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1
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,176
Man, I'm telling you --
2
00:00:05,176 --> 00:00:08,719
Friday is going to be
the best day ever.
3
00:00:08,719 --> 00:00:10,181
Guess what this ticket's for.
4
00:00:10,181 --> 00:00:11,472
Winnie the pooh on ice?
5
00:00:11,472 --> 00:00:12,473
Uh...
6
00:00:12,473 --> 00:00:14,185
[ Shudders, sniffles ]
7
00:00:14,185 --> 00:00:15,766
No.
8
00:00:15,766 --> 00:00:17,098
A ticket to see outkast?
9
00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:19,940
Ah -- ah --
ah -- ah -- no.
10
00:00:19,940 --> 00:00:21,142
Junior:
ooh, guys, I know.
11
00:00:21,142 --> 00:00:23,694
A ticket to see
"the vagina monologues."
12
00:00:23,694 --> 00:00:25,566
Why would I want to see
one of them talk?
13
00:00:25,566 --> 00:00:27,148
Oh, man!
14
00:00:27,148 --> 00:00:28,819
Oh, baby!
15
00:00:28,819 --> 00:00:30,411
I know what it is!
What? What?
16
00:00:30,411 --> 00:00:32,363
It's tickets to see
baryshnikov's final performance
17
00:00:32,363 --> 00:00:34,455
That you promised
to take me to on friday!
18
00:00:34,455 --> 00:00:35,786
Uh...
19
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:38,539
No.
20
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,541
But that was a good guess.
21
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,083
This is a ticket
to see lebron james
22
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:44,465
In his first game against
the new york knicks.
23
00:00:44,465 --> 00:00:46,127
Are you breaking a date
with me on friday
24
00:00:46,127 --> 00:00:47,798
To go on a date
with lebron?
25
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:49,760
Well, that's one way --
that's negative, though.
26
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:52,133
That's one way to look at it.
Here's how I'm seeing it.
27
00:00:52,133 --> 00:00:54,635
I'm seeing it as a chance
for your husband
28
00:00:54,635 --> 00:00:56,677
To be a part of history.
29
00:00:56,677 --> 00:00:59,390
See, that's the positive spin
we put on it.
30
00:00:59,390 --> 00:01:01,772
Michael, what about
my baryshnikov tickets?
31
00:01:01,772 --> 00:01:06,026
How many times can you see
a guy in tights do this, huh?
32
00:01:06,026 --> 00:01:09,820
How many times can you see
a guy in baggy shorts do this?
33
00:01:12,153 --> 00:01:13,324
What player does that?
34
00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,156
That's michael jordan!
35
00:01:18,619 --> 00:01:22,253
Is that after he snaps
his spine or when?
36
00:01:22,253 --> 00:01:24,415
Whatever, michael.
37
00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:25,546
Come on, jay.
38
00:01:25,546 --> 00:01:26,797
No.
39
00:01:26,797 --> 00:01:28,589
Be supportive of me.
You can't even get this.
40
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:31,802
This is a court-side seat.
You can't even buy these.
41
00:01:31,802 --> 00:01:34,475
Someone has to will them to you
or you have to beg spike lee.
42
00:01:34,475 --> 00:01:37,768
Come on,
it's only 120 hours away.
43
00:01:37,768 --> 00:01:39,270
I hope you don't get
the flu.
44
00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:41,272
Why would you say that?!
45
00:01:41,272 --> 00:01:44,104
Why would you put that kind
of negativity in the room?
46
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,436
Everybody seems to be
getting it.
47
00:01:45,436 --> 00:01:46,987
Mm-hmm.
48
00:01:46,987 --> 00:01:49,109
Everybody but us.
You know what we're going to do?
49
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:51,402
We're all going to stay
in this house and make sure
50
00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:54,034
That we have no outside contact
with the rest of the world.
51
00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:55,075
Okay, I'm sorry.
52
00:01:55,075 --> 00:01:56,407
I shouldn't have even
did that to you
53
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:58,789
Because I know how crazy
you get, michael.
54
00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:00,741
I don't get crazy.
55
00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:02,703
Your imagination starts
running away with you.
56
00:02:02,703 --> 00:02:04,835
All of a sudden, you'll have
ebola by the end of the week
57
00:02:04,835 --> 00:02:06,046
And blame me.
58
00:02:06,046 --> 00:02:09,380
Yeah, but I'll be
bleeding out my eyes
59
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:13,013
And gurgling blood
court side, baby.
60
00:02:17,598 --> 00:02:19,390
Experts are saying
61
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:22,473
That this year's flu season
will be the worst in 20 years.
62
00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:24,765
The elderly
are the most susceptible.
63
00:02:24,765 --> 00:02:28,609
Thank god we're not
old farts, huh?
64
00:02:28,609 --> 00:02:29,860
Junior,
change the channel.
65
00:02:29,860 --> 00:02:32,112
Michael,
what are you doing?
66
00:02:32,112 --> 00:02:33,574
I'm making sure that
the flu don't get in here
67
00:02:33,574 --> 00:02:34,735
With duct tape.
68
00:02:34,735 --> 00:02:36,577
Where did you get
the duct tape?
