIENT THIS WEEKEND.

HE'S BRINGING HIS SON TO THE GAME. YEAH.

WHY DON'T YOU PLAY TOO?

OH, UH, THIS WEEKEND? NOT GOOD.

COME ON. OKAY, DAD, I'M GONNA BE HONEST. I CHANGED MY SCORE.

IT DOESN'T MATTER. WHAT MATTERS IS YOU AND I ARE GONNA PLAY GOLF.

I'LL PICK YOU UP SUNDAY AT 6:45.

WE'RE PLAYING AT NIGHT? HA! THAT'S FUNNY.

FUNNY GUY. SEE YOU THEN, PARTNER.

DAD? HELLO? HELLO?

MOM?

THIS IS GONNA DRIVE ME CRAZY.

DAD WANTS ME TO PLAY GOLF WITH HIM. UGH!

AND I DON'T WANT TO PLAY AND I'M NOT VERY GOOD.

I LIED ABOUT MY SCORE AND HE DIDN'T CARE, BUT HE WANTS ME TO PLAY, SO I GOTTA DO IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? MOM!

WHAT? I SAID I LIED ABOUT MY SCORE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY GOLF, BRENDON.

DID YOU TAKE THAT FROM THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE?

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO?

BRENDON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SO EARLY?

OUR GAME ISN'T FOR ANOTHER FIVE MINUTES.

I'M IN TROUBLE, COACH MCGUIRK.

ALL RIGHT. WHAT'S HER NAME? WHAT?

NO, NOT GIRL TROUBLE. GOLF... GOLF TROUBLE.

I FINISHED MY LESSONS, AND I'M... WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE, HUH? HMM.

UH. AH.

I FINISHED MY LESSONS,

AND I'M STILL TERRIBLE,

AND NOW I'M PLAYING WITH MY FATHER ON SUNDAY SO...

UH-HUH. NOW YOU WANT MY HELP, RIGHT? YES.

ALL RIGHT, SO YOU'VE HAD THE BEST, MM-HMM.

NOW YOU WANT THE... WAIT A MINUTE. OKAY.

I JUST DON'T WANNA EMBARRASS MYSELF WITH MY FATHER.

I SAID WAIT A MINUTE, BRENDON. OH.

YOU'VE HAD THE REST, NOW YOU WANT THE BEST. THERE YOU GO. MM-HMM.

SUNDAY, HUH? YEAH.

THAT ONLY GIVES ME A FEW DAYS, BUT I'LL DO IT. MM-HMM.

HERE'S THE PLAN. MEET ME FIRST THING TOMORROW MORNING AT THE DRIVING RANGE

AND WEAR A HAT. WHAT FOR?

YOU WANNA LEARN HOW TO PLAY GOLF, RIGHT? YEAH.

SO YOU GOTTA HAVE A HAT. OKAY.

COACH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SOCCER BALLS?

LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELD, BRENDON.

LEVELING THE PLAYING FIELD. HMM? BRENDON?

I LOVE HOW YOU JUST SAID THAT TO ME.

GOAL!

MELISSA! YEAH?

IF IT WENT ANY SLOWER, YOU'D BE ABLE TO READ THE LABELING! I DID!

WHAT DOES IT SAY? WILSON!

LIKE THAT MOVIE. YEAH! HE GREW THAT LONG BEARD!

I KNOW. IT WAS COOL. HE LOVED WILSON!

I KNOW. HE GAINED LIKE 40 POUNDS, AND THEN HE LOST LIKE 80!

HE'S A GREAT ACTOR.

DID HE WIN AN ACADEMY AWARD FOR THAT ONE?

- I DON'T KNOW. - I DON'T WATCH THAT...

OKAY.

HEAD UP. HEAD UP. FEET DOWN.

ARMS, UH... ARM'S RIGHT THERE.

HIPS. HIPS MOVING, OKAY. EYES OPEN. OPEN.

HANDS... THERE THEY ARE. HAND ON CLUB.

OH! OTHER WAY.

OKAY.

