Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,800 --> 00:00:05,160
So, when the bottle of
cold liquid nitrogen
2
00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:07,480
hits the warm water,
it will expand
3
00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:10,720
and explode, and...
HE CHUCKLES
4
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:13,680
...just to spice things up
a little bit, we have...
5
00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:18,880
Pat. ...1,000 Ping-Pong balls.
6
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,080
Pat.
7
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:22,640
Take it away, Pat. Go on. Pat.
8
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,600
MR CHURCH CHUCKLES
9
00:00:25,080 --> 00:00:26,320
Off you go.
10
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,040
Cover your ears, everybody!
11
00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:35,640
SCHOOL BELL RINGS
12
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,320
WEAK CHUCKLE
13
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,000
Hang on, don't go.
14
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,120
You'll miss the, um...
15
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:49,480
SOFT GUITAR MUSIC
16
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:56,640
# When I think about the days
17
00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,560
# There is something of a haze
about it
18
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,520
# When we said we'd never change
19
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:08,720
# Well, we never stopped
to think about it
20
00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:12,800
# No, we're not the same
21
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,440
# But let's not break the chain
22
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:22,480
# We should play this game
together. #
23
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:30,480
TUNE IS WHISTLED
24
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,120
Good morning, everyone.
Can I have your attention, please?
25
00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:56,800
I have a very important
announcement to make. Keith...
26
00:01:56,880 --> 00:02:00,000
Quiet, please.
I've long been aware that
27
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:02,600
the pupils here at Greybridge
have zero interest in education...
28
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:04,280
Not now. Mr Barber, I'm talking.
29
00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:06,720
...but it seems the teachers
have even less.
30
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,760
Yes, I'm talking about you lot.
31
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:10,200
Deal with it.
I don't think this is the time.
32
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:11,920
This is the perfect time.
33
00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:13,840
So, after a week's reflection,
34
00:02:13,920 --> 00:02:17,200
I have decided to hand in this letter
of resignation. I'm sorry, but...
35
00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:20,400
And where is Mrs Kent?
Late again, I imagine!
36
00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,360
She's dead.
37
00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:25,080
Completely dead?
38
00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:26,440
Yes!
39
00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:28,040
Did you not get my text?
40
00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:31,040
No, I didn't need to make any
calls over half-term,
41
00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:32,480
so I didn't turn my phone on.
42
00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:33,840
How did she, um...?
43
00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,920
French A-level trip.
Eating a crepe. Nut allergy.
44
00:02:38,000 --> 00:02:40,280
Daft old cow didn't realise
Nutella's got nuts in it.
45
00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:43,240
Tragically, she didn't know
the French for anaphylactic shock.
46
00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:45,840
TEXT ALERT
I've got it now.
47
00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,960
"Linda dead." When's the funeral?
48
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:50,840
TEXT ALERT
Oh, yesterday.
49
00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:52,440
MR BARBER:
Wish I had a nut allergy.
50
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:55,640
One fun-sized Snickers,
I'd end it all.
51
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:59,120
Don't say that. Life is precious.
Well, mine isn't.
52
00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:01,720
Have you seen the graffiti those
kids did about me this morning?
53
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:05,600
Oh, Mrs Kent.
What can you say about Mrs Kent,
54
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,480
other than...she was Mrs Kent?
55
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:09,760
Kenty. Kent face.
56
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:11,320
Mrs K.
57
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:12,760
Special K.
58
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,280
The KKK.
59
00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:16,000
She didn't like being called that.
60
00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,360
The thing I'll always remember
about Mrs Kent is...
61
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,160
Are you going to hand
that letter of resignation in?
62
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,880
Oh, yes, yes. I'll... I'll do it now.
63
00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,240
RUN!
64
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,600
I love everything French,
65
00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:35,960
not just the language
the history, the romance,
66
00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:37,840
the...bread.
67
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,520
I say to myself, "Don't just
teach these kids French.
68
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,320
"Let them be French."
69
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,920
Dirty people, dirty country.
70
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:46,880
May I sit down?
I'd rather you didn't.
