All language subtitles for Benched.S01E09.A.New.Development.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-Cinefeel_track3_[eng]

- OH.

OH, GOD.

HEY, IS IT JUST ME,
OR DO YOU SMELL,

LIKE, EVERY SMELL
YOU'VE EVER SMELLED?

- OH, YEAH, DIDN'T YOU
CHECK YOUR CALENDAR?

IT'S PROSECUTE THE HOMELESS
DAY.

IT'S LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY.

IF YOU WAKE UP
AND YOU SEE A COP'S SHADOW,

YOU GET SIX WEEKS
JAIL TIME.

- AH, WHAT? WERE THEIR
CARDBOARD BOXES NOT UP TO CODE?

- TRENT IS MAKING THEM PAY.

- L.A. MUNICIPAL CODE.

- YES, YOUR HONOR,

MY CLIENT ADMITS HE'S HOMELESS.

HE APOLOGIZES.

BUT THE BEVERLY HILTON
WAS ALL BOOKED UP.

- THIS IS NOT
HIS FIRST VIOLATION.

- NO.
IMAGINE THAT.

HE WAS HOMELESS THEN;
HE STILL IS NOW.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS?

- HE WAS IN POSSESSION
OF A DRUG PIPE, YOUR HONOR.

- BUT NO DRUGS,
YOUR HONOR.

- WHICH IS WHY
WE'RE DROPPING THE PIPE CHARGE

AND OFFERING
90 DAYS JAIL TIME.

OR WE CAN GO TO TRIAL.

- 90 DAYS?
WHAT A DICK.

- OH, YEAH,
HE'S ON A ROLL.

[gavel bangs]
- 90 DAYS.

PEOPLE VS. GREEN.

- REALLY BEING THE CHANGE

YOU WANT TO SEE
IN THE WORLD, TRENT?

- JUST DOING MY JOB, CARLOS.

- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU SHOULD HURRY UP,

'CAUSE I HEAR
THERE'S A BASKET OF PUPPIES

OUTSIDE TO KICK, SO YOU DON'T
WANT TO MISS THAT.

- HOW YOUNG
ARE THESE PUPPIES?

- UNBELIEVABLE.

BUNCH OF HOMELESS VETERANS,
ADDICTS, AND MENTALLY ILL.

HE SHOWS THEM NO MERCY!

TRENT'S LIKE THAT SPACE GUY,
THAT TALL, BLACK--

- MICHAEL JORDAN
IN SPACE JAM?

- NO, DARTH VADER.
- AH.

- HOW DO YOU
NOT REMEMBER THAT?

- EASY, CARLOS.
YOU'RE GONNA HURT YOURSELF.

BESIDES, YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT
THE MAN THAT NINA ONCE LOVED.

- LOOK, I AM
NOT DEFENDING TRENT.

I INVENTED HATING THE GUY.

I'M JUST SAYING
HE'S NOT A MONSTER.

WHEN TRENT AND I
WERE ENGAGED,

HE WAS NEVER CRUEL
TO THE HOMELESS.

IN FACT, I SAW HIM GIVE
HIS ENTIRE LUNCH

TO A GUY SLEEPING OUTSIDE
HIS BUILDING.

- WAS THAT LUNCH POISONED?

- NO.
- YOU SURE?

DID YOU EVER SEE
THAT MAN AGAIN?

- MAN, I DON'T--
I DON'T THINK SO.

[groovy rock music]

- ♪ HEY NOW

♪ HEY NOW

- THAT IS SOME WEAK CRAP.

USELESS!
- YEESH.

SOUNDS LIKE
THE NEW GUY AND CHERYL

ARE REALLY
HITTING IT OFF.

- OKAY, I GOT IT.

JEEZ!

NO OFFENSE, GEOFFREY,
BUT YOUR PEP TALKS NEED WORK.

- I DON'T GIVE
SWEET PEP TALKS.

BABY, I GIVE PINK SLIPS.

YOU'RE NOT
A DAMN SOCIAL WORKER.

YOU'RE A LAWYER.

P.D.s ARE SUPPOSED
TO GET PEOPLE OUT OF JAIL.

YOU'RE MORE LIKE
A CONCIERGE.

"MAY I SHOW YOU
TO YOUR CELL, SIR?"

- JESUS, IT'S CALLED
A SLUMP.

- [chuckles]

NO, YOU HIT A SLUMP AFTER
YOU'VE ACTUALLY WON SOME SH--.

YOU WOULD HAVE TO GO UP
TO REACH SLUMP LEVEL.

YOU ARE
THE WEAK LINK.

AND IN THIS OFFICE,
THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING.

- WOW.
- JEEZ. [chuckles]

SOMEBODY'S GOT
SOMETHING TO PROVE,

AND I HAPPENED TO BE NEARBY.
[laughs]

- YEAH, I GUESS
JUST SOME BAD LUCK FOR YOU.

- I MEAN, I GUESS--
I GUESS HE HAS A POINT.

I NEVER QUITE GOT
INTO THE WHOLE, YOU KNOW--

- WINNING?
- YEAH.

I THOUGHT IT WAS 'CAUSE
I WAS JUST THE NEW KID

ON THE BLOCK,
BUT NOW YOU'RE THE NEW KID,

BUT YOU WIN,
AND I STILL--

- STRUGGLE.

- I WAS GONNA SAY "SUCK,"
BUT YOUR WAY IS BETTER.

- MM.

- DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD HELP ME?

- CHERYL,
THAT'S REALLY FLATTERING.

OF COURSE, YEAH.

IF I THINK OF SOME GOOD ADVICE
FROM TIME TO TIME,

I'D BE HAPPY TO--

- SAY YOU'RE YOU,

AND YOU HAVE TO ARRAIGN THESE
IN, SAY, SIX MINUTES.

HYPOTHETICALLY,
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

- OKAY.

HYPOTHETICALLY,
TRIAGE.

I'D ASSESS THE LIKELIHOOD
THAT A D.A. COULD PROVE GUILT

BASED ON PRIORS,
WITNESSES.

AND THEN I WOULD TAKE THAT,
AND I'D PUT A NOTE ON EACH FILE.

THAT WAY, I'M NOT SEARCHING
IN COURT. HERE YOU GO.

I'D ALSO NOTE
MITIGATING FACTORS.

THAT STUFF--THAT STUFF
CAN GET YOU A BETTER DEAL.

- YOU'RE LIKE RAIN MAN.

- IS THAT A COMPLIMENT?

- YEAH, HE WAS, LIKE,
THE SMARTEST GUY IN THE WORLD.

COUNTING TOOTHPICKS,
BEATING THE CASINO?

- I THINK YOU MIGHT WANT
TO RE-WATCH THE MOVIE.

OKAY.
- DO IT...

EIGHT!

YOU DROPPED
EIGHT PIECES OF PAPER.

I'M RAIN MAN NOW!

- THAT'S, LIKE,
18 PIECES.

- 19.

[laughs]

OKAY, JUST REMEMBER,
CONFIDENCE.

YOU'RE A PRO.
YOU GOT THIS.

- OKAY, GOT IT.

HEY, GIRLFRIEND!

ANNIE!

- CHERYL.

- OH, HI.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?

- HOW'S YOUR CAT?
- GREAT.

I WAS THINKING OF GETTING HER
INTO MODELING AND STUFF,

BUT I DON'T KNOW; I DON'T KNOW
HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT IT.

HOW ABOUT YOU?
HOW ABOUT YOUR BABIES?

- GREAT.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SQUIRRELS.

- I THINK--CHERYL?

I THINK YOU MIGHT WANT TO KEEP
YOUR EYE ON THE PRIZE.

- OH, RIGHT,
PROFESSIONAL, GOT IT.

- ALL RISE.

COURT OF THE COUNTY OF
LOS ANGELES IS NOW IN SESSION.

- WHOA.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WHAT THE HELL
IS THAT?

- I LIKE YOUR METHOD,
SO I ADDED MY OWN,

MOSTLY JUST
INSPIRATIONAL THINGS

SO I STAY CONFIDENT
IN THE MOMENT.

- LET'S GET TO IT.

PEOPLE VS. ANN MUNDY.

ILLEGAL LODGING,
PUBLIC NUISANCE,

LOITERING,
TRESPASSING.

- THE PEOPLE OFFER
90 DAYS

AND DISMISSAL OF THE FIRST
TWO CHARGES FOR A GUILTY PLEA.

- THAT ACCEPTABLE
TO THE DEFENSE?

- OH.

UH, WE'RE ALREADY THERE.
[chuckles]

HOLD ON.

OH, OKAY.

- MS. CHURCH,
DEAL OR NO DEAL?

- YOUR HONOR,
I'M JUST TRYING TO--

- GOING ONCE, TWICE...

- OH!

0%.

0% GUILTY.

- 0%?
MEANING NOT GUILTY?

- YES, RIGHT.

NOT GUILTY.

- OF WHAT?

- ALL OF IT.

- LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT YOURSELF
A TRIAL, MR. BARBER.

- LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

- FIVE-MINUTE RECESS.

[gavel bangs]

- HOW DO YOU THINK I DID?

- I JUST WANT
TO CHECK ONE...

THERE'S WHAT I WROTE.

- OH!

0% FELT WEIRD TO SAY,
BUT I THOUGHT,

"OH, NINA KNOWS
WHAT SHE'S DOING."

- YEAH.

- OH, WELL.
[chuckles]

I'LL JUST BEAT IT AT TRIAL,
RIGHT?

- YEAH, SURE, SURE, SURE.
EASY, EASY.

'CAUSE WHO WOULD BELIEVE
THAT A HOMELESS WOMAN

WOULD EVER SLEEP
ON A SIDEWALK?

OKAY.

- [chuckles]

- THAT CAGE TODAY LOOKED LIKE
THE NICK NOLTE GANG

FOUGHT THE GARY BUSEY GANG,
AND EVERYBODY LOST.

NOW, LOOK, I WANT
MY WIFE TO BE DIRTY IN BED

BUT NOT LIKE THAT.

[laughter]

- THAT IS SO FUNNY,
'CAUSE THEY'RE POOR.

THEY SHOULD BE BEGGING FOR SOAP
INSTEAD OF FOOD.

AM I RIGHT?
UP TOP.

YEAH.

RIGHT HERE.

- HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
- YOU TOO.

- YOU HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.

- LOOK, NINA--

- SAVE IT, BULLY.

I AM SO SICK OF
DEFENDING YOU ALL DAY.

IT'S EXHAUSTING.

- DEFENDING ME? WHY?
- WHY?

'CAUSE WE WERE ENGAGED,
WHICH MEANS WE'RE LINKED.

WE'RE TRE-NINA,
OKAY?

EVERYTHING YOU DO
REFLECTS ON ME.

SO WHAT? NOW YOU'RE PICKING
ON THE HELPLESS

TO PAD YOUR CONVICTION RATE

SO YOU CAN RUN FOR GOVERNOR
ONE DAY?

THAT IS A CLASSIC
EVIL PRICK MOVE.

- OH, NOW WE'RE AT "EVIL"?

- I WAS BLIND BEFORE, WASN'T I?
- NO.

- I WAS BLINDED BY THAT HAIR
AND THOSE ABS AND--

IT'S LIKE THAT MASCULINE SCENT--
WHATEVER.

THE POINT IS, WAS I BLIND,
OR DID YOU--DID YOU CHANGE?

- NO, I HAVEN'T CHANGED,
NINA.

- SO THIS HAS
ALWAYS BEEN YOU?

WAS I THIS BAD?

I MEAN, I HAD A MERCEDES,
AND MY PURSE HAD ITS OWN BED.

I WAS AN ASSHOLE.

WE WERE ASSHOLES.

- DO YOU KNOW WHO
TOM BALASSO IS?

THE BILLIONAIRE
REAL ESTATE GUY,

JUST BOUGHT
TWO BLOCKS DOWNTOWN

TO BUILD A MEGA-COMPLEX:
SHOPS, CONDOS, RESTAURANTS.

OKAY?
- SO?

- SO BALASSO IS CONCERNED
THAT PEOPLE MIGHT BE PUT OFF

IF ALL THE VAGRANTS
IN THE AREA ARE...

STILL IN THE AREA.

HE LEANS ON CITY HALL.

WORD COMES DOWN
FROM ABOVE:

"SWEEP UP THE HOMELESS
AND KEEP THEM SWEPT, OR..."

- OR BALASSO BAILS.

- YEAH, LOOK, I JUST WANTED YOU
TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

YOU CANNOT TELL
ANYONE ABOUT THIS.

I'LL LOSE MY JOB.

- OH, NO.
YOU COULD BECOME HOMELESS.

- I'M NOT EVIL.

- YOU ARE.

- HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SUCH
A LEVEL OF CRUELTY IN A D.A.?

SUPER CRUELTY,
CRUELTY PLUS.

- YEAH, IT'S EXTREME CRUELTY.

IT WOULD BE LIKE
BUNGEE JUMPING OFF OF A BRIDGE,

AND AT THE BOTTOM, TRENT PUNCHES
A HOMELESS GUY IN THE NUTS.

- IT'S A GREAT METAPHOR.
- YEAH, I THOUGHT SO.

TO TRENT.

TURNS OUT YOU DON'T
JUST LOOK LIKE A DOUCHE.

OH, SORRY, NINA.

- HAVE YOU GUYS HEARD
ABOUT THIS MALL THING

THEY'RE PUTTING UP
OVER ON SPRING STREET?

