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1
00:00:00,130 --> 00:00:01,060
* Men. *
2
00:00:01,130 --> 00:00:04,030
And how are you
this morning, Danny?
3
00:00:04,100 --> 00:00:08,000
Well, I didn't sleep
very well last night, Alan.
4
00:00:08,060 --> 00:00:11,130
I had nightmares.
5
00:00:12,460 --> 00:00:17,560
Nightmares. Nightmares.
6
00:00:19,130 --> 00:00:24,000
I dreamed I ate
a five-pound marshmallow.
7
00:00:24,060 --> 00:00:26,160
A five-pound
marshmallow?
8
00:00:26,230 --> 00:00:31,230
Yeah, and when I woke up,
my pillow was gone.
9
00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:35,430
Pillow was gone.
10
00:00:35,500 --> 00:00:37,730
Pillow. T-Tillow.
11
00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,860
Pil... tillow. Pftil...
12
00:00:39,930 --> 00:00:40,860
Alan?
13
00:00:40,930 --> 00:00:42,360
Yeah?
14
00:00:42,430 --> 00:00:44,430
You're starting to scare
the crap out of me.
15
00:00:45,630 --> 00:00:46,560
Oh, oh, this?
16
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,000
This is, uh,
just a new hobby.
17
00:00:48,060 --> 00:00:50,900
Charlie, say hello
to Danny O'Day.
18
00:00:50,960 --> 00:00:52,330
Howdy-do, Charlie.
19
00:00:53,660 --> 00:00:56,430
That's not a hobby.
That's a cry for help.
20
00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,400
Oh, come on, Charlie,
play along.
21
00:00:58,460 --> 00:01:01,500
So, Charlie, how did you
sleep last night?
22
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,300
With a woman, Alan.
23
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,460
Something you need to do
before this gets out of hand.
24
00:01:10,530 --> 00:01:12,260
Wow.
25
00:01:13,530 --> 00:01:15,800
He's got a stick
where I've got your hand.
26
00:01:18,160 --> 00:01:20,600
Did you ask him
if he wants to go
to the movies with us?
27
00:01:20,660 --> 00:01:22,700
No.
Why not?
28
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,200
Because he's a ticking time bomb
and we don't want to be
29
00:01:25,260 --> 00:01:27,130
in the car with him
when he goes off.
30
00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:31,200
Come on,
he's breaking my heart.
31
00:01:31,260 --> 00:01:33,530
Staying home all alone
on a Friday night.
32
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:34,660
Don't worry.
33
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:36,530
You know how they say
you can be alone
34
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:38,360
but not lonely?
Yeah.
35
00:01:38,430 --> 00:01:40,900
Well, Alan's kind
of the opposite.
36
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:44,200
He's always lonely
but he's never alone.
37
00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,230
He's going through a tough time.
38
00:01:46,300 --> 00:01:47,760
Your brother should
be surrounded
39
00:01:47,830 --> 00:01:49,000
by friends and family.
40
00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:51,760
My brother should be surrounded
by a SWAT team.
41
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,230
Please? For me?
42
00:01:56,300 --> 00:01:59,860
Chelsea, we agreed that you only
get one of those a month.
43
00:01:59,930 --> 00:02:02,360
Are you sure you want
to waste it on Alan?
44
00:02:05,460 --> 00:02:07,300
Thanks for letting me
tag along with you.
45
00:02:08,360 --> 00:02:10,400
This is really sweet.
46
00:02:10,460 --> 00:02:12,060
We're thrilled
you could join us.
47
00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:13,230
Right, Charlie?
48
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:16,060
Yippee skippy.
49
00:02:16,130 --> 00:02:17,900
So have we picked a movie yet?
50
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:19,460
Nope. Would you
like to see
51
00:02:19,530 --> 00:02:21,560
La Poubelle et le Fromage
at the Nuart?
52
00:02:21,630 --> 00:02:23,630
Would I?
53
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,600
Who you calling
"wood eye"?
54
00:02:30,660 --> 00:02:32,160
Big ears.
