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1
00:00:01,419 --> 00:00:02,628
(SHOWER RUNNING)
2
00:00:02,795 --> 00:00:04,296
Leonard, are you in the shower?
3
00:00:04,547 --> 00:00:07,675
LEONARD:
I can't hear you. I'm in the shower.
4
00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:11,637
I asked if you were in the shower,
but that's moot now.
5
00:00:11,804 --> 00:00:12,972
LEONARD:
What?
6
00:00:13,139 --> 00:00:17,643
Moot.
Rendered unimportant by recent events.
7
00:00:17,810 --> 00:00:20,187
LEONARD:
I can't hear you. I'm in the shower.
8
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,148
I have to skip the chitchat.
9
00:00:22,314 --> 00:00:23,524
Emergency.
10
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,402
LEONARD: What kind of emergency?
- Mathematical.
11
00:00:26,569 --> 00:00:29,864
Thirty-two-ounce banana smoothie,
16 ounce bladder.
12
00:00:30,990 --> 00:00:32,408
You might not wanna do that.
13
00:00:32,575 --> 00:00:34,076
No, I assure you I do.
14
00:00:34,994 --> 00:00:36,704
Sheldon, I'm not alone in here.
15
00:00:36,871 --> 00:00:38,539
What?
16
00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,542
Hello, Sheldon.
17
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,378
What are you doing in there?
She can't be in here.
18
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:45,713
We were in here first.
19
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:48,591
- You can't be here.
- According to the roommate agreement...
20
00:00:48,758 --> 00:00:51,886
...paragraph nine, subsection B:
The right to bathroom privacy...
21
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,346
...is suspended
in the event of force majeure.
22
00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:58,726
And believe me,
I'm experiencing a very majeure force.
23
00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:01,562
Oh, come on,
you can't wait two minutes?
24
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:04,023
Leonard, let the man pee.
25
00:01:09,612 --> 00:01:13,282
Penny. Penny. Penny.
26
00:01:14,033 --> 00:01:17,369
- What?
- Move, move, move.
27
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,438
You dance with me.
28
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:47,775
Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,
you are officially charged...
29
00:01:47,942 --> 00:01:51,529
...with two violations
of the roommate agreement.
30
00:01:51,695 --> 00:01:54,323
- Do you waive reading of the charges?
- Yeah, fine.
31
00:01:54,490 --> 00:01:58,327
Hang on, no. My client does not waive
reading of the charges.
32
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,329
LEONARD:
Oh.
33
00:02:00,496 --> 00:02:02,414
Cool, I've got a lawyer.
34
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:07,002
And I've seen her naked. Heh, heh.
35
00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,922
Proceed.
36
00:02:10,256 --> 00:02:12,049
Very well. Ahem.
37
00:02:12,216 --> 00:02:15,845
Count the first:
On or about the 28th day of April...
38
00:02:16,011 --> 00:02:18,931
...the accused did knowingly
and with malice aforethought...
39
00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:22,434
...deny access to the shared bathroom
in a time of emergency...
40
00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:25,396
...to wit, my back teeth were floating.
41
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:28,816
Count the second:
The accused exceeded...
42
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,026
...the agreed upon occupancy
of the shower.
43
00:02:31,193 --> 00:02:32,278
To wit, one.
44
00:02:32,444 --> 00:02:35,281
Unless we are under attack
by water-soluble aliens.
45
00:02:38,075 --> 00:02:39,994
Can I see the roommate agreement?
46
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:43,080
Um, it's fairly technical.
47
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:44,874
I think I can handle it.
48
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,836
Top of her class.
Cambridge University.
49
00:02:49,003 --> 00:02:52,798
Licensed to practice law
in three countries and your face.
50
00:02:58,429 --> 00:03:01,932
All right. Based on a cursory reading,
it doesn't look like...
51
00:03:02,099 --> 00:03:06,228
- ...you have much of a case, Sheldon.
- Do so, do so.
52
00:03:07,146 --> 00:03:08,355
Oh, I'm afraid not.
53
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:09,732
Section seven here...
54
00:03:09,899 --> 00:03:12,484
...on the right to enter
in emergency situations...
55
00:03:12,651 --> 00:03:15,404
...is not specific
as to what constitutes an emergency.
56
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:16,864
No, that's ridiculous.
57
00:03:17,031 --> 00:03:19,116
A bathroom emergency
is self-explanatory.
58
00:03:19,658 --> 00:03:22,036
Is it?
If Leonard forgot to trim his nose hair...
59
00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:24,580
...could he barge in
while you were showering?
60
00:03:24,747 --> 00:03:27,207
Irrelevant.
Leonard doesn't trim his nose hair.
61
00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:30,502
He thinks because he's short,
nobody can see up there.
62
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:36,258
Point is, Sheldon, the legal principle...
63
00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,845
...is ambiguity in a contract
benefits the party that did not draft it.
64
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:42,723
In this case, Leonard.
So much for count one.
65
00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,726
- But...
- No buts. That's how the law works.
66
00:03:46,143 --> 00:03:47,269
Schooled.
67
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:55,611
As for the shower capacity issue,
I cite addendum J.
68
00:03:55,778 --> 00:03:58,948
"When Sheldon showers second,
all measures shall be taken...
69
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,325
...to ensure an adequate supply
of hot water."
70
00:04:01,492 --> 00:04:04,244
I believe
this supersedes the occupancy issue.
71
00:04:04,411 --> 00:04:06,622
Superseded.
72
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,753
This isn't over.
73
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:18,425
No offense, but shower sex with you...
74
00:04:18,592 --> 00:04:21,679
...is now the second best thing
that's happened today.
75
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,684
Hmm. Greek food on pizza night.
76
00:04:26,850 --> 00:04:30,771
This is the most cruel thing we've done to
Sheldon since we left that fake message...
77
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:33,148
...from Stephen Hawking
on his voicemail.
78
00:04:33,315 --> 00:04:34,358
(ALL LAUGH)
79
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:35,776
Seriously?
80
00:04:35,943 --> 00:04:37,778
(AS HAWKING)
I wish to discuss your theories...
81
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,072
- ...on black holes.
- Ha-ha-ha.
82
00:04:40,823 --> 00:04:44,910
Meet me at the Randy's Donut
by the airport at 2 a.m.
83
00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:50,582
What is that you're eating?
84
00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:52,084
Tonight is pizza night.
85
00:04:52,251 --> 00:04:55,212
I'd like to refer that to my attorney.
86
00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:00,426
According to what I see here, Thursday
nights are Franconi's Pizza night.
87
00:05:00,592 --> 00:05:03,095
Yes. And when Franconi's
went out of business...
88
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:05,014
...we switched to Graziano's.
89
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:09,518
That's interesting. Can you just
switch restaurants like that, Priya?
90
00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,231
Good question, Howard.
91
00:05:14,398 --> 00:05:15,816
Turns out you can't.
92
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:20,195
According to the document you drew up,
the selection of a new takeout restaurant...
93
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,824
...requires public hearings
and a 60-day comment period.
94
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,409
Were those criteria met?
95
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:34,043
No.
96
00:05:34,918 --> 00:05:36,879
(ALL SHOUT IN GREEK)
97
00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:40,883
Well, this is Greek food.
98
00:05:41,050 --> 00:05:42,676
Leonard, you hate Greek food.
99
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,054
Not as much as you.
100
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:50,642
Fine.
101
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,895
I'm nothing if not adaptable.
102
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:57,316
I got you the lamb kabob.
103
00:05:57,483 --> 00:05:59,359
- Thank you.
- Mm.
104
00:06:20,506 --> 00:06:24,093
If you think about it, Greek food
isn't that far from Italian food.
105
00:06:24,259 --> 00:06:27,012
They share a spice palette.
106
00:06:32,101 --> 00:06:35,896
And what a civilization is the Greeks'.
107
00:06:39,775 --> 00:06:40,818
Mm.
108
00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:44,404
They gave us science, democracy...
109
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:48,117
...and little cubes of charred meat
that taste like sweat.
110
00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:55,165
Penny. Penny. Penny.
111
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,877
- Hey, what's up?
- The mean Indian lady...
112
00:06:59,044 --> 00:07:01,213
...tried to make me eat lamb.
