Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

Man on radio: ...we've got a four-car injury accident

that's closed down the number one and two lanes.

The highway patrol is telling us they should have it reopened

by the time the rush hour commute gets into full swing.

For those of you already in the downtown area,

please be advised that Main Street is closed

between 3rd and 7th...

( cell phone rings )

- HELLO. - Lois: Say, I've been thinking.

- Bill: Hey, Mom. - HELLO.

THANKS FOR GETTING BACK TO ME. I JUST WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT JOEY.

- NOT OPEN. - I spoke with Roman.

HE'D RATHER THE INVESTIGATION GO AWAY

THAN HAVE THE STATE GET INVOLVED IN IT.

Gee, that's good to hear

because that's what I wanted to tell you.

I've had time to think clearly.

YOU PEOPLE CAN SAY WHAT YOU WANT,

BUT IF ANYONE COMES TO INVESTIGATE ME,

I'M JUST GONNA TELL THE TRUTH.

WHOA, WE'RE ALL TELLING THE ESSENTIAL TRUTH.

No, I'm talking about the real truth.

I'VE GOT TOO MUCH TO LIVE FOR

TO GET CAUGHT UP IN SOME RINKY-DINK COVER-UP.

What are you doing at a laundromat?

LAUNDROMAT-- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

YOUR WASHING MACHINE BREAK DOWN?

I'M AT THE GAS STATION.

SAYS "BOWMAN'S LAUNDROMAT."

SAYS WHERE?

THE CALLER I.D. ON MY PHONE--

THE THING ON FRONT THAT TELLS YOU WHO'S CALLING AND FROM WHERE.

( beeps )

HOW DO I LOOK? YES, NO?

GEE, HONEY, YOU LOOK GREAT.

WELL, EVERYONE IN MY CLASSES ARE IN THEIR EARLY 20s.

I LIKE BEING OLDER. I JUST DON'T WANNA LOOK IT.

HEY, DON'T EAT THAT FOR BREAKFAST.

GOOD MORNING.

NICKI, MY LAST CLASS IS AT 4:00.

- WOULD YOU MIND COOKING? - TONIGHT?

- THANKS. - BENNY!

I'M SO NERVOUS. YES, NO?

LOSE THE SCARF.

- WHERE'S DAD? - HE'S LOOKING FOR YOU.

MMM, THAT'S A GOOD DANISH. HOMEMADE? SEE YOU LATER.

Bill: WORK'S A BLESSING.

REMEMBER, WE'RE CO-PARTNERS WITH OUR HEAVENLY FATHER.

IT'S OUR TASK TO FINISH THE WORK HE LEFT UNDONE,

HARVESTING THE OCEANS, MINING THE COAL.

YES, SIR.

WORK AND INDUSTRY ARE OUR PARTICULAR TRADEMARKS AS A PEOPLE.

- I DON'T WANT ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT. - GOOD.

NO BOSS'S SON FAVORITISM.

AND HOW ARE YOU DOING?

- I THINK I'M OKAY. DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? - NO.

MOM SAID SHE WANTED TO MEET MY GIRLFRIEND.

BRYNN?

I'D LIKE TO MEET HER TOO.

IS SHE PRETTY?

YEAH, THE THING IS,

I DON'T WANT HER TO MEET JUST YOU AND MOM.

I WANT HER TO MEET EVERYBODY.

I WANT HER TO MEET EVERYONE TOO.

BRYNN KNOWS, DAD.

SHE KIND OF FIGURED IT OUT.

IT'S OKAY.

I JUST REALLY WANT HER TO MEET ALL OF US.

OKAY.

HEY, HERE IT IS. HERE IT COMES.

Ben: WHAT THE HECK?

PULL OVER. CHECK YOUR BLIND SPOT. PULL OVER.

( new wave music playing on radio )

- THE SIGN DOWNTOWN. - I KNOW. I KNOW.

I ALREADY CALLED THE SIGN COMPANY. THEY'RE SENDING A CREW DOWN TO RESTORE IT.

WHEN? EVERY HOUR 1000 CARS PASS BY.

LET'S SAY HALF HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IT MEANS.

THEY'RE SENDING A CREW DOWN IN HALF AN HOUR.

DID YOU DRIVE IN ON STATE STREET?

WE KNOW. WE KNOW. DON, I WANT YOU TO GO DOWN AND SUPERVISE.

MAKE SURE IT'S COMPLETELY TAKEN CARE OF.

- ALL RIGHT. - YOU NOTICE WHO ISN'T AT WORK TODAY?

GEE, SOMEONE NAMED WENDY.

IT'S NOT LIKE HER TO BE LATE OR MISS A DAY.

GEE, IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE THE DAY OUR SIGN IS DEFACED.

COME ON, SHE COULDN'T CLIMB A 40-FOOT LADDER.

NO ONE'S SAYING SHE CLIMBED UP THERE HERSELF.

BUT SHE KNOWS AND SHE TALKS. ANYONE MIGHT HAVE OVERHEARD.

THAT SCRAWNY WITCH. WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER EIGHT SIGNS?

TWO ARE OKAY. THEY'RE CHECKING ON THE OTHERS.

BUT THIS ONE'S THE MOST VISIBLE, THE MOST PROMINENT.

- THE ONE THAT HURTS THE MOST. - I KNOW. JUST GO.

SUPERVISE. MAKE SURE IT GETS DONE.

