Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,794 --> 00:00:03,462
Here's what I wonder about zombies.
2
00:00:03,671 --> 00:00:05,798
(SHELDON, LEONARD & HOWARD GROAN)
3
00:00:05,965 --> 00:00:08,634
What happens if they can't get
any human flesh to eat?
4
00:00:08,801 --> 00:00:11,929
They can't starve to death,
they're already dead.
5
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:14,390
You take this one.
I spent an hour last night...
6
00:00:14,557 --> 00:00:18,477
...on how do vampires shave when
they can't see themselves in the mirror?
7
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,399
Well-groomed vampires meet in pairs
and shave each other. Case closed.
8
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:28,821
- Yeah, okay, so, zombies?
- I guess it depends on the zombies, Raj.
9
00:00:28,988 --> 00:00:30,990
Are we talking slow zombies,
fast zombies?
10
00:00:31,073 --> 00:00:34,160
Like in 28 Days, if those zombies
didn't eat, they starved.
11
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:37,788
No, You're thinking of 28 Days Later.
28 Days is where Sandra Bullock goes to rehab...
12
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:40,666
...and puts the audience
into an undead state.
13
00:00:41,125 --> 00:00:43,085
Hey, don't bag on Sandra Bullock.
14
00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:46,922
You think it makes you look cultured,
but you just come off as bitter.
15
00:00:48,090 --> 00:00:50,551
Dr. Siebert, 12 o'clock.
16
00:00:50,843 --> 00:00:54,305
Why's the president of the university
slumming in the cafeteria? Ha, ha.
17
00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:56,849
Perhaps he's emulating
Shakespeare's Henry V...
18
00:00:57,016 --> 00:00:59,101
...who dressed as a commoner
and mingled...
19
00:00:59,268 --> 00:01:01,771
...to find out how he was
perceived by his subjects.
20
00:01:01,937 --> 00:01:04,815
If he'd have read any of the
1300 e-mails I've sent him...
21
00:01:04,982 --> 00:01:08,944
...on the subject of his administration
he could have saved himself the trouble.
22
00:01:09,445 --> 00:01:11,614
Or maybe he heard
it's Tater Tot Tuesday.
23
00:01:12,198 --> 00:01:14,366
That's why I'm here.
24
00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,535
Hey, there's my favorite geniuses.
25
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:19,455
- How are we doing today?
- That depends.
26
00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:22,875
How much longer do you plan
on fondling my shoulder?
27
00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:25,753
Sorry, Dr. Cooper.
I forgot you have a touch phobia.
28
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:28,714
It's not a touch phobia,
it's a germ phobia.
29
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:32,802
If you'd like to go put on latex gloves,
I'll let you check me for a hernia.
30
00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:37,431
Yeah. So listen, fellas, who's up for
a little party this Saturday night?
31
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,643
Open bar, good eats,
might even be a few pretty girls.
32
00:01:40,810 --> 00:01:42,061
- Sounds good.
- I'm in. Ha, ha.
33
00:01:42,269 --> 00:01:45,231
Hold on. Just because
the nice man is offering you candy...
34
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:48,818
...doesn't mean you should jump into
his windowless van.
35
00:01:50,528 --> 00:01:53,739
- What's the occasion?
- Just a fundraiser for the university.
36
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:57,493
Aha. The tear-stained air mattress
in the back of the van.
37
00:01:57,993 --> 00:02:00,079
I understand your reticence,
Dr. Cooper.
38
00:02:00,246 --> 00:02:01,539
And I sympathize.
39
00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,124
But the facts are,
we have to shake a few hands...
40
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,710
...and kiss butts to raise money
for our research.
41
00:02:06,877 --> 00:02:09,964
I don't care, it's demeaning
and I refuse to be trotted out...
42
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:13,092
...and shown off like a prize hog
at the Texas State Fair...
43
00:02:13,259 --> 00:02:15,594
...which is something
you don't want to attend...
44
00:02:15,761 --> 00:02:18,222
...wearing a Star Trek
ensign's uniform.
45
00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,349
All right, let me put it this way.
46
00:02:20,516 --> 00:02:23,561
You're gonna put on a suit,
you're gonna come to this party...
47
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:26,522
...and you're gonna explain
your research to old people...
48
00:02:26,689 --> 00:02:29,358
...or I swear to God, I'll blind you
with a hot spoon...
49
00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:32,695
...like they did to that little boy
in Slumdog Millionaire.
50
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,030
Oh. You don't want that.
