Original subtitles

[***]

One time, okay, see,

one time Randy Beaman's little brother

ate Pop Rocks and drank a soda at the same time,

and his head exploded.

Okay, bye.

[***]

ALL: * It's time for Animaniacs *

* And we're zany to the max *

* So just sit back and relax *

* You'll laugh Till you collapse *

* We're Animaniacs *

BOTH: * Come join The Warner brothers *

* And the Warner sister, Dot *

ALL: * Just for fun we run around The Warner movie lot *

* They lock us in the tower Whenever we get caught *

* But we break loose And then vamoose *

* And now you know the plot *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Dot is cute and Yakko yaks *

* Wakko packs away the snacks *

* While Bill Clinton Plays the sax *

* We're Animaniacs *

* Meet Pinky and the Brain *

* Who want to rule The universe *

* Goodfeathers flock together *

* Slappy whacks 'em With her purse *

* Buttons chases Mindy *

* While Rita sings a verse *

* The writers flipped We have no script *

* Why bother to rehearse? *

* We're Animaniacs *

* We have pay-or-play Contracts *

* We're zany to the max *

* There's bologna In our slacks *

* We're Animan-y *

* Totally insane-y *

Where's Lon Chaney?

* Animaniacs *

* Those are the facts *

[***]

[***]

[GULPS]

Gak-- Uh.

[ROARS]

[GROWLS]

[CHUCKLES]

Egad.

Dr. Jekyll's turned himself into that fearsome

Mr. Hyde again, Brain.

Yes, Pinky.

If only I could find a way to use that savage strength.

[WHISTLE BLOWING]

Huh?

Hey, that's the brute. Take him.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[BELLS TOLLING]

Four o'clock.

ALL: Teatime.

[***]

Scone?

Delighted.

Sugar?

Please.

[ALL SLURP]

ALL: Ahh.

[ALL GRUNTING]

Right, it's jail for you, Hyde.

[GROWLS]

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

I think so, Brain, but if they called them Sad Meals,

kids wouldn't buy them.

Hello in there, Pinky.

Now, concentrate.

The British are fanatical about teatime.

Everything stops when Big Ben strikes 4.

Therefore, if I can stop that clock

at precisely 4 p.m.,

it will cause infinite teatime,

allowing us to take over the British Empire

and then the world.

Egad, Brain. Brilliant.

Oh, wait, no, no.

You'd have to be a hulking, muscular giant

to stop that clock, Brain.

Exactly, Pinky.

As they say in rustic circles, "Bottoms up."

[GULPS]

I-is it working, Brain? Any changes yet?

Tingling? Itching? Feeling anything?

Do you? Do you? Do you?

Quiet, Pinky. You're angering me.

Now, please--

[BELCHES]

Narf.

Uh? Sorry I angered you, Brain.

Gwak.

Egad, Brain, it works.

Unfortunately,

its effects are dreadfully unpredictable.

[GRUNTING]

Ugh.

We must find a way to control the transformation.

Hmm.

I transformed when you angered me

and transformed back when you apologized.

That's it. Anger me, Pinky.

But, zounds, Brain. I don't want to.

Do it, Pinky.

No, Brain, you'll bop me.

Pinky, make me angry.

Gwak.

[GROWLS]

[GASPS]

I didn't want to make you angry, Brain. Sorry.

[GRUNTS]

Zort, Brain. Are you all right?

Yes, Pinky.

For you have--

In your own very special manner.

--found a way for us to control this awesome power.

BRAIN: Once we enter Big Ben

I'll use my physical prowess

to stop the center wheel,

while you dislodge the pallet

and disrupt the intrinsic mechanism.

What if that doesn't work?

Then...

we'll throw a big wrench in it.

Any questions?

Just one, Brain.

Can we make the bells play "Chopsticks"?

Oh, yes, Pinky. Let's do.

And how about "John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt"?

Oh, you read my mind!

Goody, goody. Great idea, Brain.

*John Jacob Jingleheimer-- *

Sarcasm is lost on you, Pinky.

Now, let us rest, for tomorrow

we have an empire to overthrow.

[***]

Come, Pinky. Let us make haste.

One question, Brain.

Don't anger me yet, Pinky.

Oh, right. Never mind.

[***]

[GASPS]

Oh, look how pretty

the clock is from here, Brain-- Narf.

Keep moving, Pinky. We've not much time.

The clouds, the sky.

Pinky.

Oh, look,

that cloud looks like a big pomegranate.

Pinky, you're making me angry.

Gwak.

[GASPS]

[PINKY GRUNTING]

Whoa, Brain-- Yoo-hoo.

[PINKY SCREAMS]

[GROWLS]

Egad. Sorry, Brain.

Gwak.

Whee! Ha! That was fun, wasn't it, Brain?

Gwak.

[GROWLS]

[ROARS]

[PANTS]

No. Wait, Brain.

Narf, I didn't apologize yet.

[***]

[BRAIN GROWLS]

Americans.

[ROARS]

Brain! Brain!

Huh? I didn't mean for us to fall.

I'm sorry.

Brain, are you all right?

Your timing is impeccable, Pinky.

[BOTH GASP]

[BOTH SCREAM]

But for once,

you erred in our favor, my friend.

[***]

Whooop.

Wow.

There it is, Pinky.

The main wheel of Big Ben.

We stop that and we stop the world.

Yes!

Now, Pinky,

help me transform and I will stop the gears.

Then you can dislodge the pallet.

Got that?

Dislodge the pallet. Yes.

[***]

Now, make me mad.

Okay, Brain.

Narf, um, eh...

Oh, okay. Hey, you, you dum-dum.

Come on, you can do better than that.

Um... Right, um...

Your mother, she's older than you.

Pinky, try harder. Quickly.

