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1
00:00:01,832 --> 00:00:04,085
Good morning.
How are you?
2
00:00:04,085 --> 00:00:05,086
Right.
3
00:00:05,086 --> 00:00:07,088
[ Whistling ]
4
00:00:07,088 --> 00:00:08,509
Whoa! [ Laughs ]
5
00:00:08,509 --> 00:00:09,720
Whoo!
6
00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,932
[ Whistling ]
7
00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:15,096
[ Engine turns over ]
8
00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:18,899
Oh, yeah.
9
00:00:18,899 --> 00:00:20,811
Oh, yeah!
10
00:00:20,811 --> 00:00:23,644
Oh, yeah, baby.
11
00:00:23,644 --> 00:00:27,608
[ Music plays ]
12
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,041
[ Music stops ]
13
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,333
How's it going, officer?
14
00:00:42,333 --> 00:00:44,295
License and registration,
please.
15
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,666
Is there a problem?
16
00:00:45,666 --> 00:00:48,008
Is there?
You seem a little nervous.
17
00:00:48,008 --> 00:00:49,880
Oh, no, no,
I'm not nervous.
18
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,172
Just had some coffee.
19
00:00:51,172 --> 00:00:54,595
Makes me a little jittery.
That and guns.
20
00:00:54,595 --> 00:00:57,017
Oh.
21
00:00:57,017 --> 00:00:59,350
There you go.
22
00:00:59,350 --> 00:01:00,441
Thank you.
23
00:01:00,441 --> 00:01:02,103
Great day, huh?
24
00:01:02,103 --> 00:01:04,445
Driving without a seat belt --
that's a no-no.
25
00:01:04,445 --> 00:01:05,776
Well, technically,
I'm not moving.
26
00:01:05,776 --> 00:01:07,398
I'm still parked.
27
00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:09,650
Well, if you want to get
technical, your engine is on.
28
00:01:09,650 --> 00:01:11,532
Your car is in gear.
I'd call that driving.
29
00:01:11,532 --> 00:01:13,954
Yeah, but technically,
I haven't moved yet.
30
00:01:13,954 --> 00:01:16,787
Well, technically, once you
take the car out of park,
31
00:01:16,787 --> 00:01:19,290
It actually moves
a quarter of a millimeter.
32
00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:22,293
Yeah, well, technically, a radar
gun would not pick that up.
33
00:01:22,293 --> 00:01:23,584
Technically, it did.
34
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,666
And if I multiply
the air velocity
35
00:01:25,666 --> 00:01:27,878
Times the mass and width
of that tire,
36
00:01:27,878 --> 00:01:30,711
I've got you at 180 miles an
hour in a school zone.
37
00:01:30,711 --> 00:01:31,972
Ticket.
38
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:35,886
$200 For th--
no way, jose...
39
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,478
[ Scoffs ]
40
00:01:37,478 --> 00:01:42,143
...rodriguez.
I am...fighting this.
41
00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:45,356
Well, you can go to court,
but you'll lose.
42
00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:48,319
My word against yours,
and, no offense --
43
00:01:48,319 --> 00:01:50,611
You look a little,
um, devious.
44
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,992
Yeah, well, no offense,
45
00:01:51,992 --> 00:01:54,365
You look a little like
a mexican porn star.
46
00:01:54,365 --> 00:01:56,947
That was
a long time ago!
47
00:01:58,999 --> 00:02:03,834
Have a nice day, and...keep
wearing that seat belt.
48
00:02:03,834 --> 00:02:06,667
Yeah, you have a good day,
too.
49
00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:08,249
I saw that finger!
50
00:02:08,249 --> 00:02:11,382
I was just checking
the, uh, air velocity.
51
00:02:21,932 --> 00:02:22,933
So you mean to tell me
52
00:02:22,933 --> 00:02:24,935
He just gave you a speeding
ticket out of the blue?
53
00:02:24,935 --> 00:02:26,817
Yeah. Yeah.
54
00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:28,068
There's gotta be more to the
story than you're telling us.
55
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:29,730
No!
I wasn't saying anything.
56
00:02:29,730 --> 00:02:31,232
I wasn't doing anything.
57
00:02:31,232 --> 00:02:32,483
You weren't making a face?
58
00:02:32,483 --> 00:02:34,154
No, I wasn't
making any faces.
59
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,577
'Cause you're always making
a devious face.
60
00:02:38,539 --> 00:02:39,740
[ Laughs ]
61
00:02:39,740 --> 00:02:41,492
I'm not devious.
62
00:02:41,492 --> 00:02:43,914
You weren't making little jokes
the way you always do?
63
00:02:43,914 --> 00:02:45,416
No, I wasn't
making any jokes.
64
00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:47,498
I was sitting there
minding my own business.
65
00:02:47,498 --> 00:02:49,960
Was the motor on?
Yeah, I wasn't gonna
push the car home.
66
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:51,592
Was it in gear?
Well, yeah.
67
00:02:51,592 --> 00:02:53,754
I got in the car.
I turned on the engine.
68
00:02:53,754 --> 00:02:56,006
I put in my cd,
and then I put it in --
69
00:02:56,006 --> 00:02:57,848
Guilty!
70
00:02:57,848 --> 00:02:59,850
What?
You're guilty.
71
00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:01,562
Everybody knows
safety comes first.
72
00:03:01,562 --> 00:03:02,853
Even I know that.
