Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,545
Mmm. Mmm. Mmm!
2
00:00:04,545 --> 00:00:06,177
This food was excellent.
3
00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:08,049
See, junior, this is what life
is all about --
4
00:00:08,049 --> 00:00:10,471
Having a woman that knows
how to make her man
5
00:00:10,471 --> 00:00:12,303
Feel like the king
of his castle.
6
00:00:12,303 --> 00:00:14,305
And it's not over yet,
your highness.
7
00:00:14,305 --> 00:00:17,348
I have peach cobbler
and vanilla ice cream.
8
00:00:17,348 --> 00:00:18,639
Uh-oh!
9
00:00:18,639 --> 00:00:20,981
Whoa.
10
00:00:20,981 --> 00:00:23,944
Hold on one second.
I do not trust this cobbler.
11
00:00:23,944 --> 00:00:25,446
What is the matter?
What?
12
00:00:25,446 --> 00:00:26,737
No, no, no, no.
13
00:00:26,737 --> 00:00:29,490
It smells [sniffs]
like a price to pay.
14
00:00:29,490 --> 00:00:31,282
You remember the last time
you made it?
15
00:00:31,282 --> 00:00:33,824
You tried to get me to donate
a kidney to your uncle leon.
16
00:00:33,824 --> 00:00:35,786
Michael, that was pure
coincidence.
17
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,788
Come on.
Stop being paranoid.
18
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:38,869
You sure?
19
00:00:38,869 --> 00:00:41,001
Yes,
of course I am sure.
20
00:00:41,001 --> 00:00:42,923
You positive?
Yes!
21
00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:46,167
♪ Then bring on the cobbler,
give me the cobbler ♪
22
00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:49,009
Mmm, mom,
this is delicious.
23
00:00:49,009 --> 00:00:51,011
Yeah.
Amen to that.
24
00:00:51,011 --> 00:00:52,763
Hey, guys,
guess what I'm gonna do?
25
00:00:52,763 --> 00:00:55,976
I'm gonna go back to college.
26
00:00:55,976 --> 00:00:57,848
I knew it!
27
00:00:57,848 --> 00:01:01,232
I knew it, I knew it,
I knew it!
28
00:01:01,232 --> 00:01:02,353
Michael!
29
00:01:02,353 --> 00:01:03,564
Wait. I knew it!
30
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,186
Michael!
31
00:01:05,186 --> 00:01:07,778
I was really hoping that you
wouldn't react this way.
32
00:01:07,778 --> 00:01:09,280
Jay, what is wrong with you?
33
00:01:09,280 --> 00:01:10,741
Every three months or so,
34
00:01:10,741 --> 00:01:13,614
You feel compelled to make
my life a living hell.
35
00:01:13,614 --> 00:01:16,457
Now, all of the sudden,
out of the clear blue sky,
36
00:01:16,457 --> 00:01:18,909
You decide to go back
to college again.
37
00:01:18,909 --> 00:01:20,201
No, no, no, no, no, no.
38
00:01:20,201 --> 00:01:21,542
Not out of the clear blue sky,
michael.
39
00:01:21,542 --> 00:01:22,753
It actually occurred to me
last night
40
00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:24,415
At that
stupid cocktail party
41
00:01:24,415 --> 00:01:26,837
When you introduced me
as "just your wife."
42
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:30,131
Oh, jay, I thought we've been
through this drama before.
43
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:33,924
You said you was fulfilled
taking care of me and the kids
44
00:01:33,924 --> 00:01:36,717
And bookkeeping
at the office part time.
45
00:01:36,717 --> 00:01:39,980
You know, as thrilling as all
that is, michael,
46
00:01:39,980 --> 00:01:43,184
And believe me, I get all woozy
and lightheaded
47
00:01:43,184 --> 00:01:45,986
From the pure excitement
of it all,
48
00:01:45,986 --> 00:01:48,359
It's not enough.
49
00:01:48,359 --> 00:01:50,611
I need to do something
that's just for me.
50
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,942
Me?
51
00:01:51,942 --> 00:01:54,195
Me, me, me, me,
me, me, me, me, me.
52
00:01:54,195 --> 00:01:56,327
That's all you can think
about is "me."
53
00:01:56,327 --> 00:02:00,161
What about me, jay? Huh?
54
00:02:00,161 --> 00:02:03,083
What am I supposed to do while
you're off playing felicity?
55
00:02:03,083 --> 00:02:05,546
I'm not going to school
at night, michael.
56
00:02:05,546 --> 00:02:08,048
I can still take care of things
around here.
57
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:10,511
You know what, this is not
what I signed up for.
58
00:02:10,511 --> 00:02:12,173
We cannot have
a happy marriage
59
00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,255
When two people are living
separate lives.
60
00:02:14,255 --> 00:02:15,926
You know, why do you
always go through
61
00:02:15,926 --> 00:02:17,678
These huge exaggerations?
62
00:02:17,678 --> 00:02:19,139
Everything is black and white
with you.
63
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:20,261
There are no gray areas.
64
00:02:20,261 --> 00:02:21,642
Oh, I see gray, jay.
65
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:24,104
I see a couple patches up
in your head.
66
00:02:24,104 --> 00:02:25,566
And you might want to think
about that
67
00:02:25,566 --> 00:02:28,148
Before you go off
playing teenager again.
68
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:29,480
You know what,
the bottom line is
69
00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,363
You can't go back
because I forbid it.
70
00:02:32,363 --> 00:02:34,445
What?
71
00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,447
Yeah. You know why?
72
00:02:36,447 --> 00:02:38,989
You see,
I had ambitions, too, jay.
73
00:02:38,989 --> 00:02:40,831
I wanted to run
the high hurdles.
74
00:02:40,831 --> 00:02:43,454
But then I met you,
and I decided to have a family,
75
00:02:43,454 --> 00:02:44,665
So I gave that up.
76
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:46,377
No, you didn't it.
77
00:02:46,377 --> 00:02:48,999
You gave it up because you were
born with a club foot.
78
00:02:50,751 --> 00:02:53,133
And that, too.
79
00:02:53,133 --> 00:02:55,135
But my point is...
80
00:02:55,135 --> 00:02:58,799
You can't go back to college
because that ship has sailed.
81
00:02:58,799 --> 00:03:01,101
That's your attitude on this?
That's my attitude.
82
00:03:01,101 --> 00:03:02,643
Fine.
Fine.
83
00:03:02,643 --> 00:03:04,104
Fine.
Fine.
84
00:03:04,104 --> 00:03:05,105
Fine!
85
00:03:05,105 --> 00:03:08,108
Fine infin-n-n-n-ity.
86
00:03:17,077 --> 00:03:18,409
Look at him.
87
00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:20,781
Now, that's a hard worker
right there.
88
00:03:20,781 --> 00:03:22,122
I know.
He's making me sweat.
89
00:03:22,122 --> 00:03:24,995
[ Laughs ] me too.
90
00:03:24,995 --> 00:03:28,629
Well, unlike you, my brother,
we gonna pull out early.
91
00:03:28,629 --> 00:03:29,790
Yes.
92
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:31,632
[ Door opens ]
93
00:03:31,632 --> 00:03:34,094
Hey, miss kyle.
You need some help with that?
94
00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:35,546
Jay: yeah.
95
00:03:35,546 --> 00:03:38,429
Go help your mother!
96
00:03:38,429 --> 00:03:39,600
Oh, thank you.
97
00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:40,971
Mom, what it this?
98
00:03:40,971 --> 00:03:42,973
Baby, this is your old crib.
99
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,435
I saved it all these years.
100
00:03:44,435 --> 00:03:46,807
I'm gonna give it to you
and vanessa as a gift.
101
00:03:46,807 --> 00:03:48,689
Dang, look at all
these teeth marks.
102
00:03:48,689 --> 00:03:50,230
What'd y'all used to keep
in here -- pit bulls?
103
00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:52,523
[ Laughs ]
104
00:03:52,523 --> 00:03:56,357
You guys, do you have anybody
else that you can go annoy?
105
00:03:56,357 --> 00:03:57,778
Steve's gonna be home soon.
106
00:03:57,778 --> 00:04:00,741
No -- craig.
His mom just went food-shopping.
107
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,783
Oh, my god.
I'm so famished.
108
00:04:02,783 --> 00:04:03,864
Okay, go. Bye!
109
00:04:03,864 --> 00:04:04,865
Bye, guys!
110
00:04:04,865 --> 00:04:06,206
Crazies.
111
00:04:06,206 --> 00:04:08,369
So, are you and dad
still fighting?
112
00:04:08,369 --> 00:04:10,581
You know, junior,
your father's a stubborn man.
113
00:04:10,581 --> 00:04:11,832
After you finish restoring
that car,
114
00:04:11,832 --> 00:04:13,584
You can start restoring
your father.
115
00:04:13,584 --> 00:04:16,136
Look, I usually don't get
involved in these things,
116
00:04:16,136 --> 00:04:18,639
And you can tell me it's none
of my business,
117
00:04:18,639 --> 00:04:21,592
But I think you going back
to school is a good thing.
118
00:04:21,592 --> 00:04:24,555
Wow, junior,
that is the first time
119
00:04:24,555 --> 00:04:26,937
You ever expressed an opinion
about what I do,
120
00:04:26,937 --> 00:04:28,769
Other than complaining
I'm too tough on you.
121
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,891
But I see it
as a very positive thing.
122
00:04:30,891 --> 00:04:32,943
You know, it sets
a good example for us kids.
123
00:04:32,943 --> 00:04:35,275
I don't see why dad
is so opposed to it.
124
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,027
Why don't you tell that
to your father?
125
00:04:37,027 --> 00:04:38,569
Hmm. You see the hook?
See that?
126
00:04:38,569 --> 00:04:39,570
Yeah, I remember the hook.
127
00:04:39,570 --> 00:04:40,611
Yeah, that's a target.
128
00:04:40,611 --> 00:04:41,742
That's pretty big.
129
00:04:41,742 --> 00:04:42,953
Yeah, dad's quick.
Mm-hmm.
130
00:04:42,953 --> 00:04:45,366
But...i'm very happy
for you, mom.
131
00:04:45,366 --> 00:04:48,619
Thank you, baby.
132
00:04:51,121 --> 00:04:53,834
Oh, hi, honey.
133
00:04:53,834 --> 00:04:55,125
[ Door closes ]
134
00:04:55,125 --> 00:04:56,547
I hope those books
are for the kids
135
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:58,719
Because I know
you're not disregarding
136
00:04:58,719 --> 00:05:01,762
The law I laid down
in this house.
137
00:05:05,185 --> 00:05:08,689
No, actually these
are my psychology books.
138
00:05:08,689 --> 00:05:10,230
I start school on monday.
139
00:05:10,230 --> 00:05:14,234
So monday's doomsday
in our marriage.
140
00:05:14,234 --> 00:05:18,439
Hmm? Monday is the armageddon
of our relationship.
141
00:05:18,439 --> 00:05:21,612
Monday is the nuclear holocaust
of our nuclear family.
142
00:05:21,612 --> 00:05:24,615
You know, why do you go through
these exaggerations, michael?
143
00:05:24,615 --> 00:05:27,077
Come on. Don't ruin this
for me, please!
144
00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,078
Okay.
145
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,750
Where are you going?
146
00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:32,713
Well, obviously, I didn't get
my point across with you.
147
00:05:32,713 --> 00:05:34,625
So, since I can't communicate
with you,
148
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,377
I'm calling the shrink.
149
00:05:36,377 --> 00:05:40,260
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...
150
00:05:40,260 --> 00:05:43,173
Brother.
151
00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:46,176
We don't go see dr. Mason
152
00:05:46,176 --> 00:05:48,228
Unless there's something wrong
with you.
153
00:05:48,228 --> 00:05:50,731
Well, you just said there's
something wrong with me.
154
00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:53,063
Yeah,
but we ought to be --
155
00:05:53,063 --> 00:05:54,314
We ough-- stop.
156
00:05:54,314 --> 00:05:57,317
We ought to be --
157
00:05:57,317 --> 00:05:59,740
Now!
158
00:05:59,740 --> 00:06:02,863
We ought to be able to work
this out
159
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,154
Without bringing
a third party in, babe.
160
00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:05,155
Come on.
161
00:06:05,155 --> 00:06:06,827
Aha!
162
00:06:06,827 --> 00:06:08,869
Now I know I'm right.
163
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,912
Because you're saying all
the little things I say
164
00:06:11,912 --> 00:06:13,293
When I know I'm wrong!
165
00:06:13,293 --> 00:06:15,546
See, I'm calling
dr. Mason.
166
00:06:15,546 --> 00:06:16,837
Unless...
167
00:06:16,837 --> 00:06:18,799
You're scared...
168
00:06:18,799 --> 00:06:21,131
Sister.
169
00:06:22,423 --> 00:06:23,504
N-no.
170
00:06:23,504 --> 00:06:25,385
I'm not scared...
171
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,137
'Cause I know I'm right.
172
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:29,510
Well, let's let the good
dr. Mason
173
00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:31,722
Decide who's right...
174
00:06:31,722 --> 00:06:34,064
And who's wrong.
175
00:06:34,064 --> 00:06:36,396
[ Laughs ]
176
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,779
Michael, you're wrong!
177
00:06:38,779 --> 00:06:40,190
Yes! Yes!
178
00:06:40,190 --> 00:06:43,153
But not for the reasons
you think, jay.
179
00:06:43,153 --> 00:06:46,406
I'm not siding with you.
I never take sides.
180
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:51,371
Because I'm not your friend.
181
00:06:51,371 --> 00:06:52,913
I'm just here to help.
182
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,745
So then how am I wrong?
183
00:06:54,745 --> 00:06:58,128
You say that you're opposed
to jay going back to school
184
00:06:58,128 --> 00:07:00,300
Because it would
take her away
185
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:03,423
From her responsibilities
as a wife and a mother.
186
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,345
That's right.
That's wrong.
187
00:07:05,345 --> 00:07:09,640
The truth of the matter is
you feel threatened.
188
00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:13,353
Now, michael, I know
about your inner child.
189
00:07:13,353 --> 00:07:18,859
He's scared, confused,
and afraid of abandonment.
190
00:07:18,859 --> 00:07:22,693
He's probably remembering
the times
191
00:07:22,693 --> 00:07:24,525
That he was locked
in the closet
192
00:07:24,525 --> 00:07:27,948
Of that cold, one-bedroom
apartment in cleveland,
193
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:30,370
Begging mama
not to leave him again.
194
00:07:30,370 --> 00:07:33,914
"Mama, don't..."
195
00:07:33,914 --> 00:07:39,249
Only to have her return days
later in a drunken stupor
196
00:07:39,249 --> 00:07:42,503
With another strange man
who hated that little boy
197
00:07:42,503 --> 00:07:45,676
And kept saying,
"I'm not your friend!
198
00:07:45,676 --> 00:07:48,549
I'm not your friend!"
Dr. Mason! Dr. Mason!
199
00:07:50,551 --> 00:07:52,052
My point being...
200
00:07:52,052 --> 00:07:55,095
The idea of your wife
201
00:07:55,095 --> 00:07:59,309
Having a life that doesn't
revolve around you
202
00:07:59,309 --> 00:08:02,062
Scares the hell out of you.
203
00:08:02,062 --> 00:08:04,695
You don't want to be
left behind.
204
00:08:04,695 --> 00:08:06,567
That's deep.
That's deep right there.
205
00:08:06,567 --> 00:08:08,068
That's deep nonsense.
206
00:08:08,068 --> 00:08:09,950
The simple fact
of the matter is
207
00:08:09,950 --> 00:08:12,282
If she doesn't do what she's
supposed to do,
208
00:08:12,282 --> 00:08:13,664
Then stuff doesn't get done,
209
00:08:13,664 --> 00:08:16,827
And the thing we call family
breaks down.
210
00:08:16,827 --> 00:08:18,118
He doesn't think
that I can do both.
211
00:08:18,118 --> 00:08:19,540
You can't.
212
00:08:19,540 --> 00:08:21,712
But you don't know that
for a fact.
213
00:08:21,712 --> 00:08:24,174
But what I do know
for a fact...
214
00:08:25,385 --> 00:08:27,337
...is you're a crackpot,
215
00:08:27,337 --> 00:08:29,219
And I'm sick and tired
of spending $200 an hour
216
00:08:29,219 --> 00:08:30,931
To be told that I'm wrong.
217
00:08:30,931 --> 00:08:33,223
Michael, I don't see
why you're acting like this.
218
00:08:33,223 --> 00:08:34,685
This was your idea
to come here.
219
00:08:34,685 --> 00:08:36,557
Yeah, well, now it's my idea
to leave.
220
00:08:36,557 --> 00:08:38,398
You two chat
amongst yourselves.
221
00:08:38,398 --> 00:08:43,443
Because right now,
"I'm not your friend!"
222
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,495
Mom, I love this new lipstick.
223
00:08:55,495 --> 00:08:57,157
It's a great color for me.
Don't you think?
224
00:08:57,157 --> 00:08:58,869
You know, claire, when a person
becomes self-absorbed
225
00:08:58,869 --> 00:09:00,290
And overly concerned
with their appearance,
226
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,712
It usually means
they're hiding something.
227
00:09:01,712 --> 00:09:03,714
It says so right here
in this book --
228
00:09:03,714 --> 00:09:05,005
That they really hate
themselves.
229
00:09:05,005 --> 00:09:06,667
It's that self-loathing
230
00:09:06,667 --> 00:09:08,589
That leads to destructive
relationships,
231
00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,300
Depression, alcoholism,
drug abuse,
232
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,632
And eventually suicide.
233
00:09:11,632 --> 00:09:13,513
But that is a pretty color
on you.
234
00:09:13,513 --> 00:09:16,637
[ Sobbing ]
235
00:09:18,889 --> 00:09:22,022
What?
I said it was pretty.
236
00:09:26,446 --> 00:09:31,862
♪ Love is kind of crazy with
a spooky little girl like jay ♪
237
00:09:31,862 --> 00:09:33,363
Hey, dad.
238
00:09:33,363 --> 00:09:36,617
Oh, hey, baby.
You want to play piano with me?
239
00:09:36,617 --> 00:09:38,078
I'm not sure I can.
240
00:09:38,078 --> 00:09:39,539
Why not?
241
00:09:39,539 --> 00:09:42,542
'Cause mom
says I've got a.d.d.
242
00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:43,964
She diagnosed me.
243
00:09:43,964 --> 00:09:45,125
That's why I'm desperate for
attention,
244
00:09:45,125 --> 00:09:46,837
And I want to stay
a little girl
245
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,259
Even though I'm moving rapidly
towards my teenage years...
246
00:09:49,259 --> 00:09:51,712
And eventually, suicide.
247
00:09:51,712 --> 00:09:53,133
Come here.
248
00:09:53,133 --> 00:09:54,885
I don't want to hear you
talk like that.
249
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,476
Have you ever heard
250
00:09:56,476 --> 00:09:58,218
"A little bit of knowledge
is a dangerous thing"?
251
00:09:58,218 --> 00:09:59,720
Sure I did.
252
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:00,811
That's what it said
under junior's picture
253
00:10:00,811 --> 00:10:01,982
In his yearbook.
254
00:10:01,982 --> 00:10:03,483
[ Laughs ]
255
00:10:03,483 --> 00:10:05,646
Yeah, that, too.
256
00:10:05,646 --> 00:10:08,278
But it's also a description
of your mom right now.
257
00:10:08,278 --> 00:10:10,030
See, she's got a little bit
of knowledge,
258
00:10:10,030 --> 00:10:12,232
So she's overanalyzing
everything.
259
00:10:12,232 --> 00:10:14,074
So I don't have a.d.d.?
260
00:10:14,074 --> 00:10:15,575
Yes, you do.
261
00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:19,449
And that stands for "a dear dad"
that loves you.
262
00:10:19,449 --> 00:10:20,791
[ Scoffs ]
263
00:10:20,791 --> 00:10:22,452
You're just saying that
because mom says
264
00:10:22,452 --> 00:10:24,414
That you're symbiotically
attached to me.
265
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:25,666
Jay!
266
00:10:25,666 --> 00:10:27,838
Jay!
267
00:10:27,838 --> 00:10:29,299
Tell me what you see.
268
00:10:29,299 --> 00:10:31,551
Okay, I got it.
All right.
Okay.
269
00:10:31,551 --> 00:10:34,174
I see the light that shines
in every human being --
270
00:10:34,174 --> 00:10:35,515
The luminous tendrils
271
00:10:35,515 --> 00:10:37,257
That connect you to the well
of spirits
272
00:10:37,257 --> 00:10:39,139
In the dark pieta
of the universe.
273
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:40,600
Wrong. It's a squirrel.
274
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:42,853
Oh, right! It is a squirrel.
I can see it now.
275
00:10:42,853 --> 00:10:44,354
There's
a furry little tail --
that's the head.
276
00:10:44,354 --> 00:10:45,435
That's what I said.
277
00:10:45,435 --> 00:10:46,476
Jay, we need to talk.
278
00:10:46,476 --> 00:10:48,148
Not now, michael.
279
00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,030
I'm trying to help junior with
his bipolar schizophrenia.
280
00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:52,693
Yeah, mom's doing
a psychological profile of me.
281
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,325
Hey, dad, what does this
look like to you?
282
00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:56,697
I don't know.
283
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:57,828
The luminous tendrils that
connect you
284
00:10:57,828 --> 00:10:59,079
To the well of spirits
285
00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:01,411
In the dark pieta
of the universe?
286
00:11:03,203 --> 00:11:04,624
Or a squirrel.
287
00:11:04,624 --> 00:11:06,707
Michael, you're
interrupting us. Please.
288
00:11:06,707 --> 00:11:09,249
No, I'm not interrupting, jay.
I'm stopping this.
289
00:11:09,249 --> 00:11:11,341
You got everybody in this house
thinking they're crazy.
290
00:11:11,341 --> 00:11:12,883
Well, if you'll excuse me,
291
00:11:12,883 --> 00:11:15,255
I have to go check on
my other personalities.
292
00:11:15,255 --> 00:11:17,097
I told you you was crazy.
293
00:11:17,097 --> 00:11:18,298
I ain't crazy.
294
00:11:18,298 --> 00:11:20,430
Yes, you is.
295
00:11:20,430 --> 00:11:22,142
You see this, jay?
296
00:11:22,142 --> 00:11:23,473
You got everybody thinking
there's something wrong
297
00:11:23,473 --> 00:11:25,225
With them,
and I don't like it.
298
00:11:25,225 --> 00:11:27,227
My, my, my, we're being
passive-aggressive, aren't we?
299
00:11:27,227 --> 00:11:28,608
No, we're being
active-aggressive.
300
00:11:28,608 --> 00:11:30,190
This has got to stop.
301
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,362
You just don't want me
to go to school, michael.
302
00:11:32,362 --> 00:11:35,776
No, you can go to school, jay.
I changed my mind about that.
303
00:11:35,776 --> 00:11:37,197
But go to school
for something
304
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,869
That's gonna benefit
our relationship.
305
00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:40,871
Why don't you get
your master's in sex?
306
00:11:40,871 --> 00:11:42,743
That way, I can be behind you
the whole way.
307
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,415
Why do you always reduce
everything to sex?
308
00:11:45,415 --> 00:11:46,666
Why is that, michael?
309
00:11:46,666 --> 00:11:48,378
Did your gym teacher
touch you
310
00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:50,000
While you were
climbing the rope?
311
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,711
You know what, jay?
312
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:55,215
I don't want to get caught up in
your psychobabble, okay?
313
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:59,800
And mr. Grabbins was just trying
to help me pass the test.
314
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:04,474
He said it was
our little secret.
315
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:08,939
Yes, now we're getting
somewhere.
316
00:12:08,939 --> 00:12:11,311
Michael, I need for
you to trust me.
317
00:12:11,311 --> 00:12:13,904
Because I can help you
get over this hump.
318
00:12:13,904 --> 00:12:16,857
You never get over the hump,
jay.
319
00:12:16,857 --> 00:12:19,699
My point is, michael,
320
00:12:19,699 --> 00:12:24,034
Everybody in this house has some
serious psychological issues
321
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:25,455
That they're
in denial about.
322
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:28,498
You know what?
The thing --
323
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:31,421
You'd go that low?
324
00:12:34,464 --> 00:12:37,467
[ Piano music plays ]
325
00:12:42,642 --> 00:12:47,017
No, no, no!
No, no, no!
326
00:12:47,017 --> 00:12:49,059
You call yourself
a pianist?
327
00:12:49,059 --> 00:12:51,561
I played it flawlessly.
What am I missing?
328
00:12:51,561 --> 00:12:53,483
Missing pizzazz, kid.
329
00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:55,775
You're missing a certain
je-ne-sais-quoi.
330
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,357
You're missing --
you need more -- more...
331
00:12:57,357 --> 00:12:59,990
Fromage.
332
00:12:59,990 --> 00:13:01,741
Cheese?
333
00:13:01,741 --> 00:13:04,574
Yes, there's not enough cheese
in your play.
334
00:13:04,574 --> 00:13:06,746
Here, let me show you.
Scoot over, scoot over.
335
00:13:06,746 --> 00:13:11,461
Let me show you how to --
ahh.
336
00:13:11,461 --> 00:13:15,295
[ Sighs ]
337
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,918
[ Plays off-key ]
338
00:13:28,058 --> 00:13:31,811
[ Sniffling, crying ]
339
00:13:36,026 --> 00:13:37,898
[ Sighs ]
340
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,741
That was certainly cheesy.
341
00:13:43,904 --> 00:13:46,446
I don't think I'll ever
be able to do that.
342
00:13:46,446 --> 00:13:48,708
Oh, sure, you will.
343
00:13:48,708 --> 00:13:51,001
Anyhoo...
344
00:13:51,001 --> 00:13:54,004
You have a doctorate
in psychology, don't you?
345
00:13:54,004 --> 00:13:55,835
Yeah, two of them.
Why?
346
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,088
Well, jay has started
a course in psychology,
347
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,550
And she's driving everybody
around here crazy.
348
00:14:00,550 --> 00:14:04,724
Ooh...classic delusions
of grandeur.
349
00:14:04,724 --> 00:14:06,726
Yeah,
that's exactly what it is.
350
00:14:06,726 --> 00:14:10,430
There's nothing worse
than an amateur shrink.
351
00:14:10,430 --> 00:14:12,973
You know, when my uncle thaddeus
was in med school,
352
00:14:12,973 --> 00:14:18,478
He misdiagnosed me with a.d.d.,
Ocd, and o.p.p.
353
00:14:18,478 --> 00:14:20,981
[ Laughs ]
354
00:14:20,981 --> 00:14:23,153
The last one's a joke.
Remember?
355
00:14:23,153 --> 00:14:24,574
♪ You down with o.p.p. ♪
356
00:14:24,574 --> 00:14:25,655
♪ Yeah, you know me ♪
357
00:14:25,655 --> 00:14:26,987
♪ You down with o.p.p. ♪
358
00:14:26,987 --> 00:14:28,158
♪ Yeah, you know me ♪
359
00:14:28,158 --> 00:14:29,369
♪ You down with o.p.p. ♪
360
00:14:29,369 --> 00:14:30,370
♪ Yeah, you know me ♪
361
00:14:30,370 --> 00:14:31,751
Joke's over.
362
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:36,456
Sorry.
363
00:14:36,456 --> 00:14:39,960
Here's what I think
you should do.
364
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,212
You have anything
to write down notes with?
365
00:14:42,212 --> 00:14:44,674
Yeah, right here.
366
00:14:44,674 --> 00:14:46,386
The first thing
you should do
367
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:48,598
Is take a more
aggressive position.
368
00:14:48,598 --> 00:14:53,393
"A more aggressive position."
369
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:57,938
[ Knock on door ]
370
00:14:57,938 --> 00:14:58,979
Junior, I --
371
00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:00,610
[ Grunts ]
hey, mom.
372
00:15:00,610 --> 00:15:03,323
Junior, what happened
to the crib?
373
00:15:03,323 --> 00:15:04,945
I don't know.
374
00:15:04,945 --> 00:15:07,157
I was just looking for it.
It's not under the car.
375
00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:12,532
Okay, just let's back up
for a second.
376
00:15:12,532 --> 00:15:14,914
The crib doesn't have legs.
When's the last time you saw it?
377
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:16,416
The last time I remember
seeing it
378
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,498
Was when I showed it
to john and mike.
379
00:15:18,498 --> 00:15:19,960
Well,
those two are knuckleheads,
380
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:21,421
But I don't see why
they would steal a crib.
381
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,424
[ Horn honks ]
382
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:26,636
Oh, my god!
383
00:15:28,308 --> 00:15:31,101
Oh, yeah.
You know it's time, miss kyle.
384
00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:34,054
And check out the rims,
man. They spin.
385
00:15:34,054 --> 00:15:36,436
Oh, my god.
They're still spinning.
386
00:15:36,436 --> 00:15:38,728
Good heavens.
I'm getting nauseous.
387
00:15:38,728 --> 00:15:40,150
Wow!
388
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:42,482
What did you do
to my baby's crib?
389
00:15:42,482 --> 00:15:43,903
It's cool, miss kyle.
390
00:15:43,903 --> 00:15:45,155
We were just trying to
give it some extra flavor.
391
00:15:45,155 --> 00:15:46,776
You know, hook it up.
392
00:15:46,776 --> 00:15:48,568
Miss kyle, this crib is
going to be on "cribs."
393
00:15:48,568 --> 00:15:50,030
Oh, yeah,
it does so many things,
394
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:51,331
Junior won't even
have to watch the baby.
395
00:15:51,331 --> 00:15:53,833
[ Motor whirs ]
396
00:15:53,833 --> 00:15:55,285
Hey!
397
00:15:55,285 --> 00:15:56,997
Oh, dear, I'm not
trying to hurt him.
398
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:58,498
I'm not trying
to hurt him!
399
00:16:01,041 --> 00:16:02,712
I don't know why mom's
going back to school.
400
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:03,963
I can't wait to get out.
401
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,755
I think
it's good for her.
402
00:16:05,755 --> 00:16:08,218
I don't. I think she's going
through some midlife crisis.
403
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:09,219
Why do you say that?
404
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:10,850
This morning,
405
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:12,972
I caught her trying to squeeze
into my "juicy" sweat pants.
406
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,894
She could hardly get them past
her knees,
407
00:16:14,894 --> 00:16:16,436
But when she finally did,
408
00:16:16,436 --> 00:16:18,648
The letter "j" popped off
and flew out the window.
409
00:16:18,648 --> 00:16:20,190
[ Laughs ]
410
00:16:20,190 --> 00:16:22,312
Hey, you guys!
I'm so sorry I'm late.
411
00:16:22,312 --> 00:16:24,274
I had study group
with all the other kids,
412
00:16:24,274 --> 00:16:25,865
And we just lost track of time.
413
00:16:25,865 --> 00:16:27,607
Other kids?
Yeah!
414
00:16:27,607 --> 00:16:30,070
Oh, the other kids have
a nickname for me already.
415
00:16:30,070 --> 00:16:31,821
They call me "uicy."
416
00:16:31,821 --> 00:16:35,115
"What's up, uicy?"
"What's up, uicy?" Ahh!
417
00:16:35,115 --> 00:16:36,746
Why?
418
00:16:36,746 --> 00:16:38,248
Junior, come on.
419
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:40,170
Obviously, it's because
I see things so clearly.
420
00:16:40,170 --> 00:16:43,213
Oh, my gosh.
Do you know it, guys?
421
00:16:43,213 --> 00:16:44,754
Oh.
422
00:16:44,754 --> 00:16:47,257
Well, well, well.
If it isn't old school.
423
00:16:47,257 --> 00:16:49,719
[ Dopey voice ]
you're crazy.
424
00:16:49,719 --> 00:16:50,890
Look at this place.
425
00:16:50,890 --> 00:16:53,093
Michael, don't start,
okay?
426
00:16:53,093 --> 00:16:54,554
Look, jay, I got to start.
427
00:16:54,554 --> 00:16:56,516
Look at this house.
It's in shambles.
428
00:16:56,516 --> 00:16:58,638
Michael, I'm so tired.
Please!
429
00:16:58,638 --> 00:17:01,351
Are you too tired to help me out
with a psychological problem
430
00:17:01,351 --> 00:17:02,692
That I'm having?
431
00:17:02,692 --> 00:17:04,234
Wait, no,
that's right up my alley.
432
00:17:04,234 --> 00:17:05,235
I'd love to help.
433
00:17:05,235 --> 00:17:07,147
I have this employee
434
00:17:07,147 --> 00:17:09,859
That's exhibiting some very
destructive behavior.
435
00:17:09,859 --> 00:17:10,860
Go on, go on.
436
00:17:10,860 --> 00:17:12,412
Yeah, I made a list.
437
00:17:12,412 --> 00:17:13,783
See, here's some of the things
she's doing.
438
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:15,705
She's self-absorbed,
too judgmental,
439
00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:16,916
And overly analytical.
440
00:17:16,916 --> 00:17:18,748
Mnh-mnh.
You know what?
441
00:17:18,748 --> 00:17:20,160
From what
you're telling me,
442
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,163
I believe that
she is suffering from
443
00:17:23,163 --> 00:17:25,085
"Delusions of grandeur..."
Right.
444
00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:27,297
"Bordering megalomania."
Bordering megalomania.
445
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,428
Yes, yes!
446
00:17:28,428 --> 00:17:30,090
So how do I confront her?
447
00:17:30,090 --> 00:17:31,801
Well, you just can't
confront her directly.
No?
448
00:17:31,801 --> 00:17:33,763
No, she'll get all defensive
and stuff.
449
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:35,435
You got to let her
see it in herself.
450
00:17:35,435 --> 00:17:36,936
What if I've done all that?
451
00:17:36,936 --> 00:17:40,140
What if I've exhausted every
psychological ploy,
452
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,481
And it's still
not working?
453
00:17:41,481 --> 00:17:42,602
What do I do then?
454
00:17:42,602 --> 00:17:44,314
Sometimes, michael,
455
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:46,606
You just got to grab them
by the shoulders...
Mm-hmm.
456
00:17:46,606 --> 00:17:48,398
Look them lovingly
in the eye...
457
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:50,450
Then shake them real hard
and say,
458
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,862
"Hey! You're acting
like a nut!"
459
00:17:52,862 --> 00:17:54,994
Like that.
460
00:17:54,994 --> 00:17:56,196
That's what it says
in the book, too.
461
00:17:56,196 --> 00:17:57,537
And that works?
Yeah, oh, yeah.
462
00:17:57,537 --> 00:17:59,659
[ Laughs ]
thank you, baby.
463
00:17:59,659 --> 00:18:01,541
You're welcome, babe.
464
00:18:07,917 --> 00:18:10,089
Hey, you're acting
like a nut!
465
00:18:11,971 --> 00:18:13,473
Michael richard kyle,
466
00:18:13,473 --> 00:18:15,215
I can't believe you
tricked me like that!
467
00:18:15,215 --> 00:18:17,347
Actually, it was
franklin's idea.
468
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:20,019
What the hell
does franklin know?
469
00:18:20,019 --> 00:18:23,683
Both of his books
of been widely discredited.
470
00:18:23,683 --> 00:18:24,774
What happened to "j"?
471
00:18:24,774 --> 00:18:27,397
Nothing happened to jay,
baby!
472
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:30,730
She's still the same person.
She's just smarter!
473
00:18:30,730 --> 00:18:32,732
No, I'm talking about
the "j" on your behind.
474
00:18:32,732 --> 00:18:34,154
What?
475
00:18:34,154 --> 00:18:35,825
[ Gasps ] oh!
476
00:18:35,825 --> 00:18:39,078
What kind of foolishness?
477
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:41,741
Be careful with that "u."
It's hanging on for dear life.
478
00:18:41,741 --> 00:18:44,624
"Uicy"!
479
00:18:54,964 --> 00:18:56,306
Hey, wake up, felicity.
480
00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:58,057
Dissociative disorder...
Is more common in...
481
00:18:58,057 --> 00:19:00,640
Jay, jay --
we need to talk.
482
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,352
No, I need to finish this.
483
00:19:02,352 --> 00:19:04,474
No, you can finish this
in the morning.
484
00:19:04,474 --> 00:19:06,065
This is
much more important.
485
00:19:06,065 --> 00:19:08,067
I am so tired of arguing.
486
00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:09,439
Okay.
487
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,441
Then let's really talk
this time.
488
00:19:13,653 --> 00:19:15,365
I'm unhappy.
489
00:19:15,365 --> 00:19:18,157
So what should we
do about it?
490
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:21,581
[ Sighs ] you got to help me
help us.
491
00:19:21,581 --> 00:19:24,664
I mean, there's got to be
a way to fix this.
492
00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:29,128
Well, I suppose I have
possibly bit off
493
00:19:29,128 --> 00:19:30,750
A little bit more
than I could chew.
494
00:19:30,750 --> 00:19:33,423
A little bit?
Okay, a lot.
495
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,716
Okay, I'm happy to hear you
say that.
496
00:19:36,716 --> 00:19:38,888
Now, I suppose that
I haven't done
497
00:19:38,888 --> 00:19:40,680
All that I could
to help out around here.
498
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:44,264
I could absolutely put my dishes
in the dishwasher,
499
00:19:44,264 --> 00:19:46,356
And junior could pick up clothes
around the house,
500
00:19:46,356 --> 00:19:48,228
And it's about time
that claire and kady
501
00:19:48,228 --> 00:19:49,979
Start earning their keep
around here.
502
00:19:49,979 --> 00:19:52,732
Wait. Why the change
of heart, michael?
503
00:19:52,732 --> 00:19:54,404
It's simple.
504
00:19:54,404 --> 00:19:56,406
I love "uicy."
505
00:19:59,319 --> 00:20:02,282
Okay, well...
I'm sorry, okay?
506
00:20:02,282 --> 00:20:03,913
I just -- babe,
I got so excited
507
00:20:03,913 --> 00:20:05,665
About all the stuff
that I was learning
508
00:20:05,665 --> 00:20:08,127
That I couldn't wait to come
home and try it out on somebody.
509
00:20:08,127 --> 00:20:10,039
I don't think you've done
any permanent damage.
510
00:20:10,039 --> 00:20:11,461
Yeah.
511
00:20:11,461 --> 00:20:13,543
Now, listen,
I'm not gonna pretend
512
00:20:13,543 --> 00:20:15,755
That I like you
going back to school.
513
00:20:15,755 --> 00:20:18,968
But if you'll promise you'll
stop analyzing everyone,
514
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:22,262
I think I can learn
to live with it.
515
00:20:22,262 --> 00:20:27,397
I just decided I'm gonna scale
back my classes, go part time.
516
00:20:27,397 --> 00:20:28,728
It doesn't matter
how long it takes for me
517
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:29,849
To get my degree, right?
518
00:20:29,849 --> 00:20:31,561
It's a deal.
519
00:20:31,561 --> 00:20:34,193
It's a deal.
Ohh, that was great!
520
00:20:34,193 --> 00:20:36,946
You gave a little.
I gave a little.
521
00:20:36,946 --> 00:20:39,859
Speaking of giving a little.
I got something for you.
522
00:20:39,859 --> 00:20:41,951
[ Gasps ] oh, baby!
523
00:20:41,951 --> 00:20:43,413
Where did you find it?
524
00:20:43,413 --> 00:20:47,287
It was on
our neighbor's roof.
525
00:20:47,287 --> 00:20:48,748
Okay.
526
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:50,169
Hey.
527
00:20:50,169 --> 00:20:51,711
What?
528
00:20:51,711 --> 00:20:54,173
Now we both got
our "j" back.
529
00:20:54,173 --> 00:20:56,876
Yeah.
530
00:21:07,266 --> 00:21:09,689
God, I hate
these stupid functions.
531
00:21:09,689 --> 00:21:11,441
Yeah, me too, but this is
the way I keep up my contacts
532
00:21:11,441 --> 00:21:12,852
In the business world.
533
00:21:12,852 --> 00:21:14,023
Yeah, but why do I have
to be here, michael?
534
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,395
This is all about you.
535
00:21:15,395 --> 00:21:17,397
I have to be perceived
as a -- what was it?
536
00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:20,490
Man: a stable,
well-rounded...
537
00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:22,201
I can always refer
to my script.
538
00:21:22,201 --> 00:21:25,034
Ha ha! Ah ha!
38503
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
