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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,292 --> 00:00:03,254 [horn honks] 2 00:00:03,254 --> 00:00:04,505 - GOD, I'M SO LATE. 3 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:05,966 NOTHING. 4 00:00:05,966 --> 00:00:08,129 NOTHING. [cell phone rings] 5 00:00:08,129 --> 00:00:10,841 HELLO. - HI, THIS IS USA CREDIT. 6 00:00:10,841 --> 00:00:13,134 ACT NOW TO MINIMIZE YOUR DEBT. JUST SAY YES. 7 00:00:13,134 --> 00:00:14,555 - YES, A SPOT! 8 00:00:14,555 --> 00:00:16,137 COME TO MOMMY! - YOU SAID YES. 9 00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:17,098 PLEASE HOLD FOR A REPRESENTATIVE. 10 00:00:17,098 --> 00:00:19,350 [tires squealing, horn honking] - NO, NO! 11 00:00:19,350 --> 00:00:21,102 THAT IS MY SPOT, MINI COOPER. 12 00:00:21,102 --> 00:00:22,063 - [Indian accent] I AM JOSH GOLDSTEIN, 13 00:00:22,063 --> 00:00:24,105 HELPING YOU TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS AMAZING OFFER. 14 00:00:24,105 --> 00:00:26,237 - OH, YOU STUPID ASSHOLE. 15 00:00:26,237 --> 00:00:27,488 ARE YOU BLIND? 16 00:00:27,488 --> 00:00:29,280 - JUST IN MY LEFT EYE, MA'AM. 17 00:00:29,280 --> 00:00:30,741 - I'M NOT-- I'M NOT TALKING TO YOU, JOSH. 18 00:00:30,741 --> 00:00:32,073 I'M TALKING TO SPOT STEALER OVER HERE. 19 00:00:32,073 --> 00:00:34,155 OH, AND SUCH A DUMB PANTSUIT. 20 00:00:34,155 --> 00:00:36,957 LOOK AT THOSE PANTS. THAT IS TERRIBLE. 21 00:00:36,957 --> 00:00:39,920 WHO WEARS THAT? UGH, GROSS, UGLY PANTS. 22 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:43,003 - YOUR PASSENGER WINDOW'S OPEN. 23 00:00:43,003 --> 00:00:46,167 - YEAH, YEAH, I'M JUST-- I'M WORKING ON A MONOLOGUE. 24 00:00:46,167 --> 00:00:48,339 I'M AN ACTOR. IT'S FOR AN AUDITION. 25 00:00:48,339 --> 00:00:50,671 IT'S FOR A PLAY. 26 00:00:50,671 --> 00:00:52,173 CALLEDUGLY PANTS. 27 00:00:52,173 --> 00:00:53,974 IT'S A ONE-ACT. 28 00:00:53,974 --> 00:00:55,096 - ONE SHOULD ACT NOW. 29 00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,557 - SHUT UP, JOSH. 30 00:00:56,557 --> 00:00:58,349 [elevator dings] 31 00:00:58,349 --> 00:00:59,940 OH, GOD. - HEY, HEY, HEY. 32 00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:01,562 HEY, CAN YOU HOLD THAT, PLEASE? 33 00:01:01,562 --> 00:01:02,773 - OH, YEAH, YEP. - HOLD IT. 34 00:01:02,773 --> 00:01:04,105 - I'M TRYING. - JUST HOLD IT, PLEASE. 35 00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:05,566 - IT'S NOT WORKING. I DON'T-- 36 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:06,567 - I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE REALLY PUSHING, 37 00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:07,568 YOU SKINNY WHITE BI-- 38 00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,740 - [groans] 39 00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:11,612 GOD, THIS DAY IS ALREADY A DISASTER. 40 00:01:11,612 --> 00:01:13,694 THERE WAS SO MUCH TRAFFIC, AND THERE WAS NO PARKING, 41 00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:15,406 AND THEN THIS-- THIS BIATCH SWOOPED ON IN 42 00:01:15,406 --> 00:01:17,328 AND TOOK THE ONLY SPOT. 43 00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:19,500 AND THEN I ONLY AVOIDED GETTING SANDWICHED IN THE ELEVATOR 44 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:23,204 BY CLOSING THE DOORS ON THIS GIANT SWEATY MAN... 45 00:01:23,204 --> 00:01:25,546 AND HE'S RIGHT THERE. 46 00:01:25,546 --> 00:01:26,707 - HELLO. 47 00:01:26,707 --> 00:01:29,210 BURT IS ON EXTENDED DISABILITY. 48 00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:31,342 - A HEMORRHOID SURGERY GONE WRONG, I HEARD. 49 00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:34,215 - I AM YOUR NEW BOSS, GEOFFREY WITH A G. 50 00:01:34,215 --> 00:01:36,767 I'M PLEASED TO MEET ALL BUT ONE OF YOU. 51 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,351 - WELL, THINGS ARE LOOKING UP. 52 00:01:40,351 --> 00:01:42,143 - [murmurs mockingly] 53 00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:44,145 HEY, HI, GEOFFREY. I'M NINA WHITLEY. 54 00:01:44,145 --> 00:01:46,147 I THINK THAT WE MIGHT HAVE GOTTEN OFF ON THE WRONG FOOT. 55 00:01:46,147 --> 00:01:48,609 - UH-OH, I'M TRYING TO HOLD THE DOOR, BUT I CAN'T. 56 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:50,731 OH, NO, IT'S CLOSING. 57 00:01:50,731 --> 00:01:51,732 [groovy rock music] 58 00:01:51,732 --> 00:01:53,154 - ♪ HEY NOW 59 00:01:53,154 --> 00:01:56,157 ♪ 60 00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,998 ♪ HEY NOW 61 00:01:59,620 --> 00:02:00,831 - YOU KNOW WHAT? 62 00:02:00,831 --> 00:02:02,203 AGAIN, I AM SO SORRY, JOFFREY. 63 00:02:02,203 --> 00:02:04,245 - GEOFFREY, LIKE THE TOYS"R"US GIRAFFE. 64 00:02:04,245 --> 00:02:07,208 - LIKE THE-- LIKE THE GIRAFFE, OKAY. 65 00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:08,839 - NINA, I'M SORRY. 66 00:02:08,839 --> 00:02:10,631 - THANKS, PHIL. - OH, NO, I WASN'T FINISHED. 67 00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:12,423 I'M SORRY ANYONE TOLD YOU YOU COULD PULL OFF THAT SCARF. 68 00:02:12,423 --> 00:02:14,345 - OH, THERE IT IS. - OH, THAT'S A SCARF. 69 00:02:14,345 --> 00:02:15,846 - YEAH. 70 00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:17,348 - I THOUGHT YOU BAGGED A WOOKIE. 71 00:02:17,348 --> 00:02:18,969 - IT IS A STATEMENT SCARF. 72 00:02:18,969 --> 00:02:20,221 - I THINK IT'S A QUESTION SCARF. 73 00:02:20,221 --> 00:02:21,182 LIKE, "WHY WOULD YOU WEAR ME?" 74 00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:22,223 - GOOD MORNING. - HEY. 75 00:02:22,223 --> 00:02:23,604 NINA'S HAD A TOUGH MORNING. 76 00:02:23,604 --> 00:02:24,975 WE'RE MAKING FUN OF HER SCARF. 77 00:02:24,975 --> 00:02:26,567 - OH, MY GRANDMOTHER JUST CALLED. 78 00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:28,108 SHE WANTS HER CURTAIN TASSELS BACK. 79 00:02:28,108 --> 00:02:29,190 - OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? 