Original subtitles

Previously on Billions...

[Chuck] You got us here.

Bobby Axelrod's spare fucking apartment with goddamn Van Goghs on the walls.

I can house your paintings in a permanent tax restate.

I'll store replicas so you can hang the originals.

Hey, one other thing you can help me with. You know my new artist, Tanner?

- [Wendy] Yeah. - [Axe] He's not working.

[Wendy] You know what? Let me talk to him.

I'll see what occurs.

[Calder] What's on your mind?

Bobby Axelrod.

Specifically, an application he submitted for a bank charter.

We would like you to stall the approval, and then deny it.

Dad? What happened? What's wrong?

Nothing to worry about.

His kidneys. Renal failure.

Well, how serious are we talking here?

They think he'll need a kidney transplant in order to survive.

[thuds]

♪ tense music ♪

[Victor] Fuck me.

[Margolis] You and me both.

Who's gonna go try and persuade them to walk away?

[scoffs]

Lucky for me I was sleeping on my good side.

[chuckles]

I rolled you over.

[chuckles]

Wow.

You, um...

That's good. You got me.

- You can't do that. - What?

Figure drawing, it's art school technique. Copying.

It's like a rock band doing a cover song.

- I love a good cover. - [chuckles]

You kind of can't beat Manfred Mann's version of "Blinded by the Light."

Yeah, well, you don't remember anything else they did.

Well, I love this.

For what it reveals about how you see me.

For what it reveals about us.

I want to keep it.

I don't, um...

I don't want this stuff out in the world.

It won't be out in the world. It'll be with me.

[groans]

Feels like I'm the one who's naked under the covers.

That's why I want it.

I brought it out of you.

Now sign it. Get back in here with me.

So Bobby Axelrod wants to be a bank.

But before we can ascend the heights, we need your beatific blessing.

- Hm. - So I am here as his banking sherpa

to guide him through the craggy terrain of the approval process.

Not least because of the close relationship you and I have,

Madame Chairwoman.

[Axe] Madame Chairwoman, I need a letter from the SEC supporting my bank.

To allow me to fight for consumers the way that I fight for my investors.

Like a ravening mountain lion whose only prey is value.

Not according to the United States government's prosecutors.

They say your prey is the entire financial system.

And that when you're done with it, not even the buzzards

can find anything left on the bone.

I was targeted by a vengeful individual.

He pursued me publicly, relentlessly, oh, and wrongfully.

- Mm. - And he lost his job,

his standing, his highest aspirations.

As people who line up against me tend to.

- And all the charges were dropped. - Yeah.

In the end, the system worked. As I have faith it will now.

Yeah, but we regulators aren't big on faith.

We look at the record.

That is why Axe Cap plucked me from your tender regulatory bosom.

Wait. So, you're why he deserves a clean bill of health, Spyros?

You know how I intuitively located every speck of financial dirt

when I was in-house for you?

How I harvested them and laid them at your feet,

winning the title "Mister Roomba"?

Well, I have brought these skills to Axe Cap

and vacuum cleaned every crevice.

We called you Mister Roomba because you sucked.

And snuck up on us. And creeped us out.

[chuckles]

I certainly miss the jocular banter.

And I see that you're still parading around in that knockoff Mensa pin.

[Wags] I had wondered why you're suddenly sporting that.

Was that your gimmick at the SEC? You're a mountebank Mensa member?

I can assure you, this is very real.

[Ryder] Do you know why they formed the Stock Exchange?

To keep out a crook, a market manipulator.

William Duer gave us our first panic in 1792.

But I guess you'd feel that we could have skipped the effort

if we had you and your hoovering skills.

Look, I would gladly smash in Spyros's head

with the Stock Exchange gavel if that'll make you feel better.

- It wouldn't make me feel worse. - But this isn't about him!

It's about the bank that I'm trying to build.

The difference it will make to our industry,

- to the economy. - Hm.

[Axe] You wanna talk about why they really formed the Exchange?

It was a club, not a cleanup.

A bunch of Francophiles with mops on their heads

who gave themselves the sole right to trade at a commission that they set.

What we call "price fixing" these days. That's the gang that you're a part of.

Now, I hate clubs, but if I have to join one,

I make it better and I make the clubhouse bigger.

And that's why you want to give me this letter.

Sure.

I'll write it myself.

On behalf of my gang.

But it will warn the FDIC and the Federal Reserve

that you have been a regulatory Armageddon.

Doesn't take a Mensa member to see that...

they'd be crazy to grant you a goddamned bank charter.

Gentlemen.

♪ Foreboding music ♪

- The SEC bless you like a newborn? - Are we a bank?

We saw the chairwoman leave and I have been waiting to see you ever since.

- I want my mahogany desk. - Settle for some fucking plywood.

- One word, "Spyros." - [Mafee] Second word, "dick weed."

