Original subtitles

Jason: AMELIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE DEN, DEAR?

NOTHING, DAD.

I'LL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE.

I'M JUST COOKING.

Jason: IN THE DEN?

I MEAN READING.

Jason: IN THE DEN?

I LIKE TO READ AND THINK IN HERE.

Jason: IN THE DEN?

GOOD NIGHT, DAD. GO TO BED.

GOOD. OOH, WHAT BEAUTIFUL DIAMONDS.

NOW I JUST HAVE TO GET THESE TO THE HOTEL

BEFORE MY FATHER KNOWS THEY'RE MISSING.

PLEASE FORGIVE ME, FATHER.

Jason: WHAT? ARE YOU TALKING TO ME, AMELIA?

NO, DAD. STAY RIGHT THERE.

I'LL BRING YOU SOME WARM MILK.

Jason: AMELIA?

DAD!

Melissa: I'M GOING TO BED.

GOOD NIGHT!

WELL, I'LL WALK YOU UPSTAIRS.

THANKS.

Jason: WHAT'S IN THE BAG, DEAR?

WHAT BAG?

Jason: THE BAG IN YOUR HAND, RIGHT THERE.

OH, THIS BAG. JUST STUFF.

GO TO BED.

OKAY, I'M VERY TIRED.

Melissa: GOOD.

BUT FIRST I WANT TO CHECK ON MY DIAMONDS.

FOR WHAT?

Jason: YOU'RE RIGHT, LET'S GO TO BED.

IS THAT YOUR FLASHLIGHT?

HUH?

Jason: IS THAT YOUR FLASHLIGHT RIGHT THERE ON THE FLOOR

IN FRONT OF THE SAFE?

Melissa: NO.

OKAY, LET'S GO TO BED THEN.

ALRIGHT, CUT, CUT.

GUYS, THAT WAS GREAT.

IT FELT PRETTY GOOD.

DID IT FEEL GOOD?

YEAH.

ONCE WE SHOOT ON LOCATION,

THIS THING'S GONNA BE INCREDIBLE.

SO, YOU GUYS ALL SET FOR THE FIELD TRIP?

Brendon: DO YOU HAVE YOUR PERMISSION SLIPS?

OH, YEAH. I GOT MINE LAMINATED.

YOU GOT YOURS LAMINATED?

I DON'T KNOW, BRENDON, WHAT IF WE GET IN TROUBLE?

LOOK, WE'RE NOT GOING TO GET IN TROUBLE,

SO IT DOESN'T MATTER.

WELL, I'M JUST NERVOUS ABOUT IT.

MELISSA, IT'S JUST A HOTEL.

PEOPLE SHOOT MOVIES IN HOTELS ALL THE TIME.

SO IT'S——LISTEN, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

GETTING THE SHOT IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS.

ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS GET THE SHOT.

BRENDON, IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SOME SORT OF PEP TALK?

UH—...

Melissa: 'CAUSE I GOTTA TELL YA, IT'S NOT MAKING ME FEEL ANY BETTER.

Brendon: UH, WELL——

I HAVE A LAMINATING MACHINE AT HOME.

Brendon: WOW.

THE THINGS PLUGGED IN, ELECTRICITY SEEMS TO BE WORKIN'.

COME ON, YOU STUPID—...

OWW!

GEEZ!

HEY, McGUIRK, HOW'S THAT JOE COMIN'?

I, UH, CAN'T NAVIGATE THROUGH MY GEOGRAPHY CLASS

WITHOUT MY CAFFEINE CO—PILOT.

HEY, WHEN DO YOU THING THAT FUEL WILL BE READY FOR PUMPING, EH?

HEY, FINK, YOU KNOW HOW TO WORK THIS THING?

WELL, IS IT PLUGGED IN, McGUIRK?

YEAH, IT'S PLUGGED IN.

I CAN'T HELP YOU THEN.

I'M NOT A MECHANIC.

OH, THAT'S GREAT, FINK.

OH, GOD, MY HAND!

Fink: HEY, I DIDN'T WANT MINE TO GO, HUH?

PRINCIPAL PLUM, BEAUTIFUL MORNING, ISN'T IT?