55
00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:36,060
Now, Danny,
watch your mouth.
56
00:02:36,130 --> 00:02:38,860
Why? Yours is the one
that's moving.
57
00:02:38,930 --> 00:02:40,930
(Chelsea and Alan laugh)
58
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,000
Yippee skippy.
59
00:02:47,060 --> 00:02:49,960
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
60
00:02:50,030 --> 00:02:53,330
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men, men, men *
* Ooh
61
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:56,260
* Men, men, men, men,
manly men *
* Ooh
* Ooh
62
00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:58,400
* Ooh-ooh-ooh,
ooh-ohh, ooh-ooh... *
63
00:02:58,500 --> 00:03:01,000
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
64
00:03:01,060 --> 00:03:04,100
* Ooh
* Men, men, men, men, manly men,
men, men *
65
00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:08,730
* Ah.
* Men.
* Men.
66
00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:19,360
(woman and man speaking French
on movie screen)
67
00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:23,400
If she goes back to him
after what he's done,
68
00:03:23,460 --> 00:03:26,000
I will never
forgive her.
69
00:03:26,060 --> 00:03:27,960
She loves him.
70
00:03:28,030 --> 00:03:29,400
What choice
does she have?
71
00:03:29,460 --> 00:03:31,960
Oh, she can return
to her husband,
the cheese maker.
72
00:03:36,230 --> 00:03:38,630
Listen, I'm going
to hit the head.
73
00:03:38,700 --> 00:03:41,230
Let me know if any
kind of a plot
ever kicks in.
74
00:03:46,530 --> 00:03:48,100
He's not coming
back, is he?
75
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,400
They sell beer
in the lobby?
Yes.
76
00:03:50,460 --> 00:03:52,830
No.
77
00:04:06,530 --> 00:04:08,860
(mimics rooster call)
78
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,730
You're up early
for a Saturday morning.
79
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,500
Hence the cock-a-doodle-doo.
80
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,030
(knocking)
ALAN:
Chelsea, it's 7:30.
81
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,600
We got to get
a move on.
82
00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:26,360
Oh, God, that's right.
I forgot.
83
00:04:26,430 --> 00:04:28,000
Give me a few minutes
to get dressed.
84
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:29,700
No problem.
I'll wait for
you downstairs.
85
00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:31,060
What's going on?
86
00:04:31,130 --> 00:04:33,360
Your brother and I are going
to the farmers market.
87
00:04:40,300 --> 00:04:41,800
Since when?
88
00:04:41,860 --> 00:04:43,800
We made plans
last night.
89
00:04:43,860 --> 00:04:45,530
Last night when?
90
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,730
In the movie theater,
91
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,660
while you were sitting
in the lobby drinking.
92
00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:50,730
Well, I wasn't going to go
sit in the car
93
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,800
with that scary dummy.
94
00:04:54,060 --> 00:04:57,100
I like mustard,
95
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,460
and pickles,
96
00:04:59,530 --> 00:05:00,760
and ketchup,
97
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:03,860
and mayonnaise.
98
00:05:05,230 --> 00:05:06,560
Mayonnaise.
99
00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:09,900
Mayonnaise.
100
00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:11,330
You and me need to talk.
101
00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:14,330
Howdy-do, Charlie.
102
00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,960
Get that ugly thing
out of my face.
103
00:05:17,030 --> 00:05:19,030
That's what she said.
104
00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:25,760
Oh, Danny.
105
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:27,860
Danny, you're horrible.
106
00:05:27,930 --> 00:05:30,160
My hand to God, Alan,
107
00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,760
I will wrap
that dummy with meat
108
00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:33,500
and throw him in the ocean.
109
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,560
Don't forget
the mayonnaise.
110
00:05:41,030 --> 00:05:42,160
Ow!
111
00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:45,460
I'm okay.
112
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:50,860
Why are you taking Chelsea
to that farmers thing?
113
00:05:50,930 --> 00:05:51,930
Is there a problem?
114
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,160
Yeah, there's a problem!
115
00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:54,560
You're ruining my Saturday.
116
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:56,430
I'm sorry.
Did you have plans for the day?
117
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,000
Damn right I had plans.
118
00:05:58,060 --> 00:05:59,960
First, I was going
to have sex with Chelsea.
119
00:06:00,030 --> 00:06:01,600
And then...
120
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,030
Well, then I was going
to go back to sleep.
121
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:06,400
Well, you can still
go back to sleep.
122
00:06:06,460 --> 00:06:08,860
Yeah, but without sex,
it's a restless sleep.
123
00:06:08,930 --> 00:06:11,000
Fine, fine,
I'll just go by myself.
124
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:13,000
No, no,
if you go without her now,
125
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:15,760
then I'm the bad guy.
So what do you want me to do?
126
00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:18,230
In the future,
I want you to try to be
127
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:21,430
more sensitive and considerate
to other people's needs.
128
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,860
Okay.
129
00:06:22,930 --> 00:06:24,560
Thank you.
130
00:06:24,630 --> 00:06:26,630
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to join Chelsea
131
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:28,400
in the shower and try
to knock out a quick one.
132
00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:33,730
Oh, Danny...
133
00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:39,360
Sometimes he can
be such a pig.
134
00:06:39,430 --> 00:06:42,060
Well, you know what
happens to pigs.
135
00:06:43,430 --> 00:06:44,930
They get slaught...
136
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,260
Danny, don't say it.
137
00:06:47,330 --> 00:06:48,600
Don't even think it.
138
00:06:50,260 --> 00:06:53,100
...ered.
139
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,260
* Men. *
140
00:06:59,330 --> 00:07:01,330
(sportscast playing on TV)
141
00:07:19,130 --> 00:07:21,260
What are you looking at?
142
00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:22,530
Nothin'.
143
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,530
Oh, hey! Hey.
144
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,800
What are you doing here?
145
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:34,160
I thought you were
spending the weekend
146
00:07:34,230 --> 00:07:35,200
with your mom and Herb.
147
00:07:35,260 --> 00:07:36,830
Yeah, I was supposed to,
but Mom's got
148
00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:38,600
all those pregnancy
hormones going.
149
00:07:38,660 --> 00:07:40,100
What did you do?
150
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:43,460
One little fat joke.
151
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:45,330
Took it badly, eh?
152
00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:47,200
Well, here I am.
153
00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:50,200
Where's Dad?
154
00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:51,560
He went out
with Chelsea.
155
00:07:51,630 --> 00:07:53,330
You mean like a date?
156
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,500
No, no, not a date.
157
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,260
Good, 'cause
that'd be weird.
158
00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,730
Yeah.
159
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,060
I saw something like that
on Jerry Springer once.
160
00:08:03,530 --> 00:08:06,360
Two brothers, one girl--
it got ugly.
161
00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:09,030
I'm sure it did.
162
00:08:11,030 --> 00:08:12,800
So what's Dad's dummy
doing here?
163
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,400
He pissed off his mother.
164
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,600
Oh.
165
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:23,530
Hey, I did that, too.
166
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:28,230
* Men. *
167
00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,800
Okay, please take this
kettle corn away from me.
168
00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:35,760
I can feel it going
right to my behind.
169
00:08:37,430 --> 00:08:39,500
Oh, stop it.
170
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,560
I wish my tush
was as small as yours.
171
00:08:41,630 --> 00:08:44,500
Okay, first of all,
you have a perfect heinie.
172
00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:46,260
And secondly, if you're
worried about firmness,
173
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:48,430
the secret is
isometric glute crunches.
174
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,760
Really?
Yeah, you can do
them anywhere, anytime.
175
00:08:50,830 --> 00:08:52,060
I'm doing them
right now. See?
176
00:08:53,430 --> 00:08:56,030
Mailbox open, mailbox closed.
177
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:57,630
Mailbox open,
178
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:58,860
mailbox closed.
179
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:01,560
Come on, try it with me.