69
00:02:36,577 --> 00:02:38,659
It's left over
from the anthrax scare.
70
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:41,992
Don't you think it's a little
crazy to tape up the windows?
71
00:02:41,992 --> 00:02:46,166
Is it crazy, jay, for a man to
want to protect his beloved wife
72
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:48,088
And his beautiful children,
huh?
73
00:02:48,088 --> 00:02:49,920
Is it crazy, jay?
74
00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,383
Then call up belleview
and tell them to make my bed
75
00:02:52,383 --> 00:02:55,095
Because daddy cuckoo
is coming home!
76
00:02:56,637 --> 00:02:58,389
Okay, it's lebron james.
77
00:02:58,389 --> 00:03:01,682
He's a phenom, jay,
and I got court-side seats.
78
00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:03,854
Court side, phenom --
phenom, court side.
79
00:03:03,854 --> 00:03:05,266
I don't know how to say it
80
00:03:05,266 --> 00:03:07,017
Except for
"phenourtside" phenom.
81
00:03:07,017 --> 00:03:08,148
[ Doorbell rings ]
82
00:03:08,148 --> 00:03:10,731
Answer the door.
Pizza guy.
83
00:03:10,731 --> 00:03:13,314
Hey, pizza guy.
84
00:03:13,314 --> 00:03:14,775
How you doing?
85
00:03:14,775 --> 00:03:16,447
Good, now,
I'm going to take this money,
86
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:18,158
And I'm going to slide it
under the door,
87
00:03:18,158 --> 00:03:19,780
And I want you to put
the pizza down,
88
00:03:19,780 --> 00:03:21,872
And then hold your breath
and back away.
89
00:03:23,824 --> 00:03:26,036
There you go.
90
00:03:26,036 --> 00:03:27,087
You got change coming.
91
00:03:27,087 --> 00:03:28,088
It's okay.
92
00:03:28,088 --> 00:03:29,750
Just hold your breath,
back away.
93
00:03:29,750 --> 00:03:31,041
I don't want
your disease-ridden change.
94
00:03:31,041 --> 00:03:32,042
Go ahead. Keep it.
95
00:03:32,042 --> 00:03:33,043
$30?
96
00:03:33,043 --> 00:03:34,595
Yes, keep it.
Thanks!
97
00:03:34,595 --> 00:03:35,836
Whoa, whoa!
98
00:03:35,836 --> 00:03:37,968
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
99
00:03:37,968 --> 00:03:39,760
Don't open the door!
100
00:03:41,602 --> 00:03:44,805
Hi, can I have $25 back,
please?
101
00:03:44,805 --> 00:03:45,806
Okay.
102
00:03:45,806 --> 00:03:47,768
Crazy.
Ah-choo!
103
00:03:51,612 --> 00:03:53,023
Thank you.
104
00:03:53,023 --> 00:03:55,065
You see he sneezed
on the money?!
105
00:03:55,065 --> 00:03:56,487
What?
106
00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:57,738
Don't put that in your --
107
00:03:57,738 --> 00:04:00,321
Jay, throw that out
and disinfect your hand.
108
00:04:00,321 --> 00:04:02,743
I am not getting rid
of a perfectly good pizza.
109
00:04:02,743 --> 00:04:04,625
That's not pizza anymore.
110
00:04:04,625 --> 00:04:07,708
That's a boxful
of infested bacteria.
111
00:04:07,708 --> 00:04:10,080
That's not a cheese pizza.
That's a "sneeza."
112
00:04:11,672 --> 00:04:13,334
And I'm s-not eating it.
113
00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:14,635
Well, good.
114
00:04:14,635 --> 00:04:16,377
Then it's more for muc-us.
115
00:04:16,377 --> 00:04:17,928
[ Laughs ]
116
00:04:17,928 --> 00:04:20,761
Come on,
y'all, let's go.
117
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:24,094
Muc-us.
I am killing myself today.
118
00:04:24,094 --> 00:04:26,387
Okay, fine, fine.
You disobey me.
119
00:04:26,387 --> 00:04:27,688
Let me tell you something.
120
00:04:27,688 --> 00:04:31,562
Anybody that partakes
of that pepperoni biohazard
121
00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:34,655
Will deprive themselves
of my company.
122
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:42,783
[ Coughing ]
123
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,784
Are you sick?
124
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:45,496
I think so.
Ohhh!
125
00:04:45,496 --> 00:04:46,577
What?!
126
00:04:46,577 --> 00:04:47,618
You did this on purpose!
127
00:04:47,618 --> 00:04:49,580
What are you
talking about?!
128
00:04:49,580 --> 00:04:51,622
I wouldn't take you
to see baryshnikov,
129
00:04:51,622 --> 00:04:54,254
So you develop a cough
to keep me away from lebron.
130
00:04:54,254 --> 00:04:57,508
Okay, that doesn't make
any sense, but you know what?
131
00:04:57,508 --> 00:04:59,470
You should have got
my ticket so...
132
00:04:59,470 --> 00:05:00,921
[Coughing]
133
00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:02,633
Okay, so,
you're admitting it.
134
00:05:02,633 --> 00:05:04,555
You played the flu card.
135
00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:06,637
The flu card?
