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1
00:00:03,084 --> 00:00:04,465
Hey, good morning,
son.
2
00:00:04,465 --> 00:00:06,127
Good morning, dad.
3
00:00:06,127 --> 00:00:08,179
[ Whistling ]
4
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,092
Uh-oh.
5
00:00:11,092 --> 00:00:12,303
What's wrong?
6
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,225
There's no more bowls
in the cabinet.
7
00:00:14,225 --> 00:00:15,346
Check the dishwasher.
8
00:00:15,346 --> 00:00:17,898
"Check the dishwasher."
What's wrong with you?
9
00:00:17,898 --> 00:00:20,601
If I check that dishwasher,
and the dishes are clean,
10
00:00:20,601 --> 00:00:23,064
Then it becomes my
responsibility to put it away.
11
00:00:23,064 --> 00:00:24,815
That's creating work
for me.
12
00:00:24,815 --> 00:00:26,237
So what
are you gonna do?
13
00:00:26,237 --> 00:00:27,358
I'm gonna wait.
14
00:00:27,358 --> 00:00:29,320
Eventually some sucker
will come along,
15
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:32,363
And they'll open it up, and
it'll be their responsibility,
16
00:00:32,363 --> 00:00:36,117
I get my bowl,
and life is beautiful.
17
00:00:36,117 --> 00:00:37,158
Good morning, guys.
18
00:00:37,158 --> 00:00:38,369
Good morning...
Good morning.
19
00:00:38,369 --> 00:00:39,830
Sucker.
20
00:00:41,752 --> 00:00:43,714
Hey, baby,
how you doing this morning?
21
00:00:43,714 --> 00:00:45,926
Oh, I'm feeling good.
How my babies doing?
22
00:00:45,926 --> 00:00:47,798
Oh, we're doing gr-r-eat!
[ Laughs ]
23
00:00:47,798 --> 00:00:51,302
And I must say
that you look absolutely...
24
00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:53,174
Stunning this morning.
25
00:00:53,174 --> 00:00:56,056
Really?
26
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,729
Why don't you get a bowl
and join us?
27
00:00:58,729 --> 00:01:00,891
Ohh,
I don't mind if I do.
28
00:01:00,891 --> 00:01:02,563
Sucker.
29
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,645
[ Both laughing ]
30
00:01:06,737 --> 00:01:08,779
There's no more bowls
in the cabinet.
31
00:01:08,779 --> 00:01:10,030
Uh, unh-unh.
32
00:01:10,030 --> 00:01:11,402
Why don't you check
the dishwasher?
33
00:01:11,402 --> 00:01:13,154
Sucker.
34
00:01:13,154 --> 00:01:14,655
Oh, good.
They're clean.
35
00:01:14,655 --> 00:01:16,537
I'll just put them
away first.
36
00:01:16,537 --> 00:01:18,119
All right.
Hey, baby?
37
00:01:18,119 --> 00:01:22,203
Could you do me a favor
and could you bring me a bowl?
38
00:01:22,203 --> 00:01:23,664
Sucker!
Sucker!
39
00:01:23,664 --> 00:01:24,665
Shh.
40
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:28,589
Michael, can you
come up here for a second?
41
00:01:28,589 --> 00:01:30,631
I'm -- baby, it was --
I knew it was empty.
42
00:01:30,631 --> 00:01:32,213
I was gonna empty it,
43
00:01:32,213 --> 00:01:34,885
But junior, he said "sucker"
real loud.
44
00:01:34,885 --> 00:01:36,977
Michael, I already know
you're lazy.
45
00:01:36,977 --> 00:01:39,099
That's not why
I brought you up here.
46
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,482
Look at this. What does
this look like to you?
47
00:01:41,482 --> 00:01:44,104
Um...i'm gonna say
chocolate-covered raisins.
48
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,687
No, it looks like
mouse droppings to me.
49
00:01:46,687 --> 00:01:48,068
There's only one way
to find out.
50
00:01:48,068 --> 00:01:49,610
Junior,
come taste one of these.
51
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:50,611
Sure thing, dad.
52
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,112
Boy,
sit your butt down!
53
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:54,034
We got to call
an exterminator.
54
00:01:54,034 --> 00:01:56,737
I will not live in a house
infested with vermin.
55
00:01:56,737 --> 00:01:59,119
Junior, no vermin.
Your mom wants you to leave.
56
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,792
Michael, seriously.
57
00:02:01,792 --> 00:02:03,374
Babe, you know
I'm a clean freak.
58
00:02:03,374 --> 00:02:05,956
I won't sleep until I get
this mouse out of the house.
59
00:02:05,956 --> 00:02:09,170
[ Laughing ]
60
00:02:09,170 --> 00:02:10,171
What is...
61
00:02:10,171 --> 00:02:11,842
What are you
laughing at?
62
00:02:11,842 --> 00:02:15,055
"Mouse out of the house."
Get it? It rhymes.
63
00:02:15,055 --> 00:02:17,518
Kind of like
"the cat in the hat."
64
00:02:17,518 --> 00:02:21,101
[ Laughs ] yeah!
It's like "the son is dumb."
65
00:02:21,101 --> 00:02:23,724
[ Laughs mockingly ]
you know what else rhymes?
66
00:02:23,724 --> 00:02:24,855
What, mama?
