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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:05,204 AH, HA! OH, MY GOD. 2 00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:06,549 WH AT? 3 00:00:06,573 --> 00:00:08,284 OH, MY GOD, MICHAEL, READ THIS. RIGHT HERE... READ THAT. 4 00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:11,020 "67-YEAR-OLD WOMAN GIVES BIRTH." 5 00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:11,944 OOH. 6 00:00:11,978 --> 00:00:13,012 ISN'T THAT FRIGHTENING? 7 00:00:13,046 --> 00:00:15,147 YEAH, WHO WOULD TAP THAT? 8 00:00:15,181 --> 00:00:17,026 HOW DO YOU LOOK AT A 67-YEAR-OLD 9 00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:18,527 AND FEEL IT, LIKE, 10 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,796 "MMM, YEAH, I'LL JUST TAKE THAT LITTLE WIG OFF." 11 00:00:20,820 --> 00:00:21,987 OHH! WOULD YOU STOP IT! 12 00:00:22,022 --> 00:00:23,555 [laughs] 13 00:00:23,590 --> 00:00:26,302 I'D TALK DIRTY INTO HER HEARING AID... "WHAT'D YOU SAY? 14 00:00:26,326 --> 00:00:28,804 WHAT'D YOU SAY?" [laughs] 15 00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:31,764 IT'S PROBABLY SOMEBODY WHO LOVES HER, MICHAEL! 16 00:00:31,798 --> 00:00:33,632 HEY, LOVE STOPS AT 55. 17 00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:34,900 OHH! 18 00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:36,345 WHEN THE BREASTS DROP, THE LOVE STOPS. 19 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:38,871 OKAY. 20 00:00:38,905 --> 00:00:40,149 MICHAEL, WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED TO US? 21 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:41,817 I THINK WE NEED TO TAKE SOME PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES. 22 00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:43,252 YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT? 23 00:00:43,276 --> 00:00:44,720 WE SHOULD START PRACTICING SAFE SEX. 24 00:00:44,744 --> 00:00:46,722 I'LL JUST GO A LITTLE FASTER. 25 00:00:46,746 --> 00:00:47,880 OKAY, BROTHER. 26 00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:49,882 UH, NO, I DON'T THINK YOU COULD GET ANY FASTER. 27 00:00:49,916 --> 00:00:51,417 [laughs] NO, NO, NO, NO. 28 00:00:51,451 --> 00:00:53,085 YOU MUST MISUNDERSTAND ME 29 00:00:53,119 --> 00:00:55,064 WHEN I SAY, "WE NEED TO TAKE SOME PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES." 30 00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,832 THAT MEANS YOU NEED TO TAKE PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES. 31 00:00:56,856 --> 00:00:58,300 THAT'S THE "WE" I'M TALKING ABOUT. 32 00:00:58,324 --> 00:01:00,759 OH, YOU MEAN THE WAY WE BOUGHT THIS HOUSE, 33 00:01:00,794 --> 00:01:03,572 AND WE BOUGHT THE AND WE PAY ALL THE BILLS. 34 00:01:03,596 --> 00:01:04,863 THAT "WE"? 35 00:01:04,898 --> 00:01:07,833 I NEED TO CAUTION YOU FROM GOING DOWN THAT "WE" ROAD. 36 00:01:07,867 --> 00:01:08,978 THAT ROAD DOWN THERE, THAT'S A DARK ROAD. 37 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:11,036 NO, SEE, WE WILL START DOING THE COOKING, 38 00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:12,204 WE WILL START CLEANING, 39 00:01:12,238 --> 00:01:13,315 AND WE WILL BE GETTING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT 40 00:01:13,339 --> 00:01:14,773 WHEN THE KIDS ARE SICK, OKAY? 41 00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:16,619 AND THAT DOES MEAN YOU... YOU, YOU, YOU. 42 00:01:16,643 --> 00:01:19,288 OKAY, SO WHY DON'T WE TRY CONDOMS? 43 00:01:19,312 --> 00:01:20,656 NO, BABY, THAT'S NOT FOOLPROOF. 44 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:22,714 I DON'T WANT TO END UP LIKE THIS. 45 00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:26,162 TRUST ME, WHEN YOU TURN 67, I DON'T EVEN WANT TO SEE IT. 46 00:01:26,186 --> 00:01:27,186 WILL YOU STOP IT! 47 00:01:27,220 --> 00:01:28,220 COBWEBS. 48 00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,522 [laughs] 49 00:01:30,557 --> 00:01:33,235 TUMBLEWEEDS... TAKE A LOOK AT THOSE. WILL YOU BE QUIET! 50 00:01:33,259 --> 00:01:34,993 WHA I'M BEING SERIOUS. T? 51 00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,238 WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? WE NEED TO TAKE PRECAUTIONARY MEASURES! 52 00:01:36,262 --> 00:01:38,240 OKAY, IT'S SO FUNNY THAT THIS IS BROUGHT UP TODAY. 53 00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:39,909 BECAUSE I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS LATELY, 54 00:01:39,933 --> 00:01:41,377 AND I THINK YOU NEED TO GET A VASECTOMY. 55 00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:43,302 WHOA! HEY! HELL, NO. 56 00:01:43,336 --> 00:01:44,303 COME AGAIN? 57 00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,305 THAT'S THE POINT, OKAY? 58 00:01:46,339 --> 00:01:49,808 ME AND MY FRIEND, MY REAL-LIFE PARTNER, LITTLE MICHAEL... 59 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:51,287 WHO? PRINCE MICHAEL. 60 00:01:51,311 --> 00:01:53,222 WHO? MICHELANGEL O. 61 00:01:53,246 --> 00:01:54,213 THE ARTIST? 62 00:01:54,247 --> 00:01:57,883 YEAH, YOU SEE THE KIDS HE MADE. 63 00:01:57,917 --> 00:02:00,463 LOOK, HE DOES NOT SHARP OBJECTS, OKAY? 64 00:02:00,487 --> 00:02:02,298 WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO GET YOUR TUBES TIED? 65 00:02:02,322 --> 00:02:04,089 MICHAEL, THAT'S A MAJOR OPERATION. 66 00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,958 A VASECTOMY IS JUST A LITTLE SNIP, SNIP. 67 00:02:05,992 --> 00:02:07,269 OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? 68 00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,404 THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A SNIP, SNIP. 69 00:02:08,428 --> 00:02:09,572 THAT'S LIKE SAYING A LITTLE CHOP, CHOP, 70 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:10,806 OR A LITTLE STAB, STAB, 71 00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:12,374 OR A LITTLE KICK, KICK, AROUND ON THE GROUND 72 00:02:12,398 --> 00:02:14,610 AND SMASH IT AROUND AND THROW IT UNDERNEATH THE CAR 73 00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:15,744 AND DRIVE BACK AND FORTH... 