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1
00:00:03,504 --> 00:00:05,676
Hey, you,
how you feeling?
2
00:00:05,676 --> 00:00:08,629
Awful.
I feel so unbelievably pregnant.
3
00:00:08,629 --> 00:00:10,591
Oh, please, girl.
You call that pregnant?
4
00:00:10,591 --> 00:00:12,093
You look great
for nine months.
5
00:00:12,093 --> 00:00:15,015
When I was pregnant with junior,
everything spread.
6
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,098
My nose spread,
my feet got wide.
7
00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:19,100
My butt was so big,
8
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:22,193
I could reach in
my back pocket like this.
9
00:00:22,193 --> 00:00:25,856
What kind of foolishness?
10
00:00:30,991 --> 00:00:32,613
Well, I can't imagine
anybody being more pregnant
11
00:00:32,613 --> 00:00:34,245
Than I am right now.
12
00:00:34,245 --> 00:00:36,657
I look like I'm gonna bust.
Oh, that's nonsense.
13
00:00:36,657 --> 00:00:38,789
Wow, you look like
you're about to bust.
14
00:00:38,789 --> 00:00:40,331
Yeah, I did that.
15
00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:41,792
You know me.
16
00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,424
When junior kyle
gets somebody pregnant,
17
00:00:43,424 --> 00:00:45,216
They get good and pregnant.
[ Laughs ]
18
00:00:45,216 --> 00:00:46,797
You know what I'm talking about.
You've been there.
19
00:00:46,797 --> 00:00:49,090
Two times.
I don't know who your father is.
20
00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:50,171
[ Laughs ]
21
00:00:51,842 --> 00:00:54,054
You're not my daddy?
22
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,676
Boy, eat your food.
23
00:00:55,676 --> 00:00:58,559
I just want to have this baby
and get it over with.
24
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,271
Why am I so overdue?
25
00:01:00,271 --> 00:01:02,183
That's because
you're carrying junior's child.
26
00:01:02,183 --> 00:01:04,145
See, now that
the head is fully developed,
27
00:01:04,145 --> 00:01:05,356
It's gonna take
an extra month
28
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:07,108
For the rest of the body
to catch up.
29
00:01:07,108 --> 00:01:08,819
You know,
because right now,
30
00:01:08,819 --> 00:01:10,111
The body's little like --
31
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,153
Like gazoo
from "the flintstones."
32
00:01:12,153 --> 00:01:14,285
I get it, dad!
Gazoo!
33
00:01:14,285 --> 00:01:16,367
Yabba-dabba-doo!
[ Laughs ]
34
00:01:16,367 --> 00:01:19,120
Yabba-dabba-doo!
[ Laughs ]
35
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,702
Yabba-dabba--
36
00:01:21,702 --> 00:01:23,083
Don't.
37
00:01:25,506 --> 00:01:26,877
Okay, look.
38
00:01:26,877 --> 00:01:28,299
I've been thinking.
39
00:01:28,299 --> 00:01:30,341
Ever since
the fiasco at the restaurant,
40
00:01:30,341 --> 00:01:33,174
I realized that we're not ready
for the arrival of this baby.
41
00:01:33,174 --> 00:01:34,765
So I took it upon myself
42
00:01:34,765 --> 00:01:37,348
To come up with a plan
that will help us
43
00:01:37,348 --> 00:01:39,310
Get through this ordeal
like clockwork.
44
00:01:39,310 --> 00:01:40,981
Now, jay, I made you
second-in-command.
45
00:01:40,981 --> 00:01:42,353
I want you to read this.
46
00:01:42,353 --> 00:01:43,774
Okay.
47
00:01:43,774 --> 00:01:45,316
"We call this 'operation
shock and awful big head' --"
48
00:01:45,316 --> 00:01:46,567
No, no.
49
00:01:46,567 --> 00:01:48,399
See, "awe-ful" --
that's a joke.
50
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:49,490
It is?
51
00:01:49,490 --> 00:01:51,322
"Awe-ful...big head"
yeah.
52
00:01:51,322 --> 00:01:53,324
"Awe-ful," and then
back off, "big head."
53
00:01:53,324 --> 00:01:54,945
Go ahead, try it.
54
00:01:54,945 --> 00:01:59,290
"We call this 'operation
shock and a-a-awful big head.'"
55
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:01,162
No.
Baby, come on.
56
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:03,334
You gotta stress
"awe-ful."
57
00:02:03,334 --> 00:02:05,586
Just let the head drop a little.
"Awe-ful."
58
00:02:05,586 --> 00:02:07,418
Do you want to
do this yourself?
59
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:08,959
You're doing good.
You're doing good.
60
00:02:08,959 --> 00:02:12,923
Not funny, but good.
61
00:02:12,923 --> 00:02:15,346
"Step one --
have vanessa's bag packed
62
00:02:15,346 --> 00:02:17,518
"And waiting
at the top of the stairs.
63
00:02:17,518 --> 00:02:19,760
"At the start of labor, junior
will calmly retrieve the bag
64
00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:21,642
And place it
in the trunk of the vehicle --"
65
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:22,643
No.
66
00:02:23,354 --> 00:02:25,266
"Vehicle" is a joke, baby.
67
00:02:25,266 --> 00:02:26,607
Where do you see joke?