WE'VE GOT THAT SHERWIN-WILLIAMS MEETING AT 11:00.

- IF YOU GO NOW, YOU CAN BE BACK IN TIME. - RIGHT.

( Gospel music playing )

( Rhonda singing )

SORRY, FOLKS. THIS IS A NECESSARY INTERRUPTION.

SORRY, DARLING.

JOEY.

Joey: So you left me a message about Mom?

YEAH, IT WOULD BEHOOVE US IF YOU WENT OVER TO SEE HER.

- What? - BEHOOVE. I SPOKE WITH HER AN HOUR AGO

AND SHE'S THREATENING TO DEVIATE FROM THE PARTY LINE.

- How so? - SHE'S SPINNING AROUND ON A TEAR.

"THE TRUTH. I'VE GOT TO TELL THE TRUTH."

ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE'S SOME SORT OF BETSY ROSS.

JUST GET OVER THERE AND TALK SOME SENSE INTO HER.

Bill: You hear me?

SO YOU WANT ME TO GO TALK TO MOM?

She thinks I bully her, but she's protective of you.

SO PLAY TO HER SYMPATHIES. SUGAR HER UP.

BUT GET HER BACK INTO THE FOLD.

GOT IT.

We stick to the story.

JOEY, I HAVE EXPOSURE HERE. I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU,

BUT I WENT WAY OUT ON A LIMB FOR YOU ON THIS.

You're talking to Mr. Cover-Up.

OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE, ACCESSORY AFTER THE FACT.

UNDERSTAND?

LOOK, I GOTTA GO. THIS IS ONE OF THOSE DAYS.

I'LL TALK TO HER, BILL.

TOMORROW THERE WILL BE A VOTE ON A UEB MATTER,

WHICH YOU WILL NOT TELL BILL ABOUT.

AFTER THAT,

WE'LL SEE.

JOEY, IT'S GONNA BE OKAY.

EVERYTHING'S GONNA WORK OUT JUST FINE.

( chuckles )

WE'VE GOT THEM ALL NOW.

ALL OF THEM CAN BE PROSECUTED.

NONE OF THEM WILL BE PROSECUTED.

I'M INSTRUCTING OUR POLICE

TO WIND UP ANY INVESTIGATION.

JOEY HENRICKSON IS NOW OUR PAWN.

THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT TO OUR HOLY PEOPLE.

- PAPA-- - I HAVE BUILT THIS HOLY ORDER UP

FROM A NOTHING BURGHER TO A THRIVING COMMUNITY

OF THOUSANDS OF RIGHTEOUS SOULS.

AND I AM NOT ABOUT TO INVITE SOME SIDESHOW INVESTIGATION--

BUT THEY POISONED ME, AND THEY WERE ALL IN ON IT.

I DON'T CARE IF THEY GOT UP ON THE TABLE

AND DANCED THE TOOTSIE-WOOTSIE.

IT'S OVER.

DROP IT.

ALBERT.

IT WOULD NOT BE A SMOOTH MOVE

TO POKE A STICK IN YOUR FATHER'S EYE.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YES, MOTHER.

( telephone rings )

IT'S BARB.

- HELLO. - DID YOU DEPOSIT THAT $325

IN THE HOUSE ACCOUNT THAT I ADVANCED YOU FOR THE RUG SHAMPOOER LAST WEEK

that you said you'd deposit?

- UM, NO. - Nicki, darn it.

I'M SORRY, BARB, I FORGOT.

MY TUITION CHECK BOUNCED.

I'M REALLY REALLY SORRY, BUT I FORGOT.

I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD MAKE THE DEPOSIT TODAY.

DO YOU HAVE THE MONEY?

DO YOU HAVE THE MONEY, NICKI?

YES, I-- IT'S JUST A BOUNCED CHECK.

IS MAKING A DEPOSIT SOMETHING YOU THINK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO DO?

- YES. - THANK YOU.

GOODBYE.

I HOPE YOU'RE STILL GOING TO YOUR DEBTORS ANONYMOUS CLASSES.

I'M NOT SAYING WE'RE NOT HAPPY TO HAVE YOU BACK IN THE FOLD, BARB,

BUT I FIND THAT REALLY OFFENSIVE.

- I CANNOT BELIEVE THE NERVE OF THAT WOMAN. - HMM.

DO YOU HAVE $60?

I NEED TO MAKE SOME STUPID DEPOSIT FOR BARB.

Albert: TOXICOLOGY REPORTS,

PHYSICIAN'S NOTES...

KIDNEY SCANS.

ANTIFREEZE ATTACKS THE KIDNEY.

MY KIDNEYS ARE NOW SUSCEPTIBLE TO FAILURE.

HERE'S THE NOTE THEY PUT AROUND ME.

Detective: THEY POISONED YOU,

BUT THEN TOOK YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?

YES, SIR.

I'M NOT SAYING IT ADDS UP. THE CRIMINAL MIND

IS NOT RATIONAL.

THESE ARE DANGEROUS PEOPLE, SIR.

AND THE JUNIPER CREEK POLICE DEPARTMENT

HAS BEEN RUNNING AN INVESTIGATION?

YES.

YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, ROD?

J.C.P.D. CONTACT YOU?

NO, NOTHING.

THE JUNIPER CREEK POLICE DEPARTMENT, IN MY OPINION,

IS STRUGGLING. THEY DON'T REALLY HAVE THE MANPOWER

OR THE RESOURCES.

