All language subtitles for Marvels.Hit-Monkey.S02E03.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

♪ Get so scared, uh,
get so scared, uh ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake, shake,
shake, shake, shake, shake ♪

♪ Shake, shake, shake, shake,
shake, shake, shake, shake ♪

♪ Get so scared, uh ♪

Ugh. Goddammit! Oh,
why is this so hard?

Man. I've tried
iodized, kosher, sea,

whatever the hell
celery salt is.

Every time I pull away,
i-i-it's like my body panics

at the thought of all
that pain and vomit.

But it's the only way, man.

A hit of this let me talk to
Lady Bullseye back in Tokyo,

and it's gonna let me
talk to my kid today.

Maybe even repair
the little shot I had

at being a part of
the rest of her life.

A shot you so officially
ruined yesterday

trying to play therapist.

Okay, look, I-I-I think
you gotta boof it for me

so I don't see it coming.

I'll shove that pole up your ass

and out your eyes!

Yeah. You know, I think we're past
the point of reasoning with her, pal.

Help with what?

So she had some bad
clams. Seriously?

Just let her ride it out, okay?

The bistro closes at eight,
so come on, grab a straw

and let's get cracking.

Well, you done did it now, huh?

- Great.
- I told you not to do it.

Vetters are supposed to vet
the killing, not get killed.

There's an order to this shit.

I mean, there was an
order to this shit.

Now there's just shit.

And what's up with this shit?

I will eat your soul.

Is this the reason you're not
answering your goddamn phone?

The one that I bought you?

Dude, tell her to piss off
so we can deal with my thing.

Tell me in which
grave your mother lies

so I can defile her
corpse after killing you!

Okay, I think this prompts
a shift in our schedule.

This conversation isn't
over, okay, Monkey?

And what is all this salt?

Yeah, that thing's
steps are way too big.

So unless that furry little
motor of yours has a sports mode,

we need another way to
catch up, and quick.

There, there.

Look, you live in New York long
enough, you're gonna get on the pole.

Let's go.

Just trust me. I think.

Bananagram incoming.

Wow, that worked
better than I...

Okay, but the idea was inspired.

Wow. I bet this dude is hung.

Oh, come on, like
you're the evolved one.

Hey, Haruka, you
done being crazy?

Maggots will feast
on your flesh!

Copy that!

Alright, well, let me
give the ol' ghost go...

Oh, I'm sorry. Am
I taking too long

to overpower the fucking giant?

Oh, boy, what a dumb way to die.

What the hell was that?

Oh!

Hit this motherfucker again.

- Double-Tap: Ho-yeah!
- My turn.

- Hi.
- Huh?

Hello, creepy child.

So I'll rescue your friend.

You get the giant. 'Kay?

I'm sorry, what?

'Kay.

You should probably
hold on tight.

I'm sorry, did she say,
"Deal with this giant,"

as in kill this thing?

What? No, that'll never work.

Oh, good God, we could open
a candle store in here.

Alright, dude,

the brain's down that way.

Let's start blasting.

Jesus Christ!

You all know using cotton swabs
is very bad for your ears, right?

- I'm sorry, what?
- Yes. It just pushes the wax deeper.

Amara, are you sure we
can't help the monkey?

No. Our instructions
are to watch,

evaluate his performance, and
see if he could be useful.

- Aw...
- Yeah, and if not,

we grab the club and pop smoke.

Oh, no.

Oh, of course. Of course.

Baby, that's a hole in one.

Oh!

Yeah, I got a hunch
those 45 millimeters

aren't super effective
on a 100-foot brain.

Okay. Bad news.

I don't think we're
killing the guy this way.

Good news. You're playing
him like a marionette.

You know, this monkey
is kind of impressive.

I don't know, the
suit, the sunglasses.

- It feels a little gimmicky.
- Mm-hmm.

Hey, hey, every piece of
this has a purpose. Okay?

Well, except for the
bald eagle belt buckle.

- Now, that's just cool.
- Is it?

No, hold on.

Haruka transforms back to herself
if she lets go of the sword, so...

Hey, Monkey, aim a little left.

Your other left.
Your other left!

No, your other left!

Keep going. Little
more. Yeah, there we go.

Little more.

Bullseye!

Attaboy, baby! Whoo!

Monkey and the goddamn
beanstalk, am I right?

Uh-oh.

I think he's going back
to human form, and size.

Huh?

It's too strong.
I can't hold it.

Double-Tap: Whoa!

Whoo!

Shit! I forgot to press record.

- Huh?
- Damn.

Oh...

Hey, dude, we got to
get out of here. Now.

That creepy little girl and her
friends dragged you and Haruka here.

They took her to some
scary-ass research room

and brought you here.

Now, this creepy Ken
doll keeps walking in

and puttin' his hand on your
head like he's imagining

what your fur would feel
like as a goddamn coat.

Oh, and he's a
vampire. Wonderful.

Don't think. Just
pick a direction.

We got to find Haruka and
get the hell out of here.

Get out!

Well, you picked wrong. Other
way. Let's go. Other way!

Hey.

Damn, do you knock?

Other way, other
way. Other other way.

Okay. I think you can
take Hot Topic here.

Just kiddin', back to
the hall. Go, go, go!

God, I will not let you get killed
by these Cirque du Soleil rejects.

Oh, hey, look who's up.

- Haruka?
- Monkey.

- Did you get the headphones I left you?
- Wait, what?

The music makes the
angry thoughts go away.

No, it's okay. They
saved our lives.

Oh, no, Monkey.

Did you talk to Boone?
And where's your smoothie?

He had a few notes for the chef.

I won't hold it
against him, though.

He's a long way from
the Fukuyama mountains.

Huh?

Uh-huh. He reads
minds, long-balls.

Oh, please. That's a
bit reductive, brother.

Is it fair to say you
make things disappear?

Yes, brother, it is.
I destabilize things.

I suck 'em into my mind and
then, are you ready for this

they've disappeared.

Yes, I read your mind.

Normally, I'd ask for consent,
but it was a medical emergency.

You've had quite the adventure.

Sorry about your tribe, bro.

Oh, please, give
me a fuckin' break.

And I take it your ghost sidekick
only heightened the paranoia.

Excuse me?

I'm about to sidekick you
in the face, Abercrombie.

I bet if I read his mind.

Okay, what the hell is goin' on?

I'm sure you have
questions. My name is Boone.

- This is my hilarious brother, Slyke.
- Well, hi, there.

And you've met our compatriots,

- Amara, Double-Tap...
- What up?

...and of course little Dot.

Monkey, I believe we're
on the same side here,

fighting the same war.

We're lucky they found
us. They saved me.

Hey, we were doin' pretty
good at saving you.

They just had, like,
you know, fancier toys.

W-w-wait. Hold on.

If Haruka is back
to being Haruka,

where's Bonsai Master's sword?

You should show him.

What are they?

Humanity's worst impulses

harnessed into hilts and blades.

What'd these guys do,
raid Nic Cage's garage?

What you need to know is
what they were before.

Eons ago, a humble farmer
from a starving village

unearthed something
transcendent.

Soon, their barren fields
were overflowing with food.

But as with all things good,
it was desired by those evil.

And before long, a warlord stole
the relic for his own selfish gain.

He melted it down, turned
it into eight brutal tools.

And with those weapons,
they conquered the world.

Until eventually, they
turned on each other.

Weapons were separated,
cycling between dictators,

tyrants, and sadists.

But one group grew smarter.

They saw how flaunting this
power only led to attention,

and attention only led to death.

So they made a pact to
rule from the shadows.

They became the puppet masters,

pulling the strings
on world order.

They gave themselves a name.

A name only whispered for
fear of the danger it brings.

They are the Aldermen.

Boring, boring, boring,
boring, boring, boring.

Well, okay. Wow. You
guys, so, so good.

Dude, can we please
go? Iris is...

You can call us the
Assassins Cooperative,

a group of former
killers for hire.

We kick Alderman ass now.

Each of us has had our lives
ruined by these false gods.

Hits that they orchestrated
that cost us friends.

Hush. Don't try
to talk, Ito-san.

And family.

You animal!

Yeah. And in many
cases, our own lives.

Hell yeah.

We're tired of killing.

We are tired of killing.

So tired.

But that exhaustion
will end soon.

Once we have all the weapons,
we will do what nobody has.

Reforge the relic, use
it to heal the planet

like it healed that
barren village.

And with it, we can create a world
where killing is a thing of the past.

But if these weapons
are so powerful,

why not use the ones you
have here to get the rest?

Oh, my, what a novel idea.

It's just too risky.

Once wielded, the
weapon's spirit

seeps into your soul.

You know what I'm talkin' about.

We got the bastards
on the rope, though.

We just need something
to push us over the top.

There's only two more of
those yellow-eyed freaks

for us to find and take down.

Two more weapons, and this
world can finally be saved.

So what do you say?

- Huh?
- We would love your help.

Haruka's too.

Bro, you're more than
qualified to be here.

But we're not asking
because of your skill.

We're asking because we all
remember what it was like

to be stuck in the quicksand.

Every kill pulling you in deeper

until you're just
drowning in hopelessness.

Begging for there to
be something more.

That's what this
mission gave us, man.

Something to believe in.

A way to climb out.

That's what we want
to give you. A rope.

