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1
00:00:03,254 --> 00:00:05,176
Good morning, mistake.
2
00:00:05,176 --> 00:00:06,177
Hey, dad.
3
00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:07,298
[ Laughs ]
4
00:00:07,298 --> 00:00:09,840
Oh, congratulations,
dad.
5
00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:10,971
Tomorrow is
your anniversary.
6
00:00:10,971 --> 00:00:13,054
Yep, 19 years.
7
00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:14,895
Do you have any idea
what you're going to get mom?
8
00:00:14,895 --> 00:00:17,268
Yep, this dress right here.
9
00:00:17,268 --> 00:00:20,401
Oh, okay, but how do you know
this is what she wants?
10
00:00:20,401 --> 00:00:22,403
Because women
are very obvious.
11
00:00:22,403 --> 00:00:24,105
Your mother put this picture
12
00:00:24,105 --> 00:00:26,067
In different places
around the house.
13
00:00:26,067 --> 00:00:28,028
There's two
in my dresser drawer,
14
00:00:28,028 --> 00:00:30,201
There's one in my car,
and two by the toilet --
15
00:00:30,201 --> 00:00:32,533
Well, actually one left.
Caught a short roll.
16
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,654
Ew.
17
00:00:33,654 --> 00:00:35,496
[ Whistles ]
18
00:00:35,496 --> 00:00:37,288
What do you think
she's going to get you?
19
00:00:37,288 --> 00:00:38,749
I don't know,
20
00:00:38,749 --> 00:00:40,331
But whatever it is,
I'm not going to like it.
21
00:00:40,331 --> 00:00:41,662
Your mother,
as sweet as she is,
22
00:00:41,662 --> 00:00:43,084
She's the worst
gift-giver in the world.
23
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:45,256
What kind of gift
does she give you?
24
00:00:45,256 --> 00:00:47,047
Everything
that I can't use --
25
00:00:47,047 --> 00:00:50,010
Soap on a rope,
a basket of flowers,
26
00:00:50,010 --> 00:00:50,971
An afro pick.
27
00:00:50,971 --> 00:00:53,053
Why don't you use
reverse psychology?
28
00:00:53,053 --> 00:00:54,935
Just place a clipping
of what you want
29
00:00:54,935 --> 00:00:55,976
All around the house.
30
00:00:55,976 --> 00:00:58,058
That doesn't work
on your mother.
31
00:00:58,058 --> 00:00:59,059
And don't say anything
32
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:01,642
Because she's very sensitive
about her gifts.
33
00:01:01,642 --> 00:01:03,564
Hey, baby!
Hey.
34
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,526
[ Sing-song voice ]
I have a surprise for you.
35
00:01:05,526 --> 00:01:07,778
[ Sing-song voice ] I hope
it involves some nakedness.
36
00:01:07,778 --> 00:01:09,740
Guess what I have
in my hand.
37
00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:11,652
Get naked
and give it to me.
38
00:01:11,652 --> 00:01:12,743
No!
39
00:01:12,743 --> 00:01:14,405
It's your anniversary present,
baby.
40
00:01:14,405 --> 00:01:16,327
I can't wait for you
to open it tomorrow.
41
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:17,828
I want you to open it
right now.
42
00:01:17,828 --> 00:01:18,909
Happy anniversary.
43
00:01:18,909 --> 00:01:20,621
Can I guess
what it is?
44
00:01:20,621 --> 00:01:21,752
Yeah, okay, go.
45
00:01:21,752 --> 00:01:22,913
All right, uh...
46
00:01:22,913 --> 00:01:25,626
An autographed picture
of michael jordan.
47
00:01:25,626 --> 00:01:27,087
That don't even make
any sense.
48
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:28,299
You know I don't know
michael jordan.
49
00:01:28,299 --> 00:01:30,131
Okay.
Uh...don't tell me.
50
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:32,633
It's an autographed picture
of you.
51
00:01:32,633 --> 00:01:34,975
No. I gave that to you
last year.
52
00:01:34,975 --> 00:01:37,478
Oh, right,
with the afro pick.
53
00:01:37,478 --> 00:01:38,769
Right.
54
00:01:38,769 --> 00:01:41,061
Okay,
let me just open it.
55
00:01:41,061 --> 00:01:42,683
Just open it. Sit down.
Sit down. Sit down.
56
00:01:42,683 --> 00:01:45,356
Okay...
57
00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:48,689
Oh...what is it?
58
00:01:48,689 --> 00:01:50,691
Babe,
what does it look like?
59
00:01:50,691 --> 00:01:53,654
It looks like a farmer
standing next to a llama
60
00:01:53,654 --> 00:01:54,905
Somewhere in peru.
61
00:01:54,905 --> 00:01:56,827
That's it!
That's it, baby!
62
00:01:56,827 --> 00:01:58,078
I'm going to peru!
63
00:01:58,078 --> 00:02:00,581
I always wanted to see
lake titicaca.
64
00:02:00,581 --> 00:02:02,333
Lake who?
Titicaca!
65
00:02:02,333 --> 00:02:03,544
Come again.
Titicaca.
66
00:02:03,544 --> 00:02:06,747
Wow, well, except for
the "caca" part,
67
00:02:06,747 --> 00:02:09,880
That sounds like
a great place to visit.