I COMPLETED TWO YEARS OF LAW SCHOOL AND HAVE SOME IDEA OF THE DEMANDS

OF A PROPER, WELL-STAFFED INVESTIGATION.

AND ROMAN GRANT

IS YOUR FATHER?

YES, SIR.

I'D PREFER PEOPLE

NOT KNOW I INITIATED THIS AT THIS JUNCTURE.

PERHAPS YOU COULD

SAY IT WAS REFERRED BY THE HOSPITAL.

20, 40,

51, 52...

SHOOT, I MISCOUNTED.

I NEED ANOTHER 40.

- ( telephone rings ) - THANKS.

- HELLO. - Wanda: Nicki.

- WANDA? - ( man singing on television )

NICKI, CAN YOU HELP US?

IT'S DANGEROUS HERE, NICKI. IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.

WE'RE BEING FOLLOWED, AND WE GOTTA GET AWAY.

- BUT THE CAR'S BROKE DOWN, AND THE FUEL PUMP'S BUSTED. - Nicki: Wanda, calm down.

I can't come to the compound now.

BUT MAYBE I COULD GET SOMEONE TO BRING YOU A FUEL PUMP.

Wanda: There are buses that go to Phoenix all day.

I COULD WESTERN UNION YOU SOME MONEY.

We can't get into town to pick it up.

PLEASE, NICKI, CAN YOU COME?

GET US TO THE BUS STATION, GET US A TICKET.

EVERYBODY'S WATCHING US.

Please, Nicki.

CAN YOU COME HELP?

YOU KNOW WHAT? STAY PUT.

I'LL BE THERE IN A COUPLE HOURS.

YOU'RE GOING TO THE COMPOUND?

WHY NOT GO SOMEWHERE WHERE I'M NEEDED?

- NO. - PLEASE.

MARGIE, I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS RIGHT NOW.

I WANT TO HELP YOU.

I WANT TO SEE YOUR HOME.

WELL, YOU'LL HAVE TO PUT SOME CLOTHES ON.

SARAH WILL WATCH THE BOYS.

HEY, DID WANDA REALLY POISON YOUR BROTHER?

- I THINK SO. - WHY?

YOU MET HIM. NOW STEP ON IT.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME.

OH, NICKI.

OH, I'M SO SORRY.

IT'S TOO LATE. IT'S RUINED.

- IT'S JUST THAT IT'S BEEN SO ROUGH LATELY. - NO NO NO.

DON'T PROTECT THEM. NO EXCUSES.

ALL THE MORE REASON ANYWAY.

BILL'S BEEN SO BUSY,

AND IT'S BARB'S FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

IT'S KIND OF A REALLY EXCITING THING HAVING YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S EXCITING, MARGIE?

HAVING AN ANNIVERSARY.

YOU'LL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH IT MATTERS, HOW MUCH IT REALLY MEANS

UNTIL YOU'VE BEEN HURT LIKE THIS.

( country music playing )

HEY!

SO WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT?

MY FAMILY BELIEVES IN THE EVERLASTING COVENANT

OF PLURAL MARRIAGE.

WHAT'S THAT?

SIX YEARS AGO, MY MOM GOT REALLY SICK

AND SOMEONE CAME TO NURSE HER

AND TAKE CARE OF HER. AND HER NAME WAS NICKI

AND I REALLY LIKED HER.

AND SO DID MY DAD AND MOM TOO.

AND MY DAD RECEIVED A TESTIMONY.

AND MY MOM'S FAMILY BELIEVED IN THE COVENANT OF PLURAL MARRIAGE 100 YEARS AGO.

YOU'RE A POLYGAMIST?

YES.

WOW.

WOW.

- WE'RE TOTALLY NORMAL. - THAT'S NOT NORMAL, BEN.

SO...

HOW MANY MOMS DO YOU HAVE?

THREE.

THREE.

EXCUSE ME-- THAT SIGN,

DID YOU SEE SOMEONE DEFACING IT?

PAINTING OVER IT? ( hisses )

BURGER BUFFET START IN ONE HOUR.

HOW COULD THEY HAVE NOT SHOWN UP YET?

IT'S 11:45. IT'S BEEN TWO HOURS.

ALL RIGHT, JUST STAY PUT. NO, JUST STAY PUT.

I'M GOING DOWN TO JOIN DON.

I WANT YOU TO CALL DEWEY OWENS--

I'M NOT CALLING DEWEY OWENS. HAVE THE AD AGENCY DO IT.

OUR AD REP'S ON VACATION. JUST MAKE THE CALL.

I'VE CALLED TWICE-- THEIR MAINTENANCE DEPARTMENT.

AND WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

THAT WE DEMAND BETTER SERVICE.

THAT WE'LL TAKE OUR BUSINESS ELSEWHERE.

THERE IS NO ELSEWHERE. DEWEY OWENS CONTROLS EVERY BILLBOARD IN THE STATE

AND HALF THE REST OF THE COUNTRY.

CALL THEM AND YOU RISK DRAWING ATTENTION

TO SOMETHING YOU DON'T WANT ATTENTION DRAWN TO.

UNLESS THEY ALREADY KNOW, OR THEY'RE BEHIND IT SOMEHOW,

IN WHICH CASE, IT'S STILL A CALL BEYOND MY PAY GRADE.

WHY ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT IT? IT'S MY NAME. IT'S MY FACE UP THERE.

MAYBE THAT WASN'T THE BEST IDEA.

THIS IS A FAMILY-RUN BUSINESS,

AND IT HAS SERVED ALL OF US VERY WELL.

I'M JUST SAYING I CAN'T STAY ON IF EVERYTHING AROUND HERE

TURNS INTO A BUNKER MENTALITY.

- WHAT-- - HELLO.

BARB.

I THOUGHT I'D SWING BY AND SURPRISE YOU.

- IS IT A GOOD TIME? - GOOD.

GOOD.

PEG, YOU HAVE A CALL TO MAKE.

I'LL SEE YOU IN A FEW MINUTES, HONEY.

IT'S NOTHING. YOU KNOW PEG.

( sighs ) OH MY GOODNESS.

I PARKED MY CAR IN THE WRONG LOT AND GOT A TICKET.

HAD MY FIRST ELEMENTAL PSYCH CLASS,

HAD A HOT CHOCOLATE IN THE COMMONS.

I SIGNED A PETITION TO BAN ANIMAL TESTING

JUST BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT.

IT'S BEEN THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE, BILL.

I LOVE BEING BACK AT THE U.

LOOK AT YOU. YOU'RE ALL AGLOW.

( cell phone ringing )

- HELLO. - Margie: Barb, I only got a second.

- MARGIE. - PROBLEM, BIG PROBLEM.

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? ARE THE BOYS ALL RIGHT?

YOU AND BILL FORGOT NICKI'S ANNIVERSARY,

AND SHE IS TOTALLY COMPLETELY TICKED OFF ROYAL.

- JIMINY CRICKETS. - WHAT IS IT?

- PROBLEM, BIG PROBLEM. - BARB, WHAT IS IT?

WE FORGOT NICKI'S ANNIVERSARY.

- WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU REMIND ME? - EXCUSE ME?

MARGIE, JUST PUT NICKI ON THE PHONE.

- HI, HONEY! I GOTTA GO. - ( horn honks )

MARGIE, CAN YOU PINCH HIT AND COOK A DINNER FOR TONIGHT?

NO, I-- BARB, HONESTLY.

( horn honks )

PLEASE, I'VE GOT MY FIRST STATISTICS CLASS AT 4:00.

WHERE ARE YOU?

I'M DOING ERRANDS WITH NICKI.

SHIT! OH, SORRY. I GOTTA GO.

- WHO WERE YOU TALKING TO? - OH, NO ONE.

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING.

WELL, IT'S NOT GONNA CHANGE A THING.

WHAT DID YOU FIND OUT?

WHO FORGOT FIRST? WHICH ONE?

BOTH, THEY BOTH FORGOT.

( groans )

NICKI.

IN 18 YEARS

I'VE NEVER FORGOTTEN AN ANNIVERSARY.

WELL, WE'LL MAKE IT RIGHT.

WE'LL GO OUT TO A RESTAURANT.

NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA GO TO SOME RESTAURANT.

NICKI LOVES LAMB CHOPS AND STRAWBERRIES,

AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE HAVING.

AND THAT COCONUT CAKE SHE LIKES.

THAT'S HOW WE CELEBRATE ANNIVERSARIES.

- BUT I DON'T WANT YOU TO MISS YOUR CLASS. - DON'T WORRY, I'M NOT.

I'M GONNA GO HOME AND GET DINNER READY AND THEN CLASS.

THERE'S ONE ANNIVERSARY AND FOUR ADULTS.

I THINK WE CAN MANAGE A DINNER.

( cartoon music playing )

AWFULLY HAPPY TO SEE YOU.

HONEY, HI, I NEED YOUR HELP.

GOTTA DO A CAKE FOR NICKI. IT'S HER ANNIVERSARY.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE MARGENE IS OR WHEN SHE'S GETTING BACK.

GET SOME MEAT MARINATING, TWO STICKS OF BUTTER OUT TO SOFTEN.

- HI. - OH, HEATHER.

HI, I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

I HAVE TO GO. I HAVE TO TAKE HEATHER HOME.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING, MRS. HENRICKSON?

FINE.

I THOUGHT YOU HAD A CLASS. I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO GET A LIFE.

NICKI AND MARGIE ARE OUT DOING WHATEVER,

AND YOU'RE GIVING UP YOUR PLANS

FOR DAD'S ANNIVERSARY WITH NICKI. MOM!

( sighs )

ACTUALLY, IT'S PARTLY MY ANNIVERSARY TOO.

OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT. I'M COMFORTABLE.

I THINK IT HAPPENS IN EVERY KIND OF MARRIAGE.

- WHAT? - JUST, WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL

THAT THE MEN DON'T OVERSTEP THEIR BOUNDS.

UH-HUH.

I'M SORRY. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

NO, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

IT JUST MUST BE TOUGH WITH SO MANY PEOPLE TO TAKE CARE OF.

NO. NO, ACTUALLY, IT'S EASIER.

THERE ARE MORE HANDS TO HELP,

SO WE ACTUALLY HAVE MORE TIME TO BE INDIVIDUALS.

I HOPE YOU FIND YOUR AWOL SISTER-WIFE.

HEATHER.

HOW THE HECK ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DEFEND OURSELVES

WITHOUT DIGNIFYING THE ACCUSATIONS?

WHEN OUR ATTACKERS ARE COWARDS?

AT LEAST IF WE KNEW WHO IT WAS...

TRY TO REMEMBER HOW THE ROMANS PERSECUTED THE EARLY FOLLOWERS OF JESUS.

IT PUTS OUR TRIALS IN PERSPECTIVE.

JUST MAKES YOU WANNA THROW IN THE TOWEL,

GO LIVE ON SOME ABUSIVE COMPOUND, SAY THE HELL WITH IT.

YOU THINK MY FACE SHOULD BE UP THERE?

IT'S YOUR STORE, BILL.

YOU DIDN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION.

WE'RE VULNERABLE, IS ALL.

THERE'S LIMITS TO WHAT WE CAN DO.

WE'LL NEVER ASSIMILATE.

BARB CAME BY THE OFFICE. I COULDN'T TELL HER ABOUT THIS.

SHE STILL BLAMES HERSELF FOR THAT MESS AT THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION.

NICKI-- TERRIFIED BY THE OUTING.

TODAY WAS NICKI'S ANNIVERSARY,

WHICH WE BOTH COMPLETELY FORGOT.

MY SON SAW THE SIGN.

THIS THING'S COMING DOWN NOW.

A WOMAN JUST RAN INTO A BIG HOLE.

THIS WHOLE PLACE LOOKS LIKE MAMMY YOKUM.

MARGE, I DON'T MAKE FUN

OF WHERE YOU COME FROM.

HELLO?

WANDA? WANDA?

JOEY?

- WHOO-HOO! - HI-HI!

- I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE. - LOOK, I BROUGHT MARGE.

- HI. - OH, NICKI.

Joey: OH GOD, HELP ME.

WANDA, WHAT HAVE YOU GONE AND DONE?

NO, HE WAS SICK ALL MORNING.

ALL NIGHT HE WAS GOING TO THE BATHROOM.

AND THEN THIS MORNING, IT GOT WORSE.

I THINK IT'S FOOD POISONING.

IT'S THE E. COLI.

NO, HE'S DRUNK.

- NO, HE'S NOT. - NICKI, HE'S COMPLETELY DRUNK OUT OF HIS MIND.

I CAN'T GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN.

- I CAN'T GO THERE AGAIN. - WHERE'S THE BATHROOM?

IT'S IN THE BACK.

HELP US GET AWAY AND THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.

TIME TO SOBER UP. OH, NICKI, HE'S HEAVY.

- WHEN DID IT START? - I DON'T KNOW.

I CAME HOME, AND HE WAS LIKE THIS.

AND THEN I CALLED YOU, AND WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO, NICKI?

I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T KNOW.

- YOU GOTTA HELP US GET AWAY, OKAY? - OKAY.

- ( Margie screams ) - MARGE!

GET HIM DRESSED

AND WE'RE GONNA TAKE THEM TO THE BUS STATION.

NICKI, THAT IS COMPLETELY NUTS. THESE TWO CAN'T--

MARGE, STOP. A PLAN HAS BEEN MADE AND IT'S UNDERWAY.

NOW WE'RE TAKING THEM TO THE BUS STATION.

THESE TWO WON'T LAST TWO SECONDS IN THE REAL WORLD.

NICKI!

Nicki: OH, IT'S JUST THE--

- IT'S THE STATE! - WHAT'LL WE DO?

Don: DEWEY OWENS ARE TOUGH CUSTOMERS.

THEY POLICE THEIR BILLBOARDS FOR SUGGESTIVE CONTENT,

ANYTHING THEY DEEM RACY OR IMMORAL.

- ( cell phone rings ) - I'VE ONLY DEALT WITH THE SON,

BUT THEY SAY THE OLD MAN'S WORSE.

EVERYONE WE DEAL WITH IS A POTENTIAL LAND MINE.

- WHAT IS IT THOSE GUYS IN WORLD WAR I GOT? - SHELL SHOCK?

- TRENCH WARFARE? - FORGET IT, DOESN'T MATTER.

MARGIE, HONEY, HI. LISTEN, I NEED YOU TO HELP BARB OUT TONIGHT

WITH NICKI'S ANNIVERSARY DINNER.

UM...

BILL, NICKI AND I ARE AT THE COMPOUND. WE'RE AT JOEY AND WANDA'S.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE AT THE COMPOUND?

I WENT WITH NICKI. I'M HERE.

- BUT I DON'T WANT YOU THERE. - I KNOW, BUT I'M OKAY.

- I'M FINE. - That's not the point.

I NEVER WANTED YOU TO KNOW THAT PLACE. PUT NICKI ON THE PHONE.

Margie: BILL, THE STATE POLICE ARE HERE. YOU GOTTA GET HERE NOW.

What?

NICKI, IT'S BILL.

TELL HIM EXACTLY WHAT'S GOING ON. JUST DO IT, NICKI.

WANDA, THE COPS ARE HERE. YOU'VE GOTTA HELP.

( baby cries )

- HELLO, BILL. - I CAN'T GET THERE, NICKI, NOT IN TIME.

YOU'VE GOT TO DEAL WITH THIS. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

YOU'VE GOT TO KEEP WANDA UNDER CONTROL.

YOU GOT TO DRIVE.

( marching music playing )

( singing )

WE'RE UNDER SIEGE. WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

THE STATE POLICE ARE CRAWLING ALL OVER THE COMPOUND.

STOP STOP. GO AND GET THE PLANE ON THE RUNWAY.

THEY'RE UPON US.

- WHAT IS IT? WHAT'S GOING ON? - STATE POLICE.

IS THIS THE END OF DAYS, PAPA?

- ( cell phone rings ) - WHO'S THE BEST CHICKEN IN THE WORLD?

HELLO?

MOM, I DON'T WANT ANY CRAP. I WANT A CLEAN YES OR NO ANSWER OUT OF YOU.

I DON'T CARE FOR YOUR TONE.

AND I DON'T CARE. DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT CALL THE STATE POLICE?

ABOUT WHAT? ( clicks tongue )

AB-- ABOUT THE POISONING INVESTIGATION.

- LEFT-- LEFT! - I certainly did not.

- AND I RESENT THE NOTION. - Well, someone did.

The sheriff's department are out in front of Joey and Wanda's right now.

- THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT? - YEAH, THE SHERIFF'S DEPARTMENT.

- I GOT TO GO. - NO. WHAT EXACTLY DO THEY KNOW?

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY KNOW.

- ( whimpers ) - ( clucks )

I'VE BEEN INTERVIEWED THREE TIMES

BY THE JUNIPER CREEK POLICE.

I'VE BEEN TOLD THEY CLAIM TO HAVE WITNESSES.

IT'S A VENDETTA. I DON'T KNOW WHY.

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME.

THERE'VE BEEN OTHERS. FRANK HARLOW--

SOMEONE TRIED TO POISON HIM A FEW MONTHS AGO.

- ( cell phone rings ) - HE ALMOST DIED. HE'S IN MEXICO NOW.

BUT, UH, LOIS HENRICKSON, HIS WIFE,

SHE CAN TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT.

- AND SHE LIVES JUST RIGHT UP THERE. - ( ringing continues )

BILL?

OH, NO. THAT MIGHT BE A PROBLEM

BECAUSE I BELIEVE THE COPS ARE HEADED TO HER HOUSE RIGHT NOW.

OKAY. ON IT.

( laughs )

THESE KNUCKLEHEADS ARE MY LITTLE BROTHERS.

THAT'S WAYNE, RAYMOND AND AARON.

AND THAT BIG GUY OVER THERE IS LESTER.

THAT'S TEENIE. SHE WANTS TO BE A TRENDSETTER.

( Muzak playing )

HELLO.

SARAH? MOM.

- BENNIE? - Brynn: HI.

- THIS IS BRYNN. - BRYNN.

WELCOME.

SIT, SIT.

- HOW ARE YOU? - FINE, THANK YOU.

OH, GOOD. I'VE REALLY BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO MEETING YOU.

OH, AN ANNIVERSARY.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY. UH, HOW MANY YEARS?

SIX. 16. 19.

- 19. - MOM.

- SHE KNOWS. - OH, SHE KNOWS.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU STUDYING?

I-I GRADUATED.

I'M WORKING A SEMESTER BEFORE GOING TO COLLEGE.

COLLEGE.

OH.

DO YOU COOK?

UH, YEAH.

WE'RE ACTUALLY FRATERNAL TWINS.

BUT IT'S ODD BECAUSE WE STILL LOOK A LOT ALIKE, SO...

HE'S PROBABLY THE MOST DEVOUT OF ALL MY BROTHERS.

HE BECAME BISHOP AT 27.

BUT HE'S A GOOD GUY.

HE AND THIS DOUGHNUT ARE THE TWO THINGS THAT UNDERSTAND ME.

I DON'T KNOW. I THINK THAT THE DOUGHNUT THINKS YOU'RE WEIRD.

( laughs )

SO, LISTEN, THERE'S THAT, UH,

TOTO CONCERT ON CAMPUS NEXT WEEK.

WHY DON'T YOU PICK US UP A COUPLE OF TICKETS

AT THE STUDENT UNION? I'LL PAY.

NO, I MEAN, HEY, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE A DATE IF YOU--

DO I HAVE TO SHOW I.D. TO GET TICKETS?

UM...

SCOTT.

- WHAT? - I HAVE SOMETHING TO CONFESS.

I'M NOT AT THE U.

I'M AT CUMORAH...

HIGH SCHOOL IN SANDY.

HOW OLD ARE YOU, REALLY?

18. I'M 18.

EVERYTHING ELSE IS TRUE-- ME, SARAH,

MY THREE MOMS.

DON'T HATE ME.

10 YEARS OLDER ISN'T THAT BIG A DEAL.

YOU SHOULD'VE JUST TOLD ME THE TRUTH, SARAH.

WE COULD HAVE STILL BEEN FRIENDS.

YOU SHOULD BE MORE HONEST WITH THE PEOPLE

YOU START RELATIONSHIPS WITH.

THAT GIRL ACTUALLY WENT AND FINGERED ME.

SHE FINGERED ME!

( sighs ) NOT-- NOT REALLY, NOT INTENTIONALLY.

SHE--

AND JOEY DRUNK.

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THIS FAMILY?

IT'S NICKI'S ANNIVERSARY.

SHE WENT AFTER HIM LIKE A SPIDER.

WE'RE CELEBRATING TONIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU CELEBRATING FOR?

IT'S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU.

YES, IT DOES.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

HOW YOU ALL CAN LIKE EACH OTHER SO MUCH.

ME AND MY SISTER-WIVES-- ( scoffs )

ALWAYS HELD THEMSELVES APART.

I THINK THEY WERE JEALOUS OF ME.

I TRIED.

IT'S A PITY.

I HAD SO MUCH TO GIVE.

- Ben: SEE YOU AFTER CLASS, MOM. - ( groans )

MRS. HENRICKSON.

- WENDY? - I APOLOGIZE FOR COMING

AND INVADING YOUR PRIVACY.

MAY I PLEASE SPEAK TO YOU?

UM, YES, OF COURSE.

RAYMOND, HONEY, GET INSIDE.

OUR SON RAYMOND.

THE LAST THREE WEEKS HAVE BEEN JUST A NIGHTMARE FOR ME,

AS I KNOW THEY HAVE FOR YOU.

BUT I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT HAPPENED AT THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION.

I DIDN'T DO IT.

WHY WERE YOU THERE?

I DON'T KNOW.

SOMETHING MADE ME GO.

MR. HENRICKSON DOESN'T BELIEVE I DIDN'T DO IT.

HE'S HAD ME FOLLOWED.

I GOT INTO A CAR ACCIDENT BECAUSE OF IT.

- BILL WOULDN'T DO THAT. - WELL, THEN,

PEG OR DON EMBRY--

THEY'RE BOTH VERY ANGRY PEOPLE.

THEY'RE BOTH OUT TO PERSECUTE ME, OUT TO GET ME.

I'M AFRAID TO LEAVE MY HOUSE

BECAUSE EVERY TIME I DO, I'M FOLLOWED BY A HUMMER.

PLEASE COULD YOU TALK TO MR. HENRICKSON

AND TELL HIM I DIDN'T DO IT?

I DO NOT APPROVE OF...

PLURAL MARRIAGE,

BUT I COULDN'T DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

PLEASE?

YES,

I'LL TALK TO HIM.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

"HOME PLUS IS US," HUH? I LIKE THAT AD.

THANK YOU. BUT IT'S DEFACED AND WE NEED IT TENDED TO.

AND IT WILL BE. OF COURSE IT WILL BE.

- WHEN? - I GUESS AROUND THURSDAY.

OH, THURSDAY IS TOO LATE. WE'RE A SMALL COMPANY.

NOT A LARGE ACCOUNT-- TWO STORES, EIGHT BILLBOARDS.

EACH BILLBOARD MATTERS TO US.

YOU'RE LUCKY THAT YOU HAVE A BILLBOARD AT ALL.

REMEMBER LADY BYRD JOHNSON-- PRUNE FACE?

PEOPLE THINK THAT HILLARY WAS THE WORST FIRST LADY.

PRUNE FACE TRIED TO DESTROY THE BILLBOARD INDUSTRY.

BANNING BILLBOARDS AS AN EYESORE IS A DIRECT FRONTAL ASSAULT

ON THE FIRST AMENDMENT AND FREE SPEECH.

THURSDAY IS TOO LATE.

I GOT OVER 3,000 BILLBOARDS.

THIS HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

I'VE GOT THREE DQ BILLBOARDS

WITH SCROTUMS ON THE DILLY BARS.

NOW YOUR BOARDS HAVE NO NUDITY, NO PROFANITIES.

IT'S JUST SOME OLD MORMON JOKE.

IT'S NOT A JOKE TO US. OUR MISSION STATEMENT

IS THAT WE ARE HOME-GROWN, FAMILY-OWNED. IT'S WHAT GIVES US AN EDGE,

A LEG UP OVER LOWE'S AND WAL-MART.

OUR IMAGE IS EVERYTHING.

YOU SEEM AWFULLY CONCERNED WITH IMAGE.

WHY ARE YOU TAKING THIS SO PERSONAL?

- I'M A PAYING CUSTOMER. - AND I SAID I'D GET TO IT.

IF WE'RE ASSOCIATED WITH THAT FOUL PRACTICE, WE'D LOSE BUSINESS.

- CALM DOWN, ALL RIGHT? - I WON'T CALM DOWN.

AND ANOTHER THING-- IT'S NOT RIGHT TO DEFAME THE FIRST LADY

OF THE UNITED STATES. IT'S WRONG.

IT'S PETTY AND VICIOUS AND SMALL-MINDED.

- BILL. - WHOA WHOA WHOA.

AND YOU SHOULD LEARN TO RESPECT EVERYONE!

NOW FIX OUR DAMNED SIGN!

( humming )

( phone rings )

HELLO.

Rhonda: Hello, Barbara?

RHONDA?

HI.

I MISS YOU.

I know I was very ill-behaved when I was with you.

I TOLD LIES. I WAS ANGRY AND SELFISH

AND GOD SAID I NEEDED TO ATONE.

UM, HONEY--

I LOVE YOU, BARBARA.

I'M SORRY FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU

AT THE GOVERNOR'S MANSION.

AND I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER SOON.

( hangs up )

Bill: WE'RE DECENT MEN. WE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO COWER TO ANYBODY.

Don: SHOULD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

YOU'RE WAY OFF TRACK, BILL.

YOU'RE MESSING WITH OUR LIVES AND OUR LIVELIHOOD.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE STORES ARE WORTH NOW?

JUST IMAGINE WHAT THEY'D BE WORTH

IF WE WERE REALLY EXPOSED IN THE PUBLIC EYE.

I FEEL TRAPPED. I MEAN, LOOK AT US.

LOOK HOW FAR WE'VE COME. THE AMERICAN DREAM, RIGHT?

WORK HARD, PLAY BY THE RULES-- I CAN'T GO BACKWARDS.

IT'S NOT THE LIFE I WAS CALLED TO LEAD.

I JUST WANT A NORMAL EXISTENCE

WITHOUT FEAR OF RETRIBUTION.

BILL, I'VE GOT 16 MOUTHS TO FEED.

I KNOW THAT.

DON, I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR FAMILY THE SAME WAY I DO MINE.

I'D MORTGAGE MY OWN HOUSES BEFORE I'D SEE YOU TAKE A HIT.

I CAN'T GO THIS ALONE.

I'LL GO THE DISTANCE TO THE END, YOU KNOW THAT.

BUT I NEED TO MAKE SURE THAT THE END IS LATER, RATHER THAN SOONER.

HOW MUCH DO WE OWE THEM?

I TOLD THEM 65 BUCKS APIECE.

HEY, DAD, WHAT TIME IS IT?

- 5:45. - NO, 9:25.

Bill: WELL, I CAN SEE HOW YOU THINK THAT

BUT, YOU SEE, THE LITTLE HAND IS THE HOUR HAND.

- THE BIG HAND IS THE MINUTES. - HI.

HI. I THOUGHT YOU HAD CLASS.

I STAYED HOME INSTEAD.

BOYS, CAN YOU GO IN THE OTHER ROOM AND PLAY FOR A MINUTE?

GO ON.

WHAT IS IT?

NICKI AND MARGIE WENT TO THE COMPOUND.

WHY?

WELL, APPARENTLY,

JOEY FELL OFF THE WAGON PRETTY BAD.

OH, BILL.

I KNOW.

HEY.

- FOR ME? - HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

THE GUY AT BRODSKY'S SAID IT WAS WATERPROOF BUT I--

I DON'T KNOW.

( giggles ) OH...

THANK YOU.

I KNOW IT'S NOT ENOUGH

FOR THE SACRIFICES YOU MAKE EVERY DAY.

I'M SORRY YOU MISSED YOUR CLASS.

I DIDN'T MIND.

WHAT?

JUST POOR JOEY AND WANDA--

THEY'RE ALL THEY'VE GOT.

NO OTHER SPOUSES TO LEAN ON.

HOW ARE THEY GONNA MAKE IT THROUGH THIS CRISIS

WITH ONLY EACH OTHER?

AND THEN SHE JUST RAN INTO... ( laughs )

- Bill: WHAT? - ...THIS BIG HOLE IN THE GROUND.

( continues laughing )

I'M SORRY FOR FORGETTING, HON.

YOU JUST BUSTED ME TOO SOON.

I ALWAYS REMEMBER BY 2:00 OR 3:00.

YEAH, THAT'S WHEN I REMIND YOU.

THERE'S MORE STRAWBERRIES.

IT'S FINE. HONEY, IT'S FINE. I DIDN'T CARE.

I'M JUST GLAD THE DAY WORKED OUT THE WAY IT DID.

I MEAN, THANK GOD I WAS THERE, BILL.

THANK GOD.

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED IF I HADN'T BEEN.

( whispers ) I SAW THE SIGN

ON THE WAY OUT OF TOWN.

IT'S BEEN TAKEN CARE OF.

I DON'T WANT BARB TO KNOW,

OR MARGIE.

I DON'T WANT ANY OF YOU TO WORRY.

HOW WAS YOUR DAY?

FINE.

I'M SORRY I FORGOT.

I JUST THINK ANNIVERSARIES ARE IMPORTANT.

WE'RE ALL WE'VE GOT.

NICKI, I LOVE YOU.

AND I LOVE YOU TOO, BARB.

BARB,

I DIDN'T MARRY FOR LOVE.

I MARRIED FOR THE PRINCIPLE.

I DIDN'T. I TRIED.

I DON'T KNOW THAT I HAVE A TESTIMONY FOR THE PRINCIPLE.

BUT I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE OUR FAMILY MORE AND MORE.

THAT FRIGHTENS ME.

I DON'T KNOW THAT A MARRIAGE BASED ON LOVE

CAN GO THE DISTANCE.

THE SACRED HOLINESS OF THE INSTITUTION,

THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE--

WITHOUT IT IT'S JUST RANDOM COUPLINGS

WITH NO PURPOSE OR STICK-TO-ITIVENESS.

HOW WILL WE SURVIVE THE BAD TIMES ON JUST LOVE?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

WENDY HUNT WAS FOLLOWED BY A HUMMER.

I KNOW.

WE CAN'T DO THAT, NICKI.

I KNOW.

YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THIS FAMILY.

YOU WOULD TOO.

- ( door closes ) - Bill: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.

( laughs, gasps )

WOW, WHAT A BEAUTY!

WOW! LOOK AT THAT CASE!

AND THE CHARGER. ( gasps )

AND MORE SCREWS.

THANK YOU.

( car approaching )

( police radio chatter )

( knocking on door )

WE'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO YOUR WIFE AGAIN.

SHE'S NOT IN.

WE HAVE A SEARCH WARRANT.

SHE'S NOT THE ONE YOU WANT.

I'M THE ONE WHO DID IT.

I POISONED ALBERT GRANT.

( Gospel music playing )