COFFEE MACHINE IS ON THE, UH, FRITZ AGAIN.

SO I THREW IT ON YOUR CAR.

SORRY.

IS IT, UH, CAN YOU CHECK IF IT'S WORKING?

NO?

I KNOW THIS IS ONLY A SITCOM BUT NOBODY CAN BE THAT STUPID.

HEY BRENDON, YOU KNOW, UM, MR. LYNCH CALLED ME TODAY.

MR. LYNCH?

Paula: UM—HMM.

YOU MEAN MY MR. LYNCH?

YOU DON'T OWN HIM.

YES I DO, HE'S MINE.

WHY DID HE CALL YOU?

HE WANTED TO KNOW IF I COULD BE A SUPERVISOR

ON YOUR FIELD TRIP TO THE HOTEL.

OH BOY, THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

WHAT DID HE SAY WHEN YOU TOLD HIM "NO"?

HE SAID "THANK YOU," BECAUSE I DIDN'T TELL HIM "NO."

I TOLD HIM "YES."

MAN, WHY ARE YOU GOING ON MY FIELD TRIP THEN?

YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO THIS.

NO, I'M NOT GOING ON YOUR FIELD TRIP,

I'M CHAPERONING YOUR FIELD TRIP, BRENDON.

BUT MOM, WHY DO YOU WANNA GO?

YOU'VE BEEN TO HOTELS MILLIONS OF TIMES.

IT'S MY DUTY AS A PARENT TO HELP OUT.

NO, IT ISN'T.

YEAH, IT IS.

NO, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO HELP OUT AT ALL.

THAT'S WHY WE PAY TAXES.

I'M A MUCH BETTER CITIZEN THAN THAT.

MOM, LOOK, THERE'S GONNA BE KIDS RUNNING WILD

ALL OVER THE PLACE AND YOU DON'T WANT TO

HAVE TO CHASE THEM AROUND AND, YOU KNOW,

Brendon: YOU'RE WAY TOO OLD FOR THAT STUFF.

I'M NOT TOO OLD, BRENDON, I'M YOUNG AND VIBRANT.

I CAN KEEP UP WITH ANY EIGHT—YEAR—OLD KID.

Paula: AND AT LEAST I KNOW I WON'T HAVE TO WORRY

ABOUT YOU AND JASON AND MELISSA, RIGHT?

LET'S JUST PAY A LITTLE MORE ATTENTION TO THE TV

AND NOT SO MUCH ATTENTION ON TALKING, OKAY?

MMM, SORRY.

SO MR. McGUIRK, TELL ME SOMETHING ABOUT YOURSELF.

UH, WELL, DO YOU MIND IF I HAVE A LOOK AT THAT APPLICATION?

Manager: OH, SURE.

JUST, YOU KNOW, REFRESH MY MEMORY.

Manager: UH—HUH.

I GRADUATED USC, AS IT SAYS HERE.

McGuirk: AND I FOUGHT IN THE GULF WAR.

Manager: GULF WAR?

I WENT TO UCLA MYSELF.

McGuirk: OH, YEAH. IT'S A BEAUTIFUL COUNTRY.

WELL, I'M SOLD.

ME TOO.

I THINK YOU'RE OUR NEW NIGHT MANAGER, MR. McGUIRK.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT WHEN DO I—...

WELL, WELL, LET ME—...

HOLD ON THERE ONE, ONE SECOND.

I CAN'T WAIT TO PUT THE TIE ON.

YEAH, I UNDERSTAND THAT.

LET ME JUST SEE WHAT THE OLD BACKGROUND CHECK TURNED UP.

UH——OH, MR. McGUIRK.

YEAH, ALRIGHT.

I'M SORRY, BUT YOU'VE GOT QUITE A HISTORY HERE,

ALL THESE FINES AND ARRESTS AND DRUNK AND DISORDERLY,

DRUNK AND DISORDERLY.

OH RIGHT, WELL—...

McGuirk: WAIT A MINUTE, BEFORE YOU GO JUMPING THE GUN HERE——

I'M AFRAID THAT'S NOT WHAT WE HAD IN MIND.

