Original subtitles

THE PIPE OF DOOM

She got a nice little patootie on her, don't she?

Enough with the train, bring on the caboose.

Shut up, you bunch of dirtballs!

- Those guys are cool! - Yeah.

- They know how to talk to girls. - Yeah.

They should, like, make a video... "How to Talk to Chicks".

Yeah. "Volume 1: Hunting and Escaping".

That would be cool.

Whoa! These chicks are horny!

Yeah, yeah.

How come chicks are only horny like that, like, on TV?

They have these places where horny chicks are, but it's like...

you gotta have a fake ID.

Dammit. I've seen this video about a million times.

Me too. I've watched this video, like, a zillion time.

And it's like, she still never takes her clothes off.

I keep, like, waiting for her to get out of the tub or something... she never does.

Beavis, it's the same video.

If she doesn't get naked the first time you see it, she's never gonna get naked.

How do you know, Butt-Head?

You know, she might, like, decide to get crazy or something, you know.

Here it comes. See?

Stand up! Stand up! Stand up!

Beavis, she's not gonna be naked. It's the same video every time.

No way, Butt-Head. You don't know that.

I think-I think she's gonna be naked.

Maybe she'll do it this time! Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Show it!

Dumbass!

- She's got that stuff in her hair. - Yeah.

- That stuff's called jelly curl. - Really?

Buttknocker.

Hey, don't call me that, Butt-Head! I'm serious.

Okay, dillhole.

That's better.

DANGER DO NOT ENTER

It's like, a big hole in the ground.

You called it, dude.

Hey Butt-Head, check it out. Pipes.

Yeah.

I wonder if they're, like, pipes for water or pipes for, like, crap?

That would be cool if they really had, like,

pipes with crap and turds running through them.

They do, dumbass.

How do you think all that crap gets out of your house?

It doesn't. It's in my basement in little jars.

- That's pretty disgusting, Beavis. - Yeah, I know.

I'm gonna, like, crawl into this pipe and see what's inside.

Yeah, but like, hurry up. I'm hungry.

It's dark in here.

That's cool.

Yeah.

- It's like, dark and round. - Dark and round?

Come on, Butt-Head. Let's go get some nachos.

Okay.

I can't get out.

I'm, like, stuck.

That's cool.

It's not cool, Beavis. I'm not sure yet, but I think it sucks.

Stop it, Beavis! It's not working!

I said stop it! Are you, like, hearing-repaired or something?

I think I hurt myself.

Good.

So, like, what do I do now?

Figure out how to get me out of this pipe, dumbass!

Come on, Beavis.

I think I got an idea.

What is it?

You could, like, live in the pipe.

I don't want to live in a pipe, buttmunch.

Yeah, but like, if you're stuck in a pipe, they can't make you go to school.

Oh yeah.

- But what about chicks? - There's chicks in there?

No, fartknocker. I'm talking about the chicks

I'm gonna be scoring with when I get some chest hairs.

You can get the chicks stuck in the pipe with you.

That would be cool!

Freeze! You punk guys!

Man, this is gonna look good on my record.

Teenage vandals!

Society's human waste products!

He's like, trapped in the pipe.

Trapped?

Good sweet Lord!

Don't panic, boy, we're gonna get you out of there.

Even if it means risking my own life in the process.

You stay here! Try to keep his spirits up.

I've got to call the "Action News".

- What is this? - I don't know.

- Whoa! Look at this guy! - Yeah.

Who is he talking to?

I don't know.

- Is this like, one of those priests? - Yeah.

Who's that?

"I thought we had this settled, I'm the best there's ever been".

He's a wuss.

- That dude on a hill is pretty cool. - Yeah.

I bet he could like, kick all these guys' asses.

He should... Yeah really, why doesn't he?

A fight would be nice.

That's supposed to be Satan?

What a wuss!

He looks like that fat dude in Van Halen.

They should have gotten that dude up on the hill to be Satan. He's cool.

I've seen scarier Satans in a Mr. Big video.

What's he doing with his hands?

They could have gotten Richard Marx.

And it would have been scarier than this.

Cut it out, asswipe!

That hurts!

You're the young man's friend...

What can you tell us about the victim of this terrible ordeal?

He's stuck in a pipe.

Ladies and gentlemen, he's free! Butt-Head is free!

Mr. Butt-Head, what did you smell when you were in the pipe?

- Please, Mr Butt-Head! - What were you thinking in there?

- Mr. Butt-Head! - I have to go to the bathroom.

Can you tell me everything, every little detail?

What a courageous young man!

And so this incredible story has a happy ending.

Butt-Head is free.

Trish Berby, "Action News".

That's a wrap! God, what a stupid kid!

Pipe!

Pipe!

Help! Help, I'm stuck! Help, I'm stuck!

Pipe!

Turn it up, Butt-Head, turn it up! Come on!

Okay Beavis. Don't cop that attitude with me!

No! No! That's the wrong way, Butt-Head, come on!

Here we go.

- Kick some ass! - Rock! Rock! Rock!

Hey Butt-Head, this is cool, huh?

What did you say, Beavis?

I said that this is cool! It rocks!

What?

- This guy's a good dancer, huh, Butt-Head? - Yeah.

He's pretty cool.

It's like, it's like, he's a good dancer, and it's like,

he sings pretty cool, and he like, rocks!

Shut up, Beavis, I'm trying to listen!

Oh yeah, me too. I'm trying to listen, too.

Hey Butt-Head, will the TV go up any louder?

Let me see.

- I think that's as loud as it goes. - Damn it!

- We need to get a louder TV. - Let's get closer to the TV.

Okay.

Now it's hurting my eyes and my ears.

Yeah. This is cool.

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