COACH MCGUIRK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WALKING DOWN THE MIDDLE OF THE DRIVING RANGE.

I COULD'VE KILLED YOU.

WELL, THE WAY YOU'RE HITTIN', BRENDON, I RECKON

WALKIN' DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF YOU IS JUST ABOUT THE SAFEST PLACE FOR A MAN TO BE.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING LIKE THAT?

OW! SON OF A BITCH!

SORRY! WHAT THE HELL YOU DOI" ON THE DRIVING RANGE?

I'M TRYING TO HELP A KID!

ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY? FINE.

I'VE BEEN HIT BY GOLF BALLS BEFORE. OH.

THE FIRST THING YOU GOTTA DO IS LEARN SOME GOLF ETIQUETTE.

YOU DON'T THINK JUST HITTING THE BALL IS... OH, SO YOU KNOW EVERYTHING, HUH?

YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE? YOU WANNA DO THIS BY YOURSELF? NO.

YOU KNOW GOLF SO GOOD. NO, I DON'T.

NUMBER ONE, WHERE'S YOUR HAT? RIGHT HERE.

ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.

LET'S SAY YOU JUST SANK A 25-FOOT PUTT, RIGHT? MM-HMM.

YOU WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP. OKAY.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO? OH, UH, I DON'T KNOW.

WRONG. YOU TIP YOUR HAT AND WAVE TO THE CROWD.

ALL RIGHT? IT'S A GOLF JOKE. IT'S FUNNY. MM-HMM.

DOESN'T HURT TO BE A CLOWN ON THE COURSE, BRENDON. OKAY.

LET ME SEE YOU TIP YOUR HAT.

HEY. HOW'S IT GOIN'? HOW DO YOU DO? LOOK AT ME. YEAH.

GOOFIN' AROUND.

SEE, THAT'S FUNNY. ALL RIGHT, NOW. GOOFIN' IT DOWN.

VERY GOOD. THAT'S ENOUGH. THANK YOU.

LET ME SEE THAT SWING OF YOURS. OKAY.

READY? MM-HMM.

OKAY. WINDIN' UP. AND... THERE YOU GO.

AND READY.

GOOD SETUP. THANK YOU. AND...

BRING IT BACK.

OOF. MMM.

WOW, YOU SUCK. YOU'RE SO WEAK.

YOU GOTTA LIFT THE CLUB. I AM LIFTING THE CLUB.

TOO HEAVY FOR YOU? NO. LET ME JUST TRY IT AGAIN.

UGH.

BRENDON. YEAH?

I THINK IT'S TIME TO LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD.

OKAY, I, UM, EDITED SOME OF THE STUFF WE DID,

AND, UH, I THINK YOU'RE GONNA LIKE IT.

OH, MY GOD! WHAT DID YOU DO? IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

WHERE'S GINGER? I... I DON'T KNOW. SOMEWHERE.

I NEED MY PILLS!

I'LL GET 'EM FOR YOU, DAD!

I NEED MY PILLS! YOU DID THIS!

NO. DAD, STOP!

I CAN'T FIND GINGER. GINGER'S MY FATHER'S FAVORITE FISH.

PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISN'T... GINGER!

- OH. - WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN THERE?

MY FATHER'S COMING!

DO YOU THINK I'M A HORRIBLE PERSON? NO, I THINK YOU'RE VERY PRETTY.

I DON'T MEAN HORRIBLE TO LOOK AT. I MEAN HORRIBLE BECAUSE YOU'RE MY SISTER'S FIANCÉ,

AND WE JUST HAD AN AFFAIR. OH, THAT. YEAH.

SHE MUST NEVER KNOW ABOUT US. NO ARGUMENT HERE, BABY.

I'LL GO CHECK ON YOUR SHIRT. OKAY, I'LL LOOK AT THE FISH.

HEY, STUPID FISH.

OH, NO.

WHAT WAS THAT, LARRY? NOTHING.

UH, COULD I BORROW YOUR CAR?

LARRY! WHAT DID YOU DO?

YOUR SHIRT'LL BE READY IN A LITTLE WHILE.