73
00:03:02,853 --> 00:03:04,565
If you knew
so much about safety,
74
00:03:04,565 --> 00:03:06,977
Your girlfriend wouldn't
be pregnant right now.
75
00:03:06,977 --> 00:03:09,069
Okay, so safety came
second that night,
76
00:03:09,069 --> 00:03:11,402
But that doesn't mean that
you're not guilty.
77
00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:14,575
You know, baby, I can
understand why you would be mad
78
00:03:14,575 --> 00:03:16,697
If it happened
the way you said.
79
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,869
If it happened the way
I said?
80
00:03:18,869 --> 00:03:21,242
What are you,
the cop's wife, huh?
81
00:03:21,242 --> 00:03:22,703
You're an officer now?
82
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:25,205
Sheriff "bing, bing, bing!"
Jay kyle?
83
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:29,089
Jay, that man used me, okay,
just to fill his ticket quota.
84
00:03:29,089 --> 00:03:31,292
I'm the patsy.
I'm his fall guy.
85
00:03:31,292 --> 00:03:33,043
I'm the stooge.
86
00:03:33,043 --> 00:03:35,546
I'm -- I'm --
I'm rubin "hurricane" carter.
87
00:03:35,546 --> 00:03:39,340
This is what they did to him,
railroading him.
88
00:03:39,340 --> 00:03:41,392
I want denzel to play me.
89
00:03:41,392 --> 00:03:44,895
You want denzel to play you
over a traffic ticket?
90
00:03:44,895 --> 00:03:48,939
Yeah, he would be able to
bring the range of emotions
91
00:03:48,939 --> 00:03:50,521
That I was feeling.
92
00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:52,813
Let's put denzel
on the side.
93
00:03:52,813 --> 00:03:54,695
I'm contesting this ticket.
94
00:03:54,695 --> 00:03:56,527
Oh, boy.
Here we go.
95
00:03:56,527 --> 00:03:59,280
There goes that
devious face again.
96
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,912
Why don't you just
pay the ticket?
97
00:04:01,912 --> 00:04:03,864
You can't beat the system!
98
00:04:03,864 --> 00:04:06,206
Nooo!
Ohh.
99
00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:09,670
I will beat the system.
100
00:04:09,670 --> 00:04:13,674
There's nothing you can't beat
if you just believe in yourself.
101
00:04:16,216 --> 00:04:19,049
You know what?
Don't help me, son.
102
00:04:19,049 --> 00:04:22,343
Michael, just pay the ticket.
Walk away.
103
00:04:22,343 --> 00:04:26,387
No, I'm not gonna pay $200
for something I didn't do.
104
00:04:26,387 --> 00:04:27,978
I'm gonna have
my day in court.
105
00:04:27,978 --> 00:04:29,810
I think you should
go to court, dad.
106
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:31,602
And I will go with you if you
need a character witness.
107
00:04:31,602 --> 00:04:32,983
Thank you,
but you're missing something.
108
00:04:32,983 --> 00:04:34,945
What?
A character.
109
00:04:34,945 --> 00:04:36,066
I got
plenty of character!
110
00:04:36,066 --> 00:04:37,698
Hey, watch this.
111
00:04:37,698 --> 00:04:40,240
[ Imitating al pacino ]
say hello to my little friend.
112
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,782
[ Imitating
machine-gun fire ]
113
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,074
Ohh, ohh, ohh.
[ Laughs ]
114
00:04:44,074 --> 00:04:46,667
What?
Al pacino? "Scarface."
115
00:04:46,667 --> 00:04:49,410
Okay, okay.
How 'bout this one?
116
00:04:49,410 --> 00:04:51,462
I'll be back.
117
00:04:51,462 --> 00:04:52,833
Get it?
118
00:04:52,833 --> 00:04:54,875
I got one for you.
Hit this.
119
00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:57,378
What character is that?
Just hit it.
120
00:04:57,378 --> 00:05:00,010
Okay. Ow!
121
00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:02,383
That's moe from
"the three stooges."
122
00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:03,924
Get it?
[ Humming ]
123
00:05:03,924 --> 00:05:05,596
Ow!
124
00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:09,520
Hey, baby, you mind
if I watch some tv?
125
00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:10,891
Yes, baby, I'm reading.
126
00:05:10,891 --> 00:05:12,232
Oh, and you know what?
That reminds me.
127
00:05:12,232 --> 00:05:14,104
My book club is
coming over here sunday,
128
00:05:14,104 --> 00:05:15,776
So you're gonna have to watch
the game in michael's room.
129
00:05:15,776 --> 00:05:17,358
Fine.
I don't want to be around
130
00:05:17,358 --> 00:05:19,530
Your little annoying,
cackling friends anyway.
131
00:05:19,530 --> 00:05:20,991
[ Laughs ] whatever.
132
00:05:20,991 --> 00:05:22,743
Oh, and dr. Tortoni
is coming over here, too.
133
00:05:22,743 --> 00:05:25,406
And who is, uh, that?
134
00:05:25,406 --> 00:05:27,287
That's tanya's
dermatologist.
135
00:05:27,287 --> 00:05:28,909
We read this book
on aging last week,
136
00:05:28,909 --> 00:05:30,411
So we're gonna have
a potox party.
137
00:05:30,411 --> 00:05:32,413
Oh, baby,
not the wrinkle thing.