You blow the hunt, you don't get to escape back to the cave.

[snickers]

Just an opening salvo. We can find our way into...

Bad enough to wear this if it were real. But a fucking fugazi?

I would have passed the test if I had had time to take it.

You actually want people to think you're in Mensa?

Oh, Spyros. You should really work on this.

All right, enough!

The world is arrayed against us right now. Against me.

I wanna know what the rest of you can do to show your value,

either by outperforming or changing our footprint

to help make this bank happen.

[breathes heavily]

You better have some fucking answers next time I ask

'cause silence will not be acceptable then.

There's an opportunity here to give Axe what his own team can't.

Sure. They're distracted between becoming a bank and earning.

We show him we are where he should put his investable cash, not into some bank.

We make more money as he makes more. We earn his loyalty, too.

That's not a trio that should be seen together

unless something's seriously fucked.

It seems the liberty of our tax haven is threatened.

We got a painting problem.

[indistinct chatter]

[Margolis] Hey! Hey, hey, hey!

You have a right to inspect, not to remove.

We gotta get it out of the box to see what it is.

Well, will you wrap your meat hooks with some kid gloves?

These are priceless works of art.

If they are damaged even in the slightest,

an entire generation of youth will be robbed of the joy of their beauty.

Perhaps we can come to an agreeable accommodation...

for the children.

For your children.

They didn't want money in their pockets.

Most dangerous thing in the world, government employees

who don't hate their jobs enough to take a bribe.

Doesn't seem to me like a random fucking search.

It seems like it's targeted.

How did they even know to go art hunting?

Axe-associate Danny Margolis is something of a promoter.

This time it was him trying to sell billionaires

on parking their paintings with him, tax-free.

You're saying he's using Bobby Axelrod as his celebrity endorsement?

- Along those lines. That's the inventory. - Ah!

We could go after the whole concept, try to get him on tax fraud.

Something poetic about taking him down the same way as Capone.

But the laws on free ports are murky. And it's too much of a gamble.

I can't have us bring a case just to have free ports upheld.

But this, I see actual fraud here.

Van Gogh. What about it?

I'm fairly certain I've seen this painting up close, in one of Axe's apartments.

Oh. Standard rich folk practice is often to store the original, hang a replica.

No. There's a feeling you get when you're in the presence of the real thing.

A work for the ages, there's a weight to it, you know?

- I do. You felt that? - I did.

I didn't like it at the time, but I'm starting to now.

So how can one painting be in two places at once?

It's my bad.

I thought it was a business could be grown.

Not just your bad.

No. I brought you into this.

Also, I brought you into this.

If it was a business could be grown and there's extra cream,

you're not the only one who should wind up light and sweet, fucko.

All right. Let's not catalog all the internecine ways

you've fucked me and each other.

- I'm cataloging. - The replicas are in the free port.

They can't be there when someone who actually knows about art comes back.

In theory, the paintings in a free port

are meant to keep circulating port to port.

That's how you avoid taxation, sort of like the Stones in '72?

Good. Well then, let's make that international tour a reality.

The real ones can't be back in my place.

I need to get with Hall and disappear them.

Marithane. You want a value multiplier, it is one.

- What does it do? - What you need it to,

brings us back to the future. And brings us, um...

filthy lucre.

That's like what you guys would say it right?

Instead of just, "We can make a good percentage on our money."

You'd say, "Grab some filthy dirty lucre" or something?

[chuckles]

Anyway, this is a way to do that.

What does it actually do?

Harvests methane bubbling to the ocean surface.

Whale farts? Please tell me we're talking about whale farts.

- Cracks in the seafloor. - Right.

- How did you find it? - I built a toy, a social media scraper.

Analyzes the online behaviors of leading VCs.

Basically, it tracks who they suddenly decide to follow.

Interest in Marithane is hockey-sticking.

Competition will be real. We should get in there fast.

Lauren, set the pitch.

[Chuck] Ah!

Auspicious timing.

I was about to call you to contact your doorman to let me in.

Now you can just do it.

- For the purpose of? - Oh, Kevin left his Nintendo thing

in your apartment. He really wants it for tonight.

Mind if I go up and rummage around?

- Well, Chuck. - Hm?

Must be going for shared-custody Father of the Year

since you dropped everything in the middle of the day to find a doll.

Oh. Not a doll. Game.

And you know from separations,

it's as if you've forced your kids to live in a gypsy caravan.

Least I can do is recover the missing item.

Or buy two of everything.

[laughs] Sure.

Is this a Château Haut-Brion?

It is. 2010.

Not normally a day drinker, but I always wanted to taste this vintage.

The king of wines, wine of kings.

Why, it's my house red.

Would you mind spotting me a taste?

All right, Chuck.

I'll keep looking for the game if that's okay.

[Chuck chuckles]

[Chuck snickers]

Yeah, I'll check the bedroom he uses in a minute.

