Original subtitles

( theme song playing )

* I MAY NOT ALWAYS LOVE YOU *

* BUT LONG AS THERE ARE STARS ABOVE YOU *

* YOU NEVER NEED TO DOUBT IT *

* I'LL MAKE YOU SO SURE ABOUT IT *

* GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU *

* IF YOU SHOULD EVER LEAVE ME *

* WELL, LIFE WOULD STILL GO ON, BELIEVE ME *

* THE WORLD COULD SHOW NOTHING TO ME *

* SO WHAT GOOD WOULD LIVING DO ME? *

* GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU *

* GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU *

* GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU *

- * GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU * - * GOD ONLY KNOWS

* GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU *

- * GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU * - * GOD ONLY KNOWS

* GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU *

- * GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU * - * GOD ONLY KNOWS

* GOD ONLY KNOWS WHAT I'D BE WITHOUT YOU. *

Bill: OUR FOREFATHERS WINTERED HERE IN NEBRASKA

ON THEIR BOLD TREK WEST.

TODAY, ON OUR PILGRIMAGE EAST, WE STOP TO REMEMBER

THE 600 SAINTS BURIED HERE,

AND THE GREAT SACRIFICES OUR ANCESTORS MADE FOR US. BARB?

YES.

"PERSECUTED FOR THEIR BELIEFS,

DRIVEN FROM THEIR HOMES, THEY MADE ENCAMPMENT HERE

IN THIS VERY PLACE,

FROM THE WINTER OF 1846 TO 1847.

AND YET, THEY PUSHED ON."

Bill: SO THAT'S THE LESSON, HERE, FOLKS--

WE PUSH ON.

WE'RE THROWN CURVE BALLS EVERY DAY.

THE MOST IMPORTANT TEST IS HOW WE DEAL WITH IT,

HOW WE RISE TO THE OCCASION,

KNOWING HEAVENLY FATHER IS WITH US EVERY STEP OF THE WAY.

OKAY, PEOPLE, LET'S GET BACK TO THE CARS.

NICE JOB, BARB.

THANK YOU, MARGENE.

SUCH A DORK.

( oldies rock music playing )

YOU FEEL OKAY?

IT'S THIS--

IT'S THIS FIRST TRIMESTER STUFF.

I JUST WANNA SLEEP OR THROW UP.

THIS VACATION'S PRETTY BAD TIMING.

I FEEL LIKE A PRISONER OF WAR ON A DEATH MARCH.

WELL, PRISONERS HAD STUFF LIKE SCURVY.

YEAH, AND WE HAVE DAD.

( religious music playing )

RAY, I WANT YOU TO PUT YOUR HAND BACK IN THE CAR RIGHT NOW,

BEFORE IT BLOWS OFF. OKAY?

WHY CAN'T WE BURY THE TIME CAPSULE BACK

WITH ALL THE GHOSTS OF THE PIONEER PEOPLE?

THERE ARE NO GHOSTS, PAL. WE DON'T BELIEVE IN 'EM.

THE PIONEERS ARE IN THE CELESTIAL KINGDOM NOW.

WE HAVE TO WAIT TILL WE GET TO HILL CUMORAH IN NEW YORK.

WHY?

BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE THE ANGEL MORONI

LED JOSEPH SMITH TO THE BURIED GOLDEN TABLETS

THAT BECAME THE BOOK OF MORMON.

WE'RE PLANTING OUR FAMILY CAPSULE SMACK IN THE HEART OF MORMONDOM.

SO YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN WILL FIND IT,

AND LEARN ABOUT US AND THE TIME WE LIVED IN ON THIS EARTH.

I THINK IT'S GOOD PUTTING SOME DISTANCE

BETWEEN US AND THE TRIAL,

THE WHOLE ANA THING.

LISTEN UP, TEAM-- RIGHT TURN COMING UP IN HALF A MILE.

Do you copy? Over.

WE COPY YOU, BIG DADDY.

MEET YOU AT THE MOTEL. OVER AND OUT.

- WHAT? - JUST BRING IT DOWN A NOTCH, MARGIE.

- YOU'RE ACTING LIKE AN IMBECILE. IT'S A LONG TRIP. - I'M REALLY EXCITED, NICKI.

I'M HAVING A REALLY GOOD TIME.

I'M GONNA FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE-- MOVE AHEAD AND ALL THAT.

HEY, WAS IT JUST ME, OR WAS BARB KINDA SNOTTY

WHEN I COMPLIMENTED HER BACK THERE?

DEFINITELY SNOTTY.

THIS IS THE MOST DEPRESSING CROSS-COUNTRY SLOG I COULD IMAGINE.

YOUR LITTLE CHUM DUMPED US

AND WE'RE A BUNCH OF DIVORCEES.

THIS FAMILY HAS HIT A BIG FAT STOP SIGN.

( radio show playing )

( water flowing )

Margene: BILL?

- HI. - DON'T FREAK OUT.

DON'T GET MAD. EVERYTHING'S OKAY, BUT...

I BROUGHT MY MOTHER.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHAT TO DO WITH HER,

WITH HER ASHES, I MEAN, AND I COULDN'T THINK UP ANY PLACE

THAT FELT REALLY ACTUALLY RIGHT.

THEN I REMEMBERED HER UNCLE MORRIS.

I TRACKED HIM DOWN AND CALLED HIM UP.

AND, BILL, HE LIVES IN ILLINOIS!

WE GO PRACTICALLY BY HIS FRONT DOOR.

- WHAT'S "PRACTICALLY"? - 150 MILES.

- ONE WAY? - 300 MILES ROUND TRIP.

MARGIE, WE'RE RUNNING SUCH A TIGHT SCHEDULE TO GET TO CUMORAH,

AND YOU'RE PROPOSING THE BETTER PART OF A WHOLE DAY--

I CAN DO IT BY MYSELF.

TAKE A SIDE TRIP WHILE THE REST OF YOU ARE AT THE RIVERBOAT CASINO WITH JERRY.