138
00:05:32,413 --> 00:05:34,915
You don't need that.
You're so beautiful.
139
00:05:34,915 --> 00:05:36,667
Really?
Yes.
140
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,008
[ Laughs ]
141
00:05:38,008 --> 00:05:40,881
I'm still
gonna have the potox.
142
00:05:40,881 --> 00:05:42,923
What's wrong with getting rid
of a few wrinkles
143
00:05:42,923 --> 00:05:43,924
If it makes you happy?
144
00:05:43,924 --> 00:05:45,265
Nothing.
You know what?
145
00:05:45,265 --> 00:05:46,727
Maybe I should get
plastic surgery, too.
146
00:05:46,727 --> 00:05:48,348
I'll start with hair plugs.
147
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:50,350
I'll take some hair off my
behind, stick it on my head.
148
00:05:50,350 --> 00:05:51,812
Then I'll
get some fake pecs,
149
00:05:51,812 --> 00:05:53,394
And I'll get one of
them pump things.
150
00:05:53,394 --> 00:05:54,525
Pshh, pshh, pshh, huh?
151
00:05:54,525 --> 00:05:56,066
Very nice.
Very supportive.
152
00:05:56,066 --> 00:05:57,608
[ Doorbell rings ]
153
00:05:57,608 --> 00:05:59,780
Someone's at the door.
154
00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:02,362
I'm just saying that plastic
surgery's a slippery slope,
155
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,865
And this guy, dr. Portini,
or whatever his name is,
156
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,747
Will push
you right down that hill.
157
00:06:06,747 --> 00:06:08,619
Good evening,
mr. And mrs. Kyle.
158
00:06:08,619 --> 00:06:09,870
Is kady home?
159
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,492
She's upstairs
cleaning her room.
160
00:06:11,492 --> 00:06:13,754
What? My princess
doing menial labor?
161
00:06:13,754 --> 00:06:15,335
Take it easy, all right?
162
00:06:15,335 --> 00:06:17,918
Listen, what do you know
about potox?
163
00:06:17,918 --> 00:06:20,501
You want the complete,
intelligent answer
164
00:06:20,501 --> 00:06:22,262
Or the idiot's guide?
165
00:06:22,262 --> 00:06:24,214
Franklin,
you know me by now.
166
00:06:24,214 --> 00:06:26,767
I'm a cultured,
intellectual individual.
167
00:06:26,767 --> 00:06:28,178
The idiot's guide it is.
168
00:06:28,178 --> 00:06:29,179
[ Laughs ]
169
00:06:29,179 --> 00:06:30,931
All right, lay it on me.
170
00:06:30,931 --> 00:06:35,015
Essentially, potox is a form
of botulinum toxin type "a."
171
00:06:35,015 --> 00:06:37,067
It's a poison, thus the "po."
172
00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,610
When this venom is
injected into a muscle,
173
00:06:39,610 --> 00:06:41,862
It produces
temporary local paralysis.
174
00:06:41,862 --> 00:06:43,984
When used on
muscles of the face,
175
00:06:43,984 --> 00:06:46,326
It can reduce
the appearance of wrinkles,
176
00:06:46,326 --> 00:06:47,658
Hence its popularity
177
00:06:47,658 --> 00:06:50,240
Among the vainest members
of our society --
178
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:54,915
Politicians, actors, models,
and homosexuals.
179
00:06:58,589 --> 00:07:01,041
So, franklin,
it can get rid of wrinkles
180
00:07:01,041 --> 00:07:03,093
And make you look younger,
right?
181
00:07:03,093 --> 00:07:05,756
Yes, but there
are side effects --
182
00:07:05,756 --> 00:07:08,679
Nausea, diarrhea,
intestinal cramping,
183
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:11,852
Anal leakage, and potential
heart stoppage.
184
00:07:11,852 --> 00:07:13,974
Michael,
did you hear that?
185
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:16,266
It could make you
look younger!
186
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:22,152
Ooh, girl, you are looking
younger already!
187
00:07:22,152 --> 00:07:23,484
At least 10 years!
188
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,236
Mm-hmm! Dr. Tortoni,
you are truly an artist.
189
00:07:26,236 --> 00:07:29,329
[ Italian accent ]
I'm the picasso of potoxo.
190
00:07:29,329 --> 00:07:30,450
Watch this.
191
00:07:33,704 --> 00:07:35,165
Bing!
Whoo!
192
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,419
Bing!
193
00:07:41,041 --> 00:07:42,462
Wow, that looks painful.
194
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,424
Michael, no,
you can't even feel it.
195
00:07:44,424 --> 00:07:45,636
It's like acupuncture.
196
00:07:45,636 --> 00:07:46,967
Bing!
Ow!
197
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:48,088
She moved!
198
00:07:48,088 --> 00:07:50,591
You did.
I saw you.
199
00:07:50,591 --> 00:07:52,182
That's nothing
like acupuncture.
200
00:07:52,182 --> 00:07:54,184
He looks like he's
stabbing her with darts.
201
00:07:54,184 --> 00:07:56,186
Well, I'm gonna get rid of
a few laugh lines.
202
00:07:56,186 --> 00:07:57,688
Baby,
not the laugh lines.
203
00:07:57,688 --> 00:08:00,100
It took years of my best
material to put those there.
204
00:08:00,100 --> 00:08:02,482
Go away, michael,
please.
