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1
00:00:03,214 --> 00:00:05,926
You know what I decided
I'm gonna do this weekend?
2
00:00:05,926 --> 00:00:08,799
I'm just gonna watch some
football and play a little golf.
3
00:00:08,799 --> 00:00:10,181
Well, I want to work
in the yard.
4
00:00:10,181 --> 00:00:11,842
Tony and I are going
to a church picnic.
5
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:14,685
I'm gonna try to blow up kady's
basketball with my lips.
6
00:00:14,685 --> 00:00:16,016
Why?
7
00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,098
[ Stammering ]
8
00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:18,399
Why ask why?!
9
00:00:18,399 --> 00:00:21,192
Why did we put men
on the sun?
10
00:00:21,192 --> 00:00:24,355
Why do women have babies
instead of men?
11
00:00:24,355 --> 00:00:27,027
You know,
why do flies fly
12
00:00:27,027 --> 00:00:30,071
But an elephant
don't elephant?
13
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:34,915
Answer me that,
mr. "Ask why" man.
14
00:00:34,915 --> 00:00:36,247
You know, I stand corrected.
15
00:00:36,247 --> 00:00:38,619
You go ahead and
blow up kady's basketball
16
00:00:38,619 --> 00:00:40,211
And we're gonna support you.
17
00:00:40,211 --> 00:00:41,252
Okay.
18
00:00:41,252 --> 00:00:43,664
Blow! Blow! Blow!
19
00:00:43,664 --> 00:00:45,336
You can do it, junior!
Blow! Blow!
20
00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:48,048
Blow! Blow! Blow!
21
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,051
Go! Yes!
You can do it! Yes!
22
00:00:54,475 --> 00:00:56,977
So, kady, what are you
doing for this weekend?
23
00:00:56,977 --> 00:00:58,229
Not playing basketball.
24
00:00:58,229 --> 00:01:00,020
[ Panting ] hey, guys...
25
00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:02,143
Did I do it?
26
00:01:02,143 --> 00:01:03,604
[ Knock on door ]
27
00:01:03,604 --> 00:01:06,527
Wonder who that could be?
28
00:01:06,527 --> 00:01:08,109
Thank, babe.
29
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:09,150
Oh, god, it's him.
30
00:01:09,150 --> 00:01:10,781
It's calvin.
Just stand still.
31
00:01:10,781 --> 00:01:12,363
And just pretend
we're not here.
32
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:13,364
Maybe he'll go away.
33
00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,456
Hey! I can see you!
34
00:01:15,456 --> 00:01:16,827
You moved!
35
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:18,078
I didn't!
36
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:19,460
You moved!
37
00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:24,585
Oh, calvin! We didn't know
it was you, calvin!
38
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,667
Yeah, you did!
You said it was calvin!
39
00:01:26,667 --> 00:01:29,300
And then you said, "stand still,
don't make a sound.
40
00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:30,511
Maybe he'll go away."
41
00:01:30,511 --> 00:01:31,552
Is that what --
42
00:01:31,552 --> 00:01:33,013
You might have said --
43
00:01:33,013 --> 00:01:35,596
Yeah, you did.
I got a good rememberer.
44
00:01:35,596 --> 00:01:36,927
You mean a memory?
45
00:01:36,927 --> 00:01:38,269
No, I said a rememberer.
46
00:01:38,269 --> 00:01:40,391
Yes, a rememberer.
I will rememberer that.
47
00:01:40,391 --> 00:01:42,813
So, look, calvin,
is everything all right?
48
00:01:42,813 --> 00:01:44,855
No. I had a fight
with jasmine.
49
00:01:44,855 --> 00:01:45,856
Is she okay?
50
00:01:45,856 --> 00:01:47,488
Oh, she's fine.
51
00:01:47,488 --> 00:01:51,152
I'm the one in pain.
She bit me.
52
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:53,694
You got any spare
rabies shots laying around?
53
00:01:53,694 --> 00:01:56,537
Spare -- what did they --
54
00:01:56,537 --> 00:02:00,871
Uh, no, we don't.
We used them all.
55
00:02:00,871 --> 00:02:04,205
Okay, um, why don't you
join us for dinner.
56
00:02:04,205 --> 00:02:08,589
By the time we...finish eating,
maybe she would've calmed down.
57
00:02:08,589 --> 00:02:10,130
Oh, I doubt it.
58
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,883
The last time this happened,
she kicked me out for a month.
59
00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:16,557
Well, look, we're really sorry
to hear about you and your wife,
60
00:02:16,557 --> 00:02:19,810
And we really wish there
was something we could...do.
61
00:02:19,810 --> 00:02:21,222
I'm glad you asked.
62
00:02:21,222 --> 00:02:23,224
He just spit on the floor.
63
00:02:23,224 --> 00:02:25,766
I saw his spit
on my clean --
64
00:02:25,766 --> 00:02:27,818
What's that, your lunchbox?
65
00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:30,150
Oh, no.
That's my suitcase.
66
00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:32,032
Why does he have
a suitcase?
67
00:02:32,032 --> 00:02:33,614
You tell me!
What the --
68
00:02:33,614 --> 00:02:36,036
This one's my lunchbox.
Heh heh heh.
69
00:02:36,036 --> 00:02:37,658
I'm on a special diet.
70
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,490
I only can
eat raw meat.
71
00:02:39,490 --> 00:02:43,204
What -- what is that?
72
00:02:43,204 --> 00:02:45,246
Shut up!
73
00:02:45,246 --> 00:02:47,047
Shut up!
74
00:02:47,047 --> 00:02:49,710
I said calm down.
75
00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:52,463
Michael, get rid of him and
that thing in his suitcase!
76
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:56,677
It's your fault!
You invited him to dinner.
77
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,300
Oh, don't worry. It'll just be
for a couple of days.
78
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:00,761
Where's your guest room?
79
00:03:00,761 --> 00:03:02,723
Calvin, we don't have
a guest room.
80
00:03:02,723 --> 00:03:05,896
Oh, that's all right.
I'll just crash in the room
81
00:03:05,896 --> 00:03:07,398
With the giant-screen tv.
82
00:03:07,398 --> 00:03:09,400
But that's
michael's world.
83
00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,113
Heh heh! Now it's michael
and calvin's world.
84
00:03:13,113 --> 00:03:17,157
Calvin, I really don't think
this is a good idea, man.
85
00:03:17,157 --> 00:03:19,910
Oh, don't worry.
I'll be fine.
86
00:03:19,910 --> 00:03:22,122
That is what you meant,
isn't it?
87
00:03:22,122 --> 00:03:25,326
Um...yeah, that's what --
of course that's what I meant.
88
00:03:25,326 --> 00:03:28,879
You know, 'cause any man
that turns away family --
89
00:03:28,879 --> 00:03:31,632
Whoa, heh heh --
I'll have to kill him.
90
00:03:38,339 --> 00:03:39,600
Man, I'm exhausted.
91
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,722
You're exhausted?
We're all exhausted.
92
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,514
That man snores
like a bear!
93
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:46,437
I think he ate one, too.
I heard growling last night.
94
00:03:46,437 --> 00:03:48,769
Michael, you've gotta do
something about calvin.
95
00:03:48,769 --> 00:03:51,692
It's too late. I threw
a whole ham out in the street.
96
00:03:51,692 --> 00:03:52,903
The man didn't even blink.
97
00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:56,277
Apparently, he likes
the thrill of the kill.
98
00:03:56,277 --> 00:03:59,700
Whoa, good morning!
Ooh, are these waffles?
99
00:03:59,700 --> 00:04:01,622
Yeah, would you like some?
100
00:04:01,622 --> 00:04:03,073
Oh, thank you, mike.
101
00:04:03,073 --> 00:04:05,205
I thought you only ate meat?
102
00:04:05,205 --> 00:04:06,707
Waffles are meat.
103
00:04:06,707 --> 00:04:09,630
What -- did -- really?
104
00:04:09,630 --> 00:04:11,712
What, do they come
from the bird family?
105
00:04:11,712 --> 00:04:14,505
No, they come from
the horse family.
106
00:04:14,505 --> 00:04:15,506
The waffalo.
107
00:04:15,506 --> 00:04:16,547
The waffa-who?
108
00:04:16,547 --> 00:04:18,679
The waffalo,
like the buffalo.
109
00:04:18,679 --> 00:04:21,682
They're the descendants
of the waffldactyl.
110
00:04:21,682 --> 00:04:23,183
That's it.
111
00:04:23,183 --> 00:04:25,386
Waffldile skin.
112
00:04:25,386 --> 00:04:28,018
Bread is meat, too.
113
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:30,691
Heh heh heh.
114
00:04:30,691 --> 00:04:32,693
Heh heh heh heh heh.
115
00:04:32,693 --> 00:04:34,274
Heh heh heh heh heh.
116
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:38,609
Heh heh heh!!
Aah! Aah!
117
00:04:38,609 --> 00:04:40,991
So, calvin, how long
are you staying?
118
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:42,663
Oh, I'll be here
a while.
119
00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:44,535
Oh, you gonna
eat that fruit?
120
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,076
Help yourself.
121
00:04:46,076 --> 00:04:50,411
Look, calvin, we really love
having you here, but --
122
00:04:50,411 --> 00:04:52,753
You know, you are good people.
123
00:04:52,753 --> 00:04:56,046
And any man
that turns away family...
124
00:04:56,046 --> 00:04:58,549
Ohh, I hate them...
125
00:04:58,549 --> 00:04:59,920
Kill that man.
126
00:05:04,345 --> 00:05:08,228
Jay? Would you get the man
some more waffles?
127
00:05:08,228 --> 00:05:11,271
You see the stack
is getting low.
128
00:05:11,271 --> 00:05:12,523
Why don't I get some juice
129
00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:14,645
So he can wash down
this waffle meat?
130
00:05:14,645 --> 00:05:17,528
Michael, I need to talk to you
in the living room!
131
00:05:17,528 --> 00:05:19,900
Michael! We have got to get
that man out of this house!
132
00:05:19,900 --> 00:05:22,613
At this rate, we'll be out of
food by the end of the day!
133
00:05:22,613 --> 00:05:24,495
That's it! No food!
He'll leave!
134
00:05:24,495 --> 00:05:25,746
No! The kids will starve!
135
00:05:25,746 --> 00:05:28,158
It's okay, we'll get rid of
the weak ones
136
00:05:28,158 --> 00:05:30,711
And then strengthen
the herd, like the waffalos.
137
00:05:30,711 --> 00:05:31,872
What?!
138
00:05:31,872 --> 00:05:33,624
I don't know!
139
00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,456
Kady: no, calvin,
that's mine!
140
00:05:35,456 --> 00:05:36,957
What is going on
in here?!
141
00:05:36,957 --> 00:05:38,719
Calvin ate my crayon!
142
00:05:38,719 --> 00:05:40,671
Mmm!
143
00:05:40,671 --> 00:05:41,722
Blue!
144
00:05:41,722 --> 00:05:43,173
What's wrong with you?
145
00:05:43,173 --> 00:05:44,675
Oh, you talking to me?
146
00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:47,678
No. Kady, what's wrong with
you coloring at the table?
147
00:05:47,678 --> 00:05:48,679
I'm done now.
148
00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:50,851
Claire, can you take
your sister upstairs
149
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,523
While calvin
finishes eating?
150
00:05:52,523 --> 00:05:55,315
Sure, it's not like
there's anything left.
151
00:05:55,315 --> 00:05:56,567
Look, calvin...
152
00:05:56,567 --> 00:06:00,651
You think maybe after you
finish eating -- everything --
153
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:04,615
That we could take a walk
and talk about your situation?
154
00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:08,328
We can go to the zoo
and look at some wafflroos
155
00:06:08,328 --> 00:06:11,121
And...some wafflgators
and stuff.
156
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:14,795
Thanks, mike, but I like it here
with my new family.
157
00:06:14,795 --> 00:06:16,837
Whoa.
158
00:06:18,589 --> 00:06:21,261
For later.
Heh heh heh heh!
159
00:06:21,261 --> 00:06:24,595
Gotta get out of here.
See you later.
160
00:06:31,602 --> 00:06:33,273
Mommy, daddy!
I'm scared!
161
00:06:33,273 --> 00:06:35,395
Oh, baby, it's just
a little lightning.
162
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:36,607
Don't worry about it.
163
00:06:36,607 --> 00:06:38,649
Nothing to be
afraid of, sweetheart.
164
00:06:38,649 --> 00:06:40,110
All right.
165
00:06:40,110 --> 00:06:41,782
Whoa! Ohh ohh!
166
00:06:41,782 --> 00:06:44,074
[ Shouting indistinctly ]
167
00:06:44,074 --> 00:06:45,075
Aaaaaaah!
168
00:06:45,075 --> 00:06:47,027
Hold me! I'm scared, mike!
169
00:06:47,027 --> 00:06:49,990
Where you going?!
Don't leave me, jay!
170
00:06:49,990 --> 00:06:51,662
Ohh!
171
00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,961
Michael, I want this man
out of my house today!
172
00:07:00,961 --> 00:07:02,963
He spooned me, jay.
173
00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:05,095
Not tomorrow,
not next week,
174
00:07:05,095 --> 00:07:07,047
But today, michael!
Today!
175
00:07:07,047 --> 00:07:09,389
Oh, sure,
it's easy for you to say.
176
00:07:09,389 --> 00:07:12,513
You fell on the floor, bumped
your head, and got away.
177
00:07:12,513 --> 00:07:14,434
I thought if
I stayed out of jail,
178
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,857
I would make it through
this life unblemished.
179
00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:18,058
I guess I was wrong.
180
00:07:18,058 --> 00:07:19,269
You know what?
181
00:07:19,269 --> 00:07:21,482
If you put it off
any longer,
182
00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,273
It'll only get worse.
183
00:07:30,280 --> 00:07:34,074
You're right.
I gotta talk to him.
184
00:07:35,746 --> 00:07:39,039
We're out of
chunky vanilla swirl.
185
00:07:39,039 --> 00:07:43,003
Okay, I'll put that on the list
with the rabies shots
186
00:07:43,003 --> 00:07:45,716
And maybe some
bacterial ointment.
187
00:07:45,716 --> 00:07:47,087
Look, calvin...
188
00:07:47,087 --> 00:07:50,010
I want to talk to you about
your situation with jasmine.
189
00:07:50,010 --> 00:07:52,472
Now, I have a lot of
experience with women,
190
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,804
Maybe not as much as you,
191
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:56,476
But it's always nice to hear
the other point of view.
192
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,477
Well...
193
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,149
Maybe you're right.
194
00:07:59,149 --> 00:08:01,151
You mind if I sit down?
195
00:08:01,151 --> 00:08:02,442
Oh, I'm comfortable.
196
00:08:02,442 --> 00:08:04,565
Okay,
then I'll just stand.
197
00:08:04,565 --> 00:08:08,158
Okay, let's just cut
right to the chase.
198
00:08:08,158 --> 00:08:12,162
What is the problem...
Uh, with you and jasmine?
199
00:08:12,162 --> 00:08:13,413
Well, she's yappy.
200
00:08:13,413 --> 00:08:15,455
Yap, yap, yap,
yap, yap.
201
00:08:15,455 --> 00:08:16,917
Well, they're all
like that.
202
00:08:16,917 --> 00:08:18,418
But see,
there's a trick.
203
00:08:18,418 --> 00:08:20,420
The trick is to pretend that
you're listening to them
204
00:08:20,420 --> 00:08:22,122
When you're really
thinking about
205
00:08:22,122 --> 00:08:23,884
Whatever it is you like
to think about.
206
00:08:23,884 --> 00:08:25,505
Oh, I think about
chasing squirrels.
207
00:08:25,505 --> 00:08:26,717
You do?
208
00:08:26,717 --> 00:08:30,470
I love squirrels.
Oh! See? There he goes.
209
00:08:30,470 --> 00:08:32,723
Got you!
Oh, I got you!
210
00:08:32,723 --> 00:08:35,936
Heh heh heh!
Oh, go on and touch him.
211
00:08:35,936 --> 00:08:37,347
Oh, ain't he cute?
212
00:08:37,347 --> 00:08:41,441
Now, go and tell your family
calvin set you free.
213
00:08:41,441 --> 00:08:43,814
Go -- oh! Too slow!
Too slow!
214
00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:49,489
Heh heh heh heh!
Go on, get in there. Go.
215
00:08:49,489 --> 00:08:52,412
You know, that's really nice,
calvin.
216
00:08:52,412 --> 00:08:55,956
I see why you and squirrels
like each other.
217
00:08:55,956 --> 00:08:59,419
Well, there's a technique
that I've mastered
218
00:08:59,419 --> 00:09:00,500
Being with jay.
219
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,252
See, that woman --
she can talk.
220
00:09:02,252 --> 00:09:03,463
I took her away
for a week
221
00:09:03,463 --> 00:09:05,586
And she talked to me
for three days straight.
222
00:09:05,586 --> 00:09:09,219
And right when I was about
to strangle that woman,
223
00:09:09,219 --> 00:09:10,881
An idea came to my mind.
224
00:09:10,881 --> 00:09:14,134
See, I realized that
every 6,000 or so words,
225
00:09:14,134 --> 00:09:16,727
She'd have to stop
to take a breath.
226
00:09:16,727 --> 00:09:19,850
And that's when I say,
"hmm, is that right?"
227
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:23,353
Even though I don't know
what she's talking about.
228
00:09:23,353 --> 00:09:25,315
Now, I want to teach you
229
00:09:25,315 --> 00:09:28,448
How to employ this same
technique on jasmine.
230
00:09:28,448 --> 00:09:30,530
Oh, okay.
231
00:09:30,530 --> 00:09:33,073
All right, good, good.
232
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,285
Now, I'll be jasmine.
233
00:09:35,285 --> 00:09:36,456
Who will I be?
234
00:09:36,456 --> 00:09:37,828
You'll be calvin.
235
00:09:37,828 --> 00:09:41,161
Oh, ho! That's good,
'cause -- heh heh --
236
00:09:41,161 --> 00:09:42,292
I am calvin.
237
00:09:42,292 --> 00:09:43,794
Well, what do ya know?
238
00:09:43,794 --> 00:09:46,667
All right, now,
I'm gonna start talking,
239
00:09:46,667 --> 00:09:50,550
And when I stop, I want you
to say, "hmm, is that right?"
240
00:09:50,550 --> 00:09:52,422
Hmm, is that right?
No, not yet.
241
00:09:52,422 --> 00:09:53,844
Hmm, is that right?
242
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:56,637
No, wait until
I point to you, like this.
243
00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,388
Hmm, is that right?
244
00:09:58,388 --> 00:10:02,522
Oh, you're just
a quick learner.
245
00:10:02,522 --> 00:10:04,564
All right, now.
246
00:10:04,564 --> 00:10:05,986
[ Imitating jasmine ]
calvin,
247
00:10:05,986 --> 00:10:07,397
I want you to take out
this trash.
248
00:10:07,397 --> 00:10:09,730
I'm sick and tired of trash
being all around the house.
249
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:11,321
You don't do nothing
round here.
250
00:10:11,321 --> 00:10:14,114
If it was up to you, we'd be
living in a trash house.
251
00:10:14,945 --> 00:10:16,116
Hmm, is that right?
252
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,157
[ Normal voice ] perfect!
253
00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:18,288
Hmm, is that right?
254
00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:19,499
No, no, you can stop now.
255
00:10:19,499 --> 00:10:20,620
Hmm, is that right?
256
00:10:20,620 --> 00:10:22,452
No, it's over.
257
00:10:22,452 --> 00:10:23,834
Oh!
What? What?
258
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:26,837
The little fella
wants to come out.
259
00:10:26,837 --> 00:10:29,419
Oh, look at him!
He's so cute.
260
00:10:29,419 --> 00:10:30,801
Yeah. Okay.
261
00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:31,842
Look...
262
00:10:31,842 --> 00:10:34,805
Here, kiss him.
No, kiss him.
263
00:10:34,805 --> 00:10:37,017
[ Smooches ]
264
00:10:37,017 --> 00:10:39,349
[ Spitting ]
265
00:10:41,972 --> 00:10:43,393
Look, calvin...
266
00:10:43,393 --> 00:10:48,188
I know that deep down --
me and the squirrel know --
267
00:10:48,188 --> 00:10:51,942
That deep down inside your
heart, you miss jasmine.
268
00:10:51,942 --> 00:10:56,326
So what I'm proposing is that
me, you, jasmine, and jay --
269
00:10:56,326 --> 00:10:58,829
And the squirrel,
if you want --
270
00:10:58,829 --> 00:11:02,873
Sit down and have a meal
together in a safe environment
271
00:11:02,873 --> 00:11:06,376
Where you can practice
your listening technique.
272
00:11:06,376 --> 00:11:08,418
Hmm, is that right?
273
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,340
You wasn't listening
to me?
274
00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:12,462
Heh heh heh --
just kidding.
275
00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:14,094
I heard everything.
276
00:11:14,094 --> 00:11:15,345
Good.
277
00:11:15,345 --> 00:11:17,427
Oh, he's trying
to say something to you.
278
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:18,508
What's he trying
to say?
279
00:11:18,508 --> 00:11:20,350
"Hmm, is that right?"
280
00:11:20,350 --> 00:11:22,182
[ Laughs ]
281
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:25,475
All right, here's the deal.
282
00:11:25,475 --> 00:11:28,188
Anytime I think you're making
a conversational error,
283
00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,309
I'm gonna signal you, okay?
284
00:11:29,309 --> 00:11:30,610
How?
285
00:11:30,610 --> 00:11:34,154
I'm do something subtle,
like I'll take a sip of wine.
286
00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:35,365
Just a little sip.
287
00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:36,406
Oh, that's good.
288
00:11:36,406 --> 00:11:38,238
Now are you ready to do this?
I'm ready.
289
00:11:38,238 --> 00:11:39,489
Let's go.
Let's go.
290
00:11:39,489 --> 00:11:42,412
Ugh!
291
00:11:42,412 --> 00:11:44,204
I'm cool.
Okay.
292
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,415
Are you all right?
293
00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:46,286
I'm all right.
294
00:11:46,286 --> 00:11:50,130
Hey, well, looky here.
295
00:11:50,130 --> 00:11:53,463
Four soon-to-be grandparents
having dinner together.
296
00:11:53,463 --> 00:11:55,425
Isn't that great?
Yeah.
297
00:11:55,425 --> 00:11:59,599
I suppose it's as nice as it can
be under the circumstances,
298
00:11:59,599 --> 00:12:03,804
Considering as how calvin and I
are estranged at the moment.
299
00:12:03,804 --> 00:12:05,725
What?
[ Slurping ]
300
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:08,939
I mean, um, hmm,
is that right?
301
00:12:08,939 --> 00:12:11,852
Yes, right.
And you know it's right.
302
00:12:11,852 --> 00:12:14,234
You know, jay,
this is a nice house.
303
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:18,068
I had hopes that calvin and I
would have a nice house
304
00:12:18,068 --> 00:12:19,319
Like this someday,
305
00:12:19,319 --> 00:12:22,783
But you can't buy a nice house
on disability.
306
00:12:22,783 --> 00:12:24,204
We could if you get a job.
307
00:12:24,204 --> 00:12:26,366
[ Slurping ]
308
00:12:26,366 --> 00:12:29,579
I mean, um, hmm,
is that right?
309
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:34,464
You know damn well
it's right.
310
00:12:34,464 --> 00:12:36,927
You know, jay,
after I had vanessa,
311
00:12:36,927 --> 00:12:40,760
Girl, you know I had all those
irreversible reverberations
312
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:42,262
To my constitution.
313
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,644
[ Slurping ]
314
00:12:44,644 --> 00:12:47,187
Well, I will always love you
for giving me vanessa.
315
00:12:47,187 --> 00:12:50,150
Oh, well, that's sweet.
That was sweet.
316
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:51,651
Wasn't that sweet?
317
00:12:51,651 --> 00:12:52,943
That was sweet.
318
00:12:52,943 --> 00:12:55,695
I'm just glad you stop yapping
long enough to hear it.
319
00:12:55,695 --> 00:12:58,448
[ Slurping ]
320
00:13:05,405 --> 00:13:06,957
I sure do love the rain.
321
00:13:06,957 --> 00:13:08,538
Me, too.
322
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:12,542
[ Slurring ]
rain's nice.
323
00:13:13,874 --> 00:13:18,378
Calvin, you remember when we
used to lay in bed and cuddle
324
00:13:18,378 --> 00:13:20,180
And listen to the rain?
325
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:23,473
Yeah, I remember your hard,
scratchy feet.
326
00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:25,725
[ Slurring ]
okay, that's it.
327
00:13:25,725 --> 00:13:29,229
You are officially the dumbest
man on the planet.
328
00:13:29,229 --> 00:13:30,390
Michael!
329
00:13:30,390 --> 00:13:33,273
No! Shh! Shh!
I'm drunk.
330
00:13:33,273 --> 00:13:36,356
There's not enough grapes
in the whole of italy
331
00:13:36,356 --> 00:13:37,737
To help this man.
332
00:13:37,737 --> 00:13:38,859
Michael!
333
00:13:38,859 --> 00:13:40,440
No, I thought junior
was dumb.
334
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,072
Michael, if you don't --
335
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:43,783
We tried, baby.
We tried.
336
00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:45,365
We tried.
We tried.
337
00:13:45,365 --> 00:13:49,329
But you take dumb
to a whole big, buff level.
338
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,751
That's right,
I said it.
339
00:13:51,751 --> 00:13:52,873
I said it.
340
00:13:52,873 --> 00:13:57,717
Now you put this in your
remember-ery --
341
00:13:57,717 --> 00:13:59,839
You are an idiot!
342
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:01,761
Hmm, is that right?
343
00:14:03,423 --> 00:14:06,096
No, no, don't play
the game with me.
344
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,267
I know the trick.
345
00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:08,678
Hmm, is that right?
346
00:14:08,678 --> 00:14:10,891
I give up.
I give up.
347
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:13,773
You know, this man
is an idiot.
348
00:14:13,773 --> 00:14:16,646
I don't even have to look
at him.
349
00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:18,148
Hmm, is that --
350
00:14:18,148 --> 00:14:19,980
Hmm, is that --
351
00:14:19,980 --> 00:14:21,651
Hmm, is that --
hmm, is that --
352
00:14:21,651 --> 00:14:23,243
Hmm, is that --
353
00:14:23,243 --> 00:14:25,155
Hmm, is that right?
354
00:14:26,286 --> 00:14:28,909
Yes, the man's an idiot!
355
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:31,251
[ Scoffs ]
who are you calling an idiot?
356
00:14:31,251 --> 00:14:32,452
Him.
357
00:14:32,452 --> 00:14:34,834
Hmm, is that right?
358
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:37,297
I'll have you know
359
00:14:37,297 --> 00:14:41,671
My calvin is the finest man
I've ever known.
360
00:14:43,343 --> 00:14:47,557
I think I'm gonna be sick.
361
00:14:49,219 --> 00:14:50,390
Ooh.
Let's go home.
362
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,012
Yes, all right!
363
00:14:52,012 --> 00:14:53,433
Jay, girl, thank you.
364
00:14:53,433 --> 00:14:55,515
You're welcome.
All right.
365
00:14:55,515 --> 00:14:57,357
My man.
Okay, girl.
366
00:14:57,357 --> 00:14:59,319
Get out of here!
367
00:14:59,319 --> 00:15:02,232
Now I should have snapped
your ass in half,
368
00:15:02,232 --> 00:15:05,445
But you did bring me
and jasmine back together,
369
00:15:05,445 --> 00:15:07,407
So I'm gonna let you live.
370
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:10,951
Hmm, is that right?
371
00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:12,242
Yeah, that's right.
372
00:15:14,244 --> 00:15:16,086
Where did he go?
He's gone.
373
00:15:16,086 --> 00:15:20,380
Yeah, get out of here, and take
this damn squirrel with you!
374
00:15:22,963 --> 00:15:27,307
You see, jay, it was all part
of the master plan.
375
00:15:27,307 --> 00:15:29,139
I guess all's well
that ends well.
376
00:15:29,139 --> 00:15:31,391
I don't know why you had to
drink so much, michael.
377
00:15:31,391 --> 00:15:32,892
We could
get back to normal,
378
00:15:32,892 --> 00:15:34,474
The kids could
get back to normal.
379
00:15:34,474 --> 00:15:37,357
Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah.
380
00:15:37,357 --> 00:15:39,399
What did you say to me?
381
00:15:39,399 --> 00:15:40,610
What?
What was that?
382
00:15:40,610 --> 00:15:42,692
What part of
"blah-blah-blah-blah-blah,"
383
00:15:42,692 --> 00:15:44,614
Don't you understand,
jay?
384
00:15:44,614 --> 00:15:47,197
Let me put it
another way.
385
00:15:47,197 --> 00:15:49,239
Yapety-yap,
yap, yap, yap.
386
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:51,661
Jay won't shut her trap.
387
00:15:51,661 --> 00:15:52,912
Oh-oh!
388
00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:55,035
I cannot believe
what I am hearing right now.
389
00:15:55,035 --> 00:15:56,336
You know why?
390
00:15:56,336 --> 00:15:59,249
Because you don't listen.
391
00:15:59,249 --> 00:16:01,291
You don't listen to me.
392
00:16:01,291 --> 00:16:02,882
Oh, I don't
listen to you, huh?
393
00:16:02,882 --> 00:16:05,135
You don't hear
what I got to say.
394
00:16:05,135 --> 00:16:06,716
I'm gonna hear what
you got to say now.
395
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:08,428
Have a seat.
I don't mind if I do.
396
00:16:08,428 --> 00:16:10,140
Just have
a seat then.
397
00:16:10,140 --> 00:16:11,761
Have another drink,
too,
398
00:16:11,761 --> 00:16:13,763
'Cause I'm gonna hear
what you got to say.
399
00:16:13,763 --> 00:16:16,266
Now, I wouldn't say this
without alcohol.
400
00:16:16,266 --> 00:16:19,309
I want you to know
401
00:16:19,309 --> 00:16:22,192
What I really feel, jay,
402
00:16:22,192 --> 00:16:23,563
'Cause I need to open up.
403
00:16:23,563 --> 00:16:27,907
I want to start
with your bald-headed mama.
404
00:16:29,869 --> 00:16:33,243
How does her wig
get a bald spot?
405
00:16:35,115 --> 00:16:36,666
In the front, jay.
406
00:16:36,666 --> 00:16:40,620
She got alopecia
in the wig.
407
00:16:42,422 --> 00:16:43,883
And then, the breath.
408
00:16:43,883 --> 00:16:45,465
What's with that breath?
409
00:16:45,465 --> 00:16:48,088
Seven bad teeth --
410
00:16:48,088 --> 00:16:51,051
You figure it's time
to go to the dentist
411
00:16:51,051 --> 00:16:53,223
When you only got eight.
412
00:16:54,974 --> 00:16:56,556
I need another drink
413
00:16:56,556 --> 00:17:00,690
So I can really
express myself.
414
00:17:02,692 --> 00:17:04,104
[ Doorbell rings ]
415
00:17:04,104 --> 00:17:05,985
Ooh!
Who the heck is this?!
416
00:17:05,985 --> 00:17:07,197
Ooh!
417
00:17:07,197 --> 00:17:09,529
Oh.
418
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,321
Hi, jasmine.
419
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:14,864
Hey, calvin,
it's your friend, michael.
420
00:17:14,864 --> 00:17:17,117
Calvin: mmm?
Is that right?
421
00:17:17,117 --> 00:17:19,499
Look like he got drunk,
had a fight with his wife,
422
00:17:19,499 --> 00:17:22,372
Got thrown out the house,
need a place to stay.
423
00:17:22,372 --> 00:17:25,505
Hmm,
is that right?
424
00:17:25,505 --> 00:17:28,007
You know what,
michael?
425
00:17:28,007 --> 00:17:30,880
I don't think he's
really listening to me.
426
00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,553
Wonder where
he learned that from.
427
00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:42,732
No, no,
no, no, no.
428
00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:44,524
Okay, I thought
junior was dumb.
429
00:17:44,524 --> 00:17:45,985
And he's dumb.
He is.
430
00:17:45,985 --> 00:17:47,107
Michael...
431
00:17:47,107 --> 00:17:49,399
But you take dumb
432
00:17:49,399 --> 00:17:52,402
To a whole other
big, buff level.
433
00:17:52,402 --> 00:17:54,534
That's it.
434
00:17:56,536 --> 00:17:58,328
So, sue me.
435
00:17:58,328 --> 00:17:59,699
I said it.
436
00:17:59,699 --> 00:18:01,331
I said it.
437
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:05,255
There. It's out in the open,
and we all know.
438
00:18:05,255 --> 00:18:06,586
Do I got a line?
439
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,047
Yes.
440
00:18:08,047 --> 00:18:09,969
[ Laughs ]
441
00:18:09,969 --> 00:18:15,135
But you take dumb
to a whole big, buff level.
442
00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:16,516
Uh...
443
00:18:16,516 --> 00:18:17,887
What's that line,
again?
444
00:18:17,887 --> 00:18:20,180
[ Laughs ]
445
00:18:20,180 --> 00:18:22,061
That's the thing
about drinking.
446
00:18:22,061 --> 00:18:23,683
...thank you.
447
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:27,227
I put it by
my mem-mem-memory.
448
00:18:27,227 --> 00:18:29,729
You put this
in your rememory.
449
00:18:29,729 --> 00:18:31,901
Hmm,
is that right?
450
00:18:31,901 --> 00:18:36,536
Okay, this is just...
451
00:18:36,536 --> 00:18:40,370
This is some strong stuff.
452
00:18:40,370 --> 00:18:41,911
You...
453
00:18:41,911 --> 00:18:44,294
Put this in your memory.
454
00:18:44,294 --> 00:18:45,795
In the memory.
455
00:18:45,795 --> 00:18:48,458
In your memory, all right.
456
00:18:48,458 --> 00:18:50,049
Just gets harder.
457
00:18:52,302 --> 00:18:54,174
It's...
458
00:18:54,174 --> 00:18:56,466
We'll take it from
"yap, yapety-yap."
459
00:18:56,466 --> 00:19:00,310
Take it.
Take five.
460
00:19:00,310 --> 00:19:02,562
So, there's not
enough grapes in italy.
461
00:19:02,562 --> 00:19:04,814
Then you are
officially...
462
00:19:04,814 --> 00:19:07,267
No, this is...
463
00:19:07,267 --> 00:19:10,940
What is this?
464
00:19:10,940 --> 00:19:13,193
No, after, after...
465
00:19:13,193 --> 00:19:15,195
Yeah, right...
466
00:19:15,195 --> 00:19:17,487
And the remem-remem--
thank you.
467
00:19:17,487 --> 00:19:18,488
[ Smooches ]
32181
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