71
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,480
I've just had
the chairs upholstered.
72
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:52,040
Now, you've got a lot
to live up to, Miss, er...
73
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,840
Postern.
DOOR OPENS
74
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,560
Lavatory's next door, Mr Hubble. Oh.
75
00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:01,680
They've moved it.
76
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,360
One of the pupils?
77
00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:07,560
What did you say?
78
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:09,720
I said, "Is he
one of the pupils?"
79
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,320
Clearly not! He's a teacher.
80
00:04:12,760 --> 00:04:15,520
I was...just making a joke.
Please don't do that again.
81
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,960
Anything else you'd like to add?
82
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:21,720
Well, I should tell you that
83
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,360
my teaching methods are...
How can I put it?
84
00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:27,160
...unconventional. Like what?
85
00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,880
I get the kids up playing
vocab tennis. I serve up
86
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,320
a French word and they return it
to me with a translation.
87
00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:34,800
Let me serve one up for you.
88
00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:38,800
SHE GRUNTS
Boulangerie.
89
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,360
The whole thing's
utterly excruciating.
90
00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:44,200
The kids absolutely love it.
91
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,400
They're just humouring you.
92
00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:46,880
They're just humouring YOU,
you mean.
93
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,240
What do you mean by that?!
I don't know.
94
00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:55,760
Morning! Awful news about Linda.
95
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,320
Yes, I was one of the first to know.
96
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,200
Beautiful funeral.
Didn't see you, though.
97
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,680
Yes, well, there was
a separate service
98
00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,400
for family and very close friends
and I went to that.
99
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,720
Obviously, there was
no administrative staff invited.
100
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,320
Oh, oh, you can't go in there.
101
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,920
She's just in with
a new French teacher.
102
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,560
I'm sorry, this can't wait.
103
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,120
I'm busy!
104
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,600
I have a very important letter
for you. Hello.
105
00:05:19,160 --> 00:05:20,400
Oh...
106
00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:23,120
I'm Sarah - Mrs Kent's replacement.
107
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:26,440
Not that anybody could replace her,
but I'm replacing her.
108
00:05:27,840 --> 00:05:29,000
Mr... Mr...
109
00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:30,360
Mis...
110
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,160
Mr Church.
111
00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:33,760
Keith Church.
112
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,680
All the kids call me Churchy.
113
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:39,400
No, they don't. What's in
the letter? Oh, nothing.
114
00:05:39,480 --> 00:05:42,560
Oh! Sorry, was that your foot? It's
all right, I've got another one.
115
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:44,680
Oh! "Got another one,"
she says. Very comical.
116
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:46,760
I was the funny one
in my last school.
117
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,120
Looks like it'll be the same here.
118
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:52,240
Give me the letter.
Oh, no, it's best I...
119
00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:53,720
just read it to you.
"Dear Headmistress,
120
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,040
"just to say how much
I'm enjoying my time at the school
121
00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,800
"and I hope for it to continue
for many years to come.
122
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,000
"Also, it was lovely to meet
123
00:06:02,080 --> 00:06:03,760
"the hilarious new
French teacher, Susan..."
124
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:04,960
Sarah.
125
00:06:05,040 --> 00:06:09,360
Uh... "...and just to say she has
very, very, very beautiful hair."
126
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,040
Mmm. I get that a lot.
127
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,880
"Yours sincerely, Keith Church,
Deputy Head of Science."
128
00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:17,760
And all that was in the letter,
was it? Yes, it was, so...
129
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,240
there's no need for you to read it
130
00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:22,520
and I won't take up any more of
your time. Ha-ha-ha!
131
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,320
Au revoir!
132
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:25,760
Vous parlez francais!
133
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:28,360
HE MUTTERS GIBBERISH
134
00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:29,640
No, you don't, do you?
135
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,400
And to avoid another
Nutella fatality,
136
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,160
I think we should all know that
137
00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:40,600
the French for
anaphylactic shock is...
138
00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,680
Choc anaphylactique.
139
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,960
Really?! She should have
guessed that.
140
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,720
RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER
141
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:50,560
Would you like to introduce yourself
to the school,
142
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,360
say a few words? Oh!