113
00:07:04,258 --> 00:07:08,387
Congratulations, pizza night will now be
at your apartment. Order one.
114
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,473
Sorry, I'm meeting Amy and Bernadette
for dinner.
115
00:07:11,640 --> 00:07:13,350
You're welcome to tag along.
116
00:07:13,517 --> 00:07:14,685
A girls' night?
117
00:07:14,852 --> 00:07:18,272
Oh, I don't know if I'm up for talking
about rainbows, unicorns...
118
00:07:18,438 --> 00:07:20,149
...and menstrual cramps.
119
00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:22,484
Okay, suit yourself.
120
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:25,028
We'll probably
be trashing Priya a little.
121
00:07:25,195 --> 00:07:27,239
Shotgun.
122
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:32,369
Okay, I'd like to propose a toast
to a wonderful girls' night out.
123
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,999
Fair warning, we can get crazy.
124
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:40,878
Yeah. Last week we smoked cigars
and pretended to be dragons.
125
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:43,672
Really, Amy?
126
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:48,051
Tobacco and alcohol? Need I remind you
not a lot of scientific discoveries...
127
00:07:48,218 --> 00:07:50,679
...were made
by people having a good time?
128
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:56,185
Why did you bring him?
He's harshing my buzz.
129
00:07:57,227 --> 00:08:00,355
I felt sorry for him.
Priya's giving him a hard time.
130
00:08:00,522 --> 00:08:03,734
The Priya bashing's starting early.
Yay, heh.
131
00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:08,488
Okay, what's up with those pantsuits?
132
00:08:09,281 --> 00:08:10,699
I need some context.
133
00:08:10,866 --> 00:08:12,034
Pantsuits suck.
134
00:08:12,201 --> 00:08:15,120
And that opens her up
to justifiable ridicule for wearing them.
135
00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:16,371
Good one, Bernadette.
136
00:08:18,207 --> 00:08:20,918
See? Crazy.
137
00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,173
Whee!
138
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:28,884
(LAUGHING)
139
00:08:30,219 --> 00:08:32,346
You smell like baby powder.
140
00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:34,681
It's talc.
141
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:37,351
As that's the primary ingredient
of baby powder...
142
00:08:37,517 --> 00:08:39,770
...I understand your confusion.
143
00:08:39,937 --> 00:08:42,564
Oh, I'm not confused at all.
144
00:08:43,315 --> 00:08:45,734
You're like a sexy toddler.
145
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,988
I don't know how to process that.
146
00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,659
I do.
147
00:08:53,825 --> 00:09:00,499
Amy and Sheldon sitting in a tree,
K-I-S-S-S-S-I-N-G.
148
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,585
That's too many S's for kissing.
149
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,796
Not if they're doing it for a long time.
150
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,631
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
151
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,927
Sheldon, have you ever kissed a girl?
152
00:09:12,552 --> 00:09:15,681
Other than my mother,
my sister and my meemaw, no.
153
00:09:16,098 --> 00:09:19,434
But in the interest of full disclosure,
I was once on a bus...
154
00:09:19,601 --> 00:09:22,604
...and gave mouth-to-mouth
resuscitation to an elderly nun...
155
00:09:22,771 --> 00:09:24,731
...who passed out
from heat exhaustion.
156
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:31,154
Yeah, every year I get a Christmas card
from her signed with too many X's and O's.
157
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,573
That doesn't count.
158
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,450
Aren't you even a little curious?
159
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,286
Yeah, you're a scientist.
160
00:09:37,452 --> 00:09:39,162
Where is the curiosity?
161
00:09:39,371 --> 00:09:42,457
I'm available for experimentation.
162
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,254
Thank you.
163
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:50,799
Not necessary. We know everything
there is to know about kissing.
164
00:09:50,966 --> 00:09:54,636
It requires 34 facial muscles
and 112 postural muscles.
165
00:09:54,803 --> 00:09:57,723
Oh, blah, blah, blah.
Give me some sugar, bestie.
166
00:09:57,889 --> 00:09:59,474
(LAUGHING)
167
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:06,481
I'm certainly glad no one said they were
curious about Aztec human sacrifice.
168
00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,443
Hey, I know.
Let's take Sheldon dancing.
169
00:10:09,609 --> 00:10:11,820
Oh, I totally wanna see Sheldon dance.
170
00:10:11,987 --> 00:10:14,656
I bet he looks like a spider
on a hot plate.
171
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:15,991
Ha, ha.
172
00:10:16,158 --> 00:10:19,369
No, thank you. But for the record,
I'm an excellent dancer.
173
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,997
I'm proficient in the rumba, waltz
and cha-cha.
174
00:10:22,164 --> 00:10:24,833
- Really?
- I don't see why that's surprising.
175
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:26,501
I excel at so many things.
176
00:10:26,668 --> 00:10:28,962
You've had my sourdough bread.
177
00:10:30,005 --> 00:10:31,423
Did you take dance lessons?
178
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:32,841
Against my will.
179
00:10:33,008 --> 00:10:37,471
In the South, preadolescent children
are forced through cotillion...
180
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:41,350
...which indoctrinates them with all
social graces and dance skills needed...
181
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,603
...to function in 18th century Vienna.
182
00:10:45,854 --> 00:10:48,690
Oh, we are so taking you dancing.
183
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:51,109
No, you most certainly are not.
184
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:54,529
What does your cotillion training say
is expected of a gentleman...
185
00:10:54,696 --> 00:10:57,824
...when three ladies ask him
to escort them to a dance soirée?
186
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:03,038
I saved a nun's life.
187
00:11:03,205 --> 00:11:05,540
Why am I being punished?
188
00:11:09,878 --> 00:11:11,421
- Oh.
- Oof!
189
00:11:12,589 --> 00:11:14,508
Take us someplace we can waltz.
190
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:15,717
Where you can what?
191
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,720
Waltz.
It's a social dance from Austria...
192
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,098
...choreographed
to a three-four time signature.
193
00:11:21,264 --> 00:11:24,309
(HUMMING WALTZ)
194
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:27,562
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
195
00:11:29,064 --> 00:11:30,941
(DISPATCHER SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE OVER RADIO)
196
00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,110
(HUMMING WALTZ)
197
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,656
DISPATCHER:
Ah, waltz.
198
00:11:37,823 --> 00:11:39,825
(BOTH CONTINUE SPEAKING
FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
199
00:11:42,119 --> 00:11:43,912
Here we go.
200
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:49,543
(SINGS)
I kissed a girl, and I liked it
201
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:51,378
(HUMMING)
202
00:11:51,545 --> 00:11:52,921
What happened to you?
203
00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:58,427
(SALSA MUSIC PLAYING)
204
00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,943
Shake it, baby, shake it.
205
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,987
Muy caliente, Sheldon.
206
00:12:17,154 --> 00:12:18,738
(LAUGHING)
207
00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:23,118
- Care to dance?
- Oh, sorry, I'm engaged.
208
00:12:24,286 --> 00:12:25,954
How about you?
209
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:28,373
Oh, what the hell. Ha-ha-ha.
210
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:30,417
Oh.
211
00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:51,646
How come, if we're the smart people,
we don't do this every night?
212
00:12:51,813 --> 00:12:54,274
What's 16 times 14?
213
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:57,569
My burps taste like cranberry juice.
214
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:02,240
And there's your answer.
215
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:05,118
You like to come in for a nightcap?
216
00:13:05,494 --> 00:13:08,371
If you're referring to the beverage,
you know I don't drink.
217
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,999
If to the hat you don
while wearing a nightshirt...
218
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:13,835
...and holding a candle, I have one.
219
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:16,588
I have Yoo-Hoo.
220
00:13:17,005 --> 00:13:19,007
It's hard to say no to Yoo-Hoo.
221
00:13:20,509 --> 00:13:22,260
The name literally beckons.
222
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,849
Make yourself comfortable.
223
00:13:28,016 --> 00:13:29,726
Thank you.
224
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,270
Is someone smoking?
225
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:34,105
Oh, that's just Ricky.
226
00:13:39,319 --> 00:13:42,364
- You own a smoking monkey?
- Don't be silly.
227
00:13:42,531 --> 00:13:46,409
He's one of the animals in my
department's nicotine addiction study.
228
00:13:47,702 --> 00:13:50,330
- What's he doing here?
- I'm giving him emphysema.
229
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,291
The least I can do
is let him hang out and watch cable.
230
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:56,545
Remarkable.
231
00:13:57,879 --> 00:14:00,840
- You worried about secondhand smoke?
- A little.
232
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:04,678
The real danger is him biting my face off
while I'm sleeping.
233
00:14:07,931 --> 00:14:10,767
Is he deliberately blowing smoke
at me?
234
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:14,020
Yeah. He's kind of an ass.
235
00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:19,484
Thank you.
236
00:14:19,651 --> 00:14:22,070
May I share something with you
that's troubling me?
237
00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:26,074
Of course. What's rattling around
in that big bulbous brain of yours?
238
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:31,288
Priya has essentially nullified
my roommate agreement with Leonard...
239
00:14:31,454 --> 00:14:34,666
...making life in the apartment
very uncomfortable for me.
240
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:37,669
And you want me to kill her? Done.
241
00:14:38,169 --> 00:14:39,421
No, of course not.
242
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,340
I trained Ricky to smoke.
I can train him to shoot a dart.
243
00:14:42,507 --> 00:14:46,261
No jury would convict us
because people love monkeys.
244
00:14:47,887 --> 00:14:52,892
I understand the alcohol has stirred up
whatever it is that makes girls go wild.
245
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:56,771
But I really need to talk
to smart Amy now.
246
00:14:56,938 --> 00:14:58,648
(CHATTERING)
247
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:00,734
Excuse me.
248
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:05,989
Have you considered your intelligence
might be causing your dilemma?
249
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,581
- No.
- What do you think Ricky would do...
250
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,626
...if an interloper encroached
on his territory?
251
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:21,630
Well, when challenged, monkeys
generally assert their dominance...
252
00:15:21,796 --> 00:15:26,926
...through chasing, assault
and a stylized penile display.
253
00:15:27,093 --> 00:15:29,304
A little outside my comfort zone.
254
00:15:29,471 --> 00:15:30,805
You're being too literal.
255
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:34,309
My point is, he would not
meekly surrender to the rules...
256
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:35,894
...and neither should you.
257
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,813
Are you suggesting I play dirty?
258
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:41,149
Yes, dirty.
259
00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:45,820
Dirty, dirty, dirty.
260
00:15:48,782 --> 00:15:51,951
Which brings me
to our next order of business.
261
00:15:55,830 --> 00:15:57,415
Fascinating.
262
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:02,545
I hope you don't take what I'm about
to do as a comment on what we just did.
263
00:16:07,342 --> 00:16:09,678
(VOMITING)
264
00:16:16,017 --> 00:16:19,854
Who's to say
you shouldn't be dissecting our brains?
265
00:16:21,189 --> 00:16:23,692
You really are an ass.
266
00:16:27,362 --> 00:16:30,031
- Morning, Sheldon.
- Oh, good you're up.
267
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:33,368
I've written a new and improved
roommate agreement...
268
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:34,911
...that benefits me greatly.
269
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,871
I'd like you to sign it.
270
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:40,041
Why would I wanna do that?
271
00:16:40,208 --> 00:16:41,710
Excellent question.
272
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:44,754
Do you remember
what happened to the alien...
273
00:16:44,921 --> 00:16:47,424
...played by character-actor,
Frank Gorshin...
274
00:16:47,590 --> 00:16:51,553
...in the Star Trek episode,
"Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"?
275
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:55,849
Uh, Captain Kirk
activated the self-destruct sequence...
276
00:16:56,015 --> 00:16:58,852
...and threatened
to blow up the Enterprise and kill them...
277
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,187
- ...unless he gave in?
- Affirmative.
278
00:17:02,897 --> 00:17:05,191
Computer, this is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
279
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:06,776
(COMPUTER BEEPS)
280
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:10,864
Activate self-destruct sequence.
Code 1, 1A, 2B.
281
00:17:11,030 --> 00:17:13,825
COMPUTER:
Self-destruct sequence activated.