74 00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:18,380 A LITTLE DRIVE, DRIVE, SMASH, SMASH. 75 00:02:18,404 --> 00:02:20,883 YOU KNOW, YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A LITTLE BABY RIGHT NOW. 76 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:22,551 I CANNOT BELIEVE... LOOK... W HY? 77 00:02:22,575 --> 00:02:23,586 BECAUSE I DON'T WANT NOBODY MESSING AROUND 78 00:02:23,610 --> 00:02:24,854 DOWN THERE EXCEPT YOU? 79 00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:26,245 FINE, THEN I'LL DO IT. 80 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,247 I'LL FIND THE SCISSORS WHOA! HEY! WAIT! 81 00:02:28,281 --> 00:02:30,215 SOME RUSTY, DUSTY, CRUSTY, RS, 82 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:32,561 I HOPE YOU GET LOCKJAW, LIKE... 83 00:02:32,585 --> 00:02:34,386 SHH! 84 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,188 WOMAN! 85 00:02:36,222 --> 00:02:37,733 OKAY, MICHAEL, FINE. 86 00:02:37,757 --> 00:02:39,068 WOULD YOU AT LEAST THINK ABOUT 87 00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,302 GETTING A VASECTOMY, PLEASE? 88 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:43,095 OKAY, I'LL GIVE IT SOME THOUGHT. 89 00:02:43,129 --> 00:02:45,297 I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. NO, I'M NOT DOING IT. 90 00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,876 FINE, THEN WE'RE NOT DOING IT. 91 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:48,200 HA! FINE. 92 00:02:48,234 --> 00:02:51,136 I'LL GO GET THE 67-YEAR-OLD. SHE'S PUTTING OUT. 93 00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,539 I'LL JUST TAKE THAT WIG OFF. 94 00:02:53,573 --> 00:02:56,575 EW! [gagging] 95 00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:01,246 [door bell rings] 96 00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:02,391 HEY, TONY, WHAT'S UP? 97 00:03:02,415 --> 00:03:04,483 I HAD A TERRIBLE NIGHTMARE LAST NIGHT. 98 00:03:04,517 --> 00:03:05,918 ABOUT WHAT? 99 00:03:05,952 --> 00:03:07,129 I'M ATHOW I'M GOING NEXT KNOWWEEK. 100 00:03:07,153 --> 00:03:08,587 YEAH. 101 00:03:08,621 --> 00:03:09,832 AND I'M IN LINE WITH ALL THE OTHER CAMPERS, 102 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:10,756 AND GOD'S JUDGING US. 103 00:03:10,790 --> 00:03:12,157 WELL, THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. 104 00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:14,470 I KNOW, BUT HE WAS GIVING THE OTHER CAMPERS ATTENTION. 105 00:03:14,494 --> 00:03:16,005 I COULDN'T EVEN GET HIM TO ACKNOWLEDGE ME. 106 00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:17,640 DID YOU ACTUALLY SEE GOD? OH, YEAH. 107 00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:18,830 WHAT'D HE LOOK LIKE? 108 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:21,777 SAME AS ALWAYS... FOREST WHITAKER. 109 00:03:21,801 --> 00:03:22,912 THAT'S NOT THE POINT, THOUGH. 110 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,547 THE POINT IS, IS THAT IT WAS TERRIFYING. 111 00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:26,048 I'M THE MOST RELIGIOUS PERSON AT BIBLE CAMP. 112 00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:28,317 I'M THE MOST DEVOUT. I MEAN, I NEVER SIN. 113 00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,609 DO YOU EVER THINK OF ME WHEN YOU'RE AT BIBLE CAMP? 114 00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:31,577 SURE. 115 00:03:31,611 --> 00:03:32,855 I MEAN, YOU'RE THE BOMB. 116 00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:35,581 BUT WHENEVER I DO, I JUST SLAM MY HEAD INTO A WALL 117 00:03:35,615 --> 00:03:37,092 UNTIL THOSE IMPURE THOUGHTS GO AWAY. 118 00:03:37,116 --> 00:03:38,417 YOU KNOW, LIKE THIS. 119 00:03:38,451 --> 00:03:39,384 OW! 120 00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:40,452 O-O-O-O-KAY. 121 00:03:40,486 --> 00:03:42,854 WHY? 122 00:03:42,889 --> 00:03:45,034 HAVE YOU LOOKED IN THE MIRROR LATELY, CLAIRE? 123 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:46,635 OH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. 124 00:03:46,659 --> 00:03:48,894 ATTRACTIVE, AREN'T UNI? LIEVABLY 125 00:03:48,928 --> 00:03:50,162 YEAH, YOU'RE IRRESISTIBLE. 126 00:03:50,196 --> 00:03:51,574 ANYBODY CAN RESIST ANOTHER GIRL, 127 00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,342 BUT I'M GETTING HUGE POINTS FOR RESISTING YOU. 128 00:03:53,366 --> 00:03:57,569 I MEAN, THE DEGREE OF DIFFICULTY HERE IS ENORMOUS. 129 00:03:57,604 --> 00:03:59,471 YOU ARE SO HOT! 130 00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:00,405 A-A-A-AH! 131 00:04:00,440 --> 00:04:01,673 OW! 132 00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,442 [groans] 133 00:04:03,476 --> 00:04:05,377 OHH! 134 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:06,545 PHEW! 135 00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:08,513 LOOK, THE POINT IS, 136 00:04:08,548 --> 00:04:10,649 IS I JUST NEED A WAY TO GET GOD'S ATTENTION. 137 00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,228 WHY DON'T YOU FEED THE POOR? 138 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:14,920 EVERYBODY DOES THAT. BESIDES, THEY GET HUNGRY AGAIN. 139 00:04:14,954 --> 00:04:16,232 WELL, WHY DON'T YOU READ TO THE BLIND? 140 00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,156 BOOKS ON TAPE... NOBODY DOES THAT ANYMORE. 141 00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,135 WHY DON'T YOU BE A COMPANION TO THE ELDERLY? 142 00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:21,793 [sighs] THEY'RE LIKE GOLDFISH... 143 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,763 AS SOON AS YOU GET ATTACHED, THEY JUST DIE. 144 00:04:24,797 --> 00:04:27,399 NO, THERE'S AN EASIER WAY TO GET GOD'S ATTENTION 145 00:04:27,433 --> 00:04:28,944 AND I THINK I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT IT IS. 146 00:04:28,968 --> 00:04:30,980 WHAT IS IT? WILL YOU MAKE ME A HAT? 147 00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:32,537 [scoffs] 148 00:04:32,572 --> 00:04:34,883 HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET GOD'S ATTENTION WITH A HAT? 149 00:04:34,907 --> 00:04:36,908 HE LOOKS DOWN ON US FROM ABOVE. 