143
00:06:56,560 --> 00:06:58,120
Hello!
144
00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:02,240
OK. Um, make some noise
if you think French is boring.
145
00:07:02,920 --> 00:07:05,000
WHOOPING AND CHEERING
146
00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:08,360
All right. And let's have a really
big shout out from anyone
147
00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:09,880
who thinks learning a new language
148
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:11,840
is a complete and utter
waste of time.
149
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,960
WHOOPING AND CHEERING
150
00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,600
But what if I was to tell you...?
Thank you.
151
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,120
I really did mean just a few words.
Oh, right. Well, obviously,
152
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,200
I hadn't finished because I was
going to do a little thing.
153
00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:25,840
You've established that
French is boring,
154
00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,480
and I have to wonder
why you did that.
155
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,080
RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER
156
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:33,040
Right, um, can I just do a little
bit of vocab tennis? Sit down.
157
00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,080
So, pupils past and present
are welcome at
158
00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:46,200
the commemorative service for
Mrs Kent a week on Sunday.
159
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:47,800
Mr Church.
160
00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:54,200
Toilets...
161
00:07:55,280 --> 00:08:00,720
Now, I spoke to you last term about
graffiti and I'm sorry to say that
162
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:05,840
an obscene picture has appeared on
the walls of the boys' lavatories.
163
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:09,440
This is completely unacceptable
and must stop now.
164
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:10,520
That is all.
165
00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:14,960
Sir, what's in the picture?
Well, I'd rather not say.
166
00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:17,920
Well, if they don't know
what's in the picture,
167
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,080
how are they going to know
what NOT to draw?
168
00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:23,440
RIPPLE OF LAUGHTER
169
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:27,160
Well...
170
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:32,000
...there's a bald-headed gentleman
who resembles Mr Barber...
171
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:35,160
and, er, he's kneeling.
172
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,720
Part of his anatomy is exposed
173
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,480
and, er... Ahem.
174
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,160
...he's engaging with a sheep.
175
00:08:42,920 --> 00:08:45,240
What's the sheep doing? Oh, er...
176
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,400
Well, the sheep is saying...
177
00:08:48,960 --> 00:08:50,880
"Harder, Mr Baa-baa."
MR BARBER: Oh!
178
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:52,920
PUPILS BLEAT
179
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,160
Baa!
180
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:02,640
Baa!
181
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:13,920
Excuse me, do you know the way to
the language block?
182
00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,920
Yes.
183
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:25,360
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was
born in 1756 in Salzburg, Austria.
184
00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,880
Boring!
185
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:28,600
Sorry, guys.
186
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,440
Mozart is totally yawnsville.
187
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:32,680
The problem with classical music is
188
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,720
it doesn't have a good beat to it.
189
00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:36,240
# Ai-uh-ih-ai-uh
190
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:38,960
# Ai-uh-ih-ai-uh. #
191
00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:43,320
You don't get a beat like that
in one of Mozart's...tracks.
192
00:09:43,920 --> 00:09:47,840
So, this term, instead of learning
about Mozart, or Beethoven,
193
00:09:48,160 --> 00:09:50,320
or...one of the other ones,
194
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,000
we're going to learn about
these guys.
195
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:57,360
Ricky, Andrew, Simon, Nick "Peanut"
aka the Kaiser Chiefs.
196
00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,240
KNOCK ON DOOR
197
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:01,560
Hello.
198
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,800
Lost teacher alert! Hi.
199
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,760
Where is 4B? Don't you want to
hang out with us and learn about
200
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,440
the Kaiser Chiefs? I would love to,
201
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,600
but if I don't get to my classroom
soon, I predict a riot!
202
00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,520
What? That's one of their songs.
203
00:10:15,240 --> 00:10:18,000
Don't know that one. 4B is down
the corridor, on the right.
204
00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:19,640
Laters. Laters.
205
00:10:21,560 --> 00:10:22,640
Psshh...
206
00:10:24,840 --> 00:10:26,400
My last school was very urban.
