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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,160 Brent Uni grew on me as a pretty cool place to study, but sadly 2 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:08,240 a couple of freshers left then ended up in the news. 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:10,920 Here I am trying to help the students with their job interviewing 4 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:13,520 skills and they keep dropping out to go and wage holy war. 5 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:15,920 It's not your fault if people leave to join Isis, Jules. 6 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:17,960 It might be. Right! 7 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,600 Jules and Danny, idea is you talk to camera bigging up the uni. 8 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:23,840 Jack and I will edit it a treat. 9 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,960 And I get to put video director on my CV. 10 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:29,640 Right. Jules, why don't you kick us off with 11 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,440 what makes Brent Uni unique. And action! 12 00:00:33,480 --> 00:00:36,240 Hi, I'm Jules Handy. And I'm Danny King. 13 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:40,600 I've dedicated the last ten years of my life to Brent University. 14 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,400 Want to know why? 15 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:44,320 Stick around and watch till the end. 16 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:48,440 Now the gym at uni is a little bit pubey, so when the weather's good, 17 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50,600 why not come to our outdoor gym? 18 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,240 But don't come after dark. 19 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:54,920 Please. 20 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,920 Is that good, Jack? 21 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,680 Jack? Maybe it's your first time away from Mum and Dad, 22 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:02,240 but don't worry about that. 23 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,200 We can all be your mum now. 24 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:08,120 Because here at Brent, we have these fantastic facilities. 25 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,480 If you need to focus on your work... Sh! 26 00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:13,280 Or you're a massive dweeb, 27 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:18,320 then why not come and work in silence in our university library? 28 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:19,680 Whoa. 29 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:21,320 Not... That can't... Absolutely not! 30 00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:22,720 You're right by the books! 31 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:26,480 Go down to the accessible loo if you have to do it. Absolutely not. 32 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,080 So you've heard from the students. 33 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,680 And the SU. 34 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:35,280 And now that all remains for us to say is... BOTH: Get Brent! 35 00:01:35,320 --> 00:01:36,760 And cut! 36 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:39,720 Surprise! CHEERING 37 00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:42,360 You remembered. Yeah, I always remember. 38 00:01:42,400 --> 00:01:44,480 Happy birthday, mate. 39 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,560 Happy birthday. 40 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:51,080 You going to get a new bloody birthday suit then, mate, or what? 41 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,080 Sorry, I forgot what it meant. 42 00:01:57,360 --> 00:02:00,720 I'd been dreaming up this surprise day all year to give you the best 43 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,680 27th B-day ever. 44 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:06,080 OK, so remember last birthday when you shat yourself? 45 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,600 Yeah. Sort of drugged us all. Yeah. 46 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:11,200 Lied to us all that you were taking medication when you weren't. 47 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:13,400 Yeah, all right! It's my birthday. 48 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,360 Well, to avoid that, I've planned a day of all your favourite things. 49 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:20,680 And to start with, we're going to your favourite place. 50 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:23,000 The pervy old man pub on the ring road that does Thai food? 51 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:24,760 Your second favourite place? 52 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:27,320 Fleet services! It's one of your favourite places. 53 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:30,960 Look, if it's Pizza Express and a promo code like it's fine, but... 54 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:32,040 No! 55 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:34,000 Is it bingo? Bingo! 56 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:37,920 Oh, mate! See, I know how much you miss going with your nan, so... 57 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:39,640 Oh, f... 58 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:41,160 Listen, er. Fuck. 59 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:42,600 My dad's driving up to have lunch. 60 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:44,920 Like, I didn't say anything because I thought he was going to 61 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:48,160 let me down, but, like, he's nearly here. OK. 62 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:49,880 Right. Well, not to panic. 63 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,600 I can ring and add him on. Will he need parking? 64 00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,160 What's his vehicle registration? 65 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,080 I mean, I've been a stranger to the bloke for years. 66 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,200 Parking's scarce. Hey, I think we can just bingo another time. 67 00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,200 Yes? You go have a nice lunch with your dad. 68 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,520 Jack, help me edit the film. 69 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,800 And Danny can meet us in the SU for a drink later. Lovely bubbly. 70 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:09,000 Um, sorry, guys. To be quite H, we actually need to get on. 71 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:13,000 We're asking everyone on campus one a pivotal question today, aren't we? 72 00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:16,320 Is it white and gold or is it blue and black? 73 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:18,960 I'm actually seeing blue and gold. 74 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,400 I can't believe this is what our tuition fees pay for. 75 00:03:21,440 --> 00:03:23,360 Oh, that's very sweet of you. Thank you. 76 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:27,080 I asked my mum and Shannon to get in a cake for a surprise party, 77 00:03:27,120 --> 00:03:31,040 which naturally meant going to the best bakery in Britain. 78 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,280 Costco. 79 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,600 That bloke's checking you out. 80 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:41,120 No! Er, that's a bit pervy when you're eating Italian sausage. 81 00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:43,400 I'm lucky if I get looked at at all. 82 00:03:43,440 --> 00:03:44,600 Come off it! 83 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,720 I keep telling you to get on the dating apps. 84 00:03:47,760 --> 00:03:50,000 Look, there is no pressure to meet anyone. 85 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:52,640 Just a laugh. It's just a laugh. 86 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,080 Not for me, thank you. Why? 87 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,000 I'm sorry, but you keep delaying suggestions to get meeting blokes, 88 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:00,600 and I get it, right? 89 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,720 But wouldn't it be nice for you to have a companion? 90 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:06,560 Like not be sat here with me in a taxi eating Frankfurters? 91 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,120 OK, fine. 92 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,640 Look, I've only just worked out how to send a Twitter. 93 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:15,480 And Jack absolutely must not under any circumstance find out. 94 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,360 No, no, no, I know, no, no. 95 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,720 I actually DM'd Cher earlier on today. 96 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,720 What did you say? 97 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,800 Hello, Cher. 98 00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:27,800 Big fan. 99 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,120 How are you? 100 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,320 Any reply? 101 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:31,920 No. 102 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,240 What a bitch. 103 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,120 Hello, mate! You all right? 104 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:42,200 Yeah. You good? Yeah. 105 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:43,440 Come here. 106 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,120 You all right? Yeah. 107 00:04:47,160 --> 00:04:49,000 Lovely. How was the drive? 108 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:51,040 Nah, it's all right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. 109 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,200 I hate London, though. 110 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:53,520 It's just traffic, innit? 111 00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:55,320 Traffic and Pret. 112 00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:56,920 Yeah. 113 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,080 I got you something. 114 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:00,440 Nice one. Yeah. 115 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:06,560 Oh. I know you like writing, 116 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,760 and you got your journalism and all that. 117 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,320 Yeah. It's lined. 118 00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,920 Right, yeah. Thanks, dad. 119 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,120 Yeah. Well... 120 00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,600 Fancy a pint? 121 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:22,280 Are you having a drink? Yeah, gonna have a little, little snifter. 122 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,000 Special occasion, isn't it? All right. Just one though, yeah? 123 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,080 Yeah, just the one? Mm-hm. Coming up. 124 00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:29,720 Let the dog see the rabbit! 125 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,040 Oh, sorry! You all right? 126 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,560 Yeah. You go to Costco for booze, you come back with a pram. 127 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,360 Aw. Are you getting excited now? 128 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,200 I really am, actually. 129 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:47,320 The other day in the shop, right, there was this little boy, 130 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,840 and he was like, "Oh, mummy, mummy!" 131 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:54,720 And I just went, "Yeah?" Just, just to see what it was like! 132 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:56,800 It turned out he was lost. 133 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:58,000 That was awful. 134 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:01,200 And have you talked to Tarik, the baby daddy? 135 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:03,960 He texts me every single day for how I am. 136 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,120 I've had to start sending him other women's scan pics from Google images 137 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:08,720 just to get him off my back. 138 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:10,520 PHONE PINGS Ooh! 139 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,360 I've been matched with John. 140 00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:16,480 Oh, no, no, no, you can't date a man called John. 141 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:19,920 That is the most common name on the UK sex offenders register. 142 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,480 I nearly called Jack John. 143 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,120 Oh, my God! This woman from Take A Break, 144 00:06:24,160 --> 00:06:27,880 she asked the Metropolitan Police in a Freedom of Information request. 145 00:06:27,920 --> 00:06:32,320 "I would like to know the ten most common first names of sex offenders." 146 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,360 John comes in at number one. 147 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,400 Followed by David, Michael, Peter and Andy. 148 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,360 Which honestly has really made me feel weird about Andi Peters. 149 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,320 I liked him before. 150 00:06:51,720 --> 00:06:53,240 You heard from your mum? 151 00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,480 Uh, I mean, she sent me an e-card, if that counts. 152 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:57,800 Like, we don't really speak. 153 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:00,120 She don't send me e-cards. 154 00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:02,920 Yeah, it's almost like you're divorced and you hate each other. 155 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,040 Hah! Wise words. 156 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,360 Well, it's true, actually. 157 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,880 Every time I try and call her, she's like, "Oh, I can't talk because of the time difference." 158 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,720 She's in Spain! Yeah, I know. Not fucking Barbados. 159 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,720 Yeah, well, I don't love talking to her, to be honest. 160 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,160 I can just hear it in her voice that she still feels guilty. 161 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,240 And it's just like, I'm done. 162 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:23,560 Man. 163 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:25,640 That'll happen if you leave your family. 164 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:31,160 Well, it's not like you made it easy for her, is it? 165 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:42,840 Any news on your nan? 166 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,880 Yeah, she's stable, so... 167 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:49,040 I suppose at this stage, it's just... 168 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,080 It's just a waiting game, isn't it? 169 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,040 Yeah, all right, steady on. 170 00:07:53,080 --> 00:07:56,040 Oh, sorry. I... Fucking hell, I know I... 171 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,600 I'm getting this all wrong, I... 172 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:00,240 It's all right, it's all right. 173 00:08:03,640 --> 00:08:04,960 Shagging anyone? 174 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,280 Honestly, I now have so many bags for life, I actually believe 175 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,120 many of them will outlive me. 176 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,240 I've still got Laurie's bag for life. 177 00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,400 He always shopped in Budgens. 178 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,400 Oh, I love Budgens. 179 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:27,640 It's like, not Tesco's, not Saino's, not Asda, 180 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,880 but like... it's Budgens, do you know what I mean? 181 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:33,440 Completely. 182 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:34,880 Uh, Peggy? 183 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:38,720 Sorry, babe, but your Tinder photo has got Laurie in it. 184 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:42,600 Oh, I know I haven't got any nice photos without him in them. 185 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,000 Yeah, babe, not being rude or nothing, but you can't 186 00:08:45,040 --> 00:08:46,920 have your dead husband in your dating pics. 187 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,160 I tried to crop him out, but I couldn't. 188 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,800 Aw, Pegs. 189 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,760 Let me do the cropping, yeah? 190 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:59,200 Right, just lean forward a bit and let me take some new pics. 191 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,200 All right? I can't. Guys! 192 00:09:02,560 --> 00:09:04,040 You've barely set up. 193 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,000 I want Danny to have a great night. 194 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:09,760 Don't worry. I'm going to make cheese and pickle sandwiches now. 195 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,200 Cut off the crusts. 196 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,920 He's 27. We just need booze. 197 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,040 I can't even see any plastic cups. 198 00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:19,920 Huh? Well, I got you red plastic cups because I wanted you to feel 199 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,720 like you were in a crazy American music video, OK? 200 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,720 Like you were having some Skins party in LA. 201 00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,400 Skins is set in Bristol. 202 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:29,800 Oh, you are being a contrary bitch today, Jack. 203 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,720 I am seven months pregnant. 204 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,240 Do you think I give a fucking shit about Skins? 