205
00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,154
Fine.
Away.
206
00:08:04,154 --> 00:08:05,986
You women are so vain.
207
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,367
How do you feel?
208
00:08:07,367 --> 00:08:08,739
Uh, great.
209
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:10,450
How do I look?
210
00:08:10,450 --> 00:08:11,451
Great.
211
00:08:13,073 --> 00:08:15,455
Bing!
212
00:08:15,455 --> 00:08:16,667
Bing!
213
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:32,763
Mr. Kyle, we haven't been
properly introduced.
214
00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:35,515
I'm dr. Tortoni,
dermatologist.
215
00:08:35,515 --> 00:08:37,728
Michael kyle, truckologist.
216
00:08:37,728 --> 00:08:39,690
[ Laughs ]
bravo! That was good.
217
00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:42,142
Now I see why your wife
got those laugh lines.
218
00:08:42,142 --> 00:08:43,483
You're a funny guy.
219
00:08:43,483 --> 00:08:45,696
Hey, look, between you and me,
all right,
220
00:08:45,696 --> 00:08:47,908
Guy to guy,
does this stuff really work?
221
00:08:47,908 --> 00:08:50,651
Hey, you tell me.
You know the olsen twins?
222
00:08:50,651 --> 00:08:52,703
They're actually
42 years old.
223
00:08:52,703 --> 00:08:53,704
Really?
224
00:08:53,704 --> 00:08:54,705
Apiece.
225
00:08:54,705 --> 00:08:56,496
Wow.
226
00:08:56,496 --> 00:08:58,078
You know, I think I do
something for you.
227
00:08:58,078 --> 00:08:59,419
Can you fix a ticket?
228
00:08:59,419 --> 00:09:00,420
I got a court date
in the morning.
229
00:09:00,420 --> 00:09:01,421
No, I'm afraid not.
230
00:09:01,421 --> 00:09:03,463
Then you can't help me.
231
00:09:03,463 --> 00:09:06,296
I wouldn't say that,
mr. Kyle.
232
00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:07,928
What are you doing?
233
00:09:07,928 --> 00:09:11,932
I'm noticing a few lines
around your mouth.
234
00:09:11,932 --> 00:09:15,055
They make you look
a little...devious.
235
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,847
Devious?!
These are laugh lines.
236
00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:18,388
Everybody keeps saying
"devious."
237
00:09:18,388 --> 00:09:19,730
They're laugh lines.
238
00:09:19,730 --> 00:09:21,982
You call
those laugh lines?
Yes!
239
00:09:21,982 --> 00:09:23,894
You've got the smile
of a killer.
240
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:24,895
Come on, seriously?
241
00:09:24,895 --> 00:09:26,026
Yeah.
242
00:09:26,026 --> 00:09:27,818
Look,
I'm just saying here.
243
00:09:27,818 --> 00:09:30,691
If you want to walk into
that courtroom tomorrow,
244
00:09:30,691 --> 00:09:33,453
Embarrass yourself looking like
this devious serial killer,
245
00:09:33,453 --> 00:09:35,155
Then be my guest.
246
00:09:35,155 --> 00:09:38,158
On the other hand, I can give
you two shots -- bing, bing.
247
00:09:38,158 --> 00:09:39,790
And everyone will say,
248
00:09:39,790 --> 00:09:42,202
"Hey, this guy's got
the face of an angel here."
249
00:09:42,202 --> 00:09:44,004
I don't know, doc.
[ Chuckles ]
250
00:09:44,004 --> 00:09:45,836
I'm a little afraid
of needles.
251
00:09:45,836 --> 00:09:46,917
I couldn't handle that.
252
00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:47,918
Bing!
Ow!
253
00:09:47,918 --> 00:09:49,509
It's done.
254
00:09:49,509 --> 00:09:52,092
That's amazing.
I didn't even feel that.
255
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,343
Bing!
Ow!
256
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,344
You moved!
257
00:09:58,218 --> 00:09:59,680
[ Muffled ]
michael, wake up.
258
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,351
I can't move my lips.
259
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,393
It's gonna be hard for you
to do what you do best.
260
00:10:03,393 --> 00:10:05,395
Michael!
What? Aaah!
261
00:10:05,395 --> 00:10:07,567
What happened
to your face?!
262
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:08,859
What happened
to your face?!
263
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:09,860
What do you --
264
00:10:09,860 --> 00:10:11,491
Let me see. Ohh!
265
00:10:11,491 --> 00:10:14,945
The potox!
Aaaah!
266
00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:25,796
Yeah,
I'm mad as hell!
267
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:27,417
You get down here,
tortoni!
268
00:10:27,417 --> 00:10:30,380
Yeah, I've never been
so furious in my life!
269
00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,132
What'd he say?!
What'd he say?!
270
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,014
He said he'll be here shortly,
but he better hurry up.
271
00:10:34,014 --> 00:10:35,635
I gotta be in court
in an hour!
272
00:10:35,635 --> 00:10:37,467
I'm gonna be in there smiling
like a cheshire cat.
273
00:10:37,467 --> 00:10:39,850
What are you
so happy about?
274
00:10:39,850 --> 00:10:41,852
I'm not happy.
My face is paralyzed.
275
00:10:41,852 --> 00:10:43,724
Huh. Aaah!
276
00:10:48,068 --> 00:10:49,189
Can you move that?
