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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:03,075 --> 00:02:08,053 'New from Wraith Babes, the hottest girls in nasty situations.' 2 00:03:44,008 --> 00:03:46,284 'Let's play Botherguts!' 3 00:04:16,850 --> 00:04:18,419 'Come on! 4 00:04:18,544 --> 00:04:21,428 'Three, two, one! 5 00:04:21,745 --> 00:04:25,929 'Go! 6 00:04:28,410 --> 00:04:30,042 'Chuck her a bun! 7 00:04:34,290 --> 00:04:37,649 'Not hungry?! That's a first?! 8 00:04:38,822 --> 00:04:40,128 'Come on! 9 00:04:47,084 --> 00:04:48,389 'That'd hurt! 10 00:04:50,410 --> 00:04:54,409 Brilliant! 11 00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:08,487 Fucking brilliant, that! 12 00:05:43,650 --> 00:05:46,289 That one does that sometimes. Hang on. 13 00:05:47,462 --> 00:05:50,289 There's a little knob in here somewhere. 14 00:05:52,564 --> 00:05:54,678 Almost the only real thing in there, 15 00:05:54,694 --> 00:05:56,949 and even that's grown in a Petri dish. 16 00:05:58,165 --> 00:05:59,471 Thank you. 17 00:06:43,690 --> 00:06:45,807 'Licking my pussy.' 18 00:06:46,974 --> 00:06:49,050 For Christ's sake! 19 00:06:49,814 --> 00:06:52,849 Way to mood-kill, blubbernaut! Cheers for the reflection! 20 00:06:52,850 --> 00:06:55,666 One minute I'm in slitsville, the next there's a haunted pig 21 00:06:55,679 --> 00:06:59,119 gawping at me. They may as well have cut to a war crime! 22 00:07:00,573 --> 00:07:01,882 Oi! 23 00:07:06,146 --> 00:07:07,449 You missed a bit. 24 00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:11,319 Pie ape! 25 00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,360 You see that? 26 00:07:16,690 --> 00:07:18,233 Fucking pie ape! 27 00:07:27,034 --> 00:07:29,849 He'll be in lemon and all before long! 28 00:07:56,930 --> 00:07:58,329 'Selma Telse.' 29 00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:02,007 'Howie Mandelbrot.' 30 00:08:10,041 --> 00:08:14,505 'Each headlines their own content on one of your eight daylight streams. 31 00:08:14,930 --> 00:08:18,403 'But they started here, like you. 32 00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:21,971 'Putting their back into giving back for a brighter now. 33 00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:28,323 'Each paying their dues like you, hoping to become a hot shot.' 34 00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:38,858 'That wasn't good... 35 00:08:40,849 --> 00:08:44,704 '..that was beyond incredible!' 36 00:08:49,068 --> 00:08:52,725 'You decide the victors, you control their fates, 37 00:08:53,024 --> 00:08:56,207 'you make the call on Hot Shots. 38 00:09:13,243 --> 00:09:18,602 'New from Wraith Babes, the hottest girls in the nastiest situations. 39 00:09:18,620 --> 00:09:21,049 'So let's view it.' 40 00:09:21,050 --> 00:09:23,689 'Resume viewing. Resume viewing. 41 00:09:23,690 --> 00:09:25,929 'Resume viewing. 42 00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:32,489 'Resume viewing. Resume viewing. 43 00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,729 'Resume viewing.' 44 00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:41,997 'You are going to see it all.' 45 00:09:42,417 --> 00:09:45,302 'Exclusively on Wraith Babes XL. 46 00:09:48,290 --> 00:09:51,525 'Hey, what else were you planning to do with that hand?' 47 00:09:51,650 --> 00:09:53,089 'You lick my pussy, baby. 48 00:09:53,090 --> 00:09:54,849 'I turn you on! 49 00:09:59,810 --> 00:10:01,289 'Hi, I'm Roxy, hello. 50 00:10:01,290 --> 00:10:02,773 'Hi, I'm Evie.' 51 00:11:23,210 --> 00:11:24,849 Didn't let him sign in. 52 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,138 Told him to report to 22 down. 53 00:11:27,613 --> 00:11:28,956 Told ya! 54 00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:32,133 He's gone lemon, the lazy fuck! 55 00:12:10,131 --> 00:12:11,450 What do you think? 56 00:12:15,050 --> 00:12:16,487 It's a bit much. 57 00:12:18,210 --> 00:12:19,519 Yeah. 58 00:12:27,868 --> 00:12:30,939 'Best thing about my new lifestyle? Where do I start? 59 00:12:31,631 --> 00:12:35,138 'I love choosing my own clothes and I love gold. 60 00:12:35,772 --> 00:12:38,483 'I feel like it really expresses who I really am 61 00:12:39,054 --> 00:12:41,369 'and I love looking over outside. 62 00:12:41,608 --> 00:12:44,809 'It's so beautiful sometimes, I just wish that everyone could see it.' 63 00:12:44,934 --> 00:12:46,644 Nice outfit 64 00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:49,929 Suits you. 65 00:12:51,736 --> 00:12:55,479 'Well, honesty is ruthless so I suppose it's just honesty... 66 00:12:56,293 --> 00:12:57,611 'ruthless honesty.' 67 00:14:14,631 --> 00:14:16,161 Drying my hands. 