ZIP UP AND BACK, AND NO ONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE.

AND I'D GET BACK IN PLENTY OF TIME FOR THE PAGEANT.

PLEASE.

WE'LL FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.

WHAT KIND OF PILLS ARE THESE ANYWAY?

- NOTHING. - OH! WOW.

- COULD HAVE FOOLED ME. - I DON'T NEED THEM.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT FOR YOU.

NOT FOR ANY OF YOU.

WELL, FOR WHO THEN?

IT'S JUST THE PRESSURE, MARGIE--

THE PRESSURE, NICKI'S INFERTILITY...

I MEAN, THE STRESS OF THAT, AND ALL THE DEMANDS--

I UNDERSTAND, PLEASE.

IT'S OKAY. YOUR SECRET'S SAFE WITH ME.

THAT'S GREAT, MARGIE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO AND GET THE KIDS READY FOR PRAYERS?

OKAY.

( sighs )

THE BOYS WILL GET FLEAS FROM THESE DUMPS BILL KEEPS PICKING.

- WELL, IT'S BETTER THAN LAST NIGHT'S IN CHEYENNE. - ( cell phone ringing )

- IS THAT YOURS OR MINE? - MINE.

PROBABLY BILL WITH MORE INSTRUCTIONS.

- HELLO? - MARGENE?

- YES. - Hey, it's Ray.

YES, I-- I RECOGNIZED YOUR VOICE.

( whispering ) PSST. WHO IS IT?

IS EVERYTHING OKAY, MR. HENRY?

UH, MARGE, COME ON. I REALLY WISH YOU'D CALL ME RAY.

UH-HUH. I KNOW.

( whispering ) WHAT DOES HE WANT?

Listen, I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering,

WHERE DID YOU PUT THAT CLARKSON FILE

THAT I ASKED YOU TO LEAVE ON MY DESK?

- ON YOUR DESK. - RIGHT. OH!

Ah, sorry.

I didn't see it there. Okay.

HEY, HOW'S YOUR VACATION GOING?

FINE.

YOU LIKE HAWAII, HUH?

OH, YES.

I'VE NEVER BEEN ANYWHERE SO BEAUTIFUL IN MY LIFE.

Yeah, it's really gorgeous. I went once.

I picked up a nice cardigan from there.

WELL, I HAVE TO GO.

All right, yep. Sure, sorry.

HE CERTAINLY HAS A LOT OF NERVE

CALLING YOU ON YOUR VACATION.

HE'S A VERY BUSY MAN, BARB.

I'M JUST SAYING

I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOUR ASSIGNMENT HAD ENDED.

I CAN'T SLEEP ON THESE. THERE'S NO SUPPORT.

WELL, I CAN GIVE YOU ONE OF MINE.

NO THANKS. I'LL MANAGE.

- REALLY. BECAUSE I DON'T-- - BARB!

I'LL MANAGE.

THIS GUY FROM WORK, HE'S A REAL MOVER AND SHAKER, WANDA.

HE TOTALLY MADE UP AN EXCUSE TO CALL ME YESTERDAY.

I THINK HE WAS FLIRTING WITH ME, DO YOU THINK?

AS HE CHASED YOU AT NIGHT?

HAS HE TRIED TO PUT YOU IN THE TRUNK?

HE'S NOT REALLY LIKE THAT. HE WEARS CARDIGANS.

THAT SOUNDS SERIOUS.

YOU ARE A MARRIED WOMAN, YOU CAN'T BE TALKING ABOUT ANOTHER MAN'S CARDIGANS.

( horn honking )

I HAVE TO RUN, HONEY. THE WAGON TRAIN IS ABOUT TO PULL OUT.

- WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO? - JUST WANDA.

EVERYTHING OKAY?

UH-HUH. JUST WANDA BEING WANDA.

( yelling ) NO, WAYNE!

OH GOD! WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?

- STOP IT. JUST STOP IT! - WHAT IS IT?

- WAIT, JUST-- COME ON-- - IT'S GRANDMA GINGER!

- BUT SHE'S DEAD. - AND AFTER SHE DIED SHE WAS BURNED.

- NICKI, PLEASE! - AND THAT'S WHAT'S LEFT OF HER BODY.

( yelling )

Margene: OH-OH. "Y." WHOOPS!

- Ben: WHERE? - RIGHT THERE, ON THE LICENSE PLATE ON THE HONDA.

- "D, Y-- - THAT'S A "T." THAT'S A "T," "T."

- NO, IT'S NOT. - "T," "T."

- OH, SHIT! SHOOT. - "Y" IS OVER THERE.

- "Y," "Y," "Y," "Y." - WHERE WHERE WHERE WHERE?

DENNY'S. DENNY'S.

Ben: I'VE GOT THE MOMENTUM. I'VE GOT THE "MO." I'M SO HOT.

THAT'S A "Z." THAT'S A "Z!"

- I WIN! RUNZA! RUNZA! - NO!

- NO! - AH-HA!

BOW DOWN TO ME. BOW DOWN TO ME!

YEAH!

I REALLY LIKE YOUR HAIR, BY THE WAY.

- YOU DO? - YEAH.

ASU ISN'T ALL THAT FAR AWAY FROM SANDY.

BUT I'LL HAVE NO WAY TO GET BACK HOME

UNLESS YOU AND DAD ARE PLANNING ON SURPRISING ME WITH A CAR.

( chuckles )

WE COULD DRIVE DOWN. EASY.

WE HAVE A TON TO DO BEFORE YOU LEAVE.

WE NEED TO GO SHOPPING FOR YOUR DORM ROOM--

WELL,

HEATHER AND I MADE PLANS TO GO SHOPPING IN TEMPE.

WE HAVE BEEN SAVING UP THE MONEY.

HEATHER?

HEATHER'S GOING TO BE AT ASU WITH YOU?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I MEAN, THERE'S NOTHING TO MAKE A FUSS ABOUT.