207
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,360
So, if I catch you one more time
with alcohol on school property,
208
00:10:32,680 --> 00:10:34,680
I'll have no option
but to suspend you.
209
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,240
Do I get it back after school, Miss?
210
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,800
No, you do not, Beyonce.
211
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,520
Now, get out.
212
00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:46,520
DOOR OPENS
213
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:47,960
I can't take any more.
214
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,640
Look, I'm not giving you
any more sick leave.
215
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:51,760
Please!
216
00:10:51,840 --> 00:10:54,280
Take your hands off the furniture!
For God's sake, help me, woman!
217
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:56,400
I'm having a textbook
nervous breakdown.
218
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,120
Mr Barber,
in order to get paid leave,
219
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,480
it'll take a damn sight more than
a bit of graffiti
220
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,400
and 200 children chanting, "Baa!
221
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,400
"Baa! Baa!
222
00:11:06,480 --> 00:11:08,520
"Baa!"
223
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:11,640
Look, all I...all I need is just
the...the rest of the year off.
224
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:15,360
Oh, grow a pair! Of course the
children are going to pick on you.
225
00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,800
You're Welsh, you're bald,
you're fat.
226
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,240
They don't pick on me for being fat.
227
00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:21,320
Then they're missing a trick.
Now, please leave me.
228
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:22,480
I'm very busy.
229
00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:25,920
Oh, G...
230
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:32,600
Je m'appelle Mademoiselle Postern.
231
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:34,480
Why are you speaking foreign?
232
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,160
Because this is French GCSE.
233
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,280
So, what sort of things
were you doing with Mrs Kent?
234
00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:43,600
She just let us go down
the shops, Miss. Well,
235
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,840
I've got something better than
the shops.
236
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:51,080
It's a game I invented
les murmures francais.
237
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:52,440
French whispers.
238
00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:53,960
It's a little bit different,
239
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,720
so bear with me. Is it...?
240
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:59,320
Just a moment.
It's like Chinese whispers, but...
241
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,920
Yeah, we know. Ah, ah, ah!
The difference is...
242
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,320
Is it Chinese whispers in French?
243
00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,120
It is Chinese whispers
in French. Well done.
244
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:22,760
OK. What's the phrase? Nice and
loud, so we can all hear.
245
00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:25,920
Ryan and Callum are bum chums!
246
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:27,400
CHUCKLING
247
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:28,920
No.
248
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:34,680
That would be, Ryan et Callum
sont les copains bum.
249
00:12:45,040 --> 00:12:48,760
Oh. Oh, Miss Postern,
please, have my seat.
250
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,920
So, do you, um,
live in the local area, or...?
251
00:12:56,480 --> 00:12:58,560
Why don't you grab a free chair
from over there?
252
00:12:58,800 --> 00:12:59,840
Good plan.
253
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:03,600
This seat taken?
254
00:13:03,680 --> 00:13:04,760
Yes. Oh.
255
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:06,080
This one? Yes.
256
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,160
This one? Yes.
257
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,320
How about this one?
They're all taken.
258
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,120
I understand. This one?
259
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,720
Yes!
260
00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,080
I don't know who they're all for.
He normally sits on his own.
261
00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,840
Oh, anyway, I prefer eating
standing up, it aids digestion.
262
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,160
Oh!
263
00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:27,160
Oh, so the kids were going bananas.
264
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:29,840
Your teaching this morning
was inspirational.
265
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:33,040
Well, I always like to give
the kids 110%.
266
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:34,240
Me too.
267
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,600
But 100% would be the maximum.
Not for me.
268
00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:38,880
For everyone. You can only have
100% of something.
269
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:42,320
Yes, I know, and that's what
I give, plus an extra 10%.
270
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,840
You can't. Let's not fall out
over this.
271
00:13:45,160 --> 00:13:48,360
No, let's not. But just so you know,
I do give 110%.
272
00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:52,640
Teachers like us, who give
the maximum percentage possible,
273
00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:54,640
are, sadly, in the minority here.
274
00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,360
The teaching standards at this
school are at an all-time low.
275
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:00,560
That's why he's resigning.