68
00:02:26,607 --> 00:02:27,938
It's a --
69
00:02:27,938 --> 00:02:29,770
Vehicle!
You gotta lean into it.
70
00:02:29,770 --> 00:02:31,692
Vehicle.
Just let your head drop.
71
00:02:31,692 --> 00:02:33,324
If I wanted it
to read like a statement,
72
00:02:33,324 --> 00:02:34,655
I would have said "car."
73
00:02:35,866 --> 00:02:38,038
Car.
See, that's not funny.
74
00:02:38,038 --> 00:02:39,119
Vehicle.
75
00:02:41,081 --> 00:02:43,083
You know what?
Forget it.
76
00:02:43,083 --> 00:02:45,416
What I'm gonna do is give
everybody a copy of this script,
77
00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:47,288
And we'll just do
a dry run, okay?
78
00:02:47,288 --> 00:02:48,499
Vehicle.
79
00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:51,962
I don't care!
80
00:02:57,968 --> 00:02:59,510
Okay, here we go,
and...
81
00:02:59,510 --> 00:03:00,511
Action.
82
00:03:00,511 --> 00:03:02,513
"Ow, ow!
I think my water broke!"
83
00:03:02,513 --> 00:03:04,685
"Yes, it has.
Are you contracting?"
84
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:06,437
"Oh, ow! Yes, I am!
85
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:09,230
I need to get
to the...hospital."
86
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:12,733
"Where is my strong, athletic,
handsome, sexy husband
87
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:15,406
To lead me
in this time of crisis?"
88
00:03:15,406 --> 00:03:17,448
"Here I am. Don't panic.
89
00:03:17,448 --> 00:03:20,411
"I have everything
under control. Junior...
90
00:03:20,411 --> 00:03:23,994
"Go upstairs
and get vanessa's prepacked bag
91
00:03:23,994 --> 00:03:26,627
And bring it
to the front door."
92
00:03:26,627 --> 00:03:28,749
"Yes, all-knowing,
wise, loving father,
93
00:03:28,749 --> 00:03:33,133
"Who deserved better than
a bigheaded dummy for a son...
94
00:03:33,133 --> 00:03:35,546
"Like me, who shouldn't
have gotten himself
95
00:03:35,546 --> 00:03:37,928
Into this mess
in the first 'placky.'"
96
00:03:37,928 --> 00:03:39,640
"Place," boy,
it's "place."
97
00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,512
"Place"?
"Place"!
"First place"!
98
00:03:41,512 --> 00:03:43,554
Oh, that makes
more sense.
99
00:03:43,554 --> 00:03:45,145
Okay, jay,
it's your line.
100
00:03:45,145 --> 00:03:46,687
All right, all right.
101
00:03:46,687 --> 00:03:50,401
"What would us women do
without you brave men?"
102
00:03:50,401 --> 00:03:52,813
"No --
no time for compliments.
103
00:03:52,813 --> 00:03:55,856
"We have to
get the girl to the hospital.
104
00:03:55,856 --> 00:03:59,620
"But in answer to your question,
you wouldn't survive.
105
00:03:59,620 --> 00:04:03,364
Now, I will go pull
the vehicle around front."
106
00:04:03,364 --> 00:04:05,536
See, that's
how you say it.
107
00:04:05,536 --> 00:04:07,668
Yeah, I got it,
I got it.
Okay.
108
00:04:07,668 --> 00:04:09,370
"You help vanessa."
109
00:04:09,370 --> 00:04:12,963
"Oh. Ee-ooh ah oh.
Another contraction has come!
110
00:04:12,963 --> 00:04:14,465
"Please hurry!
111
00:04:14,465 --> 00:04:16,837
Please, please.
I feel the baby coming."
112
00:04:16,837 --> 00:04:18,759
Wait, wait, wait.
That's not in the script.
113
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:19,930
I was ad-libbing.
114
00:04:19,930 --> 00:04:21,682
Don't...do that.
115
00:04:22,683 --> 00:04:24,935
Every...word is a pearl.
116
00:04:24,935 --> 00:04:26,937
Okay, jay, your line.
117
00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:29,650
"Yes, master."
"Master"? Michael.
118
00:04:29,650 --> 00:04:31,602
Sorry, I got a little
wired on the coffee
119
00:04:31,602 --> 00:04:33,063
When I was writing this.
120
00:04:33,063 --> 00:04:34,735
Just say --
say "your majesty."
121
00:04:34,735 --> 00:04:37,067
You have the next line.
122
00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:38,489
Right, right.
I should know this.
123
00:04:38,489 --> 00:04:40,901
Okay, um...
124
00:04:40,901 --> 00:04:43,113
Okay, yeah,
here's my line.
125
00:04:43,113 --> 00:04:45,616
"Don't forget
the insurance cards,
126
00:04:45,616 --> 00:04:47,117
"Which I have
fortuitously
127
00:04:47,117 --> 00:04:50,621
Placed in the table
by the front door."
128
00:04:50,621 --> 00:04:53,464
"Wow, you are so smart."
129
00:04:56,717 --> 00:04:58,589
"And efficient."
130
00:04:58,589 --> 00:04:59,880
"I've got
the bags, father,
131
00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:02,803
And I promise
not to do anything stupid."
132
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:05,095
"Okay, look over there."
Where? Ow!
