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1
00:00:01,640 --> 00:00:04,280
All right. Settle...
Settle down, please.
2
00:00:04,880 --> 00:00:07,480
Now, here we have luminol...
3
00:00:09,160 --> 00:00:10,960
Let go, Pat. Pat, let go.
4
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:12,880
And here,
5
00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:15,720
we have hydrogen peroxide
6
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,240
two very dangerous liquids, but...
7
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:22,800
combined, something rather special
happens... Ah!
8
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:25,280
Mr Hubble! Just in time.
9
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,440
If you could, er, dim the lights
for us, please? Thank you.
10
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,480
So, watch very carefully.
11
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:35,160
I'm pouring now...
12
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:37,560
There!
13
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:41,800
And that's chemiluminescence.
14
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:45,480
So, what is chemiluminescence
15
00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:46,960
and how does it work?
16
00:00:47,160 --> 00:00:50,320
Well, when the two liquids combined,
17
00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:52,560
there was this luminous effect.
18
00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:53,800
How is it achieved?
19
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:55,680
Well, if you look to your...
20
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:56,960
LOUD THUD
21
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:01,400
Mr Hubble?
22
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:05,480
SOFT GUITAR MUSIC
23
00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:06,960
Mr Hubble?
24
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:15,120
There is something of a haze about it
25
00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:19,560
26
00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,600
to think about it
27
00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,760
28
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,400
29
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,960
this game together.
30
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:43,720
TUNE IS WHISTLED
31
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:49,400
YELLING AND SHOUTING
32
00:01:55,560 --> 00:01:57,840
Should I, um...?
No, no, it's all right. Let me.
33
00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:59,400
I'm used to handling
this sort of thing.
34
00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,960
Stop fighting!
Oh, my God, stop fighting!
35
00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:04,560
That's really dangerous!
36
00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,760
They do still seem to be fighting.
37
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:10,880
I haven't finished yet.
38
00:02:12,320 --> 00:02:15,120
I said, stop fighting! I said, stop!
39
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:21,680
Best if you don't help them.
I don't think anyone saw.
40
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,600
Can we just pop to the staff room
and have a coffee and a biscuit?
41
00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:27,520
Oh! There's no biscuits left! Oh...
A tenner says the spotty one wins.
42
00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:32,000
Shut it!
43
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:36,640
You two, my office, now!
44
00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:42,880
What have you got to say
for yourselves?
45
00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,280
Tina started it.
She called me a slag.
46
00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:46,440
She IS a slag, Miss.
47
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:47,800
That may well be the case.
48
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:49,120
Tina is a total slag.
49
00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,320
Let's just agree that
you're both slags.
50
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:56,000
But put that aside, this type of
barbarism is utterly objectionable.
51
00:02:57,960 --> 00:03:00,480
OK. I'll put this in terms
you understand.
52
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,000
You startin' a ting?
Are you startin' a ting?
53
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:06,880
Cos if you's startin' a ting,
I'mma bust you up.
54
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:09,680
Dis ain't no joke.
I'm a cold-ass biatch.
55
00:03:09,760 --> 00:03:11,960
A thugged up, gangbangin' hustla.
56
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,640
One mo battle,
yo headin' for the dirt nap.
57
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:17,320
Right back up your ass. You get me?
58
00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:19,960
Now, get out of mi house!
59
00:03:22,920 --> 00:03:24,000
INTERCOM BEEPS
60
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:25,960
Daphne, wagwan with Ofsted?
61
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:28,960
Oh, sorry...
What's going on with Ofsted?
62
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:39,280
There you go. Oh, thank you.
63
00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,680
Is that beef and onion soup?
64
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,120
Mm. No coffee left.
65
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:54,000
But on the up side,
I did find some bourbons.
66
00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,960
Sorry you had to witness that today.
67
00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,440
Must have been quite a shock for you.
68
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,560
Oh, what, that?
No, that was nothing.
69
00:04:00,880 --> 00:04:03,040
Fights were a daily occurrence
at my last school.
70
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:05,640
Well, sadly, here at Greybridge,
they can be twice-daily.
71
00:04:05,920 --> 00:04:08,760
That was a little disagreement,
compared to what I'm used to.
72
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,560
Yeah, well, normally,
they are a lot worse than that.
73
00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:13,600
Well, I'm ready for it.