Thank God.
276
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,680
Oh. Oh, are you leaving us?
Oh, no, I'm not resigning.
277
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,360
Typical drama teachers,
over-dramatising everything!
278
00:14:06,440 --> 00:14:07,520
Bollocks, with a cherry on top.
279
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:09,960
He had a letter for
the headmistress.
280
00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:11,960
Oh, is that what that was?
281
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:14,800
What prompted the 360-degree turn?
282
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:18,120
Well, I just...
I just thought with your arrival,
283
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,360
there was a fresh energy
at the school.
284
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,200
Oh, well, thank you.
285
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:24,520
It was a 180-degree turn.
286
00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,920
360 would put you back
where you started.
287
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:28,360
Coffee?
288
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,800
Oh, I don't know if they told you,
289
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:36,240
but I'm one of the longest-serving
teachers here at Greybridge.
290
00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:37,520
Huh! I've actually been
291
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,280
rattling around these corridors
for 15 years now.
292
00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:45,480
Really?! Oh, I couldn't imagine
working in one place for that long.
293
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:48,560
How long were you at your
last school? 12 years. Oh.
294
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:52,880
So, what does your husband say
about you joining the school?
295
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,200
He says...
296
00:14:54,280 --> 00:14:57,560
IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE:
"Hello, I'm an imaginary husband."
297
00:14:58,840 --> 00:14:59,880
Because I'm not married.
298
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,440
Oh, interesting.
299
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,960
Your, er, boyfriend, then?
300
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:10,400
He says, "Hello,
I'm an imaginary boyfriend!" Bec...
301
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:11,800
Well, you get my drift.
302
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:13,120
Mmm...
303
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,440
Are you married?
Only to chemistry.
304
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:16,640
Oh!
305
00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,680
Oh, it's a good-sized staff room.
306
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,760
Before you ask,
no, I don't have a girlfriend.
307
00:15:22,840 --> 00:15:24,360
I'm just sort of
dating at the moment.
308
00:15:24,560 --> 00:15:28,120
He's never dated anyone. I have.
Who have you dated, then?
309
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,480
Well, there's a long list.
Well...page of A4.
310
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,640
Oh. Go on, then. Name some.
311
00:15:33,480 --> 00:15:35,960
Miss Postern has some lessons
to plan. Oh, no, it's all right.
312
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,640
I've still got some coffee to drink.
Plenty of time. Go on.
313
00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:43,360
Well, there was, er, Catherine...
314
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,080
...Anne. Jane.
315
00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:47,800
Another Anne.
316
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:50,720
Kathryn. Another Katherine.
317
00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,040
Those are the names of
Henry VIII's wives.
318
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,520
Rumbled! No, I think you'll find
319
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:57,200
the spelling of some of
the Catherines is different.
320
00:15:57,640 --> 00:16:00,360
He's a virgin.
I am not! I've had plenty of sex.
321
00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,800
Well, the appropriate amount.
322
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,040
I, er, haven't introduced myself.
Trevor Gunn.
323
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:08,800
Um, oh, hello.
324
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:12,520
Now, don't tell me. Let me guess.
I'm good at this sort of thing.
325
00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:15,240
You teach...pottery.
326
00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:16,520
MR CHURCH: Oh!
327
00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,760
Ha-ha-ha-ha! No.
328
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:20,560
Teaches pottery! I get it.
329
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:22,080
Well, I'm glad somebody does.
330
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:23,960
Mr Gunn actually teaches games.
331
00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,920
Yes, I know. No, it's not called
"games". It's physical education.
332
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:29,840
Actually, it's one of
the hardest degrees to do.
333
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,520
Imagine that. Three years
learning to pump up a football(!)
334
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,840
That was one module!
So, do you live local?
335
00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:38,680
Don't feel you have to answer that.
I'd love to have you over one night.
336
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,520
Will have to be when
his mother's gone to bed.
337
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,760
Yeah, big whoop(!)
I live at home with me mum.
338
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,200
She does all the cooking, all
the cleaning, all the washing.
339
00:16:45,280 --> 00:16:46,880
I mean, I'm living the dream.
