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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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kids,back when we were younger,
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your Uncle Marshall and I were really into college basketball.
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Every year,March Madness would take over the entire apartment.
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Hey.What's with the blackboard?
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It's our NCAA bracket.
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Big board equals big luck!
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Hey, that looks familiar
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Where did you get it?
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Hello.
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Uh,I'm looking for my wife,Ms.Aldrin.
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There's no school today.It's Saturday.
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Of course.How could I forget?
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Dumb ass.
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Big board!
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Big luck!
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We found it.No big deal.
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Anyway,
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every year,Ted and I go in together
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on this big money pool out in Staten Island.
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Yeah.The winner gets
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$100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.
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And you get to keep the duffel bag.
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Why do you guys put yourselves through this?
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You lose every year.
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That's because
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in the past,we were just guessing.
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This year,we watched every game,
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read box scores,tracked injuries.
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This isn't March Madness.
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This is March Meticulously Thought-outness.
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Your team lost 20 minutes ago.
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I didn't know they were playing today.
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You okay,Barney?
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Something strange is going on.
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I was down at the hardware store
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trying to get a little somethin' somethin'.
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Wait.You go to the hardware store
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to pick up girls?
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There are four kinds of women
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who go to the hardware store by themselves.
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Of course there are.
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Single,recently single,recently divorced,
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lesbian who will let me watch.
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You could not be more evil.
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Sorry.Five.
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Recently widowed.
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So,I'm talking to this girl...
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Look,I'm sure he's in a better place.
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Now let's find you a sturdier ladder.
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I was only gone for a second when...
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See?Skid-proof.
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The same thing happened at the pet store yesterday.
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Pet store?
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Single girl,mid-twenties,
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looking for a canine replacement
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for the boyfriend who just dumped her.
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Instead,finds Barney.
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God bless you,Ted.
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You're reading my blog.
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I'm really bored at work.
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I'd call your ex a dog,
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but that would be an insult to little Ladybug here.
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Oh,I want to take her home right now.
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Not without a chew toy from Uncle Barney first.
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And when I got back...
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I'm sorry,I'm already spoiling her
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But diamond in the rough
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Could your heart just melt?
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Jerk!
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Weird,right?
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Yeah.The same thing happened last week at the museum.
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Ooh,ooh,ooh!Lily.
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You pretend to be a struggling young artist
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who needs a new muse.
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No.
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-Marshall. -You're a millionaire art thief
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casing the joint for a thrill
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money can no longer give you!
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Oh.No.
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Robin.
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You're going blind,
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and you're trying to soak up all the beauty
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in the world before the darkness descends.
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Bingo!
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So,I was talking to this girl.
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At this point,about 83%.
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Soon,these audio guides will be all that I have left.
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I'm so sorry.
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My God,you are beautiful.
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How about I get you a headset
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so you can see with your ears like I do?
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I couldn't have been gone more than 20 seconds,
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but when I came back...
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Hmm.You know,I also love the smell of great art.
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Why does this keep happening?
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Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are.
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Oh,really?
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Then why am I not in prison for perjury?
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But I don't want to talk about work.
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Something weird is going on here.
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But the next night got even weirder.
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Alan Alda.
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It was Alan Alda.
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You never gonna believe what just happened.
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Who was that,um,guy from Mash?
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The main guy.What...?
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Hawkeye from Mash.
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How can I be blanking on this?
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Alan Alda?
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No.
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Hey,a word of advice?
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That guy you were talking to,Barney Stinson--
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I know he seems charming,
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but he's just saying whatever it takes
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to get in your pants.
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Sleeping with Barney was the biggest mistake of my life.
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Oh,my God.Where is she?
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She must have left.She...
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Well,she-she said I hooked up with her?
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What was her name?What did she look like?
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She didn't say her name,but she had blonde hair,boobs.
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Kind of trashy.
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Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?
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-Yes! -That's all of them.
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Okay.Stay calm.
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Let's think this through.
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One of the girls
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who I lied to,seduced and abandoned
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is trying to ruin my life.
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Shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one it is.
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Oh,dear God!
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Some woman that I slept with and screwed over
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is trying to ruin my life.
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God,why is this happening to me?
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It's karma.