Yeah, the flu card.
136
00:05:06,637 --> 00:05:08,479
You know what?
I'm not feeling good.
137
00:05:08,479 --> 00:05:12,022
I'm feeling achy and stuffy,
and you're starting with me!
138
00:05:12,022 --> 00:05:13,023
Okay, okay, okay.
139
00:05:13,023 --> 00:05:14,895
Look, I have an idea.
140
00:05:14,895 --> 00:05:18,238
Why don't you go in the bathroom
and get in the steam shower,
141
00:05:18,238 --> 00:05:20,030
And let it loosen up
some of that phlegm?
142
00:05:20,030 --> 00:05:22,032
Do you think [gulps]
that'll work?
143
00:05:22,032 --> 00:05:25,576
Yeah, and get rid of [gulps]
that thing, too.
144
00:05:25,576 --> 00:05:27,658
Okay.
145
00:05:27,658 --> 00:05:30,040
And you could put some
vaporub on your chest,
146
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,291
Take a couple
of cold pills.
147
00:05:31,291 --> 00:05:32,713
Do you think that'll work?
148
00:05:32,713 --> 00:05:35,626
Yeah, that'll work.
That'll work.
149
00:05:35,626 --> 00:05:36,627
Michael.
150
00:05:36,627 --> 00:05:38,759
Sorry, baby,
I can't take any chances.
151
00:05:38,759 --> 00:05:39,960
This is court-side seats!
152
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:41,882
Open the door,
michael!
153
00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:43,764
I told you not to eat
the "sneeza,"
154
00:05:43,764 --> 00:05:45,135
But you wouldn't listen.
155
00:05:45,135 --> 00:05:46,637
Now I have to
quarantine you.
156
00:05:46,637 --> 00:05:49,600
If you don't let me out
this door [coughing]
157
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,733
Jay, okay,
think about the kids.
158
00:05:52,733 --> 00:05:54,354
They want me to see
that game.
159
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:57,568
Michael, I will
butt this door down!
160
00:05:57,568 --> 00:05:59,279
You're too weak
with the flu!
161
00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:00,651
Not with the flu.
162
00:06:00,651 --> 00:06:03,323
[ Screams ]
163
00:06:03,323 --> 00:06:05,786
Whoa.
164
00:06:05,786 --> 00:06:09,329
I underestimated
your butt-tential.
165
00:06:09,329 --> 00:06:10,751
Look, I'll let you out,
166
00:06:10,751 --> 00:06:13,203
But you got to promise that
you won't come into the room
167
00:06:13,203 --> 00:06:14,455
Until I'm out of the room.
168
00:06:14,455 --> 00:06:17,668
I'm not promising you
a damn thing.
169
00:06:17,668 --> 00:06:18,669
Promise?
170
00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,090
[ Sweetly ]
okay.
171
00:06:20,090 --> 00:06:21,592
I promise.
172
00:06:21,592 --> 00:06:23,504
All right,
on the count of three.
173
00:06:23,504 --> 00:06:26,306
One...two...
174
00:06:26,306 --> 00:06:27,808
Three.
175
00:06:30,180 --> 00:06:31,391
[ Sneezes, coughs ]
176
00:06:31,391 --> 00:06:32,893
Here's some
orange juice, mom.
177
00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:36,437
Thank you so much,
baby...
178
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:37,978
Unh-unh!
179
00:06:37,978 --> 00:06:40,571
Oh, god, it's so sour!
180
00:06:40,571 --> 00:06:42,232
Really?
It's fresh-squeezed.
181
00:06:42,232 --> 00:06:43,864
Oh, claire, oh, no.
182
00:06:43,864 --> 00:06:46,156
I gotta rinse my mouth out.
Ugh!
183
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:48,288
Oh, blech!
184
00:06:54,164 --> 00:06:56,537
Oh, it does taste sour.
185
00:06:56,537 --> 00:06:57,668
Let me try.
186
00:07:02,593 --> 00:07:03,964
[ Gargles ]
187
00:07:06,046 --> 00:07:07,137
You're right.
188
00:07:07,137 --> 00:07:09,049
It is sour.
189
00:07:09,049 --> 00:07:11,812
Kady, go take the juice
downstairs and pour it out.
190
00:07:11,812 --> 00:07:13,604
And take
the trash out, too.
191
00:07:13,604 --> 00:07:15,145
It's full of mom's
dirty tissues.
192
00:07:15,145 --> 00:07:16,186
Okay.
193
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,360
Lebron james, michael kyle.
194
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,613
It's a pleasure to meet
your acquaintance.
195
00:07:22,613 --> 00:07:24,444
That's too formal.
196
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:26,737
Yo, buddy bron, bron bron,
bron bron, bron bron.
197
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,699
What's up, bron bron?
Yeah, man, it's me.
198
00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:32,202
Yeah, mike kizzy.
199
00:07:32,202 --> 00:07:34,164
Nah, that's too desperate.
I know.
200
00:07:34,164 --> 00:07:37,247
I'll just sit there
and ignore him.
201
00:07:37,247 --> 00:07:38,789
He'll be, like,
202
00:07:38,789 --> 00:07:41,582
"Man, who's this dude sitting
over here ignoring me?"