51
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,617
So Saturday night.
It's gonna be off the hook.
52
00:02:38,784 --> 00:02:41,412
- Unh.
- Get over it.
53
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:45,875
Oh, boy,
Tater Tots and a party invitation?
54
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,751
What a great day.
55
00:03:14,528 --> 00:03:16,155
There you go.
56
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:21,869
Are you sure this is right?
57
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:24,830
Yeah, just tuck that part in your pants,
you'll be fine.
58
00:03:25,748 --> 00:03:30,461
Okay, let's go smooch
some rich, wrinkled tuchis.
59
00:03:30,628 --> 00:03:34,506
Oh, Howard, I can't believe Bernadette let
you go to a fancy party wearing a dickey.
60
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:37,885
Ha, ha. Excuse me, my girlfriend
doesn't pick out my clothes.
61
00:03:38,052 --> 00:03:39,970
My mother does.
62
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:42,514
Oh, we should get going.
63
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:45,851
- What about Sheldon?
- Sheldon is not going.
64
00:03:46,018 --> 00:03:47,561
Really? What do we tell Siebert?
65
00:03:48,062 --> 00:03:51,190
Tell him Dr. Cooper feels
that the best use of his time...
66
00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:54,401
...is to employ his rare
and precious mental faculties...
67
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,529
...to tear the mask off nature
and stare at the face of God.
68
00:03:59,281 --> 00:04:02,910
Sheldon, it's Saturday night.
You'll be doing laundry.
69
00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:05,412
Don't tell him that.
Tell him the mask thing.
70
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:15,172
- Hey, put your tie back in your pants.
- Thanks.
71
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:16,674
Nice place.
72
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:19,385
Reminds me of my parents'
house back in New Delhi.
73
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:21,553
- You're kidding.
- No, we are very wealthy.
74
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,765
But the only difference is
we have more servants.
75
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:27,059
- More than this?
- More than we can use.
76
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:31,230
See, in India we don't make the mistake
of letting our poor people have dreams.
77
00:04:31,814 --> 00:04:35,818
Ah. There's my band of brainiacs.
Where's Dr. Cooper?
78
00:04:36,318 --> 00:04:37,361
(SIGHS)
79
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:41,615
He's tearing the mask off nature
to look at the face of God.
80
00:04:42,366 --> 00:04:46,704
The board of directors insists he has a
beautiful mind, I think he's just bananas.
81
00:04:46,870 --> 00:04:49,873
Let me introduce you to
one of the university's leading donors.
82
00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,584
(CLEARS THROAT)
83
00:04:52,918 --> 00:04:55,921
I think we were misled
about the cute girls.
84
00:04:56,422 --> 00:04:59,466
Mrs. Latham, I'd like you to meet
our outstanding researchers.
85
00:04:59,633 --> 00:05:03,262
This is Dr. Leonard Hofstadter,
Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali...
86
00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:04,555
...and Howard Wolowitz.
87
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,265
What happened to you, Wolowitz?
88
00:05:06,432 --> 00:05:09,977
Couldn't stick with it
long enough to get your Ph.D?
89
00:05:10,144 --> 00:05:13,313
I'm an engineer. Most engineers
don't bother with a Ph.D.
90
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:17,818
You may be interested to know I designed
the zero-gravity waste system for NASA.
91
00:05:17,985 --> 00:05:20,487
Got it. You're a space plumber.
92
00:05:23,115 --> 00:05:25,159
I'm gonna go hit the bar.
93
00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:28,454
Tell me about these two.
94
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:30,748
Do him first.
95
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:34,251
Dr. Hofstadter is representing our
experimental physics program.
96
00:05:34,418 --> 00:05:36,462
You'll hear about his fascinating work.
97
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,797
Right. Fascinate me.
98
00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:41,383
(STAMMERS)
99
00:05:42,134 --> 00:05:45,304
They're cute when they're about
to wet themselves, aren't they?
100
00:05:45,471 --> 00:05:46,638
I'll make it easy.
101
00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:50,434
When you arrive at the lab in the
morning, what machine do you turn on?
102
00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,687
Coffee maker?
103
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:57,483
All right, Dr. Kooth...
Whatever it is. You're up.
104
00:05:58,108 --> 00:06:01,320
It's Koothrappali. I have to tinkle.
105
00:06:05,115 --> 00:06:09,328
And so, instead of bowing to pressure
and going to that pointless soiree...
106
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:12,790
...I stayed right here
and did a load of whites.