205 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,640 Agh! 206 00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:40,240 So that night for your surprise party, I'd invited an odd mishmash 207 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,080 of my family, uni staff and random girls that you had tagged 208 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,000 in Facebook club night photos with. 209 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:47,440 I was very stressed. 210 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,240 He's here! He's here, he's here. 211 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:52,720 OK, everyone get down! Shannon. 212 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:55,280 What's the food sitch? Um, there's sandwiches. 213 00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:56,920 Yeah, but there's no allergen info, 214 00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,200 and Kelly is sensitive to wheat gluten. 215 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,480 OK, well, it's bread, isn't it? 216 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,760 Surprise! 217 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:05,720 Oh, my God. 218 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,840 Oh. Oh, are you Danny's dad? 219 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:12,960 All right? Can I just ask you for a quickie? 220 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,040 Yeah, OK. Um, this dress. 221 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:16,920 What colour, would you say? 222 00:10:25,960 --> 00:10:27,120 Popcorn? 223 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,160 I mean, take your time. 224 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:31,360 Popcorn? 225 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,800 Jack, just relax, all right? Popcorn? 226 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,080 Yemi, the empties! 227 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,400 Popcorn, guys? 228 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,720 # Don't, don't, don't, don't 229 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,960 # Say another sorry today... 230 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,960 Excuse me, mate. Is there any ice? 231 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,920 Does it look like there's any ice? 232 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,080 Shannon, where's the ice? 233 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,800 Oh, um, the ice? 234 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:57,200 Let me have a think. Yeah, it's in the shop. 235 00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,960 Argh! 236 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,040 Ah. Honestly. 237 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,560 Right, look. 238 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,600 # I'm so out of touch 239 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,640 # I started to levitate 240 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:12,800 # Now we just hang around... # 241 00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:15,440 Shan, I've matched with Russell. 242 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,600 Is he fit? 243 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:17,800 Well... 244 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,920 He's a minicab driver with all his own teeth, so. 245 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:22,000 Wow. 246 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,680 You are kicking off with the tens there, Pegs. Good stuff. 247 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:25,960 But what do I do? 248 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:27,520 Er... 249 00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:28,760 Just chat. 250 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:31,400 I don't know what to say. 251 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:34,120 Message him what you messaged Cher, yeah? 252 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,440 Right. Here we are. 253 00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:44,320 What brought the orgy to a grinding halt? 254 00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,840 Er... No, I wouldn't say child protection services, no. 255 00:11:48,880 --> 00:11:50,800 Choose a different one if you can. 256 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,280 Er... White privilege? 257 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,000 No, that did not make me laugh. 258 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:59,520 So basically, I was involved in major youth tenpin bowling 259 00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,160 tournaments around the UK. 260 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,080 I actually won the Margate regionals. 261 00:12:04,120 --> 00:12:07,960 I've got a photo of me with my balls. 262 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:10,200 Holding them, like that. 263 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,080 Go easy on those. What else have I got? 264 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,560 Some people say I was one of the most successful under-17... 265 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:23,120 Jules? I got Kelly a pack of chicken Fridge Raiders. 266 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:24,560 It's the best I can do. 267 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:28,480 Oh. Kelly was just about to come out to everyone as vegan. 268 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,800 Argh! 269 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:34,160 Oh. Jack, calm down. 270 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,880 Look, it's going grand. Yeah, look, I'm having a great time. 271 00:12:36,920 --> 00:12:40,360 Listen, have either of you spoke to my dad yet? Erm, not yet. 272 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:41,720 No, I... 273 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:45,280 nipped out and got some ice for your straight footy mates. 274 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:48,200 Oh, no, they're not straight. What? 275 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,640 No, they're a couple of gay fellas I work out at the gym with. 276 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:53,120 I was just really rude to them! you shouldn't be rude to people 277 00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,240 just because you think they're straight, Jack. 278 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:57,240 Get out of my way. For God's sake! 279 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:05,080 You having a nice time? Yeah, no, I am, actually. 