OH, THAT'S OKAY. IT FEELS PRETTY GOOD WITH IT OFF.

WOW. DO YOU WORK OUT? OH, YEAH. SOMETIMES. YOU KNOW, WHEN I GET A CHANCE.

YEAH. YOU KNOW, YOU REMIND ME A LOT OF KATHY. WELL, WE ARE TWINS.

RIGHT. RIGHT. RIGHT.

I LOVE THE WAY FISH WIGGLE. IT MAKES ME WANNA DANCE.

- YOU ARE WILD! - AND I LOVE THAT PICKLE JUICE.

WHOOPS. DID I SPIT ON YOU? A LITTLE BIT. I DON'T MIND.

WAIT'LL YOU MEET MY FATHER. HE'S CRAZY.

OOPS. SORRY. THERE I GO BEING CLUMSY.

BETTER TAKE OFF THAT SHIRT AND LET ME WASH IT.

HEY, DO YOU WANT A GLASS OF WINE? SURE.

I'M LARRY, KATHY'S FIANCÉ. NICE TO MEET YOU, LARRY. I'M MARY, KATHY'S SISTER.

KATHY'S NOT HERE. WOW. YOUR HANDS ARE VERY SOFT.

I SOAK THEM IN PICKLE JUICE. REALLY?

NO, BUT I LIKE SAYING IT 'CAUSE IT'S FUNNY, AND I'M KIND OF WILD LIKE THAT.

COME ON IN. OH.

SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?

UM, IT'S BACKWARDS. SUCKS THIS. GET IT?

THAT'S BACKWARDS FOR "THIS SUCKS."

YEAH? YEAH.

ANY, UH... ANYTHING ELSE?

YOU MADE THE PLOT GO BACKWARDS.

YEAH, YEAH. IF YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT I THINK, I HAVE TO BE HONEST.

MM-HMM. IT'S BACKWARDS.

MM-HMM. CAN WE FLIP IT?

JASON, DO YOU AGREE? LIKE, IT'S JUST KIND OF HARD TO... I...

I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO KEEP BROACHING THE SAME THING, BUT, UM, A HACK...

MM-HMM. MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

UH, WE'LL FIX IT IN POST. HEY, GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON SUNDAY?

HEY, CAN WE START?

OH, YEAH, SURE.

DO YOU GUYS MIND IF WE WAIT LIKE ONE MORE MINUTE? JUST LIKE A...

WHAT'S WRONG? UH, NOTHING. NOTHING. IT'S JUST, UH...

WE SHOULD JUST, UH... YOU KNOW, WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE... 7:03 WAS THE TEE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE WAITING FOR.

LOOK, REED, I'M REALLY SORRY. THE KID IS A GREAT GOLFER.

HE SHOT A 94 THE OTHER DAY.

REALLY? WOW. WHAT THE... WHO'S THAT?

OH, GEEZ. BRENDON, WHAT'S MCGUIRK DOING HERE?

MY CADDY. CADDY?

YES. YOUR CADDY?

IT'S JUST... HE'S HELPING ME, DAD.

SORRY I'M LATE, GUYS. I HAD TO WAIT

TILL THE SUN WAS IN THE RIGHT POSITION TO GET THAT EFFECT

WALKIN' UP THE FAIRWAY. NICE.

YEAH. WELL DONE.

YOUR HIS CADDY?

YEAH, BAGGER MCGUIRK'S THE NAME. GOLFING'S MY GAME.

ARE YOU WEARING SOCCER CLEATS?

YEAH. I DON'T HAVE GOLF CLEATS.

REED, THIS IS MY SON'S SOCCER COACH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S... SOCCER COACH?

YEAH. BAGGER MCGUIRK.

YEAH, THAT'S TERRIFIC. MM-HMM.

SO CAN WE PLAY?

OKAY, LET'S PLAY A LITTLE FATHER-SON GOLF NOW.

ALL RIGHT! LET'S PLAY BALL!

SWEET SHOT, SIR. THANK YOU.

I RECKON THAT BALL WOULD THANK YOU FOR THE RIDE IF IT COULD.

COULD YOU STOP DOING THAT NOW? WHAT? DOIN' WHAT?

THE WHOLE THING. THE BAGGER...

BAGGER. YEAH, BAGGER MCGUIRK.

I'D APPRECIATE THAT, TOO.

ACTUALLY IT IS KIND OF GETTING ANNOYING.

YOU MADE YOUR POINT. YOU MADE YOUR POINT. TONE DOWN ON THE BAGGER.

YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT. GO AHEAD, SON.

THERE YOU GO.

THERE YOU GO, RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, SIR,

LIKE A BEAD OF SWEAT DOWN THE MIDDLE OF A WOMAN'S...

I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA... SORRY, WAS I DOIN' IT AGAIN?

YOUR KID'S GOT QUITE A SHOT THERE. THANK YOU.

YOU'RE UP, BRENDON. RIGHT. MY TURN.

GO AHEAD, BRENDON. JUST LET ME TALK THIS OVER WITH MY CADDY REALLY QUICKLY.

SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK? JUST HIT IT INTO THE WOODS.

THE WOODS. WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD USE, CADDY? BAGGER.

BAGGER. WHAT DO YOU THINK I SHOULD USE? JUST PICK A CLUB.

AH, YES, YES.

SON, STAND BACK. BOY, HERE I AM WITH A CLUB AND NOT A BABY SEAL IN SIGHT.

NOW, UM...

LET'S GO, BRENDON. A LITTLE SWING THERE.

HIT THE BALL, BRENDON. LET HER FLY.

ALL RIGHT. GETTIN' READY. YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY...

HIT THE BALL! HIT IT!

INTO THE WOODS. TOO BAD, BRENDON.

GEEZ, ALL THAT TIME FOR THAT? HE OPENED UP HIS LEFT SHOULDER.

SAY, MELISSA.

YEAH? YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING?

WHEN YOU SAY "NOW," I'M GONNA THROW THE BALL.

LET'S COME UP WITH A BETTER WORD THAN "NOW" 'CAUSE THAT COULD MESS UP.

WHY? WHEN I SAY...

SHOULDN'T YOU BE WATCHING?

HE ALREADY HIT? I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK HE DID. SAY "NOW" AND I'LL THROW THE BALL.

JUST THROW IT NOW.

YOU HAVE TO WAIT TILL YOU SEE HIM HIT. NOW.

DID HE HIT IT? I DON'T KNOW. JUST THROW IT.

OKAY.

HEY, IT'S EARLY IN THE DAY. HE'LL MAKE PAR.

WAIT A MINUTE. YOUR BALL FOUND BARK.

HIT A TREE. CAME OUT.

ALL RIGHT! LOOKS LIKE LUCK IS ON YOUR SIDE, BRENDON.

DAMN RIGHT! YEAH, YEAH. LUCKY.

THAT'S ME, YOU KNOW.

I PROBABLY WILL HAVE A LOT OF GREAT SHOTS LIKE THAT TODAY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOUR EYE? NOTHING.

WHY ARE YOU WINKING AT ME?

HEY, NICE WAY TO HIT THE BALL A LONG WAY INTO THE HOLE.

SHOULD HAVE MADE BIRDIE. YEAH, WELL, I MADE BIRDIE BEFORE I LEFT THE HOUSE.

WELL, FINISH IT UP, BRENDON.

OH! OKAY, THAT'S...

OH! WHOOPS!

OKAY, JUST TIP... PICK IT UP, BRENDON.

HOLD ON. WAIT.

JUST MARK HIM DOWN FOR A 20 AND LET'S GO.

HEY! I SAW THAT! YOU MOVED YOUR BALL!

NO, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. YOU'RE CHEATING. I SAW YOU.

NO, I WAS STRETCHING MY BACK.

WITH MY... MY KNEE WENT OUT WHEN... WITH MY FOOT AND IT HIT THE BALL.

BUT IT WAS REFLEX. DAD, WERE YOU CHEATING?

YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT, BRENDON. I'M GETTIN' KILLED HERE. DAD!

YOU ADMIT IT! YEAH!

LOOK, IT'S PART OF THE GAME. IT'S GOLF. WE ALL SUCK.

DAD! WHY ELSE WOULD YOU USE A PENCIL TO KEEP SCORE IN A GAME?

DAD! WELL, I DON'T CHEAT.

DAD, I'VE BEEN CHEATING ALL DAY TOO!

THANKS, BRENDON, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO COVER FOR ME.

I'M A CHEATER. NO, NO!

ANDREW, HE'S TELLIN' THE TRUTH.

HEY, YOU CAN'T DRIVE A CART ONTO A GREEN!

WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO, CALL THE POLICE? YES!

ANDREW? THEY MIGHT.

OH.

SMALL, THIS IS TOO MUCH. COME ON, SON.

WE'RE OUT OF HERE. WE'RE PLAYIN' THROUGH.

BYE. DAD, YOU JUST LOST A CLIENT.

I DIDN'T WANT TO WORK WITH THAT GUY ANYWAY. HE'S AN ASS.

HE'S NOT A CHEATER LIKE US. YEAH.

ANDREW, UH, I HELPED HIM. I TAUGHT HIM TO CHEAT.

HE'S A REALLY TERRIBLE GOLFER AND HE'S A BAD SOCCER PLAYER. HE'S A GOOD CHEATER.

AND MELISSA AND JASON HELPED ME TOO.

YOU CAN COME OUT NOW, GUYS!

HI, HOW'S IT GOIN'? HI.

ANDREW, YOU'RE A LUCKY GUY TO HAVE A SON LIKE BRENDON.

I KNOW.

MY FATHER TAUGHT ME A POEM WHEN I WAS A KID.

YOU WANNA HEAR IT? IS THIS SOMETHING YOU FEEL COMPELLED TO DO?

WELL, I MEAN, I AM HERE AND I GOT THE POEM LOCKED AND LOADED.

OKAY. GO AHEAD THEN.

YOU READY? YEAH.

UH, SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN' RUN.

I'M PARAPHRASIN' HERE.

SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN', SOMETHIN' SUN.

THAT'S, UH, NICE.

IT'S GOOD TO HAVE, LIKE, POEMS FROM CHILDHOOD I THINK.

YEAH, YOUR FATHER YOU SAY READ THAT TO YOU?

YEAH, I THINK HE WROTE IT.

DID HE? YEAH.

GREAT. EXCEPT FOR THE PARTS YOU DON'T REMEMBER.

WELL, YEAH, BUT I MEAN THE IDEA OF IT.

THE FACT THAT HE READ IT TO ME EVERY NIGHT.

I MEAN, I REMEMBER THAT CRYSTAL CLEAR.

I GOT YOU. THANKS FOR WHAT YOU SORTA TRIED TO KINDA DO FOR BRENDON.

HELPIN' OUT YOUR KID? THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYIN' TO DO.

NO PROBLEM, YOU KNOW. ALWAYS HERE TO HELP OUT.

ESPECIALLY BRENDON. YOU KNOW, I LIKE HIM AND STUFF.

WELL, TODAY YOU DID GOOD. THANKS, ANDREW.

OKAY, PAL, LET'S GO. HEY, HOLD UP, OFFICER.

YOU'RE A LAWYER, RIGHT, ANDREW? YEAH, I'M NOT THAT KIND OF...

OH, WHAT KIND OF... MORE OUT OF COURT LITIGATION. NOT REALLY...

SO YOU CAN'T HELP OUT ON THIS ONE?

NOT SO MUCH. OKAY, LET'S GO.

I FOUND IT. I FOUND THE FOOT. BRENDON, I FOUND THE FOOT.

IT IS FINISHED. THE CLOCK HAS STOPPED.

I HAVE FOUND THE FOOT.

UH, BRENDON. YEAH.

WHY IS SHE DOIN' THAT? I HAVE NO IDEA.

WHAT A WEEK.