107
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:18,295
Well, normally I respect your macho
rebellious attitude toward the man...
108
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:22,049
...but in this case
I think you've made a foolish mistake.
109
00:06:22,508 --> 00:06:23,801
Unlikely...
110
00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,512
...but make your case.
111
00:06:26,678 --> 00:06:28,847
Keeping in mind
that your critical attitude...
112
00:06:29,014 --> 00:06:30,724
...is ruining our night together...
113
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:33,477
...and I'm not above
minimizing your window.
114
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,230
Sheldon, like it or not...
115
00:06:36,438 --> 00:06:40,317
...until you upload your intelligence
to a self-sustaining orbiting satellite...
116
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:43,529
...equipped with high-speed Internet
and a cloaking device...
117
00:06:43,695 --> 00:06:47,032
...you will be dependent on other
members of the human race.
118
00:06:47,199 --> 00:06:49,409
That's it, prepare to be minimized.
119
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:53,038
I'm not finished.
All scientists have to fundraise, Sheldon.
120
00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:54,873
How do you think I paid for my lab?
121
00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:58,836
I went to Saudi Arabia, met with a prince
who had an interest in neurobiology.
122
00:06:59,336 --> 00:07:02,673
Your lab is funded by some
Middle Eastern dilettante?
123
00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:05,384
Technically, Faisal is my fiancé...
124
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:10,389
...but I do have a
two-photon microscope...
125
00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:12,975
...and a place to stay in Riyadh
for the winter.
126
00:07:14,101 --> 00:07:18,939
That explains those puzzling camel race
photos on your Facebook page.
127
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:22,860
And consider this: Without you to make
the case for the Physics Department...
128
00:07:23,026 --> 00:07:25,404
...the task falls to people
like Leonard and Raj.
129
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,739
Are you trying to scare me?
130
00:07:27,906 --> 00:07:29,908
Because you're succeeding.
131
00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,785
Well, then prepare to be terrified.
132
00:07:31,994 --> 00:07:33,620
If your friends are unconvincing...
133
00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:36,748
...this year's donations might go to
the Geology Department.
134
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:40,294
Oh, dear, no, not the dirt people.
135
00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:46,592
Or worse, it could go to
the Liberal Arts.
136
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:49,928
No.
137
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,974
Millions of dollars being showered
on poets, literary theorists...
138
00:07:54,141 --> 00:07:56,602
...and students of gender studies.
139
00:07:57,769 --> 00:08:00,647
Oh, the humanities.
140
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:04,318
I don't think President Siebert...
141
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:07,613
...will be making us
go to any more fundraisers.
142
00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:09,656
It was so much easier
at my bar mitzvah.
143
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:14,411
The old people came up to you, pinched
your cheek, handed you a savings bond.
144
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:16,747
Oh, don't be such gloomy Gusses.
145
00:08:16,914 --> 00:08:19,625
Look at the size of these shrimp.
146
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:23,086
At what point
do we start calling them lobsters?
147
00:08:23,670 --> 00:08:26,465
Face it, Raj,
we crashed and burned tonight.
148
00:08:26,632 --> 00:08:28,634
Oh, you didn't do that badly.
149
00:08:30,260 --> 00:08:34,598
The first machine I turn on is the helium-
neon laser, because it needs to warm up.
150
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:37,476
I no longer care, dear.
151
00:08:37,643 --> 00:08:40,687
But don't worry, I really enjoyed
meeting you this evening.
152
00:08:40,854 --> 00:08:42,689
You're kidding?
That was good for you?
153
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,858
Because I was sweating
through my T-shirt.
154
00:08:45,651 --> 00:08:47,653
Excellent.
There's nothing I like better...
155
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:51,031
...than making smart people
feel ill at ease.
156
00:08:51,198 --> 00:08:53,617
- Why?
- I don't know, it's one of the fun things...
157
00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:56,578
...you get to do
when you have lots of money.
158
00:08:57,329 --> 00:09:00,874
Watch. Hey! Who said
you could eat that shrimp?
159
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:06,880
See? Fun.
160
00:09:07,089 --> 00:09:08,715
SHELDON:
No, no, no. I'm just...
161
00:09:08,882 --> 00:09:13,345
...here for your money. I don't wanna
shake anyone's germy hands.
162
00:09:14,179 --> 00:09:16,098
Explain it to them, Siebert.
163
00:09:19,935 --> 00:09:22,980
I must confess, I don't understand you,
President Siebert.
164
00:09:23,146 --> 00:09:25,857
First you say you want me to appear
at your fundraisers.
165
00:09:26,024 --> 00:09:29,528
But now you say you never want me
to go anywhere near your fundraisers.
166
00:09:29,695 --> 00:09:32,155
Forgive me, but that sounds
like a mixed message.
167
00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:38,328
Here we go again. If there's simply
no talking to me, then why did you call?
168
00:09:39,663 --> 00:09:41,540
I'm sorry, someone's on the other line.
169
00:09:41,707 --> 00:09:45,961
Uh, why don't you see if you can organize
your thoughts and we'll try again later.
170
00:09:46,962 --> 00:09:49,673
Cooper-Hofstadter residence.
Go for Cooper.
171
00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:51,300
Good morning, Mrs. Latham.
172
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,468
Yes, of course I remember you.
173
00:09:53,635 --> 00:09:56,972
A woman well past her prime
seeking to augment her social status...
174
00:09:57,139 --> 00:09:59,975
...by doling out her late husband's
ill-gotten gains.
175
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:04,187
So how much money
are you going to give me?
176
00:10:05,314 --> 00:10:08,191
I'm not crazy,
my mother had me tested.
177
00:10:09,318 --> 00:10:12,487
If you're not going to give me money,
then why are you calling?
178
00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:15,699
She wants to talk to you.
179
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:18,201
Who's crazy now?
180
00:10:19,202 --> 00:10:21,371
Hello, Mrs. Latham.
181
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,749
Yes, I live with him.
182
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,376
I don't... I really don't know why.
183
00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:35,218
Tonight? Sure. That'd be great.
184
00:10:35,969 --> 00:10:39,556
Okay, I'll see you then. Bye.
185
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:43,101
Uh, she wants to have dinner
and talk about my research.
186
00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,854
An entire dinner
to talk about your research?
187
00:10:47,481 --> 00:10:50,233
Where are you going,
the drive-through at Jack in the Box?
188
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:57,783
Well, wherever we're going,
she's sending a car to pick me up.
189
00:10:58,241 --> 00:11:01,370
- Okay, I see what's happening.
- What?
190
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:03,413
My stature intimidates her...
191
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:06,750
...so she's using you to get to me.
192
00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:11,046
Crafty old gal.
193
00:11:11,213 --> 00:11:12,214
Excuse me...
194
00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:15,217
...but you are not the only
scientist in this apartment.
195
00:11:15,384 --> 00:11:17,135
I've been published in journals...
196
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:21,807
...I received a dissertation-of-the-year
award for experimental particle physics.
197
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:23,558
No, that can't be it.
198
00:11:24,393 --> 00:11:26,061
Since you seem to have forgotten...
199
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,772
...the reason we live together
is we're best friends.
200
00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,024
And I got your back, Jack.
201
00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:35,904
That was a great meal.
202
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:37,447
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
203
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:39,491
I eat this well
when my mom's in town...
204
00:11:39,658 --> 00:11:42,327
- ...and she takes me out to dinner.
- Is that so?
205
00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,121
You kind of remind me of her.
206
00:11:44,746 --> 00:11:47,791
She enjoys
making people uncomfortable too.
207
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,961
Well, you remind me of a boy
I dated in college.
208
00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,713
- No kidding.
- Sweet boy, very smart.
209
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,633
- Huh.
- If only he'd had money.
210
00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:01,680
Yeah, um, so hey...
211
00:12:01,847 --> 00:12:05,767
...speaking of money, how are you feeling
about helping the Physics Department...
212
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,770
...get a cryogenic centrifugal pump
and molecular sieve?
213
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:12,274
Well, I must say you make
a very persuasive case for it.
214
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:13,942
Oh, good, good.
215
00:12:14,109 --> 00:12:17,195
And I'm seriously considering
taking it to the next level.
216
00:12:17,362 --> 00:12:19,656
Terrific. Great.
217
00:12:19,823 --> 00:12:21,616
What level is that?
218
00:12:28,123 --> 00:12:31,168
Okay, now you don't remind me
of my mom.
219
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,801
I'm sorry, so eventually zombies...
220
00:12:39,968 --> 00:12:43,680
...are going to attack the rehab facility
where Sandra Bullock is?
221
00:12:46,808 --> 00:12:48,477
Yes, Sheldon. Keep watching.
222
00:12:50,228 --> 00:12:52,856
It's a shame,
all that work she's doing to get sober...
223
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:55,192
...only to be torn apart and eaten alive.
224
00:12:57,611 --> 00:13:01,823
- Hey, how was dinner?
- Swell. I need a drink.
225
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:03,658
Do we have any alcohol?
226
00:13:03,825 --> 00:13:05,410
No. But we have potatoes.
227
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:07,746
I could make you vodka.
228
00:13:07,913 --> 00:13:09,164
It'll take two weeks.
229
00:13:10,624 --> 00:13:12,042
Leonard, are you okay?
230
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:14,002
Uh, I'm not sure.
231
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:16,046
- What's going on?
- Well...
232
00:13:16,213 --> 00:13:19,508
...Mrs. Latham said she was seriously
considering donating money...
233
00:13:19,674 --> 00:13:21,927
...so we could get
a cryogenic centrifugal pump.
234
00:13:22,135 --> 00:13:23,261
- Oh, wow.
- Yes!
235
00:13:23,428 --> 00:13:25,889
Then she stuck her tongue
down my throat.
236
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,183
Why?
237
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:33,355
We can't keep explaining everything.
Read that book we got you.
238
00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:35,774
She hit on me.
239
00:13:35,941 --> 00:13:39,694
Wait. Are you telling us that old lady
wanted to have sex with you...
240
00:13:39,861 --> 00:13:43,365
...in exchange for giving
your department millions of dollars?
241
00:13:43,532 --> 00:13:46,660
- I think so.
- You lucky duck.
242
00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:50,080
You're really a broken toy, aren't you?
243
00:13:51,456 --> 00:13:55,460
I was able to get out of there, but she
wants to see me again tomorrow night.
244
00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:58,213
Excellent.
What are you planning to wear?
245
00:13:59,214 --> 00:14:00,549
- What?
- Penny.
246
00:14:00,715 --> 00:14:03,260
You're an expert on trading
sexual favors for gain.
247
00:14:03,426 --> 00:14:05,720
Walk him through this.
248
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:09,891
Whoa, uh, hold on a second.
I'm not going to sleep with her.
249
00:14:10,392 --> 00:14:13,270
But we need
a cryogenic centrifugal pump.
250
00:14:14,271 --> 00:14:16,064
Forget it. It's not gonna happen.
251
00:14:16,231 --> 00:14:17,732
Well, come now, Leonard...
252
00:14:17,899 --> 00:14:21,486
...this may be your only chance
to make a real contribution to science.
253
00:14:22,612 --> 00:14:24,739
I repeat, not gonna happen.
254
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:32,414
What was all that about me trading
sexual favors for material gain?
255
00:14:32,581 --> 00:14:34,624
It was a compliment.
256
00:14:35,458 --> 00:14:37,752
I believe in giving credit
where credit is due.
257
00:14:41,089 --> 00:14:42,966
Fine, I'll tell him. Ahem.
258
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,760
Leonard. Mrs. Latham's car
is here for you.
259
00:14:45,927 --> 00:14:49,598
I won't be late. I'm gonna make a pitch
for the funding and say good night.
260
00:14:49,764 --> 00:14:51,808
Hold on. I have something for you.
261
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,770
- What's this?
- Few things you may need tonight.
262
00:14:55,937 --> 00:14:57,772
There's baby oil, condoms...
263
00:14:57,939 --> 00:15:01,818
...and, uh, a little something I procured
from the School of Pharmacology.
264
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:05,947
They say it is to Viagra
as Viagra is to a green M&M.
265
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:12,621
I am not going to have sex with her.
266
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,789
Maybe this will overcome
your reluctance.
267
00:15:14,956 --> 00:15:17,292
I went on the Internet
and found a photograph...
268
00:15:17,459 --> 00:15:21,004
...of a 25-year-old Mrs. Latham
to get your libido humming.
269
00:15:23,131 --> 00:15:24,549
Check out those saddle shoes.
270
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,426
(GROWLS)
271
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:33,516
Are you insane?
272
00:15:33,683 --> 00:15:37,228
I'm not going to prostitute myself
just so we can get some new equipment.
273
00:15:37,395 --> 00:15:38,813
- Oh, come on, why not?
- Oh...
274
00:15:40,148 --> 00:15:41,483
Good night, Sheldon.
275
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:45,028
Given how much time you spend
engaging in pointless self-abuse...
276
00:15:45,070 --> 00:15:47,364
...you might consider just this once...
277
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,825
...using your genitalia
to actually accomplish something.
278
00:15:53,328 --> 00:15:58,208
- Still won't shag the old lady, huh?