203
00:07:41,582 --> 00:07:44,755
And I'll look at him
and give him that brush-off nod.
204
00:07:47,047 --> 00:07:48,969
Daddy, I'm sick.
205
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:50,430
You're sick?
206
00:07:50,430 --> 00:07:52,352
Yes, I think
I've got the flu.
207
00:07:52,352 --> 00:07:54,224
Okay, then this is what
I need you to do.
208
00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:57,558
I need you to hold your breath.
[ Inhales deeply ]
209
00:07:57,558 --> 00:08:01,481
Suck up all that bad air
you brought in here.
210
00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:03,403
And then back up out
of the kitchen.
211
00:08:03,403 --> 00:08:05,566
Slowly, slowly.
Don't make no sudden moves.
212
00:08:05,566 --> 00:08:07,608
You don't want to agitate
the germs
213
00:08:07,608 --> 00:08:09,990
And they confuse you
with me.
214
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,662
Now, go ahead, baby.
Go upstairs.
215
00:08:11,662 --> 00:08:12,703
But, daddy --
216
00:08:12,703 --> 00:08:14,665
Do you love your daddy?
217
00:08:14,665 --> 00:08:15,666
Yes.
218
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:17,918
Then stop breathing.
219
00:08:17,918 --> 00:08:20,460
You want to see me happy,
right?
220
00:08:20,460 --> 00:08:21,712
Yes.
221
00:08:21,712 --> 00:08:22,833
Okay, then go upstairs.
222
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:25,255
Get that air.
All that air around you.
223
00:08:25,255 --> 00:08:27,127
Yeah, okay.
224
00:08:27,127 --> 00:08:29,339
I'll put some medicine
under the door, okay?
225
00:08:29,339 --> 00:08:30,721
But I want a hug.
226
00:08:30,721 --> 00:08:32,052
Okay, here.
227
00:08:32,052 --> 00:08:33,934
Here,
hug daddy's foot.
228
00:08:33,934 --> 00:08:35,015
There you go.
229
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:36,807
Yes, yes, yes, okay.
230
00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:39,229
All right.
Go upstairs.
231
00:08:39,229 --> 00:08:41,602
[ Sucking ]
get the air.
232
00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,694
Yeah, okay, all right.
233
00:08:43,694 --> 00:08:44,985
Oh, my god.
234
00:08:44,985 --> 00:08:46,777
The flu is all over
this house!
235
00:08:48,408 --> 00:08:51,111
[ Coughing ]
236
00:08:51,111 --> 00:08:52,743
I hope you're coughing
because you smell this mist.
237
00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:53,744
Yes.
238
00:08:53,744 --> 00:08:54,745
Good.
239
00:08:54,745 --> 00:08:56,657
[ Coughing resumes ]
240
00:08:56,657 --> 00:08:57,918
But that one was
from the flu.
241
00:08:57,918 --> 00:09:00,460
Oh, my god! You're
an "outbreak" monkey, too!
242
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:03,423
I'm not going to let you keep
me from going to the game!
243
00:09:03,423 --> 00:09:05,796
But, daddy, I'm sick.
What am I supposed to do?
244
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,669
Okay, I need you to hold
your breath,
245
00:09:08,669 --> 00:09:11,301
Suck up all that bad air
you brought in here,
246
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:13,433
And then back up
out of the kitchen.
247
00:09:13,433 --> 00:09:15,596
I'll roll some medicine
under your door. Go ahead.
248
00:09:15,596 --> 00:09:17,477
That's it? That's all
you're going to do?
249
00:09:17,477 --> 00:09:19,349
You're right.
You need a hug?
250
00:09:19,349 --> 00:09:20,480
Here, get a hug.
251
00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,603
Get a hug from daddy.
252
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,775
Well, it's
just us now, son.
253
00:09:24,775 --> 00:09:27,147
All the women in the house
are sick.
254
00:09:27,147 --> 00:09:29,399
What the hell are
you doing?
255
00:09:29,399 --> 00:09:31,692
Oh, hey, dad. I'm just
counting these tissues.
256
00:09:31,692 --> 00:09:33,744
You know,
mom is really sick,
257
00:09:33,744 --> 00:09:35,325
And I know it's the flu
because a cold
258
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:36,907
Doesn't produce
this amount of mucus.
259
00:09:36,907 --> 00:09:39,750
You're going to give yourself
the flu touching on that stuff.
260
00:09:39,750 --> 00:09:41,161
No, I'm not.
261
00:09:41,161 --> 00:09:42,663
A lot of people think
you can catch the flu
262
00:09:42,663 --> 00:09:44,755
Just by being in the same room
as a sick person
263
00:09:44,755 --> 00:09:46,967
When, according to
this book,
264
00:09:46,967 --> 00:09:49,710
The only way to become infected
is through direct contact.
265
00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:52,843
Like for instance, say I were
to handle these tissues
266
00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:55,595
And then rub my eyes.
267
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,142
Or rub my nose, you know.
268
00:10:02,142 --> 00:10:04,484
[ Sniffles ]
269
00:10:04,484 --> 00:10:07,778
That would be like asking
the virus to move in
270
00:10:07,778 --> 00:10:09,359
And shut down
my whole immune system.
