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1
00:00:01,382 --> 00:00:03,254
- NOW, I'M THINKING THAT THIS
IS PROBABLY
2
00:00:03,254 --> 00:00:04,675
A LITTLE SMALLER
THAN YOUR PREVIOUS PLACE,
3
00:00:04,675 --> 00:00:06,887
BUT IT'S STILL PRETTY NICE.
4
00:00:06,887 --> 00:00:08,469
YOU KNOW, THE LANDLORD'S
A BUDDY OF MINE.
5
00:00:08,469 --> 00:00:09,930
THIS PLACE ISN'T EVEN LISTED.
6
00:00:09,930 --> 00:00:11,842
HE'S LETTING US GET IN EARLY.
TAKE A LOOK.
7
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:15,726
SO, NINA WHITLEY,
WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME,
8
00:00:17,348 --> 00:00:20,061
HUH?
9
00:00:20,061 --> 00:00:22,273
- HUH.
10
00:00:22,273 --> 00:00:23,774
OKAY.
11
00:00:23,774 --> 00:00:26,487
IS THERE ANOTHER HALF?
NO, THIS IS THE WHOLE THING.
12
00:00:26,487 --> 00:00:27,568
OKAY, UM--
13
00:00:27,568 --> 00:00:29,320
[clears throat]
14
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:30,241
YOU KNOW WHAT,
I DO LIKE TO TAKE A PLACE
15
00:00:30,241 --> 00:00:32,203
AND MAKE IT MY OWN,
16
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:33,914
DO SOME DECORATING
AND SOME FUTZING.
17
00:00:33,914 --> 00:00:35,866
I'M A BIT OF A FUTZER.
18
00:00:35,866 --> 00:00:38,249
WOW, WERE THE LAST TENANTS
WHO LIVED HERE KEEBLER ELVES?
19
00:00:38,249 --> 00:00:40,161
THIS PLACE IS REALLY TINY.
20
00:00:40,161 --> 00:00:42,293
I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO IT.
I DON'T THINK I CAN DO THIS.
21
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:43,714
I CAN'T, ACTUALLY.
I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T--
22
00:00:43,714 --> 00:00:45,506
WHERE WOULD I PUT
MY L-SHAPED COUCH?
23
00:00:45,506 --> 00:00:46,927
- HEY, YOU'RE
A PUBLIC DEFENDER NOW.
24
00:00:46,927 --> 00:00:48,509
THIS IS
A PUBLIC DEFENDER-SIZED SPACE.
25
00:00:48,509 --> 00:00:49,800
YOU WANT TO LIVE
IN A MURDER-FREE ZIP CODE
26
00:00:49,800 --> 00:00:52,223
IN THIS AREA--
THIS IS THE SIZE.
27
00:00:52,223 --> 00:00:54,095
LISTEN, BETWEEN US,
I'D JUMP ON THIS QUICK.
28
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:55,516
IT'S NOT GONNA BE
AROUND FOREVER,
29
00:00:55,516 --> 00:00:57,228
SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?
30
00:00:57,228 --> 00:00:58,809
- OH, MY GOD.
31
00:00:58,809 --> 00:01:00,561
YOU'RE GETTING A COMMISSION
32
00:01:00,561 --> 00:01:02,183
FROM YOUR LITTLE LANDLORD
BUDDY FRIEND, AREN'T YOU?
33
00:01:02,183 --> 00:01:06,357
- WHAT? IT'S NOT
A GAME-CHANGING AMOUNT.
34
00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:08,189
I MEAN, IT'S MORE I'M DOING
A FAVOR FOR THE GUY.
35
00:01:08,189 --> 00:01:09,900
IT'S WIN-WIN FOR EVERYBODY.
36
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,572
- SON OF A BITCH.
37
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:14,575
- ♪ HEY, NOW
38
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,697
♪
39
00:01:16,697 --> 00:01:18,999
♪ HEY, NOW
40
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,202
[telephone rings]
41
00:01:21,202 --> 00:01:22,293
- ALL RIGHT, BOYS AND GIRLS,
42
00:01:22,293 --> 00:01:24,165
IT'S THAT TIME
OF THE YEAR AGAIN.
43
00:01:24,165 --> 00:01:25,166
- THE TIME WHEN YOU SHED
YOUR LARVAE SKIN,
44
00:01:25,166 --> 00:01:26,587
BECOME A BUTTERFLY?
45
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,339
- I'M TALKING
ABOUT THE KEELY FOUNDATION
46
00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:29,760
FUNDRAISING GALA...
[all groaning]
47
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:31,972
WHERE WE BEG FOR MONEY
FOR THIS SINKING SHIP,
48
00:01:31,972 --> 00:01:33,554
AND IF YOU WANT
A JOB TO COME BACK TO,
49
00:01:33,554 --> 00:01:35,136
YOU'LL SCHMOOZE, SUCK UP,
50
00:01:35,136 --> 00:01:37,308
AND DO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO DO
TO WHORE YOURSELVES OUT, HUH?
51
00:01:37,308 --> 00:01:39,350
- I'M FINE WITH BEING
A WHORE.
52
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,312
- THAT'S THE NEXT THING
ON THE AGENDA, CHERYL.
53
00:01:41,312 --> 00:01:43,184
THIS YEAR, TRY TO KEEP
THE DRUNKENNESS DOWN
54
00:01:43,184 --> 00:01:44,775
TO ABOUT A SIX, HUH?
55
00:01:44,775 --> 00:01:46,187
AND IF YOU DO HOOK UP
WITH A VALET AGAIN,
56
00:01:46,187 --> 00:01:48,149
NOT IN PUBLIC.
57
00:01:48,149 --> 00:01:51,232
- IN MY DEFENSE,
I THOUGHT HIS CAR WINDOWS
58
00:01:51,232 --> 00:01:52,653
WERE MORE TINTED
THAN THEY WERE.
59
00:01:52,653 --> 00:01:54,155
- AND I ALSO NEED SOMEBODY
TO DO
60
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:57,077
THE OBLIGATORY THANK-YOU SPEECH
ON OUR BEHALF.
61
00:01:57,077 --> 00:01:59,660
ANYBODY? ANY TAKERS?
ANYONE?
62
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:01,242
- I'LL DO IT.
WHATEVER.
63
00:02:01,242 --> 00:02:03,204
- WELL, THIS ALL SOUNDS
SUPER EXCITING,
64
00:02:03,204 --> 00:02:05,005
AND IT'S GONNA LITERALLY
KILL ME TO MISS IT,
65
00:02:05,005 --> 00:02:06,167
BUT I WON'T BE THERE.
66
00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:09,210
- AND WHY NOT?
- I HAVE A THING.
67
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,172
- OF COURSE YOU DO.
- OH, BOY, A THING?
68
00:02:11,172 --> 00:02:13,013
- WELL, IF YOU MUST KNOW,
69
00:02:13,013 --> 00:02:15,386
I COACH A BASKETBALL TEAM
OF AT-RISK KIDS,
70
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:16,177
AND THAT'S THE NIGHT
OF THEIR CHAMPIONSHIP GAME.
71
00:02:16,177 --> 00:02:18,679
- WHATEVER. I HATE KIDS.
72
00:02:18,679 --> 00:02:21,182
LOOK, I WANT THE REST OF YOU
TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE THERE,
73
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:23,354
AND MAKE SURE YOU THANK
EVERYBODY FROM THE FOUNDATION
74
00:02:23,354 --> 00:02:26,026
FOR THAT GODDAMN COPIER
THAT THEY GAVE US, OKAY?