If I get married,
340
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,960
I'll put her in a home, obviously.
Wow! Bet she can't wait for that(!)
341
00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:52,160
That put him in his place.
342
00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:55,200
Huh! Well, I'll have to be off now,
343
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:59,080
but I look forward to some more of
this knockabout banter later.
344
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,360
Oh, dear!
345
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:09,360
I'm going to ruin that. Oh, dear.
346
00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:13,880
This Friday, Mum's got Senior Zumba.
Got the place to myself.
347
00:17:13,960 --> 00:17:16,120
Get her over, Chinese takeaway,
slip her a length.
348
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,480
Miss Postern does not look like
the sort of woman who eats takeaway.
349
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:21,360
It's going to happen, mate.
I've had very woman here.
350
00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,840
Oh, not this again. Every single one.
351
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,320
Mm... The headmistress?
352
00:17:27,280 --> 00:17:28,360
No.
353
00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:29,800
Mrs Klebb?
354
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,640
No, she's a lezzer.
355
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:36,480
Pat?
356
00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:43,680
We're talking intercourse,
or, um...?
357
00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:45,760
HE GROANS
358
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,040
Nah, she don't mean nothin'.
359
00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,600
I just lost my phone,
which is why I didn't answer...
360
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,280
Yeah, well, I found it now.
361
00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:57,160
Manyou, this is meant to be
a detention.
362
00:17:57,560 --> 00:17:58,600
I'm on the phone.
363
00:17:59,280 --> 00:18:01,120
...Look, babe,
I'll come see you later, yeah?
364
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:03,840
...Hey, what time does
this thing end?
365
00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,600
It's five o'clock.
Nah, nah, nah. I need to go.
366
00:18:07,120 --> 00:18:09,040
...Look, babe, I'll come see you
about half four.
367
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,440
Manyou, what were you put in
detention for?
368
00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:15,880
Using my phone in school.
Was that your girlfriend?
369
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:17,200
One of 'em. Oh!
370
00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,800
Ha-ha! You remind me of me
at your age.
371
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,120
I was quite the Jack-the-lad.
372
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:25,880
I'm just a bit out of practice.
I just, er...
373
00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,000
Out of interest, how do you
tell a lady that you like her?
374
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:31,000
I just text her a picture of
my knob.
375
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:35,480
Yes, but if you don't have a phone
that sends picture messages.
376
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:37,760
Look, if you want to bang this new
French teacher... Whoa, whoa, whoa!
377
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,520
That is quite enough of that!
378
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:43,760
But what were you going to say?
379
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:47,560
Right, it's no biggie.
Just get her in your car.
380
00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,000
Bitches love wheels.
381
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,040
Oh, that word is derogatory
to women. But thank you.
382
00:18:52,720 --> 00:18:55,680
Look, I've got to go, anyway.
It's not five o'clock yet.
383
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,720
Yeah, I know, but I've got to go.
384
00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:02,440
Well, I'll let you off this time,
but I want you to think about
385
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:03,920
using your phone more responsibly...
386
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,240
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
PHONE RINGS OUT
387
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:08,360
Sorry.
388
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,360
PHONE RINGS OUT
389
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,280
Oh...
390
00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:18,280
Sorry, Pat.
391
00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:20,240
Didn't know you were still here.
392
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,760
Must be getting changed.
393
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,360
Could you just pass me
my briefcase, please?
394
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,120
Oh... Well, don't worry.
395
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,440
I'll get it in the morning.
396
00:19:29,520 --> 00:19:32,160
Thanks for everything today.
See you tomorrow!
397
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:39,480
SCHOOL BELL RINGS
398
00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,760
Whoever did this
needs a ruddy good hiding.
399
00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:46,240
No, no, no.
400
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,160
This is a cry for help.
401
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,680
Punishment is not the answer.
402
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,560
Have you any idea the percentage
of prisoners who reoffend?
403
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:54,960
No.
404
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,240
Nor do I. I read a piece
in The Guardian.
405
00:19:57,320 --> 00:20:00,120
I can't remember,
but it was surprisingly high.