68
00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:12,553
Boy, sit down
and shut up!
69
00:02:12,553 --> 00:02:14,755
A trip to peru.
70
00:02:14,755 --> 00:02:17,137
Baby, you really outdid
yourself.
71
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,060
No, no, michael,
you're not going to peru.
72
00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:21,312
I'm not going to peru?
73
00:02:21,312 --> 00:02:22,313
No.
74
00:02:22,313 --> 00:02:23,564
What did you get me,
a farmer?
75
00:02:23,564 --> 00:02:25,065
No.
76
00:02:25,065 --> 00:02:26,146
What, a llama?
77
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:28,899
No, you gave the llama
to the farmer!
78
00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,861
I bought it in your name.
79
00:02:30,861 --> 00:02:31,982
So, my present from you
80
00:02:31,982 --> 00:02:34,905
Is that you bought a present
for someone else from me.
81
00:02:34,905 --> 00:02:37,117
Yes! Isn't it great?!
82
00:02:37,117 --> 00:02:39,410
Wow,
that's an interesting concept.
83
00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,661
Let me -- let me --
84
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,873
Okay, so, let me
get it straight.
85
00:02:42,873 --> 00:02:44,585
For our anniversary...
86
00:02:44,585 --> 00:02:45,786
Uh-huh.
87
00:02:45,786 --> 00:02:49,710
You gave a farmer in peru
a llama in my name.
88
00:02:49,710 --> 00:02:51,051
Yes!
89
00:02:51,051 --> 00:02:54,925
Wow, wait, I really
got to focus on this one
90
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:57,097
Because this is so unique.
91
00:02:57,097 --> 00:02:59,800
Okay, the gift
from you to me --
92
00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:01,011
Yeah.
93
00:03:01,011 --> 00:03:02,513
Is a gift
from me to him.
94
00:03:02,513 --> 00:03:04,144
That's it, baby,
that's it!
95
00:03:04,144 --> 00:03:06,066
That's right.
His name is uchma.
96
00:03:06,066 --> 00:03:08,939
Now, babe, I was going to get
the water buffalo,
97
00:03:08,939 --> 00:03:10,941
But I thought
that's too over the top.
98
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,113
Yeah, we only been together
19 years.
99
00:03:13,113 --> 00:03:15,736
You can't be just giving away
water buffaloes.
100
00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:16,947
That's not cool.
101
00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:19,820
No, we should wait
for the silver anniversary.
102
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:20,871
Then we give that.
103
00:03:20,871 --> 00:03:23,083
Right.
Baby, do you love it?
104
00:03:23,083 --> 00:03:24,705
Do you love it, seriously?
105
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,997
You know what?
I-i'm speechless.
106
00:03:26,997 --> 00:03:28,499
See?
I knew you would be.
107
00:03:28,499 --> 00:03:29,920
This tops everything.
108
00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,462
[ Shrieks ]
109
00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:34,094
This tops the wooden shoes
you gave me.
110
00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:35,676
Oh, those were nice,
though.
111
00:03:35,676 --> 00:03:37,388
Yeah, yeah.
112
00:03:37,388 --> 00:03:39,179
Yeah, you're right.
113
00:03:39,179 --> 00:03:40,931
You know what I wish?
114
00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:44,805
I wish I could have saw
achma's face when he saw that.
115
00:03:44,805 --> 00:03:46,267
No, uchma.
116
00:03:46,267 --> 00:03:47,438
Uchma.
117
00:03:47,438 --> 00:03:49,810
Achma
is the farmer's wife.
118
00:03:49,810 --> 00:03:51,231
But of course.
Right.
119
00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:52,523
Yeah.
120
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:55,115
Wow, so, what's
the llama's name?
121
00:03:55,115 --> 00:03:58,028
Oh, baby,
that's the best part.
122
00:03:58,028 --> 00:04:00,491
The llama's name
is michael!
123
00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,703
It's named after me!
Yes!
124
00:04:02,703 --> 00:04:04,995
Happy anniversary,
baby!
125
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:07,077
Give me some sugar!
126
00:04:07,077 --> 00:04:10,871
[ Groans ]
127
00:04:16,877 --> 00:04:18,339
Junior:
this is a bad idea.
128
00:04:18,339 --> 00:04:19,380
No, it isn't.
129
00:04:19,380 --> 00:04:21,181
We can't afford
to buy them anything good,
130
00:04:21,181 --> 00:04:23,304
So I'll just make them
an anniversary dinner.
131
00:04:23,304 --> 00:04:25,476
Tony loves my cooking,
right, tony?
132
00:04:25,476 --> 00:04:28,389
Yes, your food is twice as good
as everyone else's.
133
00:04:28,389 --> 00:04:30,230
It's time we ate.
134
00:04:30,230 --> 00:04:32,653
Breakfast is served.
135
00:04:32,653 --> 00:04:34,194
Ahh.
136
00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:38,238
This looks great.
137
00:04:38,238 --> 00:04:40,991
Wait, there's a sauce.
138
00:04:40,991 --> 00:04:44,365
Mmm.
A smidget for you...
139
00:04:44,365 --> 00:04:47,618
A tibbet for you...