Probably cos I speak their language.
74
00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:17,600
It's no wonder these children fight.
I mean, what chance do they have?
75
00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:20,440
Gang culture, violent video games.
76
00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,640
Plus, the internet
is awash with pornography
77
00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:25,240
some of it utterly degrading.
78
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,840
MR GUNN: Oh, yeah.
Yeah, normally, you have to put
79
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,240
your credit card details in
for that particular type of grot.
80
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,080
Trevor, this is not a joke.
81
00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,160
Some of this pornography
can be very dangerous.
82
00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:35,520
No, tell me about it.
83
00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,280
The other night,
my mum came home early from bingo
84
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,880
nearly dropped me laptop
in the bath.
85
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,320
Oh... Don't worry,
86
00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:44,040
her stairlift bought me
an extra 45 seconds.
87
00:04:44,120 --> 00:04:46,200
Trust me, that was plenty.
88
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:50,880
I mean, how the man became
a teacher, I'll never know.
89
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,280
I mean, he claims
he went to a university,
90
00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,080
but it was still a polytechnic
when he went there.
91
00:04:58,960 --> 00:04:59,960
Why have you stopped?
92
00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,000
Thought you might like
to sponsor me. Oh!
93
00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:06,360
An Ironman. Wow!
94
00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:08,160
Very impressive. Well,
95
00:05:08,240 --> 00:05:10,400
maybe it is, maybe it isn't,
not really for me to say.
96
00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:12,840
But one of my friends said
she was doing it, so I just thought,
97
00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,120
"Well, yeah, why not?
How hard can it be?"
98
00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,480
Really quite hard.
That's why they call it an Ironman.
99
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,000
It's the toughest of all the metals.
100
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:22,840
Hm, no, it's just
a good opportunity to get fit.
101
00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:24,760
I think you need to be quite fit
to start.
102
00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,040
It's only a bit of running!
103
00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:28,880
And cycling and swimming.
104
00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:30,400
And cycling and swimming!
105
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:31,800
Is it?
106
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,440
Mm. Is it?
107
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,720
Yes. She didn't tell me that.
108
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,160
Well, best of luck with it.
109
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,600
Yeah, I start training today,
going running at lunchtime.
110
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,160
When's the challenge?
111
00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:44,480
It's a week on Saturday.
112
00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,720
Put me down for £1.
113
00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,080
Trying to get rid of
the wobbly bits?
114
00:05:59,320 --> 00:06:00,520
Haven't got any wobbly bits.
115
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,000
Couple of tips
learnt from the Olympics.
116
00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:06,520
Number one-
do blade-hands when you run.
117
00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:09,000
Two - be Jamaican.
118
00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:12,560
Sorry, can't help you with
the second one.
119
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,400
What are you doing the running for?
120
00:06:14,840 --> 00:06:17,800
I'm actually in training
for an Ironman event.
121
00:06:18,120 --> 00:06:20,400
Blimey, that's brave.
122
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,120
Uh... I thought, "Why not?"
123
00:06:22,760 --> 00:06:24,960
It's just a bit of running,
cycling and swimming.
124
00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,040
I could train you up, if you like.
125
00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,880
I'm actually all right, thank you.
126
00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,720
Are you sure? It's a tough event.
127
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:37,600
It's getting on the bike in, er...
in wet trunks that I couldn't hack.
128
00:06:38,560 --> 00:06:42,480
I thought that was a different day.
No. No, all on the same day.
129
00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:48,680
2½K swim, 110K bike ride,
and then...
130
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:50,080
a marathon.
131
00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:52,320
What, all in my wet bikini?
132
00:06:53,480 --> 00:06:55,200
Well, you'll dry off a bit
during the run.
133
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,840
I might need a little bit of help.
134
00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:06,400
INAUDIBLE CONVERSATION
135
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:08,520
BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
136
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,760
Right, settle down, everyone!
137
00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:17,480
Now, following the incident
with Mr Hubble yesterday,
138
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:20,640
the new Acting Head of Science
is Mr Church.
139
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,400
Sit down... This morning,
I have spoken to Mr Hubble's mother,
140
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:30,040
and she has assured me Mr Hubble
will be back teaching very soon.
141
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:35,080
The main topic of this morning's
assembly is violence.
142
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:39,400
But the message doesn't seem to be
getting across. Tina! Beyonce!
