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1
00:00:04,672 --> 00:00:09,260
- And now the Kung Pao Chicken.
- Yeah, smooth. Ha, ha.
2
00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:13,013
And finally, my Moo Shu Pork.
3
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:17,435
LEONARD:
Whoo-hoo!
4
00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:22,022
There you have it, gentlemen.
Our entire dinner unpacked by robot.
5
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:24,191
And it only took 28 minutes.
6
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:28,863
- Impressive, but we must be cautious.
- Why?
7
00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:32,116
Today,
it's a Chinese-food-retrieval robot.
8
00:00:32,283 --> 00:00:36,912
Tomorrow, it travels back in time
and tries to kill Sarah Connor.
9
00:00:37,538 --> 00:00:39,206
I don't think that's gonna happen,
Sheldon.
10
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:42,126
No one ever does.
That's why it happens.
11
00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:45,129
Hey. Is the food here?
12
00:00:45,629 --> 00:00:46,672
Ooh, what's that?
13
00:00:46,839 --> 00:00:50,092
That, dear lady,
is the Wolowitz Programmable Hand...
14
00:00:50,259 --> 00:00:54,263
...designed for extravehicular repairs
on the International Space Station.
15
00:00:54,430 --> 00:00:57,600
- Oh, cool.
- Ask me to pass the soy sauce.
16
00:00:57,767 --> 00:01:00,352
Oh, does that come up much
on the Space Station?
17
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,731
Mostly with Asian
and Jewish astronauts.
18
00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:07,026
- All right, pass the soy sauce.
- Coming up.
19
00:01:07,193 --> 00:01:08,736
(CLEARS THROAT)
20
00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:11,489
(KEYBOARD CLICKING)
21
00:01:13,657 --> 00:01:15,910
(KEYBOARD CONTINUES CLICKING)
22
00:01:17,995 --> 00:01:20,998
- So how's work?
- Oh, It's not bad.
23
00:01:21,165 --> 00:01:24,001
- Kind of hungry.
- Yeah, we all are.
24
00:01:24,168 --> 00:01:25,878
Just wait.
25
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,964
You realize, Penny, that the technology
that went into this arm...
26
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:33,093
...will one day make unskilled
food servers such as yourself obsolete.
27
00:01:33,886 --> 00:01:36,972
Really? They're gonna make a robot
that spits on your hamburger?
28
00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,894
I thought you broke up with her.
Why is she here?
29
00:01:43,145 --> 00:01:46,774
Okay, here we go.
Passing the soy sauce.
30
00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,277
Put out your hand.
31
00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:55,908
(PENNY CHUCKLES)
32
00:01:56,075 --> 00:01:58,410
- That's amazing.
- I wouldn't say "amazing."
33
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:00,454
At best, it's a modest leap forward...
34
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:04,667
...from the basic technology
that gave us Country Bear Jamboree.
35
00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:08,128
- Hey, Sheldon? Ahem.
- Yes?
36
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:20,140
- Peace?
- No, not peace. Hang on.
37
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:50,254
Does NASA know you're using that thing
as a napkin holder?
38
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:53,841
Are you kidding? They still think
it's in a secure locker at JPL.
39
00:02:55,134 --> 00:02:57,303
- You stole it?
- Borrowed.
40
00:02:57,469 --> 00:03:01,181
The trick is to carry it out to your car
like you own it.
41
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:02,474
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
42
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,059
Excuse me.
43
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:10,858
Oh, Amy's at the dry-cleaner's
and she's made a very amusing pun.
44
00:03:11,066 --> 00:03:17,156
Ahem. "I don't care for perchloroethylene
and I don't like glycol ether."
45
00:03:22,119 --> 00:03:26,165
Get it? She doesn't like glycol ether.
46
00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:29,877
Sounds like "either."
47
00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:32,796
(GIGGLES)
48
00:03:34,840 --> 00:03:36,967
"L-O-L."
49
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:38,469
Who's Amy?
50
00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:40,679
- His girlfriend.
- Sheldon has a girlfriend?
51
00:03:40,846 --> 00:03:42,806
- She's not my girlfriend.
- How long?
52
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,850
- Four months.
- She's not my girlfriend.
53
00:03:45,017 --> 00:03:47,519
For four months
I have been asking you what's new.
54
00:03:47,686 --> 00:03:50,522
You never thought to go with
"Sheldon has a girlfriend"?
55
00:03:50,689 --> 00:03:52,858
- She's not my girlfriend.
- Teh, teh, teh.
56
00:03:53,025 --> 00:03:55,903
- How did they meet?
- Raj and I entered Sheldon's information...
57
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:59,323
...on a dating site
and it spit out Amy Farrah Fowler.
58
00:03:59,490 --> 00:04:01,659
Oh, my God! Sheldon and Amy.
59
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,369
Or as we call them, "Shamy."
60
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,745
(PENNY SQUEALS)
61
00:04:05,412 --> 00:04:07,873
Shamy. I am so digging the Shamy.
62
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,584
All right. Everyone, pay attention.
63
00:04:10,751 --> 00:04:13,587
Yes, I have a friend named
Amy Farrah Fowler.
64
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:14,922
Yes, she is female.
65
00:04:15,089 --> 00:04:19,760
Yes, we communicate on a daily basis,
but no, she is not my girlfriend.
66
00:04:20,386 --> 00:04:22,638
Okay, well,
what do you communicate about?
67
00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:26,100
Well, my work in physics,
her work in neurobiology...
68
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:29,478
...and most recently, the possibility
of our having a child together.
69
00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,279
Thank you.
70
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,117
Wait a minute, a child?
You never see this girl.
71
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:45,327
You just e-mail and text and Twitter...
72
00:04:45,494 --> 00:04:47,955
...and now you're considering
having a baby?
73
00:04:48,122 --> 00:04:50,290
Amy pointed out
that between the two of us...
74
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,627
...our genetic material
has the potential of producing the first...
75
00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:56,672
...in a line of intellectually superior
benign overlords...
76
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:59,967
...to guide humanity
to a brighter tomorrow.
77
00:05:02,136 --> 00:05:04,680
I'm guessing that future historians
will condemn us...
78
00:05:04,847 --> 00:05:08,350
...for not taking this opportunity
to kill Sheldon.
79
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:12,021
- Okay. I have a question.
- Yes, Penny.
80
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:15,441
You don't even like people touching you.
How are you gonna have sex?
81
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,153
Why on earth would we have sex?
82
00:05:21,530 --> 00:05:24,116
Oh, honey, did your mom
not have the talk with you?
83
00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,703
You know, when your private parts
started growing?
84
00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,831
I'm quite aware of the way
humans usually reproduce...
85
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,624
...which is messy, unsanitary...
86
00:05:32,791 --> 00:05:35,294
...and based on living next to you
for three years...
87
00:05:35,461 --> 00:05:39,173
...involves loud and unnecessary appeals
to a deity.
88
00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:41,759
- Oh, God.
- Yes, exactly.
89
00:05:45,012 --> 00:05:48,807
Consequently, if Amy and I choose
to bring new life into this world...
90
00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,893
...it will be accomplished clinically...
91
00:05:51,060 --> 00:05:53,896
...with fertility experts in a lab
with Petri dishes.
92
00:05:54,063 --> 00:05:57,858
Which reminds me, you have broad hips
and a certain corn-fed vigor.
93
00:05:58,025 --> 00:06:00,694
Is your womb available for rental?
94
00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:05,199
Still digging the Shamy?
95
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:09,453
Look, Sheldon, before you race off
to the fertility clinic...
96
00:06:09,620 --> 00:06:10,954
...you might wanna think about...
97
00:06:11,121 --> 00:06:14,374
...gee, I don't know, maybe actually
spending some time with her.
98
00:06:14,541 --> 00:06:16,376
- You mean dating?
- Yeah.
99
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,045
- I can't date Amy.
- Why not?
100
00:06:18,212 --> 00:06:19,880
She's not my girlfriend.
101
00:06:20,047 --> 00:06:22,049
Don't think of it as dating a girlfriend.
102
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,803
Think of it as, uh, getting to know
the future mother of your child.
103
00:06:26,011 --> 00:06:27,930
Oh.
104
00:06:28,097 --> 00:06:30,057
I hadn't considered that.
105
00:06:30,224 --> 00:06:32,893
I suppose she will have to have
access to our progeny.
106
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:37,397
And you don't think I can achieve
the required intimacy via text messaging?
107
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:39,608
- Probably not.
- Hmm.
108
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,571
It would appear as if the phone
companies have been lying to me.
109
00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:50,869
Penny. Penny. Penny.
110
00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:54,957
You do realize
I stand on the other side of the door...
111
00:06:55,124 --> 00:06:57,709
...waiting for you
to finish knocking three times.
112
00:06:57,876 --> 00:07:00,963
I know. I can see the shadow
of your feet under the door.
113
00:07:01,755 --> 00:07:03,924
Yeah. My point is it's a waste of time.
114
00:07:04,091 --> 00:07:06,635
If you're looking for an example
of a waste of time...
115
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:09,763
...I would refer you to the conversation
we're having right now.
116
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,558
- What do you want?
- I've decided to take your advice...
117
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,269
...and have arranged to go on a date
with Amy Farrah Fowler.
118
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,106
- Oh, that's great. Have fun.
- Wait. You have to drive me.
119
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,567
- What?
- You know I don't drive.
120
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,068
- Well, go ask Leonard.
- I did.
121
00:07:23,235 --> 00:07:28,240
He said, and I quote, "Ask Penny.
It was her cockamamie idea."
122
00:07:28,866 --> 00:07:30,159
Leonard said "cockamamie"?
123
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:33,954
Actually, I'm paraphrasing. Having
been raised in a Christian household...
124
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,999
...I'm uncomfortable
with the language he used.
125
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,627
And to be honest, I'm not
entirely comfortable with "cockamamie."
126
00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:42,796
Okay, fine. When's the date?
127
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:44,423
- Now.
- Now?
128
00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:46,300
Hurry, we're going to be late.
129
00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:51,138
Sheldon, did it ever occur to you
that I might have other plans?
130
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,600
I'm sorry. Do you have other plans?
131
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:59,813
Well, no, not per se, but...
132
00:08:00,439 --> 00:08:05,527
And so this conversation is as pointless
as your door-knocking soliloquy?
133
00:08:06,653 --> 00:08:09,907
Let me get my cockamamie keys.
134
00:08:12,451 --> 00:08:15,662
HOWARD:
Oh, God, that feels so good.
135
00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:17,664
(MOANING)
136
00:08:20,334 --> 00:08:23,545
Yeah, that's the spot. Oh, baby.
137
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:26,840
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, dinner's ready!
138
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:30,135
I'll eat later, I'm busy!
139
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:34,014
Oh, yeah. Just like a real hand.
140
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,981
Hmm.
141
00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:50,364
- Thank you for driving me.
- You're welcome.
142
00:08:51,365 --> 00:08:56,078
I wish you weren't wearing flip-flops.
Dangerous to drive in flip-flops.
143
00:08:56,245 --> 00:08:58,247
- Sheldon.
- Sorry.
144
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:02,042
I just don't wanna be
yet another flip-flop fatality.
145
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:06,046
Can I ask you a question?
146
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:08,215
Given your
community-college education...
147
00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,218
...I encourage you to ask me
as many as possible.
148
00:09:12,719 --> 00:09:17,182
Yeah, ahem, well, my question is,
and I'm pretty sure I know the answer...
149
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:18,976
...is this your first date?
150
00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:21,186
That depends.
151
00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:23,230
Does square dancing with my sister...
152
00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:27,109
...at a Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July hoedown count as a date?
153
00:09:28,068 --> 00:09:30,779
- No.
- Then this is my first date.
154
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:34,992
Okay, well, then there's a couple of things
you should probably know.
155
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,578
I have a master's degree
and two doctorates.
156
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:42,249
The things I should know, I do know.
157
00:09:43,041 --> 00:09:46,086
My point is,
I know more about dating than you...
158
00:09:46,253 --> 00:09:49,923
...and if you were as smart as you think
you are, you would listen to me.
159
00:09:50,132 --> 00:09:53,093
If you know so much,
how come I have a date tonight...
160
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:56,763
...and you have nothing better to do
than drive me to it?
161
00:09:59,308 --> 00:10:01,226
Fair point.
162
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:06,648
You know, there's something I've
always wondered about Aquaman.
163
00:10:07,149 --> 00:10:09,776
- Yeah?
- Where does he poop?
164
00:10:12,279 --> 00:10:15,741
- What?
- What would a toilet look like in Atlantis?
165
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:18,744
How would you flush it?
And when you did flush it...
166
00:10:18,910 --> 00:10:20,787
...where would the poop go?
167
00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:24,291
(PHONE RINGS)
168
00:10:24,458 --> 00:10:26,126
Hold that thought.
169
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,254
Hey, Howard, what's going on?
170
00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:33,300
Wha...? Hold on. Howard.
Howard, slow down.
171
00:10:33,467 --> 00:10:35,969
The robot hand
is stuck on your what?
172
00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:42,059
You're not gonna believe this.
173
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:55,697
(PENNY CLEARS THROAT)
174
00:10:55,864 --> 00:11:01,078
So, um, Amy, Sheldon tells me
you're a neuro-something-or-other.
175
00:11:01,703 --> 00:11:04,039
Neurobiologist.
176
00:11:04,206 --> 00:11:06,792
Your "check engine" light is on.
177
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:09,628
Yeah, it's okay.
178
00:11:09,795 --> 00:11:11,963
- But the light indicates...
- Don't bother.
179
00:11:12,130 --> 00:11:16,885
I've wasted many an hour
tilting at that particular windmill.
180
00:11:18,929 --> 00:11:21,515
What is that scent you're wearing?
It smells great.
181
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:23,725
Dandruff shampoo.
182
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:27,729
I have dry scalp.
183
00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:31,066
Ah, well, your hair looks very nice.
184
00:11:31,733 --> 00:11:34,111
Are you a homosexual?
185
00:11:35,070 --> 00:11:39,574
- No, I was just giving you a compliment.
- Hmm.
186
00:11:39,741 --> 00:11:42,661
I would have been more flattered
if you were a homosexual.
187
00:11:45,455 --> 00:11:48,583
- Guys, how about some music?
- Oh, I wouldn't care for that.
188
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:50,419
- Amy?
- No, thank you.
189
00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:55,090
Okay. Uncomfortable silence it is.
190
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,138
Hey, Sheldon, have you told Amy...
191
00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,682
...what it was like for you
growing up in Texas?
192
00:12:03,849 --> 00:12:05,392
No.
193
00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:09,146
Well, why don't you tell her?
194
00:12:10,021 --> 00:12:11,648
All right.
195
00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:13,608
It was hell.
196
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:16,820
Any follow-up, Amy?
197
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,739
No.
198
00:12:24,661 --> 00:12:28,331
I, myself, grew up in Nebraska.
Small town outside of Omaha.
199
00:12:28,498 --> 00:12:33,670
Yeah, nice place, mostly family farms,
a few meth labs.
200
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:37,007
I'm sorry, how is this better
than uncomfortable silence?
201
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:39,509
I don't know.
I was just trying something.
202
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,430
Muggles.
203
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:53,231
You slipped and fell into a robot hand?
204
00:12:55,734 --> 00:12:57,027
Yes.
205
00:12:58,153 --> 00:12:59,696
Penis first.
206
00:13:03,241 --> 00:13:05,035
Yes. Now, help me!
207
00:13:05,202 --> 00:13:06,453
I'd suggest a lubricant...
208
00:13:06,661 --> 00:13:10,040
...but I have a feeling
you fell on some of that as well.
209
00:13:10,207 --> 00:13:11,458
Not funny, Leonard.
210
00:13:11,666 --> 00:13:14,461
Really? A robot hand's
got a death grip on your junk, dude.
211
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:15,670
That's funny, ask anyone.
212
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:16,880
(BOTH LAUGH)
213
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,050
Please, before my mother walks in,
get this off me.
214
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:21,259
Okay, let's see.
215
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,053
No. Don't touch.
The program is paused.
216
00:13:23,220 --> 00:13:25,722
- Then let's unpause it.
- I loaded the wrong program.
217
00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,933
The hand thinks
it's holding a screwdriver.
218
00:13:28,099 --> 00:13:31,061
If you continue the program,
it's gonna start twisting.
219
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:35,398
All... All... All right, how about this?
220
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:39,569
When Winnie the Pooh
got his head stuck in the honey tree...
221
00:13:39,736 --> 00:13:43,406
...his friends all grabbed onto him
and pulled and pulled.
222
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:49,162
You do what you want. I'm not touching
another man's honey tree.
223
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,414
All right, uh, forget pulling.
224
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,000
How about we get an electric saw
and cut it off?
225
00:13:54,209 --> 00:13:55,794
What? No saws!
226
00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:58,922
One circumcision was enough.
227
00:14:01,424 --> 00:14:03,134
How about an acetylene torch?
228
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,595
I can't believe
this needs to be said out loud.
229
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:09,599
- No pulling, no saws, no torches.
- Then what do you want us to do?
230
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,893
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
Howard, I made cookies for you...
231
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,312
...and your little friends!
232
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:16,523
That's great, Mom, thanks!
233
00:14:16,731 --> 00:14:19,442
MRS. WOLOWITZ:
I'll bring them up with Hawaiian Punch!
234
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:21,611
- Don't come up here!
MRS WOLOWITZ: Why not?
235
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,780
Are you ashamed of your mother?
236
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,533
Yes, but that's not the point!
237
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,618
Get me out of here.
238
00:14:28,785 --> 00:14:30,662
You have any ideas, Raj?
239
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:34,541
Right now, all I can think about
is cookies and Hawaiian Punch.
240
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:45,051
Hey, here's another possible topic
of conversation.
241
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:46,803
This is a big night for Sheldon.
242
00:14:48,263 --> 00:14:51,558
- Right, Sheldon?
- Big night?
243
00:14:51,766 --> 00:14:54,060
The winter solstice is a big night.
244
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,564
It's over 14 hours
in Southern California.
245
00:14:59,316 --> 00:15:03,153
- That's an amusing factoid.
- Thank you.
246
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:09,993
No, no. My point is, uh,
tonight is Sheldon's first official date.
247
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,786
Discuss.
248
00:15:12,329 --> 00:15:15,332
- Is this true?
- Apparently a semi-incestuous...
249
00:15:15,498 --> 00:15:18,501
...Teens for Jesus
Fourth of July hoedown didn't count.
250
00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:23,048
So, um, Amy, what about you?
Do you date much?
251
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:25,550
Once a year.
It's a deal I made with my mother...
252
00:15:25,717 --> 00:15:27,594
...in exchange for her silence
on the matter...
253
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:32,682
...and the use of her George Foreman Grill
that seals in the flavor without the fat.
254
00:15:35,226 --> 00:15:37,020
What about you?
Do you go on many dates?
255
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:40,023
Uh, yeah, I wouldn't say many. A few.
256
00:15:40,190 --> 00:15:41,483
(GIGGLES)
257
00:15:44,110 --> 00:15:45,153
What's...?
258
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:46,363
(IMITATES SHELDON'S GIGGLE)
259
00:15:46,529 --> 00:15:50,533
Your characterization of approximately
171 different men as a few.
260
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,369
What...?
261
00:15:52,911 --> 00:15:55,413
Where did you get 171 men?
262
00:15:55,580 --> 00:15:56,915
Simple extrapolation.
263
00:15:57,082 --> 00:16:00,293
In the three years that I've known you,
you were single for two.
264
00:16:00,460 --> 00:16:03,254
During that time,
I saw 17 different suitors.
265
00:16:03,421 --> 00:16:04,547
If we work backwards...
266
00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:08,927
...correcting for observation bias
and postulate an initial dating age of 15...
267
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:12,639
Whoa, wait, wait, wait.
I did not start dating at 15.
268
00:16:12,847 --> 00:16:14,933
- I'm sorry. Sixteen?
- Fourteen.
269
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:17,894
My mistake.
270
00:16:18,061 --> 00:16:21,398
Now assuming the left side of a bell curve
peaking around the present...
271
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:27,445
...that would bring the total
up to 193 men, plus or minus eight men.
272
00:16:29,614 --> 00:16:32,992
Remarkable. Did you have
sexual intercourse with all of these men?
273
00:16:33,159 --> 00:16:34,411
- No.
SHELDON: No.
274
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,497
Although that number
would be fairly easy to calculate.
275
00:16:37,664 --> 00:16:39,833
Based on the number
of awkward encounters I've had...
276
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:41,835
...with strange men
leaving her apartment...
277
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,421
...plus the number of times
she's returned home...
278
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,923
...wearing same clothes
she wore the night before...
279
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:50,468
- I think you've made your point.
- So we multiply a 193...
280
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:53,179
...minus 21 men
before the loss of virginity...
281
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:59,894
...so 172 times 0.18
gives us 30.96 sexual partners.
282
00:17:01,271 --> 00:17:02,647
Let's round that up to 31.
283
00:17:04,149 --> 00:17:06,443
Okay, Sheldon. You are so wrong.
284
00:17:06,609 --> 00:17:08,611
That is not even close
to the real number.
285
00:17:08,778 --> 00:17:11,114
I'm gonna need a drink over here.
286
00:17:11,781 --> 00:17:14,451
This is very interesting.
Cultural perceptions are subjective.
287
00:17:14,617 --> 00:17:16,786
Penny, to your mind, are you a slut?
288
00:17:18,163 --> 00:17:21,207
No. No.
289
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:23,501
No.
290
00:17:24,461 --> 00:17:26,504
Let's just all finish our dinners,
okay?
291
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:28,465
This is an interesting topic.
292
00:17:28,631 --> 00:17:31,009
How many sexual encounters
have you had?
293
00:17:31,176 --> 00:17:34,471
Does volunteering for an experiment
in which orgasm was achieved...
294
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:38,349
...by electronically stimulating
the pleasure centers of the brain count?
295
00:17:39,309 --> 00:17:41,311
I should think so.
296
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,313
Then 128.
297
00:17:51,154 --> 00:17:54,073
Okay, come on.
298
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,576
Almost there.
299
00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:03,666
Don't tug. No tugging.
300
00:18:03,833 --> 00:18:05,502
Next time take your own advice.
301
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:09,506
Excuse me. Could you help us out?
302
00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:12,675
My, my, my.
What do we have here?
303
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:17,680
- I slipped and fell.
- Yeah, we get that a lot.
304
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:22,685
- What is this?
- It's a robot arm.
305
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,188
Where's the rest of the robot?
306
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:27,398
I only built the arm.
307
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,984
Because that's all you needed, right?
308
00:18:31,861 --> 00:18:34,030
Can you please just help me?
309
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:38,201
All right. All right.
Hang on, stay calm.
310
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,703
(ON PA)
I need an orderly with a wheelchair.
311
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:44,541
I've got a robot hand
grasping a man's penis out here.
312
00:18:46,251 --> 00:18:48,294
You think you could be
a little more discreet?
313
00:18:48,503 --> 00:18:51,923
I'm sorry, we don't have a code
for robot hand grasping a man's penis.
314
00:18:53,216 --> 00:18:54,884
Why is it hooked up to a computer?
315
00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,428
- It's what controls the arm.
- But it's frozen.
316
00:18:57,595 --> 00:19:00,265
Did you try turning it off
and back on again?
317
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:03,101
No, you see,
it's more complicated than that...
318
00:19:03,268 --> 00:19:05,019
No, wait!
319
00:19:11,568 --> 00:19:15,154
Winnie the Pooh
is out of the honey tree.
320
00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:19,158
Now can we have cookies
and Hawaiian Punch?
321
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,417
You were right.
This was a very productive evening.
322
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:31,546
I saw a whole new side
of Amy Farrah Fowler tonight.
323
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:35,008
PENNY:
I did not have sex with 31 guys.
324
00:19:35,592 --> 00:19:39,929
SHELDON: I'll be happy to check the math,
but numbers don't lie, Penny.
325
00:19:40,763 --> 00:19:44,934
In any event, now that Amy and I
have spent quality time together...
326
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:49,063
...I feel much more confident proceeding
to the next stage of our relationship.
327
00:19:49,230 --> 00:19:50,273
And that is?
328
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,234
Using in vitro fertilization
and a surrogate uterus...
329
00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:56,696
...to gift humanity with our progeny.
330
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:58,907
You're still on that?
331
00:19:59,073 --> 00:20:03,953
In these uncertain times,
doesn't humanity deserve a gift?
332
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:08,583
Okay, you know what? I'm gonna
come at this in a whole new way.
333
00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,794
Sheldon, if you try to make a baby
with Amy in a Petri dish...
334
00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,963
...I'm gonna tell your mother on you.
335
00:20:14,130 --> 00:20:15,757
Well, that's no threat.
336
00:20:15,924 --> 00:20:17,800
My mother's
always wanted a grandchild.
337
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:20,970
Really? Your deeply religious,
born-again Christian mother...
338
00:20:21,137 --> 00:20:24,474
...wants a test-tube grandbaby
born out of wedlock?
339
00:20:27,644 --> 00:20:29,270
Curses.
340
00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:33,900
If I'd thought of that in the first place,
I could've saved myself this whole night.
341
00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:38,321
Well, it's not that late. You could
still go out and look for number 32.
342
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:44,327
Good night.
343
00:20:44,494 --> 00:20:46,412
Hey, Howard. What's up?
344
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:50,291
- I've decided not to procreate.
- Yeah, yeah, great.
345
00:20:51,501 --> 00:20:55,505
Howard, uh, slow down.
What do you mean, "It happened again"?
27885
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