180
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,200
BOTH:
Mailbox open, mailbox closed.
181
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:06,600
Mailbox open,
182
00:09:06,660 --> 00:09:08,700
mailbox closed.
183
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,060
Mailbox open, mailbox...
184
00:09:12,460 --> 00:09:15,200
You know, just once
I'd like to walk in this room
185
00:09:15,260 --> 00:09:17,230
and not be freaked out.
186
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:21,930
Alan was just showing
me his butt exercises.
187
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,400
Have him show you the one where
he sticks his head up there.
188
00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,730
That's my favorite.
189
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,130
Stop it.
190
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,760
Now, go away,
we're making dinner.
191
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:33,800
It's kind of like a Kegel
exercise, isn't it?
Exactly.
192
00:09:33,860 --> 00:09:35,400
Except with the tush,
not the hoo-ha.
193
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:50,530
What up, homes?
194
00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:53,160
What are you doing?
195
00:09:53,230 --> 00:09:55,730
Enjoying the sunset,
waiting on dinner.
196
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:57,060
You're staying for dinner?
197
00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,230
I wasn't gonna,
198
00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:02,860
but your lovely fianc?
and her new gal pal insisted.
199
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:07,100
Yeah, I've got to put
a stop to that.
200
00:10:08,260 --> 00:10:09,760
What are you, nuts?
201
00:10:09,830 --> 00:10:11,700
This is the perfect
setup for you.
202
00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:13,100
How do you figure?
203
00:10:13,160 --> 00:10:14,800
Do you like
to go shopping?
204
00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:16,760
No.
Zippy does.
205
00:10:18,130 --> 00:10:19,700
Do you like to watch
chick flicks?
206
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:20,800
No.
207
00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:22,730
Zippy does.
208
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,130
Do you like
to talk for hours
about your feelings?
209
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,130
No.
210
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,000
Zippy do.
211
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,130
Oh, right.
212
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,030
He digs the trench,
you lay the pipe.
213
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:37,260
How could I not see this?
214
00:10:37,330 --> 00:10:40,630
Alan's not the competition.
He's her gay friend.
215
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,700
There you go.
Your life is perfect.
216
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,300
It is, isn't it?
217
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:47,100
Yeah. Now, be an
angel and get me
another beer.
218
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:49,030
Absolutely.
219
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,030
(door opens)
220
00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:52,760
(door closes)
221
00:10:52,830 --> 00:10:54,830
Jiminy, I'm drunk.
222
00:10:57,430 --> 00:10:59,460
* Men. *
223
00:10:59,530 --> 00:11:01,200
(TV playing)
224
00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,400
Oh, I hate
to do this to you.
225
00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:06,330
Uh, but using the existing "S"
in the top row,
226
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,200
with R-E before it
227
00:11:08,260 --> 00:11:12,560
and I-Z-I-N-G after it,
228
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,700
hitting two triple word scores,
229
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,130
and it's a bingo.
230
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,800
"Resizing."
231
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:21,400
120 points.
232
00:11:21,460 --> 00:11:22,930
Oh, my God.
233
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,330
You play for
blood, don't you?
234
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:25,630
Let me tell you something,
Chelsea.
235
00:11:25,700 --> 00:11:26,830
When it comes to Scrabble,
236
00:11:26,900 --> 00:11:29,700
nice guys finish
with a rack full of tiles.
237
00:11:30,730 --> 00:11:31,800
(turns off TV)
238
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,360
(yawns)
239
00:11:34,430 --> 00:11:36,660
CHELSEA:
What do you mean
it's not a word?
240
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:39,030
ALAN:
I mean it's not a
word. Try again.
241
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:40,460
Hmm.
242
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:41,900
Charlie horny.
243
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:44,930
Another glass of wine?
244
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,200
I would love one.
245
00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:53,230
(giggles) Now?
246
00:11:53,300 --> 00:11:55,460
But Alan and I are
playing Scrabble.
247
00:11:55,530 --> 00:11:56,860
(chuckling):
Well, I'm playing Scrabble.