It's up to you to decide
if you want to take it.

Oh, please. We're not
sinking, we're thriving.

We're a duo who sometimes
flirt as a trio.

Either way, we don't
need your rope.

But we do need to get to a
certain bistro before they close.

Alright, look, tell you
what, just think about it.

You know where to
find us if you want.

Keep 'em, for the
angry thoughts.

You're not really considering
that shit, are you?

Why?

Because they're a cult.

Or was that not clear from the

prolonged eye contact
and creepy-ass manifesto?

Is he still complaining?

I thought they had some
really good points.

W-W-What do you mean, points?

No, they're trying to say
they can get rid of killing,

like it's a venereal disease.

Now, look, I know
you hate your job,

but you can't blindly latch
on to the first person

who says they'll solve
your problems for you.

No, that's how
crypto schemes work.

And most marriages.

No, no, the only way
your life gets better

is if you fix it yourself, okay?

And I'm about to show
you that right now.

Yeah, Monkey,

I'm going to go home and
dig into the Aldermen,

see how they connect to Tokyo.

You got this?

Yeah.

Alright. There she is.

Oh, no. We are not
doing this today.

I just got triple sat, and
we're short on runners.

So if you're here for another
slides how, I'm gonna pass.

- Y-yeah, no, I understand...
- And even if today weren't shit,

I'd still pass, because
your friend Bryce

is no-good Tempe trash.

Hey, don't put Tempe on blast.

Iris, table 13 needs bread.

I said I'd get it, man!

I don't know what he
told you, but what I know

is that he was never there.

- Not to teach me to ride a bike.
- No, no, no, I...

Not to take me to the
father-daughter dance.

Not to hold my hand and tell
me everything would be okay

while my mom was dying,
hooked up to a chemo drip.

Oh, come on.

- Iris!
- Give me a fuckin' second, man.

And now he sends some monkey
in a suit to reach out.

No, I am better off without him.

My mom was better
off without him.

So you can go and
tell your friend...

What the...

Oh, God, I'm sorry.
I saw my dead...

That's it, Iris. You're fired.

What? You're firing me?

Gone! Afuera!

Hey, Monkey. I had
my Interpol contacts

run a search on the Aldermen...

Oh, I'm guessing
it didn't go great.

- Well, listen, I...
- Oh, look who's finally home.

Oh, yeah. Eunice is still
here, and she's so happy.

Supercop here said that you met
with some assassins co-op today.

You know you got a non
compete clause with me, right?

Polyamory ain't for us. You
got to pick, them or me.

Oh, here we go with
the guilt tripping.

Monkey, listen, you
don't owe her anything.

- You...
- Excuse me? Uh, he owes me work.

That's the entire premise
of our relationship.

Relationship?

He works. I pay him money.

That's how jobs work.

I don't know how you get paid.
You know what I'm sayin'?

You probably skim
some off the top of...

But let me explain somethin'
how it work over here...

This is the best
you could do, huh?

Sure. Go back to Earth,
force project, fight giants.

But talk to your daughter?
No, no, no, I'm sorry.

That's a little
too tough for me.

This...

Ah.

...what I know is that
he was never there.

Not to teach me to ride a bike.

Not to take me to the
father-daughter dance.

Not to hold my hand and tell me

everything would be okay
while my mom was dying...

Boo.

I told you, it's too
late to fix the past.

And now here you are
reeking of regret.

I love it.

You take issue with our deal?

No, I take issue with
not being recognized.

I'm up here doing good
work for you, man.

And I'm still stuck with these
Casper the friendly fuckhead powers.

Anything can be altered, Bryce,
if you're willing to pay.

Great. I want you to
make Iris understand

why I had to leave, and
make her forgive me.

Oh, well, I'm not
a ventriloquist.

I can't control people.

Only nudge them. Encourage.

Fine. I want a body and a
voice. Uh, my body and voice.

And I know every inch of
me, so don't get cheap.

Done.

Ah! Ooh...

Forty-eight hours
of physical form.

Turn it on or off
as you see fit.

Oh, so it's like TiVo.

It's not like TiVo.

I mean, if you say so.

And when it's up?

You come home with me.

What's this all
going to cost me?

Nothing, for now, but
I'll come calling soon.

And rest assured,
Bryce, what I want,

you won't like giving up.

- You are exploiting him.
- What?

He's got premium cable.

Ooh. Oh, shit.

Huh?

Hey, there. Anybody
else need a drink?

♪ Out of the races
and onto the track ♪

Hey, Monkey!

I'm off leash, baby. Whoo!

We now turn to a
developing story.

A giant ogre with a club

tore through Dumbo this morning,

clutching what appeared to
be a feudal Japanese samurai,

destroying buildings,
injuring...