280 00:13:05,120 --> 00:13:07,000 And your dad? All going good? 281 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,640 Yeah. Yeah. 282 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,240 OK. 283 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,640 So what did Russell say? 284 00:13:12,680 --> 00:13:15,800 Well, he's also just started using Tinder. 285 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:19,640 Oh, no. Red flag, Peggy, red flag. Flag de rouge. 286 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,760 I bet he's had six dates on there this month. No! 287 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,680 Yeah. No, he seems nice. 288 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:28,200 He lives in Wembley with two dogs called Sue and Mel. 289 00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,640 What? We're just making pleasantries. 290 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:36,600 OK. Well, make sure you know what his income is per annum. 291 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:39,240 Then we can find out if you need more cleavage in the main pic. 292 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,240 Oh, blimey. I can't get any more out. 293 00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:43,240 You can, Peggy! You know you can. 294 00:13:47,880 --> 00:13:51,400 Shannon, loads of guys are leaving to go shop because all the beers 295 00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:53,240 are alcohol-free. 296 00:13:53,280 --> 00:14:00,360 Yes, and? Mum said at Costco you got 80 cans of Red Stripe beer. 297 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,640 Danny's favourite drink. 298 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,120 Sorry. Are you now annoyed that the drinks have been drinked? 299 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:07,360 The clue is in the name Jack. They're drinks. 300 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:09,200 People drink drinks, OK? 301 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,920 They are thirsty at parties. 302 00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:14,600 And I'm so sorry for providing drinks for people! 303 00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,520 But these people need drinks. 304 00:14:16,560 --> 00:14:19,240 And, yes, they might have drunk them all up. 305 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,080 How you doing? 306 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,560 All right. Yeah. 307 00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:36,160 DJ's a bit shit. 308 00:14:36,200 --> 00:14:38,920 This place is a bit of a dive, isn't it? 309 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:42,120 There's a massive fucking Scotland flag on the wall. 310 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,880 Whoopsy-daisy. That's me. 311 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,280 Yeah, Danny got it for me. 312 00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:47,680 All right, Jock? 313 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,800 Your son's amazing, you know? 314 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:53,280 Leave it out. 315 00:14:53,320 --> 00:14:55,400 He's a f... He's a plum. 316 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,360 Hello, dickheads! 317 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,280 Jack's just gone to get some more booze, 318 00:14:59,320 --> 00:15:01,160 and he's going to set up a beer pong table. 319 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,720 But I've never played beer pong. You're very beer pong. 320 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,960 Do you know what I mean? 321 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,920 I'll go get some balls. All right. 322 00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:16,240 Look, I'm really glad you came today. 323 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:18,080 Yeah. Great, mate, yeah. 324 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:21,400 It's.... It's nice to see you settled in. 325 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,960 I, um, I did want to have a chat, though. 326 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,920 Nan's flat. 327 00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:31,040 I think I should take it. 328 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,320 I mean, it's bigger than mine. 329 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,000 It's nearer to town and stuff. 330 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,880 What are you talking about? 331 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,880 I'm going to apply for succession of the flat. 332 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:42,320 What do you mean? 333 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:46,240 Well, I'm after a council flat swap, and I want Nan's. 334 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,520 No, she doesn't... She doesn't want you there. 335 00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:50,000 That's... That's our home. 336 00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:52,120 Well, you live here now. 337 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,440 Anyway. Just play along with the council, 338 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:56,360 help me out a bit. 339 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:58,400 Is this why you actually came? 340 00:15:58,440 --> 00:16:00,120 All right, mate, no need to get arsey. 341 00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:01,960 I could have just texted you, couldn't I? 342 00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,320 You know, technically, I'm just like a lodger here. 343 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:07,040 Like I haven't got any tenants rights. It's a fucking shed, right? 344 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,560 Nan's flat's my flat. OK? 345 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,520 That's mine and Nan's flat. It's not yours. 346 00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:12,760 Well, I'm next of kin, so... 347 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,400 Guess we'll both have to apply for it. 348 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:18,640 She ain't even... 349 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:23,680 She might need to come back there one day. Come off it. 350 00:16:23,720 --> 00:16:27,960 We both know she is never coming back to that flat. 351 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,560 Yeah, I KNOW, all right? 