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Nah,it's not Karma.
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She's stripping in Vegas.
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Plus,we're good.
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Look,if you want to figure out who it is,
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why don't you just start by checking your list?
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My list?
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Dude,do not pretend you're not the kind of guy
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who keeps a list of all the girls he's slept with.
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I have one.
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It's called my marriage license.
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Come on,let's see the list.
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Ted,don't be crass.
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I would never demean the women
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that I've slept with by putting their names on some tawdry list.
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This is a scrapbook of all of the women I've slept with.
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I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th.
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Ask for Heloise.Tell her I sent you.
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What do you think,Lil?
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You recognize the saboteur?
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I don't know,Barney.
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I only saw her face.
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How many of these girls know they're being photographed?
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All of them,but only about half buy a copy on the way out.
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Oh,Barney,you're never gonna figure out
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which one of these is the mystery woman.
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All of these women have a right to hate you.
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Oh,Lily,come on,lighten up.
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I mean,any girl who's gonna be with a guy like Barney
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and do this or that,
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or this and that,
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or do this with those in that...
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I mean,she should have known what she was getting into.
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Absolutely.
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And what I do with these women
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should be between me and them.
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And you guys.
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And Heloise.
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She helped me do the decoupage.
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I don't know,Barney.
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I don't recognize any of these women.
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I mean,some minor celebrities,one government official,
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and what appears to be a national fast food chain mascot.
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This is impossible.
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There's too many girls.
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How the hell am I gonna narrow this down?
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The top 64 women I've slept with,
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split into four regions.
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This tournament
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will systematically narrow down
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which girl has the most cause to hate my guts.
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Last girl standing has to be the saboteur.
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Absolutely not,Barney.
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We are not going to make a game out of the women
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you've tricked into sleeping with you.
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No way!
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The girl who thought he had 12 hours to live
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has way more cause to ruin his life
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than the girl he fake proposed to.
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It's fake proposal girl.
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I mean,she hired a wedding planner!
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It's 12 hours to live!That girl flew them both to Paris!
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Oh,she only bought him a one-way ticket!
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Okay,okay,everybody!Hands.
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12 hours to live!
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Damn it!
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Okay,toss up.
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"Thought I was Jorge Posada,"
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or "You have my dead wife's kidney?"
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-Kidney! -Jorge Posada!
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She bought Yankees season tickets to watch him play!
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-That's true... -It's "Dead wife's kidney."
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How are we even discussing this?
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-Fake baby! -Lost at sea!
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-Fake baby! -Lost at sea!
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I was there.
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Trust me.
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It's fake baby.
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Down to the sweet 16.
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And coming out of the Upper West Side,we have the number
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three seed,"Girl who thought I owned Google,"
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up against the number seven seed,
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"Girl who thought I was a scuba instructor."
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You got to go scuba instructor.
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You're kidding me!
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She got the bends!
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Yeah,she did.
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Evil twin!
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Prince of Norway!
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How could it not be Prince of Norway?!
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Barney,you're the tiebreaker.
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I'm going with Evil Twin.
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You're kidding me!
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Sorry,but I did sleep with that girl twice.
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As Barney and Larney.
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Okay,we're down to the Final Four.
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What do you think,people?
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Come on,dig deep.
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Oh!I can't decide.
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It could be any one of them.
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Is that the blackboard from my classroom?
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Come on!Marshall?
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I'm tired and sad.
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Mosby?
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I want to call my mom,
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just tell her I love her.
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Okay.
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Then this is as far as we get.
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The Final Four.
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It's got to be Meg,Anna,
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Kate or Holly.
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We are gonna track these girls down,
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and you're going to tell me which one approached you at the bar.
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You guys stole my blackboard!
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Okay,there's her building.
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When she comes out,I'm gonna hide,
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and once you figure out if she's the girl from the bar,
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-we run like hell. -No.
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What do you mean,no?
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That woman,like every woman in your Final Four,
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deserves an apology,
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and I'm not telling you if she's the one
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until hear you say,"I'm sorry."
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Are you nuts?That would involve me speaking to a woman
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I've already had sex with,which,frankly,
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is a little t like changing the oil in a rental car.
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Barney,you're doing this.
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Lily,this girl hates me.