67
00:02:24,855 --> 00:02:27,067
Until we get this mouse
out of the house,
68
00:02:27,067 --> 00:02:29,480
You won't get any panties
from this fanny.
69
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:31,192
Now, call the exterminator.
70
00:02:31,192 --> 00:02:32,983
Why do I got to call
the exterminator?
71
00:02:32,983 --> 00:02:34,985
I can do it.
I'm the man of the house.
72
00:02:34,985 --> 00:02:36,156
Have faith in me.
73
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,948
Michael, no.
74
00:02:37,948 --> 00:02:40,331
You know every time you try
to do stuff around the house,
75
00:02:40,331 --> 00:02:41,782
It backfires on you,
honey.
76
00:02:41,782 --> 00:02:43,914
You know you can't do it.
You just can't do --
77
00:02:46,627 --> 00:02:48,669
Mnh-mnh.
78
00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:50,381
Did you just say "can't" --
79
00:02:50,381 --> 00:02:52,553
I can't get rid
of a little mouse?
80
00:02:52,553 --> 00:02:53,794
Who me? When?
81
00:02:53,794 --> 00:02:56,347
Yeah, just now.
I heard "can't."
82
00:02:56,347 --> 00:02:58,098
Right -- right now
when I said, uh...
83
00:02:58,098 --> 00:02:59,430
I was making a suggestion
84
00:02:59,430 --> 00:03:01,432
To pick up the phone
and call a professional
85
00:03:01,432 --> 00:03:03,224
Because a professional
can do it.
86
00:03:03,224 --> 00:03:04,184
I'm the professional.
87
00:03:04,184 --> 00:03:06,607
I'm gonna spend my good money,
hundreds of dollars,
88
00:03:06,607 --> 00:03:08,729
For him to lay some traps
around the house.
89
00:03:08,729 --> 00:03:10,571
I can do that.
It'll be fun for me.
90
00:03:10,571 --> 00:03:12,072
What's going on?
91
00:03:12,072 --> 00:03:13,404
We have a wild mouse
in the kitchen.
92
00:03:13,404 --> 00:03:15,366
Aah!
Run, run, run, run!
93
00:03:15,366 --> 00:03:17,117
Junior!
94
00:03:17,117 --> 00:03:19,820
[ Laughing ]
95
00:03:19,820 --> 00:03:23,284
Look, baby, I will get rid
of this mouse, okay?
96
00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:24,415
You promise?
97
00:03:24,415 --> 00:03:27,167
I promise.
I'll get that critter...
98
00:03:27,167 --> 00:03:31,292
'Cause I'm no quitter.
And I don't want my wife bitter.
99
00:03:31,292 --> 00:03:34,255
I'll catch that mouse
and turn him into a fritter.
100
00:03:34,255 --> 00:03:36,837
And then I'll feed it
to the babysitter.
101
00:03:36,837 --> 00:03:39,970
And then --
dad, dad, she's gone.
You lost her on "fritter."
102
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:43,143
I know. The next "itter"
was gonna be a dirty one.
103
00:03:47,398 --> 00:03:49,019
Michael,
this better work.
104
00:03:49,019 --> 00:03:50,851
Just knowing that there's
another thing in this house
105
00:03:50,851 --> 00:03:52,152
That I have to
clean up after
106
00:03:52,152 --> 00:03:53,944
Whose name isn't kyle
gives me the creeps.
107
00:03:53,944 --> 00:03:55,065
I know.
Don't worry.
108
00:03:55,065 --> 00:03:57,818
This mouse doesn't have long
in this world, jay.
109
00:03:57,818 --> 00:04:00,200
One of these 1,600 traps
is gonna get him.
110
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,162
Oh, my god, oh, my god,
oh, my god, oh, my god!
111
00:04:02,162 --> 00:04:04,034
What happened?
Did you see the mouse?
112
00:04:04,034 --> 00:04:06,126
No, I just killed a squirrel.
It was horrible.
113
00:04:06,126 --> 00:04:07,418
I was driving home from work,
114
00:04:07,418 --> 00:04:09,460
And then the squirrel ran out
in front of the car.
115
00:04:09,460 --> 00:04:12,132
I thought he was gonna zig,
so I zagged, but so did he.
116
00:04:12,132 --> 00:04:13,213
Oh, poor baby.
117
00:04:13,213 --> 00:04:16,006
I don't see no tire marks
on her back.
118
00:04:16,006 --> 00:04:17,378
Michael!
119
00:04:17,378 --> 00:04:20,140
Can't you see the girl
is traumatized?
120
00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:22,052
What about the poor squirrel
and his family?
121
00:04:22,052 --> 00:04:24,224
I'm sure he told them,
"I'll be right back, kids."
122
00:04:24,224 --> 00:04:26,517
The kids are still waiting
at the bottom of the tree like,
123
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:27,768
"I know my daddy.
124
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,560
"When he get home, we're
gonna eat nuts and berries,
125
00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:31,352
"And then we gonna run
on the power line,
126
00:04:31,352 --> 00:04:33,944
"And then my daddy gonna teach
me how to run out in traffic
127
00:04:33,944 --> 00:04:35,155
"And play and dodge.
128
00:04:35,155 --> 00:04:37,608
"And nobody can catch him
when he zig and zag.
129
00:04:37,608 --> 00:04:40,321
"'Cause my daddy's the best.
My daddy the fastest.
130
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:42,823
My daddy the strongest.
My daddy is gone."