133
00:05:05,095 --> 00:05:07,638
"That's just in case."
Hey, you ad-libbing.
134
00:05:07,638 --> 00:05:10,020
I have creative license here.
I'm the director.
135
00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:12,102
Okay, that's good.
136
00:05:12,102 --> 00:05:13,644
Three minutes.
Three minutes.
137
00:05:13,644 --> 00:05:15,436
We got to get the time down,
but this is good.
138
00:05:15,436 --> 00:05:17,027
We're off to
a good start.
139
00:05:17,027 --> 00:05:19,570
You know real life is not gonna
go according to your plan.
140
00:05:19,570 --> 00:05:25,115
Jay, chance favors
the prepared mind.
141
00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:27,327
Remember that, okay?
142
00:05:27,327 --> 00:05:29,249
I'm gonna write that
in your script.
143
00:05:29,249 --> 00:05:31,622
I'm not saying it.
I don't know why you're --
144
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:33,333
You will
learn that line, missy!
145
00:05:34,715 --> 00:05:38,128
Or you'll never be in
a michael kyle play again.
146
00:05:38,128 --> 00:05:41,882
Now, we got to get this down
to less than three minutes.
147
00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:43,303
Okay, from the top.
148
00:05:43,303 --> 00:05:45,766
And...action!
149
00:05:45,766 --> 00:05:47,307
"Oh! Ooh ee-oh!
150
00:05:47,307 --> 00:05:48,639
I think my water broke!"
151
00:05:53,474 --> 00:05:54,895
Mmm. I look good.
152
00:05:54,895 --> 00:05:56,316
I look good.
Ooh, ooh.
153
00:05:56,316 --> 00:05:58,939
[ Knock on door ]
who is it?
154
00:05:58,939 --> 00:06:00,571
Kady: it's me.
155
00:06:00,571 --> 00:06:02,443
What do you want,
thief?
156
00:06:02,443 --> 00:06:04,364
Dad told me to give you
your stuff back.
157
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:05,446
That's it?
158
00:06:05,446 --> 00:06:08,118
[ Sighs ]
159
00:06:08,118 --> 00:06:10,541
You took
my lipsticks, too?
160
00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:13,123
I'm sorry. That's why
I came here to apologize.
161
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:14,995
For what? There's so many
things to choose from.
162
00:06:14,995 --> 00:06:16,917
Are you apologizing
for sneaking into my room
163
00:06:16,917 --> 00:06:18,589
Or stealing my stuff?
164
00:06:18,589 --> 00:06:20,671
Okay, okay, okay.
I get it.
165
00:06:20,671 --> 00:06:22,673
I just came here
to make things right.
166
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,384
Oh, and here.
167
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:25,966
You just don't understand
168
00:06:25,966 --> 00:06:27,888
How hard it is
to be the baby in transition.
169
00:06:28,969 --> 00:06:30,681
I'm not
a little kid anymore,
170
00:06:30,681 --> 00:06:32,473
But I'm not
a teenager yet, either.
171
00:06:32,473 --> 00:06:34,224
I'm just little miss
"in between."
172
00:06:34,224 --> 00:06:36,396
How much of my stuff
did you take?
173
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,318
Hold on.
I'll go get the rest.
174
00:06:44,735 --> 00:06:46,487
This is everything.
175
00:06:46,487 --> 00:06:50,160
Oh, wait.
This is yours, too.
176
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,793
[ Scoffs ]
I don't understand, kady.
177
00:06:52,793 --> 00:06:54,665
Why do you do stuff like that?
178
00:06:54,665 --> 00:06:56,957
Because I want
to be like you.
179
00:06:56,957 --> 00:06:58,709
Really?
180
00:06:58,709 --> 00:06:59,920
Really.
181
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,633
Well, I suppose
I can't blame you for that.
182
00:07:02,633 --> 00:07:04,925
I mean, who wouldn't
want to be like me?
183
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,097
[ Laughs ]
even I want to be more like me.
184
00:07:07,097 --> 00:07:08,809
[ Giggles, sighs ]
185
00:07:08,809 --> 00:07:11,141
Well, I admire you,
and you're beautiful,
186
00:07:11,141 --> 00:07:13,053
And that's why I did it.
187
00:07:13,053 --> 00:07:15,726
Well, in that case,
you're forgiven.
188
00:07:15,726 --> 00:07:18,979
You can be like me.
Just don't take any of my stuff.
189
00:07:18,979 --> 00:07:20,611
But how can I
be like you
190
00:07:20,611 --> 00:07:22,062
If I don't have
any stuff like you?
191
00:07:22,062 --> 00:07:23,864
Hmm, I see your point.
192
00:07:23,864 --> 00:07:25,696
Well, how about
I give you my old stuff?
193
00:07:25,696 --> 00:07:27,277
I don't want to be
the old you.
194
00:07:27,277 --> 00:07:28,829
I want to be the new you.
195
00:07:28,829 --> 00:07:30,781
Okay, look,
I'll tell you what.
196
00:07:30,781 --> 00:07:32,372
How about you go to the mall
with your big sister
197
00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:33,744
And have
a little shopping spree?
198
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:34,705
Really?
199
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,877
Really. Let's go.
200
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:40,210
Huh, you like that,
baby?
201
00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,082
I would
if the sight of you
202
00:07:42,082 --> 00:07:43,754
Didn't repulse me
right now.
203
00:07:43,754 --> 00:07:45,506
Ooh.
204
00:07:45,506 --> 00:07:47,217
And how can you stand
looking at me?
205
00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:49,720
I look like a giant,
chocolate, swollen dud.
206
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:52,723
Hey, hey. That's not a bad name
for the baby.
207
00:07:52,723 --> 00:07:55,646
We're not naming the baby
"chocolate dud."
208
00:07:55,646 --> 00:07:58,098
Okay.
Well, how about a bible name?
209
00:07:58,098 --> 00:08:00,440
Oh, that's good,
like "matthew" or "ruth."
210
00:08:00,440 --> 00:08:01,812
Ooh -- you know,
I was thinking
211
00:08:01,812 --> 00:08:03,273
More like "leviticus"
or "2nd chronicles."
212
00:08:03,273 --> 00:08:04,404
[ Laughs ]
213
00:08:04,404 --> 00:08:06,607
Okay, now you're just
being silly.
214
00:08:06,607 --> 00:08:07,868
Oh!
215
00:08:07,868 --> 00:08:10,320
Oh, come on.
The joke wasn't that bad.
216
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:11,702
No, it's just
another one of those
217
00:08:11,702 --> 00:08:13,203
Braxton-hicks contractions.
218
00:08:13,203 --> 00:08:14,825
Are you sure?
219
00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:16,496
Yeah, the doctor said I'll know
when the real ones start.
220
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,078
I don't want to have
another false alarm.
221
00:08:18,078 --> 00:08:20,380
Let's think more about names.
It takes my mind off it.
222
00:08:20,380 --> 00:08:21,381
Okay.
223
00:08:23,463 --> 00:08:25,335
I think we should
name the baby after you.
224
00:08:25,335 --> 00:08:28,128
Yeah.
You know, "junior junior."
225
00:08:28,128 --> 00:08:32,222
Or should it be "junior ii"?
Or "junior two times"?
226
00:08:32,222 --> 00:08:34,054
Okay, maybe that was
a bad idea.
227
00:08:34,054 --> 00:08:36,897
Okay, well, how about
a combination of both our names?
228
00:08:36,897 --> 00:08:38,308
Junior and vanessa?
229
00:08:38,308 --> 00:08:41,021
Yeah. If it's a girl,
we could name her "janessa."
230
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,943
Oh, that's nice.
231
00:08:42,943 --> 00:08:45,946
Yeah, and if it's a boy,
we could name him "vajunior."
232
00:08:45,946 --> 00:08:48,949
Vajunior?
That sounds nasty.
233
00:08:48,949 --> 00:08:50,781
Or there's "vanjor."
234
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,533
Hmm, janessa or vanjor?
235
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,916
Yeah, I don't think they're
being used by anybody else.
236
00:08:55,916 --> 00:08:58,158
You're right. I've never heard
anyone with those names.
237
00:08:58,158 --> 00:09:00,290
I suppose there might be
a vanjor someplace,
238
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,832
Like asia or brussels,
239
00:09:01,832 --> 00:09:03,664
But as long as our son
stays out of those areas,
240
00:09:03,664 --> 00:09:05,045
He won't have to worry.
241
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:08,378
Hmm, vanjor kyle.
Janessa kyle.
242
00:09:08,378 --> 00:09:10,130
Those are unique.
243
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:14,134
Another good name --
"unique" if it's a girl,
244
00:09:14,134 --> 00:09:17,557
And "uni-qué"
if it's a spanish boy.
245
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:18,889
Right.
246
00:09:18,889 --> 00:09:21,772
Now all we have to do is
figure out which one is coming.
247
00:09:21,772 --> 00:09:22,773
Ow!
248
00:09:22,773 --> 00:09:25,445
Oh, are you having another one
of those contractions?
249
00:09:25,445 --> 00:09:26,777
I sure am.
250
00:09:26,777 --> 00:09:28,609
How long have you been
having them?
251
00:09:28,609 --> 00:09:31,281
Since yesterday.
They're getting closer together.
252
00:09:31,281 --> 00:09:33,403
They're like
five minutes apart now.
253
00:09:33,403 --> 00:09:35,245
Yeah, well,
if they get any closer together,
254
00:09:35,245 --> 00:09:36,957
We should tell
mom and dad, okay?
255
00:09:36,957 --> 00:09:40,751
Hey, uni-qué.
256
00:09:40,751 --> 00:09:42,793
Hey, uni-qué.
257
00:09:42,793 --> 00:09:45,335
Se habla español.
258
00:09:49,049 --> 00:09:51,712
There you go.
Fresh off the presses.
259
00:09:51,712 --> 00:09:53,473
What is this?
I rewrote the script.
260
00:09:53,473 --> 00:09:55,846
You were right. The dialogue --
it lacked urgency, jay.
261
00:09:55,846 --> 00:09:57,888
So I took a pass at it.
Okay, let me read it to you.
262
00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,099
[ Clears throat ]
263
00:09:59,099 --> 00:10:02,142
"Michael sits at the table
with his lovely wife.
264
00:10:02,142 --> 00:10:03,894
"She stares at him
lovingly,
265
00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:05,896
"Not believing
how lucky she is
266
00:10:05,896 --> 00:10:07,728
To have this man
in her life."
267
00:10:07,728 --> 00:10:09,109
Your line.
268
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:10,651
Right there.
269
00:10:10,651 --> 00:10:12,653
[ Flatly ] "how lucky am I
to be with this man?"
270
00:10:12,653 --> 00:10:14,735
Lacks enthusiasm.
271
00:10:14,735 --> 00:10:15,906
Wonder why.
272
00:10:15,906 --> 00:10:17,497
You know what?
273
00:10:17,497 --> 00:10:20,160
You change that attitude,
or I will replace you, missy.
274
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,082
Claire is upstairs
with no lines,
275
00:10:22,082 --> 00:10:23,874
Dying to have this part.
276
00:10:23,874 --> 00:10:27,457
Okay? Now...
277
00:10:27,457 --> 00:10:28,879
Let me finish.
278
00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:32,462
"Suddenly, offstage,
we hear junior say, 'dad! Dad!'
279
00:10:32,462 --> 00:10:34,464
Then he enters in a panic."
280
00:10:34,464 --> 00:10:37,347
Dad! Dad!
I'm panicking, dad!
281
00:10:37,347 --> 00:10:39,309
Okay, see?
282
00:10:39,309 --> 00:10:41,682
That's the kind of commitment
I'm looking for.
283
00:10:41,682 --> 00:10:42,893
She's in labor!
She's having the baby!
284
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:45,025
Hey! What did I tell you
about ad-libbing?
285
00:10:45,025 --> 00:10:46,526
You stick to the script.
286
00:10:46,526 --> 00:10:49,029
Your line is --
"vanessa's having the baby.
287
00:10:49,029 --> 00:10:50,901
Let's go!"
288
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,734
Vanessa's having the baby!
Let's go!
289
00:10:53,734 --> 00:10:55,866
That actually was
really good, junior.
290
00:10:55,866 --> 00:10:57,828
Bravo. Brav-o.
291
00:10:57,828 --> 00:10:59,659
I can't believe
your commitment.
292
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,541
Now, I want you to do it again,
son, but this time,
293
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:03,453
Wait for me
to say "action."
294
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:05,996
And I'll say it like this --
a-a-a-and...
295
00:11:05,996 --> 00:11:07,417
Action!
296
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:09,169
The baby's coming!
Let's get to the hospital!
297
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,630
Not bad, not bad.
298
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:12,592
Your acting's
a little over the top, hon,
299
00:11:12,592 --> 00:11:14,554
But I like the commitment.
300
00:11:14,554 --> 00:11:17,057
Look, she left a puddle outside
as if her water broke.
301
00:11:17,057 --> 00:11:19,760
My water did break!
I'm having this baby now!
302
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,261
She's having the baby now.
303
00:11:21,261 --> 00:11:23,183
Michael,
she's having the baby now!
304
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:26,897
[ All screaming ]
305
00:11:26,897 --> 00:11:29,229
Okay, wait, wait, wait!
Everybody, stay calm.
306
00:11:29,229 --> 00:11:30,901
I'm in control here.
307
00:11:30,901 --> 00:11:33,023
All right, now,
we stick to the script,
308
00:11:33,023 --> 00:11:35,485
And everything will be fine.
Now, action!
309
00:11:35,485 --> 00:11:36,907
What do we do, daddy?!
What do we do?!
310
00:11:36,907 --> 00:11:39,199
I don't know!
[ Whimpers ]
311
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,081
Mommy, help!
312
00:11:41,081 --> 00:11:42,282
Boy, go get
vanessa's bag!
313
00:11:42,282 --> 00:11:43,784
Michael, I'm gonna take her
to sit down,
314
00:11:43,784 --> 00:11:44,995
And you go get the car!
315
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,787
No, vehicle.
Vehicle.
316
00:11:46,787 --> 00:11:48,708
The car!
Car. Okay.
317
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:50,460
Okay. Okay.
It's okay, it's okay.
318
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,502
Just sit down.
Sit down on the couch.
319
00:11:52,502 --> 00:11:53,713
Okay?
320
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:55,295
I can't find the keys!
321
00:11:55,295 --> 00:11:57,137
What do you mean --
322
00:11:57,137 --> 00:11:59,299
[ All screaming ]
oh, my god!
323
00:11:59,299 --> 00:12:02,472
Michael, claire and kady
took the car to the mall!
324
00:12:02,472 --> 00:12:04,935
Claire took the car?
[ Cries ]
325
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,977
Aah!
326
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,398
Junior:
I got the bags! I got the bags!
327
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,062
Boy, stop
fooling around.
328
00:12:12,062 --> 00:12:14,114
We gotta get the girl
to the hospital.
329
00:12:14,114 --> 00:12:15,735
It's too late!
I'm gonna have the baby now!
330
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,318
[ All screaming ]
331
00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:26,496
Here comes another one!
332
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:28,328
Okay, baby, hold my hand
333
00:12:28,328 --> 00:12:30,290
And squeeze whenever
you feel pain, okay?
334
00:12:30,290 --> 00:12:31,631
Oh, my go-o-o-o-d!
335
00:12:31,631 --> 00:12:33,213
Oh, my go-o-o-o-d!
336
00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:34,334
Aaahh!
337
00:12:34,334 --> 00:12:35,425
[ Screaming ]
338
00:12:35,425 --> 00:12:37,878
Okay, how far apart
are the contractions?
339
00:12:37,878 --> 00:12:40,180
Two minutes, michael.
Two minutes, doc.
340
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:41,972
Yeah, okay.
Okay, well, thank you.
341
00:12:41,972 --> 00:12:43,763
What did he say?
342
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,056
He said we're gonna have to
deliver it.
343
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,597
What?!
344
00:12:47,597 --> 00:12:50,020
Well, if push comes to shove,
then your mother can do it.
345
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,151
Me?!
346
00:12:51,151 --> 00:12:53,563
Yeah, you stuff a turkey
every year.
347
00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:55,105
This is the same thing,
just in reverse.
348
00:12:55,105 --> 00:12:56,396
That's right.
349
00:12:56,396 --> 00:12:58,568
Have you ever delivered
a baby before?
350
00:12:58,568 --> 00:13:02,362
No, but...don't panic
because delivering a baby
351
00:13:02,362 --> 00:13:04,865
Has gotta be easier
than giving birth to one, right?
352
00:13:04,865 --> 00:13:06,496
But, mommy, it's not as easy
as making them.
353
00:13:06,496 --> 00:13:08,368
It all happened so fast,
I didn't even know I did it,
354
00:13:08,368 --> 00:13:09,789
And it still worked.
355
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:11,251
Aaahh!
356
00:13:11,251 --> 00:13:13,173
Aaahh!
357
00:13:13,173 --> 00:13:15,335
Vanessa, what can we do
to make you more comfortable?
358
00:13:15,335 --> 00:13:17,047
Drugs! Drugs!
359
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:20,180
Baby, baby, how about I get you
a nice chamomile tea?
360
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:21,882
How about
I rip your head off?!
361
00:13:21,882 --> 00:13:24,094
Okay, that's a no
to the tea.
362
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:26,476
Let's just get her
upstairs.
363
00:13:26,476 --> 00:13:28,098
Come on, vanessa.
364
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,609
Hi, claire. What's going on?
Hi, hi, hi.
365
00:13:39,609 --> 00:13:41,571
Can I have
another doughnut?
366
00:13:41,571 --> 00:13:43,533
I think you've had
enough sugar for today.
367
00:13:43,533 --> 00:13:45,946
One more, one more!
Huh? What do you say?
368
00:13:45,946 --> 00:13:48,828
No more doughnuts.
Just sit down and be quiet.
369
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,337
Stop it.
Just take a breath.
370
00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:59,920
[ Sighs ]
[ sighs ]
371
00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:01,131
Good.
372
00:14:01,131 --> 00:14:03,843
I'll just put it all
into my foot.
373
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:05,425
You know, today's been
a lot of fun.
374
00:14:05,425 --> 00:14:06,887
Yeah, I've enjoyed it,
too.
375
00:14:06,887 --> 00:14:08,638
You didn't think
I was annoying?
376
00:14:08,638 --> 00:14:10,680
Not until now.
Can you stop bouncing?
377
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:13,183
I'll just put it
into my fingers.
378
00:14:13,183 --> 00:14:15,435
So you didn't think
I was annoying?
379
00:14:15,435 --> 00:14:18,438
You weren't annoying.
You were fun to be with.
380
00:14:18,438 --> 00:14:20,690
It's been that way
for a while.
381
00:14:20,690 --> 00:14:22,402
What way?
382
00:14:22,402 --> 00:14:23,984
Well, every time
I wanted to hang out with you
383
00:14:23,984 --> 00:14:25,485
Or go with you, you told mom
that I was annoying.
384
00:14:25,485 --> 00:14:27,157
That's because
you were annoying,
385
00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:28,618
But that's when
you were younger.
386
00:14:28,618 --> 00:14:30,370
Now you're almost grown up.
387
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:32,832
So we're friends now?
Sure.
388
00:14:32,832 --> 00:14:34,874
And we'll be able
to hang out together?
Sure.
389
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,706
And I'll be able to borrow
all your clothes?
390
00:14:36,706 --> 00:14:39,259
[ Laughs ] don't push it.
Let's shake on it.
391
00:14:39,259 --> 00:14:40,380
[ Giggling ]
392
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,881
[ Laughs ]
393
00:14:41,881 --> 00:14:44,344
Oh!
Okay, baby, take it easy!
394
00:14:44,344 --> 00:14:46,306
Breathe. Breathe.
395
00:14:46,306 --> 00:14:47,968
If you don't shut up,
you'll never breathe again.
396
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:49,469
Daddy, I'm scared!
397
00:14:49,469 --> 00:14:51,101
Jay, stay here
with vanessa.
398
00:14:51,101 --> 00:14:52,892
Junior, come here.
Step into my office.
399
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,314
Let's go.
400
00:14:54,314 --> 00:14:55,815
Boy, is she cranky.
401
00:14:55,815 --> 00:14:57,817
She's more than cranky.
She's possessed.
402
00:14:57,817 --> 00:14:59,479
You ever see the movie
"the exorcist"?
403
00:14:59,479 --> 00:15:00,820
Aaahh!
404
00:15:00,820 --> 00:15:03,693
Okay, this is the scene where
she levitates off the bed
405
00:15:03,693 --> 00:15:05,905
And then spits out the soup,
but instead of soup,
406
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,617
It's gonna be a baby.
Okay?
407
00:15:07,617 --> 00:15:09,489
So don't pay attention
to any of the insults.
408
00:15:09,489 --> 00:15:11,411
Aaahhh!
O-okay, so what do we do?
409
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,832
You just laugh.
Laugh?
410
00:15:12,832 --> 00:15:15,125
Anything she says,
just -- ha ha -- laugh it off.
411
00:15:15,125 --> 00:15:16,666
A little chuckle.
All right.
412
00:15:16,666 --> 00:15:19,209
[ Groaning ]
aah!
413
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,590
Aah!
[ Laughs ]
414
00:15:20,590 --> 00:15:22,422
Aah!
415
00:15:22,422 --> 00:15:24,504
Aah!
[ Laughs ]
416
00:15:24,504 --> 00:15:25,755
Aaaahh!
417
00:15:25,755 --> 00:15:27,597
Aaaahh!
[ Laughs ]
418
00:15:27,597 --> 00:15:30,260
What are you laughing at,
you bigheaded jackass?!
419
00:15:30,260 --> 00:15:31,551
I don't know!
420
00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:34,434
Oh, my god! The baby's coming!
I can feel it!
421
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,556
Maybe we should leave the room
while mom delivers the baby.
422
00:15:36,556 --> 00:15:39,189
Yes, why don't you guys
get out of here
423
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:41,901
So I can see what's going on
under here --
424
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:47,777
Baby? Baby? Baby?
She passed out.
425
00:15:47,777 --> 00:15:49,619
What do you mean,
she passed out?
426
00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:51,331
We're gonna have to go
to plan "b."
427
00:15:51,331 --> 00:15:52,782
The stork?
428
00:15:52,782 --> 00:15:54,374
Boy, tell me you don't
believe in the stork.
429
00:15:54,374 --> 00:15:56,076
Dad, I have to believe
in the stork
430
00:15:56,076 --> 00:15:57,627
Because the only other choices
are either me or you.
431
00:15:57,627 --> 00:16:00,920
That's right, you and me
are gonna deliver this baby.
432
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,582
Hey, hang on a second.
433
00:16:02,582 --> 00:16:04,714
Are you gonna have to
see vanessa naked?
434
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,386
Aaahh!
Parts of her.
435
00:16:06,386 --> 00:16:07,967
Ooh, you know
what I mean?
436
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:09,719
Look, junior,
I can't deliver the baby
437
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,641
If I don't see
where it's coming from.
438
00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:13,593
Hmm. Then I'm gonna have
to ask you to close your eyes.
439
00:16:13,593 --> 00:16:16,306
Okay, that's a plan.
But let's examine.
440
00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:17,307
Okay.
441
00:16:17,307 --> 00:16:18,558
If I don't look,
442
00:16:18,558 --> 00:16:20,770
Then I'm gonna have to
feel my way around.
443
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,272
Do you want me feeling
my way around down there?
444
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:25,275
Somebody, help me!
Get this thing out of me!
445
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:26,656
Dad, do you know
how to deliver a baby?
446
00:16:26,656 --> 00:16:28,868
No, no.
But I know somebody who does.
447
00:16:28,868 --> 00:16:31,701
Okay, okay.
Hurry, hurry, hurry.
448
00:16:31,701 --> 00:16:35,495
Bishop to queen six.
449
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,117
Take that, bobby fischer.
450
00:16:37,117 --> 00:16:39,669
[ Laughs evilly ]
451
00:16:39,669 --> 00:16:41,581
[ Telephone rings ]
452
00:16:46,966 --> 00:16:49,589
Hello-o-o?
453
00:16:49,589 --> 00:16:51,010
Mumford residence.
454
00:16:51,010 --> 00:16:53,343
Yeah. Hey, franklin,
it's me, mr. Kyle.
455
00:16:53,343 --> 00:16:55,435
Who gave you
my new number?
456
00:16:55,435 --> 00:16:56,766
Your mother.
457
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,688
What's with
that woman?
458
00:16:58,688 --> 00:17:00,980
I'll deal with her later.
Now, what do you want?
459
00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:03,603
And make it fast.
I've got bobby fischer in check.
460
00:17:03,603 --> 00:17:06,106
Okay, what do you know
about delivering babies?
461
00:17:06,106 --> 00:17:08,908
Just what I learned during
my residency at st. John's
462
00:17:08,908 --> 00:17:11,491
And what I recall
from the baby I delivered.
463
00:17:11,491 --> 00:17:13,533
You delivered a baby?
464
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,825
Yes, I delivered myself.
465
00:17:15,825 --> 00:17:17,577
[ Laughs ]
466
00:17:17,577 --> 00:17:18,868
Just kidding.
467
00:17:18,868 --> 00:17:20,500
[ Laughs mockingly ]
468
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,082
Listen, vanessa's about
to give birth.
469
00:17:22,082 --> 00:17:23,623
What do I do?
470
00:17:23,623 --> 00:17:24,794
Okay, who's with you?
471
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,926
Uh, junior, and jay's
passed out.
472
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:29,339
Okay, first send junior
to go boil some water.
473
00:17:29,339 --> 00:17:31,671
Junior, go boil water.
474
00:17:31,671 --> 00:17:32,972
All right, what do I do
with the water?
475
00:17:32,972 --> 00:17:35,845
Nothing. You just needed to
get the idiot out of the room.
476
00:17:35,845 --> 00:17:39,599
Now, how far apart
are the contractions?
477
00:17:39,599 --> 00:17:41,641
Okay, vanessa, how far apart
are your contractions?
478
00:17:41,641 --> 00:17:43,683
30 Seconds!
Hurry up! Do something!
479
00:17:43,683 --> 00:17:45,485
Is she dilated?
480
00:17:45,485 --> 00:17:46,986
Um...
481
00:17:51,030 --> 00:17:52,822
Okay, the baby
just winked at me.
482
00:17:52,822 --> 00:17:54,654
What does that tell you?
483
00:17:54,654 --> 00:17:56,786
It tells me you better get in
the catching position.
484
00:17:56,786 --> 00:17:59,038
Now, take
the baby's head,
485
00:17:59,038 --> 00:18:01,331
Rest it, support it,
then guide it out.
486
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:02,502
All right.
487
00:18:02,502 --> 00:18:03,793
Aah!
Nothing's happening.
488
00:18:03,793 --> 00:18:05,545
Tell vanessa to push.
489
00:18:05,545 --> 00:18:07,086
Okay, vanessa,
on the count of three,
490
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:09,669
I need you to push as hard
as you can, sweetie, okay?
491
00:18:09,669 --> 00:18:10,800
Okay.
492
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:12,592
All right. One --
aaaahhh!
493
00:18:12,592 --> 00:18:14,714
Aaahh!
Here it comes!
494
00:18:14,714 --> 00:18:16,386
Aaahh!
495
00:18:16,386 --> 00:18:18,808
Here it comes!
Keep pushing!
496
00:18:18,808 --> 00:18:21,020
Keep pushing!
497
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:22,602
What's happening?
498
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:23,983
The baby's here.
499
00:18:23,983 --> 00:18:25,725
Okay, now smack it
on the butt.
500
00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:28,107
I can't smack it on the butt.
It's so cute.
501
00:18:28,107 --> 00:18:30,400
Do it. Just do it.
502
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,693
Do it now.
503
00:18:33,693 --> 00:18:36,326
[ Smack ]
504
00:18:36,326 --> 00:18:39,869
I'm sorry, fella.
He made me do it.
505
00:18:47,247 --> 00:18:49,008
I'm a grandfather.
506
00:18:49,008 --> 00:18:50,920
What
a beautiful baby.
507
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,092
I'm sorry
I yelled at you.
508
00:18:53,092 --> 00:18:55,515
Is it a boy
or a girl?
509
00:18:55,515 --> 00:18:57,427
Well, what names
did you pick out?
510
00:18:57,427 --> 00:19:01,020
Janessa if it's a girl,
and vanjor if it's a boy.
511
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:02,182
Vanjor?
512
00:19:02,182 --> 00:19:03,853
What kind of name
is vanjor?
513
00:19:03,853 --> 00:19:06,356
It's a combination
of vanessa and junior.
514
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,358
It's either that
or vajunior.
515
00:19:08,358 --> 00:19:11,271
Ew. I just saw
a vajunior.
516
00:19:11,271 --> 00:19:13,363
Please don't name it that.
517
00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:16,326
Well, but is it
a boy or a girl?
518
00:19:16,326 --> 00:19:18,618
That's your son, son.
519
00:19:18,618 --> 00:19:20,950
Oh, wow.
520
00:19:20,950 --> 00:19:22,782
Hey, little fella.
521
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:24,494
Hey, man.
522
00:19:24,494 --> 00:19:26,496
Hey, vanessa,
since you did all the work,
523
00:19:26,496 --> 00:19:27,877
I think you should
pick the baby's name.
524
00:19:27,877 --> 00:19:30,750
But I don't know
what to name him.
525
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,092
Well, the way we did it was
I held the baby,
526
00:19:33,092 --> 00:19:34,344
And I said different names,
527
00:19:34,344 --> 00:19:36,426
And whichever one
they responded to positively,
528
00:19:36,426 --> 00:19:38,007
That's the one that stuck.
529
00:19:38,007 --> 00:19:42,011
Well, let's see if he responds
positively to this --
530
00:19:42,011 --> 00:19:45,305
Welcome to the world,
michael kyle iii.
531
00:19:45,305 --> 00:19:46,976
[ Laughs ]
532
00:19:46,976 --> 00:19:49,148
He's smiling.
533
00:19:49,148 --> 00:19:51,651
Michael richard kyle iii
it is.
534
00:19:51,651 --> 00:19:53,192
This is good, son.
535
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,194
Four against three.
We're catching up to the women.
536
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,237
Yeah, all we need
is a couple more men,
537
00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,818
And we'll be even.
538
00:20:00,950 --> 00:20:03,202
Do you want to hold him,
mr. Kyle?
539
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,824
Hey. Hey.
540
00:20:04,824 --> 00:20:07,497
Hey. Hey.
541
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:10,089
Wow, I'm a grandfather.
542
00:20:10,089 --> 00:20:13,172
Say hello to grandpa.
543
00:20:13,172 --> 00:20:15,044
Yeah, hello.
544
00:20:15,044 --> 00:20:18,888
Um, kid,
say hello to grandpa.
545
00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:21,761
Say hello to grandpa.
Say hello to grandpa.
38585
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