Manager: IT'S A FAMILY RESTAURANT.

LOOK, SIR, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, ALRIGHT?

I WENT A LITTLE MENTAL THE OTHER DAY

AND I NEED 1700 BUCKS TO PAY FOR SOME DAMAGES.

LOOK AT MY HANDS.

Manager: EMPTY.

IT'S OUT OF MY HANDS.

I CAN'T HELP YOU, MR. McGUIRK,

UNLESS YOU WANTED TO ORDER SOME FOOD.

ALRIGHT.

OKAY, THERE'S, UH, THERE'S BEEN A LITTLE MONKEY

THROWN INTO THE MIX.

I THINK YOU MEAN MONKEY WRENCH.

NOPE, I MEAN THE WHOLE MONKEY.

MY MOTHER'S GOING ON THE FIELD TRIP.

WHY?

BECAUSE SHE'S HELPING MR. LYNCH.

SO NOW WE HAVE TO BE EXTRA SNEAKY.

SO MAKE SURE YOU MEMORIZE ALL YOUR LINES.

BRENDON, I'M, UM, NOT REALLY GOOD AT MEMORIZING LINES.

YEAH, ME NEITHER.

YOU KNOW MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB? YEAH.

SHE DID?

I STILL HAVEN'T MEMORIZED IT.

LOOK WE HAVE TO, GUYS, BECAUSE WE ONLY GET ONE SHOT

AT EACH SCENE, BECAUSE THERE'S GONNA BE ADULTS EVERYWHERE

AND WE'RE GONNA BE SNEAKING AROUND, SO,

YOU KNOW, WE HAVE ONE CHANCE TO DO IT RIGHT.

AND, YOU KNOW, WE'VE GOT ABOUT 37 SCENES TO SHOOT.

SO, GUYS, WE GOTTA, YOU KNOW—...

THAT'S A LOT OF SCENES.

YEAH, YEAH, WELL, MAYBE WE'LL CUT A COUPLE OUT.

I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONES.

HEY, BRENDON, DO YOU KNOW THE SCENE

WHERE YOU'RE SLEEPING?

YEAH.

MAYBE THAT ONE COULD, UM—...

YEAH, BUT IT'S IMPORTANT BECAUSE WE HAVE THE SCENE

WHERE I WAKE UP, SO—...

JUST A SUGGESTION.

I'LL TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT THE SCRIPT.

THE SCENE WITH YOU ON THE BIDET,

IT'S FUNNY, BUT IT DEFINITELY COULD GO.

WELL, LET'S NOT GO OVERBOARD HERE,

WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME SCENES TO HAVE A MOVIE.

I LOVE COACHING, YOU KNOW, I MEAN I'M IN IT FOR THE KIDS.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I SAY TO THE SCHOOL: DON'T PAY ME.

BUT THEY DON'T LISTEN.

THAT'S THE KIND OF WORKER I AM, I'M LOYAL, TRUSTWORTHY AND,

McGuirk: UH, NOTEWORTHY.

WELL, YOUR BACKGROUND CHECK CAME THROUGH CLEAN AS A WHISTLE,

MR. SMALL.

Manager: WELCOME TO GALAXY COFFEE.

WOW, THANKS.

THAT'S GREAT.

PLEASE CALL ME, BRENDON.

OKAY, THIS HERE IS YOUR LIST OF KIDS.

I'VE GOT THEM IN—-

Paula: ALPHABETICAL ORDER, YEAH.

ALISON, BRENDON.

NO, NO, NO.

ACTUALLY, PAULA, THEY ARE IN THE ORDER

OF MOST LIKELY TO RUN AWAY.

Lynch: OKAY, YEAH, SEE THE FIRST NAME ON THAT LIST, ALISON?

YEAH.

YEAH, SO ALISON WOULD BE THE FIRST MOST LIKELY KID

TO RUN AWAY.

OH, OKAY.

WHICH ONE IS ALISON AGAIN?

UH, SHE WOULD BE THE ONE ACROSS THE STREET

GETTING INTO THAT CAB.