75
00:02:26,026 --> 00:02:28,068
OKAY? I CAN'T
HEAR YOUR HEADS RATTLING.
76
00:02:28,068 --> 00:02:31,232
- YES, YES, OKAY.
77
00:02:31,232 --> 00:02:34,074
WOW, YOU ARE GOOD.
- GOOD AT WHAT?
78
00:02:34,074 --> 00:02:35,196
- WHAT IS IT REALLY?
YOU CAN TELL ME. I GET IT.
79
00:02:35,196 --> 00:02:37,037
I MEAN, THIS THING SOUNDS
LIKE A NIGHTMARE.
80
00:02:37,037 --> 00:02:38,409
- WHAT? NO, NO.
81
00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:39,280
I LOVE HANGING AROUND
WITH A BUNCH
82
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,412
OF JAGBAG LAWYERS
WATCHING THEM MINGLE
83
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,623
AND GREASE EACH OTHER UP
LIKE SEALS.
84
00:02:42,623 --> 00:02:44,285
- JAGBAGS, WHICH ARE--
85
00:02:44,285 --> 00:02:45,626
- THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN
YOU COMBINE
86
00:02:45,626 --> 00:02:47,378
JAG-OFF CORPORATE LAWYERS
87
00:02:47,378 --> 00:02:49,420
AND DOUCHE BAG
CORPORATE LAWYERS--
88
00:02:49,420 --> 00:02:50,671
JAGBAG.
89
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,214
- HOW MANY JAGBAGS
ARE GONNA BE THERE?
90
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:55,386
- LET'S SEE.
ALL OF THEM.
91
00:02:55,386 --> 00:02:57,298
- ALL--ALL OF THEM?
- YEAH, EVERY FIRM.
92
00:02:57,298 --> 00:02:59,260
THEY SEND THEIR BEST JAGBAGS,
93
00:02:59,260 --> 00:03:00,721
AND IT'S LIKE
A HARRY POTTER CONVENTION,
94
00:03:00,721 --> 00:03:02,433
EXCEPT INSTEAD
OF NERDS IN ROBES,
95
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:04,225
IT'S JAGBAGS IN SUITS.
96
00:03:04,225 --> 00:03:06,727
- WELL, I THINK THIS GIRL
NEEDS TO GET HER
97
00:03:06,727 --> 00:03:08,399
POTTER WAND BROOM THINGY
98
00:03:08,399 --> 00:03:12,112
AND GET READY TO FIGHT
SOME WIZARD ZOMBIES IN GLASSES.
99
00:03:12,112 --> 00:03:16,076
I'VE NEVER SEEN THE MOVIE.
100
00:03:16,076 --> 00:03:17,368
- SO NOW YOU WANT TO DO
THE SPEECH?
101
00:03:17,368 --> 00:03:18,239
- SURE, I THINK I'D BE GOOD
AT IT,
102
00:03:18,239 --> 00:03:20,160
AND I GET THE VALUE
OF SAYING THANKS
103
00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:22,243
TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HELP US,
YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE PEOPLE.
104
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,495
- BULLDICK, YOU JUST WANT
TO SHOW OFF
105
00:03:24,495 --> 00:03:25,456
IN FRONT OF THESE PEOPLE,
SO THAT YOU CAN WEASEL
106
00:03:25,456 --> 00:03:27,248
YOUR WAY BACK INTO MONEY LAW.
107
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,419
- MAYBE.
I HAVE NEEDS.
108
00:03:28,419 --> 00:03:30,251
MY--MY SKIN HAS NEEDS, OKAY?
109
00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,132
I HAVE
A VERY COMPLICATED T-ZONE,
110
00:03:32,132 --> 00:03:33,424
AND THERE ISN'T ANY
ONE PRODUCT THAT CAN TAME IT.
111
00:03:33,424 --> 00:03:35,296
LOOK, THESE ARE MY PEOPLE.
112
00:03:35,296 --> 00:03:38,969
I SPEAK FLUENT JAGBAG,
ALL RIGHT?
113
00:03:38,969 --> 00:03:40,261
SO JUST LET ME DO THIS.
114
00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:42,303
I'D BE--I'D BE--
- FINE, WHATEVER.
115
00:03:42,303 --> 00:03:43,894
I REALLY DON'T GIVE A SHIT.
116
00:03:43,894 --> 00:03:45,266
JUST GO BACK TO DOING
LAWYER THINGS, HUH?
117
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,728
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA REGRET THIS.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
118
00:03:47,728 --> 00:03:49,940
I--YEAH.
119
00:03:51,982 --> 00:03:55,115
OKAY, UH,
WHISPERS.
120
00:03:55,115 --> 00:03:56,447
- HMM.
- THAT'S YOUR REAL NAME.
121
00:03:56,447 --> 00:03:58,068
ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE OFF ON PROBATION
122
00:03:58,068 --> 00:03:59,119
AND A FINE FOR SOLICITING.
123
00:03:59,119 --> 00:04:01,121
- OH.
- A LITTLE ADVICE.
124
00:04:01,121 --> 00:04:02,323
YOU SEEM LIKE A SMART GIRL.
125
00:04:02,323 --> 00:04:04,415
YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THIS.
126
00:04:04,415 --> 00:04:05,706
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
127
00:04:05,706 --> 00:04:06,957
IT'S TIME FOR ME TO TAKE
THAT STEP UP,
128
00:04:06,957 --> 00:04:09,420
EVEN THOUGH CHANGE
CAN BE SO HARD.
129
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:11,292
- OH, GOD, I HEAR YOU.
130
00:04:11,292 --> 00:04:12,333
YOU SHOULD SEE THIS HOVEL
I MIGHT HAVE TO MOVE INTO.
131
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:15,426
- HEY, NINA,
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO ASK.
132
00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:16,507
- OKAY.
133
00:04:16,507 --> 00:04:19,510
- HOW DO I GET A TRENT?
134
00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:20,721
- A WHAT?
135
00:04:20,721 --> 00:04:21,802
- A TRENT.
136
00:04:21,802 --> 00:04:24,935
HANDSOME, SUCCESSFUL.
137
00:04:24,935 --> 00:04:26,517
IT'S BEEN A RAGGED YEAR
ON THE MAN FRONT,
138
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,519
AND I USUALLY DON'T EVEN GET
A GOOD LOOK AT THEM
139
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:29,890
UNTIL THE NEXT DAY,
140
00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:31,352
AND THEN BY THEN, YOU KNOW,
141
00:04:31,352 --> 00:04:33,314
TEETH IN THE GLASS,
WIG ON THE FLOOR.
142
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:34,395
- RIGHT.
143
00:04:34,395 --> 00:04:36,777
- YOU GOT A TRENT.
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
144
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,319
- YOU REALIZE HE DUMPED ME,
RIGHT?
145
00:04:38,319 --> 00:04:40,741
- OKAY,
BUT PRE-DUMPED NINA--
146
00:04:40,741 --> 00:04:43,113
WHAT WOULD SHE HAVE DONE?
147
00:04:43,113 --> 00:04:44,455
THIS FUNDRAISER IS COMING UP,
148
00:04:44,455 --> 00:04:45,996
AND IT'S MY BEST CHANCE
149
00:04:45,996 --> 00:04:48,539
TO MEET A FANCY GUY LIKE
THE KIND YOU USED TO GET.
150
00:04:48,539 --> 00:04:50,170
- WELL, IT'S ACTUALLY
NOT THAT HARD, CHERYL.