282
00:17:18,621 --> 00:17:21,499
What are you gonna do, Sheldon,
blow up the apartment?
283
00:17:21,666 --> 00:17:23,042
That was my first thought.
284
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,920
But all my cool stuff is here.
285
00:17:26,087 --> 00:17:28,506
So, what happens
when it counts down?
286
00:17:28,673 --> 00:17:31,050
Unless Leonard
signs the new agreement...
287
00:17:31,217 --> 00:17:32,719
...in the next 41 seconds...
288
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:36,639
...this computer will send an e-mail
to your parents in India...
289
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:39,142
...saying
that you're in a secret relationship...
290
00:17:39,350 --> 00:17:42,937
...with the whiter-than-marshmallow-fluff
Leonard Hofstadter.
291
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,775
- Oh, my God.
- What's the big deal?
292
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:50,236
- Trust me, it's a big deal.
- They're gonna find out eventually...
293
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:52,071
- ...right?
- Yeah. Just not today.
294
00:17:52,238 --> 00:17:53,615
Twenty seconds.
295
00:17:53,782 --> 00:17:56,034
- Are you ashamed of me?
- Of course not.
296
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,953
- Why can't we tell your parents?
- Please, don't push this.
297
00:17:59,120 --> 00:18:01,206
He does that all the time. Fifteen.
298
00:18:01,372 --> 00:18:04,375
- Okay, Sheldon, you win. Turn it off.
- No, he's bluffing.
299
00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:05,877
I never bluff. Ten.
300
00:18:06,044 --> 00:18:07,295
- It's blackmail.
- Nine.
301
00:18:07,462 --> 00:18:09,798
- We give up.
- This is ridiculous.
302
00:18:09,964 --> 00:18:13,051
It's a laptop with a full charge.
What do you see in him?
303
00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:15,970
- Give him what he wants or we're done.
- Really?
304
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:17,597
- Two.
- Okay, I'll sign it.
305
00:18:18,473 --> 00:18:21,810
COMPUTER:
Self-destruct sequence aborted.
306
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,150
You may have gone to Cambridge,
but I am an honorary graduate...
307
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,277
...of Starfleet Academy.
308
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,951
(COMPUTER BEEPING)
309
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:44,249
Good morning, Amy.
310
00:18:48,086 --> 00:18:50,588
It most assuredly is not.
311
00:18:51,172 --> 00:18:57,136
Are you experiencing dehydration,
headache, nausea and shame?
312
00:18:57,971 --> 00:18:59,097
Yes.
313
00:18:59,264 --> 00:19:03,643
I also found a Korean man's
business card tucked into my cleavage.
314
00:19:04,769 --> 00:19:05,979
What happened last night?
315
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:08,106
Oh, memory impairment.
316
00:19:08,273 --> 00:19:12,277
The free prize at the bottom
of every vodka bottle.
317
00:19:12,819 --> 00:19:15,488
- Sheldon.
- All right.
318
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,324
Last night,
you gave me some excellent advice...
319
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,536
...regarding my problem here at home.
You kissed me...
320
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:25,373
...and then vomited on and off
for 40 minutes...
321
00:19:25,582 --> 00:19:28,042
...following which
you passed out on your floor.
322
00:19:28,209 --> 00:19:31,045
I then folded a towel under your head
as a pillow...
323
00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:35,300
...set your oven clock to the correct time
because it was driving me crazy...
324
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:37,969
...and I left.
325
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,346
Okay.
326
00:19:41,973 --> 00:19:44,309
Don't really know
where we go from here.
327
00:19:45,685 --> 00:19:49,814
I suggest we treat our relationship
as if it were a crashed computer...
328
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:53,151
...and restore it to the last point
we both agree it worked.
329
00:19:53,902 --> 00:19:55,862
Terrific. Thank you.
330
00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:57,322
(MONKEY CHATTERING)
331
00:19:57,488 --> 00:20:00,825
They were out of menthols.
Get off my back.
332
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,040
Not easy living
with a temperamental little primate.
333
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,417
LEONARD:
Come on, Priya, just admit I embarrass you.
334
00:20:09,584 --> 00:20:12,170
You're preaching to the choir, sister.
25878
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