143
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,040
(Push off!)
So Mrs Klebb
144
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,280
has set up a new action group.
145
00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:52,040
Come along for free squash
and biscuits any afternoon this week
146
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:56,520
to the drama block for a meeting
of my new anti-violence group.
147
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,240
Stop Pupils Arguing
Fighting Forever!
148
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,360
SPAFF for short.
149
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:08,640
LAUGHTER AND CHATTER
150
00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,720
Why were they all laughing?
Oh, I've no idea.
151
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,360
Look, I know
we haven't always got on,
152
00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:31,240
but I really like
what you're doing with SPAFF.
153
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:32,920
Thank you.
154
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:35,760
And this could be big.
SPAFF could really fly.
155
00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:40,120
Yes! I want SPAFF on T-shirts,
baseball caps,
156
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:43,520
lunchboxes. This campaign's
not just for kids,
157
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,600
it can be for everyone.
158
00:08:44,840 --> 00:08:46,720
We've all got people
we'd like to thump,
159
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,120
but it'd be a lot better
if we all just made friends.
160
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,360
Yes. Anything I can do
to help spread SPAFF?
161
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,840
Well, in the spirit of things,
you could make amends with Trevor.
162
00:08:58,600 --> 00:08:59,640
No.
163
00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,560
This is exactly what SPAFF
is all about.
164
00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:03,920
I don't like him.
165
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,840
It doesn't matter.
Why don't you be the bigger person?
166
00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:10,080
Hm? Just go and shake his hand.
167
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:19,800
Trevor?
168
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,800
What? I know we haven't always
seen eye to eye,
169
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,760
but I wondered if we could just...
shake hands and be friends?
170
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,640
Well done, you two!
On one condition.
171
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,520
Oh, here we go. You desist from
172
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,600
these exercise sessions with Sarah.
Yeah, all right. No problem, mate.
173
00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,960
Thank you.
Once I've done sex with her...
174
00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:53,000
..balls deep. Oh...
175
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,720
And, for heaven's sake,
wash your hands!
176
00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:11,360
Not sitting by
your girlfriend today?
177
00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:13,720
Oh, it's early days.
She's not quite my girlfriend.
178
00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:17,000
But, no, Sarah's actually out
training for her Ironman challenge.
179
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,760
Word of advice, Church - whatever
you do, don't get close to a woman.
180
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:22,920
They all let you down in the end.
181
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,120
And they sell all your stuff
in a car-boot sale.
182
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,720
I hardly think that's going to happen
with Sarah.
183
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:30,360
Then whatever you do,
don't turn around.
184
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:35,280
They're a proper tease.
185
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,600
Miss Postern is not a tease.
186
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:40,920
Oh, yeah.
She knows what she's doing.
187
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,640
Cavorting there with a sex man.
188
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:45,720
What's a sex man?
189
00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,680
A man who has sex...regularly.
190
00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:10,880
Blade-hands, remember. Oh, yeah.
191
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:14,920
Hello, you two!
192
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:16,920
Oh, no.
193
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:19,360
What are you doing here?
194
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,240
Just out for my usual lunchtime jog.
195
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,920
Oh. Why are you in
your vest and pants?
196
00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:26,360
Forgot my kit today.
197
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:29,840
Let's pick up the pace.
198
00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:35,600
Change direction!
199
00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,080
Well done, Sarah.
That's today's session almost over.
200
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,440
Wow! Thank you. That was great.
201
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,000
What was that, about five miles?
202
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,800
No, half a mile. Was it? OK.
203
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,240
Well, I suppose you just
build up to it, don't you?
204
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,000
Half a mile, one mile...
205
00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,080
26 miles.
206
00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:03,080
Right, you go and get yourself
soaped off.
207
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,840
I'll pop in to make sure
you're showering properly, yeah?
208
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:12,680
I'm joking!
209
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,720
He's not joking, he's a sex man!
210
00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:34,840
Why are you in your pants?
211
00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,400
Oh, I needed to wash them as well.
212
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,960
So easier if I keep them on,
saves time.
213
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:42,320
My word!
214
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:47,320
What's the matter?
You never seen a huge donger before?
215
00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,360
I wouldn't say it was huge,
but it's definitely ample.
216
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,560
Do you want to take a photo?
It'll last longer.
217
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:57,240
I need to speak to you about Sarah.
218
00:12:57,680 --> 00:13:00,320
Too late, mate.
I'll be third base by Friday night.
219
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:01,760
I think you're very much mistaken,
220
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,480
cos me and her
are already at fourth base
221
00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:06,320
and we're making inroads into fifth.
222
00:13:06,480 --> 00:13:07,520
There is no fifth.
223
00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:11,680
What's fifth?
We're both men of the world.
224
00:13:11,760 --> 00:13:13,760
I don't need to spell it out to you.
225
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,600
But I'd appreciate it
if you'd back off, mate!
226
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,080
Fair play to you.
Didn't know you had it in you.
227
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,560
Yes. Well, I do have it in me.
228
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,200
Are you not going to take
those pants off?
229
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:36,560
Oh, no, they'll dry quicker on.
230
00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:44,480
HAND-DRYER BUZZES
231
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,680
HE WHISTLES
232
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,440
Churchy shagged Postern. Pass it on.
233
00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:00,600
Churchy shagged Postern. Pass it on.
234
00:14:00,680 --> 00:14:02,360
Churchy shagged Postern. Tweet it.
235
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,800
I want you to know
I'm so bloody proud of you lot.
236
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,120
I really bloody am.
237
00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:13,480
I'm sorry I keep bloody swearing,
but that's the truth.
238
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,720
You are star pupils,
every single one of you.
239
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:20,120
Just promise me one thing, right?
240
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,560
You never, ever let anybody tell you
that you are not winners
241
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,000
not your teachers, not your parents,
not your bitch of a wife
242
00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:28,480
because you are all winners.
243
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,880
Winner. Winner. Winner. Winner.
244
00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:35,840
When I was a kid,
my teachers told me I was a loser.
245
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,720
You know what they predicted I'd get
for my A-level Geography?
246
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,080
An E.
247
00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,880
An E.
248
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:46,880
I thought, "No, it's not up to you
what I get, it's up to me."
249
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:48,720
I worked bloody hard.
250
00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:53,440
I stayed up all night
revising, revising, revising.
251
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,440
And I worked and I worked
and I worked
252
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:58,280
and d'you know
what grade I got in the end?
253
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:00,360
Was it an A, sir? No.
254
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,880
B? No.
255
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,240
E? No!
256
00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:05,960
I got a C.
257
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,280
Well, actually, it was a D,
258
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,840
but my mam asked them
to take into account
259
00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,280
I was going through
some personal problems at home
260
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,760
but, you know, they...
they marked me up. But, anyway...
261
00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:21,240
these teachers, they said I didn't
know anything about Geography.
262
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:22,680
Well, look at me now.
263
00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,120
I'm bloody teaching it.
Top of the world, eh?
264
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:31,880
Now, you get there, into that exam
hall, and you believe in yourselves.
265
00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:34,240
Cos you are all winners,
266
00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:39,480
and I am looking at
the Geography teachers of tomorrow.
267
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:42,280
Well, I ain't going to be
a Geography teacher, sir.
268
00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:44,720
Dare to dream!
269
00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:52,080
Now, let's get out there
and kick some Geography arse!
270
00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,000
Remember, the questions...
271
00:16:00,080 --> 00:16:01,360
Read all the questions.
272
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:04,000
Just remember to read the questions.
273
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,360
Good luck.
274
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,040
The time now is two o'clock.
275
00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,160
You have exactly two hours.
276
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,760
Turn over your papers...
277
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,160
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
278
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:23,400
..now.
279
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:31,120
(Good luck!)
Ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh, ssh!
280
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,080
You haven't taught us any of this.
281
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,000
What?
282
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,360
Oh, no...
283
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,000
I taught you the GCSE syllabus.
284
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,600
What the hell are we going to do?
Ssh-ssh!
285
00:16:57,800 --> 00:16:58,840
It'll be fine.
286
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:00,680
(What's going on?)
287
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:07,040
Er, nothing, it's, er...fine.
It's all, er... It's all fine.
288
00:17:07,120 --> 00:17:09,640
There's a pencil sharpener
malfunction.
289
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:10,720
It's, er... Ahem...
290
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,240
It's all under control.
291
00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,120
(Well, keep the chatter
to a minimum.)
292
00:17:14,360 --> 00:17:16,600
Yes. Ssh!
293
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:21,200
HE MOUTHS
294
00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:27,560
Churchy...
295
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,640
You know, there's no need
for us both to be here.
296
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,920
Why don't you nip off early
and...pop to the shops, or...?
297
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:35,320
I won't tell anyone.
298
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:38,080
HE WHISPERS: I think the examination
board would take a dim view of that.
299
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,800
Besides, I love invigilating.
300
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,000
The silence. The tension.
301
00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:46,040
The pacing up and down
the rows of worried faces.
302
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:48,440
It's what teaching's all about.
303
00:18:00,320 --> 00:18:02,840
HE MOUTHS
304
00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:04,720
(Question one.)
305
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,240
HE MOUTHS
306
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:23,400
Ahem...
307
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,360
La guitare.
308
00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:35,600
Anyone like to take a guess?
309
00:18:35,960 --> 00:18:37,800
La...guitare.
310
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:42,520
It's the guitar.
All right, let's have another one.
311
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,800
Les bongos.
312
00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,040
Bon...gos.
313
00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:54,840
Bongos!
314
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,280
Oh, come on! It's bongos.
315
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:01,920
All right, one more.
316
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,600
Le tambourin.
317
00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,000
Le tambourin...
318
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,320
You've actually seen me
play this one in assembly.
319
00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:13,040
I thought you played the
church organ, Miss. En francais.
320
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:15,080
Don't know any French.
321
00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,080
Do you kneel down at church, Miss?
322
00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:22,080
What does that mean? Miss, have you
had a tug on the church bell?
323
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:24,320
THEY LAUGH
324
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,080
Miss? Miss? Yes, Craig?
325
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,120
Have you done sex with Mr Church?
326
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,240
THEY GROAN
327
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,640
What?! Right, look...
328
00:19:32,360 --> 00:19:37,120
Keith and I... Mr Church and I
are work colleagues and friends.
329
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:38,400
Where has this come from?!
330
00:19:38,560 --> 00:19:40,520
Churchy told Gunn he's shagged you!
331
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,760
THEY LAUGH
332
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:48,040
S'il vous plait, er,
passer a une lecture privee.
333
00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:49,280
What?
334
00:19:49,360 --> 00:19:50,840
Just do some private reading.
335
00:20:01,880 --> 00:20:03,680
(Question...)
336
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,280
HE MOUTHS
337
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:10,680
(Power.)
338
00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,600
Mr Church! Ssh!
339
00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,520
(Mr...Church!)
340
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,640
(That's better.)
341
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,440
How dare you make me look like
some kind of skank!
342
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,600
A what? A skank.
343
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,000
A ho. What?
344
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,040
A sex lady.
345
00:20:40,960 --> 00:20:42,080
I've absolutely no idea,
346
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,040
and please keep your voice down-
it's exam conditions.
347
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,880
Oh, I think you know perfectly well.
348
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:51,640
You told Trevor that we had had sex.
349
00:20:51,880 --> 00:20:55,400
And we have not had sex.
350
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,040
PUPILS CHATTER
351
00:21:23,120 --> 00:21:25,800
HE MOUTHS
352
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,120
Can I have some more paper,
please, sir?
353
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:50,320
HE MOUTHS
354
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,320
Gunn's in the house! Ssh!
355
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,000
All right, Gareth,
you can piss off now.
356
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:57,960
No, you're all right.
I'll stay, if you don't mind. I...
357
00:21:58,720 --> 00:22:00,360
I absolutely love this. All right...
358
00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:02,440
I'll be in the computer room.
359
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,120
(You're not going anywhere!)
360
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,120
Get off me, you big, fat gayer.
361
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,000
HE CHUCKLES
362
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:42,800
(What I told you about Sarah, in the
shower, was in strict confidence!)
363
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,760
I only told Year Nines.
You're a great big shitting shit!
364
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,280
Don't poke me, you twat!
365
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:51,080
I'll poke you as much as I like!
And keep your voice down.
366
00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:52,480
Agh! Agh! Agh!
367
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:54,760
THEY GROAN AND GRUNT
368
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:02,320
Aargh!
369
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,640
Sorry, I don't know the rest myself.
370
00:23:15,080 --> 00:23:17,080
Oh, God...
HE SOBS
371
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:45,680
I think we've proved here today,
through friendship and squash,
372
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,400
that violence has no place
at Greybridge.
373
00:23:48,560 --> 00:23:49,960
DOOR BANGS
374
00:23:52,840 --> 00:23:54,720
YELLING
375
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:04,760
Keep up the good work, Mrs Klebb.
376
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:09,080
All right?
377
00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:13,560
Please stop spreading
silly rumours about teachers.
378
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:16,320
There really is no drama
to speak of.
379
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:19,880
They're fighting!
Keith and Trevor - they're fighting!
380
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,840
What?!
Sarah, they're fighting over you.
381
00:24:24,600 --> 00:24:28,000
I'm sorry,
but I've got men fighting over me!
382
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,080
And that's not a rumour,
it often happens,
383
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:34,720
and you can spread that one.
384
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:37,840
You carry on. I'll alert the Head.
385
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,520
EXCITED CHATTER
386
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:54,000
PUPILS YELL ENCOURAGEMENT
Stop fighting!
387
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:57,040
Stop fighting!
Stop fighting over me!
388
00:24:57,680 --> 00:24:58,640
Oh!
389
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:02,320
Oh! He's hit me! He's hit me!
390
00:25:03,360 --> 00:25:06,640
He's hit me!
EXCITED CHATTER AND LAUGHTER
391
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:09,720
Agh!
392
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,320
Let me have it! I'll do it!
393
00:25:19,440 --> 00:25:20,800
I'll do it! I'll do it!
394
00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:23,320
You do it!
395
00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:26,960
CLOCK TICKS
396
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,280
This is a new low for the school.
397
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,960
And, believe you me, we have had
some quite startling lows.
398
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,880
What an example
to set to the children! Fighting...
399
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:38,160
in an exam!
400
00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:41,320
He started it.
Well, I think you'll find
401
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:43,960
Mr Gunn started it
when he told the entire school
402
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:45,440
that I'd slept with Sarah Postern.
403
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,040
Well, have you slept with her?
404
00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:50,040
I'd rather not say.
405
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:54,200
INTERCOM BEEPS
Daphne, send her in.
406
00:25:55,160 --> 00:25:56,280
DOOR OPENS
407
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:02,480
Have you had sexual relations
with this man?
408
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:03,600
No!
409
00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:05,680
That'll be all.
410
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:14,080
Why did you tell me you had?
411
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,440
Well?
412
00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:19,040
I don't know.
413
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:20,760
HE SCOFFS
414
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,080
You're no better, Mr Gunn,
spreading idle gossip.
415
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,120
What have you got to say
for yourself?
416
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:32,840
HE MUMBLES: Sorry.
417
00:26:33,000 --> 00:26:35,080
What? I didn't hear that.
418
00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:39,400
Sorry.
419
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:42,240
And what about you, Mr Church?
420
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,040
Are you sorry? Yes.
421
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:45,920
Well, say it, then.
422
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:47,760
HE MUMBLES
423
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:48,920
Properly.
424
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:50,160
Sorry!
425
00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:52,680
Now say it to each other.
426
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:54,240
THEY SIGH
427
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:03,240
THEY BOTH MUMBLE: Sorry.
428
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,760
Right. Now get out of my sight.
429
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:20,240
Hey...
430
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:22,160
No hard feelings, eh, mate?
431
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,200
Oh. Nice to have you back, Mr Hubble.
432
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:30,440
Bum bandit.
433
00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:55,360
We're going to France.
434
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:57,320
Why do you want to go to Dieppe?
The Shag Poster.
435
00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,360
You could always sleep in my room.
436
00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,480
MS BARON: No drinking, no smoking,
and no holiday romances
437
00:28:02,680 --> 00:28:03,760
with dirty Frenchmen.
438
00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:06,760
Well, the children will, of course,
be supervised at all times.
439
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:08,280
I wasn't talking about the children.
440
00:28:08,360 --> 00:28:09,360
MISS POSTERN: Hello!
441
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:11,520
If there are problems and
I'm not in the office, ring the bell.
442
00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:13,720
A little bit slower?
443
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:16,880
Someone has helped themselves
to me...sexually.
444
00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:18,520
Oh, dear.
445
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:24,640
There is something of a haze about it
446
00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:29,320
447
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:32,320
to think about it
448
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,560
449
00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:41,440
450
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:47,000
play this game together.
32376
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