UH, SO YOU MIGHT WANT TO, UH—-

ALISON, GET OVER HERE!

WAIT, WAIT FOR THE LIGHT.

UH, OKAY, IT'S OKAY, PAULA; ROOKIE MISTAKE.

WHY IS BRENDON NEXT ON THE LIST?

UH, WELL, BRENDON, IS—...

LET'S JUST SAY YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO KEEP AN EYE ON HIM.

PLEASE, MR. LYNCH, MY OWN SON—— I CAN HANDLE HIM.

HMM.

WHERE IS HE ANYWAY?

I GOTTA PEE!

WAIT, DID BRENDON GET OFF THE BUS ALREADY?

I CAN'T WAIT, IT'S A BODILY FUNCTION.

BODILY FUNCTIONS DON'T WAIT.

OKAY, GO INSIDE BUT COME RIGHT BACK.

PERRY'S GONNA BE SICK.

I HAVE SEA SICKNESS.

I KEEP TELLING HIM WE'RE ON LAND, BUT HE WON'T LISTEN.

IT DOESN'T MATTER, LAND OR SEA, I GET SEA SICK ON THE BUS.

OKAY, FINE, FINE.

HURRY UP. FOLLOW FENTON TO THE BATHROOM.

GO, GO QUICKLY.

BRENDON! BRENDON!

FENTON, WAIT FOR US!

WAIT FOR US, I'M SEA SICK.

NO!

PERRY'S SICK.

I'M SICK, FENTON, HAVE MERCY.

DON'T FOLLOW ME, I'VE GOTTA PEE.

PERRY, HE'S GETTING AWAY HURRY.

IT MAKES ME SICK WHEN I RUN.

OKAY, YOU WALK, I'LL RUN, PERRY.

YEAH.

MR. LYNCH, DO YOU HAVE WALTER AND PERRY ON YOUR LIST?

THEY'RE NOT ON MY LIST.

I DON'T BOTHER LISTING THEM, THEY NEVER RUN AWAY.

NEVER?

PERRY! YEAH, WALTER?

IF YOU THROW UP, I'LL THROW UP.

OKAY, LET'S BOTH THROW UP AT THE SAME TIME.

COUNT OF THREE, READY? OKAY.

MORNING, MA'AM, ARE YOU STAYING WITH US

FOR BUSINESS OR PLEASURE?

BOTH.

THAT WOULD BE BLEASURE?

YES.

OR PLISNESS.

YES, TELL ME SOMETHING, BELLHOP.

HAS MR. HUTCHINSON CHECKED IN YET?

YES, HE HAS.

GOOD, THANK YOU.

WILL THERE BE ANYTHING ELSE, MA'AM?

NO, I THINK THAT'S ALL.

OKAY.

AHEM.

OH! HERE YOU GO.

GUY'S GOTTA EAT.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP.

UH, DADDY HAS SIX KIDS.

YEAH, UM, I'M ALL CLEANED OUT.

ALRIGHT.

WELL, THANK YOU AND ENJOY YOUR STAY

AT THE MYSTERY HOTEL.

CUT, BEAUTIFUL.

LET'S MOVE!

CAN I GET MY MONEY BACK?

NO.

BRENDON! BRENDON! OH, SHH.

BRENDON WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER HERE?

NOTHING, NOTHING.

STAY WITH THE GROUP,

I'M COUNTING ON YOU GUYS TO HELP ME OUT.

OKAY, OKAY.

WHERE'S ALISON?

UM.

ALISON!

Paula: ALISON, GET DOWN FROM THERE!

WE'RE IN TROUBLE, BRENDON, I KNEW IT.

NO, NO, NO, RELAX. WE'RE FINE, WE'RE FINE.

DON'T WORRY. I KNEW THIS WAS A MISTAKE.

MUCH OBLIGED, SIR.

OH, NOT BAD.

NOW WE NEED TO SNEAK INTO A ROOM.

BRENDON, I GOTTA TAKE THIS UPSTAIRS.

UH, SO I GRAB HIM—— HE'S A BIG GUY

BUT I GRAB HIM BY THE SHIRT AND I SAY,

"YOU DON'T DO THAT IN MY HOTEL."

I THREW HIM OUT AND THAT'S THE STORY.

ANY QUESTION?

YEAH, I WANT TO SEE YOU THROW SOMEBODY OUT.

WELL, THE DAY IS STILL EARLY BUT I MIGHT BE THROWING YOU OUT.

HA—HA, THROW SOMEBODY OUT.

LISTEN, LITTLE BOY.

IT'S NO GOOD WHEN I THROW SOMEBODY OUT,

I DON'T LIKE THAT SIDE OF THE BUSINESS,

BUT I DO IT.

I DO IT BECAUSE IT'S IMPORTANT FOR THE OTHER PEOPLE

IN THE HOTEL TO FEEL SAFE.

OKAY?

JUST THROW ONE PERSON OUT, PLEASE.

UH, EXCUSE ME, UH, HI.

I'M, WELL, I'M LOCKED OUT.

MY PARENTS LEFT AND LOCKED ME OUT OF MY ROOM, NUMBER 24,

Brendon: AND IF YOU COULD OPEN IT THAT WOULD BE TREMENDOUS, OKAY?

UM, I'LL BE RIGHT OVER IN FRONT OF MY ROOM, NUMBER 24,

UH, WAITING WITH MY FRIENDS WHO ARE SICK.

OKAY, THANKS!

OKAY, OKAY, THAT'S, UH, YOU MADE YOUR POINT.

OKAY, ALRIGHT.

OKAY, YES.

THIS IS HOW YOU THROW SOMEBODY OUT.

OKAY, A LITTLE TIGHT, A LITTLE TIGHT.

I'VE GOT THE DIAMONDS, NOW GIVE ME BACK THE PICTURES,

YOU BLACKMAILER.

NOT SO FAST, AMELIA.

GIVE ME THE PICTURES.

WELL, THAT'S SLOWER, BUT IT'S VERY FUNNY

AND I LIKE A GAL WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR,

LIKE YOU—— LIKE A GIRL LIKE YOURSELF.

LIKE ONE OF—...

CUT.

HI, MY NAME'S CLARICE.

WELL, MY NAME'S BRENDON SMALL.

GOT IT?

BRENDON SMALL.

MY BOYFRIEND CALLS ME "LITTLE MAMA."

WELL, THAT'S CUTE.

SO WHAT'S UP, CLARICE?

I'M GONNA TRAIN YOU,

BUT I DON'T MEAN LIKE IN A HEALTH CLUB.

YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK YOU DID, SINCE WE'RE IN A COFFEE SHOP.

ALRIGHT, SO THIS IS THE COFFEE MAKER, RIGHT?

I GOTTA WARN YOU, I DON'T GET ALONG

WITH COFFEE MACHINES, AND YOU'RE STARING AT ME.

I KNOW, MY BOYFRIEND SAYS I STARE.

WELL, IT'S BECAUSE YOU DO.

NOW STOP IT.

IT'S CREEPY.

I'M GOING TO COLLEGE NEXT YEAR.

Clarice: MY BOYFRIEND'S ALREADY IN COLLEGE.

WELL, THAT'S EXCITING, CLARICE.

NOW WILL YOU PLEASE STOP STARING AT ME?

McGuirk: AND YOU REALLY SHOULD BLINK, 'CAUSE BLINKING

SHOWS THAT YOU'RE HUMAN. ALRIGHT?

IFFEN YOUR FATHER GETS THE THINGS,

THEN HE'LL DO SOMETHIN' QUICKER THAN A SOMETHIN' FAST——LINE.

JUST KEEP GOING.

I DON'T CARE HOW MANY PICTURES YOU HAVE OF ME.

OH, AND YOU'LL RUN OVER THE THING AND YOU'LL DO STUFF

AND I'LL DO STUFF BACK AND THERE WON'T BE ANY STUFF LEFT TO DO.

I'M NOT GOING TO STEAL FOR YOU ANYMORE.

YES, WILL YOU ROB THE HOTEL SAFE FOR ME, PLEASE?

IT WOULD BE REALLY GOOD IF YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME.

THANKS.

