All language subtitles for Marvels.Hit-Monkey.S02E04.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

♪ I spent a lifetime
looking for you ♪

♪ Patiently waiting
to fall into view ♪

♪ And now that I've found you ♪

♪ My running is over ♪

♪ I have made it to
the end of the road ♪

Hey, kiddo.

Is this real?

Because yesterday, you
were a barfing ghost,

and so, am I insane or...

No, no, you're fine.
It's actually me.

Long time no see.

Cool, fuck off forever.

Wait, wait, I just wanna talk.

Last time you opened your
mouth, it cost me my job.

That was an accident.
I-I was a ghost then.

Today, I'm...

I'm still a ghost,
I just have a body.

For now, at least.

All I know is that I've literally
gone through hell to talk to you.

So please, please, can
I just have one minute?

45 seconds, then the door slams.

Okay, here we go.

Um, I was an assassin, and
I know what you're thinking,

"That sounds cool as shit, Dad."

And it was.

But it was also dangerous.

You know, hence my death,

and why I hang out
with a monkey now,

and, you know, why I...
when I pour salt on myself,

it-it hurts like hell.
It... Oh, it don't matter.

Look, I couldn't risk you
and your mom getting hurt,

so I stayed away.

And I promise you, it's the
hardest thing I've ever done.

So that's why you came
back from the dead,

to tell me that you're the
real victim in all of this?

What? No, no, no.

I came back because I
want you to understand

that this wasn't your fault.

It wasn't your mom's
fault. This is on me.

And I own that.

I just wanna make things
right with you, Iris.

You're about 20 years too late.

You have no idea
how long I've waited

to feel you inside of me again.

- Get that ass-scratcher outta my face.
- Ah!

Ah, damn it, I passed out in physical
form and blew through 12 hours.

I've gotta be more careful.

Like I said last night,

I have no idea how
it happened, alright?

Maybe it was a gift from
the Big Guy upstairs

for all the good we've
been doing, you know?

Killing killers and all that.

All I know is my time as
fleshy Bryce is limited,

so I gotta make the most of it.

Starting with Iris.

I won her 10 grand bettin'
on the dogs last night.

A little, uh, unemployment
gift, you know, from Dad.

I did it!

I found one of the Aldermen.
I had Boone send me a...

Oh, my God.

Yeah, well, you know, I get drunk,
the world becomes my toilet.

I think I liked Bryce
better as a ghost.

Anyway, I've been combing through
the dead Aldermen financials.

And those dusty old pricks
all had one thing in common.

Each was a client of the same
New York-based hedge fund,

Parnassus Financial.

The firm's CEO is a man
named Yannis Calamarus.

He's been using his company
to fund political coups

and assassinations for years.

Calamarus was even the money man
behind the Ozu campaign back in Tokyo.

All of this is in line
with the Aldermen MO.

If you're suggesting we take this
news to The Co-Op, I'm with ya.

Oh, Jesus, Bryce.

I don't get it. Why are
you trying to get involved

with those wrinkled nutsacks?

You've already got the
best team in town, baby.

We're like the '98 Yankees
porked the '85 Bears.

Oh, The Co-Op is
giving you purpose?

What about everything
I've given you, huh?

Weapons, a-a sick pad.
Those badass shades.

You're cool because
of me, Monkey.

And cool trumps purpose
any day of the week.

Look, Monkey and I believe
in The Co-Op's mission.

If you don't, fine.

But don't be a dick.

You wanna do this? Let's do it.

I've never been more psyched
to do something in my life.

No, you're right, Monkey.

The mission's not a big
deal. Nothing's a big deal.

Regaining physical
form, no big deal.

Valiantly owning up to
your mistakes in a world

that rewards lying
and gaslighting,

no big deal.

You wanna get this Calamari guy?

Then gear up and let's go.

Okay.

I'm so bored, I could
kill somebody for free.

Did you see the new
truck nuts I got?

They're gonna be great when
I get a new truck. Whoa!

Who's this now?

Holy shit, you're Lady Bullseye!

I was told this is where
I'd find the monkey.

You're looking for Hit-Monkey?

Is he, like, in
trouble or somethin'?

We have some old
business to address,

so, yeah, he's,
like, in trouble.

And so are you if you don't
start answering my questions.

So where the hell is he?

Check the zoo.

We don't know any
goddamn monkeys.

So you're more than
welcome to kindly piss off.

If you see him, tell
him I'm comin' for him.

You got a number or an email?

This is a great idea.

You thought I was badass before?

Just wait till you see me now.

- Uh, Bryce?
- I am like Rocky IV montage come to life.

Bryce, there's no one here.

Don't you think a trading
floor would be packed

on a Tuesday morning?

Today is not some weird
American holiday, right?

Yeah, it's national
ass-whooping day...

Oh, God. Maybe I shouldn't
have given up that sword.

What?

You don't think we can take out this
'roided-out Pure Moods commercial?

Pure what?

Oh!

Oh, shit.

This isn't working.

He's anticipating
our every move.

Oh, yeah? Anticipate this.

Gah! It's like we're fighting
Neo in the good Matrix.

- Too slow.
- Shit!

Looks like the market's
about to crash.

Or it's about to rally.

Is that the ghost?

I thought he'd look more...

...capable.

I forgot how much dying hurts.

Look, I'm glad you're okay.

But what you did back
there was beyond stupid.

Do you understand?

We have been tracking
this guy for two years.

And you jeopardized
our entire mission

because you just had to play
with the big boys, didn't ya?

Easy, Hot Topic.

You're not the big boys.
We're the big boys.

No, we're the big boys!

That's something a
small boy would say.

Don't you have a dollhouse
to haunt or something?

No.

I don't understand.

If The Co-Op knew about Calamarus,
why haven't you gone after him?

Because his weapon
is a third eye

which allows him to see two
minutes into the future.

So, in addition to using
it to amass a fortune

manipulating the stock market,

he's also unstoppable in battle.

He knows what we're doing
before we know what we're doing.

Although it doesn't seem
like you're the type

who knows what he's
doing in general.

Whoa, lady, we
literally just met.

According to our
contact at Teterboro,

Calamarus' jet is scheduled
to leave town tonight.

If he gets away, who knows
if we'll ever find him again.

You guys can't go after
him without a plan.

It's a suicide mission.

My entire life has
been a suicide mission.

Oh, my God.

What? That was a cool line.

Nah, bro, this team's
already got a gun guy.

And one without such an
itchy trigger finger.

Double-Tap is right.
You've already done enough.

It's time to let the professionals
handle the situation.

Sorry, Monkey.

So, who's hungry? I'm
thinking Thai, right?

Oh, come on, bud.

Don't be mad. These guys
are clowns with a capital C.

Y-you know what, in fact,
all caps. You heard them.

They're going on
a suicide mission.

Willingly!

What? You think
that's commendable?

Haruka, please tell this monkey
how utterly bat shit he sounds.

Monkey, apparently Bryce's new
body didn't come with a new heart.

He's still the
same selfish prick.

Just in a shinier shell.

Hey, what if it's not too late?

Uh, what if I know a
way to beat this guy?

Unless you have a way of stopping
the future, it's pointless.

I can't stop the
future, but I know a guy

who may be able to
help slow it down.

You got nothin'!

Come on now, get those hands up.

I've got 10K on the one in red.

You mean the one whose
face is getting tenderized?

No, you're right, that
money is for Iris.

But it's not gambling
when Snail's involved.

We used to make a killing
fixing fights out here.

Great.

So one of your degenerate
gambling buddies

is gonna help us
defeat a jacked-up,

lightning-quick billionaire,
who can see into the future?

Trust me. You're
gonna love him.

Snail is the tits.

Only guy to drink
me under the table.

Hey, there he is!

♪ One, two ♪

♪ One, two ♪

♪ One, two, let's rock ♪

Nighty-night!

What?

What just happened?

I just tripled Iris' money
is what just happened.

Just like old
times, right, buddy?

Taint! You old son of
a bitch, get over here!

I thought you were dead.

Well, it's a long story.

Let me at those li'I pickles.

Aye, oh, aye.

Man, guess I over poured.

Must be your lucky day.

Yeah, I get lucky like that.

So you need my help killing
this coked-up monk, huh?

Yeah, by slowing down the present,
you'll also be slowing down the future.

Which will give us a fighting chance
at defeating Foreskin, uh, Foresight.

I dunno. It sounds
time-consuming.

And I'm not about to
devote a week of my life

for your mission.

Well, I think you misunderstood.

This isn't going to take long.

We're talking five,
ten minutes at most.

Which actually is
long for Snail.

Every time he uses his
power, it ages him up.

That's why he looks old as shit.

I look good.

Hey, you want my help?
What's in it for me?

- What?
- Oh, no, no, no,

Snail's not really interested
in saving the world, Monkey.

I mean, you're more of a shiny
object kinda asshole, right?

And right now, ain't
nothing glittering, Taint.

I'm sorry, but why do you
keep calling him Taint?

Because he's somewhere between
a dick and an ass, princess.

Well, yeah, well, this
neither-a-dick-nor-an-ass

- is about to get you paid.
- Oh, yeah?

The fight's going down
at Teterboro tonight,

and there's sure to be
plenty of wealthy jet-setters

with expensive jewelry,
luggage, and cash

all for the taking.

So what do you say, Chub Lord?

I say I can rob people
any day of the week.

- Why would I do this?
- Because I'm your friend.

And you owe me, remember?