- OH, I'M SORRY--
WERE WE TALKING ABOUT

THE UNFORTUNATE TOO MUCH?
OUR BAD.

SO, YOU GUYS,
WHAT SHOPS DO YOU THINK

THEY'LL PUT
IN THE NEW MALL?

- I HOPE THEY HAVE
A LOTION BARN

AND A CUTE
TOPS 'N BOTTOMS

AND A SCARF LOUNGE.

- THOSE AREN'T EVEN STORES.

YOU GUYS EVER HAVE THAT THING
WHERE YOU'VE GOT A SECRET

AND YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO TELL THE SECRET,

BUT YOU HAVE THE SECRET?

- I HAVE THAT.
- YEAH?

- AND I TELL THEM
ALL THE TIME.

DROVE MY EX CRAZY.
- WHY? YOU GOT A SECRET?

- YEAH, I HAVE IT.
I CAN'T TELL YOU.

- WELL, THEN DON'T TELL US.

- TOM BALASSO
WON'T PUT UP THE MALL

UNLESS CITY HALL CLEARS OUT
ALL THE HOMELESS PEOPLE.

THAT'S WHY
THE PEN'S SO FULL.

THAT'S WHY TRENT'S
BEING SO HARSH.

IT'S ALL ABOUT MONEY.
GOD, THAT FEELS GOOD.

I FEEL LIKE I JUST PASSED
A CONFESSION STONE

THROUGH MY TRUTH HOLE.

- I KNEW IT.
I KNEW IT.

IT'S ABOUT GENTRIFICATION.

- WHO TOLD YOU THIS?
- TRENT.

- AND WHEN HE SAID THIS,
DID HE GO LIKE THIS

AND GO, "EXCELLENT"?

- NO, MY POINT IS,
IS THAT I WAS RIGHT.

TRENT DOESN'T WANT
TO BE DOING THIS.

HE'S JUST FOLLOWING ORDERS.
- OH, COME ON.

YEAH, SO WERE THE NAZIS
AT NUREMBURG.

- OKAY, THE NAZIS--REALLY,
WE'RE GOING WITH THE NAZIS NOW?

- WHATEVER.
WE HAVE TO TELL SOMEONE.

- DID YOU NOT JUST HEAR ME?

THIS IS A SECRET.
I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO TELL YOU.

YOU CAN'T TELL ANYBODY THIS.

- AND I JUST FINISHED
TELLING YOU

THAT I CAN'T KEEP A SECRET.

WHY DID YOU TELL ME?
- HE DID TELL YOU.

- OKAY, WHATEVER HAPPENS NEXT,
IT'S YOUR FAULT.

- HERE TO SUPPORT
THE HELPLESS

WHO ARE BEING
UNJUSTLY IMPRISONED.

WE WANT ANSWERS.

- OH, OH, GOD, NO.

OH, THIS IS A BAD DREAM.

WAKE UP, WAKE UP,
WAKE UP, WAKE UP.

HOLY HELL.

SERIOUSLY?

CARLOS.

- DID YOU SEE ALL THE MEDIA
OUT THERE?

- YEAH, NO, I SAW IT.

JESUS, CARLOS, HOW MANY PEOPLE
DID YOU TELL?

- ONE, A BUDDY
FROM HIGH SCHOOL...

WHO'S A REPORTER AT THE TIMES.
- OH.

- WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
TALKING ABOUT?

- NOTHING, ALL RIGHT,
MICAH?

WHY DON'T YOU
SPIN IT BACK AROUND?

- I WAS JOKING.
CARLOS ALREADY TOLD ME.

- MICAH DOESN'T COUNT.
- OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU GUYS CANNOT AIR THIS
IN COURT, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S INADMISSIBLE.
IT'S HEARSAY.

I MAY HAVE MADE
THE WHOLE THING UP.

- OH, LOOK AT YOU,
STANDING BY YOUR EVIL MAN.

- OKAY, NOT MY MAN
AND NOT STANDING BY.

I JUST DON'T NEED HIM
TO GET FIRED

BECAUSE I WAS TRYING
TO PROVE TO YOU GUYS

THAT I WASN'T ENGAGED
TO SATAN.

- OH, SPEAK OF THE DEVIL.

- HEY, NINA.

- HEY, TRENT, HOW IS IT--
HOW IS IT HANGING?

- IT'S NOT GREAT,
ACTUALLY.

YOU DIDN'T HAPPEN TO SAY
ANYTHING TO ANYONE ABOUT...

- NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

AND NO TIME
TO TALK RIGHT NOW.