248
00:11:56,930 --> 00:11:59,260
I don't know whatshe'sdoing.
249
00:12:00,630 --> 00:12:02,900
I'm improving,
is what I'm doing.
250
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,900
I want a rematch.
251
00:12:06,060 --> 00:12:07,830
Good night, Alan.
252
00:12:08,830 --> 00:12:10,760
But I just poured wine.
253
00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,230
Oh, thanks.
254
00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,660
And thanks for being such
a good friend to Chelsea.
255
00:12:14,730 --> 00:12:15,930
You don't have
to thank me.
256
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,260
I like her, and we've got
a lot in common.
257
00:12:18,330 --> 00:12:19,300
Yeah, whatever--
just keep it up,
258
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:20,600
and I'll try
to do the same.
259
00:12:26,460 --> 00:12:29,530
Kind of ruined the night.
260
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:36,330
He's using you.
261
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:37,560
(chuckling)
262
00:12:37,630 --> 00:12:40,330
I know, but what
am I going to do?
263
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,600
You could... kill him.
264
00:12:46,430 --> 00:12:48,930
Now, Danny,
I-I could never do that.
265
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,730
Don't worry, Alan.
266
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,860
I can do it for you.
267
00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:06,460
Morning.
Morning.
268
00:13:06,530 --> 00:13:08,100
Hope you're hungry--
I made pancakes.
269
00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:09,760
Oh, I'm starving.
Can I help?
270
00:13:09,830 --> 00:13:11,500
Uh, sure, slice
up some bananas
271
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:12,600
and warm up the syrup.
272
00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:13,600
I'm on it.
273
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:14,600
Sleep well?
274
00:13:14,660 --> 00:13:16,000
Yeah.
275
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:18,400
I mean, when your brother
finally let me go to sleep.
276
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:20,700
(forced chuckling)
277
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,460
Can I tell you a little secret?
278
00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:25,160
Sure.
279
00:13:25,230 --> 00:13:26,860
He's the best lover
I've ever had.
280
00:13:26,930 --> 00:13:28,630
Oh, isn't that nice.
281
00:13:29,730 --> 00:13:30,930
Yeah, it's great,
282
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,660
but sometimes he doesn't know
when to quit.
283
00:13:32,730 --> 00:13:35,360
Have you tried pepper spray?
284
00:13:35,430 --> 00:13:36,660
No.
285
00:13:36,730 --> 00:13:38,530
But every once in a while,
I actually have
286
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,000
to give him a little smack
on the top of his head.
287
00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:42,700
Yeah, I have the same problem
with Jake
288
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:44,360
when he eats spaghetti.
289
00:13:44,430 --> 00:13:46,430
I mean, obviously not
the same problem.
290
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,260
Jake's head is
usually over here.
291
00:13:49,330 --> 00:13:50,730
Don't get me wrong.
292
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:53,130
I'm not complaining,
but it can be exhausting.
293
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,360
I can imagine.
294
00:13:54,430 --> 00:13:56,300
Have you given Charlie
enough attaboys?
295
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:57,660
Attaboys?
296
00:13:57,730 --> 00:13:58,860
You know,
like when you're training a dog.
297
00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:00,330
If you don't give them
a lot of hugs
298
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,430
and a treat every now and then,
they're gonna chew up your rug.
299
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,930
I mean, not your rug.
300
00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:08,330
Hey, how are those
bananas coming?
301
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,330
Morning.
302
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,630
Morning.
How'd you sleep?
303
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:13,930
Good.
304
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,400
When you finally let me.
Hush.
305
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,230
Alan's making pancakes.
306
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,360
Can I pour you
some coffee?
307
00:14:20,430 --> 00:14:21,560
I would love that.
308
00:14:21,630 --> 00:14:25,400
Good morning,
Mrs. Butterworth.
309
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:27,360
(forced chuckling)
310
00:14:27,430 --> 00:14:29,500
Ooh.
311
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:31,130
Lakers-Spurs today.
312
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:33,360
Charlie, you promised we'd go
to the Van Gogh exhibit.
313
00:14:33,430 --> 00:14:34,560
I did?
314
00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:35,630
Yes.
315
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:37,130
Wow, I don't remember that.
316
00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,000
You got to quit hitting me
on the head so much.
317
00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:42,930
Yeah, I have heard that exhibit
is supposed to be terrific.
318
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,500
I've been dying
to see it.
319
00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:45,700
Really?
320
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,260
Then why don't we all go?
321
00:14:47,330 --> 00:14:49,560
I can't. I promised Jake
we'd do something.
322
00:14:49,630 --> 00:14:51,230
Bring him along.
323
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:54,500
What 14-year-old boy
doesn't love a fine art museum?
324
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:56,100
I think
that's a great idea, Alan.
325
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,430
You and Jake come with us.
326
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,160
Well, if you don't think
we'd be intruding.
327
00:14:59,230 --> 00:15:00,660
No. No, not at all.
328
00:15:00,730 --> 00:15:02,530
Okay, great.
329
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,860
Well, save me some pancakes.
330
00:15:03,930 --> 00:15:06,300
I'm going to jump
in the shower and get ready.
331
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:09,300
Hurry! I want to get to the
museum before it's too crowded.
332
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:11,230
All right,
here's the deal.
333
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:14,360
You're gonna have to go
to the museum without me.
334
00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:15,530
Why?
335
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:16,860
I am about
336
00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:19,060
to get an acute case
of intestinal distress.
337
00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:20,730
What?
You know...
338
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,430
the flapjack two-step.
339
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,900
But there's nothing wrong
with my pancakes.
340
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:26,460
No, they're delightful.
341
00:15:26,530 --> 00:15:28,430
But the Lakers are playing
the Spurs,
342
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,060
and I'm not gonna miss it.
343
00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:32,830
So what? So you're just gonna
use me to entertain your fianc?
344
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,930
while you stay home
and watch a basketball game?
345
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,730
Good. We're on the same page.
346
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,260
Hey, did you ever stop to think
347
00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:40,000
that maybe
I've got plans of my own?
348
00:15:40,060 --> 00:15:41,230
That I've got a life?
349
00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:43,160
That I'm not always
at your beck and call?
350
00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:45,500
No.
351
00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:50,160
* Men. *
352
00:15:50,230 --> 00:15:53,230
(sportscast playing)
353
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,400
You know, Berta, I thought
354
00:15:57,460 --> 00:15:59,760
when Alan moved in here
I was being punished.
355
00:15:59,830 --> 00:16:02,430
You and me both.
356
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,930
But come to find out,
it was a blessing.
357
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:07,760
With him in my life,
I think
358
00:16:07,830 --> 00:16:10,260
I can actually make my
relationship with Chelsea work.
359
00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:13,230
So you're really gonna go
through with this marriage?
360
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,930
Absolutely. I'm ready
for the whole shebang.
361
00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:17,600
Kids, too?
362
00:16:17,660 --> 00:16:20,430
Well, it's certainly
in the cards.
363
00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,300
Of course, I'd have
to talk it over
364
00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,400
with Chelsea
and Alan first.
365
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,960
Wow, marriage and kids.
366
00:16:28,030 --> 00:16:29,560
I can't believe
what I'm hearing.
367
00:16:29,630 --> 00:16:31,260
What can I say, Berta?
368
00:16:31,330 --> 00:16:33,960
He c me.
369
00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:37,160
(chuckles)
370
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,430
* Men. *
371
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:42,830
(cell phone chimes)
372
00:16:42,900 --> 00:16:45,260
One second.
373
00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:46,460
(laughs)
374
00:16:46,530 --> 00:16:47,700
He's hilarious.
375
00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:48,960
Who?
376
00:16:49,030 --> 00:16:50,530
Your brother.
377
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:51,830
L-O-L.
378
00:16:58,300 --> 00:16:59,730
(cell phone chimes)
379
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,630
Let me just tell him
we'll talk tomorrow.