Ah!

If it isn't the Dutch master himself. Noon - Rest From Work.

Hard to believe it's in private hands.

[Axe] You know what I believe Van Gogh is telling us?

- Hm? - [sighs sharply]

- Time to get back to our own work. - [chuckles]

You know it's hard to imagine living with a piece like this.

I mean, I'm sure you're aware of the 40-million-dollar elbow

when Steve Wynn was selling it to Steve Cohen

he accidentally poked a new nostril in Picasso's Le Rêve.

Yeah. Well aware. Both Steves felt bad about that.

- Mm-hm. - And of course, this one's worth

- a fuck of a lot more than 40... - Yeah.

Which is why I only hang replicas.

Smart. Oh, I'd do the same since I'm all elbows. Oh, fuck!

- Jesus. - Fucking clumsy of me.

But why so protective of a replica, Bob?

- I'm happy to wipe it off. - Hey.

Guess it...

Guess it almost seems real to me.

I should probably move them...

move them all out of here to a place where there's no risk of clumsy guests.

[clears throat]

Yeah, I like to pretend, too. [sucks teeth]

You know, right now I'm pretending I got guys downstairs,

watching everything come in and out, all night long if I have to.

♪ Ominous music ♪

Well, that is a truly profound Brion.

But you're right, time to get back to work.

Oh, and let me know if that game ever turns up.

Hey. Where are you? I got a major fucking problem.

Rhoades. I know. He moved first and fast. Looking at options.

Yeah. Well, send me a restoration and cleaning crew, now.

A Seurat, a Degas, multiple Van Goghs, all on the fucking manifest.

Don't tell me that lucky bastard has a Bob Ross, too,

- [scoffs] - or I'll really hate on the guy.

Keep a watch on the building, front, back, and side doors.

Nothing in or out, and you know your part.

Yeah. Get a subpoena, so we can have an authenticator

test the fuck out of those canvases.

We prove they're real, we nail Bobby Axelrod on tax fraud.

Like an elbow through the bank charter he's undoubtedly still pursuing.

That'll make me warm and tingly in all the places.

Really will, Karl. Really will.

I'm surprised by the aggressiveness of the sudden interest in our company.

It's warranted, but leaves me with almost too much choice.

We are here to alleviate that burden.

You need a partner to help with your hardware expenses.

Each ship is like a startup of its own.

And with this much methane, there's always a chance that...

One of them could go up like a Molotov cocktail.

[soft chuckle] Yeah.

We can provide you cash.

But looking at you, I sense you need more than that. You need...

What is it? The thing you're not saying.

The thing at the corner of your mind that would bring you some ease.

[Taylor] What will help you, the human being, be your best?

How can we be that for you right now?

- No one's asked that. - Let us do more than feel your pain.

I am having an issue.

A former employee walked out the door with a piece of our tech.

[Dev] Now, I don't wanna sue...

- [Taylor] The bad press and expense. - Yes. But he's out there with my tech.

You need him knocked out of the game.

Excuse me.

- You next? - I am.

- Still prize efficiency? - You know I do.

Then come with me.

No reason not to do a head-to-head. Old friends here.

We might as well pitch together.

In fact, I can even do Oscar's pitch for him.

"I'm not saying the world's divided into makers and takers.

I'm just saying, I'm a maker. A product guy. I've been in your shoes.

It can be scary, and you're right to be scared.

There are bad people like Bobby Axelrod out there,

and he corrupts everything he touches.

Including Taylor Mason."

Did I miss anything?

- My charm? - I have missed that.

But no one spends more money on green tech than big energy.

They have the resources, the market is compelling them to evolve.

And, yeah, in many cases, they've broken the window needs fixing.

But Axe Cap has deep investments and influence with them.

So what Oscar would call "corrupting influence,"

I call the strategic partnerships that will take you to tomorrow.

Well, um...

- that was compelling. - I apologize.

I didn't come prepared for this. But I will be prepared going forward.

Not really what they want to hear from their VC, is it?

You know, I don't mind the pinch, but I don't like looking. Why is that?

It represents your life force flowing out.

Hm.

Thank you.

Taking it to the lab now. We should have results for you by end of day.

- I don't want to do this. - You do. You're honored.

"Replace the blanks in this sentence with two three-letter words

made from the same letters.

The woman decided to blank the beast where he lay rather than blank him home."

She decided to blank...

- It's a three-letter word? - Yeah, like this one.

F-U-K off so we can all get back to work.

The words are "gut" and "tug."

[scoffs] The questions are biased.

- How are they biased? - You're asking them in a biased way.

You know the answer or you don't.

I know the answers to questions that you haven't even thought of yet.

Okay.

Just hit me with another Mensa-type mindbender.

"If FL equals six and HX equals fifteen, what does ES equal?"

Fourteen.

That's right.