From when I killed
your ex-wife's lawyer.

Alright.

Uh, uh, uh, uh.

You really think you
can take Lady Bullseye?

No.

But fortunately, Lady
Bullseye died in Tokyo.

What are you talking about?

Don't worry, your
secret's safe with me.

See, I plan on making
a name for myself

as the one who took the
famous Lady Bullseye's head.

Come here.

I can't tell.

Are your eyes bulging out
of fear or lack of oxygen?

You bitch!

Open the goddamn door!

I'm gonna rip off your jaw
and shove it down your throat.

Are you enjoying this now?

Dude, you're still
living in a van?

Well, you know, I bounce between
here and The Four Seasons,

depending on my
financial situation.

And my personal
safety situation.

Hey, Bananas-and-Cream,
there's a box

back there on the hot plate.

Hand it forward, will ya?

Oh, whatever you do,
do not take these out.

Our teeth are kinda the least
of our concerns right now.

The enzymes in the mucus
will serve as a force field

around your right
prefrontal cortex,

protecting your brain
from the time dilation.

I'm sorry, Monkey, I
wish he was kiddin'.

I got one for you too, Taint.

Oh, fun.

If this guy normally operates two
minutes ahead of everyone else,

he should be pulled
into the present

as the future will be moving
at a much slower rate.

So it'll effectively take away
his two-minute head start.

Okay, if we can take him in a
fair fight, we should be good?

Depends what your
definition of good is.

Oh, gross.

It's for the greater good.

Huh?

There are four planes ahead of him.
He's a sitting duck. It's time.

I'm on it.

He's not coming out.

Why's he not coming out?

Why's he not coming... Oh!

Let me go!

- Damn.
- Here's one for you!

Everybody get down!

Wh-what is this?

I don't understand.

Alright, let's Ginsu this bitch.

Didn't see that
one coming, did ya?

She's a friggin' statue!
I can't move her!

Can you handle the one-eyed
monster while I help Haruka?

I'm really struggling...

to not make a weight joke.

Wow. You're evolving
before my eyes.

Ooh.

That's better.

Oh, shit.

What are you doing?
We're not done.

Eh, sucks for you, 'cause I am.

I ain't about to go geezer
saving your buddies.

No, hey, what about
the divorce lawyer?

No, we are square on the
lawyer thing, alright?

I'll tell you what.

I'll do it for that brick of
cash you won at the boxing match.

Come on, man, please.
That was for my daughter.

Suit yourself.

Huh?

You wanna do this?

The future ain't looking so
bright these days, huh, numbnuts?

No, no, no, no, no!

No one should look that happy while
standing in a pile of brain, bud.

Oh, man, that was sick.

Welcome to the team, Monkey.

I'm so glad you're okay.

- Nice work, Monkey.
- Double-Tap's impressed.

Alright, come on,
let's go celebrate.

I need to know how you
stopped the future, man,

because I thought I was dead.

Well... fuck this.

You don't wanna talk
to me. I get it.

I just wanted to say I'm
sorry I got you fired.

I had this whole plan of
how I was gonna help you.

But like everything in
my life, it fell to shit.

So I don't have
anything for you.

Except the truth.

I was not completely
honest before.

Yes, I-I did want to keep
you and your mom safe.

But the real reason I never
came back was because...

well, I was a chicken shit.

Being an assassin gutted me.

So, you know, I turned to vice
as a way of numbing myself.

And it worked.

To the point that I no
longer felt anything.

You know the pain
was gone but...

well, I mean, so
was everything else.

Look, look, I was never
a great guy, okay.

But I was a decent guy.

Who, you know, who tried.

And who cared.

Until I didn't.

I became a selfish,
soulless asshole

surrounded by other
selfish, soulless assholes

I thought were my friends.

And now the only friend I've
ever had is drifting away.

And I'm scared I'm
gonna be alone again.

For the first time, I'm starting
to see what I've done to you.

You know, creating this
feeling of not being wanted.

Or not being needed.

And the pain that I'm going
through is only a sliver

of what you must have
felt your entire life.

I-I'm not gonna apologize

because I know there's no apology
big enough for what I've done.

So, the best I can do

is just let you get
back to your life.

Well, at least you didn't
try to buy your way

into my life with
another bag of cash.

You want a drink?

Tartarus will hold, sir.

But it's a pyrrhic victory.

Our army is depleting fast.

If we're to fend off the rebels,

we need more boots
on the ground.

Don't worry your pretty
little head about it, General.

The soldiers are on their way.

I've found myself a
symbiotic relationship.

Which is about to
bring us big things.

♪ Dreaming high, living low ♪

♪ Expectations can't be bought ♪

♪ Teenage dreams, years ago ♪

♪ Came to an end, you let go ♪

♪ Wrong decisions ♪

♪ Wrong decisions ♪