271
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,441
You know something?
I'm going to go make a call.
272
00:10:11,441 --> 00:10:13,533
You just go...
273
00:10:13,533 --> 00:10:15,365
58...
274
00:10:15,365 --> 00:10:17,117
59...
275
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,739
70...
276
00:10:18,739 --> 00:10:19,740
71...
277
00:10:19,740 --> 00:10:21,121
Son.
Huh?
278
00:10:21,121 --> 00:10:23,744
Would you "dumbonstrate"
that for me one more time?
279
00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:24,745
Okay.
280
00:10:34,675 --> 00:10:36,887
[ Inhales deeply,
exhales ]
281
00:10:38,969 --> 00:10:40,761
Hello, mr. Kyle.
282
00:10:40,761 --> 00:10:42,312
Hey, franklin.
283
00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:43,974
Where did you get
the stupid suit from?
284
00:10:43,974 --> 00:10:45,816
I have a connection
down at the cdc.
285
00:10:46,817 --> 00:10:48,608
Center for disease control.
286
00:10:48,608 --> 00:10:49,900
Really?
It looks dumb.
287
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,863
You don't want to play
the dozens with me, mr. Kyle.
288
00:10:52,863 --> 00:10:54,945
I can be quite lethal.
289
00:10:54,945 --> 00:10:57,908
You're so bald,
I can see what's on your mind.
290
00:11:03,784 --> 00:11:06,957
That's for the bad joke,
to get rid of that bad joke.
291
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:07,998
Come on in.
292
00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:09,499
Where's kady?
293
00:11:09,499 --> 00:11:11,631
She's upstairs resting.
294
00:11:11,631 --> 00:11:12,883
Excellent.
295
00:11:12,883 --> 00:11:15,005
Rest and plenty of fluids
will help.
296
00:11:15,005 --> 00:11:17,177
Is that mask the only
protection you have?
297
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,258
Yeah, it's all I got.
298
00:11:18,258 --> 00:11:20,300
It's a good thing I got here
when I did.
299
00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:22,973
The odds are that you've already
been exposed to the flu.
300
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,434
Don't say that!
301
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,857
Why you gotta put that kind of
negative energy in here?
302
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:29,269
I have court-side seats to see
lebron james this friday.
303
00:11:29,269 --> 00:11:30,270
The phenom?
304
00:11:30,270 --> 00:11:31,271
Yeah.
305
00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:32,943
The basketball savant?
306
00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:34,524
The einstein of the parquet?
307
00:11:34,524 --> 00:11:36,406
The stephen hawking
of the hoops!
308
00:11:36,406 --> 00:11:38,318
Hey, I was just about
to say that.
309
00:11:38,318 --> 00:11:41,952
[ Chuckling ] well, you know,
great minds think alike.
310
00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:43,163
No, they don't.
311
00:11:46,036 --> 00:11:48,789
Hey, should you happen to get
sick, may I have your ticket?
312
00:11:48,789 --> 00:11:49,920
I'm not going to get sick
313
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:51,962
Because I'm going to have
you here to help me.
314
00:11:51,962 --> 00:11:53,293
All right, all right.
315
00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:55,836
And I assume you're doing
all the basics --
316
00:11:55,836 --> 00:11:57,888
Rest, vitamin c, exercise.
317
00:11:57,888 --> 00:12:00,761
Yeah, I even put garlic
around my neck.
318
00:12:00,761 --> 00:12:04,014
That'll work great if you
happen to be attacked
319
00:12:04,014 --> 00:12:05,846
By a flu-invested vampire.
320
00:12:05,846 --> 00:12:07,057
[ Laughs ]
321
00:12:07,057 --> 00:12:08,148
However...
322
00:12:08,148 --> 00:12:10,560
Back here in the real world,
323
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:13,814
I have some other
preventative options.
324
00:12:13,814 --> 00:12:15,906
Chew on this.
325
00:12:15,906 --> 00:12:17,067
Oh, okay.
326
00:12:17,067 --> 00:12:18,118
Mmm.
327
00:12:18,118 --> 00:12:19,950
What is it?
328
00:12:19,950 --> 00:12:20,991
Extract of ling-ling.
329
00:12:20,991 --> 00:12:23,623
It's guaranteed to boost
your immune system.
330
00:12:23,623 --> 00:12:25,866
Oh, I feel it working
already.
331
00:12:25,866 --> 00:12:27,167
I'm feeling stronger!
332
00:12:27,167 --> 00:12:29,790
So, where does the ling-ling
come from?
333
00:12:29,790 --> 00:12:30,791
A panda.
334
00:12:30,791 --> 00:12:32,212
A panda, hmm?
335
00:12:32,212 --> 00:12:36,506
And what part of the panda is
the ling-ling extracted from?
336
00:12:36,506 --> 00:12:38,428
Let's put it this way --
337
00:12:38,428 --> 00:12:42,382
There's one per panda,
and it's found only on boys.
338
00:12:45,225 --> 00:12:47,767
So, one per panda...
339
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:51,651
And it's only on b--
340
00:12:51,651 --> 00:12:54,104
It's a really nutty taste
they got.
341
00:12:56,316 --> 00:12:59,109
So, a boy would have two eyes,
342
00:12:59,109 --> 00:13:04,034
And a panda have the two ears,
the nose, the foot --
343
00:13:04,034 --> 00:13:08,328
Well, man, the only thing
I can think of --
344
00:13:08,328 --> 00:13:11,621
And I know
it wouldn't be that.
345
00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:13,043
Yes.
346
00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,843
That's -- that's ling-ling
ding-ding, right?
347
00:13:26,226 --> 00:13:29,059
Yeah, but at least
you won't get the flu.
348
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:33,733
And just in case that old folk
remedy doesn't work,
349
00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:35,896
I have yet another.
350
00:13:41,902 --> 00:13:43,203
This is a very rare object
351
00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:45,495
From only above the snow line
in tibet.
352
00:13:45,495 --> 00:13:47,908
They say is has incredible
herbal properties.
353
00:13:47,908 --> 00:13:49,209
What is this?
354
00:13:49,209 --> 00:13:51,831
Dehydrated yak droppings.
355
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:53,083
Okay, so...
356
00:13:56,796 --> 00:14:05,675
A little extra.
357
00:14:05,675 --> 00:14:07,677
What else can you recommend?
358
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:10,350
Well, personally, I eat
chicken noodle soup.
359
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,812
Does chicken noodle soup really
help you with the flu?
360
00:14:12,812 --> 00:14:15,976
It does if you wear
a hazmat suit.
361
00:14:15,976 --> 00:14:17,187
[ Laughs ]
362
00:14:24,284 --> 00:14:27,577
There you go, huh?
363
00:14:27,577 --> 00:14:28,748
Watch out. One more.
364
00:14:28,748 --> 00:14:29,990
There's your orange juice.
365
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:31,952
See? I take care
of my baby.
366
00:14:31,952 --> 00:14:33,703
This isn't orange juice.
367
00:14:33,703 --> 00:14:35,665
This is a cup and two oranges.
368
00:14:35,665 --> 00:14:37,958
I know, and you just squeeze it
in there, okay?
369
00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:39,799
Now, I'm going to go
in the other room
370
00:14:39,799 --> 00:14:41,421
Into michael's world
and watch tv.
371
00:14:41,421 --> 00:14:43,003
[ Whining ] wait, wait!
372
00:14:43,003 --> 00:14:44,965
Where are you going?
373
00:14:44,965 --> 00:14:47,057
I'm going to go watch tv.
374
00:14:47,057 --> 00:14:48,848
No, stay here with me.
375
00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:50,390
But you're sick.
376
00:14:50,390 --> 00:14:52,432
But I'm your wife.
377
00:14:52,432 --> 00:14:54,644
Yeah, my sick wife,
378
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:57,317
And I'm not falling
for this little trick.
379
00:14:57,317 --> 00:14:59,069
What about our vows, michael?
380
00:14:59,069 --> 00:15:02,782
You said you would stay with me
in sickness and in health.
381
00:15:02,782 --> 00:15:05,155
I know, but that was before
lebron came into the league.
382
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:06,906
I'm still going to be
loving you.
383
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,949
I'm just going to do it
from the other room.
384
00:15:08,949 --> 00:15:10,030
Well, get used to it,
385
00:15:10,030 --> 00:15:11,871
'Cause you're going to be
loving me from the other room
386
00:15:11,871 --> 00:15:12,872
When I'm better!
387
00:15:12,872 --> 00:15:14,794
Okay, I could do that.
388
00:15:14,794 --> 00:15:16,126
Did you hear that?
389
00:15:16,126 --> 00:15:17,497
I don't hear nothing.
390
00:15:17,497 --> 00:15:19,379
I don't hear nobody coughing
or nothing.
391
00:15:19,379 --> 00:15:20,961
Michael.
What?
392
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,462
I don't even hear you say
"michael."
393
00:15:22,462 --> 00:15:25,425
Michael, you can ignore me, but
you can't ignore your children.
394
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,098
Now, I think kady needs to be
taken to the doctor.
395
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:30,930
No, she's strong.
She'll beat that little virus.
396
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,222
It'll just run its course.
397
00:15:32,222 --> 00:15:34,894
Michael, she's prone to asthma!
398
00:15:34,894 --> 00:15:37,978
Yeah, but you can't get asthma
with 105 fever.
399
00:15:37,978 --> 00:15:39,479
It burns it away.
400
00:15:39,479 --> 00:15:40,940
Michael richard kyle,
401
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,693
You listen to me,
and you listen to me good.
402
00:15:43,693 --> 00:15:47,117
I don't care about a lebron
or phenom or court-side seats.
403
00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:49,869
You take my daughter
to the doctor right now
404
00:15:49,869 --> 00:15:52,282
Or I swear I will get
out this bed,
405
00:15:52,282 --> 00:15:53,703
And I will give you
406
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,876
The biggest, wettest, most
infectious, nastiest kiss
407
00:15:56,876 --> 00:15:57,917
You ever had in your life.
408
00:15:57,917 --> 00:15:59,339
Now go!
409
00:15:59,339 --> 00:16:03,293
Okay, we're right on time
for your appointment.