150 00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:38,721 HELLO? THE FIRST THING HE SEES IS YOUR HAT. 151 00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:39,778 YOUR HAT? 152 00:04:39,812 --> 00:04:40,923 YEAH, 'CAUSE WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, 153 00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:42,948 ALL THE TOP RELIGIOUS GUYS HAVE HATS. 154 00:04:42,982 --> 00:04:45,183 POPE... BIG HAT. RABBIS... BIG, FURRY HAT. 155 00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:48,186 REVEREND AL SHARPTON... HUGE HAIR HELMET. 156 00:04:48,221 --> 00:04:51,990 BOTTOM LINE, GOD LOVES A KOOKY HAT. 157 00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:55,527 ALL RIGHT, I GUESS, SINCE WE DON'T DO ANYTHING ANYWAYS. 158 00:04:55,561 --> 00:04:57,439 WHAT KIND OF HAT DO YOU WANT? 159 00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,765 I WANT SOMETHING THAT'S WARM AND HUMBLE, 160 00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:02,301 THAT SAYS, "HEY, GOD, I'M YOUR MAN." 161 00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:04,936 [chuckles] OKAY, I'LL TRY. 162 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:07,216 BUT FIRST, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME. 163 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,340 ANYTHING. 164 00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:11,209 GOT TO GIVE ME A KISS. 165 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:16,014 [sighs] 166 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:18,050 A-A-A-AH! OW! 167 00:05:18,084 --> 00:05:19,518 [groans] 168 00:05:19,552 --> 00:05:21,086 OHH! 169 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:25,290 GET... ICE... NOW. 170 00:05:28,127 --> 00:05:29,261 [baby crying] 171 00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:31,797 ♪ ROCK A BYE, BABY, ON THE TREE TOP ♪ 172 00:05:31,831 --> 00:05:32,941 [baby crying] 173 00:05:32,965 --> 00:05:35,967 ♪ WHEN THE WIND BLOWS THE CRADLE WILL ROCK ♪ 174 00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:39,048 ♪ WHEN THE BOUGH BREAKS THE CRADLE WILL FALL ♪ 175 00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,941 ♪ AND DOWNCRADLE AND BABY ALL ♪ 176 00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:44,486 BOY, HE SURE IS FUSSY. 177 00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:46,221 I KNOW, I'VE BEEN SINGING TO HIM FOR HALF AN HOUR, 178 00:05:46,245 --> 00:05:47,256 HE JUST KEEPS CRYING. 179 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,313 LET ME TRY. 180 00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:49,881 OH, JUNIOR, PLEASE. 181 00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,260 IF HE WON'T QUIET FOR ME, YOU DON'T HAVE A CHANCE. 182 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:52,217 DOESN'T HURT TO TRY, DOES IT? 183 00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:53,362 OKA Y. 184 00:05:53,386 --> 00:05:56,822 THANK YOU. [chuckles] 185 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:58,267 HEY, LITTLE MAN. 186 00:05:58,291 --> 00:06:01,827 ♪ GWHY YOU WANNA HURT UNDERSTAME ♪ 187 00:06:01,861 --> 00:06:05,864 ♪ AFTERI'VE DONE FOR THINGYOU ♪ 188 00:06:05,898 --> 00:06:07,999 CHAMPAGNE AND GAVE ROSES ♪ YOU 189 00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,511 ♪ WITH DIAMONDS ON YOUR FINGER ♪ 190 00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,037 ♪ DIAMONDS ON YOUR FINGER ♪ 191 00:06:12,071 --> 00:06:13,449 ♪ STILL YOU HANG OUT ALL NIGHT ♪ 192 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:16,408 ♪ WHAT AM I TO DO? ♪ 193 00:06:16,442 --> 00:06:17,619 ♪ MY BABY WANTS TO ♪ 194 00:06:17,643 --> 00:06:19,811 ♪ PARTY ALL THE TIME, PARTY ALL THE TIME ♪ 195 00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:22,481 ♪ PARTY ALL THE TIME ♪ 196 00:06:22,515 --> 00:06:23,692 ♪ MY BABY WANTS TO ♪ 197 00:06:23,716 --> 00:06:29,388 ♪ PARTY ALL THE TIME, PARTY ALL THE TIME ♪ 198 00:06:29,422 --> 00:06:32,357 [gasping] 199 00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:36,395 ♪ WOO HOO HOO ♪ 200 00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,396 OH, MY GOSH. 201 00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,741 HE'S SEE? ASLEEP. 202 00:06:38,765 --> 00:06:42,768 THE BABY JUST APPRECIATES GOOD SINGING, THAT'S ALL. 203 00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:53,088 GOOD GOOD MORNING. MORNING. 204 00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:54,913 [laughs] HOW'D YOU SLEEP? 205 00:06:54,947 --> 00:06:56,792 OH, NOT TOO WELL, MICHAEL, NOT TOO WELL. 206 00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:58,293 AND TURNED ALL NIGHT.D 207 00:06:58,317 --> 00:06:59,251 YOU DID? I SURE DID. 208 00:06:59,285 --> 00:07:00,652 WOW. 209 00:07:00,686 --> 00:07:04,356 AND I WOKE UP WITH MY SLIP AROUND MY ANKLES. 210 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:08,827 THAT'S STRANGE, 'CAUSE I WOKE UP WITH MY DRAWERS OFF. 211 00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:11,596 MICHAEL... 212 00:07:11,631 --> 00:07:15,500 DID I NOT TELL YOU THAT WE WERE NOT HAVING SEX TOGETHER? 213 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:17,269 DID I NOT TELL YOU THAT? 214 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:18,814 WE DID NOT... I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING. 215 00:07:18,838 --> 00:07:21,907 I JUST... PEEKED... 216 00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,943 TOOK A COUPLE OF PICTURES... 217 00:07:24,977 --> 00:07:25,911 OKAY! 218 00:07:25,945 --> 00:07:26,845 SANG IT A LITTLE LULLABY. 219 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:28,413 NO, NO, NO. 220 00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,592 REGARDLESS, I WANT YOU SLEEPING ON THE COUCH 221 00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:32,361 UNTIL THIS ISSUE IS RESOLVED. 222 00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,629 SNEAKING YOUR LITTLE PEEKS. 