151
00:04:50,170 --> 00:04:52,463
YOU JUST--YOU FIND SOMETHING
YOU WANT,
152
00:04:52,463 --> 00:04:54,335
WHETHER IT BE A JOB
OR A GUY LIKE TRENT
153
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:57,418
WHO WEARS A SUIT
SO TAILORED
154
00:04:57,418 --> 00:04:59,259
IT MAKES YOU DERAIL
EVERY SINGLE
155
00:04:59,259 --> 00:05:01,221
ONE OF YOUR DREAMS...
156
00:05:01,221 --> 00:05:02,553
AND THEN YOU FOCUS.
157
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:05,015
YOU FOCUS ON THAT VOICE
INSIDE OF YOU THAT SAYS,
158
00:05:05,015 --> 00:05:06,427
"THAT'S MINE."
159
00:05:06,427 --> 00:05:08,389
AND NOTHING ELSE
SHOULD MATTER.
160
00:05:08,389 --> 00:05:11,522
- WHAT ABOUT THE VOICE THAT
SAYS, "YOU DESERVE NOTHING"?
161
00:05:11,522 --> 00:05:14,144
- IS THAT A VOICE?
- YOU DON'T HEAR IT?
162
00:05:14,144 --> 00:05:16,357
- NO.
163
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:17,938
- THEY SAID NO.
164
00:05:17,938 --> 00:05:19,780
- NO? WHAT DO YOU--
165
00:05:19,780 --> 00:05:21,572
WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN
THEY SAID NO?
166
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:22,493
- THEY DIDN'T APPROVE YOU
TO GIVE THE SPEECH.
167
00:05:22,493 --> 00:05:23,444
- NOT APPROVING?
168
00:05:23,444 --> 00:05:25,205
"THEY"? WHO'S "THEY"?
169
00:05:25,205 --> 00:05:25,946
- THE HEAD
OF THE EVENTS COMMITTEE,
170
00:05:25,946 --> 00:05:27,207
DEBBIE MATHERSONS.
171
00:05:27,207 --> 00:05:29,209
- FROM SCHUSTER ALEXANDER?
172
00:05:29,209 --> 00:05:31,412
SHIT.
DEBBIE--MY OLD FIRM.
173
00:05:31,412 --> 00:05:33,544
- AH, NOW IT MAKES SENSE.
174
00:05:33,544 --> 00:05:35,586
AT FIRST I THOUGHT
WHO THE HELL CARES
175
00:05:35,586 --> 00:05:36,797
ABOUT SOME DUMB SPEECH?
176
00:05:36,797 --> 00:05:38,459
DID YOU THINK THEY'D FORGET
177
00:05:38,459 --> 00:05:40,220
YOUR COMPLETE MENTAL COLLAPSE
IN THE LOBBY
178
00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:42,262
AFTER SMASHING A MILLION-DOLLAR
VASE FROM EDDIE RABBITT?
179
00:05:42,262 --> 00:05:44,425
- ELTON JOHN.
EDDIE RABBITT?
180
00:05:44,425 --> 00:05:46,226
- WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG
WITH YOU?
181
00:05:46,226 --> 00:05:47,598
I LOVE THE RAINY NIGHT,
YOU AND I,
182
00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,019
JUICE NEWTON--
DON'T YOU GET OUT?
183
00:05:49,019 --> 00:05:50,971
- YEAH, BUT NOT
A LOT SINCE 1970.
184
00:05:50,971 --> 00:05:53,023
LOOK, I'M BETTER NOW.
185
00:05:53,023 --> 00:05:54,605
CAN'T YOU CALL HER AND TELL HER
THAT I'M A NEW PERSON?
186
00:05:54,605 --> 00:05:56,477
- YEAH.
- YOU'RE NOT GONNA CALL HER.
187
00:05:56,477 --> 00:05:58,278
- NO.
- BYE, BURT.
188
00:05:58,278 --> 00:05:59,900
- BYE, ANGRY LADY.
189
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,612
- AND PLEASE,
THANK DEBBIE AGAIN
190
00:06:01,612 --> 00:06:03,283
FOR TAKING THIS MEETING.
191
00:06:03,283 --> 00:06:04,405
YEAH, I'LL DEF--I WILL
DEFINITELY BE THERE.
192
00:06:04,405 --> 00:06:05,406
THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
193
00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:06,617
OKAY, BYE.
194
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,618
YES.
195
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:11,251
- WOW. YOU WANT IT THAT BAD?
196
00:06:11,251 --> 00:06:12,413
YOU WILL LITERALLY GROVEL
TO THE WOMAN
197
00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,254
THAT GOT THE PROMOTION
YOU DESERVED...
198
00:06:14,254 --> 00:06:15,626
- BY SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS.
199
00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:17,458
- AND THAT'S NOT
DEEPLY HUMILIATING?
200
00:06:17,458 --> 00:06:18,419
- DO YOU KNOW
WHAT'S DEEPLY HUMILIATING--
201
00:06:18,419 --> 00:06:20,631
IS HAVING A CLIENT PEE
IN YOUR PURSE
202
00:06:20,631 --> 00:06:23,133
WHILE THE JUDGE LAUGHS
AT YOUR BAIL REQUEST.
203
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:24,465
I BELONG IN CORPORATE LAW...
204
00:06:24,465 --> 00:06:26,346
- OH.
- AMONG NICE THINGS.
205
00:06:26,346 --> 00:06:28,599
NO, YOU DON'T GET UP
ON YOUR MEDIUM HORSE,
206
00:06:28,599 --> 00:06:31,642
MR. "I HAVE TO SKIP
THE FUNDRAISER FOR A THING."
207
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:33,434
QUICK, HOW MANY BOYS
YOU COACH?
208
00:06:33,434 --> 00:06:35,065
- TRICK QUESTION.
209
00:06:35,065 --> 00:06:36,437
WE GOT A GIRL. SHE'S GOT
THE BEST JUMP SHOT.
210
00:06:36,437 --> 00:06:38,689
- OH, YEAH, WHAT'S HER NAME?
- MELINDA.
211
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:43,233
- WHAT'S YOUR CENTER'S NAME?
- MARNOLD ESTEFAN...EVEZ.
212
00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:46,236
- SHAME ON YOU.
213
00:06:51,792 --> 00:06:53,243
OH, YOU'RE NEW.
214
00:06:53,243 --> 00:06:57,037
HI, NINA WHITLEY
FOR DEBBIE MATHERSONS.
215
00:06:58,038 --> 00:06:59,299
- MISS MATHERSONS?
216
00:06:59,299 --> 00:07:00,881
UH, MISS WHITLEY
IS HERE TO SEE YOU.
217
00:07:00,881 --> 00:07:02,422
[clears throat]
218
00:07:05,135 --> 00:07:07,638
[overlapping chatter]
219
00:07:07,638 --> 00:07:09,930
[table clatters]
220
00:07:15,766 --> 00:07:19,109
- NINA.
- HEY, DEBBIE.
221
00:07:19,109 --> 00:07:20,611
HOW YOU DOING?
THIS IS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
222
00:07:20,611 --> 00:07:21,361
- THAT YOU BROKE A TABLE
223
00:07:21,361 --> 00:07:23,484
AND ALMOST
ANOTHER EXPENSIVE VASE?
224
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:26,156
- OH, OKAY,
THEN IT IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.
225
00:07:29,279 --> 00:07:31,071
- OH, WOW.
226
00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:32,072
IT LOOKS MUCH BIGGER THAN
IT DID ON MY VISION BOARD.
227
00:07:32,072 --> 00:07:33,664
- PLEASE EXCUSE THE MESS.
228
00:07:33,664 --> 00:07:35,285
I'VE BEEN GOING BACK
AND FORTH WITH MY DECORATOR.