68 00:14:17,828 --> 00:14:19,134 Impressive. 69 00:14:26,810 --> 00:14:28,089 Have fun... 70 00:14:28,090 --> 00:14:29,697 I mean, on the... 71 00:14:33,672 --> 00:14:35,289 'Hey, regular user! 72 00:14:35,414 --> 00:14:40,457 'New from Wraith Babes, the hottest girls in the nastiest situation. 73 00:14:40,582 --> 00:14:41,905 'Select view... ' 74 00:14:58,570 --> 00:14:59,898 Dick. 75 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,867 Detritus. Sorry. 76 00:17:37,024 --> 00:17:38,205 Come on! 77 00:17:38,206 --> 00:17:39,849 Wait. There's a knack to it. 78 00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:42,267 - You'll take your fingers off. - Trust me. 79 00:17:46,010 --> 00:17:47,319 Smart. 80 00:17:51,330 --> 00:17:52,633 Bing Manson. 81 00:17:53,130 --> 00:17:54,529 Short for Bingham. 82 00:17:55,260 --> 00:17:56,578 Abi Carner. 83 00:17:57,770 --> 00:17:59,209 Short for Abi Carner. 84 00:18:00,068 --> 00:18:02,381 You're a new person. I've not seen you. 85 00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,533 I just went 21 last week. 86 00:18:05,130 --> 00:18:07,950 I wanted to go to Airdale My sister's there, but... 87 00:18:08,570 --> 00:18:10,451 It's full, apparently. 88 00:18:14,210 --> 00:18:16,364 Proper fruit. It was worth the risk. 89 00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:20,500 The most natural thing in there's probably grown in a Petri dish. 90 00:18:22,090 --> 00:18:23,396 Yeah. 91 00:18:23,970 --> 00:18:25,325 Quite good, though. 92 00:18:25,450 --> 00:18:27,089 Yeah. That's the right way round. 93 00:18:27,090 --> 00:18:29,969 When you get the cheap one, you end up having to pedal it off. 94 00:18:29,970 --> 00:18:33,249 Then you want more sugar. Then you're playing catch-up and I've... 95 00:18:33,250 --> 00:18:36,138 I've been there. It's a vicious circle. 96 00:18:38,597 --> 00:18:40,525 Can't you just use that CPT app? 97 00:18:40,535 --> 00:18:41,853 What's that? 98 00:18:42,214 --> 00:18:44,449 This cognitive behavioural thing. 99 00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:47,140 It realigns your thinking to pick healthy food. 100 00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:49,984 Whispers you into it while you sleep. 101 00:18:52,129 --> 00:18:54,181 Yeah, I should try that, yeah. 102 00:19:00,979 --> 00:19:02,869 I liked your singing the other day. 103 00:19:06,570 --> 00:19:09,156 I was trying to sing so no-one could hear me pee. 104 00:19:09,486 --> 00:19:11,009 I'm not Selma or anything. 105 00:19:11,010 --> 00:19:15,009 You've got a phenomenal voice. It was the most beautiful song... 106 00:19:17,530 --> 00:19:20,082 Y... You think I'm being cheesy? 107 00:19:22,810 --> 00:19:25,227 All right, I am being cheesy. 108 00:19:25,252 --> 00:19:27,527 But it was beautiful, so, you know... 109 00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:32,651 Reality's cheesy sometimes. Not often, admittedly, but... 110 00:19:33,570 --> 00:19:34,880 Now. 111 00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:37,464 Yeah... 112 00:19:44,490 --> 00:19:45,799 Well, thank you. 113 00:19:50,084 --> 00:19:51,713 It's just noises, though. 114 00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:54,001 Noises in the right order. 115 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:55,449 Don't downplay... you're good. 116 00:19:55,450 --> 00:19:57,903 The song's good. It's old. 117 00:20:00,296 --> 00:20:03,878 My mum used to sing it and she learnt it from her mum. 118 00:20:04,769 --> 00:20:06,074 A hand-me-down. 119 00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:11,313 You thought of trying out for Hot Shot? 120 00:20:11,561 --> 00:20:14,310 Me? 121 00:20:14,776 --> 00:20:16,089 Why not? 122 00:20:16,090 --> 00:20:17,788 Singing in front of Judge Hope? 123 00:20:17,810 --> 00:20:21,409 I'd die! Seriously, I'd be halfway to the afterlife come the chorus. 124 00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:22,604 No, you'd walk it. 125 00:20:22,616 --> 00:20:23,833 A) I wouldn't. 126 00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:28,036 And B)... I don't have that clockage. 127 00:20:28,758 --> 00:20:31,289 It's, what, 12 mil just to enter? 128 00:20:31,333 --> 00:20:33,569 What kind of bike time is that? Six months? 129 00:20:33,570 --> 00:20:35,889 - Yeah, but... - I'm hand to mouth. 130 00:20:35,890 --> 00:20:39,909 I know people save and stuff to get onto that stage 131 00:20:39,923 --> 00:20:42,527 and then there's what Selma did. But, you know what? 132 00:20:42,530 --> 00:20:45,916 - I'd rather not give myself... - Yeah, but I'll gift it to you. 133 00:20:48,553 --> 00:20:50,231 The full 12, I'll gift it. 134 00:20:56,578 --> 00:20:57,969 Don't be ridiculous! 135 00:20:58,485 --> 00:21:00,313 Seriously, I've got it spare. 136 00:21:00,730 --> 00:21:02,789 You've got 12 mil spare? 137 00:21:03,456 --> 00:21:04,936 My brother left it me. 138 00:21:05,570 --> 00:21:07,485 Own a channel, does he? 139 00:21:07,767 --> 00:21:09,073 No, he... 140 00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:10,839 He died. 141 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,078 He... He died last year, 142 00:21:16,574 --> 00:21:18,154 so it got transferred to me. 143 00:21:18,650 --> 00:21:21,302 Just over six months' worth, but I've kept it. 144 00:21:23,847 --> 00:21:25,699 Why don't you spend it on you, then? 145 00:21:25,711 --> 00:21:28,522 And buy what? Some new shoes for my doppel to wear? 146 00:21:29,834 --> 00:21:32,489 I don't know, upgrade your MOS... 147 00:21:32,490 --> 00:21:34,483 Or get a Fat Attack season pass? 148 00:21:35,543 --> 00:21:37,369 Buy one of those wall buddies. 149 00:21:37,379 --> 00:21:40,787 The new ones that talk to you after shutting and solve your problems. 150 00:21:40,810 --> 00:21:44,794 They guide your dreams, like gurus. It's amazing, really, what they can do. 151 00:21:44,819 --> 00:21:48,369 A mirror plug-in? That shows me how I look as a werewolf? What's the point? 152 00:21:48,370 --> 00:21:51,613 - I know it can be quite funny. - It's all just stuff. It's... 153 00:21:53,054 --> 00:21:55,718 It's stuff, it's confetti, it's... 154 00:21:58,610 --> 00:22:00,276 You've got something real. 155 00:22:02,210 --> 00:22:04,013 What better to spend it on? 156 00:22:04,138 --> 00:22:06,202 You heard me singing in a toilet. 157 00:22:07,583 --> 00:22:08,889 Is that real? 158 00:22:08,890 --> 00:22:11,368 More than anything that's happened all year. 159 00:22:15,467 --> 00:22:18,079 I can't take that kind of clockage off someone. 160 00:22:19,285 --> 00:22:21,038 It's 12 mils, no way. 161 00:22:21,650 --> 00:22:23,021 Let me do this. 162 00:22:26,387 --> 00:22:28,974 I... I look around here, I just... 163 00:22:30,554 --> 00:22:32,742 I just want something real to happen. 164 00:22:35,394 --> 00:22:36,699 Just once. 165 00:22:39,746 --> 00:22:41,049 I'd mess up. 166 00:22:41,050 --> 00:22:42,894 You wouldn't. I don't care anyway. 167 00:22:43,690 --> 00:22:46,729 I'll go with you. I'll be able to force you. 168 00:22:46,996 --> 00:22:48,625 I'll force you to go. 169 00:22:50,610 --> 00:22:51,993 It's tomorrow. 170 00:22:53,841 --> 00:22:55,321 Come on! 171 00:23:01,962 --> 00:23:03,268 Say yes. 172 00:23:06,933 --> 00:23:09,207 I'll go as far as to say, "OK." 173 00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:13,221 Which proves acceptable. 174 00:23:15,810 --> 00:23:17,206 Thank God for that. 175 00:23:21,290 --> 00:23:22,600 Walking away now. 176 00:23:23,956 --> 00:23:25,261 You loon! 177 00:23:26,370 --> 00:23:27,741 I can live with it! 178 00:23:59,019 --> 00:24:01,195 I'd love to fucking ruin that and all. 179 00:24:29,370 --> 00:24:30,676 What? 180 00:24:31,180 --> 00:24:32,485 15? 181 00:24:36,056 --> 00:24:37,367 A flippin' joke... 182 00:25:28,330 --> 00:25:30,431 'New from Wraith Babes. 183 00:25:30,444 --> 00:25:33,702 'The hottest girls in the nastiest situations.' 184 00:25:34,803 --> 00:25:36,321 Yeah! 185 00:25:55,090 --> 00:25:56,921 Can't believe I'm doing this. 186 00:26:00,137 --> 00:26:01,445 I am doing this. 187 00:26:05,023 --> 00:26:06,354 I can't be doing this. 188 00:26:06,379 --> 00:26:07,896 Can you trade it back? 189 00:26:08,330 --> 00:26:09,645 The ticket? 190 00:26:09,938 --> 00:26:11,020 Don't be mad. 191 00:26:11,796 --> 00:26:14,395 It's a lot of pressure to put someone under, you know. 192 00:26:14,419 --> 00:26:17,514 Don't think I'm not grateful. But it's, it's just... 193 00:26:17,539 --> 00:26:18,845 You're babbling. 194 00:26:18,970 --> 00:26:20,440 I'm babbling. 195 00:26:28,788 --> 00:26:30,280 I made you this. 196 00:26:33,837 --> 00:26:37,381 You never get to keep them more than a day, but there it is, anyway. 197 00:26:42,113 --> 00:26:43,344 It folds flat. 198 00:26:43,762 --> 00:26:46,436 So you can keep them in your waistband. 199 00:26:50,690 --> 00:26:51,999 Thank you. 200 00:26:57,250 --> 00:26:58,849 It's, you know... 201 00:26:59,152 --> 00:27:00,457 something. 202 00:27:30,806 --> 00:27:32,247 Face the screen, please. 203 00:27:36,290 --> 00:27:38,649 Is he your Friends And Family allocation? 204 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:42,520 Hand, please. 205 00:27:45,186 --> 00:27:46,777 That's not permanent, is it? 206 00:27:46,902 --> 00:27:48,289 No. Two months max. 207 00:27:48,380 --> 00:27:50,548 Round to the right, and through the scanner. 208 00:28:15,026 --> 00:28:16,334 Where do we go now? 209 00:28:16,966 --> 00:28:18,278 You wait here. 210 00:28:19,330 --> 00:28:20,631 How long? 211 00:28:25,292 --> 00:28:26,594 So, what do we do? 212 00:28:26,606 --> 00:28:27,889 I don't know. 213 00:28:29,050 --> 00:28:30,825 Hey, hey, hey. Fuck off. 214 00:28:35,693 --> 00:28:37,325 Her with the dark hair? 215 00:28:37,450 --> 00:28:39,200 Yeah, yeah, yeah. The pretty one. 216 00:28:40,070 --> 00:28:42,129 Yup. OK. Move. 217 00:28:43,493 --> 00:28:45,138 They want to preview you. 218 00:28:45,835 --> 00:28:47,569 - What? - Preview. Come on. 219 00:28:48,018 --> 00:28:49,573 - He's with me. - Hand? 220 00:28:51,495 --> 00:28:52,818 Show me your hand. 221 00:28:53,347 --> 00:28:54,649 OK. You, too. 222 00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:57,075 That's not fair. She's new. That's not fair. 223 00:28:57,079 --> 00:28:58,589 I don't pick the order. 224 00:28:58,780 --> 00:29:01,318 I've waited here all week, and she's just walked in. 225 00:29:01,397 --> 00:29:05,212 Everyone will get seen eventually. I don't pick the order. 226 00:29:05,220 --> 00:29:06,696 But I'm a good singer. 227 00:29:06,704 --> 00:29:09,320 I can sing. I'm a good singer, I am. 228 00:29:09,321 --> 00:29:11,670 - Stand aside. - It's not fair! 229 00:29:12,740 --> 00:29:14,045 It's not fair! 230 00:29:19,858 --> 00:29:22,134 - Next lot. - Stand there. 231 00:29:26,756 --> 00:29:29,274 Would you like to be as big as Salma one day? 232 00:29:29,639 --> 00:29:32,503 Yeah, I mean... 233 00:29:32,528 --> 00:29:33,769 Could you say that 234 00:29:33,770 --> 00:29:36,367 as a self-contained sentence into that screen? 235 00:29:38,890 --> 00:29:41,409 I guess I'd like to be as big as Salma one day. 236 00:29:41,410 --> 00:29:43,369 OK. Proceed to stage area. 237 00:29:44,194 --> 00:29:45,500 Are we done? 238 00:29:48,536 --> 00:29:50,575 - Both performing? - Just her. 239 00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:53,209 - Okay... and what are you? - Singer. 240 00:29:53,543 --> 00:29:55,361 - Cuppliance? - No, thanks. 241 00:29:55,486 --> 00:29:58,586 A-ha. Yes, thanks! It's compulsory for all contestants. 242 00:29:58,599 --> 00:30:01,128 More to the point, it'll stop you puking with nerves. 243 00:30:01,182 --> 00:30:03,378 - She's got to perform. - Well... 244 00:30:03,801 --> 00:30:05,799 Look, just sip it, you'll be fine. 245 00:30:10,413 --> 00:30:12,407 Just a touch of light foam. It'll pass. 246 00:30:12,532 --> 00:30:13,956 Make the most of it. 247 00:30:14,081 --> 00:30:15,927 You can't get this stuff anywhere else. 248 00:30:16,374 --> 00:30:17,929 You OK? Yeah. 249 00:30:17,930 --> 00:30:19,239 You OK? 250 00:30:22,012 --> 00:30:23,327 Yeah. Just... 251 00:30:24,442 --> 00:30:28,449 I don't know. Things are just wider apart. I'm fine. 252 00:30:29,254 --> 00:30:31,815 - Really? - Yeah, I'm fine. 253 00:30:32,730 --> 00:30:34,136 Right. You're on. 254 00:30:51,896 --> 00:30:53,463 A little closer, please. 255 00:30:58,196 --> 00:30:59,527 Little closer. 256 00:31:02,738 --> 00:31:04,330 Into the light, love. 257 00:31:12,694 --> 00:31:15,902 - And who're we looking at here? - Abi Khan. 258 00:31:16,536 --> 00:31:18,911 What are you going to do for us today, Abi? 259 00:31:19,496 --> 00:31:20,889 I'm going to sing. 260 00:31:20,890 --> 00:31:22,349 You speak up, love. 261 00:31:22,474 --> 00:31:23,820 We don't bite. 262 00:31:25,436 --> 00:31:26,742 I'm going to sing. 263 00:31:27,130 --> 00:31:30,769 Hey, would you mind lifting up your top for me? 264 00:31:32,322 --> 00:31:34,026 Can you take off your top? 265 00:31:34,041 --> 00:31:36,031 I want to check out those titties. 266 00:31:39,578 --> 00:31:41,281 Come on. Mucho feranto. 267 00:31:42,679 --> 00:31:44,308 No titties? 268 00:31:45,114 --> 00:31:47,253 She says she's here to sing. 269 00:31:47,890 --> 00:31:50,209 I got to see those titties, though. 270 00:31:50,334 --> 00:31:51,729 Come on, girl. 271 00:31:51,730 --> 00:31:53,076 I mean, damn! 272 00:31:54,810 --> 00:31:56,129 You hot. 273 00:31:56,606 --> 00:31:59,068 Please, just sing for us. 274 00:34:22,411 --> 00:34:24,301 OK. I'm going to stop you there. 275 00:34:25,892 --> 00:34:27,108 That was... 276 00:34:28,193 --> 00:34:29,418 without a doubt... 277 00:34:32,090 --> 00:34:35,889 probably the best piece of singing we've had this season. 278 00:34:36,116 --> 00:34:38,068 Yes! Well done! 279 00:34:43,290 --> 00:34:44,599 Fair play. 280 00:34:47,894 --> 00:34:49,449 But I have to say... 281 00:34:51,586 --> 00:34:53,439 No. No, no, no. I have to say, 282 00:34:54,297 --> 00:34:55,605 actually, 283 00:34:55,619 --> 00:34:57,260 I'm with Rafe on this one. 284 00:34:58,827 --> 00:35:01,369 Good though your voice is... and it is good. 285 00:35:01,881 --> 00:35:04,569 It's not the most magical sound in the world. 