All language subtitles for Wonka.2023.1080p.BluRay.x264-PiGNUS.en

Land ahoy!

Au revoir, Chef.

Good luck, Willy!

Goodbye, Cook!

- Restaurant map, sir?
- Thank you.

That's three sovereigns, mate.

Break my pumpkin, you pay for it.

- Five, six, seven...

- Brush your coat, sir?
- No, thank you.

- Cologne?
- No. Leave me alone.

It's everything you said, Mamma.

Yeah!

No daydreaming.

Could you spare a sovereign
for a place to sleep, love?

Of course.

Here. Take all you need.

Thank you.

Hmm.

There we go.

Time for a little nightcap.

Mmm.

Okay.

Hello there. No, stop. Hey, shoo.

- Go away, stop!

Go away, shoo! Shoo!

- Stop!

- Sit.

Sorry about Tiddles.

Seems to have an unusual
interest in your legs.

Must be these pants.

I got them from a mailman in Minsk.

That would be it.

Tiddles would spend all day
pursuing postal workers if he could.

- Wouldn't you, boy?

You're not planning on
sleeping there, are you, son?

Oh, it's just for a night.

By this time tomorrow,
I plan to have made my fortune.

By this time tomorrow,
you'll be frozen solid.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Ooh.

Perhaps it is a little cold for camping.

But unfortunately, I'm not
in a position to pay for a room, sir.

- Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
- Mmm.

But as luck would have it,

I know someone who might
be able to help you out.

Really?

- Here we are, Mr. Wonka.

Home sweet home.

Get your filthy paws
off my front door, you mangy mutt.

If that's you, Bleacher,
you'd better have my gin.

Oh, I have something better
than gin, Mrs. Scrubitt.

A guest.

Hmm.

Oh!

Well, why didn't you say?

- Come on in, sir.

Welcome to Scrubitt and Bleacher's
Guest House and Laundry.

Make yourself at home,
warm your cockles by the fire.

- Gin?
- Oh.

Noodle!

Yes, Mrs. Scrubitt?

Put that book down
and get our guest a glass o' gin.

Poor man's frozen half to death.

Thank you, Mrs. Scrubitt.

You and your husband
have been so kind to me.

Husband?

Him?

Husband.

Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't ya?

No.

Oh, I'm holding out for someone
far superior to that idle peasant.

- Chin-chin.

That is extremely strong stuff.

Yeah, you can run cars on that.

So, what is it
I can do for you? Room, is it?

Well, yes, but, uh...

Mr. Wonka is temporarily embarrassed.

Oh, no. You don't say.

I'm afraid that's true, Mrs. Scrubitt.

But...

- All that's about to change.
- Oh, yeah?

You see, I'm something of a magician,
inventor and chocolate maker.

And first thing tomorrow
at the Galeries Gourmet,

I plan to unveil
my most astonishing creation yet.

Oh?

Prepare to be amazed
as I present to you...

A teapot?

No, that's just for making tea.

- One second.

- That's for my stew.

It's in here somewhere.

Don't you worry, Mr. Wonka.

I can see you're a man
of great ingenuity.

And we've got just the thing for ya.
The entrepreneurial package.

Now, the room is one sovereign a night,

but you don't have 10 pay
till 600 tomorrow.

Does that give you enough time
to earn a few pennies?

More than enough, Mrs. Scrubitt.

Thank you.

Oh, it's the least I can do
for a stranger in need.

Now, sign here and we're all done.

- All righty.

Read the small print.

What?

- Thank you, Noodle. That'll do.

Ooh. What'd she say?

- Who's that, then?
- The girl.

- What girl?
- That girl.

It sounded like,
"Read the small print."

And there does seem to be a lot of...

Oh, oh, oh.

- Oh, oh.

Oh. Just keeps on coming.

Yeah, you don't wanna listen
to Noodle, Mr. Wonka.

- She's damaged.
- Damaged?

Orphan Syndrome.

Orphan Syndrome?

Orphan Syndrome.

Orphan Syndrome.

She was dropped down
the laundry chute as a bab,

and I took her in
out the goodness of my heart,

and I've done my best,
Mr. Wonka, honest I have,

but she's been left
with a suspicious nature.

She sees conspiracy everywhere.

- Poor girl.
- I know.

These are just your standard Ts and Cs,

but you're welcome
to take a look if you want.

I'll just give it a once-over.

Well, that all seems to be in order.

- Really?
- Uh-huh.

- Hello.
- Ah!

Then welcome to Scrubitt's.

There you are, Mr. Wonka.
The entrepreneurial suite.

There's your four-poster,
and your sink plus soap,

and there's a little mint
on your pillow.

Fantastic.

What kind people.

Noodle!

Oh, Noodle!

Yes, Mrs. Scrubitt?

I've been lookin' for you.

What do you want?

I wanna teach you a lesson,
you miserable little bookworm.

What did I do wrong?

You know what you did, you brat.

- Stop squirming!
- What? No, please.

You ever interfere in my business again,

and you'll be in this coop all week.
Do you understand?

Yes, Mrs. Scrubitt.
Sorry, Mrs. Scrubitt.

- I should think so too.

Here we go, Mamma.

Ladies and gentlemen
of the Galeries Gourmet,

my name is Willy Wonka,

and I have come to show you
a marvelous morsel,

an incredible edible...

an unbeatable eatable,

the likes of which
this world has never seen.

So quiet up and listen down.

No, scratch that, reverse it.

I give to you

the Hoverchoc.

Bravo!

- Bravo!

Thank you.

- Miss Bon-Bon?
- Yes, Mr. Slugworth.

Call the police.

Very good, sir.

Well, who wants to try one?

- Me, please!
- I will.

- Mr. Slugworth, sir.
- 'Scuse me.

Mr. Fickelgruber.

- And Mr. Prodnose.

What an honor.

Ever since I was a little boy...

- That is quite a handshake.

It's a business handshake, Mr. Wonka.

Lets people know I mean business.

- Huh...
- Now, come along.

Let's try one of these
so-called Hoverchocs.

Ooh.

It's not just chocolate, is it?

There's...

- Marshmallow.
- That's right.

Harvested from
the mallow marshes of Peru.

And caramel.

But... But it's...

Salted.

With the bittersweet tears
of a Russian clown.

- And is that...

Surely not?

Cherry?

Cherry-picked by
the pick of the cherry pickers

from the Imperial Gardens in Japan.

- Well, Mr. Wonka.

I've been in this business
a very long time,

and I can safely say

that of all the chocolate
I have ever tasted,

this is without doubt

the absolute 100% worst.

- Whoo!

There we have it, ladies and gentlemen.

An endorsement from Mr...

Wait. The worst?

We three are the fiercest of rivals,
and yet we agree on one thing.

A good chocolate should be simple.

Plain, uncomplicated.

Whereas this,
with all its bells and whistles...

Well, it's just...

Weird.

That's a shame.

If you thought the chocolate was weird,
you're gonna hate what happens next.

- Hmm?

What's happening? Whoa, what's going on?

- That's the hoverfly.

It's broken out of its cocoon.

It's flapping its wings like billy-oh.

My hair!
You mean a fly is doing this?

Yes. But don't worry.