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I hooked up with her in an apartment
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I was pretending was my own,
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told her I loved her,and then ditched her there.
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She got arrested for trespassing,
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bit a cop,and spent eight days in jail.
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Oh,crap,there she is!
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If she sees me,she's gonna kill me!
272
00:10:31,830 --> 00:10:33,550
Okay,here's what we're gonna do.Hey,Meg!
273
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:34,650
Over here!
274
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:35,890
Look who it is!
275
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,660
Yo old friend Barney!
276
00:10:41,060 --> 00:10:42,790
Barney?
277
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,720
If she kills me,I want you to go into my apartment,
278
00:10:44,730 --> 00:10:46,220
grab the metal briefcase under my bed
279
00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:47,990
and throw it in the East River.
280
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,350
What are you doing here?
281
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:52,250
Look,Meg,we need to talk.
282
00:10:52,260 --> 00:10:54,560
It was all my fault.
283
00:10:55,430 --> 00:10:57,520
I know it was,baby.
284
00:10:57,530 --> 00:10:59,520
I just came on too strong.
285
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,990
And I forgive you.
286
00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:03,690
I love you.
287
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:05,090
Oh,my God!
288
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,830
I love you,too!
289
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:08,850
No!
290
00:11:08,860 --> 00:11:10,290
What's the matter with you?
291
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,260
Get off of him!
292
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,450
Look,she's not the one,
293
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:17,260
but you still owe her an apol...
294
00:11:24,130 --> 00:11:26,420
-So you remember who this one is,right? -Yes.
295
00:11:26,430 --> 00:11:28,490
You told her you were Ted and that you were an architect.
296
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:29,890
Right,and if you recall,
297
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,450
her computer had a web cam and a T-1 line,so I...
298
00:11:32,460 --> 00:11:34,220
Yeah,I know,Barney,you showed me.
299
00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:36,700
And that still doesn't count as a Christmas present.
300
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,290
So go over there and apologize.
301
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:42,690
Ah,there she is.
302
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:43,990
Ooh and she's holding hot coffee.
303
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,450
Maybe she'll throw it in your face.
304
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,720
You're really enjoying this,aren't you?
305
00:11:47,730 --> 00:11:50,000
I'm making a scrapbook.
306
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,220
Anna,hi.
307
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:57,220
Look who it is,Mr.Big Shot Architect.
308
00:11:57,230 --> 00:11:59,790
If you're here to ask me to take down the Web site,forget it.
309
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,120
What Web site?
310
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:03,860
Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
311
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:08,390
You're right,I do deserve that.
312
00:12:08,390 --> 00:12:10,060
That's all I came here to say.
313
00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:12,320
You know what?
314
00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:14,390
I don't care who knows about it.
315
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,750
Excuse me.Excuse me.
316
00:12:16,760 --> 00:12:19,520
I,Ted Mosby,
317
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:22,060
am a jerk to women.
318
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:24,790
Tell your sisters.Tell your daughters
319
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,920
to stay away!
320
00:12:26,930 --> 00:12:32,290
Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
321
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:35,590
And that little Web site went on to get 400,000 hits.
322
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,230
Thanks,Barney.
323
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,930
Okay,which one is this again?She's...
324
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:46,650
Larney!
325
00:12:46,660 --> 00:12:48,290
Die!
326
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,950
Is it her?
327
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:51,250
-Die!-Smile.
328
00:12:51,260 --> 00:12:53,550
You look good.
329
00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:57,360
Have you lost weight?
330
00:13:00,630 --> 00:13:02,890
We're down to the number one seed.
331
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:04,420
I knew it was Holly.
332
00:13:04,430 --> 00:13:06,050
It had to be Holly.
333
00:13:06,060 --> 00:13:08,460
Man,I was hoping it wasn't Holly.
334
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:17,390
Barney,did you hear that?
335
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:19,360
Somebody's stealing my truck.
336
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:23,150
Barney?
337
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,550
Barney!
338
00:13:32,360 --> 00:13:34,490
That is the worst thing you've ever done.
339
00:13:34,500 --> 00:13:36,920
That's the worst thing anyone has ever done.
340
00:13:36,930 --> 00:13:39,090
But in my defense,
341
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,830
she was kind of annoying.
342
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:45,600
She's gonna kill you.
343
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:48,930
-Barney. -Holly.
344
00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,560
Mark,come over here.
345
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:55,750
Barney,this is my fiance. Mark.
346
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,150
Barney?
347
00:13:58,160 --> 00:14:01,100
You're the Barney who ditched her in the woods?
348
00:14:04,530 --> 00:14:06,620
So you're not mad at Barney?
349
00:14:06,630 --> 00:14:08,120
Don't you want an apology?
350
00:14:08,130 --> 00:14:10,360
An admission of guilt?
351
00:14:11,230 --> 00:14:12,420
Your truck back?
352
00:14:12,430 --> 00:14:14,790
No,whatever happened was in the past.
353
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,890
Mark is my present and my future.
354
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:19,630
And if you ditching Holly in the woods
355
00:14:19,630 --> 00:14:22,120
made her stop running around with guys like you,
356
00:14:22,130 --> 00:14:23,930
then cheers.
357
00:14:24,660 --> 00:14:25,850
Well then,
358
00:14:25,860 --> 00:14:27,420
to the last Fourth of July weekend
359
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:29,820
I'll spend getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.
360
00:14:29,830 --> 00:14:32,520
Fourth of July?
361
00:14:32,530 --> 00:14:35,330
We started dating in June.
362
00:14:39,430 --> 00:14:41,150
We ruined their lives.
363
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:42,720
And the worst part of it
364
00:14:42,730 --> 00:14:45,420
is that you didn't apologize to any of those women.
365
00:14:45,430 --> 00:14:46,720
No,the worst part is that
366
00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:48,550
we still have no idea who my stalker is.
367
00:14:48,560 --> 00:14:51,150
Well,that's because you're going about this all wrong.
368
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,390
I mean,why chase someone who's following you?
369
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,650
All you need to do
370
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,550
is go down to the bar,hit on someone,
371
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:58,300
and wait until she turns up.
372
00:14:58,830 --> 00:15:00,750
That's not a bad idea.
373
00:15:00,760 --> 00:15:03,520
I'll pretend to be the girl that you're hitting on.
374
00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:05,620
I don't know.That's a lot riding on a girl
375
00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:06,950
who giggles when she lies.
376
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,350
I do not.
377
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:10,250
Have you ever fallen asleep while eating ribs?
378
00:15:10,260 --> 00:15:12,230
No.
379
00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:16,450
Look,I can do this,okay?
380
00:15:16,460 --> 00:15:19,790
I mean,how else are you going to find out who this girl is.
381
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,020
I'm in.
382
00:15:21,030 --> 00:15:23,020
Okay,here's how it's gonna work.
383
00:15:23,030 --> 00:15:24,090
Now,Lily,
384
00:15:24,100 --> 00:15:26,150
she knows what you look like,
385
00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:27,650
so just hang out at the jukebox,
386
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:30,500
and don't draw any attention to yourself.
387
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,690
And the guys will be in the booth,
388
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:40,460
just pretending to have a normal conversation.
389
00:15:40,460 --> 00:15:42,390
Talking,we should be talking.Words.
390
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,450
Here are words.
391
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:45,320
Why is this so hard?
392
00:15:46,660 --> 00:15:47,950
Laughter!
393
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:49,650
And then I'll come in,
394
00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:52,160
looking hot as all hell.
395
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:58,490
Wow,you are gorgeous.
396
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,250
Oh,God,I know that's awful.
397
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,800
-I just,uh.... -Shh,go away.
398
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,700
But come back later.
399
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,790
And then Barneywill make his move.
400
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:11,950
Hey,there,how are you doing?
401
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,090
Fine,Barney.
402
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:14,390
I mean,um,
403
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,620
fine,stranger.
404
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:20,560
Wow,you really are awful at this,aren't you?
405
00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:22,090
Get your hand
406
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:23,120
off my thigh,Barney.
407
00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:24,220
It's supposed to look like
408
00:16:24,230 --> 00:16:25,820
we're about to hook up,Robin.
409
00:16:25,830 --> 00:16:27,920
You know I'm curious.