286 00:35:04,570 --> 00:35:06,135 It's just... good. 287 00:35:07,386 --> 00:35:10,184 I don't think anyone's really hearing it. 288 00:35:10,309 --> 00:35:12,808 Certainly not the guys in the audience. 289 00:35:13,093 --> 00:35:16,289 These looks you got going on kind of get in the way. 290 00:35:16,786 --> 00:35:19,062 Men will want you. Women will hate you. 291 00:35:19,371 --> 00:35:21,167 All the time you're on stage. 292 00:35:22,492 --> 00:35:24,245 Couldn't help picturing you. 293 00:35:25,175 --> 00:35:26,689 In an erotic scenario. 294 00:35:28,017 --> 00:35:30,417 Getting pretty turned on, if I'm honest. 295 00:35:34,290 --> 00:35:35,605 Right. 296 00:35:35,730 --> 00:35:37,414 You've got this pure beauty 297 00:35:38,073 --> 00:35:40,200 What seems to be a knockout figure. 298 00:35:40,896 --> 00:35:43,849 And this sort of interesting innocence going on. 299 00:35:43,859 --> 00:35:46,309 That's something I think Rafe's erotica channels 300 00:35:46,318 --> 00:35:47,969 could really play with. 301 00:35:47,970 --> 00:35:50,489 Absolutely. That's what I thought 302 00:35:50,490 --> 00:35:51,889 the moment I saw you. 303 00:35:52,067 --> 00:35:53,369 The moment. 304 00:35:53,910 --> 00:35:57,249 I'd watch. I don't know a man here who wouldn't. 305 00:35:57,250 --> 00:35:59,725 To be honest, some of us girls might join you. 306 00:36:03,665 --> 00:36:04,996 Get off me! 307 00:36:05,121 --> 00:36:06,438 Don't! Abi! 308 00:36:07,573 --> 00:36:09,800 No! Abi! Abi! 309 00:36:09,925 --> 00:36:11,929 I don't think that's quite... 310 00:36:14,255 --> 00:36:18,807 You will never have to pedal again. Not one minute. 311 00:36:19,781 --> 00:36:21,995 We could really work with you. 312 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:25,265 Last year we had singers, singers, singers. 313 00:36:25,626 --> 00:36:26,828 So many singers. 314 00:36:26,853 --> 00:36:29,687 So, to be a singer you have to be truly exceptional 315 00:36:30,173 --> 00:36:33,889 There's just no slots left for an above average singer. 316 00:36:33,890 --> 00:36:36,609 Not for the next few years, at least. Charity? 317 00:36:36,610 --> 00:36:39,492 No. Saturation point, singer-wise. 318 00:36:40,464 --> 00:36:42,665 Listen. We said, right from the start. 319 00:36:42,930 --> 00:36:45,365 We'll go with something different this season. 320 00:36:45,490 --> 00:36:47,405 That's why he's on the panel! 321 00:36:48,089 --> 00:36:51,434 She would be a star on our stream. 322 00:36:51,979 --> 00:36:53,289 A star. 323 00:36:53,941 --> 00:36:55,246 On his... 324 00:36:56,684 --> 00:36:58,329 You're furniture, at best. 325 00:36:58,330 --> 00:37:01,192 Forget about all the shame, and all that ppht-ppht-tew. 326 00:37:01,988 --> 00:37:03,649 We medicate against that. 327 00:37:03,650 --> 00:37:05,970 You will have pleasure forever. 328 00:37:06,268 --> 00:37:08,557 Realistically, sweetheart, it is that, 329 00:37:08,890 --> 00:37:10,196 or the bike. 330 00:37:13,646 --> 00:37:14,984 I, I don't think... 331 00:37:14,992 --> 00:37:17,012 This is starting to annoy me. 332 00:37:17,453 --> 00:37:20,561 Who do you think is powering that spotlight? 333 00:37:26,499 --> 00:37:28,451 Millions of people. That's who. 334 00:37:28,936 --> 00:37:31,113 All of them, out there, right now. 335 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:34,293 Putting in an honest day on the bike, 336 00:37:34,310 --> 00:37:36,780 while you stand in the light they're generating 337 00:37:36,797 --> 00:37:37,963 and dither. 338 00:37:38,321 --> 00:37:39,626 You know what? 339 00:37:39,751 --> 00:37:43,757 They would give anything. Do anything to be where you are now. 340 00:37:44,429 --> 00:37:45,734 Am I right?! 341 00:37:48,962 --> 00:37:52,220 You want to cock a snook at all that, as though it's nothing. 342 00:37:54,012 --> 00:37:55,703 As though they're nothing. 343 00:37:56,690 --> 00:37:58,110 And that makes me sick. 344 00:37:59,370 --> 00:38:00,733 But, you know what? 345 00:38:02,210 --> 00:38:03,961 Maybe you do belong on the bike. 346 00:38:04,210 --> 00:38:07,157 Because you don't seem to be very willing to step off it. 347 00:38:10,216 --> 00:38:11,285 I do want to. 348 00:38:11,297 --> 00:38:12,628 We have a decision? 349 00:38:12,753 --> 00:38:17,729 Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! 350 00:38:28,810 --> 00:38:32,129 Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! 351 00:38:32,130 --> 00:38:36,129 Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it! 352 00:38:47,490 --> 00:38:48,809 I suppose. 353 00:38:57,130 --> 00:38:59,609 Go on! 354 00:38:59,610 --> 00:39:00,915 Well done! 355 00:40:10,050 --> 00:40:12,214 Best thing about my new lifestyle... 356 00:40:13,582 --> 00:40:15,285 I get to meet lots of hot guys. 357 00:40:17,850 --> 00:40:19,626 Wraith treats me well. 358 00:40:21,418 --> 00:40:24,169 For Christ's sake! 359 00:40:24,921 --> 00:40:26,488 I pay for this! 360 00:40:26,873 --> 00:40:30,006 I... pay... for... this! 361 00:40:30,342 --> 00:40:33,836 I pump my arse off, and you... Fuck you! 362 00:40:35,530 --> 00:40:37,689 Yeah, keep waddling, pig tits. 363 00:40:38,041 --> 00:40:40,891 Find your horizon and fuck off over it! 364 00:40:44,353 --> 00:40:45,708 'It's a dream. 365 00:40:46,610 --> 00:40:48,060 'I get to live... 366 00:40:48,454 --> 00:40:49,757 'in a... 367 00:40:50,130 --> 00:40:51,574 'beautiful place. 368 00:40:52,417 --> 00:40:53,723 'And... 369 00:40:54,742 --> 00:40:56,061 'wear lots of... 370 00:40:57,326 --> 00:40:58,632 'beautiful things. 371 00:41:03,690 --> 00:41:04,999 'It's a dream.' 372 00:41:28,530 --> 00:41:30,369 Insufficient funds. 373 00:41:30,615 --> 00:41:32,285 'From Wraith Babes... ' 374 00:41:32,306 --> 00:41:33,611 'C'mon, girl... ' 375 00:41:34,308 --> 00:41:36,757 '..a Wraith Babes reality special.' 376 00:41:37,690 --> 00:41:40,100 I guess I'd like to be as big as Thelma one day. 377 00:41:41,047 --> 00:41:44,740 'Millions watched her glide through the Hot Shot curtain of dreams 378 00:41:44,765 --> 00:41:46,485 'to sing her heart out.' 379 00:41:50,319 --> 00:41:53,369 'What happened next shocked them all.' 380 00:41:53,494 --> 00:41:55,169 We could really work with you. 381 00:41:55,540 --> 00:41:56,896 Do we have a decision? 382 00:41:57,455 --> 00:42:00,885 'Now, watch her stunning erotic debut... ' 383 00:42:04,850 --> 00:42:06,268 No, no, no, no, no... 384 00:42:07,313 --> 00:42:09,089 'So, who do we have here?' 385 00:42:09,907 --> 00:42:11,209 I'm Abby. 386 00:42:11,825 --> 00:42:13,329 'You were at Hot Shot. 387 00:42:14,285 --> 00:42:16,499 'You were real impressive.' 388 00:42:20,570 --> 00:42:22,289 Resume viewing! 389 00:42:22,290 --> 00:42:24,449 - No! No! - Resume viewing! 390 00:42:24,450 --> 00:42:25,889 Resume viewing! 391 00:42:25,890 --> 00:42:27,209 Resume viewing! Resume viewing! 392 00:42:27,210 --> 00:42:28,929 Resume viewing! Resume viewing! Resume viewing! 393 00:42:28,930 --> 00:42:32,289 Resume viewing! 394 00:42:32,290 --> 00:42:33,587 'Look at you. 395 00:42:34,068 --> 00:42:36,007 'All clean and shiny.' 396 00:42:38,424 --> 00:42:40,716 Portal disabled during commercial. 397 00:42:40,747 --> 00:42:42,969 'You'll see everything. 398 00:42:43,094 --> 00:42:44,951 'You'll see it all! 399 00:42:45,475 --> 00:42:47,067 'Open your mouth. 400 00:42:47,477 --> 00:42:49,653 'Open... take it in... 401 00:42:50,242 --> 00:42:53,376 'take it in... yeah... 402 00:42:55,530 --> 00:42:59,529 No! No! No! No! 403 00:45:10,242 --> 00:45:13,288 'The hottest girls... ' 404 00:48:50,908 --> 00:48:53,184 Could you stand aside, please? 405 00:48:56,074 --> 00:48:59,087 Come up into the back, in front of me, please. 406 00:48:59,212 --> 00:49:00,748 Are you messin'? 407 00:49:07,650 --> 00:49:08,979 A what-nic one? 408 00:49:09,766 --> 00:49:12,477 An eth-nic one! 409 00:49:14,010 --> 00:49:15,320 On it. 410 00:49:15,898 --> 00:49:19,293 We're going to preview, all right? Want to follow me in the back? 411 00:49:20,130 --> 00:49:21,625 You're a prick! 412 00:49:25,610 --> 00:49:26,944 Next, lot. 413 00:49:27,947 --> 00:49:29,253 Stand there! 414 00:49:33,016 --> 00:49:34,916 So what are you, a magician? 415 00:49:35,870 --> 00:49:37,126 An entertainer. 416 00:49:37,150 --> 00:49:41,409 Could you say that down the screen as a self-contained sentence? 417 00:49:42,650 --> 00:49:46,649 I'm an entertainer. 418 00:49:51,613 --> 00:49:54,386 Before you go on, you need to drink a Cuppliance. 419 00:49:54,411 --> 00:49:56,734 They give me one back there. Really? OK. 420 00:49:56,859 --> 00:49:59,769 Well, in that case, you are good to... 421 00:50:00,905 --> 00:50:02,223 go. 422 00:50:15,744 --> 00:50:17,045 Who are you? 423 00:50:17,293 --> 00:50:18,689 Bing Madsen. 424 00:50:19,354 --> 00:50:21,182 What are you planning to do for us? 425 00:50:21,192 --> 00:50:22,494 What the fuck?! 426 00:50:22,570 --> 00:50:24,040 'A sort of performance.' 427 00:50:24,883 --> 00:50:26,369 A sort of performance? 428 00:50:26,439 --> 00:50:27,740 Yes. 429 00:50:27,865 --> 00:50:30,190 Man of mystery! 430 00:50:35,210 --> 00:50:37,062 I suppose we'd better see it. 431 00:50:37,659 --> 00:50:38,965 OK. 432 00:51:20,373 --> 00:51:21,655 Knob'ead! 433 00:51:21,930 --> 00:51:23,338 Fucking cock! 434 00:51:37,330 --> 00:51:40,877 Stop or I'll do it. This is a main artery. Keep walking, you kill me. 435 00:51:44,749 --> 00:51:48,380 No-one stops me till I've said my piece. Then you can do what you like. 436 00:51:48,389 --> 00:51:50,159 Man, just fucking kill yourself. 