380
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,030
(laughing)
381
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,360
He is out of control.
382
00:17:06,430 --> 00:17:07,560
What now?
383
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,230
Hang on.
384
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:13,330
"Don't let him
chew up the rug."
385
00:17:15,060 --> 00:17:16,530
What does that mean?
386
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:17,560
Nothing.
387
00:17:17,630 --> 00:17:21,130
Why would I
chew up a rug?
388
00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,360
Not a rug, my...
never mind.
389
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:29,260
Okay, where were we?
390
00:17:29,330 --> 00:17:31,660
We were just about...
391
00:17:31,730 --> 00:17:34,030
(cell phone chimes)
392
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:36,130
I'm sure he just wants
to say "good night."
393
00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:38,860
(cell phone chimes)
394
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,460
(cell phone chimes)
395
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,700
(cell phone chimes)
396
00:17:46,930 --> 00:17:48,930
I'm sorry. Let me just
make sure he's okay.
397
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,960
Is he okay?
398
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,700
Yeah.
399
00:17:57,760 --> 00:17:59,560
Good, good.
400
00:17:59,630 --> 00:18:01,560
Hey, I'm thirsty.
Are you thirsty?
401
00:18:01,630 --> 00:18:03,430
No.
Be right back.
402
00:18:03,500 --> 00:18:04,530
Hurry.
403
00:18:04,600 --> 00:18:05,800
Don't worry.
404
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:07,530
This won't take but a minute.
405
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,430
Oh, Charlie...
406
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,660
Your penis is no match
for my technology.
407
00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:20,430
Okay.
408
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,900
I know what you're doing,
now quit it.
409
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:23,030
What I'm doing?
410
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,130
Whatever do you mean?
411
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:26,200
You're text-blocking me.
412
00:18:26,260 --> 00:18:28,500
Hey, I can't help it
413
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:30,400
if Chelsea finds me
witty and urbane.
414
00:18:30,460 --> 00:18:34,100
Keep it up and she's going
to find you bloody and homeless.
415
00:18:35,460 --> 00:18:36,800
You don't scare me, Charlie.
416
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:39,130
You need me to keep
Chelsea off your back.
417
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,230
That may be true,
but I don't need
418
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,960
him!
419
00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:45,260
Wait, just let
him go, Charlie.
420
00:18:46,530 --> 00:18:47,900
This is just between you and me.
421
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,260
Not anymore.
422
00:18:49,330 --> 00:18:50,760
Don't you dare hurt him!
423
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:54,230
Well, now,
that's entirely up to you.
424
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,530
His tiny, wooden head
is in your hands.
425
00:19:01,130 --> 00:19:03,130
Charlie?
426
00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,900
ALAN:
Danny!
(thudding)
427
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:08,700
ALAN: Just let him go!
CHARLIE: No!
428
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:10,130
Charlie?
429
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,260
(both grunting)
430
00:19:12,330 --> 00:19:13,830
What the hell are you doing?
431
00:19:16,330 --> 00:19:17,760
Nothing.
432
00:19:17,830 --> 00:19:19,160
Nothing.
433
00:19:19,230 --> 00:19:22,230
Nothing.
434
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:27,130
CHELSEA:
You should be ashamed
of yourself!
435
00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,100
That's no way for
a grown man to behave!
436
00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:30,430
CHARLIE:
He started it!
437
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:32,130
CHELSEA: I don't care
who started it!
438
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:33,360
You're the older brother.
439
00:19:33,430 --> 00:19:35,360
You set the example.
Really?
440
00:19:35,430 --> 00:19:37,260
Then maybe I
should move out...
441
00:19:37,330 --> 00:19:39,760
Boy, they're really
going at it.
442
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:43,430
Yeah. I'm glad
we never fight.
443
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,160
Me, too, Danny.
444
00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:50,000
'Cause you don't ever
want to make me angry.
445
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,200
I-I-I know, Danny.
446
00:19:54,260 --> 00:19:55,900
Seriously.
447
00:19:55,960 --> 00:20:00,900
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