410
00:16:03,293 --> 00:16:04,544
Here.
411
00:16:04,544 --> 00:16:06,136
Take my phone,
and I want you to page me
412
00:16:06,136 --> 00:16:07,637
After the doctor
sees you, okay?
413
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:09,549
No, you have to stay
with me, daddy.
414
00:16:09,549 --> 00:16:10,550
[ Sniffles ]
415
00:16:10,550 --> 00:16:11,551
I'm scared.
416
00:16:11,551 --> 00:16:12,722
Why are you scared?
417
00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,764
You don't have tickets
to see lebron.
418
00:16:14,764 --> 00:16:15,765
Hey, mike.
419
00:16:15,765 --> 00:16:16,766
Hey, doc.
420
00:16:16,766 --> 00:16:18,558
Hey, kady.
What you got there?
421
00:16:18,558 --> 00:16:20,020
This is ling-ling root.
422
00:16:20,020 --> 00:16:23,523
I gotta boost my immune system
so I don't get sick.
423
00:16:23,523 --> 00:16:25,025
Oh, I hate to tell you,
mike,
424
00:16:25,025 --> 00:16:27,407
But the only thing that works
for the flu is a flu shot,
425
00:16:27,407 --> 00:16:29,109
And that usually takes
a couple weeks.
426
00:16:29,109 --> 00:16:30,990
Well, I don't have
that kind of time.
427
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,912
I gotta stay healthy for the
next couple of days,
428
00:16:32,912 --> 00:16:34,874
Then I can get s.a.r.s.
For all I care.
429
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:37,787
He's got tickets
to see lebron james.
430
00:16:37,787 --> 00:16:38,878
Oh, not the phenom.
431
00:16:38,878 --> 00:16:40,040
The phenom, yes, sir.
432
00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,421
I got court-side seats,
433
00:16:41,421 --> 00:16:43,673
So I can't let anything get
in the way of me being there.
434
00:16:43,673 --> 00:16:45,965
I just hope
you don't come down
435
00:16:45,965 --> 00:16:48,007
With anything worse
than a rebound.
436
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,008
[ Laughs ]
437
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,050
You get it?
438
00:16:50,050 --> 00:16:51,471
Not the flu, a rebound.
439
00:16:51,471 --> 00:16:53,303
I guess it wasn't that funny.
440
00:16:53,303 --> 00:16:55,685
All right, kady, why don't
you come on in
441
00:16:55,685 --> 00:16:57,267
And we'll take a look
at you, huh?
442
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:58,268
All right.
443
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:00,060
Daddy, would you come with me?
444
00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,981
Okay, you're right.
445
00:17:01,981 --> 00:17:04,354
I don't want to be around
these "flusers."
446
00:17:04,354 --> 00:17:05,445
[ Sneezes ]
447
00:17:05,445 --> 00:17:06,736
Sorry. [ Coughs ]
448
00:17:20,460 --> 00:17:22,922
Baby, guess what I got
tickets for?
449
00:17:22,922 --> 00:17:24,664
Another stupid
basketball game?
450
00:17:24,664 --> 00:17:25,715
Uh...no.
451
00:17:25,715 --> 00:17:27,087
These are tickets
452
00:17:27,087 --> 00:17:29,509
To baryshnikov's final,
final performance.
453
00:17:29,509 --> 00:17:31,171
What are you talking about?
454
00:17:31,171 --> 00:17:33,433
He sprained his ankle, so they
postponed it for two more weeks.
455
00:17:33,433 --> 00:17:35,054
Oh, michael, thank you so --
456
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:36,176
No, no, no, no, no, no.
457
00:17:36,176 --> 00:17:37,227
Don't kiss me.
458
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:38,348
But I want to thank you.
459
00:17:38,348 --> 00:17:39,679
No, no, no, here here.
460
00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:41,601
Shake the foot.
Yeah. There you go.
461
00:17:41,601 --> 00:17:42,732
Michael.
462
00:17:42,732 --> 00:17:44,274
No, you might still be
contagious.
463
00:17:44,274 --> 00:17:45,605
I'm not contagious anymore.
464
00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:48,778
Well, I can't take any chances
because today is the big game.
465
00:17:48,778 --> 00:17:50,650
I'm actually going down
to the hotel
466
00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:52,112
Where the players stay,
467
00:17:52,112 --> 00:17:54,073
Try and get a glimpse
of lebron this morning.
468
00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:55,495
Ohh, yeah, you go down there
469
00:17:55,495 --> 00:17:57,247
With all the other
autograph hounds
470
00:17:57,247 --> 00:18:00,830
And suck up and act like
a little groupie.
471
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:04,504
No, wait, first of all,
I'm a grown man.
472
00:18:04,504 --> 00:18:05,625
Oh.
473
00:18:05,625 --> 00:18:08,628
I don't get excited over no
celebrities, especially no dude.
474
00:18:08,628 --> 00:18:10,089
I'm just going to walk up,
475
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,472
And, you know, he won't even
know I'm there.
476
00:18:12,472 --> 00:18:14,764
And if I see him, I'm just going
to give him a little nod.
477
00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:16,176
'Sup?