437 00:51:50,164 --> 00:51:53,849 Get heavy on me, I swear to God, I kick your ass back to life, 438 00:51:53,850 --> 00:51:55,929 just so I could cut your goddamn head off. 439 00:51:57,930 --> 00:51:59,239 Go on! 440 00:52:02,930 --> 00:52:04,729 I think we should let him speak. 441 00:52:06,090 --> 00:52:10,089 - Speak! - Speak! Speak! Speak! Speak! 442 00:52:12,010 --> 00:52:13,969 Let's hear what he has to say. 443 00:52:17,918 --> 00:52:19,228 Well? 444 00:52:19,249 --> 00:52:20,607 Come on. 445 00:52:21,089 --> 00:52:23,588 Got our attention, as requested. 446 00:52:25,130 --> 00:52:26,436 What do you want to say? 447 00:52:30,530 --> 00:52:32,809 Have you prepared a speech, is that it? 448 00:52:34,782 --> 00:52:36,088 Speak! 449 00:52:36,093 --> 00:52:39,644 I haven't got a speech. I didn't plan words. I didn't even try to... 450 00:52:39,645 --> 00:52:43,199 I just knew I had to get here, to stand here, and I wanted you to listen. 451 00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:46,186 To really listen, not just pull a face like you're listening, 452 00:52:46,190 --> 00:52:47,861 like you do the rest of the time. 453 00:52:47,867 --> 00:52:50,490 A face that you're feeling instead of processing. 454 00:52:50,615 --> 00:52:53,289 You pull a face, and poke it towards the stage, 455 00:52:53,290 --> 00:52:57,685 and we lah-di-dah, we sing and dance and tumble around. 456 00:52:57,694 --> 00:53:00,248 And all you see up here, it's not people, 457 00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:02,769 you don't see people up here, it's all fodder. 458 00:53:02,770 --> 00:53:05,234 And the faker the fodder, the more you love it, 459 00:53:05,250 --> 00:53:07,929 because fake fodder's the only thing that works any more. 460 00:53:07,930 --> 00:53:10,489 It's all that we can stomach. Actually, not quite all. 461 00:53:10,490 --> 00:53:12,809 Real pain, real viciousness, that, we can take. 462 00:53:12,810 --> 00:53:14,446 Yeah, stick a fat man up a pole. 463 00:53:14,450 --> 00:53:17,369 We laugh ourselves feral, because we've earned the right, 464 00:53:17,370 --> 00:53:19,888 we've done cell time and he's slacking, the scum, 465 00:53:19,894 --> 00:53:21,117 so ha-ha-ha at him! 466 00:53:21,132 --> 00:53:23,737 Because we're so out of our minds with desperation, 467 00:53:23,738 --> 00:53:25,480 we don't know any better. 468 00:53:25,505 --> 00:53:27,969 All we know is fake fodder and buying shit. 469 00:53:27,970 --> 00:53:29,769 That's how we speak to each other, 470 00:53:29,770 --> 00:53:32,018 how we express ourselves, is buying shit. 471 00:53:32,042 --> 00:53:33,409 What, I have a dream? 472 00:53:33,410 --> 00:53:37,715 The peak of our dreams is a new app for our Dopple, it doesn't exist! 473 00:53:37,739 --> 00:53:39,129 It's not even there! 474 00:53:39,130 --> 00:53:40,889 We buy shit that's not even there. 475 00:53:40,890 --> 00:53:44,089 Show us something real and free and beautiful. You couldn't. 476 00:53:44,090 --> 00:53:45,569 Yeah? It'd break us. 477 00:53:45,570 --> 00:53:47,169 We're too numb for it. 478 00:53:47,170 --> 00:53:48,649 I might as well choke. 479 00:53:48,650 --> 00:53:50,689 It's only so much wonder we can bear. 480 00:53:50,690 --> 00:53:54,374 When you find any wonder whatsoever, you dole it out in meagre portions. 481 00:53:54,382 --> 00:53:56,717 Only then until it's augmented, packaged, and 482 00:53:56,729 --> 00:53:59,245 pumped through 10,000 preassigned filters 483 00:53:59,252 --> 00:54:02,289 till it's nothing more than a meaningless series of lights, 484 00:54:02,290 --> 00:54:05,689 while we ride day in day out, going where? 485 00:54:06,573 --> 00:54:07,891 Powering what? 486 00:54:08,431 --> 00:54:11,676 All tiny cells and tiny screens and bigger cells 487 00:54:11,684 --> 00:54:13,454 and bigger screens and fuck you! 488 00:54:13,657 --> 00:54:16,763 Fuck you, that's what it boils down to. 489 00:54:17,472 --> 00:54:21,009 Fuck you for sitting there and slowly making things worse. 490 00:54:21,134 --> 00:54:24,569 Fuck you and your spotlight and your sanctimonious faces. 491 00:54:24,570 --> 00:54:26,849 Fuck you all for thinking the one thing 492 00:54:26,850 --> 00:54:29,089 I came close to never meant anything. 493 00:54:29,802 --> 00:54:34,022 For oozing around it and crushing it into a bone, into a joke. 494 00:54:34,030 --> 00:54:37,489 One more ugly joke in a kingdom of millions. 495 00:54:38,004 --> 00:54:39,937 Fuck you for happening. 496 00:54:41,330 --> 00:54:44,405 Fuck you for me, for us, for everyone. 497 00:54:44,423 --> 00:54:45,729 Fuck you! 498 00:55:07,725 --> 00:55:10,274 That was, without a doubt, 499 00:55:12,107 --> 00:55:15,962 the most heartfelt thing I've seen on this stage 500 00:55:16,495 --> 00:55:18,236 since Hotshot began! 501 00:55:23,721 --> 00:55:25,028 Brilliant! 502 00:55:25,453 --> 00:55:26,674 You... 503 00:55:27,373 --> 00:55:30,409 you're so articulating something we all, 504 00:55:30,410 --> 00:55:33,085 and I mean everyone in this hall, 505 00:55:33,467 --> 00:55:35,529 something we all agree on. 506 00:55:36,004 --> 00:55:38,729 Even though we may not comprehend all of it. 507 00:55:39,215 --> 00:55:42,212 I think I'm right in saying we do feel it. 508 00:55:43,580 --> 00:55:44,885 Even me. 509 00:55:45,010 --> 00:55:47,525 I know you've got me down as this creature. 510 00:55:48,047 --> 00:55:49,900 You know, hey... 511 00:55:51,427 --> 00:55:53,604 I get where you're coming from. 512 00:55:53,907 --> 00:55:56,158 - I like your stuff. - It's not stuff. 513 00:55:56,183 --> 00:55:58,167 It's truth. Am I right? 514 00:56:00,229 --> 00:56:03,769 Your truth, admittedly, but truth nonetheless. 515 00:56:04,490 --> 00:56:05,800 And you're right. 516 00:56:06,096 --> 00:56:09,627 Authenticity is in woefully short supply. 517 00:56:11,871 --> 00:56:13,927 I'd like to hear you talk again. 518 00:56:17,330 --> 00:56:18,640 How so? 519 00:56:19,219 --> 00:56:21,706 The slot on one of my streams 520 00:56:22,688 --> 00:56:25,101 where you can talk just like that. 521 00:56:28,511 --> 00:56:31,459 I'd watch it. It was such great passion. 522 00:56:33,909 --> 00:56:37,230 He's a'right. You're a little hot there, bud. 523 00:56:37,991 --> 00:56:40,292 That throat cutting thing? Neat gimmick. 524 00:56:40,690 --> 00:56:42,008 What do you say? 525 00:56:42,770 --> 00:56:44,809 30 minutes twice a week? 526 00:56:47,170 --> 00:56:51,710 - Do it, do it, do it! - Do it, do it, do it! 527 00:56:52,618 --> 00:56:57,157 Do it, do it, do it! Do it, do it, do it! 528 00:56:58,040 --> 00:57:02,289 Do it, do it, do it! 529 00:57:02,290 --> 00:57:03,969 Do it, do it, do it! 530 00:57:03,970 --> 00:57:05,689 Go on, you bastard. 531 00:57:05,690 --> 00:57:09,689 - Do it, do it, do it! - Do it, do it, do it! 532 00:57:11,063 --> 00:57:12,518 Beats the bike. 533 00:57:12,970 --> 00:57:14,383 Certainly does. 534 00:57:30,450 --> 00:57:34,449 'We have with us Oliver. Oliver ate and ate 535 00:57:34,570 --> 00:57:38,449 'till he hit 17 stone and he's here today to try and beat us 536 00:57:38,766 --> 00:57:41,409 'on Botherguts! 537 00:57:42,657 --> 00:57:44,025 'Keep going.' 538 00:57:53,890 --> 00:57:59,205 OK, I'm going to stop you there. That was achingly terrible. 539 00:57:59,330 --> 00:58:03,329 You have the magnetism of a towel. I don't ever want to look at you again. 540 00:58:03,890 --> 00:58:06,929 I have to agree. I'm so sorry, love. 541 00:58:07,194 --> 00:58:10,477 You came across as fundamentally unlikeable 542 00:58:10,502 --> 00:58:12,969 and really quite worthless. 543 00:58:13,992 --> 00:58:17,525 You could fill that pussy with honey and I still wouldn't fuck it. 544 00:58:17,650 --> 00:58:20,796 I'm a good singer. I can sing, yeah. 545 00:58:20,921 --> 00:58:22,689 Cos this is my destiny 546 00:58:22,917 --> 00:58:24,844 and I can sing, fu...! 547 00:58:28,170 --> 00:58:30,131 'Like that, don't you, Harry? 548 00:58:32,290 --> 00:58:33,649 'Say it. 549 00:58:34,263 --> 00:58:35,568 'Yeah. 550 00:58:37,050 --> 00:58:41,049 '15,000 new wardrobe options 551 00:58:41,136 --> 00:58:42,773 'launched last week alone. 552 00:58:43,662 --> 00:58:47,649 'It effectively translates as 15,000 new ways to kill time 553 00:58:47,774 --> 00:58:50,329 'in your cell before you explore an afterlife 554 00:58:50,330 --> 00:58:52,074 'which doesn't exist anyway. 555 00:58:52,435 --> 00:58:55,914 'With any luck, it'll take your mind off those saddle sores? 556 00:58:57,130 --> 00:59:01,129 'You know the only thing stopping me from slashing myself open right now? 557 00:59:03,239 --> 00:59:05,154 'I might not die right away. 558 00:59:05,166 --> 00:59:07,344 'And before I went, they'd find a way 559 00:59:07,352 --> 00:59:09,529 'to charge my twitching half-dead cadaver, 560 00:59:09,530 --> 00:59:12,487 '20,000 merits for swabbing the walls clean.' 561 00:59:12,488 --> 00:59:13,798 - Yeah. - Anyway, 562 00:59:15,006 --> 00:59:16,448 'hang on in there 563 00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,061 if you must. 564 00:59:24,170 --> 00:59:26,449 'We're all in this together they say. 565 00:59:26,450 --> 00:59:27,761 'Yeah, right. 566 00:59:30,130 --> 00:59:31,538 'Farewell for ever. 567 00:59:34,250 --> 00:59:35,956 'Till the same time next week.' 568 00:59:40,294 --> 00:59:41,603 Stream off-line. 39697

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