277
00:10:49,189 --> 00:10:52,652
No!
Ow!
278
00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,695
This is some kind of trick.
They're faking.
279
00:10:54,695 --> 00:10:56,536
You think we're faking?
280
00:10:56,536 --> 00:10:59,329
Hey, do something
to make me mad.
281
00:10:59,329 --> 00:11:00,370
Okay, uh...
282
00:11:00,370 --> 00:11:01,541
[ Glass breaking ]
283
00:11:01,541 --> 00:11:02,622
You see that?
284
00:11:02,622 --> 00:11:04,244
Yeah, you're still smiling.
285
00:11:04,244 --> 00:11:05,916
You know why?
Why?
286
00:11:05,916 --> 00:11:09,049
'Cause you gotta spend $400
to get that fixed.
287
00:11:09,049 --> 00:11:11,381
So what?
At least I can do this.
288
00:11:11,381 --> 00:11:14,294
Okay, well, we know dad's
face is really paralyzed,
289
00:11:14,294 --> 00:11:15,555
But let's test mom's.
290
00:11:15,555 --> 00:11:16,556
Ow!
291
00:11:16,556 --> 00:11:18,849
Did my face move?
292
00:11:18,849 --> 00:11:20,010
Not at all.
293
00:11:20,010 --> 00:11:21,972
Well, what about this?
294
00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,354
[ Screeches ]
295
00:11:24,354 --> 00:11:26,186
Anything?
296
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,187
Nope.
297
00:11:27,187 --> 00:11:28,608
Well, let's try --
298
00:11:28,608 --> 00:11:31,441
Don't even try it.
Don't even try it.
299
00:11:31,441 --> 00:11:32,612
I'll break it.
300
00:11:32,612 --> 00:11:34,524
I'm out.
Me, too.
301
00:11:34,524 --> 00:11:35,816
I have an idea.
302
00:11:35,816 --> 00:11:37,527
Let's try
stimulating the muscles.
303
00:11:37,527 --> 00:11:39,369
Here.
Eat something sour.
304
00:11:39,369 --> 00:11:42,492
That's a great idea.
Here, baby, you get this one.
305
00:11:42,492 --> 00:11:44,494
Mmm. Mmm.
306
00:11:46,536 --> 00:11:47,918
Did it work?
307
00:11:47,918 --> 00:11:48,999
Try it again.
308
00:11:48,999 --> 00:11:51,041
Okay.
309
00:11:51,041 --> 00:11:52,923
[ Groaning ]
310
00:11:52,923 --> 00:11:54,795
Did it work?
311
00:11:54,795 --> 00:11:57,007
Nope,
but it's funny as heck.
312
00:11:59,339 --> 00:12:02,392
I'm afraid the toxins
have set up like cement.
313
00:12:02,392 --> 00:12:03,513
Is it permanent?
314
00:12:03,513 --> 00:12:04,514
No, it'll wear off.
315
00:12:04,514 --> 00:12:05,976
How long it will take
316
00:12:05,976 --> 00:12:08,398
Depends on how much venom
the doctor injected.
317
00:12:08,398 --> 00:12:11,311
Until then, you're just gonna
have to grin and bear it.
318
00:12:11,311 --> 00:12:12,903
[ Laughs ]
319
00:12:12,903 --> 00:12:16,486
Get it?
Grin and bear it?
320
00:12:16,486 --> 00:12:18,528
[ Laughs ]
321
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:21,571
Hello.
322
00:12:21,571 --> 00:12:24,074
Is this thing on?
323
00:12:31,131 --> 00:12:32,712
I don't see the problem.
324
00:12:32,712 --> 00:12:35,005
You don't see the problem?!
This is ridiculous!
325
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:37,427
I'm not happy!
Well, your face
looks happy.
326
00:12:37,427 --> 00:12:40,841
I know happy when I see happy,
and your face...looks happy.
327
00:12:40,841 --> 00:12:44,094
Well, I know mad when I feel
mad, and right now I'm mad!
328
00:12:44,094 --> 00:12:46,596
You're happy.
329
00:12:46,596 --> 00:12:47,888
Oh, good.
You're here.
330
00:12:47,888 --> 00:12:49,229
Okay, baby, you handle this.
331
00:12:49,229 --> 00:12:50,811
Let me at this, michael,
okay?
332
00:12:50,811 --> 00:12:52,522
Let me tell you something,
tortoni.
333
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:55,816
You let your daughter
call you "michael"?
334
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,277
[ Giggles ]
335
00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:00,070
No, dr. Tortoni, it's me.
336
00:13:00,070 --> 00:13:01,741
It's me, jay.
337
00:13:01,741 --> 00:13:03,453
That's jay, your wife?!
338
00:13:03,453 --> 00:13:05,615
Yeah!
Wow.
339
00:13:05,615 --> 00:13:08,909
Now I see why you got that
big smile on your face.
340
00:13:08,909 --> 00:13:11,001
Look what you got there.
Huh?
341
00:13:11,001 --> 00:13:13,753
I got some implants
for you in my bag.
342
00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:16,046
Look at these, huh?
[ Sniffs ]
343
00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,677
Smile if you like them.
344
00:13:17,677 --> 00:13:19,179
Oh, these are nice.
345
00:13:19,179 --> 00:13:21,471
These are --
these are nice.
346
00:13:21,471 --> 00:13:24,304
Look, I don't -- here.
