Original subtitles

THE GREAT CORNHOLIO

Hey Butt-Head, how come we're going to Stewart's house?

'Cause I've heard he's got diarrhea.

Thank you boys for bringing Stewart's homework to school for him.

He's so sick, he spent all night in the bathroom.

Really? Diarrhea?

Yes, I'm afraid so.

Now boys, come on! Say, have you boys eaten breakfast?

I think I did once.

Well, you can't go to school on an empty stomach.

Here, I made some breakfast burritos for Stewart,

but he's not feeling well enough to eat.

- Whoa! Burritos for breakfast! - Yeah! Yeah! Cool!

You boys eat up, I'm going to check on Stewart.

- He probably needs more TP. - Hey Beavis,

you think she's gonna put a thermometer up his butt?

Yeah, and then she's gonna put it in his mouth.

What the hell is this crap?

- This isn't a burrito. - Yeah! I got eggs in mine!

- She tricked us. - No wonder Stewart's got diarrhea.

Let's see what else they have.

This sucks! There's nothing good in here.

Hey buttmunch, give me some.

No way.

Settle down, Beavis.

Pretty cool!

What?

What the hell was that?

What the hell is this?

I think this is Primus.

No. This is the Seminefrious Tubloidial Buttnoids.

Really?

These guys, like, crawl up into people's butts and, like...

go exploring.

I go...

Hey Butt-Head. What are those lights for?

That's so, like, they can see when they're crawling around inside your butt.

- No way. You mean it's dark in your butt? - Yeah.

You know when they say: "Stick it where the sun don't shine"?

They're talking about your butt!

I thought it meant, like, under your pillow, or something.

But like, if it's dark inside your butt,

then like, how do the turds find their way out?

I think they can, like, see in the dark, like bats.

That makes a lot of sense, yeah.

Hey Butt-Head. We should go see these guys in concert.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Seminefrious Tubloidial Buttnoids.

The Seminefrious Tulabloidial Buttnoids have left your pants.

It's ironic that we in this country who cherish freedom,

occasionally support governments

who are less responsive to human rights.

We're very fortunate to have had a very stable government...

What's your problem, Beavis?

Settle down!

...the struggle for freedom is by no means over.

It still goes on today in places like Nicaragua,

- El Salvador and Panama. - Nicaragua! Agua! Aqua for my bunghole!

Bunghole!

- Beavis, please sit down. - Are you threatening me?

- I am Cornholio! - Come on, Beavis, take your seat.

- Now, technically America is not... - Do you have TP? TP for my bunghole?

- Get out of here, Beavis. - Ok.

- In other parts of the world... - I am Cornholio!

I need TP for my bunghole! Bunghole!

Beavis, where are you going?

Where did Beavis go?

That was cool.

I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole.

Yeah.

Hey! Would you like to see my bunghole?

Butt-Head, where did Beavis go?

I don't know.

Is Beavis having some kind of a problem that I should know about?

He ate like, twenty-seven candy bars,

and then he like, drank a six-pack of root beer.

That's strange. I just read about a study that said

sugar isn't supposed to cause hyperactivity.

Yeah, this is gonna be cool, yeah!

I am Cornholio!

Whoa! That was cool!

I need TP for my bunghole!

Come out with your pants down!

Never mind.

Nicaragua! I need aqua for my bunghole. Do you have any aqua?

I am Cornholio! I need TP for my bunghole.

Senor Beavis, donde esta tu hall pass? (Mr. Beavis, where's your pass?)

Are you threatening me?

You will give me TP, Bungholio!

Beavis, just what in the hell do you think you're doing?

Do not make my bunghole angry! Do you have any holio?

Get the hell out of my class and go straight to the principal's office, now!

The principal, he will give me TP.

I would hate for my bungholio to get polio.

Where I come from, we have no bunghole.

Dammit! If this is Bon Jovi, I'm gonna... Whoa!

Her back's all bent out of shape. What's wrong?

Beavis... you butthole!

When you see a chick in a window like that,

and she's got her back all bent out of shape,

that means she's hot.

I don't know, Butt-Head. I think she was, like, injured.

Well, whatever it was, it gave me a stiffy.

Hey, Beavis...

I thought you called the cable company and told 'em to quit playing this crap.

Oh yeah, I did, but then like, when the guy answered,

I said: "Excuse me, do you have twelve-pound balls?"

And then I hung up.

It was cool.

Yeah.

Whip it, yeah!

- Whoa, is that Ross Perot? - Yeah.

I think that's Ross Perot like, from a long time ago.

"Folks, it's simple. When a problem comes along, you must whip it..."

He looks like some kind of bungsnoidial buttsnoid.

Now whip it, into shape!

Shape it up.

Get it straight.

Go forward, move ahead.

Try to detect it. It's not too late!

To whip it, into shape, shape it,

go forward, move-move ahead. Try to detect it.

That sucked, Beavis!

Well, at least I tried.

You just sit there on your ass and make me do all the work.

Yeah.

Check out those hats.

Those are cool. You can stack one inside the other and you can like,

have all different colors, you know, it's like you

can wear one one day and another the other day,

and like, put 'em on your head, you know?

And then it's like, they can protect you from like,

- harmful rays... - Beavis,

- you're a damn weirdo. - Shut up, Butt-Head.

I'm not from here, you know.

Look, I don't know what your problem is,

but I simply cannot have students wandering the hallways during class,

interrupting other classes and giving prophecies of a great plague.

- Sorry 'bout that. - Wait!

What was that? Did you just say you're sorry?

You did!

You said you were sorry, didn't you?

Yeah.

Yeah, see? I knew it!

You kids have never apologized to me once!

Maybe this is a new day for you.

Maybe punishment isn't the answer.

I'm gonna let you go.

You know, I'm actually proud of you today.

Take some candy with you.

Now you're going right back to class, right, Beavis?

No.

No, I must get TP for my bunghole! I'm the great Cornholio!

- Do you need a hall pass? - Are you threatening me?

I no need hall pass. I need holio for my bunghole!

I am the great Cornholio!

I have no bunghole, Bungholio!

I need TP for my bunghole.

My people, we are without bungholes.

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