406
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:04,720
Would you like a lift?
407
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,120
What?
408
00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:08,800
Would you like a lift?
409
00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:10,360
Where? In my car.
410
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:11,920
Tonight, after school.
411
00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,000
But...to where? To your home.
412
00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:16,720
Presuming you live within
a seven-mile radius. A lift?
413
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:21,120
Yes. Just a lift.
Just a guy giving a gal a lift!
414
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,800
Well, that's very kind of you.
415
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:27,600
Make a change from
having to wait for le bus.
416
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:30,200
Excuse me?
It's French for "bus".
417
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,880
Is there anything
you don't know about France?
418
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:36,920
I just love it! Such a different
way of life over there.
419
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,960
Mm. You must've spent
a lot of time there.
420
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:40,320
No, never been.
421
00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,760
You've never been to France? No.
422
00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:48,160
Sometimes, I just think,
"Oh, to hell with it, Sarah.
423
00:20:48,360 --> 00:20:49,680
"Leave everything behind.
424
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:52,120
"Just jump on the ferry
and go for the day!"
425
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,600
You're such a free spirit.
426
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:54,880
I know!
427
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:17,400
So, Janine, any plans for tonight?
428
00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,120
Well, Frieda fell out of her
wheelchair last night,
429
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:23,560
so we'll probably just cuddle up on
the sofa and watch MasterChef.
430
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:25,360
Blimey, the internet's
very misleading
431
00:21:25,440 --> 00:21:26,560
when it comes to lesbians.
432
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:31,480
Yes... So, my Friday night's
looking pretty hectic.
433
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,240
Hm? Mm. Yes, since you ask,
434
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:37,200
I'm giving the new French teacher
a lift home tonight.
435
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:38,920
That's happening tonight.
436
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,880
So I'm busy tonight.
That's happening tonight.
437
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:43,200
Sorry, when's that happening again?
438
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,160
Tonight. And then what? Well...
439
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,000
who knows? Listen, Churchy,
even if she invited you in,
440
00:21:50,080 --> 00:21:51,880
you wouldn't know what to do
with her. You're forgetting.
441
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:53,760
I studied biology at A-level.
442
00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,120
SCHOOL BELL RINGS
443
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:12,160
# Two hearts living in
just one mind... #
444
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,720
You need a massage. Oh... No.
445
00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:49,440
No, I'm fine, thank you.
446
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:52,600
It's just a bit of
neck and shoulder pain.
447
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,160
Oh, that is good.
448
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:06,640
I wish I'd brought me oils.
449
00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:10,400
Yeah, I'm fully trained.
450
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:13,480
I did an internet correspondence
course in sports massage.
451
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,800
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
452
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:17,160
Sarah!
453
00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:18,880
Oh, yes. I'll just be
another minute.
454
00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,120
I don't think this is appropriate
on school premises.
455
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:22,760
There is nothing inappropriate
456
00:23:22,840 --> 00:23:24,280
about having a massage!
457
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:27,760
Dear God!
458
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:30,600
Oh, er...
459
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,960
Well, it'll go down eventually.
Stick it in the fridge.
460
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:37,800
I have found that hitting it with
a spoon
461
00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,880
makes it go down as well.
Yes, um...let's go.
462
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,920
You'd better back off, sunshine!
463
00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,200
Or what? Or I'll...
464
00:23:47,040 --> 00:23:49,200
slip you a length. Ooh!
465
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:51,560
No, that's not what that means.
466
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:53,880
Oh...
467
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,240
So, is it any sort of spoon, or...?
468
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,280
Er, dessertspoon is probably
best. Obviously not plastic.
469
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,560
I'll remember that. Ha-ha!
Your carriage awaits. Oh.
470
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:12,240
Well, I survived my first week,
Ms Baron.
471
00:24:13,120 --> 00:24:14,840
Are you having a party?
472
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,600
No, these are all confiscated
items I'm disposing of.
473
00:24:24,800 --> 00:24:27,280
Daphne, put the lager
on the front seat.
474
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,000
# ...It's a game of give and take... #
475
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,200
Oh, merci buckets. French!