Give me that.
347
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:26,726
Here.
We don't want them.
I don't like them.
348
00:13:26,726 --> 00:13:29,729
You look like
you liked them.
349
00:13:29,729 --> 00:13:31,561
What can I do for you,
young lady?
350
00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:36,146
And I mean young.
I mean, beyonce, move over.
351
00:13:36,146 --> 00:13:38,488
[ Chuckles ]
352
00:13:38,488 --> 00:13:40,530
Oh, um, dr. Tortoni,
353
00:13:40,530 --> 00:13:46,036
I just come down here to tell
you that you do great work.
354
00:13:46,036 --> 00:13:48,208
Thank you so --
[ giggles ]
355
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:49,950
You look like an infant.
356
00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:55,715
Look, how do I get this
stupid smile off my face?
357
00:13:55,715 --> 00:13:57,217
Marry my wife.
358
00:13:57,217 --> 00:14:01,011
[ Laughs ]
sit down.
359
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:02,802
Seriously, you know,
360
00:14:02,802 --> 00:14:05,305
Why don't you try some of
these muscle relaxers, huh?
361
00:14:05,305 --> 00:14:06,596
Will they work?
362
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:08,468
Look at me.
Look at me.
363
00:14:08,468 --> 00:14:11,471
Would I lie to you? The guy who
put that smile on your face?
364
00:14:11,471 --> 00:14:13,473
Hey, I'm not smiling
because I'm happy.
365
00:14:13,473 --> 00:14:18,028
Well, you look happy.
Try those pills, okay?
366
00:14:18,028 --> 00:14:21,191
Ciao.
Have a good day in court.
367
00:14:24,694 --> 00:14:27,988
Bring in the next case,
please.
368
00:14:27,988 --> 00:14:29,950
Mr. Michael kyle.
369
00:14:29,950 --> 00:14:32,702
[ Slurring ]
"michael kyle," did he say?
370
00:14:35,255 --> 00:14:38,208
Yeah, man, that's me.
That's me.
371
00:14:38,208 --> 00:14:40,710
All right. All right.
372
00:14:40,710 --> 00:14:43,093
Over there, right?
Okay.
373
00:14:43,093 --> 00:14:44,965
Excuse me. Pardon me.
374
00:14:44,965 --> 00:14:46,556
Excuse me. Sorry.
375
00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:48,888
Whoa.
376
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:56,566
How does it look?
Huh?
377
00:14:56,566 --> 00:14:58,979
Here.
Use it as chest hair.
378
00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:01,571
It looks better.
There you go.
379
00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:03,653
Hey, partner,
what's happening?
380
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:04,694
Are you drunk?
381
00:15:04,694 --> 00:15:05,946
No, sir.
382
00:15:05,946 --> 00:15:09,950
I had a muscle relax--
muscle --
383
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,202
A muscle relaxant.
384
00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:14,124
Five of them.
385
00:15:14,124 --> 00:15:15,535
You better
pull yourself together.
386
00:15:15,535 --> 00:15:16,836
You're gonna have to
respect the law.
387
00:15:16,836 --> 00:15:19,089
I respect the law, sir.
Yes, sir.
388
00:15:19,089 --> 00:15:20,380
What's that, a gun?
389
00:15:20,380 --> 00:15:21,962
You ever shoot somebody
with that gun?
390
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:23,593
Go ahead.
391
00:15:26,386 --> 00:15:28,468
Just kidding.
[ Chuckles ]
392
00:15:28,468 --> 00:15:30,680
Okay.
Raise your right hand.
393
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:32,432
Right hand.
Your right hand.
394
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:34,014
Oh, not the fun hand.
395
00:15:34,014 --> 00:15:38,358
Okay, the right hand,
the correct hand is there.
396
00:15:38,358 --> 00:15:40,110
Do you swear to tell the truth,
the whole truth,
397
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:41,111
And nothing but the truth?
398
00:15:41,111 --> 00:15:42,772
I do.
And I do, too.
399
00:15:42,772 --> 00:15:44,064
[ Laughs ]
400
00:15:44,064 --> 00:15:46,446
This is a serious proceeding,
mr. Kyle.
401
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,907
I know.
402
00:15:47,907 --> 00:15:49,569
I'm sorry, your highness,
your mercy.
403
00:15:49,569 --> 00:15:51,031
Have you been drinking?
404
00:15:51,031 --> 00:15:53,573
You're the second person
that asked, so...
405
00:15:53,573 --> 00:15:57,167
And if you're serving, I'll have
a vodka martini with a twist.
406
00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:02,002
♪ Come on, baby ♪
407
00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,084
♪ Do the twist ♪
408
00:16:04,084 --> 00:16:06,006
♪ Come on, baby ♪
409
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:08,258
♪ Do the twist ♪
410
00:16:08,258 --> 00:16:11,431
♪ Take your bailiff
and go like this ♪
411
00:16:11,431 --> 00:16:15,475
Your outrageous theatrics are
gonna land you in a bad place.
412
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,937
Not a chubby checker fan,
I see.
413
00:16:17,937 --> 00:16:19,729
That's enough, mr. Kyle.
414
00:16:19,729 --> 00:16:20,940
I'm sorry, ma'am.
415
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,192
You don't look it.
416
00:16:22,192 --> 00:16:23,483
I am, ma'am.