410
00:16:27,930 --> 00:16:29,250
What do you say to these girls
411
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:30,520
to get them to come home with you?
412
00:16:30,530 --> 00:16:32,690
Usually I just
413
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,530
lean in and whisper this one thing in their ear.
414
00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:46,190
You're a little turned on right now,aren't you?
415
00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:48,430
No.
416
00:16:51,060 --> 00:16:52,320
Oh.Look,somebody's watching us.
417
00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:53,690
Make your move to the bathroom.
418
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,520
Uh,I'm going to go to the bathroom now,
419
00:16:55,530 --> 00:17:00,560
but,uh,when I come back we'll go to my place and have sex.
420
00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:05,350
Dude,dude,dude,look.
421
00:17:05,360 --> 00:17:08,120
Blonde girl heading over to Robin right now.We are go.
422
00:17:08,130 --> 00:17:10,120
I don't know what to do with my hands.
423
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,830
What do I normally do with my hands?
424
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:16,300
Barney.
425
00:17:16,930 --> 00:17:18,390
I brought a copy of the bracket.
426
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:20,030
Which one is she?
427
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,590
I don't recognize her.
428
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:25,820
She's not on the Top 64.
429
00:17:25,830 --> 00:17:27,650
Not even on bracket.
430
00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:30,820
Cinderella story comes out of nowhere to win the whole thing.
431
00:17:30,830 --> 00:17:31,920
That'll warm your heart.
432
00:17:31,930 --> 00:17:34,250
Are you okay?
433
00:17:34,260 --> 00:17:36,760
I don't even recognize her.
434
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:42,490
I don't remember you.
435
00:17:42,500 --> 00:17:44,890
I've spent the last two days trying to remember
436
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,520
every girl that I've slept with and all the horrible things
437
00:17:47,530 --> 00:17:48,720
that I have done to them.
438
00:17:48,730 --> 00:17:50,890
And I have done some horrible things.
439
00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:55,260
I mean,at one point,I'm pretty sure I sold a woman.
440
00:17:56,130 --> 00:17:57,450
I didn't speak the language,
441
00:17:57,460 --> 00:17:59,420
but I shook a guy's hand,
442
00:17:59,430 --> 00:18:02,260
he gave me the keys to a Mercedes,and I left her there.
443
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:05,720
I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook
444
00:18:05,730 --> 00:18:07,620
of all of the women I have slept with,
445
00:18:07,630 --> 00:18:08,950
but I never thought I was the guy
446
00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,150
who would sleep with a girl and not even remember her.
447
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:13,290
So from the bottom of my heart,
448
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,850
for whatever I did to you,
449
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:17,290
I apologize.
450
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,550
Oh,Barney!
451
00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,890
Oh,I'm so proud of you.
452
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:23,190
That's not her.
453
00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,920
-I'm so sorry.-What?What?
454
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:28,250
Barney,I'm sorry,that's my friend Sally from work.
455
00:18:28,260 --> 00:18:29,790
We just ran into each other.
456
00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:32,520
So I apologized for nothing?
457
00:18:32,530 --> 00:18:34,520
Yes,but it was a great apology.
458
00:18:34,530 --> 00:18:37,120
And a perfect way to end my scrapbook.
459
00:18:37,130 --> 00:18:40,600
I'm going to call this photo "Barney's Redemption."
460
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:44,430
Could you stop giving me the finger?
461
00:18:45,100 --> 00:18:47,490
♪ That one shining moment
462
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,250
♪ You reached for the sky
463
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:55,290
♪ One shining moment you knew
464
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:57,450
♪ One shining moment
465
00:18:57,460 --> 00:18:59,920
♪ You were willing to try
466
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:02,890
♪ One shining moment
467
00:19:02,900 --> 00:19:04,650
Eventually,Barney did figure out
468
00:19:04,660 --> 00:19:06,830
who the mysterious girl was. But we on that later
469
00:19:40,830 --> 00:19:43,920
Barney,come back to bed.
473
00:19:43,930 --> 00:19:46,220
You have a shuttle launch tomorrow.
474
00:19:46,230 --> 00:19:48,990
And that asteroid that's headed for Manhattan,
475
00:19:49,290 --> 00:19:52,190
It's not gonna destroy itself.
32443
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