It's a conspiracy.

Actually, it's just the numbers of places between the letters in the alphabet.

You know, I cannot achieve genius surrounded by jealousy.

You know we have a problem.

He failed the SEC meeting. He's doomed to fail the Mensa exam.

In another man, this double-ego bruise might induce self-examination or humility,

- but... - He's gonna lash out.

He'll red-flag all our trades like the insecure, vindictive douche he is.

Maybe he'll pass. Maybe we're all just underestimating him.

No, I've been quizzing him all day. We're properly estimating him.

Thought you should know, your ex is using your kids as pretext

to tear apart my property like Keith Moon at a Holiday Inn.

Thing about him being my ex, I don't need to apologize for him anymore.

Someone else's past is a thorn in our side right now.

- Oscar Langstraat. - Hmm.

He's getting in the way of Mase Carbon's latest play.

And how's Taylor responding?

Hm, they seem ready to stomp him like Big John Studd.

This happen to be a Nico Tanner original? Signed.

No less. You pose for this or was it from memory?

- Why don't you call him and ask? - No, it's just it's the first work

I've seen of his since I set up his whole new life.

Now I know why he's been so distracted.

- You're about to get bounced out of here. - Well, since you're in there,

maybe you can see when I could expect some art out of him.

Something that looks a little bit more like implosion.

♪ Ominous music ♪

You aware of Wendy and the artist?

As of now.

Let me worry about all things painted

while you focus on getting that bank charter.

Hm. Good idea.

With one small adjustment. I'll focus on the art and the charter.

The free port is the fucking bank. It's Chuck's way of blocking it.

If I'm hit with tax charges, you think the SEC will ever come around?

- They're not coming around now. - No, unless someone forces them to.

Krakow already shook us off.

Well, this time, we're tightening the rope and digging in the spurs.

Anyone could've designed that toy.

But anyone didn't. You didn't.

Too simplistic.

Microchip was simple, pasteurization, too.

Both changed the world. Not always about the degree of technical difficulty,

sometimes it's about insight and initiative.

No to the duh. I showed that shit when I figured out

how to dump Mase Cap out of non-green investments.

Oh, so this is a workplace where it's cool if you just bring it once?

I thought the idea was to bring it every day.

Mm-hm. Yeah, so there's no chance that I'm a...

[Chuck] Oh, okay. Thank you for letting me know.

I'm not a match for Senior.

God damn it.

And why the hell aren't you outside Axe's?

I got the McCluskey visit.

Pulled me from sitting on the Don at the hospital.

Did everything short of busting my jaw.

- Who pulled you? - New York's finest.

- Showed me paper and everything. - [knocks on door]

Crap.

Yeah. Sorry about your blood.

Ah...

You heard?

That you inserted yourself into my fucking case?

Wanted you to get the particulars straight from me.

The Axelrod tax fraud case is mine.

That's criminal behavior in Manhattan. Literally my dominion.

- The case straddles the line. - So you applied for a subpoena?

- Mm-hm. Before you did. - And I got it. What does that tell you?

- You're well-connected at the courthouse. - And backed by the governor.

Maybe this is the rare case we could collaborate on.

I don't need your Axelrod hard-on accidentally poking me.

I don't need you at all. The apartment is now secured by NYPD.

The art authenticator's coming in from Boston tomorrow.

But, hey, I'm just handling the criminal case.

As always, Chuck, you are free to follow up on any civil angle.

That looks like a woman who just took from us.

Ah. You look like a woman who's gonna help me take back.

We need to find a way to leverage Gramm. Get her to leave Axe to me.

- Hm. Looking for something professional? - Yeah. Let's start there.

I'm off to see Charles Senior.

- All my best to the old man. - That is what he demands.

[sighs]

♪ ominous music ♪

I'm happy to keep you company. But shouldn't your wife...

No. There are no women in the house.

I sent Roxanne to her people until I get my strength back.

She married a virile bull, not an invalid.

She loves you. She can look at you and see you.

Love only makes the weak blind.

The staunch see with striking clarity.

Oh, it must be why Sonny Crockett always wore those shades, huh?

Listen, Dad. Uh... [clears throat]

Since the family has been more inclusive of late,

now might be a good time to reach out to any previously unreported bastards.

Just welcome them into the ever-growing fold.

What bastards? There are no such issue.

Comments like that are how rumors get started,

and inheritances get diluted.

Oh, shit.

You're not a match, are you?

I'm not. No.

Yeah, of course, you don't have my blood flowing in your veins.

If you did, you'd be a goddamned president by now, or the fucking Pope.

Hmm. [sighs]

No, your arteries must be filled with the same watery gruel

as your mother's pinhead brother.

That's not okay to say about somebody with microcephaly,

or maybe anybody...

ever.

Do you know they used to have a rating system for mental infirmity?

We're all too polite for it now.

But that list told it like it goddamned was.

A cretin was without a thought in their head.

An idiot had the intellect of a two-year-old child.

An average imbecile got up to seven.

And a moron could be as clever as a feeble-minded 12-year-old.

You pick your fucking title.

Good talk, Dad.

[scoffs]

I'm sorry you're scared.

And I'm sorry I didn't match.

And...

I'm sorry for insinuating there are bastards.

They didn't match either.

The DA's subpoena establishes that none of the art

can be moved until it's tested.

Can we move the prosecutor?

[Axe] Nah, Gramm's immovable.

She made that clear over our first plate of plantains.

Who will she use to authenticate?

The NYPD prefer a fellow named Hemlock.

They say the man can smell pigments. They retained him on this case.

[Bach] The aesthete will be here tomorrow.

At which point he'll authenticate the canvases in your apartment.

At which point I'll be fucked.

Is it too late to pay the taxes?

- Oh, come on! - I'm just...

[chuckles] Goodness, what a question!

Yes. Even if I were willing. Which I'm not!

I've got an idea.

Orrin, that's your cue to get the fuck out of here.

My wife, my third house, and my law license thank you.

If only Bruce Cutler had a friend like Bobby Axelrod.

[door opens]

What if we get biblical? That Old Testament, Hebrew lightning.

Hm?

To smoke 18 canvases across 6,000 square feet,

even if I can hide the origin, make it look electrical.

We'd be taking out the whole unit, maybe half the building.

Well, that's a wide fucking range.

I can't make the fire big enough to do the job

and small enough to be easily contained.

Then there's the variable of the firefighters.

[Hall] Will they get hurt? Will others?

Not hurting any firefighters.

Or destroying all that beauty.

Hm. That, too.

Houdini's Water Torture.

He was chained up in a locked box filled with water.

We use the same move on the paintings that he used to escape?

[Margolis chuckles] Wait, didn't he die in that box?

Yes, which is where you're going unless you figure out a way to fix this.

[sighs] Margolis.

Who else did you pitch the free port to?

Axe, if it were up to me, you'd have ATMs in every ass crack.

But the SEC is an independent agency.

One that hates meddling, loves leaking to the press.

Précisément. This is the kind of thing that leads to hearings,

investigations, public thrashing. I need to be careful.

As careful as you've been about storing your Frank Stellas?

Where is all your art, by the way? I don't see much of it here.

Margolis gave me a tip about your free port.

I assumed he gave you a taste.

Yeah. I don't care about any of that. Not today.

But I should tell you, there is gonna be a free port crackdown, widespread.

Shit. It's gonna cost me stacks.

Fucking IRS, they have no respect for authority.

You got a workaround?

Not at the moment.

But I can help you offset your loss by augmenting your collection.

You willing to part with something from your own?

Can do you one better.

Get you a one-off,

a singular commission that's worthy of your greatness.

- A portrait? - Nico Tanner, first and only.

Hmm. He's gotten hot thanks to you and Mike Prince.

Didn't know Tanner did representational work.

Ah. Few have seen it. But I happen to know it's good.

Fucking great, actually.

- Hm. - But I need you

to rip a letter on my behalf out of the SEC

and grease the skids to a charter.

For the original glamor shot? Sure.

But none of that Cubist bullshit.

I don't want my left eyeball next to my nutsack.

Well. How am I back here again?

My guess, you need something again?

Yes, for my father.

For you to take a blood test

to see if you're a match.

- What's the point, Chuck? - Oh.

None, really. Just saving a man's life.

- What could be more pointless than that? - [chuckles]

Even if I am the right blood type and then the right tissue type

and then I cross-match and then a team of nephrologists

green-flags me onto the track, your father's not getting my kidney.

I'm hanging onto them in case our kids or my family need one.

- Do you know our kids' blood types? - Don't even fucking think about it.

[scoffs]

You see that?

You are still the only one that actively stops me from turning into him.

You'll never be him.

Yeah. Well, you have to be sure that was a good thing.

The reason I didn't measure up to my father was because I didn't want to.

- Good. He's warped. - Yeah?

Is he? I look around now and he's the one who's happy.

He's the one surrounded by loving family.

[sighs]

Maybe the reason I didn't measure up is because I couldn't.

Oh, I was too different.

On a cellular level, I was a different and lesser man.

[sighs]

I'll hand it to him.

He wired you in a way even I could never quite untangle.

You're racked with guilt.

- Because I can't help him. - Or because you don't want to.

Wait. You think that I want him to die?

I think, maybe, you need him to.

Where should we begin? From the way he let your uncle make a man of you,

to the way he let you know he'd tried her, too.

- You mean the hooker? - The sex worker. Yes.

That's what we must call them now?

I'm not getting into the semantics of this with you right now.

Ask your colleagues who are trying to make that fact law.

Or your girlfriend. She's a renowned expert.

I need your library.

Thank you.

- Is this for your class? - No. It's for yours.

The one you're about to teach me... on prostitution.

Sex work.

Call it sex work, because that's what it is... work.

Prostitution suggests something criminal, immoral, deviant.

Why the hell isn't it deviant? Come at me.

Why? Are you bringing a case on this?

No. It's more that the DA isn't.

She's quietly pushing decriminalization.

Good for her.

The Nordic Model is doing great things

to decrease stigma, redistribute responsibility.

Why should the workers be punished and not the patrons?

Yes, that's the stuff.

Make your best argument and then help me shred it.

I don't like this game. This is my life's work.

I'm well aware it's not a game.

I need the DA off my turf.

That may require trampling on hers.

Have you ever even met a sex worker?

Well, a long time ago, my father...

I don't want to get into it.

Just please, help me argue that the DA is hurting women.

- When she's not? - [sighs]

You get to shift the Overton Window

and sex workers can just fall off the fucking ledge?

Cat, I could have come here and lied about my motives, but I didn't.

I was honest.

That's new for me.

Well, then be honest about this.

Are you going to crack down or is this really just a threat?

Yes, of course, it's just a threat...

which I have to mean.

Otherwise, it's not a very good threat.

Then I have to mean this one, too.

You can threaten the DA,

but if you make good on that threat, your library privileges will be revoked

along with all the other privileges.

Capisce?

Good.

Read my book.

I blew your number out of the water on Marithane. Two X'd you.

That's an overpay.

A substantial overpay.

In part to help cover the costs of their patent issue,

but mainly to make a fucking point to you.

You'll do this every time we go head-to-head.

It's my new mission.

This isn't how you normally do business or speak.

You're exceptional. You merited an exception.

I have learned in dealing with people to be disarming.

I smile. I'm polite.

Because I was loved as a child and am a genuinely a decent human being.

But somewhere during my early Oakland days,

I built an affinity for the silver and black, the Raiders.

So when I'm in, "it's win, baby, win."

And when we don't, we beat the shit out of the opposing fans.

Don't make me do that to you.

♪ Ominous music ♪

Liquid courage, don't fail me now.

It's like we're all being tested.

For a horrible disease.

[door opens]

Oscar went over the top. I can't outspend him.

He has an open lane to the hoop on Marithane,

rather, he bought himself one.

- Fuck. - I need your help.

If he overpays his way to victory every time,

which he damn well can afford to...

Then our burgeoning enterprise is finished.

What kind of help are you looking for?

Emotional, personal...

The Axe kind.

How would you load Axe up to deal with an existential threat?

I wouldn't need to. He registers all threats as existential.

So, I either try to stop him or at least point him away from civilians.

How can I approach this like Axe without becoming him?

Never known anyone to put on the suit without it changing them.

But, if anyone can, I suppose it's you.

Model the will, the aggression,

but temper it with your own fundamental advantage.

A moral compass?

The ability to accurately weigh reward versus jail time.

You know what you need now?

I need Hard Bob.

[Victor] That's a tight flight time.

He's a tight flyer. But the imprecision of the shift change.

Well, maybe that's where our boys come in.

I have not felt this excited to be part of something since I donned a girdle

for the 124th edition of the Hasty Pudding Theatricals.

I've seen the pictures.

The paperwork is ready to be filed, yes?

It's great fucking pie. But I know you just didn't want company.

True that, double true, as the wise men once said.

I need you to paint something for me.

- I thought that's what I was doing? - Yeah.

A little fucking slowly by the way.

But this is different. A portrait of the sitting Treasury Secretary.

Come on, man. I don't do portraits.

Well, I think we both know otherwise.

I've seen otherwise.

Right, yeah. Well, that was nothing, and it's none of your business.

Oh, you're "nothing" is world-class

and it's more than good enough for Todd Krakow.

- Who's that? - He signs your money,

now you get to sign him.

Which'll get you even more copies of his signature.

Thanks.

Hey, Anthony.

So I'm sitting over there, eating with one artist,

and I'm thinking to myself,

my favorite artist isn't getting paid enough.

I'm talking about you.

- No, I'm fine. - No.

Your pizza, Anthony, is way too good for the only hundred or so people

who are lucky enough to get in here every night.

And what about the people who can't?

What about the ones who can't get into New York?

Shouldn't they have some of this, too?

- I agree. - Who are you?

Call me Manz. I'm Anthony's cousin. Business manager.

What do you got in mind?

The freezer section. We start there.

Best frozen pie ever. Then sauce.

Gelato. We roll out the complete line.

The whole Una food experience, but at home.

But if you're his business manager,

why don't you have him going in this already?

Hey, I tried. I got him to open up a second location.

You know just this business or you know business?

Graduated Stern. 4.2 weighted.

What's in it for you?

We partner. I stake it.

This gets big, we get bought out by a major conglomerate.

It'll be what they call a "liquidity event."

Because people like your cousin here, the best in the world at what they do,

deserve to get rich.

And I'm here to make that happen.

I like it. I've got some ideas.

- Okay? - Okay.

Okay. We'll be talking.

Happy to be joining the Langstraat family.

There's a hole in the universe where Alderaan used to be,

as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror.

What did you do?

You have your patent back, and your employee if you want him.

Which is a gift I am giving you whether I'm your VC or not.

[sighs]

I'm confident he'll be a good boy now.

Can I help you?

I'm Hard Bob Beaufort from the Bureau of Industry and Security.

I understand you're something of a bullshitter,

and I brook no bullshit.

Oscar, I'm sorry.

[Dev] How do you not go with someone willing to do that for you?

Well, because if they're willing to do that for you today,

they're willing to do it to you later.

But that's not something you can hear from me.

You'll just have to learn that for yourself.

Oscar, Al Davis is dead and the Raiders haven't won anything in a decade.

So go back to the bay and "heal, baby, heal."

- Madam DA. Enjoy your dumplings. - Thank you.

Ah, yes.

The famed Red Farm Pac-Man dumplings. [clicks tongue]

Fitting for someone who gobbles up my cases.

Your cases are almost as delicious.

Which is why I want this one back.

[chuckles] No chance.

[Chuck chuckles]

Let's see if I can shift your thinking. Hm?

My number-one priority as the state's top lawman

is now fighting the scourge of what you like to call "sex work,"

but which I am going to link very publicly to sex trafficking.

Human bondage.

And I will make it look like I am stepping up because you failed to.

Trying to scam the optics?

I don't give a fuck about the people keeping score at home.

But you do care about the women.

I mean, sure, a few men, but mainly women.

And, of course, children.

I mean, you care about what happens when they're placed in the system.

You care about them dealing with the incarceration, the stigma,

the damage.

'Cause that's what I'm gonna do to them.

Incarcerate them, stigmatize them,

and fucking damage them.

[Chuck] Do you see this urchin?

Her ID says her name is Inge and she's 18.

And I promise you she is far younger than that

and I have no idea what she calls herself.

I do know,

that not long after she reached these shores and this city,

she found her way to a massage parlor,

where she was caught up in a sting under your watch.

You let her go. And you know what happened?

She flourished.

At this very moment, she's working towards her high school diploma.

What do you think happens to the next Inge...

under my watch?

- I may have misjudged you. - Hmm.

Thought you had a limit on how you use your power.

Not when it comes to the particular agenda I am pursuing.

I will do it Rudy Giuliani-style.

I will prosecute with a crazy eye and absolutely no sense of boundaries.

Besides, I didn't put these women in this place.

They put their own lives up for sale. Now those lives hang in the balance.

Will you ransom them back?

Or will you place Dutch paintings and Scandinavian values

above the life and liberty of women most at risk?

Wow, Chuck.

Okay.

Taking the missiles out of Havana.

You can have your fucking art case.

[sighs sharply] Thank you.

[Chuck groans]

Hm. Delicious.

Enjoy your noonday repast.

[officer 1] Oh, hold up.

All right, clear out, boys.

♪ Tense music ♪

Get ready to authenticate.

Mister Rhoades, I was born ready.

Like Eliot Ness with an MFA.

I have a PhD.

Get ready to shove it up Axelrod's...

Hey, Chuck. Another midday drop-by.

I'd say you were wasting my taxes

if I didn't have just giant fucking deductions.

What the fuck is this bacchanalia?

- Just a little day drinking. - [chuckles]

I'm afraid these paintings no longer belong to Mister Axelrod.

They're hanging in his apartment.

Actually, this is no longer a private residence at all.

Your family foundation. You didn't...

These works, every impeccable inch of them,

are now the proud possession of the Axelrod Charitable Foundation,

which maintains and runs this museum.

- [sighs] - It's a real feather in our cap.

Uh-huh.

"A private art museum for replicas"?

Well, of course not. These are as real as I am standing here.

And they got here how exactly? We've been watching day and night.

I guess not every angle.

♪ Foreboding music ♪

[car alarms wailing]

Oops!

Don't make them like they used to.

- [officer 2] Hey! - Fuck you!

- Whoo! - [indistinct chatter]

- Huh? Come and get me! - Get them!

♪ Tense music ♪

Let's go! Go, go, go!

Come on! Keep moving!

Got it.

Hurry up. Hurry up.

Okay, come on. Careful.

Why? They're empty anyways.

You can check the security footage from the neighboring roofs.

[Margolis] Tough to move paintings this big, had to innovate.

Might be facing an FAA fine. But, oh, well.

I should have done the whole museum thing many years ago.

Share the majesty instead of hoarding it for myself.

And I wanna thank you, Chuck, for the impetus and opportunity.

- I need to take a closer goddamn look. - Sure.

But it will have to wait. Museum hours are over for the month.

- Wonderful collection! - Yeah.

Thank you.

Let's get the fuck out of here.

[screams] Whoo-hoo-hoo!

[clears throat]

After Fischer beat Spassky... Reykjavik, '72,

he described his chief moment of pleasure

as seeing his opponent's ego break.

I want you to know, as a newly-minted Mensan,

that I feel no need to break you.

I see no Cold War between us.

I always knew you had it in you.

Should I intentionally leave one or two wrong,

so he knows he wasn't punked?

If he were thinking that clearly, he'd have the real pin already.

[scoffs]

It's a silly little trinket. [chuckles]

Proves nothing, of course, besides the company of Asimov,

Carol Oates, Geena Davis. [snickers]

I hardly need to wear it.

Oh, you know what? I will.

Why not? In the name of learning.

And don't let this bauble, this curio,

remind you of the yawning gap between us.

But, I will be mindful.

And I will be here as a mentor,

a teacher,

a guide.

I am never doing another nice thing.

I say that every day, but we are who we are.

[sighs]

[door opens]

[door closes]

How do I look?

Not great.

Good. Two stopped-up urinals in my gut.

If I get a compliment, I know I'm a fucking goner.

I had my blood typed. We're not a match.

You did that for Chuck?

I did it for your grandkids.

And, for myself, too. Maybe.

Second worst thing about dialysis, after the bedpans?

Turns everyone into a goddamn Hallmark card.

People wanna say what they've been meaning to say.

How about "Here's a fucking kidney"?

All I've got is they're doing wonders with xenotransplants.

- I'm a little rough on my Greek. - Pig kidneys.

You're already pig-headed.

I don't see why you wouldn't want a kidney to match.

I'd rather die.

You might.

One thing I know about the Greeks...

the great tragedies rarely featured death scenes.

Plain left that shit offstage.

I just did not find it interesting.

Living.

That's the real drama. The real classroom.

Plenty of lessons left to teach.

- You're worried about Willow. - Good God, no.

She won't even remember me,

and she'll have her mother

to fill her full of... whatever.

But Chuck...

If I'm not here...

to push him, to mold him,

who knows all the ways he'll fuck himself up?

You got me there.

[Chuck] It got ugly.

I got ugly.

I went halfway to Ed Exley. Didn't know I had it in me.

- You won? - For the moment.

Did you make good on your threat?

Good.

Would you really have followed through, though?

It's possible something inside me would have caught, backed down.

- I truly don't know. Would you have? - Yup.

Which would have been unfortunate.

Because then, we couldn't have enjoyed this.

Is this a reward, or to teach me a lesson?

Both, neither.

Whatever we wanna make of it.

Come on.

I'm sorry Axe saw it.

I didn't show it to him, I didn't try to show him, anyway.

I know you meant no harm,

but harm's coming.

[banging on door]

It's open.

♪ Ominous music ♪

I'm ready for my close-up.

♪ Oh, the streets of Rome ♪

♪ Are filled with rubble ♪

♪ Ancient footprints are everywhere ♪

♪ You could almost think ♪

♪ That you're seeing double ♪

♪ On the cold, dark night ♪

♪ On the Spanish Stairs ♪

♪ Gotta hurry on back to my hotel room ♪

♪ Where I got me a date ♪

♪ With a pretty little girl from Greece ♪

♪ She promised she'd be there with me ♪

♪ When I paint my masterpiece ♪

♪ Oh, the hours we spent ♪

♪ Inside the Coliseum ♪

♪ Dodging lions ♪

♪ And a-wasting time ♪

♪ Oh, those mighty kings of the jungle ♪

♪ I could hardly stand to see 'em ♪

♪ Yes, it sure has been a long hard drive ♪

♪ Train wheels a-running through ♪

♪ The back of my memory ♪

♪ When I ran on the hilltop ♪

♪ Following a pack of wild geese ♪

♪ Someday everything is gonna sound... ♪

- Hello? - Hey, you know what?

We should all do dinner.

♪ When I paint my masterpiece ♪

Me, you, Tanner.

Maybe I'll bring someone, too.

Well...

I mean, the art world's been good to me lately.

It's gonna get me my bank charter.

I'd like to show my appreciation.

[splutters] That'd be great.

♪ Of Coca-Cola ♪

♪ Well, I left Rome ♪

♪ And landed in Brussels ♪

♪ On a plane ride ♪

♪ So bumpy that I almost cried ♪

♪ Clergy men in uniform ♪

♪ And young girls pulling mussels ♪

♪ Everyone was there to greet me ♪

♪ When I stepped inside ♪

♪ Newspaper man eating candy ♪

♪ Had to be held down by big police ♪

♪ Someday everything's gonna be different ♪

♪ When I paint that masterpiece ♪