WELL, I'M NOT MAKING A FUSS.

I-- ( sighs )

I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE NICE TO GO SHOPPING WITH MY DAUGHTER

WHO'S ABOUT TO LEAVE ME, POSSIBLY FOREVER,

TO GO TO COLLEGE.

Nicki: IN THE EVENING'S FINALE,

THE ANGEL MORONI RISES 50 FEET

ABOVE THE MULTI-LEVEL STAGE,

IN A SPECTACULAR EXPLOSION

OF LIGHT AND SOUND.

( silent )

- ( crowd yelling ) - Man £1: Let us get out of here. Hide us!

- Joseph! It's too late! - Man £2: Here they come.

There's over 100 of 'em.

Man £1: They're wearing disguises...

- ( guns cocking ) - Their guns are drawn.

- ( shooting ) - Block the door, Joseph! Block the door.

Man £2: Hyrum! Hyrum!

( shooting continues )

- Man £3: He's escaping! - Man £4: Out the window!

- ( glass breaks ) - ( screaming )

( crowd chanting )

Tour guide: WHAT YOU HEARD IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED

IN THIS ROOM HERE AT CARTHAGE JAIL

165 YEARS AGO

WHEN OUR PROPHET JOSEPH WAS MURDERED,

LEAVING HIS WIFE EMMA

AND ALL OF HIS DEVOTED FOLLOWERS BEREFT.

PLEASE DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING.

HOW MANY WIDOWS DID JOSEPH LEAVE BEHIND?

I-- I DON'T KNOW IF WE KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT, SON.

ACTUALLY, AT THE TIME OF HIS DEATH

I BELIEVE HE HAD 32 WIVES.

READ BRODIE OR EVEN BUSHMAN.

I JUST THINK THERE'S AN ESSENTIAL TRUTH

ABOUT OUR PROPHET'S MARTYRDOM THAT YOU'RE LEAVING OUT.

32 IS NOT AN UNUSUALLY HIGH NUMBER,

OWING TO THE ARDUOUS LIFE IN NAUVOO.

THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN MANY WIDOWS AND ORPHANED GIRLS

WHO WOULD HAVE NEEDED THE PROPHET'S PROTECTION.

HOWEVER HIS WIVES WERE NEITHER ORPHANS NOR WIDOWS--

IN POINT OF FACT, MANY OF THEM WERE INDEED WIDOWS AND ORPHANS.

DEAN KATCHITT--

AMATEUR CHURCH HISTORIAN.

Tour guide: OKAY, WE'RE MOVING ON.

PLEASE FOLLOW ME.

WHY DID YOU LET HIM OFF THE HOOK?

I KNOW I'M RIGHT,

BUT HE BELIEVES WHAT HE BELIEVES AND I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE HIS MIND.

I'M NOT GONNA EMBARRASS A MAN IN FRONT OF HIS FAMILY.

- ( dance music playing ) - Bill: ONE, TWO,

THREE, FOUR, FIVE,

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT,

NINE, 10.

SO MOM CORNERED ME

OUTSIDE CARTHAGE JAIL.

I THOUGHT SHE WAS ONLY ON MY CASE.

WELL, IT WAS ABOUT YOUR CASE.

I CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH HER.

AND ALL SHE WANTS TO DO IS TAKING ME SHOPPING.

A COUPLE MORE MONTHS,

YOU'LL HAVE THE ADOPTION BEHIND YOU, THEN IT'LL ALL BE OVER.

THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU.

I'M KEEPING IT, BEN.

WHAT?

I'M KEEPING MY BABY.

HEATHER AND I ARE GONNA RAISE IT TOGETHER.

YOU AND HEATHER?

HEATHER STILL SLEEPS WITH A NIGHTLIGHT.

I CAN'T HAVE THIS BABY

AND HAND IT OVER TO A COUPLE OF STRANGERS.

IT WOULD KILL ME.

WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE THIS?

- THINK ABOUT IT. - ALL I DO IS THINK ABOUT IT, BEN.

I WANNA KEEP IT.

I DON'T KNOW HOW I'LL HANDLE IT.

I-- I-- I'M GONNA FIGURE IT OUT, I GUESS.

SAY SOMETHING.

IT'S GONNA BE YOUR WHOLE LIFE, SARAH.

I KNOW YOU NEED ME TO SAY IT'S THE RIGHT THING,

BUT I DON'T KNOW.

( water splashes )

Checking the Midwest graphic, increasing cloudiness on Monday

with a chance of thunderstorms.

LOOKS LIKE WE COULD HIT SOME THUNDERSTORMS TOMORROW.

QUARTER-SIZED HAIL, POSSIBLY.

( door opens )

HOW DO YOU LIKE THE CARDIGAN I GOT YOU?

IT'S GREAT, THANKS.

GOOD.

IT FEELS REALLY GREAT.

OH NO, LEAVE IT ON.

YOU KNOW, I'M FINE IF YOU JUST WANNA RELAX.

TAKE IT EASY, WATCH A MOVIE...

IT'S BEEN A LONG LONG DAY.

WHY DON'T YOU RUN WAYNE AND RAYMOND

OVER TO THAT REPTILE GARDENS PLACE IN THE MORNING AFTER BREAKFAST?

IT WAS JUST A COUPLE EXITS BACK.

- OKAY. - ( knocks on door )

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?

- NOTHING. - WANNA GO SWIMMING, PLAY MARCO POLO?

NO, AND YOU SHOULD COVER YOURSELF UP.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

IT'S MY NIGHT, MARGENE. GET OUT OF HERE NOW.

I'M SORRY.

AM I BEING A PILL?

I JUST WANTED TO KISS BILL GOODNIGHT.

UH, EXCUSE ME?

( Bill moans )

WE'RE VERY BUSY, MARGENE. VERY BUSY.

GOT IT. CATCH YOU LATER.

OH.

( door closes, locks )

( chattering )

BEN, HAVE YOU SEEN MARGE?

( whispering ) HAS SHE SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER...

OR MAYBE HER AND NICKI BEING--

MAYBE BEING UPSET AT ME?

NO, MOM, NOT AT ALL.

OKAY, SHH. ALL RIGHT, THANKS.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

TELL ME IF YOU SEE THE TIME CAPSULE.

SORRY, BILL.

WE DON'T HAVE IT.

( metal clanking )

WAYNE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

SON, I SEE YOU HAVE THE TIME CAPSULE THERE.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T WANNA BURY MY COWBOY ANYMORE.

WELL, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

THIS IS A SACRIFICE YOU'RE MAKING,

A GIFT FOR A FUTURE GENERATION.

- WHAT'S WRONG? - I CHANGED MY MIND IS ALL.

I JUST DON'T WANT HIM TO BE BURIED LIKE HE'S DEAD.

BUT YOU KNOW HE'S JUST MADE OUT OF PLASTIC, RIGHT?

I JUST WANNA KEEP HIM. PLEASE?

YOU'RE SURE ABOUT THIS?

SARAH, I THOUGHT WE COULD RIDE TOGETHER

- SO WE COULD FINISH OUR CONVERSATION. - I'M SORRY, MOM,

BUT BEN ASKED ME TO RIDE WITH HIM SO I COULD HELP HIM NAVIGATE.

I'LL RIDE WITH BENNY SO YOU CAN RIDE WITH YOUR MOM, OKAY?

- ACTUALLY BEN AND I REALLY WANTED TO RIDE TOGETHER-- - GET OUT, NOW!

GO RIDE WITH YOUR MOTHER.

OKAY, HERE'S THE THING:

THERE'S REALLY-- THERE'S NOTHING TO BE EMBARRASSED ABOUT,

NOTHING.

WE JUST-- WE SAW EACH OTHER NAKED.

AND IT'S NOT A BAD THING.

IT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

IT'S-- IT'S REALLY-- IT'S NOT A THING AT ALL.

I'M NOT EMBARRASSED.

GREAT. GREAT.

WE'RE FAMILY. IT HAPPENS. NO BIG DEAL.

BUT IT IS A BIG DEAL, MARGENE.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - I MEAN,

IT IS A BIG DEAL TO ME.

TRUST ME, BENNY, IT'S NOT.

YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS PLACE. IT'S HISTORIC.

LISTEN, BLONDIE, YOU BET I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO YOU.

ABOUT WHAT, NICKI?

ABOUT YOUR WEIRD BEHAVIOR LAST NIGHT.

NOW IT ISN'T THE RIGHT MOMENT.

AND APPARENTLY BILL WANTS ME TO GO WITH YOU

IN YOUR 300 MILES ESCAPADE TO DROP OFF YOUR MOTHER.

- IT'S NOT AN ESCAPADE. - WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOU TWO?

( both ) NOTHING.

Nicki: WE'RE JUST DISCUSSING A LITTLE SIDE TRIP.

OH, BILL TOLD ME.

I'M GOING WITH YOU.

I THINK WE COULD USE THE TIME TOGETHER.

WE'RE FINE.

WHO'S GONNA WATCH THE KIDS?

SARAH AND BEN.

I REALLY WANNA GO WITH YOU.

IT'LL BE GOOD FOR US.

WHAT, MOM?

SARAH, HONEY, YOU'RE SLEEPWALKING THROUGH THIS ENTIRE VACATION.

PLEASE.

THIS TRIP MEANS THE WORLD TO YOUR FATHER.

AT LEAST ACT LIKE YOU'RE ENJOYING IT

FOR HIS SAKE. OKAY?

( church music playing )

Bill: READY WHEN YOU ARE, HONEY.

"WHILE CAMPED NEAR HERE IN 1846,

WITH HIS FOUR WIVES, WILLIAM CLAYTON WROTE BILL'S FAVORITE SONG,

'COME COME 'YE SAINTS.'

CLAYTON BRAVELY LIVED THE PRINCIPLE EVENTUALLY MARRYING 10 WIVES

AND RAISING 42 CHILDREN." THAT LAST PART MAY NOT BE RIGHT.

I GOT IT OFF OF WIKIPEDIA.

ALL RIGHT, TEAM. JUST GIVE ME A SECOND.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY.

WE DIDN'T PLAN IT. IT JUST HAPPENED.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

THERE'S NOTHING. NOTHING HAPPENED.

I THINK WE BOTH HAVE TO ADMIT THAT IN THAT MOMENT

- THERE WAS SOMETHING. - NO. NO. THERE'S NOTHING.

NOTHING. WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE, SO IT'S OVER.

- FORGET IT. JUST GET OVER IT. - JUST LISTEN--

- NO. - Bill: COME ON, BEN. QUIT HORSING AROUND.

TEENIE, TAKE THOSE EARPHONE THINGS OUT.

COME ON, PEOPLE. SHOULDER TO SHOULDER.

- Nicki: COME ON. TOGETHER. - YOU GOTTA SMILE.

- Nicki: COME ON, LESTER. - ( Lester giggles )

IN THE FRONT. BOYS, IN THE FRONT. IN THE FRONT, RIGHT NOW.

JUST TAKE THE PICTURE, BILL.

( baby giggles )

( religious music playing )

LOOK AT THAT BARN. ISN'T IT PRETTY?

IT'S A BARN, BARB.

WELL, IT IS A NICE BARN.

- WHAT? - NOTHING.

( sighs )

LISTEN,

I KNOW YOU'RE STILL UPSET ABOUT OUR FIGHT

OVER ANA AND EVERYTHING IT BROUGHT UP.

WE'RE CERTAINLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT,

BUT FRANKLY, WE'VE GOT BIGGER FISH TO FRY.

I DON'T WANNA FRY THEM IN FRONT OF YOU, BARB, BECAUSE YOU'D BE SHOCKED.

I THINK YOU'RE BLOWING IT WAY OUT OF PROPORTION, NICKI.

- BLOWING WHAT? - I DON'T THINK SO.

THAT BLONDE HAIR HAS BEEN TROUBLE SINCE THE SECOND IT CAME OUT OF THE BOTTLE.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- NOTHING. - UH, NOTHING?

BILL AND I WERE HAVING A PERFECTLY ROMANTIC EVENING

WHEN YOU CAME IN AND SEEM TO WANNA...

MENAGE A SOMETHING.

IT WAS INDECENT.

AND LET ME TELL YOU, MARGENE, YOUR BEHAVIOR

IS IT A NEW ALL-TIME LOW.

I WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP.

WEARING A SWIM SUIT?

YOUR HAIR DOES NOT GIVE YOU LICENSE TO ACT LIKE A WHORE.

- BUT WHAT HAPPENED? - JUST LEAVE MY HAIR OUT OF IT, NICKI.

HOW? EVERYWHERE WE LOOK, THERE IT IS.

YOU RUB OUR NOSES IN IT IN A COMPLETELY SELFISH WAY.

JESUS H. CHRIST! IT'S JUST HAIR.

SHUT THE H UP ABOUT IT ALREADY.

- ( baby crying ) - SHH.

I WANTED YOU TO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT WITH BILL.

I WAS JUST-- HE GAVE THAT LOOK.

HE GAVE YOU NO SUCH LOOK.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE WHOLE SITUATION.

WHAT SITUATION?

MARGENE.

YOU KNOW, HE DROPPED HIS PILLS DOWN THE DRAIN,

I STARTLED HIM, AND JUST DOWN THEY WENT. AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE UP FOR IT.

BILL TAKES PILLS FOR WHAT?

FOR E.D.

BILL TAKES VIAGRA?

NO. I MEAN, YES, BUT NOT EVERY NIGHT.

HE'S STILL VIRILE.

YOU CAN JUST IMAGINE

HOW STRESSED HE GETS

AND OVERWORKED.

AND SO HE TAKES THESE PILLS FOR WHOM?

YOU CAN'T JUMP TO THAT CONCLUSION.

I'M SURE IT'S NOT

- ONE PERSON. - IT'S NOT.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE IMPLYING.

WHAT YOUR BEHAVIOR LAST NIGHT SUGGESTED.

NO, IT'S LIKE BARB SAID.

IT COULD BE FOR ANYONE. I MEAN, IN GENERAL.

IT'S NOT FOR YOU ONLY,

NOT ONLY YOU. IT'S JUST STRESS AND STUFF.

HONESTLY.

( folk rock music playing )

PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

PRICE GONE UP?

NICKEL FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

QUARTER?

20 BUCKS.

OH, HECK, A NEW CAR.

IT'S SO PRETTY HERE.

AN WE STAY?

OR MAYBE YOU COULD JUST-- YOU COULD JUST LEAVE ME HERE

AND MAYBE GET ME WHEN YOU GET BACK?

SWEETIE, I KNOW I HAVE A LOT OF WOMEN IN MY LIFE,

AND I'M NOT AN EXPERT ON THEM,

BUT EVEN I CAN SEE THAT THERE'S SOMETHING UP BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR MOTHER.

YEAH.

I GUESS. I MEAN, SHE'S--

SHE'S FINE. WE'RE JUST--

SHE'S JUST SCARED HER BABY'S LEAVING, THAT'S ALL.

I KNOW.

I MEAN, IT'S MORE ME THAN HER.

SHE'S FINE.

SHE'S JUST BEING A GOOD MOM.

AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO FLY THE NEST.

YEAH. I AM.

YOU SAD? A LITTLE SCARED?

IT'S COMPLICATED.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,

ON THE WAY BACK FROM CUMORAH, LET'S STOP IN CHICAGO.

YOU, ME. A NIGHT ON THE TOWN.

SERIOUSLY?

WE'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT. JUST YOU AND ME.

COURTESY OF BILL HENRICKSON TOURS.

OKAY.

Man: NO. WE NEVER HAD KIDS.

Woman: PETS. WE LOVE ANIMALS.

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. YOU KNOW?

- Man: UNLIKE PEOPLE... - ( squeaking )

...WHO CAN BE KINDA IFFY.

WELL, THEY COME AND GO.

KINDA LIKE GINGER.

SHE CAME, SHE WENT.

HAVEN'T SEEN HER FOR 20-- 25 YEARS.

WE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW SHE HAD YOU TILL YOU CALLED.

Woman: SHE WAS JUST A KID...

LIKE YOU. POOR THING.

WE COULD DUST OFF A PLACE FOR HER, DON'T YOU THINK, MORRIS?

- YEAH. SHE'S FAMILY. - THAT'S IMPORTANT.

AND WHO ARE YOU LADIES AGAIN?

FRIENDS.

OF MARGENE'S

AND GINGER'S.

WE ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT GINGER.

LOST TOUCH SO LONG AGO.

FIGURED SHE WASHED UP IN VEGAS OR RENO

ON THE BOTTLE AND ON HER BACK.

DID SHE EVER PULL HERSELF TOGETHER?

'CAUSE WE WERE ROOTING FOR HER.

WAIT, MARGENE. MARGENE.

WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE YOUR MOTHER HERE?

'CAUSE THEY DIDN'T LIKE HER, BARB.

- THEY DIDN'T EVEN LIKE HER. - THEY'RE NOT SO BAD.

OH, FOR PETE'S SAKE. THEY WERE PETTING RATS.

RATS.

OH. LOOK AT THAT.

YOUR EYES ARE EXACTLY THE SAME.

I MEAN, AM I RIGHT?

LOOK AT THAT.

WHEN I FIRST STARTED BOOKING,

EVERYONE-- PAUL ANKA, TOM JONES,

EVEN VICKI LAWRENCE-- THEY ALL SAID,

"WOW, YOU ARE THE SPITTING IMAGE OF YOUR FATHER."

YEP. SHE'S JIM NABORS' DAUGHTER, ALL RIGHT.

YOUR FATHER ALWAYS BROUGHT A DIGNITY TO THE ROLES HE PLAYED.

AND IT SEEMED TO ME--

IT SEEMED TO ME HE WAS A BIT OF AN UNSUNG HERO IN THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD.

I WOULDN'T SAY HE WAS UNSUNG.

SORRY, WE'RE LATE.

- HOW WAS YOUR TRIP? - INFORMATIVE.

BARB, NICKI, MARGE,

THIS IS VICKI NABORS.

- JIM NABORS' DAUGHTER. - ( sighs )

- BOOKING AGENT. - OH.

VERY NICE TO MEET YOU.

- NICE TO MEET YOU TOO. - MARGENE,

I LOVE YOUR NEW HAIR.

IT SAYS "FUN." GOOD FOR YOU, DARLING.

THANKS.

Bill: LISTEN, JERRY, I'M SORRY,

BUT I'M COMPLETELY IN THE DARK ABOUT ALL THIS.

I DON'T REALLY UNDERSTAND HOW THESE BOOKING CONFERENCES WORK.

AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO, BILL. THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HERE FOR.

- YEAH. - THE CASINO OWNERS COME TO THESE EVENTS,

MEET SOME TALENTS, SEE SOME ACTS,

OR GET PITCHED HEADLINERS.

- WE START FROM THERE. - WE'VE BEEN COMING FOR A WHILE.

YOU KNOW WITH FRIENDS OF OURS WHO OWN CASINOS

JUST TO ENJOY OURSELVES,

BUT ALSO TO SEE WHAT IS OUT THERE FOR US.

- AND NOW WE'VE ARRIVED. - Vicki: YOU WOULD BE SHOCKED AT HOW MUCH BANG

YOU CAN GET FOR YOUR BUCK THESE DAYS.

TONY ORLANDO? YOU CAN HAVE HIM.

HE'LL COME TO IDAHO, HE'LL COME TO ILLINOIS,

HE'LL COME TO EVEN NORTH DAKOTA.

- WE LIKE HIM. - YEAH.

DON'T WE LIKE HIM?

- BARB? - OH, YES. WE DO.

AND, HOLD ON TO YOUR HATS,

I CAN GET YOU TONY BENNETT.

- HE'LL COME TO IDAHO. - ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.

WHAT ABOUT CHER?

YOU KNOW, CHER IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT.

YOU KNOW, YOU'LL HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT.

I MEAN, AM I RIGHT?

CHER IS A WHOLE OTHER BALLGAME.

- BILL. CHER? - REALLY, NO.

( whispering ) MY MOTHER LOVED JIM NABORS

AND I DON'T THINK HE HAD A DAUGHTER.

BY THIS TIME TOMORROW, FEDEX WILL HAVE OUR SIGNED PROPOSAL

IN FRONT OF THE FEDERAL TRIBAL GAMING COMMISSION FOR APPROVAL,

AND YOU AND I, MY FRIEND, ARE OFF AND RUNNING.

GOOD THINGS AHEAD FOR US, BILL. GREAT THINGS.

THIS TIME NEXT YEAR, IT'S TONY ORLANDO.

ALL RIGHT, WHO WANTS TO TELL ME WHAT WAS GOING ON BACK THERE WITH ALL OF YOU?

I SWEAR, BILL, IT JUST SLIPPED OUT BY ACCIDENT,

BUT SHE THINKS THE VIAGRA IS ALL ABOUT HER.

- YOU DISCUSSED THIS? - YOU BET WE DID.

PLUS THAT BOX OF SOOT IS STILL WITH US.

WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED OUT THERE?

ALL I CAN SAY IS, I WISH YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME.

AND I'M PRETTY SURE YOU DIDN'T NEED IT WHEN IT WAS JUST US,

PRETTY SURE.

AND IF YOU WANTED TO MY DAD COULD BAPTIZE YOU

AND YOU CAN CONVERT,

BECAUSE NO CHURCH WAS TRUE UNTIL JOSEPH SMITH

RECEIVED THE RESTORED WORD OF JESUS CHRIST.

IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SAY IT, YOUNG LADY,

BUT YOU MIGHT BE THE ONE WHO NEEDS CONVERTING.

SORRY ABOUT THAT.

SHE JUST LOVES A GOOD CONVERSATION.

YOU IN THERE TRYING YOUR LUCK?

NO, JUST HERE FOR A MEETING.

I'M JUST WAITING FOR THE WIFE.

DON'T BELIEVE IN GAMBLING MYSELF. DOESN'T SIT RIGHT WITH ME.

I HEAR YOU.

AND NEITHER DOES WHAT YOUR LITTLE GIRL SAID TO ME.

- EXCUSE ME? - OH, I KNOW WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE.

AND YOU BELIEVE THE WORD OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR

WAS LOST UNTIL SOME GUY CLAIMED TO HAVE DUG

SOME MAGIC GOLD TABLETS OUT OF A HILL.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS IS THE TIME OR THE PLACE--

WELL, YOUR FAITH DIDN'T HAVE THE TIME OR THE PLACE FOR MY PEOPLE

UNTIL 20 YEARS AGO, SO YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ME NOW.

- DADDY, I WAS JUST TRYING TO TELL HIM THE TRUTH. - HONEY, GO JOIN YOUR MOTHER.

- NOW. - YOU THINK YOU FOLLOW THE GOSPEL OF JESUS CHRIST,

BUT I CAN TELL YOU YOU FOLLOW A PHONY DOCTRINE

CREATED BY A CHARISMATIC CHARLATAN AND A GOLD DIGGER.

SIR, MY FAMILY AND I ARE CONFIDENT IN OUR BELIEFS

AND WE DON'T NEED YOU OR ANYONE ELSE TO TELL US WHAT YOU THINK IS BEST.

IN FACT, IT WOULDN'T HURT FOR YOU TO READ THE BOOK OF MORMON.

THERE'S JUST ONE TRUE GOSPEL.

ONE GOOD BOOK AND IT SURE DIDN'T NEED ANY REFORMING...

- EVERYONE IN THE CAR NOW. - ...BY ANY SO-CALLED "BOOK OF MORMON."

- WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM? - I'M A BAPTIST,

A PREACHER AND A MAN WHO KNOWS THE HOLY BIBLE

IS THE ONLY HOLY BOOK.

YOU FOLLOW YOUR FALSE PROPHET AND YOU WILL LIVE YOUR LIFE IN DARKNESS,

MARK MY WORD.

SIR, ALL I HAVE TO SAY TO YOU IS HAVE A NICE DAY.

LET'S MOVE OUT, EVERYONE.

HE WAS REALLY SCARY, MOM.

ALL BAPTISTS ARE, HONEY.

MOM!

GINGER!

YOU GUYS, MY MOM'S GONE.

SHE JUST...

BLEW AWAY.

Bill: READY?

HAVING AUTHORITY GIVEN ME BY JESUS CHRIST,

I BAPTIZE YOU FOR

AND IN BEHALF OF GINGER HEFFMAN WHO IS DEAD.

NOW WE'LL SEE GRANDMA GINGER AGAIN?

YES. NO SOUL IS EVER LOST.

NO MATTER HOW GREAT OUR DIFFERENCES NOW,

WE CAN BE TOGETHER IN ETERNITY.

AMEN.

- AMEN. - AMEN.

AMEN.

( gasps )

- ( birds chirping ) - ( chattering )

OH.

( chattering )

SOMEONE WANNA TELL ME WHOSE JUICE BOX DID THIS?

HUH, ANYONE?

THIS IS A TIME CAPSULE, NOT SOME TOOL BOX.

THIS IS WHO WE ARE.

THIS IS A SACRED VESSEL.

DANG IT, PEOPLE, WE'RE BETTER THAN THIS.

HERE'S A HANDY WIPE.

WE'RE 45 MINUTES FROM CUMORAH.

I WANNA GET THERE ASAP.

TONIGHT'S PERFORMANCE IS THE LAST ONE.

WE'VE DRIVEN 2,500 MILES, AND THERE IS NO LATE SEATING.

SO LET'S PACK IT UP NOW, PEOPLE.

BEN, YOU DRIVE MY CAR.

BILL,

RELAX.

THE KIDS ARE EXHAUSTED.

BARB,

CAN I RIDE WITH YOU?

I DON'T WANT HER WITH US, MOM.

UH, OKAY. NO, YOU RIDE WITH NICKI, MARGENE.

SARAH.

CAN YOU RIDE WITH YOUR BROTHER? I'LL SIT AND RIDE WITH THE KIDS.

( sighs )

( church music playing )

( cell phone ringing )

WHOSE PHONE ARE YOU CALLING FROM?

WE'VE BEEN PANICKED.

WE ALL FIGURED YOU WERE IN SOME OTHER CAR UNTIL WE GOT HERE

WHICH WAS JUST A FEW HARROWING MOMENTS AGO.

THE KIDS ARE CAR SICK AND--

FINE. FINE, I'LL TELL HER.

- WELL? - HE'S FURIOUS, BUT OKAY.

HE'S GOT A RIDE AND HE'LL BE HERE IN HALF AN HOUR OR SO.

THANK HEAVENS. OH, THIS TRIP.

IS THIS OUR LAST BOTTLE?

CHECK THE BATHROOM.

Wayne: I'M GONNA THROW UP.

Nicki: IN THE WASTEBASKET, HONEY. I'LL GET A WASHCLOTH.

NO. ( sighs )

BARB.

I CAN'T BELIEVE SARAH WOULD

DO THIS.

THEY'RE BIRTH CONTROL PILLS, NICKI.

HOW COULD SHE?

I FOUND YOUR LOVE NOTE.

WHERE DID YOU GET THIS?

IN THE CAR. HE SAYS HE LOVES YOU.

BENNY IS JUST A LITTLE MIXED UP RIGHT NOW, BUT--

I CAN READ. I KNOW WHAT THIS NOTE MEANS, AND IT'S BAD.

FINE.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU UNDERSTAND.

( sighs )

NOTHING HAPPENED.

BUT YOU CANNOT SAY ANYTHING

TO ANYBODY.

AND YOU CAN'T GIVE HIM A HARD TIME, IT WOULD JUST EMBARRASS HIM,

AND I AM GOING TO HANDLE THIS. OKAY?

NOT A WORD.

We're gonna focus on the Hill Cumorah pageant

- because we know we got thousands of folks... - ( burps )

- that are gonna be heading out there tonight... - MARGENE?

TEENIE FOUND THIS IN THE CAR.

BEN, YOU CANNOT BE GIVING ME NOTES.

IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT SHE FOUND IT.

WHAT IF YOUR MOM OR DAD FOUND IT?

- I-- I DON'T KNOW. - YOU BET YOU DON'T.

I SHOULDN'T HAVE WRITTEN IT. I-- IT WAS STUPID, I KNOW.

BUT, MARGENE, I AM A VERY NORMAL GUY

IN A VERY ABNORMAL HOUSEHOLD,

AND THIS JUST HAPPENED TO ME.

I TRIED NOT TO LET IT. I REALLY TRIED,

BUT I DO HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU.

AND NOT LIKE A SON HAS FOR HIS MOTHER.

I CAN'T HELP IT. I DO.

IF YOU HAVE THESE FEELINGS, YOU NEED TO GET OVER IT NOW.

THIS STOPS HERE. DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

I LOVE YOU, BEN, AS A MOTHER,

AND AS YOUR MOTHER, I LOOK FORWARD TO THE DAY YOU FIND TRUE LOVE,

BUT THIS-- LISTEN TO ME!

THIS IS NOT IT.

( door slams )

( sighs )

YOU CALLED ME?

I DID.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

NOW I KNOW WHAT YOUR ATTITUDE HAS BEEN ALL ABOUT.

NOW YOU WANNA EXPLAIN THESE?

- THEY'RE NOT MINE. - BARB--

ALL RIGHT. THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND MY DAUGHTER. SARAH!

HONESTLY, THEY'RE NOT MINE.

I FOUND THEM WITH YOUR THINGS.

I TAUGHT YOU BETTER THAN THIS. WE RAISED YOU BETTER.

IF YOU ARE HAVING SEX WITH SOMEONE,

OR EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT,

YOU NEED TO STOP!

SEX IS SACRED

FOR A UNION YOU KNOW IS TRUE.

SARAH!

SARAH!

SARAH!

- WHERE ARE YOU GOING? - I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T-- I JUST WANNA GO HOME!

I KNOW YOUR MOM IS WRONG ABOUT THE PILLS, BUT THIS IS CRAZY.

I CAN'T EVEN GO BACK THERE.

I CAN'T BE WITH HER.

I DON'T WANNA GO TO THIS PAGEANT.

EVERYBODY IS SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME.

I JUST DON'T WANNA BE HERE ANYMORE.

WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING?

NOTHING.

BILL, PLEASE, JUST LEAVE US ALONE.

Bill: BARB, WHAT'S GOING ON?

Bill: WHAT IS IT?

- I'M HER MOTHER. - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT IS. IF WE'RE ON THE ONE TRUE PATH,

THEN WHY IS THIS HAPPENING, BILL?

THEY'RE MINE, OKAY?

NICKI.

THEY'RE MINE.

THE DOCTOR PUT ME ON THEM FOR CRAMPS AND I HAVE TO TAKE THEM EVERY DAY.

HOW LONG HAVE YOU TAKEN THEM?

- WHY IS THAT RELEVANT? - ANSWER THE QUESTION.

- FOR A LITTLE WHILE. - HOW LONG, NICKI?

- FOUR YEARS. - ( gasps )

YOU'VE BEEN ON BIRTH CONTROL THIS WHOLE TIME,

WHILE I'VE BEEN HAVING ALL THE BABIES?

I GOT ADDICTED. I COULDN'T STOP.

THAT'S AS RIDICULOUS AS IT IS IMPOSSIBLE.

WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE IN TROUBLE?

HE TAKES PILLS AND LIES TO US ALL ABOUT IT.

NICKI, ENOUGH.

WHY WOULD I WANNA HAVE MORE CHILDREN

WITH A MAN WHO HAS TO TAKE VIAGRA TO HAVE SEX WITH ME AND ONLY ME?

- I SAID, ENOUGH. - YOU'RE NOT ATTRACTED TO ME.

- JUST ADMIT IT. - YOU'VE DONE SOME AWFUL THINGS BEFORE,

BUT THIS TAKES THE CAKE.

YOU'VE BEEN UNDERMINING THE FUTURE AND THE MISSION OF THIS FAMILY.

HOW CAN YOU RECONCILE THAT?

66NOW YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME IN THE EYE AND SAY YOU'LL STOP.

( knocking on door )

WE'RE GONNA BE LATE, DAD.

WE'LL MISS THE ANGEL MORONI.

- LET'S GET GOING. - BILL, NO.

- YES. - BILL, LET'S LET IT GO.

- TOO MUCH HAS HAPPENED. - NO, BARB.

WE'VE COME ACROSS THE COUNTRY. WE'VE ALMOST MADE IT. WE'RE ALMOST THERE

EVERYBODY JUST GET READY, WE'RE GOING AND THAT'S FINAL.

Barb: CAN WE AT LEAST BURY THE TIME CAPSULE AFTER THE SHOW?

THIS IS OUR PRAYER,

OUR BLESSING FOR THIS PLACE.

WE TAKE CARE OF THIS FIRST...

THEN THE SHOW.

( chirping )

BILL, BILL, THIS IS NUTS.

JUST A LITTLE FURTHER.

OKAY, EVERYONE.

LET'S ALL COME TOGETHER.

I DON'T WANNA MISS THE ANGEL, DAD.

SHH, WAYNE.

COME ON, EVERYONE, A LITTLE CLOSER.

THIS IS NOT WHAT I PLANNED TO SAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE LEARNED ON THIS TRIP.

SOMETHING, I HOPE.

WE RETRACED OUR ANCESTORS' FOOTSTEPS TO GET HERE.

- Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen... - WE DIDN'T HAVE TO STARVE

OR FIGHT OR BRAVE THE COLD FOR OUR BELIEFS,

BUT WE'VE BEEN GIVEN OTHER TRIALS.

IT'S NOT REALLY IMPORTANT WHAT HAPPENS TO THE TIME CAPSULE NOW.

WHAT'S IMPORTANT IS THAT IT GOT US HERE...

ON THIS SACRED GROUND.

- ( intro music playing ) - ( people cheering )

DAD, WE'RE MISSING IT.

ALL OF YOU, GO ON AHEAD.

HEAVENLY FATHER,

I WAITED MY WHOLE LIFE TO SEE THIS PLACE,

TO BRING MY FAMILY HERE.

ALL ALONG THIS TRIP I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOUR PRESENCE.

I HAVEN'T FOUND YOU ANYWHERE.

AND I DON'T FEEL YOU HERE.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO WORRIED FOR MY FAMILY.

I THOUGHT WE'D BE OKAY IF I COULD JUST FIND YOU.

I FEEL LOST,

FORSAKEN,

AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

( choir chanting )

( crowd cheering )

( muffled sobbing )

( knocks on door )

SARAH?

ARE YOU SICK?

I'M LOSING MY BABY.

WE HAVE TO TELL THEM.

I'LL BE WITH YOU, SARAH.

OKAY.

( choir music playing )

( no audible dialog )