Original subtitles

DATE BAIT

Hey Beavis, check it out.

Jean Gary Diablo.

That was cool.

Is he, like, having a fit?

- I kicked his ass. - No way.

I'm just resting.

- Are y'all going to the movie? - Uh-huh.

Great. I'm Lolita, and this here's Tanqueray.

Can we be your dates?

You mean, like, sit with us and stuff?

Yeah! We're gonna score.

Oh dear Lord!

- Butt-Head, my stomach hurts. - Yeah.

Come on, Butt-Head, change it. This is, like, making my stomach hurt.

I think this is, like, the Traveling Wilburys.

The Traveling Dingleberries?

I had one of those once, it traveled all over my butt.

Come on Butt-Head, change it.

I think it's, like, bad for the TV when you, like, play this kind of stuff on it.

Yeah. I think it, like, messes up the tape.

Is this the Benny Hill Show?

- No, there aren't any chicks in bikinis. - Oh yeah.

Hey, this is Primus!

"My name is M-M-M-M-M-Mud!"

Yeah.

Maybe this guy will spit again.

If I had my druthers, I'd screw a chimpanzee�

Whoa, did you hear that?

I think he just said "If I had my druthers, I'd screw a chimpanzee".

Really?

Hey Butt-Head, let's go get some druthers.

You know what this video needs? It needs, like, a toilet.

Why would they put a toilet in here, Beavis?

It doesn't have anything to do with toilets. It's about�

- I don't know. - I don't care.

Check it out Butt-Head, Rock 'em Sock 'em Robots. Kick 'em in the nads!

Robots don't have nads, dumb ass!

Mine do. I glued 'em on.

I put nads on all my action figures.

I use, like, BBs and raisins and stuff.

That's disgusting, Beavis!

- Cool! - Yeah.

Snot is cool!

Yeah, yeah. They should just, like, blow some snot into the crowd

and then I think they might, like, pass it around and stuff.

Beavis, you dumbass.

Look! A toilet! A toilet!

See, Butt-Head? I told you. That toilet is cool.

Okay, Beavis.

If you're not interested, we can get other dates.

Do we have to, like, buy you stuff?

No. Just give us your tickets,

then go 'round to the back and we'll let you in through the exit doors.

Hey Butt-Head. This is, like, complicated and stuff.

Shut up, assmunch.

Check this out.

How do we know you're gonna let us in?

- Well, give us your money. - Yeah. For collateral.

- They're pretty smart, dude. - That's why they're going out with us.

See you there.

This is gonna be cool.

Hey Butt-Head. I bet those chicks are gonna want to hold hands with us.

Yeah. But that's not all they'll hold.

They'll, like, hold our popcorn and stuff, too.

Beavis, are you sure you're ready for this?

Dumbass.

Hey Butt-Head, what do you think they're doing now?

I don't know.

Maybe they're putting on some more make-up.

- They want to look good for us. - Yeah.

Come to Butt-Head.

This is gonna be cool.

Those chicks are pretty lucky they found us.

It's like, a good man is hard to find.

You said "hard".

Yeah.

- They must be putting on a lot of make-up. - Yeah.

They probably look really hot by now.

Is it time for our date?

The movie's over, dumbass.

Where's our money?

We had to get some popcorn and stuff for our friends.

- God, you're stingy. - Yeah, man.

If it wasn't raining, I'd be kicking your ass right now.

Come on, Beavis. Let's go check out the movie anyways.

Hey punk. You trying to sneak in?

Yeah?

That was cool.

Hey look, it's another one of those heavy metal videos

with a naked dude all curled up on the floor.

Was that a bear?

Yeah, I think so.

Hey, check it out, it's that dude from Andy of Mayberry.

Oh yeah. You mean Barney?

"Well, Andy, I'm gonna go over to Mount Pilot and worship Satan".

- That doesn't sound like him, Beavis. - Shut up, Butt-Head!

Hey Beavis, I just thought of something.

Goober spelled backwards is "booger".

Oh yeah. That's cool.

So, like, um,

so like, what's booger spelled backwards?

Uh, let's see...

I don't know.

Cool!

This is where it starts to get really stupid.

Bow to me faithfully.

Bow to me� uh�

Bow to me faithfully.

Bow to me faithfully.

- Bow to me faithfully. - Bow to me faithfully.

Bow to me splendidly.

Bow to me splendidly.

Bow to me splendidly?

What does that mean?

From the makers of "Silas Murder,"

Jean Gary Diablo is "Murder March".

Coming soon to a theater near you.

Cool.

That looks like a good movie to take chicks to.

Yeah. We're there.

We better bring more money this time.

Then we'll score.

Families.

Yeah. Family!

If these guys were my neighbors I'd wait until late at night

and then, like, sneak over and take a swim in their pool.

I think they should probably, like, change the water first.

No way Butt-Head, that water rules!

They should put one of those signs that says, like: "We don't take a dump on your pool,

- don't take a dump on our toilet". - That's not how the sign goes, Butt-Head.

It's like... "We pee in your pool,

so please take a dump on our toilet".

No butthole, that's not it.

It's "We don't pee in your toilet, so please don't swim on our pool".

No, that's not it either, dumbass.

It's "We just crapped in your pool,

so, like, can we use your toilet?"

Yeah, I think that's it.

What's he's screaming about?

Turd water doesn't taste that bad.

Pollution is cool.

I like garbage too.

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