I'M SO BUSY, AND SO MANY CASES,
SO MANY HOMELESS CASES,

WHICH, I DON'T KNOW WHY
THERE ARE SO MANY.

THIS STUFF'S CRAZY.
I GOT TO--

[gavel bangs]

- OKAY, LET'S GO.

PEOPLE VS. HOLDEN.

MR. BARBER, YOU'RE UP.

- IF YOU CAN'T WIN THIS ONE,
MY ASS IS ON THE 6:00 NEWS

EXPLAINING WHY THIS OFFICE
CAN'T DO SH--,

AND YOUR ASS
IS UNEMPLOYED.

- LOOKS LIKE SOMEBODY
BETTER BRING THE HEAT TOMORROW.

- YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
FORGET GEOFFREY.

HOW'S YOUR OPENING STATEMENT?

- I WAS GOING TO EXPLAIN

THE ILLEGAL ENCAMPMENT
ORDINANCE.

- GOOD.
THAT'S GOOD.

- BUT IT'S SO BORING.

HOW DO I MAKE IT SEXY
FOR THE JURY?

SPEAKING OF, WHAT DO I WEAR?
[chuckles]

IT'S LIKE, THERE ARE GONNA BE
CAMERAS IN THE COURTROOM.

I WONDER WHAT
ANNIE'S WEARING.

IT'S LIKE, I DON'T WANT
TO CLASH WHAT SHE'S WEARING,

AND SHE'S MORE OF, LIKE,
AN AUTUMN, AND I'M A WINTER.

- OH.
- AND I'M A CUSP

BETWEEN WINTER AND SPRING,
WHICH IS UNUSUAL.

- ALL RIGHT, FOCUS, CHERYL.

- I'M IN MY HEAD.
IT'S GEOFFREY'S FAULT.

IF I WANTED TO BE
MICROMANAGED ALL DAY,

I'D STILL BE GROOMING DOGS
WITH MY MOM.

- DO YOU EVER THINK
YOU'D BE HAPPIER DOING JUST--

I DON'T KNOW--
SOMETHING A LITTLE EASIER?

- ON THE BAD DAYS.

YOU KNOW, I DO HAVE
A LITTLE VOICE IN MY HEAD

SAYING, YOU KNOW...

"QUIT!"

- RIGHT, AS A GENERAL RULE,
I THINK YOU SHOULD JUST IGNORE

THE VOICES IN YOUR HEAD,
BUT THAT ONE--

I DON'T KNOW--
IT MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING.

- I CAN'T.

MY CLIENTS NEED MY HELP.

- RIGHT, BUT IS IT HELPING
IF THEY END UP IN JAIL?

- MOST OF THEM END UP THERE
NO MATTER WHAT.

- YEAH.
- BUT THEY'RE SO GRATEFUL

THAT SOMEONE'S DEFENDING THEM.

- OH.
- "THANKS JUST FOR LISTENING."

OR, "YOUR ADVICE
CHANGED MY LIFE."

IT IS SO TOUGH
BEING IN THE SYSTEM,

AND YOU'RE SEEING PEOPLE
ON THEIR WORST DAY.

I FIND A LITTLE HUMANITY
GOES A LONG WAY.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S SAVE YOUR JOB.
OKAY?

SO WHEN I DO
MY OPENING STATEMENTS,

I DO THE THREE "H"s.

I GIVE HISTORICAL CONTEXT.

I HUMANIZE MY CLIENT,
WHO THEN I ASK THE JURY TO--

THIRD "H," CHERYL?

- HUG?

- OR HELP.

HELP'S USUALLY WHAT I GO WITH.

- OH, YES. RIGHT, RIGHT.
- TO HELP THE CLIENT.

- HUGGING COMES LATER.
[chuckles]

all: WHAT DO WE WANT?
HOMELESS RIGHTS!

WHEN DO WE WANT 'EM?
NOW!

- HI.
ARE YOU WITH THE COURTS?

- YEAH.
- GREAT.

WE'D LOVE TO GET PERSPECTIVE

FROM SOMEONE
IN THE D.A.'S OFFICE.

- NO, I'M A PUBLIC DEFENDER.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
I'M A D.A.?

- 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT DRESSED
LIKE A SUBSTITUTE TEACHER

ON HIS WAY TO SIGN
DIVORCE PAPERS.

CONNIE, LOSE THE TROLL.

WE GOT A HOT PUBLIC DEFENDER.

- I'M AVAILABLE LATER
IF YOU NEED SOME B-ROLL.

- I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THAT.

- COME ON, NINA.

I SPENT TWO FREAKING HOURS
PREPPING LARRY.

- WHY IS GOLDILOCKS DELIVERING
OUR OFFICIAL STATEMENT?

- TELL US, DO YOU BELIEVE
THE D.A. IS PROSECUTING

THE HOMELESS ON BEHALF OF
WEALTHY REAL ESTATE INTERESTS?

- OH.
[scoffs]

YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S DANGEROUS
TO ASCRIBE MOTIVATIONS

TO OTHERS
WHEN LIFE IS SO COMPLEX.

I'M SURE ALL THE D.A.s
ARE GOOD PEOPLE. WE SHOULDN'T--

- WHAT'S SO COMPLEX?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- HEY!

- ARE YOU WORKING
FOR THE D.A. NOW?

- OKAY!
WELL, KEEP LISTENING.

THE D.A.s NEED TO REMEMBER
THAT THEY WORK

FOR ALL THE PEOPLE,
EVEN THE POOR, JUST LIKE I DO.

AND, YOU KNOW,
YOU CAN FORGET THAT SOMETIMES,

BUT IT'S NEVER TOO LATE
TO STOP BEING A DICK.

- DON'T SAY "DICK"
ON TV.

- YOU LOOKED GREAT, THOUGH.

- THANK YOU, CHERYL.

- I'M GONNA PUT
SOME CARDBOARD BOXES

NEXT TO YOUR DESK.

YOU MIGHT
NEED THEM LATER.

- OH, THANK YOU SO MUCH.

- NO, THAT'S A BAD THING.

- WOULD YOU MIND GIVING ME
NOTES ON MY OPENING STATEMENT?

I TOOK YOUR NOTES
ON THE THREE "H"s,

AND I CAME UP WITH
MY OWN THING: THE SEVEN "L"s.

- OOH.

- LOVE, LIVE, LOUNGE, LEG,

LOG, LUBE, LAISSEZ-FAIRE.

- YEAH.

- ALL RIGHT, THANKS. HEY.
- HEY.

HOW'S CHERYL'S OPENING STATEMENT
COMING ALONG?

- YEAH,
CAN YOU KEEP A SECRET?

I FAILED.

IT'S A MESS.
I CAN'T DO ANYTHING.

THIS IS THE SECOND PERSON
I'VE HELPED GET FIRED TODAY.

I MEAN, ONE MORE,
I THINK I'M ELIGIBLE

FOR THE DEATH PENALTY.

- WELL, CHERYL'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
YOU TRIED.

- OKAY, YEAH,
BUT WHAT ABOUT TRENT?

- NO, TRENT IS YOUR FAULT.
YEAH, HE'S GOING DOWN.

AND IF HE ASKS, WILL YOU
TELL HIM THAT I HELPED?

- OKAY, I'M JUST GONNA TRY
TO AVOID HIM

AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE TODAY.

OH, HEY, HOLD THE ELEVATOR.

THANK--

- WHAT FLOOR?

- I LEAKED IT.
I LEAKED YOUR SECRET.

FIVE, PLEASE.

- I LEAKED IT, YES.
I LEAKED EVERYTHING.

I LEAKED THE SECRET.
I LEAKED EVERYTHING

ABOUT THE HOMELESS,
ABOUT THE DEVELOPMENT,

BECAUSE WHAT YOU'RE DOING
IS WRONG.

AND I KNOW YOU DON'T
WANT TO BE DOING IT,

BUT NOBODY ELSE KNOWS THAT,
SO YOU JUST LOOK LIKE A NAZI,

AND I'M LIKE EVA BRAUN
BY ASSOCIATION,

BUT WITH, LIKE,
NONE OF THE BENEFITS.

I'M SORRY
IF YOU LOSE YOUR JOB, OKAY?

BUT IF YOU DIDN'T
WANT ANYONE TO KNOW,

THEN WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME?

WAIT.
WHY DID YOU TELL ME?

YOU KNOW THAT
I AM TERRIBLE WITH SECRETS.

I MEAN, YOUR 30TH BIRTHDAY
SURPRISE PARTY,

EVERY CHRISTMAS PRESENT,
YOUR FEAR OF BIRDS.

I AM, LIKE, THE BEST
AT BEING THE WORST WITH SECRETS,

AND YOU KNOW THAT,
SO YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME--

YOU WANTED A SCANDAL.

[elevator dings]

- THIS IS ME.

- WAIT, YOU USED ME?
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?

- I TOLD YOU.
I DON'T LIKE WHAT'S HAPPENING.

AND THE TRUTH HAD TO COME OUT.

- YOU KNEW I'D LEAK IT.

- YEAH, THANKS
FOR BEING SO DEPENDABLE.

- CHERYL.

YOU ARE GONNA THROW
THE MUNDY TRIAL.

- I CAN'T THROW A TRIAL.

- OKAY,
NOW YOU'RE ALL ETHICAL?

SEE HOW IT FEELS
TO HAVE SOMEONE'S HAND

UP YOUR PUPPET HOLE, HMM?

IF CHERYL LOSES,
SHE'S DONE.

- I'LL THINK ABOUT IT.

- OKAY, SO MAYBE
ON THE OPENING, LESS IS MORE.

YOU DON'T WANT
TO OVERWHELM THEM.

- NO, OH, NO.
IT'S OVERWHELMING?

I CAN'T IMPROV.
I ALWAYS GO BLUE.

- FORGET WHAT I SAID.
FORGET IT.

YOU'RE GOOD. YOU'RE GOOD.
- OKAY.

[gavel bangs]

- MR. BARBER, YOU'RE UP.

- THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

- QUESTION: IS THIS GONNA
BE A BLOODBATH?

- SOMETIMES
PEOPLE SURPRISE YOU.

- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

THE CASE YOU HAVE BEFORE YOU
TODAY IS VERY SIMPLE.

THE FACTS ARE NOT
IN DISPUTE.

THE DEFENDANT HAS ENGAGED
IN DISORDERLY CONDUCT,

BLOCKING THOROUGHFARES,

AND POSSESSING EXCESSIVE
PROPERTY ON CITY SIDEWALKS.

AGAIN, VERY SIMPLE.

THANK YOU.

- YEAH, BLOODBATH.

- MS. CHURCH,
YOUR STATEMENT.

- YES, YOUR HONOR.

OKAY.

[clears throat]

"GIVE ME YOUR TIRED,
YOUR POOR,

YOUR HUDDLED MASSES,
YEARNING TO BE FREE."

THAT'S AN ODD REQUEST.

WHO ORDERED THAT?
[chuckles]

AMERICA DID.

READ IT RIGHT OFF THE MENU
THIS LITTLE LADY'S HOLDING.

- DID SHE SAY "MENU"?

- YES.
- YES.

- SO AMERICA GOT
WHAT IT ORDERED,

A HUGE HELPING
OF TIRED, POOR, AND HUDDLED.

THEN WHEN THE CHECK COMES,
AMERICA'S NOWHERE TO BE SEEN.

WHO'S LEFT HOLDING
THE BILL?

MY CLIENT, ANNIE MUNDY,
FORMER SCHOOL BUS DRIVER,

VORACIOUS READER,

PIZZA LOVER,
LIBRA.

ANNIE, LIKE SO MANY
HOMELESS AMERICANS,

CANNOT BREATHE FREE.

IT'S THE SYSTEM
THAT'S GUILTY.

THAT'S WHAT I'LL PROVE.
THAT'S WHAT I'LL PROVE.

[cell phone buzzes]

AND AT THE END OF THIS TRIAL,
YOU'LL FIND MY CLIENT,

ANNIE MUNDY--
SPOILER ALERT--NOT GUILTY.

- OKAY.

- NOT BAD.
- FIRST WITNESS, MR. BARBER?

- I CANNOT WATCH THIS.

- THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

THE PEOPLE WISH TO DROP
ALL CHARGES AGAINST MS. MUNDY.

- WE WON?

WE WON!
[screams]

[cheers and applause]

I CAN'T BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENING!

YOU DON'T WANT
NONE OF THIS, SON.

- MS. CHURCH!

- NONE OF THIS, SON!
- PLEASE CONDUCT YOURSELF--

- YOU WANT NONE OF THIS!

- HELL.
I'LL GIVE HER THIS ONE.

- USA!

all: USA!

- I'M SORRY.
I JUST NEED ONE QUICK MINUTE.

- EXCUSE ME.
- THANKS, THANKS, THANKS.

WOW.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
I--THANK YOU.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU JUST DID THAT FOR ME.

- IT WASN'T FOR YOU.

- RIGHT, NO, THAT'D BE
UNETHICAL. YEAH, YEAH.

- I GOT A TEXT.
WORD FROM ABOVE TO EASE OFF.

SO I DID.

- ...THE DOWNTRODDEN
IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS.

SO, NO, I NEVER HAD
ANY DISCUSSION WITH THE MAYOR

OR ANYONE AT CITY HALL
ABOUT HARASSING THE HOMELESS.

ON THE CONTRARY, I'M PLEASED
TO ANNOUNCE A SIZEABLE DONATION

I'M MAKING
TO THE HOMELESS RESCUE,

THE BALASSO CENTER FOR
THE TEMPORARILY DISENFRANCHISED.

- SO...
- NO MORE HOMELESS ARRESTS.

THE CITY GETS
A SHINY NEW DEVELOPMENT,

AND MR. BALASSO BUILDS
A SHINY NEW HOMELESS SHELTER...

12 BLOCKS FROM THE COMPLEX,
OF COURSE.

OH, AND CHERYL
GETS TO KEEP HER JOB.

THAT'S THE BIGGEST WIN
FOR OUR SIDE.

- YOU WERE BEHIND
THIS WHOLE THING?

- SHUSH, MY LITTLE PUPPET.

DON'T WANT TO HURT
YOUR TINY WOODEN BRAIN.

OH, BUT YOU SHOULD
GIVE YOURSELF SOME CREDIT.

IT'S LIKE THAT WISE WOMAN ON TV
SAID THAT ONE TIME:

"IT'S DANGEROUS
TO ASCRIBE MOTIVATIONS

TO OTHERS
WHEN LIFE IS SO COMPLEX."

- WELL, SHE IS SOUNDING
PRETTY WISE LATELY.

- THEN SHE SAID,
"STOP BEING A DICK."

- RIGHT.

WELL, SERIOUSLY, STOP--
STOP BEING A DICK.

- NO PROMISES.

- THEN NINA SAID, "OH, DON'T GO
WITH YOUR OPENING ARGUMENT.

YOU'LL OVERWHELM."

REMEMBER, NINA?
- YEAH, YEAH, NO.

IT WAS AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO,
YEAH.

- BUT I WENT WITH MY GUT.

YOU ALWAYS GOT TO GO
WITH YOUR GUT.

CLASS DISMISSED.

[laughter]

OH!
LOOK.

THAT'S THE GUY
I DESTROYED.

- ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO ADMIT,
SHE'S GOT GAME.

- YEAH, AND THEN TRENT,
HE GOT CRUSHED,

ALONG WITH A LITTLE PRESSURE
FROM OUR TEAM.

- UH-HUH, GOT TO DO IT.
- RIGHT?

SERIOUSLY, REALLY?
YOU'RE NOT OVER HIM?

- CAN'T YOU SEE
WHAT HAPPENED HERE?

- OH, DO YOU KNOW
SOMETHING?

- HE PLAYED US.

HE SO PLAYED US.

HE WANTED IT LEAKED,
SO HE TOLD ME.

YOU BLABBED.

BIG SCANDAL.

BALASSO BUILT A SHELTER.

CHERYL WINS.
IT'S TRENT.

WE WERE HIS PUPPETS.

HE HAD HIS HANDS
UP ALL OF US.

- WHY WOULD YOU
TELL US THIS NOW?

YOU HAVE RUINED OUR MOMENT.
MY GOD!

- REALLY, YOU GOT TO LEARN

TO KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
ONCE IN A WHILE.

- MY FIVE-YEAR-OLD
COULD HAVE KEPT THAT SECRET.

- WHAT SECRET?
- WELL--

- NO, THE SECRET THAT TRENT

GOT BEAT BY THE BEST LAWYER
IN L.A. TODAY, RIGHT?

THAT SECRET.

- WELL, THAT SECRET IS OUT.

[laughter]

- THIS GAL IS HILARIOUS--
DEANNA.

I ALWAYS CRACK UP WHEN
I GET HER LETTERS FROM PRISON.

LISTEN TO THIS.

"I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT
ABOUT WHAT YOU WROTE.

"I NEED TO START
GETTING OUT OF MY OWN WAY.

I ONLY WISH CARL HAD
GOTTEN OUT OF MY WAY FIRST."

[laughs]

- [chuckles]
I DON'T--I DON'T GET IT.

- SHE RAN OVER HER HUSBAND
WITH HER CAR.

- OH.
- CLASSIC SCORPIO.

- SURE.
- AND THEN THIS--OH, RICKY C.

ARMED ROBBERY.
- UH-HUH.

- TOTAL SWEETHEART
AND GENIUS ARTIST.

THAT IS MY FACE.

- WHOA.

THAT IS YOU.
- YEAH.

- LOOK AT THAT.
NOW, WHAT'S THE MEDIUM HERE?

IT'S SO--
- IT'S JUST GLUE, PAPER,

AND FINGERNAILS...

AND TOENAILS.

HE'S IN PRISON, SO GETTING
ART SUPPLIES IS TOUGH.

- EXCUSE ME ONE SECOND.
I JUST HAVE TO GO THROW UP.