80 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,401 IT WOULD BE JUST REALLY GREAT 81 00:02:30,401 --> 00:02:32,693 IF JUST SOMETIMES YOU GUYS COULD SAY, 82 00:02:32,693 --> 00:02:35,196 "HEY, NINA, I'M SO SORRY THAT YOU'RE HAVING A ROUGH DAY." 83 00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:36,907 BUT NO, YOU GUYS JUST NEED TO MAKE JOKES 84 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,909 ABOUT HOW I'M FANCY AND UPTIGHT 85 00:02:38,909 --> 00:02:40,871 AND EDUCATED AND PRISSY, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 86 00:02:40,871 --> 00:02:42,243 NOBODY GETS ME. NONE OF YOU GET ME. 87 00:02:42,243 --> 00:02:44,245 NOBODY GETS ME. - OH, NINA, I GET YOU. 88 00:02:44,245 --> 00:02:46,707 YOU'RE A STRONG, HARDWORKING WOMAN 89 00:02:46,707 --> 00:02:48,709 WHO HAS A SEVERE SCARF BLINDNESS. 90 00:02:48,709 --> 00:02:50,130 - HE GETS YOU. - NO. 91 00:02:50,130 --> 00:02:51,131 YOU KNOW WHAT, PHIL? YOU DON'T GET ANYBODY. 92 00:02:51,131 --> 00:02:53,003 YOU DON'T EVEN GET THAT YOUR FRIEND CARLOS THERE 93 00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:54,255 IS SLEEPING AT THE OFFICE. 94 00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:55,716 - WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 95 00:02:55,716 --> 00:02:57,258 - HE JUST SHAVED IN THE BATHROOM, 96 00:02:57,258 --> 00:02:58,259 AND HE'S GOT A YOGA MAT AND A PILLOW 97 00:02:58,259 --> 00:02:59,260 THAT HE BROUGHT TO WORK. 98 00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,891 HE CLEARLY DOESN'T DO YOGA. 99 00:03:00,891 --> 00:03:02,473 IT DOESN'T TAKE SCOOBY AND THE GANG 100 00:03:02,473 --> 00:03:03,474 TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT. 101 00:03:03,474 --> 00:03:06,517 - MY NEW PLACE WON'T BE READY FOR A WEEK, SO... 102 00:03:06,517 --> 00:03:10,311 - UH, DO YOU--DO YOU WANT TO, LIKE, STAY AT MY PLACE? 103 00:03:10,311 --> 00:03:12,653 - OH, MY GOD, YES, PLEASE, THANK YOU. 104 00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:18,409 - HEADS UP, I HATE MY OUTFIT, AND I'M HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY. 105 00:03:18,409 --> 00:03:19,910 BUT THAT BODES WELL FOR YOU, 106 00:03:19,910 --> 00:03:20,911 'CAUSE THAT'S USUALLY WHEN I KICK THE MOST ASS. 107 00:03:20,911 --> 00:03:22,082 - HEY, NINA, DID YOU GET A CHANCE 108 00:03:22,082 --> 00:03:23,284 TO LOOK AT THAT NEW DISCOVERY? 109 00:03:23,284 --> 00:03:25,916 - WHAT NEW DISCOVERY? - HMM. 110 00:03:25,916 --> 00:03:26,667 YOUR HONOR, THE PEOPLE CALL 111 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:29,250 FORENSIC ANALYST EDIE PERCH TO THE STAND. 112 00:03:33,173 --> 00:03:35,135 - GREAT. 113 00:03:35,135 --> 00:03:38,299 THIS IS GOOD 'CAUSE WE GO--WE GO WAY BACK. 114 00:03:40,931 --> 00:03:42,643 SO, MS. PERCH-- - EDIE. 115 00:03:42,643 --> 00:03:44,935 HOW WAS YOUR AUDITION? - DIDN'T GET IT. 116 00:03:44,935 --> 00:03:46,897 SO I'M GONNA STICK WITH THE LAWYERING. 117 00:03:46,897 --> 00:03:48,939 NOW, YOUR OPINION THAT MY CLIENT WAS ON OPIATES, 118 00:03:48,939 --> 00:03:50,441 THAT'S JUST BASED ON ONE SINGLE TEST? 119 00:03:50,441 --> 00:03:52,733 - YOU'RE REFERRING TO THE U-TOX NINE? 120 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,114 - UH, MAYBE-- 121 00:03:54,114 --> 00:03:55,446 - BECAUSE THE U-TOX NINE IS, 122 00:03:55,446 --> 00:03:58,198 AS ITS NAME SUGGESTS, NINE SMALLER TESTS. 123 00:03:58,198 --> 00:04:00,491 AND A POSITIVE FOR ANY OF THOSE INDICATORS LEADS US 124 00:04:00,491 --> 00:04:02,323 TO RUN A TEST FOR OPIATE METABOLITES, 125 00:04:02,323 --> 00:04:04,325 THEN GAS CHROMATOGRAPHY AND MASS SPECTROMETRY, 126 00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:06,126 WHICH WE THEN DOUBLE CONFIRM. 127 00:04:06,126 --> 00:04:08,539 SO IT'S ACTUALLY MORE LIKE 26 TESTS, WHICH YOU CAN SEE 128 00:04:08,539 --> 00:04:11,962 IF YOU JUST FLIP THE PAPER OVER, SWEETIE. 129 00:04:11,962 --> 00:04:13,334 - OKAY, AND NOW THESE-- THESE TESTS 130 00:04:13,334 --> 00:04:16,297 ARE--ARE REAL TESTS? 131 00:04:17,758 --> 00:04:20,761 NO FURTHER QUESTIONS. 132 00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,222 [all chuckling] 133 00:04:22,222 --> 00:04:23,974 GOD, THIS ISN'T HAPPENING. 134 00:04:23,974 --> 00:04:25,516 OH, YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. IT'S BROKEN? 135 00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:27,348 HOW IS THE DEBIT MACHINE BROKEN? 136 00:04:27,348 --> 00:04:30,311 LOOK, CAN I JUST OWE YOU? - NO, KATHY, NO. 137 00:04:30,311 --> 00:04:31,692 - SEE, WE'RE ON A FIRST-NAME BASIS. 138 00:04:31,692 --> 00:04:33,774 I MEAN, MY NAME'S NOT KATHY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 139 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:34,775 YOU THINK IT'S KATHY. 140 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:35,776 YOU WRITE IT ON MY CUP EVERY DAY. 141 00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:39,199 - I'LL PAY FOR IT. - TOSS IT. 142 00:04:39,199 --> 00:04:41,201 - GIVE ME ONE OF THOSE AS WELL, LARS. 143 00:04:41,201 --> 00:04:43,203 NO, I GET IT. BAD DAY, YOU KNOW? 144 00:04:43,203 --> 00:04:45,115 YOU'RE JUST LIKE-- YOUR SPOT'S TAKEN. 145 00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:47,498 SURPRISE WITNESS TOTALLY BLOWS YOUR CASE. 146 00:04:47,498 --> 00:04:49,209 IT'S LIKE YOU'RE ONE OF THE BEFORE WOMEN 147 00:04:49,209 --> 00:04:50,371 IN A TAMPON COMMERCIAL. 148 00:04:50,371 --> 00:04:52,212 - YES, THANK YOU. 149 00:04:52,212 --> 00:04:53,794 I AM THAT WOMAN IN THE WHITE PANTS 150 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,336 RUNNING FOR THE CAB. 151 00:04:55,336 --> 00:04:57,177 - GIRL, I AM SORRY YOU ARE HAVING A TERRIBLE DAY. 152 00:04:57,177 --> 00:04:59,259 - THANKS. - [chuckles] 153 00:04:59,259 --> 00:05:01,592 APPARENTLY THAT SCARF IS HAVING A GREAT DAY. 154 00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,133 - OH, THANK YOU. 155 00:05:03,133 --> 00:05:03,844 - YEAH. - THANK YOU. 156 00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:06,517 AND YOU WERE GREAT ON THE STAND. 157 00:05:06,517 --> 00:05:08,018 YOU REALLY--YOU WERE GREAT. - THANK YOU. 158 00:05:08,018 --> 00:05:10,020 - YEAH. - THAT IS SO NICE. 159 00:05:10,020 --> 00:05:11,231 - WELL, I JUST WISH IT HAD BEEN A DIFFERENT D.A. 160 00:05:11,231 --> 00:05:12,523 BECAUSE TRENT, MY EX, HE JUST GETS 161 00:05:12,523 --> 00:05:14,735 THIS SPECIAL PLEASURE OUT OF BEATING ME. 162 00:05:14,735 --> 00:05:16,066 - OH, MY GOD, HE BEATS YOU? 163 00:05:16,066 --> 00:05:17,067 - NO, NO, NO, IN COURT. 164 00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,989 - YOU'RE THE CRAZY EX. 165 00:05:18,989 --> 00:05:20,821 - YEP, YEP. - I'M SORRY. 166 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,823 WHEN PEOPLE REFER TO THEIR EXES AS CRAZY, 167 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:25,866 IT'S LIKE, "HEY, MAYBE YOU MADE THEM CRAZY, DUDE." 168 00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:27,207 - OH, MY GOD, HE SO MADE ME CRAZY. 169 00:05:27,207 --> 00:05:29,209 - YEAH. MM-HMM. - HE MADE ME-- 170 00:05:29,209 --> 00:05:32,042 WOW, YOU JUST--YOU GET IT. 171 00:05:32,042 --> 00:05:33,003 QUICK QUESTION. 172 00:05:33,003 --> 00:05:34,545 YOU WANT TO GO GRAB LUNCH, LIKE, RIGHT NOW? 173 00:05:34,545 --> 00:05:35,666 - HELL, YEAH. 174 00:05:35,666 --> 00:05:37,458 - YEAH? OKAY. - YEAH. 175 00:05:38,879 --> 00:05:40,300 - THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME STAY HERE. 176 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:41,632 - ALL RIGHT, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. 177 00:05:41,632 --> 00:05:43,093 - WHERE DO I PUT MY SHOES? 178 00:05:43,093 --> 00:05:44,965 - I DON'T CARE, BUD. 179 00:05:44,965 --> 00:05:47,768 - I'M GONNA PUT 'EM IN THE-- I JUST THREW THEM THERE, PHIL. 180 00:05:47,768 --> 00:05:49,269 [sports program in background] 181 00:05:49,269 --> 00:05:49,970 - THIRSTY? - YEAH, SURE. 182 00:05:49,970 --> 00:05:52,232 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR WINDOW? 183 00:05:52,232 --> 00:05:54,975 - OH, POKER, DRINKS, A HAND GOT LOST. 184 00:05:54,975 --> 00:05:56,477 YEAH, A GUY PUT HIS FIST THROUGH IT. 185 00:05:56,477 --> 00:05:57,778 - YOU SHOULD MAKE HIM PAY FOR IT. 186 00:05:57,778 --> 00:06:01,482 - THAT GUY MIGHT HAVE BEEN ME. - OH. OH. 187 00:06:01,482 --> 00:06:03,243 [water running] 188 00:06:03,243 --> 00:06:04,575 PHIL? - HMM? 189 00:06:04,575 --> 00:06:05,576 - HOW OFTEN DOES THIS-- 190 00:06:05,576 --> 00:06:07,077 - ONLY WHEN I DO THIS. 191 00:06:07,077 --> 00:06:08,579 [water running] SEE? 192 00:06:08,579 --> 00:06:10,290 - I SEE. YOU'RE NOT GONNA FIX IT? 193 00:06:10,290 --> 00:06:12,663 - WELL, I WAS GONNA, BUT THE DAMN WARRIORS 194 00:06:12,663 --> 00:06:13,914 COULDN'T COVER THE SPREAD, SO... 195 00:06:13,914 --> 00:06:15,295 - WHAT DO THE LADIES THINK? 196 00:06:15,295 --> 00:06:16,797 - USUALLY I GO TO THEIR PLACE. 197 00:06:16,797 --> 00:06:18,128 - WHAT IF YOU START DATING ONE OF THEM? 198 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:21,051 - THEN I WON'T USE THE SINK. 199 00:06:21,051 --> 00:06:22,052 AND IF SHE'S GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE WINDOW, 200 00:06:22,052 --> 00:06:24,344 I JUST... [whistles] 201 00:06:24,344 --> 00:06:26,467 HUH. I'M GONNA FIX THAT. 202 00:06:26,467 --> 00:06:28,599 - HOW MUCH DID YOU LOSE ON THE WARRIORS GAME? 203 00:06:28,599 --> 00:06:30,721 - WHAT ARE WE, DOING A QUARTERLY REPORT HERE? 204 00:06:30,721 --> 00:06:31,892 WE'RE GONNA WATCH THE GAME. - YOU'RE RIGHT. 205 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,063 YOU'RE RIGHT. - COME ON. 206 00:06:33,063 --> 00:06:34,224 - I'M STARTING TO SOUND LIKE ROSA. 207 00:06:34,224 --> 00:06:35,225 - LITTLE BIT. 208 00:06:35,225 --> 00:06:36,727 - LET'S JUST WATCH THE GAME 209 00:06:36,727 --> 00:06:38,318 AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHATEVER 210 00:06:38,318 --> 00:06:40,521 IS POKING ME IN THE BACK. 211 00:06:40,521 --> 00:06:43,323 - OH, LOOK AT THAT. IT'S A COUCH FORK. 212 00:06:43,323 --> 00:06:44,615 WHAT, YOU GO ALL THE WAY TO THE KITCHEN WHEN YOU NEED A FORK? 213 00:06:44,615 --> 00:06:46,286 - NO. 214 00:06:47,117 --> 00:06:48,949 MY HEAD IS KILLING ME. 215 00:06:48,949 --> 00:06:50,741 - COUPLE BLACK COFFEES, YOUR HEAD WILL BE FINE. 216 00:06:50,741 --> 00:06:52,833 - NO, IT'S FROM THAT PIECE OF CEILING THAT FELL ON ME. 217 00:06:52,833 --> 00:06:56,246 - OH, YEAH, YEAH, I'M GONNA FIX THAT. 218 00:06:56,246 --> 00:06:58,338 OH, HEY, NINA. - OH, HEY, PHIL. 219 00:06:58,338 --> 00:07:00,340 OH, HEY, NINA, IF YOUR COFFEE ORDER 220 00:07:00,340 --> 00:07:02,042 WASN'T SO HIGH-MAINTENANCE, 221 00:07:02,042 --> 00:07:04,304 MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T DIE ALONE AND OTHER INSULTS. 222 00:07:04,304 --> 00:07:05,506 BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 223 00:07:05,506 --> 00:07:07,177 - TWO HALF-CAFS, ALMOND MILK, RICE MILK, 224 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:09,470 FOAM, AND TWO SHAKES OF CINNAMON BEFORE THE THIRD SHOT, 225 00:07:09,470 --> 00:07:12,312 BUT NOT TOO HOT FOR KATHY. - PERFECT. 226 00:07:12,312 --> 00:07:14,184 - OUR PLAN WAS TO APOLOGIZE TO YOU, KATHY, 227 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:15,936 BUT AFTER THAT COFFEE ORDER, WOW, 228 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,688 THAT IS A ONE-WAY TICKET TO ALONE TOWN. 229 00:07:17,688 --> 00:07:19,149 - HEY, NINS. - HEY. 230 00:07:19,149 --> 00:07:20,861 - HI! - THIS IS FOR YOU. 231 00:07:20,861 --> 00:07:22,192 - THANK YOU. 232 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,324 - GUYS, THIS IS MY NEW BFF, EDIE. 233 00:07:24,324 --> 00:07:25,866 OH, MY GOD, I JUST SAID BFF. 234 00:07:25,866 --> 00:07:27,157 IS THAT TOO SOON? - ARE WE LABELING UP? 235 00:07:27,157 --> 00:07:28,569 I LOVE THAT. - ME TOO. 236 00:07:28,569 --> 00:07:29,950 - WAIT, WAIT. DON'T TELL ME. 237 00:07:29,950 --> 00:07:32,372 YOU MUST BE PHIL, CLASS CLOWN, 238 00:07:32,372 --> 00:07:34,705 COASTING THROUGH LIFE ON WHAT HE THINKS IS CHARM. 