352 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,280 All right, mate. 353 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,720 Slow down. I thought you lot were supposed to be able to handle your drink. 354 00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:39,360 Fucking amateurs. Fuck you. You now what? Fuck you. 355 00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:42,360 I have been grieving Nan ever since I got here. 356 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:44,600 You know, this is the reason that I actually reached out 357 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,240 to you and tried to let you back in. 358 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:48,080 Because I thought maybe, just for a second, 359 00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,920 he might be as cut up about this as me. 360 00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,040 Well, of course, I mean, it's sad, isn't it, 361 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,960 yeah, but... 362 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,400 You know. 363 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,840 I mean, look at you. 364 00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,480 You're still just looking out for yourself, aren't you? 365 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,200 This is why you're completely alone. 366 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,880 And do you know what the worst thing is? So am I. 367 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,760 When she does go, at least I know I would have sat next to her bed. 368 00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:18,480 How are you going to fucking live with yourself? 369 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:25,120 I feel sorry for you, Dennis. 370 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:50,000 You'd often leave parties without saying bye. 371 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,600 We'd pretend it's because you'd pulled some fit girl. 372 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,880 But we all know it's because something in your head's gone off. 373 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,160 Can we just not! 374 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:00,560 Sorry. 375 00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:03,440 I just want... Sometimes it's best if I'm just on my own, OK? 376 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:04,960 I just. I don't want to... 377 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:08,880 ..like, burden anyone. 378 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:10,440 You really couldn't burden us, mate. 379 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:12,920 But I get it. 380 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,560 God, I'm just so sick of... 381 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:20,720 ..like, every time I think it's going to be different and... Danny. 382 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:21,760 Are you OK? 383 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:25,280 Can you come back in, please? 384 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,840 Because they're requesting Candy, and you're my only white friend 385 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,000 that can do the slide without me cringing. 386 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:31,320 Sorry, mate, I just don't... 387 00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,880 I just feel a bit embarrassed by the whole thing. 388 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,160 Danny. I'm sorry about him... 389 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:37,560 No, no. Look, I get it. 390 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,360 When I was like 15, 16, I started sneaking into the gay clubs 391 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:46,160 using someone else's ID. 392 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,840 He was actually Asian, which is like really bad. 393 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:51,360 And I was wearing these horrible sequinned crop tops. 394 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,800 It was a lot. 395 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:53,840 Anyway... 396 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:58,240 I pretty soon realised that most of my mates said they had to find 397 00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:02,480 a chosen family, and that was either because they couldn't be accepted 398 00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,120 by their own or they refused to accept anything less. 399 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:10,160 I refuse to accept anything less. 400 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,720 And that isn't because all my family are homophobes. 401 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,600 They aren't. 402 00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:16,160 But my chosen family... 403 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,000 They love me whatever. 404 00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:21,880 And that shitty shed 405 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:25,360 is full of people, Danny, who have chosen you. 406 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:26,880 So please. 407 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,080 Choose them. 408 00:19:36,880 --> 00:19:38,800 I love you, Yemi. 409 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:40,520 Of course you do, I'm incredible. 410 00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:47,760 All right. 411 00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:49,720 Shall we go back in? Yeah. 412 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,680 Come on, then. 413 00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:53,880 Come on, then! 414 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:55,960 Rehearsal. To the right. 415 00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:58,800 To the left. Take it back. 416 00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,840 # It's nice to hear your voice again 417 00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:04,280 # I've waited all day long 418 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,160 # Even wrote a song for you 419 00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,160 # It's strange the way you make me feel 420 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,080 # With just a word or two... # 421 00:20:11,120 --> 00:20:12,280 What? 422 00:20:12,320 --> 00:20:15,800 Oh, babe, I had a right Jeremy Kyle moment in there. 423 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:17,000 What happened? 424 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,240 KNOCKING 425 00:20:22,280 --> 00:20:23,440 Are you OK, darl? 426 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:24,880 Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a bit. 427 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,760 I'm just...taking a second, you know? 428 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,400 Well, I wanted to give you your birthday present. 429 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:35,480 Because the other day, I came home and Jack had let himself in, 430 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,880 and I could tell he'd had a little cry upstairs. 431 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,000 We all still miss Laurie. 432 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:46,880 Sometimes you just got to come home and let it all out. 433 00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,080 So I wanted to give you this. 434 00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:53,720 That's... That's Laurie's key. I can't... 435 00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:55,640 It's yours. 436 00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,520 It's yours any time you want to pop round. 437 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:00,360 Have a bath, a cry. 438 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,760 Raid the fridge. 439 00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:05,240 Use towels that aren't like pieces of Ryvita. 440 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:06,360 You come on by. 441 00:21:07,480 --> 00:21:10,440 You know you don't have to do that. I know. But I want to. 442 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,920 And I promise I'll help you figure out how to keep your nan's flat, OK? 443 00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,440 But for now, you are always welcome to feel home at mine. 444 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:24,880 Thanks. 445 00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:31,520 Just make sure that you get some fabric softener here, 446 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,360 cos them towels in the bathroom, they're, like, crunchy. 447 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:35,480 It is suspect. 448 00:21:37,360 --> 00:21:38,440 Yeah. 449 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:41,240 Does that hurt? Yes! 450 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,960 What about that? Shannon, careful. 451 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,880 What's going on? Danny. 452 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,160 I'm so sorry. 453 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,080 Shan told me what happened, and I just saw red. 454 00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,800 He punched your dad. Hard. 455 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,280 Really? Yeah. 456 00:21:58,240 --> 00:22:00,080 Oh, mate, that's so good. 457 00:22:00,120 --> 00:22:02,920 Ow! Well, what have I taught you about throwing jabs? 458 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,240 You keep your thumb out the fist jab. 459 00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:07,640 Right. Get ready, gay boys. 460 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,440 I was editing this for ages. 461 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,280 Oh, come on, I don't think people want to watch me and Jules 462 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:13,840 banging on about Brent Uni. 463 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,120 Just watch. 464 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,600 Happy birthday, Danny! 465 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:21,440 I hope you like this. 466 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:24,520 BOTH: Happy birthday, Danny! 467 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,240 Danny! Happy birthday. 468 00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:28,080 I think you're older than me. 469 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:29,240 Happy birthday, Danny. 470 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:33,160 Love from Jules Hendy, head of student union and welfare services. 471 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:36,520 Happy birthday, Danny. I hope you had the most amazing day. 472 00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,040 It took a lot of planning. 473 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:39,560 I hope you win at bingo. 474 00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:43,120 I hope you did all the pottery painting as well that I booked. 475 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,560 Happy birthday, Danny. 476 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,760 Stop eating my Special K. 477 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:48,720 Happy birthday, Danny. 478 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:51,720 I love you. 479 00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,240 I called the care home and they sent this. 480 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,320 You know, so she wouldn't forget to wish you a happy birthday. 481 00:23:00,120 --> 00:23:01,320 Jack... 482 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,160 That's not my nan. 483 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,560 What? 484 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,160 I'm only joking. That is. 485 00:23:15,760 --> 00:23:19,200 # Won't you hear me at your door 486 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,800 # Singing give me some more 487 00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:28,200 # Cos you were never empty 488 00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:32,560 # And we've been here before 489 00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,120 # Yes, we've been here before 490 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,840 # And that was always plenty... # 491 00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:40,720 Subtitles by Red Bee Media 36867