131
00:04:42,823 --> 00:04:45,165
[ Crying ]
132
00:04:45,165 --> 00:04:46,867
Would you shut up?
133
00:04:46,867 --> 00:04:48,208
Shut up!
134
00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:50,961
Claire, don't listen to him.
Ignore your father.
135
00:04:50,961 --> 00:04:53,043
These things happen sometimes,
baby.
136
00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,214
But it was so cute.
137
00:04:54,214 --> 00:04:56,006
I got out of the car
to check on it,
138
00:04:56,006 --> 00:04:58,218
And it was laying there
like this.
139
00:04:58,218 --> 00:04:59,259
[ Squeals, gasps ]
140
00:04:59,259 --> 00:05:01,422
And it was like
it was saying,
141
00:05:01,422 --> 00:05:06,347
"Help me, help me, help me,
help me, help me."
142
00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:09,229
Like that? "Help me"?
143
00:05:09,229 --> 00:05:12,102
Look, claire, this is just one
of the hazards of driving.
144
00:05:12,102 --> 00:05:14,565
But I still feel awful for
killing a living creature.
145
00:05:14,565 --> 00:05:16,897
Yeah, well, you might
not want to stick around
146
00:05:16,897 --> 00:05:18,939
Because I'm about
to exterminate a mouse.
147
00:05:18,939 --> 00:05:21,151
Now, I done set some traps
around this house,
148
00:05:21,151 --> 00:05:22,863
So you got to be careful,
all right?
149
00:05:22,863 --> 00:05:24,495
And if you smell
something stinky,
150
00:05:24,495 --> 00:05:25,706
It's not junior's feet,
151
00:05:25,706 --> 00:05:27,828
It's some of these
expensive cheeses I bought.
152
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,210
Dad, I think those traps
are barbaric.
153
00:05:30,210 --> 00:05:32,543
You know, maybe I should
relocate it --
154
00:05:32,543 --> 00:05:34,795
Send him out to a nice villa
in italy,
155
00:05:34,795 --> 00:05:37,257
And then send him
a monthly stipend of cheese.
156
00:05:37,257 --> 00:05:39,219
Really?
You'd do that?
157
00:05:39,219 --> 00:05:41,422
Nah, I think
I'll just kill him.
158
00:05:41,422 --> 00:05:42,843
You guys are cruel.
159
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,636
Oh, yeah, squirrel killer?
You "skriller."
160
00:05:45,636 --> 00:05:46,887
Set the damn traps.
161
00:05:46,887 --> 00:05:49,059
They're all done, jay.
You know what?
162
00:05:49,059 --> 00:05:52,853
In about two hours, we're gonna
have ourselves one dead rodent.
163
00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:55,686
Good.
Hey, you want to hear
a funny cheese joke?
164
00:05:55,686 --> 00:05:56,857
Do I have a choice?
165
00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,188
No.
Okay, here it is.
166
00:05:58,188 --> 00:06:01,572
What do you call a piece of
cheese that's someone else's?
167
00:06:01,572 --> 00:06:02,943
I have no idea.
168
00:06:02,943 --> 00:06:06,036
Not your cheese.
[ Nacho ]
169
00:06:06,036 --> 00:06:09,159
Get it?
Not your cheese.
170
00:06:11,912 --> 00:06:14,334
[ Whistling ]
171
00:06:18,208 --> 00:06:20,881
Oh, man.
There's no more cheese.
172
00:06:24,054 --> 00:06:25,636
Hmm.
173
00:06:25,636 --> 00:06:28,929
I can't believe
you rented "willard."
174
00:06:28,929 --> 00:06:31,432
I'm studying
the enemy, jay.
175
00:06:31,432 --> 00:06:34,104
I must learn
his wily ways.
176
00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:35,896
[ Trap snaps ]
aah! Aah! Aah!
177
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:39,019
Aah! Aah!
Get it off! Get it off!
178
00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:40,020
Aah! Aah. Oh.
179
00:06:40,020 --> 00:06:41,862
Boy,
how did this happen?
180
00:06:41,862 --> 00:06:44,735
I needed a piece of cheese
for my sandwich.
181
00:06:44,735 --> 00:06:45,826
[ Sighs ]
182
00:06:45,826 --> 00:06:48,489
Please, check the rest
of the traps.
183
00:06:48,489 --> 00:06:50,951
Please, michael.
Ignore him.
184
00:06:50,951 --> 00:06:53,123
Oh, my goodness.
185
00:06:53,123 --> 00:06:55,085
What?
186
00:06:55,085 --> 00:06:57,337
Junior, did you take the cheese
out of all of these traps?
187
00:06:57,337 --> 00:06:59,670
No, no, just that one.
188
00:06:59,670 --> 00:07:01,462
Aaaaaaaaaah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
189
00:07:01,462 --> 00:07:03,043
Aaaaaaaaah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
190
00:07:03,043 --> 00:07:05,806
Aaaaaaaaaah!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
191
00:07:05,806 --> 00:07:07,307
[ Shrieking continues ]
192
00:07:09,219 --> 00:07:11,932
Oh!
193
00:07:11,932 --> 00:07:14,645
Hoo! Hoo!
194
00:07:14,645 --> 00:07:16,897
Hoooo!
195
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:20,110
Ohh, ohh, ohh!
No!
196
00:07:20,110 --> 00:07:24,324
I mean,
damn, it got away.
197
00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:26,196
Hey.
198
00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:32,493
[ Sighs ]
199
00:07:34,034 --> 00:07:36,456
What is...
"Quiet as a dead mouse"?
200
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,670
What kind of sick book
are you reading in our bed?
201
00:07:39,670 --> 00:07:40,841
This is great, baby.
202
00:07:40,841 --> 00:07:43,343
There's 119 ways
to kill a mouse --
203
00:07:43,343 --> 00:07:45,886
From the instant
"smash and smear," see?
204
00:07:45,886 --> 00:07:48,298
To the very slow
and intricate
205
00:07:48,298 --> 00:07:50,390
"Hang him
by his own tail."
206
00:07:50,390 --> 00:07:51,592
Look at that.
207
00:07:51,592 --> 00:07:55,475
Babe, what about the prudent
and always successful
208
00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,477
"Call the exterminator"?
209
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,599
Oh, come on.
210
00:07:58,599 --> 00:07:59,730
What, and put a tent
over our house
211
00:07:59,730 --> 00:08:00,731
And let the world know
212
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,102
That michael kyle
is not man enough
213
00:08:02,102 --> 00:08:04,525
To get rid of
a measly little mouse?
214
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:05,946
Unh-unh.
No way, jay.
215
00:08:05,946 --> 00:08:09,279
Can I sleep
with you guys tonight?
216
00:08:09,279 --> 00:08:11,532
I'm scared of the mouse.
217
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:12,703
Aw!
218
00:08:12,703 --> 00:08:14,074
No!
219
00:08:15,165 --> 00:08:16,917
You're too big for that.
[ Laughs ]
220
00:08:16,917 --> 00:08:19,249
Besides, your mother
and I have plans tonight.
221
00:08:19,249 --> 00:08:20,711
I'll be quiet.
222
00:08:20,711 --> 00:08:22,623
Yeah, but we won't be.
223
00:08:22,623 --> 00:08:24,885
Look, there's nothing
to be scared about.
224
00:08:24,885 --> 00:08:27,297
But what if I cut the cheese
in my sleep
225
00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:29,089
And the mouse
comes sniffing?
226
00:08:29,089 --> 00:08:30,971
Then that'll be
one dead mouse.
227
00:08:30,971 --> 00:08:33,303
Now you go on back to bed.
Good night.
228
00:08:33,303 --> 00:08:34,344
Okay.
229
00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:35,636
Good night.
230
00:08:35,636 --> 00:08:37,808
Good night.
231
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:40,440
Okay, so, what else have you
learned in this book of yours?
232
00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:42,603
Ooh, I learned how to make
a foolproof mousetrap
233
00:08:42,603 --> 00:08:43,854
Using just a box
and an olive.
234
00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:45,355
I don't even
have to kill it.
235
00:08:45,355 --> 00:08:46,526
Really?
Yeah.
236
00:08:46,526 --> 00:08:48,148
Claire will be happy
about that one.
237
00:08:48,148 --> 00:08:50,701
We could take it out to
the field and let it run free
238
00:08:50,701 --> 00:08:53,413
And get eaten by a snake
the way nature intended it.
239
00:08:53,413 --> 00:08:56,707
Good, 'cause I'm not gonna sleep
until it's out of this house.
240
00:08:56,707 --> 00:08:59,539
Well, since you're gonna be
all up and everything...
241
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,371
No, michael.
I'm tired.
242
00:09:01,371 --> 00:09:03,714
So what?
I'll do all the work.
243
00:09:03,714 --> 00:09:05,255
Babe, please.
Really, baby...
244
00:09:05,255 --> 00:09:07,047
Babe, baby, listen,
I'm exhausted.
245
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,509
Claire had me chauffeuring
her around all day.
246
00:09:09,509 --> 00:09:11,301
Ever since that
squirrel incident,
247
00:09:11,301 --> 00:09:12,883
She won't
get behind the wheel.
248
00:09:12,883 --> 00:09:15,225
Well, just lay back,
and I'll do the driving.
249
00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:17,137
Michael...
Come on.
250
00:09:17,137 --> 00:09:19,850
[ Laughing ]
251
00:09:19,850 --> 00:09:21,271
Mnh-mnh.
Mnh-mnh.
252
00:09:21,271 --> 00:09:22,683
What? What?
What now?
253
00:09:22,683 --> 00:09:23,894
I feel him.
254
00:09:23,894 --> 00:09:25,776
Nuh-unh, baby.
What if he's watching?
255
00:09:25,776 --> 00:09:26,647
The mouse?
256
00:09:26,647 --> 00:09:27,948
What if he's watching me?
257
00:09:27,948 --> 00:09:29,650
So what?
We'll put on a show.
258
00:09:29,650 --> 00:09:30,821
A two-minute show?
259
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:33,654
Well, to a mouse,
that's a long time.
260
00:09:33,654 --> 00:09:37,618
Come on, I'm not afraid to be
naked in a room with a mouse.
261
00:09:37,618 --> 00:09:40,200
You know they're scared
of snakes, anyway.
262
00:09:43,203 --> 00:09:44,965
Good night, michael.
263
00:09:44,965 --> 00:09:45,966
[ Sighs ]
264
00:09:48,759 --> 00:09:49,710
Shh.
265
00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:52,052
Okay, quiet, quiet.
266
00:09:52,052 --> 00:09:54,805
[ Gasps ]
st-st-st-stop.
267
00:09:54,805 --> 00:09:56,887
It's not funny. Stop.
268
00:09:56,887 --> 00:09:58,518
Got him.
He's in the box.
269
00:09:58,518 --> 00:09:59,720
You did?
Yeah.
270
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:00,891
How do you know?
271
00:10:00,891 --> 00:10:03,724
Well, there's only one way
to find out for sure.
272
00:10:03,724 --> 00:10:05,726
Yep, he's in there.
[ Laughs ]
273
00:10:05,726 --> 00:10:09,109
And you thought you could make
a fool out of me, didn't you?
274
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,031
Well, you've been caught
by michael --
275
00:10:11,031 --> 00:10:13,734
Bing-bing-bi-i-i-i-ng --
276
00:10:13,734 --> 00:10:15,445
Kyle.
277
00:10:15,445 --> 00:10:17,698
Will you stop with the gloating
and get that out of here?
278
00:10:17,698 --> 00:10:21,742
Yeah, and you wanted
to call an exterminator.
279
00:10:21,742 --> 00:10:25,796
Now, I think that an apology
should be in order.
280
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:27,047
Okay, I apologize.
281
00:10:27,047 --> 00:10:29,419
I shouldn't have
second-guessed you.
282
00:10:29,419 --> 00:10:30,590
And?
283
00:10:30,590 --> 00:10:33,093
And you were right,
and I was wrong.
284
00:10:33,093 --> 00:10:34,845
And?
285
00:10:34,845 --> 00:10:36,677
And I'm sorry.
286
00:10:36,677 --> 00:10:39,389
And?
And if you don't get
that thing out of here,
287
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:40,761
I'm gonna hit you with it.
288
00:10:40,761 --> 00:10:42,813
Okay, okay.
I'll get it out.
289
00:10:42,813 --> 00:10:45,856
But first, I got to look
at him in his beady eyes.
290
00:10:45,856 --> 00:10:48,859
Michael! Michael!
Don't you lift that box.
291
00:10:48,859 --> 00:10:51,231
Silence, woman.
292
00:10:52,773 --> 00:10:54,364
Michael...
293
00:10:54,364 --> 00:10:56,827
Aah! Aah!
Aah! Aah!
294
00:10:56,827 --> 00:10:59,870
[ Screaming continues ]
295
00:10:59,870 --> 00:11:01,702
No, no! You had
the chair last time!
296
00:11:01,702 --> 00:11:02,703
Michael!
297
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:03,834
Aah, oh, god.
298
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:04,955
[ Shrieking ]
michael!
299
00:11:04,955 --> 00:11:06,046
What? What?
300
00:11:06,046 --> 00:11:08,919
Did you see how fast
it just shot out there?
301
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,591
Did you see the size
of that thing?
302
00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:14,845
It was about this big!
That's without the tail.
303
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:17,467
My natural reaction
was to protect you.
304
00:11:17,467 --> 00:11:18,678
What?!
305
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,801
You all right?
You cool? You cool?
306
00:11:20,801 --> 00:11:23,683
Yeah.
Good, 'cause that thing
was scary.
307
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:24,805
Oh, my god.
308
00:11:24,805 --> 00:11:26,646
[ Shrieking ] there it is!
Right there!
309
00:11:26,646 --> 00:11:29,069
Aah!
[ Shrieking ]
310
00:11:29,069 --> 00:11:30,440
Hurry, get up there!
Save yourself!
311
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,863
No-ho-ho-ho!
312
00:11:32,863 --> 00:11:34,194
Michael!!
What?
313
00:11:34,194 --> 00:11:36,446
He's after me!
He wants me!
314
00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,488
Why -- why would you think
he wants you?!
315
00:11:38,488 --> 00:11:40,580
Because he knows
that I'm claire's father,
316
00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:42,492
And she killed his cousin
the squirrel.
317
00:11:42,492 --> 00:11:44,034
Don't you see?
It's a vendetta.
318
00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:45,876
You are crazy!
319
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,789
Yeah,
I'm crazy as a mouse.
320
00:11:48,789 --> 00:11:52,712
He's good, jay...
A little too good.
321
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:53,964
I'm gonna
have to bring out
322
00:11:53,964 --> 00:11:55,425
The heavy artillery
for this one.
323
00:11:58,138 --> 00:12:00,470
So, franklin, what kind of mouse
am I dealing with here?
324
00:12:00,470 --> 00:12:04,684
Well, judging from the size
and density of the droppings,
325
00:12:04,684 --> 00:12:07,898
It could be
peromyscus maniculatis,
326
00:12:07,898 --> 00:12:10,150
The deer mouse.
Oh.
327
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,773
Although...
328
00:12:12,773 --> 00:12:15,856
[ Sniffing ]
329
00:12:15,856 --> 00:12:19,199
It has the oaky aroma
of the notomys amplus,
330
00:12:19,199 --> 00:12:22,532
The notorious
short-tailed hopping mouse.
331
00:12:22,532 --> 00:12:23,994
Here, take a sniff.
332
00:12:23,994 --> 00:12:25,535
Ooh, foof.
333
00:12:25,535 --> 00:12:30,000
Most like, you're dealing with
reithrodontomys fulvescens,
334
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:33,333
The highly intelligent
harvest mouse.
335
00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:36,296
Although, based on everything
you've told me,
336
00:12:36,296 --> 00:12:39,179
It looks like you've
got the stephen hawking
337
00:12:39,179 --> 00:12:41,721
Of the
reithrodontomys fulvescens.
338
00:12:41,721 --> 00:12:44,014
Well, he's a lot faster
than stephen hawking.
339
00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:46,056
Stephen hawking
ain't moved that fast
340
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,978
Since he fell off
the observatory.
341
00:12:50,650 --> 00:12:52,853
Anyhoo...
342
00:12:52,853 --> 00:12:55,155
So how do we get rid
of this thing?
343
00:12:55,155 --> 00:12:58,108
Well, you're gonna kick yourself
when I tell you.
344
00:12:58,108 --> 00:12:59,199
It's so obvious.
345
00:12:59,199 --> 00:13:00,320
What is it? What?
346
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,362
Well,
I'd call an exterminator.
347
00:13:02,362 --> 00:13:04,825
That's what I said
from the beginning.
348
00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:05,956
Aw, phooey!
349
00:13:05,956 --> 00:13:09,079
I'm not calling
no exterminator.
350
00:13:09,079 --> 00:13:12,833
I see. This is one of your
foolhardy quests --
351
00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:17,587
One of your hopelessly stubborn,
boneheaded, misguided pursuits.
352
00:13:17,587 --> 00:13:19,719
Well, let me
tell you something.
353
00:13:19,719 --> 00:13:23,223
I'm not gonna stand around
and be your sancho panza.
354
00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:27,517
Who?
355
00:13:27,517 --> 00:13:30,851
"Don quixote"?
356
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,772
Cervantes?
357
00:13:32,772 --> 00:13:34,524
Anything?
358
00:13:36,736 --> 00:13:39,109
Look, I got pregnant my
last year of high school.
359
00:13:39,109 --> 00:13:40,861
I don't know
what his excuse is.
360
00:13:40,861 --> 00:13:43,823
Look, I'm not calling
no exterminator, franklin.
361
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:45,866
This is about honor,
okay?
362
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:48,498
A man has got to do
what a man's got to do.
363
00:13:48,498 --> 00:13:49,789
Is that it right there?
364
00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:51,041
Aah! Where?!
365
00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:52,832
[ Laughs ]
366
00:13:58,919 --> 00:14:00,881
Hey! Whoa!
Put that bread back.
367
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:03,173
How am I supposed to make
a sandwich?
368
00:14:03,173 --> 00:14:06,226
Don't you know that food
and water attracts mice?
369
00:14:06,226 --> 00:14:09,679
Food and water attract
everything, including me, daddy.
370
00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:10,680
I'm hungry.
371
00:14:10,680 --> 00:14:14,024
Look, nobody eats
anymore food in this house
372
00:14:14,024 --> 00:14:15,565
Until this mouse is gone.
373
00:14:15,565 --> 00:14:16,776
Ohh, daddy!
374
00:14:16,776 --> 00:14:19,940
Baby, listen, I really need
your support here, okay?
375
00:14:19,940 --> 00:14:21,942
My mission
is almost complete.
376
00:14:21,942 --> 00:14:24,284
And if my calculations
are correct,
377
00:14:24,284 --> 00:14:27,657
That mouse now roams somewhere
along the garage region.
378
00:14:27,657 --> 00:14:30,790
And once he gets there...
379
00:14:30,790 --> 00:14:34,334
I've got something diabolical
waiting on him.
380
00:14:34,334 --> 00:14:37,167
[ Laughs evilly ]
381
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,459
Mom, I don't want
to drive anymore.
382
00:14:39,459 --> 00:14:40,800
I'm a menace to society.
383
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:42,502
Claire,
when you fall down,
384
00:14:42,502 --> 00:14:45,635
You got to get right back up
on that horse, honey.
385
00:14:45,635 --> 00:14:47,507
If I get on a horse,
I'll kill it.
386
00:14:47,507 --> 00:14:48,808
[ Sighs ]
387
00:14:48,808 --> 00:14:50,600
Claire,
you're gonna be fine.
388
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,722
Hey, kady, want to go
get some lunch with us?
389
00:14:52,722 --> 00:14:54,814
Yes, please.
390
00:14:54,814 --> 00:14:58,108
Hey, you want anything?
391
00:14:58,108 --> 00:15:00,570
Huh?
392
00:15:00,570 --> 00:15:03,113
Yes, I want to bring
about the extinction
393
00:15:03,113 --> 00:15:04,614
Of this malignant thing
394
00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:07,827
That has plagued and frightened
mankind since its beginning.
395
00:15:07,827 --> 00:15:09,489
Club sandwich it is.
396
00:15:09,489 --> 00:15:10,660
No mustard, a little...
397
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,452
Come on, girls.
...heavy on the mayonnaise.
398
00:15:12,452 --> 00:15:13,954
Bye, baby.
Bye, mom.
399
00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:16,836
Hey, dad, what's that noise
coming from under the house?
400
00:15:16,836 --> 00:15:18,418
It's a cat.
A cat?
401
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,499
Yes!
402
00:15:19,499 --> 00:15:22,882
Four-legged creature
that goes, "meow, meow."
403
00:15:22,882 --> 00:15:25,425
Yeah,
I know what a cat is.
404
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,598
But what is one doing
under our house?
405
00:15:28,598 --> 00:15:31,551
That's not just any old,
ordinary cat.
406
00:15:31,551 --> 00:15:35,015
That cat is insane!
[ Laughs maniacally ]
407
00:15:35,015 --> 00:15:39,269
I got him from the pound!
[ Laughs maniacally ]
408
00:15:39,269 --> 00:15:40,400
Is he dangerous?
409
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,153
Only to mice.
He hasn't eaten in four days.
410
00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:46,776
Why would you want that kind of
cat anywhere near our house?
411
00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:49,569
Ohh, that's a very
provocative question!
412
00:15:49,569 --> 00:15:52,622
And the answer
is equally as delicious.
413
00:15:52,622 --> 00:15:55,955
You see, that cat is
my furry little hit man!
414
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,379
You see "the sopranos"?
Big pussy?
Yeah.
415
00:15:59,379 --> 00:16:01,791
Well, that's little pussy!
416
00:16:01,791 --> 00:16:06,006
He's indestructible.
[ Laughs maniacally ]
417
00:16:06,006 --> 00:16:08,348
Claire: aah!
418
00:16:08,348 --> 00:16:09,589
What happened?
419
00:16:09,589 --> 00:16:11,141
Claire ran over a cat.
420
00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:13,723
Is that your indestructible
little pussy?
421
00:16:13,723 --> 00:16:16,396
[ Laughs ]
422
00:16:19,649 --> 00:16:21,861
Don't you look in your
rearview mirror
423
00:16:21,861 --> 00:16:23,063
Before you back out?
424
00:16:23,063 --> 00:16:24,814
Yes, but we don't
have a cat,
425
00:16:24,814 --> 00:16:26,866
So I didn't expect
to run over one.
426
00:16:26,866 --> 00:16:28,488
Oh, my god.
I'm a murderer.
427
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,030
Oh, claire!
428
00:16:30,030 --> 00:16:32,452
Look, baby, it's okay.
You're not a murderer.
429
00:16:32,452 --> 00:16:34,244
That cat's number was up,
anyway.
430
00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,076
It looked like
he was chasing a mouse.
431
00:16:36,076 --> 00:16:37,457
Are you serious?
432
00:16:37,457 --> 00:16:40,250
Wait, kady, you saw the cat
and you let me run over it?
433
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,582
I figured if I saw it,
the driver would see it.
434
00:16:42,582 --> 00:16:45,715
You see this, jay?
This mouse is diabolical.
435
00:16:45,715 --> 00:16:48,888
He lured the cat out
at the exact same moment
436
00:16:48,888 --> 00:16:51,511
That crazy claire
was driving out!
437
00:16:52,972 --> 00:16:55,014
Michael, don't you think
you're giving the mouse
438
00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:56,436
A little bit
too much credit?
439
00:16:56,436 --> 00:16:57,767
Well, let me ask whiskers.
440
00:16:57,767 --> 00:17:00,400
Whiskers, do you think I'm
giving it too much credit?
441
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,901
Meow.
442
00:17:01,901 --> 00:17:03,313
Michael.
443
00:17:03,313 --> 00:17:06,606
You know what?
I need to elevate my game.
444
00:17:06,606 --> 00:17:09,449
It's time to bring out
the wmds.
445
00:17:09,449 --> 00:17:10,650
What's that?
446
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:13,073
The weapons
of mouse destruction.
447
00:17:13,073 --> 00:17:14,454
It's on.
448
00:17:17,617 --> 00:17:19,709
[ Panting, grunts ]
449
00:17:26,086 --> 00:17:27,717
Come on out, baby.
450
00:17:27,717 --> 00:17:30,550
Come on out.
Show yourself.
451
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,632
There you go.
452
00:17:32,632 --> 00:17:33,803
[ Laughs ]
453
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,352
Come on out! Ugh!
454
00:17:42,352 --> 00:17:43,983
[ Panting ]
455
00:18:06,666 --> 00:18:08,588
What in god's name,
michael...
456
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,589
Huh?
457
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,631
...have you done
to this house?!
458
00:18:11,631 --> 00:18:13,213
What?
Oh, my --
459
00:18:13,213 --> 00:18:15,555
I don't see nothing.
What?
460
00:18:15,555 --> 00:18:18,388
Take off the damn goggles,
michael.
461
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:19,599
Oh, my goodness.
462
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:22,602
Look what's happened
to the house.
463
00:18:22,602 --> 00:18:25,315
You have ruined
this entire house, michael!
464
00:18:25,315 --> 00:18:27,777
Jay, I almost had him.
I almost had him.
465
00:18:27,777 --> 00:18:29,319
He was toying with me.
466
00:18:29,319 --> 00:18:30,990
He'd poke his head in
and go [squeaks],
467
00:18:30,990 --> 00:18:32,572
Then sneak back
inside the hole.
468
00:18:32,572 --> 00:18:34,364
Stick it out [squeaks],
in, out, in, out,
469
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,655
Squeak, squeak,
squeak, squeak.
470
00:18:35,655 --> 00:18:36,996
Stop! Stop it.
471
00:18:36,996 --> 00:18:39,449
I am calling
the exterminator,
472
00:18:39,449 --> 00:18:42,872
And he is going to tent
this house today.
473
00:18:42,872 --> 00:18:44,664
But, jay, listen!
I could get him.
474
00:18:44,664 --> 00:18:47,247
If you just give me
another day, I could get him.
475
00:18:47,247 --> 00:18:49,709
I'll just get some little
explosive or some anthrax.
476
00:18:49,709 --> 00:18:51,841
I can mail him a letter,
a little one --
477
00:18:51,841 --> 00:18:53,753
A letter with
some anthrax on it...
478
00:18:53,753 --> 00:18:56,135
And sign it and seal it
with cheese.
479
00:18:56,135 --> 00:18:58,348
Stop!
Michael, listen to yourself.
480
00:18:58,348 --> 00:18:59,429
You've gone mad.
481
00:18:59,429 --> 00:19:00,760
You know
what I want you to do?
482
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:01,971
I want you to go upstairs,
483
00:19:01,971 --> 00:19:04,224
And I want you to get on
the phone, call the hotel,
484
00:19:04,224 --> 00:19:05,395
And make us a reservation.
485
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:07,187
But, baby, I --
no buts.
486
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,529
It's done, it's over,
it's finished.
487
00:19:09,529 --> 00:19:12,232
Okay, maybe I did go
a bit overboard.
488
00:19:12,232 --> 00:19:13,363
Just a tad.
489
00:19:13,363 --> 00:19:14,694
A-a tad? A tad?
490
00:19:14,694 --> 00:19:16,986
A tad.
A tad?
491
00:19:16,986 --> 00:19:18,618
You think?
492
00:19:18,618 --> 00:19:20,580
Okay, more than a tad.
493
00:19:22,662 --> 00:19:26,496
Okay, but you tell
that exterminator
494
00:19:26,496 --> 00:19:28,668
I want to see a body.
495
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:32,051
Fine, I'll tell him.
Now, go.
496
00:19:32,051 --> 00:19:33,633
You know, jay...
497
00:19:33,633 --> 00:19:34,884
In a funny way,
498
00:19:34,884 --> 00:19:38,758
I've kind of come to respect
that little mouse.
499
00:19:38,758 --> 00:19:43,513
I mean, his drive, his cunning,
his ingenuity, his trickery,
500
00:19:43,513 --> 00:19:47,267
His -- his zeal for life,
his knowledge --
501
00:19:47,267 --> 00:19:49,018
Call the hotel!!
502
00:19:52,312 --> 00:19:53,573
Yay! A swimming pool!
503
00:19:53,573 --> 00:19:55,575
I don't ever want to
go back home!
504
00:19:55,575 --> 00:19:56,816
Just swim near claire.
505
00:19:56,816 --> 00:19:58,528
At the rate she's going, there's
a good chance she'll drown you.
506
00:19:58,528 --> 00:19:59,739
Shut up, junior!
507
00:19:59,739 --> 00:20:01,451
Yeah, be quiet, junior.
508
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,583
The house has to be tented
for three whole days,
509
00:20:03,583 --> 00:20:05,455
So you'll have plenty
of time to swim.
510
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,917
Yeah, but in the meantime,
everybody in the neighborhood
511
00:20:07,917 --> 00:20:10,290
Is gonna look at that day-glo
orange tent on our house
512
00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:11,671
And think we're a bunch
of pigs.
513
00:20:11,671 --> 00:20:12,922
Claire's right.
514
00:20:12,922 --> 00:20:14,794
They might as well just write,
"dirty family" on it.
515
00:20:14,794 --> 00:20:16,296
[ Spits ]
516
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,179
Well, I don't care
what color the tent is,
517
00:20:20,179 --> 00:20:22,101
As long as I know
that I'm going home
518
00:20:22,101 --> 00:20:23,603
To a house that's mouseless.
519
00:20:23,603 --> 00:20:25,805
You know,
I could have had him, jay.
520
00:20:25,805 --> 00:20:28,518
If they had just sold me
that plutonium.
521
00:20:28,518 --> 00:20:29,519
I know, baby.
522
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:32,402
You know you're my big,
strong protector, right,
523
00:20:32,402 --> 00:20:34,444
And I always feel safe
around you?
524
00:20:34,444 --> 00:20:36,616
Really?
525
00:20:36,616 --> 00:20:38,488
Really.
526
00:20:38,488 --> 00:20:41,070
And I know that given enough
time and unlimited resources,
527
00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:42,782
That mouse would
have been history.
528
00:20:42,782 --> 00:20:44,744
I would have got him.
You would have.
529
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,866
50 Grand,
he'd have been gone.
Gone.
530
00:20:46,866 --> 00:20:48,788
Come on,
my knight in shining armor.
531
00:20:48,788 --> 00:20:50,790
Let's go hit the pool.
532
00:20:50,790 --> 00:20:52,502
Come on, claire.
533
00:20:56,506 --> 00:20:58,338
Hey, listen,
we're going swimming.
534
00:20:58,338 --> 00:20:59,469
You don't need this book.
535
00:20:59,469 --> 00:21:01,641
Okay.
536
00:21:08,978 --> 00:21:11,230
Based on everything
you've told me,
537
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:14,063
It looks like you've got
the stephen hawking
538
00:21:14,063 --> 00:21:16,566
Of the
reithrodontomys fulvescens.
539
00:21:16,566 --> 00:21:19,108
Well, he's a lot faster
than stephen hawking.
540
00:21:19,108 --> 00:21:21,901
You should have seen
that thing. [ Swooshes ]
541
00:21:21,901 --> 00:21:24,113
Stephen ain't moved
that fast since, uh...
542
00:21:24,113 --> 00:21:26,115
[ Laughs ]
38575
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