223 00:07:33,653 --> 00:07:34,797 OH, COME ON... AND THE PICTURES. 224 00:07:34,821 --> 00:07:36,165 BUT LISTEN, WHAT THE... 225 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:37,933 LOOK, BABY, YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS. 226 00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:39,257 MICHAEL, I AM SO SERIOUS. 227 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:40,536 I'M NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES WITH YOU. 228 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,093 I'M LOCKING THE DOOR! 229 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,372 THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER SOLUTION 230 00:07:43,396 --> 00:07:44,473 THAN FOR ME TO GET CUT. 231 00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:46,698 BABY, YOU EITHER GET CUT OR YOU GETS CUT OFF 232 00:07:46,732 --> 00:07:51,536 FROM ALL OF THIS AND SOME OF THAT, TOO. 233 00:07:51,571 --> 00:07:53,405 I AM SO SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, MICHAEL. 234 00:07:53,439 --> 00:07:54,673 WHY? 235 00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:57,876 WHY? BECAUSE I HAD MY THREE CHILDREN ALREADY, MICHAEL! 236 00:07:57,910 --> 00:08:02,113 AND I HAD TO WATCH MY BODY BECOME DEMOLISHED! 237 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:03,325 I SUFFERED, TOO. 238 00:08:03,349 --> 00:08:04,793 HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU SUFFER?! 239 00:08:04,817 --> 00:08:08,453 YOUR BODY GETHAD TO DEMOLISHED! CH 240 00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,366 AND WHY ARE YOU DOING ALL THAT? 241 00:08:11,390 --> 00:08:15,293 AND I HAD TO WAIT AND HOPE THAT IT GOT REBUILT, AND IT DID. 242 00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,630 IT'S PERFECT, AND I CAN'T KEEP MY HANDS OFF IT. 243 00:08:18,664 --> 00:08:22,200 LET ME SHOW YOU SOME PICTURES. NO! 244 00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:23,679 THERE'S NO OTHER WAY? 245 00:08:23,703 --> 00:08:25,604 NO, THERE'S NO OTHER WAY. 246 00:08:25,638 --> 00:08:26,982 ALL RIGHT, JAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 247 00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:30,141 THIS GOES AGAINST EVERY INSTINCT IN MY BODY. 248 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:33,245 BUT IF YOU WANT TO EMASCULATE ME 249 00:08:33,279 --> 00:08:37,082 AND TURN ME INTO SOME FLAMING EUNUCH... 250 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:38,083 I'LL DO IT. 251 00:08:38,117 --> 00:08:40,185 OOH, THANK YOU! 252 00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,820 THANK YOU, BABY! 253 00:08:41,854 --> 00:08:44,122 THANK YOU! 254 00:08:44,156 --> 00:08:47,158 [Cuban accent] SAY GOODBYE TO MY LITTLE FRIEND. 255 00:08:51,931 --> 00:08:52,898 [sighs] 256 00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:54,232 HEY! 257 00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:56,301 TODAY'S THE DAY OF YOUR BIG APPOINTMENT! 258 00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:57,713 YEAH, THANKS FOR REMINDING ME. 259 00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:59,114 IT'S NOT GONNA BE BIG ANYMORE. 260 00:08:59,138 --> 00:09:00,482 OH, MICHAEL, IT'S GONNA GO WELL. 261 00:09:00,506 --> 00:09:02,284 WILL YOU STOP BEING SO DRAMATIC? 262 00:09:02,308 --> 00:09:03,552 WHAT TIME IS YOUR APPOINTMENT, ANYWAY? 263 00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:05,020 [knife cuts OH! loudly] 264 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:06,011 AT NOON. 265 00:09:06,045 --> 00:09:07,679 [knife chopping] 266 00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:08,891 WHAT KIND OF APPOINTMENT IS IT, DAD? 267 00:09:08,915 --> 00:09:10,125 IT'S A DOCTOR'S APPOINTMENT. 268 00:09:10,149 --> 00:09:13,585 OH, WHAT ARE YOU HAVING DONE? 269 00:09:13,619 --> 00:09:15,921 SOME OF THAT. HMM. 270 00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,499 BABY, YOU SHOULD GET THERE REALLY, REALLY EARLY. 271 00:09:17,523 --> 00:09:19,167 IT'LL BE OVER BEFORE YOU KNOW IT... SNIP, SNIP. 272 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:21,603 HEY, MOM, I'VE NEVER MADE A HAT BEFORE. 273 00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,005 SHOULD I CUT AOFF OFE MORE THIS? 274 00:09:23,029 --> 00:09:24,172 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? IT COULDN'T HURT. 275 00:09:24,196 --> 00:09:25,374 JUST CUT A LITTLE OFF AT THE END. 276 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:27,142 I'LL JUST RIP THIS PART. OHH! 277 00:09:27,166 --> 00:09:28,033 OOH, THE TIP CAME OFF. 278 00:09:28,067 --> 00:09:28,967 I CUT TOO MUCH. 279 00:09:29,001 --> 00:09:30,112 THAT'S OKAY. 280 00:09:30,136 --> 00:09:32,704 THAT'S OKAY. WE DON'T NEED THAT. 281 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:33,905 AW. 282 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:36,007 WE DON'T... DO IT AGAIN. 283 00:09:36,042 --> 00:09:37,108 AHH! 284 00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,554 ALL RIGHT, OKAY. THEY'RE ALL THE SAME. 285 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:39,878 THERE YOU GO. 286 00:09:39,912 --> 00:09:41,752 WAIT, NOT THIS ONE... THIS ONE'S TOO SMALL. 287 00:09:41,781 --> 00:09:44,015 [laughter] 288 00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,028 AH, JUST THROW IT AWAY. YEAH.IT'S USELESS. 289 00:09:46,052 --> 00:09:49,387 [laughter] 290 00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,388 JAY, I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! 291 00:09:50,423 --> 00:09:51,890 WHAT? MICHAEL, WHOA! 292 00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,068 I CANNOT DO THIS! WHOA, WHOA, MICHAEL! 293 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,332 I'M NOT GONNA DO IT! WHOA! WHOA! 294 00:09:55,361 --> 00:09:56,595 YOU HAVE TO DO THIS. 295 00:09:56,629 --> 00:09:58,040 WHAT IF SOMETHING GOES WRONG, JAY? HUH? 296 00:09:58,064 --> 00:09:59,241 WHAT IF THE DOCTOR SLIPS 297 00:09:59,265 --> 00:10:01,143 AND IT BECOMES USELESS, AND HE TOSSES IT AWAY? 298 00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,644 OH, COME ON, WHAT COULD GO WRONG? 299 00:10:02,668 --> 00:10:04,079 WHAT COULD GO WRONG? 300 00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,237 IN THE MIDDLE OF THEWER SURGERY? AGE 301 00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,884 I COULD GO FROM "MIKE" TO "MONK" IN LESS THAN A MINUTE. 302 00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:10,108 THAT CAN'T HAPPEN, MICHAEL, 303 00:10:10,142 --> 00:10:11,653 BECAUSE HOSPITALS HAVE BACKUP GENERATORS. 304 00:10:11,677 --> 00:10:13,789 YEAH? WELL, I DON'T HAVE A BACKUP GENERATOR. 305 00:10:13,813 --> 00:10:15,057 ALL I GOT IS THIS ONE. 306 00:10:15,081 --> 00:10:16,358 AND I'D LIKE TO KEEP HIM GENERATING 307 00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:18,049 FOR AS LONG AS HE'S BEEN GENERATING. 308 00:10:18,084 --> 00:10:19,227 'CAUSE I GOT USED TO HIM, JAY. 309 00:10:19,251 --> 00:10:21,019 I KNOW HIM LIKE BACK OF MY HAND. 310 00:10:21,053 --> 00:10:23,355 AND THE FRONT... AND RIGHT HERE. 311 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:25,033 MICHAEL, NOTHING IS GONNA GO WRONG. 312 00:10:25,057 --> 00:10:26,335 IT'S A ROUTINE PROCEDURE. 313 00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:27,936 BESIDES, WHEN YOU'RE DONE WITH THIS, 314 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,304 WE HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 315 00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:31,296 BUCK WILD UP INNA HERE. GET 316 00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:32,597 BUCKETY-BUCK-BUCK WILD? 317 00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,898 OH, BABY, 318 00:10:33,933 --> 00:10:35,611 'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE ABLE TO GET ALL OF THIS, 319 00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:39,037 ALL THE TIME. 320 00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:40,182 ALL OF THAT, ALL THE TIME? 321 00:10:40,206 --> 00:10:42,874 ALL OF THIS... 322 00:10:42,908 --> 00:10:43,875 ALL THE TIME. 323 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,610 WHOA. 324 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,489 ALL RIGHT, LET ME CONSULT WITH THE PRINCE RIGHT HERE. 325 00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:48,446 [sighs] 326 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:49,614 HEY, LOOK, THAT'S... 327 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,616 YOU CAN'T BEAT ALL OF THAT, ALL THE TIME. 328 00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:56,254 THIS IS A PRIVATE CONVERSATION, ME AND MY MAN. 329 00:10:56,288 --> 00:10:57,566 LOOK, MAN, HOW MANY TIMES I GOT TO... 330 00:10:57,590 --> 00:10:58,490 WHAT ELSE YOU WANT? 331 00:10:58,524 --> 00:10:59,557 [sighs] 332 00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,226 [clears throat] 333 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,572 HE WANTS TO SEE "ALL OF THIS, ALL THE TIME" AGAIN. 334 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:04,640 ALL OF THIS... 335 00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:05,930 RIGHT. 336 00:11:05,965 --> 00:11:09,467 ALL THE TIME. 337 00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:11,469 ALL THAT, MAN. 338 00:11:11,504 --> 00:11:14,372 YOU SEE? ALL THAT. 339 00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:15,340 WE'RE IN. 340 00:11:15,374 --> 00:11:17,019 GOOD! OKAY, OKAY. 341 00:11:17,043 --> 00:11:18,620 SO, BABY, WHEN YOU START TO GET NERVOUS... 342 00:11:18,644 --> 00:11:19,611 YE AH? 343 00:11:19,645 --> 00:11:20,822 YOU JUST GO AHEAD, AND YOU THINK 344 00:11:20,846 --> 00:11:22,180 "ALL OF THIS, ALL THE TIME." 345 00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:23,625 ALL OF THAT, ALL THE GO ON, GO ON. TIME. 346 00:11:23,649 --> 00:11:26,161 HEY, YOU WANT TO KISS US GOODBYE? 347 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:30,188 GOODBYE, MICHAEL. [kisses] 348 00:11:33,059 --> 00:11:35,226 NOW, REMEMBER, KEEP USING THE ICE. 349 00:11:35,261 --> 00:11:38,263 [high-pitched voice] OKAY, I WILL. 350 00:11:38,297 --> 00:11:39,307 MICHAEL KYLE. 351 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:40,642 [high-pitched voice] HERE. 352 00:11:40,666 --> 00:11:42,044 [normal voice] I MEAN, AHEM, HERE. HERE. 353 00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:43,812 DR. SHAKEY WILL SEE YOU NOW. 354 00:11:43,836 --> 00:11:45,437 DOCTOR WHO? SHAKEY. 355 00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:46,948 WOULD YOU RATHER SEE DR. HATCHETT? 356 00:11:46,972 --> 00:11:48,807 IS THERE ANYBODY ELSE? 357 00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:51,543 WELL, DR. HACKENTOSS IS AVAILABLE. 358 00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,922 NO, YOU KNOW, I'LL GO WITH SHAKEY. 359 00:11:53,946 --> 00:11:56,848 I'LL GO WITH SHAKEY. 360 00:11:56,882 --> 00:11:59,250 HI, I'M DR. SHAKEY. 361 00:11:59,285 --> 00:12:00,529 IS THAT YOUR REAL NAME? 362 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:02,320 NO, IT'S A NICKNAME. 363 00:12:02,354 --> 00:12:03,722 MY REAL NAME IS TRIMBLE. 364 00:12:03,756 --> 00:12:07,659 NICE TO MEET YOU. 365 00:12:07,693 --> 00:12:10,762 IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU. THAT'S... WHOA. 366 00:12:10,796 --> 00:12:11,830 WHOA. 367 00:12:11,864 --> 00:12:13,865 [laughter] 368 00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,467 OH, THIS? 369 00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:21,005 DON'T WORRY, I OPERATE WITH THIS HAND. 370 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,475 IT'S THE CAFFEINE. 371 00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:25,754 HERE'S YOUR COFFEE, DOC... TRIPLE ESPRESSO. 372 00:12:25,778 --> 00:12:27,278 IT'S NOT DECAF, IS IT? 373 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:28,780 OF COURSE HOW MANY SUGARS? NOT. 374 00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:29,948 SIX... 375 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,015 TEEN. 376 00:12:31,050 --> 00:12:33,952 PERFECT. 377 00:12:33,986 --> 00:12:35,297 UH, HERE. UH, I COULD USE A HAND. 378 00:12:35,321 --> 00:12:36,565 YEAH, YEAH. WHOA, HEY, HOLD ON. 379 00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,857 AAH, AAH! IT'S HOT! THAT'S HOT! 380 00:12:38,891 --> 00:12:40,658 THAT'S HOT! HOT! HOT! 381 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,127 BURNING HOT! 382 00:12:42,161 --> 00:12:44,195 OH, I BURNED MYSELF. 383 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:47,398 NOW I'M GONNA HAVE TO OPERATE WITH THIS HAND. 384 00:12:47,433 --> 00:12:48,510 ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN DO THIS? 385 00:12:48,534 --> 00:12:50,168 ABSOLUTELY. 386 00:12:50,202 --> 00:12:52,647 FIRST, THE NURSE WILL GET YOU SHAVED AND PREPPED. 387 00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:54,606 I'LL BE BACK IN TWO SHAKES. 388 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:59,110 OKAY. 389 00:12:59,145 --> 00:13:00,989 YOU MIGHT WANT TO STAND BACK WHILE I DISROBE. 390 00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,981 [chuckles] 391 00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,049 NOT YET. 392 00:13:05,084 --> 00:13:06,151 TIFFANY? 393 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:08,196 OH, TIFFANY? SHE GONNA BRING IN THE TROOPS. 394 00:13:08,220 --> 00:13:09,354 [chuckles] 395 00:13:09,388 --> 00:13:10,899 TIFFANY? YEA H? 396 00:13:10,923 --> 00:13:12,100 SHAVE AND PREP MR. KYLE. 397 00:13:12,124 --> 00:13:13,258 WHOA! 398 00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:14,636 DROP YOUR DRAWERS. 399 00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,638 I'M... BUT... I... YOU WANT ME TO DO IT FOR YOU? 400 00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:17,806 NO, TIFF! TIFF, NO! 401 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,608 NO. I-I CAN HANDLE IT MYSELF. 402 00:13:19,632 --> 00:13:20,942 I'VE BEEN HANDLING IT MY WHOLE LIFE. 403 00:13:20,966 --> 00:13:22,801 THAT'S VERY FUNNY. 404 00:13:22,835 --> 00:13:26,604 BUT I AIN'T GOT TIME FOR THAT, ALL RIGHT? 405 00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:30,775 [groaning] 406 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,154 OH, MY GOD! MICHAEL, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE HOME! 407 00:13:32,178 --> 00:13:33,722 [gasps] ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? 408 00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:36,147 I THINK SO. IT WAS SO PAINFUL, JAY. 409 00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,326 OH, BABY, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. 410 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,928 YOU'RE SO... YOU'RE SO BRAVE. 411 00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:42,687 I KNOW I AM. I AM BRAVE.YES, YOU ARE! 412 00:13:42,721 --> 00:13:43,899 AND JUST REMEMBER, BABY, 413 00:13:43,923 --> 00:13:46,301 WHEN YOU'RE ALL BETTER, YOU GET ALL OF THIS. 414 00:13:46,325 --> 00:13:49,337 WELL, BABY, ANYWAY, HOW LONG IS YOUR RECOVERY TIME? 415 00:13:49,361 --> 00:13:51,039 THE DOCTOR SAID I'M GONNA HAVE TO ABSTAIN 416 00:13:51,063 --> 00:13:53,231 FOR AT LEAST SIX OR SEVEN HOURS. 417 00:13:53,265 --> 00:13:54,599 HOURS? YEAH. 418 00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:55,977 DON'T YOU MEAN DAYS? 419 00:13:56,001 --> 00:13:57,445 NO, THAT'S BACK IN THE OLD TIME 420 00:13:57,469 --> 00:13:59,938 WHEN THEY USED PLIERS AND A FISH KNIFE. 421 00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:01,973 NOW THEY GOT LASERS AND A LAPTOP. 422 00:14:02,007 --> 00:14:03,775 THEY DID "FFZT!" AND IT'S DONE. 423 00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,076 REALLY? YEAH. 424 00:14:05,110 --> 00:14:06,321 WITH A LASER, APPED MICHAEL? YOU 425 00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:07,812 YEAH, THEY DID. 426 00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:12,050 FROM THE INSIDE, SO THERE'S NO SCARRING, JUST A BIG BALD SPOT. 427 00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:13,895 FROM THE INSIDE? HOW DID THEY DO THAT, MICHAEL? 428 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:15,463 SEE, THEY GO IN THROUGH THE NAVEL, RIGHT? 429 00:14:15,487 --> 00:14:18,356 AND THEN THEY SEND A CAMERA BEHIND THE ESOPHAGUS 430 00:14:18,390 --> 00:14:20,425 AND THEY JUST HIDE THERE, RIGHT? 431 00:14:20,459 --> 00:14:23,328 AND THEN WHEN THE PENIS AIN'T LOOKING, THEY POUNCE ON IT. 432 00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:26,731 AND THEY HOG-TIE IT, AND THEN THEY DONE, LIKE THAT. 433 00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:28,577 WOW! THEN, WHAT'S THE ICE FOR? 434 00:14:28,601 --> 00:14:31,502 OH, THAT'S FOR THE SWELLING. THE UNWANTED SWELLING. 435 00:14:31,537 --> 00:14:36,374 OHH... SO, UH, YOU THINK BY, UH, TONIGHT... 436 00:14:36,408 --> 00:14:37,542 OH, YEAH. 437 00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:38,887 OH, YEAH, WE GONNA... TONIGHT, IT GOES DOWN. 438 00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:42,447 OH, MICHAEL, I'M SO PROUD OF YOU. 439 00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:44,693 YOU JUST DON'T KNOW HOW THAT MAKES ME FEEL. 440 00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,995 I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, BABY! 441 00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:48,230 I'M GONNA LET YOU SHOW ME LATER. 442 00:14:48,254 --> 00:14:52,257 [giggling] 443 00:14:52,291 --> 00:14:54,192 ARE YOU READY? YEAH, I'M EXCITED. 444 00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,503 CLAIRE, I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE 445 00:14:55,527 --> 00:14:56,628 YOU DOING THIS FOR ME. 446 00:14:56,662 --> 00:14:58,106 OH, YOU'RE WELCOME. I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. 447 00:14:58,130 --> 00:15:00,932 OKAY, CLOSE YOUR EYES. 448 00:15:00,966 --> 00:15:05,436 ALL RIGHT. 449 00:15:05,471 --> 00:15:07,672 TA-DA! [giggles] 450 00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:09,807 WELL, IT FEELS GOOD. [nervous laughter] 451 00:15:09,842 --> 00:15:14,412 TAKE A LOOK. 452 00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:17,215 WOW! THIS IS AMAZING. 453 00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:22,353 OH, IT'S EVERYTHING I DREAMT IT WOULD BE. 454 00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:25,490 CAN YOU... 455 00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:27,959 [cries] IMAGINE... 456 00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:30,428 I... HOLD ON. 457 00:15:30,462 --> 00:15:31,840 WHAT KIND OF WORLD WE WOULD LIVE IN 458 00:15:31,864 --> 00:15:35,266 IF EVERYONE HAD A HAT LIKE THIS? 459 00:15:35,301 --> 00:15:37,936 YEAH... IT'D BE GREAT, ALL RIGHT, 460 00:15:37,970 --> 00:15:40,181 AS LONG AS I DIDN'T HAVE TO MAKE THEM ALL. 461 00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:43,608 NOW... W-WHAT DOES THAT SAY? 462 00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:45,910 YNOT EM S'TI DOG IH? 463 00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,412 WHAT IS THAT? IS THAT GERMAN? 464 00:15:47,446 --> 00:15:49,614 NO, IT'S BACKWARDS. 465 00:15:49,648 --> 00:15:51,259 IT SAYS, "HI, GOD, IT'S ME, TONY." 466 00:15:51,283 --> 00:15:53,161 YOU SAID WHEN GOD LOOKS DOWN, 467 00:15:53,185 --> 00:15:54,796 THE FIRST THING HE SEES IS YOUR HAT. 468 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:57,522 THAT'S RIGHT. OH, THANK YOU, CLAIRE. 469 00:15:57,556 --> 00:15:59,801 AHH, I'M GONNA BE THE ENVY OF EVERY KID AT BIBLE CAMP. 470 00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:02,003 WAIT, I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS A SIN TO BE ENVIOUS. 471 00:16:02,027 --> 00:16:04,262 YEAH, WELL, IT'S THEIR SIN, NOT MINE. 472 00:16:04,296 --> 00:16:05,697 IT'S GONNA MAKE ME LOOK GOOD. 473 00:16:05,731 --> 00:16:07,409 GEE, TONY, THAT DOESN'T SOUND RIGHT. 474 00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:09,678 TRICKING THE OTHER CAMPERS SO GOD WILL LIKE YOU MORE? 475 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:10,768 TO HELL WITH THEM, CLAIRE. 476 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,180 THIS IS ABOUT BEING GOD'S FAVORITE. 477 00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:13,882 IF THIS HAT DOES THAT, SO BE IT. 478 00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:16,284 I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD TRY TO TRICK GOD. 479 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:18,743 CLAIRE, YOU STICK TO MAKING HATS, 480 00:16:18,777 --> 00:16:20,188 AND I'LL DEAL WITH THE MAN UPSTAIRS. 481 00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:22,146 HA, HA, HA, HA, 482 00:16:22,181 --> 00:16:26,718 HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! 483 00:16:26,752 --> 00:16:32,190 [laughing uproariously] 484 00:16:34,393 --> 00:16:36,294 [baby crying] 485 00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,295 JUNIOR! 486 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:39,230 [baby crying] 487 00:16:39,264 --> 00:16:41,866 ♪ WHEN I WAS JUST A LITTLE GIRL ♪ 488 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:44,969 ♪ I ASKED MY MOTHER WHAT WILL I BE? ♪ 489 00:16:45,004 --> 00:16:46,637 ♪ WILL I BE PRETTY... ♪ 490 00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,638 [baby crying] 491 00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,574 [sighs] OKAY, ALL RIGHT. 492 00:16:49,608 --> 00:16:52,110 YOU WANT IT? YOU GOT IT! 493 00:16:52,144 --> 00:16:54,779 ♪ MY BOY WANTS TO PARTY ALL THE TIME ♪ 494 00:16:54,813 --> 00:16:58,249 ♪ PARTY ALL THE TIME, PARTY ALL THE TIME ♪ 495 00:16:58,283 --> 00:17:01,119 ♪ MY BOY WANTS TO PARTY ALL THE TIME ♪ 496 00:17:01,153 --> 00:17:04,856 ♪ PARTY ALL THE TIME ♪ 497 00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:10,828 ♪ WOO-HOO-HOO-HOO ♪ 498 00:17:14,199 --> 00:17:16,200 [whispers] YES. 499 00:17:21,006 --> 00:17:23,441 HEY, YOU READY? [chuckles] 500 00:17:23,475 --> 00:17:24,686 LET ME CHECK WITH MY LITTLE COMPADRE. 501 00:17:24,710 --> 00:17:25,954 YEP, HE READY. 502 00:17:25,978 --> 00:17:27,078 [laughter] 503 00:17:27,112 --> 00:17:29,013 OOH! 504 00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:32,550 MICHAEL, OH, MY GOD, I AM SO MUCH MORE EXCITED 505 00:17:32,584 --> 00:17:34,685 NOW THAT I HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 506 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:37,732 OH, YOU'RE IN MY AREA. LOOK, THE TOES ARE CURLING! 507 00:17:37,756 --> 00:17:40,858 MICHAEL, I FEEL SO TOTALLY FREE AND UNINHIBITED. 508 00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:42,860 I SEE. UM, WAIT. 509 00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:43,972 HEY, JAY, WHOA. STOP A SECOND. 510 00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:46,631 WHAT? YOU WANT NURSE JAY TO TAKE A LOOK AT IT? 511 00:17:46,665 --> 00:17:47,799 WHOA! 512 00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:50,145 WANT HER TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE SPANKING? 513 00:17:50,169 --> 00:17:52,714 YEAH, I DO, BUT... BUT YOU BETTER NOT. 514 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:55,540 LISTEN. LISTEN. WHAT? 515 00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:56,841 JAY? YES? 516 00:17:56,875 --> 00:17:57,952 I DIDN'T DO IT. 517 00:17:57,976 --> 00:17:59,020 I COULDN'T GO THROUGH WITH IT, BABY. 518 00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,322 OH, MY GOD! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME! 519 00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:02,590 NO, LISTEN, JAY! 520 00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:04,059 THE WHOLE THOUGHT OF IT 521 00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,628 MADE ME FEEL LIKE I'M LESS THAN A MAN, 522 00:18:06,652 --> 00:18:08,897 LIKE I'D BE FIRING BLANKS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 523 00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:11,989 I'M SORRY! YOU SHOULD BE SORRY, MICHAEL! 524 00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:13,825 BABY, DON'T BE ANGRY. 525 00:18:13,859 --> 00:18:16,594 LOOK, TRY TO UNDERSTAND. FOR A GUY, IT'S DIFFERENT. 