239 00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:37,127 AND CARLOS? YOGA MAT. 240 00:07:37,127 --> 00:07:38,709 - YOU NAILED IT. 241 00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:40,130 - HEY, PHIL, HOW'S IT GOING? - OOH. 242 00:07:40,130 --> 00:07:41,582 OKAY, YOU GOT ME ON THIS. 243 00:07:41,582 --> 00:07:42,923 WHO'S THE ANEMIC IN THE VEST? 244 00:07:42,923 --> 00:07:44,174 - FARLEY. 245 00:07:44,174 --> 00:07:46,006 GAMING ASSOCIATE OF PHIL'S. 246 00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:47,297 - UH-HUH, SO THIS IS PHIL'S BOOKIE 247 00:07:47,297 --> 00:07:48,799 WHICH IS NEW INFORMATION TO ME, 248 00:07:48,799 --> 00:07:51,351 BUT NOT AT ALL SURPRISING. 249 00:07:51,351 --> 00:07:52,392 YOU'RE DOING GREAT, BUDDY. 250 00:07:52,392 --> 00:07:54,224 - WHAT? 251 00:07:54,224 --> 00:07:55,936 - OH, NICE LADY. 252 00:07:55,936 --> 00:07:58,148 - SO, PHIL, LOOKS LIKE YOU OWE ME SOME MONEY 253 00:07:58,148 --> 00:08:00,521 FROM THE KNICKS GAME LAST NIGHT. 254 00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,943 - DON'T WORRY. I'LL FIX THAT TOO. 255 00:08:04,605 --> 00:08:08,198 - HEY, YOU EVER WATCH JUDGE JUDY? 256 00:08:08,198 --> 00:08:09,570 - NO. 257 00:08:09,570 --> 00:08:11,201 - BEING A LAWYER, YOU SHOULD WATCH THAT. 258 00:08:17,207 --> 00:08:18,829 - CAN WE TALK ABOUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED? 259 00:08:18,829 --> 00:08:20,541 BECAUSE AS A FRIEND, I'M CONCERNED. 260 00:08:20,541 --> 00:08:22,673 YOU JUST HAD A BOOKIE TRACK YOU DOWN AT WORK. 261 00:08:22,673 --> 00:08:24,044 WHAT'S NEXT? 262 00:08:24,044 --> 00:08:25,626 I'M OPENING UP A BOX WITH YOUR THUMBS IN IT? 263 00:08:25,626 --> 00:08:27,758 - FARLEY, THE GUY-- COME ON, HE'S HARMLESS. 264 00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:30,551 AND WHY ARE YOU OPENING A BOX OF MY THUMBS? 265 00:08:30,551 --> 00:08:32,392 - BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE THUMBS, 266 00:08:32,392 --> 00:08:35,596 BECAUSE THEY HIRE GOONS TO CUT-- AND PUT THEM IN THE-- 267 00:08:35,596 --> 00:08:36,597 - YOU'VE SEEN TOO MANY MOVIES. 268 00:08:36,597 --> 00:08:38,729 WAIT, WHY ARE YOU JUDGING ME? 269 00:08:38,729 --> 00:08:41,271 I MEAN, YOU SLEEP ON A YOGA MAT NEAR THE MISDEMEANOR FILES. 270 00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:42,773 - THAT'S HURTFUL, OKAY? 271 00:08:42,773 --> 00:08:44,695 PHIL, EVERYONE GETS IT. 272 00:08:44,695 --> 00:08:46,276 YOU'RE THE COOL GUY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 273 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,278 THERE IS A LINE, AND YOU WON'T KNOW YOU CROSSED IT 274 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:49,650 TILL THE GOONS SHOW UP. 275 00:08:49,650 --> 00:08:50,861 - OKAY. 276 00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:52,743 WELL, I THINK I JUST CROSSED IT. 277 00:08:52,743 --> 00:08:54,785 - WHATEVER THAT MEANS. - IT MEANS YOU'RE A GOON. 278 00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:55,746 - DON'T CARE. 279 00:08:55,746 --> 00:08:57,578 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED? 280 00:08:57,578 --> 00:09:00,751 WE'RE NOT REAL FRIENDS. NO, WE'RE WORK FRIENDS. 281 00:09:00,751 --> 00:09:03,664 YOU'RE JUST THE OFFICE SMART-ASS WHO GAMBLES AND JOKES, 282 00:09:03,664 --> 00:09:05,716 AND I'M THE OFFICE... 283 00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:07,588 - TIGHT-ASS. - ALPHA, WHO WORKS HARD. 284 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:08,839 YOU JUST PROVED MY POINT. SEE? 285 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:11,722 THOSE TWO TYPES, THEY DON'T MIX. 286 00:09:11,722 --> 00:09:14,474 SO WE'RE GONNA JUST BE SIMPLE WORK FRIENDS, 287 00:09:14,474 --> 00:09:16,847 AND THEN I'M GONNA BE LIKE, "HEY, TOUGH CASE TODAY, HUH?" 288 00:09:16,847 --> 00:09:19,680 - AND I'LL BE LIKE, "UGH, I HATE MONDAYS." 289 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,521 - SO WORK FRIENDS. 290 00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:23,684 - WORK FRIENDS. - YEAH. 291 00:09:25,856 --> 00:09:29,109 SOMEBODY BROUGHT US A TREAT, 'CAUSE I MIGHT HAVE 292 00:09:29,109 --> 00:09:30,901 JUST GOTTEN THE BEST BLACK AND WHITE COOKIE 293 00:09:30,901 --> 00:09:32,322 YOU'VE EVER TASTED. 294 00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:34,034 IT IS GONNA MELT YOUR FACE OFF. 295 00:09:34,034 --> 00:09:36,076 - I AM MAKING OUT WITH YOU SO HARD IN MY MIND RIGHT NOW. 296 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,908 - [laughs] 297 00:09:37,908 --> 00:09:39,700 - WELL, I HAVE A LITTLE SURPRISE FOR YOU. 298 00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:40,831 OKAY. GOOD NEWS. 299 00:09:40,831 --> 00:09:42,663 YOUR NEXT CASE, THE LABS CAME IN. 300 00:09:42,663 --> 00:09:44,755 METABOLITES, GAS CHROME, MASS SPEC, 301 00:09:44,755 --> 00:09:46,126 ALL CAME BACK NEGATIVE. 302 00:09:46,126 --> 00:09:47,708 - NO IDEA WHAT YOU JUST SAID, 303 00:09:47,708 --> 00:09:50,510 BUT LOVING HOW EXCITED YOU ARE ABOUT THIS. 304 00:09:50,510 --> 00:09:52,633 - YOUR CLIENT'S AS CLEAN AS AN OTTER'S NUTS. 305 00:09:52,633 --> 00:09:54,715 - OH! - YOU ARE GONNA RIP TRENT'S ASS. 306 00:09:54,715 --> 00:09:56,516 - OH, MY GOD. 307 00:09:56,516 --> 00:09:57,888 YOU ARE THE BEST. - THANK YOU. 308 00:09:57,888 --> 00:09:59,850 - YEAH. - THANK YOU. 309 00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:01,722 - I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE HIS "I JUST GOT WHUPPED" FACE. 310 00:10:01,722 --> 00:10:03,684 IT'S GONNA BE LIKE, "BUT I--I OWN--I--" 311 00:10:03,684 --> 00:10:04,855 - OR MORE LIKE, "HUH." 312 00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:07,527 - COWORKER, BFF. WATERCOOLER STUFF. 313 00:10:07,527 --> 00:10:08,859 - PRINTER'S MAKING ME CRAZY. 314 00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:09,820 - PRINTERS ALWAYS MAKE YOU CRAZY. 315 00:10:09,820 --> 00:10:11,151 - THEY DO. THEY MAKE YOU VERY CRAZY. 316 00:10:11,151 --> 00:10:13,864 - ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU. - HEY, PHIL. 317 00:10:13,864 --> 00:10:16,867 BUDDY, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE. I OVERREACTED. 