417
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,865
Hey, that rhymes --
"I am, ma'am."
418
00:16:25,865 --> 00:16:29,069
How do you like the eggs,
green eggs and ham?
419
00:16:29,069 --> 00:16:30,820
Sam, some toast, some jam.
420
00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:32,452
Hey, officer.
421
00:16:32,452 --> 00:16:36,706
You have 10 seconds to wipe that
stupid grin off your face.
422
00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:40,790
Your honor, listen, I'm being
very honest right now.
423
00:16:40,790 --> 00:16:44,084
I had a little incident
with some potox.
424
00:16:44,084 --> 00:16:47,087
I fail to understand
what eating pork chops
425
00:16:47,087 --> 00:16:48,758
Has to do with anything!
426
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:49,839
Potox.
427
00:16:49,839 --> 00:16:51,391
You have five seconds.
428
00:16:51,391 --> 00:16:55,014
Four, three, two, one.
429
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,186
That's it!
430
00:16:56,186 --> 00:16:58,688
I find you
in contempt of court.
431
00:16:58,688 --> 00:17:02,021
Bailiff, take happy boy here
and lock him up.
432
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,403
Lock him up!
433
00:17:03,403 --> 00:17:06,446
This is such a travesty!
I mean, really --
434
00:17:06,446 --> 00:17:08,738
You are out of order!
You are out of order!
435
00:17:08,738 --> 00:17:10,820
I'm out of order?!
You're out of order!
436
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:13,613
And this court's out of order!
My face is out of order!
437
00:17:13,613 --> 00:17:16,706
Get him out of here!
Get out!
438
00:17:19,209 --> 00:17:21,161
[ Sighs ]
439
00:17:24,214 --> 00:17:25,665
Hi.
440
00:17:27,257 --> 00:17:28,928
Are you coming on to me?
441
00:17:28,928 --> 00:17:30,260
Oh, no, no, no.
442
00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:33,223
This is -- this is a...
A muscle spasm.
443
00:17:33,223 --> 00:17:36,346
That's all.
We're just spasming over here.
444
00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:38,638
What, I'm not good enough
for you?
445
00:17:38,638 --> 00:17:40,230
No, you're beautiful.
446
00:17:40,230 --> 00:17:43,563
If you was a women, you'd be
a hairy pamela anderson,
447
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,985
But I'm happily married,
thank you.
448
00:17:45,985 --> 00:17:50,280
I'm happily married, too, but
he's upstairs in cell "d."
449
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,903
Besides that smile reveals
your true desires.
450
00:17:53,903 --> 00:17:57,497
Oh, no, this is --
I'm just not smiling, man.
451
00:17:57,497 --> 00:17:59,369
I'm mad as hell inside.
452
00:17:59,369 --> 00:18:01,911
This is just a bad reaction
to some potox.
453
00:18:01,911 --> 00:18:04,204
The doctor injected me
on both sides,
454
00:18:04,204 --> 00:18:07,046
And it just froze like this,
but I'm mad inside.
455
00:18:07,046 --> 00:18:08,087
This ain't --
456
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:09,129
Dr. Tortoni?
457
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:10,590
You know dr. Tortoni?
458
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,591
Tortoni?
459
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:13,092
Thanks to that quack,
460
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,635
I spent a whole day
by my mother's deathbed
461
00:18:15,635 --> 00:18:16,926
Grinning ear to ear.
462
00:18:16,926 --> 00:18:20,520
Oh, that's not good.
463
00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,482
She thought I was happy
to see her die.
464
00:18:22,482 --> 00:18:24,354
Yeah.
You weren't, were you?
465
00:18:24,354 --> 00:18:25,985
Yes, I was.
You were?
466
00:18:25,985 --> 00:18:28,228
But I didn't want her
to know it.
467
00:18:28,228 --> 00:18:30,150
She would have written me
out of the will.
468
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,821
Fortunately,
she stopped breathing.
469
00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:33,283
Stopped just like that,
huh?
470
00:18:33,283 --> 00:18:35,235
I wish, but she
fought like a tiger.
471
00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:36,496
Meow!
Aaah!
472
00:18:36,496 --> 00:18:38,578
Flush. Flush.
473
00:18:40,660 --> 00:18:41,871
Chewed up two pillows.
474
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:43,082
That's bad.
475
00:18:43,082 --> 00:18:44,664
You know,
when I get out of here,
476
00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:46,706
I'm gonna go right to
dr. Tortoni.
477
00:18:46,706 --> 00:18:48,918
I'm gonna give him
a piece of my mind.
478
00:18:48,918 --> 00:18:50,340
When I get out of here,
479
00:18:50,340 --> 00:18:52,382
I'm gonna go
to tortoni's office,
480
00:18:52,382 --> 00:18:53,803
And I'm gonna kill him!
481
00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:56,015
Aaah!
Flush. Flush.
482
00:18:56,015 --> 00:19:00,139
Well, look, if you
need a ride, I'm the guy.
483
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,353
I'd be happy
to give you a ride.
484
00:19:03,353 --> 00:19:04,354
Wow.
485
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:06,436
Your skin is so beautiful,
486
00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:09,359
So wrinkle-free,
just like a baby.
487
00:19:09,359 --> 00:19:11,441
No, no, no.
You don't underst-- help!
488
00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:13,613
Remember, tortoni
is the one you want.
489
00:19:13,613 --> 00:19:15,535
Help! Help!
490
00:19:15,535 --> 00:19:17,657
Hey, hey, do you want a car?
491
00:19:17,657 --> 00:19:19,489
You want a brand-new car?
492
00:19:29,839 --> 00:19:31,000
Hey, baby.
493
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:32,292
Hey.
Did you talk to dr. Tortoni?
494
00:19:32,292 --> 00:19:33,843
Yeah, I sure did.
495
00:19:33,843 --> 00:19:35,675
Did you tell him we were gonna
sue him for malpractice?
496
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,347
I opened with that.
And what did he say?
497
00:19:37,347 --> 00:19:40,179
[ Imitating dr. Tortoni ]
he said, "forget about it.
498
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,971
"There's nothing to get here.
You can sue me all you want."
499
00:19:41,971 --> 00:19:43,473
What do you mean,
there's nothing to get?!
500
00:19:43,473 --> 00:19:45,184
We could get him
for his entire practice!
501
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,267
No, it turns out the guy's
not even a real doctor.
502
00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:50,189
He's just a dry cleaner with
a hypodermic and a dream.
503
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,611
So he was a fake doctor?
504
00:19:51,611 --> 00:19:53,903
Yeah, ain't that
a kick in the head?
505
00:19:53,903 --> 00:19:56,446
Wow. I wonder if a real doctor
would get better results.
506
00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:58,908
You know, I heard about this
new wrinkle reducer that --
507
00:19:58,908 --> 00:20:01,661
You gotta promise me that
you'll never do anything
508
00:20:01,661 --> 00:20:03,783
To change that
beautiful face again.
509
00:20:03,783 --> 00:20:05,245
I love you
just the way you are.
510
00:20:05,245 --> 00:20:07,417
Thank you.
511
00:20:07,417 --> 00:20:09,669
[ Imitating dr. Tortoni ] now I
want to give you two shots.
512
00:20:09,669 --> 00:20:11,210
Come here.
What?
513
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:12,962
Two shots that's gonna put
a smile on your face.
514
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:14,133
No, michael,
the kids are still awake!
515
00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:15,465
Bing! Done.
516
00:20:15,465 --> 00:20:18,638
Really?
I didn't even feel it.
517
00:20:18,638 --> 00:20:19,759
Bing!
Ow!
518
00:20:19,759 --> 00:20:21,971
You moved.
519
00:20:24,604 --> 00:20:26,806
Oh, dad, you would not believe
what just happened to me!
520
00:20:26,806 --> 00:20:28,268
You won a i.q. Contest.
521
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,810
No! I got a ticket from
the same cop that got you!
522
00:20:30,810 --> 00:20:33,483
Boy, that guy's got a vendetta
against the family.
523
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,565
What trumped-up charge
he get you on?
524
00:20:35,565 --> 00:20:37,777
Driving backwards off
the freeway ramp.
525
00:20:37,777 --> 00:20:39,409
I mean,
I was only doing 55.
526
00:20:39,409 --> 00:20:42,121
That's under the speed limit.
He has nothing on me.
527
00:20:42,121 --> 00:20:44,824
You know, I'm being
railroaded just like you.
528
00:20:44,824 --> 00:20:46,706
This is unfair.
This is unamerican.
529
00:20:46,706 --> 00:20:48,167
I'm fighting this.
530
00:20:48,167 --> 00:20:49,168
That's right.
You take it to court.
531
00:20:49,168 --> 00:20:50,249
I am taking this to court!
532
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,631
And you know what?
533
00:20:51,631 --> 00:20:52,872
You spend time in jail
if you have to!
534
00:20:52,872 --> 00:20:54,634
I will spend time in jail
if I have to!
535
00:20:54,634 --> 00:20:58,217
You be the man-wife of cellblock
"d" to make your point!
536
00:20:58,217 --> 00:21:01,140
I will be the man-wife
of cellblock "d" to --
537
00:21:01,140 --> 00:21:03,643
Oh...
538
00:21:03,643 --> 00:21:06,436
What exactly does
the man-wife have to do?
539
00:21:06,436 --> 00:21:08,558
Oh, he cooks,
he cleans, he...
540
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:11,150
Ew!
541
00:21:11,150 --> 00:21:13,313
Maybe I'll just pay the fine.
542
00:21:13,313 --> 00:21:15,895
I think you need
to pay that ticket.
543
00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:22,322
Hey, baby.
Hey.
544
00:21:22,322 --> 00:21:24,454
Did you dalk to dac --
talk...
545
00:21:24,454 --> 00:21:25,705
Hey, baby.
546
00:21:25,705 --> 00:21:27,957
Hey, did you talk to
dr. Tortoni?
547
00:21:27,957 --> 00:21:28,958
I sure did.
548
00:21:28,958 --> 00:21:30,119
[ Both laugh ]
549
00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:31,411
Hey, baby.
550
00:21:31,411 --> 00:21:33,002
Hey, did you hear
from the doctor?
551
00:21:33,002 --> 00:21:34,374
I sure did.
[ Laughs ]
552
00:21:34,374 --> 00:21:35,675
Hey, baby.
553
00:21:35,675 --> 00:21:37,126
Hey, did you hear
from the doctor?
554
00:21:37,126 --> 00:21:40,259
[ Laughing ] I sure did.
555
00:21:40,259 --> 00:21:41,681
Do it right!
38679
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