All language subtitles for The.Golden.Child.1986.REMASTERED.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG.HI.eng

[CHANTING]

[WIND BLOWING]

[PUPPETS SPEAKING TIBETAN]

[MONKS CHANTING]

[MURMURING]

[GROANS]

[CHIRPING]

[CHIRPING CONTINUES]

- [DOOR OPENS]
- [MEN YELLING]

[MONKS CLAMORING]

Don't let him touch you!

[YELLS]

[SCREAMS]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

Butt Pie.

There's a sequel to a book written
called Butt Cake.

Very popular at the newsstands.
About a butt with cake all over it.

Chunky Asses?

[INAUDIBLE]

Welcome to the Mel Backman Journal.
I'm Mel Backman.

With me today is Chandler Jarrell

who's doing something
very vital for the community.

Chandler is a finder of lost children.
Am I correct?

- Yes, I find missing children.
- That's very interesting.

There was a show called Finder
of Lost Loves. Did you see that?

- Tony Franciosa was the star.
- Uh, yeah...

- Listen, I'm looking for this girl...
- I hope you're not nervous.

It's perfectly normal. This is
my fifth show and I'm still nervous.

In fact, is there anyone here
who's not nervous? Are you nervous?

I'm trying to find this girl,
Cheryl Mosely,

who disappeared a while back...

This is wonderful. It's what
the program is all about.

When I came here, I told them I didn't
want to be another Merv or Johnny.

I want to do the kind of programming
that's responsive to the community.

Listen, I'm trying to find
Cheryl Mosely. She's 4'11"...

This is wonderful. Um, uh...

If I want to get into your line
of work, is there a course I can take?

- You just have to care about children.
- Do you recommend this line of work?

- Can you make a lot of money?
- CHANDLER: She's 16...

MEL: This is off the subject,
but that's a wonderful hat.

Where did you get that?

CHANDLER: She's 16
and I'm trying to find her...

MEL: Great, let's say you do find her.

What would be the first thing
you'd say to her?

- Her name is Cheryl Mosely...
- Thank you, Chandler.

Let's talk about tortoises.
What have you got here?

- Oh, this is Teddy, who is 80 years old.
- 80?

- Isn't he darling?
- Teddy can kiss my ass.

I'm trying to find this girl,
Cheryl Mosely.

She was last seen
on Vineland in North Hollywood.

She had on a sweater and a skirt.

Call me on 4-6-8-8-4-9-2
if you have...

Shut up. If you have any information
about her, please contact me.

If you don't put the camera back,
I'll bust your ass. Leave it on me.

Cheryl Mosely, Chandler Jarrell,
24 hours a day, 4-6-8-8-4-9-2.

Now you can talk with the tortoises.
Excuse me.

MEL: Thank you.
That was Chandler Jarrell.

You've had a sex change?

[EXCITED SHOUTING]

CHANDLER: Okay, let's go.
Take it slow, now. Tie him, tie him.

Yo, yo, yo! Why are you hanging
in the back of the court?

Let's go. There you go.
All the way, boys. It's you!

- Yes!
- [BOYS CHEERING]

All right, come on, now.

What's wrong with you, scrub?

Scrub.

- Good afternoon, Mr. Jarrell.
- Hi.

So you're the finder of lost children.

Oh, you must have seen me on TV.

- Yeah, I like working with children.
- Hey, Chandler, come on!

Shut up!

- A child has been kidnapped.
- When?

- Five days ago in north-eastern Tibet.
- [CHUCKLES]

Tibet's a little bit
out of my territory.

This child is special.

- His destiny is to save the world.
- Hmm, that's a good destiny.

Chandler, throw the ball!

Here!

400 years ago, the Nechung Oracle
predicted that the Gompen Tarma,

that is Tibetan for "Golden Child,"

would be taken to the new city,
the City of the Angels.

He would be rescued by
a man who is no angel.

- Who is that?
- You.

[LAUGHING] Yeah, right. Okay.

I'm in the middle of
a basketball game,

although I'd love to stay and chat.

- This looks like a big joint.
- I'm serious, Mr. Jarrell.

Lick it and smoke it. [LAUGHING]

I think there were two of these,
and you smoked the other one.

Put it in your bag
and stop smoking scrolls.

It looks like a joint.

You might get jumped by Rastafarians,
so put it away.

Excuse me, I have a game to play.
It was a nice thought.

I realize
it's hard for you to take in,

but it's your destiny
to find the Golden Child.

And it's your destiny
to seek psychiatric help.

Really. Can I go and play now?
Please, go home?

Excuse me. And such a cute girl, too.

Dope fiend! [LAUGHING]

- [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]
- [SIREN BLARES]

- Is that her?
- Yes, that's Cheryl Mosely.

- How long has she been missing?
- About three weeks.

CHANDLER: What have you got?
BOGGS: Not much.

Three days ago, the rental sign goes
down and a truck backs up to the door.

The neighbors hear a continuous
low murmur night and day.

At ten last night, the truck pulls up
again and the murmuring stops.

A neighbor comes out to shut up
his dog who won't come down the hill.

He looks over the fence
and finds the body.

- Who rented the place?
- She did. By phone, mailed in cash.

Did you take the referral I sent you?

- No.
- You only take the kid cases.

Yeah.

BOGGS: Uh, listen,
get a few more shots in here.

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Ms. Tibet, you can come out now. Stop
following me, I won't take your case.

You're already on it.

What makes you think
the kid was in the house?

KEE: This is a restraint curse.

They must restrain him
spiritually and physically.

They need to keep evil
on all four sides of him at all times.

Just the writing isn't enough.
They'd need something else.

- Or what?
- The child projects himself astrally.

[LAUGHING]

Give me a break.

You're telling me
that the people that killed Cheryl...

If I find them, they're the same
people that kidnapped the...

...the Golden Child. Exactly.

Right.

- But why would they kill Cheryl?
- I don't know.

- Why are they feeding the kid blood?
- Are you sure?

- I found a bowl of oatmeal...
- Yes?

...with some blood on the bottom
of it. It's probably hers.

I don't know. There is somebody
we could ask about the blood.

This is LA, though. You're going to
ask somebody about the blood? Um...

Are they in this world
or do we have to project there?

Some part of the galaxy... [LAUGHING]

[SPEAKING TIBETAN]

Ah, Mr. Jarrell, you honor my shop
with your presence.

[SPEAKING TIBETAN]

He's very pleased
to meet a man as great as you.

- Oh. How do you say "Thank you"?
- [SPEAKING TIBETAN]

[BOTH SPEAKING TIBETAN]

- KEE: We must speak to Kala.
- [SPEAKING TIBETAN]

MAN: Okay... Hey!

[CONTINUES IN TIBETAN]

[LAUGHING]

Mr. Jarrell.

[SPEAKING TIBETAN]

[SLOW INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]

- [MUSIC STOPS]
- You may speak with her.

She can hear you.

- Tell me about the Golden Child.
- [KALA EXHALES]

KALA: Every thousand generations,
a perfect child is born.

A Golden Child.

He has come to rescue us.

- Rescue us from what?
- [BLOWS] From ourselves.

- Ah.
- He is the Bringer of Compassion.

If he dies, compassion
will die with him.

If something happens to the kid,
the whole world goes to hell?

- The world will become hell!
- Ah!

It's not far from that now!
Who would want to take the kid?

Those who want evil rather than good.

- Can you be more specific?
- We do not know who took him.

Could you tell me why
they are trying to make him eat blood?

Nothing in this world will hurt him.

But if he were to pollute himself
with anything impure,

he would become vulnerable.

Okay. So if they...

If he eats the blood,
they can kill him.

- Yes.
- Oh!

Do you have any other questions?

- As a matter of fact I do.
- [EXHALES]

What are you doing this weekend,
because your silhouette is kicking!

[RATTLING]

[SPEAKING TIBETAN]

She plays the maracas, too?

- KALA: This is the Chosen One?
- Yes...

You people put on a good show.
Where did you find her?

She's the librarian at
the Secret Repository at Palkor Sin.

She was flown here to help us.
She's over 300 years old.

- How did she manage that one?
- An ancestor was raped by a dragon.

Does that happen a lot
where you're from? [CHUCKLES]

[TIRES SCREECH]

I'm sorry I got a little harsh.
Why don't you come up?

No, thank you.

[GROANS]

- What is it?
- The spirits, the spirits...

A spirit's just told me that
you should come up for a little while,

have a drink,
and wait for further instructions.

[LAUGHING]

I'm sorry. Why don't you come up
for a while? I'll be good.

Okay.

I tried.

You should always give a woman
two chances to say no, just in case.

That's "no," twice.

All right... but the spirits
are going to be very upset.

You know, I am the Chosen One.

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

[HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING]

[CHANTING]

- [STONE THUDS]
- [GLASS BREAKING]

[THUD]

[STONE THUDS ON BARREL]

[PUTTIN' ON THE RITZ PLAYING]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

[CAN CLATTERS]

You will eat.

Get this, and the rest
of your playthings, out of here.

[LOW HUMMING]

[OBJECTS CLATTERING]

[CHANTING SOFTLY]

[BIRD CHIRPING]

[CHIRPING]

Hey, bird!

Did you just see a little Hare Krishna
midget in a tree, floating?

- Or is it me?
- [PHONE RINGING]

That must be Rod Serling.

- Yeah?
- MAN: Are you looking for Cheryl Mosely?

Yeah.

I know the bastards who grabbed her.

- Who was she with?
- Have you ever been in Pacoima?

- Yeah. Who was she with?
- Behind the freeway there's a house.

It's a pad for some bikers
called the Yellow Dragons.

She was with them last week.
She isn't there now.

- Who is this? Hello?
- [LINE DISCONNECTS]

[DOG BARKING]

- What is it?
- CHANDLER: Nothing.

I came prepared in case we had
any other eventualities.

Listen, you wait here.

If there's a problem, you leave.
Now, what are you going to do?

- I'll stay here.
- No. You stay here now.

If there's a problem,
get behind the wheel and drive away.

- Understand me? You got that?
- Yes.

Stay... leave. Okay.

[WOMAN GASPS]

I won't hurt anybody.
I don't want any trouble.

No trouble... I'm sorry,
I just want some chips, that's all.

All I want is chips.
A chip, that's it.

Turn that over, it's burning.

I just want some chips.

[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING]

[LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [LAUGHING]

[DOG BARKING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER CONTINUES]

May I ask you a couple of questions?

[ROCK MUSIC CONTINUES BLARING]

- That ought to hold him.
- Yeah, that ought to hold him.

[COUGHING]

Hey, hey, hey! In my pocket,
there's a whole thing of Tic Tacs.

Take as many as you like. Please.

[GRUNTING]

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

What are you doing here?

Hey!

[GRUNTS]

I'll bust your brain, asshole!

[GRUNTING CONTINUES]

[MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVS]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Why did you come in here?
I told you to stay in the car!

I'm not going to
turn this into a lecture,

but next time I tell you
to do something, you do it.

This is a man thing. This is no place
for a woman to be, understand?

Next time I tell you to do something,
do it. I don't want you to get hurt.

- Can I handle this, okay?
- Okay.

BIKER: Leave me alone, asshole.

A girl tattooed with a yellow dragon
was here. What happened to her?

What girl?

- I've never seen her before.
- Okay.

[GROANS]

Oh. Cheryl!

Yeah, her... We sold her.

What do you mean? You sold her to who?

To Tommy Tong. He's got that
restaurant down on Broadway.

We traded her for a case of cigarettes
and a quart of pork fried rice.

Why would somebody
want to buy somebody?

- He needed a girl.
- For what?

He worked out a deal with the Devil.
He said he needed her blood. [LAUGHING]

Look, you're going to go over
and rough him up, huh?

Don't tell him I told you.

Why would I do that?
Let me get this right. Um...

- So you sold her?
- Yeah, we sold her.

[GROANS]

Wait here.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I'm looking for Tommy Tong.

Stop acting stupid,
the man owns the place, all right?

I'm looking for Tommy Tong.

[SPEAKING TIBETAN]

Oh, you don't speak English?
Let me translate it.

Bring Tommy Tong here
or I'll bust your ass.

You understand that? Huh?

You see this dead girl? The last time
she was seen alive was with Tong.

Tell Mr. Tong that he has a guest
or I'll bust your ass!

[YELLS]

Let me show you how I feel
about that karate shit, okay?

[OBJECTS SHATTERING]

[WHIMPERS]

How did you do that?
What was that... with the flip?

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

[SQUEAKING]

[GROANS]

[SQUEAKING]

- You killed him.
- I didn't kill him!

- What happened?
- I don't know.

Maybe the guy cut himself shaving

and bled to death
looking for a Kleenex.

Really, I... Hey!

Maybe the guy thought
that I was coming,

got scared and figured,
"What the hell?" and killed himself.

- You buy that?
- No.

Neither do I.

We may be up against
supernatural creatures.

- What?
- Demons.

By the time he finds you,
it will be too late.

[HUMMING]

MAN: [IN DEEP VOICE]
You were wise to kill Tommy Tong.

He was weak,
he might have betrayed us.

Thank you, Lord.

But why is the child still alive?

You have no reason to fear him.

He's surrounded at all times and in
all the four directions by evil.

Do not underestimate
the power of good,

and do not dismiss
the strength of the child.

Time grows short.
The child will never eat the blood.

What must I do?

Move the child before
the Chosen One draws near.

- And to kill him?
- The Ajanti Dagger.

It is not of this world.
With it, you could kill the child.

But it's so well-guarded.
How can I...?

Offer to exchange the child for it.

They can refuse nothing
for his safe return.

Use the Ajanti Dagger.
With it, you need no other evil.

Use the dagger to kill the child.

[SIGHS]

[HUMMING]

[MYSTERIOUS BREATHING]

[HORSE NICKERS]

It's good to see you, Mr. Jarrell.

[SPEAKING TIBETAN]

Get your monkey, uh, off my back.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

Of course. Fu, please retire.

Yeah, Fu. Save it.

Wait a second...

Wait a second, this is a dream.
I'm dreaming! Hey...

Why do you say that?

Because of people like Fu
with his monkey face,

the big-headed guy,
the fat dude and you.

You don't exist, it's a dream.

Perhaps I've had you brought here
to make you an attractive offer.

I don't think I can accept a proposal
this early in the season.

[LAUGHTER]

Thank you.

Has it occurred to you how many men
of less worth have attained so much,

while you, who can imagine so much,
have so little?

No, I'm not that lucky.
I don't have that much imagination.

I don't like your attitude.

This is a nice jacket.

It's got a "Morris Day" feel
and looks good on you.

And the boots... smoking.

I'll repeat my offer one last time.

I am dreaming, so I can say anything
and get away with it.

So I think I'll say, from my heart...

Kiss my ass.

Kiss my ass! [KISSES]

I can see that it's pointless
talking to you, Mr. Jarrell.

Why do you insist on mispronouncing
my name, leaving the "J" silent?

- My name is "Jarrell" with a "J."
- Yes, I know.

My legs are more attractive.

I'm willing to make an exchange.
The child for the Ajanti Dagger.

- [SIZZLES]
- [WINCES]

This is just a reminder
of the evening.

Something so that you will know

that you were here.

- You don't feel pain in your dream.
- You'll remember this for a long time.

- Excuse me, I'll be right back.
- [SIGHS]

Do you have any Merthiolate or
Mercurochrome, it might get infected?

Tell your friends that
Sardo Numspa sends his greetings.

[SIGHING]

It's a mistake.

[CHEERING]

- Kee!
- [MUFFLED] Chandler!

They've tied you up in toilet paper.

- What are you doing here?
- I have to be here, it's my dream.

Listen, I think
the kid is here somewhere.

- We should find the kid together.
- Yes.

- Afterwards, we could spend some...
- ...time together!

- Yes, kind of let nature...
- ...take its course.

Yeah.

[CHEERING]

[SCREAMS]

- [GRUNTING]
- [SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

KALA: So, it is Sardo Numspa.

- What's this knife?
- The Crossed Dagger of Ajanti.

They brought it to this world
to kill the second Golden Child,

the Bearer of Justice.

His death was a great loss.

DOCTOR HONG:
Sardo needs it to kill the child,

but you can only use it to save him.

You must obtain the knife

and lure Numspa
into freeing the child.

You must never let him
get possession of the knife.

That sounds like a neat trick.
How can I pull it off?

If need be, we will exchange
the dagger for the child.

If the Abbot of Karma Tang
will let us have it.

If the kid's so important, why
doesn't this guy give you the dagger?

He's a very difficult man.

Tomorrow, you will go with Kee Nang
to Tibet to obtain the dagger.

I ain't going to Tibet because I had
a crazy dream. This is ridiculous.

Only the Chosen One can get the knife.

Will you go?

Listen, this Chosen One thing
is going too far, okay?

This is not normal, okay?

I'm not saying no,
but I have to think it over,

because the Chosen One thing...
too far.

- Could you leave us for a moment?
- Yes, you talk it over.

This is not a normal thing
and it should be discussed.

Because it's not normal. Talk.

Chosen One, I'm the Chosen One...
Why...? Tibet... [CHUCKLES]

Why can't I be chosen
to go to The Bahamas?

I've got to get chosen to go to Tibet.
This is really...

And Kala, you're not a normal chick.
You're too shy and need to open up.

You can't sit in a basement,
naked, smoking,

looking at soap operas
for the rest of your life.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[SPEAKING TIBETAN]

[SNIFFING]

[WOMAN CLEARS THROAT]

- Yak loin.
- What is it?

- Yak loin. Good to keep the yang up.
- [CHUCKLES] Nothing wrong with my yang.

How does this dream transmission work?

- Part's dream and part's real.
- So the scar on my arm's real?

Right.

- What about "Numsy"?
- Numspa. Sardo Numspa.

- Yes.
- He's very real.

You were there and said things
that seemed pretty real.

That part was dream.

Just checking.

Aren't you going to ask me up?

- Am I dreaming now?
- Does a lady have to ask twice?

No! No... Please, twice!

Please, please.

Shit! Twice.

[WHISTLING] Hey!

I didn't know whether you wanted
cream or sugar, so I left it black.

I want you to go to Tibet.
Will you go?

Wait a second. It's really cold
in Tibet, and I don't like the cold.

Why don't we just stay here
all weekend long under the covers,

watching television, sweating,
smiling and everything?

- You won't go.
- It's freezing in Tibet.

- Hey, where are you going?
- Tibet.

But I'm the Chosen One.
You can't get the knife.

I'll go. I'll go to Tibet.

Wait...

But if it's really cold,
we have to come back here. Okay?

You're not in a rush
to leave this minute, are you?

Because, you know...

A bed! Is that a bed?

[CLAPS]

[WOMAN COUGHING]

[WOMAN SNEEZING]

[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

[COUGHING CONTINUES]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[BULL BELLOWING]

KEE: Kathmandu is the gateway to Tibet.

There are bulls walking around here.
And it's cold.

Two days into the mountains
and we'll be at the heights of heaven.

I thought this was the best part.
I'm freezing, I'm not enjoying myself.

But I want you to know that
I'll do my best to find the child.

Of course you are. I'll arrange
for our trek into the mountains.

You have about an hour to look around.

[CHIRPING]

[SPEAKING NEPALI]

Uh, about 16:30,
but I won't make it to the party.

- [SPEAKING NEPALI]
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[CHIRPS]

[CHIRPING]

[SPEAKING NEPALI]

[COINS JINGLING]

Hi.

[COIN CLATTERS]

- Take it easy.
- [EXCLAIMING]

Oh, you want me to buy a necklace?
Okay, I'll buy one.

I'll buy one.
Can you let me have the blue one?

I don't know
how much they cost, though.

One of those? Okay.

Let me have the blue one,
it matches my coat.

Wait a second, you took 100!

No, one dollar is for you.
See George Washington?

That's Benjamin Franklin,
that's not happening.

Give this... You got the wrong money.

- Can I have my money back?
- [GRUNTS]

You gave me the wrong necklace, too.

[IN ENGLISH]
You're breaking my heart, asswipe.

- Oh, you speak English just fine.
- So do you, so what of it?

Give me my 100 back, take this dollar
and give me the right one.

Monkey breath, puke face,
eater of turtle slime.

[GRUNTS]

- Give me my shit and take your shit.
- What, scuzzbucket?

- Okay, you slick shithead.
- [GRUNTS]

You sneaky little bastard!

You want your money? Take it!

[CHIRPING]

CHANDLER: Did you see a little naked man
with a $100 bill?

I have arranged for
yaks, ponies and boats.

You didn't see a naked bum with $100?

No, but I can arrange for one.
Come on.

You've got to show up sooner or later.
When you do, your ass is kicked.

I'll sell your clothes, leave you here
naked and bleeding without money.

Little dirty bastard!
Dude took my money.

CHANDLER: If that bum hadn't taken
my $100, we'd have a boat with a motor.

- Shut up and paddle.
- Yeah, I'm gonna paddle.

I'm gonna paddle your ass
when I find you. I'll use this row.

I'm gonna row your ass till it bleeds!

- We'll be there soon.
- You'd better have a spatula.

My ass is frozen to this yak.

[WIND WHISTLING]

KEE: Bow.

[WHISPERING] That's the dude
who took my money!

[MUSICAL NOTE RESOUNDS]

[IN CHANTING RHYTHM] We have come to ask
for the sacred Crossed Dagger of Ajanti.

- [IN CHANTING RHYTHM] For what reason?
- For the Golden Child.

- He does not need it.
- To save his life.

The child lives for our sakes,
not for his own.

I humbly beg you,
let us have the knife.

[MUSICAL NOTE CEASES]

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Let him ask it.

[MOCKS CHANTING RHYTHM]
I-I-I... want the knife.

Let him ask again.

[IN CHANTING RHYTHM]
I want the knife.

Please.

[BELL DINGING]

Only a man whose heart is pure
can wield the knife.

If you're such a man,
you will have it.

"Only a man whose heart is pure
can wield the knife."

And only a man whose ass is narrow
can get down these steps.

And if mine is such an ass,
then I shall have it.

Oh, shit.

Beyond the door is a corridor.

At the other end
is the sacred Ajanti Dagger.

If you walk to the other end
of the corridor and retrieve it,

it's yours.

- That sounds simple enough.
- Just one thing.

You must carry this glass of water
without spilling one drop.

Are you Monty Hall now?
You must be Carol Merrill.

"Don't spill any water." [CHUCKLES]
This is crazy!

And keep your thought
as pure as the water.

- The water isn't pure.
- Neither are you!

I give you this advice.
Stay on the path.

[CHUCKLES] You've got it.

[CHANDLER ULULATING]

I'm so afraid of the dark, too.

You need to get somebody
to come and clean up down here!

Woo-oo-oo-oo!

[CREAKING]

This is a piece of cake.
[YELLING] This is a piece of cake, okay?

[CHUCKLES]

Come on, come on...

Hey, there's no floor.
There's no ground.

Wait a minute, I've got it.

There is a ground. You're making it
look like there's no ground,

to see if I would be scared
and run back.

[CHUCKLES]

There's a ground.
There's a ground, Monty!

- There's no ground here!
- [CREAKING]

Oh, shit...

- OLD MAN: Remember, stay on the path!
- I heard you the first time!

Let's just hope the path
stays under me!

But I was supposed
to stay on the path!

OLD MAN: Yes.

But you must know
when to break the rules.

- How many have survived this test?
- None!

None?

None? I'm going to break your ass
when I get out of here.

[CREAKING]

[GRUNTS]

What am I doing wrong?

I followed all your rules,
what am I doing wrong?

Keep your thoughts as pure
as the water and don't drop the water.

Don't drop the water.

Wait a minute, wait a minute...

The water... The fire and the water...

Okay.

To Monty!

A toast!

Ha!

Ha!

I've got the knife,
now turn on the goddamn light!

[DOOR OPENS]

- What is it, asswipe?
- [SIGHS]

I want to ask your advice
about something.

[BELCHING]

I'll let that slide,
because it's your way.

[BELCHING]

Don't press your luck, though.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I know that you're
a very old and wise and...

disgusting guy.

You'll wipe that on your jacket, huh?

I was wondering what a man says
to a woman from your world,

when he wants her to understand that
he loves her and wants to marry her.

If you took the short path and reached
enlightenment before tomorrow,

who would want you for a husband?

- What's the short path?
- First of all, you must remain pure.

- What do you mean?
- You know what I mean.

Oh, you mean no...

[LAUGHING]

- Is there a long way? [LAUGHS]
- It takes 10,000 lifetimes.

We don't have that much time.
No women, what else?

For you? You must trust someone
you have no reason to trust.

You must make a promise
to someone you have just met.

You must love someone who loves you.

- How can I know when to do all that?
- That's for you to decide.

You must tell no one
that I have put you on the path.

- Well, thanks for your help.
- [LAUGHS]

He thinks I helped him!

Get that booger off your jacket before
it freezes and you scratch yourself.

Keep that $100.

There's no telling what might be
on the bill when you return it.

Gompa? I have ruined myself
for the American.

- He's a fool.
- But he's brave.

- He's irresponsible.
- But he's generous.

He thinks of nothing

- but protecting his own feelings.
- [SIGHS]

But if you touch his heart, there's
nothing he wouldn't do for you.

He believes in nothing.

And still he does what is right.

He's a careless,
thoughtless, undisciplined fool.

[CHUCKLES] Yes. I do like him very much.
It's very hard not to.

Those magnificent Americans.

So much power and so little
understanding of what to do with it.

What should I do?

You must help him
save the Golden Child.

And follow your heart.

- Thank you, Gompa.
- You're welcome, daughter.

And when you want to marry him,
you have my blessing.

Thank you, Father.

[PEOPLE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

They won't let me on the plane
with the knife.

- Yes, they will.
- No, they won't. I'm going to jail.

Thank you.

This won't work,
and I'll spend the rest of my life

in a clay cell in Kathmandu.

- Another cow?
- It's Kathmandu, what do you expect?

There's no way
they'll let me on the plane

with a knife under my shirt.

Relax and trust in your destiny.

- Come on.
- You trust in your destiny.

- Come with me.
- I have nothing to declare.

- But necessary.
- Why? I can show you my bag here.

- For your own protection.
- These are just my drawers.

These are clean and those are dirty.

Excuse me, I have a plane to catch.
Come on, hurry up.

- What's this?
- Nothing.

Just once I want to go back
to America.

I'm a citizen.
What are you looking at?

It just does my heart good
to see another American citizen.

[METAL DETECTOR BEEPS]

- Hold it!
- Are you crazy?

No, I'm Agent Jarrell from the
American Stolen Artifacts Foundation.

Everybody, it's okay! I'm with
the Stolen Artifacts Foundation!

Freddie, get out of my sight!
You make me sick!

I'll talk to you on the plane.
Nobody be alarmed!

I'm Chandler Jarrell,
American Stolen Artifacts Foundation.

Thanks to you, we were able
to catch this man, Freddie,

the piece of shit back there.

I thank the good people of Nepal.

You're all brilliant. Thank you, sir.

You are one hell of a leader.
The cunningness... the instinct...

The instinct is brilliant. I can tell
that you trained under this man.

You have the same glare of brilliance
in your eye.

You didn't know what you did,
but you're brilliant.

The best brilliance is born
from someone ignorant...

Forget it.
This is my assistant, Kee Nang.

We thank you all.
People of Nepal, we thank you!

You're a bunch of beautiful,
brilliant people.

Nepal! N-E-P-A-L!

Viva Nepal! Viva Nepal!

[SPEAKING NEPALI]

[MOUTHING] No, thanks.

[SPEAKING NEPALI]

[SITAR MUSIC PLAYING]

[SINGING GIBBERISH]

- DOCTOR HONG: Welcome back.
- Thank you.

Hey. This is your problem now.

Thank you. You did a marvelous job
in obtaining the knife.

You will be spending the next few days

at the house of a certain friend.

When will we be contacted
about the knife?

That's him. If he doesn't return
my property, I want him arrested.

Welcome home, Mr. Jarrell.
You have something for me.

[MIMICS SARDO'S ACCENT]
I'm sorry, Numsy. I should be punished!

Everyone, I have stolen
from my brother, Numsy.

Officer, it's your duty to take me in.
Please, purge me.

I'm ashamed of myself.
I should be arrested.

I should be purged,
I should be flogged.

- I shouldn't walk among good people.
- Let me talk to him.

I'm a swine, a wretch.
I don't deserve to live like others.