476
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:36,840
# ...No, you'll just have to wait
477
00:24:36,920 --> 00:24:39,680
# Just trust in the good times
478
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:43,760
# No matter how long it takes
You can't hurry love... #
479
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:47,600
ENGINE SPUTTERS
480
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,560
MUSIC SLOWS TO A HALT
481
00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:53,080
Everything all right?
482
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,800
Yes, yes. It's fine, thank you.
483
00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:56,560
ENGINE TURNS OVER
484
00:24:58,040 --> 00:24:59,640
Oh, dear, oh, dear.
485
00:25:01,360 --> 00:25:02,760
Do you need a lift, babes?
486
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,400
What are you doing that for?
For your own protection.
487
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:09,040
Er, no, thank you. Everything's
fine here, Trevor, thank you.
488
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,920
Well, it's not fine, is it?
489
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,320
The battery's gone dead
because he's left the radio on.
490
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,200
Oh, what a shame.
491
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,680
And I haven't got any jump leads.
HE SNIFFS
492
00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,320
Well, have a great night,
you two lovebirds.
493
00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,560
Maybe we could just ask him
for a tow.
494
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:28,960
No, no, no.
495
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,760
Absolutely no way.
496
00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,400
I have to go. Yes, almost there.
497
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,040
Why doesn't this door open?
498
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,720
It only unlocks from the outside.
499
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:46,440
You've locked me in, haven't you?
500
00:25:46,520 --> 00:25:48,240
Yes, it's safer, when he's around.
501
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:49,960
Do you want my help, or not?
502
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,760
Yes, I just don't want you
touching her, thank you.
503
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,960
Let me out!
504
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:56,640
We're nearly there.
505
00:25:57,320 --> 00:25:58,840
No, don't do that, it's dangerous.
506
00:25:59,480 --> 00:26:01,520
I'm getting out. No, don't.
Don't. Don't do that.
507
00:26:02,120 --> 00:26:04,080
Let me help you.
Let me help you. I've got you.
508
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,640
I've got you... Get off her.
SHE GASPS
509
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:08,840
I'll help you. Don't touch her.
Don't touch her!
510
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,280
I'm helping! Put me down!
511
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:14,440
There. I've got you.
512
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:19,920
A beautiful woman joins a school
513
00:26:20,000 --> 00:26:21,920
and the two of you start acting like
a pair of 12 year olds!
514
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:23,400
Especially him.
515
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,000
I'm getting the bus. Le bus.
And I will see the two of you
516
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:27,960
on Monday morning,
with the rest of the children.
517
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:29,400
Goodbye.
518
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:37,520
My bag.
519
00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:54,640
Come on, then.
520
00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,880
ENGINE STARTS
521
00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,480
FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
522
00:27:26,800 --> 00:27:28,720
CAR DOOR OPENS
523
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,920
PHIL COLLINS MUSIC PLAYS
524
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,360
London airport, please.
525
00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:42,840
MUSIC: "You Can't Hurry Love"
by Phil Collins
526
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,520
A talent show? No, no, no, no, no.
527
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,240
If you can find any talented pupils
528
00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:09,520
in this school,
I'd be very surprised.
529
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,840
My point is, I'll never come over
to your house and take a bath.
530
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,880
French is a poor man's Spanish!
531
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,160
HE SINGS
532
00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:18,400
APPLAUSE
533
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:19,640
All right? I'm Keith Lemon!
534
00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:22,960
Your oboe playing is, at best,
535
00:28:23,280 --> 00:28:24,400
pedestrian!
536
00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:26,960
Miss Postern,
this ridiculous behaviour
537
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,040
has gone on long enough!
This is a fix.
538
00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:30,640
SHE EXHALES
539
00:28:31,640 --> 00:28:33,160
# When I think about the days
540
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,480
# There is something of
a haze about it
541
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,080
# When we said we'd never change
542
00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,000
# Well, we never stopped
to think about it
543
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:49,480
# No, we're not the same
544
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,600
# But let's not break the chain
545
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:58,960
# We should play this game
together. #
40531
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof
