All language subtitles for My.Wife.And.Kids.S04E26.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.x264-RCVR

Whew.

Hey, I thought this was a 3-day
seminar you're going on.

It is.

Well, where's the third
suitcase?

[ Snorting ]
shut up, michael.

How's the coffee
I made you?

Awful, as always.

Good.

Then you won't miss it
when I'm gone.

Of course I'll miss it.

I miss everything
about you --

The bad coffee, the runny eggs,
the smelly feet --

No, that's me.

Michael, god.

I'm sorry. I'm just lashing out
because you're going away.

I see.

What's the name
of this stupid seminar

You're going on again?

"The role of wife and mother
in modern-day society."

Let me guess this straight --

You're abandoning your role
as the wife and mother

To learn about how to be
a better wife and mother?
Yup.

In florida?
Yup.

For three days?
Yup, yup.

Look here, michael,

Don't try to spoil this
for me, okay?

I have three whole days
in the sun

Without cooking, cleaning,
or taking care of anybody.

Don't you think
I deserve that?

Don't you think
I earned that, baby?

Yup, yup.
Good.

And, besides, you guys
are gonna be just fine.

I hired a housekeeper to take
care of you while I'm gone.

And she's gonna be here
tomorrow.

Her name is mrs. Hopkins.

Ms. Hopkins --
that sounds like a teacher.

She comes
highly recommended.

Kids, come say good-bye
to your mama!

Bye, mom.
Bye, mom.

Ew, unh-unh!
Come here.

I'm going away
for three whole days.

All I get is a "bye, mama"?

I was just kidding.

Have a good trip.
Bye.

Have fun
on your trip, mom.
Thank you.

I'm really
gonna miss you, mom.

I'm gonna miss you guys,
too, munchkin.

And what about you,
baldy?
Mm-mm.

You gonna miss me?
No.

Gonna miss me?
Mm-mm.

Gonna miss me?
You sure?

You sure?
You sure?

You sure?
You sure?

You sure?
[ Laughing ]

You know
I'm gonna miss you.

Oh, between the two
basketball games,

The big fight,
and golf,

I'm just gonna be thinking
about nothing but you.

Get off me.
You are an awful person.

Move.

Well, I guess we'll just be
here with ms. Hopkins, then.

Who knows?

She might even be
as sexy as you.

Well, if she is sexy,

She's been sexy
for about 75 years.

Work it out.

Work it out.

[ Sighs ]

What's the matter, dad?

There's something wrong
with the cable or the tv.

I can either get picture
without sound

Or sound without picture.

You better call somebody.
The big game's on tomorrow.

I know.

You know, I think they do this
on purpose.

I think they plant
a device inside your tv

That they trigger
right before a big game.

It's a conspiracy
between the cable people

And the tv-repairman
industry.

Yeah, yeah.

You know, it's kind of like
when you're in your car, right?

You're driving,
you're driving along,

And you get hungry.

Stomach's growling --
bam!

A fast-food place.

Now, where do they go when
you're not hungry, huh?

Where do they go, dad?

I don't know,

But I wish you would go
in the garage apartment

And figure that out with
your pregnant girlfriend.

I would, but vanessa's
at her folks' house today.

I'm supposed to
go pick her up,

But something's wrong
with my differential.

It seems to be slipping.

Yeah, well, we both need
to call a mechanic, I guess.

You know,
that's a conspiracy, too.

My car never breaks down...
Unless I have to use it.

Is it breakfast time yet?

No. The maid's not here
until 9:00.

It is 9:00.

Well, technically,
it's 5 seconds till 9:00.

4...3...2...1.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Wow.

Hello.
Mr. Kyle?

Yes.
I'm your new maid.

Well, come on in,
ms. Hopkins.

Oh, no, no, no!

We're not gonna have
any of that.

You can call me by
my first name, june.

June, well,
welcome to our house.

I want you to meet
my children.

This is my son, junior.

Hello.
This is my daughter claire.

Hi.

And that's my other
daughter kady.

Well, hello to you all.

Can you make me pancakes,
please?

I can make you the best
pancakes you've ever tasted.

What about you, young lady?
What would you like?

A vegetarian omelet?

Coming right up --
peppers, onions, mushrooms?

Great.

Would you like egg whites
only, egg substitute,

Or the real deal?

Well, the real deal,
if it's not too much trouble.

Trouble?

Serving others
is what makes me happy.

And what about
you two gentlemen?

What would you like?

I like pancakes, too.

I bet you'd like
some blueberries.

How'd you know?

Ha ha!
I've got the eye.

I also happen to have
some blueberries.

What about you, mr. Kyle?

Oh, no. I'll just have
a cup of coffee.

I've got a really busy day
today.

Are you sure I can't
make you something?

A man shouldn't start the day
without a hearty breakfast.

Well, if you're making
blueberry pancakes...

Now you're talking.

And if you have a slice
of honeyed ham around...

I just happen to have some
in my bag.

You do?

Any sausage?

Turkey or pork?
Turkey.

Link or patty?
Link.

Well, lookee here.

Wow. You've got everything
in that bag.

You don't get a second chance
at a first impression,

Mr. Kyle.

Well, I better get busy.

Breakfast isn't gonna
make itself.

She's so efficient.

Here's your coffee,
mr. Kyle...

My own special blend.

Hey, the television
is working.

Did you fix that, franklin?

No.
Of course, I could have,

But somebody beat me to it.

Did kady fix it?

[ Laughing ] no, kady can't
even set up a lawn chair.

[ Laughing ]
oh!

Hey!

Just kidding, my love.

Hello, mr. Kyle.
Hi, june.

I hope you don't mind.
I took the liberty

Of recalibrating the diode
panel on your monitor.

The -- the what?

I fixed your tv.

I had a couple of tools
in my bag.

Why, thank you.

And where did you learn
how to do that?

Oh, my first husband --
god rest his soul --

Was a tv repairman.

That's amazing.

And what is that delicious
smell I'm smelling?

Peach cobbler.

Peach cobbler --
I love peach cobbler.

I've got the eye.

It's especially good when
you're watching a game.

Oh, yeah, and there's
a great game on today.

Oh, I know -- cleveland
versus philadelphia --

Lebron james
versus allen iverson.

Between the two of them,

They have a combined
per game average of 47.6.

You're a basketball fan?

Oh, I love me my b-ball.

Oh.
My first cobbler --

The peaches came off
of dr. Naismith's tree.

You knew the man
who invented basketball?

Oh, well,
I don't like to brag.

I took the last peach out
of the big straw basket.

He was throwing this medicine
ball around like a moron,

So I said,
"hey, why don't you

Try to throw that thing
in here?"

Wow.

Hey, my car is fixed.

Oh, I hope you don't mind.

I had a few minutes while
the cobbler was cooking,

So I fixed
your differential.

What?

And I rotated your tires.

Oh, wow!
Thanks, june!

Oh, don't mention it.

Now, it may still pull
a little to the left,

But just put some air
in the tire.

You seem to be
an extremely learned woman.

Oh, no, I barely got out
of grade school.

Oh, so then you don't have
an opinion

On, say, quantum dynamics?

I never did learn
much about it.

But now that it's been
obviated by string theory,

I really don't see
much point.

I think you met your match.
I think you met your match.

We'll see.

Perhaps you'd like to play
a little game of chess?

Sure thing.
Come on in the kitchen.

I'll play you
while I'm cleaning the oven.

I think you'll find

You need to keep your eye on
the board while playing me.

Oh, I can picture the board
in my head.

[ Chuckles ]
oh, by the way...

[ Piano music plays ]

Did you hear that?

What?

Your "c" major
is a quarter tone off.

All: wo-o-o-o-w!

Come on, frankenfinkle,
show us your stuff.

Queen to rook 3.

Checkmate.

Where?

Pawn takes rook,
revealing the bishop.

Darn!

Oh, you did good,
though, honey.

Don't hang your head.

This is inexplicable.
I have to go home and study.

Well, june,
I can honestly say

That we really enjoyed
having you here.

May I ask you a question?

Sure, baby.

Are you real,
or are you like mary poppins?

[ Laughs ]

Hey, claire, I thought
we had an agreement

You weren't supposed
to buy any new clothes.

I didn't buy it.

June made it for me
this morning.

You made her
an entire outfit?

Oh, no big deal.
I had some rags in my bag.

By the way,

I don't know whether
you're a betting man or not,

But in tonight's game,

My advice would be to take
cleveland and the points.

My sources tell me

That allen had himself quite
an evening last night.

[ Slurps ]

Now I'm gonna go to the store

And get the fixings
for my signature dessert --

Homemade ice cream.

Wow, can we have that
on hot apple pie?

Is there any other way?

All: wo-o-o-w!

Mmm.

Oh! Oh, my god!

Mm-mmm!

Huh?

This is so good!

No, this is so,
so, sooo good!

Mm-hmm!

Who'd like a nice big dollop
of homemade whipped cream?

Me, me, me!
Me, me, me, me!

Surprise!

I'm home early

'Cause I couldn't wait to come
home and see my family!

All: wow.

Well, you must be jay.
I'm june hopkins.

Hi, ms. Hopkins.

It looks like your cooking's
a big hit around here.

Oh, jay, taste this.

No, michael,
that looks fattening.

No, you gotta.
You gotta!
No, babe, no!

Tell her she's gotta.

You gotta.

It's not fattening
the way I make it --

No carbs, no sugars, no guilt.

Okay, no carbs.

Hmm?
Mmm!

Huh?
It's delicious!

No, no.

Well, now that you're home
early,

I guess you won't be needing me
anymore.

All: no, no, don't leave!

Don't ever leave.

You can stay and sleep
in my bed if you'd like.

I mean, if it's okay
with you, hon.

Well, I guess I do have
a lot of work to do and school.

She's got tons of schoolwork
to do,

And I got work to do
down at the job,

So maybe -- listen, maybe
tomorrow you could come in

Just a little earlier and maybe
leave a little later, please.

It's not a problem.

Breakfast will be on the table
when you wake up.

Yeah!
Isn't that great?

Yeah, that's great!
Yeah, that's great!

Isn't that great, honey?

Yeah, it's great.

Well, I'll see you
in the morning.

Bye.
Good night.

Good night!

You're blocking june.

And the most interesting class
was the one on human symbiosis

And the vicissitude
of individuation!

It was fascinating stuff,
you guys!

Yeah.

Fascinating, huh?

Yeah, wonderful.
Yeah, it was great.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, okay.

Well, it seems
like june --

June?!
She's here?!

I-i didn't say she was h--
she's not here.

I was just saying --

I was trying to say that,
you know,

I think she made this house
look really neat.

Neat? It's immaculate.
Look at this.

Try it.

No.

Just try it.
Here.

No, I don't want any.
I don't want any.

I mean, it looks
fresh and everything.

The house looks very fresh.

Well, it ought to be.
She repainted the whole thing.

And she made me
five new outfits.

She rotated my tires
and shrunk my gap.

She even beat franklin
at a couple of games of chess.

And played the piano
better than him.

She sounds like quite a find.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, this is for you.

[ Gasps ]
michael!

This is --
oh, this is so sweet!

Thank you!

Oh, don't thank me.
June made it.

June? She's upstairs?
June?

Where? Don't tease me!
Don't tease me like that!

You said it!

Come on, guys.
This is a cashmere sweater.

No one can make a cashmere
sweater all by themselves.

June did.

And made it with her feet.

While writing this book
about us.

Plus, the cashmere came
from her own goats.

And she chopped down the tree

And made the box
from the wood pulp.

Wow.

That's exactly what we say
about her when she leaves.

All: wo-o-o-w!

Good morning.
Good morning.

Taking a little break?

I'm just waiting
for a need to arise.

Everything's done.

Everything?

Everything I can think of.

You fed the kids?
Done.

Laundry?
Done.

Ironing?
Done.

I was thinking of rewiring
the refrigerator.
Done.

Clean the gutters?
Done.

How about my breakfast?
Done.

Ha, ha, ha!

Ha, ha!

How do you know it's done
if you don't know what I want?

You know, you're right, jay.
What do you want?

I want eggs benedict
and hollandaise sauce

With some canadian bacon.

Done.

What kind of foolish --

How did --
how did you do --

There you go.

Oh, my lord.

Do you know why they call it
canadian bacon?

No, june,
I don't know that.

Well, I'll tell you.

My second husband, god rest
his soul, was a mountie.

Well, how long
was he a mountie?

About 10 minutes a day.

But, seriously, he loved
breakfast meat.

So when we were living
in saskatoon,

And he had a hankering
for bacon,

I would whip up a pork roast

And just slice it
as thin as I could.

Next thing you know,

People started calling it
canadian bacon.

Wow.

So, I understand you're quite
a cook, mrs. Kyle.

Oh, well, you know,
I don't like to brag,

But I do have a few select
dishes that are pretty good

If I do say so myself.

And I'll bet I know the thing
you like to make most.

Peach cobbler.

How do you know that?

I've got the eye.

And my third husband, god rest
his soul, was a cobbler.

Wait a minute.

Are you trying to tell me

That you also invented
peach cobbler?

No, it wasn't an invention.

Oh.

It was more like
a discovery.

I did invent soup, though.

Why don't I
make some for lunch,

And you make a peach cobbler?

Hey, you're on.

[ Chuckles ]

June, this is the most delicious
soup I've ever tasted.

Me too!

Well, I've been working on it
for quite a while.

Thank you.

Well, save some room
for mommy's cobbler.

Oh, boy!

Can't wait!

Use those spoons.

[ Laughs ]

This ain't right, mama.

Boy, what you mean
it's not right?!

All up in here --
mnh-mnh.

Something's missing.

Something's missing
all up in here.

Michael, this is how
I always make mommy's cobbler!

This is mommy's cobbler!

It's not better than
mrs. Hopkins' cobbler.

Nope.
Can't touch hopkins'.

Oh, I'm sure
it's as good as mine.

Taste it.

Mnh.
This ain't right.

All up in here, huh?

All up in here.
Mm-hmm.

Something's missing.

I know what it is.

Try it now.

Yup.
Yup, that's it.

All: all up in there.

Michael: that's the way
your cobbler's

Supposed to taste, jay.

Here.
Taste that.

Yeah, well,
we'll just see --

[ Muffled ] oh, my god.
All up in here.

It's delicious!

Ms. Hopkins,
what you put up in there?

Now, I can't give away
all my secrets.

All: wo-o-o-o-w!

So how do you like
having a maid?

Oh, I love it.
She's amazing.

I mean, she even made
my cobbler better.

What's not to love?

Yeah, and you know what
the great thing is?

You don't have to do no more
of that grunt work

You used to always
complain about.

Ugh! The cooking
and the cleaning

And the waiting on people.

And the nurturing
and doing the hair.
Ugh! Blah!

And the homework.

Now you're free
to do nothing.
Nothing!

Nothing.
We don't need you for nothing.

You don't need me.
I can just lay back and do...

Nothing.
Nothing.

Hey, sit down.
You sit down.

We don't need you...

Nothing.

For nothing!

[ Laughs ]
nothing.

You hate it, don't you?
Oh, god, I hate it.

Michael,
I have no purpose, baby.

I went away to learn how
to better help my family,

And now I come back --

My family doesn't
even need my help!

Oh, baby that's not true.
Yes, it is!

There's still stuff
you could do for us.

Like what, michael?
Name it.

Well, you can clean out
the gutters in the morning.

June did it.

You could rewire
the refrigerator.
June did it.

You could chop some wood.
June.

June.

June.

June.

You're right.

We'll have a family meeting
in the morning, okay?

Thank you.

[ Mumbling ]

Okay.

Guys, your mother and I
have been talking,

And it seems that

A lot of the things
that june used to do for us

Are things that your mother
loved doing for us.

So we've decided that
we're gonna let her go.

All: yay!

Yay?

What do you guys
mean "yay"?

I thought you'd be upset.

Nah, june was nice, but her
cookies were too perfect.

"Too perfect" --
what do you mean by that?

Well, mom always burnt
the bottom of the cookies,

And I like that.

Thanks, I think.

Yeah, it's the same thing
with pancakes.

I mean, june's are great,
but they're always great.

Sometimes with mom's,

You get a secret batter ball
in the middle.

Yeah, a secret batter ball --
I love those!

Poh!
Yeah!

You like the batter ball?

Yeah. Poh!

Absolutely.

Okay, so here's the deal.

As much as we all love june,
and we love june...

Yeah.

Okay, you're breaking down
on me.

We're gonna have to let her go
when she gets here.

Right.
Yeah.

Okay, kady, you do the firing.

Why me, daddy?

Because you're the littlest
and you're the cutest.

But look at me, daddy.

I'm going through
that awkward adolescent stage.

Yeah.

Yeah, you're right.
True, true.

She'll see right through that.

Okay, then I'm gonna have
to fire her.

Good morning,
lovely people.

Good morning.
Good morning.

Listen, june, I really
need to talk to you.

Let me go first, mr. Kyle.
My work here is done.

You're quitting?

No, I'm finished.

I don't think you need
my services here anymore,

So I'm moving off
to another family.

Well, we're certainly
gonna miss you.

That's right.

Oh, and I'm gonna miss
all of you,

But you're gonna be just fine
because you have each other.

Even you, kady,

Although you're going through

That awkward adolescent stage
now, darling.

Oh, oh, oh, could you make
one more batch of pancakes

Before you go?

No, I think you should let
batter ball here make them.

Bye.

All: bye.

How did she know
about the batter ball?

[ Crying ] I don't know.

I just saw something
that defies logic!

What?

I just saw mrs. Hopkins
[swallows]

Flying over the house

With an [swallows] umbrella
in her hand.

And then,
she disappeared into the sky.

All: wo-o-o-w.

Try it now.

Yup.
Right there.

That's it. That's it!
All up in there.

See, that's the way
your cobbler's

Supposed to taste, june.
Yeah.

[Laughter]

June?

[ Laughs ]

We'll loop "jay."

Gee, try to get it right,
will you, damon?

[ Laughter ]