229
00:07:35,285 --> 00:07:36,917
MY LIFE IS A SERIES
OF CHENILLE SWATCHES.
230
00:07:36,917 --> 00:07:38,629
- MINE TOO.
231
00:07:38,629 --> 00:07:40,711
WOW, IS THAT
THE NEW HERMES?
232
00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:43,343
- IT IS.
- CAN I TOUCH IT?
233
00:07:43,343 --> 00:07:45,045
- I WISH YOU WOULDN'T.
- OKAY.
234
00:07:45,045 --> 00:07:46,386
YEAH, THAT WAS WEIRD.
I SEE HOW THAT WAS WEIRD.
235
00:07:46,386 --> 00:07:49,349
LISTEN, DEBBIE, I JUST WANTED
TO COME AND TELL YOU
236
00:07:49,349 --> 00:07:50,350
THAT I UNDERSTAND WHY
YOU DIDN'T WANT
237
00:07:50,350 --> 00:07:52,182
TO APPROVE ME
FOR THE SPEECH.
238
00:07:52,182 --> 00:07:53,183
- LISTEN, NINA, YOU REALLY
DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS.
239
00:07:53,183 --> 00:07:54,474
- NO, I DO.
240
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:55,516
I MEAN, AFTER THE WAY I ACTED,
241
00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:56,937
LOOK, I PROBABLY
WOULD'VE TURNED ME DOWN TOO.
242
00:07:56,937 --> 00:07:59,149
I WAS IN
A VERY STRESSFUL PLACE,
243
00:07:59,149 --> 00:08:01,732
AND YOU--YOU WON
THAT PARTNERSHIP
244
00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:02,943
FAIR AND SQUARE.
245
00:08:02,943 --> 00:08:05,105
- LISTEN, I KNOW YOU THINK
I WAS SLEEPING WITH WINSTON.
246
00:08:05,105 --> 00:08:07,067
- WHAT? NO.
247
00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:08,158
IF I IMPLIED THAT, NO.
248
00:08:08,158 --> 00:08:10,160
- OH, HE WANTED TO,
BIG TIME.
249
00:08:10,160 --> 00:08:13,073
HE TEXTED ME WORDS
AND PICTURES TO THAT EFFECT,
250
00:08:13,073 --> 00:08:14,955
SO I BLACKMAILED HIM.
251
00:08:14,955 --> 00:08:18,168
- LIKE, BLACKMAIL-BLACKMAIL?
252
00:08:18,168 --> 00:08:21,331
- LIKE BLACKMAIL.
IT WORKS.
253
00:08:21,331 --> 00:08:22,543
WHATEVER IT TAKES, RIGHT?
254
00:08:22,543 --> 00:08:25,385
- YEAH.
255
00:08:25,385 --> 00:08:27,507
OH, GOD, DEBBIE,
256
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,509
I WANT BACK IN SO BAD,
I CAN TASTE IT IN MY MOUTH.
257
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,302
I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES,
AND A LITTLE BIT DOWN THERE,
258
00:08:32,302 --> 00:08:33,764
OKAY, AND THIS SPEECH IS
MY TICKET
259
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:36,136
TO ANY JOB WITH AN OFFICE
AND A CHAIR
260
00:08:36,136 --> 00:08:37,938
WITH A LEVER THAT MAKES IT
GO UP AND DOWN
261
00:08:37,938 --> 00:08:41,692
AND MAKES THAT...
[blowing air] NOISE.
262
00:08:41,692 --> 00:08:44,064
[sighs] AND IF YOU LET ME
BACK IN THE GAME,
263
00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:46,316
YOU'VE GOT A LAWYER
WHO OWES YOU A HUGE FAVOR.
264
00:08:46,316 --> 00:08:51,281
SO YOU DO ME A SOLID,
DOWN THE ROAD--SISTERS.
265
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:52,653
- I LIKE THAT.
266
00:08:52,653 --> 00:08:55,155
LIKE, WHEN ONE SISTER
OWNS THE OTHER SISTER.
267
00:08:55,155 --> 00:08:58,038
- YEAH.
268
00:09:00,250 --> 00:09:01,872
I GOT THE SPEECH.
269
00:09:01,872 --> 00:09:04,254
I NAILED IT.
I AM BACK.
270
00:09:04,254 --> 00:09:06,336
STILL GOT IT, BITCHES.
271
00:09:06,336 --> 00:09:07,547
- YOU ACTUALLY DID IT?
- YUP.
272
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,969
- I'M IMPRESSED
WITH YOUR BALLS.
273
00:09:08,969 --> 00:09:10,170
- WELL, IF YOU WERE COMING
TO THE FUNDRAISER,
274
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:11,842
YOU'D GET TO SEE THEM
IN A DRESS
275
00:09:11,842 --> 00:09:13,473
BECAUSE I'M GONNA BE
ALL CLEAVAGE AND BALLS.
276
00:09:13,473 --> 00:09:15,435
- WAIT, WHY IS SHE GIVING
THE SPEECH?
277
00:09:15,435 --> 00:09:17,768
- SHE BEGGED.
- BUT I RAISED MY HAND.
278
00:09:17,768 --> 00:09:19,439
- YEAH, LISTLESSLY.
279
00:09:19,439 --> 00:09:21,181
I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
ACTUALLY INTERESTED.
280
00:09:21,181 --> 00:09:23,103
- HERE.
281
00:09:23,103 --> 00:09:25,185
FACT--BY THE YEAR 2045,
282
00:09:25,185 --> 00:09:28,238
OVER 90% OF AMERICAN BABIES
WILL BE BORN IN PRISON.
283
00:09:28,238 --> 00:09:30,150
- WHAT THE HELL?
THAT'S NOT A FACT.
284
00:09:30,150 --> 00:09:32,192
- IT'S MY OWN PROJECTIONS.
IT'S A FIRST DRAFT.
285
00:09:32,192 --> 00:09:33,403
- YOU CAN'T INSULT
THESE PEOPLE.
286
00:09:33,403 --> 00:09:35,325
- WHO GIVE A SHIT
ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE?
287
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,367
IT'S OUR NIGHT,
THE PUBLIC DEFENDERS.
288
00:09:37,367 --> 00:09:38,248
WE GET TO SAY
AND DO WHAT WE WANT.
289
00:09:38,248 --> 00:09:40,370
- HE ACTUALLY MAKES
A GREAT POINT.
290
00:09:40,370 --> 00:09:42,002
- YOU GET FREE BOOZE.
YOU'RE GETTING FREE SHRIMP.
291
00:09:42,002 --> 00:09:44,044
QUIT WHILE YOU'RE AHEAD.
- THAT'S ALSO A GREAT POINT.
292
00:09:44,044 --> 00:09:47,417
- NINA IS DOING THE SPEECH,
END OF STORY.
293
00:09:50,170 --> 00:09:52,382
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
LET'S GIVE A WARM WELCOME
294
00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:53,553
TO THE HARDEST WORKING P.D. IN--
295
00:09:53,553 --> 00:09:54,885
- NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT WORKING ON CASES.
296
00:09:54,885 --> 00:09:56,426
I'M WORKING ON MY SPEECH.
297
00:09:56,426 --> 00:09:58,138
- OH, THE SPEECH
THAT'S GONNA SAVE NINA WHITLEY
298
00:09:58,138 --> 00:10:00,430
FROM THE INDIGNITY OF LIVING
IN A NORMAL-SIZED APARTMENT.
299
00:10:00,430 --> 00:10:03,183
ALMOST SAD
I'M GONNA MISS IT.