318 00:10:16,867 --> 00:10:18,869 IT'S YOUR LIFESTYLE. I GET IT, AND I AM SORRY. 319 00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:20,741 - HEY, IT'S NO PROBLEM, ALL RIGHT? 320 00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:23,664 AND I WILL GET THAT DRIP AND STUFF FIXED. 321 00:10:23,664 --> 00:10:27,547 - SPEAKING OF WHICH, I KNOW THIS GUY 322 00:10:27,547 --> 00:10:29,049 WHO USED TO BE A CLIENT OF MINE. 323 00:10:29,049 --> 00:10:31,802 HE CAN HELP YOU. - LOOK AT YOU. 324 00:10:31,802 --> 00:10:32,843 "I KNOW A GUY." 325 00:10:32,843 --> 00:10:34,514 I LIKE THIS CARLOS. 326 00:10:34,514 --> 00:10:35,756 TELL ME MORE. 327 00:10:38,018 --> 00:10:40,761 - JIMMY, TELL MY BUDDY WHAT YOU TOLD ME EARLIER. 328 00:10:40,761 --> 00:10:43,063 - SO THERE'S THIS NAG. - THAT'S A HORSE. 329 00:10:43,063 --> 00:10:44,815 - RED HEADED STEP CHILD. 330 00:10:44,815 --> 00:10:47,688 SECOND RACE TOMORROW, ODDS-ON FAVORITE, THREE TO ONE. 331 00:10:47,688 --> 00:10:49,529 I HAPPEN TO KNOW RED HEADED STEP CHILD 332 00:10:49,529 --> 00:10:51,571 HAS FALLEN HARD FOR IT'S MY PARTY. 333 00:10:51,571 --> 00:10:52,693 IT'S TRUE LOVE. 334 00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:54,905 BUT IT'S MY PARTY PULLED A WITHER. 335 00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:57,778 SO RED HEADED STEP CHILD IS GONNA FOLLOW HER BELOVED 336 00:10:57,778 --> 00:10:59,119 ALL THE WAY TO LAST PLACE. 337 00:10:59,119 --> 00:11:00,781 - SO WHAT'S THE TIP HERE? 338 00:11:00,781 --> 00:11:01,782 DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH A HORSE? 339 00:11:01,782 --> 00:11:04,584 - THERE'S ANOTHER HORSE, GUILTY AS CHARGED. 340 00:11:04,584 --> 00:11:05,996 HEH? 341 00:11:05,996 --> 00:11:07,918 I GOT IT ON GOOD AUTHORITY THAT HORSE IS JUICING. 342 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,840 SHE HEARS THE STARTING GUN, SHE'S GONNA MERGE 343 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:11,001 ONTO THE GODDAMN SAN DIEGO FREEWAY. 344 00:11:11,001 --> 00:11:12,843 [both laugh] 345 00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:14,004 - ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, HOLD ON, HOLD ON HERE. 346 00:11:14,004 --> 00:11:15,756 WHAT KIND OF ODDS ARE WE TALKING ON HER HERE? 347 00:11:15,756 --> 00:11:17,718 - I'M TALKING 50. - 50? 348 00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,179 - [mouths word] - 50 TO 1? 349 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:21,561 - RIGHT? - WOW. 350 00:11:21,561 --> 00:11:23,724 - OH, GOD, I LOVE HORSES. 351 00:11:23,724 --> 00:11:25,976 - THAT'S KIND OF WHY YOU'RE IN HERE, JIMMY. 352 00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:29,860 - EH. - 50 TO 1? 353 00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:32,863 WOW. 354 00:11:32,863 --> 00:11:34,865 - ARE WE BETTING AN H-NOTE? A HUNDY? 355 00:11:34,865 --> 00:11:36,777 - NO. MORE. 50 TO 1. 356 00:11:36,777 --> 00:11:38,869 I'M TALKING A G-NOTE. THAT'S A GRAND. 357 00:11:38,869 --> 00:11:39,950 THAT'S A THOUSAND. YEAH. 358 00:11:39,950 --> 00:11:41,742 - WHOA. - WHAT? YOU HEARD YOUR GUY. 359 00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,243 IT'S A SURE THING. 360 00:11:43,243 --> 00:11:44,745 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, FORGET THE HOLE. 361 00:11:44,745 --> 00:11:46,957 WE'RE GONNA GET MATCHING BOATS AND CAPTAINS HATS AND-- 362 00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,459 I WILL FIX THE HOLE TOO, BUT I DON'T KNOW, 363 00:11:49,459 --> 00:11:50,921 MAYBE I'LL GET A WHOLE NEW HOUSE, YOU KNOW? 364 00:11:50,921 --> 00:11:53,593 A BOAT HOUSE IN CAPE COD. 365 00:11:53,593 --> 00:11:54,885 YOU A COD MAN, HUH? 366 00:11:54,885 --> 00:11:55,796 - I THINK PEOPLE CALL IT THE CAPE. 367 00:11:55,796 --> 00:11:57,597 - NOT AFTER WE BUY IT. 368 00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,052 - THE DEFENSE PLEADS NOT GUILTY, YOUR HONOR. 369 00:12:02,052 --> 00:12:03,894 - I'M SORRY, WHAT? REALLY? 370 00:12:03,894 --> 00:12:05,265 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME GUY? 371 00:12:05,265 --> 00:12:07,687 - YOU SEEM SCARED, TRENT. AND YOU SHOULD BE. 372 00:12:07,687 --> 00:12:09,059 - UH-OH. 373 00:12:09,059 --> 00:12:10,851 - I'LL SEE YOU AT THE READINESS HEARING. 374 00:12:10,851 --> 00:12:11,852 [gavel bangs] 375 00:12:11,852 --> 00:12:13,233 - [clears throat] - SO NO DEALS? 376 00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:14,775 WE'RE GOING TO TRIAL? - YEAH. 377 00:12:14,775 --> 00:12:17,027 YOUR DRUG TEST CAME BACK CLEAN AS AN OTTER'S BALLS. 378 00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:19,279 - IS THAT CLEAN? OH, YEAH, RIGHT. 379 00:12:19,279 --> 00:12:21,862 'CAUSE THEY'RE IN THE WATER ALL THE TIME SWIMMING AROUND. 380 00:12:21,862 --> 00:12:23,493 WOW! - YEAH. 381 00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:25,866 - THAT IS INCREDIBLE, 'CAUSE I WAS HIGH AS SH--. 382 00:12:25,866 --> 00:12:29,289 - YOU WERE HIGH? - AS SH--. 383 00:12:29,289 --> 00:12:32,672 YOU'RE AN AWESOME LAWYER. - UH... 384 00:12:32,672 --> 00:12:33,924 EH... 385 00:12:38,799 --> 00:12:41,431 - HEY, EDIE. - OH, NINA. 386 00:12:41,431 --> 00:12:43,183 HOW AWESOME WAS THAT? - YEAH. 387 00:12:43,183 --> 00:12:45,265 - I JUST LOVED HOW YOU TOOK TRENT DOWN. 388 00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:48,018 HIS FACE WAS LIKE, "HUH?" OR MORE LIKE, "UHH." 389 00:12:48,018 --> 00:12:50,020 [both laugh] 390 00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:53,483 - YEAH, UM, SO ABOUT THAT, 391 00:12:53,483 --> 00:12:57,067 YOU DON'T THINK THERE'S ANY WAY THAT MAYBE YOU-- 392 00:12:57,067 --> 00:12:58,899 NOT--OKAY, NOT YOU-YOU, 393 00:12:58,899 --> 00:13:01,531 BUT, LIKE, TECHNOLOGY-YOU MIGHT HAVE MADE AN ERROR? 394 00:13:01,531 --> 00:13:04,204 WITHOUT VIOLATING ATTORNEY-CLIENT PRIVILEGE, 395 00:13:04,204 --> 00:13:07,037 WE BOTH KNOW THAT MY CLIENT WAS A BIG ENTHUSIAST 396 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:11,211 OF THE OLDEL GUSTA EL COCAINAPLANT. 397 00:13:11,211 --> 00:13:13,543 - MAYBE I FUDGED IT. - WHAT? 398 00:13:13,543 --> 00:13:14,754 - ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? 399 00:13:14,754 --> 00:13:16,676 - NO. OH, GOD, NO. 400 00:13:16,676 --> 00:13:18,879 OKAY, SO WE JUST GOT--WE GOT TO WITHDRAW THAT EVIDENCE. 401 00:13:18,879 --> 00:13:21,051 - NO, NO, MY REPUTATION WOULD BE RUINED. 402 00:13:21,051 --> 00:13:22,132 MY REPUTATION IS EVERYTHING. 403 00:13:22,132 --> 00:13:23,763 NO, YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH WITH IT. 404 00:13:23,763 --> 00:13:25,265 YOU HAVE TO GO TO TRIAL. YOU HAVE TO. 405 00:13:25,265 --> 00:13:27,477 [elevator dings] - I DON'T--HOW-- 406 00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:29,019 - MIRANDA WOULD DO IT FOR CARRIE. 407 00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:30,560 - WOULD SHE? - YES! 408 00:13:32,352 --> 00:13:34,895 - DID YOU PLACE THE BET? - YEP, JUST HANDED IT OVER. 409 00:13:34,895 --> 00:13:36,276 "TWO BETS, PLEASE." ALL THAT MONEY. 410 00:13:36,276 --> 00:13:38,068 - WHAT ARE YOU GONNA NAME YOUR BOAT? 411 00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:39,860 I'M GONNA NAME MINEPIZZA BECAUSE I LOVE PIZZA. 412 00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:40,941 HEY, GEOFFREY. - YES. 413 00:13:40,941 --> 00:13:42,492 - WE'RE GETTING A BOAT. 414 00:13:42,492 --> 00:13:43,783 WHAT WOULD YOU NAME YOUR BOAT? 415 00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:45,655 - WHY AREN'T YOU WORKING? 416 00:13:45,655 --> 00:13:48,368 [cell phone ringing] 417 00:13:48,368 --> 00:13:50,120 - YOUR BOOKIE. - YEAH. 418 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,541 - ARE YOU GONNA TELL HIM YOU HAVE HIS MONEY? 419 00:13:51,541 --> 00:13:55,255 - NO, LET'S WAIT TILL THE HORSE GETS OUT OF THE GATE. 420 00:13:55,255 --> 00:13:57,257 - YOUR BOOKIE? EVERYTHING OKAY? 421 00:13:57,257 --> 00:13:58,718 - YEAH. EVERYTHING'S FINE, TAPPY. 422 00:13:58,718 --> 00:14:00,090 YOU? - YEAH. 423 00:14:00,090 --> 00:14:01,922 NO, I'M GOOD. EVERYTHING--YOU KNOW WHAT? 424 00:14:01,922 --> 00:14:03,673 ACTUALLY, THIS MIGHT FALL UNDER THE CATEGORY 425 00:14:03,673 --> 00:14:07,057 OF WORK DILEMMA, SO LET ME THROW IT TO YOU, COLLEAGUE. 426 00:14:07,057 --> 00:14:08,678 HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CASE GO YOUR WAY 427 00:14:08,678 --> 00:14:11,311 BUT THE EVIDENCE IS MAYBE... [stammering] 428 00:14:11,311 --> 00:14:12,893 FUDGED-ISH? [cell phone ringing] 429 00:14:12,893 --> 00:14:15,185 - YEAH. ASK FOR A RETRIAL. IT'S EASY. 430 00:14:15,185 --> 00:14:17,187 - WHAT IF THE PERSON WHO'S RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS EVIDENCE 431 00:14:17,187 --> 00:14:19,149 IS A FRIEND WHO-- WHO JUST KIND OF-- 432 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,321 WHO GETS YOU, AND BY DOING THIS, YOU'RE GONNA-- 433 00:14:21,321 --> 00:14:24,324 THERE'S GONNA BE SOME SEVERE LIFE CONSEQUENCES? 434 00:14:24,324 --> 00:14:26,076 [cell phone ringing] - MAYBE ASK YOUR NEW BESTIE. 435 00:14:26,076 --> 00:14:28,288 - YEAH, THAT SOLVES SO MUCH. THANKS. 436 00:14:36,456 --> 00:14:37,958 - YOUR HONOR, THIS MAN WAS FOUND 437 00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:40,710 LITERALLY COVERED IN COCAINE, 438 00:14:40,710 --> 00:14:44,134 YET HIS BLOOD TESTED NEGATIVE FOR COCAINE. 439 00:14:44,134 --> 00:14:46,556 THE PEOPLE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO DROP ALL CHARGES. 440 00:14:46,556 --> 00:14:48,008 [desk squeaks] 441 00:14:48,008 --> 00:14:50,350 - ASSUMING THIS IS FINE WITH THE DEFENSE? 442 00:14:50,350 --> 00:14:53,773 - WELL, YOU KNOW, TESTS DON'T LIE. 443 00:14:53,773 --> 00:14:56,516 - OKAY, JUST-- JUST BEFORE WE BREAK, 444 00:14:56,516 --> 00:14:59,859 I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY A FEW BRIEF WORDS ABOUT JUSTICE. 445 00:14:59,859 --> 00:15:03,233 YOU KNOW, IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING, JUSTICE. 446 00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:05,365 HELLO, FRASIER MIDDLE SCHOOL. 447 00:15:05,365 --> 00:15:07,157 I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE ALL ENJOYED YOUR CLASS TRIP 448 00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:08,528 TO SEE JUSTICE IN ACTION. 449 00:15:08,528 --> 00:15:09,659 WHAT DO YOU SAY, KIDS? 450 00:15:09,659 --> 00:15:10,951 HOW'S ABOUT A ROUND OF APPLAUSE 451 00:15:10,951 --> 00:15:12,032 FOR OUR SYSTEM OF JUSTICE? 452 00:15:12,032 --> 00:15:13,954 [cheers and applause] 453 00:15:13,954 --> 00:15:14,955 AND FOR JUSTICE IN GENERAL. 454 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,167 - AND FOR THE APPARENTLY UNDETECTABLE COCAINE. 455 00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,208 - YEAH. 456 00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:25,045 [cheers and applause] 457 00:15:25,045 --> 00:15:26,256 - LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY, 458 00:15:26,256 --> 00:15:27,887 THE PROSECUTION HAS TRIED TO PAINT 459 00:15:27,887 --> 00:15:30,050 A VERY DARK PICTURE OF MY CLIENT. 460 00:15:30,050 --> 00:15:34,854 THEY'VE USED SUCH WORDS AS IRRESPONSIBLE, NEGLIGENT. 461 00:15:34,854 --> 00:15:36,056 [quietly] RED HEADED STEP CHILD? 462 00:15:36,056 --> 00:15:38,688 OH, COME ON. COME ON. 463 00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,270 RED HEADED STEP CHILD. 464 00:15:40,270 --> 00:15:41,771 THAT IS NO WAY TO SLANDER MY CLIENT. 465 00:15:41,771 --> 00:15:45,235 HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE RED HAIR. 466 00:15:45,235 --> 00:15:48,068 - MR. QUINLAN. - YEAH, YES. 467 00:15:48,068 --> 00:15:51,201 YOU SAW THE EVIDENCE. 468 00:15:51,201 --> 00:15:53,033 IT'S MY PARTY? OH, COME ON, BABY. 469 00:15:53,033 --> 00:15:55,415 COME ON, RUN, RUN. RUN, BABY. 470 00:15:55,415 --> 00:15:57,497 RUN, YOU BEAUTIFUL, BEAUTIFUL-- - MR. QUINLAN! 471 00:15:57,497 --> 00:15:59,419 - YOU BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, YOU BEAUTIFUL JURY. 472 00:15:59,419 --> 00:16:00,710 YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL WHEN YOU-- 473 00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,632 - MR. QUINLAN, YOU GONNA GIVE YOUR CLOSING 474 00:16:02,632 --> 00:16:04,174 OR PLAY ANGRY BIRDS? 475 00:16:04,174 --> 00:16:08,048 - OH, DEAR GOD. DEAR GOD. 476 00:16:08,048 --> 00:16:10,220 COME ON, MY CLIENT-- MY CLIENT IS A GOOD CLIENT. 477 00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,641 HE'S A GOOD CLIENT. 478 00:16:11,641 --> 00:16:14,184 AND YOU ARE CERTAINLY GOING TO RULE 479 00:16:14,184 --> 00:16:16,096 THAT MY CLIENT IS... 480 00:16:17,517 --> 00:16:18,938 GUILTY AS CHARGED! 481 00:16:18,938 --> 00:16:21,231 YES! 482 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:24,524 I MEAN, NOT GUILTY AS CHARGED. 483 00:16:24,524 --> 00:16:26,946 NOT GUILTY. 484 00:16:26,946 --> 00:16:28,698 WHOO! I GOT SOME MONEY. 485 00:16:28,698 --> 00:16:30,410 I GOT SOME--WHAT A DAY! 486 00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:33,033 AH, DESK GIN, THE GOOD STUFF, IT'S ON ME. 487 00:16:33,033 --> 00:16:34,414 LET'S GO. PRESENTS FOR EVERYBODY. 488 00:16:34,414 --> 00:16:36,706 BOSS MAN, I'M BUYING YOU YOUR OWN ELEVATOR. 489 00:16:36,706 --> 00:16:38,208 - DO YOU ACTUALLY WORK HERE? 490 00:16:38,208 --> 00:16:39,959 'CAUSE I'VE NEVER SEEN YOU DO ANYTHING. 491 00:16:39,959 --> 00:16:41,671 - LARRY, HEY, ANYTHING YOU WANT. 492 00:16:41,671 --> 00:16:44,214 WHAT WOULD YOU WANT? - TO MEET MY REAL FATHER. 493 00:16:44,214 --> 00:16:47,047 - SEE WHAT I CAN DO. CARLOS, MY MAN. 494 00:16:47,047 --> 00:16:48,758 - PHIL. - YEAH. 495 00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:50,090 - HEY. - WHAT'S UP, FARLEY? 496 00:16:50,090 --> 00:16:51,341 OH, I GET IT. 497 00:16:51,341 --> 00:16:53,223 LOOK AT YOU COMING DOWN HERE TO MY WORK 498 00:16:53,223 --> 00:16:54,684 TO INTIMIDATE ME WITH YOUR GOON. 499 00:16:54,684 --> 00:16:57,057 I GET IT. I GOT YOUR MONEY. 500 00:16:57,057 --> 00:16:58,348 OH, YEAH. YEAH. 501 00:16:58,348 --> 00:17:00,060 I'M GONNA FLOAT IT TO YOU ON MY BOAT. 502 00:17:00,060 --> 00:17:01,481 ALL RIGHT? RIGHT TO YOUR BOAT. 503 00:17:01,481 --> 00:17:03,063 THE USSFARLEY CAN SUCK-- 504 00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:04,904 - PHIL! 505 00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:08,568 I DIDN'T PLACE THE BET. 506 00:17:08,568 --> 00:17:10,110 - YOU EXCUSE ME? 507 00:17:10,110 --> 00:17:11,781 I JUST GOT SOME BOAT BUSINESS TO TALK ABOUT. 508 00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,284 - YEAH. 509 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,116 - I'M SORRY, YOU DIDN'T-- 510 00:17:16,116 --> 00:17:18,788 YOU DIDN'T PLACE THE BET, THE SURE THING? 511 00:17:18,788 --> 00:17:20,120 - THERE WAS NO SURE THING. 512 00:17:20,120 --> 00:17:22,122 I GAVE JIMMY A CARTON OF CIGARETTES 513 00:17:22,122 --> 00:17:23,253 TO GIVE YOU A FALSE TIP 514 00:17:23,253 --> 00:17:25,085 SO YOU WOULD BET BIG AND LOSE. 515 00:17:25,085 --> 00:17:26,506 - BUT I--I WON. - I KNOW! 516 00:17:26,506 --> 00:17:27,877 WHAT THE HELL? THOSE ODDS! 517 00:17:27,877 --> 00:17:29,969 - YEAH! 50 TO 1. - THAT'S WHY I PICKED IT. 518 00:17:29,969 --> 00:17:31,341 I WAS TRYING TO TEACH YOU A LESSON. 519 00:17:31,341 --> 00:17:34,134 - BUT I WON. - OKAY, THE LESSON DIDN'T TAKE. 520 00:17:34,134 --> 00:17:36,015 - I WAS GONNA BUY A GODDAMN BOAT. 521 00:17:36,015 --> 00:17:37,937 I GONNA GET A HOUSE ON THE COD. 522 00:17:37,937 --> 00:17:39,479 I WAS GONNA DO THAT-- THAT VIRGIN SPACESHIP-- 523 00:17:39,479 --> 00:17:41,141 WHY WOULD YOU MAKE THAT UP? 524 00:17:41,141 --> 00:17:43,773 - BECAUSE YOU JUST LISTED, LIKE, $3 MILLION WORTH OF STUFF, 525 00:17:43,773 --> 00:17:47,026 AND NONE OF IT WAS FIXING YOUR APARTMENT. 526 00:17:47,026 --> 00:17:49,569 - HEY, LOOK, PHIL, IF COULD WE JUST HAVE A MINUTE-- 527 00:17:49,569 --> 00:17:52,152 - GOOD SIR, IF YOUR UGLY GOON 528 00:17:52,152 --> 00:17:54,904 IS GOING TO BREAK ANYONE'S LEGS, LET THEM BE MINE. 529 00:17:54,904 --> 00:17:56,496 - OKAY, LISTEN. 530 00:17:56,496 --> 00:17:58,538 NO UGLY GOON HAS TO BREAK ANYBODY'S LEGS, OKAY-- 531 00:17:58,538 --> 00:17:59,749 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 532 00:17:59,749 --> 00:18:01,541 THIS IS MY BROTHER-IN-LAW, TERRY, OKAY? 533 00:18:01,541 --> 00:18:02,792 HE'S TAKING PARALEGAL CLASSES. 534 00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:04,164 I THOUGHT I'D BRING HIM DOWN HERE 535 00:18:04,164 --> 00:18:05,625 TO SEE A REAL LAWYER'S OFFICE. 536 00:18:05,625 --> 00:18:09,759 SO IS THIS IT? - YEAH, THIS IS IT. 537 00:18:09,759 --> 00:18:11,551 - BUT DO LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU GET THE MONEY. 538 00:18:11,551 --> 00:18:12,762 - YEAH. - OKAY? 539 00:18:12,762 --> 00:18:16,176 I DON'T WANT TO BREAK YOUR LEGS. 540 00:18:16,176 --> 00:18:17,927 - [laughs] - [chuckles nervously] 541 00:18:17,927 --> 00:18:19,769 COULD YOU IMAGINE? - YEAH. 542 00:18:19,769 --> 00:18:21,771 - WHAT ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT? BREAKING LEGS? 543 00:18:21,771 --> 00:18:25,064 - NICE TO MEET YOU. 544 00:18:25,064 --> 00:18:28,188 I WAS GONNA BUY MY MOM A HOUSE. 545 00:18:28,188 --> 00:18:31,731 - YOU LITERALLY HAVE NO CONCEPT OF HOW MUCH THINGS COST, DO YOU? 546 00:18:31,731 --> 00:18:33,993 [dance music] 547 00:18:33,993 --> 00:18:36,236 - LOOK, EDIE, I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU-- 548 00:18:36,236 --> 00:18:37,997 - BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE, 549 00:18:37,997 --> 00:18:40,410 YOU ARE GONNA TONGUE ME SO HARD AFTER YOU TASTE THIS. 550 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:41,951 - SO WHERE'D YOU PICK THIS PLACE OUT? 551 00:18:41,951 --> 00:18:43,583 ON YELP'S TOP TEN ROOFIE BARS? 552 00:18:43,583 --> 00:18:45,044 - I JUST WANTED US TO HAVE A GOOD TIME. 553 00:18:45,044 --> 00:18:47,167 YOU COVERED SO WELL TODAY. 554 00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:50,089 - EDIE, I CAN'T BE UNETHICAL. I CAN'T. 555 00:18:50,089 --> 00:18:53,052 I CAN'T EVER COVER LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN. 556 00:18:53,052 --> 00:18:54,844 THAT WAS A ONE-TIME THING, RIGHT? 557 00:18:54,844 --> 00:18:57,056 - RIGHT. YEAH, GOTCHA. - OKAY. 558 00:18:57,056 --> 00:18:59,018 - YEAH, NO MORE ONE-TIME THINGS. - OKAY. 559 00:18:59,018 --> 00:19:01,020 - UNTIL YOU TELL ME THAT YOU NEED ANOTHER ONE-TIME THING. 560 00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:03,563 AND THEN WE'LL TOTALLY ONE-TIME THING IT UP. 561 00:19:03,563 --> 00:19:06,025 - HAVE THERE BEEN MORE THAN ONE ONE-TIME THING? 562 00:19:06,025 --> 00:19:07,817 - HAVE I HELPED FRIENDS OUT? SURE. 563 00:19:07,817 --> 00:19:09,108 BUT THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO. 564 00:19:09,108 --> 00:19:10,820 I SUPPORT THEM, AND THEN THEY'RE LIKE, 565 00:19:10,820 --> 00:19:13,233 "THANKS, BESTIE," AND I'M LIKE, "THANK YOU." 566 00:19:13,233 --> 00:19:15,445 - OKAY. 567 00:19:15,445 --> 00:19:18,988 I'M GETTING THE SENSE, AND CALL IT A FRIEND HUNCH, 568 00:19:18,988 --> 00:19:21,781 THAT MAYBE YOU--YOU DO THINGS, LIKE BAD THINGS, 569 00:19:21,781 --> 00:19:24,204 FOR OTHER PEOPLE SO THEY'LL LIKE YOU? 570 00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,085 - YOU TOO? [gasps] 571 00:19:26,085 --> 00:19:28,087 SAMESIES. - NO, NO, NO, NO. 572 00:19:28,087 --> 00:19:29,128 NO. NO, NO, NO. - SAMESIES! 573 00:19:29,128 --> 00:19:31,050 - WE ARE NOT SAMESIES. 574 00:19:31,050 --> 00:19:32,712 I CALL YOU MY BESTIE, AND YOU'RE READY 575 00:19:32,712 --> 00:19:35,215 TO BREAK THE LAW FOR ME? 576 00:19:35,215 --> 00:19:38,468 THERE'S REALLY ONLY ONE THING THAT YOU CAN DO. 577 00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:40,220 YOU GOT TO TURN YOURSELF IN. - TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL. 578 00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:49,068 - TUESDAYS, HUH? - YEAH. 579 00:19:49,068 --> 00:19:52,612 - TUESDAYS, THEY'RE LIKE THE MONDAYS OF TUESDAYS. 580 00:19:52,612 --> 00:19:55,235 NOTHING? WHAT? NO OFFICE BANTER? 581 00:19:55,235 --> 00:19:57,237 - I CAN'T, PHIL. I GOT A REAL PROBLEM HERE, OKAY? 582 00:19:57,237 --> 00:19:58,948 I GOT TO SEND MY BEST FRIEND TO JAIL, 583 00:19:58,948 --> 00:20:01,241 AND IT MAKES ME WANT TO, LIKE, HURL ON THAT WALL. 584 00:20:01,241 --> 00:20:02,952 - WAIT. EDIE'S YOUR BEST FRIEND? 585 00:20:02,952 --> 00:20:04,244 YOU'VE KNOWN HER, LIKE A MINUTE. 586 00:20:04,244 --> 00:20:06,246 - YEAH, WELL, SHE WAS REALLY NICE TO ME. 587 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:08,248 AND WE CONNECTED RIGHT AWAY-- 588 00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,709 HOW'D YOU KNOW IT WAS EDIE? 589 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,921 - WELL, YESTERDAY, YOU MENTIONED HELPING OUT A FRIEND. 590 00:20:11,921 --> 00:20:13,673 YOU DON'T HAVE MANY OF THOSE, AND REALLY, 591 00:20:13,673 --> 00:20:15,134 ONLY ONE OF THEM COULD FUDGE EVIDENCE. 592 00:20:15,134 --> 00:20:18,097 THIS IS SUB-SCOOBY-DOO LEVEL STUFF HERE. 593 00:20:18,097 --> 00:20:19,969 HEY, FELLAS, THANKS. - NINA, HEY. 594 00:20:19,969 --> 00:20:21,931 YOUR CLOWN FRIEND SCREWED US. 595 00:20:21,931 --> 00:20:24,053 YEAH, HE TURNED ME IN. DON'T TRUST HIM. 596 00:20:24,053 --> 00:20:26,346 - TURNS OUT SHE LOVES TO FUDGE. - OH, MY GOD, HOW MUCH? 597 00:20:26,346 --> 00:20:28,348 - 89 FUDGES THIS YEAR. - OH, MY GOD. 598 00:20:28,348 --> 00:20:30,270 SHE'S A ONE-WOMAN FUDGE FACTORY. 599 00:20:30,270 --> 00:20:32,852 - OH, YOU LOOK AMAZING IN THAT DRESS. 600 00:20:32,852 --> 00:20:34,904 - OH. 601 00:20:34,904 --> 00:20:37,116 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THIS FOR ME. 602 00:20:37,116 --> 00:20:39,279 - WELL, I KIND OF DID IT FOR THE POTENTIALLY INNOCENT PEOPLE 603 00:20:39,279 --> 00:20:41,070 THAT SHE MIGHT HAVE SENT TO JAIL, BUT-- 604 00:20:41,070 --> 00:20:43,863 - MAYBE YOU DO GET ME. - MM. 605 00:20:43,863 --> 00:20:45,495 - WHAT DOES IT SAY ABOUT ME, THOUGH, 606 00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:47,917 THAT THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO GETS ME IS BAT-SH-- CRAZY? 607 00:20:47,917 --> 00:20:49,078 - THAT YOU'RE BAT-SH-- CRAZY. 608 00:20:49,078 --> 00:20:50,540 - THAT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION. 609 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:52,332 WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO-- WHATEVER. 610 00:20:52,332 --> 00:20:54,173 SAY WHATEVER YOU WANT. - NICE BELT. 611 00:20:54,173 --> 00:20:56,085 CONGRATS ON WINNING THE UFC CHAMPIONSHIP. 612 00:20:56,085 --> 00:20:57,297 - THERE IT IS. 613 00:21:01,381 --> 00:21:04,724 - WELL, LOOKS LIKE I WAS WRONG ABOUT YOU, NINA. 614 00:21:04,724 --> 00:21:07,807 I THOUGHT YOU WERE SELFISH AND TERRIBLE. 615 00:21:07,807 --> 00:21:08,938 BUT I HEARD IT WAS YOU THAT BROUGHT 616 00:21:08,938 --> 00:21:11,230 THAT CROOKED FORENSICS EXPERT TO JUSTICE? 617 00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:13,353 - YEAH. YEAH, I GUESS IT WAS, ACTUALLY. 618 00:21:13,353 --> 00:21:15,815 SO I'M KIND OF THE OFFICE HERO. 619 00:21:15,815 --> 00:21:17,397 I MEAN, EVERY OFFICE HAS ONE, SO... 620 00:21:17,397 --> 00:21:20,109 - YEAH. LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY. 621 00:21:20,109 --> 00:21:22,702 BECAUSE OF NINA'S AMAZING WORK, 622 00:21:22,702 --> 00:21:25,114 HERE ARE ALL THE CASES YOU HAVE TO RETRY. 623 00:21:25,114 --> 00:21:27,246 - AW, MAN! - YOU KNOW WHAT? 624 00:21:27,246 --> 00:21:28,368 TECHNICALLY IT WAS PHIL 625 00:21:28,368 --> 00:21:29,499 THAT TURNED HER IN, SO... 626 00:21:29,499 --> 00:21:31,791 - [chanting] NINA SUCKS. 627 00:21:31,791 --> 00:21:33,463 [both chanting] NINA SUCKS. 628 00:21:33,463 --> 00:21:35,254 - HOW IS EIGHTH GRADE? - NINA SUCKS. IN THE BACK. 629 00:21:35,254 --> 00:21:36,215 [all chanting] NINA SUCKS. 630 00:21:36,215 --> 00:21:37,377 - OH, MY GOD. 631 00:21:37,377 --> 00:21:38,918 [all chanting] NINA SUCKS. 632 00:21:38,918 --> 00:21:42,181 NINA SUCKS. NINA SUCKS. 633 00:21:42,181 --> 00:21:44,183 NINA SUCKS. 634 00:21:44,183 --> 00:21:46,806 NINA SUCKS. NINA SUCKS. 46287

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