- No. But thank you for asking.
279
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:04,047
- Hey, hi.
- Hello, Leonard.
280
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,757
I hope you're hungry.
281
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,258
I'm very hungry.
282
00:16:07,425 --> 00:16:09,594
For food, right?
283
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:14,265
Oh, I made you uncomfortable
last night. I'm so sorry.
284
00:16:14,432 --> 00:16:15,600
No, that's okay.
285
00:16:15,809 --> 00:16:17,394
No, it most certainly is not.
286
00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:19,729
I'm making the donation
to your department...
287
00:16:19,896 --> 00:16:22,065
...regardless of what happens
between us.
288
00:16:22,524 --> 00:16:24,192
- Really?
- Of course.
289
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:26,027
There's no quid pro quo here.
290
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:29,739
You and your colleagues do remarkable
research and you deserve the money.
291
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:32,033
Oh...
292
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:33,952
Then what was last night about?
293
00:16:34,119 --> 00:16:37,038
I took a shot. Sue me.
294
00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:41,459
- Oh.
- You're a very handsome man, Leonard.
295
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:44,963
Thank you.
296
00:16:46,715 --> 00:16:50,802
It was foolish of me to think someone
your age might ever be interested in me.
297
00:16:50,969 --> 00:16:54,055
Oh, don't say that.
You're a very attractive woman.
298
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,223
- Please.
- It's true.
299
00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:56,433
Well, aren't you sweet.
300
00:16:56,599 --> 00:16:57,642
(INHALES DEEPLY)
301
00:16:57,809 --> 00:16:59,728
Just for the record...
302
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:02,772
...you'd remember a night
with me for the rest of your life.
303
00:17:05,859 --> 00:17:07,777
I'm sure I would.
304
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:10,447
But why exactly?
305
00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:15,744
You're a very smart man. How do you
think I landed such a rich husband?
306
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:20,915
- I hadn't really given it much thought.
- Well, think about it.
307
00:17:23,793 --> 00:17:28,173
- You mean...?
- Yep, I'm that good.
308
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,511
Oh, what the hell.
309
00:17:40,935 --> 00:17:42,729
(SIGHS)
310
00:17:48,276 --> 00:17:50,987
Good morning, slut.
311
00:17:53,823 --> 00:17:55,533
What?
312
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:59,329
Oh, please. I recognize
the walk of shame when I see it.
313
00:17:59,496 --> 00:18:01,456
All you're missing
is smeared mascara...
314
00:18:01,623 --> 00:18:04,834
...and a purse with panties
wadded up in it.
315
00:18:05,001 --> 00:18:07,629
- What's going on?
- Oh, nothing's going on. Excuse me.
316
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:09,714
- Are you just getting home?
- Yeah.
317
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,300
That's a good sign, right?
318
00:18:13,009 --> 00:18:16,304
- Oh, yeah.
- I'm so proud of you!
319
00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:19,641
You sold yourself out
like a common streetwalker.
320
00:18:21,643 --> 00:18:23,561
No, I didn't do it for the money.
321
00:18:23,728 --> 00:18:26,022
She stiffed you?
322
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:28,483
I believe that's what
your roommate did to her.
323
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:33,071
- What?
- Again, read the book we gave you.
324
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,825
No, I got the money first.
325
00:18:36,991 --> 00:18:38,326
Smart. Get paid up front.
326
00:18:38,493 --> 00:18:41,538
Yeah, I think you have a real knack
for gigolo work, Leonard.
327
00:18:43,164 --> 00:18:44,290
I'm...
328
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:47,335
- I'm gonna go lie down.
- That's a good idea, get your rest.
329
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:52,090
There are more rich old ladies out there
and daddy needs a new linear accelerator.
330
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:59,514
And I thought he didn't learn anything
from his relationship with you.
331
00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:01,558
- Hey!
- Another compliment.
332
00:19:01,724 --> 00:19:03,017
Learn to recognize them.
333
00:19:09,190 --> 00:19:11,734
Oh, there he is! The man of the hour!
334
00:19:11,943 --> 00:19:13,361
He took one for the team.
335
00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:15,530
(CHEERING)
336
00:19:17,407 --> 00:19:19,868
I didn't do it for the money.
337
00:19:20,034 --> 00:19:23,246
Keep telling yourself that.
It makes it easier.
338
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:25,790
Trust me, I know.
339
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:29,085
RAJESH:
Cool, buddy. That's awesome.
340
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:31,462
HOWARD:
How was she?
28037
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof