Original subtitles

>>> AND NOW, A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >>> MY FELLOW AMERICANS, THIS

PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >>> MY FELLOW AMERICANS, THIS TUESDAY, OUR MIDTERM ELECTIONS

>>> MY FELLOW AMERICANS, THIS TUESDAY, OUR MIDTERM ELECTIONS WILL DETERMINE THE FATE OF OUR

TUESDAY, OUR MIDTERM ELECTIONS WILL DETERMINE THE FATE OF OUR DEMOCRACY, AND LET'S JUST SAY,

WILL DETERMINE THE FATE OF OUR DEMOCRACY, AND LET'S JUST SAY, BIG YIKES.

DEMOCRACY, AND LET'S JUST SAY, BIG YIKES. WHAT'S GOING ON?

BIG YIKES. WHAT'S GOING ON? I GUESS THE DEMOCRATS MESSAGE

WHAT'S GOING ON? I GUESS THE DEMOCRATS MESSAGE JUST AIN'T GETTING THROUGH.

I GUESS THE DEMOCRATS MESSAGE JUST AIN'T GETTING THROUGH. PLUS, I'M OVER HERE TALKING TO

JUST AIN'T GETTING THROUGH. PLUS, I'M OVER HERE TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T EXIST.

PLUS, I'M OVER HERE TALKING TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T EXIST. I DOT KNOW MUCH.

PEOPLE WHO DON'T EXIST. I DOT KNOW MUCH. WHO'S THAT?

I DOT KNOW MUCH. WHO'S THAT? NOBODY'S THERE.

WHO'S THAT? NOBODY'S THERE. FOLKS, I'M TRYING LIKE HELL, I

NOBODY'S THERE. FOLKS, I'M TRYING LIKE HELL, I PROMISE.

FOLKS, I'M TRYING LIKE HELL, I PROMISE. I PASS THAT BIG ASS

PROMISE. I PASS THAT BIG ASS INFRASTRUCTURE BILL.

I PASS THAT BIG ASS INFRASTRUCTURE BILL. REMEMBER THAT?

INFRASTRUCTURE BILL. REMEMBER THAT? $65 BILLION.

REMEMBER THAT? $65 BILLION. LOT OF YOU REP TYPES GOT

$65 BILLION. LOT OF YOU REP TYPES GOT BROADBAND INTERNET SO YOU CAN

LOT OF YOU REP TYPES GOT BROADBAND INTERNET SO YOU CAN SHARE YOUR PAUL PELOSI GAY

BROADBAND INTERNET SO YOU CAN SHARE YOUR PAUL PELOSI GAY INTERNET FICTION AT LIGHTNING

SHARE YOUR PAUL PELOSI GAY INTERNET FICTION AT LIGHTNING SPEED.

INTERNET FICTION AT LIGHTNING SPEED. YOU RIGHT THINKERS SURE DO LOVE

SPEED. YOU RIGHT THINKERS SURE DO LOVE THINKING UP THESE GAY SCENARIOS.

YOU RIGHT THINKERS SURE DO LOVE THINKING UP THESE GAY SCENARIOS. KIND OF SUS.

THINKING UP THESE GAY SCENARIOS. KIND OF SUS. I GET IT.

KIND OF SUS. I GET IT. I'M NO SPRING CHICKEN, BUT

I GET IT. I'M NO SPRING CHICKEN, BUT PEOPLE ARE YELLING AT OBAMA

I'M NO SPRING CHICKEN, BUT PEOPLE ARE YELLING AT OBAMA CALLING HIM HOT.

PEOPLE ARE YELLING AT OBAMA CALLING HIM HOT. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME

CALLING HIM HOT. HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL?

HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME FEEL? DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, GOOGLE

FEEL? DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, GOOGLE YOUNG JOE BIDEN AND START A

DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, GOOGLE YOUNG JOE BIDEN AND START A BUBBLE BATH.

YOUNG JOE BIDEN AND START A BUBBLE BATH. YOU GUYS THINK I'M BORING NOW?

BUBBLE BATH. YOU GUYS THINK I'M BORING NOW? WELL, I CAN DO CRAZY STUFF TOO.

YOU GUYS THINK I'M BORING NOW? WELL, I CAN DO CRAZY STUFF TOO. AHH!

WELL, I CAN DO CRAZY STUFF TOO. AHH! I SCARED MYSELF.

AHH! I SCARED MYSELF. LISTEN, FOLKS, THAT'S THE

I SCARED MYSELF. LISTEN, FOLKS, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

LISTEN, FOLKS, THAT'S THE PROBLEM. WE DON'T HAVE ANY STARS ANYMORE.

PROBLEM. WE DON'T HAVE ANY STARS ANYMORE. TOO MANY RAPHAEL WARNOCKS AND

WE DON'T HAVE ANY STARS ANYMORE. TOO MANY RAPHAEL WARNOCKS AND NOT ENOUGH HERSCHEL WALKERS,

TOO MANY RAPHAEL WARNOCKS AND NOT ENOUGH HERSCHEL WALKERS, WHICH IS WHY WE'RE GOING TO MAKE

NOT ENOUGH HERSCHEL WALKERS, WHICH IS WHY WE'RE GOING TO MAKE SOME CHANGES BEFORE NEXT TUESDAY

WHICH IS WHY WE'RE GOING TO MAKE SOME CHANGES BEFORE NEXT TUESDAY WITH THE DEM CHATS.

SOME CHANGES BEFORE NEXT TUESDAY WITH THE DEM CHATS. HEY, CALIFORNIA, SICK OF ADAM

WITH THE DEM CHATS. HEY, CALIFORNIA, SICK OF ADAM SCHIFF?

HEY, CALIFORNIA, SICK OF ADAM SCHIFF? MEET THE NEXT CONGRESSWOMAN.

SCHIFF? MEET THE NEXT CONGRESSWOMAN. IT'S MARIANNE WILLIAMSSON.

MEET THE NEXT CONGRESSWOMAN. IT'S MARIANNE WILLIAMSSON. >> AS A PROMINENT AUTHOR AND

IT'S MARIANNE WILLIAMSSON. >> AS A PROMINENT AUTHOR AND LEVEL FOUR ENCHANTRESS, I'M

>> AS A PROMINENT AUTHOR AND LEVEL FOUR ENCHANTRESS, I'M READY TO FIGHT FOR THE AMERICAN

LEVEL FOUR ENCHANTRESS, I'M READY TO FIGHT FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM, WHICH I CAN'T IN THIS

READY TO FIGHT FOR THE AMERICAN DREAM, WHICH I CAN'T IN THIS BOWL.

DREAM, WHICH I CAN'T IN THIS BOWL. >> SOUNDS COOL.

BOWL. >> SOUNDS COOL. AMERICA'S NEXT DEFENSE AGAINST

>> SOUNDS COOL. AMERICA'S NEXT DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER, FOLKS.

AMERICA'S NEXT DEFENSE AGAINST THE DARK ARTS TEACHER, FOLKS. NOW, I LIKE DR. OZ, THIS NEXT

THE DARK ARTS TEACHER, FOLKS. NOW, I LIKE DR. OZ, THIS NEXT GUY HAS POLITICAL EXPERIENCE.

NOW, I LIKE DR. OZ, THIS NEXT GUY HAS POLITICAL EXPERIENCE. HE WAS THE MAYOR OF FLAVOR TOWN

GUY HAS POLITICAL EXPERIENCE. HE WAS THE MAYOR OF FLAVOR TOWN FOR OVER 20 YEARS, GUY FIERI.

HE WAS THE MAYOR OF FLAVOR TOWN FOR OVER 20 YEARS, GUY FIERI. >> LISTEN, MAN, AMERICA'S HUNGRY

FOR OVER 20 YEARS, GUY FIERI. >> LISTEN, MAN, AMERICA'S HUNGRY FOR CHANGE, BUT DO Y'ALL WANT A

>> LISTEN, MAN, AMERICA'S HUNGRY FOR CHANGE, BUT DO Y'ALL WANT A FULL PLATE OF PAID FAMILY LEAVE

FOR CHANGE, BUT DO Y'ALL WANT A FULL PLATE OF PAID FAMILY LEAVE DRIPPING IN DONKEY SAUCE?

FULL PLATE OF PAID FAMILY LEAVE DRIPPING IN DONKEY SAUCE? FULL THROTTLE, WHOO!

DRIPPING IN DONKEY SAUCE? FULL THROTTLE, WHOO! >> LOVE THAT GUY.

FULL THROTTLE, WHOO! >> LOVE THAT GUY. DREAM JOB.

>> LOVE THAT GUY. DREAM JOB. DREAM JOB.

DREAM JOB. DREAM JOB. HEY, OHIO, MEET YOUR NEXT

DREAM JOB. HEY, OHIO, MEET YOUR NEXT SENATOR.

HEY, OHIO, MEET YOUR NEXT SENATOR. >> HEY!

SENATOR. >> HEY! I WANT NO CAP ON SOCIAL

>> HEY! I WANT NO CAP ON SOCIAL SECURITIES.

I WANT NO CAP ON SOCIAL SECURITIES. NO CAP.

SECURITIES. NO CAP. DEMOCRATS, BABY.

NO CAP. DEMOCRATS, BABY. TRE WAY.

DEMOCRATS, BABY. TRE WAY. TRE WAY!

TRE WAY. TRE WAY! >> WHAT A TERRIFYING YOUNG MAN.

TRE WAY! >> WHAT A TERRIFYING YOUNG MAN. TIRED OF RICHARD WHITMER?

>> WHAT A TERRIFYING YOUNG MAN. TIRED OF RICHARD WHITMER? MEET STORMY DANIELS.

TIRED OF RICHARD WHITMER? MEET STORMY DANIELS. >> HI, TV.

MEET STORMY DANIELS. >> HI, TV. I MAY BE A FORMER ADULT STAR,

>> HI, TV. I MAY BE A FORMER ADULT STAR, BUT I'M WILLING TO DEFACE MYSELF

I MAY BE A FORMER ADULT STAR, BUT I'M WILLING TO DEFACE MYSELF AND ENTER U.S. POLITICS.

BUT I'M WILLING TO DEFACE MYSELF AND ENTER U.S. POLITICS. I CAN WORK WITH ANYONE, AND I'M

AND ENTER U.S. POLITICS. I CAN WORK WITH ANYONE, AND I'M WILLING TO REACH AROUND THE

I CAN WORK WITH ANYONE, AND I'M WILLING TO REACH AROUND THE AISLE TO GET THINGS DONE.

WILLING TO REACH AROUND THE AISLE TO GET THINGS DONE. >> I THINK IT'S REACH ACROSS THE

AISLE TO GET THINGS DONE. >> I THINK IT'S REACH ACROSS THE AISLE.

>> I THINK IT'S REACH ACROSS THE AISLE. >> SURE.

AISLE. >> SURE. YOU DO YOU.

>> SURE. YOU DO YOU. >> TALENTED ACTRESS.

YOU DO YOU. >> TALENTED ACTRESS. NOW INTRODUCING SOMEONE WHO'S

>> TALENTED ACTRESS. NOW INTRODUCING SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO BEAT MARCO RUBIO

NOW INTRODUCING SOMEONE WHO'S GOING TO BEAT MARCO RUBIO BECAUSE SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO

GOING TO BEAT MARCO RUBIO BECAUSE SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO FIGHT.

BECAUSE SHE'S NOT AFRAID TO FIGHT. SHE'S YOUR NEXT SENATOR FOR

FIGHT. SHE'S YOUR NEXT SENATOR FOR FLORIDA, AZAELIA BANKS.

SHE'S YOUR NEXT SENATOR FOR FLORIDA, AZAELIA BANKS. >> I'M A WITCH, BITCH!

FLORIDA, AZAELIA BANKS. >> I'M A WITCH, BITCH! >> OKAY.

>> I'M A WITCH, BITCH! >> OKAY. FINALLY, PEOPLE GOT MAT AT ME

>> OKAY. FINALLY, PEOPLE GOT MAT AT ME ABOUT STUDENT LOAN FORGIVENESS,

FINALLY, PEOPLE GOT MAT AT ME ABOUT STUDENT LOAN FORGIVENESS, BUT HE'S IN CHARGE OF IT NOW.

ABOUT STUDENT LOAN FORGIVENESS, BUT HE'S IN CHARGE OF IT NOW. TRACY MORGAN.

BUT HE'S IN CHARGE OF IT NOW. TRACY MORGAN. >> OKAY.

TRACY MORGAN. >> OKAY. Y'ALL WANT THAT MONEY?

>> OKAY. Y'ALL WANT THAT MONEY? WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER HERE

Y'ALL WANT THAT MONEY? WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER HERE AND RUB MY BELLY.

WHY DON'T YOU COME ON OVER HERE AND RUB MY BELLY. >> THANK YOU, TRACY.

AND RUB MY BELLY. >> THANK YOU, TRACY. EVERYBODY, GET UP HERE.

>> THANK YOU, TRACY. EVERYBODY, GET UP HERE. THERE THEY ARE, YOUR NEW

EVERYBODY, GET UP HERE. THERE THEY ARE, YOUR NEW DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES.

THERE THEY ARE, YOUR NEW DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES. ALL RIGHT, TEAM.

DEMOCRATIC CANDIDATES. ALL RIGHT, TEAM. WHAT DO WE WANT?

ALL RIGHT, TEAM. WHAT DO WE WANT? >> I KIND OF WANT SOME

WHAT DO WE WANT? >> I KIND OF WANT SOME SUGAR-FREE WHITE CASTLE.

>> I KIND OF WANT SOME SUGAR-FREE WHITE CASTLE. >> WHEN DO WE WANT IT?

SUGAR-FREE WHITE CASTLE. >> WHEN DO WE WANT IT? >> I MEAN, MY MIND IS LIKE

>> WHEN DO WE WANT IT? >> I MEAN, MY MIND IS LIKE WHENEVER YOU GOOD, BABY GIRL.

>> I MEAN, MY MIND IS LIKE WHENEVER YOU GOOD, BABY GIRL. >> ALL RIGHT.

WHENEVER YOU GOOD, BABY GIRL. >> ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO, TEAM.

>> ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO, TEAM. WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

LET'S GO, TEAM. WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S

WE'RE GOING TO BE FINE. AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT! ♪

SATURDAY NIGHT! ♪ >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY

♪ >> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE".

>> Announcer: IT'S "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE". WITH -- MICHAEL CHE.

NIGHT LIVE". WITH -- MICHAEL CHE. MIKEY DAY.

WITH -- MICHAEL CHE. MIKEY DAY. ANDREW DISMUKES.

MIKEY DAY. ANDREW DISMUKES. CHLOE FINEMAN.

ANDREW DISMUKES. CHLOE FINEMAN. HEIDI GARDENER.

CHLOE FINEMAN. HEIDI GARDENER. PUNKIE JOHNSON.

HEIDI GARDENER. PUNKIE JOHNSON. COLIN JOST.

PUNKIE JOHNSON. COLIN JOST. EGO NWODEM.

COLIN JOST. EGO NWODEM. CECILY STRONG.

EGO NWODEM. CECILY STRONG. KENAN THOMPSON.

CECILY STRONG. KENAN THOMPSON. BOWEN YANG.

KENAN THOMPSON. BOWEN YANG. FEATURING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ.

BOWEN YANG. FEATURING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ. JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON.

FEATURING, MARCELLO HERNANDEZ. JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON. MOLLY KEARNEY.

JAMES AUSTIN JOHNSON. MOLLY KEARNEY. MICHAEL LONGFELLOW.

MOLLY KEARNEY. MICHAEL LONGFELLOW. SARAH SHERMAN.

MICHAEL LONGFELLOW. SARAH SHERMAN. DEVON WALKER.

SARAH SHERMAN. DEVON WALKER. MUSICAL GUEST, STEVE LACY.

DEVON WALKER. MUSICAL GUEST, STEVE LACY. AND YOUR HOST, AMY SCHUMER.

MUSICAL GUEST, STEVE LACY. AND YOUR HOST, AMY SCHUMER. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AMY

AND YOUR HOST, AMY SCHUMER. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AMY SCHUMER.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AMY SCHUMER. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>>> THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S SO GREAT TO BE BACK HERE

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. IT'S SO GREAT TO BE BACK HERE HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE."

IT'S SO GREAT TO BE BACK HERE HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY.

HOSTING "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE." I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY. YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY HULU SHOW,

I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY. YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY HULU SHOW, "LIFE AND BETH "AND "INSIDE AMY

YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY HULU SHOW, "LIFE AND BETH "AND "INSIDE AMY SCHUMER IS BACK ON PARAMOUNT+"

"LIFE AND BETH "AND "INSIDE AMY SCHUMER IS BACK ON PARAMOUNT+" AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE THE

SCHUMER IS BACK ON PARAMOUNT+" AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE THE HONOR OF BEING THE FINAL HOST

AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE THE HONOR OF BEING THE FINAL HOST BEFORE THE MIDTERM ABORTIONS --

HONOR OF BEING THE FINAL HOST BEFORE THE MIDTERM ABORTIONS -- ELECTIONS.

BEFORE THE MIDTERM ABORTIONS -- ELECTIONS. WHAT DID I SAY?

ELECTIONS. WHAT DID I SAY? SORRY.

WHAT DID I SAY? SORRY. I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S AT

SORRY. I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S AT STAKE IF WE DON'T VOTE.

I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT'S AT STAKE IF WE DON'T VOTE. PEOPLE LOVE GIVING PREGNANT

STAKE IF WE DON'T VOTE. PEOPLE LOVE GIVING PREGNANT WOMEN ADVICE, DON'T THEY?

PEOPLE LOVE GIVING PREGNANT WOMEN ADVICE, DON'T THEY? THE WHOLE TIME I WAS PREGNANT, I

WOMEN ADVICE, DON'T THEY? THE WHOLE TIME I WAS PREGNANT, I HAD THIS ONE FRIEND TELLING ME,

THE WHOLE TIME I WAS PREGNANT, I HAD THIS ONE FRIEND TELLING ME, YOU GOT TO DO PRENATAL YOGA.

HAD THIS ONE FRIEND TELLING ME, YOU GOT TO DO PRENATAL YOGA. IT REALLY HELPS WITH THE BIRTH.

YOU GOT TO DO PRENATAL YOGA. IT REALLY HELPS WITH THE BIRTH. SO I IMMEDIATELY SIGNED UP FOR A

IT REALLY HELPS WITH THE BIRTH. SO I IMMEDIATELY SIGNED UP FOR A C-SECTION.

SO I IMMEDIATELY SIGNED UP FOR A C-SECTION. BUT NO, I DID.

C-SECTION. BUT NO, I DID. I HAD A C, HE CAME OUT THE

BUT NO, I DID. I HAD A C, HE CAME OUT THE SUNROOF.

I HAD A C, HE CAME OUT THE SUNROOF. NO MATTER HOW YOU GIVE BIRTH,

SUNROOF. NO MATTER HOW YOU GIVE BIRTH, THE DOCTORS ALL TELL YOU -- IT

NO MATTER HOW YOU GIVE BIRTH, THE DOCTORS ALL TELL YOU -- IT COULD BE VAGINAL, C-SECTION.

THE DOCTORS ALL TELL YOU -- IT COULD BE VAGINAL, C-SECTION. THEY ALMOST NEVER COME OUT OF

COULD BE VAGINAL, C-SECTION. THEY ALMOST NEVER COME OUT OF YOUR BUTT HOLE.

THEY ALMOST NEVER COME OUT OF YOUR BUTT HOLE. BUT THEY TELL YOU, NO MATTER

YOUR BUTT HOLE. BUT THEY TELL YOU, NO MATTER WHAT, THE DOCTORS SAY, YOU

BUT THEY TELL YOU, NO MATTER WHAT, THE DOCTORS SAY, YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX FOR SIX WEEKS.

WHAT, THE DOCTORS SAY, YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX FOR SIX WEEKS. YOU GOT IT?

CANNOT HAVE SEX FOR SIX WEEKS. YOU GOT IT? SIX WEEKS, NO SEX.

YOU GOT IT? SIX WEEKS, NO SEX. I WAS LIKE, OKAY.

SIX WEEKS, NO SEX. I WAS LIKE, OKAY. REMEMBER WHEN YOU JUST

I WAS LIKE, OKAY. REMEMBER WHEN YOU JUST WOLVERINED ME OPEN?

REMEMBER WHEN YOU JUST WOLVERINED ME OPEN? REMEMBER THAT?

WOLVERINED ME OPEN? REMEMBER THAT? HOW ABOUT SIX YEARS?

REMEMBER THAT? HOW ABOUT SIX YEARS? THAT'S WHEN I THINK I'LL BE

HOW ABOUT SIX YEARS? THAT'S WHEN I THINK I'LL BE READY.

THAT'S WHEN I THINK I'LL BE READY. OKAY?

READY. OKAY? REMEMBER, HIS FOOT GOT CAUGHT ON

OKAY? REMEMBER, HIS FOOT GOT CAUGHT ON MY INTESTINES.

REMEMBER, HIS FOOT GOT CAUGHT ON MY INTESTINES. WHEN CAN I GET RAW DOGGED FROM

MY INTESTINES. WHEN CAN I GET RAW DOGGED FROM BEHIND?

WHEN CAN I GET RAW DOGGED FROM BEHIND? PLEASE.

BEHIND? PLEASE. BUT MY HUSBAND AND I, WE DO HAVE

PLEASE. BUT MY HUSBAND AND I, WE DO HAVE A GOOD SEX LIFE.

BUT MY HUSBAND AND I, WE DO HAVE A GOOD SEX LIFE. MARRIED PEOPLE, WE HAVE FOUND

A GOOD SEX LIFE. MARRIED PEOPLE, WE HAVE FOUND THAT THE BEST WEEKDAY TO HAVE

MARRIED PEOPLE, WE HAVE FOUND THAT THE BEST WEEKDAY TO HAVE SEX IS ALWAYS TOMORROW.

THAT THE BEST WEEKDAY TO HAVE SEX IS ALWAYS TOMORROW. YEAH.

SEX IS ALWAYS TOMORROW. YEAH. WE'RE LIKE, WE ATE TODAY.

YEAH. WE'RE LIKE, WE ATE TODAY. MAYBE WE WON'T EAT TOMORROW.

WE'RE LIKE, WE ATE TODAY. MAYBE WE WON'T EAT TOMORROW. THAT WILL BE A GOOD DAY FOR US.

MAYBE WE WON'T EAT TOMORROW. THAT WILL BE A GOOD DAY FOR US. MY HUSBAND'S THE BEST.

THAT WILL BE A GOOD DAY FOR US. MY HUSBAND'S THE BEST. HE ALWAYS -- BEFORE WE HAVE SEX,

MY HUSBAND'S THE BEST. HE ALWAYS -- BEFORE WE HAVE SEX, HE PUTS THE LIGHTS ON, YOU KNOW,

HE ALWAYS -- BEFORE WE HAVE SEX, HE PUTS THE LIGHTS ON, YOU KNOW, AND I SHUT THEM OFF, AND HE PUTS

HE PUTS THE LIGHTS ON, YOU KNOW, AND I SHUT THEM OFF, AND HE PUTS THEM ON.

AND I SHUT THEM OFF, AND HE PUTS THEM ON. AND HE'S LIKE, AMY, WHY ARE YOU

THEM ON. AND HE'S LIKE, AMY, WHY ARE YOU SO SHY?

AND HE'S LIKE, AMY, WHY ARE YOU SO SHY? YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY.

SO SHY? YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY. I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOD.

YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL BODY. I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE SO CUTE.

I'M LIKE, OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE SO CUTE. YOU THINK I DON'T WANT YOU TO

YOU'RE SO CUTE. YOU THINK I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE ME.

YOU THINK I DON'T WANT YOU TO SEE ME. [ LAUGHTER ]

SEE ME. [ LAUGHTER ] SO SWEET, RIGHT?

[ LAUGHTER ] SO SWEET, RIGHT? BUT IT IS.

SO SWEET, RIGHT? BUT IT IS. I'LL BE HONEST, IT'S AWKWARD

BUT IT IS. I'LL BE HONEST, IT'S AWKWARD HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE, IT

I'LL BE HONEST, IT'S AWKWARD HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE, IT IS.

HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE, IT IS. BECAUSE, LIKE, THAT'S YOUR

IS. BECAUSE, LIKE, THAT'S YOUR FAMILY.

BECAUSE, LIKE, THAT'S YOUR FAMILY. YOU KNOW?

FAMILY. YOU KNOW? LIKE I HAVE THANKSGIVING WITH

YOU KNOW? LIKE I HAVE THANKSGIVING WITH YOU.

LIKE I HAVE THANKSGIVING WITH YOU. I LAY OUT YOUR SWEATERS, YOU

YOU. I LAY OUT YOUR SWEATERS, YOU KNOW?

I LAY OUT YOUR SWEATERS, YOU KNOW? LIKE I CAN'T GO DOWN ON YOU.

KNOW? LIKE I CAN'T GO DOWN ON YOU. YOU'RE MY EMERGENCY CONTACT FOR

LIKE I CAN'T GO DOWN ON YOU. YOU'RE MY EMERGENCY CONTACT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.

YOU'RE MY EMERGENCY CONTACT FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. IT'S SICK.

CHRIST'S SAKE. IT'S SICK. WE CAN'T TALK DIRTY TO EACH

IT'S SICK. WE CAN'T TALK DIRTY TO EACH ANYMORE.

WE CAN'T TALK DIRTY TO EACH ANYMORE. WE KNOW EACH OTHER TOO WELL.

ANYMORE. WE KNOW EACH OTHER TOO WELL. I'M ALWAYS LIKE, I'M GOING TO --

WE KNOW EACH OTHER TOO WELL. I'M ALWAYS LIKE, I'M GOING TO -- HE'S LIKE, NO, YOU'RE NOT.

I'M ALWAYS LIKE, I'M GOING TO -- HE'S LIKE, NO, YOU'RE NOT. I'M LIKE, NO, NO, I'M NOT.

HE'S LIKE, NO, YOU'RE NOT. I'M LIKE, NO, NO, I'M NOT. WE DO A LOT OF ROLE PLAY.

I'M LIKE, NO, NO, I'M NOT. WE DO A LOT OF ROLE PLAY. BUT I ALWAYS PICK THE SAME ROLE.

WE DO A LOT OF ROLE PLAY. BUT I ALWAYS PICK THE SAME ROLE. I'M ALWAYS LIKE, OKAY, I AM IN A

BUT I ALWAYS PICK THE SAME ROLE. I'M ALWAYS LIKE, OKAY, I AM IN A COMA.

I'M ALWAYS LIKE, OKAY, I AM IN A COMA. [ LAUGHTER ]

COMA. [ LAUGHTER ] GO.

[ LAUGHTER ] GO. MY HUSBAND IS DIAGNOSED, HE'S ON

GO. MY HUSBAND IS DIAGNOSED, HE'S ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM.

MY HUSBAND IS DIAGNOSED, HE'S ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM. HE HAS AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER.

THE AUTISM SPECTRUM. HE HAS AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER. USED TO BE CALLED ASPERGER'S,

HE HAS AUTISM SPECTRUM DISORDER. USED TO BE CALLED ASPERGER'S, BUT TURNS OUT THAT HAD LIKE NAZI

USED TO BE CALLED ASPERGER'S, BUT TURNS OUT THAT HAD LIKE NAZI TIES, KANYE.

BUT TURNS OUT THAT HAD LIKE NAZI TIES, KANYE. [ LAUGHTER ]

TIES, KANYE. [ LAUGHTER ] WEIRD.

[ LAUGHTER ] WEIRD. YEAH.

WEIRD. YEAH. ISN'T THAT CRAZY?

YEAH. ISN'T THAT CRAZY? BUT NO.

ISN'T THAT CRAZY? BUT NO. IT'S BEEN REALLY POSITIVE FOR

BUT NO. IT'S BEEN REALLY POSITIVE FOR OUR FAMILY TO HAVE HIM

IT'S BEEN REALLY POSITIVE FOR OUR FAMILY TO HAVE HIM DIAGNOSED.

OUR FAMILY TO HAVE HIM DIAGNOSED. I UNDERSTAND SO MUCH MORE ABOUT

DIAGNOSED. I UNDERSTAND SO MUCH MORE ABOUT HIS BEHAVIOR, AND IT'S GIVEN HIM

I UNDERSTAND SO MUCH MORE ABOUT HIS BEHAVIOR, AND IT'S GIVEN HIM SO MANY TOOLS.

HIS BEHAVIOR, AND IT'S GIVEN HIM SO MANY TOOLS. NOW, IF SOMEBODY IS IN THE

SO MANY TOOLS. NOW, IF SOMEBODY IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A LONG, BORING STORY,

NOW, IF SOMEBODY IS IN THE MIDDLE OF A LONG, BORING STORY, HE WILL STRAIGHT UP JUST WALK

MIDDLE OF A LONG, BORING STORY, HE WILL STRAIGHT UP JUST WALK AWAY.

HE WILL STRAIGHT UP JUST WALK AWAY. YOU KNOW?

AWAY. YOU KNOW? AND WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT THAT HE

YOU KNOW? AND WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT THAT HE HAS AUTISM, THEY DON'T KNOW MUCH

AND WHEN PEOPLE FIND OUT THAT HE HAS AUTISM, THEY DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT IT.

HAS AUTISM, THEY DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT IT. THEY'RE LIKE, OH, DOES HE LOVE

ABOUT IT. THEY'RE LIKE, OH, DOES HE LOVE TO COUNT?

THEY'RE LIKE, OH, DOES HE LOVE TO COUNT? SHOULD WE DROP A BUNCH OF STRAWS

TO COUNT? SHOULD WE DROP A BUNCH OF STRAWS ON THE FLOOR AND HE CAN GATHER

SHOULD WE DROP A BUNCH OF STRAWS ON THE FLOOR AND HE CAN GATHER THEM AND COUNT THEM?

ON THE FLOOR AND HE CAN GATHER THEM AND COUNT THEM? I'M LIKE, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS

THEM AND COUNT THEM? I'M LIKE, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS PRETTY FUN.

I'M LIKE, YEAH, THAT SOUNDS PRETTY FUN. I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT.

PRETTY FUN. I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT. HE NEVER REALLY LANDS A

I WOULD LIKE TO DO THAT. HE NEVER REALLY LANDS A COMPLIMENT WITH ME.

HE NEVER REALLY LANDS A COMPLIMENT WITH ME. HE TELLS ME I LOOK COMFORTABLE A

COMPLIMENT WITH ME. HE TELLS ME I LOOK COMFORTABLE A LOT.

HE TELLS ME I LOOK COMFORTABLE A LOT. WE HAVE DIFFERENT LOVE

LOT. WE HAVE DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES.

WE HAVE DIFFERENT LOVE LANGUAGES. A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, WE WERE

LANGUAGES. A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, WE WERE SITTING OUTSIDE.

A COUPLE OF WEEKS AGO, WE WERE SITTING OUTSIDE. IT WAS A NICE NIGHT.

SITTING OUTSIDE. IT WAS A NICE NIGHT. IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO

IT WAS A NICE NIGHT. IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO RAIN.

IT LOOKED LIKE IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. I WAS FEELING SENTIMENTAL.

RAIN. I WAS FEELING SENTIMENTAL. I WAS LIKE, EVEN THOUGH THESE

I WAS FEELING SENTIMENTAL. I WAS LIKE, EVEN THOUGH THESE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS WITH THE

I WAS LIKE, EVEN THOUGH THESE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS WITH THE PANDEMIC AND EVERYTHING, IT'S

PAST COUPLE OF YEARS WITH THE PANDEMIC AND EVERYTHING, IT'S BEEN SO STRESSFUL, STILL THIS

PANDEMIC AND EVERYTHING, IT'S BEEN SO STRESSFUL, STILL THIS TIME, BEING WITH YOU AND OUR

BEEN SO STRESSFUL, STILL THIS TIME, BEING WITH YOU AND OUR SON, THEY HAVE BEEN THE BEST

TIME, BEING WITH YOU AND OUR SON, THEY HAVE BEEN THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE.

SON, THEY HAVE BEEN THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE. AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND

YEARS OF MY LIFE. AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, I'M GOING TO GO PUT THE

AND HE JUST LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, I'M GOING TO GO PUT THE WINDOWS UP IN THE CAR.

SAID, I'M GOING TO GO PUT THE WINDOWS UP IN THE CAR. [ LAUGHTER ]

WINDOWS UP IN THE CAR. [ LAUGHTER ] YEAH.

[ LAUGHTER ] YEAH. MY GUY.

YEAH. MY GUY. ONE OF THE TIMES WE PLAY THE

MY GUY. ONE OF THE TIMES WE PLAY THE GAME AUTISM OR JUST A MAN.

ONE OF THE TIMES WE PLAY THE GAME AUTISM OR JUST A MAN. HMM.

GAME AUTISM OR JUST A MAN. HMM. YEAH.

HMM. YEAH. I DON'T KNOW.

YEAH. I DON'T KNOW. AND I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH WHAT HE

I DON'T KNOW. AND I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH WHAT HE SAID TO ME RIGHT BEFORE I CAME

AND I'LL LEAVE YOU WITH WHAT HE SAID TO ME RIGHT BEFORE I CAME ON STAGE TONIGHT.

SAID TO ME RIGHT BEFORE I CAME ON STAGE TONIGHT. I SAID, BABE, IS THIS OKAY?

ON STAGE TONIGHT. I SAID, BABE, IS THIS OKAY? AND HE SAID, WELL, IT'S TOO

I SAID, BABE, IS THIS OKAY? AND HE SAID, WELL, IT'S TOO LATE.

AND HE SAID, WELL, IT'S TOO LATE. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU

LATE. WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT.

WE'VE GOT A GREAT SHOW FOR YOU TONIGHT. STEVE LACY IS HERE, SOCK

>>> ALL RIGHT. SO WE HAVE TWO HOUSE SALADS. AND THE MATSA BALL SOUP.

SO WE HAVE TWO HOUSE SALADS. AND THE MATSA BALL SOUP. >> ME, ME, ME.

AND THE MATSA BALL SOUP. >> ME, ME, ME. THAT'S FOR ME.

>> ME, ME, ME. THAT'S FOR ME. THANK YOU.

THAT'S FOR ME. THANK YOU. I HAVE BEEN CRAVING THIS SOUP.

THANK YOU. I HAVE BEEN CRAVING THIS SOUP. I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU.

I HAVE BEEN CRAVING THIS SOUP. I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU. IT JUST LIKE BRINGS ME HOME.

I CAN'T EVEN TELL YOU. IT JUST LIKE BRINGS ME HOME. >> SMELLS AMAZING.

IT JUST LIKE BRINGS ME HOME. >> SMELLS AMAZING. >> WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY.

>> SMELLS AMAZING. >> WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY. I'M KIDDING, BUT I'M NOT BECAUSE

>> WELL, YOU CAN'T HAVE ANY. I'M KIDDING, BUT I'M NOT BECAUSE LIKE I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT

I'M KIDDING, BUT I'M NOT BECAUSE LIKE I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SOUP LIKE NONSTOP.

LIKE I HAVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SOUP LIKE NONSTOP. FOR REAL, I WOKE UP OUT OF A

THIS SOUP LIKE NONSTOP. FOR REAL, I WOKE UP OUT OF A DEAD SLEEP IS OTHER NIGHT JUST

FOR REAL, I WOKE UP OUT OF A DEAD SLEEP IS OTHER NIGHT JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS SOUP.

DEAD SLEEP IS OTHER NIGHT JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS SOUP. SAT STRAIGHT UP, EYES WIDE OPEN,

THINKING ABOUT THIS SOUP. SAT STRAIGHT UP, EYES WIDE OPEN, AND THOUGHT MATSA BALL SOUP FROM

SAT STRAIGHT UP, EYES WIDE OPEN, AND THOUGHT MATSA BALL SOUP FROM MANNY'S LIKE A PSYCHO.

AND THOUGHT MATSA BALL SOUP FROM MANNY'S LIKE A PSYCHO. I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

MANNY'S LIKE A PSYCHO. I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. >> I GUESS I HAVE SOME NEWS.

I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. >> I GUESS I HAVE SOME NEWS. >> OOH, WHAT IS IT?

>> I GUESS I HAVE SOME NEWS. >> OOH, WHAT IS IT? >> MATT AND I ARE SEPARATING.

>> OOH, WHAT IS IT? >> MATT AND I ARE SEPARATING. >> OH, NO.

>> MATT AND I ARE SEPARATING. >> OH, NO. WHAT?

>> OH, NO. WHAT? >> GIRLY, FOR REAL?

WHAT? >> GIRLY, FOR REAL? >> YEAH.

>> GIRLY, FOR REAL? >> YEAH. BUT I DON'T WANT TO RUIN LUNCH.

>> YEAH. BUT I DON'T WANT TO RUIN LUNCH. JUST EAT.

BUT I DON'T WANT TO RUIN LUNCH. JUST EAT. >> YEAH.

JUST EAT. >> YEAH. YEAH.

>> YEAH. YEAH. LET'S LIKE EAT AND THEN TALK.

YEAH. LET'S LIKE EAT AND THEN TALK. THAT FEELS RIGHT.

LET'S LIKE EAT AND THEN TALK. THAT FEELS RIGHT. >> OF COURSE WE'RE NOT GOING TO

THAT FEELS RIGHT. >> OF COURSE WE'RE NOT GOING TO EAT.

>> OF COURSE WE'RE NOT GOING TO EAT. THAT IS SO SAD.

EAT. THAT IS SO SAD. >> OH, MY GOD.

THAT IS SO SAD. >> OH, MY GOD. I KNOW.

>> OH, MY GOD. I KNOW. GOD.

I KNOW. GOD. THANK YOU FOR TELLING US.

GOD. THANK YOU FOR TELLING US. OBVIOUSLY, LET US KNOW LIKE HOW

THANK YOU FOR TELLING US. OBVIOUSLY, LET US KNOW LIKE HOW IT WORKS OUT.

OBVIOUSLY, LET US KNOW LIKE HOW IT WORKS OUT. >> HE SAID HE'S GOING TO TAKE

IT WORKS OUT. >> HE SAID HE'S GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS.

>> HE SAID HE'S GOING TO TAKE THE KIDS. >> MY GOD.

THE KIDS. >> MY GOD. THAT MONSTER.

>> MY GOD. THAT MONSTER. WHAT A BASTARD.

THAT MONSTER. WHAT A BASTARD. >> GOD.

WHAT A BASTARD. >> GOD. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY, GOOD

>> GOD. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY, GOOD RIDDANCE, RIGHT?

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT I SAY, GOOD RIDDANCE, RIGHT? >> GOOD RIDDANCE TO HER KIDS?

RIDDANCE, RIGHT? >> GOOD RIDDANCE TO HER KIDS? I DON'T THINK SO.

>> GOOD RIDDANCE TO HER KIDS? I DON'T THINK SO. WE GOT TO MAKE A PLAN.

I DON'T THINK SO. WE GOT TO MAKE A PLAN. >> I'M ALREADY TALKING TO A

WE GOT TO MAKE A PLAN. >> I'M ALREADY TALKING TO A LAWYER.

>> I'M ALREADY TALKING TO A LAWYER. OH, HERE HE IS NOW.

LAWYER. OH, HERE HE IS NOW. >> OH, GOD.

OH, HERE HE IS NOW. >> OH, GOD. YOU BETTER TAKE THAT CALL.

>> OH, GOD. YOU BETTER TAKE THAT CALL. TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED.

YOU BETTER TAKE THAT CALL. TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED. LIKE, GO OUTSIDE.

TAKE AS LONG AS YOU NEED. LIKE, GO OUTSIDE. >> WHAT?

LIKE, GO OUTSIDE. >> WHAT? NO!

>> WHAT? NO! >> NOW WHAT?

NO! >> NOW WHAT? >> MY LAWYER GOT DISBARRED.

>> NOW WHAT? >> MY LAWYER GOT DISBARRED. MY LIFE IS JUST SUCH A MESS

>> MY LAWYER GOT DISBARRED. MY LIFE IS JUST SUCH A MESS RIGHT NOW.

MY LIFE IS JUST SUCH A MESS RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF

RIGHT NOW. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT.

YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW THE HALF OF IT. LIKE I TOLD YOU GUYS, I GOT THAT

IT. LIKE I TOLD YOU GUYS, I GOT THAT VP OF MARKETING JOB, AND IT WAS

LIKE I TOLD YOU GUYS, I GOT THAT VP OF MARKETING JOB, AND IT WAS TOTAL BS.

VP OF MARKETING JOB, AND IT WAS TOTAL BS. I NEVER EVEN APPLIED FOR IT.

TOTAL BS. I NEVER EVEN APPLIED FOR IT. THERE'S ALL THIS OTHER STUFF

I NEVER EVEN APPLIED FOR IT. THERE'S ALL THIS OTHER STUFF TOO.

THERE'S ALL THIS OTHER STUFF TOO. LIKE I HAVE BEEN DRINKING LIKE

TOO. LIKE I HAVE BEEN DRINKING LIKE AS SOON AS I WAKE UP.

LIKE I HAVE BEEN DRINKING LIKE AS SOON AS I WAKE UP. AND I STEAL MY SON'S ADDERALL,

AS SOON AS I WAKE UP. AND I STEAL MY SON'S ADDERALL, AND HE REALLY NEEDS IT.

AND I STEAL MY SON'S ADDERALL, AND HE REALLY NEEDS IT. ♪ HOW LONG MUST I WAIT TO EAT MY

AND HE REALLY NEEDS IT. ♪ HOW LONG MUST I WAIT TO EAT MY SOUP WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN

♪ HOW LONG MUST I WAIT TO EAT MY SOUP WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN A-HOLE ♪

SOUP WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN A-HOLE ♪ ♪ NOT THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT

A-HOLE ♪ ♪ NOT THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER, BUT I CARE ABOUT MY SOUP A

♪ NOT THAT I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER, BUT I CARE ABOUT MY SOUP A LITTLE MORE ♪

HER, BUT I CARE ABOUT MY SOUP A LITTLE MORE ♪ ♪ MY GOD, SHE'S STILL TALKING,

LITTLE MORE ♪ ♪ MY GOD, SHE'S STILL TALKING, BUT, HEY, AT LEAST SHE'S NOT

♪ MY GOD, SHE'S STILL TALKING, BUT, HEY, AT LEAST SHE'S NOT CRYING ♪

BUT, HEY, AT LEAST SHE'S NOT CRYING ♪ ♪ NEVER MIND, SHE JUST STARTED

CRYING ♪ ♪ NEVER MIND, SHE JUST STARTED CRYING ♪

♪ NEVER MIND, SHE JUST STARTED CRYING ♪ ♪ OH, BUT I HAVE A GREAT IDEA ♪

CRYING ♪ ♪ OH, BUT I HAVE A GREAT IDEA ♪ ♪ IF I PRETEND TO TAKE A SIP OF

♪ OH, BUT I HAVE A GREAT IDEA ♪ ♪ IF I PRETEND TO TAKE A SIP OF MY WATER, I CAN TAKE THE STRAW

♪ IF I PRETEND TO TAKE A SIP OF MY WATER, I CAN TAKE THE STRAW AND PUT IT IN MY SOUP ♪

MY WATER, I CAN TAKE THE STRAW AND PUT IT IN MY SOUP ♪ ♪ AND PLANT IT PERFECT.

AND PUT IT IN MY SOUP ♪ ♪ AND PLANT IT PERFECT. THE STRAW IS HITTING BROTH ♪

♪ AND PLANT IT PERFECT. THE STRAW IS HITTING BROTH ♪ ♪ AND OH, MY GOD.

THE STRAW IS HITTING BROTH ♪ ♪ AND OH, MY GOD. SHE JUST ASKED ME A QUESTION ♪

♪ AND OH, MY GOD. SHE JUST ASKED ME A QUESTION ♪ >> I MEAN, SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

SHE JUST ASKED ME A QUESTION ♪ >> I MEAN, SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO? >> I THINK, YEAH, YOU SHOULD GO

>> I MEAN, SO WHAT WOULD YOU DO? >> I THINK, YEAH, YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT.

>> I THINK, YEAH, YOU SHOULD GO FOR IT. >> REPRESENT HERSELF IN COURT?

FOR IT. >> REPRESENT HERSELF IN COURT? >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

>> REPRESENT HERSELF IN COURT? >> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. WOULD YOU MIND IF I HAD A SIP OF

>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. WOULD YOU MIND IF I HAD A SIP OF YOUR WATER?

WOULD YOU MIND IF I HAD A SIP OF YOUR WATER? I FINISHED MINE

YOUR WATER? I FINISHED MINE ♪ HOT DAMN, SHE'S TAKING MY

I FINISHED MINE ♪ HOT DAMN, SHE'S TAKING MY WATER ♪

♪ HOT DAMN, SHE'S TAKING MY WATER ♪ ♪ I BETTER HIDE THE STRAW IN MY

WATER ♪ ♪ I BETTER HIDE THE STRAW IN MY SHIRT ♪

♪ I BETTER HIDE THE STRAW IN MY SHIRT ♪ ♪ BUT, OH, WHAT IS THIS, SHE'S

SHIRT ♪ ♪ BUT, OH, WHAT IS THIS, SHE'S SOBBING AT LAST ♪

♪ BUT, OH, WHAT IS THIS, SHE'S SOBBING AT LAST ♪ ♪ HER HEAD'S IN HER HANDS, CAN'T

SOBBING AT LAST ♪ ♪ HER HEAD'S IN HER HANDS, CAN'T LET THIS MOMENT PASS ♪

♪ HER HEAD'S IN HER HANDS, CAN'T LET THIS MOMENT PASS ♪ ♪ GOT TO EAT THIS SOUP ♪

LET THIS MOMENT PASS ♪ ♪ GOT TO EAT THIS SOUP ♪ >> I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER.

♪ GOT TO EAT THIS SOUP ♪ >> I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU GIRLS FOR LETTING ME

>> I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER. THANK YOU GIRLS FOR LETTING ME VENT.

THANK YOU GIRLS FOR LETTING ME VENT. >> OH, MY GOD.

VENT. >> OH, MY GOD. ANY TIME, YOU JUST DO YOU, GIRL.

>> OH, MY GOD. ANY TIME, YOU JUST DO YOU, GIRL. OKAY?

ANY TIME, YOU JUST DO YOU, GIRL. OKAY? >> HOW'S YOUR SOUP?

OKAY? >> HOW'S YOUR SOUP? >> IT IS HOTTER THAN I THOUGHT,

>> HOW'S YOUR SOUP? >> IT IS HOTTER THAN I THOUGHT, BUT I'M GOOD.

>> IT IS HOTTER THAN I THOUGHT, BUT I'M GOOD. [ MUMBLING ]

BUT I'M GOOD. [ MUMBLING ] ♪ GOT TO EAT THIS SOUP ♪

[ MUMBLING ] ♪ GOT TO EAT THIS SOUP ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ GOT TO EAT THIS SOUP ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> ARE YOU FEELING TIRED AND

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> ARE YOU FEELING TIRED AND WORN DOWN?

>>> ARE YOU FEELING TIRED AND WORN DOWN? SICK OF THE ENDLESS GRIND AT

WORN DOWN? SICK OF THE ENDLESS GRIND AT WORK?

SICK OF THE ENDLESS GRIND AT WORK? EXHAUSTED BY YOUR FAMILY,

WORK? EXHAUSTED BY YOUR FAMILY, DESPERATE FOR SOME PEACE AND

EXHAUSTED BY YOUR FAMILY, DESPERATE FOR SOME PEACE AND QUIET.

DESPERATE FOR SOME PEACE AND QUIET. >> DANIEL, YOUR KIDS WANT YOU!

QUIET. >> DANIEL, YOUR KIDS WANT YOU! >> THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT

>> DANIEL, YOUR KIDS WANT YOU! >> THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT COVID.

>> THEN ASK YOUR DOCTOR ABOUT COVID. AS SOON AS GETTING COVID, YOU'RE

COVID. AS SOON AS GETTING COVID, YOU'RE GUARANTEED A FIVE AND SOMETIMES

AS SOON AS GETTING COVID, YOU'RE GUARANTEED A FIVE AND SOMETIMES EVEN TEN-DAY VACATION FROM ALL

GUARANTEED A FIVE AND SOMETIMES EVEN TEN-DAY VACATION FROM ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS.

EVEN TEN-DAY VACATION FROM ALL OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS. >> I NEEDED A BREAK, SO MY

OF LIFE'S PROBLEMS. >> I NEEDED A BREAK, SO MY DOCTOR SUGGESTED I GET COVID,

>> I NEEDED A BREAK, SO MY DOCTOR SUGGESTED I GET COVID, AND IT WAS THE GREATEST WEEK OF

DOCTOR SUGGESTED I GET COVID, AND IT WAS THE GREATEST WEEK OF MY LIFE.

AND IT WAS THE GREATEST WEEK OF MY LIFE. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS WATCH THE

MY LIFE. ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS WATCH THE NETFLIX I WANTED TO WATCH, AND I

ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS WATCH THE NETFLIX I WANTED TO WATCH, AND I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO THANKS TO

NETFLIX I WANTED TO WATCH, AND I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO THANKS TO COVID.

WAS FINALLY ABLE TO THANKS TO COVID. >> AT FIRST I WAS WORRIED ABOUT

COVID. >> AT FIRST I WAS WORRIED ABOUT GETTING COVID, BUT MY DOCTOR

>> AT FIRST I WAS WORRIED ABOUT GETTING COVID, BUT MY DOCTOR ENSURED ME IT WAS OKAY.

GETTING COVID, BUT MY DOCTOR ENSURED ME IT WAS OKAY. >> SIDE EFFECTS OF COVID INCLUDE

ENSURED ME IT WAS OKAY. >> SIDE EFFECTS OF COVID INCLUDE HAVING COVID, WHICH IS STILL

>> SIDE EFFECTS OF COVID INCLUDE HAVING COVID, WHICH IS STILL KIND OF BAD, BUT DOESN'T IT FEEL

HAVING COVID, WHICH IS STILL KIND OF BAD, BUT DOESN'T IT FEEL DIFFERENT NOW?

KIND OF BAD, BUT DOESN'T IT FEEL DIFFERENT NOW? >> I DEFINITELY GOT SICK.

DIFFERENT NOW? >> I DEFINITELY GOT SICK. I ALSO GOT PAID FOR TEN DAYS TO

>> I DEFINITELY GOT SICK. I ALSO GOT PAID FOR TEN DAYS TO NEVER LEAVE THE BLANKET.

I ALSO GOT PAID FOR TEN DAYS TO NEVER LEAVE THE BLANKET. PLUS I GOT TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT

NEVER LEAVE THE BLANKET. PLUS I GOT TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT AT WORK.

PLUS I GOT TO TELL PEOPLE ABOUT IT AT WORK. IT WAS LIKE I HAD A BAD COLD FOR

IT AT WORK. IT WAS LIKE I HAD A BAD COLD FOR THREE DAYS.

IT WAS LIKE I HAD A BAD COLD FOR THREE DAYS. >> OF COURSE I HAD TO ISOLATE

THREE DAYS. >> OF COURSE I HAD TO ISOLATE FROM MY KIDS BECAUSE I DIDN'T

>> OF COURSE I HAD TO ISOLATE FROM MY KIDS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO GET THEM SICK.

FROM MY KIDS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO GET THEM SICK. >> WHAT DO THEY EAT?

WANT TO GET THEM SICK. >> WHAT DO THEY EAT? >> I GAVE IT 14 DAYS TO BE EXTRA

>> WHAT DO THEY EAT? >> I GAVE IT 14 DAYS TO BE EXTRA SAFE.

>> I GAVE IT 14 DAYS TO BE EXTRA SAFE. >> FOR AN EXTRA FEE, WE'LL KNOCK

SAFE. >> FOR AN EXTRA FEE, WE'LL KNOCK OUT THE WI-FI NEAR YOUR HOUSE SO

>> FOR AN EXTRA FEE, WE'LL KNOCK OUT THE WI-FI NEAR YOUR HOUSE SO YOU CAN'T DO ANY ZOOM.

OUT THE WI-FI NEAR YOUR HOUSE SO YOU CAN'T DO ANY ZOOM. >> OH, WELL, TOO BAD.

YOU CAN'T DO ANY ZOOM. >> OH, WELL, TOO BAD. >> COVID IS THE PERFECT WAY TO

>> OH, WELL, TOO BAD. >> COVID IS THE PERFECT WAY TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY, NEIGHBOR'S

>> COVID IS THE PERFECT WAY TO GET OUT OF JURY DUTY, NEIGHBOR'S ADULT BAPTISM, AND HUSBAND'S

GET OUT OF JURY DUTY, NEIGHBOR'S ADULT BAPTISM, AND HUSBAND'S MURDER TRIAL.

ADULT BAPTISM, AND HUSBAND'S MURDER TRIAL. AT THIS POINT, COVID IS A

MURDER TRIAL. AT THIS POINT, COVID IS A TEN-DAY CRUISE, WHICH IS ALSO A

AT THIS POINT, COVID IS A TEN-DAY CRUISE, WHICH IS ALSO A GREAT WAY TO GET IT.

TEN-DAY CRUISE, WHICH IS ALSO A GREAT WAY TO GET IT. >> COVID ISN'T FOR ANYONE.

GREAT WAY TO GET IT. >> COVID ISN'T FOR ANYONE. THAT'S WHY THERE'S THE NEW

>> COVID ISN'T FOR ANYONE. THAT'S WHY THERE'S THE NEW ALWAYS POSITIVE COVID TEST THAT

THAT'S WHY THERE'S THE NEW ALWAYS POSITIVE COVID TEST THAT COME WITH TWO PINK LINES ALREADY

ALWAYS POSITIVE COVID TEST THAT COME WITH TWO PINK LINES ALREADY DRAWN.

COME WITH TWO PINK LINES ALREADY DRAWN. >> AGAIN?

DRAWN. >> AGAIN? >> YOU JUST HAD IT A WEEK AGO.

>> AGAIN? >> YOU JUST HAD IT A WEEK AGO. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME.

>> YOU JUST HAD IT A WEEK AGO. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME. >> BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE ONLY

PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME. >> BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE ONLY WAY TO GET MENTALLY HEALTHY IS

>> BECAUSE SOMETIMES THE ONLY WAY TO GET MENTALLY HEALTHY IS TO GET PHYSICALLY SICK.

WAY TO GET MENTALLY HEALTHY IS TO GET PHYSICALLY SICK. >> SURE.

TO GET PHYSICALLY SICK. >> SURE. THERE MIGHT BE LONG-TERM MEMORY

>> SURE. THERE MIGHT BE LONG-TERM MEMORY PROBLEMS, BUT THAT MIGHT BE

THERE MIGHT BE LONG-TERM MEMORY PROBLEMS, BUT THAT MIGHT BE AMAZING BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH

PROBLEMS, BUT THAT MIGHT BE AMAZING BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH I WANT TO FORGET.

AMAZING BECAUSE THERE'S SO MUCH I WANT TO FORGET. >> MY BRAIN IS ALREADY REALLY

I WANT TO FORGET. >> MY BRAIN IS ALREADY REALLY BAD.

>> MY BRAIN IS ALREADY REALLY BAD. BUT IF I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO

BAD. BUT IF I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE IN A WEEK, I'LL TAKE THAT

BUT IF I DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO PEOPLE IN A WEEK, I'LL TAKE THAT DEAL IN A HORSE BEAT.

PEOPLE IN A WEEK, I'LL TAKE THAT DEAL IN A HORSE BEAT. >> YOU MEAN HEART BEAT.

DEAL IN A HORSE BEAT. >> YOU MEAN HEART BEAT. >> EITHER WAY, THANKS COVID.

>> YOU MEAN HEART BEAT. >> EITHER WAY, THANKS COVID. >> THANKS, COVID.

>> EITHER WAY, THANKS COVID. >> THANKS, COVID. >> I THINK I'LL GET COVID AGAIN.

>> THANKS, COVID. >> I THINK I'LL GET COVID AGAIN. TODAY.

>> I THINK I'LL GET COVID AGAIN. TODAY. >> COVID, GO AHEAD.

TODAY. >> COVID, GO AHEAD. YOU DESERVE A BREAK.

>> COVID, GO AHEAD. YOU DESERVE A BREAK. [ APPLAUSE ]

YOU DESERVE A BREAK. [ APPLAUSE ] >>> SO WITH THAT SAID,

[ APPLAUSE ] >>> SO WITH THAT SAID, MR. HUBBARD COULD NOT HAVE BEEN

>>> SO WITH THAT SAID, MR. HUBBARD COULD NOT HAVE BEEN AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

MR. HUBBARD COULD NOT HAVE BEEN AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. YOUR WITNESS.

AT THE SCENE OF THE CRIME. YOUR WITNESS. >> THANK YOU, COUNSEL.

YOUR WITNESS. >> THANK YOU, COUNSEL. MOVING ON TO CROSS-EXAMINATION.

>> THANK YOU, COUNSEL. MOVING ON TO CROSS-EXAMINATION. >> SO ON THE NIGHT OF YOUR

MOVING ON TO CROSS-EXAMINATION. >> SO ON THE NIGHT OF YOUR WIFE'S DISAPPEARANCE, WHAT DID

>> SO ON THE NIGHT OF YOUR WIFE'S DISAPPEARANCE, WHAT DID YOU DO?

WIFE'S DISAPPEARANCE, WHAT DID YOU DO? >> I CALLED THE POLICE.

YOU DO? >> I CALLED THE POLICE. >> REALLY?

>> I CALLED THE POLICE. >> REALLY? BECAUSE RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU

>> REALLY? BECAUSE RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU DID NOT.

BECAUSE RECORDS SHOW THAT YOU DID NOT. AND IN FACT, THE POLICE DIDN'T

DID NOT. AND IN FACT, THE POLICE DIDN'T SHOW UP UNTIL YOUR NEIGHBORS

AND IN FACT, THE POLICE DIDN'T SHOW UP UNTIL YOUR NEIGHBORS CALLED.

SHOW UP UNTIL YOUR NEIGHBORS CALLED. >> OH!

CALLED. >> OH! >> UH-HUH.

>> OH! >> UH-HUH. >> AND WHEN THE FORENSIC TEAM

>> UH-HUH. >> AND WHEN THE FORENSIC TEAM EXAMINED YOUR CLOTHING, THEY

>> AND WHEN THE FORENSIC TEAM EXAMINED YOUR CLOTHING, THEY FOUND TRACES OF BLOOD.

EXAMINED YOUR CLOTHING, THEY FOUND TRACES OF BLOOD. >> ORDER IN THE COURT.

FOUND TRACES OF BLOOD. >> ORDER IN THE COURT. WE DON'T NEED ANY VOCAL

>> ORDER IN THE COURT. WE DON'T NEED ANY VOCAL REACTIONS FROM THE JURY.

WE DON'T NEED ANY VOCAL REACTIONS FROM THE JURY. >> FROM US?

REACTIONS FROM THE JURY. >> FROM US? >> SORRY.

>> FROM US? >> SORRY. WE JUST DID NOT EXPECT TRACES OF

>> SORRY. WE JUST DID NOT EXPECT TRACES OF BLOOD.

WE JUST DID NOT EXPECT TRACES OF BLOOD. >> PROSECUTION, THE FLOOR IS

BLOOD. >> PROSECUTION, THE FLOOR IS YOURS.

>> PROSECUTION, THE FLOOR IS YOURS. >> PER THE FORENSIC

YOURS. >> PER THE FORENSIC INVESTIGATION, THE VICTIM WAS

>> PER THE FORENSIC INVESTIGATION, THE VICTIM WAS FOUND WITH MULTIPLE LACERATIONS

INVESTIGATION, THE VICTIM WAS FOUND WITH MULTIPLE LACERATIONS TO HER ABDOMEN.

FOUND WITH MULTIPLE LACERATIONS TO HER ABDOMEN. >> OH, MY GOD!

TO HER ABDOMEN. >> OH, MY GOD! >> DO WE NEED TO TAKE A RECESS.

>> OH, MY GOD! >> DO WE NEED TO TAKE A RECESS. >> IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD.

>> DO WE NEED TO TAKE A RECESS. >> IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD. >> I'M SERIOUSLY AT THE EDGE OF

>> IT WAS JUST GETTING GOOD. >> I'M SERIOUSLY AT THE EDGE OF MY SHEET.

>> I'M SERIOUSLY AT THE EDGE OF MY SHEET. I'M SHAKING.

MY SHEET. I'M SHAKING. >> MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST

I'M SHAKING. >> MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST MY APPLE WATCH THINKS I'M

>> MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST MY APPLE WATCH THINKS I'M GETTING STEPS.

MY APPLE WATCH THINKS I'M GETTING STEPS. >> ORDER IN THE COURT, OR I WILL

GETTING STEPS. >> ORDER IN THE COURT, OR I WILL HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT.

>> ORDER IN THE COURT, OR I WILL HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT. >> WE HEAR THAT.

HOLD YOU IN CONTEMPT. >> WE HEAR THAT. >> GUYS, GUYS.

>> WE HEAR THAT. >> GUYS, GUYS. >> KEEP IT DOWN.

>> GUYS, GUYS. >> KEEP IT DOWN. >> PROSECUTION, PLEASE, ON TO

>> KEEP IT DOWN. >> PROSECUTION, PLEASE, ON TO YOUR NEXT LINE OF QUESTIONING.

>> PROSECUTION, PLEASE, ON TO YOUR NEXT LINE OF QUESTIONING. >> MR. HUBBARD, YOU CLAIM YOU

YOUR NEXT LINE OF QUESTIONING. >> MR. HUBBARD, YOU CLAIM YOU WERE AT THE OFFICE ON THE 14th,

>> MR. HUBBARD, YOU CLAIM YOU WERE AT THE OFFICE ON THE 14th, BUT AS THE DEFENSE WAS SAYING --

WERE AT THE OFFICE ON THE 14th, BUT AS THE DEFENSE WAS SAYING -- I'M SORRY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS

BUT AS THE DEFENSE WAS SAYING -- I'M SORRY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING NOW?

I'M SORRY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING NOW? >> POSING FOR THE SKETCH ARTIST.

DOING NOW? >> POSING FOR THE SKETCH ARTIST. >> HOW MUCH FOR THE DEATH

>> POSING FOR THE SKETCH ARTIST. >> HOW MUCH FOR THE DEATH PENALTY?

>> HOW MUCH FOR THE DEATH PENALTY? >> NOW THE MURDER IS YELLING AT

PENALTY? >> NOW THE MURDER IS YELLING AT US.

>> NOW THE MURDER IS YELLING AT US. >> I'M LIKE CRAZY TRIGGERED.

US. >> I'M LIKE CRAZY TRIGGERED. CAN I LIE DOWN AND LOOK AT MY

>> I'M LIKE CRAZY TRIGGERED. CAN I LIE DOWN AND LOOK AT MY PHONE FOR A WHILE.

CAN I LIE DOWN AND LOOK AT MY PHONE FOR A WHILE. >> JURORS, THIS IS YOUR FINAL

PHONE FOR A WHILE. >> JURORS, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING.

>> JURORS, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. >> OKAY.

WARNING. >> OKAY. NOW THE JUDGE IS TRYING TO

>> OKAY. NOW THE JUDGE IS TRYING TO SILENCE THREE WOMEN OF COLOR.

NOW THE JUDGE IS TRYING TO SILENCE THREE WOMEN OF COLOR. >> OKAY.

SILENCE THREE WOMEN OF COLOR. >> OKAY. CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON?

>> OKAY. CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON? AS I WAS SAYING --

CAN WE PLEASE MOVE ON? AS I WAS SAYING -- >> OH, MY GOD.

AS I WAS SAYING -- >> OH, MY GOD. WAIT.

>> OH, MY GOD. WAIT. I'M LITERALLY SO BORED.

WAIT. I'M LITERALLY SO BORED. >> CAN WE JUST LIKE PUT ON MUSIC

I'M LITERALLY SO BORED. >> CAN WE JUST LIKE PUT ON MUSIC OR SOMETHING?

>> CAN WE JUST LIKE PUT ON MUSIC OR SOMETHING? >> MIDNIGHT!

OR SOMETHING? >> MIDNIGHT! ♪ MIDNIGHT, I STAY UP, I'M

>> MIDNIGHT! ♪ MIDNIGHT, I STAY UP, I'M TAYLOR SWIFT ♪

♪ MIDNIGHT, I STAY UP, I'M TAYLOR SWIFT ♪ >> THAT IS NOT A SONG FROM

TAYLOR SWIFT ♪ >> THAT IS NOT A SONG FROM MIDNIGHT.

>> THAT IS NOT A SONG FROM MIDNIGHT. >> I JUST NEED TO FINISH MY

MIDNIGHT. >> I JUST NEED TO FINISH MY CROSS EXAM.

>> I JUST NEED TO FINISH MY CROSS EXAM. MR. HUBBARD, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN

CROSS EXAM. MR. HUBBARD, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE STEAK KNIFE THAT WAS MISSING

MR. HUBBARD, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE STEAK KNIFE THAT WAS MISSING FROM YOUR SET.

THE STEAK KNIFE THAT WAS MISSING FROM YOUR SET. >> IT HAD BEEN MISSING SINCE WE

FROM YOUR SET. >> IT HAD BEEN MISSING SINCE WE MOVED IN.

>> IT HAD BEEN MISSING SINCE WE MOVED IN. >> REALLY?

MOVED IN. >> REALLY? BECAUSE IN A STORM DRAIN NEARBY,

>> REALLY? BECAUSE IN A STORM DRAIN NEARBY, DETECTIVES FOUND THIS SUPPOSEDLY

BECAUSE IN A STORM DRAIN NEARBY, DETECTIVES FOUND THIS SUPPOSEDLY MISSING KNIFE.

DETECTIVES FOUND THIS SUPPOSEDLY MISSING KNIFE. BAILIFF, SHOW THE COURT EXHIBIT

MISSING KNIFE. BAILIFF, SHOW THE COURT EXHIBIT B.

BAILIFF, SHOW THE COURT EXHIBIT B. >> IT'S NOT IN HERE.

B. >> IT'S NOT IN HERE. >> OH, MY GOD.

>> IT'S NOT IN HERE. >> OH, MY GOD. DID YOU NEED THIS?

>> OH, MY GOD. DID YOU NEED THIS? I'M SORRY.

DID YOU NEED THIS? I'M SORRY. THIS CHICKEN IS TOUGH.

I'M SORRY. THIS CHICKEN IS TOUGH. >> ALL RIGHT.

THIS CHICKEN IS TOUGH. >> ALL RIGHT. THAT IS IT.

>> ALL RIGHT. THAT IS IT. YOU THREE ARE IN CONTEMPT OF

THAT IS IT. YOU THREE ARE IN CONTEMPT OF COURT FOR DISORDERLY CONDUCT.

YOU THREE ARE IN CONTEMPT OF COURT FOR DISORDERLY CONDUCT. >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

COURT FOR DISORDERLY CONDUCT. >> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SORRY.

>> WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. SORRY. BUT REAL QUICK, WHO AM I?

SORRY. BUT REAL QUICK, WHO AM I? >> YOU'RE HIM!

BUT REAL QUICK, WHO AM I? >> YOU'RE HIM! >> THE MURDER!

>> YOU'RE HIM! >> THE MURDER! >> OKAY, OKAY.

>> THE MURDER! >> OKAY, OKAY. AND WHO AM I?

>> OKAY, OKAY. AND WHO AM I? WHO AM I?

AND WHO AM I? WHO AM I? >> OH, YOU THE DEAD WIFE.

WHO AM I? >> OH, YOU THE DEAD WIFE. >> YES.

>> OH, YOU THE DEAD WIFE. >> YES. >> YOUR HONOR, SHE'S USING THE

>> YES. >> YOUR HONOR, SHE'S USING THE MURDER KNIFE TO CUT UP THE

>> YOUR HONOR, SHE'S USING THE MURDER KNIFE TO CUT UP THE CHICKEN.

MURDER KNIFE TO CUT UP THE CHICKEN. >> RELAX.

CHICKEN. >> RELAX. I CAN'T EVEN CUT THE CHICKEN

>> RELAX. I CAN'T EVEN CUT THE CHICKEN ANYWAY.

I CAN'T EVEN CUT THE CHICKEN ANYWAY. WAIT A MINUTE.

ANYWAY. WAIT A MINUTE. >> THE LAWYER LADY IS SAYING HE

WAIT A MINUTE. >> THE LAWYER LADY IS SAYING HE KILLED HER WITH THAT KNIFE.

>> THE LAWYER LADY IS SAYING HE KILLED HER WITH THAT KNIFE. >> BUT THE KNIFE ISN'T EVEN

KILLED HER WITH THAT KNIFE. >> BUT THE KNIFE ISN'T EVEN SHARP ENOUGH --

>> BUT THE KNIFE ISN'T EVEN SHARP ENOUGH -- >> TO CUT THROUGH HER CHICKEN.

SHARP ENOUGH -- >> TO CUT THROUGH HER CHICKEN. >> WHICH MEANS --

>> TO CUT THROUGH HER CHICKEN. >> WHICH MEANS -- >> HE'S INNOCENT!

>> WHICH MEANS -- >> HE'S INNOCENT! >> THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN

>> HE'S INNOCENT! >> THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING!

>> THAT'S WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING! >> YEA!

SAYING! >> YEA! [ APPLAUSE ]

>> YEA! [ APPLAUSE ] >>> NEXT WEEK, DAVE

>>> ON OCTOBER 27, ELON MUSK COMPLETED HIS $44 BILLION PURCHASE OF TWITTER.

COMPLETED HIS $44 BILLION PURCHASE OF TWITTER. ON OCTOBER 28, MUSK PUBLICLY

PURCHASE OF TWITTER. ON OCTOBER 28, MUSK PUBLICLY ANNOUNCED A CONTENT MODERATOR TO

ON OCTOBER 28, MUSK PUBLICLY ANNOUNCED A CONTENT MODERATOR TO REVIEW PREVIOUSLY DISRUPTED

ANNOUNCED A CONTENT MODERATOR TO REVIEW PREVIOUSLY DISRUPTED ACCOUNTS.

REVIEW PREVIOUSLY DISRUPTED ACCOUNTS. WE NOW GO LIVE.

ACCOUNTS. WE NOW GO LIVE. >> GOOD MORNING, EVEN.

WE NOW GO LIVE. >> GOOD MORNING, EVEN. TODAY WE WILL DECIDE IF

>> GOOD MORNING, EVEN. TODAY WE WILL DECIDE IF SUSPENDED ACCOUNTS WILL BE LET

TODAY WE WILL DECIDE IF SUSPENDED ACCOUNTS WILL BE LET BACK ON TWITTER.

SUSPENDED ACCOUNTS WILL BE LET BACK ON TWITTER. >> WHO BETTER TO DO IT THAN US,

BACK ON TWITTER. >> WHO BETTER TO DO IT THAN US, THE ONLY TWO TWITTER EMPLOYEES

>> WHO BETTER TO DO IT THAN US, THE ONLY TWO TWITTER EMPLOYEES WHO HAVEN'T BEEN LAID OFF.

THE ONLY TWO TWITTER EMPLOYEES WHO HAVEN'T BEEN LAID OFF. >> YET.

WHO HAVEN'T BEEN LAID OFF. >> YET. >> LET'S BEGIN OUR FIRST FAN

>> YET. >> LET'S BEGIN OUR FIRST FAN ACCOUNT.

>> LET'S BEGIN OUR FIRST FAN ACCOUNT. SAY YOUR NAME.

ACCOUNT. SAY YOUR NAME. >> YOU WISH.

SAY YOUR NAME. >> YOU WISH. BUT HERE'S WHAT I WILL TELL YOU.

>> YOU WISH. BUT HERE'S WHAT I WILL TELL YOU. THE COVID PANDEMIC WAS CREATED

BUT HERE'S WHAT I WILL TELL YOU. THE COVID PANDEMIC WAS CREATED BY BIG PHARMA TO SILENCE ME.

THE COVID PANDEMIC WAS CREATED BY BIG PHARMA TO SILENCE ME. EVERYBODY TRIES TO SILENCE ME.

BY BIG PHARMA TO SILENCE ME. EVERYBODY TRIES TO SILENCE ME. MA'AM, PLEASE SPEAK AT A LOWER

EVERYBODY TRIES TO SILENCE ME. MA'AM, PLEASE SPEAK AT A LOWER VOLUME.

MA'AM, PLEASE SPEAK AT A LOWER VOLUME. I'M SORRY.

VOLUME. I'M SORRY. AM I TOO LOUD FOR YOUR PRECIOUS

I'M SORRY. AM I TOO LOUD FOR YOUR PRECIOUS INTENSIVE CARE UNITS.

AM I TOO LOUD FOR YOUR PRECIOUS INTENSIVE CARE UNITS. YOU AREN'T EVEN SICK.

INTENSIVE CARE UNITS. YOU AREN'T EVEN SICK. >> WHY WERE YOU BANNED?

YOU AREN'T EVEN SICK. >> WHY WERE YOU BANNED? FINE.

>> WHY WERE YOU BANNED? FINE. WE HAVE BANNED TWITTER USER

FINE. WE HAVE BANNED TWITTER USER ALPHA DOG OF WAR.

WE HAVE BANNED TWITTER USER ALPHA DOG OF WAR. >> A VETERAN.

ALPHA DOG OF WAR. >> A VETERAN. >> IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING, YES,

>> A VETERAN. >> IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING, YES, I SERVED HONORABLY IN CALL OF

>> IN A MANNER OF SPEAKING, YES, I SERVED HONORABLY IN CALL OF DUTY, MODERN WARFARE TWO.

I SERVED HONORABLY IN CALL OF DUTY, MODERN WARFARE TWO. >> AND WHY WERE YOU BANNED?

DUTY, MODERN WARFARE TWO. >> AND WHY WERE YOU BANNED? >> ONE OF MY OWN SQUAD MATES

>> AND WHY WERE YOU BANNED? >> ONE OF MY OWN SQUAD MATES KILLED ME AND LAUGHED ABOUT IT.

>> ONE OF MY OWN SQUAD MATES KILLED ME AND LAUGHED ABOUT IT. I POSTED HIS REAL NAME, HOME

KILLED ME AND LAUGHED ABOUT IT. I POSTED HIS REAL NAME, HOME ADDRESS, AND MIDDLE SCHOOL

I POSTED HIS REAL NAME, HOME ADDRESS, AND MIDDLE SCHOOL SCHEDULE AND SAID, TWITTER, DO

ADDRESS, AND MIDDLE SCHOOL SCHEDULE AND SAID, TWITTER, DO YOUR THING.

SCHEDULE AND SAID, TWITTER, DO YOUR THING. >> I MEAN, SOUNDS HARMLESS,

YOUR THING. >> I MEAN, SOUNDS HARMLESS, RIGHT?

>> I MEAN, SOUNDS HARMLESS, RIGHT? NEXT.

RIGHT? NEXT. >> HI.

NEXT. >> HI. OH, MY GOD.

>> HI. OH, MY GOD. YOUR PROFILE IS SO FUNNY.

OH, MY GOD. YOUR PROFILE IS SO FUNNY. I LOVE FUNNY GUYS.

YOUR PROFILE IS SO FUNNY. I LOVE FUNNY GUYS. >> WELL.

I LOVE FUNNY GUYS. >> WELL. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> WELL. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BUT WHY WERE YOU BANNED?

THANK YOU VERY MUCH. BUT WHY WERE YOU BANNED? >> THEY SAID I WAS A BAT, WHICH

BUT WHY WERE YOU BANNED? >> THEY SAID I WAS A BAT, WHICH IS CRAZY.

>> THEY SAID I WAS A BAT, WHICH IS CRAZY. I'M ALL WOMAN, AND I LOVE FUNNY

IS CRAZY. I'M ALL WOMAN, AND I LOVE FUNNY GUYS LIKE YOU.

I'M ALL WOMAN, AND I LOVE FUNNY GUYS LIKE YOU. IN FACT, YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT

GUYS LIKE YOU. IN FACT, YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE WHERE ME AND SOME

IN FACT, YOU SHOULD CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE WHERE ME AND SOME OTHER GIRLS HANG OUT AND MEET

THIS WEBSITE WHERE ME AND SOME OTHER GIRLS HANG OUT AND MEET CUTE GUYS.

OTHER GIRLS HANG OUT AND MEET CUTE GUYS. WWW.SEX PALACE.BIT SCAMS.IRAQ.

CUTE GUYS. WWW.SEX PALACE.BIT SCAMS.IRAQ. >> SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

WWW.SEX PALACE.BIT SCAMS.IRAQ. >> SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. >> OH, MY GOD.

>> SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. >> OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE SO FUNNY.

>> OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE SO FUNNY. I BET YOU HAVE AN AWESOME SOCIAL

YOU'RE SO FUNNY. I BET YOU HAVE AN AWESOME SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER.

I BET YOU HAVE AN AWESOME SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER. >> NAH.

SECURITY NUMBER. >> NAH. IT'S NOTHING CRAZY.

>> NAH. IT'S NOTHING CRAZY. IT'S JUST 043 --

IT'S NOTHING CRAZY. IT'S JUST 043 -- >> NO, NO.

IT'S JUST 043 -- >> NO, NO. DON'T TELL HER.

>> NO, NO. DON'T TELL HER. >> WHY NOT?

DON'T TELL HER. >> WHY NOT? WE VIBING.

>> WHY NOT? WE VIBING. >> WHO'S NEXT?

WE VIBING. >> WHO'S NEXT? >> WHAT'S GOOD?

>> WHO'S NEXT? >> WHAT'S GOOD? I'M HERE ON BEHALF OF BLACK

>> WHAT'S GOOD? I'M HERE ON BEHALF OF BLACK TWITTER, AND WE HEARD MUSK WAS

I'M HERE ON BEHALF OF BLACK TWITTER, AND WE HEARD MUSK WAS GOING TO CHARGE US $8 TO USE

TWITTER, AND WE HEARD MUSK WAS GOING TO CHARGE US $8 TO USE TWITTER, AND WE SAY, NAH DOG.

GOING TO CHARGE US $8 TO USE TWITTER, AND WE SAY, NAH DOG. WE GOING TO RUN OUR AS OVER TO

TWITTER, AND WE SAY, NAH DOG. WE GOING TO RUN OUR AS OVER TO MY SPACE AND GET THAT POPPING

WE GOING TO RUN OUR AS OVER TO MY SPACE AND GET THAT POPPING AGAIN.

MY SPACE AND GET THAT POPPING AGAIN. >> NOTED.

AGAIN. >> NOTED. I WILL SEE YOU THERE.

>> NOTED. I WILL SEE YOU THERE. NEXT ACCOUNT.

I WILL SEE YOU THERE. NEXT ACCOUNT. OH, MY GOD.

NEXT ACCOUNT. OH, MY GOD. HELLO.

OH, MY GOD. HELLO. >> THAT'S RIGHT.

HELLO. >> THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S ME DONALD TRUMP.

>> THAT'S RIGHT. IT'S ME DONALD TRUMP. JUST JOHN, NOT JONATHAN.

IT'S ME DONALD TRUMP. JUST JOHN, NOT JONATHAN. BUT I KNOW MANY JONATHANS, AND I

JUST JOHN, NOT JONATHAN. BUT I KNOW MANY JONATHANS, AND I REPRESENT ALL OF THEM.

BUT I KNOW MANY JONATHANS, AND I REPRESENT ALL OF THEM. NO MORE THAN JTT HIMSELF,

REPRESENT ALL OF THEM. NO MORE THAN JTT HIMSELF, JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS WHO IS A

NO MORE THAN JTT HIMSELF, JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS WHO IS A PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE.

JONATHAN TAYLOR THOMAS WHO IS A PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE. I SAW HIM ON HOME IMPROVEMENT,

PERSONAL FRIEND OF MINE. I SAW HIM ON HOME IMPROVEMENT, AND I SAID THAT KID IS GOING TO

I SAW HIM ON HOME IMPROVEMENT, AND I SAID THAT KID IS GOING TO BE A STAR, AND HE WAS FOR A VERY

AND I SAID THAT KID IS GOING TO BE A STAR, AND HE WAS FOR A VERY BRIEF TIME.

BE A STAR, AND HE WAS FOR A VERY BRIEF TIME. BUT JTT WASN'T VERY NICE TO

BRIEF TIME. BUT JTT WASN'T VERY NICE TO CHEVY CHASE IN MAN OF THE HOUSE,

BUT JTT WASN'T VERY NICE TO CHEVY CHASE IN MAN OF THE HOUSE, WAS HE?

CHEVY CHASE IN MAN OF THE HOUSE, WAS HE? WON'T BE BACK FOR A REBOOT.

WAS HE? WON'T BE BACK FOR A REBOOT. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

WON'T BE BACK FOR A REBOOT. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? >> SURE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? >> SURE. WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE BACK ON

>> SURE. WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE BACK ON TWITTER?

WHY DO YOU WANT TO BE BACK ON TWITTER? DIDN'T YOU START YOUR OWN SOCIAL

TWITTER? DIDN'T YOU START YOUR OWN SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITE?

DIDN'T YOU START YOUR OWN SOCIAL MEDIA WEBSITE? >> EXCUSE ME.

MEDIA WEBSITE? >> EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

>> EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME.

EXCUSE ME. EXCUSE ME. YES, WE'VE ALL MOVED TO TRUE

EXCUSE ME. YES, WE'VE ALL MOVED TO TRUE SOCIAL, AND WE LOVE TRUE SOCIAL.

YES, WE'VE ALL MOVED TO TRUE SOCIAL, AND WE LOVE TRUE SOCIAL. IT'S VERY GREAT, AND IN MANY

SOCIAL, AND WE LOVE TRUE SOCIAL. IT'S VERY GREAT, AND IN MANY WAYS ALSO TERRIBLE.

IT'S VERY GREAT, AND IN MANY WAYS ALSO TERRIBLE. IT'S VERY BAD.

WAYS ALSO TERRIBLE. IT'S VERY BAD. VERY, VERY BAD.

IT'S VERY BAD. VERY, VERY BAD. IT'S A LITTLE BUGGY IN TERMS OF

VERY, VERY BAD. IT'S A LITTLE BUGGY IN TERMS OF MAKING THE PHONE SCREENS CRACK

IT'S A LITTLE BUGGY IN TERMS OF MAKING THE PHONE SCREENS CRACK AND THE AUTOMATICALLY DRAINING

MAKING THE PHONE SCREENS CRACK AND THE AUTOMATICALLY DRAINING OF THE VENMO.

AND THE AUTOMATICALLY DRAINING OF THE VENMO. LET ME BACK ON TWITTER, I WON'T

OF THE VENMO. LET ME BACK ON TWITTER, I WON'T DO ANYTHING BAD EXCEPT MAYBE

LET ME BACK ON TWITTER, I WON'T DO ANYTHING BAD EXCEPT MAYBE COUP.

DO ANYTHING BAD EXCEPT MAYBE COUP. >> ALL RIGHT.

COUP. >> ALL RIGHT. MIGHT AS WELL ROLL THE DICE,

>> ALL RIGHT. MIGHT AS WELL ROLL THE DICE, RIGHT?

MIGHT AS WELL ROLL THE DICE, RIGHT? >> OH, ELON JUST TWEETED, AND

RIGHT? >> OH, ELON JUST TWEETED, AND WE'RE LAID OFF TOO.

>> OH, ELON JUST TWEETED, AND WE'RE LAID OFF TOO. >> YEA!

WE'RE LAID OFF TOO. >> YEA! WE'RE FINALLY FREE.

>> YEA! WE'RE FINALLY FREE. >>> DAVID, FOR THE LAST TIME,

WE'RE FINALLY FREE. >>> DAVID, FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU HAVE TO UNPACK YOUR CLOTHES.

>>> DAVID, FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU HAVE TO UNPACK YOUR CLOTHES. WE MOVED IN A MONTH AGO, HONEY.

YOU HAVE TO UNPACK YOUR CLOTHES. WE MOVED IN A MONTH AGO, HONEY. >> I WILL, MOM.

WE MOVED IN A MONTH AGO, HONEY. >> I WILL, MOM. I HAVE JUST BEEN BUSY.

>> I WILL, MOM. I HAVE JUST BEEN BUSY. >> BUSY FLIRTING WITH EVERY GIRL

I HAVE JUST BEEN BUSY. >> BUSY FLIRTING WITH EVERY GIRL IN SCHOOL.

>> BUSY FLIRTING WITH EVERY GIRL IN SCHOOL. >> SHUT UP.

IN SCHOOL. >> SHUT UP. >> HONEY, IS EVERYTHING OKAY?

>> SHUT UP. >> HONEY, IS EVERYTHING OKAY? >> I JUST FOUND THIS LETTER

>> HONEY, IS EVERYTHING OKAY? >> I JUST FOUND THIS LETTER SLIPPED UNDER OUR DOOR.

>> I JUST FOUND THIS LETTER SLIPPED UNDER OUR DOOR. I DON'T KNOW.

SLIPPED UNDER OUR DOOR. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S STRANGE.

I DON'T KNOW. IT'S STRANGE. >> WHAT DOES IT SAY?

IT'S STRANGE. >> WHAT DOES IT SAY? >> DEAREST NEW NEIGHBORS AT 322

>> WHAT DOES IT SAY? >> DEAREST NEW NEIGHBORS AT 322 OAK RIDGE BOULEVARD, ALLOW ME TO

>> DEAREST NEW NEIGHBORS AT 322 OAK RIDGE BOULEVARD, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.

OAK RIDGE BOULEVARD, ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. I AM THE LOOKER, AND I SEE

INTRODUCE MYSELF. I AM THE LOOKER, AND I SEE EVERYTHING YOU DO.

I AM THE LOOKER, AND I SEE EVERYTHING YOU DO. >> IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK

EVERYTHING YOU DO. >> IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK PRANK?

>> IS THIS SOME KIND OF SICK PRANK? >> I DON'T KNOW, CAROL.

PRANK? >> I DON'T KNOW, CAROL. >> I SEE YOU'RE SETTLING IN

>> I DON'T KNOW, CAROL. >> I SEE YOU'RE SETTLING IN NICELY.

>> I SEE YOU'RE SETTLING IN NICELY. YOUR DAUGHTER LIKES TO WRITE IN

NICELY. YOUR DAUGHTER LIKES TO WRITE IN HER DIARY ABOUT THE BOY WHO MOES

YOUR DAUGHTER LIKES TO WRITE IN HER DIARY ABOUT THE BOY WHO MOES THE LAWN, AND YOUR SON HAS BEEN

HER DIARY ABOUT THE BOY WHO MOES THE LAWN, AND YOUR SON HAS BEEN HARD AT WORK PRACTICING HIS

THE LAWN, AND YOUR SON HAS BEEN HARD AT WORK PRACTICING HIS GUITAR.

HARD AT WORK PRACTICING HIS GUITAR. >> THIS IS CREEPING ME OUT.

GUITAR. >> THIS IS CREEPING ME OUT. >> AND YOUR WIFE, AFTER

>> THIS IS CREEPING ME OUT. >> AND YOUR WIFE, AFTER EVERYONE'S ASLEEP, SHE GOES TO

>> AND YOUR WIFE, AFTER EVERYONE'S ASLEEP, SHE GOES TO THE KITCHEN AND EATS AN ENTIRE

EVERYONE'S ASLEEP, SHE GOES TO THE KITCHEN AND EATS AN ENTIRE SECOND DINNER.

THE KITCHEN AND EATS AN ENTIRE SECOND DINNER. >> THAT'S LIKE -- WHAT?

SECOND DINNER. >> THAT'S LIKE -- WHAT? >> SHE EATS IT LIKE A GREEDY

>> THAT'S LIKE -- WHAT? >> SHE EATS IT LIKE A GREEDY RACCOON AFRAID OF GETTING

>> SHE EATS IT LIKE A GREEDY RACCOON AFRAID OF GETTING CAUGHT.

RACCOON AFRAID OF GETTING CAUGHT. >> OKAY.

CAUGHT. >> OKAY. >> AS FOR YOU, DADDY DEAREST.

>> OKAY. >> AS FOR YOU, DADDY DEAREST. I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR MORNING

>> AS FOR YOU, DADDY DEAREST. I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR MORNING JOGS AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR MORNING JOGS AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I KNOW YOUR WIFE DOES.

JOGS AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD. I KNOW YOUR WIFE DOES. AFTER YOU LEAVE, SHE GETS A

I KNOW YOUR WIFE DOES. AFTER YOU LEAVE, SHE GETS A SNACK, TURNS ON THE TV, AND

AFTER YOU LEAVE, SHE GETS A SNACK, TURNS ON THE TV, AND PLEASURES HERSELF.

SNACK, TURNS ON THE TV, AND PLEASURES HERSELF. TO THE PROPERTY BROTHERS.

PLEASURES HERSELF. TO THE PROPERTY BROTHERS. >> OKAY.

TO THE PROPERTY BROTHERS. >> OKAY. THAT'S NOT RINGING A BELL.

>> OKAY. THAT'S NOT RINGING A BELL. >> BUT HE KNOWS ABOUT MY JOGS,

THAT'S NOT RINGING A BELL. >> BUT HE KNOWS ABOUT MY JOGS, CAROL.

>> BUT HE KNOWS ABOUT MY JOGS, CAROL. >> AND MY DIARY AND DAVID'S

CAROL. >> AND MY DIARY AND DAVID'S GUITAR.

>> AND MY DIARY AND DAVID'S GUITAR. >> I KNOW.

GUITAR. >> I KNOW. THAT'S WHY IT'S SO WEIRD THAT

>> I KNOW. THAT'S WHY IT'S SO WEIRD THAT ALL MY STUFF IS CLEARLY MADE UP.

THAT'S WHY IT'S SO WEIRD THAT ALL MY STUFF IS CLEARLY MADE UP. >> YOUR LIFE MAY SEEM PERFECT,

ALL MY STUFF IS CLEARLY MADE UP. >> YOUR LIFE MAY SEEM PERFECT, BUT THE LOOKER KNOWS IT'S NOT,

>> YOUR LIFE MAY SEEM PERFECT, BUT THE LOOKER KNOWS IT'S NOT, AND YOUR POOR WIFE SEEMS TO BE

BUT THE LOOKER KNOWS IT'S NOT, AND YOUR POOR WIFE SEEMS TO BE HAVING TROUBLE IN THE BATHROOM.

AND YOUR POOR WIFE SEEMS TO BE HAVING TROUBLE IN THE BATHROOM. SLOWLY ROCKING BACK AND FORTH,

HAVING TROUBLE IN THE BATHROOM. SLOWLY ROCKING BACK AND FORTH, TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN.

SLOWLY ROCKING BACK AND FORTH, TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN. GIVING HERSELF PEP TALKS.

TRYING TO MAKE SOMETHING HAPPEN. GIVING HERSELF PEP TALKS. >> COME ON, COME ON.

GIVING HERSELF PEP TALKS. >> COME ON, COME ON. >> SHE GETS SO FRUSTRATED SHE'LL

>> COME ON, COME ON. >> SHE GETS SO FRUSTRATED SHE'LL GO DOWNSTAIRS AND BLOW OFF MORE

>> SHE GETS SO FRUSTRATED SHE'LL GO DOWNSTAIRS AND BLOW OFF MORE STEAM WITH PROPERTY BROTHERS.

GO DOWNSTAIRS AND BLOW OFF MORE STEAM WITH PROPERTY BROTHERS. WHY IS SHE SO AROUSED BY THAT

STEAM WITH PROPERTY BROTHERS. WHY IS SHE SO AROUSED BY THAT SHOW?

WHY IS SHE SO AROUSED BY THAT SHOW? IS IT THE BROTHERS OR THE

SHOW? IS IT THE BROTHERS OR THE PROPERTY?

IS IT THE BROTHERS OR THE PROPERTY? >> SOMEONE DOWNLOADED EVERY

PROPERTY? >> SOMEONE DOWNLOADED EVERY EPISODE OF PROPERTY BROTHERS.

>> SOMEONE DOWNLOADED EVERY EPISODE OF PROPERTY BROTHERS. >> AND WATCHED FIVE MINUTES OF

EPISODE OF PROPERTY BROTHERS. >> AND WATCHED FIVE MINUTES OF EACH ONE.

>> AND WATCHED FIVE MINUTES OF EACH ONE. >> SO THIS WEIRDO SNUCK INTO OUR

EACH ONE. >> SO THIS WEIRDO SNUCK INTO OUR HOUSE AND MESSED WITH THE TV?

>> SO THIS WEIRDO SNUCK INTO OUR HOUSE AND MESSED WITH THE TV? NOW I'M WEIRDED OUT OFFICIALLY.

HOUSE AND MESSED WITH THE TV? NOW I'M WEIRDED OUT OFFICIALLY. >> THEN SHE SAYS, TIKTOK DANCES,

NOW I'M WEIRDED OUT OFFICIALLY. >> THEN SHE SAYS, TIKTOK DANCES, YOUR MOM WAS ON HER EXERCISE

>> THEN SHE SAYS, TIKTOK DANCES, YOUR MOM WAS ON HER EXERCISE BIKE.

YOUR MOM WAS ON HER EXERCISE BIKE. >> THAT ONE'S REAL!

BIKE. >> THAT ONE'S REAL! >> SHE DOESN'T EVEN PEDAL.

>> THAT ONE'S REAL! >> SHE DOESN'T EVEN PEDAL. JUST SITS ON THE BIKE AND LOOKS

>> SHE DOESN'T EVEN PEDAL. JUST SITS ON THE BIKE AND LOOKS AT HER PHONE.

JUST SITS ON THE BIKE AND LOOKS AT HER PHONE. THEN GOES BACK TO THE BATHROOM

AT HER PHONE. THEN GOES BACK TO THE BATHROOM TO TRY AGAIN.

THEN GOES BACK TO THE BATHROOM TO TRY AGAIN. >> WHY CAN'T I GO!

TO TRY AGAIN. >> WHY CAN'T I GO! >> WE NEED TO GO TO THE POLICE

>> WHY CAN'T I GO! >> WE NEED TO GO TO THE POLICE AND TELL THEM THIS GUY IS MAKING

>> WE NEED TO GO TO THE POLICE AND TELL THEM THIS GUY IS MAKING UP LIES ABOUT JUST ME.

AND TELL THEM THIS GUY IS MAKING UP LIES ABOUT JUST ME. >> WE WILL.

UP LIES ABOUT JUST ME. >> WE WILL. I THINK IT WILL BE SAFEST IF WE

>> WE WILL. I THINK IT WILL BE SAFEST IF WE STAY IN THE HOTEL TONIGHT.

I THINK IT WILL BE SAFEST IF WE STAY IN THE HOTEL TONIGHT. >> ONE OF US SHOULD STAY.

STAY IN THE HOTEL TONIGHT. >> ONE OF US SHOULD STAY. I GUESS I'LL DO IT SINCE THIS

>> ONE OF US SHOULD STAY. I GUESS I'LL DO IT SINCE THIS GUY'S GOT NOTHING ON ME.

I GUESS I'LL DO IT SINCE THIS GUY'S GOT NOTHING ON ME. >> IT'S DEMO DAY.

GUY'S GOT NOTHING ON ME. >> IT'S DEMO DAY. >> IF YOU'RE WATCHING, IT'S THE

>> IT'S DEMO DAY. >> IF YOU'RE WATCHING, IT'S THE PROPERTY I'M INTO.

>> IF YOU'RE WATCHING, IT'S THE PROPERTY I'M INTO. NOT THE BROTHERS.

>>> LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, STEVE LACY. ♪

LACY. ♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW

♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME

♪ I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW

YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME ♪

I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME ♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW

YOU WANTED ME ♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME

♪ I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME WHAT YOU, OOH, UH

I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME WHAT YOU, OOH, UH WHAT YOU DO ♪

WHAT YOU, OOH, UH WHAT YOU DO ♪ ♪ MADE A MOVE

WHAT YOU DO ♪ ♪ MADE A MOVE COULDA MADE A MOVE

♪ MADE A MOVE COULDA MADE A MOVE IF I KNEW I'D BE WITH YOU

COULDA MADE A MOVE IF I KNEW I'D BE WITH YOU IS IT TOO LATE TO PURSUE ♪

IF I KNEW I'D BE WITH YOU IS IT TOO LATE TO PURSUE ♪ ♪ I BITE MY TONGUE

IS IT TOO LATE TO PURSUE ♪ ♪ I BITE MY TONGUE IT'S A BAD HABIT

♪ I BITE MY TONGUE IT'S A BAD HABIT KINDA MAD THAT I DIDN'T

IT'S A BAD HABIT KINDA MAD THAT I DIDN'T TAKE A STAB AT IT ♪

KINDA MAD THAT I DIDN'T TAKE A STAB AT IT ♪ ♪ THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO GOOD

TAKE A STAB AT IT ♪ ♪ THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO GOOD FOR ME, MY DEAR

♪ THOUGHT YOU WERE TOO GOOD FOR ME, MY DEAR NEVER GAVE ME TIME OF DAY

FOR ME, MY DEAR NEVER GAVE ME TIME OF DAY MY DEAR ♪

NEVER GAVE ME TIME OF DAY MY DEAR ♪ ♪ IT'S OKAY, THINGS HAPPEN

MY DEAR ♪ ♪ IT'S OKAY, THINGS HAPPEN FOR REASONS THAT I THINK

♪ IT'S OKAY, THINGS HAPPEN FOR REASONS THAT I THINK ARE SURE, YEAH

FOR REASONS THAT I THINK ARE SURE, YEAH I WISH I KNEW ♪

ARE SURE, YEAH I WISH I KNEW ♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW

I WISH I KNEW ♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME

♪ I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW

YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME ♪

I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME ♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW

YOU WANTED ME ♪ ♪ I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME

♪ I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW

I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME ♪

I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME ♪ ♪ SAY TO ME

YOU WANTED ME ♪ ♪ SAY TO ME PLEASE JUST SAY TO ME

♪ SAY TO ME PLEASE JUST SAY TO ME IF THIS COULD WIND UP

PLEASE JUST SAY TO ME IF THIS COULD WIND UP I WISH YOU WOULDN'T ♪

IF THIS COULD WIND UP I WISH YOU WOULDN'T ♪ ♪ PLAY WITH ME

I WISH YOU WOULDN'T ♪ ♪ PLAY WITH ME I WANNA KNOW

♪ PLAY WITH ME I WANNA KNOW UH, CAN I BITE YOUR TONGUE

I WANNA KNOW UH, CAN I BITE YOUR TONGUE LIKE MY BAD HABIT ♪

UH, CAN I BITE YOUR TONGUE LIKE MY BAD HABIT ♪ ♪ WOULD YOU MIND IF

LIKE MY BAD HABIT ♪ ♪ WOULD YOU MIND IF I TRIED TO MAKE A PASS AT IT

♪ WOULD YOU MIND IF I TRIED TO MAKE A PASS AT IT WERE YOU NOT TOO GOOD

I TRIED TO MAKE A PASS AT IT WERE YOU NOT TOO GOOD FOR ME, MY DEAR ♪

WERE YOU NOT TOO GOOD FOR ME, MY DEAR ♪ ♪ FUNNY YOU COME BACK

FOR ME, MY DEAR ♪ ♪ FUNNY YOU COME BACK TO ME, MY DEAR

♪ FUNNY YOU COME BACK TO ME, MY DEAR IT'S OKAY

TO ME, MY DEAR IT'S OKAY THINGS HAPPEN FOR REASONS ♪

IT'S OKAY THINGS HAPPEN FOR REASONS ♪ ♪ THAT I CAN'T IGNORE

THINGS HAPPEN FOR REASONS ♪ ♪ THAT I CAN'T IGNORE I WISH I KNEW

♪ THAT I CAN'T IGNORE I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME

I WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW ♪

I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME I WISH I KNEW ♪ ♪ WISH I KNEW

I WISH I KNEW ♪ ♪ WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME

♪ WISH I KNEW I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME YOU CAN'T SURPRISE A GEMINI

I WISH I KNEW YOU WANTED ME YOU CAN'T SURPRISE A GEMINI I'M EVERYWHERE ♪

YOU CAN'T SURPRISE A GEMINI I'M EVERYWHERE ♪ ♪ I'M CROSS-EYED, AND

I'M EVERYWHERE ♪ ♪ I'M CROSS-EYED, AND NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK

♪ I'M CROSS-EYED, AND NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK I CAN'T DECIDE

NOW THAT YOU'RE BACK I CAN'T DECIDE IF I DECIDE ♪

I CAN'T DECIDE IF I DECIDE ♪ ♪ IF YOU'RE INVITED

IF I DECIDE ♪ ♪ IF YOU'RE INVITED YOU ALWAYS KNEW

♪ IF YOU'RE INVITED YOU ALWAYS KNEW THE WAY TO WOW ME

YOU ALWAYS KNEW THE WAY TO WOW ME AROUND GET TONGUE-TIED ♪

THE WAY TO WOW ME AROUND GET TONGUE-TIED ♪ ♪ AND I TURN IT ON

AROUND GET TONGUE-TIED ♪ ♪ AND I TURN IT ON I MAKE IT ROWDY

♪ AND I TURN IT ON I MAKE IT ROWDY THEN CARRY ON

I MAKE IT ROWDY THEN CARRY ON BUT I'M NOT HIDIN' ♪

THEN CARRY ON BUT I'M NOT HIDIN' ♪ ♪ YOU GRABBIN' ME HARD

BUT I'M NOT HIDIN' ♪ ♪ YOU GRABBIN' ME HARD 'CAUSE YOU KNOW

♪ YOU GRABBIN' ME HARD 'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FOUND

'CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU FOUND IS BISCUITS ♪

WHAT YOU FOUND IS BISCUITS ♪ ♪ IS GRAVY, BABE, AH-AH

IS BISCUITS ♪ ♪ IS GRAVY, BABE, AH-AH ♪

♪ IS GRAVY, BABE, AH-AH ♪ YOU CAN'T SURPRISE A GEMINI

♪ YOU CAN'T SURPRISE A GEMINI BUT YOU KNOW IT'S BISCUITS

YOU CAN'T SURPRISE A GEMINI BUT YOU KNOW IT'S BISCUITS IS GRAVY, BABE ♪

BUT YOU KNOW IT'S BISCUITS IS GRAVY, BABE ♪ ♪ I KNEW YOU'D

IS GRAVY, BABE ♪ ♪ I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK AROUND

♪ I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK AROUND 'CAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S BISCUITS

COME BACK AROUND 'CAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S BISCUITS IT'S GRAVY, BABE ♪

'CAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S BISCUITS IT'S GRAVY, BABE ♪ ♪ LET'S IN THE BACK

IT'S GRAVY, BABE ♪ ♪ LET'S IN THE BACK OF THE MALL, LOSE CONTROL

♪ LET'S IN THE BACK OF THE MALL, LOSE CONTROL GO STUPID, GO CRAZY, BABE

OF THE MALL, LOSE CONTROL GO STUPID, GO CRAZY, BABE I KNOW I'LL BE ♪

GO STUPID, GO CRAZY, BABE I KNOW I'LL BE ♪ ♪ IN YOUR HEART 'TIL THE END

I KNOW I'LL BE ♪ ♪ IN YOUR HEART 'TIL THE END YOU'LL MISS ME

♪ IN YOUR HEART 'TIL THE END YOU'LL MISS ME DON'T BEG ME, BABE ♪

YOU'LL MISS ME DON'T BEG ME, BABE ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

>>> IT'S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. >> THANK YOU.

COLIN JOST AND MICHAEL CHE. >> THANK YOU. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE.

>> THANK YOU. GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME.

GOOD EVENING, EVERYONE. >> WELCOME. I'M MICHAEL CHE.

>> WELCOME. I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST.

I'M MICHAEL CHE. >> I'M COLIN JOST. PRESIDENT BIDEN SEEN HERE

>> I'M COLIN JOST. PRESIDENT BIDEN SEEN HERE BEGGING FOR ONE MORE YEAR BEFORE

PRESIDENT BIDEN SEEN HERE BEGGING FOR ONE MORE YEAR BEFORE THE MIDTERMS LEARNED ABOUT

BEGGING FOR ONE MORE YEAR BEFORE THE MIDTERMS LEARNED ABOUT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES WHO SAY

THE MIDTERMS LEARNED ABOUT REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES WHO SAY THEY WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT

REPUBLICAN CANDIDATES WHO SAY THEY WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT ELECTION RESULTS WARNING THEY

THEY WILL REFUSE TO ACCEPT ELECTION RESULTS WARNING THEY COULD SET THE NATION ON A PATH

ELECTION RESULTS WARNING THEY COULD SET THE NATION ON A PATH TO CHAOS.

COULD SET THE NATION ON A PATH TO CHAOS. SO, WAIT, THIS IS JUST THE PATH

TO CHAOS. SO, WAIT, THIS IS JUST THE PATH TO CHAOS?

SO, WAIT, THIS IS JUST THE PATH TO CHAOS? I THOUGHT WE HAD BEEN LIVE NOT

TO CHAOS? I THOUGHT WE HAD BEEN LIVE NOT GUILTY CHAOS FOR AT LEAST SIX

I THOUGHT WE HAD BEEN LIVE NOT GUILTY CHAOS FOR AT LEAST SIX YEARS.

GUILTY CHAOS FOR AT LEAST SIX YEARS. NANCY PELOSI'S HUSBAND WAS

YEARS. NANCY PELOSI'S HUSBAND WAS ATTACKED IN THEIR HOME BY A GUY

NANCY PELOSI'S HUSBAND WAS ATTACKED IN THEIR HOME BY A GUY WITH A HAMMER, AND INSTEAD OF

ATTACKED IN THEIR HOME BY A GUY WITH A HAMMER, AND INSTEAD OF BASIC SYMPATHY, REPUBLICANS WERE

WITH A HAMMER, AND INSTEAD OF BASIC SYMPATHY, REPUBLICANS WERE LIKE, WE HEARD HE GAY.

BASIC SYMPATHY, REPUBLICANS WERE LIKE, WE HEARD HE GAY. DONALD TRUMP JR. MOCKED THE

LIKE, WE HEARD HE GAY. DONALD TRUMP JR. MOCKED THE ATTACK BY POSTING AN IMAGE AND A

DONALD TRUMP JR. MOCKED THE ATTACK BY POSTING AN IMAGE AND A PAIR OF UNDERPANTS SAYING, I GOT

ATTACK BY POSTING AN IMAGE AND A PAIR OF UNDERPANTS SAYING, I GOT MY PAUL PELOSI HALLOWEEN COSTUME

PAIR OF UNDERPANTS SAYING, I GOT MY PAUL PELOSI HALLOWEEN COSTUME READY, AND I WOULD AGREE CON JR.

MY PAUL PELOSI HALLOWEEN COSTUME READY, AND I WOULD AGREE CON JR. IS PROBABLY THE THE MASTER OF

READY, AND I WOULD AGREE CON JR. IS PROBABLY THE THE MASTER OF GETTING HAMMERED IN HIS

IS PROBABLY THE THE MASTER OF GETTING HAMMERED IN HIS UNDERWEAR.

GETTING HAMMERED IN HIS UNDERWEAR. YOU WERE TRYING TO BURN PAUL

UNDERWEAR. YOU WERE TRYING TO BURN PAUL PELOSI, BUT NOW I'M WONDERING IF

YOU WERE TRYING TO BURN PAUL PELOSI, BUT NOW I'M WONDERING IF YOU WEAR YOUR DAD'S OLD

PELOSI, BUT NOW I'M WONDERING IF YOU WEAR YOUR DAD'S OLD UNDERWEAR.

YOU WEAR YOUR DAD'S OLD UNDERWEAR. >> KYRIE IRVING ANNOUNCED FROM

UNDERWEAR. >> KYRIE IRVING ANNOUNCED FROM NOW ON, HE WILL PRETEND TO NOT

>> KYRIE IRVING ANNOUNCED FROM NOW ON, HE WILL PRETEND TO NOT BE ANTI-SEMITIC.

NOW ON, HE WILL PRETEND TO NOT BE ANTI-SEMITIC. HE TWEETED A LINK WAKE UP BLACK

BE ANTI-SEMITIC. HE TWEETED A LINK WAKE UP BLACK AMERICA.

HE TWEETED A LINK WAKE UP BLACK AMERICA. IN A HEGRO TO NEGROS WAS ALSO

AMERICA. IN A HEGRO TO NEGROS WAS ALSO THE NAME OF MY FAVORITE GROUP IN

IN A HEGRO TO NEGROS WAS ALSO THE NAME OF MY FAVORITE GROUP IN THE '90s.

THE NAME OF MY FAVORITE GROUP IN THE '90s. >> JUST DAYS BEFORE THE MIDTERM

THE '90s. >> JUST DAYS BEFORE THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS, OPRAH ENDORSED JOHN

>> JUST DAYS BEFORE THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS, OPRAH ENDORSED JOHN FETTERMAN INSTEAD OF THE MONSTER

ELECTIONS, OPRAH ENDORSED JOHN FETTERMAN INSTEAD OF THE MONSTER SHE UNLEASHED UPON US.

FETTERMAN INSTEAD OF THE MONSTER SHE UNLEASHED UPON US. ISN'T IT CRAZY THAT OPRAH GAVE

SHE UNLEASHED UPON US. ISN'T IT CRAZY THAT OPRAH GAVE DR. OZ HIS CAREER AND EVEN SHE'S

ISN'T IT CRAZY THAT OPRAH GAVE DR. OZ HIS CAREER AND EVEN SHE'S TURNED AGAINST HIM?

DR. OZ HIS CAREER AND EVEN SHE'S TURNED AGAINST HIM? IT'S LIKE IF ROBIN RAN FOR MAYOR

TURNED AGAINST HIM? IT'S LIKE IF ROBIN RAN FOR MAYOR OF GOTHAM, AND BATMAN WAS LIKE I

IT'S LIKE IF ROBIN RAN FOR MAYOR OF GOTHAM, AND BATMAN WAS LIKE I ENDORSE PENGUINS.

OF GOTHAM, AND BATMAN WAS LIKE I ENDORSE PENGUINS. >> HERSCHEL WALKER CRITICIZED

ENDORSE PENGUINS. >> HERSCHEL WALKER CRITICIZED BARACK OBAMA SAYING, PUT MY

>> HERSCHEL WALKER CRITICIZED BARACK OBAMA SAYING, PUT MY RESUME AGAINST HIS.

BARACK OBAMA SAYING, PUT MY RESUME AGAINST HIS. FINE.

RESUME AGAINST HIS. FINE. SO HERE'S OBAMA'S RESUME, AND

FINE. SO HERE'S OBAMA'S RESUME, AND HERE'S HERSCHEL WALKER.

SO HERE'S OBAMA'S RESUME, AND HERE'S HERSCHEL WALKER. BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.

HERE'S HERSCHEL WALKER. BETTER THAN I THOUGHT. >> COUPLE OF TYPOS.

BETTER THAN I THOUGHT. >> COUPLE OF TYPOS. THE LATEST JOB REPORTS SHOWS

>> COUPLE OF TYPOS. THE LATEST JOB REPORTS SHOWS THAT LAST MONTH THE U.S. ECONOMY

THE LATEST JOB REPORTS SHOWS THAT LAST MONTH THE U.S. ECONOMY ADDED OVER 200,000 JOBS.

THAT LAST MONTH THE U.S. ECONOMY ADDED OVER 200,000 JOBS. WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, SAID ELON

ADDED OVER 200,000 JOBS. WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, SAID ELON MUSK.

WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, SAID ELON MUSK. SINCE ELON MUSK TOOK OVER

MUSK. SINCE ELON MUSK TOOK OVER TWITTER, USE OF THE N WORD ON

SINCE ELON MUSK TOOK OVER TWITTER, USE OF THE N WORD ON THE SITE HAS REPORTEDLY JUMPED

TWITTER, USE OF THE N WORD ON THE SITE HAS REPORTEDLY JUMPED 500%.

THE SITE HAS REPORTEDLY JUMPED 500%. IT'S THE BIGGEST INCREASE IN THE

500%. IT'S THE BIGGEST INCREASE IN THE USE OF THE N WORD SINCE THE LAST

IT'S THE BIGGEST INCREASE IN THE USE OF THE N WORD SINCE THE LAST TIME I STUBBED MY TOE.

USE OF THE N WORD SINCE THE LAST TIME I STUBBED MY TOE. >> KANYE WEST WAS SUSPENDED FROM

TIME I STUBBED MY TOE. >> KANYE WEST WAS SUSPENDED FROM INSTAGRAM AGAIN FOR POSTING A

>> KANYE WEST WAS SUSPENDED FROM INSTAGRAM AGAIN FOR POSTING A DESPAIRING MESSAGE ABOUT JEWISH

INSTAGRAM AGAIN FOR POSTING A DESPAIRING MESSAGE ABOUT JEWISH PEOPLE.

DESPAIRING MESSAGE ABOUT JEWISH PEOPLE. SEEMS LIKE HE'S DOING THE SAME

PEOPLE. SEEMS LIKE HE'S DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND

SEEMS LIKE HE'S DOING THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS,

THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS, WHICH I'VE HEARD IS THE

EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS, WHICH I'VE HEARD IS THE DEFINITION OF SOMETHING.

WHICH I'VE HEARD IS THE DEFINITION OF SOMETHING. HIS BUSINESS DEALS WENT BAD, AND

DEFINITION OF SOMETHING. HIS BUSINESS DEALS WENT BAD, AND HE JUST STARTED CALLING IT A

HIS BUSINESS DEALS WENT BAD, AND HE JUST STARTED CALLING IT A JEWISH CONSPIRACY LIKE WHEN HIS

HE JUST STARTED CALLING IT A JEWISH CONSPIRACY LIKE WHEN HIS ALBUMS WENT BAD AND HE STARTED

JEWISH CONSPIRACY LIKE WHEN HIS ALBUMS WENT BAD AND HE STARTED CALLING IT GOSPEL.

ALBUMS WENT BAD AND HE STARTED CALLING IT GOSPEL. >> TOMORROW IS THE NEW YORK CITY

CALLING IT GOSPEL. >> TOMORROW IS THE NEW YORK CITY MARATHON, OR AS FOX NEWS WILL

>> TOMORROW IS THE NEW YORK CITY MARATHON, OR AS FOX NEWS WILL REPORT IT, UNDOCUMENTED AFRICANS

MARATHON, OR AS FOX NEWS WILL REPORT IT, UNDOCUMENTED AFRICANS RUN WILD IN STREETS OF NEW YORK.

REPORT IT, UNDOCUMENTED AFRICANS RUN WILD IN STREETS OF NEW YORK. >> CHINA HAS LAUNCHED THE THIRD

RUN WILD IN STREETS OF NEW YORK. >> CHINA HAS LAUNCHED THE THIRD AND FINAL MODULE FOR ITS

>> CHINA HAS LAUNCHED THE THIRD AND FINAL MODULE FOR ITS PERMANENT SPACE STATION.

AND FINAL MODULE FOR ITS PERMANENT SPACE STATION. NOW ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS

PERMANENT SPACE STATION. NOW ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS LAUNCH SOME CHILDREN TO ASSEMBLE

NOW ALL THEY HAVE TO DO IS LAUNCH SOME CHILDREN TO ASSEMBLE IT.

LAUNCH SOME CHILDREN TO ASSEMBLE IT. NEW YORK CITY IS NOW REQUIRING

IT. NEW YORK CITY IS NOW REQUIRING EMPLOYERS TO DISCLOSE SALARY

NEW YORK CITY IS NOW REQUIRING EMPLOYERS TO DISCLOSE SALARY RANGES IN ALL JOB LISTINGS.

EMPLOYERS TO DISCLOSE SALARY RANGES IN ALL JOB LISTINGS. EMPLOYERS MUST LIST EVERYTHING

RANGES IN ALL JOB LISTINGS. EMPLOYERS MUST LIST EVERYTHING RANGING FROM THE TOP SALARY ALL

EMPLOYERS MUST LIST EVERYTHING RANGING FROM THE TOP SALARY ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE FEMALE

RANGING FROM THE TOP SALARY ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE FEMALE SALARY.

THE WAY DOWN TO THE FEMALE SALARY. >> CNN HAS ANNOUNCED THAT DUE TO

SALARY. >> CNN HAS ANNOUNCED THAT DUE TO BUDGET CUTS THEY ARE SCALING

>> CNN HAS ANNOUNCED THAT DUE TO BUDGET CUTS THEY ARE SCALING BACK ON ORIGINAL SERIES AND

BUDGET CUTS THEY ARE SCALING BACK ON ORIGINAL SERIES AND DOCUMENTARIES.

BACK ON ORIGINAL SERIES AND DOCUMENTARIES. APPARENTLY THERE WAS A FLAW WITH

DOCUMENTARIES. APPARENTLY THERE WAS A FLAW WITH THE BUSINESS MODEL OF GIVING

APPARENTLY THERE WAS A FLAW WITH THE BUSINESS MODEL OF GIVING STANLEY TUCCI MILLIONS OF

THE BUSINESS MODEL OF GIVING STANLEY TUCCI MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO EAT GILATO.

STANLEY TUCCI MILLIONS OF DOLLARS TO EAT GILATO. A ZOO IN ATLANTA WILL ALLOW

DOLLARS TO EAT GILATO. A ZOO IN ATLANTA WILL ALLOW VISITORS TO CARRY FIREARMS.

A ZOO IN ATLANTA WILL ALLOW VISITORS TO CARRY FIREARMS. YOU WANT TO TRY LAUGHING AT ME

VISITORS TO CARRY FIREARMS. YOU WANT TO TRY LAUGHING AT ME AGAIN, MONKEYS?

YOU WANT TO TRY LAUGHING AT ME AGAIN, MONKEYS? >> WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, MAN?

AGAIN, MONKEYS? >> WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, MAN? TENSIONS ARE ON THE RISE AFTER

>> WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU, MAN? TENSIONS ARE ON THE RISE AFTER NORTH KOREA LAUNCHED MORE THAN

TENSIONS ARE ON THE RISE AFTER NORTH KOREA LAUNCHED MORE THAN 20 MISSILES INTO THE OCEAN AND

NORTH KOREA LAUNCHED MORE THAN 20 MISSILES INTO THE OCEAN AND ALL BECAUSE THE LITTLE MERMAID

20 MISSILES INTO THE OCEAN AND ALL BECAUSE THE LITTLE MERMAID IS BLACK.

ALL BECAUSE THE LITTLE MERMAID IS BLACK. NOT REAL.

IS BLACK. NOT REAL. >> A LINGUISTICS EXPERT HAS

NOT REAL. >> A LINGUISTICS EXPERT HAS RELEASED A LIST OF THE MOST

>> A LINGUISTICS EXPERT HAS RELEASED A LIST OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SOUNDING BABY NAMES

RELEASED A LIST OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SOUNDING BABY NAMES WITH THE TOP SPOTS GOING TO

BEAUTIFUL SOUNDING BABY NAMES WITH THE TOP SPOTS GOING TO MATTHEW AND SOFIA WHILE THE

WITH THE TOP SPOTS GOING TO MATTHEW AND SOFIA WHILE THE WORST SOUNDING NAMES ARE MOIST

MATTHEW AND SOFIA WHILE THE WORST SOUNDING NAMES ARE MOIST AND SLURP.

WORST SOUNDING NAMES ARE MOIST AND SLURP. IN EASTERN OREGON ARE WARNING

AND SLURP. IN EASTERN OREGON ARE WARNING RESIDENTS ABOUT SEVERAL HAND

IN EASTERN OREGON ARE WARNING RESIDENTS ABOUT SEVERAL HAND GRENADES THAT HAVE WASHED ASHORE

RESIDENTS ABOUT SEVERAL HAND GRENADES THAT HAVE WASHED ASHORE ON A BEACH WHEN ONE BEACH GOER

GRENADES THAT HAVE WASHED ASHORE ON A BEACH WHEN ONE BEACH GOER SAID, MOMMY, LOOK AT THIS SHELL

ON A BEACH WHEN ONE BEACH GOER SAID, MOMMY, LOOK AT THIS SHELL I FO --

SAID, MOMMY, LOOK AT THIS SHELL I FO -- >> NASA HAS RELEASED AN IMAGE OF

I FO -- >> NASA HAS RELEASED AN IMAGE OF THE SUN IN WHICH IT APPEARS TO

>> NASA HAS RELEASED AN IMAGE OF THE SUN IN WHICH IT APPEARS TO BE SMILING.

THE SUN IN WHICH IT APPEARS TO BE SMILING. SO IF THE SUN CAN SMILE, WOULD

BE SMILING. SO IF THE SUN CAN SMILE, WOULD IT KILL YOU LADIES TO TRY IT?

SO IF THE SUN CAN SMILE, WOULD IT KILL YOU LADIES TO TRY IT? >> AN ARIZONA WOMAN WAS ARRESTED

IT KILL YOU LADIES TO TRY IT? >> AN ARIZONA WOMAN WAS ARRESTED AFTER SHE ALLEGEDLY WENT DAY

>> AN ARIZONA WOMAN WAS ARRESTED AFTER SHE ALLEGEDLY WENT DAY DRINKING WHILE HER 5 MONTH-OLD

AFTER SHE ALLEGEDLY WENT DAY DRINKING WHILE HER 5 MONTH-OLD CHILD WAS SITTING HOME ALONE

DRINKING WHILE HER 5 MONTH-OLD CHILD WAS SITTING HOME ALONE LIKE A LOSER.

CHILD WAS SITTING HOME ALONE LIKE A LOSER. WOULD SOMEBODY -- CALLING THE

LIKE A LOSER. WOULD SOMEBODY -- CALLING THE BABY A LOSER.

WOULD SOMEBODY -- CALLING THE BABY A LOSER. WITH SO MANY MIDTERM RACES

BABY A LOSER. WITH SO MANY MIDTERM RACES TIGHTENING, IT'S HARD TO PREDICT

WITH SO MANY MIDTERM RACES TIGHTENING, IT'S HARD TO PREDICT WHAT WILL DRIVE MORE TO THE

TIGHTENING, IT'S HARD TO PREDICT WHAT WILL DRIVE MORE TO THE POLLS.

WHAT WILL DRIVE MORE TO THE POLLS. HERE TO COMMENT IS TAMMY THE

POLLS. HERE TO COMMENT IS TAMMY THE TRUCKER WHO PROMISES SHE'S HERE

HERE TO COMMENT IS TAMMY THE TRUCKER WHO PROMISES SHE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT GAS PRICES AND

TRUCKER WHO PROMISES SHE'S HERE TO TALK ABOUT GAS PRICES AND DEFINITELY NOT ABORTION.

TO TALK ABOUT GAS PRICES AND DEFINITELY NOT ABORTION. WHAT?

DEFINITELY NOT ABORTION. WHAT? >> HEY, THERE.

WHAT? >> HEY, THERE. IT'S ME.

>> HEY, THERE. IT'S ME. TAMMY THE TRUCKER.

IT'S ME. TAMMY THE TRUCKER. BREAKER, BREAKER, OVER.

TAMMY THE TRUCKER. BREAKER, BREAKER, OVER. >> WOW, TAMMY.

BREAKER, BREAKER, OVER. >> WOW, TAMMY. SO YOU ARE A TRUCKER WHO WAS

>> WOW, TAMMY. SO YOU ARE A TRUCKER WHO WAS VERY AFFECTED BY GAS PRICES.

SO YOU ARE A TRUCKER WHO WAS VERY AFFECTED BY GAS PRICES. THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME.

VERY AFFECTED BY GAS PRICES. THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME. >> I THOUGHT IT WOULD, COLIN

THAT MAKES SENSE TO ME. >> I THOUGHT IT WOULD, COLIN JOST.

>> I THOUGHT IT WOULD, COLIN JOST. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

JOST. THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. >> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT NOT

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. >> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT NOT TALKING ABOUT ABORTIONS?

>> WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT NOT TALKING ABOUT ABORTIONS? >> NO, NO, NO.

TALKING ABOUT ABORTIONS? >> NO, NO, NO. BREAKER, BREAKER, I GOT A BIG

>> NO, NO, NO. BREAKER, BREAKER, I GOT A BIG DADDY ON MY TAIL.

BREAKER, BREAKER, I GOT A BIG DADDY ON MY TAIL. ALL I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT IS

DADDY ON MY TAIL. ALL I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT IS GAS EVEN THOUGH THE SUPREME

ALL I'M HERE TO TALK ABOUT IS GAS EVEN THOUGH THE SUPREME COURT SENT ROE V WADE TO THAT

GAS EVEN THOUGH THE SUPREME COURT SENT ROE V WADE TO THAT BIG PIT STOP IN THE SKY.

COURT SENT ROE V WADE TO THAT BIG PIT STOP IN THE SKY. 50 YEARS OF PRECEDENT.

BIG PIT STOP IN THE SKY. 50 YEARS OF PRECEDENT. BEEP, BEEP.

50 YEARS OF PRECEDENT. BEEP, BEEP. >> ARE YOU OKAY?

BEEP, BEEP. >> ARE YOU OKAY? IT SEEMS LIKE MAYBE YOU DO WANT

>> ARE YOU OKAY? IT SEEMS LIKE MAYBE YOU DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT ABORTION.

IT SEEMS LIKE MAYBE YOU DO WANT TO TALK ABOUT ABORTION. >> CALM YOUR COOTER DOWN.

TO TALK ABOUT ABORTION. >> CALM YOUR COOTER DOWN. I'M TINA THE TRUCKER, WHATEVER

>> CALM YOUR COOTER DOWN. I'M TINA THE TRUCKER, WHATEVER NAME I GAVE YOU.

I'M TINA THE TRUCKER, WHATEVER NAME I GAVE YOU. I GOT TO BE IN RANCHO KUNKARUMBA

NAME I GAVE YOU. I GOT TO BE IN RANCHO KUNKARUMBA BY NIGHT FALL.

I GOT TO BE IN RANCHO KUNKARUMBA BY NIGHT FALL. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

BY NIGHT FALL. >> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? >> I'M JUST TRYING TO GET

>> WHAT ARE YOU DOING? >> I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS MOMENT, SNOK GAS

>> I'M JUST TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS MOMENT, SNOK GAS PRICES ARE UP, AND FAMILIES ARE

THROUGH THIS MOMENT, SNOK GAS PRICES ARE UP, AND FAMILIES ARE HURTING, BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO

PRICES ARE UP, AND FAMILIES ARE HURTING, BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR NO MATTER

HURTING, BUT THAT'S NOT GOING TO MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR NO MATTER WHO YOU VOTE FOR.

MAGICALLY DISAPPEAR NO MATTER WHO YOU VOTE FOR. WE'RE IN A GLOBAL RECESSION

WHO YOU VOTE FOR. WE'RE IN A GLOBAL RECESSION FUELED BY CORPORATE GREED AND

WE'RE IN A GLOBAL RECESSION FUELED BY CORPORATE GREED AND WAR.

FUELED BY CORPORATE GREED AND WAR. HONK, HONK.

WAR. HONK, HONK. BUT WHAT WILL KEEP DISAPPEARING

HONK, HONK. BUT WHAT WILL KEEP DISAPPEARING IS SAFE ACCESS TO ABORTION.

BUT WHAT WILL KEEP DISAPPEARING IS SAFE ACCESS TO ABORTION. IT'S NOT REALLY MAGIC BECAUSE

IS SAFE ACCESS TO ABORTION. IT'S NOT REALLY MAGIC BECAUSE THEY TOLD US THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE

IT'S NOT REALLY MAGIC BECAUSE THEY TOLD US THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO, AND THEY HAVE BEEN

THEY TOLD US THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE GOING TO DO, AND THEY HAVE BEEN DOING IT.

GOING TO DO, AND THEY HAVE BEEN DOING IT. BREAKER, BREAKER.

DOING IT. BREAKER, BREAKER. I GOT A DOUBLE NICKEL ON THE

BREAKER, BREAKER. I GOT A DOUBLE NICKEL ON THE FLAB.

I GOT A DOUBLE NICKEL ON THE FLAB. >> DID YOU JUST GOOGLE TRUCKER

FLAB. >> DID YOU JUST GOOGLE TRUCKER TERMS?

>> DID YOU JUST GOOGLE TRUCKER TERMS? >> LIKE RESEARCH?

TERMS? >> LIKE RESEARCH? YEAH.

>> LIKE RESEARCH? YEAH. HOLD THAT.

YEAH. HOLD THAT. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT

HOLD THAT. I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT ABORTION ON LIVE TV OR PEACOCK,

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT ABORTION ON LIVE TV OR PEACOCK, WHATEVER THAT COUNTS AS.

ABORTION ON LIVE TV OR PEACOCK, WHATEVER THAT COUNTS AS. BUT THESE ARE SCARY TIMES, OKAY?

WHATEVER THAT COUNTS AS. BUT THESE ARE SCARY TIMES, OKAY? BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO JUST

BUT THESE ARE SCARY TIMES, OKAY? BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO JUST TAKE AWAY ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE.

BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO JUST TAKE AWAY ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE. THEY WANT TO CRIMINALIZE IT TOO.

TAKE AWAY ACCESS TO HEALTHCARE. THEY WANT TO CRIMINALIZE IT TOO. IT'S SO BAD, US TRUCK DRIVERS

THEY WANT TO CRIMINALIZE IT TOO. IT'S SO BAD, US TRUCK DRIVERS ARE WARNING EACH OTHER TO DELETE

IT'S SO BAD, US TRUCK DRIVERS ARE WARNING EACH OTHER TO DELETE OUR PERIOD TRACKING APPS.

ARE WARNING EACH OTHER TO DELETE OUR PERIOD TRACKING APPS. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT WEEK TO

OUR PERIOD TRACKING APPS. I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT WEEK TO WEAR MY BAD UNDERWEAR.

I JUST WANT TO KNOW WHAT WEEK TO WEAR MY BAD UNDERWEAR. BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE SOME DICK

WEAR MY BAD UNDERWEAR. BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE SOME DICK HEAD IN ARIZONA THINKS IT'S

BUT I CAN'T BECAUSE SOME DICK HEAD IN ARIZONA THINKS IT'S EVIDENCE OF A CRIME.

HEAD IN ARIZONA THINKS IT'S EVIDENCE OF A CRIME.

EVIDENCE OF A CRIME.

ARUBA!

ARUBA! >> I THINK IT'S AROOGA!

ARUBA! >> I THINK IT'S AROOGA! >> WHY ARE YOU ON MY ASS?

>> I THINK IT'S AROOGA! >> WHY ARE YOU ON MY ASS? THE POINT IS, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE

>> WHY ARE YOU ON MY ASS? THE POINT IS, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR

THE POINT IS, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR ANATOMY WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO

TO SEE A DOCTOR ABOUT YOUR ANATOMY WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO CALL THEIR LAWYER FIRST.

ANATOMY WITHOUT THEM HAVING TO CALL THEIR LAWYER FIRST. BEEP, BEEP.

CALL THEIR LAWYER FIRST. BEEP, BEEP. CHECK MY REAR.

BEEP, BEEP. CHECK MY REAR. AM I CLEAR?

CHECK MY REAR. AM I CLEAR? IS MY REAR CLEAR?

AM I CLEAR? IS MY REAR CLEAR? BEEP.

IS MY REAR CLEAR? BEEP. I'M BACKING UP ABOUT 50 YEARS

BEEP. I'M BACKING UP ABOUT 50 YEARS INTO THE PAST.

I'M BACKING UP ABOUT 50 YEARS INTO THE PAST. >> I GOT YOU.

INTO THE PAST. >> I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU.

>> I GOT YOU. I GOT YOU. >> I KNOW THIS WASN'T FUN FOR

I GOT YOU. >> I KNOW THIS WASN'T FUN FOR YOU.

>> I KNOW THIS WASN'T FUN FOR YOU. LET ME GIVE YOU SOME LITTLE

YOU. LET ME GIVE YOU SOME LITTLE TRUCKER TOYS.

LET ME GIVE YOU SOME LITTLE TRUCKER TOYS. HERE'S A NUDEY MAG, AND HERE'S

TRUCKER TOYS. HERE'S A NUDEY MAG, AND HERE'S THIS.

HERE'S A NUDEY MAG, AND HERE'S THIS. >> IS THIS GATORADE?

THIS. >> IS THIS GATORADE? >> IT WAS AT ONE POINT.

>> IS THIS GATORADE? >> IT WAS AT ONE POINT. TRUTH IS, I HAVE FELT PRETTY

>> IT WAS AT ONE POINT. TRUTH IS, I HAVE FELT PRETTY HELPLESS OVER THE PAST YEAR, AND

TRUTH IS, I HAVE FELT PRETTY HELPLESS OVER THE PAST YEAR, AND IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO

HELPLESS OVER THE PAST YEAR, AND IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE OTHER TRUCKERS FEEL BETTER.

IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO MAKE OTHER TRUCKERS FEEL BETTER. SO HERE'S THE THING I CAN SAY.

MAKE OTHER TRUCKERS FEEL BETTER. SO HERE'S THE THING I CAN SAY. THERE'S ONE MOTHER TRUCKING

SO HERE'S THE THING I CAN SAY. THERE'S ONE MOTHER TRUCKING THING WE CAN DO TO FIGHT FOR

THERE'S ONE MOTHER TRUCKING THING WE CAN DO TO FIGHT FOR MOTHER TRUCKING FREEDOM TO MAKE

THING WE CAN DO TO FIGHT FOR MOTHER TRUCKING FREEDOM TO MAKE OUR OWN HEALTHCARE DECISIONS,

MOTHER TRUCKING FREEDOM TO MAKE OUR OWN HEALTHCARE DECISIONS, AND THAT'S VOTE.

OUR OWN HEALTHCARE DECISIONS, AND THAT'S VOTE. AND I HOPE TO HELL EVERYONE

AND THAT'S VOTE. AND I HOPE TO HELL EVERYONE VOTES.

AND I HOPE TO HELL EVERYONE VOTES. BECAUSE REMEMBER, WE ALL LOVE

VOTES. BECAUSE REMEMBER, WE ALL LOVE SOMEONE WHO'S HAD AN ABORTION --

BECAUSE REMEMBER, WE ALL LOVE SOMEONE WHO'S HAD AN ABORTION -- I MEAN, DRIVES A TRUCK.

SOMEONE WHO'S HAD AN ABORTION -- I MEAN, DRIVES A TRUCK. BEEP, BEEP, AROOGA!

I MEAN, DRIVES A TRUCK. BEEP, BEEP, AROOGA! >> FROM WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M

BEEP, BEEP, AROOGA! >> FROM WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M COLIN JOST.

>> FROM WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M COLIN JOST. >> I'M MICHAEL CHE, GOOD NIGHT!

>>> KIDS, WATCH WHERE YOU'RE RUNNING. THIS IS SO FUN.

RUNNING. THIS IS SO FUN. I'M SO GLAD WE WERE ABLE TO GET

THIS IS SO FUN. I'M SO GLAD WE WERE ABLE TO GET THIS TOGETHER.

I'M SO GLAD WE WERE ABLE TO GET THIS TOGETHER. >> IT IS A GREAT DAY FOR A GAME.

THIS TOGETHER. >> IT IS A GREAT DAY FOR A GAME. >> COULDN'T ASK FOR BETTER

>> IT IS A GREAT DAY FOR A GAME. >> COULDN'T ASK FOR BETTER TAILGATING WEATHER.

>> COULDN'T ASK FOR BETTER TAILGATING WEATHER. IT SHOULD BE A GREAT GAME.

TAILGATING WEATHER. IT SHOULD BE A GREAT GAME. >> BILLS ARE TOP OF THEIR

IT SHOULD BE A GREAT GAME. >> BILLS ARE TOP OF THEIR DIVISION.

>> BILLS ARE TOP OF THEIR DIVISION. THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD.

DIVISION. THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD. >> SO IS THIS MACARONI SALAD.

THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD. >> SO IS THIS MACARONI SALAD. >> WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO

>> SO IS THIS MACARONI SALAD. >> WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO MAKE THIS.

>> WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO MAKE THIS. >> I THREW IT TOGETHER LAST

MAKE THIS. >> I THREW IT TOGETHER LAST NIGHT.

>> I THREW IT TOGETHER LAST NIGHT. IT'S NOTHING.

NIGHT. IT'S NOTHING. >> WELL, GIVE ME MORE NOTHINGS.

IT'S NOTHING. >> WELL, GIVE ME MORE NOTHINGS. UH-OH, BILLS FAN COMING.

>> WELL, GIVE ME MORE NOTHINGS. UH-OH, BILLS FAN COMING. HEY!

UH-OH, BILLS FAN COMING. HEY! HEY!

HEY! HEY! BILLS JERSEY!

HEY! BILLS JERSEY! YOU'RE WEARING THE FREAKING

BILLS JERSEY! YOU'RE WEARING THE FREAKING WRONG SHIRT YOU A-HOLE!

YOU'RE WEARING THE FREAKING WRONG SHIRT YOU A-HOLE! >> YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAKING

WRONG SHIRT YOU A-HOLE! >> YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAKING MORON!

>> YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAKING MORON! KEEP WALKING, MORON!

MORON! KEEP WALKING, MORON! >> FREAKING DEAD TODAY, MORON!

KEEP WALKING, MORON! >> FREAKING DEAD TODAY, MORON! >> BY THE WAY, DID I TELL YOU,

>> FREAKING DEAD TODAY, MORON! >> BY THE WAY, DID I TELL YOU, HENRY IS HAVING A TOUGH TIME AT

>> BY THE WAY, DID I TELL YOU, HENRY IS HAVING A TOUGH TIME AT SCHOOL.

HENRY IS HAVING A TOUGH TIME AT SCHOOL. >> REVOLVE, OH, NO.

SCHOOL. >> REVOLVE, OH, NO. WHAT HAPPENED?

>> REVOLVE, OH, NO. WHAT HAPPENED? >> I GUESS HE'S GETTING BULLIED.

WHAT HAPPENED? >> I GUESS HE'S GETTING BULLIED. >> NO.

>> I GUESS HE'S GETTING BULLIED. >> NO. >> FOR HIS HAIR CUT.

>> NO. >> FOR HIS HAIR CUT. >> THAT'S AWFUL.

>> FOR HIS HAIR CUT. >> THAT'S AWFUL. >> WHERE DO KIDS EVEN LEARN

>> THAT'S AWFUL. >> WHERE DO KIDS EVEN LEARN THIS?

>> WHERE DO KIDS EVEN LEARN THIS? >> FROM THE INTERNET, I GUESS.

THIS? >> FROM THE INTERNET, I GUESS. UH-OH, BAD ASS BILLS FAN ALERT.

>> FROM THE INTERNET, I GUESS. UH-OH, BAD ASS BILLS FAN ALERT. >> MAYBE YOU DO A FEW JUMPING

UH-OH, BAD ASS BILLS FAN ALERT. >> MAYBE YOU DO A FEW JUMPING JACKS!

>> MAYBE YOU DO A FEW JUMPING JACKS! >> MAYBE EAT A VEGETABLE NEXT

JACKS! >> MAYBE EAT A VEGETABLE NEXT TIME, YOU FREAKING WHALE!

>> MAYBE EAT A VEGETABLE NEXT TIME, YOU FREAKING WHALE! >> I'M PREGNANT.

TIME, YOU FREAKING WHALE! >> I'M PREGNANT. >> YOU WANT A MEDAL?

>> I'M PREGNANT. >> YOU WANT A MEDAL? HAVE A DRINK, SLUT!

>> YOU WANT A MEDAL? HAVE A DRINK, SLUT! >> MONKEY!

HAVE A DRINK, SLUT! >> MONKEY! >> MONKEY!

>> MONKEY! >> MONKEY! >> OH, MY GOD.

>> MONKEY! >> OH, MY GOD. >> BY THE WAY, I WAS IN CVS

>> OH, MY GOD. >> BY THE WAY, I WAS IN CVS YESTERDAY, THEY ALREADY HAVE THE

>> BY THE WAY, I WAS IN CVS YESTERDAY, THEY ALREADY HAVE THE CHRISTMAS STUFF OUT.

YESTERDAY, THEY ALREADY HAVE THE CHRISTMAS STUFF OUT. >> I KNOW.

CHRISTMAS STUFF OUT. >> I KNOW. THEY TAKE DOWN THE HALLOWEEN

>> I KNOW. THEY TAKE DOWN THE HALLOWEEN STUFF, AND POOF, IT'S CHRISTMAS.

THEY TAKE DOWN THE HALLOWEEN STUFF, AND POOF, IT'S CHRISTMAS. >> HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU

STUFF, AND POOF, IT'S CHRISTMAS. >> HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

>> HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING? >> IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER?

GUYS DOING? >> IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER? >> THERE WILL BE IF YOU DON'T

>> IS THERE A PROBLEM, OFFICER? >> THERE WILL BE IF YOU DON'T PUT THAT CHARCOAL OUT BEFORE YOU

>> THERE WILL BE IF YOU DON'T PUT THAT CHARCOAL OUT BEFORE YOU HEAD INTO THE GAME.

PUT THAT CHARCOAL OUT BEFORE YOU HEAD INTO THE GAME. >> OF COURSE WE'LL PUT IT OUT.

HEAD INTO THE GAME. >> OF COURSE WE'LL PUT IT OUT. >> I WOULD HOPE SO BECAUSE EVERY

>> OF COURSE WE'LL PUT IT OUT. >> I WOULD HOPE SO BECAUSE EVERY WEEK -- HEY!

>> I WOULD HOPE SO BECAUSE EVERY WEEK -- HEY! HEY, BILLS MAFIA!

WEEK -- HEY! HEY, BILLS MAFIA! YOU'RE IN THE WRONG STADIUM, YOU

HEY, BILLS MAFIA! YOU'RE IN THE WRONG STADIUM, YOU FREAKING A-HOLE!

YOU'RE IN THE WRONG STADIUM, YOU FREAKING A-HOLE! >> YOU WANT TO CRY TO YOUR

FREAKING A-HOLE! >> YOU WANT TO CRY TO YOUR MOMMY?

>> YOU WANT TO CRY TO YOUR MOMMY? KEEP WALKING YOU DOUCHE BAG!

MOMMY? KEEP WALKING YOU DOUCHE BAG! >> I'LL BRING THE BARBECUE RIGHT

KEEP WALKING YOU DOUCHE BAG! >> I'LL BRING THE BARBECUE RIGHT TO YOU!

>> I'LL BRING THE BARBECUE RIGHT TO YOU! >> YEAH, RUN RIGHT INTO TRAFFIC,

TO YOU! >> YEAH, RUN RIGHT INTO TRAFFIC, YOU FREAKING DOUCHE BAG!

>> YEAH, RUN RIGHT INTO TRAFFIC, YOU FREAKING DOUCHE BAG! >> YOU FOLKS ENJOY THE GAME.

YOU FREAKING DOUCHE BAG! >> YOU FOLKS ENJOY THE GAME. >> THANKS OFFICER.

>> YOU FOLKS ENJOY THE GAME. >> THANKS OFFICER. OH, MY GOD.

>> THANKS OFFICER. OH, MY GOD. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

OH, MY GOD. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. MY SECOND GRADE CLASS IS SO

I FORGOT TO TELL YOU. MY SECOND GRADE CLASS IS SO ADORABLE THIS YEAR, AND THEY'RE

MY SECOND GRADE CLASS IS SO ADORABLE THIS YEAR, AND THEY'RE SO EXCITED TO LEARN.

ADORABLE THIS YEAR, AND THEY'RE SO EXCITED TO LEARN. YEAH.

SO EXCITED TO LEARN. YEAH. HEY!

YEAH. HEY! BILLS, GET MY WHOLE THING!

HEY! BILLS, GET MY WHOLE THING! >> SUCK MY SLEEVE, BUDDY!

BILLS, GET MY WHOLE THING! >> SUCK MY SLEEVE, BUDDY! SUCK IT FRONT TO BACK.

>> SUCK MY SLEEVE, BUDDY! SUCK IT FRONT TO BACK. >> OH, YOU'RE GOING TO GO BY ALL

SUCK IT FRONT TO BACK. >> OH, YOU'RE GOING TO GO BY ALL SLOW, HUH?

>> OH, YOU'RE GOING TO GO BY ALL SLOW, HUH? YOU THINK THAT SCARES ME?

SLOW, HUH? YOU THINK THAT SCARES ME? I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU YOU PANSY.

YOU THINK THAT SCARES ME? I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU YOU PANSY. >> YEAH, I PUT MY WHOLE FIST

I'M NOT SCARED OF YOU YOU PANSY. >> YEAH, I PUT MY WHOLE FIST THROUGH YOUR FACE, YOU FREAKING

>> YEAH, I PUT MY WHOLE FIST THROUGH YOUR FACE, YOU FREAKING A-HOLE!

THROUGH YOUR FACE, YOU FREAKING A-HOLE! >> KEEP MOVING YOU HUMP FREAKING

A-HOLE! >> KEEP MOVING YOU HUMP FREAKING HUMP.

>> KEEP MOVING YOU HUMP FREAKING HUMP. >> I AM REALLY FEELING THIS

HUMP. >> I AM REALLY FEELING THIS WHITE CLAW.

>> I AM REALLY FEELING THIS WHITE CLAW. >> EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND.

WHITE CLAW. >> EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND. HEY!

>> EXCUSE ME FOR A SECOND. HEY! >> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

HEY! >> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? >> SO SHOULD WE START HEADING IN

>> WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? >> SO SHOULD WE START HEADING IN SOON?

>> SO SHOULD WE START HEADING IN SOON? >> YOU KNOW WHAT?

SOON? >> YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE'S ONLY FIVE MINUTES LEFT

>> YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE'S ONLY FIVE MINUTES LEFT IN THE GAME.

THERE'S ONLY FIVE MINUTES LEFT IN THE GAME. >> OH, MY GOSH.

IN THE GAME. >> OH, MY GOSH. DID WE MISS THE WHOLE GAME

>> OH, MY GOSH. DID WE MISS THE WHOLE GAME AGAIN?

DID WE MISS THE WHOLE GAME AGAIN? YEAH.

AGAIN? YEAH. >> SO SHOULD WE JUST STAY OUT

YEAH. >> SO SHOULD WE JUST STAY OUT HERE?

>> SO SHOULD WE JUST STAY OUT HERE? >> I'M HAVING FUN.

HERE? >> I'M HAVING FUN. HEY!

>> I'M HAVING FUN. HEY! >> HEY!

HEY! >> HEY! SUCK MY SLEEVE, YOU DUMB COW!

>> HEY! SUCK MY SLEEVE, YOU DUMB COW! >> SUCK MY WHOLE SLEEVE!

SUCK MY SLEEVE, YOU DUMB COW! >> SUCK MY WHOLE SLEEVE! >> J-E-T-S, JETS!

>> SUCK MY WHOLE SLEEVE! >> J-E-T-S, JETS! >> FIRST DATES, AM I RIGHT?

>> J-E-T-S, JETS! >> FIRST DATES, AM I RIGHT? I WAS ACTUALLY EXCITED ABOUT

>> FIRST DATES, AM I RIGHT? I WAS ACTUALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS ONE, BUT OF COURSE I GOT MY

I WAS ACTUALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS ONE, BUT OF COURSE I GOT MY PERIOD TODAY ZBLI WANT A PERIOD

THIS ONE, BUT OF COURSE I GOT MY PERIOD TODAY ZBLI WANT A PERIOD OPTION THAT'S CONVENIENT AND

PERIOD TODAY ZBLI WANT A PERIOD OPTION THAT'S CONVENIENT AND DISCRETE SO I DON'T HAVE TO

OPTION THAT'S CONVENIENT AND DISCRETE SO I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LEAKS, ODORS OR

DISCRETE SO I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT LEAKS, ODORS OR ANYTHING.

WORRY ABOUT LEAKS, ODORS OR ANYTHING. >> WHAT I'M AT WORK, I DON'T

ANYTHING. >> WHAT I'M AT WORK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO RUN BACK AND FORTH

>> WHAT I'M AT WORK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO RUN BACK AND FORTH TO THE BATHROOM.

HAVE TIME TO RUN BACK AND FORTH TO THE BATHROOM. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FORGET ALL

TO THE BATHROOM. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.

I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FORGET ALL ABOUT IT. >> NOW YOU CAN WITH PINX

ABOUT IT. >> NOW YOU CAN WITH PINX UNDERWEAR.

>> NOW YOU CAN WITH PINX UNDERWEAR. YOU'LL BE COVERED ALL DAY LONG

UNDERWEAR. YOU'LL BE COVERED ALL DAY LONG NO MATTER WHAT.

YOU'LL BE COVERED ALL DAY LONG NO MATTER WHAT. AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS TO

NO MATTER WHAT. AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS TO KNOW YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD IS

AND THE ONLY PERSON WHO HAS TO KNOW YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD IS YOU.

KNOW YOU'RE ON YOUR PERIOD IS YOU. >> NOW MY PERIOD IS MY LITTLE

YOU. >> NOW MY PERIOD IS MY LITTLE SECRET.

>> NOW MY PERIOD IS MY LITTLE SECRET. OH, A DOG.

SECRET. OH, A DOG. >> FINALLY, AN UNDERWEAR THAT'S

OH, A DOG. >> FINALLY, AN UNDERWEAR THAT'S AS NATURAL AS YOU.

>> FINALLY, AN UNDERWEAR THAT'S AS NATURAL AS YOU. IT'S MADE OF ALL ORGANIC

AS NATURAL AS YOU. IT'S MADE OF ALL ORGANIC MATERIALS.

IT'S MADE OF ALL ORGANIC MATERIALS. >> I LOVE NOT HAVING TO BRING A

MATERIALS. >> I LOVE NOT HAVING TO BRING A BAG OF SUPPLIES WHEREVER I GO.

>> I LOVE NOT HAVING TO BRING A BAG OF SUPPLIES WHEREVER I GO. >> I LOVE NOT HAVING TO THINK

BAG OF SUPPLIES WHEREVER I GO. >> I LOVE NOT HAVING TO THINK ABOUT IT.

>> I LOVE NOT HAVING TO THINK ABOUT IT. >> NOW I GET TO DO ME, AND PINX

ABOUT IT. >> NOW I GET TO DO ME, AND PINX DOES THE REST.

>> NOW I GET TO DO ME, AND PINX DOES THE REST. >> WOW, DOGS REALLY LOVE YOU.

DOES THE REST. >> WOW, DOGS REALLY LOVE YOU. >> YEAH.

>> WOW, DOGS REALLY LOVE YOU. >> YEAH. I HAVE A CHEESE BURGER IN MY

>> YEAH. I HAVE A CHEESE BURGER IN MY POCKET.

I HAVE A CHEESE BURGER IN MY POCKET. >> WHAT?

POCKET. >> WHAT? >> EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

>> WHAT? >> EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. PINX HAS OPTIONS FOR EVERY LEVEL

>> EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. PINX HAS OPTIONS FOR EVERY LEVEL

PINX HAS OPTIONS FOR EVERY LEVEL

.

. >> I LOVE STINKS -- SORRY, PINX.

. >> I LOVE STINKS -- SORRY, PINX. >> NO MORE HIDING, PLASTIC, AND

>> I LOVE STINKS -- SORRY, PINX. >> NO MORE HIDING, PLASTIC, AND NO MORE STRESS.

>> NO MORE HIDING, PLASTIC, AND NO MORE STRESS. YOU SHOULD FEEL BEAUTIFUL.

NO MORE STRESS. YOU SHOULD FEEL BEAUTIFUL. HUMAN, ATTRACTIVE.

YOU SHOULD FEEL BEAUTIFUL. HUMAN, ATTRACTIVE. NOW, YOU CAN WALK PROUD.

HUMAN, ATTRACTIVE. NOW, YOU CAN WALK PROUD. HAVE YOUR PERIOD THE WAY NATURE

NOW, YOU CAN WALK PROUD. HAVE YOUR PERIOD THE WAY NATURE INTENDED WITH PINX.

HAVE YOUR PERIOD THE WAY NATURE INTENDED WITH PINX. >> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR

INTENDED WITH PINX. >> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR DINNER?

>> WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR DINNER? >> I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

DINNER? >> I CAN'T HEAR YOU. >> DO YOU WANT TO GET DINNER

>> I CAN'T HEAR YOU. >> DO YOU WANT TO GET DINNER OR --

>> DO YOU WANT TO GET DINNER OR -- >> I CANNOT HEAR YOU.

OR -- >> I CANNOT HEAR YOU. >> OH, MY GOD!

>> I CANNOT HEAR YOU. >> OH, MY GOD! RUN!

>> OH, MY GOD! RUN! >> PINX UNDERWEAR.

RUN! >> PINX UNDERWEAR. THIS IS THE BEST IDEA WE GOT.

>>> GOOD EVENING AND WELCOME TO WKTVN NEWS. >> LATER TONIGHT, BAKLAVA OR

WKTVN NEWS. >> LATER TONIGHT, BAKLAVA OR BALA?

>> LATER TONIGHT, BAKLAVA OR BALA? THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE

BALA? THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO DELICIOUS TREATS.

THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWO DELICIOUS TREATS. >> I LOVE STUDIES LIKE THAT.

TWO DELICIOUS TREATS. >> I LOVE STUDIES LIKE THAT. FIRST WE GO WHERE A FIRE HAS

>> I LOVE STUDIES LIKE THAT. FIRST WE GO WHERE A FIRE HAS SPREAD FORCING SEVERAL FAMILIES

FIRST WE GO WHERE A FIRE HAS SPREAD FORCING SEVERAL FAMILIES OUT OF THEIR HOMES.

SPREAD FORCING SEVERAL FAMILIES OUT OF THEIR HOMES. LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR BRAND

OUT OF THEIR HOMES. LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR BRAND NEW REPORTER, CHANCE HARMSTRONG.

LET'S CHECK IN WITH OUR BRAND NEW REPORTER, CHANCE HARMSTRONG. >> THANKS.

NEW REPORTER, CHANCE HARMSTRONG. >> THANKS. I'M SO THRILLED TO BE JOINING

>> THANKS. I'M SO THRILLED TO BE JOINING THE TEAM.

I'M SO THRILLED TO BE JOINING THE TEAM. RIGHT NOW I'M WITH A LOCAL

THE TEAM. RIGHT NOW I'M WITH A LOCAL RESIDENT.

RIGHT NOW I'M WITH A LOCAL RESIDENT. MA'AM, TELL US WHAT HAPPENED.

RESIDENT. MA'AM, TELL US WHAT HAPPENED. >> SIR, I WAS HAVING MY NORMAL

MA'AM, TELL US WHAT HAPPENED. >> SIR, I WAS HAVING MY NORMAL CIGARETTE IN BED, AND I WAS

>> SIR, I WAS HAVING MY NORMAL CIGARETTE IN BED, AND I WAS WOKEN UP BY A MAN WHO SAID,

CIGARETTE IN BED, AND I WAS WOKEN UP BY A MAN WHO SAID, BANG, BANG, BANG, AND I PUT TWO

WOKEN UP BY A MAN WHO SAID, BANG, BANG, BANG, AND I PUT TWO AND TEN TOGETHER, AND I SAID

BANG, BANG, BANG, AND I PUT TWO AND TEN TOGETHER, AND I SAID FIRE.

AND TEN TOGETHER, AND I SAID FIRE. >> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THIS

FIRE. >> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THIS FIRE COULD HAVE STARTED?

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW THIS FIRE COULD HAVE STARTED? >> I'M NOT SURE HOW, BUT I KNOW

FIRE COULD HAVE STARTED? >> I'M NOT SURE HOW, BUT I KNOW 100% WHY.

>> I'M NOT SURE HOW, BUT I KNOW 100% WHY. I DO NOT WANT TO SAY NAMES, BUT

100% WHY. I DO NOT WANT TO SAY NAMES, BUT IT WAS MY COUSIN.

I DO NOT WANT TO SAY NAMES, BUT IT WAS MY COUSIN. >> IT WAS YOUR COUSIN?

IT WAS MY COUSIN. >> IT WAS YOUR COUSIN? >> YES, AND SHE IS LOOKING RIGHT

>> IT WAS YOUR COUSIN? >> YES, AND SHE IS LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU NOW, SIR.

>> YES, AND SHE IS LOOKING RIGHT AT YOU NOW, SIR. >> WHAT?

AT YOU NOW, SIR. >> WHAT? OH, YOU TAKING A PICTURE OF ME?

>> WHAT? OH, YOU TAKING A PICTURE OF ME? NO, YOU'RE NOT.

OH, YOU TAKING A PICTURE OF ME? NO, YOU'RE NOT. NOT FOR FREE, YOU'RE NOT.

NO, YOU'RE NOT. NOT FOR FREE, YOU'RE NOT. >> SHE'S MAD BECAUSE SHE WANTS

NOT FOR FREE, YOU'RE NOT. >> SHE'S MAD BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET WITH MY HUSBAND BECAUSE

>> SHE'S MAD BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO GET WITH MY HUSBAND BECAUSE LOOK AT HIM.

TO GET WITH MY HUSBAND BECAUSE LOOK AT HIM. >> THIS FOR TV?

LOOK AT HIM. >> THIS FOR TV? >> YES.

>> THIS FOR TV? >> YES. THIS IS THE NEWS.

>> YES. THIS IS THE NEWS. >> OH, SNAP.

THIS IS THE NEWS. >> OH, SNAP. >> BACK TO THE FIRE.

>> OH, SNAP. >> BACK TO THE FIRE. >> IT'S A LONG STORY BUT SHE'S

>> BACK TO THE FIRE. >> IT'S A LONG STORY BUT SHE'S MAD BECAUSE SHE CAN'T GET WITH

>> IT'S A LONG STORY BUT SHE'S MAD BECAUSE SHE CAN'T GET WITH HIM BECAUSE HE CLOSE ME AND HE'S

MAD BECAUSE SHE CAN'T GET WITH HIM BECAUSE HE CLOSE ME AND HE'S MY COUSIN.

HIM BECAUSE HE CLOSE ME AND HE'S MY COUSIN. >> KEEP SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT,

MY COUSIN. >> KEEP SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT, I WILL SET YOUR HOUSE UPON FIRE

>> KEEP SAYING STUFF LIKE THAT, I WILL SET YOUR HOUSE UPON FIRE AGAIN.

I WILL SET YOUR HOUSE UPON FIRE AGAIN. >> SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE.

AGAIN. >> SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE. I'M SCARED.

>> SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE. I'M SCARED. >> ALL RIGHT.

I'M SCARED. >> ALL RIGHT. THIS WAS NOT AS INFORMATIVE AS I

>> ALL RIGHT. THIS WAS NOT AS INFORMATIVE AS I HOPED.

THIS WAS NOT AS INFORMATIVE AS I HOPED. BACK TO YOU.

HOPED. BACK TO YOU. >> HEY, HEY.

BACK TO YOU. >> HEY, HEY. COME BACK TO ME.

>> HEY, HEY. COME BACK TO ME. TAKE MY PICTURE.

COME BACK TO ME. TAKE MY PICTURE. LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

TAKE MY PICTURE. LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. ONE HAND, ONE HAND.

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. ONE HAND, ONE HAND. >> HE'S SHOWING OFF FOR ME.

ONE HAND, ONE HAND. >> HE'S SHOWING OFF FOR ME. I WANT TO LAY WITH YOU.

>> HE'S SHOWING OFF FOR ME. I WANT TO LAY WITH YOU. >> I SAID I CAN'T.

I WANT TO LAY WITH YOU. >> I SAID I CAN'T. >> WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, AND

>> I SAID I CAN'T. >> WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, AND I THINK WE'RE ALL DONE HERE.

>> WELL, THERE YOU HAVE IT, AND I THINK WE'RE ALL DONE HERE. VICKIE AND ALICIA.

I THINK WE'RE ALL DONE HERE. VICKIE AND ALICIA. >> SIR, IF I MAY JUST INCLUDE,

VICKIE AND ALICIA. >> SIR, IF I MAY JUST INCLUDE, THE TWO OF THEM ARE COUSINS.

>> SIR, IF I MAY JUST INCLUDE, THE TWO OF THEM ARE COUSINS. >> YES, I KNOW THAT.

THE TWO OF THEM ARE COUSINS. >> YES, I KNOW THAT. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE

>> YES, I KNOW THAT. DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE FIRE.

DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE FIRE. >> NO, I DO NOT.

FIRE. >> NO, I DO NOT. BUT SINCE HE GOT TO DO A TRICK,

>> NO, I DO NOT. BUT SINCE HE GOT TO DO A TRICK, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

BUT SINCE HE GOT TO DO A TRICK, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. >> OKAY.

LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. >> OKAY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.

>> OKAY. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. AND I'M NOT REALLY HERE TO LOOK

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS. AND I'M NOT REALLY HERE TO LOOK AT TRICKS.

AND I'M NOT REALLY HERE TO LOOK AT TRICKS. >> HEY.

AT TRICKS. >> HEY. HE AIN'T EVEN MY COUSIN.

>> HEY. HE AIN'T EVEN MY COUSIN. HE'S ONLY MY COUSIN BECAUSE HE

HE AIN'T EVEN MY COUSIN. HE'S ONLY MY COUSIN BECAUSE HE MARRIED MY COUSIN.

HE'S ONLY MY COUSIN BECAUSE HE MARRIED MY COUSIN. SO, HEY, I CAN STILL GET WITH

MARRIED MY COUSIN. SO, HEY, I CAN STILL GET WITH YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO LAY WITH

SO, HEY, I CAN STILL GET WITH YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO LAY WITH YOU.

YOU BECAUSE I WANT TO LAY WITH YOU. >> NO ONE WANTS TO LAY WITH YOU.

YOU. >> NO ONE WANTS TO LAY WITH YOU. >> I BET YOU SOMEONE WILL.

>> NO ONE WANTS TO LAY WITH YOU. >> I BET YOU SOMEONE WILL. >> NO, THEY WON'T.

>> I BET YOU SOMEONE WILL. >> NO, THEY WON'T. BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GOT IT LIKE

>> NO, THEY WON'T. BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GOT IT LIKE THIS.

BECAUSE YOU AIN'T GOT IT LIKE THIS. >> LIKE HELL I DON'T.

THIS. >> LIKE HELL I DON'T. >> OKAY.

>> LIKE HELL I DON'T. >> OKAY. NO.

>> OKAY. NO. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN.

NO. THIS CANNOT HAPPEN. IT'S LITERALLY MY FIRST DAY.

THIS CANNOT HAPPEN. IT'S LITERALLY MY FIRST DAY. >> OH, SIR, IF I MAY.

IT'S LITERALLY MY FIRST DAY. >> OH, SIR, IF I MAY. I CAN CLEAR THIS UP 100%.

>> OH, SIR, IF I MAY. I CAN CLEAR THIS UP 100%. JUST --

I CAN CLEAR THIS UP 100%. JUST -- >> JUST DON'T SAY THEY'RE

JUST -- >> JUST DON'T SAY THEY'RE COUSINS.

>> JUST DON'T SAY THEY'RE COUSINS. >> EXACTLY.

COUSINS. >> EXACTLY. THEY ARE COUSINS.

>> EXACTLY. THEY ARE COUSINS. ALSO, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

THEY ARE COUSINS. ALSO, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. >> OKAY.

ALSO, LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. >> OKAY. YEAH.

>> OKAY. YEAH. NOW I'M UNFORTUNATELY SEEING A

YEAH. NOW I'M UNFORTUNATELY SEEING A LOT OF PEOPLE LINED UP, AND I'M

NOW I'M UNFORTUNATELY SEEING A LOT OF PEOPLE LINED UP, AND I'M ASSUMING NO ONE WANTS TO TALK

LOT OF PEOPLE LINED UP, AND I'M ASSUMING NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THE FIRE.

ASSUMING NO ONE WANTS TO TALK ABOUT THE FIRE. >> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

ABOUT THE FIRE. >> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, SIR.

>> I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THAT, SIR. BUT LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

THAT, SIR. BUT LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. >> THAT'S GREAT.

BUT LOOK WHAT I CAN DO. >> THAT'S GREAT. YOU'RE VERY TALENTED.

>> THAT'S GREAT. YOU'RE VERY TALENTED. >> LISTEN.

YOU'RE VERY TALENTED. >> LISTEN. THE REAL REASON I AM MAD AT HER,

>> LISTEN. THE REAL REASON I AM MAD AT HER, THE REAL REASON I AM MAD AT YOU

THE REAL REASON I AM MAD AT HER, THE REAL REASON I AM MAD AT YOU AND SET FIRE TO UPON YOUR HOUSE

THE REAL REASON I AM MAD AT YOU AND SET FIRE TO UPON YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR TRAMPOLINE UPON FIRE IS

AND SET FIRE TO UPON YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR TRAMPOLINE UPON FIRE IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT HAD SAID

AND YOUR TRAMPOLINE UPON FIRE IS BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT HAD SAID ONE NICE THING TO ME MY WHOLE

BECAUSE YOU HAVE NOT HAD SAID ONE NICE THING TO ME MY WHOLE LIFE.

ONE NICE THING TO ME MY WHOLE LIFE. >> WHAT?

LIFE. >> WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS?

>> WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS? I LIKE YOU.

ARE YOU SERIOUS? I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOUR SMILE.

I LIKE YOU. I LIKE YOUR SMILE. YOUR HOME EMBRACE IS WORTH.

I LIKE YOUR SMILE. YOUR HOME EMBRACE IS WORTH. YOU MAKE GOOD FRENCH BREAD

YOUR HOME EMBRACE IS WORTH. YOU MAKE GOOD FRENCH BREAD PIZZA, AND I'M SORRY THAT THE

YOU MAKE GOOD FRENCH BREAD PIZZA, AND I'M SORRY THAT THE YEARS HAVE TORN US APART IN TERM

PIZZA, AND I'M SORRY THAT THE YEARS HAVE TORN US APART IN TERM OF BEING COUSINS.

YEARS HAVE TORN US APART IN TERM OF BEING COUSINS. >> SO NOW WHAT?

OF BEING COUSINS. >> SO NOW WHAT? >> I GUESS MAKE UP?

>> SO NOW WHAT? >> I GUESS MAKE UP? >> YEAH.

>> I GUESS MAKE UP? >> YEAH. >> NO.

>> YEAH. >> NO. NO.

>> NO. NO. DO NOT FILM THESE THREE COUSINS

NO. DO NOT FILM THESE THREE COUSINS KISSING.

DO NOT FILM THESE THREE COUSINS KISSING. WELL, IT WAS MY FIRST DAY, AND

KISSING. WELL, IT WAS MY FIRST DAY, AND I'M ASSUMING IT'S MY LAST.

WELL, IT WAS MY FIRST DAY, AND I'M ASSUMING IT'S MY LAST. SO IN THAT CASE, WHAT THE HELL.

I'M ASSUMING IT'S MY LAST. SO IN THAT CASE, WHAT THE HELL. LOOK WHAT I CAN DO.

>>> SORRY, ROBIN, BUT DRAW FOUR. >> OH, MAN. >> HAHAHA.

>> OH, MAN. >> HAHAHA. SUCKS TO BE YOU.

>> HAHAHA. SUCKS TO BE YOU. >> SAVE YOUR GLOATING.

SUCKS TO BE YOU. >> SAVE YOUR GLOATING. >> YOU'RE RIGHT.

>> SAVE YOUR GLOATING. >> YOU'RE RIGHT. SORRY TO GET SO COMPETITIVE,

>> YOU'RE RIGHT. SORRY TO GET SO COMPETITIVE, GUYS.

SORRY TO GET SO COMPETITIVE, GUYS. >> IT'S FINE, GLENN.

GUYS. >> IT'S FINE, GLENN. >> NO, IT'S NOT FINE.

>> IT'S FINE, GLENN. >> NO, IT'S NOT FINE. IT'S SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN

>> NO, IT'S NOT FINE. IT'S SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON IN THERAPY.

IT'S SOMETHING I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON IN THERAPY. >> YOU GO TO THERAPY?

WORKING ON IN THERAPY. >> YOU GO TO THERAPY? THAT'S LIKE REALLY SURPRISING.

>> YOU GO TO THERAPY? THAT'S LIKE REALLY SURPRISING. >> SERIOUSLY, TALK ABOUT A

THAT'S LIKE REALLY SURPRISING. >> SERIOUSLY, TALK ABOUT A COMPLETE 180.

>> SERIOUSLY, TALK ABOUT A COMPLETE 180. >> I KNOW, REMEMBER HOW CRANKY

COMPLETE 180. >> I KNOW, REMEMBER HOW CRANKY HE USED TO BE?

>> I KNOW, REMEMBER HOW CRANKY HE USED TO BE? >> THAT'S ONE WAY TO PUT IT.

HE USED TO BE? >> THAT'S ONE WAY TO PUT IT. >> I WOULD HAVE SAID TOXIC AS A

>> THAT'S ONE WAY TO PUT IT. >> I WOULD HAVE SAID TOXIC AS A MUG.

>> I WOULD HAVE SAID TOXIC AS A MUG. >> OKAY.

MUG. >> OKAY. YOU GOT ME.

>> OKAY. YOU GOT ME. >> HONESTLY, EVER SINCE I

YOU GOT ME. >> HONESTLY, EVER SINCE I FINALLY CONVINCED HIM TO GO TO

>> HONESTLY, EVER SINCE I FINALLY CONVINCED HIM TO GO TO BIG PENIS THERAPY, HE'S BEEN SO

FINALLY CONVINCED HIM TO GO TO BIG PENIS THERAPY, HE'S BEEN SO MUCH HAPPIER.

BIG PENIS THERAPY, HE'S BEEN SO MUCH HAPPIER. HE'S LIKE A NEW PERSON.

MUCH HAPPIER. HE'S LIKE A NEW PERSON. >> ONE MORE TIME.

HE'S LIKE A NEW PERSON. >> ONE MORE TIME. >> DID YOU SAY BIG PENIS

>> ONE MORE TIME. >> DID YOU SAY BIG PENIS THERAPY?

>> DID YOU SAY BIG PENIS THERAPY? >> YEAH.

THERAPY? >> YEAH. IT'S A PLACE WHERE I CAN FINALLY

>> YEAH. IT'S A PLACE WHERE I CAN FINALLY OPEN UP ABOUT MY PROBLEMS WITH

IT'S A PLACE WHERE I CAN FINALLY OPEN UP ABOUT MY PROBLEMS WITH MY DAD, MY INSECURITIES, MY RAGE

OPEN UP ABOUT MY PROBLEMS WITH MY DAD, MY INSECURITIES, MY RAGE ISSUES.

MY DAD, MY INSECURITIES, MY RAGE ISSUES. >> THAT SOUNDS LIKE REGULAR

ISSUES. >> THAT SOUNDS LIKE REGULAR THERAPY?

>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE REGULAR THERAPY? LET'S GO BACK TO THE GAME.

THERAPY? LET'S GO BACK TO THE GAME. WHO'S TURN IS IT?

LET'S GO BACK TO THE GAME. WHO'S TURN IS IT? >> SHE HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET ME

WHO'S TURN IS IT? >> SHE HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET ME TO GO TO THERAPY EVER SINCE I

>> SHE HAS BEEN TRYING TO GET ME TO GO TO THERAPY EVER SINCE I CHEATED ON HER.

TO GO TO THERAPY EVER SINCE I CHEATED ON HER. YOU REMEMBER THAT, BABE?

CHEATED ON HER. YOU REMEMBER THAT, BABE? >> I SURE DO.

YOU REMEMBER THAT, BABE? >> I SURE DO. >> THERAPY ALWAYS SEEMED TO

>> I SURE DO. >> THERAPY ALWAYS SEEMED TO FRUITY, BUT THEN I HEARD ABOUT

>> THERAPY ALWAYS SEEMED TO FRUITY, BUT THEN I HEARD ABOUT BIG PENIS THERAPY FOR MEN WITH

FRUITY, BUT THEN I HEARD ABOUT BIG PENIS THERAPY FOR MEN WITH BIG OLD PENISES LIKE MINE.

BIG PENIS THERAPY FOR MEN WITH BIG OLD PENISES LIKE MINE. >> BIG PENIS THERAPY HELPS

BIG OLD PENISES LIKE MINE. >> BIG PENIS THERAPY HELPS DESTIGMATIZE MEN FOR WORKING ON

>> BIG PENIS THERAPY HELPS DESTIGMATIZE MEN FOR WORKING ON THEIR MENTAL HEALTH.

DESTIGMATIZE MEN FOR WORKING ON THEIR MENTAL HEALTH. >> THE GUYS RAISED ME, BUT THEN

THEIR MENTAL HEALTH. >> THE GUYS RAISED ME, BUT THEN I SHOWED THEM MY SWEET DAMAGE

>> THE GUYS RAISED ME, BUT THEN I SHOWED THEM MY SWEET DAMAGE FOR COMPLETING SIX MONTHS, AND

I SHOWED THEM MY SWEET DAMAGE FOR COMPLETING SIX MONTHS, AND NOW THEY WANT THERAPY TOO.

FOR COMPLETING SIX MONTHS, AND NOW THEY WANT THERAPY TOO. >> GOD FORGIVE MY PAINES?

NOW THEY WANT THERAPY TOO. >> GOD FORGIVE MY PAINES? WHAT'S THAT?

>> GOD FORGIVE MY PAINES? WHAT'S THAT? >> MAYBE I SHOULD TELL MY JAKE

WHAT'S THAT? >> MAYBE I SHOULD TELL MY JAKE ABOUT THIS.

>> MAYBE I SHOULD TELL MY JAKE ABOUT THIS. >> ARE YOU SURE JAKE QUALIFIES?

ABOUT THIS. >> ARE YOU SURE JAKE QUALIFIES? >> ACTUALLY, HE'S PRETTY OKAY.

>> ARE YOU SURE JAKE QUALIFIES? >> ACTUALLY, HE'S PRETTY OKAY. >> WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S NOT

>> ACTUALLY, HE'S PRETTY OKAY. >> WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S NOT PRETTY OKAY SIZED THERAPY.

>> WELL, UNFORTUNATELY, IT'S NOT PRETTY OKAY SIZED THERAPY. IT'S THERAPY FOR GUYS WITH GREAT

PRETTY OKAY SIZED THERAPY. IT'S THERAPY FOR GUYS WITH GREAT BIG ONES LIKE MINE, OR SHAQ'S OR

IT'S THERAPY FOR GUYS WITH GREAT BIG ONES LIKE MINE, OR SHAQ'S OR GUYS FROM LONG NATURALS

BIG ONES LIKE MINE, OR SHAQ'S OR GUYS FROM LONG NATURALS MAGAZINE.

GUYS FROM LONG NATURALS MAGAZINE. >> SIZE ISN'T REALLY IMPORTANT.

MAGAZINE. >> SIZE ISN'T REALLY IMPORTANT. >> PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT.

>> SIZE ISN'T REALLY IMPORTANT. >> PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT. >> IT'S OKAY, HONEY.

>> PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT. >> IT'S OKAY, HONEY. IT ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT, AND

>> IT'S OKAY, HONEY. IT ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT, AND BEFORE THERAPY, I WOULD HAVE

IT ACTUALLY IS IMPORTANT, AND BEFORE THERAPY, I WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU A STUCK UP BITCH FOR

BEFORE THERAPY, I WOULD HAVE CALLED YOU A STUCK UP BITCH FOR SAYING THAT, BUT NOW I WON'T.

CALLED YOU A STUCK UP BITCH FOR SAYING THAT, BUT NOW I WON'T. >> DID THEY MEASURE YOUR PENIS

SAYING THAT, BUT NOW I WON'T. >> DID THEY MEASURE YOUR PENIS FIRST TO MAKE SURE YOU QUALIFY?

>> DID THEY MEASURE YOUR PENIS FIRST TO MAKE SURE YOU QUALIFY? >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

FIRST TO MAKE SURE YOU QUALIFY? >> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> I'M JUST SAYING, HOW DO THEY

>> WHAT DO YOU MEAN? >> I'M JUST SAYING, HOW DO THEY KNOW IF YOU HAVE A BIG --

>> I'M JUST SAYING, HOW DO THEY KNOW IF YOU HAVE A BIG -- >> THEY DON'T HAVE TO MEASURE.

KNOW IF YOU HAVE A BIG -- >> THEY DON'T HAVE TO MEASURE. >> HONEY, RELAX.

>> THEY DON'T HAVE TO MEASURE. >> HONEY, RELAX. IT'S A GOOD QUESTION.

>> HONEY, RELAX. IT'S A GOOD QUESTION. THE DOCTORS CAN TELL FROM YOUR

IT'S A GOOD QUESTION. THE DOCTORS CAN TELL FROM YOUR OVERALL VIBE IF YOU HAVE A BABY

THE DOCTORS CAN TELL FROM YOUR OVERALL VIBE IF YOU HAVE A BABY LEG LIKE I DO.

OVERALL VIBE IF YOU HAVE A BABY LEG LIKE I DO. >> WELL, WHATEVER THEY'RE DOING,

LEG LIKE I DO. >> WELL, WHATEVER THEY'RE DOING, IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR YOU.

>> WELL, WHATEVER THEY'RE DOING, IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR YOU. >> THAT'S TRUE.

IT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR YOU. >> THAT'S TRUE. YOU SEEMED TO HAVE EVEN LOST

>> THAT'S TRUE. YOU SEEMED TO HAVE EVEN LOST WEIGHT.

YOU SEEMED TO HAVE EVEN LOST WEIGHT. >> THAT'S ALL THANKS TO MY FAT

WEIGHT. >> THAT'S ALL THANKS TO MY FAT ROD VEGAN PLANT.

>> THAT'S ALL THANKS TO MY FAT ROD VEGAN PLANT. >> HE'S ALSO DRINKING

ROD VEGAN PLANT. >> HE'S ALSO DRINKING NONALCOHOLIC BEERS.

>> HE'S ALSO DRINKING NONALCOHOLIC BEERS. >> AND I ALSO JOINED AN ACTIVIST

NONALCOHOLIC BEERS. >> AND I ALSO JOINED AN ACTIVIST GROUP CALLED THREE EYED MONSTER

>> AND I ALSO JOINED AN ACTIVIST GROUP CALLED THREE EYED MONSTER PECKERS.

GROUP CALLED THREE EYED MONSTER PECKERS. >> WELL, GOOD.

PECKERS. >> WELL, GOOD. BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO

>> WELL, GOOD. BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DRAW FOUR.

BECAUSE YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DRAW FOUR. >> AND BABE, YOU ONLY HAD ONE

DRAW FOUR. >> AND BABE, YOU ONLY HAD ONE LEFT.

>> AND BABE, YOU ONLY HAD ONE LEFT. YOU ALMOST WON.

LEFT. YOU ALMOST WON. >> STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!

YOU ALMOST WON. >> STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! >> BIG PENIS THERAPY, IT'S

>> STOP MAKING FUN OF ME! >> BIG PENIS THERAPY, IT'S THERAPY.

>>> ONCE AGAIN, STEVE LACY. ♪ OH-OH, I'D BEEN CONSUMED I'M NOT FOR SALE MAN

♪ OH-OH, I'D BEEN CONSUMED I'M NOT FOR SALE MAN WHAT THE HELL

I'M NOT FOR SALE MAN WHAT THE HELL I BEEN WITH YOU ♪

WHAT THE HELL I BEEN WITH YOU ♪ ♪ AND THIS AIN'T

I BEEN WITH YOU ♪ ♪ AND THIS AIN'T GON' LAST ME FOREVER

♪ AND THIS AIN'T GON' LAST ME FOREVER ALL THAT I CAN BE

GON' LAST ME FOREVER ALL THAT I CAN BE IS ME AND ALL ME ♪

ALL THAT I CAN BE IS ME AND ALL ME ♪ ♪ TIME TO GET OUT

IS ME AND ALL ME ♪ ♪ TIME TO GET OUT I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND

♪ TIME TO GET OUT I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND ALL THAT I CAN SEE

I DON'T WANT YOU AROUND ALL THAT I CAN SEE IS YOU WITHOUT ME ♪

ALL THAT I CAN SEE IS YOU WITHOUT ME ♪ ♪ NO, I CAN'T SCOLD YOU

IS YOU WITHOUT ME ♪ ♪ NO, I CAN'T SCOLD YOU HOWEVER

♪ NO, I CAN'T SCOLD YOU HOWEVER I TRIED TO PLAY PRETEND

HOWEVER I TRIED TO PLAY PRETEND TRY NOT TO SEE THE END ♪

I TRIED TO PLAY PRETEND TRY NOT TO SEE THE END ♪ ♪ BUT I COULDN'T SEE YOU

TRY NOT TO SEE THE END ♪ ♪ BUT I COULDN'T SEE YOU THE WAY YOU SAW ME

♪ BUT I COULDN'T SEE YOU THE WAY YOU SAW ME NOW I CAN FEEL

THE WAY YOU SAW ME NOW I CAN FEEL THE WASTE ON ME ♪

NOW I CAN FEEL THE WASTE ON ME ♪ ♪ I TRIED MY BEST

THE WASTE ON ME ♪ ♪ I TRIED MY BEST TO BE WORTH ALL YOUR WHILE

♪ I TRIED MY BEST TO BE WORTH ALL YOUR WHILE YOU JUST GOTTA LET ME GO

TO BE WORTH ALL YOUR WHILE YOU JUST GOTTA LET ME GO AS I'M TRYNA LET GO OF YOU ♪

YOU JUST GOTTA LET ME GO AS I'M TRYNA LET GO OF YOU ♪ ♪ SHO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO

AS I'M TRYNA LET GO OF YOU ♪ ♪ SHO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO

♪ SHO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO-DOO DOO-DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO OOH-OOH, I'LL BE THERE SOON

DOO-DOO-DOO, DOO-DOO-DOO OOH-OOH, I'LL BE THERE SOON I'M KINDA SAD ♪

OOH-OOH, I'LL BE THERE SOON I'M KINDA SAD ♪ ♪ WHAT SHOULD I DO

I'M KINDA SAD ♪ ♪ WHAT SHOULD I DO WHAT SHOULD I DO

♪ WHAT SHOULD I DO WHAT SHOULD I DO GUESS I'LL MOVE ON

WHAT SHOULD I DO GUESS I'LL MOVE ON LOVE WON'T HARASS ME ♪

GUESS I'LL MOVE ON LOVE WON'T HARASS ME ♪ ♪ FOREVER

LOVE WON'T HARASS ME ♪ ♪ FOREVER ALL THAT I COULD BE

♪ FOREVER ALL THAT I COULD BE IS ME AND ALL ME

ALL THAT I COULD BE IS ME AND ALL ME ALL THAT NOSTALGIA ♪

IS ME AND ALL ME ALL THAT NOSTALGIA ♪ ♪ BEEN UP ON A DOWNER

ALL THAT NOSTALGIA ♪ ♪ BEEN UP ON A DOWNER I CAN'T MAKE YOUR EYES SEE

♪ BEEN UP ON A DOWNER I CAN'T MAKE YOUR EYES SEE GON' BE WHAT IT'S GON' BE

I CAN'T MAKE YOUR EYES SEE GON' BE WHAT IT'S GON' BE DON'T COME BACK AROUND ME ♪

GON' BE WHAT IT'S GON' BE DON'T COME BACK AROUND ME ♪ ♪ NO, NEVER

DON'T COME BACK AROUND ME ♪ ♪ NO, NEVER YOU WERE SO AUTOMATIC

♪ NO, NEVER YOU WERE SO AUTOMATIC SO YOU KNOW I HAD TO HAVE IT

YOU WERE SO AUTOMATIC SO YOU KNOW I HAD TO HAVE IT BUT LOVIN YOU WAS A HAZARD ♪

SO YOU KNOW I HAD TO HAVE IT BUT LOVIN YOU WAS A HAZARD ♪ ♪ SO I GOT MY HEART A HELMET

BUT LOVIN YOU WAS A HAZARD ♪ ♪ SO I GOT MY HEART A HELMET I TRIED MY BEST

♪ SO I GOT MY HEART A HELMET I TRIED MY BEST TO BE WORTH ALL YOUR WHILE

I TRIED MY BEST TO BE WORTH ALL YOUR WHILE YOU JUST GOTTA LET ME GO ♪

TO BE WORTH ALL YOUR WHILE YOU JUST GOTTA LET ME GO ♪ ♪ AS I'M TRYNA LET GO OF YOU

YOU JUST GOTTA LET ME GO ♪ ♪ AS I'M TRYNA LET GO OF YOU ♪

♪ AS I'M TRYNA LET GO OF YOU ♪ LET ME LET ME

♪ LET ME LET ME ALLOW ME TO LET GO OF YOU

LET ME LET ME ALLOW ME TO LET GO OF YOU OH-OH, LET ME, LET ME GO ♪

ALLOW ME TO LET GO OF YOU OH-OH, LET ME, LET ME GO ♪ ♪ OH, NO-OH, OH-OH, OH

OH-OH, LET ME, LET ME GO ♪ ♪ OH, NO-OH, OH-OH, OH YEAH ♪

♪ OH, NO-OH, OH-OH, OH YEAH ♪ ♪

YEAH ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]

♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> FALL.

[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >>> FALL. >> BEAUTY.

>>> FALL. >> BEAUTY. >> WOMEN.

>> BEAUTY. >> WOMEN. >> HEY, GIRLY.

>> WOMEN. >> HEY, GIRLY. >> ARE YOU LIKE US?

>> HEY, GIRLY. >> ARE YOU LIKE US? A WELL-OFF WOMAN WITH PERFECT

>> ARE YOU LIKE US? A WELL-OFF WOMAN WITH PERFECT MAKEUP AND LONG, STRAIGHT HAIR?

A WELL-OFF WOMAN WITH PERFECT MAKEUP AND LONG, STRAIGHT HAIR? >> ARE YOU BETWEEN 20 AND 45 AND

MAKEUP AND LONG, STRAIGHT HAIR? >> ARE YOU BETWEEN 20 AND 45 AND IT'S FALL OUTSIDE?

>> ARE YOU BETWEEN 20 AND 45 AND IT'S FALL OUTSIDE? >> DO YOU WANT A PERSONALITY YOU

IT'S FALL OUTSIDE? >> DO YOU WANT A PERSONALITY YOU CAN WEAR ON YOUR HEAD?

>> DO YOU WANT A PERSONALITY YOU CAN WEAR ON YOUR HEAD? >> THEN YOU NEED, BIG DUMB HATS.

CAN WEAR ON YOUR HEAD? >> THEN YOU NEED, BIG DUMB HATS. >> THIS IS THE HAT THAT MAKES

>> THEN YOU NEED, BIG DUMB HATS. >> THIS IS THE HAT THAT MAKES EVERYONE SAY, OH, HER.

>> THIS IS THE HAT THAT MAKES EVERYONE SAY, OH, HER. >> THE HAT THAT MAKES PEOPLE

EVERYONE SAY, OH, HER. >> THE HAT THAT MAKES PEOPLE THINK, OH, SHE WENT HAT.

>> THE HAT THAT MAKES PEOPLE THINK, OH, SHE WENT HAT. >> THE HAT THAT SAYS, WHEN I WAS

THINK, OH, SHE WENT HAT. >> THE HAT THAT SAYS, WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WASN'T MEAN OR

>> THE HAT THAT SAYS, WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WASN'T MEAN OR NICE.

IN HIGH SCHOOL, I WASN'T MEAN OR NICE. >> BIG.

NICE. >> BIG. >> DUMB.

>> BIG. >> DUMB. >> HATS.

>> DUMB. >> HATS. >> BIG DUMB HAT COMES IN COLORS,

>> HATS. >> BIG DUMB HAT COMES IN COLORS, LIKE TAN OR THAT'S IT.

>> BIG DUMB HAT COMES IN COLORS, LIKE TAN OR THAT'S IT. >> AND THE RIM IS PERFECT TO

LIKE TAN OR THAT'S IT. >> AND THE RIM IS PERFECT TO TOUCH SO PEOPLE SEE YOUR BIG

>> AND THE RIM IS PERFECT TO TOUCH SO PEOPLE SEE YOUR BIG DUMB ENGAGEMENT RING.

TOUCH SO PEOPLE SEE YOUR BIG DUMB ENGAGEMENT RING. OH, THIS?

DUMB ENGAGEMENT RING. OH, THIS? YEAH, IT A BIGGY.

OH, THIS? YEAH, IT A BIGGY. >> AM I A COWGIRL IN NO, GIRL.

YEAH, IT A BIGGY. >> AM I A COWGIRL IN NO, GIRL. >> I'M PLANT BASED, EXCEPT FOR

>> AM I A COWGIRL IN NO, GIRL. >> I'M PLANT BASED, EXCEPT FOR MY COY BASE.

>> I'M PLANT BASED, EXCEPT FOR MY COY BASE. >> IF YOU SEE ME WEARING AT THE

MY COY BASE. >> IF YOU SEE ME WEARING AT THE AIRPORT, YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO

>> IF YOU SEE ME WEARING AT THE AIRPORT, YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO PUSH MY WAY ON BEFORE MY

AIRPORT, YOU KNOW I'M GOING TO PUSH MY WAY ON BEFORE MY BOARDING GROUP.

PUSH MY WAY ON BEFORE MY BOARDING GROUP. >> WOW.

BOARDING GROUP. >> WOW. IS YOUR HAT EVEN BIGGER THAN

>> WOW. IS YOUR HAT EVEN BIGGER THAN BEFORE?

IS YOUR HAT EVEN BIGGER THAN BEFORE? >> YOU TELL ME.

BEFORE? >> YOU TELL ME. >> YOU CAN WEAR BIG DUMB HAT

>> YOU TELL ME. >> YOU CAN WEAR BIG DUMB HAT ANYWHERE.

>> YOU CAN WEAR BIG DUMB HAT ANYWHERE. THE BEACH.

ANYWHERE. THE BEACH. >> OR A SOCCER GAME.

THE BEACH. >> OR A SOCCER GAME. >> IF YOU SEE THIS HAT IN

>> OR A SOCCER GAME. >> IF YOU SEE THIS HAT IN STARBUCKS, YOU KNOW IT'S GOING

>> IF YOU SEE THIS HAT IN STARBUCKS, YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE OAT MILK.

STARBUCKS, YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO BE OAT MILK. >> BIG DUMB HATS.

TO BE OAT MILK. >> BIG DUMB HATS. >> WANT TO HEAR A SECRET?

>> BIG DUMB HATS. >> WANT TO HEAR A SECRET? I MADE A BABY IN THIS HAT.

>> WANT TO HEAR A SECRET? I MADE A BABY IN THIS HAT. >> I NAMED MY KID, POET, STORY,

I MADE A BABY IN THIS HAT. >> I NAMED MY KID, POET, STORY,

>> I NAMED MY KID, POET, STORY,

LIRIC AND ARCADE.

LIRIC AND ARCADE. >> I POST A PICTURE OF MY

LIRIC AND ARCADE. >> I POST A PICTURE OF MY WEDDING EVERY SINGLE DAY.

>> I POST A PICTURE OF MY WEDDING EVERY SINGLE DAY. >> CAN YOU DANCE IN THE HAT?

WEDDING EVERY SINGLE DAY. >> CAN YOU DANCE IN THE HAT? WELL, YOU'LL WISH WE DIDN'T.

>> CAN YOU DANCE IN THE HAT? WELL, YOU'LL WISH WE DIDN'T. ♪ TAKE ME TO CHURCH ♪

WELL, YOU'LL WISH WE DIDN'T. ♪ TAKE ME TO CHURCH ♪ >> DON'T YOU HATE HOW WE DANCE?

♪ TAKE ME TO CHURCH ♪ >> DON'T YOU HATE HOW WE DANCE? >> HATS.

>> DON'T YOU HATE HOW WE DANCE? >> HATS. >> DUMB.

>> HATS. >> DUMB. >> BIG.

>> DUMB. >> BIG. >> BIG DUMB HAT THE HAT THAT

>> BIG. >> BIG DUMB HAT THE HAT THAT MACKS YOUR BOYFRIEND SAY, IT'S

>> BIG DUMB HAT THE HAT THAT MACKS YOUR BOYFRIEND SAY, IT'S ME OR THE HAT.

MACKS YOUR BOYFRIEND SAY, IT'S ME OR THE HAT. >> IT'S THE HAT THAT SCREAMS,

ME OR THE HAT. >> IT'S THE HAT THAT SCREAMS, WAIT.

>> IT'S THE HAT THAT SCREAMS, WAIT. I THINK I FORGOT TO VOTE.

WAIT. I THINK I FORGOT TO VOTE. DID I MISS IT?

I THINK I FORGOT TO VOTE. DID I MISS IT? CAN I STILL GET A STICKER?

DID I MISS IT? CAN I STILL GET A STICKER? >> HAT.

CAN I STILL GET A STICKER? >> HAT. >> PAIR IT WITH TINY LITTLE

>> HAT. >> PAIR IT WITH TINY LITTLE CURSIVE TATTOO, COMPLICATED

>> PAIR IT WITH TINY LITTLE CURSIVE TATTOO, COMPLICATED MORNING ROUTINE AND FAKE GLUTEN

CURSIVE TATTOO, COMPLICATED MORNING ROUTINE AND FAKE GLUTEN ATOR JI.

MORNING ROUTINE AND FAKE GLUTEN ATOR JI. >> YELLOW STONE WATCH PARTY AND

ATOR JI. >> YELLOW STONE WATCH PARTY AND A WOOD FIRED PIZZA OVEN.

>> YELLOW STONE WATCH PARTY AND A WOOD FIRED PIZZA OVEN. OOH, LOOK AT THAT CHAR.

A WOOD FIRED PIZZA OVEN. OOH, LOOK AT THAT CHAR. >> AND AT THE END OF THE DAY,

OOH, LOOK AT THAT CHAR. >> AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BIG OLD

>> AND AT THE END OF THE DAY, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BIG OLD CREASE ON YOUR FOREHEAD FROM THE

YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE A BIG OLD CREASE ON YOUR FOREHEAD FROM THE HAT.

CREASE ON YOUR FOREHEAD FROM THE HAT. >> CAN A MAN WEAR A BIG DUMB

HAT. >> CAN A MAN WEAR A BIG DUMB HAT?

>> CAN A MAN WEAR A BIG DUMB HAT? >> I THINK SO, BUT LET'S FIND

HAT? >> I THINK SO, BUT LET'S FIND OUT.

>> I THINK SO, BUT LET'S FIND OUT. >> HELLO, LADIES.

OUT. >> HELLO, LADIES. LET'S GET VULNERABLE.

>> HELLO, LADIES. LET'S GET VULNERABLE. >> NO, NO.

LET'S GET VULNERABLE. >> NO, NO. >> NO.

>> NO, NO. >> NO. >> SO GET YOUR BIG DUMB HAT

>> NO. >> SO GET YOUR BIG DUMB HAT TODAY.

>> SO GET YOUR BIG DUMB HAT TODAY. WAIT.

TODAY. WAIT. IS YOUR HAT EVEN BIGGER?

WAIT. IS YOUR HAT EVEN BIGGER? >> MAYBE.

IS YOUR HAT EVEN BIGGER? >> MAYBE. >> BIG DUMB HATS.

>> MAYBE. >> BIG DUMB HATS. >> FROM THE MAKER OF DUMB LITTLE

>> BIG DUMB HATS. >> FROM THE MAKER OF DUMB LITTLE DOG.

>>> THANKS TO STEVE LACY, THE ENTIRE CAST AND CREW AND AUDIENCE.

ENTIRE CAST AND CREW AND AUDIENCE. AND PLEASE VOTE, AND I LOVE YOU

AUDIENCE. AND PLEASE VOTE, AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET

AND PLEASE VOTE, AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME AND SEE YOU GUYS.