140
00:04:47,618 --> 00:04:52,042
A winkle for you...
141
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:56,377
And a tinkle for you,
too.
142
00:04:58,218 --> 00:05:00,010
Doesn't that look good?
143
00:05:00,010 --> 00:05:03,183
It looks like you popped
the biggest zit in the world.
144
00:05:03,183 --> 00:05:04,425
Just taste it.
145
00:05:04,425 --> 00:05:07,057
Uh...go ahead, tony.
You taste it.
146
00:05:07,057 --> 00:05:10,100
I'd be honored.
147
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:13,193
[ Sighs ]
just let me pray first.
148
00:05:23,113 --> 00:05:25,155
Mmm.
149
00:05:25,155 --> 00:05:27,157
Delicious.
150
00:05:27,157 --> 00:05:28,409
Eat a little more.
151
00:05:28,409 --> 00:05:29,950
[ Sighs ]
152
00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:32,753
Just let me pray again.
153
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:51,522
Mmm, mmm! Mmm!
154
00:05:51,522 --> 00:05:54,775
Mmm! Mmm.
155
00:05:54,775 --> 00:05:56,397
Mmm. Mmm!
156
00:05:56,397 --> 00:05:58,068
Oh, look, an eagle!
157
00:05:58,068 --> 00:06:01,782
[ Gasps ] where?
158
00:06:01,782 --> 00:06:04,445
Did you just spit my food out
in that plant?
159
00:06:04,445 --> 00:06:07,247
Uh, yeah, actually,
it was a little bit hot.
160
00:06:07,247 --> 00:06:09,540
[ Whining ]
you hated it, didn't you?
161
00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:11,201
Listen, no, hon, look --
162
00:06:11,201 --> 00:06:14,495
Maybe a few cooking lessons
wouldn't be such a bad thing
163
00:06:14,495 --> 00:06:17,337
Before you cook
a big anniversary dinner.
164
00:06:17,337 --> 00:06:20,130
My cooking's not that bad.
165
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,553
Oh, my god!
166
00:06:22,553 --> 00:06:24,635
[ Laughs ]
167
00:06:29,139 --> 00:06:30,721
What am I going to do?!
168
00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:33,353
Who can teach me to cook
in one day?!
169
00:06:33,353 --> 00:06:35,185
[ Clears throat ]
170
00:06:35,185 --> 00:06:36,517
Perhaps I can help.
171
00:06:36,517 --> 00:06:38,318
How?
172
00:06:38,318 --> 00:06:41,281
It just so happens
that I spent my summers
173
00:06:41,281 --> 00:06:43,984
Beside the world-famous
alain ducasse.
174
00:06:43,984 --> 00:06:46,196
Is there anything you can
teach me to make in one day?
175
00:06:46,196 --> 00:06:48,789
Sure. Coq au van
is almost foolproof.
176
00:06:48,789 --> 00:06:51,161
Mmm. I love cocoa.
177
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:53,454
No, coq is french
for chicken --
178
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:56,206
Hence, coq au vin
is chicken with wine.
179
00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:57,998
I can't drink wine.
180
00:06:57,998 --> 00:06:59,129
You know what?
181
00:06:59,129 --> 00:07:01,131
I just thought of something
even easier --
182
00:07:01,131 --> 00:07:02,713
Poulet le moutarde.
183
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:03,924
Hey, hey.
184
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,756
I ain't eating
no retarded poodle.
185
00:07:05,756 --> 00:07:08,599
No, poulet is french
for chicken.
186
00:07:08,599 --> 00:07:11,101
Coq is french for chicken,
poulet is french for chicken.
187
00:07:11,101 --> 00:07:12,603
Is everything in french
chicken?
188
00:07:12,603 --> 00:07:15,686
Well, it sure looked that way
when we invaded iraq.
189
00:07:15,686 --> 00:07:17,978
[ Laughs ]
190
00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:22,983
Come on, people.
Pick up a newspaper.
191
00:07:25,235 --> 00:07:26,777
Hey, where are you going?
192
00:07:26,777 --> 00:07:29,069
I can't tell you.
It's a secret.
193
00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:31,201
Ooh, a secret.
I like secrets.
194
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,332
Come on, baby.
195
00:07:32,332 --> 00:07:34,164
Is it a little secret
or a big secret?
196
00:07:34,164 --> 00:07:35,335
It's a big secret.
197
00:07:35,335 --> 00:07:37,287
This may be
the biggest secret yet.
198
00:07:37,287 --> 00:07:39,750
Really, michael?
Come on, tell me what it is.
199
00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:40,961
Please, baby, come on.
200
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,543
No.
201
00:07:42,543 --> 00:07:44,464
Okay, I'll make you
some peach cobbler.
202
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,176
Peach cobbler?
203
00:07:46,176 --> 00:07:48,298
Extra crisp.
204
00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:50,050
I tell you what --
I'll give you a hint.
205
00:07:50,050 --> 00:07:53,183
It's fun, it's sexy...
206
00:07:53,183 --> 00:07:55,225
And it's something
you don't have yet.
207
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,226
[ Gasps ]
208
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,148
Now, you simmer on that.
209
00:07:58,148 --> 00:07:59,940
And don't forget
my cobbler.
Ooh!
210
00:08:02,312 --> 00:08:03,604
Ohh.
211
00:08:03,604 --> 00:08:05,606
What's fun and sexy?
I don't --
212
00:08:05,606 --> 00:08:07,027
Wait, junior...
213
00:08:07,027 --> 00:08:09,990
What is fun and sexy
that I don't have?
214
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:12,322
Giant knockers?
[ Laughs ]
215
00:08:15,956 --> 00:08:18,458
Why even bother
talking to you, junior?
216
00:08:18,458 --> 00:08:20,250
Get out! Just get out!
217
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:21,331
Claire!
218
00:08:21,331 --> 00:08:23,293
Baby, come here.
Mommy needs you!
219
00:08:23,293 --> 00:08:24,334
Claire...
220
00:08:24,334 --> 00:08:27,217
What is fun and sexy
that I don't have?
221
00:08:27,217 --> 00:08:29,339
Giant knockers?
[ Laughs ]
222
00:08:36,306 --> 00:08:38,188
Finished?
223
00:08:38,188 --> 00:08:41,602
Or could it be the dress
you have posted all over?
224
00:08:41,602 --> 00:08:43,403
[ Gasps ]
baby, maybe that's it.
225
00:08:43,403 --> 00:08:44,605
[ Shrieks ]
226
00:08:44,605 --> 00:08:46,526
My little hints worked,
yes!
227
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,609
Now, baby, let that be
a lesson to you!
228
00:08:48,609 --> 00:08:50,360
To get what you want
from a man,
229
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:52,242
You have to force-feed
their minds.
230
00:08:52,242 --> 00:08:54,154
Men are very weird
about gifts.
231
00:08:54,154 --> 00:08:55,706
They don't want to have
to think.
232
00:08:55,706 --> 00:08:57,708
They want you to tell them
what you want
233
00:08:57,708 --> 00:08:59,499
Without actually saying
what you want.
234
00:08:59,499 --> 00:09:01,962
Hmm. Well, how do you know
what he wants?
235
00:09:01,962 --> 00:09:04,084
Now, see, baby, I'm different,
okay?
236
00:09:04,084 --> 00:09:06,466
I just have a natural knack
for gift-giving.
237
00:09:06,466 --> 00:09:08,669
You should have seen
your father's face
238
00:09:08,669 --> 00:09:09,880
When he saw uchma.
239
00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:12,052
Mom, you're good
at this stuff.
240
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,634
Yes, I am, claire.
241
00:09:13,634 --> 00:09:14,975
But then again,
242
00:09:14,975 --> 00:09:18,098
Why would dad get you what
he knew you already expected?
243
00:09:18,098 --> 00:09:19,680
Ooh. Ooh.
244
00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,312
Young lady,
you have a point there.
245
00:09:22,312 --> 00:09:23,684
Ohh.
246
00:09:23,684 --> 00:09:25,856
Now, maybe it's bigger
than the dress.
247
00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:28,278
Maybe it's something
in addition to the dress.
248
00:09:28,278 --> 00:09:29,740
It could be a mink coat.
Ooh.
249
00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:30,741
Or diamonds.
250
00:09:30,741 --> 00:09:32,192
Girl, stop playing.
251
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:34,324
Think about it.
252
00:09:34,324 --> 00:09:37,157
Ooh, a mink coat,
diamonds, and a dress?
253
00:09:37,157 --> 00:09:38,659
Oh, my!
254
00:09:38,659 --> 00:09:41,371
Mink coat, diamonds,
and a dress, oh, my.
255
00:09:41,371 --> 00:09:44,124
Mink coat, diamonds,
and a dress, oh, my.
256
00:09:44,124 --> 00:09:46,707
Mink coat, diamonds,
and a dress, oh, my.
257
00:09:46,707 --> 00:09:49,259
Mink coat, diamonds,
and a dress, oh, my.
258
00:09:51,211 --> 00:09:52,422
[ Laughs ]
259
00:09:52,422 --> 00:09:55,135
So the other scientist says,
260
00:09:55,135 --> 00:09:58,308
"That's not a hypothesis.
That's a hypotenuse."
261
00:09:58,308 --> 00:10:00,520
[ Laughs ]
262
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,023
Hypotenuse -- get it?
263
00:10:03,023 --> 00:10:04,274
No.
264
00:10:04,274 --> 00:10:06,566
It's funnier in latin.
265
00:10:06,566 --> 00:10:10,190
All righty, then,
let's get to work.
266
00:10:12,903 --> 00:10:14,905
Oh, my god,
what is that thing?!
267
00:10:14,905 --> 00:10:16,236
It's an uncooked chicken.
268
00:10:16,236 --> 00:10:18,288
Well, it looks gross.
Let's cook it.
269
00:10:18,288 --> 00:10:19,499
What do I do?
270
00:10:19,499 --> 00:10:21,501
Well, first,
you have to clean it.
271
00:10:21,501 --> 00:10:23,744
Okay, I'll put it in
the dishwasher.
272
00:10:23,744 --> 00:10:24,955
Light cycle, right?
273
00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:26,917
[ Laughs ]
274
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,420
It's funnier in latin.
275
00:10:30,420 --> 00:10:32,252
Let's see.
276
00:10:32,252 --> 00:10:35,345
[ Speaking latin ]
277
00:10:42,312 --> 00:10:44,685
Nope.
278
00:10:44,685 --> 00:10:47,147
Look, cooking is serious
business.
279
00:10:47,147 --> 00:10:49,649
Now,
when it comes to poultry,
280
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:52,482
It's a good idea
to clean it with your hands.
281
00:10:52,482 --> 00:10:54,114
No way.
I just got my nails done.
282
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,366
The chicken just had
his head cut off.
283
00:10:56,366 --> 00:10:58,618
Do you think he cares
about your nails?
284
00:10:58,618 --> 00:11:00,280
Now, stick your hand in there
285
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,282
And pull out
anything you can find.
286
00:11:02,282 --> 00:11:03,453
Stick my hands in where?
287
00:11:03,453 --> 00:11:05,285
In the cavity.
What cavity?
288
00:11:05,285 --> 00:11:07,247
I didn't know
chickens had teeth.
289
00:11:07,247 --> 00:11:09,249
[ Laughs ]
290
00:11:09,249 --> 00:11:11,421
Well, that was funnier
in latin.
291
00:11:11,421 --> 00:11:13,293
Hold on.
292
00:11:15,966 --> 00:11:18,388
[ Speaking latin ]
293
00:11:20,470 --> 00:11:21,561
[ Laughs ]
294
00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:23,804
You're right.
It is funnier in latin!
295
00:11:23,804 --> 00:11:26,857
You'd be hysterical
in the vatican.
296
00:11:26,857 --> 00:11:29,149
You could open for the pope.
297
00:11:29,149 --> 00:11:30,650
[ Both laugh ]
298
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:34,154
Anywho...
299
00:11:34,154 --> 00:11:36,947
I mean the cavity
in the chicken.
300
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,779
You mean --
yep.
301
00:11:38,779 --> 00:11:40,240
How about...
302
00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:41,411
I just cook
some popcorn?
303
00:11:41,411 --> 00:11:42,532
Look, missy,
304
00:11:42,532 --> 00:11:44,454
I'm missing "jeopardy!"
For this,
305
00:11:44,454 --> 00:11:46,496
And it's a tournament
of champions!
306
00:11:46,496 --> 00:11:48,128
You can watch "jeopardy!"
Any night.
307
00:11:48,128 --> 00:11:50,090
I'm supposed to be on it.
308
00:11:50,090 --> 00:11:53,593
Now, take your hand,
stick it in that chicken,
309
00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:55,465
And pull out those guts.
310
00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:56,757
[ Whines ]
311
00:11:56,757 --> 00:11:58,178
And remember --
312
00:11:58,178 --> 00:12:01,181
You're not the chicken,
he is.
313
00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:04,184
[ Whimpers ]
314
00:12:04,184 --> 00:12:05,555
Ahh.
315
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:09,229
Now, turn to page 30.
316
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,611
Those are the shoes
I'm going to wear
317
00:12:11,611 --> 00:12:12,732
With the dress.
318
00:12:12,732 --> 00:12:14,524
Ma, I gotta go.
He's here.
319
00:12:14,524 --> 00:12:16,196
I gotta go! I gotta go!
320
00:12:16,196 --> 00:12:17,237
Hey.
321
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,819
Hey, sweetie.
322
00:12:18,819 --> 00:12:19,820
Hello, beautiful.
323
00:12:19,820 --> 00:12:21,241
What you got there?
324
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:24,244
Well, it just happens to be
your anniversary gift.
325
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:26,576
[ Gasps ] it is?
Mm-hmm.
326
00:12:26,576 --> 00:12:28,208
Let me see,
let me see.
327
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:30,000
No, no, no, no.
Not this.
328
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:32,212
This is a sport coat
that I bought for myself.
329
00:12:32,212 --> 00:12:33,213
Oh.
330
00:12:33,213 --> 00:12:35,135
Here goes
your anniversary gift.
331
00:12:35,135 --> 00:12:37,297
Ooh. What is it,
a gift certificate?
332
00:12:37,297 --> 00:12:38,218
I'm not going to tell you,
333
00:12:38,218 --> 00:12:40,300
But it does involve
a certain dress.
334
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,261
[ Gasps ]
335
00:12:41,261 --> 00:12:43,183
Michael, come on.
Let me open it, please?
336
00:12:43,183 --> 00:12:44,224
Go ahead.
I can?
337
00:12:44,224 --> 00:12:46,266
Let me see your face.
338
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:48,228
Oh, look at the face!
339
00:12:48,228 --> 00:12:50,150
Huh?
340
00:12:50,150 --> 00:12:52,732
Michael, what the --
what is this?
341
00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:54,234
What? Come on.
342
00:12:54,234 --> 00:12:55,986
Baby, what is this?
343
00:12:55,986 --> 00:12:59,820
That's uchma's wife, achma.
You should know that.
344
00:12:59,820 --> 00:13:01,361
Well [sighs]
345
00:13:01,361 --> 00:13:03,904
Why is this heifer
wearing my dress?
346
00:13:03,904 --> 00:13:06,166
Because
you gave it to her.
347
00:13:06,166 --> 00:13:08,869
Doesn't she look good
in that?
348
00:13:08,869 --> 00:13:11,331
I mean, she look a'ight.
349
00:13:11,331 --> 00:13:14,214
Babe, I don't remember all
the black beading at the top.
350
00:13:14,214 --> 00:13:16,296
I don't remember that part.
351
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,179
Oh, no, those aren't beads.
Those are flies.
352
00:13:19,179 --> 00:13:21,882
They come off of
michael the llama.
353
00:13:21,882 --> 00:13:23,553
And look at this one.
354
00:13:23,553 --> 00:13:26,636
See that fly right there
in her nose?
355
00:13:26,636 --> 00:13:28,808
I named that one after you.
356
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,311
That's jay.
357
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:33,563
Babe,
let me get this straight --
358
00:13:33,563 --> 00:13:35,735
You're giving me
this dress?
359
00:13:35,735 --> 00:13:38,318
No, I'm giving her the dress
from you.
360
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,070
Okay, hold on, hold on.
361
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,781
I gotta think this through
362
00:13:41,781 --> 00:13:45,285
Because things are confused
right in this region.
363
00:13:45,285 --> 00:13:47,157
Okay...
364
00:13:47,157 --> 00:13:50,160
Your present to me...
Uh-huh.
365
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:54,124
Was to give my dress
to her from me?
366
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:55,505
Yes! Exactly!
367
00:13:55,505 --> 00:13:57,417
Isn't that great?
368
00:13:57,417 --> 00:14:00,130
Yeah.
369
00:14:00,130 --> 00:14:03,303
You see, baby,
I knew you wanted that dress.
370
00:14:03,303 --> 00:14:04,674
Yeah!
371
00:14:04,674 --> 00:14:07,137
But to give you that dress
would just be so normal.
372
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,309
So I wanted to do something
unique.
373
00:14:09,309 --> 00:14:12,232
And then when you gave me
that picture of uchma
374
00:14:12,232 --> 00:14:14,644
Standing next to michael,
the light went off.
375
00:14:14,644 --> 00:14:16,646
Bing! Bing!
Why?
376
00:14:16,646 --> 00:14:18,108
And I said to myself,
377
00:14:18,108 --> 00:14:20,570
"I got this warm,
fuzzy feeling.
378
00:14:20,570 --> 00:14:24,244
I want jay to feel this same
warm, fuzzy feeling."
379
00:14:24,244 --> 00:14:26,286
Do you feel warm and fuzzy?
380
00:14:26,286 --> 00:14:29,199
I'm feeling something.
381
00:14:29,199 --> 00:14:32,292
Happy anniversary.
Give me some sugar.
382
00:14:32,292 --> 00:14:35,335
Give me some sugar.
Give me some sugar!
383
00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:48,388
Soap on a rope.
384
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:50,770
Hey, what's all this noise
out here?
Nothing.
385
00:14:50,770 --> 00:14:52,602
Are you mad
about something?
386
00:14:52,602 --> 00:14:54,774
What would I be mad
about, michael?
387
00:14:54,774 --> 00:14:56,566
I know.
It's our anniversary.
388
00:14:56,566 --> 00:14:58,518
We got to be happy
on this day.
389
00:14:58,518 --> 00:15:00,320
Ooh. Testy. What?
390
00:15:00,320 --> 00:15:03,403
I wonder what claire prepared us
for dinner, huh?
391
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:06,286
You know what would be
great, baby?
392
00:15:06,286 --> 00:15:09,869
If whatever she gave us
we gave to uchma and achma.
393
00:15:09,869 --> 00:15:11,081
[ Scoffs ]
394
00:15:11,081 --> 00:15:12,582
Yeah, that would be great,
michael.
395
00:15:12,582 --> 00:15:13,833
Give that.
396
00:15:13,833 --> 00:15:16,246
I mean, she looks so happy
in your dress.
397
00:15:16,246 --> 00:15:17,457
Look at that.
398
00:15:17,457 --> 00:15:19,459
All of them are happy,
even the fly.
399
00:15:19,459 --> 00:15:22,172
Look at little jay
just buzzing around --
400
00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:24,384
[ Buzzing ] I'm so zappy.
I'm zappy. Bzz.
401
00:15:24,384 --> 00:15:27,047
[ Chuckles ]
it feels so good to give.
402
00:15:27,047 --> 00:15:28,098
Yeah.
403
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:29,179
You know what?
404
00:15:29,179 --> 00:15:31,891
Next year,
let's do something different.
405
00:15:31,891 --> 00:15:33,143
Let's do hawaii.
406
00:15:33,143 --> 00:15:34,314
[ Gasps ]
really, michael?
407
00:15:34,314 --> 00:15:36,646
Yes.
Really?
408
00:15:36,646 --> 00:15:39,649
Let's send uchma and achma
to hawaii...
409
00:15:39,649 --> 00:15:40,940
First class.
410
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:43,023
We'll get them
a nice little beach,
411
00:15:43,023 --> 00:15:45,275
Maybe a side room
for the llama, you know.
412
00:15:45,275 --> 00:15:48,738
And then a little, little room
for little jay
413
00:15:48,738 --> 00:15:50,280
To buzz around in.
414
00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:52,832
That's great. Yeah.
You do that.
415
00:15:52,832 --> 00:15:55,495
Champagne
and the whole nine, yeah.
416
00:15:58,038 --> 00:16:00,130
Kids:
happy anniversary!
417
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:01,961
Yeah, yeah, for achma.
418
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,214
Hey, mom, where's dad?
419
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,676
He's back there
somewhere.
420
00:16:06,676 --> 00:16:07,757
Here I am.
421
00:16:07,757 --> 00:16:10,010
Kids:
happy anniversary!
422
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,011
Thank you.
423
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,222
[ Door closes ]
424
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:13,643
Is it soup yet?
425
00:16:13,643 --> 00:16:16,306
I'm glad you made it,
oh, great teacher.
426
00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:17,517
Just a disclaimer --
427
00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:20,310
I had nothing to do with
the preparation of dinner.
428
00:16:20,310 --> 00:16:22,812
I told claire what to do
and sent her on her own...
429
00:16:22,812 --> 00:16:24,904
Before she removed
the second gizzard.
430
00:16:24,904 --> 00:16:26,816
I'm sure
it's going to be great.
431
00:16:26,816 --> 00:16:27,987
The proof
is in the pudding,
432
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,240
Which I also had
nothing to do with.
433
00:16:30,240 --> 00:16:34,414
Okay. Bon appétit.
434
00:16:34,414 --> 00:16:36,166
Yeah, let's just eat,
shall we?
435
00:16:36,166 --> 00:16:39,039
Mommy, what did daddy
get you for your anniversary?
436
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,621
Oh, honey, daddy didn't get
mommy anything
437
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:43,293
For her anniversary,
438
00:16:43,293 --> 00:16:45,545
But some peruvian lady
got a nice dress.
439
00:16:45,545 --> 00:16:47,127
Why?
440
00:16:47,127 --> 00:16:51,341
That's because some peruvian man
got a nice llama in my name.
441
00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,223
[ Chuckles ]
442
00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:55,635
You know, I think
I want to be peruvian.
443
00:16:55,635 --> 00:16:57,767
Me too. That's the home
of lake titicaca.
444
00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:05,775
Why don't we forget about gifts
and peru and lake titicaca
445
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:09,529
And just concentrate
on this lovely meal I made.
446
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,281
You're right, baby.
447
00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:12,822
Why is it so cold?
448
00:17:12,822 --> 00:17:16,206
Huh.
It is kind of cold.
449
00:17:16,206 --> 00:17:17,537
Did you put it
in the oven?
450
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,159
Of course
I put it in the oven.
451
00:17:19,159 --> 00:17:20,160
For how long?
452
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,211
Two hours.
453
00:17:21,211 --> 00:17:22,922
That should be fine
then.
454
00:17:22,922 --> 00:17:24,964
What temperature
did you set it on?
455
00:17:24,964 --> 00:17:27,337
Temperature?
What do you mean?
456
00:17:27,337 --> 00:17:29,169
Back away from the chicken!
457
00:17:29,169 --> 00:17:30,630
Don't eat any chicken!
458
00:17:30,630 --> 00:17:32,172
Did I do something wrong?
459
00:17:32,172 --> 00:17:34,554
No, you did something
wonderful, okay?
460
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,725
But you know what?
461
00:17:35,725 --> 00:17:37,767
Let's all go out
for dinner, huh?
462
00:17:37,767 --> 00:17:38,938
My treat -- pizza.
463
00:17:38,938 --> 00:17:40,640
Now you're talking.
464
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:41,851
Yay, pizza!
465
00:17:41,851 --> 00:17:43,813
Pizza and a picture --
466
00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,025
This is an anniversary
I'll never forget.
467
00:17:46,025 --> 00:17:48,358
Give me some sugar.
468
00:17:59,699 --> 00:18:02,252
Well, that was an anniversary
to remember, huh?
469
00:18:02,252 --> 00:18:03,293
[ Scoffs ]
470
00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:04,914
The best thing about
the whole damn day
471
00:18:04,914 --> 00:18:06,206
Was claire's poison chicken.
472
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:09,709
Do I detect a note of --
of disappointment?
473
00:18:09,709 --> 00:18:12,712
No, you don't detect
a note, michael.
474
00:18:12,712 --> 00:18:14,764
You hear an entire symphony.
You know what?
475
00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:17,217
I was very disappointed
that I didn't get the dress.
476
00:18:17,217 --> 00:18:18,308
There, I said it.
477
00:18:18,308 --> 00:18:19,809
It may be selfish,
but you know what?
478
00:18:19,809 --> 00:18:21,391
I only get
one anniversary a year.
479
00:18:21,391 --> 00:18:22,642
You know what?
480
00:18:22,642 --> 00:18:24,524
I was thinking
the same thing
481
00:18:24,524 --> 00:18:27,066
When uchma got the llama
in my name.
482
00:18:27,066 --> 00:18:28,228
Yeah.
483
00:18:28,228 --> 00:18:30,490
I said it. There.
484
00:18:30,490 --> 00:18:32,232
You know what?
485
00:18:32,232 --> 00:18:34,574
I go out of my way every year
to do something special for you,
486
00:18:34,574 --> 00:18:36,696
And I feel that you should do
the same thing for me.
487
00:18:36,696 --> 00:18:41,371
What could be more special
than soap on a rope?
488
00:18:41,371 --> 00:18:44,374
Look, I don't mean to criticize
your gift-giving,
489
00:18:44,374 --> 00:18:46,206
But it sucks.
490
00:18:46,206 --> 00:18:48,418
I really thought
that you would enjoy
491
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:50,670
Giving something
to somebody else.
492
00:18:50,670 --> 00:18:52,592
Yeah, I did
just as much as you did.
493
00:18:52,592 --> 00:18:54,674
All right, all right,
I get it.
494
00:18:54,674 --> 00:18:57,757
I still think what we did for
uchma and achma was beautiful.
495
00:18:57,757 --> 00:19:00,430
We just should have done
something beautiful
496
00:19:00,430 --> 00:19:02,141
For one another.
497
00:19:04,023 --> 00:19:05,355
You're right.
498
00:19:05,355 --> 00:19:08,438
Something like --
excuse me.
499
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,820
Michael. Ahh!
Stop!
500
00:19:11,821 --> 00:19:13,863
You mean
something like this?
501
00:19:13,863 --> 00:19:16,486
Michael, I do not want
your sports jacket.
502
00:19:16,486 --> 00:19:18,908
No, look,
it's not a sports jacket.
503
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:20,910
[ Gasps ] oh, my dress!
504
00:19:20,910 --> 00:19:23,203
My dress! My pretty dress!
505
00:19:23,203 --> 00:19:24,744
Oh, michael! Baby!
506
00:19:24,744 --> 00:19:27,667
What about the picture
with achma?
507
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:28,958
There is no achma.
508
00:19:28,958 --> 00:19:31,341
I did that on the computer
down at work.
509
00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:33,463
It turns out that uchma
is a llama-lover
510
00:19:33,463 --> 00:19:34,794
In more ways than one.
511
00:19:34,794 --> 00:19:36,346
Eww. Stop.
512
00:19:36,346 --> 00:19:39,219
Talk about a gift
that keeps giving.
513
00:19:39,219 --> 00:19:40,220
Will you stop?
514
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,222
Oh, my dress is beautiful.
515
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:43,763
Happy anniversary.
516
00:19:43,763 --> 00:19:44,854
Thank you.
517
00:19:44,854 --> 00:19:47,106
Give me some sugar
like uchma and achma.
518
00:19:47,106 --> 00:19:49,569
This is an eskimo kiss.
They're peruvian.
519
00:19:49,569 --> 00:19:51,481
Go ahead, put the dress on.
520
00:19:51,481 --> 00:19:52,862
Right now?
521
00:19:52,862 --> 00:19:56,486
Yeah, the sooner you get it on,
the sooner I can get it off.
522
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:59,819
Ooh, you so bad.
Okay, I'll put the dress on.
523
00:19:59,819 --> 00:20:01,321
[ Chuckles ]
524
00:20:01,321 --> 00:20:03,873
♪ Happy anniversary,
happy anniversary ♪
525
00:20:03,873 --> 00:20:06,956
♪ Happy anniversary,
happy anniversary ♪
526
00:20:11,331 --> 00:20:14,504
Okay, today we're going to start
with the absolute basics.
527
00:20:14,504 --> 00:20:16,045
You're going to cook
minute rice.
528
00:20:16,045 --> 00:20:17,507
How long
is that going to take?
529
00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:20,139
Tell me she's kidding.
530
00:20:20,139 --> 00:20:21,721
Your student, your problem.
531
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,723
[ Smooches ]
good morning.
532
00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:24,764
Good morning, baby.
533
00:20:24,764 --> 00:20:27,186
I'm surprised that
after last night,
534
00:20:27,186 --> 00:20:29,519
You don't still have
that dress on.
535
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:31,731
Michael, the kids
are standing right there.
536
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:34,654
Oh, we heard you.
537
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,529
Hey, why is michael jordan's
picture on the milk carton?
538
00:20:39,529 --> 00:20:40,700
Is he missing?
539
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:42,322
Turn it over, dad.
540
00:20:42,322 --> 00:20:43,533
Read it out loud.
541
00:20:43,533 --> 00:20:45,665
"Each serving contains
11% carbo--"
542
00:20:45,665 --> 00:20:48,458
No, no, the other side,
the other side.
543
00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:51,961
"To my wonderful husband,
you have been enrolled
544
00:20:51,961 --> 00:20:55,254
"In next year's
michael jordan fantasy camp
545
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:56,836
"In las vegas, nevada.
546
00:20:56,836 --> 00:20:58,968
Happy anniversary."
547
00:20:58,968 --> 00:21:01,761
I'm going to
jordan camp!
548
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:02,932
[ Laughs ]
549
00:21:02,932 --> 00:21:05,555
Give me some sugar.
Give me some sugar.
550
00:21:08,808 --> 00:21:11,601
Oh, michael,
she's beautiful!
551
00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:14,734
There is no --
there is no achma.
552
00:21:14,734 --> 00:21:17,236
There is no achma.
553
00:21:17,236 --> 00:21:20,570
I did that on the computer
down at work.
554
00:21:20,570 --> 00:21:23,743
It turns out that uchma
is a llama-lover in more one --
555
00:21:23,743 --> 00:21:25,995
More ways than one.
Okay.
37847
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