YOU DON'T SCARE ME, I SAW MY FIANCÉ DOWNSTAIRS,

WHICH MEANS HE'S COMING TO SAVE ME AND THE JIG IS UP.

HE'S NOT HERE TO SAVE YOU, LITTLE DARLIN'.

YOUR FIANCÉ IS HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE MAID.

NO, HE'S NOT!

WHY DO YOU THINK I CHOSE THIS HOTEL?

I DON'T KNOW, GOOD RATES, CLOSE TO THE AIRPORT.

NO! WELL, THEN WHY?

SO YOU WOULD SEE THAT YOUR FIANÉé

IS PLAYING YOU FOR THE FOOL.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

MAYBE YOU'LL BELIEVE THIS.

OUCH!

JOHNNY!

THAT'S RIGHT, AMELIA;

I'M YOUR FIANCÉ'S IDENTICAL TWIN BROTHER, JIMMY.

Amelia: JOHNNY. JOHNNY.

OKAY, SO THAT'S HOW YOU DO THAT.

NOW I WANT TO SHOW YOU HOW TO TURN DOWN A BED,

IF THEY EVER ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING.

WHAT DID HE SAY?

THAT'S A LITTLE HOTEL HUMOR.

LIGHTEN, PEOPLE, SO WE HERE ALL DAY.

I CAN BARELY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING!

PERRY, I WANT TO STAY IN A HOTEL.

I WANT TO LIVE IN A HOTEL.

I WANNA BE A HOTEL MANAGER.

I WANNA BE A MAITRE DE.

I WANNA BE A BELL HOP.

I WANNA BE A WAITER.

I WANNA BE A BELL.

SHUT UP!

OKAY, SHUT UP.

HAVE YOU SEEN BRENDON?

UH, NO, I HAVEN'T, PAULA.

YOU KNOW, I REMEMBER MY FIRST FIELD TRIP, UH, LIKE YOURS.

IT WAS THE AQUARIUM, I WAS VERY NERVOUS;

JUST ME AND 42 KIDS.

WHERE IS BRENDON?

I WAS SO AFRAID I WAS GOING TO LOSE SOME AND, UH,

THEY WERE RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I LOST SOME KIDS.

CLARICE, THIS DOESN'T LOOK RIGHT, IT'S ALL FOAM.

IT LOOKS LIKE SOAP SUDS.

YOU FORGOT TO PUT THE ESPRESSO IN.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

YOU HAVE TO LEARN FOR YOURSELF.

MY GIRLFRIEND AND I WERE BORN ON THE SAME EXACT DAY.

WELL, THAT'S EXCITING, WHAT DAY WAS THAT?

D—DAY?

NO. YOU'RE FUNNY.

YES, I AM.

MY BOYFRIEND COULD GET REALLY JEALOUS OF YOU.

UH—HUH.

LOOK, LITTLE MAMA, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, ALRIGHT?

I'M HERE TO DO MY TIME, MAKE MY MONEY AND THAT'S IT.

McGuirk: I CAN'T POSSIBLY GET INVOLVED WITH A CO—WORKER.

THAT WOULD BE WRONG.

PLUS, HOW OLD ARE YOU?

EIGHTEEN.

WELL, I COULD POTENTIALLY GET INVOLVED WITH A CO—WORKER.

BUT WHY BLACKMAIL ME AND MAKE ME STEAL

MY FATHER'S DIAMONDS WORTH 750 MILLION DOLLARS?

BECAUSE THE OWNER OF THIS HOTEL STOLE THE HOTEL

FROM MY FATHER WHEN HE WAS A YOUNG HOTEL GUY

AT THIS HOTEL, AND THE PAPERS TO PROVE IT

ARE IN THE HOTEL SAFE, AND SOME DIAMONDS ARE IN THERE, TOO.

WHY?

TELL ME!

BECAUSE I KNOW YOU'RE REAL IDENTITY, AMELIA.

YOU'RE THE INTERNATIONAL JEWEL THIEF

KNOWN AS "THE QUEEN OF DIAMONDS."

HOW DID YOU FIND OUT MY SECRET IDENTITY?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT IF YOU BREAK INTO THE SAFE,

YOU CAN STEAL ALL THAT STUFF AND WE CAN RUN AWAY TO SOUTH AMERICA

OR SOME OTHER COUNTRY.

THAT IS, IF YOU LOVE ME.

DO YOU?

WELL, I, I—...

OH NO, IT'S MR. SHOCK, MY FATHER'S VERY OWN PRIVATE

PRIVATE EYE.

HE'S BEEN HIDING IN THE BATHROOM AND HEARD THE WHOLE THING.

HE MUST HAVE FOLLOWED ME HERE TO TAKE THE DIAMONDS BACK

AND PROBABLY TO TURN YOU INTO THE POLICE.

HE'S NOT A MAN YOU CAN REASON WITH.

OH, I THINK YOU DID A COUPLE OF MY LINES.

SORRY.

Brendon: EVERYBODY HIDE! WHAT? WHAT?

HIDE!

NOW YOU TAKE YOUR TP AND YOU FOLD THIS END FIRST.

FENTON, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

SHUT UP! I AM NOT.

YOU ARE, POOR FENTON.

SHUT UP!

IT'S JUST STUPID TOILET PAPER!

POOR FENTON, POOR FENTON.

HE CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

OKAY, OKAY.

SETTLE DOWN, FOCUS.

LOOK AT MR. LYNCH, IT'S ON HIS SHOE.

IT'S ON HIS SHOE, OH MY GOD.

YEAH. I LIKE YOUR SHOES.

I LIKE YOUR SHOES.

WE'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE.

SHH! NO, WE'RE NOT.

MELISSA, WHERE'S JASON?

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU MIND?

SOMEONE'S IN HERE.

BRENDON, I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. NO, DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID.

BRENDON, I'M SORRY! AH!

HI, THERE.

HI, AND HELLO.

UH, CARRY ON.

Jason: UH, NEED MORE TP.

FORTY EIGHTS, FORTY NINES OR FIFTY?

THAT WAS ONLY 49.

NO, THAT WAS 50.

YOU DID NOT COUNT THE FIRST ONE.

NO, I COUNTED THE FIRST ONE.

IT WAS 49.

LISTEN TO ME, YOU LITTLE PUNK.

ONE, UH, HEAVY.

HAS ANYONE SEEN BRENDON OR MELISSA OR JASON?

OH BOY.

DON'T WORRY; WE LOSE KIDS ALL THE TIME.

HMM.

THIS IS THE PERFECT PLACE TO SHOOT THE FINAL SCENE.

LET'S GO BACK TO THE HOTEL.

NO, NO, NO. IT'S FINE.

PLUS I HAVE TO PEE, SO.

HOLD YOUR BREATH.

UH, I THINK THAT ONLY WORKS FOR HICCUPS.

IT WORKS FOR PEE TOO.

OH MY GOD!

IS THAT COACH McGUIRK?

HE'S ROBBING THE PLACE.

ROLL CAMERA.

OKAY, AGAIN; ONE, TWO, THREE DOLLARS AND 56—7 CENTS.

THERE'S YOUR CHANGE, HAVE A NICE DAY,

DON'T BOTHER COMING BACK.

NEXT.

YOU SHOULDN'T SAY THAT TO CUSTOMERS.

IT HURTS THEIR FEELINGS.

HE'S NOT ROBBING IT, HE'S WORKING HERE.

CLARICE, SPARE ME, ALRIGHT?

THE GUY WAS A JERK.

HANDED ME A FIVE, HE MUST HAVE HAD TWO BUCKS, RIGHT?

I'LL HAVE A DOUBLE GRANDE HALF CAFF;

SINGLE SHOT VANILLA SKIM CAPPUCCINO FOR HERE.

COACH McGUIRK, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

BRENDON?

WHY DID HE CALL YOU COACH McGUIRK?

UH, I DON'T KNOW.

HE'S PROBABLY RETARDED.

WHY DOES YOUR NAMETAG SAY BRENDON SMALL?

BECAUSE THAT'S HIS NAME.

SEE MY NAME TAG SAYS CLARICE,

BUT MY BOYFRIEND CALLS ME LITTLE MAMA.

CLARICE, TAKE A BREAK.

HEY, GUYS, GUESS WHAT, I GOT GOOD NEWS.

ONE OF THE HOTEL GUESTS SAYS THREE KIDS

WHO FIT THE DESCRIPTION OF THE MISSING KIDS

WENT INTO ONE OF THE COFFEE SHOPS.

WHAT? WHAT?

I SAID THE KIDS ARE NEXT DOOR AT THE COFFEE SHOP.

OH, THANK GOD!

YEAH, EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY.

CAN I GET MY COFFEE?

LADY, I'LL BE HONEST WITH YA, I DON'T KNOW

WHAT THE HELL YOU ORDERED.

HOW 'BOUT A BISCOTTI?

COACH McGUIRK, I MEAN BRENDON;

I REALLY HAVE TO USE THE BATHROOM, SIR.

BATHROOMS ARE FOR CUSTOMERS ONLY.

BUT I'M TOO YOUNG TO DRINK COFFEE AND IF I DID

I WOULD HAVE TO PEE MORE, SO—...

BRENDON, WE JUST PROBABLY JUST START SHOOTING.

THEY'RE GOING TO SHOOT YOU?

IT'S A ROBBERY!

BRENDON, WHAT'S GOING ON?

WELL, BRENDON, I'D LIKE TO FILM THE BIG FINAL SCENE

OF OUR MOVIE HERE, BUT FIRST I HAVE TO PEE.

CLARICE, HE MEANS SHOOT A MOVIE.

BRENDON!

WHAT? WHAT?

Paula: BRENDON, THANK GOD YOU'RE ALRIGHT!

WHO'S SHE?

MY MOTHER.

I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.

BRENDON, YOU KNOW YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO, UH,

LEAVE THE GROUP.

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO BE PUNISHED FOR THIS.

CAN I PEE FIRST?

BRENDON, I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

GET OVER HERE!

AH! MOM, NO, DON'T TOUCH ME,

I'M GONNA HAVE——I HAVE TO REALLY USE THE BATHROOM.

BRENDON, LISTEN TO ME, I DON'T WANT YOU RUNNING OFF LIKE THAT—-

YOU'RE PRESSING ON MY BLADDER.

I WAS WORRIED SICK.

I'M SORRY, I MEAN, I—...

MOM, I—...

McGUIRK, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WORKED HERE.

UH, NOW I HAVE TO PEE.

HEY, THAT IS THE GUY I THREW OUT OF MY HOTELS LAST WEEK.

OH GREAT, THIS IS GREAT.

COACH McGUIRK, WHY DOES YOUR NAMETAG SAY BRENDON?

WAIT A MINUTE, EVERYBODY'S CALLING YOU COACH McGUIRK,

YOU'RE NAME ISN'T BRENDON SMALL, YOU LIED.

YOU LIED TO ME, I'M GONNA TELL THE MANAGER.

I GOTTA PEE, SOMEBODY—...

WHERE'S MY COFFEE?

LADY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING COFFEE!

OKAY, OKAY, MM—HMM, THANK YOU.

BYE.

THEY FOUND ALISON, SHE WAS AT THE AIRPORT,

SHE'S FINE.

OH, I'M AWAKE.

ARE YOU WATCHING ME SLEEP, WALTER?

YES, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU SLEEP.

WATCH ME NOW.

'KAY, SHUT YOUR EYES.

I SHUT MY EYES.

OH MY GOD, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

I KNEW WE WERE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE.

YEAH, BUT IT WAS FUN.

YEAH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE

WHEN THOSE PEOPLE WALKED IN THE ROOM.

"AH!"

THAT'S ME, ALRIGHT.

YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE.

AHHH.

AND THEN YOUR FACE WENT LIKE THIS:

YEAH.

THEN YOU WERE LIKE THIS:

YEAH, I'M GONNA LOOK OUT THE WINDOW FOR A WHILE.

OH.

YEP.

YEAH.

WHAT?

HMM? DID YOU SAY SOMETHING?

NEITHER DID I.

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Jason: UH, NEED MORE TP.