478
00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:18,478
That's how cool guys say,
"what's up?"
479
00:18:18,478 --> 00:18:20,019
[ Laughs ]
480
00:18:20,019 --> 00:18:21,561
You gotta flare
the nostrils -- look.
481
00:18:22,562 --> 00:18:24,774
'Sup?
482
00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:26,356
Ahhhh!
483
00:18:26,356 --> 00:18:27,357
[ All shouting ]
484
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:31,110
Oh, my --
oh, no, baby, please.
485
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:34,444
Fans lined up at the cavaliers'
hotel this morning
486
00:18:34,444 --> 00:18:36,576
Hoping for just a glimpse of
the young phenom lebron james.
487
00:18:36,576 --> 00:18:38,948
Hey, lebron! Michael kyle!
488
00:18:38,948 --> 00:18:40,119
[ Sneezes ]
489
00:18:44,454 --> 00:18:47,167
[ Indistinct shouting ]
490
00:18:50,710 --> 00:18:54,884
And now we take you directly
to tonight's big game.
491
00:18:54,884 --> 00:18:56,426
Court side. Say hey!
492
00:18:56,426 --> 00:18:57,427
[ Chuckles ]
493
00:18:57,427 --> 00:18:59,309
All right, what's up, folks?
494
00:18:59,309 --> 00:19:02,472
Us court-side people just
chillin', you know?
495
00:19:02,472 --> 00:19:04,474
Hey, spike lee!
What's up, man?
496
00:19:04,474 --> 00:19:05,895
Yeah, michael kyle.
497
00:19:05,895 --> 00:19:07,567
I got a movie idea for you.
498
00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:10,360
It's about a guy with
a court-side ticket,
499
00:19:10,360 --> 00:19:12,272
And they steal it from him,
500
00:19:12,272 --> 00:19:15,445
And he throws a garbage can
through this jazz club.
501
00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:17,277
Starts a riot and everything.
502
00:19:17,277 --> 00:19:19,369
It's called "mo better seat."
503
00:19:19,369 --> 00:19:20,410
[ Laughs ]
504
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:22,332
All right.
Do the right thing.
505
00:19:22,332 --> 00:19:24,374
Why you stick your finger --
506
00:19:24,374 --> 00:19:26,586
That's not the right thing,
spike.
507
00:19:26,586 --> 00:19:30,590
Yeah, so, I was hanging out with
lebron -- bron bron, I call him.
508
00:19:30,590 --> 00:19:33,213
I was like, "hey, man,
you know what?
509
00:19:33,213 --> 00:19:36,756
You need to get a hook because
jordan had the tongue."
510
00:19:36,756 --> 00:19:38,928
That's what I gave jordan --
the tongue,
511
00:19:38,928 --> 00:19:40,800
And ben wallace
got all the wild hair,
512
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:42,262
Iverson got the tattoos.
513
00:19:42,262 --> 00:19:44,264
I told him, " you know what?
514
00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:45,475
"Do the pigeon walk.
515
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,267
"Make your feet turn --"
516
00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:50,730
Ain't nobody doing that.
Nobody's doing the duck waddle.
517
00:19:50,730 --> 00:19:52,942
That's from me.
Make the shoe.
518
00:19:54,614 --> 00:19:57,617
Ladies and gentlemen, may I
have your attention, please?
519
00:19:57,617 --> 00:20:00,119
Lebron james will be unable
to play tonight
520
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:02,121
Due to a sudden attack
of the flu,
521
00:20:02,121 --> 00:20:04,033
Give to him by...this man.
522
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:06,416
Who would give the man
the flu?!
523
00:20:06,416 --> 00:20:09,709
Why is he sick?!
Somebody made the man sick?!
524
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:10,710
Ahhhh!
525
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,041
[ All shouting ]
526
00:20:12,041 --> 00:20:13,333
[ Laughing ]
527
00:20:13,333 --> 00:20:15,295
Hey, lebron! Michael kyle!
528
00:20:15,295 --> 00:20:16,676
[ Sneezes ]
529
00:20:21,261 --> 00:20:23,263
[ Indistinct shouting ]
530
00:20:25,224 --> 00:20:26,686
[ Crowd boos ]
531
00:20:26,686 --> 00:20:28,308
Didn't mean to get him sick.
532
00:20:28,308 --> 00:20:30,690
I-i was just trying
to be friendly.
533
00:20:30,690 --> 00:20:33,983
Jerk!
534
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:35,615
[ Booing continues ]
535
00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:38,157
That's not me!
It's not me!
536
00:20:38,157 --> 00:20:41,451
[ Booing continues ]
537
00:20:41,451 --> 00:20:43,162
Look! That's not me.
538
00:20:44,574 --> 00:20:48,247
There's only one per panda,
and it's found only on boys.
539
00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:51,210
All right, one per panda,
and it's only on --
540
00:20:51,210 --> 00:20:54,253
[ Laughs ]
541
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:58,257
There's one per panda,
and it's only found on boys.
542
00:20:58,257 --> 00:21:01,180
[ Laughs ]
543
00:21:01,180 --> 00:21:03,343
There's only one per panda.
544
00:21:03,343 --> 00:21:05,345
[ Laughs ]
38001
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