300
00:10:03,183 --> 00:10:04,935
- OH, BUT OF COURSE,
YOU'VE GOT
301
00:10:04,935 --> 00:10:09,359
THOSE LITTLE BOYS, MELINDA,
AND MARNOLD ESTEFAN EVEZ
302
00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,652
IN THEIR TATTERED UNIFORMS
303
00:10:11,652 --> 00:10:13,323
AND THEIR LITTLE TOES
POKING OUT
304
00:10:13,323 --> 00:10:14,865
OF THEIR MISMATCHED SHOES.
305
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:16,406
- NO, ACTUALLY, I GOT
A BAIL BONDS PLACE
306
00:10:16,406 --> 00:10:17,868
TO SPONSOR
SOME SWEET NEW UNIFORMS.
307
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:19,159
- OKAY, YOU'RE JUST DOING
BAD NEWS BEARSNOW.
308
00:10:19,159 --> 00:10:20,661
LET'S DROP IT.
309
00:10:20,661 --> 00:10:21,952
- OKAY, WELL, I JUST
CAME TO GET MY BAG.
310
00:10:21,952 --> 00:10:23,583
GOOD LUCK WITH THE SPEECH.
311
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,085
- WAIT, CAN I ASK YOU
YOUR HONEST OPINION?
312
00:10:25,085 --> 00:10:26,296
- SURE.
- OKAY.
313
00:10:26,296 --> 00:10:27,798
THIS IS FOR MY OPENING.
314
00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:30,671
I ALWAYS THOUGHT MY SUCCESS
WOULD BE MEANINGFUL.
315
00:10:30,671 --> 00:10:33,173
WAS IT MEANINGFUL WHEN I GOT
MY FULBRIGHT SCHOLARSHIP
316
00:10:33,173 --> 00:10:35,095
OR WHEN I WAS PROFILED IN
THE ONLINE VERSION
317
00:10:35,095 --> 00:10:38,849
OF NEW YOMAGAZINE'S
30 UNDER 30 POWER PLAYERS?
318
00:10:38,849 --> 00:10:40,180
- ARE YOU GONNA MENTION
THE PART WHERE
319
00:10:40,180 --> 00:10:41,181
YOU SOLD
THE MOST GIRL SCOUT COOKIES?
320
00:10:41,181 --> 00:10:42,602
- I DID.
321
00:10:42,602 --> 00:10:44,064
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
322
00:10:44,064 --> 00:10:45,525
- IT'S A WILD GUESS.
- GET THIS.
323
00:10:45,525 --> 00:10:47,317
I TRADED BRENDA CLINGER
324
00:10:47,317 --> 00:10:49,269
ALL MY SHORTBREADS
FOR ALL OF HER SAMOAS.
325
00:10:49,269 --> 00:10:52,903
I MEAN, WHY WOULD SHE DO THAT?
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE SAMOAS.
326
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:54,114
SHE WAS SO SCREWED.
327
00:10:54,114 --> 00:10:56,276
OH, MY GOD,
SHE CRIED, AND SHE CRIED,
328
00:10:56,276 --> 00:10:57,617
AND SHE CRIED,
329
00:10:57,617 --> 00:10:59,279
AND THEN SHE GOT HER PERIOD.
330
00:10:59,279 --> 00:11:02,122
GOD, I LOVED
THE GIRL SCOUTS.
331
00:11:02,122 --> 00:11:04,284
- YOU DO BELONG
IN THAT WORLD.
332
00:11:04,284 --> 00:11:06,286
YOU DESERVE IT.
333
00:11:06,286 --> 00:11:07,287
- THANK YOU.
334
00:11:07,287 --> 00:11:08,498
- MM.
335
00:11:08,498 --> 00:11:10,550
- THAT'S SO SWEET.
336
00:11:10,550 --> 00:11:12,462
WAIT--
[stammers]
337
00:11:12,462 --> 00:11:13,754
THAT WAS A COMPLIMENT, RIGHT?
338
00:11:13,754 --> 00:11:16,757
- GOODNIGHT, WHITLEY.
339
00:11:18,138 --> 00:11:21,471
[upbeat music]
340
00:11:21,471 --> 00:11:26,727
- LOOK AT ALL THIS,
LIKE PIGS TO A TROUGH.
341
00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:28,478
THESE PEOPLE ARE DISGUSTING.
342
00:11:28,478 --> 00:11:29,730
- WHAT DO YOU CALL
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
343
00:11:29,730 --> 00:11:31,311
- I'M EATING CRAB CAKES.
THEY'RE PERISHABLE.
344
00:11:31,311 --> 00:11:33,313
SO WE CAN'T GIVE THEM
TO THE POOR PEOPLE.
345
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:34,815
- THEY GOT CRAB CAKES?
346
00:11:34,815 --> 00:11:36,196
WHO DO YOU GOT TO BLOW
AROUND HERE
347
00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,317
TO GET A CRAB CAKE?
348
00:11:37,317 --> 00:11:39,159
- I THINK THAT'D BE ME.
349
00:11:39,159 --> 00:11:40,530
- WHOA.
350
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:42,322
- [gasps]
351
00:11:42,322 --> 00:11:44,244
NINA, YOU LOOK AMAZEBALLS.
352
00:11:44,244 --> 00:11:45,876
- THANK YOU, CHERYL.
SO DO YOU.
353
00:11:45,876 --> 00:11:48,498
I LOVE THAT DRESS.
IT'S VERY SOPHISTICATED.
354
00:11:48,498 --> 00:11:50,210
- [squeals]
THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING FOR.
355
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,172
SPANX.
356
00:11:52,172 --> 00:11:54,044
[whispers]
NO PANTIES.
357
00:11:54,044 --> 00:11:56,216
DAY-TO-NIGHT.
358
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,139
- LOOK AT YOU, NINA,
JUST SO LOVELY.
359
00:11:59,139 --> 00:12:02,933
YOU LOOK SO STURDY
IN THAT GOWN.
360
00:12:02,933 --> 00:12:04,224
- THANK YOU.
361
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:05,225
- I'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED WOMEN
362
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:07,017
WITH DIMINUTIVE BUST LINES
363
00:12:07,017 --> 00:12:08,018
WHO AREN'T AFRAID
TO FEATURE THEIR SHOULDERS.
364
00:12:08,018 --> 00:12:09,269
- RIGHT.
365
00:12:09,269 --> 00:12:10,020
- THERE ARE PEOPLE
YOU SHOULD MEET HERE.
366
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:12,352
ARE YOU READY
TO WORK THE ROOM?
367
00:12:12,352 --> 00:12:13,483
- WORK THE ROO--YES.
368
00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:14,985
THANK YOU SO MUCH, DEBBIE.
369
00:12:14,985 --> 00:12:19,319
- OH, DON'T THANK ME,
JUST OWE ME.
370
00:12:19,319 --> 00:12:21,201
- THANKS FOR THE COPIER.
371
00:12:21,201 --> 00:12:22,953
- NINA WHITLEY,
I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET
372
00:12:22,953 --> 00:12:24,364
MARIA KEELY OF
THE KEELY FOUNDATION.
373
00:12:24,364 --> 00:12:26,536
- I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE
FINALLY GETTING TO MEET.
374
00:12:26,536 --> 00:12:28,418
I HAVE HEARD
SO MUCH ABOUT YOU.
375
00:12:28,418 --> 00:12:32,042
- OH, THAT HAS ALL BEEN
SO WIDELY EXAGGERATED.
376
00:12:32,042 --> 00:12:34,004
IT WAS ACTUALLY
A VERY SMALL VASE.
377
00:12:34,004 --> 00:12:35,255
IT SLIPPED RIGHT OUT
OF MY HANDS.
