All language subtitles for Big.School.(2013).S01E06.Episode.6.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+2.0.H.264-Cinefeel_track3_[eng].1-en

So the transition of a solid

directly into a gas is called? Anybody?

Anybody?

Anybody?

Sublimation.

So, Pat,

if you could add a tiny bit of solid
carbon dioxide to the warm water.

That was too much, Pat.

LAUGHTER

Don't panic, everyone.

LAUGHTER

Maybe we should just get a window open.

Pat, if you could open the door.

No, that's not the doorknob, Pat.

Stop jiggling it.

And so, after the events of last week,

rap battles are now outlawed
on school premises.

GROANING

Let's just take it as read
that all your mommas are fat.

Now, with the details of
her upcoming French trip,

-Miss...
-Posters.

Hmm.

Bonjour!

It's French for hello.

So who wants to say "bonjour"
to "la France"?

Which is French for France.

We're going to France!

What, to Paris, Miss?

No, Paris was a bit too expensive.
The next best thing,

Dieppe!

-Where's that?
-It's in France.

We're going to be staying
in a very nice Youth Hostel

just outside Dieppe.

Still able to sample

all the excitement
Dieppe has to offer, though.

The port.

The town square.

The old port.

There's so much to see.

-The Eiffel Tower?
-No, that's in Paris.

-Is that where we're going, Miss?
-No, we're going to Dieppe.

-Where's Dieppe, Miss?
-It's in France.

So, can I get a show of hands
in the air, please?

Come on!

It'll be fun!

You get to go on a coach.

-You can buy bangers.
-ALL: Yes!

-So, your first trip to France!

-LAUGHS
-Don't tell everyone!

In fact, don't tell anyone.

Oh, I won't.
Just strange you've never been.

Lots of places I've never been.
I mean, why start with France

when there's whole parts of Surrey
that I've yet to explore?

-Well, you are a French teacher.
-What's your point?

Nothing at all. Just wondered
if there's an opportunity

for other teachers
to come with you on the trip?

There are three spaces available.

I expect you'll be putting your name down.

Well, I'll check my diary.

-Then you'll be putting your name down.
-Well, I'm quite busy.

Not too busy to put your name down though.

I'll see if I can move
a few things around.

And when you have, you'll put
your name down.

Yes, I will.

You, French woman, my office, now.

Um, would you just pop that
up in the staff room?

Yes, of course.

This jolly is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

So here are my rules.
No drinking. No smoking.

And no holiday romances
with dirty Frenchmen.

Oh, well, the children will, of
course, be supervised at all times.

I wasn't talking about the children.

And I don't want a single complaint,
fight or unwanted pregnancy.

Sorry, are we talking
about the children now?

-Yes!
-Oh.

So, I'm, er...
afraid I've got some bad news.

-You lost our books again, Sir?
-No, no, no. I know where they are.

-Where are they, then?
-They're on top of the TV.

So we'll get 'em back tomorrow, Sir?

No. You see, the bailiff
came to take the TV.

Still, I did manage to save
some stuff from the caravan,

I got a...

got a shoehorn...

a Pritt Stick...

got my passport, so

I can go on the French trip, eh?

Why don't we do geography trips, Sir?

No, no. Last time I did one of those
we went into some caves up

Cheddar Gorge way.

Very dark in there. I banged my head
on one of those,

you know, one of those things
that comes down from the ceiling?

-Stalactites.
-Yeah, yeah, correct.

And then I slipped and impaled myself on

one of the other ones. You know,
the ones that come up...

-Stalagmites?
-Stalagmites, yes.

Yeah, no, it was a total and utter
disaster. Never again. No.

Still, we've learned today about stalag...

-Tites.
-Tites. And...

-Stalagmites.
-Stalagmites, yes. And that's good.

That's good geography.

My name was up here!

Too late, mate.

Well, it's etched on. Feel it. Feel it.

You feel that?

I can't feel anything.

-Take your name off.
-No.

-Why do you even want to go to Dieppe?
-Shag Postern.

Oh, that is

so far from anything I could even think.

What do you wanna go there for, then?

Well, to see the old port,

and the square thing and the other port.

Well, don't worry,
I'll send you a postcard.

After I've porked her.

Oh, disgusting.

Gareth, why is your name up here?

I mean, you don't even like abroad.

Booze cruise.

-What?
-Yeah.

I get over there, buy two, three...
hundred bottles of strong lager.

Stock up for the month.

Janine.

HE CHUCKLES
Oh!

Dear Janine...

-Nope.
-Why?

Free holiday.

I don't think it'll be much of a holiday.

I mean, you'll mainly be stopping
fights and clearing up sick.

Yes. On holiday!

This is beyond the pale.

Absolutely above and beyond the pale.

I mean, Sarah's going to be
furious with you all

when she finds out
I haven't got my name up there.

You could always buy me out of it.

There are plenty of other places
I'd rather visit.

If you think I'm going to bribe you
not to go on this trip

you are woefully mistaken.

So, I've got you five nights,
fly-drive, premium economy,

all-inclusive.

You fly to Orlando, and then
you drive to Disney World

where you'll be staying at the Magic
Castle Inn in the Tinkerbell Suite.

What about Frieda's wheelchair?

I've checked and there's full
wheelchair access for your partner.

What about spending money?

No.

So, here's 250

in cash for you,

and the same for Frieda.

There's a problem, I'm afraid,

with Frieda's mother, Jana.

Oh! So you can't go?

No, Jana would like to come too.

She's always wanted to go on

the Rock 'n' Roller Coaster
Starring Aerosmith.

No.

Oh! Bonjour.

Bonjour, bonjour.

-Bonjour.
-Hola!

Bonjour, Manyou!

All aboard.

Sarah?

I've got you some sucky sweets
in case your ears pop.

We're going on the ferry.

And I, wanted to warn you
about Trevor because he...

Wants to shag me.

Precisely.

I'll keep my eye out for that.

Please do.

Well, au revoir!

Au revoir.

Keith?

It's a shame you didn't
put your name down.

TAPPING ON COACH WINDOW

Janine.

Second room for Jana with en suite,

750 spending money,

a 30-minute foot scrub each
at the Little Mermaid spa

and a Fastpass for the Rock 'n'
Roller Coaster Starring Aerosmith.

Deal!

-Did you do all that for me?
-No.

Hmm. Sure?

No, I just wanted to see Dieppe.

Hmm. Makes sense.

LOUD BHANGRA MUSIC

MUSIC CONTINUES
OK! Settle down.

Please, settle down. I've got a, um...

Actually, sorry, Mr. Rupesh,
could you turn the music down?

MUSIC STAYS AT SAME VOLUME
A bit more?

A little bit more.

Tiny bit more.

OK, could you just turn it off, please.

Right. Um, I have come up
with a little quiz

to keep us entertained on the
journey. It's all about Dieppe.

-Where's Dieppe, Miss?
-It's in France.

-Are we seeing the Eiffel Tower, Miss?
-No, that's in Paris.

-Are we not going to Paris, Miss?
-No, we have been through all this.

So these are the quiz sheets,
if you'd just pass them back for me.

I ain't doing that, Miss, I'm on holiday.

Not a holiday, it is an educational visit.

Got any headache tablets?

No.

I've got some Viagra.

Bonjour.

Nous avons une reservation.

-Yes.
-You must be from Greybridge School.

It's all good. I speak french.

-Pardon?
-I speak french.

I'm sorry, your accent
is difficult to understand.

Say again.

I speak french.

No.

I speak French.

I'd like to speak in French.

All right! We kept
around fifteen rooms, two of them doubles.

Breakfast is served for eight
hours, if there is the slightest problem

and I'm not at the reception,
Don't hesitate to ring my bell.

A little bit slower?

-Breakfast is served at eight...
-In French.

S'il y a le moindre probleme
et que je ne suis pas a la reception,

vous n'hesitez pas a sonner.

And again in English.

If there are any problems and I'm
not at the desk, just ring the bell.

That's what I thought you said.
Thank you.

-Merci.
-Excuse me?

No, you understood that.

She's Polish.

Well, this is me. See you all at supper.

Yeah, table for two, say, babes?

Er, no, all the teachers
will be sitting together.

Oh, dear.

I'm not going in the middle.

It was only me and Gunn in here
before you swapped with Klebb.

You can go in the middle.

No, don't worry about me.
I won't be sleeping in that bed.

-And where will you be?
-Next door, with Postern.

Doing it!

If that's the reason you came,
you might as well go home now

because that is not going to happen.

I got a plan, mate, just you wait.

Right, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me,

I'm gonna rinse my balls in the sink.

WATER RUNS

Aaah.

-Apres le petit dejeuner...
-What?

After breakfast, tomorrow,

we will be visiting the historic port,

and then moving on to the old town square,

where you'll be able to meet some
of the local people of Dieppe,

Dieppenese.
And practise some of your French.

Thank you, Miss Postern, for putting
together a fantastic itinerary.

And, er, I think it's time now
you all went to bed.

It's only eight o'clock.

Lights out in 15 minutes. Come on.

Sir?

They won't let us buy any drink here.

All right, meet me upstairs in five.

Mr Rupesh not joining us?

No, he likes to stay on his coach.

-Oh, that's a shame.
-I've asked himto keep an eye on my beers.

Can I have one?

Cos I've only got 200,
so I'd rather you didn't.

Sarah, anything catch your eye
on "le menu"?

Well, there's so much I'd like to try.

Chicken nuggets, Hombre.

Ladies first.

Je voudrais le coq au vin.

Cock in a van. Filthy!

Merci, garcon.

Have you got any crisps?

-Oui.
-I'll have ready salted. Two packs.

Je m'appelle Monsieur Church.

J'habite en Angleterre.

Je voudrais les moules marinieres.

Moules marinieres! Very French.

Well, wherever I go in the world,
I like to try something new.

Earlier this year,
I was passing through Eccles

-and sampled an Eccles cake.
-All right, Thomas Cook!

Right. I'm, um,
gonna check up on the kids,

make sure they're all... settled in.

-That's very good of you, Trevor.
-That's what I'm here for, babes.

Er, keep my nuggets warm.

BRIAN COX ON TV: 'When you look up
into the night sky,

'you don't just see stars. Those tiny...'

'...mark out the passage of time

'over billions or even
trillions of years.'

Four quid a tin or two for a tenner.

Don't do euros.

-Are they all in bed?
-Sound asleep.

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS UPSTAIRS

Appreciez-vous vos moules marinieres?

Oui.

Ah, bon!

Oh. Excuse me, I...
need to use the toilet.

-En francais!
-There isn't time.

Can one of you pop on the coach
and get me some more beers?

I think you've had enough.

So, what we doing tonight, babes?

Check out the clubs?
See what Dieppe has to offer?

Well, it's a big day tomorrow.
The port, the square,

the other port,

if there's time, the square again.

I think I'm just gonna
have an early night.

Gotcha. Boo-ya!

-Sir! We need more beer!
-They're not drinking, are they?

No. I'll sort it out! Out!

Oh!

Oh, dear, Gareth.

HE GROANS

Gareth.

-Who is it?
-Everything all right?

-I think we need to get him up to bed.
-Where's Gunn?

He's upstairs, sorting the kids.

Oh, then let's quickly get him upstairs

and then we can go straight to bed.

Separate beds.

Come on.

[GROANS]

-Is he drunk, Miss?
-No, no, he's just jet-lagged.

Well, we can't leave him like this.

-No?
-No! Of course not.

He can't sleep like that.

You'll have to at least
put him into his pyjamas.

-Me?
-Yes, you.

Mr Barber, it's Mr Church,
deputy head of science.

I'm just going to try
and get you into your pyjamas.

MR. BARBER GROANS

-It won't come off.
-Well, just get the trousers off.

In case you're wondering what I'm
doing, I'm just unbuckling his belt.

I think the...

underpants have come down
with the trousers.

Oh, yes.

I think the underpants are too high.

-Should I, er?
-Just split the difference.

Well... sleep well!

Night, Gareth! See you in
the morning. Bright and early.

Well, I'd best be off to bed.

Yes.

Bon nuit!

CHUCKLES
Bon nuit.

Where will you sleep now?

-Oh, I... hadn't thought of that.
-You can't sleep in there.

Oh, no, no, no, I can't.
I definitely can't.

Well, you could always sleep in my room.

That's very kind of you.
Where would you sleep?

I would be in there too.

Oh, no, no, no,
I couldn't possibly impose, no.

I'll just lay down here.

-That wouldn't be very comfortable.
-I can manage.

-Well, quite draughty.
-Oh, I don't mind draughts.

All right then, good night.

I worry it's a potential fire hazard.

Come on, then.

STOMACH GURGLES
Was that you?

I didn't hear a thing.

Probably the plumbing.

Well, this is my bed.
Klebb would have slept there.

-They're very close.
-It would have been fine.

-She is a lesbian.
-Well, just because she's a lesbian,

it doesn't mean she finds me attractive.

I think all lesbians would
find you attractive.

-I think you'd be right up their alley.
-Oh. Thank you.

No, thank you.

So how do you want to do this?

Will there be talking
or go straight to bed, or...?

Oh, well, I'm quite tired
so I'll probably go straight to bed.

Yeah. I'll probably just give my
underarms a once-over with a flannel

and then I'll join you.
Well, not join you.

I'll lie down on my bed, there.

Would you like to use my toothbrush?

-I would very much, yes.
-OK, then.

But it's not hygienic, so, best not.

Right. Well, I will just do mine, then.

Do you mind holding on for a moment?

I just need to use your toilet.
It's a matter of some urgency.

You might want to pop the radio on.

Argh!

Aaaah!

Should've had the nuggets.

What are you doing here?

Seducting Postern. What're you doing here?

I'm just using her toilet.

She...

She asked me to share her...

Argh!

Oh, crack a window, mate!

You've got to leave. Now.

I'm not going anywhere. Oh, yes, you are!

If Sarah finds you in here,
she's going to be furious with you.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Is everything all right in there?
I can hear voices.

Yes, it's fine, thank you.
Everything's under control.

Arrrghhh.

Oh, that is rank!

I don't know what's going on in here,

but you need to get out of my bath.

And you...

need to go down to reception and ask
if they have any scented candles.

Arrrghhh!

Oi, Barber, you in there?

SNORES
KNOCK AT DOOR

Barber!

TOILET FLUSHES

All sorted.

Probably best to still leave it for a bit.

-You were showing off having
those moules, weren't you? -No.

Yeah, you were.

-No.
-You were a bit.

A little bit, yes.

So, I'll just, er...get into bed.

Yes.

Into that bed, there.

Yes. Get into that bed, there.

Righto.

There we are.

Keith?

Yes?

Argh. Excuse me.

KNOCK AT DOOR
Sarah!

Open this door now!

-I shouldn't be in here, should I?
-No, no.

-Open up!
-Where should I...?

I'm coming, Gareth! Just get
somewhere where he can't see you.

Good morning, Gareth.

-I've been molested.
-Pardon?

Someone has helped themselves
to me... sexually.

I woke up this morning,

my clothes were ripped off,
my pants was halfway up my jacksie.

Oh, I am so sorry.

I'm sure nothing untoward has happened.

Have you seen Keith anywhere?

Um, is he not...
Um, is he not with you?

No. I just hope the pervert
hasn't violated him as well.

I think there's probably
some explanation for all this.

I'm sure there's no pervert.

Urgh!

You?

Morning.

We must leave this place.

-Immediately!
-What?

We haven't been to the square yet.

Or either of the ports.

None of us are safe here.

We must leave this place - now!

Pack your bags! This trip is over!

Quick! Get on the coach! We're going home.

I need a drink.

MR BARBER SOBS

What's happened?

Come on, let's get you home.

Oi! Oi!

Oi, stop the bloody coach!

Under-age drinking,
an all-night party,

a half-naked teacher
in the car park,

another too drunk to stand.

And a very serious allegation
of a teacher being molested.

That's right. I was... tampered with.

Yeah, and he came in and spied
on me while I was having a bath.

That's not fair, what happened
was I urgently needed to use

Miss Postern's lavatory
and it wasn't until

I'd unbuttoned my trousers
and brought them down and sat...

I think you're making it
worse for yourself.

Ms Baron, you have to believe us,
nobody was molested.

I don't know what to believe.

Mr Barber had...
a few too many drinks

and myself and Mr Church
helped him undress.

Unfortunately, his underpants
came down with his trousers...

We tried to pull the underpants back up.

-But they went right up into his...
-That's quite enough, thank you.

There will be no more school trips
in the foreseeable future.

You may all leave.

Look, well, I'm sorry,
but I think that is a real shame.

Especially for all those children

who were really looking forward
to seeing Dieppe.

It's a shit-hole. Leave.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, don't be.

The whole trip was
a complete and utter disaster.

I loved it.

-Why?
-Because I got to spend time with you.

Did you...
enjoy spending time with me?

-Hmm...
-A little bit?

-Hmm.
-Tiny bit?

-Well...
-Sure?

-Hmm.
-You did, didn't you?

I did, yes.