Original subtitles

Hey, hey, hey, what the hell is going on here?

-What's going on in here? -Baby, plea--

Hey, hey, hey, bloody skinny legs! Come here!

-Baby, please. -You see, you!

-I'm begging you. -What are you begging for?

You're doing this nonsense in my house.

I don't want to hear it!

Oh, God. I'll never do it again.

Start.

Pop!

Hey, hey, you coward! Come here! Hey! You coward, come here!

You're running! Huh, you're running away?

I'll catch you!

Don't ever come back here, I'm telling you!

I'll show you who I am!

-Look, man. -Lethabo.

Lethabo.

That would've been my next guess.

Listen, my boys are coming over.

…we need to do.

I can call you an Uber. I don't mind.

So, you were going to kick me out this early in the morning?

Yeah, but I was going to request your Uber.

Mmuso is a church goer.

Yes.

On the other hand,

Thando is still a lost lamb

with two kids from two different fathers.

Goodness, those little bastards.

With all due respect.

We, the Khoza family say,

If Mmuso takes Thando,

he'll make her a good and respectable wife

in a home filled with Christ and prayer.

So, we'd like to ask that--

If you also look at it clearly, the price will have to be lowered.

Oh, God.

I told my sister many times

that this girl needs to learn to close her legs.

-Goodness. -What are you saying?

What? What? I told her.

-Auntie! -Enough.

Goodness.

Will you take care of our daughter?

We will take care of her. Yes.

Would you be so kind as to lead us in prayer.

Let's pray. Let's hold hands.

Father God, the all-powerful King of kings.

I praise and thank you, my Lord.

I invite you into our home.

We ask that these lobola negotiations may be harmonious, Lord.

Help these kids unite our families in a beautiful way, Lord.

Oh, God, bless these kids. Amen.

What's wrong with you? I said we're not using real names.

Okay, Sbu!

-You know how these things work. -There we go again.

First rule of lobola negotiation?

Exactly. Just like my relationships. In and out.

Okay, here you go.

But.

-Listen, listen. -Yes.

Listen.

I offer my services for refund negotiations.

You might need them.

Just saying. You know?

-And also… -Yes?

…tell your nephew to at least start going to church.

-Okay, okay. I'll tell him. Travel safe. -Thanks, thanks.

Lobola. A tradition as old as time in our custom.

…to thank them for raising their daughter.

…the uncles at the gate.

…but an opportunity nonetheless.

Because sometimes, you just need a guy who knows how to talk the talk

so the price can come down.

Gentlemen, I'm talking about land.

These people have land.

From the heavens.

You see?

…all day.

Black people don't talk like that in general.

No, why would you say that?

-What are you trying to say? -You know she can be a little bossy.

So, dude…

Zandile's dad is traditional, traditional, okay?

He's in prison.

…her dad…

…that he hates my guts.

-You're being dramatic. -I'm not!

The first time I met him he told me that he hates my guts.

…then I don't care.

-You see… -Let me see.

This person did my uncle's negotiations…

This guy will help you.

My boy.

You know what?

…coming my way.

…you lie for a living.

Boy, I'm gonna jet. Dog, I said I'll be home by 20:00.

Listen, boy, as my buddy,

my ride or die,

when you're dead,

we'll write on your tombstone…

-Don't annoy me. -Don't do that.

…boy.

You see? But you won't understand these things.

Boy, I ask you as my friend.

As my best friend.

Look at that girl. I need a wingman. I'm begging you.

You need Jesus as your wingman. You don't know Him.

And if I don't leave now, I'll meet Jesus at home.

Please, man. I'm begging you.

But you--

My boy.

But, you--

…and you brought us Brut.

Do we look like ladies who drink Brut?

May I help?

Are you the manager here?

Thami here brought us…

Thami, again?

If you can leave me with your details…

Okay, I don't think I heard you correctly, please repeat what you just said.

Your number, ma'am.

You know what? Let me give you mine. And then, when you're free you'll call me.

I don't think you heard me.

Oh, no. I heard you.

Clearly I came on too strong.

I was sitting over there…

-Let's go. -Let's go.

Unless you chill in heaven…

Let's go.

Excuse me, sorry.

It's your forward manager. He'll settle the bill.

Thank you.

What's the damage?

Uh-uh, you're crazy!

Thabo, never!

You know names now?

…you couldn't tell the difference between rosé and brut.

Now you know names, Thabo?

Go get the speed point.

Trevor, go get the speed--

Damn.

Closing the deal? Boy, I didn't even get her number.

No…

Yes, a sign that I need to find her and work hard.

…there's something about this girl.

It's all about the hunt for me.

Love always finds me, boy.

Sometimes I find love…

I know.

You do know that 20 percent of marriages end in divorce, right?

…marriage is a one-way ticket to divorce.

Boy, you don't know real love, man.

Baby! You said you'd take out the trash.

Baby, I'm using the toilet! Eish.

What?

Don't tell me you've been on the toilet while you've been chatting to me?

You know?

Boy, next time, keep your alone time to yourself.

What is that? What are you wearing?

You know what? Let's listen to Rachel.

Take that off.

Dude, first of all, please stop apologizing,

I'm not a priest.

…what do you want?

It's very busy here.

How should I know? It's my first time at the Plaza.

No, I just heard you talking to that Indian, saying--

This is how this works.

There's something I'm working on called "In and Out".

I walk in and walk out.

-Yeah. -Okay?

I like to do all my negotiations in one day.

Normally, I take 30 percent commission.

This month, I'm working on a few things…

I like this in and out idea.

Yeah, I like to tell all my clients that…

May I ask…

Where is that one here?

Here?

Do you know why we call it the blindfold?

You get me? I want to help you, man…

Mr. Ngubeni, listen.

…her parents are wealthy.

You see my problem?

Do you know why I do what I do?

To help people just like you with this lobola scam.

And to jeopardize it all for the blindfold, man. No.

You said you had no money. Where did you get money?

Whoa, hold on. Listen.

You-- So you're the owner of the Mate-Date app?

-Sure, I'll help you. -Okay.

Plus, I want to see the girl that's getting married to you.

Hold on a bit!

I've already put out your favorite cardigan. It's on the bed.

What?

The cousin that made you cancel our lunch date yesterday.

So yesterday…

And you're going to like him.

So my parents spoke to him

and asked him to talk to your parents about the engagement.

It's just that I've never heard you talk about Ace before.

Baby, you know how black people are, right?

My brother could be my cousin, and my cousin could be my brother.

…you'll love him.

A lot.

But not too much.

You're going to love him. Did I mention that?

You know, it's hot in here.

Come! Come!

Hey!

See you!

Jackpot!

This was like taking candy from a baby.

Next time you think of calling the cops on me for my music,

call them for your man who can't keep his pants on!

Is that you?

Come give Auntie a kiss.

Come on, man.

How are you, Auntie?

Tell me, who is that with you?

That's Ace.

Have you ever been with an older woman?

Uncle, I have a job for you.

Hey, I don't live that life anymore. I'm out of that lifestyle.

Listen…

You see, Auntie. The proposition is for us to make easy money.

10,000 rands.

You see, if there's money involved, I'm in!

The guy is a con man.

Goodness.

I know what you want.

My sister.

My sister, please get me a bottle…

I'm thinking something bubbly, sweet, with personality.

And then you can get me a whiskey, neat.

Something that says I'm serious but I like the finer things in life.

What do I have to do to never see you again?

Well for starters, you can give me a smile.

They say a beautiful woman should never eat alone.

Okay, so what are you implying?

Are you trying to say I need a man to keep me company?

…a woman's place is only in the kitchen.

I believe a woman's place is in my heart.

Okay, but before I go, I didn't get your name the last time.

Yeah, that's because I didn't give you my name.

In case you've forgotten mine, I'm--

As you were walking in,

I matched her with the description you gave me, my boy.

You're Ace?

Everybody loves me.

I don't know what that means, but you lied.

So how did you think that conversation would have ended?

He's not my cousin.

Right now.

You know, you're lucky to even be related to someone like him…

Okay, lady. First of all, you don't even know me.

First of all, he said you were kind-hearted.

Thank you, sister.

You left me with an exorbitant bill.

You're the idiot who offered to pay.

Well, I am not one of those whores that you think…

Did you hear me saying "exorbitant?"

…to make you his wife.

My boy, look, yeah? I like you, my boy. I like you.

-Ever since we met at the Plaza-- -When we met at the Plaza…

But boy, I can't do this.

…my love.

Duke doesn't need me?

You don't need me.

I need you.

Ace, I need you.

Sit down. Sit down.

Hey! Kill him!

I found that girl I was telling you about. Her name is Zandi.

Yeah, but it's a bit complicated.

I know, I know.

I'm not giving up, okay? Eish.

She's getting married.

I'm talking about Zandi. Are you even listening to me?

Eish. Sorry, sorry, boy.

Baby, I need help with these jeans.

Baby, I'm busy!

-You're playing PlayStation. -Okay, so my phone call is not important?

You're always like this.

So, my boy, tell me.

I'm telling you all my problems

and you're busy with a video game?

For a married man, you have a lot of alone time.

Zandi is my client's fiancée.

Let me tell you this.

Not even a little bit.

Abandon it.

Listen, Dr. Philemon,

you know I don't interfere with people's marriages.

The way I look at it, it's her loss.

But this job, I'm going to do this job.

You're against commitment.

Your wife…

…go help her with her jeans.

You're an idiot.

Like a mosquito buzzing around your ear.

So what's happening to me is amusing?

No, friend. I'm joking. What? I can't joke with you?

Whatever.

Yeah, you see?

This is where the problem starts.

Why should I preach to the entire world…

-Life is not Facebook, Mandy. -Friend, what's going on?

…and I won't let his fool of a cousin…

Because once we know what they want…

Mr. Zungu, hello.

You know what?

It's not windy.

So please, don't ruin my day, my boy. Okay?

Get your butts moving. Zandile is that way.

Actually, we're here to see you, Mr. Zungu.

Me?

Mr. Zungu, I'm representing the Maseko family.

Mr. and Mrs. Maseko…

For what?

…would like your daughter's hand in marriage.

We'd like for the families to meet to talk about the lobola.

You've come here with an envelope telling me about proxies.

Huh? Where are the elders?

Wait.

Please tell me, Duke…

…enough to marry my child?

And what Duke wants to do, sir, is to love her.

To protect her.

-Hey, hey! -Sir?

-Is that what you wanted to say? -That's what I wanted to say, sir.

Duke and I had this--

Dad?

Leave them alone.

Fine, listen up.

This weekend, me and my family are going away

to one of our beach houses.

I'm sure you already knew that…

After that, who knows,

maybe we can start talking about the dates and-- and times.

-Okay. Thank you, sir. -Thank you, sir.

Hold on a second.

They amaze me too sometimes.

Sometimes I dive into the ocean…

And then…

-Thank you, sir. -Yes!

What is it?

I'm afraid of the water and I can't swim.

-What? -I'm afraid of the water and I can't swim.

What about all the stuff you told Zandi's dad

about you being able to swim and being the fish magnet?

-You're Aquaman. -Okay, you made me hyper, right?

-That man hates me. -He doesn't.

-He hates me. -He doesn't.

-He does. -He doesn't like you.

What are you doing?

Okay, deep breath, my boy.

Yeah, you'll be okay. You'll be okay.

So tell me, you're supposed to be a genius, right?

What I'm saying is…

You get me?

The father is the obstacle.

If you can win over the dad, you've won. You get me?

Stop it, man.

I'll vomit, and then you'll vomit,

and then everybody will vomit. And then we die.

Your cousin doesn't seem to be feeling well.

No, you know, sir, we found out that if you use real food…

Dad, I think we have to go back.

Leave that man alone, he has motion sickness.

Give him some pills, he'll be all right.

Do you hear what I'm hearing, Ace?

What's that, sir?

That's why I love coming here

because you don't know what you'll gain or get…

Do you know what I'm talking about?

Oh, no, sir. I live a different life. I don't know this life.

Yeah, we live different lives because I want everyone who joins this family

to know how to maintain the standard of living.

…sir…

Actually, what's your story, Ace?

Sorry, sir?

About my daughter. What's your story?

No, I-- I--

You think you can come into my home

capture us with your jokes, with your charm and with your lies

so that I can feel pity for you and reduce the lobola price for my daughter?

Is it that obvious, sir?

That there's no amount of money in this entire world

that can measure up to Zandile's worth.

I gave him one pill and he's…

What did I tell you about this guy?

Dad. What's up with you?

Would you like something to drink, son?

-That would be great, sir. -Okay. Come on, Zandi.

Hold this.

You know, it means my dad really likes you.

You know, if he walks out of there with whiskey,

I'll throw myself overboard.

You know, my dad used to bring me here.

Sometimes, I think he wished I was a boy.

My father's definition of quality time was taking me out to cheat on my mom.

I'd get myself an ice cream afterwards.

My mother passed.

Oh, no. It's all right. It's all right.

At least you and Duke know what you want.

So, you don't?

Wait a minute.

Hold it here.

What? You don't drink?

Let me help you.

Sometimes these machines…

-What's up with you? -Why are you still here?

I'm not talking about the chips.

Neither am I.

No, Mr. Maseko.

Will he be okay?

I think…

You know, I think that's a good idea.

I want chips.

Okay, wait.

Can you hear it?

You're a good kid.

What?

Who, boy? Who? Who?

-What did you say about Rachel? -I love you too.

I love everyone on earth.

You said something about Rachel.

What about her?

Wow, boy.

Let me pour you some juice.

Thank you.

Even though it was a bit hard to sleep…

So that was the noise.

You see, love. I told you there was a bear in the house.

So, Ma, this is all you?

Yes. My wife is an exquisite chef.

Baby.

That means I'll have to pay extra money for lobola for Mom.

I'm sorry, sir.

But I'm giving you guys five years tops.

I have no competition.

Here we have 30 years…

Thank you, my darling.

You boys were raised well.

You're trustworthy and you've got good intentions.

What I also like about you two is the brotherhood that you have.

That's important to us,

especially when we know what kind of family our daughter is joining.

That's right.

…to bring these two families together.

The lobola negotiations may commence next weekend.

Yeah. Duke will be happy to hear that.

…that means I have to leave with you?

Look, boy. The elders have cooked for us. Let's eat.

Think about how good the lunch will be.

Ma, there is lunch, right?

You can stay.

Listen…

That, my boy, is the reason we're going to be here next week.

I'm playing. I'm playing.

No, no, no.

Yes, Dad.

Who's your client?

It's Kwesta.

When you say Kwesta, which Kwesta are you talking about?

Do you mean, "Yabo la ngizomosha kakhulu"?

That bass-baritone?

When he has his hair dyed right here-- His German cut right now…

Kwesta, dude!

You see? Now you're thinking.

My boy, tell me, Rachel is she--

Is she single? Is she seeing someone?

-Do you want Rachel? -My boy…

…that the ladies want me and I want the ladies.

What?

…or what's the story?

You're hurting me.

It's just that I thought me and you were like this, we're one.

-No. We're one. -I don't know.

It's just that--

I'm just kidding, boy.

…to jeopardize your work.

Nothing, nothing, nothing.

…before I leave…

I'm good, boy.

Boy, I--

Okay, cool, cool. All right. Okay.

You're so silly.

Hey, piss off.

You're going home.

What a gulp!

What do you know…

He's crazy.

Yeah, he's foolish.

Listen!

Shots!

Let's get shots.

So you're actually boring?

I'm boring?

Did you not see me do the vosho?

I thought you had a cramp.

The problem is,

where are we going to find an open spot at this hour?

Unless what?

I think they're gone.

-Okay. -Go, go, go.

Wait.

Who's the boring one again?

From twerking in the club

to being a kitchen burglar with just a few shots of tequila?

You know, it's not like me to go around breaking into clubs.

A woman who's determined…

A woman…

Marriage is a risk…

So it's fun to go around pursuing other people's girlfriends?

No, we're drunk.

We're drunk.

I'm chilling with my friends…

Lady.

Do I look like I work here?

No, it's just that…

"You drive me crazy!"

You know, I don't get you.

-How so? -Someone like you--

Why is he chasing skirts?

So when you think marriage, you think about boredom?

You and your family,

that's a life you see on TV.

I'm not familiar with it.

I've been meaning to blow someone's brains out with this gun.

Hey, my friend. There's no need for you to blow anything--

We were in here, right. Just chilling and they locked us in!

And you locked us in and we sat here. We got hungry.

…to just make a sandwich instead. We were hungry.

Get out of here.

-Get out! -Fine.

Dude, we were just hungry, you see?

Something to eat.

I'm sorry.

About what almost happened.

I mean, man, I've never felt

loose and free like this.

I believe that.

…for you to just meet someone

who's so self-aware.

Men these days…

Listen…

There's a few things I want to tell you.

I want to tell you that I--

I'm not sleeping.

…when they're drunk?

Wait. Tell me,

didn't you say you were preparing for your meeting for tomorrow?

This is Uncle Brian.

What we know about Uncle Brian thus far

is that he's been selected to speak for the family.

What's rule number one?

We don't want people catching feelings.

Why don't we change the day, postpone?

So that those of us who hustle can get a chance to work.

So now all of a sudden you have plans? Huh?

Our money is not good enough for you.

It's nothing serious. Let's carry on.

I don't know about you, but…

I want to continue with my life.

None. I'm actually going to start with you.

Do me a favor. Please stay quiet. Be a mute. Can you do that?

Yes, I can. I mean, I know how to use sign language.

I was the lead and we toured the whole country.

We did the adaptation of that silent play.

We called it Deaf is the Salesman.

You know what, I don't want to hear it,

but the deaf uncle works and people will sympathise.

You could get canceled for speaking like that.

Okay, Biza, you're mute.

It's you and me.

I get the job to be a dealer.

My beautiful lady.

Do you know what I'm going to ask you to do?

You're my bad cop.

I love my role.

Now, I need to get handcuffs.

No, no, no, what are you doing with handcuffs? You're not a real cop.

What are you doing?

No, it doesn't matter.

You can see that Uncle Brian is a snack.

What, why are you looking at me?

I know what a snack is. Geez!

Aunt Miriam, you've eaten.

There's no need for you to eat a snack.

Your only job is to lower that price. That's all.

Should I tell them she's not a virgin?

You say nothing about Zandi.

She's a virgin?

Auntie, hey. That's none of your business.

There's a lot you still need to learn from me.

Leave Duke, leave Uncle Brian alone, okay?

These people--

…our money is gone!

Hey, don't play like that when it comes to money.

But you're talking though.

Mr. Zungu, this is our family.

This is Aunt Miriam.

Greetings.

This is Uncle Biza.

Uncle Biza is deaf.

Excuse me, sir?

He said his name is David.

Nice to meet you.

Welcome to our home.

So, you can sign?

Well, I am a judge.

I have to be fair to everyone in court.

I know sign language.

I am David.

He keeps signing, "I am David."

Yeah, it's just that-- I'm sorry,

Uncle Biza doesn't like us using his nickname.

So, for first introductions, he prefers to be called by his real name, David.

Well then.

That's all right.

My brother here will tell you what to do to continue with the program.

You just wait.

We'll call you when we're ready.

I am David.

Brother, these people?

Mr. Zungu, thank you, sir.

How are you, gentlemen?

What's wrong with you?

What?

-What did I do? -You said--

I asked you if--

You said you acted in a play

-and you signed the whole time. -Yes.

I was in a play. I was in a silent play. This boy underestimates me.

I was a lead with one line.

I had to say, "I am David."

We called it a "sign line."

You know what?

…I don't want to hear a single syllable from you.

Nothing.

And then you two, you two?

Are there any hidden talents that you have?

Things that I need to know right now?

Problem?

Maybe this is not the right time for me to tell you that I came with handcuffs.

What have I done?

And the groom, my child? Can he take care of you?

Come on, Mom.

-We want to know. -We want to know.

You know a man's beauty is in his livestock.

Let's go, boy.

Yes.

-I'll be dancing. I'm the mother-in-law. -I know you.

We can see the down payment, so let's get into details.

As we're all seated here,

I have the right to conduct these negotiations smoothly

so we can wrap up and eat.

I heard that Duke has started with his video games.

Sir…

Duke makes apps.

Apps.

We need to be done with this conversation in five minutes.

If we agree on the price. Huh?

Would you like some time to discuss this?

This not right.

Fine. She doesn't know how to cook, but…

We also deserve more money.

You're confusing me.

Are you telling me the price that we're talking about is too low?

-Do you want us to raise it? -Sir, please give me just a few minutes.

Just to talk to Duke and his parents to see how we can resolve this.

-No, man, no. Hey, hey, hey! -What?

A moment, sir.

Are you betting on horses right now?

I won.

But you're disturbing us.

I apologize about my uncle's outburst.

So I'm going to contact the parents.

Things aren't looking good right now.

How? What's going on?

My sister, are you talking to us?

I'm talking to you two.

So who's Bongani?

…that they paid you…

…but I can see you now. Yes.

There's no Bongani Langa here. I'm Ace Ngubeni…

I'm going to need you to tell me the truth.

I mean, we're all Masekos here!

Does it really matter who he is?

What's your problem?

-Listen, I wanted to tell you. -You were going to tell her?

This is the way you wanted us to start our marriage?

-With lies? -No, my love.

You kissed her?

Technically, we didn't kiss.

So you tried to kiss her?

No, my boy.

We must take a breather and hold on a second--

It's not looking good.

Biza screwed things up.

Hey, stop them! Hey, hey!

Hey, hey, stop them!

Wait for me! Wait for me!

Hey, you! Wait for me! Wait for me!

Get the others!

Hey, stop them!

You dogs!

What do you want?

Don't ask me that. I've been looking for you, dog.

And just look at this place.

You know what your problem is? You don't understand.

I don't get it? Do you think this ring is for decoration?

Don't tell me that.

I tried to send her a text expressing to her that the boy--

You're not in high school where you used to play with Mxit.

Goodness.

I don't understand. I've known you my whole life.

When did you start speaking to women?

You're like, "Hey, you must show her."

Look.

You, my man, are the type that's compassionate and loving.

Stay here, and shower.

Scrub yourself!

What's going on, man. Bath!

You're a charmer, boy!

Cool.

Goodness!

You okay?

Should I call the cops?

So, I shouldn't call them?

You know what, baby?

Dad.

That's a Teletubby.

Hey, this girl…

And what is this? This is your "hello"?

I want you to know that you're a terrible person.

So why don't you just say that?

Dad, I--

…love doesn't exist…

…then explain Mom.

Explain why every opportunity you got, you cheated on her?

Hey, wait!

Dad, why did you stay?

Okay, I know. I know, I know.

You see, as the Ngubenis…

…you…

Who are you talking about?

The reason you punched me.

Go get her, boy. Go get her.

I've ran out of data.

Don't worry, my sweetheart.

Dad, Dad, Dad, Dad.

…you never want to see me again.

Please, Zandi.

Sir, I'm--

I'm sorry.

…my family, and this family's culture, the Sengwayos.

I know.

I'm sorry, sir.

For all that I've done to you and your family.

Even so,

Zandi isn't here.

I don't know what I was thinking coming all the way here.

But I am sorry, sir.

I dropped her at the airport…

She's going to Paris.

But then,

if you're lucky,

you've still got an hour.

Thank you, sir.

Sorry.

Thank you!

What are you doing?

Why would you say something like that on a plane?

-Do you know that you're crazy? -I know.

Okay, what are you doing?

The truth is…

I know that…

I'm sorry.

Get up then.

Hey.

No, listen.

I also just proposed.

Congratulations, buddy.

Look, I'm also going to need a lobola man.