How long do you think
you can keep up this masquerade?

[IN NORMAL ACCENT] Until I get arrested,

or you realize the rules of evidence
in this country.

If I get arrested, they'll take me
and put me in a jail cell.

They'll take the knife,
because it's stolen,

and put an "Exhibit A" sticker on it.

The knife sits in a room,
and I sit in my little room

until the trial comes up
a month to a year later.

If you get me arrested, there's
no telling when you'll get your knife.

You have no idea who I am, have you?

[MIMICS SARDO'S ACCENT]
Yes! You're Sardo Numsy!

[LAUGHS]

[IN NORMAL ACCENT]
I don't care who you are.

I do care that you kidnapped
a kid, though.

- I could destroy you
- [SNAPS FINGERS]

just like that.

We wouldn't want that. Listen...

Bring me the boy,
and I'll give you the knife.

- Then no one will have to be destroyed
- [SNAPS FINGERS]

"just like that."

Think it over.

My brother's forgiven me!

Kee, Dr. Hong,
Brother Numsy has forgiven me.

Dear brother! Thank you,
[KISSES] you're wonderful!

What else did you tell him?

That I wouldn't be as polite
next time.

- You are foolhardy, aren't you?
- Well, I do my best.

[SIGHS]

Are you coming to bed?

[CHUCKLES]

No, I think
I'm going to sleep out here.

Oh.

Good night.

[GRUNTING]

I just heard something.

I don't like this.
Let's get out of here.

[GRUNTING]

[MAN GROWLS]

[CHAINS RATTLING]

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

Run!

[CHAINS RATTLING]

[SCREAMS]

[BLADE SWISHING]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

I did not spend the night with you
to obligate you.

I spent the night with you
because I love you.

[EXHALES]

- She is beyond this world of pain.
- KALA: You can save her.

The Golden Child can bring her back.

As long as sunlight
still shines on her body...

No more magic and riddles. She's dead!

[RATTLING]

You are the Chosen One.
You will find the child.

You have until nightfall to find him.
Sardo can't kill him until dark.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

[MAN GASPS]

[CHUCKLES]

[BOWL SHATTERS]

[CHIRPS]

[CHIRPING]

[CHIRPING]

[CHIRPS]

[CHIRPS]

[DOOR OPENS]

- [CHAIN RATTLING]
- [GRUNTS]

Ah... [GRUNTING]

[SCREAMS]

[CHOKES]

[METAL CLICKS]

[NECK SNAPS]

Shh.

[MUMBLES]

Shh.

[DOOR OPENS]

We'll get you out of here, okay?

[GRUNTS]

Hey, where's your boss?

Keep an eye on the kid.
Don't worry, I'm the Chosen One.

This won't take long.

[MIMICS SARDO'S ACCENT]
My dear, sweet brother Numsy!

[GROWLS]

I can see that you're busy right now.
I'll come back some other time.

[SARDO GROWLS]

There are no keys in the car!

Come on, come on!

[ENGINE STARTS]

- Everything's going to be okay.
- I know.

Fasten your seatbelt, kid.

[SARDO GROWLS]

Did somebody give you a Valium,
or what?

This must happen a lot where
you're from. I'm gonna shit on myself!

[GROWLS]

Hey, Goldie!

You ain't going to help me with
the chain, just keep running, right?

[LOW HUMMING]

Hey, wait!

[SARDO GROWLS]

[RUMBLING]

[ROARING]

[RUMBLING]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[GROWLING]

[ROARS]

[SARDO GROANS]

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

- How long are you going to be?
- Two weeks.

- You drop the kid off and come back.
- Yes!

- Good.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]

Listen, I bought this for you.

You put that on and no one will mess
with your head while you're here.

Good? Good.

You don't want to go to Tibet
with a big... on your head.

[CHIRPING]

Hey, that is a cool trick. Did you ever
think about going into show business?

I could be your partner,
I'd throw a rock at you,

and you'd make it float off
and hit the wall. Standing ovations.

Do they have
Ed McMahon's Star Search in Tibet?

Probably not.
They probably have Food Search.

We could go on Star Search and
let the audience throw rocks at you.

You could move your hand and make them
hit McMahon... hard. [CHUCKLES]

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]