526 00:18:16,628 --> 00:18:18,663 WOMEN GO TO DOCTORS ALL THE TIME. 527 00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,241 IT'S LIKE HAVING AN ENTIRE PIT CREW DOWN THERE. 528 00:18:20,265 --> 00:18:22,400 FOR A GUY, YOU GET ONE EXAM. 529 00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:24,202 YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU'RE A KID, 15. 530 00:18:24,236 --> 00:18:26,714 THE DOCTOR SAYS, "TURN YOUR HEAD AND COUGH," AND THAT'S IT. 531 00:18:26,738 --> 00:18:27,805 AND YOU DON'T GO BACK 532 00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,117 UNTIL THERE'S BLOOD OR FIRE SHOOTING OUT. 533 00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:31,142 OH, MICHAEL! 534 00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:32,510 IT'S TRUE! 535 00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,956 YOU ARE EXAGGERATING SO BAD RIGHT NOW... YOU REALLY ARE! 536 00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,881 FOR A MAN... THIS IS ALL I GOT! 537 00:18:36,915 --> 00:18:38,649 SELFISH, OU ARE MICHAEL! SO 538 00:18:38,684 --> 00:18:40,495 OH, I'M BEING SELFISH? YES! 539 00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:41,729 OKAY, WHAT ABOUT THIS? 540 00:18:41,753 --> 00:18:43,688 GOD FORBID YOU DIE, 541 00:18:43,722 --> 00:18:48,326 AND I END UP WITH SOME HOT, 25-YEAR-OLD SOUTH BEACH MODEL. 542 00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,338 HUH? AND SHE WANTS TO HAVE MY KIDS. 543 00:18:50,362 --> 00:18:53,998 WHAT DO I TELL HALLE, JAY? WHAT DO I SAY TO HER? 544 00:18:54,032 --> 00:18:56,000 YOU SAY YOU HAVE SOME KIDS OF YOUR OWN, MICHAEL. 545 00:18:56,034 --> 00:18:58,613 OKAY, AND SPEAKING OF KIDS, WHAT ABOUT JUNIOR? 546 00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:00,615 WHAT IF HE TURNS OUT TO BE A SERIAL KILLER? 547 00:19:00,639 --> 00:19:02,150 'CAUSE YOU KNOW HE GOT POTENTIAL. 548 00:19:02,174 --> 00:19:04,252 THERE'S SOMETHING EVIL IN THAT BIG HEAD OF HIS. 549 00:19:04,276 --> 00:19:07,078 I DON'T GOTOU NOBODY.NE, 550 00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,090 WHAT DO I TELL THE SOUTH BEACH MODEL, HUH? 551 00:19:09,114 --> 00:19:10,358 WHAT DO I SAY TO HALLE? 552 00:19:10,382 --> 00:19:12,193 TELL ME, JAY, WHAT DO I TELL HALLE? 553 00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,461 'CAUSE SHE'S GONNA WANT TO KNOW. 554 00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:15,419 HALLE NEEDS ANSWERS! 555 00:19:15,454 --> 00:19:18,623 OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT. 556 00:19:18,657 --> 00:19:20,568 YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU MAKE A COMPELLING ARGUMENT. 557 00:19:20,592 --> 00:19:23,571 I WILL GO MAKE MY APPOINTMENT TO GET MY TUBES TIED TOMORROW, 558 00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:25,106 SO YOU AND HALLE HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. 559 00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:26,508 NO, NO, BABY. HOLD ON. 560 00:19:26,532 --> 00:19:28,332 NO? 561 00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:30,712 NO, I CAN'T. I'M NOT GONNA LET YOU DO THAT. 562 00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:33,204 REALLY, YEAH. MICHAEL? 563 00:19:33,238 --> 00:19:35,806 I'LL MAKE THE APPOINTMENT FOR YOU. 564 00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:40,411 I'LL JUST PICK UP... I'LL JUST CALL AND SET EVERYTHING UP. 565 00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:45,550 ♪ HELLO, GOD, IT'S TONY ♪ 566 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:50,021 ♪ NOT SOME OTHER PHONY ♪ 567 00:19:50,055 --> 00:19:52,590 ♪ PEOPLE ONLY CALL YOU ♪ 568 00:19:52,624 --> 00:19:56,761 ♪ WHEN THEY NEED A F-A-A-V-O-O-O-O-R ♪ 569 00:19:56,795 --> 00:19:57,906 [thunderclap, lightning strike] 570 00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:00,565 [electricity buzzing] 571 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:08,472 HEY, YOU ALL SET? YEAH . 572 00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,741 LOOK, BABY, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS, OKAY? 573 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:12,353 AND I WANT YOU TO CANCEL THE WHOLE THING. 574 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:13,721 I DON'T WANT YOU TO GO INTO THE HOSPITAL 575 00:20:13,745 --> 00:20:15,256 AND HAVE TO GO THROUGH ALL THAT TRAUMA. 576 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,982 IT'D BE MUCH EASIER FOR ME JUST TO GET THE VASECTOMY. 577 00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:20,318 TO HELL WITH HALLE. 578 00:20:20,352 --> 00:20:21,729 IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE, MICHAEL. 579 00:20:21,753 --> 00:20:23,788 WHY NOT? 580 00:20:23,822 --> 00:20:26,290 'CAUSE I'M PREGNANT. 581 00:20:26,325 --> 00:20:30,228 [audience oohs] 582 00:20:39,338 --> 00:20:41,072 OKAY, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT... 583 00:20:41,106 --> 00:20:42,974 POPE... BIG, FURRY HAT. 584 00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:45,309 RABBIS... BIG HAT. 585 00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,410 WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, 586 00:20:46,445 --> 00:20:48,122 ALL THE TOP RELIGIOUS GUYS HAVE HATS. 587 00:20:48,146 --> 00:20:52,817 RABBIS... BIG F... OH, MY GOD, OKAY. 588 00:20:52,851 --> 00:20:56,487 YEAH, WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, ALL THE TOP GUYS HAVE HATS. 589 00:20:56,521 --> 00:20:59,290 POPE... BIG HAT. RABBIS... BIG, FURRY HAT. 590 00:20:59,324 --> 00:21:04,128 OKAY, UH, UH, THE OTHER GUY, AL SHARPTON... AL SHARPTON... 591 00:21:04,162 --> 00:21:07,198 [laughs] 592 00:21:07,232 --> 00:21:10,601 ME AND MY LITTLE FRIEND, MY LIFE PARTNER... 593 00:21:10,636 --> 00:21:11,946 WHO? LITTLE MICHAEL. 594 00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:13,248 WHO? PRINCE MICHAEL. 595 00:21:13,272 --> 00:21:15,106 WHO? 596 00:21:15,140 --> 00:21:16,774 MIKEY. 597 00:21:16,808 --> 00:21:17,885 MICHELANGEL O. 598 00:21:17,909 --> 00:21:19,310 THE ARTIST? 599 00:21:19,344 --> 00:21:22,480 THAT'S RIGHT... FORMERLY KNOWN AS RICHARD. 39071

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