378
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,047
- NOPE. NOPE.
379
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,178
- BUT THAT'S NOT EVEN
WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
380
00:12:38,178 --> 00:12:39,840
I KNOW WHO YOU ARE, MARIA.
381
00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,381
YOUR NAME'S ON
THE ICE SCULPTURE BY THE SHRIMP,
382
00:12:41,381 --> 00:12:43,513
AND YOUR HAIR IS AMAZING.
383
00:12:43,513 --> 00:12:46,056
IT'S SO SHINY, AND YOU LOOK
LIKE YOU'RE AIRBRUSHED.
384
00:12:46,056 --> 00:12:47,727
IS THAT A WEIRD THING
TO SAY TO SOMEBODY?
385
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:49,479
- ONLY IF YOU SAY IT
OUT LOUD.
386
00:12:49,479 --> 00:12:50,891
[laughter]
387
00:12:50,891 --> 00:12:53,063
ISN'T SHE HILARIOUS?
I FIND HER FUN.
388
00:12:53,063 --> 00:12:54,604
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
389
00:12:54,604 --> 00:12:56,276
- WELL, I CAN'T WAIT
TO HEAR YOUR SPEECH, NINA?
390
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:58,278
- GREAT.
- CONGRESSWOMAN PHELPS.
391
00:12:58,278 --> 00:12:59,399
EXCUSE ME, LADIES.
- OH, YES, YES.
392
00:12:59,399 --> 00:13:01,071
- OFF YOU GO.
393
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:02,863
THANK YOU SO MUCH, DEBBIE.
394
00:13:02,863 --> 00:13:04,284
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
395
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:05,455
- DO NOT SCREW UP
THAT SPEECH, HMM?
396
00:13:05,455 --> 00:13:08,618
- UH-HUH.
397
00:13:11,621 --> 00:13:13,213
- HEY, THERE.
- OH.
398
00:13:13,213 --> 00:13:15,545
- HOW YOU DOING TONIGHT?
- OH, I'M BETTER NOW.
399
00:13:15,545 --> 00:13:17,047
[laughs]
400
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:18,919
I'M CHERYL.
401
00:13:18,919 --> 00:13:22,012
AND YOU ARE?
- RICH.
402
00:13:22,012 --> 00:13:27,017
- WELL, OF COURSE YOU ARE.
403
00:13:27,017 --> 00:13:30,690
- I THOUGHT SUCCESS--
NO, I THOUGHT REAL SUCCESS.
404
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:32,312
[exhales]
OKAY, FOCUS.
405
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:37,277
FOCUS.
JUST FOCUS.
406
00:13:37,277 --> 00:13:41,071
- [whistles]
- I THOUGHT--
407
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:43,243
OH, MY GOD,
THERE WAS NO GAME.
408
00:13:43,243 --> 00:13:44,995
YOU CAME HERE FOR ME.
409
00:13:44,995 --> 00:13:47,077
[singsong]
YOU LIKE ME.
410
00:13:47,077 --> 00:13:48,578
- OH, THERE WAS A GAME.
- OKAY.
411
00:13:48,578 --> 00:13:50,000
- IT ENDED EARLY.
412
00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:51,251
YOU GO UP BY 20,
THEY CALL IT.
413
00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:52,712
- OKAY, SO A HALF HOUR AGO,
414
00:13:52,712 --> 00:13:53,713
YOU WERE ALL SWEATY
IN YOUR TUBE SOCKS
415
00:13:53,713 --> 00:13:55,085
AND YOUR OLD WHISTLE THINGY,
416
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:56,376
AND NOW,
YOU'RE HERE WITH THE HAIR
417
00:13:56,376 --> 00:14:00,170
AND THE WOODSY SPICE SMELL
418
00:14:00,170 --> 00:14:02,462
AND JAWLINE-Y THING,
419
00:14:02,462 --> 00:14:05,305
AND...RIGHT.
RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT, OKAY.
420
00:14:05,305 --> 00:14:07,677
- LOOK AT YOU, DOING GOOD.
SCHMOOZING, HUH?
421
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:09,309
- OH, YOU SAW THAT?
422
00:14:09,309 --> 00:14:11,391
YEAH, THAT WAS MARIA KEELY
OF THE KEELY FOUNDATION.
423
00:14:11,391 --> 00:14:12,933
SHE LOVED ME.
SHE KNOWS EVERYONE.
424
00:14:12,933 --> 00:14:15,685
PHIL, IF I NAIL THIS SPEECH,
I AM SO BACK IN.
425
00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:18,278
I MEAN,
I'M GONNA BE UNSTOPPABLE.
426
00:14:18,278 --> 00:14:19,279
TRENT.
427
00:14:19,279 --> 00:14:21,691
- NINA, HI.
428
00:14:21,691 --> 00:14:22,903
- HEY.
429
00:14:22,903 --> 00:14:26,326
- WOW, YOU LOOK AMAZING.
- OH.
430
00:14:26,326 --> 00:14:27,948
- PHIL,
YOU'RE LOOKING PRETTY GOOD.
431
00:14:27,948 --> 00:14:29,659
- OH, THANK YOU.
I LOOK BETTER THAN HER THOUGH,
432
00:14:29,659 --> 00:14:30,580
RIGHT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
433
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:32,332
IT'S CLOSE.
434
00:14:32,332 --> 00:14:35,125
- WHY ARE YOU HERE?
THIS IS A PUBLIC DEFENDER THING.
435
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:37,587
- NO, RELAX.
I'M JUST HERE AS A PLUS ONE.
436
00:14:37,587 --> 00:14:40,000
- PLUS ONE?
LIKE, PLUS ONE WHAT?
437
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,172
- HEY, PEANUT BUTTER PIE.
- HEY.
438
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:44,344
OH, YOU MADE IT.
- YEAH.
439
00:14:44,344 --> 00:14:46,426
NINA, THIS IS MARIA.
440
00:14:46,426 --> 00:14:47,637
- OH, WE MET.
441
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:51,061
- MARIA, MARIA.
442
00:14:51,061 --> 00:14:52,682
YOU KNOW WHAT,
I GOT TO GO SEE
443
00:14:52,682 --> 00:14:56,396
A MAN ABOUT
A--SOMETHING'S BURNING, SO...
444
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,818
- SHE OKAY?
445
00:14:58,818 --> 00:15:00,440
- I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I THINK SHE JUST WENT
446
00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,822
INTO THE MEN'S BATHROOM.
- OH, MY BAD!
447
00:15:02,822 --> 00:15:04,194
- OH, THERE SHE IS.
SHE FIGURED IT OUT.
448
00:15:07,027 --> 00:15:08,528
- TRENT'S FIANCEE IS MARIA.
449
00:15:08,528 --> 00:15:11,831
RICH, PERFECT, BEAUTIFUL,
RICH MARIA.
450
00:15:11,831 --> 00:15:13,453
- YOU SAID "RICH" TWICE.
- YEAH.
451
00:15:13,453 --> 00:15:14,955
AND APPARENTLY, I JUST
WALKED INTO A MEN'S ROOM,
452
00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:16,957
AND SAW
A DOZEN OLD-MAN PENISES.
453
00:15:16,957 --> 00:15:19,799
- YOU HAD NO IDEA THAT
THAT WAS TRENT'S FIANCEE?
454
00:15:19,799 --> 00:15:21,801
- I TOOK GREAT PAINS
TO NOT KNOW
455
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:23,463
BECAUSE I KNEW
THIS WOULD HAPPEN,
456
00:15:23,463 --> 00:15:26,466
AND NOW IT'S HAPPENING
AT THE WORST POSSIBLE TIME.