- It'll be completely unharmed.
- Oh, thank you.

In about 20 minutes, it'll get tired
and exit through your rear.

You what?

He means we're going
to fart them out of our botties!

Yes, I know what he meant.

You're off your rocker, Wonka!

Who in their right mind
wants a chocolate that makes you fly?

Well, let's find out, shall we?

Who's for a Hoverchoc?

- I want one!

One sovereign, please. Thank you.

- Thank you very much.

One sovereign. Thank you, madam.

- Enjoy your flight.

Look, I'm flying! I'm flying!

How's the view up there?

Not too high, darling!

Beat it, kid.

All right, folks. Nothin' to see here.

Just a small group of people
def yin' the laws of gravity.

- Yeah.
- Hook 'em, boys.

That's the Hoverchoc, sir.
That's the point.

I'm afraid we've had
some complaints about you, sir.

Complaints?

That you're disrupting
the trade of other businesses.

I'm regrettably obliged to move you on
and to confiscate your earnings.

- Hey! What are you doing?
- No!

Don't worry, it's going to a good cause.

- Get off.
- Sick kids, or something.

Sorry, sir. Rules is rules.

Cheeky devil, you! Come here!

Could you at least leave me a sovereign?

I need to pay for my room.

- Here.

Thank you.

Evening, Mr. Wonka.

How'd it go?

Not quite as well as I'd hoped.

Oh, shame. Well, I'm afraid
we do have to settle up now.

Well, thankfully
the room's taken care of.

Believe we said a sovereign.

For the room, yes.

But you have incurred a few extras

during the course
of your residency with ourselves.

- Have 1?
- Yes, you have.

There was that glass of gin
you had on arrival,

and if I remember rightly,
you warmed your cockles by the fire.

He did indeed, Mrs. Scrubitt.

- Cockle-warming is extra, see?

Used the stairs
to get to his room, and all.

Oh, then you've got your stair charge,

and that is per step,
I'm afraid, up and down.

Now, tell me, Mr. Wonka,

did you happen to use the mini bar?

There's a minibar?

Mini bar of soap.

By the sink.

- Uh... I might have, briefly.
- Oh-ho!

See? Even Bleacher knows
you never touch the mini bar,

and he was raised in a ditch.

Add in your mattress hire,

your linen lease,
and your pillow penalty,

- and you are looking at...

Ten thousand sovereigns.

You gotta be kidding me.

It's all in the small print, dearie.

I don't have 10,000 sovereigns.

Then we have a problem, Mr. Wonka.

You're gonna have to work it off
in the Wash House, ain't ya?

At a sovereign a day.

Ten thousand days is...

Twenty-seven years.

- Hey!
- Four months.

And 16 days.

- Ah.

- You must be Mr. Wonka.
- Who are you?

Abacus Crunch, chartered accountant.

At least I was.

- Now, uh...
- He runs the place.

And you best do as he says,
or you'll answer to me.

Piper Benz. Plumber by trade.

This is Miss Lottie Bell.

Hi.

She don't talk much.

And I'm Larry Chucklesworth!

Comedian.

Hmm.

So they got all of you too, did they?

I'm afraid so.

We each of us found ourselves
in need of a cheap place to stay

and neglected to read the small print.

One moment of stupidity,
followed by endless regret.

Sounds like my third marriage.

I'm sorry, I do that a lot.

- He does.
- A lot.

I've only been married once,
and it didn't work out.

There's gotta be some way outta here.

You don't think we've tried?

There are bars on the window
and there's a dog on the door.

And even if you could get out,
that contract is watertight.

If you're not here at roll call,

Mrs. Scrubitt will call the police,
they'll bring you right back,

and she'll charge you
a thousand for the inconvenience.

All right, everybody. Back to work.

- Come along, Mr. Wonka.

- You come with me.

You're in here. On suds.

Whoa.

It's still long, though.

And if you don't agree...

See clause five.

Section 7A.

Paragraph 22.

Part D.

Which says...

- Room service.

Told you to read the small print.

Slight problem with that.

You can't read, can you?

I focused my studies
almost exclusively on chocolate.

I see.

For everything else,

I've relied
on the kindness of strangers.

And look where that's got you.

The staff quarters.

You've got a bed.

You had a bed.

Desk, and a wash basin/toilet.

Ugh.

- The water comes in two temperatures.

Cold... and colder.

How much do you owe them?

Ten thousand.

Count yourself lucky. I owe 30.

What? How do you owe them money?

I thought they found you
down a laundry chute.

Oh, they did.

Took me in out of
the goodness of their hearts

and charged me for the privilege.

What a pair of monsters.

The greedy beat the needy
every time, Mr. Wonka.

Guess it's just the way of the world.

Oh, come on, Noodle.

That's just your
Orphan Syndrome talking.

- My what?
- Your Orphan Syndrome.

And we are not gonna
be eating any slops.

What are you doing?

I'm making chocolate, o' course.

How do you like it? Dark?

White? Nutty? Absolutely insane?

I don't know.

I've never had any.

You've never had chocolate?

- No.
- What?

You've never had chocolate?

Still no.

Well, this is unbelievable.
I mean, this is outrageous.

Well, lucky for you, Noodle,
I have a selection

of the world's finest ingredients
right here in my travel factory.

Whoa.

Where to begin? That's the question.

I know!

Silver Linings.

Made of condensed thunder clouds

and liquid sunlight.

Helps you see that faint ray o' hope

beyond the shadow of despair.

Just what we need, wouldn't you say?

Did you always wanna make chocolate?

No.

Back when I was your age,
I wanted to be a magician.

My mom was a cook.

We lived on the river,
just the two of us.

In a perfect little world of our own.

The way I remember I,
I used to spend every waking hour

trying to come up with some
new trick to impress my mom.

Bravo!

But the real magic came from her.

We didn't have a lotta money,
but each week,

she brought home one cocoa bean.

And by the time my birthday came around,

there was enough to make
a single bar o' chocolate.

But it wasn't just any old chocolate.

Far from it.

This has to be
the best chocolate in the world.

Oh, don't know about that.

They say the very best
comes from a place

called the Galeries Gourmet.

Theirs can't be any better
than yours, Mamma.

It's impossible.

Well, as it so happens,

I do know a little secret
that even those fancy-pants don't.

What is it?

I'll tell ya.

When you're older.
Now get to sleep.

We should go, Amma.

Where's that, then?

- To the Galeries Gourmet.
- What?

- And start a shop?
- Yeah.

With our name
above the door and everything.

That's a wonderful dream, honey.

Is that all it is?

Just a dream?

Hey now.

Every good thing in this world
started with a dream.

So you hold on to yours.

And when you do share
chocolate with the world,

oh, I'll be right there beside ya.

Promise?

Do better than that.

I pinkie promise.

Now,

sleep.

So, what was it, Willy?

What was the secret?

I never found out.

Soon after, she fell sick.

And before I knew it
all I had left was her bar of chocolate.

That's why I'm here, Noodle.

So I can feel the same way
I did back then,

eating chocolate with her.

What do you mean?

My mom once promised

that when I share
chocolate with the world,

she'd be right there beside me.

I know it sounds crazy,
but I always hoped

she'd somehow keep that promise.

She might even tell me her secret.

Here. Try one.

Wish you hadn't done that.

You don't like it?

No...

I like it. It's just...

What?

Now each day I don't have chocolate
will be a little harder.

Then how would you like
to have all the chocolate

you can eat, every day,
for the rest of your life?

- A lifetime supply?
- A lifetime supply.

What would I have to do?

Not much. Just get me out of here.

- Are you crazy?
- Shh!

It's easy. I'll get someone
to cover my shift,

and you could smuggle me out
in your laundry cart.

- But I...
- Just for a few hours, mind.

No one will even know I was gone.

- What's the point of that?
- To sell chocolate, o' course!

We'll split the profits
and pay off Mrs. Scrubitt in no time.

It's a nice idea, Willy.

- It's a great idea.
- But it'll never work.

'Course it will. Eat your chocolate.

You don't understand.

Mrs. Scrubitt's like a hawk.

She keeps her beady eye on everything

that comes in and out
of the Wash House except...

- Huh.

What is it?

No, it's nothing.

Oh, okay.

Huh.

Double-huh! That's not nothing.

That's the Silver Lining.
It's given you an idea.

Okay.

So, the one time she dropped her guard

was when this aristocrat
came to the laundry.

He was only asking for directions,
but she was all over him like a rash.

It was disgusting.

That's it, Noodle.

All we have to do is find an aristocrat
and slip out while she's distracted.

Yeah, but...

Where are we going
to find an aristocrat?

Huh.

Huh?

Huh.

A double-huh.

Do you have a pencil and paper?

- Uh-huh.
- I got an idea.

I've come to make a confession.

You sound great, fellas. Keep it up.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

I have had 150 of these
since my last confession.

Temptation is very hard to resist.

Mmm.

Send me down.

- I'll see you later.

Good evening, Chief.

They're all waiting.

Thank you very much.

Good evening, gentlemen.
I've brought my invoice.

One chocolatier moved on
for the usual fee.

Oh.

Here we go, baby.
There's the good stuff. Yeah.

- Tell me, Chief...
- Mmm-hmm?

...how would you like
to earn a few more of those?

Oh, I am listening.

We think that Mr. Wonka

might require a little more
than simply moving on.

- Oh.
- He's good.

Too good.

And what's more, he only charges
a sovereign a chocolate.

So anyone can afford them, even the...

You know, the...

- The poor?
- Oh, dear.

I've just been
a little bit sick in my mouth.

Could you please refrain from mentioning
that demographic in my presence?

He doesn't like it
when people say "poor."

- Sorry, Felix.

We want you to send Wonka a message.

Backed up by physical force.

That if he attempts to sell
chocolate in this town again,

he is liable to meet
with a little accident.

In which he dies.

Yeah, no, I... I got that already.

You don't have to keep saying it.

I'm just making sure
we're all on the same page.

Well, no one's on your page.

What's that supposed to mean?
Well, I know what it means...

Actually, what does it mean?

Gentlemen, please.

So, what do you say, Chief?
Do we have a deal?

Well, listen, fellas,
I'm an officer of the law.

I can't just go around
roughin' up your competition.

I'm sorry.

Well now, Chief.

I can see that
you're a man of integrity.

Thank you.

But ask yourself this...

Mmm.

Promised the wife
I'd cut down on chocolate.

Y'know, I gotta get in shape

for the Policeman's Ball, so...

No!

Gentlemen, let's give it the big sell.

I do, really. Yeah.

- Bell.

- Here.
- Benz.

- Mmm.

- Chucklesworth.

- Crunch.

- Here.
- Wonka.

- Bleacher!

- Toilet's blocked again.

Oh, wow.

The unmistakable sound of love.

You what?

Don't tell me you hadn't noticed.

What?

She's madly in love with you.

Mrs. Scrubitt?

Besotted.

And why not? Look at you.

Fine figure of a man.

You just need to tidy
yourself up a little bit.

Get some new clothes.

Have a bath.

A bath?

You do know what they say, right?

What do they say?

She'll be thankful for an ankle.

Yes.

- And pleased to see your knees.
- Right.

- But if you wanna make her sigh...
- Tell me.

Show her some thigh.

Bleacher!

- It's overflowing now.

- Get in there. Back to work.
- All right.

It's up to me ankles!

- Time-waster.

- Bleacher!

Curse that idle peasant.

- What you got there?

Nothing.

Do you like that coop, Noodle?

All right.

I was collecting laundry
from Professor Monocle the other day.

Yeah.

He's writing a book about
the Bavarian Royal Family.

Boring.

He's got sketches of noblemen
all over his wall.

So?

This one looked rather familiar.

Oh.

Blow me. That looks exactly like...

Mr. Bleacher.

Are you telling me Bleacher
is a Bavarian aristocrat?

- Uh-huh.

Go and get my gin.

Whoa!

Oh, so you finally managed
to drag your lazy...

Have you done something with your hair?

Maybe.

Maybe not.

Where'd you get them dungarees?

- Lost property.

Why?

Do they suit me?

- Yeah.

Not bad, I suppose.

What're you doing
all the way over there?

- Keeping my knees warm.

Well, why don't you come over here
and have a glass o' gin?

Why don't you come over here,
where it's all hot?

Whoa!

Oh!

- Oh, my Lord.

Ladies and gentlemen,
may I present to you

a brand-new contraption of my creation,

an innovation in laundrification.

Let me ask you a question,

how does Tiddles
wanna spend all his time?

- Chasing after mailmen.

And what do I have to do all day,
fellow scrubbers, please?

But now, with Willy Wonka's
Wild and Wonderful

Wishy-washy Wonka Walker,

please don't make me say that again,

Tiddles gets to run and I can have fun.

Just popping out for a bit.

I'll be back before roll call.

Until then, Tiddles has agreed to...

So, tell me all about Bavaria.

- Where?
- Where you're from.

- Oh, yes. It's very...

- ...Bavarian.
- Oh, whoo.

All clear.

- Really?
- Yeah.

We did it! Well done, Noodle.

I can't believe it worked.

Wait till you see how much
chocolate I made last night.

We sell this, and we're gonna be...

Oh, no.

What's going on, Willy?

Not again.

Where are the chocolates?

I don't know
how to tell you this, Noodle, but...

They've been stolen.

- Stolen?
- Mmm-hmm.

Who by?

The Little Orange Man.

What?

The Little Orange Man.
I didn't tell you about him?

No, ya didn't.

He's my nemesis. About yea high.

Comes in the dead of the night,
and he steals all my chocolate.

Been happening every few weeks
for the past three, four years now.

Really?

Sometimes I spy him

in that strange realm
'twixt sleep and wake,

green hair glinting in the moonlight.

Green hair?

One day I shall catch him, Noodle.

- Willy.
- When I do...

- Willy!
- Hmm?

You don't seriously expect me
to believe this, do you?

Of course I do.
What other explanation is there?

I don't know,

- that you go to sleep...
- Mmm-hmm.

...dream 'bout Little Green Man...

Orange man, green hair. Yeah.

...and while you're dreaming,

stuff your face with chocolate!

Stuff my...

That makes a lot more sense.

Why'd I ever think this would work?

I've been eating all my own chocolate?

- Stupid Silver Linings.
- I don't think I have been.

Hey!

There's nothing stupid
about my chocolate.

If Mrs. Scrubitt had spotted us,
I'd be in the coop right now.

Look, I'm sorry, okay?

But we can make more chocolate.

Only problem is I'm all out of milk.

Well, that's not a problem.

Milk.

A, that is stealing.

And C,

Willy Wonka does not use
any old cow's milk.

For this particular creation,
I require the milk of a giraffe.

Okay... fine.

As a matter of fact,
there's one at the zoo.

Bingala!

But, A, the zoo is not that way.

Great.

And, B,

they're not gonna let you just
walk in there and milk it.

Mmm. That, my dear Noodle,
is why we're very lucky

the Little Orange Man didn't find this.

What is it?

From Zoo Management.

In recognition of your years of service.

But I've only been here a year.

Which is why there's only one chocolate.

Huh.

Well, thank you very much.

You're welcome. Good night!

Hey, well done, Noodle.

So, what is it really?

It's called A Big Night Out.

A single chocolate that perfectly
mimics a night on the town.

Mmm.

The outer layer, a champagne truffle.

That's lovely.

The next is white wine.

Mmm.

Followed by red.

Now we are talking!

That's when the singing
and dancing starts.

It's when he hits
the layer o' whiskey fudge,

he'll get emotional.

She was the only woman I ever loved!

He might do something reckless.

I'll give her a call.

What harm could it do?

Hello, Gwennie? It's Basil.

I just wanted to say,
I've always loved you.

I love you so much. What?

It's Basil Bond.
We sat together in chemistry at school.

No, no, don't hang up!

Finally, some old port
from the back of the cupboard, and...

Hmm.

Let's go.

Noodle, let's go.

Why don't they fly away?

I don't know.

Perhaps they haven't thought of it.

- You're kidding.
- No, I'm serious.

That's the thing about flamingos.
They need someone to show 'em the way.

Huh.

Giraffe.

Giraffe. Giraffe.

Ah! Giraffe.

You have got to learn how to read.

Why?

You were nearly eaten by a tiger.

"Nearly" is the key word there, Noodle.

I've nearly been eaten
by a lot of things,

and none of them got more than a nibble.

Giraffe.

Okay, I'll learn how to read.

Good evening, Miss, um...

- Abigail.
- Abigail.

Whoa! Easy, now.

I brought acacia mints.

Oh.

Giraffes are just crazy
about my acacia mints.

Love 'em more than anything else.

Except being scratched
under the chin, you see?

You wanna give it a go, Noodle?

Me?

Yeah. Why not?

Okay.

- Ugh!
- Oh!

Think she likes you.

Miss Abigail,

if my colleague here
gives you a good scratch,

do you think you could possibly
spare us a pint or two of your milk?

So, have you done this before?

- Once. In Africa.

Magnificent beast.

- Was she wild?
- Wild?

She was absolutely furious.

You sure can be silly, Willy.

I suppose that's true-dle, Noodle.

True-dle?

That doesn't work, does it?

Nothing rhymes with Noodle.

Where'd you get that name, anyway?

Doesn't matter.

No, go on.

This.

It's all I have of my real parents. See?

"N" for Noodle. Or Nora, or Nina,

or nothing at all.

Can't you trace the owner?

You don't think I've tried?

When I was a Kid,

I always hoped that I'd find my parents.

And they'd live in this beautiful
old building full of books.

My mom, she'd be waiting there
for me at the door,

and I'd run into her arms.

She'd give me this big hug
like she'd never let me go.

But then I realized
it was just a stupid dream.

There's nothing stupid about that.

Isn't there?

I know things
haven't been easy for you, Noodle.

But they're gonna get better.

I'm not gonna let you rot
in that Wash House forever.

You promise?

I can do better than that.

I pinkie promise.

And that's the most solemn vow there is.

Get scratchin'.

We don't have long
until that guard comes to-dle, Noodle.

- To-dle!
- It's not even a word!

Oh.

I'm gonna keep working on it.

I got it, Noodle! Listen to this.

Willy!

Thanks, Abigail!

Chief,

you know that fella
you wanted a word with?

Mr. Wonka!

A word in private, if I may.

Certainly, Officer.

- Be on your way, Affable.
- Are you sure, sir?

Oh, yeah.
This is between me and Mr. Wonka.

You better get outta here, Noodle.

- But Willy...
- Don't worry about me.

I've talked my way out
of tighter spots than this.

I'll meet you back at the cart.

Now, Officer, if this is about Abigail...

I got a message for you, pal.

Whoa! No.

Do not sell chocolate in this town!

- You got it?

Not really, I'm afraid.

Oh, so you got a mouth
on you, huh, Candy Man?

I said...

- Don't sell chocolate!

You hear me that time?

I have water in my ears.

Oh.

Yeah, that... You've...

Okay, that makes sense. Yeah.

Listen, I'm sorry.

I'm all outta whack.

Truth is, I don't wanna be doin' this.

I don't want you to be doing this.

But I still gotta give ya a message.

Sell chocolate in this town again,

you're gonna get more
than a bonk on the head.

I don't have a bonk on the head.

What is with me today? I...

Can you give me just a second?

Sure.

Lord Bleachowitz.

Mrs. Scrubitt.

Your eyes are like two rabbit droppings
in a couple of bowls of custard.

Oh!

You really do have a way with words.

See you downstairs.

Geronimo!

Ah, Mr. Wonka.

- Good of you to join us.

- Not late, am I?
- Well, no.

Cutting it a bit fine, but...

- Has Tiddles been pulling his weight?

As a matter of fact,
Tiddles has been a very good boy,

- and productivity is up 30%.

We took the afternoon off.

But that's not the point.

This is the point.

- Not now, Larry.
- Sorry.

The point is...

Where have you been?

And why do you smell of giraffe?

- Guess I owe you guys an explanation.
- Mmm.

The truth is, I'm a chocolate maker.

Not just any chocolate.
The best in the world.

Ah, well, Noodle's flattering me,
but she's right. They're exquisite.

Plan is to sell chocolate
and pay off Mrs. Scrubitt.

At least that was the plan, until...

Oh, let me guess.

You had a little run-in
with the Chief of Police?

How do you know that?

Because I was Slugworth's accountant.
For a week, at least.

His regular bookkeeper was off sick.

Station, please.

And I was called halfway
across the country to take his place.

Good evening, Mr. Slugworth.

I just need your signature on...

Seemed a straightforward job.

Oh.

Until I realized
there were two sets of books.

One for the authorities,

and one which told the truth.

Slugworth, Fickelgruber and Prodnose
have been in cahoots for years.

A sort of chocolate cartel, if you will.

They've been watering down
their chocolate

and storing the excess in a secret vault
deep beneath the cathedral,

guarded round the clock
by a corrupt cleric

and 500 chocoholic monks.

The only way in is down
a secret elevator,

and past the Mistress of the Keys.

- A subterranean sentinel...

...who hasn't seen sunlight in years.

Good evening.

There's thousands
of gallons of chocolate down there,

and the Cartel use it to bribe, blackmail

and bludgeon the competition.

I do not care that
they were school children,

- they were in our way.

Next time, put your foot down.

Miss Bon-Bon?

Good morning, Mr. Slugworth.

From now on, I'll be keeping
the ledger in the vault.

Very good, sir.

Oh, and Mr. Crunch?

Yes?

You're fired.

Very good, sir.

I'm sorry, Mr. Wonka,

but they've got you
right where they want you.

You can't get a shop
without selling chocolate,

and you can't sell chocolate
without a shop.

Hey, Noodle!

Noodle! Psst!

What is it, Willy?

Watch out.

Whoa!

What's this for?

Your wages. A lifetime supply, remember?

- You didn't have to do that.
- Of course I did.

I gave you my word.

Well, thanks.

- I've got something for you too.
- For me?

What's this?

- Glass half full?
- Other way up.

Glass half empty.

It's an "A." Your first letter.

- I'm teaching you to read.
- Oh, Noodle.

Well, I can't have
my business partner eaten by a tiger.

Or nearly eaten.

So we're still partners?

Sure, but I don't know
how we're gonna sell any chocolate.

Every time the police show up,
you'd have to vanish into thin air.

Like a magician.

Right!

Yeah, but it's one thing
when you're onstage.

You have ropes and pulleys
and trapdoors.

There's none of those on the street.

As a matter of fact, there are.

There are trapdoors all over the city.

They're called storm drains.

I'd be happy to show you around
if you cut me in on the action.

If you're recruiting,
I'd do anything to get out of here

and make up with my wife.

I don't have any practical skills, but...

I can talk like I'm underwater.

And if you need someone
to handle communications,

I'm your woman.

Lottie?

What? Why you all staring at me?

I did not know she could speak.

I thought you were a mime.

No, I actually used to work
at the telephone exchange.

But back then, I was quite the chatterbox.

But since I came here,

- I haven't had much to chat about.

Far be it from me
to pour cold water on all your fun,

but if Mrs. Scrubitt
catches you trying to escape,

you'll all get six months in the coop.

So just think about that

before getting involved
in this harebrained scheme.

But it's not harebrained, Abacus.

Willy's chocolates are incredible.
Try one.

That's very kind of you, Noodle.

I don't care how good
his chocolates are.

When do we start?

I guess what I'm trying to say,
Barbara, is, um, will you marry me?

Oh... I dunno, Colin.

You're a lovely man,
but I'm looking for someone

to sweep me off my feet. You know,
whisk me off to a life of adventure.

Could that be you?

- No.
- Oh.

Not with my chronic
lack of self-confidence.

- Uh, I best be off.
- Oh, but Colin...

Sorry to have wasted your time, Barbara.

Uh, taxi!

Uh, monsieur, can I help you?

Oh, waiter.

Do you have anything for a broken heart?

It's true.

Have you been following me?

He doesn't even work here.

- I understand that, yeah.

- Totally true.

Yes, but what
I'm trying to tell you is that...

But, fellas...

All right, where is he?

- Where'd he go?

So that's how you're doin' it.

Affable,

I want a man on every
storm drain in the city.

Are you sure, sir?

Shouldn't we be focusing on
all those unsolved murders?

No, no, no, no, this is the priority.

Okay...

Okay, you know what?
I'm gonna need your help up.

Yep, there we go.

Pretty sure I've gained about 150 pounds
in the last two weeks.

Ooh!

Gotcha!

What the devil?

Let me out of here.

I demand to be released.

Incredible. It can speak.

Well, of course I can speak.

Now let me out of here,
or I shall shriek.

- Wow.
- Let me out!

Not until I take a good look at you.

- Wow.

Good evening.

So you're the funny little man
who's been following me.

"Funny little man"? How dare you.

I will have you know that I am

a perfectly respectable size
for an Oompa Loompa.

An Oompa-what-now?

In fact, in Loompaland,
I am regarded as something of a whopper.

- They call me Lofty.

So, I will thank you
to stop gawping at me

as though I was something unpleasant
you'd found in your handkerchief.

I find it uncomfortable
and, frankly, rude.

Um...

- Sorry.
- Now let me out of here.

You have absolutely no right

to go around
embottling innocent strangers.

Innocent?

Hold on, you've been
stealing from me. For years.

Well, you started it.

Me?

You stole our cocoa beans.

What are you talking about?

Do you mean
that you don't even remember?

Remember what?

The day you...

destroyed my life.

No, I don't remember that.

Well then, young man.

Allow me to refresh your memory

in the form of a song
so ruinously catchy

that it may never leave your mind.

Oh, I don't think I wanna hear that.

- Too late.

I've started dancing now.

Once we've started,
we can't stop, you see.

Hey, why didn't you say something?

Well, perhaps I drifted off.

A thousandfold?
You gotta be kidding me!

I repeat...

Hah. Wow.

Um... Mr. Loompa,

if you really think
that's a reasonable penalty

for taking three beans...

Four beans.

...four beans,

then I'm sure we can come
to some sort of understanding.

But I can't give you my entire supply.

I got people counting on me.

Hmm.

Very well. I tell you what.

You let me out of here,

and we can discuss it,
like gentlemen. Hmm?

All right.

Ah, thank you.

Now, would you be so very kind
as to pass me that miniature frying pan?

Hmm. This one?

No, no. The heavier one, please.

All right.

Thank you. Thank you very...

Ooh, I say,
that is quite a beast, isn't it?

Now, come a little closer.

That's it, closer, closer, closer.

- Come on, cozy on up.
- Okay.

- There we are.
- What?

- Ow!

Ow!

Oompa Loompas do not negotiate.

- Good day, sir.

But that's my last jar!

I said, good day.

- He came back?

Yes, Noodle, but this time I set a trap.

And he walked right into it.

So, where is he?

Ah, well, we had a fight, you see.
He won.

Hit me on the head with a frying pan
and jumped out of the window.

Of course he did.

You don't believe me, do you?

Honestly? No.

No!

No.

- No.
- Definitely not.

But, as it so happens,
we don't need to sell chocolate today.

And why is that?

You know that shop?
The one you've been dreaming of?

Now, I know what you're thinking.

It may need a little work.

Looks like someone
left the water running

20 years ago and the ceiling fell through.

And the ceiling above that,
and the ceiling above that.

But that means we can afford it.

For a week, anyway.

And we'd finally be legitimate.

The police wouldn't have any excuse
to keep bothering us.

So, what do you think, Willy?

Do you like it?

Do I like it?

Noodle, it's just as I always imagined.

No, scratch that,
it's better than I imagined.

I mean, look at this place.

| mean, yeah, it's a wreck,
but... the potential!

- The bones!

You mark my words,

this is gonna be the best chocolate shop
the world has ever seen.

Whoo!

You won't be scrub-scrubbin'
much longer, Noodle.

- We'll all be free.

As free as flamingos!

There's six of them in total,
including the little girl.

She seems to be
the brains of the operation.

They're based out of a laundry
called Scrubitt and Bleacher.

Scrubitt's?

That's right.

Why, you know it?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.

They just rented a shop.
So, legally, I can't touch them.

But illegally, I'm happy to do
whatever you guys want.

You want 'em all
to have a little accident?

In which they die?

Not a problem.

But it's gonna cost you
a lot more chocolate.

It's all right, Chief.

And also, I'd, uh,
be grateful for an advance.

'Cause the last boxes you gave me...

they're gone.

All of them?

I've been eating
these little paper cases

for the... for the past three days.

You know, you think they're
gonna give you the same hit.

They don't.

Oh.

There you go, Chief.

There's plenty more
where that came from.

You stand down for now.

We'll give you a call
when the time is right.

- What is it, Arthur?
- The girl.

You don't really think
it could be her, do you?

I do.

You always assured us
she wouldn't be a problem.

He's right. You did assure us.

And she won't be.

Nor will Wonka.

I'll see to it, personally.

Who is it? What do you want?

Mr. Slugworth.

Just a minute, sir.

Good evening.

- Good evening.
- Who is it, Puffy-wu...

- Stone me. It's Mr. Slugworth.

To what do we owe the honor?

You have a guest. A Mr. Wonka?

He's been sneaking out to sell chocolate
with the help of your serving girl.

Why, that little brat.

Well, quite.

I wondered if you might help me
put an end to their... business.

Here we go, Mamma.

Ladies and gentlemen,
greetings to you all,

and welcome to Wonka's.

Tremendous things are in store,
both literally and metaphorically.

What?

In there?

Humor me.

Mmm!

So, mushrooms,
pears, assorted flowers.

That comes to 89 sovereigns.

A bargain at twice the price.

Thank you, sir.
And how would you like your change?

Spendable or edible?

Oh, edible, please.

- Enjoy.

And, uh, don't forget
to eat your basket.

- Oh.
- No, no, no.

Hold your place in the queue.

Abacus, that man just
gave us 100 sovereigns.

- I know, Noodle!

Who's next?

- That'll be me.
- Me!

Uh...

Mr. Wonka?

Yes?

What's going on here?

Oh, my goodness. That's impossible.

Unless...

Yeti sweat?

Yeti sweat?

The most powerful
hair potion in the world.

But I didn't put it in there.

Ladies and gentlemen!
Your attention, please!

There appears
to be a manufacturing error.

Nobody eat the flowers!

Uh, why not?

What's wrong with them?

What's the matter with this toadstool?

My daughter took one bite,
and just look at her!

There's nothing wrong
with the chocolate milk, is there?

I'm terribly sorry, everyone,

and I don't know
how to explain this, but...

It appears that the chocolates
have been poisoned!

- Poisoned?

- Poisoned?
- He poisoned my child!

I didn't... I didn't poison them.

- I want my money back.

I want compensation.

I want revenge.

Whoa!

No, no! Please!

This is what you get for
mustach-ing my daughter!

I'll wait for you.

Help!
I have to get away from this place.

And that, I believe,
is the end of Wonka's Chocolate Shop.

I don't understand. What...

What...

What happened?

Isn't it obvious?

The Chocolate Cartel.

It's okay, Willy. We can rebuild.

We can start again.

There's no point, Noodle.

It didn't work.

What do you mean?

She promised she would be here.

She wasn't.

- You didn't actually think that...
- No, I did.

Stupid dream.

Don't say that, Willy.
Please don't ever...

Come on, Noodle.

I think Mr. Wonka needs to be alone.

Every good thing
in this world started with a dream.

So you hold on to yours.

And when you do share
chocolate with the world,

oh, I'll be right there beside ya.

Terrible shame, what happened here.

Take it you're responsible?

Us? Oh, no. Well, not personally.

We may have encouraged Mrs. Scrubitt
to enhance your creations.

We paid her to poison them.

- Yes, thank you, Gerald.
- You're welcome.

So why have you come? To gloat?

Oh, no, Mr. Wonka,

I don't waste my time
with that sort of thing.

We've come to offer you a deal.

This is the precise amount
you owe Mrs. Scrubitt.

This is for the number cruncher,

the plumber,

the telephonist,

the so-called funny-man,

and this...

is for the girl.

Now, we put in a bit extra for her.

So that she can get a place
to live, clothes, toys...

books.

Oh, yes, Mr. Wonka.

You could change her life,
change all their lives.

And what would I have to do?

Leave town.

Oh, and, um,

never make chocolate again.

There's a boat sailing at midnight.

And for their sake, as much as
your own, I hope you're on board.

- Checking out, are we?
- Yeah.

Ah, Mr. Wonka.

Your ticket. Uh, one-way.

To the North Pole.

It's premium economy.

Yeah, it's basically economy.

I mean, yeah,
you get a little more legroom.

A complimentary packet of peanuts.

Is it worth the extra?

I don't know. But these guys...

We don't need to go into details.

Goodbye,

Mr. Wonka.

Thank you.

So glad you're here.

Oh, I'm not going to let you
out of my sight, Willy Wonka.

Not till you've paid your debt.

But I bring glad tidings on that score.

What's that?

I've been doing my sums.

One more jar, and we're even.

Or, if you prefer,
I will accept half a jar

of those rather amusing Hoverchocs.

- You're outta luck.

I don't make chocolate anymore.

Oh, dear, please don't tell me

you're going to go through
with this ridiculous deal.

I have to. For Noodle.

I promised her a better life.

I pinkie promised.

You should stand up to those bullies.

Give 'em the old one-two.

That's what an Oompa Loompa would do.

But if you are determined

to just sit there
feeling sorry for yourself,

I am going flat.

Good night, sir.

Huh.

What is it?

No, nothing.

Well, it's obviously something
because you said, "Huh."

I'm sorry. Forget it.

- Very well.

Huh.

- Oh, you did it again.

Tell me what it is, or I shall poke you
quite viciously with a cocktail stick.

Look. Where Slugworth shook my hand.

His ring left a mark. See?

It's an "A," surrounded by "S"s.

So what? His name is Arthur Slugworth.

It's probably a family ring.

Yes, but Noodle has one just like it.

- Noodle?
- Uh-huh.

Why would Noodle the orphan
have a Slugworth family ring?

There's only one reason I can think of.

Which is?

And if I'm correct,
Noodle could be in grave danger.

Well, come on, Wonka. Spit it out.
Produce your owl pellet of wisdom.

There's no time. I gotta get back.

- Captain!
- Wonka?

Come back here.

Wonka! I demand an explanation.

Captain?

On second thoughts,
the explanation can wait.

Good day to you.

Well, gentlemen,
one dead chocolatier, as requested.

Miss Bon-Bon?

Yes, Mr. Slugworth?

Give the chief his chocolate.

My, my.

What a lot o' long faces this morning.

It's almost as though you lot
had a sneaky little scheme

to try and wriggle out
of your contracts.

- Which spectacularly misfired.

But I've got some good news
for you lot, not that you deserve it.

Your friend, Mr. Wonka,
done a deal with Mr. Slugworth.

What?

Gave up on his dream
to settle your accounts.

- Mr. Crunch.
- Present.

You're free to go.

Scram, bookworm.

- Bell.
- Hello.

Sling yer hook.

Benz.

You ain't gotta tell me twice.

Chuckles worth.

You've been
a terrible audience. Good night!

Yeah, well, you ain't been
much of a comedian, mate.

- I know.
- Hey, Larry.

Keep going. You've got something.

You scare me.

And finally, Noodle.

Biggest pile o' the lot.

But this isn't to pay your bill.

This is to keep you here.

- What do you mean?

My friend, Mr. Slugworth,

doesn't think
nasty little urchins like you

should be out on the streets,
lowering the tone.

So, he gave me this money

to keep you down
in the Wash House for good.

And I'm only too happy to oblige.

- I hate you!
- Hey!

- Hey, hey, hey.

Look at her go, Lord Bleachowitz.

- Lord Bleachowitz?

You don't still think
he's a lord, do you?

What?

We made it up, you stupid old hag.

She's... She's lying.

Right, that's it,
you horrible little brat.

You're goin' in the coop, my girl.

And you! Take them dungarees off,
you... you peasant.

But Puffy-wuffy.

I wuv you.

Hello, Noodle.

Willy. I thought you'd gone.

I did.

Slugworth promised you a better life,

but he didn't exactly
keep his side of the bargain.

So I came back. We all did.

- Hey, Noodle.
- How do?

- Hey.
- Surprise!

He wants me locked up forever.

Yeah, well, that figures.

Why? What's he got against me?

I don't know, Noodle. Not for sure.

All I know for certain

is that you won't be safe
until Slugworth is behind bars.

And how, exactly,
is that supposed to happen?

Abacus. You said the Cartel keep
a record of all their dirty deeds.

In the green ledger, yes.

So if we can get hold o' that,

we can prove that
they poisoned our chocolate.

Scrubitt and Bleacher would
go to jail, and we'll all be free.

Uh, yes, but may I remind you,
they keep that ledger in a vault.

Guarded by a corrupt cleric.

And 500 chocoholic monks.

- Mmm-hmm.
- That's all true.

But I went for a long,
cold swim this morning.

Cold water is very good for the brain,
stimulates the neural pathways.

And after just four miles,
it came to me.

How an ingenious orphan,

an accountant, a plumber,

a telephone exchange operator,

and a man who can speak underwater,

could combine those talents
and pull off the heist of the century.

But even if we do get
our hands on that ledger,

the Cartel will simply bribe
their way out of trouble.

- It's what they do.

The greedy beat the needy, Willy.

It's just the way of the world.

You're right, Noodle.

I guess that's why
there's one other thing to do.

- What's that?
- Change the world.

Whoa!

Where do we start?

'Scuse me, sir.

Could you spare a piece
of chocolate for a starvin' orphan?

I'm sorry, my child.
I don't have any on me.

Oh.

Then have some acacia mints.

Yes!

"To Basil Bond, employee of the week."

Oh, that's lovely...

Everything all right back there?

Everything's fine. Isn't it, Abigail?

Tell her she might want to duck.

Tell her she might wanna what?

Duck!

Good morning, brethren.

Good morning, Father.

Now, as you all know,

it's Baron von Schmeichelhammer's
funeral today.

- And his widow's a bit of a pious type.
- Ugh!

So, I don't want to see anyone
eating chocolate during the service.

Yes, Father.

We all know that one day,
we shall be judged for our sins,

but it's not going to be today.

Amen.

There, there.

Nice giraffe.

Run! Everybody out!

Save yourselves!

Judgment has come!

Run off! Quickly!

In a most unexpected form.

Run away!

What have I done to deserve this?

You know what you've done, Julius.

You've sold your soul
for 30 pieces of chocolate.

Hello, operator.
How may I direct your call?

I need the Zoo.
It's an emergency.

Putting you through
to the Escaped Animal Department now.

Hello, Zoo.

Quiet down, you animals.

You too, octopus.

There's a giraffe.

What? Oh, yeah, I think
we did lose a giraffe.

- Well, could you come and get it?

Okay, jeez. I'll send the guys around.

Oh, forgive me!

I'm a sinner!

A weak and wicked chocoholic!

Good morning, everyone.

- Welcome to St. Benedict's.

Baroness, I'm so sorry for your loss.

We're just having
a few technical difficulties, um,

So you might want to pop
the late baron down for a minute.

Ah, the cavalry.

Are you the cleric
who called about a giraffe?

All clear.

Huh. "Thanks for all your hard work.

Father Julius and the Chocolate Cartel."

Oh, that's nice.

Mmm.

- Here we are, Father.

- One giraffe.

- Marvelous.
- Thank you, thank you.

Stand back, please. Stand back.

Have I got a sweet tooth? Pow! I do

Wow.

Have I got a sweet tooth...

She can really move.

I could've been happy,
but I threw a pearl away.

I'll give him a call. No, I can't.

I will give him a call, actually.

Hello?

Basil? It's Gwennie.

You were right.

What are the chances?

Those days in chemistry class
were the happiest of my life.

Cool.

Sorry about this, sir.

The seafood truck spilled its load.

There's so many blasted
flamingos about these days.

Well, hurry it along now, will you?

The town square
was closed this morning

after a bizarre incident
at the city cathedral,

delaying the funeral
of noted philanthropist

Baron von Schmeichelhammer.

In nomine Patris,

et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.

Amen.

Sorry, I'd best get that.

- Hello, Pulpit.
- Father.

Everything all right there?

Oh, yes, Mr. Slugworth.

All tickety-boo.

At least it is now.

- What do you mean by that?

Oh, we had a giraffe in here earlier.

Had to clear the whole place
for about 20 minutes,

but everything's back to normal.

Hello?

Damn the flamingos, Donovan! Floor it!

Yes, sir!

Idiot!

- Anything?
- Nothing.

Well, keep looking.

It's not in here, Willy.

But Abacus said that it was here.

Abacus has been in the Wash House

for the past four years.

Maybe all the scrubbing
has gone to his head.

'Cause all that's down here
is just a bunch of stupid old chocolate.

Willy, look!

We did it, Noodle.

- We got 'em.

Naughty, naughty, Mr. Wonka.

You've caused us quite a bit of trouble.

You and your urchin.

Yeah, but she's not just an urchin,
is she, Mr. Slugworth?

You're family.

What?

What are you talking about, Willy?

You know that ring, Noodle?

The one your parents gave you?

Mr. Slugworth has one just like it.

Don't you, Mr. Slugworth?

As a matter of fact, I do.

That belonged to my brother. Zebedee.

Was he my father?

A hopeless romantic is what he was.

Fell in love with
a common little bookworm,

died before they could marry.

Leaving me sole heir
to the family fortune.

Or so I thought.

But nine months later,
your mother turned up on my doorstep,

begging me to get a doctor
for her sick little newborn.

I said I would help.

But you didn't. Did you?

Oh, no.

Instead, you put me
down a laundry chute.

Bye-bye, baby.

Mrs. Scrubitt found me.

She saw the ring.

Thought it was an "N, "
and called me Noodle.

But it wasn't.

It was "Z." For Zebedee.

Well, quite.

When your mother returned,
I told her you had died.

Oh, no!

She was heartbroken, of course.

But, uh, I gave her
a handful of sovereigns

and had her escorted from my property.

What was her name?

Eh?

My mom. What was her name?

Ooh.

Let me see. Um...

No, I don't think I could remember that.

Sorry. But you have to understand,

she was very poor.

- Sorry, Felix.

Her name was Dorothy.

Dorothy Smith. It says so right here.

Dorothy?

Well, what do you know?

I guess you did teach me
to read after all.

Well, this is all very touching,

but back to business.

We'll take that, thank you.

How much chocolate
do you have at your factory,

Mr. Fickelgruber?

Oh, about 80,000 gallons.

- Prodnose?

Seventy-five?

And I've got 150.

That should be enough.

For what?

Death by chocolate.

On you go.

Uh, gentlemen.

Considering the situation,

I wondered if you'd do
a good deed on my behalf.

A what?

"A good deed."

It's a sort of pointless act
of selflessness...

Yes, of course, Mr. Wonka.
What would you like us to do?

I was wondering
if you could give this to someone.

Only if you happen to see him.

And who is it?

- A little orange man.
- Eh?

A little orange man.

About eight inches high,
with orange skin and bright green hair.

I owe him a jar of chocolates,
you see. And, well,

I think these might be
the best I ever made.

Well, in that case,
I'll make sure he gets them personally.

Farewell, Mr. Wonka.

Urchin.

What are we gonna do, Willy?

I don't know, Noodle.
I'll think of something.

Best chocolate he ever made, eh?

- Whoo-hoo.
- Oh!

I got it!

What is it? Did you think of something?

Yes, I did.

If we're gonna drown
in chocolate, Noodle,

and let's face it,
we're gonna drown in chocolate,

then it's gonna be Wonka chocolate.

We're not gonna drown, Willy.
Look, there's a light.

We'll let the chocolate lift us up,

we'll bang on the glass,

and pray somebody hears us.

That's a much better idea.

Ah, gentlemen.

It was a bit
of a close shave this morning,

and I was wondering if perhaps
we could rethink our arrangement. Or...

Or... just leave things as they are.

Father.

Well, Wonka might be
as nutty as a fruitcake,

but he sure knew how to make chocolate.

- Mmm.
- But do you think

we should have saved some
for the Little Orange Man?

Tell me you're joking.

Uh, yes. Yes, I am. Sorry, why am I?

Because there's no such thing

as a little orange man, ya nincompoop.

- Help!
- Help!

Somebody help, please!

- Please help!
- Help!

Look. Look, somebody's coming. Look.

Willy, we're saved!

- I'm sorry, Noodle.
- Don't be.

You found my family.

A mom who loved me.

That's all I ever wanted.

Deep breath now.

Mmm! Exquisite.

You mustn't let yourself
get so worked up.

It's just a bit of chocolate.

- Correction.

It was actually my chocolate.

You have made
a very grave error, gentlemen.

You steal from an Oompa Loompa,

we take back a thousandfold.

What's going on, Willy?

It's draining, Noodle.

We've been saved!

- By who?
- I don't know.

By the Little Orange Man!

- Look.
- Wh...

The Little Orange Man!

Thank you, Little Orange Man!
Thank you!

Gentlemen. Thank goodness
you're okay. I came as fast as I could.

Whew! Car shrunk.

I'm sure it did.

And you've nothing
to worry about, Chief.

All under control.

A couple of thieves broke in,
but I'm afraid

they met with a little... accident.

In which they died.

That's actually rather good, Gerald.

I wouldn't be SO sure about that.

Officer, would you kindly
take a look at this?

Wonka!

It details every single illegal payment
these men have ever made.

Thousands of them.

Affable, don't listen to her. She's lyin'.

Well, of course she is.

She's not, sir. She's absolutely right.

It's incredible.

Oh. Well.

Then that sounds like a case
for the Chief of Police.

So you give it to me, Affable, I'll, uh...

I'll take it off your hands.

You know, save you the paperwork.

I can't do that, I'm afraid, sir.

Why's that?

Because your name is written down here.

Huh?

- A lot.
- Gentlemen...

- You're under arrest.
- Run.

We puttin' handcuffs on, here?

- That's okay, Noodle.

Give it one second.

What's happening?

Why are we airborne?

You didn't eat any of those chocolates,

- did you, Mr. Slugworth?
- Why?

Because they're Hoverchocs.

Delayed action, but extra strong.

You think you're very clever,
don't you, Wonka?

Well, there's a billion
sovereigns of chocolate

beneath our feet.

We'll get the best lawyers,

bribe the judge,
rig the jury if we have to.

We'll be fine.

I wish I'd thought of that.

Hey, Noodle!

What is that?

It's our chocolate!

All our chocolate!

We're ruined!

Hey, don't worry, gentlemen.
You'll come down eventually.

Probably. I think.

But until then,

ladies and gentlemen,

- Willy Wonka and friends...

...Invite you to enjoy our chocolate.

- Yay! Magic Wonka!

Gwennie?

Basil!

What did I say, Abacus,
I told you we could fix it all.

Your cup.

Thank you.

- There you are.
- There you go.

- Careful, not too much.

Okay.

- Mmm.
- Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

- Mmm.
- Thank you.

- Mmm.
- Oh.

Huh.

So... how does it feel, Willy?

Is it as good as you remember?

Every little bit.

I wish it could last forever.

I guess it's time.

Time for what?

Do you know how many people
in this city are named D. Smith?

One hundred and six.

And luckily, you have a friend
who works at the telephone exchange,

and she spent
the entire afternoon ringing around.

And guess what?

We found her.

You found my mom?

She works in the library.

That's where she lives.

Come on, Noodle.

- Mom.

So goes a good deed in a weary world.

I was wondering if I'd see you again.

I'm not going anywhere, Willy Wonka,
not until you've paid your debt.

Now, I know you tried.

Loompa law is very clear
on this subject.

Until such time

as the chocolate is
physically in my hand...

Oh. Thank you.

Thank you. For saving my life.

Well, I suppose
that concludes our business.

I will now return
to my beloved Loompaland.

Where the cocoa beans grow in
disappointingly small numbers,

and my friends look down on me.

What? I thought they called you Lofty.

The truth is that I am
a quarter-inch below average.

They call me Shorty-pants.

- But there it is.

Good day to you, sir.

Uh, it's a shame you have to go.

I said, good day.

If I'm gonna share
my chocolate with the world,

I'm gonna need more than a shop.

I'm sure you will.

I'm gonna need a factory.

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

And someone to head up
the tasting department.

The tasting department?

All right.

- Where?

- It's a ruined castle.

Frankly, I rather doubt it.

Well, that does defy explanation.

Not bad.

Oh. What is wrong with this thing?

Infernal machine.

- There, much better.

Shoes, facelift, nose job, Ibiza,

big old house in the country, lingerie.

It's the Cartel. They've gone down.

- We ain't done nothin'.

Oh, except poison all them chocolates.

- Police. Open up.

Quick! Drink the evidence.

Oh, just a second, Officer.

- Police.

I'm on the toilet, Officer.

Open up.

-One wipe, and I'm done.

Oh, there's more coming,
hang on a minute.

Right.

Wow.

How can we help you, Officer?

You two are comin' with me.

But we ain't done nothin'.

You're going away for a very long time.

One last kiss, my lord?

- Oh, Puffy-wuffy.