Oh, I-I-I don't know, Brain. I--

I-I-I--

I-I-I--

Pinky-- Gwak.

[GROWLS]

[GROWLING]

Dislodge the pallet.

[GRUNTS]

No, Pinky, the pallet.

Oh, sorry, Brain.

[GRUNTS]

Gwak.

[GASPS]

[SCREAMS]

[BOTH SCREAM]

[***]

[BELLS TOLLING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[PLAYING "CHOPSTICKS"]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Oh, I'm sorry, Brain.

Gwak.

Narf, oh, no. I'm-- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Puah, puah.

Egad, Brain.

I don't mean to keep saying I'm sorry.

Gwak.

Anger me, Pinky. Hit me.

Egad, Brain.

[PANTS]

All right.

Gwak-- Again, Pinky.

Gwak-- Again.

Gwak.

Again, Brain?

No, Pinky.

Oh, or tomorrow, then?

I could hit you tomorrow.

No, Pinky.

This plan is detrimental to my health.

We must devise another.

What for, Brain?

[GASPS]

Oh, right, to take over the world.

Sorry.

Gwak.

[BELLS PLAYING "CHOPSTICKS"]

Listen, Brain, they're playing our song.

WARNERS: *They're dinky, they're Pinky And the Brain*

*Brain, Brain, Brain,Brain Brain, Brain*

[***]

[***]

MINERVA: *It's not pretty being me *

* Just try it and you'll see *

* It's harder than you think *

* To be a gorgeous mink *

* La-da-da Da-da-da-dee *

* It's not pretty Being me *

[BEEPING]

More messages?

Ho-hum.

MALE 1: Hi, uh, Minerva? This is Lawrence.

I'm a-titter.

Um, I-I was wondering,

do you wanna go out with me? Bye.

I don't think so. [PHONE BEEPS]

MALE 2: Dadgum, Minerva, this is Fowlmouth.

And dadgum, Shirley is out of town

for the dadgum weekend.

[MESSAGE REWINDING]

Poultry, ew.

FEMALE: Hi! This is Trudy, your best friend.

Um, my cousin is in town, and I told him you could,

you know, show him around?

I'd rather chew aluminum.

He'll be over at 5. Bye.

A moment of silence for my former best friend.

[***]

[WHISTLES]

[GULPS]

[CROAKS]

Please, baby, please, baby, baby, baby, please.

[***]

BOTH: Hello, nurse.

[PANTING]

Boys.

Can't a girl get any privacy?

[***]

Well, this is it, Newt.

[BARKING]

Okay, boy, you know what to do.

You get me a mink, you hear?

And don't you hurt that fur.

[BARKING]

Yeah, uh, hunting is exhausting.

Greetings, mink.

I am Newt, a professionally- trained hunting dog.

My credentials.

[***]

Uh-huh.

I am here to capture you

and take you to my master.

I will show no sympathy, helpless mink,

so you might as well surrender.

Would you do me a...favor?

These are wet, heh,

could you blow on 'em for me?

Huh, that ploy won't work with--

With-- Wi-- Wheee--

Whoooo-- Wow.

Ooooh-- Wooow,

ooh-hooooo!

Ooh, baby, that's what I like.

[***]

[YAWNS]

I suppose that'll do.

[***]

This is a state-of-the-art mink trap.

I am baiting it with my special mixture

of smelt paste and peanut butter.

It's a delicacy no mink can resist,

so you might as well get inside.

Actually, punkin, I prefer...Chinese.

[SCREAMS]

Ooh, Chinese.

Gotta get Chinese. Gotta get Chinese.

[***]

NEWT: I'll have the Number 12 to go.

[WOMAN SPEAKS IN CHINESE]

I got the Chinese, my reason for living.

[SNAPS]

[***]

[SLURPS]

Pathetic, isn't he?

Moo goo gai pan.

"If you have trouble luring the mink to you,

try using reverse psychology."

Excuse me, mink.

I have decided I do not want to trap you at all.

Your fur is not up to my standards.

No, you do not interest me at all,

little substandard mink.

You're cute.

Mwah.

[LAUGHS]

So how many people do you want

to invite to the wedding?

What a yutz.

Okay, Newt, don't get upset.

I'm not.

You will get the little mink.

I will, I'm a professional hunting dog.

Yes, you are.

My master won't mind

if the pelt is a tad singed.

[***]

You are a smarty every day.

Yes, I am.

This is a particularly sad moment for me.

MINERVA: What have you done?

I can't believe it.

How did you know that I wanted

my house moved right next to the pond?

Thank you. Thank you.

Now I can see the water through my bedroom window.

And I thought you didn't like me.

Mwah.

[HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]: Oh, you make me feel like a schoolgirl.

[GIGGLES]

Was it something I said?

MALE: Hi, I'm Trudy's cousin.

[GASPS]

I hope you've got cash,

'cause I'm not paying.

[SQUEALS]

[PANTS]

Ooh, baby, that's what I like!

[***]

[SIGHS]

[TOOTING]

Whoo-hoo, hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo, whoo-hoo,

whoo-hoo, hoo-hoo, hoo-hoo, whoo-hoo.

Hoo-hoo, whoo-hoo, whoo-hoo.

Tee-hee.

What a yutz.

Like I said, it's not pretty being me.

I think I've got you beat, sister, ooh.

[***]

Okay, so what happened is one time

Randy Beaman went on a trip with his dad,

and they picked up a lady who wanted a ride home--

And this was in Kansas.

--and she sat in the back seat

and when they got where she wanted to go,

they turned around and she was gone.

And Randy Beaman's dad talked to the man who lived there

and told him what the lady looked like,

and the man said,

"Oh, that's my wife, but she died four years ago."

Spooky, huh?

Okay, bye.

[***]

Zort.