457
00:15:26,466 --> 00:15:28,548
I MEAN, THE WOMAN
HAS NO PORES, OKAY?
458
00:15:28,548 --> 00:15:32,973
AND THIS MORNING,
I HAD AN EAR ZIT.
459
00:15:32,973 --> 00:15:35,435
- THERE'S A CERTAIN IRONY
THAT I'M THE ONE DOING THIS,
460
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,816
BUT HERE GOES.
461
00:15:36,816 --> 00:15:38,558
IT'S LIKE I TELL
MY TEAM OF BOYS.
462
00:15:38,558 --> 00:15:39,559
- OH, MY GOD, I THOUGHT
THERE WAS ONE GIRL.
463
00:15:39,559 --> 00:15:41,111
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
464
00:15:41,111 --> 00:15:43,023
YOU GOT TO GET YOURSELF
IN A WINNING HEAD SPACE.
465
00:15:43,023 --> 00:15:44,774
YOU KEEP FOCUSED.
466
00:15:44,774 --> 00:15:46,156
YOU KEEP IT TOGETHER,
AND YOU MAKE THAT SPEECH.
467
00:15:46,156 --> 00:15:48,238
- ALL RIGHT,
CAN WE NOT USE
468
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:49,069
YOUR FICTIONAL ORPHAN CHILDREN
AS AN EXAMPLE?
469
00:15:49,069 --> 00:15:51,871
- OKAY, HOW ABOUT WE TRY
THIS ONE?
470
00:15:51,871 --> 00:15:54,494
YOU'RE PREPARED.
HMM?
471
00:15:54,494 --> 00:15:56,997
YOU ARE SMARTER
THAN TEN MARIAS PUT TOGETHER.
472
00:15:56,997 --> 00:15:59,209
- YEAH.
473
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:00,670
[exhales]
474
00:16:00,670 --> 00:16:03,843
I MEAN, SHE DIDN'T SEEM
THAT SMART, DID SHE?
475
00:16:03,843 --> 00:16:05,085
- PSHH.
- YEAH, NO, I GOT THIS.
476
00:16:05,085 --> 00:16:07,587
I CAN DO THIS.
477
00:16:07,587 --> 00:16:09,929
[applause]
478
00:16:09,929 --> 00:16:11,851
- GOOD EVENING.
479
00:16:11,851 --> 00:16:13,593
FIRST, I'D LIKE
TO THANK EVERYBODY
480
00:16:13,593 --> 00:16:15,855
WHO HELPED OUT WITH
THIS WONDERFUL EVENT TONIGHT.
481
00:16:15,855 --> 00:16:19,229
A SPECIAL THANKS
TO MY FIANCE TRENT.
482
00:16:19,229 --> 00:16:22,902
IT WAS ONLY LAST SPRING WE MET
AT THE COLON CANCER ART WALK,
483
00:16:22,902 --> 00:16:26,236
BUT I CAN'T IMAGINE
HOW I SURVIVED WITHOUT YOU,
484
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,488
BUT WE ARE HERE TO RAISE MONEY
485
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,031
FOR OUR BRAVE LOS ANGELES
COUNTY PUBLIC DEFENDERS.
486
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:33,493
SO IF YOU WOULD JOIN ME
IN WELCOMING
487
00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:37,457
ONE OF IT'S NEWEST SHINING
STARS, NINA WHITLEY.
488
00:16:37,457 --> 00:16:42,462
[applause]
489
00:16:42,462 --> 00:16:45,465
- THANK YOU, MARIA,
FOR A LOVELY INTRODUCTION.
490
00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:54,224
WAS IT MEANINGFUL WHEN I GOT
MY FULBRIGHT SCHOLARSHIP?
491
00:16:54,224 --> 00:16:57,267
YES, BUT NONE OF THAT COMPARES
492
00:16:57,267 --> 00:16:59,519
TO THE WORK I DO HERE
493
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:03,523
DAY IN AND DAY, UM--
494
00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:04,944
THE COLON WALK?
495
00:17:04,944 --> 00:17:06,566
HUH.
496
00:17:06,566 --> 00:17:09,109
ANYWAY,
I WAS PROFILED IN THE--
497
00:17:09,109 --> 00:17:11,151
I'M JUST--
I'M DOING THE MATH.
498
00:17:11,151 --> 00:17:15,495
AND WE WERE STILL TOGE--
499
00:17:17,577 --> 00:17:20,250
NEVERMIND.
500
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:22,792
OKAY, I SWEAR--
I SWEAR I REHEARSED THIS.
501
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:23,873
I DID.
502
00:17:23,873 --> 00:17:26,296
OKAY.
503
00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,668
IT WAS VERY MEANINGFUL
504
00:17:28,668 --> 00:17:31,131
WHEN I GOT MY FUL-BRAT
SCHOLAR-SHIMP--
505
00:17:31,131 --> 00:17:33,133
OOH, MY WHAT?
506
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:35,095
[laughs]
MY WHAT?
507
00:17:35,095 --> 00:17:38,268
FULBRIGHT SCHOLAR-SHIMP.
508
00:17:38,268 --> 00:17:40,270
SHIP. SHIMP.
509
00:17:40,270 --> 00:17:44,314
SHIP. SHIT.
SHITS-MAN-SHIP.
510
00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:45,605
OH, WOW.
511
00:17:45,605 --> 00:17:47,897
THIS IS--THIS IS
NOT GOING MY WAY, IS IT?
512
00:17:47,897 --> 00:17:49,689
[laughs]
NO.
513
00:17:49,689 --> 00:17:51,151
[exhales]
514
00:17:51,151 --> 00:17:53,153
YOU KNOW,
I REALLY THOUGHT THAT IF I,
515
00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:54,694
YOU KNOW, DAZZLED YOU
TONIGHT WITH THIS SPEECH,
516
00:17:54,694 --> 00:17:56,156
THAT YOU'D LET ME BACK
INTO MONEY LAW,
517
00:17:56,156 --> 00:17:58,288
BUT WELL, THAT WAS
A STUPID PLAN, RIGHT?
518
00:17:58,288 --> 00:17:59,289
I MEAN,
THAT WAS RIDICULOUS.
519
00:17:59,289 --> 00:18:01,581
THAT WAS A RIDICULOUS PLAN.
520
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:02,202
- WHAT THE HELL IS SHE DOING?
- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
521
00:18:02,202 --> 00:18:03,963
SHE'S DOING TERRIFIC.
522
00:18:03,963 --> 00:18:05,044
- I MEAN, I DO.
I WANT THE MONEY.
523
00:18:05,044 --> 00:18:06,126
I WANT THE MONEY PART OF IT
524
00:18:06,126 --> 00:18:07,127
BECAUSE THAT NEW HERMES BAG,
525
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:08,918
I WANT TO CRADLE IT
TO MY BOSOM,
526
00:18:08,918 --> 00:18:10,340
AND I WANT TO SING IT
SWEET LULLABIES ALL NIGHT,
527
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,921
BUT I WON'T BE ABLE
TO DO THAT
528
00:18:11,921 --> 00:18:17,347
BECAUSE I HAVE CLEARLY SCREWED
THE POOCH HERE, AGAIN.
529
00:18:17,347 --> 00:18:18,978
I GUESS I HAVEN'T REALLY LEARNED
ANYTHING.
530
00:18:18,978 --> 00:18:21,020
EXCEPT, YOU KNOW WHAT,
I HAVE LEARNED ONE THING.
531
00:18:21,020 --> 00:18:24,023
I'VE LEARNED THAT BEING POOR
IS A CRIME,
532
00:18:24,023 --> 00:18:25,315
'CAUSE THAT'S WHO I DEFEND NOW.
533
00:18:25,315 --> 00:18:28,358
THE MEXICAN KID THAT EXPERIMENTS
WITH DRUGS
534
00:18:28,358 --> 00:18:29,989
AND THEN GETS DEPORTED.
535
00:18:29,989 --> 00:18:31,151
BUT WHEN YOUR KID EXPERIMENTS
WITH DRUGS,
536
00:18:31,151 --> 00:18:33,072
THAT'S CALLED COLLEGE.
537
00:18:33,072 --> 00:18:35,195
NOW I'M UP HERE BEGGING YOU
FOR MONEY
538
00:18:35,195 --> 00:18:37,157
BECAUSE THEY SLASHED
OUR BUDGET AGAIN.
539
00:18:37,157 --> 00:18:39,239
NOW, I'M--YOU BACK OFF,
DREAM CRUSHER.
540
00:18:40,830 --> 00:18:42,202
I AM NOT A JAGBAG.
541
00:18:42,202 --> 00:18:44,244
I AM A PUBLIC DEFENDER.
542
00:18:44,244 --> 00:18:45,335
[gags]
OH. MM.
543
00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:47,247
OH, WOW.
544
00:18:47,247 --> 00:18:52,212
I'VE NEVER--I'VE NEVER SAID
THAT OUT LOUD.
545
00:18:52,212 --> 00:18:53,173
[exhales]
546
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,175
ALL RIGHT,
SO PLAY THE MUSIC.
547
00:18:55,175 --> 00:18:56,756
HIT IT.
PLAY ME OFF.
548
00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:58,388
[phone chimes]
549
00:18:58,388 --> 00:19:01,100
ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S CLOSE ENOUGH.
550
00:19:01,100 --> 00:19:03,353
OH, AND YOU KNOW WHAT,
THANK YOU SO MUCH
551
00:19:03,353 --> 00:19:05,265
FOR THE OUTDATED COPIER.
552
00:19:05,265 --> 00:19:09,229
WE LOVE UNJAMMING THAT PIECE
OF CRAP EVERY FIVE SECONDS.
553
00:19:13,693 --> 00:19:16,035
[applause]
554
00:19:21,241 --> 00:19:22,782
- I GOT TO SAY,
I LIKE THAT SPEECH
555
00:19:22,782 --> 00:19:25,285
A WHOLE LOT BETTER
THAN THE ONE YOU REHEARSED.
556
00:19:25,285 --> 00:19:26,706
- THANK YOU.
557
00:19:26,706 --> 00:19:28,127
THAT'S VERY SWEET.
558
00:19:28,127 --> 00:19:29,128
AND THANK YOU FOR THE DRINK.
559
00:19:29,128 --> 00:19:30,250
BOY, I NEED THAT.
560
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,421
- NO, THESE ARE BOTH FOR ME.
561
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:35,134
- OH.
THANK YOU.
562
00:19:35,134 --> 00:19:37,387
- NINA, I HAVE TO THANK YOU
FOR EVERYTHING
563
00:19:37,387 --> 00:19:38,718
YOU SAID UP THERE.
564
00:19:38,718 --> 00:19:40,220
- YOU DO NOT HAVE
TO THANK ME.
565
00:19:40,220 --> 00:19:42,222
- OH, BUT I DO.
566
00:19:42,222 --> 00:19:43,303
IT LOOKS LIKE I'M A LOCK
FOR NEXT YEAR'S SPEECH.
567
00:19:43,303 --> 00:19:45,014
[laughs]
- OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
568
00:19:45,014 --> 00:19:46,356
- HOW'D THE SPEECH GO?
569
00:19:46,356 --> 00:19:50,400
- OH, NOT SO GREAT.
- AW.
570
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,442
- BUT HEY, HEY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
571
00:19:52,442 --> 00:19:55,114
I THOUGHT YOU WERE WITH
MR. RICH CHIVALROUS LAWYER.
572
00:19:55,114 --> 00:19:58,278
- HE'S A WAITER.
573
00:19:58,278 --> 00:19:59,949
HIS NAME IS RICH,
AND HE KEPT SAYING,
574
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,281
"OH, WOULD YOU LIKE ANOTHER?"
575
00:20:01,281 --> 00:20:03,032
AND I THOUGHT HE WAS TRYING
TO LOOSEN ME UP,
576
00:20:03,032 --> 00:20:05,455
BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT
HE WAS JUST DOING HIS JOB.
577
00:20:05,455 --> 00:20:07,707
YEAH.
- YEAH. YEAH.
578
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:08,828
- YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'LL GET
HIM NEXT TIME, CHERYL.
579
00:20:08,828 --> 00:20:09,919
- WILL SHE?
- OKAY.
580
00:20:09,919 --> 00:20:12,252
- YES, SHE WILL.
581
00:20:14,093 --> 00:20:15,755
YOU KNOW, IF MY SPEECH HAD GONE
A LITTLE BIT BETTER,
582
00:20:15,755 --> 00:20:18,758
YOU GUYS MIGHT'VE LOST ME.
583
00:20:18,758 --> 00:20:22,302
IT WAS SO CLOSE.
YOU WOULD'VE BEEN SAD.
584
00:20:22,302 --> 00:20:25,054
- I DON'T KNOW THAT IT
WAS EVER THAT CLOSE.
585
00:20:32,151 --> 00:20:35,355
- [sighs]
586
00:20:35,355 --> 00:20:37,066
[knock on door]
587
00:20:37,066 --> 00:20:38,528
- HEY, KID.
588
00:20:38,528 --> 00:20:40,490
LITTLE HOUSEWARMING GIFT.
589
00:20:40,490 --> 00:20:43,323
- WHA--I LOVE IT.
590
00:20:43,323 --> 00:20:44,364
THANK YOU.
591
00:20:44,364 --> 00:20:45,785
- IT'S ACTUALLY MINE,
592
00:20:45,785 --> 00:20:47,327
SO I'M GONNA NEED THAT BACK
AT SOME POINT.
593
00:20:47,327 --> 00:20:48,668
- THAT MAKES MORE SENSE.
594
00:20:48,668 --> 00:20:50,169
- MAN, THIS PLACE
REALLY IS TINY.
595
00:20:50,169 --> 00:20:52,462
- OKAY.
596
00:20:52,462 --> 00:20:54,083
- THERE YOU ARE. GOOD.
A LITTLE HUSTLE.
597
00:20:54,083 --> 00:20:56,336
MELINDA, CHOP CHOP.
DIEGO.
598
00:20:56,336 --> 00:20:59,589
UP, MARNOLD, NINA.
599
00:20:59,589 --> 00:21:02,141
NINA, MARNOLD.
600
00:21:02,141 --> 00:21:04,644
GO HELP.
601
00:21:04,644 --> 00:21:07,146
I BET YOU FEEL LIKE
A GIANT ASSHOLE RIGHT NOW.
602
00:21:07,146 --> 00:21:08,478
- OH, PLEASE, YOU COULD'VE
GOT THOSE KIDS
603
00:21:08,478 --> 00:21:11,230
FROM ANYWHERE FOR REAL CHEAP,
ESPECIALLY MARNOLD.
604
00:21:11,230 --> 00:21:12,652
HE LOOKS A LITTLE SICKLY.
605
00:21:12,652 --> 00:21:14,193
- SERIOUSLY?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
606
00:21:14,193 --> 00:21:15,855
- I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T KNOW.
607
00:21:15,855 --> 00:21:16,526
I'M BROKEN.
608
00:21:16,526 --> 00:21:18,358
[both laugh]
43210
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